Wounds to Bind
by Mother of Pearl Fetish
Summary: After being punished in the Red Room of Pain, Ana realizes she needs to deal with her issues; and Christian needs to deal with his. Before they reconcile, real life sidetracks them. 6-29-16 Rewrite, cleaned up, reposted. 60 chapters instead of 45. Some plot changes. I do not own FSOG. Pinterest updated: /jtspraggins/wounds-to-bind-fsog-fanfiction/
1. Chapter 1

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 1 –** "My eyes were dazed by you for a little, and that was all." - Thomas Hardy, _Tess of the D'Urbervilles_

 **Late afternoon, Saturday, June 4 - APOV**

Oh my god; my ass hurts! This hurts ten times worse than the spanking on graduation night. My ass doesn't hurt as much as my heart, but I'm in pain…physical and emotional. I'm glad Kate left for Barbados; I don't know if I could hide this from her. What the hell was I thinking; asking Christian to show me how bad it could be?

I made Mom relinquish custody of me to Dad because Stephen threatened me with physical punishments. Why, for the love of God… the love of God wasn't the reason I asked to be punished. It was for Christian's love. I thought if I showed him I could take his punishment and still love him… he would admit he loved me. Instead; he told me I can't love him…like he's unlovable or I'm too ignorant to know what love is. I am cried out for now…it's been hours since I came home. I have to get a handle on my situation; I have 36 hours before I begin my job at SIP.

Using Kate's computer, I research how to cure bruises or BDSM 'marks'. If I had been smart, I would have researched Christian's _singular tastes_ more thoroughly. If I had been in my right mind…I would have seen the joy…glee…desire… on his face when we talked about punishments in the red room of pain. ' _It's mostly about pleasure_.' I snort my derision. Tell that to my ass!

Where was my 4.0 GPA when I needed it? Where was my overthinking trait? My thoughts are like a magnet…I am polarized. One minute I think about his punishment; the next minute I remember him kissing me senseless. There does not seem to be an even spectrum…I'm at one extreme or the other…just like Christian. Mercurial…he changes moods faster than anyone I've ever known.

Everything I see on the computer compounds my misery. Running to the sub bedroom to get away from him after punishment is considered **normal**. Really… _normal_? What's with the time line? I'm supposed to **forgive** what he did to me within 24 hours? Really? The bruises on my ass will take longer than a day to heal. I'm supposed to have a **sub drop** and need him to provide care? I just don't think so. He can keep his damned hands to himself from now on.

I laugh…thinking of him being ' _hands on'_ with himself; he wouldn't let me be _'hands on'_ with myself. He wanted all my pleasure. But he couldn't understand my pain. " _Don't hate me…" he pleaded._ I laugh until I cry. When I'm done weeping…I take ibuprophen for a headache. Then I'm reminded of the pills and juice the first morning at the Heathman. _"If you were mine; you wouldn't sit down for a week."_ Well, it happened. I won't be sitting comfortably this week. I'm reminded of pills and lotion this morning. Christ…what is wrong with me? I ran screaming from when Stephen threatened me…and yet I not only put up with Christian's threat to spank me…but I allowed him to spank me on graduation day. Then this morning, I asked him to show me how much punishment could hurt. I've lost my frigging mind.

I lay in bed with a cold compress infused with a few drops of Kate's lavender oil. She swears lavender oil relieves a headache. I don't know about the curative powers of lavender oil; I do know I'm emotionally exhausted. When sleep overtakes me…I'm oblivious to the outside world for three hours.

Awake, but sore; I pull the call forwarding from the new smart phone back to my old flip phone. I put my old phone on its charger. I drop his smart phone charger, instructions and accessories box in a gallon Ziploc bag and put it in an empty box by the bedroom door.

I don't want Christian intercepting my calls. He doesn't deserve to know the events in my life. I sure as shit don't know what's going on in his head. Our first weekend; he was honest and told me about his past, Mrs. Robinson, fifteen women, etc. However, he wouldn't talk once he left Savannah. What the hell happened?

I retrieve Christian's jacket from the back of my bedroom door. I search the pockets. I find a folded copy of my email regarding the contract with his written notes on it. I take it to the shredder by Kate's desk in the living room and feel a sense of relief when the printed email disappears from sight in little cross hatched diamond shapes.

I gather my things hanging on the door which are infused with Christian's scent. I shove them in the washer with my dirty clothes from Georgia. I fold Christian's jacket and add it to the box. I ignore my inner goddess who wants to take his jacket to bed; laying there sniveling, smelling his jacket. I refrain from having a meltdown and ripping his jacket into shreds like my heart.

I look around my bedroom and feel unsettled. _"This will be your room; you can decorate it however you want."_ I doubt the submissive bedroom was redecorated fifteen times. Maybe the sub who was around for nine months or the sub who was around for eighteen months redecorated; but I'd bet the subs who were there one to three months never changed a thing.

My mother's decorating tips clang loudly in my head. "Find a vase or painting which you like and take the colors from it for decorating your room. See this vase? The carpet for your room is the deep green of the leaves and the color for your walls is the pale pink blush of the roses. The deep rose color is mirrored in your bed linens." I'd play music to drown out my Mother's voice…but I can't listen to music right now because of Christian. Was he angry because I interrupted his playing? No; something bothered him which caused him to play to relieve stress.

I shiver from the coldness of his voice when he punished me and the coldness of his penthouse. Sorry; no more impersonal white living spaces for me. My room needs color. I add that to my to-do list. In the meantime; I have to feel like I'm living here; not just passing time. Three sketches and thirty minutes later; I have a livable space. My rearranged room offers better access for an organized and fresh start. My bed tucks into the alcove, which pulls it three feet out of the middle of the room. My wicker nightstand, holding my lamp, alarm clock and books, tucks in the alcove next to the bed. I clean the nightstand drawer; leaving two bookmarks, hand cream and a flashlight.

I raid the candle stash above the washer and dryer and find a blueish-purple candle, with lavender scent. I raid our shabby chic dishes. There's extra saucers, so I take one of the blue floral ones; using it for a candle holder. The lavender scent will help calm me when I start getting… melancholy …maudlin …manic?

I'm lost in looking out the alcove window at the sky. I'll be able to lay in bed on the weekends and watch the sky. Especially since I'm not working weekends and since I'm not spending them in the RROP or the submissive bedroom.

 _I will not think about Christian. I will not think about Christian. I will not think about…_

The dresser is located near the closet for easy access and dressing. My rocking chair, floor reading lamp and two bookcases create a reading nook in one corner of my bedroom. My desk occupies the other corner. My desk chair can double for the desk and for getting dressed. The white wicker bedroom furniture Dad refurbished goes well with my white iron bedstead. I strip the sheets to wash them. I air the quilt Mom made on the balcony.

 _I will not think about grey neckties and being tied to the bed. I will not think about 'nice' slaps on my ass_.

I empty the book crates in my room, just stacking the books by the shelves. I take the empty crates to the hall by Kate's room. Ethan doesn't plan to share his closet, so Kate needs to sort her clothes and take some to her parents' house. The thirty days of work clothes she gave me didn't make much of a dent in her overflowing wardrobe.

I go through the books in my room, removing notes, bookmarks, etc. I trash the notes and put the bookmarks in a small white wicker basket on the bookcase. I clean and straighten the bookcases; lining up the books library style: alphabetically by author first, then alphabetically by title. When I find the Tess books; I put them in the box of things to go back to Christian. I search for the Grey pencil and drop it in the box also.

 _I will not think about Christian. I will not think about Christian. I will not think about…_

I'm not Tess; who lost sight of her own safety and her own wants and needs. She was Alec's victim because she put herself in a situation she would have avoided if she had considered it. I understand her thoughts…I put myself in a situation I could have avoided if I had just considered it or used a safe word. Seriously; what was I doing in a situation where I needed a safe word? I made a mistake with Christian and his _singular tastes_ , but I will not endanger myself again.

Thinking of Tess…the scenery behind my life has changed. Kate and my condo is nice. It's warmer, friendlier and more _lived in_ than Christian's ivory tower despite our white walls which cry out for color! Despite my original feelings …Christian and I are not from different classes. His mother died; my father died. He was adopted; I was basically adopted by Ray Steele. Christian works; I work. He's a brilliant businessman; I have a 4.0 GPA. I was pursued by a gorgeous billionaire, but Kate insists I'm pretty. How can two people who seemingly have so much in common have such a chasm between them? It's an easy answer. I want more…he wants control.

 _I will not dwell; I will not think about Christian._ _I will stay busy so I don't think about him. I will stay busy so I don't think about him. I will stay busy so I don't think about him._

I tuck the _Seattle Times_ picture and graduation program away in my memory box with the Charlie Tango balloon and Christian's housewarming note. I deep clean my room, remaking my bed, hugging my quilt. I need new bed linens and towels. Mine are threadbare. I add bed and bath linens to my to-do list.

I find Taylor's handkerchief when I am folding my clean clothes. I don't think twice, I fold it and drop it in the box of things to go back to Christian. I fold and put Kate's space bag I took to Georgia back on her dresser. She knows my Mother better than I do. I shove my rucksack into a corner on the closet shelf. I won't think about how grateful I was for Kate's space bag so there was room in my rucksack for the mean machine, clothes and Christian's gift. I add space bags to my shopping list.

Kate filled my closet before she left; donating thirty days of work clothes. She selected clothes, accessories and shoes to go with the few separates I had and the week of new clothes Mom bought me while I was in Georgia. I sent pictures of everything when I emailed Kate; whining about forced marches disguised as shopping excursions.

Kate left the clothes separated into work weeks in my closet. Across the top shelf of the closet are numbered groups of shoes and handbags. Kate left lists of what to wear with accessories, jewelry and shoes/purse combo number. I laugh. Kate chose the navy column dress Mom bought me in Georgia as my Day One ensemble. She recommends the apple green accessories to "finish" the ensemble. Kate would make a great personal shopper for someone if she wasn't too busy shopping for herself.

While I was in Georgia; Kate threw away the sweater and skirt I wore when I interviewed Christian. She said she thought about burning them; but since they are made of polyester…they would melt, not burn; creating toxic fumes. I'm glad she threw them away. I never have to see them again and be reminded of when I met Christian.

She tossed my threadbare jeans and flannel shirts I wore for four years to classes and at Clayton's Hardware. She pitched my ratty sweats, half a dozen T-shirts with curling necks or irregular hemlines, two itchy sweaters and four tops where the material pilled or gapped in weird places. She threw away one ratty pair of running shoes and one pair of ballerina flats I rarely wore because they hurt my feet.

She also threw away both of my robes. One was thin terry cloth which sagged in back. I liked it because it made me think my ass was flat so the robe hung wrong. The other was a polyester robe with a pilled quilted interior. It required shaving more often than my legs. At least Kate didn't plunder my lingerie drawers. I don't want to think about Taylor buying me underwear, or Christian's ability to make my panties wet. I definitely won't think about how Christian used my panties to restrain my hands so I wouldn't touch him.

 _I will not think about Christian. I will not think about Christian. I will not think about…_

Kate left me three sets of yoga outfits (pants and hoodies with matching tanks) in black, burgundy and navy. She also left me a list of clothes to buy: four pairs of dark wash skinny jeans, four cute tops made from _natural_ materials, two dozen pairs of nude lace-topped thigh-high stockings, two dozen pairs of trouser socks and a spa-quality robe.

She recommended I buy at least 14 days of new 'matching' lingerie and at least a seven sexy nighties or cute pajamas since I 'have a man' in my life. She says it's time for me to dress like a female when I go to bed and not dress like someone's sports buddy. She threatens to burn anything not made of natural materials.

I roll my eyes…and then remember my punishment. I sink to the floor and weep all over again. _Enough!_ A Charles Dickens quote comes to mind, " _This is a world of action, and not for moping in_." If I make myself stay busy; I won't dwell on Christian and _what if_? I'm not hungry, but I should eat. Tea and toast and a British film noir movie suit me right now. But it hurts to just sit and I have things to do.

I finish unpacking the crates in the kitchen, organizing cupboards, drawers and appliances. I put the empty crates in the hall by Kate's room. Her walk-in closet would be huge for my clothes. Despite its size, it's too small to contain every piece of clothing, shoes or accessories she owns.

I clean the main bathroom. I claim the left shelves and drawers; leaving the right ones for Ethan. I take a hot shower using Kate's lavender shower gel to relax me. I answer emails from Kate, José and Mom. I state I am home safe from Georgia, and will write more after I've had a rest. I hope I provided enough information to keep them from asking questions for a few days.

Foolish, romantic, virginal Anastasia Rose Steele wanted Christian's love. Silly, stupid, 'didn't do her research' Anastasia Rose Steele craved Christian's gentle touch, his ardent touch, and his wanton touch. However, the smart, Summa Cum Laude Anastasia Rose Steele will not pay the price demanded by Dominant Christian Grey. Yes, I want hearts and flowers…isn't that what your first love is supposed to be like? Perhaps my love of books delayed my interest in men. Perhaps watching my mother flit from one man to another after she left Dad gave me pause; made me overthink adult relationships. Perhaps I was too inexperienced to take on a man like Christian Grey…but he was the first, the only man who made my blood heat, my thoughts race and my breath catch.

If I can't have hearts and flowers…I'd settle for no lies and secrets between us. Show me you can care about me and love me. Caring _about_ me is a whole different animal than caring _for_ me. His version of caring for me is buying stuff, airplane upgrades, and Taylor acting as chauffer. His version of caring for me is using sex to avoid talking and answering hard questions. I want more… and I don't mean a red room of pain education.

I fall into bed, exhausted; yet unable to sleep. I am haunted by the look on Christian's face when I left. I smell the lavender candle to calm me. I miss Kate. I imagine her lying on a beach in Barbados and sipping Rum Runners. She wears an emerald green tankini with sarong. Her smart phone lies nearby; ready to talk to me. Her relaxed stature and the image of ocean waves cause me to drift off to sleep around midnight.

 _He grabs my arm in a firm grip and pulls me up the stairs to the playroom. Pleasure and pain, reward and punishment— his words echo through my mind. "I'll show you how bad it can be, and you can make up your own mind." He pauses by the door. "Are you ready for this?" I nod, my mind made up, but I'm vaguely lightheaded, faint as all the blood drains from my face._

 _He opens the door and still grasping my arm, grabs what looks like a belt from the rack beside the door. He leads me over to the red leather bench in the far corner of the room. "Bend over the bench," he murmurs softly. I bend over the smooth soft leather; I'm naked…wearing nothing to hide the body he said was beautiful. "I will hit you six times, and you will count with me."_

 _I close my eyes, bracing myself for the blow. It comes hard, snapping across my backside. The bite of the belt is everything I feared. I cry out involuntarily and take a huge gulp of air._

 _"Count, Anastasia!" he commands._

 _"One!" I shout at him, and it sounds like an expletive. He hits me again, and the pain pulses and echoes along the line of the belt. Holy shit … that hurts! "Two!" I scream. It feels so good to scream. His breathing is ragged and harsh, whereas mine is almost nonexistent as I desperately scrabble around in my psyche looking for internal strength. The belt cuts into my flesh again._

 _"RED," I scream…_

…and wake up. What the hell? I'm sitting up in bed, shaking like a leaf. Would the punishment have stopped if I yelled red? Why the hell didn't I safe word? NO, what the hell am I doing in a situation which requires a safe word? I said NO at the boathouse to a spanking…but I was the one who said 'show me'. It hurts my heart because I am not guilt-free in this mess.

I remember all six strikes. Strike one was across the top of my ass. Strike two was across the top middle of my ass. Strike three was across the bottom middle of my ass. Strike four was across the bottom of my ass. Strike five hit from the top of my right buttock to the bottom of my left. Strike six hit from the top of my left buttock to the bottom of my right. He didn't need more than six strikes…because his method encompassed all of my ass. I have six pink welts where the belt hit; but I have twelve fine lines of bruises where the edges of the belt hit. _"If you were mine, you wouldn't sit down for a week."_ I'm not his anymore…and it may be a week before I sit comfortably. I can't stay in bed. I have to do something and probably the best thing to do is research these wildly fluctuating feelings I have.

I research sub drop. Research…lord I wish I had researched his _singular tastes_ more, overthought, thought again, counted to ten, procrastinated. What was it about him which compelled me to enter that room? Yes, he's drop dead gorgeous. Yes, he has the physique of a demi-god. He didn't kiss me senseless…so will I always be entranced by his looks, his smell, his molten metal eyes?

 **The web site is informative…fatigue, sadness, aches, pains, recovery from 'marks'**

Marks? Try bruises and swelling. Aches? Pains? My head hurts, my heart breaks and my ass screams with pain louder than I screamed when I counted his strikes in the playroom. I'm supposed to **thank him for caring enough about me to punish me and make me a better submissive**. Are these people _FUCKING NUTS?_

 **…some submissives recover from sub drop in a few hours; others can experience symptoms of sub drop for days or weeks.**

Weeks? I remember his contract: _Submissive will do so eagerly and without hesitation._

Oh hell no! The line is drawn … the gauntlet is formed… the challenge is made…let loose the dogs of war. Strong Ana won't endure anything which weakens her power and makes her act submissive.

 **…depression; difficulty concentrating; difficulty remembering details; difficulty making decisions;**

I don't think so. I start my new job on Monday morning. I will be professional. Sad Ana will not wallow about her personal life during work hours.

 **…fatigue or decreased energy; insomnia, excessive sleeping, or short rounds of intense energy followed by intense periods of hard sleep;**

 _The Submissive will ensure she achieves a minimum of seven hours' sleep a night when she is not with the Dominant._

Yeah, if I was drugged so I didn't dream about him.

 _The Submissive will not drink to excess, smoke, take recreational drugs, or put herself in any unnecessary danger._

I remember his rule. No drugs…and no putting myself in personal danger… which means I can't be with him.

 **…guilt, worthlessness, helplessness or sadness, anxiousness, suicidal thoughts; excessive or loss of appetite; persistent phantom aches, pains, headaches, cramps or digestive issues…if these symptoms continue after seven days…seek psychiatric help**.

Fifty shades is passing on his fifty shades to me.

 **…eat healthy regular meals, take vitamins, hydrate, and eat chocolate.**

 _The Submissive will eat regularly to maintain her health and well-being from a prescribed list of foods (Appendix 4). The Submissive will not snack between meals, with the exception of fruit._

I can't look at food without feeling the need to vomit.

 **…pamper yourself…a soft, fluffy robe, chocolate, a hot bubble bath, a good book, a favorite movie, a stuffed animal…**

I will not think about bubble baths with Christian. I will not allow him to ruin the simple joys of bubble baths. Maybe I will sleep after a lavender bubble bath with lavender candles.

 **…sunshine, exercise, stay busy and active…**

 _The Dominant shall provide the Submissive with a personal trainer four times a week in hour-long sessions at times to be mutually agreed between the personal trainer and the Submissive. The personal trainer will report to the Dominant on the Submissive's progress._

Report on me? I don't think so…which reminds me to ensure I don't have someone following or tracking me. Wait...what's that article? Self-aftercare?

 **…treat your injuries… arnica gel to help relieve bruises …ice… vinegar baths…fresh pineapple… self-hug…stay warm… wear comfortable clothes… eat healthy… cold fruit juice or energy bar for snacks… chocolate milk, cocoa or hot tea for comfort… hydrate…take multi-vitamins… exercise to increase your endorphin levels…social interaction – not virtual interaction …express yourself in writing – rant, vent, realize your limits were pushed too far…heal mental wounds…cuddle a pet…stay occupied…do real life things…shop…pamper yourself: get a massage, a manicure, a pedicure…**

 _The Submissive will keep herself clean and shaved and/ or waxed at all times. The Submissive will visit a beauty salon of the Dominant's choosing at times to be decided by the Dominant and undergo whatever treatments the Dominant sees fit._

When I think of Mrs. Robinson and her submissive prep parlors…I'm violently ill. The contents of my stomach churn and burn my throat.

 **…keep busy, establish or keep to your IRL routine: wash your hands and face…brush your hair… brush your teeth…relax…eat comfort food…be aware of how music affects your moods. Some people need upbeat music to exercise; some people feel music scrapes their nerves; leaving them exposed and raw…**

My mind spins and my heart aches. I shut down the computer and go back to bed, snuggling under Mom's quilt and cry myself to sleep.

 **Saturday, June 4 - CPOV**

As dusk settles, I realize each day will be dark and empty, because Anastasia is no longer part of it. No more facetious, witty e-mails. No more smart mouth comments. No more curiosity. She makes me feel things I've never felt before…and I want to own Anastasia, body and soul. I want her to be mine, but she walked away. I don't want anyone but her. Her bright blue eyes will no longer regard me in thinly veiled amusement… or shock… or lust. No more grey eyes connecting to blue eyes when we touch. My gray eyes feel raw with misery. I need something to get me through the night and go in search of her gift; a model-making kit for a Blaník L23. I clutch her scribbled note in my hand as I head for the office.

 _This reminded me of a happy time. Ana_

Andrea cancelled the tickets for tonight's gala. I'm sick of talking to Welch about Leila and her asshole husband. I ignore Elena's emails. I don't vent to Flynn. I have an Ana task to get me through the night. Classical music provides background noise but it does not interrupt or filter the thoughts running through my head. While searching for glue for my model; I find the diamond drop earrings I bought for Ana for tonight. I open the safe and lock them away. They cannot stay in the top drawer of my desk…their fiery brilliance does not fend off my darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 2 –** "Finally, it's not the lies we tell others that do the most damage, it's those we tell ourselves. From this all troubles rise." - Anthony McCarten

 **Sunday, June 5 - Day Two, sans Christian Grey - APOV**

The radio alarm goes off at six, and I'm subjected to _Heart_ …

I've been lonely  
I've been waiting for you  
I'm pretending and that's all I can do  
The love I'm sending  
Ain't making it through to your heart  
You've been hiding, never letting it show  
Always trying to keep it under control  
You got it down and you're well  
On the way to the top  
But there's something that you forgot  
What about love  
Don't you want someone to care about you  
What about love  
Don't let it slip away  
What about love  
I only want to share it with you…  
You might need it someday  
I can't tell you what you're feeling inside  
I can't sell you what you don't want to buy  
Something's missing and you got to  
Look back on your life  
You know something here just ain't right  
What about love  
Don't you want someone to care about you  
What about love  
Don't let it slip away

I turn off the radio alarm and sob into my pillow. Task one: change the alarm from radio to buzzer. _DONE_. I always kept the radio alarm tuned to Dad's favorite classic rock radio station. It comforted me to know we listened to the same music once in a while. It made me miss him less. I don't want to hear music right now; I don't want to think about music.

If I cry every morning; I need to get up earlier. I need to acclimate myself to normal work hours. I didn't sleep well last night. I must turn off my brain at night so I can sleep. Otherwise I will be dragging through the day – which is not a good thing considering it's my first week at SIP.

 _There are things to be done_ , as Mom would say. _You're burning daylight,_ as Dad would say. I take a hot shower…and am aware of how fast the water heater drains. I will ask Dad to install an on-demand, tank-less hot water heater. We will need it since three of us will be getting ready for work and school in the mornings.

Knowing it will be a busy day; I dress in jeans, t-shirt and Converse. I make tea and toast. Christian took Wanda away from me and sold her; giving me a Submissive Special I didn't want. Yes, it was a pretty car, and yes, it was a dream to drive. Why have a damn car which costs more than my college loan? Why have a damn car which made Kate lecture me on taking the Christian/Ana relationship slow? Why have a damn car Dad discussed with Mom which made Mom expect more from the relationship? _More_ …I'm starting to hate that damn word.

Snarky Ana wants to charge Christian with grand theft auto for taking Wanda away from me. Technically; I handed her keys over to Taylor. My karma and my ass don't need to take another hit so I don't fantasize about Christian in handcuffs. I thought about this. I thought about it twice. I thought about it thrice. I will spend Wanda's blood money the way I want. Stubborn Ana asserted herself and I think I'll be living with her for a while. Better Stubborn Ana than Sobbing Ana, Sad Ana or Sore Ana.

Overthink the situation! Calculate how to get the most mileage from Wanda's blood money. Paying off my student loans but getting a car loan does not make sense. I pay less in student loan interest. I can survive without a car if I use public transportation, but it means taking the bus to Dad's house when I visit him which is inconvenient. Interrupting Dad's schedule for a ride is worse. Borrowing Kate's car is an option; but I don't like it. It makes me feel like a penniless cousin who becomes a companion to a wealthy woman, ala _Rebecca_. I write down the pros and cons of a used car. Considering the funds I put into Wanda to keep her running…I need to buy a car with low miles and some warranty. I have starting points to consider.

I compile a list of things to do this week: budget, bank, conceal carry permit, computer, grocery shopping, clothes, household needs, explore the neighborhood, bus routes, car, etc. I create a list of household things to buy. I've got Kate's list of clothes to buy. I've got a list of electronics which I don't need; but I want.

I download a list of staples needed for the kitchen cupboards. I create a grocery list which includes seven days of recipes for the crockpot. What I don't eat for dinner or lunch the next day can feed the freezer. Fresh pineapple, vinegar, arnica lotion, more ibuprophen, multi-vitamins, more tea bags. I could live on tea and toast; but it is not healthy. I must stay physically healthy because mentally…I'm struggling to keep it together. Wristlet, debit and credit card and ID, Kate's keys and my phone. When I take my flip phone off the charger; I notice the reminder to take my pill.

 _The submissive agrees to procure oral contraceptives from the physician of the Dominant's choosing. The submissive will not enter into sexual relations with anyone other than the Dominant._

Not a problem. I didn't have sex for 21 years…and I can live without sex for more than 21 days…21 months… and maybe even until Ana 2.1 appears.

My emotions fuck with me. Wanting him when I've never wanted anyone before. Wanting him to kiss me senseless. Wanting him to make love to me…only it was never love…it was just fucking to him. If I just wanted to fuck; I would have settled for panty raiders like Paul. If things were different yesterday morning; I would have spent the weekend with him. I considered it making love…but Christian considered it fucking…. hard.

I race to the bathroom and throw up my scant breakfast; sinking onto the floor in tears. Why is he this way? Why doesn't he want me to love him? What happened between the wonderful time we spent in Savannah and Saturday morning's punishment? Why does he like punishing me? He was stressed, keyed up. Something was out of control in his life, and I know it wasn't me. Mr. ' _I exercise control in all things_ ' was in control when he belted me...considering the precise pattern of bruising on my ass. However, he was SO not in control afterward. He didn't know how to deal with my reaction to his need to inflict punishment on me.

When I'm exhausted from crying and struggle to breathe properly; I realize I must fix this situation. I take my mini-pill immediately. I should get used to taking it when I first awake at six o'clock or I need to make changes. I call Dr. Greene's office, identify myself as a patient to her answering service and ask she call me regarding a late dosage. I don't intend to need birth control; but I'm not sure of the repercussions of stopping it cold. It's a good thing I trust Dr. Greene, or I'd find a new gynecologist. However; she and I need a conversation about HIPPA Laws. If she's going to tell Christian about my appointments with her; I'll find a new doctor. I put that on the list as a possibility. The Women's Health Center of Seattle is open early and late, and open on Saturdays for working women. They specialize in physical and mental health for women of all ages.

After I take an Aleve; I'm on my way. I purchase a laptop and printer from Second Byte, a used tech store. The laptop is 18-months old; but one-third of the original price. It has a standard Microsoft Office suite, wireless Internet capabilities and email software. It comes with a highly-rated firewall application. I buy a graphics program to clip and print pictures. The printer is over a year old. The store gives me detailed installation instructions, so I think I'm good to go. I buy a new laptop travel case from them.

"My ex-boyfriend used my roommate's computer to watch porn. I need the history wiped. I don't want her to know what he researched or saw." I lie but I hand him Kate's computer. I don't need her intuitive nature to discover I researched BDSM questions.

"It will take an hour, maybe two. I recommend lunch at the Starbucks around the corner. They have WIFI. Take time to get acquainted with your new laptop. We'll do a wipe that is so good, your roommate will never know what he was researching or viewing."

"Thanks," I said. "I'll give you all the time you need. Call me when it is ready." When I give him my number, I realize I want a better phone…a smart phone for a smarter me. After talking to customer service, I upgrade my flip phone for a first-generation smart phone. The customer service rep transfers my information in minutes. She sells me a great phone case and recommends a spare charger which can be used in my car or attached to a computer via USB cable. She has a USB adapter for a cigarette lighter also. I can charge my phone while on the road to Montesano. She recommends recycling my old phone when I have the charger and the instruction booklet. I slide my smart phone into the wristlet, and it fits like it was made for it. I leave with my new computer, case, printer and USB chargers.

I stop at an office supply store. I pick up a white mesh tray to hold bills, receipts and things to file. I grab a second one as a ' _maybe I'll need it to hold other office stuff'_ tray or ' _maybe I'll use it in my nightstand drawer to organize things_.' I leave with two large bags of office supplies: reams of printer paper, photography paper, inkjet cartridges, flash drives; desk accessories, etc.

I grocery shop for everything on my list. I luck out because the largest grocery store near our condo has cored, fresh pineapple spears and chunks in stock in the fresh produce aisle. I acquaint myself with the store. Bakery, deli, fresh meats and seafood, large fresh fruits and vegetables department, organic foods department, and it carries my favorite English breakfast tea.

I'm glad Celeste had a box of paper products and cleaning supplies delivered to us with pizza on moving day. At Christmas, she suggested we start using everything out of the apartment so we didn't pack and move it. We donated the remaining food and booze in the cupboards, refrigerator and freezer to José as a thank you for helping us move.

I almost have a meltdown in the personal hygiene aisle when I spotted the Trojans condom display. Jeez…will Christian haunt me forever, making me vulnerable in public venues? I grab my personal hygiene essentials and finish my shopping as quickly as possible. I need air.

 _I will not think about Christian. I will not think about Christian. I will not think about…_

My phone rings; Kate's computer is ready; I go back to Second Byte and pick it up. Back at home, groceries put away, crockpot filled with a batch of Italian meatball stew; I concentrate on tech stuff. I set up Kate's computer. I clear space on my desk and install my laptop and printer. I am thrilled when the Internet connects without a hitch. Kate and I purchased wireless Internet with our cable service at the new condo.

I check emails; nothing new from anyone. Because Kate will be getting emails from Elliot; I can't block anything named grey from our Internet connection. However, I block grey, grey house, grey enterprises holdings, etc. from my personal email. I turn on my phone and delete Christian from my contact list and block his number. I delete the screensaver picture of Christian. I upload one of José's pictures of Lake Sylvia. I think I will breathe easier not having a constant reminder of Christian.

I won't think about spending weekends in the submissive bedroom or the red room of pain in Christian's penthouse at Escala. Granted, there were lots of times I didn't see Kate from party time Saturday night through noon on Sunday, but she never spent entire weekends on end with a boyfriend. Which is the issue… Christian didn't want a girlfriend…he wanted a contracted sexual submissive. That line of thinking is depressing.

 _I will not think about Christian. I will not think about Christian. I will not think about…_

I step outside on the balcony and take deep breaths of air; forcing myself to take control of my thoughts and emotions. We need patio furniture – a dining set, a small propane grill, perhaps a couple of chaise lounges where we can just relax for an afternoon. I add it to the to-do list on my phone.

I make tea and toast. I work on my new laptop. I build a temporary budget spreadsheet utilizing the funds I currently have. I build a second spreadsheet with the fixed items I know – rent and utilities, student loan, bus pass, gas and parking. Taking the bus to work will save money which will enable me to see Dad at least one weekend a month. Additionally; it cuts down on my car insurance by not driving daily. I estimate food, clothing, living expenses and savings per the federal percentage suggested.

I create a January 2012 to-do list which includes giving my new address to the Claytons for my W-2 form, getting my SIP W-2 form and watching for my tax form for 2011 spring tuition and for my student loan payments.

My eventual spending plan includes $12K for buying Wanda's replacement, registration, insurance for a year, all-weather tires, upkeep, etc. I plan for $7K in savings to pay possible taxes on the sale of Wanda and provide an emergency fund. The remaining $3K will cover household needs, clothes, computer, phone, etc.

 _The Submissive will wear clothing only approved by the Dominant._

Fifty shades of control…Kate raided my closet and drawers while I was in Georgia. Now is the time to replace clothes. I research Pinterest for casual Friday clothes suggestions. I find six outfits I really like. Using their descriptions, I order jeans and cute tops for casual Fridays from my favorite store on Amazon. I charge everything as needed to my credit card and will pay the balance off when I cash Christian's check. I can use the points I earn to buy Christmas gift cards.

Because I remember how well the underwear Taylor bought me fits; I'm not anxious to buy my usual six pairs of panties for $10 or two bras for $10 from Walmart or Target. I retrieve the drunk-night underwear, read the tags and research. I can find this brand of underwear on a store on the Amazon website. I find great values under the clearance section on their website. I order 14 days of underwear. I order stockings and trouser socks for work. I order eight pairs of pajamas and a new medium weight cotton robe. I will purge my underwear drawer when the new undies come.

I order a suite of my favorite scent. Mom gave me a suite of shower gel, bubble bath, shampoo, conditioner, body lotion, bath soap and perfume for Christmas. It's one of my favorite gifts she sends me. I order extra scented soap. Mom recommends it for sachets in my dresser drawers and closet.

I purchase an assortment of hair accessories: ties, ribbons, barrettes, clips, headbands, etc. in various shades of blue and neutrals to help me dress more professionally in the mornings. I also buy a three-drawer mesh container to store the hair accessories on my dresser. It has an open mesh container top to hold my hairbrush and comb.

" _This will be your room; you can decorate it any way you want."_

I won't live with white walls; white bed linens. I order two new sets of high thread count navy blue bed linens, a new navy blue comforter and bedskirt, and navy bath linens. I buy a set of black-out drapes. I can have everything shipped and delivered by next Saturday. Navy coordinates well with Mom's quilt and the white furniture.

I order an e-pass debit card to use for bus transport and download the bus schedule app to my phone. I've checked the bus schedule and highlight the buses I might need. If I can make time this week – I need to take the bus to and from SIP at least once to know where the stops are and how long it will take.

Using Kate's car, I test drive the most expedient route to work. I know where to find the parking lot. My leisurely Sunday afternoon drive was a little stressful. I stop at Baskin Robbins drive through and buy two gallons of ice cream in Kate and my favorite flavors.

I would send Kate an email; telling her I bought a laptop to shop online for clothes…but she might ask why I'm not using the Mean Machine. I would have to explain why I'm not with Christian and gave him back his stuff. It's more conversation than I can handle right now. Does his NDA prevent me from saying I can't stand his cold sterile white walls and over-the-top art work? I can never discuss the décor in the red room of pain. It's an embarrassing secret I will take to my grave. One thing is for sure…I understand passages from _Brothers Karamazov_ and _Ulysses_ better now. I bet I could read one of Kate's bodice rippers without blushing to death.

I search online for a driving service. I email; asking for an estimate for transportation to Portland, with date, time and place. I ask for a recommendation if they can't drive me. There are two other services I can contact; but I hope my first choice will work out. Adult responsibilities overwhelm me and I sigh; shutting down the spreadsheet for the night.

"Hey Dad," I smile when I hear his voice. "I wanted to call before the games start. Could I enlist your help with handyman tasks at the condo? José's art show opens Thursday in Portland. If I meet you there; you could drive us back to Seattle and spend the weekend. We need upgraded security and custom builds in all closets and cupboards. Plus, we need a tank-less hot water heater. If I bought patio furniture; could you assemble it for me? If I buy paint; will you paint walls? I can pay for materials and I can batch cook a few dozen meals so you can fill your freezer."

"I'd like that," Dad said. "It will give me a chance to see the new place. How are you getting to Portland? Is Christian driving?"

"I'm coming to Portland via a driver; but I will ride back to Seattle with you. I work on Friday after the show; so I hope you don't mind if I sleep on the way home." I cross my fingers. _Please don't let him ask about Christian_.

"Sounds like a plan, Annie. What time will you get to the show?" He asked.

"Before 8:30; I thought we could go for a late dinner before we head for Seattle," I suggest.

"Fancy, sports bar or pizza?" Dad asked.

"How about Buffalo Gap?" I suggest. "It's near José's exhibition at Portland Place."

"Sounds like a plan." Dad said. "Pre-game is on – will you watch it today?"

"Tempting, but no," I laughed. "I'm trying to clear spaces so you can access closets, etc."

"Love you, Annie," Dad said.

"Love you too, Dad," I hung up.

Kate barely started unpacking the wardrobe boxes she bought from U-Haul. It looks like clothing and accessory stores exploded in Ethan and her rooms. I empty Ethan's room; putting her clothes and accessories on her bed in her room. I ensure his closet is empty. I can't deal with the six-foot high pile of clothes on Kate's bed. I can't deal with any more settling into the condo

I go for a walk with my wrist wallet, phone, keys and pepper spray. I walk over to Pike Place Market and find a wonderful tea shop. Since it's close to the end of serving time; the offerings are a little hit and miss, but I don't mind. Most of the remaining menu items are citrus based: lemon cucumber, mint and cream cheese sandwiches; orange pound cake; violet lemonade tea cakes and lemon-berry scones. They have mini-veggie trays with lemon yogurt dipping sauce. I buy enough goodies for tea and dinner and head home. I make two quart jars of chai tea concentrate and make a pitcher of iced chai tea to get me through the night. I take a tea tray to my room and fire up my new laptop.

I surf Pinterest, pinning outfits I wouldn't mind wearing; room décor, easy to fix summer recipes…and I can't help my curious nature. I type in submissive…I find a bunch of quotes…but one stands out:

" _It's hard for an educated woman to turn her head off. That's part of the joy of being a submissive. None of the decisions are yours. When you can't refuse anything and can't even move, those voices in your head go silent. All you can do, and all you are permitted to do, is feel."_ _Cherise Sinclair, Dark Citadel._ _  
_

There is no sense prolonging the pain by _feeling_. I already spent too much time with Christian in my head. I turn off the laptop and prep for tomorrow. Uncoordinated Ana packs a spare pair of stockings, a mini sewing kit and mini first aid kit in a tote. Prepared Ana packs a mug, tea bags and a water bottle; a small steno pad and pen for taking notes plus the spare smart phone charger; a small LED flashlight, a spare umbrella and a street map of Seattle. Tomorrow's clothes are determined.

Clean the tea tray. Separate the stew into freezer containers and label them. Clean the crockpot insert. FilI the crockpot insert full of Italian sausages, pepper slices and onion rings. Set it in the refrigerator to drop into the base tomorrow morning. I bag a sandwich and pineapple spears for lunch and put it in the refrigerator; ready to grab and run tomorrow. Before ten, I shower. I take two of Kate's ibuprophen PM to ensure I sleep. The 6:30 alarm is set to buzzer instead of music. Smell the lavender candle. Lights out…


	3. Chapter 3

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 3 – "** Far and away the best prize that life has to offer is the chance to work hard at work worth doing." Theodore Roosevelt

 **Monday, June 6 - Day Three, sans Christian Grey - APOV**

Alarm…groan! Concentrate: toiletries, breakfast with vitamin and two ibuprophen to facilitate sitting, crockpot, pack lunch in tote.

 _Don't think about waking up in Christian's bed! Don't think about Christian! Focus on something other than Christian Grey. Make a list and check it twice...don't think about naughty or nice._ _The Dominant Devil does not dwell in my details. Each focused task helps me reclaim myself._

I am dressed and ready to begin my internship at Seattle Independent Publishing as the assistant to Jack Hyde, Editor. My hair is loose and wavy from drying while braided last night. The apple green headband, button earrings and bracelet are more girly than I usually wear. Because I don't carry a huge cosmetics bag like Kate; there is plenty of room in the apple green purse. The apple green pumps are mid-heel and not too uncomfortable to wear for the day. I wear sneakers for driving and walking, and tuck the apple green heels in my tote. Minimal makeup and strawberry lip gloss and I'm ready to rock the day. I pull on the apple green sweater. I take a selfie of the navy sheath and apple green accessories to email to Kate and Mom.

 _CONCENTRATE_!

I have my driver's license, current health insurance card and social security card for completing HR documents. I have enough cash and change to pay today's parking fees. If I forgot to bring something important today, I can always bring it tomorrow.

The GPS in Kate's car directs me to SIP using the most expedient route. It is a repeat of yesterday's driving exercise. I park Kate's car in the parking lot near SIP. I change shoes and walk to SIP arriving before eight-thirty. Elizabeth Morgan, head of HR, waits for me at the front reception desk. She critically surveys my attire before she conducts me to her office.

 _Am I overdressed for my first day? Did Kate and I get the work wardrobe wrong? I described what I saw everyone wear when I interviewed. Elizabeth is dressed in a floaty summer frock, a little more Tatiana, Queen of the Fairies, than I would ever wear. She is about my Mother's size and has a sturdy quality about her, despite the ethereal dress. Her heeled sandals are pretty though._

"This is your payroll information. This is your agreement not to acquire our client list or sell it to anyone. This is your agreement not to reveal any personal information about our authors. This is your agreement not to plagiarize or sell any manuscripts submitted to this office. This is your agreement not to introduce a computer virus or program into the computer system which will create loss of files or information. Nor will you download any information which is politically incorrect on our office computers. This is your agreement you will not surf the Internet, play games or access personal e-mails on company computers or make or answer personal phone calls during work hours."

As quick as I sign HR forms; Elizabeth gives me a tour of the facilities and introduces me to staff. I am shown to the IT department first, which is in the basement. IT provides a password for company email and server access. They train me how to enter information in the author/manuscript database. They show me the file rooms with archive manuscripts.

Elizabeth shows me to the break room, mail room, copy room, large conference room and front lobby area on the first floor. I am shown to HR, Fiscal, Management and conference suites on the third floor. I am assigned to the second floor Editorial Pool. My workstation is located ten feet from Jack's office door.

Elizabeth hands me a procedures manual which explains everything regarding phones, faxes, emails, computerized calendaring, research requests, incoming mail, outgoing mail, copiers, manuscript tracking, etc. Elizabeth gives me the work performance standards which have been used with Jack's previous interns. She warns my WPS could change at my 30, 90 and 180 day review. She explains Jack might add other tasks at my reviews. She suggests I acquaint myself with procedures manual until Jack arrives.

Jack arrives before ten and gives me his coffee cup. I find his small gold hoops a little odd. He wore miniature studs when I interviewed and they seemed to fade away as his personality took over. Today he wears navy dress slacks with navy loafers and a sky blue long-sleeved summer weight shirt with a textured navy tie. His hair is pulled back in a ponytail. I'm glad he is so different from Christian – five-ten; 200 pounds, straight red hair and flat inexpressive blue eyes. I find my way to the kitchen by following the building map, emptying one pot into his mug and starting a fresh pot of coffee.

 _I will not think about Christian and our almost coffee date! Concentrate on tasks at hand. You cannot be distracted from your professional life by the turbulence in your personal life!_

Jack asks me to bring my work performance standards to his office for a quick meeting. I'm relieved because he leaves the office door open. He provides a daily schedule. From eight-thirty to nine each morning I make coffee; fill faxes, printers and copiers on the editorial floor with paper; and check and sync our schedules in the online calendar. At nine I sort Jack's mail and date stamp it. He receives the correspondence.

Jack shows me where to find his correspondence folder on the server. He will read his correspondence and create responses. He will save the responses in a folder on the server. He uses an electronic signature on his letters; so I don't waste time waiting for him to sign them. I print and mail responses and author letters within 72 hours. I make a copy of every letter and hold it until Friday afternoon when I file them in the large bank of file cabinets for the editorial floor. Everything is noted on the file log on the left side of the file. Paperwork is filed in chronological order on top of the right side of the file.

Invoices are copied and original invoices are forwarded to the Finance Office along with the original receipts. Copies of invoices with copies of receipts are placed in an empty wire basket on top of my desk for filing on Friday. Unsolicited manuscripts are date stamped and the basic information entered daily in the author/manuscript database. Then they are arranged alphabetized by title only on an empty shelf in the bookcases outside Jack's office. Chronologically they are arranged oldest to newest from top to bottom, left bookcase to right bookcase.

Each day, any manuscripts which languished 90 days on the bookshelves are sent to archives. Manuscripts intended for archive are placed in the mail center basket marked _Archive_. The mail room staff files them alphabetically by author in archives. A note of the manuscript's new location is entered in the author/manuscript database.

Jack shows me the mail center on the editorial floor. Mail arrives around 8:30 in the morning. The center holds interdepartmental envelopes, letter-sized envelopes and large mailing envelopes. Complete the form for special mailing requests and place in the out basket for the mailroom to handle. The mail room checks the center every two hours for pickups.

Jack is an avid coffee drinker and asks me to make coffee as necessary every thirty to ninety minutes. I will prepare materials for editorial meetings on Tuesday mornings. He will email what he needs for the editorial meetings on Monday afternoon so I can prepare for Tuesday morning. He explains I may go to lunch from 12:30-1:30 as noted on the schedule; ensuring I don't leave early or return late. When requested; I will pick up lunch for him at the nearest deli. I'm skilled at organizing my time but this schedule is the ultimate in micro-management. Before I recover from schedule shock; Jack invites me to lunch today to celebrate my new job.

 _So not going anywhere with you, buddy. I wish Christian had set off my self-preservation sirens as loudly as you do!_

I demur; explaining I have tasks scheduled at lunch time and after work every day this week because I just moved to Seattle. When Jack orders me to leave those tasks to my roommate who won't start her internship with _Seattle Times_ until July first; it takes extreme effort to not freak out because Jack Hyde knows more about my life than he should. I explain she is unable to fulfill personal tasks for me.

He offers to show me the area around SIP over the weekend; but again, I demur. I explain my father plans to visit Seattle and work on my condo; which leads to a discussion of where I live. We discuss Pike Place Market and its amenities. He lives in the area also and offers to give me rides home when we work late. I have no response to his offer at this time. It will take proactive planning. Maybe the nights I work late, Ethan would be willing to pick me up from work until Kate returns. I know I can depend on her to save me from Jack Hyde.

During my _unassigned_ work time; I am to read the first chapter of unsolicited manuscripts from the bookcases outside Jack's office. I am to complete the synopsis form contained on the server. Synopses are saved as author last name dot author first name dot first three words of title dot doc. Once we've finished my orientation on day one, Jack sends me to fetch coffee.

I find the break room by memory. I think my work peeve for SIP will be people who leave half a cup of coffee in the bottom of pots so they don't have to make a new pot. I pour the half cups from both pots into his oversized mug with a splash of hot water from the water tower. I microwave it for thirty seconds; while I prepare new pots to brew. I race back to his office with his coffee.

The water tower in the Editorial Pool has a hot water feature for tea, hot chocolate, etc. However it is a green tower which means someone has to pour two gallons of tap water into the top section which filters the water into the bottom section. Once the water filters into the bottom section; anyone can get hot or cold water. If I want water for tea; I must add water carrying to my morning schedule.

At lunch time; I attempt to deposit Christian's check at a Seattle branch of my Montesano bank. If I had known it would cause a flurry of attention; I would have waited until after work. The bank manager wants to know why I'm depositing $24K written on a personal check signed by ' _the'_ Christian Grey. "Jay Leno advised him to purchase vintage vehicles." I find a picture of Wanda on my phone. "Classic 60s Beetle."

"Wow," the bank manager said. "I always liked vintage cars. Is it like flipping houses?"

"If Jay Leno is involved; it must be lucrative," I shrugged. "My dad bought the car for me. I'm the second owner. Original from the factory in 1960-61; it cost $1600. Fifty years later, it is worth fifteen times the original fee."

"Well, I can't invest at the level of Christian Grey or Jay Leno, but it sounds more entertaining than watching the stock market's daily roller coaster ride." The banker declares.

There will be a three-day hold on the check; because they want proof ' _the'_ Christian Grey wrote the check and I'm not just scamming them with a bogus check. The bank manager urges me to deposit $3K into my savings to offset the money I may need for paying taxes. He recommends I have the sales contract with me when I file my taxes. I can verify the deposit online.

As I park and walk to the office, I check my surroundings, as Dad suggested. I feel like I'm being observed but I don't see familiar faces, black suits or black Audi SUVs. I'm not a drum majorette, the leader of the band, or a religious figure. I won't be followed. I'm not a migrating bird. I won't be tracked or monitored. The contract said if I left that was the end of us. I will not receive a second chance. I had better not see any of his men observing me, or he will, via my loudest, rudest voice, hear from me.

My micro-management schedule says to move the expired manuscripts after break time; where I met Emily and Amber and say hello to Claire again. I get a tote and fill it with manuscripts. I check the procedures manual and it says I have to move the manuscripts up and fill the empty spaces. _Fuckety- fuckety-fuck._

"What are you doing?" Amber asks.

"Moving the manuscripts according to the procedures manual." I explained.

"Sorry about that. We got new shelves in April; the procedures aren't updated. The shelf you just emptied pulls out." She showed me. Then she reached up and pressed a button at the top of the shelves. The shelves moved up automatically and locked into place. "Put that shelf in the bottom. Move the manuscripts from the top shelf of that bookcase to this shelf."

She helped me. "Take the empty shelf out, press the button." The shelves moved up again. "Insert this shelf in the bottom and put today's manuscripts on it. Be back in a second." She was back before I finished putting the manuscripts on the shelf. "You take an old file folder; slap a label on it and write today's date vertically on the tab with a Sharpie. You tuck it in front of today's manuscripts. It's better at the end of the day to enter the new manuscripts and update the old. Do them at the same time because you only have to access the database once."

"That's not what my schedule says," I explained and showed her the schedule.

"FMTT," she groaned. "Do you have to follow this schedule exactly; or just get done what's on the list for the day?"

"I don't know," I admit. "I've never worked in an office before."

She took the schedule and a sheet of paper and reorganized it into work groups which made more sense. "Try this schedule. Move the manuscripts to late afternoon, moving, archiving, date stamping, entering in the database, reading and uploading synopses." She grinned.

"Here is an alphabetical organizer. On Friday afternoon, two-hole punch file copies before you alphabetize them. It saves you time when filing. Also, get some of the file folder labels. Put Friday's date and your initials on it. Count how many letters, bills and minutes you are filing. I keep a tally sheet on the front of my organizer. That way I know how many letter labels, bill labels and minute labels to create. Print that many. Print any other miscellaneous labels at the same time. I'll email you the template so you don't waste time creating it. Take the labels to the file cabinets with you. Take the first item to be filed, determine if it's a letter, bill, whatever. Pull one of the corresponding labels. Paste it in the next open space on the chronological log sheet. File your document and go on to the next one. Before you start filing; print a couple dozen blank chronological log sheets, so you don't have to stop to do it. Keep them with your file labels and your organizer to eliminate extra steps."

"Thank you for the help," I said. "I owe you lunch for helping to get me organized."

"There are other streamlined procedures. I'll share them as I get time. I'm the senior support staff. It's my job to help train staff. I'll email the filing procedures when I get back to my desk. There's an app which tells you the date for 90 days ago. I will email the link to you. It streamlines checking which manuscripts have aged out."

At the end of the day, I leave with Claire, Amber and Emily. They go to the bus stop; I go to the parking lot and retrieve Kate's car. I buy hanging wardrobe boxes from U-Haul on the way home. They are awkward to carry up to the condo; but we will use and reuse them several times over the next few weeks.

 _Just because your workday has ended does not mean you can wallow in memories of Christian. You have things to do. Concentrate._

I change into shorts and a t-shirt; glad to be home. I separate the crockpot contents: Italian sausages with peppers and onions, into dinner tonight and meal-sized containers for feeding freezers. I assemble the contents of the crockpot insert for tomorrow: six pounds of beef stew meat tossed with beef fajita seasoning on a bed of tri-color pepper strips and raw onions sliced into rings. I'll put it in the base before I leave in the morning. I will separate it into meal-sized portions tomorrow night. After I eat dinner and clean the kitchen; I make lunch for tomorrow – another sandwich and more pineapple spears. I start filling crates with Kate's winter clothes. The buzzer for the apartment sounds.

"Three-A, can I help you," I don't identify myself. Kate said it was important to list our first initials and last names on the buzzer. _Please don't let it be Christian. Please don't let it be Christian. I'm not ready to see him without breaking down and weeping like one of Kate's bodice ripper heroines._

"Delivery for Anastasia Steele," a delivery man announces. I grab my keys, phone and pepper spray. Armed; I make my way downstairs. I sign for the package; which is a long floral box. I've seen Kate receive them before. Upstairs I slip off the ribbon. Inside are two dozen long-stemmed white roses and a card.

 _Congratulations on your first day at work.  
I hope it went well.  
Thank you for the glider.  
That was very thoughtful.  
It has pride of place on my desk.  
Christian_

I stare at the card, feeling the ebb and flow of fury quickly followed by tears. While the card is in his handwriting; one of his Grey House blonde minions must be in charge of sending flowers. " _I don't do hearts and flowers." "I don't do romance." "I don't do girlfriends."_ His statements repeat in my head. I drop the card back into the box; slip the ribbon back on and place it near the front door. I retrieve the box of Christian's items and place it beside the roses.

 _How did he know white roses are my favorite flower? He never asked my favorite flower, or color, or band, or movie; like normal people do when they are beginning a relationship. Only…we weren't a relationship…not to him anyway. He only wanted a sex slave…an obedient sex slave…an obedient sex slave who would not look, touch or talk unless ordered._

Back in Kate's room; I keep folding clothes and putting winter clothes in crates. Once I've exhausted myself, I take a hot shower, change into clean t-shirt and panties; I'm ready for bed. Tomorrow will sort itself. Alarm set, lamp off, deep sniff of the lavender candle and I'm ready for sleep…which eludes me.

 _I won't think about wearing his t-shirts to bed. I won't think about how he smells so good. I won't think about his bed linens. I won't think about spooning with him…_

I was accustomed to physical work at Clayton's Hardware for eight-ten hours on Saturdays and Sundays. But SIP was eight hours of engaging my brain and I am mentally exhausted. I cried over Christian several times over the weekend; but I also worked at putting my life together. Christian needs help and I am not the one to provide it. He has a darkness I can't touch; let alone understand. Sorry Christian… I want an apology in person and I won't pursue you to get it. I understand he expects everyone to want a piece of him, his money and his lifestyle…but not me. He can't buy me…and he needs to learn that.

My first step in the healing process was to sever ties between us. I didn't want his gifts in the first place, so leaving them behind was not an issue. I left Escala with a bruised ass, a wounded soul and a broken heart. I deserve MORE … love and respect. Hearts and flowers. I deserve a life free of fear; free of pain, free of arbitrary rules which result in punishments. I cry until I fall asleep.

 _"It's taking all my self-control not to fuck you on the hood of this car right now, just to show you that you are mine, and if I want to buy you a fucking car, I'll buy you a fucking car," he growls. "It's a gift, Anastasia. Can't you just say thank you?"_

 _"This is what happens when you refuse my gifts," Christian snarls. I don't know what happened…suddenly I am naked and restrained on the hood of the Submissive Special in Christian's private parking area at Escala. I am blindfolded with the bra and restrained with the panties Taylor bought. Christian holds a rose to my nose and orders me to smell it. He brushes it back and forth over my skin; making me squirm._

 _And suddenly…_

…I'm wide awake and yelling NO! Oh bloody hell. I cannot toss and turn all night. I have to be on time for work tomorrow. I go in search of two of Kate's ibuprophen PM tablets. I make a cup of sleepy-time tea and curl up with a book; praying for sleep.

 **~~~ CPOV**

I worked late at Grey House. I ate dinner and worked until midnight in my home office at Escala. It wasn't enough. I try not to think of her, but Anastasia is there, always at the periphery of my thoughts. I finish a project and then read her note. It made me work harder today; knowing my reward is reading her note over and over. _I remember the happy times, too, Anastasia._

I managed to catch a few hours of dreamless sleep since she left; but mostly I dread the return of the nightmares from a time in my life which I still don't understand. How did Ana make my bed feel so big and lonely? How did she make my penthouse feel so cold and empty? How is she changing me?

I sent her flowers thanking her for the glider and wishing her the best for her new job. Maybe she'll call me to thank me for them. Maybe we can talk. Maybe she'll invite me to come to her condo. I'll wear a grey suit, white shirt and our favorite tie tomorrow, in case I see her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 4 –** "In times of great stress or adversity; it's always best to keep busy; to plow your anger and your energy into something positive." Lee Iacocca

 **Tuesday, June 7 – Day Three, sans Christian Grey – APOV**

I woke early from a Christian dream. I dreamed about Christian waking me with a kiss the night I met his parents. The light spilling through my window reminds me of dawn and the submissive bedroom last Saturday morning.

 _I will not dwell._ _I will not think about Christian. I will not think about Christian. Control yourself. Organize your thoughts. Start your day!_

Toiletries, breakfast, dishes, crockpot. Is this why some people exercise or meditate in the morning…to clear their head and plan their day?Early morning tasks completed; I dress in navy slacks and a short-sleeved, ocean blue silk turtleneck sweater with navy trouser socks and loafers. Kate left me a light navy waterproof jacket for grey mornings like this.

Kate recommended small silver hoops, an intricate silver chain necklace and a silver barrette to hold my hair. I've transferred everything from yesterday's apple green purse to today's navy leather purse. I put the second white mesh tray from the office store on my dresser to hold the contents of my purse. I will empty my purse into the basket every night when I get home. I need to allot at least 10 minutes each morning to assemble purses if I'm changing them every day.

Lunch is packed in my tote with the paperwork I need at noon. I grab the boxes by the door and go. I leave the condo early and drive to Escala, arriving while Christian is out for his daily run.

 _The submissive will be polite!_ "Delivery for Mr. Grey," I smile brightly at the morning concierge, leaving the roses box and the miscellaneous items box. I hurry back to Kate's car before anyone can stop me, departing before Christian returns. My hands shook way too much to write a refusal note this morning. Adrenalin? Nerves? Fear? His things, returned to him along with the roses, should be self-explanatory.

I drive to Dr. Greene's office. I explain about the mini pill. No, I haven't forgotten to take it. I was a little late taking it Sunday morning, but I haven't had sex since Friday night. Which leads into the discussion of how long sperm can live inside a warm body. It's more embarrassing than having the sex talk with my Mother.

"Arm or hip?" Dr. Greene inquires.

I stare uncomprehending.

"Do you want your shot in your arm or your hip?" Dr. Greene asked.

"Arm please." I'm blushing from embarrassment. I never thought about the bruises and the shot!

Dr. Greene gives me a Depo Provera shot, along with brochures on how to increase bone mass and appropriate nutritional needs to offset any side effects of the shot. The chance of pregnancy is one percent with the shot. It increases to six percent if I delay a week getting the next shot. She gives me a prescription for Plan B, to fill at the pharmacy in the building before I leave. She explains one round of Plan B within 24 hours of unprotected sex is 95 percent effective. Up to 120 hours after unprotected sex, the efficiency drops to 89 percent. She recommends prescribing it to cover me if something happens and I'm slow to get my next shot.

We make an appointment for me to return in 12 weeks for another shot. I ask Dr. Greene not to bill my insurance. I don't want to explain girl appointments and birth control to my father. She asks if she should bill Mr. Grey for the appointment and shot. I tell her I'll be paying for it myself. She has a small look of surprise and regret on her face. ' _Get in line, lady,' my inner goddess snarks. 'There's others who will be more disappointed than you…and my Mother will lead that parade.'_

 **~~~ CPOV**

"Sawyer says Miss Steele left two packages for you at the main desk," Taylor reported.

We stopped by the desk in the front lobby after our run. She left a box with miscellaneous items in it and the flowers which were delivered last night. "Why would she do that?" I asked Taylor when we are out of earshot of the concierge. _"I thought she wanted hearts and flowers!" I think to myself._

"It's been my experience some women return the items you give them; some women don't. You don't know which flavor you get until it happens." Taylor said. "Miss Steele is not like other women you have known. They accepted everything you bought them; and most delighted in how generous you were. Miss Susannah Martin would never have returned anything you gave her even though she was only in your life for a month. Miss Steele didn't want your money or possessions. She only wanted to spend quality time with you."

"I'm not spending time with her; at her insistence," I sniped. I'm not spending time with her because I am a monster and she refused to put up with my shit! Taylor knows something happened. He watches the CCTV feeds in the security office. I'm sure he erased the one of a crying and naked Anastasia from last Saturday morning; but he doesn't tell and I don't ask.

Taylor checked his smart phone. "Sawyer says she just left Dr. Greene's office."

"I want to know what that was all about," I snapped. _What the hell are you doing, Anastasia?_

"Barney or Welch will attempt to hack Dr. Greene's server for information," Taylor said. "You know there are HIPPA laws?"

"I'm headed for the shower; give me an update as soon as you can." _Just hearing Anastasia's name makes me need a cold shower. My southern gentleman is clamoring for attention; I cannot bring myself to masturbate. Elena broke me of that habit when I was fifteen. She said masturbation was something uncouth youth did. She spanked me soundly when I gave my penis a name. Penis and cock were the only words she allowed me to use to describe my male appendage. She explained my penis does not have a brain of its own. It is my duty to control it or be controlled by it. Christ…I've gone months without a submissive and a hard on…but one thought of Anastasia taking me in her mouth our first morning at Escala unhinges me. Fuck… I need a_ _ **long**_ _cold shower._

It takes Barney longer than I expected, but he discovers Anastasia paid for a checkup and for a Depo Provera shot. She obviously came to her senses about the mini pills. It's the payment to the pharmacy in the medical building which causes me to curse.

Plan B? We didn't have sex on Saturday morning after she took her mini pill. What the fuck does she need with Plan B if she's not with me? Is she anticipating sex with someone else already? I'm livid and email Taylor to provide Anastasia with a close protection detail 24/7. They cannot be obvious in fulfilling their duties. I reach for my smart phone to call her and ask _WTF_? When my call is blocked, I'm pissed and throw my phone at the wall; shattering it into a plethora of pieces. When the fuck did she block my calls? Why the fuck did she block my calls?

Not ten minutes later; Barney appears with a new smart phone. He picks up the pieces of the other smart phone. He removes the SIM chip; fitting it into the new phone. He drops a report on my desk, sets the new smart phone on top and departs with the destroyed phone pieces.

I put the new smart phone in the top desk drawer; in the event his report pisses me off. The report covers the financial status of a fiber optics company GEH is in the process of acquiring. Since it is safe, I retrieve the smart phone. Fuck! The screensaver is the picture of Anastasia and me at the WSUV graduation.

 _I stare at that picture. Remembering she said yes, she would try. Feeling her alabaster skin. Sliding my thumbnail down her spine. Hooking my finger into her chiffon dress and pulling her against me. Remembering how she didn't wear a bra. Remembering champagne the color of her blush. Discussing the contract. Wanting to fuck her on the hood of her new car. FUCK! I need another cold shower! Concentrate! Damn it._

 **~~~ APOV**

Editorial staff meetings are dry, to say the least. I take excellent notes. Jack wants a printed copy of the minutes before the end of the day. Thank heavens I activated the conversation app on my phone. If I can't read what my notes say; I can access the app to fill in the gaps. It's a bit of a grey day outside; which means I'm struggling not to think about Christian this morning. I know it affected my notetaking. _Concentrate!_

Jack is upset because I won't stay for the lunch they had delivered. He said the other editors wanted to chat and get to know me. I translated his comment to mean too many people want to know too much about my personal life. _NO THANKS_. I remind him I need to complete moving and relocation tasks during my lunch hours and after work.

I called for a cab to pick me up at exactly 12:30 and transport me to the King County Courthouse. There is not enough time to retrieve Kate's car from parking and drive to the courthouse during my lunch hour. I need to change my address on my carry conceal permit. Dad won't give me back my gun until I am legal. On the way to the courthouse; I check my email.

José sent an email reminding me of the show. He's included the contact information for Portland Place.

Kate emails her schedule for the day. She tells me about the marvelous tan she's getting. She says she's not getting a sunburn since Elliot eagerly rubs sunblock on her body. I'm a bit jealous because I have not had time to sit in the sun since I returned from Savannah. _Get exercise and sunshine…the sub drop sites said._ Maybe I can sit outdoors during lunchtime when it's sunny in the next few weeks.

When I ask the cabbie to send a cab back to the courthouse at 1:10 to pick me up and return me to SIP; he offers to go dark. He explains he will grab lunch from a local food truck and be available to drive me back to SIP. It's a great offer I cannot refuse.

My plan worked well. There are a few people in line. My wait time decreases because I completed and printed the application from the web site. I have my current permit and proof of residency I brought with me. I pay to update my permit; receive a sticker to put on the current conceal carry permit and am assured my new permit will arrive sometime in the next six weeks.

When I exit the courthouse, I head for the cab waiting for me. I eat my lunch on the way back to work. I pay the cabbie and exit the cab in front of the SIP building. I feel like I'm being observed and I do a 360 degree turn; but I don't spot anyone overtly watching me. I don't spot a black Audi SUV either. Am I alert or feeling paranoid?

Before I return to my desk, task one is to fetch coffee for Jack. Of course, I empty pots again and must stop to make coffee; but I doubt there will be any left at break time. I check my email; according to my micro-management schedule. There is one from Amber. She says don't worry about the minutes from the meeting. She did them and a copy is attached. My next email is from Christian.

Date: June 8 2011 10: 00 a.m.  
From: Christian Grey  
To: Anastasia Steele  
Subject: Why?  
Why did you return the roses? I still don't understand why you left the car, the smart phone and the laptop and then you return the roses and the Tess books. I wish you would talk to me. Please let me take you to your friend's show in Portland. We need to talk.  
Christian Grey, CEO  
Grey Enterprises Holdings

Date: June 8 2011 1:25 p.m.  
From: Anastasia Steele  
To: Christian Grey  
Subject: Because I can…  
I repeat myself. I don't want things from you. As you are jealous of my friendship with José; and as you would classify a gallery opening as a date; perhaps it would be best if you do not attend. Please do not contact me at SIP; it is unprofessional to receive personal emails on company time and at my company email address. Have a good life, Christian; I wish you well; but I just want to be left alone. Thank you for understanding.  
Anastasia Steele  
Assistant to Jack Hyde, Editor  
Seattle Independent Publishing

 **~~~ 3PPOV**

There was a good reason Ana was assigned to check her email at specified times. It gave Jack opportunities to check her emails. Finally, an email from Christian Grey to Anastasia Steele. He printed it and her reply. His instincts were right. They had a relationship but it was rocky right now. It strengthened his resolve to bed the girl. Anything he could do to ruin her would impact Christian Grey and his fucking socialite family. He initially planned to mentor Ana; cultivating her friendship and trust before ruining her. He had to move full throttle while there was trouble in Christian Grey's paradise.

 **~~~ APOV**

Christian's email attempts to mess with my head. I cannot change my mind about this. I cannot be with someone who enjoys inflicting pain on me. I cannot be with someone who will not take the chance of loving me or wanting more with me. He cannot use cars and possessions to bribe me into the red room of pain lifestyle; or to assuage his guilt for not spending time with me; or as an apology because he doesn't want to engage in a social relationship. I am not and will never be for sale.

The afternoon flies by, I manage to upload the synopses of the two manuscripts I have read. I am saved from wallowing in my misery when Amber and Claire join me at break time. They have a standing rule they don't talk about work at break time. Claire talks about a new man she met. Amber talks about the new swimwear she bought for the summer. It segues nicely into explaining my roommates are in Barbados and getting tans to make them the envy of the universe. It's great to talk to someone other than myself. Back at my desk, I slip a manuscript into my tote. _I will not check personal emails. I will not think about Christian. I will not compare the grey sky to his eyes. I will not have a Christian Grey induced meltdown at work._

Jack sits on my desk at the end of the day, invading my personal space. He invites me for a celebratory drink. I explain I have an appointment after work. He lays the _Seattle Times_ picture of Christian and me from the WSUV graduation on my desk. "Got a date with the boyfriend," he tries to sound casual.

"That picture is more intriguing than the truth. My roommate, Katherine Kavanagh of Kavanagh Media, was the editor of the college newspaper. She was also valedictorian of our graduating class. She arranged to interview Mr. Grey for the special graduation issue of the student newspaper; but became ill. I interviewed him; she wrote the article; and he spoke at graduation. Our picture was taken when he was talking to Kate and her family. The picture was cropped to be more salacious than it was." I prevaricate. "I didn't even merit having my name entered in the caption with him. Feel free to keep the picture if you like. I understand it's an excellent picture of Mr. Grey. He's almost smiling for once." I shut down the computer, gather my purse and tote and head for the elevator. _I refuse to wear my heart on my sleeve. My pain is not for public consumption. Christian's life might be controlled by paparazzi; but mine will not be._

Once home and changed for the night; I read my personal emails. I read the one from the driving service first. They have been hired to transport three vehicles from a car lot in Seattle to Portland on the date which I listed. I will ride to Portland with the company owner who will transport his three drivers back to Seattle. He offers me an excellent rate, since he is already contracted to go to Portland. He sends a scan of his picture, driver's license (redacted), insurance cards and business license. I print everything and delete the email. I delete a dozen junk emails; blocking as many of the addresses as I can.

I separate the contents of the crockpot into meals and tuck them into the freezer. I prep tomorrow's crockpot recipe of barbeque pulled pork and slide the insert into the refrigerator. I eat. I load the dishwasher. I finish filling Kate's winter clothes crates. They will remain in the hall until Kate arranges to move them to storage or her parents. I soak in a hot bath with the lavender bubble bath I bought. I refuse to think about the bath Christian and I took that first morning at Escala. The bruises are almost gone. However, I wish they would take my heartache with them when they fade.

I take the manuscript to bed with me. There is a backlog of unsolicited manuscripts. I would like to be the intern who critiques and catalogues them. Reading manuscripts in my down time gives me something to do other than concentrate on how I will not think about Christian…or his grey eyes which change colors so fast…or his moods which change so fast…or how we headed into a sexual relationship too fast.

 _"I'm going to shower. Unless you'd like to shower first?" Christian said._ I'm suddenly wide awake from a dream which relived our first morning at the Heathman. I try not to think about him tracing my cheek with his thumb and then stroking my bottom lip our first morning at the Heathman.

I refuse to lay here and cry about him. I make a cup of chamomile tea and toast an English muffin. I reach for the manuscript and read another chapter. I make notes about the manuscript and then put my dishes in the dishwasher. I return to my room, dialing down the brightness on my alarm clock so it doesn't keep me awake. When I start making lists of things to do, my bored brain shuts down and lets me sleep.

 **Wednesday, June 8 – CPOV**

 _It is there…the look…her mask slips. She loves me. The elevator door closes and she goes away. But it's not Anastasia leaving me…mommy is cold and doesn't talk or move. The police grab me…like he does …and they pull me away from mommy like he does…only instead of being beaten and thrown on my bed; and told not to make a sound or I'd be beaten worse…I'm shoved into a car and taken to a place that smells…I'm small and scared and mute; the smell of disinfectant and blood clouds my nostrils._

I woke up screaming! It took a moment to realize no one was in the room with me. It was just a nightmare. The memory of the antiseptic smell is so vivid! I tell myself I am all right a few times before I truly believe it. I feel like my soul is drowning in the darkness. I trembled as I reached for the bedside lamp. The nightmares returned when Anastasia left me. There was something special about her. She could keep the darkness away from me just by her presence. I must win her back. I need Anastasia. It is hell trying to think clearly or breathe properly without her. I decide to go for a run past Anastasia's condo.

 **~~~ 3PPOV**

Leila faded into the darkness of Master's walk-in closet. What did she do that woke him? She smelled the clean bandages on her wrists. Perhaps it was the antiseptic smell. She didn't wear her favorite citrus perfume. When he went to the bathroom, she slipped into the laundry room. When she knew he was gone; she could take the staff or freight elevator to the parking level and slip away.

 **~~~ CPOV**

It is torture; hoping I see her; the possibility I won't. My indecision doesn't stop my feet from running toward her. As I near her street, my heart races, my anxiety escalates. I try to tell myself I'm not desperate to see her. I just care about her safety. Katherine is out of the country. Anastasia is alone in the condo; alone in a new city. I am alone. We would be together; but I am a monster and my beautiful, brave girl could not let herself be destroyed.

I run past the condo and pause at the bus stop to catch my breath. The curtains of one room are closed, the others are open. Perhaps that's her room. Maybe she's still asleep. I remember how soft and warm she is when she awakes. I remember how difficult she was to wake that morning we went gliding. It takes all my self-control not pound on the front door of her apartment to check she's safe and alone.

Step away, Grey. You brought this on yourself. Let her go; she's not for you. My heart explodes with fury and desire. I want her. The issue is…do I want her because I feel she's a challenge? Do I really want her with her quick wit and smart mouth or because she chases away the darkness of my soul?

Taylor texts he's incoming; headed to Ana's condo. Someone recognized me while I was running and announced my presence on Twitter. I text I'm returning to Escala. By tracking my phone, Taylor can pick me up at the soonest possible moment.

 **~~~ APOV**

At lunch time, I cross the street to Fifty's Sports Bar and sit in their outdoor courtyard. I need some sun. _I will not laugh about the name of the sports bar and the characteristics of Christian Grey._ _I will not think about Christian. I will not think about Christian. I will not think about Christian._ I order a spicy shrimp salad wrap and strawberry lemonade. Using their free WIFI and my new laptop; I begin my research for a good, used car I can afford.

I contact my insurance company to tell them I sold Wanda; but Taylor already informed them. They will credit my balance toward insuring a new vehicle. An online insurance estimator tells me how much I might need to pay for insurance for a year.

When I check DMV online; Taylor returned Wanda's plates. There is a credit toward my registration for the next vehicle. I go to the online calculator and estimate how much registration will cost for a year. As long as I buy a car this month; I can maintain my yearly plan of paying for registration and insurance plus upkeep on my car from my income tax refund.

After Jack returns from a working lunch; I am subjected to an afternoon of him bellowing for coffee at the top of every hour. He attempts to offset the amount of alcohol he imbibed at lunch. I can't move about much; his bloodshot gaze targets my breasts since my ass and legs are covered in pants. Today's cotton sweater doesn't cling; but it does show off the decent-sized breasts I inherited from Mom. This is so inappropriate! I hope I'm not subjected to his leering daily. Kate and I have a Skype session set for tonight. I will ask for suggestions on how to handle Jack.

I dealt with prejudiced jerks at Clayton's Hardware who thought a little slip of a girl like me would not know the difference between nails, screws, woods, tools, etc. I experienced my first sexual harassment on the job. Men wanted to know where to find a long screw. I know it was not a job my Mom wanted for me; but I worked there for four years. They were good employers and I liked them. They worked around my class schedule and I appreciated them.

Jack suggests I give him a ride home; he's not sure he is up to driving himself. I apologize I am not available to do him a favor. I have a task to complete for my father. I offer to find him a driver or call a cab for him; but he says he'll call Elizabeth for a ride. The way he says _ride_ is slimy and disgusting. While Jack takes a break away from his desk; I slip another manuscript into my tote bag for evening reading. Its ninety-day expiration date is Friday. I don't guarantee my synopsis will save it from the archives; but it's someone's creative effort and I feel honor-bound to give the writer a shot at their dream.

I drive to the nearest home improvement store for information about tank-less hot water heaters. I email pictures of patio furniture layouts to Kate. I need something to deflect questions about Christian. I pick paint swatches for my bedroom. I choose a yellow paint color called Sundance. I pair it with a pretty blue, called Caribbean Mist, for the alcove and alcove wall. I hope Dad has time to paint my bedroom while he is here. I select three sets of purple paint swatches for Kate. I don't linger; light jazz music plays in the background and it bothers me. The jazz music sounds like people arguing with one another and it jars my nerves.

I visit the Central Branch of the Seattle Library. I want to get my library card. When I researched them; I liked their list of events. Plus, I can borrow a museum pass which allows me to visit a dozen Seattle museums for free. I can borrow books and e-copies of books when I get an e-reader. I wander through the place. There is no music in the background to bother me. I don't check materials out this time; but I pick up a flyer for the Friends of the Library book sale. Hardback books are $1; paperbacks are four for $1. I have something to do on a future Saturday to keep me busy.

I wander around Pike Place Market. The soup vendor has ratatouille and spicy black bean soup. I taste both and buy eight servings of each to help feed Dad's freezer. I buy a dozen cheesy breadsticks to go with them. Scallops and jumbo shelled shrimp are on sale. I buy two pounds of each with fresh garlic and fresh ginger to make garlic and ginger scallops and shrimp for Dad.

 _I won't think about pasta ala vongole…and Christian Grey._

 **~~~ CPOV**

I spent my late afternoon with my therapist ,John Flynn. We've Skyped twice while he was on vacation. This is the first time I've seen him face to face in six weeks. "Do you believe in Karma?" I asked Flynn.

"Sometimes; this is your hour Grey. I don't want to discuss my foibles," he said.

"I'm wondering if this is Karma for my not wanting more with previous submissives and terminating with them." I said.

"Do you think Anastasia cutting you off is Karma?" Flynn asked.

"Perhaps," I admit. "I'm pissed off because she doesn't want anything to do with me. She won't even give me the opportunity to apologize. I've been listening to your rules about not stalking her. While I don't feel calmer; I am trying to understand."

"What conclusions have you reached about what lead to you punishing Anastasia?" Flynn asked.

"Why are the women in my life so impossible right now?" I vented.

Flynn raised his eyebrows; but said nothing.

"I was upset because Anastasia went to see her mother. Perhaps I expected her to ask permission; perhaps I expected her to be at Escala waiting for me because she hadn't started working; perhaps I had expectations about our relationship which hadn't been settled. She agreed to try to be my submissive; but she hadn't signed the contract. I don't know what I was thinking." I sighed.

Flynn remained silent.

"Elena won't quit calling or emailing. Mom told her about the family dinner with Katherine and Anastasia. When I had dinner with Elena; she knew I had mixed feelings about Anastasia. I told her Anastasia went to Georgia to put some space between us so she could think. Elena urged me to go to Georgia to see Anastasia. I did and we had a good time until I was contacted about the situation with Leila at Escala with Mrs. Jones." I paused, but Flynn waited for me to resume.

"I think I was out of control Saturday morning. I was stressed about Leila; the lack of information about her location and her health. Her piece of shit husband was causing problems for my security team. When Anastasia said, 'show me how bad it can be' - part of me took that as a challenge. I thought ' _This is it. What I want. What I've been working toward. I need this. This is what I do. And we're finally here.'_ But, I was also a Dominant who needed to show his submissive who was in charge." I know my voice faltered. "But she's not my submissive and she's not _mine_ anymore." I stood and walked to the window looking out. "How the fuck did she get under my skin? How the hell did she make me question myself?"

"I can't answer that," Flynn said. "Are you happy Grey?"

"What?" I frowned at him.

"Are you happy? It's a simple question," Flynn asked.

"Are you fucking mental?" I snapped. "I told you; I'm miserable since Anastasia left me. The damned nightmares have returned. What the fuck is happy?"

"Well, happy for me is waking up in the morning with Rhiann in my arms, or hugging my children. What is happy for you Grey? When was the last time you felt happy?" Flynn asked.

"Gliding with Anastasia in Savannah." I answered automatically.

"What was the happy time before that?" Flynn asked.

"Dancing with her before we went to dinner at my parents," I replied and then frowned.

"What was the frown," Flynn probed.

"I learned she planned to visit her mother in Savannah and I was angry because she didn't ask permission, even though the trip would take place during the week and she would return for the weekend. I took her to the boathouse. I wanted to spank her; but she said no. Because I was so frustrated with her not talking to me; I fucked her without letting her have any pleasure." I admitted.

"You punished Anastasia at your parents' home? Knowing you could have been discovered?" Flynn's shocked voice penetrated my brain. "She's new to sexual experiences, yet you fucked her without letting her have any pleasure?

"Yes," I am surprised to consider my actions.

"How many times have you punished Anastasia?" Flynn asked.

"Three times." I said slowly. "The night she graduated when she rolled her eyes at me. The boathouse the night we had dinner with my parents; and the morning she left me."

"Do you see a correlation between the events?" Flynn asked.

"Other than her rolling her eyes at me and not communicating?" I asked.

"That's not the correlation I'm seeking," Flynn said. "Try again."

I thought for several minutes and then shrugged. "I'm not trying to be obtuse, but I don't get the correlation you are seeking."

"What happened before she rolled her eyes at you the first time?" Flynn asked.

"I gave her a car as her graduation present, which she didn't want," I said bitterly. "Why she wanted to drive around in that death trap of a VW and not drive a new Audi A3 is something I still don't understand. She called the A3 a submissive special; and she was not happy I discussed it with her father."

"Before that," Flynn directed.

"I came over to talk about the contract with her," I explained.

"Before that," Flynn directed.

I shrug. "It was her graduation day, I met her dad and we had our picture taken."

"Exactly, it was her graduation day. One of the happiest days in her life ended with a punishment." Flynn said calmly.

"I ended the day in bed with her, holding her and providing aftercare like a good Dominant. I had words with her roommate, Katherine." I argued.

"Because?" Flynn asked.

"Because Anastasia emailed she didn't like me because I never stayed with her. When I went back to their apartment, Katherine claimed Anastasia never cried before and now she was crying all the time because of me." I said.

"Keep that in mind, because we're coming back to it," Flynn directed. "So the second time you punished, it wasn't a corporal punishment, but an emotional one; at your parents' home after she met them?"

"Yes," I admitted. "I felt bad about it afterward."

"How long afterward?" Flynn asked.

"On the way home, Anastasia said she thought I only took her to my parents' home because Elliot took Katherine and she thought I was forced into bringing her."

"So, she had self-doubts about her worth in your life?" Flynn asked.

"Yes." I frowned again. I couldn't help the free association of thoughts in my head. "Anastasia was upset about Elena. She called her Mrs. Robinson. She was appalled I have contact with her."

"Appalled?" Flynn noted.

"That I had contact; she called Elena a child abuser," I nodded.

Flynn's eyebrows shot up. "Hold that thought. We're coming back to it also. So the third punishment with the belt was Saturday morning?"

"After she rolled her eyes at me and then ran from me and then…" I paused.

"And then?" Flynn prompted.

"She said she felt the same way about punishment that I felt about touching," I admitted. "But she asked me to! She said she needed to know how bad it was so she would know if she could handle it or not! Then she left me! After she promised me she'd never leave me!" I yelled.

"When did she promise to never leave you?" Flynn asked.

"In her sleep, in Georgia, it was the most comforting thing I ever heard," I sighed.

"Hold that thought too; because we're coming back to it also," Flynn said. "Was Friday night good for both of you? I know you came home earlier than you planned because of the Leila situation. However, was it a happy reunion when Anastasia came to Escala on Friday night?"

"I think so. I don't want to go into details but we were very happy to see one another, we could barely keep our hands off one another." I admit.

Flynn cleared his throat.

"Okay, I couldn't keep my hands off her. She wore this short skirt that showcased her great legs. Sex followed by shower sex, followed by a good dinner, and a very sexually satisfying scene in the playroom," I said.

"Sexually satisfying for both of you?" Flynn asked.

"Yes, as part of aftercare; I asked if she would do it again and she said yes." I explained. "I concentrated on touch during the session."

"You touching her or her touching you?" Flynn asked.

"My touching her, while her sight and sound were blocked. It heightened the perceptions for her," I explained. "It was sexually satisfying for both of us, I swear. Followed by sleeping together in my bed, spooning with her back to my front," I said.

"Please consider all three times you have punished her…" Flynn directed. "Do you see the correlation now?"

I thought and then I know my face fell. "I punished her after what should have been three happy events for her. You are right; I don't have an empathetic bone in my body," I said.

"What have we discussed about that?" Flynn asked.

"I need to develop empathy," I respond.

"Yes you do, but I wasn't referring to that," Flynn said.

"Quit being my harshest critic," I parroted words he previously said to me. "Recognize my self-loathing and change my perceptions."

"Name a happy time in the playroom with Anastasia," Flynn said.

I pause. Friday night was sexually gratifying for both of us – but was it happy? "I was happy after beating her with the belt Saturday morning. I was euphoric; I thought we would have the most amazing sex once her endorphins kicked in. But they didn't. She was angry and told me I would never touch her like that again. She told me to get my shit together – and then she left me."

Flynn sighed. "Honestly; except for flying, sailing, soaring, running, golf and kickboxing, which are physical pursuits which have nothing to do with your submissives; you have not been happy. You weren't happy with Susannah. You weren't happy before Susannah. You are not happy when you attend family events. You are not happy when you have lunch or dinner with Mrs. Lincoln. The happiness you might feel when you send shipments to Darfur have been marred by the logistics to get them there." He paused, thoughtfully. "Have you been compiling your list of things to accomplish?" Flynn asked.

"I should add 'learn to be touched' to the list; but I have no clue how to remedy the situation. Touch – and not when shaking hands with business partners, or when family touches me or when Bastille gets in a lucky punch," I said.

"When Anastasia said you would never touch her again like that - did you think about how she touched you? Or how you prevented her from touching you? I don't want details, but I assume she was restrained in your playroom on Friday night?" Flynn asked.

"Anastasia is the only person who could ever touch me – but there were problems with that also. Yes, she was restrained every time we were in the playroom. If we had sex in my bed, she was restrained. She was restrained if we had sex in her bed. She slept with her back to my front; so she couldn't touch me in her sleep." I admit. "I never knew where or when she would touch me. It made me feel…" I pause for a long time.

"Angry?" Flynn asked.

"Afraid," I admitted.

"Are you ready to research Traumatic Touch Therapy?" Flynn said.

"Yes," I hung my head in shame. "I want Anastasia back; and she wants to touch me. I can't keep grabbing her hand and pushing it away when she tries to touch me. If that means touch therapy, I'm willing to do it."

 _I will not breakdown! I am Christian Grey, master of my universe! Why can't I just contract with a submissive who will follow orders and not turn my world upside down? Because you don't want a submissive, stupid shit. You want Anastasia; and she's worth all the work you do to get her back._

"I know three practitioners. I know you need time to research and vet them. I'd like to start with a younger woman who works with PTSD veterans and abused women and children. Sela Koch is not like other women in your life. She won't fall for the pretty face. She's happily married to a big bad Marine who treats her like a goddess. You might look like a demi-god and be as rich as a third world dictator; but I don't believe there is a chance in hell she will fall for you. When you give me an all clear; I will talk to her and see what we can do about setting up an appointment for a meet and greet."

"She has to sign an NDA," I shrug. "She can't touch until I feel comfortable with her."

"She's about the size of Anastasia, which might be helpful in desensitizing you." Flynn noted. "Here's the information on Traumatic Touch Therapy. Do your research. You need to know how it works. The three practitioners I recommend are starred to facilitate your research."

Mrs. Jones made an excellent chicken pot pie and green salad which I ate while reading spreadsheets and financial reports. I drank ice water. I stay away from alcohol to control my thoughts. I consider Lucas Woods. I listened to Ros, but I don't believe leaving him at the helm of his company is good for the company or his employees. If he's terminated, GEH can asset strip the company; selling the deadwood. We'll move the fiber optics technology division; merging it into our own technology sectors located in a manufacturing complex here in Seattle. We can maintain as many positions as possible; except Woods' position. GEH has already paid him to disappear. I wish he would take the hint. We'll empty the building; hiring Grey Construction to renovate it into offices or a small manufacturing plant, whatever Elliot suggests.

I get a call from Elliot. Katherine is Skyping with Anastasia right now and Elliot is at loose ends. Elliot relates some of the contents of the Skype. Anastasia's boss got tipsy at lunch and leered at her all afternoon. Katherine recommends Anastasia wear slacks and an oversized shirt or sweater to work on Wednesdays if her boss drinks his lunch on those days. She recommends Anastasia have a standing appointment on Wednesday evenings to keep her from being able to provide transportation. I'm pissed, but I can't say anything to Elliot. I can't have him repeat my comments to Katherine who would repeat them to Anastasia. When Elliot asks what I am going to do about it; I breathe calmly and tell him it's important for Anastasia to vent. It is her first week at a new job. While Elliot is confused by my answer; Flynn would be proud of my response.

Well; Flynn might be proud if I don't reveal I was stabbing my letter opener into a pile of newspapers on the edge of my desk. I want to kick Anastasia's boss's ass. Maybe I'd feel better if I beat the fuck out of something. I email Bastille and ask about buying and installing a kickboxing dummy in my upstairs gym. If I like using it, I will install one in the Grey House gym, New York and Aspen.


	5. Chapter 5

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 5 –** "Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light." Helen Keller

 **Thursday, June 9 - Day Five, sans Christian Grey - APOV**

My work day is almost over. Jack invades my space, planting his ass on my desk, leering at my breasts. He suggests since I'm dressed up; we should have a celebratory dinner. He enjoys Kate's plum dress a little too much for my taste. The color accents my hair and my eyes. My plum-colored peep-toe pumps, ruched clutch, lip gloss and Kate's jacket complete the ensemble. I brought a gold bangle to change my ensemble from work day to social night.

 _I won't think about how much Christian liked this dress either._

I refuse Jack's dinner invitation. I explain I'm meeting my father. Jack is not happy because I have yet to have a celebratory lunch, dinner or drink with him. He was leaving for lunch when I returned to SIP in a cab. I took Kate's car home at lunch time and caught a cab back to work; knowing my driver would be at SIP when I'm ready to leave. Jack must have plotted all afternoon about giving me a ride home.

"Intern rule number one is don't fraternize with the boss," I frostily tell him. I wish I had his complete attention when I spoke, but he's too busy leering at my breasts. Elizabeth Morgan exits the elevator and frowns at the sight of Jack sitting on my desk. "I believe Ms. Morgan is looking for you." I straighten my desk; ignoring him.

He observes Elizabeth and nods but turns back to me. "Tomorrow is casual Friday; you may wear jeans. Everyone goes for a drink after work at Fifty's across the street. You need to socialize with your coworkers."

"I can't participate tomorrow," I inform his departing back. "My Father arrives in Seattle tonight and will be staying the week with me." My explanation falls on deaf ears because Jack and Elizabeth enter the elevator. I slide six manuscripts into a spare tote; ready for reading on the road.

When I step off the elevator a few minutes after Jack and Elizabeth; they're loitering in the lobby. He heads for the front door of SIP; shadowed by Elizabeth. I ignore them and veer off to the front reception desk. My driver greets me and escorts me to his car. He requests I sit in the middle of the back seat. _What is with these security men and the middle of the back seat?_ I catch a glimpse of Jack standing outside the SIP door; lighting a cigarette and watching me.

My driver is very observant about our surroundings. He accesses his cell phone and takes a panoramic view from the driver's door. "Miss Steele, who is the red-haired man?" My driver asks.

 _Momentarily, I panic, is Christian here? Is he planning to offer me a ride to Portland? But I don't see any black Audi SUVs in the area. It dawns on me that he means Jack._ "The one at my office?" I asked. When he affirms; I explain it was my boss who wanted me to have a drink or dinner with him.

"Who is the brunette?" He asks; showing me a picture of a young woman; about my size; sitting in the open-air seating at Fifty's. She wears a nondescript hoody, jeans and sneakers. It's the expensive sunglasses and a cross-body bag which I've seen on the Nieman Marcus website which cause me to take a second look at her picture.

"I don't know her," I answer truthfully. _Is it one of Christian's ex-subs? Is she checking me out? Why is she checking me out?_

"She headed for the bus stop when I started taking pictures." He says. "Do you know this person?" He shows me a picture of a man with average height, muscular build, dark brown hair with a military haircut, Top Gun aviator glasses and leather jacket. His nose had been broken sometime in the past and wasn't properly set. It had a definite dip where it should have had an arch.

"Can't say I've ever seen him," I said. "I don't know all the people who work in the area."

"He may have a thing for brunettes. Once you were in my car; he started watching her." He said. "Every now and then; if you feel like you are being watched, take a panorama view of your surroundings. Watch for people who make direct eye contact with the cell phone and watch for people who quickly turn away so you don't catch a clear shot of their face. It's not being paranoid; it's being aware of your surroundings. Additionally, if you haven't taken self-defense courses; you should. SIP is not in the best neighborhood. It's not the worst; but it's not the best either."

"My ex-military father taught me self-defense and I carry pepper spray. I have a conceal carry permit, but I usually only carry when I'm on the road to and from Dad's house." I explain.

"Get yourself a rape whistle, or a small compressed air bullhorn. Use it to draw attention to yourself if you are in a dangerous situation," he recommended. "I'll email these two persons of interest to you. Watch for them in the future."

We exchange pertinent paperwork. I pay for the ride; he gives me security information. In case of accident; there is a charged cell phone in the glovebox preprogrammed for his office and 911. It is fully charged. He requests I keep it powered on if I use it. His staff can ping the phone to find us in case we lose the connection to them. He moves smoothly away from the curb and merges into traffic.

I begin reading a manuscript. When I finish reading, I complete the synopsis form on my laptop. I begin reading a second manuscript. The driver puts up the privacy screen and turns on a reading light to allow me to continue reading. I don't watch the road or scenery; I dig into my work. The miles and the minutes fly by.

 **~~~ CPOV**

"Minimal media," Taylor reported when he returned to the car. I flew Charlie Tango from Seattle to Portland. Taylor, because of his color-blindness, cannot co-pilot. He arranges for Stephan to be on standby in Portland if he is needed.

"Is she here?" I asked hopefully. I'm wearing black jeans, a grey cashmere sweater and a black leather jacket. I want to appear casual; dressed like that first morning at the Heathman when I captured her sweet pouty lips. _Fuck the paperwork, Anastasia…just fuck me!_

"I did not see her Boss; but I saw her father and his friend, Mr. Rodriguez." Taylor reported.

"Well, let's go see the boy's pictures." I hid my disappointment. After several minutes of walking around the gallery, I encounter Raymond Steele.

"Mr. Grey," Ray could not contain his surprise. "Is Annie with you?"

"No; I'm sorry. Taylor and I flew down. I was able to get away after all, but Anastasia was gone from her condo when I checked. She's not answering my emails," I said.

"She's en route," Ray said. "She said she had a driver." He shrugged. "I thought it was one of your men."

"En route?" I looked at Taylor; who shrugged. He instinctively knows what I want.

"A driver?" Taylor asked as he texts. "You don't know who by any chance?"

"Sorry; she didn't say. She said they would arrive by 8:30. We're having a late dinner and then Annie is riding back to Seattle with me. I'm doing some work on her condo this week," he explained; noting the look crossing my face. "She didn't tell you I was coming to Seattle?" Ray asked.

"I've had a very busy schedule this week," I lied. "I've been remiss in checking Anastasia's schedule."

"Well, until she gets here; let me show you around," Ray offered. "I know most of the places where José took the pictures." He leads me to the beginning of the exhibit.

I nodded at Taylor who confers with Barney to obtain the information I want. _So, Anastasia hasn't told her father she walked away from me. What do I think about that, Dr. Flynn?_

Taylor hovered, waiting for Ray to be sidelined by talking with his friend José Senior. "Sir, she's in a vehicle, headed for Portland; ETA 8:30."

"Who the hell is she with?" I demanded to know; my curiosity overriding my manners.

"Miss Steele hired a driving service to escort her from Seattle to Portland. She contacted them on Sunday." Taylor explained.

"So she is coming here – riding with a stranger! Putting herself at risk! She races around, without thinking, without an ounce of self-preservation." I snapped _. I want to spank her until she can't sit down for a week. What is it with her? Is she putting herself at risk at her job? Is she at risk in her condo? I need answers._

"The company is owned by an ex-military man who has several ex-military men working for him. The fleet is fairly new; no vehicular accidents in the last decade; and all the drivers are bonded. Excellent ratings from clients such as the Governor and Senator Blandino. I do not believe Miss Steele is in danger." Taylor said. "I'm keeping the company information on file, because they could be a good contact for Grey House."

"She'd better not be in danger, Taylor," I threatened him. "Someone will be fired if anything happens to Anastasia. I told you I wanted 24/7 protection following her. Why is that not happening?"

"It's not happening because Miss Steele does not want a protection unit." Taylor replied. "We can't follow her this week while her father's in town. I don't want my men or me arrested for stalking."

"I need to talk to the art gallery director. Have him meet me by the back wall?" _I will fire Taylor and anyone else who gets in the way of my reclaiming Anastasia and her affections._

"Near the two pictures of Miss Steele?" Taylor asked.

I nodded curtly before texting Flynn. I tell him what she did and how I want to spank her until she can't sit down for a week. I don't tell him I want to spank her and then fuck her into the middle of next week. Flynn tells me to stow my twitchy palm; such actions won't endear me to Anastasia and could widen our rift. He states we will discuss my attendance at the exhibit when Anastasia asked me not to go.

"What do you mean they are not for sale?" I demanded. I'm still in a foul mood created by hearing about Anastasia's driver.

"Believe me, if it were within my purview; I would sell them to you. I'd be thrilled to announce our first sale of the evening was made to Christian Grey." The art gallery director assured me. "However, the contract is explicit. When the exhibit ends; José will claim the pictures and deliver them to Miss Steele. Neither the pictures nor the negatives are for sale at any price."

The 30x42 inch landscape picture is designated for Ray. Anastasia and Katherine, sit on a log and huddle before a campfire. They share the same blanket, wear mittens, coats and stocking caps. Steam rises from whatever was in their mugs. The 24x36 portrait picture, designated for Carla, features Anastasia standing in a sun ray. Her eyes are closed, her lashes brush her cheeks, a soft smile graces her rosy, pouty lips. Her hands were tucked in the back pockets of her jeans. Her t-shirt hugged her breasts; her jeans hugged the curves of her ass. The deep rose color of her t-shirt accented her alabaster skin. The picture is an exposé of light and shadow. Anastasia stands in a clearing in the woods. The trees and the ferns cast varying shades of shadows which contrast with the sun ray on her face.

I could not take my eyes off the picture. I remembered watching Anastasia sleep – with her lashes dusting her cheeks. I remembered kissing those pouty rosy lips. I remember smelling her soft sweet hair. I remember her jeans and T-shirt gracing her curves when I went to the hardware store. I'm so damned mad at her for not talking to me. I'm almost not wallowing in sexual frustration.

"When did you contract with Mr. Rodriguez?" I asked.

The gallery owner consulted his file. "José's advisor came to me in April. He is a volunteer at the gallery. He knows we're suffering from a downturn in donations. Having a senior college student exhibit during the last month of the fiscal year helps our bottom line as well as providing the student with sales which could ease their senior year financial obligations."

I indicated he should continue. I ignored his blatant plea for funding. Fucker. It's always about the money.

"In late April José presented a slide show of 100 available pictures. I selected 50. José signed an exhibit agreement with us on that date. On May first, he returned with a second slide show of 50 pictures. I selected 20 more landscapes which included those two pictures. May third, José returned with signed media releases for Miss Kavanagh and Miss Steele. May fifth, we sent the 70 graphics to the printer and framer for processing for the show. May fifteenth, we determined the placement of the pictures on the gallery walls."

"Thank you for the information," I said.

"There are dozens of other pictures which you can purchase for offices or your home," the art gallery director offered. "They are all available to their new owners as of June twenty-ninth. We have a new exhibit starting July first which runs through September fifteenth. It's called Patriots and is a collection of paintings, sculptures and photographs created by veterans who live in the Northwest. Our focal point of the exhibit is a circular bronze casting, approximately 30 inches in diameter. It has a peace sign on one side and a nuclear warning sign on the other. It's a striking piece if you are looking for something to decorate a reception or waiting area."

"Thank you, I'll keep that in mind," I prevaricated. When he left and when I didn't have an audience, I took a picture of the two Ana pictures with my phone. If I can't physically own them; I will have an electronic copy. I'm aware my interest in the two pictures might be misinterpreted; but I will ask PR to watch for pictures or press of this event.

 **~~~ 3PPOV (Third Person Point of View)**

José was angry because Christian Grey attended the exhibit opening. Ana obviously came to her senses about him since she arranged to arrive without him and return to Seattle with Ray. He asked the art gallery director to tweet Christian Grey attended an exhibition opening at Portland Place. The art gallery director was pleased with the suggestion. He posted a picture of Christian Grey staring at the sun-ray picture on the gallery's web site. He included the gallery URL in the tweet. Grey's picture would be a great graphic for Jose's exhibition review which was scheduled to appear in the _Seattle Times_ and _Portland Tribune_.

 **~~~ CPOV**

"We have to go," Taylor appeared at my elbow. "Someone tweeted your presence here. Paparazzi are arriving in droves. I called for our driver to transport us back to the helipad. If you are unable to fly; Stephan will. You can co-pilot."

"I wanted to see her," I said petulantly.

"It's not going to happen, Boss. She doesn't deserve to walk into a scene between you and the media." Taylor advised. "I called the security team we use in Portland. A team of three will be here in fifteen minutes. One at the front door, one at the back door and one inside. They will text me as events unfold."

"Is there a rear exit?" I capitulated.

"Right this way," Taylor escorted me through an _Employees Only_ door and down a hall to a loading dock where our vehicle waited.

 **~~~ APOV**

When I arrive, my driver escorts me inside, handing me off to José who hovers near the door. Wow! A suit-wearing José is a sight to behold. He cannot compare to Christian in a suit; but he is good looking nonetheless. My only friend, while Kate is away, hugs me hard and won't let go first. _Aftercare said I needed hugs._ I hug him back, hard, also.

"Ana, I'm so glad you made it," he whispers in my ear. "Are you trying to lose weight so you fit in Grey's world?" He holds me at arm's length and frowns.

"José, I'm fine. It's just been a rough first week at work. Congratulations on the show! I'm so proud of you; working towards your goals." I hug him again.

"How did you get here?" He asks.

"I hired a driver; but I'm riding home with Dad. He's doing some work on the condo while Kate and Ethan are out of town." I explained. "I worked on the way here." I showed him the computer bag with my laptop and the tote with the manuscripts. He hands my things off to the cloak room and gives me the receipt for them.

"Grey was here. He left about a half-an-hour ago," José said quietly in my ear. "That's why there's a ton of media here."

"Good," I smiled sincerely. "Let's hope they got lots of pictures of him viewing your work. You can use the free PR." I teased; aware our picture is being taken. I'm pleased to look nice standing next to him. People obviously recognize me from the two pictures of me on display.

"I could use everyone buying a picture," José said. "A sold-out show will support me until I graduate. I could take a larger class load. I would graduate next year with my major in engineering and minor in photography."

"I'll keep my fingers crossed…" I said.

"The gallery director said Grey asked to buy both your pictures," José said.

"I'm glad they are earmarked for my parents, but I'm sorry you missed the sales." I laughed. José is my friend, but I'm not discussing Christian with him _. I thought the rules were clear: the relationship was over if I walked. Get your shit together Mr. Sex-on-Legs Christian Grey because if you don't; you'll be playing all alone by yourself. A vision of Christian in his red room of pain sobers me. He doesn't have to play alone in his red room of pain. He said I'd be amazed at how easy it was to find women who shared his lifestyle. How hard is it to 'share' his lifestyle when you spend 12 weekends in a penthouse and walk away with clothes, car, electronics and jewelry in exchange for a bruised ass?_ I don't want to think about the RROP; I don't want to think about him. I don't want to think about Elena Lincoln. I don't want to think about his previous women.

"What happened with Christian Grey?" Dad asked when we were finally alone.

"We have a fundamental difference of opinion about how to live my life," I shrugged. "I still have feelings for Christian but he has issues. I have issues. I'm not Mom; I don't want things from him. I'd rather have nothing and spend quality time with someone I care about."

"Your mother thinks," Dad paused.

"She thinks I'm avoiding Christian because she approves of him?" I shake my head. "She thinks I'm being obstinate about reconciling with him because she recommended it."

"Basically, yes. Be prepared to live with the consequences of your decision. He was here; looking like someone stole the decoder ring out of his Post Toasties," Dad said. "Grey and Taylor left when paparazzi found him here."

"I'm surprised he came," I murmured. _It's a little painful to be here…I am reminded of the art on the white walls of the Escala penthouse._

"He said his schedule cleared up so he could attend," Dad explained. "Speaking of schedule, l think we should start at the back of the exhibit and work our way toward the front so we can leave."

"Are you craving buffalo wings?" I laughed. We stop at the two pictures which José asked to exhibit. They coordinate well with the landscapes he has on display. We are detained by the art gallery director who captures a photo of us standing between both pictures. Several of the media take our pictures also. The art gallery director tells them we are friends of José because neither Dad nor I will talk to them.

"What are you doing with the sun ray picture when the exhibit is over?" Dad asked.

"I thought I would give it to Mom for Christmas," I shrugged.

"If you work things out with Christian; you could give it to him for his office," Dad suggested. "He stood there for a long time staring at it. I felt bad for him."

"That's a thought," I admit. Deep down I don't see it happening. It might have been a possibility if Christian had ever said he loved me. We tour the exhibit and I hug the Rodriguez men goodbye. They promise to join us over the Fourth of July weekend.

Dad and I talk about the work to be done at the condo during dinner. We rough out a schedule which should keep him busy for a week. He said there are a couple late soccer games on ESPN and he wants to watch them. He will bunk on our sofa if I don't object.

"What's in the truck?" I asked Dad when we finish dinner and head to Seattle. The tarp covering the bed of the truck is lumpy, but well contained. I can't see a thing.

"Early birthday presents," Dad said. "I found two 3-foot long flat white wicker trays at an estate sale. They might have been trays out of wicker trunks. I thought they would fit under your bed to hold some of your classic books if your bookshelves are too full. I put felt on the bottom so they will slide in and out easier for you. I found a white wicker vanity with attached mirror and a matching chair for your bedroom. Kate said you needed it."

I sigh and Dad laughs.

"I know you don't like to play Barbie; but I like its structure. I also found a white wicker breakfast-in-bed tray. I thought I'd give it to you when Kate was sick; but time got away from me. It folds so you can hang it on the wall as a decoration until you need to use it. I found a white wooden stand with two sliding white wicker basket inserts. I remembered how you needed to expand your desktop surface when you were studying for finals. The stand is the same height as your desk. You can put things in the baskets; using them like drawers. I also found a set of wicker shelves to hang on the wall over your desk. You can store office stuff on them to clear your desktop. I found a wicker frame and put a bulletin board in it for you."

"Thanks Dad! I would hug you but you're driving! The white wooden stand will work great to hold my new printer. I can put paper, ink jet cartridges, etc. in the baskets. I appreciate the wall shelves." I said enthusiastically.

"There are two other presents back there. I was sorting through Grandma Steele's things in the attic. I found a blue lap quilt which folds into a pillow. She called it a quillow – quilt pillow. It would look good in your wicker rocking chair. I also found a pale blue Depression glass water carafe with a matching tumbler and under tray for your bedside table. I described them to your mother. She thinks you will like them."

"I will love them," I declared. "Did you bring empty ice chests and freezer containers?"

"Four of them, full of empty containers. Kick off your shoes; crawl into the back seat and get some sleep. There's a pillow and a blanket for you. I'm wide awake; I have a thermos of tea and a GPS. I'll wake you when we get to Seattle." He promised.

I try to block out the classic radio station Dad has tuned in. I'm tortured by Steely Dan's _Rikki Don't Lose That Number_.

We hear you're leaving, that's ok  
I thought our little wild time had just begun  
I guess you kind of scared yourself, you turn and run  
But if you have a change of heart…

We can go out driving on Slow Hand Row.  
We could stay inside and play games, I don't know  
And you could have a change of heart…

I sigh and close my eyes; creating a mental list of things to do this weekend. Before I know it; Dad calls my name to wake me up. We have arrived at the outskirts of Seattle. Damn! Now I'm reminded of how it looked by air the night Christian flew me in Charlie Tango. Thank god Dad turns off the radio so he can get directions from me.

 **~~~ 3PPOV**

Portland PI to Jason Taylor around 10:05 PM:  
AS arrived at Portland Place 8:30. Greeted by friend and father. Thirty minutes in art gallery; pictures taken with father at back wall of exhibit by gallery director and media. Dinner at Buffalo Gap. On road to Seattle by ten. Will arrive Seattle approximately one o'clock. Pictures attached.

Taylor sighed and forwarded everything to Grey. How was he supposed to keep track of Miss Steele if she didn't want a close protection detail? He could not imbed a tracker under her skin or attach a tracking program to her phone. Mia Grey was causing headaches for her close protection detail. She felt they were an impediment to her having fun and frequently ditched them. Elliot Grey's detail was getting a suntan in Barbados while watching Elliot coat Katherine Kavanagh's body in suntan lotion - SPF 30 to be precise.

 **~~~ APOV**

 _We kiss and his hands caress me, first dropping down and flattening on my spine, pushing me against his erection. One hand cups a breast, brushing against my hard and demanding nipple. Then the spine hand moves down and cups my ass._

 _He slowly walked me backwards to the couch and laid me down, pinning my hands above my head. "I want to take you to my playroom," he said, while his lips torture that little hollow by my ear._

I awake, my heart pounding and not just because Christian makes my heart pound, but memories of the playroom that Saturday morning hurt my heart. I snuggle down into my covers and cry quietly. When the tears finally stop; I feel like my brain took a long, hot, relaxing bubble bath; releasing some of the pain in my head. Maybe the next round of tears will release some of the pain in my heart.

 **~~~ CPOV**

 _I massaged and kneaded her ass; causing her blood to come to the surface of her skin; giving her ass a beguiling blush like her cheeks._ _She moaned as my hands manipulated her fine, fine ass. I could see her juices starting to glisten on her delicate apex lips. I could tell her blood was boiling as her pulse throbbed. I imagined her empty channel was throbbing also; waiting for me to fill her. I kissed from the hollow beneath her ear down her spine and nuzzled her buttocks. She moaned but didn't move because I ordered her to not move. I stroked my hands lightly over her body; watching her tension fall away. She wasn't expecting me to reach under her sensitive ass and put my fingers in her. "Come for me," I ordered and felt her flow all hot and wet over my hand. My cock throbbed, goosebumps prickled my skin and a heart I didn't believe I had leapt in my throat. "Anastasia…"_

I croaked as I awoke alone in my room. I shut my eyes as pink and red licked the horizon, the sun soon to rise. I might as well dress for a run. I wasn't going back to sleep any time soon.


	6. Chapter 6

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 6 –** "Stars, hide your fires; Let not light see my black and deep desires." Shakespeare, _Macbeth_

 **Friday, June 10 - CPOV**

"Turn off the fucking music!" I swear at Bastille. He's listening to some reggae song with lyrics about messing with my heart. Some of the lyrics strike a chord in me and I'm immersed in thoughts of Anastasia again.

He taps a foot access remote and turns the music off. "Music and lyrics aren't your problem, Grey!" He snapped at me. "I don't know where your damn head is; but get it here. Concentrate on what you should be doing." He shakes his dreadlocked head at me. "Rule number one: never enter a ring if you aren't there 100%."

 _I don't say anything. I want him to kick my ass…beat the fuck out of me…knock some sense into me…_ and I get my wish. Bastille closes in and puts me on my ass.

 **APOV**

The clothes Taylor bought me are the ensemble for the day. Kate left low-heel dark denim wedges, jacket and hobo bag for today's clothing assignment. I probably should have worn something else for casual Friday because the entire conversation Christian and I had the first morning at the Heathman floods my brain. He was an enigma to me; and it was more alluring than I realized. _"I prefer my women sentient and willing …If you were mine; you wouldn't sit down for a week…I have singular tastes."_

Dad announces he is making breakfast for us. I laugh to myself. Unless he went to a drive thru; Dad is making tea and toast.

I finish getting ready for work, but I can't distract myself from thinking about clothes. I need to buy a few basic pieces each month to forestall clothes lectures from Mom and Kate. The internet said to buy basics in a signature color, an accent color and neutrals. I need to find a plum jacket. I will take Kate's to the cleaners this weekend to remind me to look online for one.

Dad drops me at work, agreeing to meet me for lunch at Fifty's. He will complete an inspection of the condo this morning and will create a list of things to be done. We'll talk about his recommendations at lunch. Kate told me to save the receipts for her parents for taxes. They will consider Dad's work and expenses as my rent for July and August. If I buy the furniture for the patio, the cost will be my rent for September and October.

"Interesting night last night?" Jack asked; laying a copy of the _Seattle Times_ on my desk. It is folded to show a picture of Christian viewing my sun-ray picture. It accompanies a review of José's exhibition. "You didn't mention photographic modeling experience in your job history." His voice is smarmy; like I modeled for _Playboy_ or something.

"Jose's pictures are always interesting," I shrugged. "José is a family friend. Our fathers were in the military together. I helped José transport and set up for shoots when I had time while I was in college. I didn't know about the pictures until he gave me a photo release to sign. He invited Mr. Grey to the exhibit when he took pictures of him for the graduation article. I understand Mr. Grey left the exhibit before I arrived." I need to access _Seattle Times_ online so I can read the review of José's exhibit.

"Looks like Christian Grey was entranced," Jack said.

"Looks to me like he was walking through the exhibit. He's profile to the pictures. The visible one is for my Mother and the other one is for my Father," I pointed to a corner of a photograph frame visible in the picture. I shrug. I need to learn to cope with the media. They followed Dad and me throughout the gallery. Perhaps they thought Christian was coming back and they could get a money shot of us. First the WSUV picture and now the picture of Christian at Portland Place. _WTF, Mr. Grey? To whom are you sending a message? I have no problem understanding the contract…if we part; there are no second chances. What part of your anal retentive, controlling contract and rules don't you understand?_

"You were on time this morning?" Jack asked pointedly.

"Master Sergeant Raymond Steele taught me arriving early is on time, arriving on time is late, arriving late is unacceptable. Trust me, I was 'on time' this morning. My ex-military father dropped me off 15 minutes early," I laughed. "There should still be fresh coffee if you want some."

 **~~~ CPOV**

"Kickboxing tomorrow morning; golf tomorrow afternoon," Bastille read the schedule. "You know, sometimes I see more of you than I do my girlfriend."

"Yeah and I'm sure she puts up with your ass better than I do," I say.

"You're just in a bad mood because I put you on your ass three times this week." Bastille laughed. "Escala or Grey House tomorrow morning?"

"Escala, meet you in the building gym," I said. "Bring purchasing and installation information I need for a practice dummy in my home gym." Then I had a brainstorm. I'll bring Dad and Grandpa Theo with me to the greens. Dad will wipe the smug grin off Bastille's face. Grandpa Theo's antics will distract Bastille from nagging about my form and follow through.

"See you on Saturday. I'm flirting with the lovely Andrea before I leave. Don't call her for anything in the next ten minutes." Bastille closed the office door behind him. Swagger; the man definitely has swagger.

"Dad," I call him. "Are you where you can talk without being overheard?"

"I am now, Christian," his voice fades a little, but I hear him close the door to his home office. "How can I help you?"

"I am buying a company, but I believe the CEO is stripping assets. Ros wants us to give the CEO time to acclimate to the change in administration, etc. He knows the members of my security team. I need an independent, outside investigator to watch him and report. Can you recommend someone?"

"Second Strike Investigations," Dad gives me their information. "We've used them for several of our toughest cases. They are thorough and discreet. Your man will never know they are following him."

"I need to meet covertly with them. Taylor sits in the SUV when he drives me to Dr. Flynn's office. Is it possible for Second Strike to arrive at Flynn's building before nine tomorrow morning? Ask them to meet me in the public bathroom on Flynn's floor so we can talk." I give him the address.

"Will we see you Sunday for dinner?" Dad asked. "Your mother has been asking about Ana. We're hoping to see her again soon."

"I don't know if we can make it Sunday. Her father is in town and it sounded like they have a busy schedule for the week." I lie. "However, I'd like you and Grandpa Theo to golf with Bastille and me tomorrow afternoon. I'm kickboxing with him early in the morning. Then I have an appointment with Flynn. I'll buy lunch at the club at one o'clock and then we can golf?" I suggest.

"Sounds like a plan, Christian," Dad's voice is pleasantly surprised at my invitation. "I'll call Theo and we'll ride together."

 **~~~ APOV**

Dad brings me a copy of the _Seattle Times._ We both hope it's enough PR to help José sell some pictures. We talk about the deluxe organizational units for the closets, kitchen cupboards and both bathrooms. He purchased the paint and supplies for Kate and my bedrooms and her attached ensuite. Kate wants time to consider wall colors for the rest of the condo. We'll live with white walls in the main areas for a while. I give Dad a picture of the patio furniture and propane grill to purchase and assemble. Lunch is over sooner than I wanted. Dad begs off touring SIP because he has places to go and things to do before he picks me up at the end of the day.

God bless my Dad. Working on the condo this week will distract my brain from thinking about Christian. _I won't think about Escala's white walls. I won't think about the red room of pain. I won't think about the grey sweater he wore in the Portland Place picture. I remember the sweater from the elevator and how soft it was…before my hands were restrained over my head…before I was so thoroughly kissed and my brain scattered over the elevator walls._

"Annie," Dad said quietly. "We're being followed." We are headed to a store to purchase security doors.

"Black SUV?" I asked.

"Charcoal grey and silver Lincoln town car," he said.

I turned around to look at the car.

"Why did you look?" Dad asked brusquely. "Rule number one – you do not engage people following you, especially if they are intent on road rage or causing an accident to kidnap or hurt you. Rule number two –do a four square to make sure no one is following you. Rule number three – if you are being followed, go to the nearest police station or Highway Patrol office."

"I wanted my boss to know I am aware he is following me. It's company drinking night at Fifty's Sports Bar, where we had lunch. I don't know why he's following me." I said.

"Well, since he wants to play games; it's our turn to roll the dice," Dad said. He turned right, right, right and pulled over to park. He opened his door and retrieved his locked gun safe from the locking tool box in the back of the truck. Jack did not stop or look at me; but continued to the light. When it turned green; he turned left and headed back in the direction of SIP. Dad slid his gun safe into the back seat and we continued to the store. I don't know if Jack saw the gun safe or not.

"It's obvious I need to visit SIP and meet your asshole boss," Dad growled. "I knew there was a reason to pack my T-shirt."

I laughed. Dad's T-shirt says, " _Don't touch my tools or my daughter."_

 **~~~ CPOV**

"DON'T KILL THE MESSENGER," Taylor snapped. "Grey House Communications is inundated with phone calls about the picture taken at Portland Place. Everyone wants to know who the pretty girl is, especially since they recognize her from the WSUV graduation picture. Your mother called Andrea to check your schedule. She wants to know when you and Miss Steele are coming to dinner again."

I swore. "Tell PR to use the magic words: _no comment_."

"I suggest you explain Mr. Steele is in town, working at Miss Steele's condo. She's not available for dinner until Miss Kavanagh returns from Barbados." Taylor advised.

"I'll deal with Mom," I promise. "Anything else?" I asked.

"Are you sure you changed your mind about assigning security to Miss Steele? Interest in her has increased since the picture." Taylor asked. "Are we still running background checks on her coworkers?"

"Absolutely no one follows her until her father leaves town. Yes; I want background checks on everyone working at SIP." I said.

"I assigned Ryan to infiltrate SIP and fact find for us. Sawyer should be pulled from Miss Steele's security detail and assigned to Miss Grey. She ditched her team three times this week. They're fed up with her and she claims they're worse than being chaperoned by Sister Helena. I'm transferring them to security at Grey Annex. I've given Sawyer clearance to select two more security staff for Mia. One should be a woman to follow her into the gym, powder rooms and dressing rooms. That's how she ditches her team."

"Acceptable," I said. "Everyone else's security is working out?"

"Affirmative," Taylor said. "Elliot's CPO, Anders, is getting a great tan in Barbados." He noted wryly. "If he and Miss Kavanagh become serious with one another; she will need a CPO."

"Let's hope he's besotted with Katherine Kavanagh and stays in Anastasia's sphere. Saturday morning I'm working out with Bastille, followed by a session with Flynn. Then I'm having lunch with Dad and Grandpa Theo, followed by 18 holes of golf. Coordinate with their security." I sighed.

Since I'm not spending nights and weekends with Anastasia at Escala; Taylor is not having quiet nights with Mrs. Jones. I feel bad for both of us. I email my thought to Flynn; it might amuse him.

 **Saturday, June 11 - CPOV**

Jake Striker met me in the public bathroom at Flynn's building. "We're alone. I've activated an electronic jammer so no one can overhear our conversation or watch us on tape." He clarifies.

"I need you to sign this," I handed him an NDA. Once he reads and signs; I explain my situation. I'm not hiring him to follow the CEO of a company. I'm interested in a woman. I explain I can't have my security team follow her because many of them are as well known to the press as I am. I explain I need to know her schedule, where she goes, who she sees, etc. I explain her ex-military father is well-versed in watching for strangers and may be armed. Striker assures me his company is totally discreet.

"Rule number one of Second Strike: we don't proxy stalk for anyone. Not even for someone as rich as you Mr. Grey." Striker said.

"I'm not asking you to proxy stalk. I'm asking you to keep an eye on the girl. Since the WSUV picture and the Portland Place picture; the media is curious about her. My mother's best friend is curious about her. Her boss gets drunk and leers at her at work. Her roommate is out of town. She's new to Seattle. I need someone to keep an eye on her and ensure her safety. Plus, background checks on anyone who interacts with her." I explained.

We exchange vital information and I give him $20K I took out of my home safe. He gives me a burner phone for secure communications. He gives me an email address where I can send an NDA for him to print and his staff to sign. He'll scan them and send them to an email account he will create especially for me at his company. It is my name at secondstrike dot com. He hands me the password for the email. It's my initials and client number. The burner phone is WIFI accessible and I can attach it to a printer to view or print anything I need without Barney knowing.

"Grey," Flynn intoned. "I don't mind seeing you at any time; but I'm not functional until I have coffee." He makes large K-cup French Roast coffees for each of us. "What's on your mind?" Flynn asked.

I tell him about the art exhibit Thursday night; and share the _Seattle Times_ review of José Rodriguez's art show, complete with my picture. I tell him how Anastasia refused to go to the show with me; but she hired a driving service. I am angry she put herself at risk by riding with an unknown man.

Flynn explained in simple, succinct terms... Anastasia rejected my BDSM lifestyle when she left Escala last Saturday morning. She is not my submissive. She doesn't require my permission. She doesn't have to obey my commands. She doesn't have to honor my rules. She does not have to reveal her plans. She does not want security. She does not want to be bothered.

He explains if she decides she wants to be with me; it is her choice also. She is her own person and is doing what she feels is best for her life. Obviously, she can protect herself – she hired an ex-military man to transport her to Portland and deliver her to her ex-military father. Then he reminds me she suggested I not attend. If I went; planning on seeing her, coercing her into talking to me; then I need to reconsider what I am doing.

I don't want media following Anastasia and discovering I'm following her. I would rather endure an Elena-ordered body wax than endure Flynn's lecture. However, his comments are just foreplay for the painful discourse to come.

"We're discussing residual topics from Wednesday evening: Anastasia's tears, Anastasia's abhorrence of your contact with Mrs. Lincoln, Anastasia talking in her sleep, but not talking to you when she is conscious." Flynn consults his notes.

I sigh. "This is a dark path you're leading me on…"

"Not at all; I'm the light at the end of the tunnel," Flynn retorted. "You feel an undeniable attraction to the girl. You claim you can't stay away from her. She intrigues you. She liked the touch scene but not you shutting down and inflicting pain on her. She's got you straddling your worlds. One foot placed in your safe business life and one foot attempting a foothold in a normal life where your family and Anastasia reside. She's trying to rip down the fortress which holds your past hostage in your head while trying to find the right combination to the lock on your emotions. She's the one leading you; making you question everything you've believed and everything you've avoided." Flynn said.

I frowned at him.

"I believe in fate. Otherwise I never would have met or married Rhiann. I would never have moved to Seattle nor met you. I believe you were ready to change your life when she fell through your office door. I believe it was fate for her to interview you, not her friend. Let's get started." Flynn said. "Rule number one is you don't use nicknames for anyone. Everyone is identified by his or her name."

 **~~~ 3PPOV**

Jake Striker reviewed the information he gleaned about Christian Grey. The picture from WSUV and the art gallery matched the driver's license photo of Anastasia Rose Steele. Jake's ex-military background pinged alarms in his head. Obviously Grey knew the girl; they had been in proximity to one another. Since her roommate was seeing Grey's brother; they would be in proximity to one another again.

Second Strike Investigations did not proxy stalk for anyone and Grey had been warned. Second Strike's crew would follow and report. They would investigate and complete threat assessments on anyone in Miss Steele's proximity. If she required intervention; his staff would insure her safety. If it was evident they were proxy stalking this young woman; he'd terminate the contract.

 **~~~ APOV**

I ask Dad to take me car shopping. I explain I returned the red Audi A3 Christian bought me for graduation. "I don't want stuff from him." I explain. "He insisted I sell Wanda; I'm just trying to replace her with a good used car I can afford."

"You are so UNLIKE your mother," he murmured.

"You know Mom blames you when I misbehave," I teased him.

"Apples and oranges," he replied. "Come on, let's go find you a good, safe, used car."

We cruise four car lots with possible vehicles. I skip the high-pressure test-drive spiel at three of them until I spot what I want. While the fourth salesman, who reminds me of Jack Hyde, zeros in on Dad; I'm approached by a young woman in her late twenties.

"What are you seeking," she asked.

"Peace on earth; good will to men; but I would settle for a reliable used car." I quip.

She laughed. "How much can you afford to spend?"

"Eleven thousand which includes everything: documentation fee, sales tax, extended warranties, etc.," I said.

"I've got a 2008 Ford Focus hatchback, electronic release, with just over 50K miles. I've got a 2009 Ford Fusion with less than 50K miles. It still has some factory warranties on it. Both cars will take most of your $11K mark." She said.

"Let's test drive the Focus while Dad is wandering the lot," I said. "I don't care for the salesman talking to him. You won't share your commission with him if I buy this car?"

She winked at me and handed me the keys to the Focus. While I'm driving, she enters an appointment in her phone calendar app on with my information. Then she gives me one of her business cards with today's date and time. If anyone asks, we planned to meet up this morning. She understands about aggressive salesmen. That smarmy salesman has a bad habit of poaching appointments who arrive early.

I explain I sold a vintage powder blue 60s Beetle so an older model Ford is actually an upgrade for me. She says if the company receives my insurance paperwork by nine on Monday morning; management will register and deliver the car to SIP at lunchtime so I don't waste work time at DMV.

Dad is relieved when I return. "Did you find a car you want?" He asked. "Jake wanted to show you a couple of cars."

Sneaky, snaky Jake stepped forward to shake my hand.

"Thanks for entertaining Dad while I test drove a car. Leslie probably mentioned the two vehicles you showed him," I said.

Dad laughed, "I doubt it! I had sticker shock when he showed me a 2012 Ford Fusion."

"Heated leather seats, dual exhaust, all-weather tires, all-wheel drive, excellent crush zones, minimal miles," Jake said proudly. "Buying an older model car or getting a loan?"

"Buying," I said.

"Well, whatever you plan to spend on an older model would be a really good down payment on that 2012 Ford Fusion. We can give you a good deal on an extended warranty, gap insurance, excellent rust-proof undercoat, window tinting, car registration and delivery service," He said. "I'd be glad to take you to the manager to run numbers. We have various funding plans."

"Sorry, Leslie arranged for me to test drive the Focus this morning," I said. "We're writing up the paperwork." I jingle the keys in Jake's face. I slip my arm through Dad's; hauling him along in the excitement of buying a new car. I promise to feed him pizza when we finish the car paperwork.

Dad laughs as I sign paperwork in various places. "Split personality much?" He pointed out none of my six signatures match one another.

"Since final payment is electronic withdrawal; I won't worry about the signature on a check," I laughed. "Thank you for understanding I don't need a car which costs more than my college loan."

"You really gave him back the Audi?" Dad asked.

"Left the keys on his breakfast bar; left the car in his private parking area." I said.

"I checked the safety stats on the Focus and I'm a lot more comfortable about you driving it than Wanda," he admitted. "I'm also happy with the 3G Navigation system in the Focus."

 **~~~ CPOV**

"She went where?" I grilled Striker; impatient for the reply. "Can you get the stats on the used 2008 Ford Focus hatchback she bought?"

"Done," Striker responded. "Excellent condition, low miles and it passed a 150-point inspection. It has excellent maintenance records. She bought an extended warranty. The car company will register and deliver the Focus to her office by noon on Monday so Miss Steele doesn't have to go to DMV."

"How much did she pay for it?" I asked. I disapproved of Anastasia test driving the car without Ray; but since her test drive was with a female salesperson; I'd live with it. I can't tell Flynn why I'm pissed off at Anastasia again because I'm not supposed to track her movements.

"We'll know once the paperwork goes to DMV on Monday morning," Striker replied. "While we're there; we can put a tracker on the Focus if you want. They stopped for drive-thru food. Then the Steeles stopped at a computer store." He gave a synopsis of their purchases at the computer store, including the donation of her old flip phone with accessories. They shopped for a large take and bake pizza, salad, sodas and beer before returning to the condo.

"Anything else to report?" I asked.

"I hacked Raymond Steele's credit card. I'm emailing a list of his purchases since he came to Seattle." Striker noted. "We hacked the traffic cameras around SIP when she got off work last night. We caught the license plate number of a vehicle following them from her work last night. It belongs to Jack Hyde; the editor Miss Steele works with at SIP."

"Keep an eye on the Steeles and put a man on Jack Hyde," I said. "I need you to check her financials and her credit card purchases this last week." I want to know what this stubborn streak of hers cost.

 **~~~ APOV**

When we leave the car lot; our next stop is Second Byte. Dad thinks I'm there to donate my old flip phone with charger; but I buy a laptop, printer and cell phone for him. I explain they are an early Father's Day gift. The salesman tells Dad they are an excellent business investment. I make Dad take the receipt for his taxes. He can take pictures of projects on his cell phone and then download the ideas to his laptop.

The salesman teaches Dad to take pictures and then email them to me, to himself, or attach the cord and download them into a folder on the laptop. He teaches Dad how to make calls, check voicemail, recharge his phone and how to add to his contact list before we leave.

To ensure his laptop and printer installation goes without a hitch, the salesman contacts Northwest Network Service in Montesano. They will arrange installation of Dad's laptop and printer, installation of his Internet access and email; and register Dad for eight beginning computer classes starting in July on Tuesday and Thursday nights. I promise we will practice taking pictures, emailing them or downloading them to his laptop. I promise to teach him how to surf the Internet to find materials he needs or project ideas. Once I donate my flip phone, charger and user manual, I feel I've accomplished a lot.

I empty my closet contents on my bed. Dad moves my bedroom furniture to the middle of my bedroom and covers everything with paint cloths. He replaces my sliding closet doors with louvered folding doors to give me easier access to the closet. Then he dismantles the single shelf and rod in the closet. He installs the organizational unit in my closet which is supposed to hold up to 1200 pounds of clothes.

I laugh silently to myself. The rods and sections are adjustable. I skip the evening gowns option and split the hanging space for dresses and for skirts and shirts. The shelving unit in the middle of the closet will hold purses or folded jeans or sweaters.

Dad installs dual level shoe racks on the floor of the closet which gives me the giggles. It's too damn girly for me. I'm used to sliding doors, one rod and one shelf. Since there are online lessons on how to be a submissive; there must be online lessons on how to use organizational closet units. I add that to the research list. After Dad paints my room; he replaces my bedroom door with a security door.

After Dad works on the condo and after I pack boxes of clothes out of Kate's closet for five hours …we get a case of cabin fever. He wants to clear his head before he resumes working. I need to clear my head before I rearrange my bedroom to include the furniture Dad brought me. I need a clear head before I use the closet organizer.

I foresee Kate wanting to spend time at Pacific Place Mall near our condo. There are a dozen clothing stores and half a dozen accessory or shoe stores. We walk for blocks before the stores become more exclusive. I appreciate the opportunity to explore the area around the condo. Kate will be pleased. There are plenty of small boutiques to feed her fashion passion.

Dad spots an antique store and wants to do a walk through. While he's busy looking inside; I sit on a bench outside the store and observe my surroundings. I am startled out of my musings. There is a black Audi SUV parked outside a beauty salon. I get a glimpse of the driver and think I've lost my mind. But it is not Christian, it is a Christian doppelganger. I doubt he's as tall as Christian, but he's lean. The copper curls are definitely color enhanced. I'll research when I get home, but I'd bet November's rent Mrs. Robinson owns Esclava Salon and the SUV. I'd bet she has a type; a copper-haired, grey-eyed, tall, lean, muscular type. A type too stupid or too stubborn to realize she abused him. I'm instantly pissed at both of them. She needs shackled by the law and he needs some sense knocked into him where she's concerned.

Dad took a couple pictures of items in the store and showed them to me. We talk about the projects he has in the shop as we wander back to the condo. The park near Pike Place Market is great. Dad and I decide to walk the perimeter of the park to see if it's a safe route for me to run. Dad points out the security cameras on businesses which face the park and the open, clear viewing areas around the perimeter.

"We're being followed," Dad muttered to me. "Brunette on our six. We picked her up near the antiques store." Suddenly, there's a screech of brakes and I look at the sound. A black Audi SUV screeched to a halt in the middle of the empty street. My stomach roils with anger and anxiety. Is Christian following me; or it the SUV from the salon?

I stand on the curb and wait for a minute or two until I see Sawyer roll his window down. He's talking to someone. I wish Christian didn't need a security team. I also wish he didn't rely on them to stalk and track me. Why do all his body guards look like professional killers or trained assassins? I'd like to visually compare the Secret Service against Christian's band of black-suited unmerry men. I'd bet good money the Secret Service looks wimpy.

" _Oh, I exercise control in all things, Miss Steele," he said, impassively. I remember the interview. "Not this time, SIR, I will be in control of my life." Snarky Ana is getting some air._

I walk out into the parking lane; taking pictures of the SUV and the license plate. My actions cause Sawyer to look up at me. "Sawyer," I greet him as I snap a close up of his face.

"Miss Steele, please get in the SUV; it is not safe for you to stand in the middle of the street." Sawyer's eyes are uneasy.

"I'm not in the middle of the street. I'm standing in the parking lane in front of a functioning camera which is recording this. Sawyer; if I catch someone employed by YOUR BOSS following me – I am calling the police and reporting a stalker. I will seek a no-contact order. The threat of his NDA will not stop me." I walk back to the sidewalk and join Dad. "Just need a minute Dad." I email Sawyer's pictures, along with the picture of the man and woman from Thursday night to the webmaster at Grey House and address the email to Christian. I repeat what I told Sawyer and add a codicil. "I am perfectly capable of leading my own life without direction from you. My actions are none of your business. Quit following me."

"I was wrong, the brunette wasn't following us," Dad shrugged. "She was window shopping like you." He laughed. "I think you scared her off by approaching…" His voice was a question.

"Sawyer, he works for Christian." I said.

Dad clears his throat. "Do not ever compromise your safety to take pictures of anyone ever again. It's not safe. What if he decided to kidnap you, assault you or just steal your phone? Annie; I taught you better than what you've been showing me lately. All the security doors and carry conceal permits won't keep you safe if you act without thinking."

"Sorry, Dad," I apologize. "I just seem to lose my common sense around anything connected to Christian Grey." We finish our walk in silence. I've disappointed him twice in less than twenty-four hours. I can't bear a lecture on how to be safe. I can't deal with more lectures right now; not from Dad, Mom or Kate. Not when I know Christian Grey has a printed list of rules about how to live my life.

We complete our walk in silence. Packages from Amazon are waiting for me at the concierge desk. My blackout drapes are there. Dad installs the drapes for me and helps me rearrange my room. I wash the new bed and bath linens before using them. Dad hangs the shelves and bulletin board on the wall above my desk. I reload my closet while he installs organizational units in the main bathroom.

 _Wait a bloody minute!_ I pause while hanging up my clothes. _Where the hell is Kate's clothing ensembles binder? She must not have one…because it takes her too damn long to get dressed sometimes. So why do I have a list of what to wear?_

 _My inner goddess laughs. 'Because you have a new job and you're not used to wearing anything other than flannel shirts, t-shirts and jeans with Converse. Suck it up, buttercup. Get out of your head and into your life,' my inner goddess lectures me._

I'm looking forward to eating pizza, drinking a soda and watching a baseball game with Dad. It will keep me from thinking about my life.

 **~~~ 3PPOV**

Striker reported the Steeles' activities for the late afternoon to Grey. He suspected Mr. Steele thought they were being followed. Striker did not report the brunette tailing the Steeles. She disappeared after Miss Steele confronted one of Grey's security staff. His man got several shots of the brunette. A facial recognition program revealed she was Leila Leigh Williams Reed, last known location, Portland, Oregon. Her background check revealed a deceased boyfriend, a pending divorce and partial college education. There was no financial information on her in the last eight months except the pending divorce. No rental agreements in Seattle. No credit card purchases, no newly opened bank accounts. Men like Christian Grey had stalkers. This one had Striker on high alert. What if she was a delusional stalker who thought Miss Steele was her competition for Christian Grey's affections?

Per Grey's orders; Second Strike Investigations began researching Jack Hyde. He lived within eight blocks of Pike Place Market; in a condo complex. Striker's IT man, one of the best IT people on the West Coast, hacked their server and obtained Hyde's rental history. Hyde used the WIFI available at the complex; but his personal firewall was not a commercial product. It was impossible to hack. Striker's IT worked to decrypt and hack it; claiming it was fascinating work. He couldn't offer an ETA when he would break through it. Meanwhile, Striker began a background check on John Thomas Hyde.

 **~~~ APOV**

I folded the rest of Kate's clothes while the game broadcasts. Each commercial break I carry baskets of folded clothes back to the bed and haul a new pile to the living room. The pile is finally folded when the game ends. During the game we talk logistics. Kate's closet installation and painting her room and ensuite are the next two biggest tasks on Dad's to-do list.

After the game, Dad and I move the boxes from Kate's closet and ensuite to Ethan's room. We move Kate's furniture to the middle of the room and cover it with paint drop cloths. Dad will start painting Kate's room and ensuite tomorrow. I'm ready for a hot shower and quiet time. He settles down on the couch to watch a soccer game on ESPN.

Alone in my room, I research Esclava Salons. A bleached blonde in her early 50s owns six Esclava Salons. The cougar wears black leather pants and a zebra stripe shirt in her picture. The nails and lipstick are blood red. Elena Lincoln… Grace's friend who introduced Christian to his BDSM lifestyle. Elena Lincoln was 40 when she preyed on Christian. The Post Alley salon was the first in her chain. The client gallery includes pictures of Grace, Mia and an older woman. Grace resembles her; so it must be Christian's grandmother. Christian said he pays for spa days for his mother, sister and grandmother. There is a picture of the doppelganger, Isaac, in her staff pictures. He wears a grey cashmere sweater and black designer jeans. Yeah, the Botox Bitch has a type. I can't linger on the computer researching _HER_. I set the alarm for early in the morning. Dad and I have things to do.

 **~~~ TPOV**

Grey House IT forwards an email to me, from Miss Steele to the Boss. Attached are pictures of Sawyer and Miss William. FUCK. My life officially sucks. The attached picture of an unknown male is forwarded to Welch immediately. The Boss doesn't need to know an unknown Tom Cruise wannabe is ogling Miss Steele. I delete that picture and forward the email to the Boss. He will be pissed about her demanding he leave her alone. It will be a long night before he exhausts himself and falls asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 7 –** "Why is it that a woman can see from a distance what a man cannot see close?" – Thomas Hardy, _The Return of the Native_

 **Sunday, June 12 - CPOV**

Striker provided a rundown of Ray Steele's day. He provided a video of Anastasia's grocery shopping trip. Seems she's reloading the condo with staples. I hope Kate Kavanagh appreciates her. I try not to be jealous when a pimply-faced youth helps carry Anastasia's groceries to her car. She is not overtly friendly; but she is nice to him.

"Enough with the food summary," I hear my stomach growl. I've liked pancakes and bacon since I was small. When Anastasia cooked our first morning, I admit I didn't appreciate her efforts as much as I should have. First of all; I was used to my submissives or Mrs. Jones cooking for me. Secondly, I was on a mission. I intended to continue Anastasia's sex education when we finished breakfast. "What else happened?"

"Miss Steele's roommate called while she was checking out. She assured him she's making lasagna to celebrate his homecoming on Thursday night. She said her dad is working on the condo this week and plans to head home by Friday afternoon. She told him she's batch cooking and feeding her dad's freezer and theirs."

I curse. The only thing stopping me from throwing my phone at the wall is it is the burner phone. If I destroy it; I don't get updates on Anastasia. Fucking Ethan Kavanagh will be alone with my Anastasia until Katherine gets home from Barbados.

I call Flynn. I want to know specifically why I can't put a CCTV unit in Anastasia's condo and discover what Ethan Kavanagh is up to. It's not stalking! I'm being protective. Besides, just watching Anastasia sleep will calm me and perhaps let me sleep also.

"You want to do what?" Flynn asked me to clarify.

"I want to put a CCTV unit in her condo for her security," I said.

"Do you realize stalking is a felony; and an unauthorized CCTV installation is invasion of privacy?" Flynn thundered. "Do you realize discussing this obligates me to notify the authorities if you continue this behavior?"

"I need to know she is safe!" I protested. I don't tell him I hired covert operatives to follow Anastasia. They have a rotating crew so she has no clue she's being observed and followed. They report directly to me – not Welsh or Taylor.

"What makes you think she's not safe?" Flynn asked.

"Katherine's brother, Ethan, returns home on Thursday. I know he wants in Anastasia's…" I began.

"Stop! Stop. Right. There. Do not finish that statement! I don't want the status of Anastasia's panties in my head. TDMI, Grey!" Flynn snapped. "Does Anastasia have her own bedroom at the condo?"

"Yes," I'm subdued by his anger.

"You said her father purchased five sturdy interior doors. Is it safe to _assume_ one of them is slated for her bedroom and one for the main bathroom?" Flynn asked.

"I think two bathrooms and three bedrooms, yes," I said.

"Since you illegally acquired his credit card report… what else did he buy?" Flynn asked.

"A deadbolt system for the new security conscious condo front door. It can withstand 4000 pounds of applied force and it has a lockout system which can't be key bumped or picked. He replaced both the door and the lock." I pause. "The interior doors and locks are reinforced also."

"Has Anastasia ever shown interest in the roommate's brother?" Flynn asked.

"Well, she hugged him on graduation day…" I protested.

"Along with the rest of her friend's family," Flynn interjected. "Graduation day she agreed to try to be your submissive; so I KNOW she wasn't thinking about him. You said she had never been interested in any men before you. You were her first."

"Yes, well – now she's left me. How hard would it be for her to move on without me?" I feel more alone than when Ella died and I was alone with her for four days. "Plus Ethan Kavanagh is studying psychology – so how hard would it be for him to brainwash her into moving on without me?"

"First of all, I believe she has a strong character and is not prone to brainwashing. You couldn't entice her into the lifestyle, what makes you think he'll entice her into moving on? If she truly loves you; which I believe she does; she's not moving on yet. She's not a Dominant perfecting her mind-fuck techniques. She would not tell you she loved you after you hit her with a belt if she wasn't in love with you. You still have time to fix some of what's broken and then work on communicating with her. I think you could get this resolved to both your satisfaction if you would just talk." Flynn sighed. "Okay; task one was…"

"Get a good night's sleep and think about what led to the situation," I said.

"How is that working for you?" Flynn asked.

"The nightmares are back. I'm sleeping about four hours a night," I said. "Don't offer me sleeping pills because I won't take them. On the good side; I've started mergers and acquisitions research on two mobile telecommunications stations. They would be handy for national and international trips and in times of crisis." Grey House still has issues with the solar-powered tablet; but our solar technology is stabilizing, our battery life is extended and our wireless distribution network will bring Internet to the remotest parts of the world. Eventually, it will be free to point of delivery users, upgrading education and technology in third world countries.

"Do you realize your sleep pattern of four or five hours a night versus your submissive's sleep requirement of eight hours is quite the non-sequitur." Flynn pointed out.

"They needed more sleep than I did," I argued.

"I'm not convinced you cared about their sleep requirements; considering you woke them in the middle of the night for scenes in the playroom. If you get some sleep, you'll make more informed decisions." Flynn said. "Do you sleep better if you physically exhaust yourself?"

"Usually," I admit.

"Make a rotating schedule with your security. Run, kick box, swim, golf, etc. until you are so tired you can barely stand straight in the shower. Then get your ass to bed." Flynn paused. "I'm emailing you a list of ten foods to promote sleep. Give Mrs. Jones the list. After you work out and shower at night, make a smoothie of tart cherry juice, yogurt and banana. It will help you sleep."

I grumble. I'd love to put my ass in bed - with Anastasia.

 **Monday, June 13 - APOV**

Dad made breakfast while I dressed. I created a clothing schedule over the weekend. Slacks on M-W-F and dresses/skirts on Tuesday and Thursday. Tuesday's meetings are for editorial staff. Editors meet with Marketing on Thursdays. Oversized tops to conceal my assets on Wednesday. I'd rather have Jack stare at my legs during editorial meetings than stare at my breasts or ass. Several of my purchases arrived on Saturday, including the hair accessories. Navy slacks, teal cashmere twin set, navy pumps and purse, small silver hoop earrings means I'm dressed for the day. I brush my hair into a left pony tail; fastening it with a navy-blue hair tie/ribbon. Do women really change purses every day?

I should have asked Kate about the purses when we Skyped last time. But I am waiting for Kate to ask about Christian. Mostly she relates how much fun she and Elliot are having in Barbados. Knowing she succumbs easily to diversion; I have a list. I will tell Kate about Pacific Place Mall and the boutique stores if I get desperate to distract her inquisitiveness.

Dad doesn't like it; but I take the bus to work. My e-pass came in the mail on Saturday. I need to feel comfortable riding the bus to work. He checks my pepper spray capsule, ensuring it is full and functional. He reminds me…a blast to the eyes…a blast to the crotch. Sit near the driver, in the long bench seat at the front of the bus, or the back seat where no one sits behind me. He hovers at the bus stop watching where I sit on the bus.

I am pleasantly surprised when Claire gets on the bus three stops later. I stash the manuscript I'm reading in my tote and signal for her to sit with me. We're both excited to see one another. It's nice to have girl talk. Claire returned to Seattle early this morning from a big family party in Tacoma. She tells me all about it; including the decorating details. It was high school graduation for three cousins, and the party consisted of over 100 relatives.

"I'm surprised to see you on the bus." Claire said. "You're not driving this week?"

"I drove my roommate's car last week because I had moving tasks to complete at lunch and after work. My dad's in town and we went car shopping Saturday. The dealer delivers my new car to SIP at lunchtime. I would love to give you, Emily and Amber a ride home tonight if you'd let me. I need practice driving in Seattle." I offered.

Claire explains she lives about twenty blocks from me; while Emily and Amber live within four blocks of one another and take a different route to work. Claire and I are at the door to SIP by 8:15 and I hit the ground running. I'm seated, sorting Jack's mail when he arrives.

"So, where did you go on Friday night?" Jack asked. "You missed drinks at Fifty's."

"Good morning to you too, Jack. I told you I couldn't go. My Father is in town; working on the condo before my roommates return from Barbados." I said evenly. I'll pretend we didn't see him following us on Friday night if that's the way he wants to play this game of _20 Questions_.

"Don't waste office time contemplating home tasks." He took the pile of sorted mail from me. "There are author letters to print and mail. There are manuscripts to analyze. It's all the same work you did last week. I'll email you the list of materials to prep for the editorial meeting tomorrow." Jack hovers by my desk. He finally departs when he realizes I don't need further micro-managing.

I retrieve his coffee mug and head for the break room. I made two fresh pots when I arrived this morning and there is a scant cup of coffee to take back to him. I wait until there is an inch layer of coffee in the bottom of one of the pots to finish filling his mug. Yeah…coffee making will officially become my office pet peeve. I'm seriously considering buying a K-cup machine so I can make coffee quickly for him.

 **~~~ CPOV**

"Car delivered at 12:30," Striker reported. "They parked her new car at the parking lot nearest SIP. She put the registration and insurance paperwork in a portfolio in the glove box. Mr. Steele moved a basket of emergency items from his truck to the trunk of her car. He had an extra umbrella, Seattle map, first aid kit and flashlight for her glove box. We were able to hack the security cameras at the parking lot. They ordered and picked up five brown bag lunches at the deli close to SIP. Dad walked her back to SIP where they obviously had lunch. He left before 1:30."

"Personalized or regular plates?" I inquire.

"Regular; we attached a tracker on the inside of her back bumper. It won't interfere with her phone signals. I emailed the frequency to you. I emailed detailed directions on how to access and download the tracker records. You can set it to start recording when the car starts moving or you can use real-time tracking. You can download daily. There is a maximum of 96 hours of recording time if you don't have time to download daily." Striker said. "If she's planning to take the bus daily; we need to put someone on it to watch and follow."

"Miss Steele gave three friends a ride home after work today. We're emailing pictures, names and addresses with light background checks. Preliminary information does not reveal anything to concern us. Miss Steele parked in one of the designated parking spots for her condo and used the interior elevator to her floor." Striker reported. "It appears she's in for the night with Mr. Steele." He paused. "Mr. Steele's truck is parked in one of the spots; Miss Kavanagh's car is parked in another; leaving one empty spot for Ethan Kavanagh when he returns."

 **~~~ APOV**

This morning Dad painted Kate's bedroom and ensuite. Her accent wall is Amethyst Creme and her other walls and ensuite are Violet Mist, a pale lavender color. This afternoon Dad installed the linen closet and cupboard units in her ensuite. Tonight he's working on her master closet. He's glad she's keeping her closet walls white. I think he's sick of purple paint. He's removing the basic closet system and installing a deluxe one. The new one has two walls of single rods; one wall of double hanging rods, and double decks of shoe racks around three walls. The fourth wall, the smaller one where the door is, will have a floor to ceiling wall of 12x14 cubbies to hold accessories or stacks of clothes like sweaters or jeans. He's building out the shelf unit above the single rod; installing units which hold wire baskets for accessories, etc. He will recommend a central island unit for the closet which has a chair, dressing table, and jewelry armoire. I help Dad move Kate's furniture back to the perimeter of her room. He starts to work on her closet.

' _Busy hands; calm mind'_ as Dad says. I prepare two dozen baking potatoes to make stuffed baked potatoes for Kate and my freezer while washing her bed and bath linens. We like stuffed baked potatoes with a green salad for a quick dinner. I make the cheese, broccoli and ham filling for the potatoes. I load the crockpot with ingredients for six quarts of marinara sauce. I'll need it tomorrow night when I make casseroles to feed Dad's freezer. When the timer sounds; I set the potatoes to cool. I put Kate's sheets in the dryer and start a load of bath linens. I make the stuffed potatoes and put them in single serve containers in our freezer. I clean the kitchen and put the dishes in the dishwasher. I set it to run at one o'clock when it won't bother Dad or me.

Ethan and his parents are coming home on Thursday. Kate and Elliot are staying in Barbados for another week; returning home the Friday after. I hope they are still in lust with one another after this vacation is over. I also hope their romance is not contingent on the state of affairs between Christian and me. I need to tell her face to face about taking a timeout from Christian. I'm banned from telling her details because of the NDA. I read two chapters of a manuscript and complete a synopsis while continuing to wash and dry Kate's linens. When the last load is done; I shower and get ready for bed. I bid Dad goodnight and take another manuscript to bed with me.

 **~~~ CPOV**

I read Striker's report on Anastasia's personal emails, purchases, finances etc. He listed Ray Steele's credit card usage over the past week. I know what he's purchased and where it was purchased. Striker knows where Ray Steele is getting his future Internet service, email and training. I ask Striker to investigate Northwest Net. When I'm off the burner phone with him; I get an update from my Grey House security.

"Leila William's cell was used over the weekend near Grey House, Escala and Miss Steele's condo," Welch reported. "It has been used near the Esclava Salon, Post Alley. We've been checking the clinics. We don't know who removed her stitches, but we haven't seen her near any urban health center or free clinic."

"Track her usage, emails, Internet, etc. Attempt to establish a base location for her. Send me the report as soon as you can. We need to make informed decisions." I tell him.

 **Tuesday, June 14 - APOV**

I am exceptionally vexed when the editors weed 1/3 of the material I prepped for the editorial packets and throw it in recycling. They throw the extra packets I made for their support staff in recycling also. I keep my mouth shut and breathe. I ignore their laughter about new staff being overly prepared for the meeting.

Amber and I are busy taking notes during the meeting. Or rather, my smart phone records the meeting because Jack orders me to keep the coffee carafes circulating. The main topic of today's meeting is who is attending what conference.

,

The editorial meeting ends at 11:45. Before Jack departs for a cigarette break; he gives me thirty minutes to clean the room. "After you clean the conference room; I need you to book flights and rooms for us at the New York publishing conference July 5-7. We'll fly non-stop, red-eye on July 4. We can sleep on the plane; register and get settled at the hotel. The first seminar starts at ten o'clock. Half of us are scheduled for New York and half will go to New Orleans the following week. I want our reservations made before you go to lunch today."

Amber pops back in the conference room, bringing a rolling 2-sided bookcase. Her editor is off on a cigarette break with Jack. She helps me load the bookcase; which her dad made especially for her for crap meetings like this. Amber says to get the rolling bookcase from her desk first thing on Tuesday mornings. The rail around the top will keep all the coffee service items from falling off. Manuscripts and printed materials fit on the shelves which also have a rail to hold everything from sliding off. She says I'll only make one trip with everything to set up the meeting.

I power down the electronics and start to wipe down the tables.

"What are you doing?" Amber asked, impatiently.

"Jack said I have thirty minutes to clean the room." I show her the cleaning list for the room.

"Sweet Goddess of Light," she muttered. "It's not your job to clean the room. That's why SIP has janitorial staff. Their schedule includes cleaning this room on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon. Post the cleaning list on the door. BTW; not even my obsessive-compulsive mother could finish that bullshit cleaning list in 30 minutes! Grab your end of the rolling bookcase. We need to hit the kitchen before lunch hour starts."

We stop in the kitchen to clean the coffee things. Amber shows me where to find the 100-cup coffee pot I should use on Tuesdays to make coffee. It's the only way to have enough coffee for meetings. She bought it as a Christmas gift for the office last year. She didn't have time to make numerous pots of coffee for meetings when the rest of the staff constantly raided the kitchen for coffee. She commiserates with me when I explain how hard it was to fill carafes with coffee this morning. I think I made ten pots of coffee to get five carafes full.

She explains everyone donates $10 each payday for coffee and kitchen supplies. Claire collects money, orders supplies and maintains inventory. Amber shows me where to find all the supplies needed for the coffee club (as she calls the editorial meetings). Since I'm the only tea drinker in the group; she recommends getting a carafe of my own to hold hot water from the kitchen water tower.

Amber explains her system for ordering lunches or making reservations for the editorial meetings. If she's out for any reason, Emily knows the procedure and provides backup. She explains it is kind of me to offer to pick up lunches for everyone on days I go to the deli. However, it's not my job to fetch lunches for everyone. She tells me to remind Jack about her and Emily's lunch duties if he decides to order me to handle editorial meeting lunches.

I make a bitchy comment about adding the bookcase and 100-pot coffee maker to the procedures manual instructions for setting up the meeting. Amber tells me to ignore Elizabeth's convoluted bullshit procedures manual. She'll email me the directions to find streamlined procedures on the server. She recommends saving them on a flash drive, not the desktop, to have instant access when I need it.

"Did Jack tell you to prep all the material for today's meeting?" Amber asked.

"Yes," I said.

"Jackass," she commented. She will show me where to find the agenda to prep next week. "Make three copies of materials for editorial meetings. One of the copies for Jack; one for you with notes; one to file with the minutes from the meeting. Support staff access the agenda to prep their editors for the meeting. Support staff print materials for their bosses and themselves. There's no reason for you to kill trees. Other than running your ass off this morning making extraneous copies and coffee, did you get any other work done?"

"No, I'm working through my lunch hour to get caught up. Jack wants the meeting minutes done before the end of the day. Plus, arranging for our travel to New York, plus everything else I'm supposed to do."

"Screw that," Amber said. "I typed minutes during the meeting. I'll send them to you. There's a format we use which is uploaded to the server for editors to access before the meeting next week. I'll bet Jack didn't tell you that either?"

"No," I shook my head.

"Jackass," she commented again. "Let's head to your desk to offload this stuff. I'll send you the procedures for travel. Support staff doesn't book travel arrangements. There's an online form you complete to request tickets, rooms, registrations, cars, etc. You just find the airline, flight times and numbers. When you save it; you have the option of auto submitting it to Finance. They coordinate the travel arrangements because they have the corporate account numbers. The form includes the link to the conference agenda, hotel information, etc. They usually negotiate a discount for the registration and hotel since a dozen of us register."

"Jackass," I commented and Amber laughed.

"The editors had a good laugh at your expense this morning. Don't let Jackass do that to you again." She commented. "He's a disgusting bastard; always in every woman's personal space. He watches you when you walk away to do something. He will spend his Friday afternoon watching you bend and stretch while filing. Don't ever go anywhere alone with Hyde – lunch, drinks, rides home, etc. Don't go to Friday night drinks at Fifty's alone. Complaining to HR won't help. Elizabeth Morgan only sees what she wants. Right now, she sees a pretty girl working closely with the object of her affections. She'll make your work life a misery. Prominently display Morgan's stupid procedures manual on a shelf in your workspace, but access the real thing off the server. It was created by staff who perform the work."

I offer to buy Amber's lunch for all her help today. She goes back to her desk and forwards a copy of the travel form for her editor and her to me. I make a few changes to it; such as Jack's name and my name. They are flying out on the nonstop red-eye on the Fourth of July. I request the editors sit next to one another in business class and Amber and I next to one another in coach. They are staying at the conference \ hotel. I request to share a room with Amber. Task complete. Finance has the request, Amber has a copy, and I have a copy for Jack if he asks. Only…his copy does not have the extraneous notes about my plane seat or room request.

Everything is sorted and put away from the meeting. Amber emails me with directions to find the minute form online and to find the real procedures manual online. I print and save a copy of the minutes to my desktop.

I gladly take Amber across the street for vegetarian wraps, mini veggie plates with dip and frosty cold lemonade. The only thing hot is my temper about Jackass. Amber lifts her 'no talking about work during lunch' edict. We discuss the editorial meeting, the upcoming conference, the procedures manual and my idiotic micro-management schedule.

Today Dad finished Kate's closet organizer. He changed out the hot water heater for the tank-less hot water system. While I cooked dinner, made two casseroles and baked six dozen of Dad's favorite pizza pinwheels; he installed the closet system in the living room coat closet, the main linen closet and the laundry center. After dinner I packaged everything in single serving freezer containers or freezer bags and did the dishes. I fill the crockpot insert with Italian Meatball Soup and set it in the refrigerator.

I left Dad with a cold beer, a Mariners game on TV and a good-night hug. I luxuriated in a long hot shower. I'm in love with the new hot water heater. Before I find myself remembering the hot shower when I returned from Georgia; I finish my shower. I brush and towel dry my hair; braiding it for bed. _Damn…now I have Christian on my mind before I go to bed and I was doing so well only thinking of him once every hour today_. New pajamas, new bed linens…and a manuscript. I'm ready for sleep.

 **~~~ CPOV**

"Miss Steele went to lunch with a coworker. They discussed the editorial meeting. Her boss assigned her a bunch of busy work and there is an issue with the procedures manual for work. She and another coworker discussed the editor meeting from this morning during their bus ride home. Sending you a written report."

Striker paused, referencing notes. "The Saturday brunette got on the bus the stop after Miss Steele's stop. She did not attempt to make contact; but she covertly observed Miss Steele and her coworker. Miss Steele didn't know she was observed by the brunette or Second Strike. When Miss Steele got off at her stop, the brunette got off also. My man got off at the same stop. He went into a store and observed both. Miss Steele's dad waited at the bus stop for her and they walked home. The brunette sat on the bus bench observing Miss Steele until she entered her building. The brunette left; disappearing into the park by Pike Place Market. Sending pictures. Please advise," Striker said.

"TAYLOR!" I exploded when I saw confirmation Leila is following Ana. "Redouble efforts to find Leila Williams." I repeated Welch's conversation about tracking her phone usage to near Anastasia's condo. I don't tell him the Second Strike conversation. I don't want to explain I hired a PI to track Anastasia without Taylor's knowledge.

Then I download the tracker on Anastasia's car; it has not moved since she parked it Monday night when she returned home. I may know how Anastasia gets to work, how long she works, etc. I may know her work events from lunch and bus conversations. I have a tracker on her car. I can track her cell phone - and it only proves, like she says, I'm a stalker. I still want to bug her condo. I hired strangers for their silence and abilities to follow her because she knows my men. I appreciate their daily pictures of her. Today's light blue fit and flair dress is perfect for summer. She wore her hair down today. What's up with that? I will be careful not to discuss any of this with Flynn. I will keep her safe - for both our peace of mind.

 **Wednesday, June 15 - CPOV**

Striker's report on Anastasia's day was standard, except Ray picked her up from work. Before I could ask, Striker explained. "Jack Hyde drank excessively at noon. Bragged he hired a pretty little intern to play chauffer for him. Hyde pissed off when he left the building with Elizabeth Morgan. She seemed eager enough to give him a ride. She took him to her house." Striker reported. "I will email you if he leaves but it looks like they are in for the night. Steele took his daughter by a charity drop box where she stuffed a full 30-gallon trash bag in it. We think it was bed and bath linens she replaced at her condo. I think you will enjoy the picture of Mr. Steele."

The pictures he sent were of Anastasia in navy blue trousers with an oversized periwinkle blue tunic sweater. She's wearing low heels and her hair is in a standard ponytail. The picture of Ray produces a chuckle. Ray is wearing a navy t-shirt with white lettering: " _Don't touch my tools or my daughter_." I ask Taylor the status of the background checks on SIP employees. He drops a four-inch stack of reports on my desk. Well; if I can't sleep tonight; I have reading material. I notice Jack Hyde's and Elizabeth Morgan's reports are not here. Mostly, it's research on lower level staff. Taylor says research on upper level staff is taking time.

I stare out the window of Flynn's office. "My staff is researching and vetting the therapists you recommended. I researched Traumatic Touch Therapy like you suggested." I said.

"How do you feel about that?" Flynn asked.

"I can stop at any time and restart at any time? Correct?" I asked.

"If you plan to tell Miss Steele you are in therapy and then quit once she returns to you - I do not recommend that course of action." Flynn stressed.

"I'm concerned about business trips. I will endeavor to keep them through the week and have weekends for TTT." I explain.

"Acceptable, if weekends include quality time with your family." Flynn said. "Any issues you feel like sharing?"

"I had a weird dream Sunday night. I lost a green toy car under the couch at our apartment when I was young. In my dream; I was in my green toy car and I got lost under the couch. My mother didn't know where to find me." I said.

"How did you interpret the dream?" Flynn asked.

"I was invisible in her life? I'm lost? I've been lost since I was a child? Cars are associated with power and ego – the little red sports car and aging men. Maybe life is passing me by. Maybe I don't know the direction I'm headed. Maybe I don't know when I will arrive." I shrugged. "Maybe it was empathy. Anastasia felt she lost her power and her voice when I bought her the Audi A3. I would do it again because her VW was an accident waiting to happen. I could not have lived with myself if she had be hurt."

"Sound like a thorough analysis," Flynn asked. "What else is happening?"

We talk about efforts to find Leila. I tell Flynn about Sawyer spotting Leila following Anastasia and her father. When Flynn asks how I feel about that; I remind him her email ordered me not to assign security to her. I explain I'm following his directives to not quiz Elliot about Anastasia. I complain I'm being driven to the brink of insanity between Anastasia's absence and Flynn's questions.

Flynn laughs.

I am not amused.

 **~~~ APOV**

Busy day for Dad and me. I asked him to pick me up from work so I have an excuse not to drive Jack home. Dad worked on Ethan's closet and bedroom door, in addition to picking up the patio furniture and small propane grill. I marinate a London Broil while Dad assembles the grill and furniture. I toss a salad while Dad grills the meat and heats garlic bread for us. While we eat dinner, Dad and I talk about the Fourth of July. "I have the easy part," I teased Dad. "I'll cook enough food to feed a dozen people. You and José Senior have the hard part. You handle the men when the fireworks start."

"The VFW ordered combat arms earmuffs. We're making them available to vets during the parade and afterwards for the fireworks. I promised to pick them up from the manufacturer in Seattle to save shipping and handling fees." He cleared his throat. "I'm under orders from your mother to encourage you to spend the July Fourth weekend with Christian and not me."

"I'll email her over the weekend to let her know there will be no fireworks between Christian and me. Is Mom afraid you will introduce me to some eligible ex-military man who wants a wife who cooks and cleans fish?" I laughed. "Or is she afraid you will encourage me to give José a chance?"

"Annie, you know I'm friends with José Senior. We will always be grateful you and José were friends who helped us reconnect. But José is not the man I want for you."

"Why?" I'm surprised.

"I know José was arrested for marijuana possession. I know it doesn't seem to be a big deal in today's world – but José Senior worries it will impact his career choices. Companies he may want to work for may not want him because of his arrest record." Dad shrugged.

"Who do you want for me," I asked.

"The heart wants what the heart wants, Annie. If you wanted José or Ethan, or any of my younger friends or clients in Montesano, it would have happened before now. If you wanted Kate, I would have done my best to welcome her as a daughter. If you want Christian, you work out your issues with him. If you need time to figure out what you want; you should have time to do that without interference from your family, friends, coworkers, nosy neighbors, etc." Dad cleared his throat. "Enough chatter, you're supposed to Skype Kate. I'll clean the grill and the kitchen before I empty cupboards and drawers to install organizational kitchen units tomorrow." He hugged me and sent me to my room.

I research various topics online – free association research; wasting time until Kate is ready to Skype with me. Her parents and Ethan have transportation from the airport to home, so I don't worry. I will leave condo paperwork and a key with the concierge for Ethan in case he gets here before I get home from work. I explain Dad changed the front door and the lock. I give her the new security code. She asks if I've seen Christian and I tell her I'm busy helping Dad. I email pictures of her painted room and ensuite and her revamped closet. I tell her about Pacific Place Mall and she's too excited about adventures in shopping to grill me about Christian. The rest of our Skype focuses on her and Elliot having a good time in Barbados. She emails me a dozen pictures and explains where they are and what they were doing.

 **Thursday, June 16 - CPOV**

Striker gave me a concise report of Anastasia's day. Public transportation, work, lunch with coworkers, public transportation, home for the night. Her schedule is becoming set more every day. The pictures of her in a dress remind me how much I love her legs. I wonder if she's wearing thigh high stockings. Ray dropped off replaced household stuff at Grey Construction's recycling business this morning and then picked up a shipment for the Montesano VFW. Ethan Kavanagh landed at SEA-TAC at four; he was at the condo when Anastasia returned home from work. I'm glad Ray is at the condo. It makes me feel better. Striker sends me a news byte.

******** _Seattle Nooz_ *******  
Eamon, Celeste and Ethan Kavanagh (Kavanagh Media) returned to Seattle late today. Rumor says daughter Kate is still vacationing in Barbados with…Elliot Grey! We'll have fun reporting the antics of Elate! (El-liot + K-ate)  
******** _Seattle Nooz_ *******

 **Friday, June 17 - APOV**

"Good morning, Ana!" Ethan grabbed me and gave me a hug. I handed him a Chai tea bag and poured a mug of hot water from the electric kettle. "Good morning, Ray," he shook his hand. "Thanks for work on the condo; Kate's kept me updated. I'm sorry I was too tired to express my appreciation last night. We flew nonstop from Bridgetown to New York for almost five hours with a two-hour layover and then six hours, nonstop from New York to Seattle. Factoring in time zones; I feel like I was traveling for twenty hours. I wasn't the best company last night and Ana's lasagna knocked my ass out."

"My pleasure," Dad smiled. "Anything to make Annie's life easier and safer."

"Well, she might want to take your gun and shoot me," Ethan teased. "Ana, my parents would like to thank you by taking you to dinner on Saturday night. It's some charity event. They go every year and since Kate and I are back in town; they bought tickets for all of us. Mom and dad would like you to use Kate's ticket and attend with us." He told me.

"Ugh," I wrinkled my nose. "Promise I don't dance with anyone but you and you'll explain which spoon or fork to use."

"Deal," Ethan said. "Charity events like this are usually three to four courses at the most: starters, salad, entrée, dessert. Usually they have wine pairings for each course. I know you're not a drinker. Don't worry about refusing the wine and you can sip as much champagne as you want. Mom and Dad hired a limo for transportation Saturday night; you don't have to worry about being the designated driver."

"Thanks," I said.

"Mom said she'll take you Saturday morning to get your hair and nails done after you pick a dress. If you're worried – Kate knows the stock in mom's store and can advise what to borrow." Ethan shrugged.

"Dad and I are up early; he's taking me to work and going home to Montesano," I explained. "If you need to crash for a few more hours; the place is all yours."

"Ray, can you wait to go home for a couple hours?" Ethan asked. "I hoped to enlist your help moving the packed crates of Kate's winter clothes to my parents' home."

"Deal if you help me take the four packed ice chests to the truck to take home. Annie made a lasagna just for me; I didn't steal your leftovers." Dad teases Ethan.

"Speaking of which, here are the directions for reheating each of your dinners. I made extra portions of the pasta for the Chicken DaVinci and the Chicken Parmesan." I hand off printouts in sleeves which Dad can put on the refrigerator. "I also gave you a grocery list of the things I need for July Fourth." I reach for my purse and tote. "I have all your receipts for the week," I hand him a check for his expenditures.

"Pick you up after work, Ana? We can get dinner and catch up?" Ethan offered. "It will be an early night; I'm still suffering from jet lag."

"Can you come to Fifty's Sports Bar before six? Everyone from SIP goes there on Fridays. We can get a pizza. You would save me from having to drink with the boss." I asked, texting him the address.

"Her boss is an asshole," Dad said. "I'd prefer you kept him as far away from her as possible after hours."

"Sounds like a plan to me," Ethan said. "I'll deliver my tux to the cleaner. I'll unpack, catch a nap and then meet you by six."

"I'm the boss," a belligerent Jack thrust his hand out at Ethan.

"I'm a roommate, Ethan Kavanagh," Ethan shook his hand vigorously. If the man wanted a pissing contest, Ethan was in the mood to engage. "I'd rather not order dinner here. It looks like we'll be constantly interrupted by your coworkers." He said to me.

"Nonsense!" Jack barked. "If Ana wanted to be alone with you; you'd be having dinner at your condo."

"That's an idea," I reach for Ethan's hand and gave it a meaningful squeeze. "I stocked the cupboards and refrigerator, in addition to feeding the freezer this week. We can have a quiet dinner at home. I need an early night to be on time for your mom tomorrow morning."

"It's not fair for you to cook for us. We'll get takeout, watch a movie and hang out at the condo," Ethan said, tugging my hand and pulling me toward the door of Fifty's Sports Bar. "You can tell me about your job and SIP. I'll tell you about Barbados, moving in and registering for grad school this fall." He flashed a challenging look at Jack Hyde as he held the door open for me.

"Ana… I don't trust that asshole." Ethan said as we headed to the car. I'm sure his voice carried and Jack heard him. He was standing in the open door of Fifty's and frowning as we left the parking lot in Ethan's BMW convertible.

 **~~~ CPOV**

Oh bloody hell. While I'm in the elevator on the way to Flynn's office, I'm serenaded by Al Green, _How Do You Mend A Broken Heart:_

I can think of younger days when living for my life  
was everything a man could want to do.  
I could never see tomorrow,  
but I was never told about the sorrow.  
And how can you mend a broken heart?

I just want to bash myself brainless on the elevator walls.

"Good evening Grey," Flynn shook my hand. "Are we tackling issues alphabetically or chronologically tonight?"

I stared at him, not understanding the question.

"Meaning are we talking Anastasia first or events which occurred this week?" Flynn asked.

"If I had realized tonight's topics would be so painful; I would have added a hangover into the mix; except I don't like losing control." I deadpanned.

"Ah, the great control issue…how's that working for you?" He grinned.

 **~~~ TPOV**

While I'm waiting for the Boss; Welch sends an update on the mysterious guy from Miss Steele's email. His sister works at the deli close to SIP. He'll be in the vicinity of Miss Steele from time to time. Kudos for her for recognizing he was a creeper.

Gail sends me a risqué email, telling me how much she will miss me this weekend. She's visitng her sister in Eugene this weekend. She hints there is a surprise for me in the refrigerator in the staff quarters. It's marked 'liver and onions' so the other security staff won't touch it. I hope it's one of her apple pies, or some of her chocolate cake, or some of her mocha frosted triple chocolate brownies.

 **~~~ CPOV**

I'm eating dinner when I get my nightly report on Anastasia's activities. She went drinking at Fifty's with the work crowd, but left there shortly after six with Ethan. She never finished the drink she was nursing. Striker reported Ethan Kavanagh met Jack Hyde. He didn't think they liked each other. Striker sent the scant information he has on Hyde's background - where he lived, worked, how long he had been at SIP, the name of the Boston publishing firm, and two addresses in Boston where he lived. He reports the next research will center on Hyde's life at Princeton. Fuck; I don't have a report on Hyde from Welch or Taylor yet.

I sigh and reach for the reports M&A shipped upstairs today. Potential site information for the plant in Detroit – not reading that right now. Potential site information for plant location in Savannah – not reading that right now either. Update report on Lucas Woods – yeah; I can handle that. He is in the wind, off having a whirlwind vacation paid for by GEH. We'll start dismantling his company come Monday morning. Asshole. His people deserve better. Elliot's home in a week. I'll have him look at Woods' building and give us options.


	8. Chapter 8

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 8 –** **"** One might call habit a moral friction: something that prevents the mind from gliding over things but connects it with them and makes it hard for it to free itself from them." Georg C. Lichtenberg

 **Saturday, June 18 - CPOV**

"Release," I said into the headphones.

Our tow pilot released the glider. We soared, catching the thermals.

"What do you think?" I grinned as I asked Flynn.

"No engine noise…incredible view… I thought I would have an anxiety attack when the tow plane released us. How long is a normal flight?" Flynn asked.

"I like to soar for at least an hour, unless the thermals are exceptional," I chuckled. "Instructional flights are usually about 20 minutes. If soaring conditions are good, a flight can last for hours."

"Hours," Flynn murmured.

"Take the controls," I tell Flynn.

"Whatttt…" he stammered.

"Take the controls. Get a feel for the glider." I said. I gave Flynn the controls for a long minute. "Taking back control," I warn him and take over. "Hang on," I guide us into a loop. Flynn screams like a fifteen-year-old girl. "Anastasia didn't scream like that," I tease him. "I'm heading toward some thermals. I'll use them to gain altitude and we can soar a little longer."

Flynn is quiet, lost in watching the world and the sky. I am quiet also. I wish I had Anastasia with me, on my birthday. A good luck kiss would have started the day. I would have kissed her senseless on the way home and quickly bedded her. If I had the option; I'd give her one orgasm for every year of my life and share my birthday spanking with her.

 _Oh fuck; don't think about sensual spankings or birthday blow jobs. I'm lost in the memory of a scene I wanted to play with Anastasia. In my fantasy, I put thigh cuffs on me, put her on her knees, restrained her wrists to my thighs, blindfolded her and used her mouth for almost an hour. Every time I edged, I would order her to hold me in her mouth, not moving tongue or lips. I would tell her the various positions we would explore that weekend, with various toys, on various furniture. Her moans of anticipation would make me explode in her hot wet mouth. It would be hours of sleeping spoon in my bed before I could reload and fuck her unconscious…thanking her for every orgasm, every pleasure she shared with me._ I shift to relieve the pressure of the semi in my pants and concentrate on soaring.

Two hours later; I'm done soaring for the day. "Heading back to the field," I warn Flynn. "When we set down, there will be a bump and the glider will shoot forward until the momentum is gone and we come to stop."

When we stop, I release the canopy and we climb out. Taylor arrives in a Range Rover to take us back to the airport.

"What did you think?" I asked.

"It was brilliant!" Flynn gushed. "I can see why you like it so much!" Then he laughed. "The silence and the visibility – I could really hear my own thoughts and heartbeat. It's almost as much fun as sex."

"Don't rub it in," I warned Flynn. _I could hear my own thoughts up there too. Lost in the color of the sky and thinking about Anastasia's blue eyes. Lost in the puffy white clouds, thinking of her alabaster skin. Struggling to ignore the semi in my pants from thinking of her._

Striker reports on Anastasia's day. She is using Katherine's ticket, which the Kavanaghs purchased three months ago, for tonight's event. "SHE WHAT?" I screamed at Striker before severing the call. I race toward the bedroom; yelling at Taylor as I go. "Taylor, tuxedo, we're attending Coping Together. Leaving in thirty minutes. Get Ryan for backup to park the SUV by Dad's garages." I dress, post haste, in my tux. I have a mask from previous events. Fuck – I groan again. I'll call Mom while enroute and tell her I cleared my schedule I'll be there before the cocktail hour ends.

 **~~~ APOV**

The limo ride is fun; Eamon and Celeste keep me in stitches over Elliot's attempts to get Kate to try the zipline. She negotiated horseback rides with him. Elliot wrote down ten things he wanted to do and ten things he refused to do. She did the same. Then they compared lists. Celeste comments they are learning the art of negotiation.

 _I remember negotiations with Christian…champagne after graduation…dinner at the Heathman. STOP. RED._

Celeste has hundreds of Kate and Elliot pictures to share; but suggests I view Kate's Facebook page. Eventually the limo comes to a halt and we exit. Tuxedo clad valets direct us to the queue to enter the event.

I stay close to Ethan as we walk a hunter green outdoor carpet past a mansion. The gold lanterns glow softly against a darkening sky. I am comfortable in the navy silk dress with a navy silk wrap which Celeste picked for me. It is strapless and mermaid style, hugging my few curves. She selected the sapphire stud earrings and bracelet plus the navy lace pumps and a matching handbag. I know where Kate learned her expertise at dressing me.

The sheer material and navy lace mask highlights my eyes. The aestheticians at the spa listened to my request for soft, natural makeup with a pop of berry lip gloss. They styled my hair in big bouncy curls and waves. They took the two sides of my hair in front of my ears and tucked them behind my ears, using a hair tie to hold them securely at my spine. The hair tie is hidden under the curls, letting the sapphire studs shine in my ears. I didn't say anything; but I was secretly glad Mrs. Kavanagh does not use Esclava Salons, but prefers Elaia at the Hyatt.

We pause for pictures; waiting for the crowd to move toward the large dance floor and marquee. A large ice sculpture in the middle of the dance floor announces Coping Together. Why does that sound familiar?

 _Fuckety-Fuckety-Fuckety-Fuck_ , I swear to myself and plaster on a smile. Coping Together…at the home of Carrick and Grace Grey. _At least I'm not sans culottes tonight._ Why didn't I research the event and location _BEFORE_ I said yes? Oh well, Christian said he never attends these things. If I stay close to Ethan and don't seek the Grey family out, will no one know I am here?

I concentrate on Ethan and his conversation. Eventually we are on the large dance floor and Ethan introduces me to friends and networks with people his parents deem important. Eventually when we enter the marquee, I come face to face with Grace.

"Dr. Trevelyan, since Kate and Elliot are still in Barbados, Ana agreed to use Kate's ticket for tonight." Ethan segued into introductions easily.

"You look lovely," Grace smiles and hesitantly hugs me. I hug her back. This is the woman who was embarrassed yet delighted to meet me when she appeared unannounced at Christian's penthouse. This is the woman who was eager to introduce me to her husband and daughter when Christian took me to dinner at their home.

"Thank you," I greeted her affectionately. It's not her fault that her son is an arse. Then I feel it…zap…sizzle… crackle …Christian is in attendance. _Can he feel me? Does he know I am here? Can he feel me the way I feel him when we are in proximity to one another? Does he feel the connection which was between us?_

"I didn't know you planned to attend," she murmured, brushing a straggling tendril of my hair over one shoulder, like a concerned mother. I love her maternal instincts instantly. She must be one hell of a doctor. "I would have put you at the table with us. Christian managed to clear his schedule at the last minute."

"I didn't know I was attending until the last minute, either. Dad finished the work at the condo and went home to Montesano. There didn't seem to be a good enough reason not to raid Celeste's stash of gowns and use Kate's ticket," I explained. "Who would I unseat if I sat with your table?"

"Elena Lincoln; there is space for her at the donor table," Grace said.

"Best not then," I said. "I don't believe she would appreciate my taking her place." _I meant a double entendre of which Grace was unaware._

"You look lovely," she said. "That mask really accents your eyes."

"Thank you, Celeste handcrafted the mask for me. I think Celeste and Kate love playing dress up Ana." I smiled.

"We're showing Ana a good time since she and Ray worked so hard to organize the condo for us this week," Ethan said smoothly.

Grace's smile was sad. "We would love to meet him sometime. Carrick and Dad love to fish. When it's time to circulate between courses, do come over to the table. Carrick and Mia would love to see you. I want to introduce you to Christian's grandparents."

"We can try; but Christian always has tons of people to meet and greet at these things. We wouldn't want to intrude," Ethan intervened. "I see Mom and Dad found our table. Please excuse us." He leads me to a table, which, unfortunately, has line of sight to the table where the Greys are seated. Fortunately, I'm profile to their table, so maybe… depending on where Christian sits…he won't see me.

 _Silly me…_ Grace points out where I'm seated. Christian takes one look and changes places with his sister so he can watch me. _Inner goddess; please help me use the right fork and not drink too much. I don't need him glaring at me because he thinks I'm not eating enough or drinking too much. I certainly will watch my alcohol intake…I have no intention of throwing up, passing out, or being bedded by Christian._

Eamon and Celeste introduce me to everyone at our table. Our tablemates ignore me; I'm just Ethan's date as far as they are concerned. Suits me. I'd love to fly under the radar here. I feel a pair of grey eyes tracking my movements from time to time. I've done very well tonight if I say so myself. I get flustered by restaurants which have more than one fork. So far, I have yet to use the wrong silverware. The meal is excellent; the wine tastings are interesting. I don't take more than a sip of each. I keep the servers from pouring more than a quarter of a glass for each course. However, I keep my water glass full.

Ethan hands me the auction card and we laugh over the offerings. He explains the auctions are great PR for the donors; in addition to claiming the donation as a tax deduction. The cost of the dinner tickets is tax deductible because Coping Together is a nonprofit entity.

I'd love to own the first edition of _Pride and Prejudice_ ; but not for the $20K it brings. Ray would love the Mariners package. Ethan pays attention to that item's bids. I can't concentrate on the auction. I'm disturbed by the spa day for two offered by Elena Lincoln at the Esclava Salon, Bravern Center. I'll bet Christian separated his worlds by sending his submissives to Post Alley and Frannie, Grace and Mia to Bravern. Aspen, offered by Christian, sleeps six. It probably doesn't have a red room of pain. He probably sent his family there and stayed behind to work out his kinks without family interruptions. Christ…when did I become so jaded?

I text Kate; stating she's missing all the 'fun'. Kate texts she prefers her champagne, naked, with Elliot, on a dark, starlit balcony. I giggle and blush, putting my phone away. When I look up I lock eyes with Christian. I drop my eyes, flip my hair over my shoulder, straighten my shoulders and engage in the conversation at my table.

 **~~~ CPOV**

 _It's been 14 days since I've seen her...since I've talked to her. I want to talk to her, hold her, tell her I need her and swear I will never hurt her again. I want her with me. She looks sexy and elegant in that strapless dress. It hugs her curves in places I want to kiss and touch. Fuck me ...that lace mask makes me want to find a length of navy blue lace and tie it over her eyes…just to see her closed eyes and long eyelashes through the lace. God, my cock hardens thinking about her mouth that first morning together. If I could get her to participate in the First Dance auction…we could dance and talk. I could get her upstairs to my room; slowly stripping that gown off those delicate curves. Should I send the champagne servers to her table with orders to keep her glass filled? Will champagne make her dance…_

"What?" I stutter as Elena interrupts my fantasy. "Sorry, my mind was on business. I'm fine, thanks...been busy at work...no time to socialize. The end of the fiscal year approaches. Ros and I are determining what to finish this year and what to postpone until next year."

"No," Grandma Frannie sets her champagne glass down on the table with a bit of a thump; anger coloring her face. "No talking about business tonight. I'm glad you're here but I want to watch you enjoy yourself for once."

"Business _is_ pleasure," Elena sniped.

"Business is _BORRRRING_ ," Mia agreed with Grandma Frannie. "We're doing a good deed for Coping Together. Christian, if Ana participates in the First Dance Auction, will you stay longer than just having dinner and running away?"

"Ana's here?" Elena's cold voice didn't escape my notice. "Do summon her over to our table. I've so wanted to meet her since your mother mentioned the family dinner."

"She's sitting with the Kavanaghs," Grace said, pointing Ana out to Theo and Frannie.

"She's very pretty," Theo and Frannie agree. "Do ask her to participate in the First Dance auction, Mia. I'd love to see her dance with Christian." Frannie said.

"Christian doesn't dance with anyone at these things, Mia," Elena said in her determined Domme voice. "I absolutely forbid you to force him to dance. You know he doesn't like to be touched."

"Excuse me," Grandma Frannie said. Her intake of alcohol loosening her tongue. "Perhaps I missed the announcement at a _family_ dinner. I wasn't aware you were promoted from Christian's business partner to his private security bulldog."

"Mom," Grace started to rebuke her; but Mia interrupted.

"He would buy a First Dance with Ana. It's for a good cause," Mia argued.

"Mia, I would be pleased to buy a First Dance with Anastasia if you can convince her to participate." I stare at Elena; communicating non-verbally to STFU now before someone, _meaning my Mother_ , starts to wonder what is going on?

 **~~~ APOV**

"Christian really wants you to do this," Mia said.

"Does he now?" I said quietly. I sipped my champagne. "Perhaps your parents should have explained the word NO to him when he was young. Please loan me your phone so I can text Christian. My response is quite colorful."

"Colorful?" Mia questioned; handing the phone to me; primed to contact Christian.

" _Mr. Grey; I'd rather play tag with RED and YELLOW signal lights on the street than allow myself to be bought by strangers for their pleasure and enjoyment. Sincerely, Miss Steele."_ I send the text to Christian and hand the phone back to Mia. "I don't care if he replies, I don't want to see it," I sipped my champagne.

"The First Dance Auction is for a good cause," Mia said. "Besides, Christian wouldn't announce it; but it's his birthday. You can dance with him; and probably even give him a birthday kiss."

"I won't fight off every woman here who wants to dance with him and kiss him also…no thanks!" I said. "I'm not very ladylike when I fight and I don't intend to cause a scene or start a riot."

Mia laughs. "Christian wouldn't like that either. It would bring back too many memories of when he was thrown out of school for brawling."

"Christian doesn't need me as an excuse to donate to Coping Together. I won't change my mind Mia; please don't badger me," I look away; and not toward the Grey table.

Ethan waited for Mia to walk away before he spoke. "You would raise a lot of money. I'll bet there are dozens of men here who would bid to dance with you. I would bid to dance with you." He shrugged.

"No one here has the deep pockets of Christian Grey. He would outbid everyone to ensure he won the first dance with me. I would be a sacrificial lamb and I don't choose that for myself." I said as quietly and dignified as I can.

"Did we make a mistake by asking you to come?" Ethan said quietly.

"No, I didn't research the event, venue or charity before I said yes. Lesson learned. Research, think once, think twice, overthink and be proactive; not reactive." I smiled at him. He's such a good friend.

"So, what will you do during the First Dance Auction since you aren't participating?" Ethan asked.

"Find a powder room," I laughed.

 **~~~ CPOV**

While Flynn and I talk; I get Anastasia's text. I laugh despite her rejection. That smart mouth of hers will get her in trouble. I'd like to throw her over my shoulder and haul her to my old bedroom and fuck that smart mouth of hers.

"Laugher? That's an unusual response coming from you," Flynn questions.

I share the text with Flynn who gets a chortle out of it also. I ordered Barney, via text, to erase Mia's text messages to my phone so no one asks questions they shouldn't.

"A word to the wise," Flynn said. "Keep anyone who makes you laugh and look happy at her contact."

"I know it is not enough; Leila used to make me laugh. Anastasia brings out feelings I never knew I had, Keep me on the straight and narrow Obi Wan." I tell Flynn fervently.

 **~~~ 3PPOV**

Elena's eyes narrowed when she saw Christian laughing with Dr. Flynn. Ever since he terminated with Susannah; it felt like he was slipping from her control. Since the WSUV and gallery pictures; too many society girls honed in on him; like a drone on a depot of Weapons of Mass Destruction. Especially, his damned assistant PA, Olivia Blandino. A picture of Christian dancing with Anastasia Steele at a charity event would be a ticking time bomb. It was easier when he kept everyone, including his family, at arm's length. It was easier when the public thought he was gay. She needed to remove Anastasia from Christian's life…but how? She needed one good picture of Anastasia dancing, drinking or chatting with one of Christian's business adversaries to squash his desire for her.

 **~~~ 3PPOV**

Eamon and Celeste approached the head table where the Grey family was seated. "You know the drill?" Eamon asked Celeste quietly.

"I take a chair next to Frannie and Grace. I show Barbados pictures which are on my cell phone. I show the ones of Kate and Elliot first. It will bore Christian. You swoop in and talk business with him." Celeste recounted the plan.

"Go Team Kavanagh," he beamed at her.

"Grey," Eamon intoned and shook his hand.

"Kavanagh," Grey shook his hand.

"I'm surprised to see you stay so long tonight. You usually depart charity events early. Nothing in your mergers and acquisitions world needs managed?" Eamon asked.

"Must we talk business?" Grey asked impatiently. "I thought GEH handled your company's fiber optics needs."

"We can talk business or be bored by Kate and Elliot vacation pictures," Eamon said. "I would remain at our table but there's only so much drama I can take."

"Drama?" Grey asked.

"We had an extra ticket for tonight's event because Kate is in Barbados. We asked Ana as a thank you for the hard work she and Ray accomplished at the condo this week. My god; the man is amazing! Installing doors and organizational units, painting rooms, repairing items, and building furniture. Elliot's considering hiring Ray when he needs an extra hand and has a short deadline. Anyway, Ethan hoped tonight's festivities would help Ana get her mind off her job. He has counseled her since he got home Thursday night. While it is good exercise for his future practice; so far none of his suggestions or her efforts are working. I'm seriously thinking of buying SIP so I can fire her asshole boss and make her life easier." Eamon sighed.

"Asshole boss?" Grey seethed.

"He invades her personal space and asks personal questions. You know how taciturn Ana is. She doesn't talk about herself. Ray asked Ethan to help keep him away from her," Eamon sipped his drink. "I predict SIP will be in freefall before fiscal year 2013 begins. The emphasis on E-Books will continue to erode their publishing business unless they engage in serious reorganization. The business is top heavy with management and needs streamlined. Their editors need education in acquiring and promoting e-books to make SIP _the_ E-Book publishing company in the Northwest."

"You're considering buying them?" Grey asked.

"I was; but several members of my board are promoting an offer for a podcast company. It's got national play and a huge fan base." He shrugged. "I have preliminary information for a SIP buyout. I have to make a decision and soon. Either the podcast or SIP would fill a niche market for us."

"Is SIP a company I would be interested in?" Grey asked.

"Well, you buy and fix ailing companies. However; I don't know how Ana will react, considering how things are between the two of you right now. She might worry about you firing her." Eamon observed Grey.

"I would be more interested in turning the company around so she could remain gainfully employed versus buying it as a reason to fire her." Grey snapped. "How do you know how things are between us?"

"She told Ethan you two are taking a break. When you've only been together for one month; that is a polite way to explain the relationship is terminated." He observed Grey flinch. "If you're interested; I'll messenger our preliminary research first thing Monday morning." Eamon offered. "Unless you can meet tomorrow morning? If you come to my office at ten for coffee; you can examine our preliminary materials and decide if acquiring SIP interests you. If it does; you are welcome to take our preliminary materials with you." He smiled. "It's Father's Day and I'm supposed to be oblivious about the surprise Ethan and Kate cooked up for me. So, I'm hiding out at the office in the morning."

 **~~~ TPOV**

"Boss…" I showed him the tweet which announced Miss Steele's presence at Coping Together.

"Fuck!" Grey swore. "Call Ryan, tell him to meet us at the top of the driveway. We'll leave as quietly as possible, to avoid the paparazzi. We can stop at Grey House and pick up some work. I need to say goodbye to my family."

 **~~~ APOV**

"Miss Steele," Sawyer appeared out of the dark. "Dr. Trevelyan asked me to escort you to the house to use the powder rooms there. She didn't want you to stand in line."

"Thank you, Sawyer, but I'm quite comfortable standing in the queue. At least this time I'm not drunk dialing Christian. I intend to use the facilities without a bodyguard standing outside the bathroom door. I think you guys draw more attention than necessary." I'm polite, but firm in my refusal.

"I'm sorry, but Dr. Trevelyan insists," Sawyer stepped close to me and lowered his voice. "Someone alerted the media about your presence at tonight's event. You are flying under the radar with Katherine Kavanagh's ticket. Dr. Trevelyan doesn't want the media discovering who you are and taking questionable pictures. Paparazzi are gathering outside the gates to the estate."

"Fine," I sighed. "I don't understand how anyone recognized me. No one here knows me other than the Kavanaghs, the Greys and Christian's security team. My place card says Katherine Kavanagh. I was introduced to the people at our table as Ethan's friend."

"Dr. Trevelyan guarantees you will not be accosted in any way," Sawyer said. "Mr. Grey does not know she asked me to escort you." Sawyer offers me his arm; and I take it. There's no sense being a bitch when he and Grace are watching out for me. No one gives us a second glance as we stroll to the house.

"You look very nice in your tux and your mask," I compliment him.

"You have turned quite a few heads tonight yourself, Miss Steele." He grins and leads me to a pair of French doors which open onto the patio.

When I exit the powder room; I looked for Christian and his family. None of them are in sight. I checked my voicemail and emails. Kate may have heard from Mia and I was curious. Before I made my way toward the French doors where Sawyer stood outside; his back to the house, I was intercepted by a masked bleached blonde in her early fifties who eyed me from head to toe. Sliding out of a darkened room; she was obviously waiting for me.

"Drunk dialing Christian?" She sneered. "I hope when he rescued your drunk ass that he properly punished you. I know he doesn't like drunks."

I hit the record conversation app on my phone. "Eavesdrop much?" I gave her the once over also. "Oh, that's right…you listen to everyone's dirty little secrets and confessions over the shampoo bowl, don't you?"

"Elena Lincoln," she purred at me; offering her hand.

I ignored her offered hand. Maybe if I kept my arms frozen to my sides, I wouldn't slap that malevolent, malignant molester.

"Since you and Christian are no longer involved; would you be interested in working for me? I could offer you a lucrative contract. Of course, there would be a rigorous training period where you would develop _acceptable_ manners to please my clientele." I recognize the look on her face. It mirrors Christian's joyful face in the RROP when he talked about reward and punishment.

"Rigorous training? Tell me, after a spanking by hand and then by belt…what is the next form of punishment? Whips? Canes? Followed by a good hard punishment ass fucking to show me who is the _Master_?" I snapped at her.

She smiled. "If you were properly trained, you could make a great deal of money. Christian's standard gifts of car, electronics, jewelry and clothes were probably life changing since you just graduated from college and are working at your first real job. Too bad you didn't hang in there until he terminated with you. He would have paid off your student loans and given you a generous parting settlement to go away and never come near him again. You obviously hope he'll abandon his lifestyle and reconcile with you since you're attending a charity event you can't possibly afford socially or financially. How much is Celeste paying you to model this evening and do you keep the dress and the jewels?" She purred.

"I came as a friend of the Kavanagh family, not as a paid escort, Mrs. Robinson," I replied. _Jewelry and clothes? WTF? OH, YEAH. "If you follow these rules to my satisfaction, I shall reward you." Obviously, the jewelry reference. I forgot he told me the closet was full of clothes and he didn't want to hear any arguments from me. Pay off my student loans...generous parting settlement? No wonder he doesn't have any problem finding women who are willing to 'play' in the RROP._

She laughed a twinkly faux laugh; often heard at cocktail parties in film noir movies Dad likes to watch. "Yes, Christian told me you called me that. I'm flattered; Anne Bancroft was an elegant lady."

"Mrs. Robinson is the _politest_ _name_ I can call you. Christian was 15 when you _molested_ him; not 21 like Dustin Hoffman's character." I said. "Do you always prey on underage youth?"

"I would not be so dismissive. Your youth and inexperience were an aphrodisiac to Christian. I'm sure bedding a virgin and training her to his exacting tastes intrigued him. However, Christian is too busy running Grey House to train you, no matter how you pander to his ego. He needs an experienced submissive who knows how to be discreet." She said haughtily.

"Too bad I didn't demand a nondisclosure agreement to keep him from running to his _good friend_ and revealing information he should have kept secret! I'm not one of the submissives you vetted for him. He had NO REASON to discuss me with you!" I hope she took that in the spirit in which it was intended. "I'm not a submissive. I won't follow your commands or his."

"I told him you wouldn't understand our lifestyle!" She snapped.

"I understand more than you think I do. Christian ordered me to do the research. As a Summa Cum Laude graduate; I understand what I read." I sighed. "You used Grace to discover Christian's vulnerabilities so you could molest him. You lied about the lifestyle. You didn't tell him safe, sane, consensual, _adult_ relationships don't have to be kept secret. You didn't tell him he could have hard limits and safe words. You didn't tell him he could terminate with you at any time without punishment or penalty."

"You don't understand our history…our connection!" She hissed.

"I understand you are an ephebophile – someone who has strong and persistent sexual interest in adolescents age 15-19. You're no better than a 50-year-old man who wants to fuck a 15-year-old cheerleader." I watch the flash of annoyance on her face. "What you don't understand is: I'm not interested in either of Christian's lifestyles … the billionaire or the Dominant. You are delusional if you think I'm interested in whoring for the sexual predator who introduced Christian to his BDSM lifestyle. I suggest you stay the hell away from me. My nondisclosure agreement does not prevent me from informing Carrick and Grace about you trolling for working girls and clients at their favorite charity event." I step away from the conversation heading toward Sawyer.

"You dare threaten me, you little mouse!" Elena jeered. "You are no match for me. I've been putting little girls like you in their place for a long time."

"Using a whip and handcuffs, no doubt." I said dryly. I give her one last dismissive look. "Let me give you a word of advice, Mrs. Robinson…make sure you don't accidentally fall down in those six-inch stilettos. Considering how much plastic surgery you've had…I imagine the bones and connective tissue in your face are quite fragile and will not heal properly. How long has it been since your old ass bagged a hot, horny teenage boy?" I exited the house; turning off the conversation app and saving the recording.

 _I wanted to piss Elena off…if Christian was here I would stop at his table, grab a handful of those copper curls; tilt Christian's head back and plant a birthday kiss on his lips. I bet a picture of him getting liplocked by a masked stranger would sell a lot of copies and enrich Coping Together's coffers. Then I realized…if I don't want to kiss Christian because I need to feel his lips on mine…then I should not kiss him to aggravate Elena. I will not use him that way._

I asked Sawyer to deliver me to the Kavanaghs. I threatened a knee-jerk reaction to his private parts if he attempted to deter me from my friends.

"May I have this dance?" A tall elegant man with a British accent asked. I sat alone at the table, watching Eamon and Celeste dance and laugh with one another while Carrick and Grace danced and laughed also. Ethan talked with Mia Grey.

"Thank you for asking; but I don't know you," I replied. "I don't dance with strangers."

"If we danced and talked, we wouldn't be strangers. I'd like the opportunity to get to know you better, Anastasia Steele," he smiled sincerely.

"Ah," recognition overwhelmed me. "The expensive charlatan…"

"At your service m'lady," he bowed. "It's safe for you to dance with me. Grey left. He won't be here to cut in on the dance."

"Christian left?" I asked suspiciously.

"He said he had work to do," Dr. Flynn said.

I couldn't help myself. I snorted in derision. "Work… his excuse for slipping away from events." _But this time he doesn't have a submissive waiting in the red room of pain. I bite my lip. I shouldn't be so jaded._

"Do you think he's avoiding you?" Flynn asked me. He studies my face; it is disconcerting.

I dropped my voice to not be overheard again. "Christian goes to what he knows; avoiding strong emotions is a specialty. At least it feels that way to me. He would rather have sex than talk. He'd rather buy me something than answer questions. He'd rather play in the red room of pain than socialize like a normal human being. Might I have your phone number? I have a conversation I would like you to hear." I sent him the conversation between Mrs. Robinson and myself.

His face blanched as he heard the recording. He was speechless when it ended.

"I can't be what Christian wants. I won't be what Mrs. Robinson wants. I just want to be left alone." Ethan joined our table again. "Chat with my friend. Ethan wants to join the expensive charlatan club." I left the table in search of the powder rooms. I just need to splash some cool water on my face and compose myself.

Sawyer tried to intercept me. "Don't even think about it." I hissed in his direction. "Grace said I wouldn't be accosted last time. Where the hell were you when that mangy cougar, Elena Lincoln. tried to recruit me for her stable since Christian and I aren't together anymore?"

"What did she say to you?" Sawyer demanded.

"Sadistic crap legitimized by flowery prose," I quoted Simon Tan from _Firefly_. "I think she is salivating to sell me to someone who will beat the shit out of me. I obviously pissed her off because I was briefly with Christian."

Sawyer gasped and reached for his phone while I queued in line for the luxury portable bathrooms set up for the event.

I will not think about Coping Together. I'm glad the Kavanaghs called it an early night and didn't stay for the fireworks. Cinderella was home from her first ball just after midnight. I wash my face, brush my hair into a ponytail, put on new pajamas and climb into my bed. The softness of my new bed linens seems decadent and luxurious to me. I will enjoy sleeping, by myself, in my own bed, in a room which hasn't housed fifteen submissives before me. My room is clean and warm. It feels comfortable. It is not a cold white room in an ivory tower where the prince turns into the beast and beats my ass. _Welcome to your world…welcome to your life…I thought wryly before drifting off to sleep._

 **~~~ CPOV**

Taylor drives me to Grey House to collect paperwork. This is not how I envisioned this evening ending. We arrive at Escala just before midnight. I'm in the gym upstairs, running until my legs are rubber. I shower, I pour a glass of orange juice and go to the piano to play. My brain is on autopilot as my fingers caress the keys. I think of Anastasia that Saturday morning. I should have buried myself in her on the top of my piano rather than let the monster have his way. I'm supposed to be in control of myself; where did I go wrong? I find no answers and watch as the sky brightens and a new day begins.


	9. Chapter 9

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 9 –** "She wasn't sure if he was a devil in heaven or a fallen angel in hell. He was beautiful." Aubrey Cara, _Taming Kat_

 **Sunday, June 19 after Coping Together – 3PPOV**

******** _Seattle Nooz_ ********  
Where do we start with praise for the Coping Together charity event held at the Bellevue home of Carrick and Grace Grey? All the beautiful people were there…except Elate (Elliot Grey and Kate Kavanagh) …who are still vacationing in Barbados! Mia Grey was in attendance, dressed in a fabulous pink froth created by Alexander McQueen. Christian Grey was present until the dancing started. Then it is rumored he took off to dance with figures and finances at GEH. Pictures of Gorgeous Grey can be found on our website.

 _Seattle Nooz_ wonders how much money Coping Together would raise if they auctioned off dances with Christian Grey?  
******** _Seattle Nooz_ *******

Jack lit the article on fire and sighed with satisfaction watching the red edges devour it. He enjoyed watching the ashes fly away. He purchased pictures from Coping Together's website. After printing them; he added messages and placed them in envelopes. He intended to drop the envelopes off early Monday morning when he wouldn't be seen. He saved copies of the pictures and articles from Coping Together to a file on his 'Grey' flash drive.

 **~~~ CPOV**

"Boss, you hungry?" Taylor started a pot of coffee. "Ham and cheese omelets, whole grain toast, sliced tomatoes. There are croissants with apricot jam if you don't want toast."

"Toast is fine," I said, sitting at the breakfast bar.

"Newspapers are here; I'm surprised PR hasn't overloaded your cell with messages." He said.

"They probably did. My phone is on the charger in the home office." I shrugged.

"Let it sit," Taylor yawned again. "Senator Blandino's press people want your approval to release the picture of Olivia standing next to you on the entry carpet at Coping Together."

"We weren't standing next to each other. She rushed up to me; hoping it would look like we were together when the picture was taken. She was at least two feet behind me; not next to me when my arrival picture was taken." I said. "She photo bombed me."

"Senator Blandino doesn't see it that way." Taylor advised. "He thinks she's standing back; not wanting to be outed as being there with you. PR notified me; Blandino's press people plan to release that spin on it."

"Senator Blandino is blind where his daughter is concerned," I said.

"Put her out of your misery," Taylor advised again. "Let her go mess up files in daddy's office."

"I can't. Andrea swears Olivia works hard and is very conscientious about her job. She can't formulate a complete sentence when I'm in the room. I repeat lunch orders twice. I've yet to receive a proper cup of coffee when she's on coffee duty. I'm tempted to send her to barista school." I said.

"On that note," Taylor handed me a cup of coffee and his cell phone.

I called Sam, my head of Communications and PR. "Sam, I'm using Taylor's phone right now. I need a favor, a huge favor. Do you have any decent shots of me with my family at Coping Together? Email them to me. I'll pick one and let you know. I want it up on the Grey House website within the hour. The caption will read ' _Christian Grey attends Coping Together fundraiser with his family.'_ I want it sent to every friendly media outlet we know. If any media outlet hints I was there with Olivia Blandino, ensure they know I arrived alone and departed alone. Explain I will sue their fucking asses for slander or libel; depending on their form of media, if they hint I was on a date with an employee." I checked the pictures he sent me. "Use picture three; the seating order left to right is Theodore and Frances Trevelyan, me, Grace and Mia Grey. Thanks Sam."

"What's on for the day?" Taylor slid my breakfast in front of me.

"First we have to stop at Vertigo and buy a year's membership for Dad and Grandpa Theo. Then I have a meeting with Eamon Kavanagh at the Kavanagh Media office. After that, we can deliver gifts to Grey Manor. Mia's coordinating a barbeque lunch for Dad and Grandpa Theo. After that we can help Mom with deconstruction of the Coping Together event. I thought we could swim until almost dusk. Then we'll get some gourmet burgers, some beers and watch the game."

"Can do," Taylor said, wondering if he could get Dr. T. to give him a mickey to put in Grey's first beer. The man needed sleep.

 **~~~ CPOV**

I met Eamon Kavanagh for coffee this morning and was duly impressed. Kavanagh knows his industry; that's for sure. His preliminary checks on SIP's financials included comparisons with the three other publishing companies in the area, and formulated a possible bottom line to offer Maxwell Roach for his company. Kavanagh delineated where he would replace, eliminate or consolidate staff. While he suggests turfing Jack Hyde; he noted SIP has a dozen authors with books in progress. While publishing is not the lucrative market it used to be; unless the company publishes textbooks and blockbuster trilogies, SIP would flourish with effective reorganization and emphasis on E-Books. Kavanagh was appalled to see the hourly wage and benefits paid to the support staff versus the bloated wages of upper management. No wonder he predicted financial freefall before FY2013.

I am appalled to see the minimal wages and benefits offered to SIP support staff. This is what Anastasia wants? Granted, her wages are not a notch above minimum wage like at Clayton's Hardware, but I don't see potential for advancement at SIP. She would be better off working at Grey House. I pay my interns better, provide better benefits and promote the best of the best.

 **~~~ 3PPOV**

"Well?" Celeste asked Eamon.

"Done, Grey picked up the SIP paperwork. I know he's interested in it, and not just for Ana. We have to keep our fingers crossed." Eamon said, kissing Celeste's cheek.

"You think he'll discover what's going on with her asshole boss?" Celeste asked.

"He has people who are experts at background checks. If Kate was working for me; I'd give her carte blanche to start with Jack Hyde's birth and expose every dirty little secret that fucker has."

"We're doing this to protect Ethan too, right?" Celeste asked.

"Ethan's fond of Ana. We're fond of Ana. She's like a daughter, but she doesn't love Ethan, she's in love with Christian Grey. Ethan's at loose ends right now because classes haven't started. I don't see anything happening between Ethan and Ana; but we need a backup plan," Eamon said.

"I think we should convince him to take a couple online classes this summer to ease him back into educational life." Celeste said. "I'll tell him I need help inventorying and moving things around the shop. I'll have the conversation with him. If the online college diversion does not work - it's up to you." Celeste said.

"He can work with me. I've got files to clean; background information to be checked; businesses to analyze. After a summer of press releases or sound bytes for the podcast launch; he'll run back to U-Dub in the fall. Once he's putting in 40 hours on classes and studies and 20 hours on practicum, he won't have time for romance." Eamon said.

"What if we're wrong?" Celeste said.

"It would have happened before now," Eamon said. "If there was something between them; he wouldn't have taken time off after college to see the world. We love Ana; but she's not meant for Ethan, and he's not meant for her. We have to accept that."

"Do you think she's intended for Christian Grey? I think he's awfully cold sometimes." Celeste said. "I hoped he would throw her over his shoulder and disappear with her last night, but he managed to control himself."

"He's certainly a different shade of Grey from Elliot isn't he?" Eamon laughed. "I'm proud of Ana refusing to participate in the First Dance Auction. Although…I'm dying to know what she said to him in the text which made him laugh. I don't ever remember seeing Grey laugh before. The picture of him laughing with Dr. Flynn is very popular on the Coping Together website today."

"I'll mention it to Kate; to see if Elliot can find out from Grey," Celeste said.

"Did I ever tell you how much I appreciate your…" Eamon asked.

"Undercover efforts?" Celeste asked. "Speaking of which…"

"Meet you upstairs; I'll bring the wine," Eamon grinned.

 **~~~ APOV**

I'm working with a huge stack of boxes in Kate's closet when Ethan came looking for me. "It's a beautiful day," he scolded me. "Why are you wasting it in Kate's closet?"

"You know what they say about idle hands. I gave Dad his presents early and called him when I woke up this morning. He's going to the Father's Day event with José Senior at Fort Townsend. Barbeque, cake walk, hot air balloon rides, etc. How did your dad like his Father's Day presents?" I asked.

"Oh god," Ethan explained about lunch with his parents, grandparents and the briefcase loaded with goodies he and Kate arranged for his dad. "I don't know which one he liked best, the cigars or the Hennessey cognac but we tortured him with a layer of tie boxes first." He eyed my industriousness, and then spoke. "The counselor is in. Call me Lucy and pay me a nickel," he laughed. "Do you want talk about Christian Grey and last night?"

"I just need some breakup advice. I have a roll of nickels," I said. "I will pay you one for each piece of good advice you offer me." I take a load of clothes on hangers from an open box and hang them on one of the rods in Kate's closet. "I'm just emptying the boxes onto the rods. Kate will have to sort the way she likes."

"My breakup advice has two main themes: wine and laughter." He handed me a glass of wine. "Okay, here's piece of advice number one – no Facebook or social media stalking," Ethan said. "No stalking; period. No calling his phone to hear his voice mail. No driving by his home. No driving by his office. No pumping his family for information about him. No setting Google alerts for current trending tidbits about Christian Grey. No clipping every article you read about him and pasting it on a bulletin board or wallpapering your room with them. Stalkers start that way." He held up the Sunday newspaper he found on the kitchen table and threw it on an empty closet shelf. "Do not listen to your Mother when she nags at you to track Christian's movements via Elliot and Kate. She may not have suggested it yet; but she will."

"He doesn't do Facebook or social media," I said. "Still, it's good advice because I don't have a social media page for him to stalk." I laughed. "Also, I don't tweet or Google alert." I set my wine glass on the closet shelf and grab another handful of clothes on hangers. _I have no intention of stalking him…I wish I could believe he won't stalk me._

"Number two – if you have anything he gave you – return it or donate it to charity." Ethan counseled me.

"Done – except I have an outfit his driver bought me the first night we slept together." I shrugged. When Ethan gave me a funny look, I explained about drunk night with Kate where I slept with Christian at the Heathman and Kate and Elliot spent the night at our apartment. "Tomorrow I will donate the clothes to charity." I grab another handful of clothes.

"Three – lots of women's magazines claim it is bad form to refuse to wash the pillow which smells like him or wear the shirt which smells like him or buy his brand of cologne or body wash. Smell can trigger powerful memories and they aren't always pleasant ones." Ethan said.

"Is that why beer is such a trigger for me? I asked.

Ethan nodded.

"I bought new sheets and towels. The comforter on my bed is new. The quilt on my bed is from my Mom so I don't think about him when I use it." I explained. "He never spent the night here, so I don't have memories of him haunting the place." I empty another box and throw it on the pile of empty boxes. _I will not think about the nice night when I was tied to my bed, blindfolded, the one hot swat on my ass…_

"Four – no body modifications like tattoos or breast implants or extreme haircuts or colors." Ethan suggested.

"Doesn't intrigue me in the least," I laughed. "I had a good shape and trim at the salon yesterday; so I'm good for a while." He opens another box and moves it into place for me to work.

"Cry if you are feeling pain and grief. Cry if you are feeling anger. Don't be afraid to cry." Ethan advised. He opened the remaining boxes. Then he started breaking down empty boxes and folding them flat for storage.

"I'm afraid if I start crying; I won't stop." I admit. I rearrange clothes on the rack so I don't have to look at Ethan. He doesn't need to see unshed tears. Kate will have to arrange her closet, but it will be easier with clothes hanging on rods. I separate blouses to hang on one dual rod with skirts and pants on the lower rod.

"You will; the body is not made to cry without cessation," Ethan said. "Laugh at least once a day. Find a joke website if you can't find something to laugh about. Surf the net for funny animal videos or laughing baby videos."

"I think a lot of things are funny which weren't funny before," I said.

"Exercise regularly, sleep peacefully and eat properly. If you allow yourself to become depressed, it is harder to fight off illness." Ethan said. He stops to take a sip of wine. I follow suit.

"Mental illness becoming physical illness?" I asked. He nodded.

"Go out with girlfriends. Have fun. Laugh. Dance. Keep busy but don't overschedule your days because then you will be too tired to combat depression. Don't fall into the 'retail therapy' trap. You'll get into debt and then will be depressed because of your financial status." Ethan advised.

"Whoops! I have done massive shopping lately. Clothes, computers, car, household items." I grimace. I empty the box and hand it to Ethan. I sip my wine.

"Was it shopping to make you feel better or shopping to replace needed items?" Ethan asked, folding the box; adding it to the pile and setting a full box on top of them to keep them flat.

"Shopping to replace threadbare bed and bath linens. Perhaps I was too busy during college to notice they needed to be replaced. When we moved in here; I paid more attention to their state. I replaced clothes your fashionista sister weeded out of my wardrobe. Plus, I needed a car to replace Wanda," I shrugged. "Laptop to replace the laptop Christian gave me – which I returned. Phone to replace the phone Christian gave me – which I returned. Printer which I didn't have but wanted. Father's Day gift of computer, printer and cell for Dad." I take a sip of wine.

"First off, real men know you do not buy stuff for a lady with the expectation it will get you laid. Real men know if a girl talks to you; it does not mean she wants to date or even be involved with you. I have no use for men who manipulate women in order to use them for sex. As Mom would say: _If the shoe fits; lace that bitch up and wear it_." Ethan shrugged. "Maybe some guys use physical pleasures to avoid dealing with emotions. They float from woman to woman. A lot of people want Christian for the face, the social standing and/or the money. He probably doesn't know how to deal with a girl who only wants his heart."

"He wasn't offering me his heart," I said. "He didn't want to be friends with benefits. He offered car, electronics and clothes in lieu of dating and having a normal boy-girl relationship. I returned all his gifts; which is why I bought my own."

"Did you put yourself in debt to purchase those things?" He asked.

"No," I explain about Christian selling Wanda and giving me the money from the sale. "I'm sure he gave two to four times what Wanda was worth. However, what he gave me was the top end of the prices I saw on the web; so I had no basis to call him out for it. I'm done shopping for a while. I don't like shopping. I'd rather read." I laughed and kept emptying boxes.

Ethan nodded. "Don't fall into bed with someone because you need physical contact. Don't jump into bed with anyone because you are lonely and need to satisfy your emotional and physical needs. Don't get drunk and fall into bed with someone. You are impaired and possibly do not acknowledge the results such as diseases, pregnancy, abuse, etc." He took a sip of wine and continued to fold empty boxes. "Not to be gross; but indiscriminate sex is like ripping the scab off a wound over and over. You never heal from the original injury and hurt yourself over and over. Bind your wounds and move on."

I snorted. "It's going to be a long time before I fall into bed with anyone." I keep my back to him, facing the rod, hanging clothes. I don't want my feelings about Christian to show on my face. I wonder what it is like to have someone make love to you. Not sex for fun to pass the time; not sex to distract you from real conversations; not sex with rules, furniture and toys; but someone holding you in their arms like you are the only creature in the world who can take them to heaven.

"Meditate – don't medicate. Anything done in excess is not good for you – booze, retail therapy, chocolate, exercise, overscheduling your day, lounging around in hideous neon pink bunny pajamas." He made a face and we both laugh.

"Didn't plan on it – but it's still good advice so you earned your nickel." Ethan finishes breaking down boxes; so he helps hang clothes on rods. "I think we should find those pink pajamas and burn them." I suggest, laughingly, to him.

Ethan laughed. "We can't do that until we see where the _Elate_ relationship is headed."

I laughed. "Tell me more, Lucy."

"Don't live in your mind - and the only example I offer is the _Twilight_ movie where Edward leaves and Bella is shown sitting in her rocking chair by the window for months. Trust your feelings, trust your instincts. First loves rarely work out. You have to trust you will love again." Ethan said sadly. "I've been there; done that. I begged her parents to urge her to give me a second chance. It gets really ugly when you wallow. It's really depressing when the parents like you more than the object of your affection. It's criminal stalking when you follow them, call them, write them, etc."

"Make a deal with you," I said. "When we get Kate's closet semi-straightened; let's eat good Oriental food and play chopstick swords across the table with each other. Food, companionship and a laugh all in one."

"Deal!" Ethan said. "Let's go to Wild Ginger at the Bravern Center."

"Bravern Center? Shopping mall? Pass," I laugh. "Let's walk over to Pike Place Market."

"Deal," Ethan said. "One more piece of advice. Ana. Broken hearts are like haunted houses – scary, gloomy and dark – but you have to go through it to get out of it."

 **~~~ CPOV**

Email from Elena to Christian:  
Your little girl needs a lesson in manners. I'm surprised you did not teach her how her actions reflect on her Dom. Call me –that's an order. Come to dinner at my house tomorrow night. I have interesting dinner guests you should meet. They will take your mind off current events.

Email from me to Elena:  
1\. _Speaking of manners..._ Exactly when did Anastasia exhibit bad manners toward you? When you approached her at Coping Together and tried to recruit her for your ensemble? Sawyer told Taylor who made me leave rather than confront you. Your actions during dinner aggravated Grandma Frannie and caused Dad to ask why you are badgering Mom with questions about Anastasia.

2\. _Order or not_ …I don't discuss playroom business on the phone. As I explained at Coping Together, I am busy with M&A through the end of the fiscal year. I do not have time to socialize. I am not interested in interviewing potentials.

3\. _Careful where you tread..._ Stay away from Anastasia and cease the game of _20 Questions_ about her or you will not like my reaction. It was inappropriate for you to approach Ana while she's still under my care. I won't ask twice. Don't make me request a disciplinary hearing with the community. Aedan Keyes would be thrilled to organize a disciplinary hearing against you. It would be foolish of you to vex me.

I blind email my reply to Flynn when I send it to Elena. I email Barney to erase or delete any emails between Elena Lincoln and myself. I'm glad he never reads them or asks impertinent questions regarding them.

" _I've fallen in love with you Christian!" Anastasia said._

 _"I need someone who does not want more from me, no emotional attachment, no excessive expectations, just…." I protested._

 _"Just a fuck buddy?" She asked coldly. "I'm not asking you to color my world with rainbows, hearts and flowers. I'm just telling you…you will never touch me that way again."_

Miserable dreams interrupted my sleep again. I wake up; covered in sweat and struggling to breathe. I must have fallen asleep during the game. Taylor covered me; letting me sleep. I shower and dress in sweats; formulating a plan. I take the key to the playroom, along with a large duffel bag. I open the door and contrary to previous times I've entered, the smell of leather, wood and citrus is not calming. I observe the belts, whips and floggers. I stuff the bag full with my favorite flogger, the new riding crop and other mild kinky fuckery toys. I keep all soft restraints and a set of thigh cuffs, the red rope from Clayton's; various blindfolds, a spreader bar, the silver balls, my favorite vibrator, clit butterfly, mini flogger, mini soft paddle, a wonderful collar with adjustable nipple clamps; a leather collar with a strip down the back which has wrist restraints; body paints and various oils, Wartenburg wheels and more. While the bag is stuffed full; it would be classified as an explorer's toy bag. If Anastasia comes back to me; she shouldn't run screaming or scared of the bag's contents. I'm heading back down the stairs when Taylor exits the security office.

"Can I help you, Boss?" He asks.

I feel guilty because it's three in the morning and I've disturbed his sleep. "I need a dozen duffle bags to pack up the contents of the playroom."

"Let's pack up everything you want gone," Taylor says. His voice is resigned. He's been through the clear out of insertables after submissive contracts have ended.

"I want the furniture removed also," I explain. "I decided to dismantle the room." I drop the filled duffle on the floor of my bedroom and turn to catch Taylor scrutinizing me; despite his poker face.

"I'll take care of it. Boss. I will have Reynolds take you to work this morning. I will give Mrs. Jones an extensive grocery and errand list with orders for her to stay away from the condo for five hours. I will call Louis and Dominick at Locke and Keyes."

"Have the movers sign an NDA. Pay them in cash from the safe." I say.

"Can do; I've got spare duffle bags; they can be replaced easily. Let's go pack what we can." Taylor opened a closet in the security office revealing a dozen large duffle bags. "We'll just ship the…"

"Toys," I said.

"Toys out with the furniture. It will be gone before you return to Escala tomorrow night." Taylor promised.

I head up to the playroom and he follows behind with bags and two bottles of water. The water tastes good. I'm thirsty after the two beers we had with our burgers. Taylor and I pack everything from racks, hooks and drawers. I can't place my discomfort. Maybe because I'm finally letting go of my security blanket; I feel like I can breathe. I never realized I was figuratively holding my breath about this lifestyle. I knew keeping it quiet was essential. I had not realized how much I was bound and gagged by it. Flynn's going to love this self-revelation, but I'm too tired to email him right now. Taylor suggests I head back to bed and get some sleep before breakfast and the office.


	10. Chapter 10

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 10 –** "Sounds like you kids have some talking to do. I'll beeavesdroppingfrom the kitchen." Jill Shalvis

 **Monday, June 20 - CPOV**

My morning is blown up by emails and communiques from my PR people about Coping Together. I search Coping Together's website for a picture of Anastasia. I purchase and download it to my laptop. I enjoy cropping Ethan Kavanagh's fucking face out of the picture. It makes me feel better. I save just Anastasia's face with that lovely mask, her blue eyes, those lashes. Gazing at it - I'm destroyed. I'm sorry; Anastasia. I wish I had been a better man. I look at the glider on my desk and I remember _more_. I remember going to Georgia to see her because I missed her. I want her so much.

I check emails from Ros, Barney and Welch. Coffee! I need coffee to deal with this bullshit. Olivia brings me a fresh carafe of coffee. I ignore her batting eyes and come hither smile. I ignore her comment about how nice it was to see me Saturday evening. I ignore her comment about how it was too bad I left the festivities early. She was pleased Mia asked her to participate in the first dance auction. I obviously do not reply, breathing a sigh of relief when she departs. I must address that situation; but not today.

I ring Ros and ask her to come to my office. I ring Andrea and tell her to arrange a working lunch for Welch, Barney, Ros and me. I tell Ros everything I know about SIP. I show her the materials gathered by Eamon Kavanagh and the materials I gathered in the last 24 hours. Barney and Welch will provide more information during lunch.

SIP needs reorganization and they need it now. E-Books are an expanding business and we acquire another facet of the communications industry.

Ros agrees SIP could be a potential buy for us, especially when we enlarge the e-publishing sector. However, she recommends we consider acquiring a commercial printer for business reports, business cards, etc. for Grey House and its subsidies. Ros suggests we find a commercial printer who can print large items; like posters for conferences. It would streamline the vetting process and standardize output. I send Barney an email; ordering him to find commercial printers who are ripe for takeover.

Taylor tells me a message was delivered. It's a picture of me arriving at Coping Together. Writing on the back of the picture asks why I'm hiding my pretty brunette girlfriend. I give him marching orders to find out who left it if possible. I want to know if Anastasia received one also.

 **~~~ APOV**

"Interesting weekend dancing at a charity event with your roommate?" Jack dropped the Sunday _Seattle Times_ lifestyle section on my desk.

 _He had to research Coping Together's website to find pictures of Ethan and me. Jackass._ "Yes," I said. "The Kavanaghs are good company. I don't know how you know I attended with Ethan; our pictures aren't in the papers. The venue and the music were lovely; but I didn't dance." I attempt to ignore him.

"Pictures of you and your roommate are included on Coping Together's website. For a nominal fee you can purchase an 8x10 picture of playing Cinderella in a couture gown designed by Celeste Kavanagh at Carrick and Grace Grey's mansion." Jack stated.

"Are you ready for coffee?" I deflected.

"I'll take coffee with a side of business rumors," Jack said.

"Meaning?" I asked quietly.

"The place was full of corporate raiders and professionals. Since you didn't dance, did you overhear any conversations regarding business acquisitions, business expansions; or business losses?" Jack asked.

"Sorry, I've learned to not discuss proprietary information gleaned from hanging out with Kate or her family," I said quietly again.

"You need to know this about me," Jack snapped. "I want more from an intern than a pretty face, a speed reader or a social climber. This is the business world. Get your head out of designer clothes racks and get your head in the game."

"I don't know what _game_ you are playing…but you need to know this about me…I don't discuss my personal life nor the personal or business lives of my friends and their families." I said, rising from my desk. "I'll get coffee for you now."

"When we go to the fiction symposium in New York the first week of July, I expect you to observe, overhear and overshare with me. I want to know who is unhappy with their current publisher; who is getting ready to sign multi-book deals; who is sleeping with whom, etc." Jack said. "I'll write specific work performance standards for conferences, if necessary, to make you do your job properly as my assistant."

"I don't remember corporate spy being listed in the job requirements." My voice could cool all the coffee in the building. I walked away from him; taking my bloody sweet time fetching his coffee. There has been a run on coffee today. There is less than one-fourth of an inch in the bottom of the two pots. I email pictures of the virtually empty pots to him; explaining I will be gone from my desk for a while. He will probably act passive/aggressive about how long it takes. I dump the grounds, clean the carafes and brew new pots. I stop four people from interrupting the brewing process until there is a half-pot in both carafes. I just love being the coffee guard. I fill Jack's cup and go back to work.

On the way home, I detour past a Salvation Army drop box and throw the Heathman ensemble inside. It took up a lot of room in my tote today; but the peace of mind will be worth it. I was constantly distracted by Christian and memories today. Making coffee reminded me he had to make coffee our first morning together. Getting my lunch out of my tote bag reminded me the clothes were there; reminding me of the morning at Heathman. Eating my lunch reminded me of Christian's need to feed me and his food rules. Checking emails reminded me of the emails we sent back and forth to one another. I thought about his brain-scrambling kiss in the Heathman elevator when I left work today.

The container is almost full, but as it's not my job to empty the containers, I can't obsess about it. My small bag has space to fit right inside the opening of the container. The clothes are out of my life. I will cross this outfit off Kate's list of ensembles and add the four new tops and jeans.

I stop at the front desk to get our mail. There is a manila envelope addressed to me. I take it to my room to open it and find a picture of Christian at Coping Together. In red drippy letters… which I guess are supposed to resemble blood drops…it says I will not be safe if Christian is hiding me from the world. I put a sticky note on the front of the picture to Taylor. It is an FYI only; not a reason to assign surveillance to me. I put the picture back in the envelope and seal it. I guess I'm driving to work tomorrow and making a delivery on the way.

 **~~~ 3PPOV**

Leila followed Anastasia Steele when she got off the bus. She didn't head straight to her condo and Leila wondered why. She watched Anastasia take a bag from her tote and stuff it in the Salvation Army drop box before heading to her condo. Leila hung back; waiting for the crowd on the street to dissipate before she strolled over to the drop box to retrieve the cast-off bag. She peeked inside to see a nice shirt, jeans and European lacy underwear which had been washed and carefully folded. There was a pair of barely worn shoes included in the bag. Why was Anastasia getting rid of such nice, fairly new clothes? Maybe she bought them for her first meeting with Mr. Grey to discuss her contract. Since he obviously bought the designer clothes she wore to work; maybe she was getting rid of things she would not wear again.

Leila didn't want to be caught in the area. She disappeared through Pike Place Market, past the Post Alley Esclava Salon. She looked longingly at the sign. She needed personal grooming done before she talked to Master again; but she had no intention of dealing with that lying bitch Elena. She would use the beauty academy close to her motel for a good haircut, body waxing, facial and eyebrow shaping. She couldn't afford the upkeep of acrylic tips, but she could afford a decent manicure and pedicure with subtle polish. With these nice new clothes; she could slip in and out of Escala and people would think she was Anastasia.

 **~~~ CPOV**

Ros and I drive past SIP when staff departs at the end of the day. I can't watch for Anastasia; Ros will know something is up. I want to see Anastasia; but Ros interrupts my thoughts.

"If we buy SIP; we have to move them to Grey Annex because we are vulnerable in that building. We need SIP where there is security staff, firewalled servers, etc. The last thing we need is a business near a bar; no matter how many potential Ernest Hemingway writers or editors they have." She shakes her head at the building and location.

"Agreed," I said. "I want an in-depth research packet completed by Thursday afternoon – including financial history, financial forecast, social media presence, HR, etc. I want to know how many authors are under contract. I want financial history and background checks on authors and staff. I want a list of their biggest vendors; and I want background and financial checks on them."

"Consider it done," Ros said. "We'll meet for lunch on Wednesday and finalize the paperwork. Tomorrow, Andrea can schedule a merger meeting with Maxwell Roach late Thursday afternoon with a Friday morning meeting with him and his legal team." She sighed. "It will be a push to finalize before the end of the fiscal year; but we can do it."

 **~~~ APOV**

"He's such an asshole!" I exploded. I vent some frustration by slicing onions and mushrooms to grill. I rip salad greens into bite-size pieces. I viciously chop vegetables for salad. I pound the hell out of a lemon to make it juicy, and zest it. I shake the hell out of a lemon Caesar salad dressing. Somehow, being active is cathartic.

"Knowledge is power," Ethan intoned while watching the strip steaks on the grill. He moved them to the side and added a grilling tray of sliced onions and mushrooms. "Some people, who are not secure in their abilities, seek information to give them an advantage over their friends, coworkers, employees, etc. Some take it to the extreme of blackmail. Dad's people research their future employees, companies they acquire, etc. It's standard operating procedure. I'm sure Grey Enterprises Holdings has a security team who runs background checks on companies, senior staff, finances, etc. of companies they acquire. Christian Grey probably ran a background check on Kate before he agreed to the interview. I'm sure once you conducted the interview instead of Kate; he had a background check completed on you."

"Assholes," I sniped. "Both of them. I deserve the right to have a personal life without interference and investigation from anyone."

"So, how will you fulfill the work performance standards of your job?" Ethan asked.

"I am fulfilling the work performance standards for my job. However, I will do my very best to engage other conference attendees in conversations about sightseeing in New York, the fashion district, etc. instead of pumping them for gossip." I quit shaking the life out of the salad dressing and put salad on the table. I refill Ethan's glass from a pitcher of cold Chai tea I put on the table with steak sauce and table settings.

"Listen, I'm not busy for the next few days. Why don't I research New York events scheduled during your trip? Attend the conference as directed by your boss; but ensure you have evenings as free as possible. There's no reason for you to attend dinners with Hyde and potential authors. Explain you're networking with support staff who are more apt to speak freely when they aren't around their bosses. He should realize the sensibility of your suggestion. If I can get a copy of the conference agenda in advance, I can search social media for gossip you can share with him without feeling guilty," Ethan turns the steaks and vegetables. "I made extra steaks for a grilled steak salad lunches for a few days."

"I was thinking…maybe I should attend as many author presentations as possible at local bookstores," I mused. "Surely I will glean a nugget or two of information at those events. I can talk to the authors, their agents, and the bookstore owners. Maybe I can get a copy of their calendar for upcoming book releases, author talks, book signings, etc."

"Sounds like a plan," Ethan said. "I left a list of links about Coping Together on your desk. There are a few pictures of us. You should know what your boss researched. I'll write down four conversations I remember my mother having at Coping Together."

"Why?" I asked.

"It is well-known gossip. One divorce, one impending marriage which merges two business families, one family reunion and one family civil war. I'll pick you up from work each day. I'll come to your desk and we'll gossip in the elevator; discussing those bits of information. One piece of information each day will keep Hyde placated this week. If he's trying to profit from the gossip – we'll know soon enough." Ethan plates the steaks and veggies; signaling it is time for dinner and more palatable conversation.

 **Tuesday, June 21 – APOV**

Ethan offers me a ride to SIP. He's collecting another carload of clothes and possessions. I explain I have to drop something off at Escala. He asked what it is and I tell him I'm not discussing it. I just want to get through work today; especially the damned editorial meeting. I worried about the impending New York trip. I want to talk to Amber about New York.

"Mr. Grey left explicit instructions. You are not to deliver anything at the front desk for him. You are to take it up to the penthouse," the day concierge informed me.

"It's not for Mr. Grey. It's for Taylor, his close protection officer." I said. "Do you have explicit instructions regarding Taylor's deliveries and correspondence?"

"No," the day concierge said.

"Good," I replied. "Then you will please notify Taylor he has correspondence awaiting him at the front desk." I departed and didn't look back.

After the editorial meeting, Amber suggests we skip lunch with the editors. We walk to the deli. I thank her for not objecting to sharing a hotel room in New York. However, I need help packing for the trip and would feel more comfortable at my first conference if she could guide me.

Amber teaches me about Style Soduku. She drew an empty copy of the frame and sketched out a completed copy. She showed me how to layout four tops, bottoms, sweaters or jackets and shoes/accessories. It gives me over a dozen different outfits with four sets of basics. It's how she packs for trips. She adds a cocktail dress, exercise clothes, pajamas and lingerie. She fits it all in space bags in a carry on suitcase with a clothes steamer. She buys toiletries when she lands instead of worrying about packing them. She explains as she's leaving; she donates the remainder of the toiletries to the homeless who hang out around the hotel or the airport. She says if there's no time to shop, there are toiletry kits for sale on Amazon which meet the TSA requirements. She also hits a convenience store or mini-mart and buys sodas and snacks for her room instead of using anything from the mini bar.

It's been an enlightening lunch hour. Amber says we will back up one another at the conference. She asked Finance to seat us next to each other on the plane, also. She asks me to give her a few pieces of information about myself which she can share if her editor asks questions.

"Tell him I'm an ex-military brat. I applied for an updated carry conceal permit. I've shot expert at shooting competitions since I was thirteen. I own a Glock Gen4 and a set of combat quality shooting earmuffs. Those pieces of information are all true and usually make avid questioners step out of line of fire." I said with biting sarcasm. "Make sure Jack Hyde hears your recitation.

"Remind me not to get on your bad side," Amber laughed. Then she sobered, "Be careful at the conference, Ana. Don't go to Hyde's room alone; don't have dinner alone with him; don't drink anything he gives you."

"My Dad would echo your comments," I assured her.

"How do you feel about dinner at the Metropolitan Grill?" Ethan asked me in the elevator at the end of the day. "I promised I'd have dinner and drinks with my friend, Greg Beymer and his fiancée tonight. He was at Coping Together and bought the First Dance with Sarah, the girl in the gold gown made by my mother. Greg's family is experiencing a civil war of sorts. His grandfather is not well and Greg's dad and twin brother are at odds over who is going to take over the family business. It looks like Beymer BMW may disband and each of the four children will take over one of the BMW businesses in Seattle, Portland, Boise and Las Vegas. It's too bad really. Sarah was looking forward to my mother designing her wedding gown and having a huge family wedding at Thornewood Castle."

"Dinner would be nice," I said. "Kate says they have great seafood entrees."

"I'll ask Greg to tell the story about the BMW woman. She bought a new customized BMW. She paid for an insurance policy to cover her new car from the car lot to DMV where she would register it since she didn't want anyone else driving her new toy. Some drunk ran a stoplight and t-boned her new car while she was on the way to DMV. The highway patrol didn't know which wounds on the driver were inflicted from the crash or from the woman. When they arrived, she was on top of him, pounding the hell out of him. Greg tells the story with great detail and enthusiasm."

I noticed Jack texting as we exited the elevator. He headed for the bathrooms while Ethan and I headed for the front door.

"Now what?" I asked Ethan.

"I've been thinking about it. Jack Hyde might be using proprietary information for some reason – and stock purchases might explain it." Ethan said. "We watch to see if there are any purchases or sales of Beymer BMW stock over the next week. So how was your day?"

"Jackass was making me do twice the work necessary for the editorial meetings. One of the support staff took pity on me and gave me an updated procedures manual, plus a streamlined list of what to prep for the meetings." I shook my head. "He was pissed after the editorial meeting where he learned I am sitting next to Amber on the plane, six rows of seats away from her editor and him. It's a red-eye where we were supposed to sleep before we attend the conference. Guess he was pissed I wasn't sleeping next to him on the plane. Then he was upset again when he found out I am sharing a hotel room with Amber. When her editor asked her why, she explained the room block set aside for the conference was full; so our sharing a room was the next best option. Then it was lunch time and my coworker and I escaped."

"I think that calls for an adult beverage," Ethan pronounced,

"Who are they?" Greg asked.

"My boss and the HR director from my new job," I sighed.

"No," Greg told the hostess. "We're a cozy group, we don't want gatecrashers."

"Understood," She commented and returned to Jack and Elizabeth.

"Ana," Greg said, "Eyes on me. I'll handle this."

"Ana," Jack started to say, "Introduce us to your gay little party."

"Allow me, Ana," Greg stood, towering over Jack. "I am the host; introductions are my task. I'm Greg Beymer, college friend of Ethan Kavanagh. I coordinate water fountain regattas for intercity youth. I teach kazoo marching on weekends. In my spare time I make balloon animals for people who are allergic to live pets." He grinned.

"Allow me to introduce my college friend, Ethan Kavanagh. Ethan loves to play polo on merry-go-round ponies. He makes colorful clown wigs out of cotton candy; and has been voted MVP at carnival baseball tosses. This beautiful lady," he indicated Sarah, "is Sarah Jackson, my fiancée. Sarah works at a steampunk bakery; volunteers as a mechanic for steam engine parades; and is a currency exchange officer for parking meters. Ana, the pretty and petite roommate of Ethan, studies ballet and borscht cooking at the Russian Embassy. She paints neon red anarchy signs at Graffiti Row." He turned to Ana. "This is..." he prompted her for Elizabeth's name.

"Elizabeth Morgan, HR Director, Seattle Independent Publishing." I replied.

"And this is..." Greg prompted for response.

"Jack Hyde, Editor, Seattle Independent Publishing. He is my immediate supervisor." I said without hesitation.

"Delighted to meet you," Greg's voice was suddenly posh English snobbery. He solemnly shook hands with both.

"Brilliant," Sarah said, copying Greg's lead.

"Capital," Ethan played follow the leader.

"If there is fallout from our introductions, please let me know," Greg said to me. "My grandfather belongs to the same club as Maxwell Roach." He turned to the hostess, offering her a tip. "We won't usurp any more of your time," Greg announced. "Thank you for seating them away from us."

 **~~~ CPOV**

Striker text to Grey:  
A. Steele rode to work with E. Kavanagh. Envelope delivered to Escala. Lunch at local deli with coworker. Editorial trip to NY discussed. E.K. picked A.S. up from work. A. Steele, Metropolitan Grille w/ E. Kavanagh, G. Beymer and fiancée. S. Jackson. Dinner, wine, conversation about summer plans and events. J. Hyde appeared w/ E. Morgan. They requested hostess seat them w/ Beymer and Kavanagh. Hostess refused; but they walked past and said hello. Beymer facilitated a round of introductions. I'm attaching video. Brief background checks on Beymer and fiancée attached. Kavanagh was a gentleman - held A.S. chair, offered her his arm when they were leaving, opened the car door for her. We followed back to condo when evening was done, which was before eight-thirty.

Grey email to Striker:  
Someone left threatening message for A. Steele; she delivered it to Taylor this morning. Pull the CCTV from her building. See if you can find out who left envelope. Keep an eye out for future messages. Talk to building manager. Pay them to keep eye out for her and let you know if there are issues.

 **Wednesday, June 22 – 3PPOV**

******** _Seattle Nooz_ *******  
Ethan Kavanagh and date were seen at the Metropolitan Grille w/ Greg Beymer and fiancée, Sarah Jackson. Rumor says Ethan Kavanagh is going back to college at U-Dub to get his master's degree in psychology. Greg and Sarah are due for a September 2011 wedding at Thornwood Castle. Best gossip of the evening…the lovely brunette seen with Ethan Kavanagh was the young lady seen in the _Seattle Times_ paper with Christian Grey at the WSUV graduation in May. She was the young lady in the background pictures of Christian Grey at Portland Place for a photography exhibit. She is featured in pictures on Coping Together's website with Ethan Kavanagh. Restaurant staff said she was introduced as Anastasia Steele, a 'roommate' of Ethan Kavanagh. They are sharing a condo with his sister/her friend Katherine Kavanagh who is currently vacationing in Barbados with Elliot Grey. Who is this lovely young woman who seems to have her pick of the trust fund boys of Seattle?  
******** _Seattle Nooz_ *******

Barney sighed. Grey wasn't going to like this bit of PR at all. He would send it to Communications and let Sam break the news to Grey. The problem was...the viral video of Miss Steele at dinner with friends made Barney and his IT people howl. He wasn't sure Grey would appreciate it.

 **~~~ APOV**

"So what did your mom say?" I asked Ethan; ignoring Elizabeth and Jack Hyde on the elevator with us. We moved to one corner; away from them.

"She recommended I maintain my friendship with Lance Gilson. I heard his mom was at Coping Together with Benjamin Davies from Seattle Legal. His parents are divorcing and part of their divorce settlement is corporate paperwork naming Lance as the CEO of Gilson Graphics."

"So are you off to dinner with him tonight?" I asked.

"No, but I might go out with him and a group of friends this weekend," Ethan said. "They all finished their master degrees this spring. You know I took 18 months off to volunteer with Catholic charities. I'm the only one returning to college this fall and I have two-three years ahead of me before I'll have my master of science in psychology. We're still on for a quiet night at the condo. I know Kate plans to Skype and let you know when she and Elliot Grey are flying home this weekend."

I watched Jack typing on his phone as we exited the elevator. He and Elizabeth moved off to the reception area as we headed for the front door.

"Now what?" I asked Ethan when we were in the car and on our way home.

"We watch to see if there is a change in the stock holdings of Gilson Graphics. There were sales of Beymer BMW stock overnight; but unless we know who Hyde's investment company is; we may not be able to pin insider trading on him." Ethan said. "You wouldn't know how to hack his email would you?"

"No, they don't exactly teach that in English Literature classes." I shrugged.

'Any time he leaves his computer on and steps away – find out what you can," Ethan said.

"I'm not comfortable with that," I said. "I don't like him and I don't like hanging around in his office whether he is there or not."

"Well, then we have to clone his phone when he's not watching." Ethan said.

"Can you do that?" I asked, surprised.

"I'm a man of many talents, Ana." He said quietly while opening the door for me. "I learned how to not have my phone cloned while I was out of the country. I learned to not use 'free' WIFI at coffee shops. I learned how to not leave my laptop accessible. I learned to not conduct online banking while overseas. Don't assume the natives don't speak English. The best trick I learned is how to know you are being followed and to avoid potential kidnap and ransom scenarios. Always be in a crowd. Constantly check your 3-6-9. Never accept drinks from a stranger, not even a bottle of water. Never drink to excess. So tell me how the rest of your day went?"

"Gee, you would NEVER know we were in the paper," I said facetiously. " I didn't breathe right all day Monday. Tuesday I didn't do anything right. Ten minutes after his arrival; he slaps the newspaper article about our dinner on my desk. Then he checks out the oversize tunic and snorts, ' _Arm candy'_ before he sends me for coffee. At least the oversize tunic hid my torso and my ass so all he could leer at today were my legs. I barely get back from making coffee before Jack asks me to chat up two beta readers who arrived; making sure they have coffee, etc. He wanted me to offer to help them if needed. I hesitated, because it was a full day already with everything I didn't get done yesterday because of the editorial meeting."

"Then what?" Ethan asked.

"He snapped he was only asking for an hour of my time. I replied I'd be glad to help; but I had a full schedule this morning. and waved my micro-management schedule at him." I said.

"Then what?" Ethan asked.

"He insisted on facilitating introductions. The editors and support staff working with those beta readers appeared. Jack offered my assistance fetching coffee or going to the deli if they wanted something to eat. I shook hands and offered my services if needed; but had no takers."

"WTF?" Ethan asked.

"MY question exactly. I just gave Jackass a look and went about doing what was on my schedule. After our famous round of introductions last night; which someone videotaped and posted on the web - which went VIRAL by the way - he was definitely on a tear today until he went drinking at lunch. I swear he passed out in his office for two hours because I didn't hear a peep from him from 2:30 to 4:30; which is when I worked on sending manuscripts to archive. We had three shelves of manuscripts which aged out. Plus, it must have been a busy weekend for aspiring authors, because I had two totes of new manuscripts to enter in the database."

"Perhaps he expects you to go along with whatever he says, regardless. I don't understand why he wanted you to talk to someone else's beta reader unless he expected you to learn how to handle his beta reader in the future." Ethan commiserated.

"I considered the possibility so I plan to read the beta reader procedures and watch the calendar for a beta reader appointment sometime this month. I'm also keeping watch on his mail to see if there's paperwork from a beta reader."

"Just keep thinking it through," Ethan said. "Plan and be proactive."


	11. Chapter 11

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 11 –** "Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." - Saint Francis of Assisi

 **Wednesday, June 22 – CPOV**

"The playroom is dismantled," I announced. I told Flynn about waking in the early hours of Monday morning. I explain how Taylor and I packed up the toys. I explained Taylor supervised the crew who dismantled the playroom furniture and removed it from the penthouse.

"I know Taylor has many talents; but I'm unaware of his connections to the community," Flynn commented. "Are you sure it was safe?"

I nodded. "Taylor called Dominick and Louis from Locke and Keyes. They have experience setting up playrooms and furniture; I'm sure they are experts at dismantling them also. All the toys were packed in duffle bags when I left for work on Monday morning and the room was empty when I returned Monday evening. Mrs. Jones was out of the penthouse when the deconstruction occurred."

"Sabine's employees Dominick and Louis from Locke and Keyes?" Flynn asked. "You don't see an issue there?"

"Locke and Keyes is dark on Sunday and Monday. It was on their time, not club time. They were paid and signed an NDA. They might sell the furniture to club members but they will not announce where they acquired it. Sabine might see flyers for the furniture and wonder; but her NDA and their NDA prevent discussing it."

I handed John a 20-gallon trash bag. "Monday night I shredded contracts, hard and soft limit lists, medical files, financial files and background checks for all submissives. I shredded the insurance pictures. This is filled with shredded documents. I videotaped the destruction of Ana's NDA, her background check, etc. I kept contact information with NDA for the 15; but anything else is gone. I had Barney erase Leila's music off my IPod and reload it with upbeat music for running."

"What are you going to do with the playroom?" Flynn asked.

"Ask Elliot to send a work crew over to repair holes in the walls and ceiling, paint the room, install normal windows to replace the frosted ones and rekey the lock on the door. I'll tell him I'm not using it for storage any longer and it needs renovated for guests. He can keep the frosted windows for his recycling construction materials program."

Flynn is shocked beyond words at the contents of the trash bag. "Did you do this for you or for her? If you did this for her…will you resent her? Will you resent giving up this lifestyle? You must give her time to sort her feelings; plus, you must come to grips with your own feelings." Flynn advised.

"You were right; I wasn't happy with Susannah or before Susannah. I want Anastasia. She doesn't want the playroom or the lifestyle. If she doesn't want it…I don't want it if it means she wants me. She's the first woman who shared my bed with me…and I want her to share my bed with me again." I said simply.

"Honestly; I don't think Anastasia minded the playroom. From what you have said; she enjoyed your times in there – except for the punishment scene. When she said 'you'll never do that to me again'; it was after punishment; not sex. You've had an extreme reaction to her reaction. We've had this discussion. You are not a sadist. Think of yourself as unexplored territory. You have to choose whether you make a positive or negative impact on the world. Keep your weekly appointments with me. Call if there is an issue or you need an emergency session. What is your next goal?" Flynn asked.

"Grey House is in the process of purchasing Seattle Independent Publishing. It's moving into Grey Annex." I explain.

"You are buying the company where Anastasia works?" Flynn asked.

"Yes and before you lecture me on how inappropriate that is…" I revealed what Eamon Kavanagh told me.

"Are there CCTVs at Grey Annex?" He asked.

"Yes, but they are only in common areas like the basement parking, lobby, gym, cafeteria, hallways, elevators, stairwells, roof and outside. There aren't any inside the businesses. I don't know where her desk will be located, so there won't be cameras on her or in the bathrooms. The CCTV is there for the security guards to protect the people and building."

"How much of this is for the benefit of Grey House…and how much of this is a benefit for Christian Grey…and don't tell me what is good for Grey House is good for you," Flynn ordered.

I explain the need for a publishing company. Grey House will keep SIP from imploding. Anastasia and her coworkers (well, most of them) will continue to be gainfully employed. Once Grey House has no need for a publishing company, we can sell a stronger company to interested buyers. However, I plan to make Grey Publishing _the_ west coast publishing company for e-books. It would segue well into the telecommunications market.

Flynn, bless his British hide, is unconvinced about my motives.

I tell him about Elena asking Anastasia to join her ensemble and what Sawyer reported.

"I know about it," Flynn reached for his phone and played the message Anastasia sent him the night of Coping Together.

I sat there in shock; listening to the conversation between Anastasia and Elena.

"Deep, positive breathing. It sounds to me like Anastasia carried herself with poise and intellect. She could have punched Elena in the mouth. Then she might have found you and kicked you in your nether regions. Both would have been media worthy and raised a great many questions." Flynn said. "Instead, she loves you…and she's willing to go to war with Elena over you."

"I'm sure she pissed off Elena…which just exacerbates the issue with her being a person of interest for _Seattle Nooz_."

 **Thursday, June 23 - APOV**

"Interesting things in today's mail," Ethan fanned an envelope at me.

"It's my updated carry conceal permit," I exclaimed. "I didn't expect it for several weeks."

"Kate and I received wedding invitations to the Markesan-Mathews wedding in late September. Kate will probably take Elliot Grey as her plus one. If you'd like to go and have fun, I'll take you as my plus one."

"Remind me again when you have to R.S.V.P. Is he a frat brother of yours?" I asked.

"Yes, he's a VP at Mathews Marketing. She's a financial officer for Markesan Measures. They conduct independent financial analysis of entrepreneurs who plan to take their companies public. It's a great collaboration for both companies…a marketing company paired with a financial advice group." Ethan winked. "Kate plans to Skype you tonight. She and Elliot are flying in very early Saturday morning. Dr. Trevelyan is picking them up at the airport. There's a big barbeque at the Grey estate in Bellevue on Sunday. We've all been invited. As neither Kate nor Elliot are scheduled to return to work until July fifth; I doubt we'll see much of them before then."

"I won't be able to go to the barbeque," I told Ethan. "I'm going home to Montesano this weekend. Dad is going to two estate sales, one in Eugene on Saturday morning and one in Portland on Saturday afternoon. He has a list of what's available at both sales and what he is comfortable restoring and selling. I'm teaching him how to research other estate sales. I have to explain about traveling to New York on July Fourth. Since I have my permit; I can pick up my Glock. Maybe Dad and I can go target practicing on Sunday. I won't be home until early Monday morning."

"What's hot in Ray's world right now?" Ethan asked.

"Family antiques, mostly. The holidays are coming. People want to prove they are taking care of great-grandma's prized antiques." I laughed. "I built him an inventory database, so he is going through sheds; taking pictures; and inventorying in his off hours."

Jack Hyde stared at the screen on his cell phone and then dropped it in his pocket. He definitely listened to our conversation.

Ethan attempted to put his wedding invitation in his pocket; but it soared out of his fingers and landed at Jack's feet. He reached for it and then stood between Jack and me. He handed me the invitation; while he faux checked his phone. I try not to hold my breath while he clones Jack's phone. I hope we have enough time. If not, Ethan's going to have to follow him into the bathroom.

"Geez, Ethan," I said looking at the envelope. "Did they kill enough trees for the 300 invitations for the wedding? Outer envelope, inner envelope, response card, reception meal card, envelope for response and reception, directions map card, accommodations card and charity card? Plus…paper wedding confetti in the shapes of hearts and flowers in her wedding colors of claret and champagne." I try to reassemble the invitation but the cards and envelopes fly everywhere. Ethan and Jack scramble for them; laughing because I'm so uncoordinated. Jack tries to shove all of them back at me to get to the open elevator doors, but Ethan delays him. The elevator doors close and the elevator starts moving up.

"Damn," Jack swears.

"No, it's invitation first," Ethan draws it from my hands. "Response, reception and envelope second." He acts like he's drawing cards from Jack and my hands. "Map and accommodations," he draws from me. "Charity," he takes the last card in Jack's hand. "Thanks, man," he slides everything into the inner envelope and slides the inner envelope into the outer envelope.

"Do you want the confetti?" I asked, laughing.

"I think not," he said, but he gave Jack a glance. "There's a few pieces of wedding confetti attached to your tie." He informed Jack and pointed them out. Jack picked them off his tie and thrust them at Ethan before the elevator door opens to Mr. Roach. He gets on and turns to talk with all of us. I introduce Ethan to Mr. Roach as my roommate. Mr. Roach talks with Ethan about the books he's currently reading. Ethan apologizes because his booklist for fall classes doesn't contain a single fiction book.

When the elevator stops, Jack practically bolts from it. Ethan and I take our time and walk out of SIP to the parking lot. In the car Ethan checks his phone. "Got it," he grinned. "I managed to clone Jack Hyde's phone."

 **XX**

"Ana, this is a friend of mine, Harley Harrison. Harley works for the SEC," Ethan handed the weird piece of hardware to his friend. His friend arrived about the same time as the pizza we ordered for dinner.

Harley looked at it and smiled. "We have it. Any calls he makes to his broker, we'll know the name and location. It's just a matter of watching to see what he's up to." Harley turned to me. "You say he's been asking about proprietary information?"

"Yes; we're attending a conference in New York the first week in July. I'm supposed to report all gossip: who is looking for a new publisher, which publisher has upcoming blockbuster promotions, which publishers are having economic issues, etc., to Jack Hyde."

"We'll start an investigation, but I need your help. I'd like to take you out a few nights as your schedule permits. If Hyde sees me pick you up a few times, he'll ask what I do. You can tell him I'm a stockbroker. Tell him I always email about my day or week so I don't talk work at dinner."

"That will help because?" I asked.

"Because if he's willing to blatantly ask you about proprietary information; he may be checking your emails," Harley said. "If he is – that's invasion of privacy and illegal."

"I have a problem about the pieces of information we just fed him." I admit.

"You were talking about an event you attended. If he takes the information and uses it to buy or sell stocks – that's illegal." Harley explained. "You will not say buy XYZ Company stock tomorrow because next Thursday they are merging with ZYX Enterprises. We would never put you in that position."

Ethan told him about the invitation debacle which delayed Jack and kept him around long enough to clone his phone. Harley has a good laugh and congratulates Ethan on his quick thinking. "I received an invitation also…scrambling it all over the elevator would have been a fun sight." Harley and Ethan left to have a drink.

While waiting for Kate to Skype me; I research insider trading. I watch two _You Tube_ videos on how to use closet organizers. I also go over to a chatroom and read a thread by ex-submissives about their issues with the BDSM lifestyle. I learned more than I ever wanted to know. It's a relief when Kate's Skype comes through…until she notices I'm in my room and not with Christian. Then I endure reporter Kate questions. Just telling her we're taking a break from one another doesn't seem to work. I finally tell her about giving Christian back his things, buying a new car, etc. She says even though she is with Elliot, our friendship comes first and not to keep secrets from her again. Then she reminds me to take this relationship with Christian at my own pace.

 **XX**

I admit it…I've been thinking a lot about Christian this week. I fill my work hours by following the micro-management schedule and making and fetching Jack's coffee. I read manuscripts on the bus, at work and at home; I write synopses of manuscripts. I save manuscript synopses on the server. Packets for editorial meetings are easier since I can access the agenda. My work is more streamlined because Amber shared a real procedures manual with me. I'm not wasting hours of my time because Jack is a passive aggressive asshole and Elizabeth is a jealous bitch. Sometimes I eat lunch with co-workers; sometimes I read. Sometimes I just go to Fifty's and sit in the sunshine. However, the hardest part of my day is deflecting Jack's intrusive attitude or dealing with his leering at me. It is even harder than not thinking about Christian.

On my free nights; I've been working for at least one hour in Kate's room. Her clothes are hung by item, her shoes are sorted by colors and her bed and bath linens are washed and put away. The pile of clothes on her bed is moved to the middle of the closet floor. Purses are sorted by colors and put in the far left side of the cubbies.

I've been very careful about giving Ethan the wrong impression. I've turned down his offers for movies, drinks and dancing or dinners with his friends or colleagues since running into Jack and Elizabeth at the Metropolitan Grille. I'm very careful not to muddy the roommate relationship waters with Ethan. I won't use him to keep me from thinking about Christian.

I've spent my time thinking about the things I read on that submissive support site. I need to research more before Kate gets home. That's a secret I'm carrying to my grave. I'm glad tomorrow is casual Friday at SIP. I can wear jeans, shirt and converse tomorrow. I'll drive to work tomorrow and leave right after work. Dad and I can work out a schedule for me to help in the shop through Christmas. I pack my bag for Montesano this weekend with lots of comfort clothes. I pack my laptop. Since Ethan went out with Harley for a few drinks, I have a long soaking bubble bath.

I know Ethan advised me not to overload my schedule; but staying busy is the only way I know to keep Christian out of my head. Especially since I downloaded a Coping Together picture and sent it to my Mom. She's not happy I went with Ethan; but she was happy to see a picture of me with Mia. Of course, to find the picture of Ethan and me, I had to see pictures of Christian. He was so gorgeous – his black mask accenting his grey eyes and copper curls. There's a great shot of him laughing with the expensive charlatan. I expect they were laughing about my text. I was tempted to download a picture of the Botox Bitch and take it to target practice; but it might raise questions I won't answer. Mom's concerned about my Fourth of July plans; I explain I don't have a choice. I'm flying to New York on business. She asks if Christian will be in New York at the same time and I tell her; I don't know his schedule. She's uncharacteristically quiet.

 **Friday, June 24 – CPOV**

" _It was nice knowing you…"_ _Ana blows me a kiss and my dream fades away._

I groan and throw my arm over my eyes. Some friend of Ethan Kavanagh's was at their condo last night for pizza. They went out for a couple beers but she stayed in. Contrary to several nights these past two weeks; I don't remember last night's dream, just the ending.

I remember our tryst that night; the necktie, the wine, blindfolding her as a training exercise, the ice torture and the one slap on her ass. She came almost immediately after I thrust into her and I made her come a second time while I fucked her hard. It was so good for both of us…why can't she see how good we will be together? Why won't she give me a second chance? She's still friends with that asshole Rodriguez and he ignored her when she said no. I deserve a second chance also. There's no sense thinking about it. I get up and dress in sweats, ready for a run. However, I can't run in the direction of her condo because someone who lives in that area recognizes me and posts on social media.

 **XX**

"Ros, I'm tired and this has been the week from hell. Just cut to the chase and lay out the issues," I ordered. I need coffee and Andrea is away from her desk; meeting with M&A and Legal. I don't feel like dealing with Olivia. I wonder if Taylor would bring me coffee from the Security Office.

"SIP – financial irregularities since we began the buyout conversations," Ros passed a spreadsheet over to me. "We're a breath away from acquiring this company and their staff is paying for trips to New York and New Orleans with company-issued credit cards." She tapped her Louboutin-clad foot on the floor with impatience.

I looked over the current expenses listed on the spreadsheet. "NOT JUST NO, BUT HELL NO!" I roared.

Taylor came running into the office with his gun drawn.

I shook the paperwork in his direction. Taylor holstered his gun and reached for the paperwork.

"OH HELL NO!" Taylor roared, echoing my comments. "What are you doing about this?"

"Why the hell didn't Ryan know?" I demanded. "I thought he started dating the receptionist so we could get information. I thought we froze their travel accounts?"

"No one knew until Barney started downloading information off their server. We have confirmation for over a dozen of their staff to attend conferences in New York and New Orleans," Ros explained. "We're due for an M&A meeting with them – less than 30 minutes from now. Barney barely has time to interrupt the accounts and keep them in limbo until the paperwork is signed. Then we can legally freeze the accounts to keep anyone from misspending. I'm coordinating with Barney and setting up the meeting. The minute the paperwork is signed, Roach will be ordered to vacate all travel and order staff to return their charge cards." She left me alone with Taylor.

"I'll talk to Ryan and see what we can discover," Taylor assured me. "I will do everything in my power to keep Miss Steele from going to New York with Jack Hyde. I will throw her over my shoulder and deliver her to Raymond Steele in Montesano with a new pair of leg shackles and handcuffs. She's not going anywhere with that bastard."

"Taylor, once paperwork is signed today; I want someone at SIP going through their mail. I don't want Anastasia receiving more of those anonymous notes. She won't let me assign surveillance, so we have to observe her covertly when we're in the building. Do you understand?"

"How soon does SIP/GP move to Grey Annex?" Taylor asked.

"Monday, July 11." I showed him copies of the proposed timeline. "I'm desperate for coffee," I moaned.

"Olivia?" Taylor suggested.

"Oh hell no," I banged my forehead on my desk. It didn't feel good.

"Reynolds – two black coffees, large, two minutes, Grey's office. I'll be waiting at the elevator for you." He shrugged. "Reynolds is a good man, but Andrea scares the pants off him. He'd spill the coffee before he got it to you."

I laughed, "Better he spills it on me than Olivia. He'd be embarrassed but he wouldn't be trying to cop a feel while wiping coffee off my pants."

"TDMI, boss," Taylor shudders.

 **XX**

"Roach, time is money. You are wasting our most precious resource by dragging your feet. End your bartering mentality right now. This isn't a negotiation. I am going to buy your company before it bottoms out and isn't worth the attention of a dozen hungry corporate raiders." I coldly informed him.

"Max," Ros said. "You signed the preliminary buyout paperwork yesterday afternoon. You agreed to the terms before you signed. You will adhere to the conditions of the contract or suffer financial penalties. There will be no plundering resources, no bankrupting divisions, no padding salaries or fiscal year bonuses and certainly no insider trading of SIP stock. When you sign the final papers today; SIP becomes Grey Publishing. Our HR people will determine which staff we keep and which staff we terminate. Grey House will move SIP out of its current location into Grey Annex. All travel is curtailed; all company credit cards relinquished. Details of the buyout are embargoed. Grey House PR will announce the acquisition of SIP."

 **XX – 3PPOV**

"All trips are cancelled and we've relinquished our company credit cards," Jack said. "SIP is in play. Max said the information is embargoed; he cannot tell us who bought the company. Staff will interview with the new HR team to determine if we are redundant or if we are kept by the new owners." He groused to Elizabeth. He looked around Fifty's. Damn, Ana was not there again! He wanted to know if Kavanagh Media was the company behind the SIP merger. He didn't have to order her to cancel their travel arrangements; Finance handled it for the entire editorial pool. Information wasn't the only thing he wanted…since the New York trip was off, he would have to settle for fucking Elizabeth until the opportunity to fuck Ana presented itself.

 **XX - CPOV**

Striker to Grey: AS to Montesano to see father. Left after work. Will attempt to follow her throughout the weekend.

 **XX**

I ate the excellent macaroni and cheese Mrs. Jones cooked for me with a crisp glass of white wine. When Taylor disassembled the playroom; he gave Mrs. Jones directives to prepare eight weekends of meals in the freezer for us to reheat. I need to give both of them time off together. I send Taylor a text; I want to schedule some down time for him and Mrs. Jones – maybe Labor Day weekend? I have orders from Flynn to plan and/or attend family events. I can do that; if Elliot invites the elusive Anastasia to accompany her roommate.

I read Welch's reports on three traumatic touch therapy specialists. I researched every site on the web which dealt with traumatic touch therapy. I read recommendations and blogs from patients. I agree with Flynn, the young woman has excellent references and recommendations from abuse, burn and PTSD patients. I email Flynn an NDA for her and ask him to set a meeting after he's shared my history with her.

I read the report from Barney about two different commercial printing companies. One specializes in business cards, brochures, reports, etc. and the other specializes in large print projects like posters, foam boards, tabloid and larger photos for tabletop and freestanding displays. They can also print vinyl signs, like the one Elliot is using to announce Spokani Eden. I see examples of their work…and if I wanted to torture myself; I would have Ana's sun-ray picture recreated.

Barney recommends consolidating both print companies at the large print location. It's more centrally located downtown. They currently rent half their building to a group of artists. We'll consolidate the most experienced staff; the best and newest machines, plus resources. He recommends keeping the name Seattle Business Printing (avoiding any mention of Grey Enterprises Holdings). We help both companies merge and then use their services. All staff would sign an NDA. He recommends hiring a director who has experience in different printing formats and who has an MBA to keep the consolidated company afloat. I forward his report to Ros. I send an email to HR to search the backgrounds of the staff at both companies. If they don't have someone to fill the role of director; I add a bullet list of what is needed and ask HR to set a job announcement, conduct interviews and negotiate salary and perks.

Reading and working have not exhausted me. I'm not tired enough to sleep and too wired to play the piano. I change into clean workout clothes and head upstairs to the gym. I can run on the treadmill until I exhaust myself. Maybe I can collapse in bed by midnight.

 **XX**

 _No!_ My scream wakes me from my nightmare. The sound of my shout echoed through my bedroom; but did not drive back the darkness of the night or the darkness of my soul. It is almost four in the morning. My nostrils register the stale beer, cigarettes and grime from my childhood not the sweat which covers my body. I sit up; balancing my arms on my knees; putting my head in my hands. I try to calm my erratic breathing and my pounding heart. The only good thing about the situation is I'm not having night terrors every night. They've slowed to two or three times a week. Flynn would call that a win. I call it exhausting.

 **Sunday, June 26**

I scan _The Wall Street Journal_ , _New York Times_ and then I read the business section of the _Seattle Times_. Taylor made breakfast and coffee and I ate; but it's going to be a long day if I don't find something to divert me. I'd give anything to spend the day in bed with Anastasia. I want to get in my R8 and drive to Montesano; but I can't let her know I'm having her followed. I pour over the few pictures sent by Striker. She is unaware several men are checking her out while she follows her dad at an antiques auction. I just want to kill the fuckers for having eyes on my Anastasia.

I sent an email to Elliot; asking if he wants to go kayaking, mountain biking, hiking, or swimming. He votes for swimming at Mom and Dad's house, followed by dinner with the family. Kate wants to have a quiet day, do laundry, catch up on life and just chill. I call Dad to make sure we're welcome. He says to come out at any time and stay as long as we would like. Mom's not on duty. I email him to ask Mom to please not invite Elena. Elliot and I want some quality family time.

 **XX – 3PPOV**

Striker email to Grey: Disguised male, under six-feet-tall, approximately 200 pounds, black clothes, ski mask with hoody, black leather driving gloves left the message for A. Steele. He approached the building early Monday morning via shadows, left the same way. No car spotted. Less than 10 seconds at the door to drop envelope through the slot. We've hacked all the cameras in a three-block radius; no sight of mystery man.

On another topic; the doppelganger has been spotted several times in the park near Pike Place. She was spotted two days at a bus stop near Miss Steele's condo. We have yet to ascertain where she appears from and disappears to.

 **XX – APOV**

I'm glad Dad has Internet. The weirdest dream woke me this morning. It scared the crap out of me. I dreamed I was on a bus; heading to work. We were going past Graffiti Row in Seattle when a wall of lava flowed over the wall and was headed for the bus. I woke up in a panic before the lava hit us. I research the dream definitions of lava and laugh to myself! "…soon something will explode in your life." "…perhaps you will meet someone with a fiery or explosive personality. While a relationship will be difficult to maintain; he/she will change your life for the better." "Lava predicts a fiery ending to a project which took your focus and dedication."

I think Christian is possessive because he experienced loss as a child; arrogant because he knows he's smart, smug because he knows he's gorgeous and owns incredibly talented hands, mouth and penis; and occasionally thoughtless in his words and actions. If Christian is the explosive personality…my life is changed for the better because?

Because I know what love is…and I don't intend to live my life without it.


	12. Chapter 12

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 12 –** "I hear the secrets that you keep; when you're talking in your sleep." Romantics, _Talking in Your Sleep_

 **June 28 – 3PPOV**

"I don't want Grey questioning the validity of his feelings. It's one cornerstone of my practice, Dr. Flynn. I don't want him to think his physical response to touch is exaggerated or inappropriate. By reviewing his files; I believe his previous therapists retraumatized him by making him relive his child abuse. Several therapists told his parents he would 'outgrow' the night terrors. I think he failed to connect to his previous therapists because they failed him… inadequate testing and inappropriate assessment. I don't think his previous therapists fully heard him. I think his fears were dismissed. He lost himself, lost his voice. He considered them assholes; and no doubt they thought the same of him. I believe I can help him, Dr. Flynn. I'd be willing to meet with him; but I need you to be comfortable with what you share with me regarding him. I want him to be comfortable and able to discuss his experiences and history with me. I want to be able to discuss the effects of the abuse – his touch issues, night terrors, etc. If he doesn't want to go that route; I don't know if I can help him."

"We'll be there at seven on Friday evening," Dr. Flynn promised.

 **Friday, July 1 - APOV**

Last break was an unscheduled rendezvous at Fifty's with Amber.

"Did you hear?" She gushed. "Let me tell you – it was ug-lee in Finance this afternoon. No travel next week for anyone. All flights, hotels and registrations have been cancelled. Staff was required to relinquish credit cards. By the way, Finance approved our sharing a room, despite Jack Hyde's continuous protests. I heard Finance was screaming over paying double time to clerical staff who had to travel on the Fourth of July."

"Wow…" I am shocked. "Double wow…"

"We just got f-ing lucky," Amber said. "No flight, no conference and no hotel stay with Jackass…hell; I'm going to buy a lottery ticket."

"Hot damn," I said. "I'm going home to Montesano, and I won't come back to Seattle until early Tuesday morning."

 **XX - CPOV**

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours," I snapped at Sela Koch. Who knew I'd be shedding my clothes within an hour of meeting a new petite brunette; but this one has hazel eyes which laugh when she does. There is nothing submissive about this woman!

"I won't touch and you won't touch…but you have to know you are not the only person in the world with traumatic scars. Flynn, if you will face the corner, I'd rather not flash you," Sela Koch said. When Flynn faced a corner, Sela stood and untied her wrap dress, dropping it to around her hips.

I gasped. She is about Anastasia's size and has innumerable scars on her torso. She turned left and then right to show more of her scars.

"Twenty-eight," she said. "Knife wounds. Most are less than an inch long. The longest ones are almost three inches long, which was the width of the knife he imbedded in my body. I have a longer, thinner scar on my neck, at my jugular where he held his knife while raping me. The rest were inflicted when he tried to kill me so I would not tell the world what he had done. I am lucky he was drunk and didn't strike a vital organ." She reassembled and tied her dress. "You can look now, Flynn."

"How old were you?" I asked, horrified.

"Twelve, he was my neighbor's stepfather. Turns out he had been raping my friend at least once a week since she was nine. He was her mother's first boyfriend after her father died. She and her mother were gone that weekend to a family funeral. I don't know why he didn't go. My parents were working late. I was home alone. The house was locked. He was drunk, broke in, raped me and tried to kill me."

"What happened to him?" I asked.

"He passed out, knife in hand on his way to the front door. I was bleeding out. My parents came home – saw the open door and called the police immediately. He was arrested, tried and convicted." She paused. "If I smile and tell you he learned the meaning of rape would it horrify you? Would it make you think less of me?"

"I don't know," I confessed; shocked by what I had seen and heard.

"He killed himself in prison after he suffered a brutal rape at the hands of a sadistic bastard. His rape resulted in six broken ribs, eight broken fingers, lost teeth, broken nose and concussion in addition to anal lacerations and genital bruising." Sela paused. "I went through three dozen horrible psychiatrists who insisted I talk about the 'event' which retraumatized me to the point I was practically catatonic."

I thought for a moment. "I think I recognize that form of treatment. What changed your life?"

"My friend killed herself on her eighteenth birthday, right before we graduated from high school. Her mother killed herself within a week of the funeral. She told everyone she was moving closer to family. It's why we never realized what she intended. She cleared the house, gave possessions to family and charities, filed a will and checked herself into a prestigious hotel. She had prescription sleeping pills. She couldn't live with the guilt of not protecting her daughter or me." Sela sighed.

"My freshman year at college; my mother and I were in a horrible car accident. My beautiful, brave, wonderful mother was critically injured. I had a concussion. When I woke up after the accident; I realized she needed me to get my act together and to help her heal from the accident. I realized at that moment I needed help and I had to help." She paused, giving me a significant look.

"You can look, Flynn, you don't have to hide your blushing eyes." I unbuttoned my shirt and dropped it to my waist; my arms still in the sleeves. Sela stood to take a look and so did Flynn. I've never shown him the scars. I just told him they were there.

"So, how long have you had your scars?" Sela asked; circling me to see the scars on my back. "May I take pictures of your scars? It will help me with your therapy."

I nodded and stood quietly; my eyes closed while she took pictures. "I don't remember the first time I got one. I remember the last one happened before I turned four. There's an even dozen, five on my chest, seven on my back." I said, pulling my shirt back on and buttoning it; not looking in their eyes lest I see pity there.

"Parent?" Sela asked.

"My biological mother's pimp," I admitted.

"When did the abuse stop?" Sela asked.

"She died of a drug overdose shortly after my fourth birthday. He came looking for her. I had been alone with her body for four days. He assaulted her dead body, searched the apartment for money or for things to pawn, beat me and left. The next thing I knew; the police were there taking me away. I was dehydrated and malnourished. At the hospital I met Dr. Grace Trevelyan Grey – who would adopt me."

"Shock begins when we disassociate. We are confronted with an experience so stunning - our mind protects us and our bodies become autonomous. We are frozen in time. Our nervous system; which lacks the resources to cope physically, emotionally or mentally; fails us. We freeze or panic. Once the shock manifests itself in night terrors, it takes a great deal of active therapy to find a solution. In my case, the combined shock of sexual assault and violence didn't manifest itself in inappropriate behaviors until I experienced puberty. My friend and I engaged in self-destructive behaviors once we became teenagers."

"How does TTT change that shock, dissociative state?" I asked. _Teenage self-destructive behaviors – check_.

"Think of TTT as clearing the muscle aches and muscle memories from your body. As you clear away the protective layers of physical barriers…you experience a mental freedom you have never known before. If you don't work to clear whatever is causing your night terrors; you prevent yourself from becoming healed. You may have coping mechanisms, but you will not heal."

"Flynn's giving me a look." I said.

She looked down at her watch. "Our meet and greet is almost up. I have a word of warning I share with new patients. I was massaging a PTSD patient when he had an episode. I was thrown across the room and received broken ribs. I realized I needed to learn self-defense. A man like you, a foot taller and 100 pounds heavier, can inflict a lot of damage on a woman my size. I took Krav Maga classes…and I spar with several of my husband's female coworkers. People underestimate me because of my size…and they shouldn't. I might not put you on your ass in our first few blows…but I will inflict damage…and I won't give up until I'm safe…which means you are incapacitated. I go for the tender parts first, eyes, nose and genitalia. You need to decide if that is an issue for you."

"I don't believe it's an issue…but if it is, we'll learn together," I shrugged.

She stood. "How about a game before you go? Flynn and your bodyguard need to play. It's more fun if you have a dozen or more children playing," She reached in her pocket and waited for us to assemble in a circle. "The game is called _Button, Button, Who's Got the Button_." She flashed a small, yellow button with a sunburst on it. "Hold your hands in prayer position – not too tight. I go around the circle, putting my hands in everyone else's hands one by one. In one person's hands, I leave the button, although I continue going around the circle so no one knows where the button is except for _It_ and the receiver. Once I've gone around the circle, I say, _Button, button, who's got the button?_ Each player in the circle guesses. Christian has the button or John has the button or…"

"Jason," Taylor said.

"Or Jason has the button, or Sela has the button. Understand?" When everyone nodded, Sela continued. "Once the person with the button has been guessed, that person is _It_ and starts a new round."

Everyone held out their hands, in prayer position and Sela began. She seemed pleased because I didn't shrink when she touched me; nor did I shrink when touching the other players. Handshakes are a breeze. Chest and back massages…I hope I learn to trust her. That's basically the tenants of TTT – trust, control and therapeutic touch.

 **XX – 3PPOV**

I watched Master's parking spaces. Her car sits there, but one of his SUVs is gone. It's after seven; is he late? Is she waiting for him like I used to wait? Mrs. Jones is gone for the weekend; I saw her leave. I slip into the staff elevator and enter Mrs. Jones' code. She didn't know I saw it the night she took me to the hospital. The penthouse is dark, minimal lights. There is no staff in the security office. I turn the CCTV cameras to scan all the rooms and halls in the penthouse; noting there is no light in the submissive bedroom. Did he take her somewhere? To buy clothes? On a date? Did he take her away for the weekend? Why does he want more with her? Why does he have pictures taken with her? I set the cameras to fixed positions at the balconies.

Quietly I go to the safe. I need the media box of pictures he keeps there, but the pictures are gone. Inside the box is one file folder which holds NDA forms and contact sheets for his previous submissives. I laugh when I see my contact sheet. None of those assholes know where to find me…and fewer of them could care where I am. There is no other information. There is no information about Anastasia. WTF? I spot a few packets of money and help myself to one buried on the bottom of the stack that says $5K on it. I drop it into my new blue shirt, feeling it nestle against the waistband of the jeans she donated. There is a laptop, a phone, car keys and a jewelry box with diamond earrings. WTF? Did she give them all back to him; like a teenage girl who breaks up with her boyfriend? I have to think about this. I close the safe and wipe my fingerprints off it; setting the dial back to zero. Sir has his rituals and habits.

I slip through the condo. Her room is clean, but unused. Her car is here but she is not. I open her dresser drawers and they are full of new, never worn lingerie. I open her closet and it is full of clothes. New, with tags. I spot two totes on the closet shelf and a large cross body bag. It is serendipitous she is my size. I shove clothes and shoes in the totes; stuffing them brimming full. I shove underwear and stockings along with the money in the cross body bag. I close everything, wiping down fingerprints and slipping down the stairs.

I turn one CCTV to the parking garage and note no one is there. I turn one to the main elevator. No one is there. I use a pair of panties to wipe off fingerprints. I take the staff elevator back to the parking level without being caught. I wipe down fingerprints again. I flatten myself against the exterior wall of the parking level; out of sight of cameras and slip out of Escala. If anyone saw me; I'm wearing her clothes. They will think I am her.

I stick to shadows until I get to a small park. I dump the contents of the totes and bag on a picnic table. I put the shoes and packages of stockings in one tote. I tightly roll all the clothes and stuff them into the other tote. I roll the underwear; stuffing it into the cross-body bag along with the packet of money. I pull a $100 bill out of the money packet, shoving it into the pocket of my jeans. I stop at a fast food place for a quick meal and a bottle of water. I dismantle my phone, dropping the battery in one trash can and the phone in the next one. I'm off to the corner and catch a bus back to my motel.

I need to make plans…and that means daily newspapers to see what is reported about Mr. Grey… _Master_ … and Anastasia. I need a burner phone with wireless access and an internet app to keep up on Google alerts and twitter feeds about him. I can use the computer lab at the library for free and there are lots of fast food places offering free WIFI. That $5K, with the little I have saved, will support me until I can approach Master. We had a good time together before…if he gives me a second chance…I will make him happy again. I need him…I need to hear his voice; I need to feel his touch. I don't want to think…I want him to free my mind. He knows what is best for me.

 **XX - CPOV**

Email from Ryan to Grey: Interesting gossip at tonight's SIP drinks-after-work event. Roach's secretary revealed he had been in merger talks this week. She didn't know who he was meeting. Several people suggested Puget Publishing and Kavanagh Media.

Claire said the gossip about SIP being sold panics everyone because they're worried their dirty little secrets will come out when the new company takes over. She hates Jack Hyde and two of the editors. She says they are sleaze bags. The two editors are married to each other. He's having an affair with his secretary and she's having an affair with the head of IT. Claire says the IT support staff is sleeping with one of the guys from IT; but she takes long lunches in the Finance Director's Office on Friday. She says none of these people have heard the phrase about _pissing in your chili_.

I saw Hyde in action; leering at every female in the place and invading their personal space. He's a walking sexual harassment or hostile work environment lawsuit waiting to happen. I made Claire sit between me and the wall in our booth to keep him out of her personal space. I like Claire and she likes me…but there's no spark. We won't be seeing each other very much longer. Is there more to learn from her?

 **XX**

Grey email to Ryan and Barney: I've forwarded this email to Barney. I need you to hang in there with Claire for just a few more weeks – at least until August first. That's her birthday. Buy her a nice gold bracelet and take her to a nice dinner before you end the relationship. I need to know if weird mail is coming to SIP for Anastasia Steele. Barney – I NEED those background checks on ALL staff at SIP before we announce the merger on July 5. Work with Welch and Taylor but GET IT DONE.

Grey email to Max Roach: Max; yes, Ros and I will be at SIP on Tuesday, July 5 to announce the merger to the staff. Two meetings, at 10 and at 2. Until then, the information is embargoed.

 **XX – Taylor's POV**

We get back to Escala. The boss seems a little weary from tonight's therapy session. I conducted the background check on Sela Koch. Several ex-military staff with PTSD gave her glowing recommendations. Gail is visiting her sister for the weekend; seems Grey and I will be batching it again. He gave nonessential security the weekend off.

Gail left prepared sub sandwiches and salad for us for dinner. He goes to the home office to work. I go to the security office. For some reason, two of the active CCTV cameras are pointed at the balconies. I run them back and there is nothing but the antics of amorous pigeons. The cameras moved and froze in place, catching more pigeon sex than I care to watch. I run the tapes for the parking garage and catch sight of Gail as she leaves and our return. I will miss my woman over this long weekend.

 **July 2 – 3PPOV**

" _Christian Grey gets to fuck up my life, not once but twice?"_ Hyde thought to himself. _"First Detroit; now Seattle. It is time for some payback."_ He double checked Roach's emails. It was a done deal; Grey Enterprises Holdings was now the new owner of Seattle Independent Publishing. Hyde reached for his cell phone and called his stockbroker. "I need you to buy every possible share of Seattle Independent Publishing," he ordered. "I've got $150K to spend; get me what you can, today, this hour, now."

He needed to rethink his plan for Anastasia Steele. They would have been in New York in a few days where no one could stop him. She would have been bedded and Christian Grey would have been shredded. Two birds…one stone. But it was stupid to think he could just tap that. Knowing she did not have a strong relationship with her mother made Hyde think she didn't have a strong relationship with any of her stepfathers. He wasn't scared of Raymond Steele; but he had to quit underestimating Ana. She's a lot stronger and more intuitive than he anticipated. She had too many protective layers around her. Hyde had to reformulate his plan to use Ana for his benefit.

 **July 4 - APOV**

My alarm radio plays _Africa_ by _Toto_ … _I seek to cure what's deep inside, frightened of this thing that I've become…_ Irritated, I slap the alarm off. I take a briskly cool shower to clear my head…but there is a Christian Grey war going on in my head and in my heart. It's been a month since I left Escala. There is minimal conversation while Dad and I are fishing. I don't want to think about Christian…so I concentrate on things to accomplish today.

Fishing done; boat cleaned and secured. Fish cleaned, ready to grill for dinner. Task one is done. I dress for getting some sun and pull my errant hair into a ponytail. Pancake feed at the Fire Station followed by the Fourth of July parade. Then return home, work in the shop; grill dinner and watch fireworks with friends.

I've loved being with Dad this weekend. Early mornings we fished. During the day, we worked in the shop with the Rodriguez men. At night, I built a spreadsheet for Dad's business and taught him how to use it with the ledger as backup. I tested him on taking and downloading pictures. I tested him on retrieving files from his laptop and phone. I tweak the inventory database and test him on how to access and use it. I kept myself busy so I don't think about Christian – not much anyway. I struggled to not daydream about picnicking with him at Lake Sylvia today. I struggled not to daydream about hanging out on the patio and making s'mores using the firepit. I struggled not to think about Christian sunbathing on Dad's patio. I struggled to not think about how Christian ate my pancakes and bacon our first morning together.

We're back after fishing, pancakes and parade; working in the shop. I've been busy paint stripping an old armoire and sanding its splintery drawer runners. However, my sanding task in Dad's workshop this morning took on a rhythm… Chris-tian… forward…back… Chris-tian… forward… back… Chris-tian. I finished my sanding task and told Dad I needed to play in the kitchen. He waved me off without explanation.

 **XX - CPOV**

The sky is blue; the ocean is blue… Anastasia's eyes are blue …sailing on _The Grace_ is one of the best things of my life.

 _"Why are you trying to change me?" Anastasia asked._

 _"I'm not. It's you that's changing me." I replied._

I ponder my situation. Flynn told me I need to be comfortable with my family; which means more family outings and events without slipping away at the first possible moment. I have to learn to be more amiable (?), flexible (?) with my family.

The water was indolent today...waves lolling and rolling. Elliot says it looks like Jell-O shots topped with whipped cream. I don't want to think about lolling and rolling and whipped cream…because Anastasia comes to mind; alerting a part of my anatomy which appears to be autonomous and think about its own agenda lately. I scold myself; I'm not 15 years old. I need to regain control of my body. I'm glad Elena didn't crash the family sailing date. I don't want to endure another secret conversation about meeting her potential submissives.

What I really need is a conversation with Anastasia. I own SIP; I will take care of Anastasia whether she likes it or not. "Mia," I called down to her. "Come talk to your favorite brother," I stuck my tongue out at Elliot. He was too busy slathering sunscreen on Kate to argue with me. I won't look; I won't think about Anastasia sailing on my boat; I won't think about rubbing suntan lotion on her pale, perfect skin.

"What do you need, my favorite brother," Mia teased me.

"Mia, I've been thinking about some things you said at Coping Together. I want to discuss a business proposition with you." I grinned; but she knew I was serious.

 **XX – 3PPOV**

"Did you see him?" José Senior asked.

"Annie's stalker at the pancake feed and the parade?" Ray asked. "I saw him. When I centered on him, he moved and shot pictures of her one o'clock."

"What was at her one at the pancake feed?" José Senior asked.

"Camouflage clown entertaining the toddler twin boys," Ray said. "Her one o'clock at the parade was the National Guard float."

"Have you seen him before?" José Senior asked.

"No, but I'm torn. I don't know if Annie's being stalked by Grey or someone else." Ray sighed. "I met her boss. He reminds me of Officer Oily when we were in Air Cav at Fort Riley."

"The one that gave Carla and Marta the creeps," José Senior remembered.

"Yeah, the NCO friendly one; but NCO wife friendlier," Ray responded. "This guy is a corporate creeper. I wore my 'Don't touch my tools or my daughter' t-shirt. I told Annie the moment she felt uncomfortable, unsafe or harassed to let me know. Hyde overheard our conversations; like he was supposed to. He blanched and walked away. At least he wasn't on the street watching her ass when I picked her up."

"Do you know why she would have someone, other than Grey, tracking her?" José Senior asked.

"She had dinner with her roommate, Ethan Kavanagh. _Seattle Nooz_ outed her as his date and as the mysterious brunette in the WSUV picture – according to Carla. I think people are trying to figure out who she is and her connection to Grey." Ray said.

"Do you think she's in danger?" José Senior asked.

"I know people like Christian Grey have stalkers; which is why they have close protection officers. I don't want Annie hurt because one of his stalkers is delusional about their position in his life." Ray sighed.

"Speaking of power tools; let's clean one of the supply sheds and add some inventory to the spectacular database Annie created." José Senior suggested.

 **XX - 3PPOV**

José watched her all weekend. She hadn't lost more weight since he saw her at the exhibit opening. However, she hadn't regained what she lost either. She ate at every meal; Ray didn't nag at her to eat; he just kept passing food in her direction in case she was up to a second helping of something. Her meals over the weekend included comfort food and plenty of it. José missed seeing her a few times a week on campus. Hell, he missed everything about her. He missed hanging out, he missed the occasional pizza and beer. He missed meeting her for lunch when she worked at Clayton's Hardware.

Mostly…he missed his chance with her. If he had planned better she would not have drunk so much that night. He wouldn't have needed so much liquid courage to tell her how he felt. But she drunk dialed Christian; who stopped José from getting the one kiss he thought would change their lives. Now she would never be his…because it was obvious to him…and to Ray…Ana wasn't over Christian Grey.

 **XX - APOV**

"Is every girl crazy about a sharp-dressed man?" José watched me while I cooked. The radio is on Dad's favorite classic rock station.

"If you're asking me, I prefer jeans and chambray shirts. Dad spoiled me on how real men dress." I shrug. "A pretty face don't make a pretty heart…" I concentrated on the apple pies I'm baking for dessert.

"If that's a comment about you from someone, I'll beat the fucker up for you." José offered gallantly.

"No just a musical observation." Today the classic radio station seems to be messing with me. Lots of songs with poignant meanings. I needed cooking to distract me from thinking about _him_. So, cold things are chilling; grill items are prepped. The ingredients for two batches of homemade ice cream wait in the refrigerator. I know Christian likes fishing. I know he likes pancakes, but does he like grilling dinner? I like my simple life and I like puzzles. However; Christian's too complicated to figure out.

Dad's number one rule is no headphones or earphones while working in the shop. He says you have to be able to hear the sounds tools make. His prove-his-point-story is about a man wearing earplugs whose circular saw blade broke in half and imbedded itself in his chest. The guy was gone before he made it to the shop door. Dad won't let me wear earbuds in the house because he says if he yells for help, I have to be able to hear him. So here I am…being tortured by Dad's favorite classic rock radio.

Red, white and blue motif plates and paper napkins – red room of pain. _Gordon Lightfoot, Sundown: I can see her lying back in her satin dress, in a room where you do what you don't confess._

In between the songs stabbing at my heart are American-motif and patriotic songs. The songs of my youth spent on military bases with Dad are mixed with echoes of military marching band music coming from somewhere on the lake. They must be testing the music to go with tonight's fireworks.

José shares a picture of Kate sailing with the Grey family on Christian's boat. I try not to notice Christian at the helm of the boat while looking at Kate's pictures. He's wearing a white shirt, sleeves rolled up; jeans and deck shoes. His copper hair gleams fiery in the sun. _Kansas, Carry on My Wayward Son: On a stormy sea of moving emotion; tossed about, I'm like a ship on the ocean._

José emailed Kate a picture of our camping picture mounted on Dad's fireplace mantle. He offered her a copy for her parents if they want it. She wishes us both a wonderful Fourth of July and asks José to tell Dad and José Senior hello and thank them for their service to our country.

It's kind of her and makes me smile. José scowls; thinking my happy smile is because I saw a picture of Christian. "That was very kind of her," I say. "Our dads will be pleased because she remembered them." I smile again to let him know I'm happy about her comment.

 _Berlin…Take My Breath Away –_ there's no breath control play on Christian's hard limits list.

 _Bon Jovi…Living on a Prayer_ – Thomas Tallis, choral music on our last night in the playroom.

 _Poison…Every Rose has its Thorn_ – Two dozen white roses congratulating me on my job.

 _Eagles…Take It to the Limit_ – The fundamental purpose of this contract is to allow the Submissive to explore her sensuality and her _limits_ safely, with due respect and regard for her needs, her limits and her well-being.

The doorbell sounds, covering my slam of a cupboard door as I try to shut down memories.

"Ray's in the woodshop," José tells the guest at the door. I watch as José takes the guest to the woodshop. Our guest wears a white shirt and jeans… _like Christian in the picture_. He holds himself straight and tall… _like Christian does_. His sandy blonde hair is shaved high and tight, with tousled curls on top… _Christian has copper curls_. Our guest must be one of Dad's VFW friends, who came early. We invited half a dozen of the single vets to come for barbeque and fireworks. I set apple pies on cooling racks.

 **XX**

 _Doobie Brothers, What a Fool Believes: The sentimental fool don't see; trying hard to recreate what had yet to be created._ The classic rock radio station announced the Doobie Brothers are scheduled to play at the closure of the Walter Reed Army Medical Center Hospital at the end of the month. José Senior comments he had been there once and had seen the Doobie Brothers in concert once. He and Dad finish grilling everything so we can eat.

Everyone takes turns cranking the ice cream maker. After we eat dessert and clean off the table, the guys play cards and I clean the kitchen. I like watching my Dad with friends; having a good laugh. I can't help myself; I go get my phone and I send an email to the webmaster at greyhouse dot com. It is addressed to Taylor, thanking him for his service. I wonder if Christian had a good time with his family today. The man needs friends and freedom from Botox Bitch.

We watch the fireworks display coordinated by the Montesano VFW over Lake Sylvia. Dad's very careful with the younger vets and ensures no one experiences PTSD from the fireworks display. He hands out several pairs of combat arms earmuffs at the start of the festivities. I sit away from them, on the back porch steps with José, watching the explosions of color against the night sky. It's typical Fourth of July fireworks – lots of red, white, blue and gold with military marching band motif music.

The men are very gallant; thanking me for the wonderful dinner. José and José Senior hug me goodbye at the end of the night. I enjoyed making Dad happy and making everyone feel welcome. Dad sends me off to bed while he closes down and locks up the house. Tomorrow will come too soon. I pack everything tonight; setting it aside for a fast get-away in the morning.

I lie in bed, wondering what I am doing. I managed to disappoint my Mother, again. She is not pleased Christian and I are no longer a couple. She's accessed Kate's Facebook page and knows Kate went sailing with the Greys and attended the family barbeque. She said Christian looks miserable without me in the pictures on Kate's Facebook page. I want to know how she can determine his feelings from pictures of his back. He was facing away in the only picture I saw. Mom tells me I need to quit overthinking the situation. She guarantees there will be plenty of fireworks between Christian and me if I step up my game and show him I'm capable of providing everything he needs. _Really MOM? You don't have a clue about what he thinks he needs and if Dad knew…he's shoot Christian._

She urges me to use Kate and Elliot to keep myself apprised of Christian's schedule and activities. She recommends I keep 'bumping' into him…and she urges me to buy real women lingerie and designer perfume. _Geez, more damn fashionista advice_. She said it's obvious Christian is ready to quit his solitary lifestyle and settle down. She tells me a man of Christian's caliber won't be single for long and if I don't act soon...it won't be me sharing his billionaire lifestyle.

I'm glad Dad understands me. My love life is not something he can fix, but he understands I need time to think about my life.

When I set the alarm, Sarah McLachlan sings, " _give us a tantrum and a know it all grin; just when we need one when the evening's thin. Oh you're a beautiful…a beautiful fucked up man_." from _Building a Mystery_. I've had it…I'm setting all alarms to buzzers. Instead of listening to radio stations when I drive; I'll listen to audio books or NPR.

My Mom, although she's an incurable romantic, is not a stupid woman. She's not intentionally mean. She's beautiful, bright and talented…several of the adjectives Christian and Kate use to describe me. I know I inherited those traits from my Mom. But it is like our universal translators break when our views are incompatible. I've just learned to let her talk until she exhausts the subject, because she certainly does not hear what I have to say. Parental deafness? I really need her to quit acting like Mrs. Bennett from _Pride and Prejudice. Christian is a wealthy man who IS NOT in need of a wife…he needs a therapist…and the expensive charlatan doesn't get my vote for the job._

How long will my heart wait for Christian? The thought of being with anyone but Christian is foreign to me. He was the only one who ever made me want…need a man's touch. I do not regret losing my virginity to him. He was worth the wait. But I can't give him what he thinks he needs. _That truth hurts my heart more than anything else._


	13. Chapter 13

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 13 –** "So you'll get your kicks by exerting your will over me."

 **July 5 - APOV**

Two men stand at the front door of SIP; handing flyers to all entering staff when Claire and I arrive. Claire read it aloud while we entered. The men made me feel uneasy. They looked like they could belong to Christian's band of black-suited unmerry men.

"Big staff meeting – staff, last names between A through L meet in the main conference room from 10-12. Staff with last names M through Z meet in the main conference room from 2-4." Claire sighed. "It happened."

"What happened?" I asked.

"SIP is in play. The rumor started circulating when everyone's travel was called off this week. No one knows who bought it. The two front runners are Kavanagh Media and Puget Publishing. Kavanagh Media was the last big company to do a walk-though at SIP. These meetings will probably be with new management. Everyone will be on their best behavior. There's always reorganization with mergers like this. No one knows which staff will be kept; or which staff will be terminated."

 _"Crap,"_ I thought. _"What chance do I have of keeping my job when management is concentrating on keeping theirs?"_

"See you at the two o'clock meeting. Maybe we should go to lunch with Emily and Amber. They are in the morning group. Maybe they can tell us what is going on?" Claire suggested.

 **XX**

"Any interesting news at your condo this weekend?" Jack's face has a sly look; despite the fact he sounds disinterested.

"If you are asking if Kavanagh Media bought SIP; I don't know. I was out of town until early this morning. The subject never came up while Kate and I dressed for work. She starts interning at _Seattle Times_ today. Ethan is working at his mom's shop this week; clearing out things." I shrugged. "I guess we'll all find out what's going on soon enough."

"Some of us sooner than others," Jack snarked. "HR requires us to sign and return these forms before the meeting starts." He handed me an NDA.

 _FMTT, and an NDA. I know what's going on, and I can't mention my thoughts to anyone. Just when did Christian decide to buy SIP? And when did he plan to tell me he was my new boss's, boss's boss?_

 **XX**

Everyone ordered deli delivery and clustered in gossip groups in corners, offices, cubicles and bathrooms. Titters, whispers, giggles and gossip are temporarily halted when one of Christian's unmerry men wander through the various sections of SIP, taking notes for Mr. Corporate Raider. So much for NDAs. Christian Grey is in the building.

 _The Submissive will conduct herself in a respectful and modest manner at all times. She must recognize her behavior is a direct reflection on the Dominant. She shall be held accountable for any misdeeds, wrongdoings and misbehavior committed when not in the presence of the Dominant._

I nibble on my lunch because I'm a nervous wreck. If I keep my head down; will anyone notice me? I will act professionally. I will not react badly to his presence in the building and embarrass myself. I won't dance because there's no editorial staff meeting today. There's no sense being gleeful for exchanging one dreaded meeting for another.

 _Fuckety-fuckety-fuck…he wore that tie! Damn him! I remember to breathe calmly…not pant…not gasp for breath. I will not fidget. I will not cross my legs. I will not press my thighs together. I will not react. Breathe. Count to …fuck! I will not react! He may look like a Greek god…but he is the damned Devil in Disguise. Tie you up with that tie, bend you over the conference room table and beat your ass with his designer black leather belt. He obviously had an appointment with Mrs. Robinson over the three-day weekend – his hair is trimmed. I want to snatch the bitch bald for touching him. I want to smack him around the universe for letting that carrion crow touch him. I want to puke thinking about the two of them together._

 **XX - CPOV**

 _Holy Fuck! She is a vision in a periwinkle summer dress. She's wearing heeled sandals and nude stockings. Are they thigh high stockings? Lace topped…with her soft skin accessible above the stockings before I get to her panties? What color underwear is she wearing? Blue to accent her eyes? Virginal white? Fuck…is she wearing a thong or bikini panties? I'll bet I could destroy them and her composure in one firm yank._

 _Her hair is in an inverted ponytail. Her makeup is light and natural with raspberry lip gloss. I just want to fuck her mouth. Christ…get yourself under control Grey! You have to address these people and you can't have a hard-on when you do it. She does not look at me; I don't stare at her. Fuck…I just want to take her on the top of the conference room table. Actually…I can't take her here; the place is not secure. I need to move her … move SIP to a secure location. Then I can have fantasies about fucking her on a conference table, in the new office, before anyone else begins working there._

 **XX - APOV**

She was the female equivalent of Christian Grey – tall, lean, good bones, breathtaking face. She wore a purple pantsuit with a pair of nude Louboutins. Her blazer was open. Her white silk shirt was open to the first button; modestly covering what appeared to be a pair of breasts every girl wants to inherit from her mother.

She wore wide gold hoop earrings and a messy updo that screamed chic. Her lipstick was purple berry color and looked like it wouldn't come off on the rim of her coffee cup or on the lips of someone who pushed her up against the wall and kissed her like they intended to make her panties explode. I will forever remember these details because I want to be like Ros Bailey when I grow up. I'll never be five-foot-ten. I'll never learn to walk in five-inch heels. But I can learn to carry myself with confidence…

"Ladies and gentlemen," Ros raised her voice to be heard above the murmur of SIP staff. "This is the second of two meetings Grey Enterprises Holdings will conduct today. The purpose of the meeting is to explain the steps which will be followed this next week while we transition SIP into Grey Publishing. Get comfortable; Mr. Grey would like to address you. But first… consider this question: Are you doing work worth doing, or are you just doing your job?"

 **XX - CPOV**

Dealing with the assholes at SIP is a shitty start of the new week; that's all I can say. Striker reports Anastasia brought her gun home from Montesano. They knew she had applied for an updated carry conceal permit. They just didn't expect her to get it before the beginning of August. They tell me the Rodriguez men were in Montesano all weekend. José brought the two exhibit pictures with him. Striker's crew sent pictures of Ana's weekend. Striker's team identified pictures of her hugging various classmates from her 2007 graduating class in Montesano. He said she was invited to join the planning group for their fifth class reunion. I gave Striker marching orders to get a copy of her senior yearbook and to research all 89 members of her graduating class. He just submitted preliminary SIP investigations for all staff this morning. This new research order will keep his crews busy.

Barney tells me emails are being hacked at SIP/GP and we need to shut their IT department down as soon as possible. He's upset with the lack of professionalism from the SIP IT staff and recommends they be turfed. He can provide a temporary IT staff until recruitment and new hires occur. He'd rather cope with the increased workload and temporary on-call staff rather than let the IT team for SIP/GP continue to blunder along. He's already assigned staff to upgrade the SIP/GP website. He's been to the new site at Grey Annex and has enough equipment in stock to provide Grey Publishing with new computers, software and dedicated servers. I told him to order what he needs. He warns me it may take a month or longer to analyze the old work towers, laptops and servers. It is not a task he wants to assign to the GP IT crew. The good thing about installing new computers is Barney wipes the old ones and makes them available for purchase by staff. Several of our parents are on waiting lists to get technology for their kids for the upcoming school year.

Barney recommends scanning and storing archived manuscripts on their own server. The hard copies should move to offsite storage at a fireproof facility. The new IT staff can be trained to do this, which will give them something to do other than ignoring hacked emails. IT support at Grey House is updating SIP's manuscript database. He advises the new IT Director for SIP/GP needs to know database languages. Barney and his crew will be at GP the week of July 11 to install the new servers and upgraded firewall. It will take his team most of next week to install the new computers, printers, copiers updated applications and technology in GP. I'm secretly pleased by this; because I plan to assign Anastasia to assist with the move. Barney can overhear and report issues to me.

I've met Anastasia's boss, Jack Hyde and I'm not impressed. I'm less than impressed; I am less than comfortable with some of the looks the fucker gives me. Assessing me; like he thinks he could take me on. What the fuck is that about? What the fuck is HR Morgan's issue? She spends half her time watching me and half her time watching Anastasia. Ros noticed her inattention also and mailed the SIP/GP HR list of tasks to Morgan.

I turned Striker's preliminary SIP reports over to Welch. He thinks they came from Kavanagh Media. Welch is conducting deep background checks now. I have two editors who will be turfed for endangering us with sexual harassment lawsuits; including the three people they have embroiled in sexual liaisons. I have two more editors who will be turfed if they continue to pull their attitudes out of their ass. I may not know about publishing books, but I know when companies are poorly organized and squander their resources.

 **XX - APOV**

Kate's vexed because Mia gave her a synopsis of the Coping Together event. I tell her I had a great time at Coping Together when everyone left me alone. I told her how pretty the dress was, and how her mom spoiled me with a girl's day at the salon. I told her someone told the media I was there and I didn't know how to handle the situation. She went out to the Coping Together site to look at the pictures of Ethan and me.

I didn't explain Christian's therapist seems to know more about me than makes me feel comfortable. I didn't explain how good Christian looked and how afraid I was to dance with him since I'm uncoordinated. Everyone would have watched us, which makes me uncomfortable. I wanted to tell her what a bitch Elena Lincoln was to me, but I don't want her questioning Christian and Elena's business partnership. I wanted to tell her I think I adore Grace. I think I will keep those thoughts and feelings to myself until I understand them. I'm a girl with issues; and no matter how much I research; I'm powerless to understand them; let alone fix me.

I told Kate about Christian buying SIP. She could not believe SIP will become Grey Publishing and move to Grey Annex, a large complex located behind Grey House. There is a very large parking area separating us from Grey House. For the next three days, a GEH HR panel is interviewing SIP staff. The staff transitioning to Grey Publishing will take their personal items home on Friday, July 8 and bring them back to work on Monday, July 18 at Grey Annex. Those not making the transition will sign a non-disclosure agreement, take their personal items, final paychecks, letter of recommendation and exit…escorted by Grey House security.

Thank god this is an ice cream for dinner night. Kate had a rough first day at _Seattle Times_. She thinks she is being evaluated on a different scale from the other interns. Kate took a huge spoon of Cherry Garcia and licked it. Thank god ice cream slows her questions… must be brain-freeze syndrome. I eat yummy Strawberry Cheesecake. If my mouth is full of ice cream; it gives me time to formulate answers to her intrusive questions.

I stretched out on the couch, wearing new blue cotton pajamas. Kate approves of them and of everything I bought. Except…she'd like me to shop with her of course. SIGH. I distract her from that topic by telling her she can't shop until she gets her closet organized.

"What did you do for the holiday weekend other than fish and cook?" Kate asked. "You got some sun while you were there." She approved.

I tell her I saw a bunch of pregnant classmates; some of who had _hell on wheels_ two-year-olds. I tell her I was invited to join the planning committee for our fifth class reunion. I tell her my Mother was freaky about some of the single men at our Fourth of July barbeque. She was especially upset about Curls McStud (honestly she named him). He's the gorgeous one in white shirt and jeans. She says she's seen him on a nude calendar of wounded warriors. Kate pulls up every nude wounded warrior picture possible...and while we see some gorgeous hard bodies...Curls McStud wasn't there. I don't want to think about my Mother hallucinating naked men.

"Speaking of fun, I left Dad's house at five this morning and drove home in my new car. I've decided to name her Lita." I said.

"Lita?" Kate asked.

"Well, it's better than Harrison, Gerald or Betty," I laughed.

"Harrison…Ford," Kate groaned. "I approve of Lita if that's the way your mind is bent. So why aren't you driving Lita to work every day?"

"Going by bus gives me time to read manuscripts for work," I said. "I don't know when I'll have time to read at work this week. We are supposed to have normal schedules until we have our panel interview. Then we know if we're packing up to move, or packing up to leave."

"Are you worried you'll be out of a job?" Kate asked.

"Yes…no…maybe," I said. "If Grey Publishing gets rid of Jack; they don't need me. They may not need me if they have interns who work at Grey House. I'm the most recent hire…I could be the first they fire."

"Christian won't fire you." Kate said.

"Why? Because of our brief relationship? If anything…he'd get rid of me so he never has to see me." I said. But my mind remembers _that_ grey tie from today.

I'm glad my squirming while I'm thinking about it is interpreted as an ice cream shiver by Kate.

"Ana, he was disappointed you didn't come sailing on Sunday or come to the barbeque on Monday with me." Kate said. "Elliot and I spent most of our time at the barbeque in the pool."

"Why?" I asked.

"He hates Creepella – Elena Lincoln. He wishes his mother would quit inviting her to family events." Kate said. "Carrick made some lethal cocktails he called 'red, white and booze'. It was pitchers of strawberry lemonade with star-shaped ice cubes. We could have lethal or legal. Grandma Frannie absolutely forbade discussing business before, during and after dinner which vexed Elena to no end. She has no conversational topics other than business or charities. What's she supposed to say – _my hobbies are backstabbing, bitch slapping and Botox_?"

"So then what happened," I asked casually; shoving ice cream in my mouth to keep from yelling, 'Go Frannie!' _OH DAMN; brain freeze._

"Elliot kept sneaking lethal drinks to Grandma Frannie because Elena ordered Grace to cut Frannie off from the booze." Kate laughed. "Christian sat between Mia and Grandma Frannie during the barbeque. Once Elena went to the powder room, Christian and Taylor hightailed it out of there. Christian said they were leaving because Taylor suffers PTSD from the fireworks."

"I understand. Dad and José Senior had a dozen friends from the VFW at our house during the fireworks. They all wore combat earmuffs to block the sounds of the explosions." I said.

"I know you don't want to talk about it; but I'll gladly bust his balls for hurting you." Kate offered.

"Thanks Kate for being my Enyo." I guess we've danced around the _why aren't Christian and Ana making fireworks of their own_ issue long enough.

"Goddess of destructive war and blood? If I'm going to be a goddess...I'd rather be the goddess of Love, Sex, and Desire." She moaned.

"Oh please!" I roll my eyes. "Elliot needs to quit treating you like a goddess."

"Well, what god does Christian portray? I need to know so we're evenly matched in the art of war." Kate asked.

"Mercury." I said. "He changes moods faster than…"

"…than I change clothes?" Kate asked.

"No kidding." I laughed. "I'm driving to work on Friday. If they interview us alphabetically, I won't be scheduled until then. Do you want to go somewhere fun on Friday night? I may need libations to cheer me up. As it is; I need to research bus routes to the new building. I need to know where to park, etc. I'm definitely not driving on Wednesdays…I don't want to give my drunk boss a ride home."

'You can always tell Christian what a sleaze Hyde is," Kate remarked. She suggested we go to the Hard Rock for dinner.

I shrugged. "You can pick the place, as long as Elena Lincoln is not there, I'm in." I don't tell her I received a written note from Christian's therapist in Friday's mail. He asked me to meet with him and Christian tomorrow. I don't think it is wise. I explained I won't be available to meet until the twentieth of July. That puts a month between Coping Together and our meeting. I need time to think about things. I hired a delivery service over the lunch hour to send the answer back to Dr. Flynn; but we didn't exchange emails on SIP's server which is all I care about.

I also don't tell her today was my first 30-day review… which I refused to sign. While everyone was busy in the first meeting with Christian; I was being evaluated by Elizabeth. I may be out the door before the Grey House panel interviews me. I may beg Kate's dad to hire me. I don't want either of them to know I received a "does not meet expectations" rating as my first job performance review. What the hell does that mean anyway? I'm following their asinine micro-management schedule. I'm surprised I'm not micro-managed during breaks and lunch hour.

 **XX - CPOV**

I vented to Flynn about the bullshit with Elena at my parents' house on July Fourth. I'm tired of feeling I'm bound, gagged and cock caged when she is around my family. I'm tired of feeling like she's the one controlling my life. Elena may know me physically; but she does not 'know' me. She understands me even less. I tell Flynn I want a relationship with Anastasia as easy as the one Elliot and Kate have with one another. I thanked him for his advice about having Franco come to the condo to cut my hair and give me a manicure.

Flynn explains Anastasia cannot meet with us until July 20. He lets me read the note she sent back to him. When he sees my disappointment, he asks, "What is the next goal you are working on?"

"I'm working on the SIP acquisition. I'm researching other fiber optics companies to acquire; but it doesn't change the fact I miss Anastasia," I admitted to Flynn. "I miss her touch. I miss her kisses. I miss the feel and scent of her skin, the silk of her hair. Work and physical pursuits won't keep her out of my head. I hate going to bed because it's lonely without her and the nightmares are recurring two and three times a week. My late night piano playing won't chase thoughts of her away anymore."

He does not comment; so I continue.

"I can't fly Charlie Tango without thinking about the first night with her. I can't soar without thinking of Savannah. I can't sail without thinking about her beautiful blue eyes. I miss the romantic, young woman who saved herself for something better than a one-night stand in college. I miss the young woman who takes care of her father; and who doesn't dwell on her mother's issues."

He is still mute; and I feel verbose.

"I thought I knew myself…I thought I was in control of my life. I let down that strong young woman who thought her love could push the doubts and fears of my past away. I hate myself for driving her away. I hate she left me so she could feel safe. I wish she had forgiven me…I cannot shut down and reboot my life."

"So, how will you handle the situation," Flynn asked.

"I'm taking a page from Anastasia's book. I will be proactive, not reactive. I need to work…but I don't need to be in business with Elena. I'm researching my options on how to remove her from my life."

"That is a beginning…" Flynn says to keep using Franco until I decide what to do with Elena. There's no sense tipping her off about what I'm considering. He said to be sure not to discuss business around Franco. Books, magazines, music are safe conversation bets for me. No discussing work, vacations or family events. "Do you have other things on your mind?" Flynn asked.

I tell him Leila is still in the wind. I tell him about Mia and my serious conversation about starting a company for her. I don't tell him it came to me in the middle of the night - a Mia-owned company housed in Grey Annex would provide me with information and access to Anastasia. Plus, it gives me an additional reason to increase the security at Grey Annex and perhaps keep Anastasia safer.

"I've thought about touch therapy. I'm going back to see Sela on Friday." I said. "It means you rearranging your schedule to be there."

"I can rearrange my schedule," Flynn said.

 **XX – 3PPOV**

"Welcome to Introduction to Computers, I will be your instructor for these eight night classes. My name is Laura Dennison. I always compare the first class to a first date. You're nervous; I'm awkward, conversation is stilted. We have trouble making eye contact. If we don't have a way to communicate; this budding relationship will falter and die." She shook a cup with Popsicle sticks in it and withdrew one. "Mr. Steele, Raymond, where is your favorite place in the world?"

"It's Ray, and it's the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool, at dusk."

"Thank you for your answer Ray. I've seen it, and it is spectacular at sunset." She was busy ticky tapping the keys on the computer when a picture of the reflecting pool flashed on the screen ahead. "It's one thing to find a static picture, but if you know how to search…" she tapped keys again. "You can find a virtual walking tour, which provides more information." A new website came up on the screen and Laura showed the class a few minutes of the virtual tour. "If I teach you nothing more than how to widen your horizons either by virtual tours, emailing, Skyping or researching weather patterns in Washington…I will have achieved my goal. Please turn your laptops on and let's begin."

 **July 6 – 3PPOV**

"Thank you for lunch," Laura carefully folded her napkin and put it on the table. "If you're ready, I'd like to see your business. I can recommend computer applications you need. I can recommend which tutorials and further training will help you."

"Steele Woodworks have been in my family for three generations. My grandfather, father and now me. I'd like to leave it to my daughter, Annie and any children she may have." Ray said, carrying their dishes to the kitchen. "She bought me the laptop, printer and cell phone for Father's Day. She paid for the classes also. I want to do well and show her I'm not a Neanderthal when it comes to technology."

"You're not a Neanderthal…you're a newb," Laura laughed and then explained the word to Ray. "Be sure to email your daughter; she get a laugh out of your Urban Dictionary savvy."

 **XX - APOV**

"I'm sorry, but it's inappropriate for me to give you a ride home. I know what office gossip can do to an intern. I need this job to pay my college loan. I don't want anyone to accuse me of fraternizing with you as a form of job advancement or job security. I don't want gossip about you and me to reflect on my performance reviews." I said firmly.

"You should have thought about that before you dated the boss," Jack sniped.

"Number one, I never dated you or Mr. Roach. I would not date my boss's brother when I worked for Clayton's Hardware. I would not date customers of my Father or the Claytons. I'm not driving you home so you can question me about my personal history. I was not privy to the buyout or its details. I am not privy to the details of reorganizing the company. I am not privy to position openings, hirings, firings or other HR intel. Quite frankly, Grey Enterprises Holdings acquiring SIP is surprising and frustrating." I walked out of Jack's office.

"IF I had known you would be so damn uncooperative; I would have hired someone a little less smart and a little more pleasant!" Jack roared at my back.

 _Snarky Ana mentally flipped him off. That remark explains my shitty review._

 **XX - CPOV**

Striker report to Grey: AS on bus home today; told coworker JH wanted her to drive him home. She refused. He went home with E. Morgan. His tracker says he ate a steak sandwich with fries and salad and nursed a single scotch rocks at lunch. He introduced two authors to each other. He thinks they can co-write a series of books. Both of them have the same sort of characters and plotline. He thinks it would be advantageous for them to pair up, consolidate their characters and work on their first trilogy. Lunch bill split between two authors; he did not use company credit card. We're trying to get his information from his prior company and residence, but it's taking time. We've labeled our requests for information as background check for a potential job.

 **Thursday, July 7 - APOV**

Claire got on the bus and sat down next to someone. I was surprised she didn't see me, and surprised by the sound of raised voices. Claire quickly stood; and observed the occupants of the bus. When she spots me in the back; she comes to sit beside me.

"What was that about?" I asked.

"Not awake enough; I'm not sleeping; thinking about the reorganization and boyfriend issues. I need more coffee. I sat with your doppelganger – well, not your doppelganger because her hair is lanky; she has hazel eyes and a bitch personality." Claire snarked. "Why are you sitting back here?"

"More people on the bus this morning," I shrugged. "Sitting back here gave me a chance to concentrate on reading." I'm not about to say I want to see who gets on the bus after me and who observes me. It sounds paranoid; but I don't trust Christian to not have someone following me since the merger of SIP with Grey House. As it is, some joker in a blue sweatshirt and jeans is giving the other brunette and me the once over several times. It's disturbing.

"Have you made a dent in the archived manuscripts yet?" Claire asked.

"I haven't touched them. I've only cleared a couple dozen of the ones which were close to their 90-day retirement. Jack increased my weekly quota of manuscripts at my 30-day evaluation." I admit. "Now the dozen I have read ahead will barely meet my weekly quota."

"I heard you refused to sign your evaluation." Claire gossiped.

"I did refuse to sign; I also requested a review of my evaluation," I said. "It was unfair. Nothing in my work performance standards say I'm required to discuss my personal life with Jack Hyde. I don't deserve to be called uncommunicative because he's an intrusive git. I don't deserve to be called uncooperative because I refuse to drive his drunken ass home."

Claire laughed. "Intrusive git is a nice way of saying nosy bastard. I heard Elizabeth planned to give you the choice of signing it or packing up your desk."

"I didn't hear that." I said, shocked.

"She made the mistake of saying it to Hyde while standing in the hallway. A Grey House interviewer overheard it and told Mr. Roach. They demanded to see your review. After being behind closed doors with the Grey House interviewer for an hour; Roach brought back a new evaluation yesterday. It's the one you signed today."

"Well, thanks to my brilliant plan to clear some of the backlog of unread, unsolicited manuscripts; I'm required to read and summarize 15 manuscripts per week versus the _read when you can_ option I was assigned before. I'm struggling to keep a stash read ahead for when I'm slammed at work and can't read." I said. "Like this one! The good thing about my review is…I will be able to pay my college loan a little longer!"

"Good plan, but I'd keep 15 manuscripts read ahead if you can. Submit the ones which age out first," Claire advised. "You never know when it's going to be a fresh shade of hell in our office." She paused. "Listen, the upper echelon is at Grey House on Friday for a reorganization meeting. Jack's meeting with an author on Friday at his home in Boise. I heard via the grapevine you, Amber, Emily and I made the keep list."

"You hear the best things," I tell Claire.

"The four of us are at Grey Annex next week, coordinating the move. Why don't you take 15 time-critical manuscripts home with you on Friday and bring them back to the new office on Monday? Read when you have down time in the new office. Keep the reviews on a flash drive. Beginning on the eighteenth when you submit synopses, upload three daily at 4:45 p.m. Everything you read for the next 10 days will keep you ahead." Claire said. "I like you…I don't want Elizabeth Morgan to have a reason to make your life hell."

"Sounds like a plan…why don't I drive you, Amber and Emily to work at Grey Annex next week? If you come to my condo, we can brainstorm on the way to work, survey the area during our lunch hours, and I'll take everyone home." I offered. "We'll be a united front when we enter the building for the first week."

"I'm supposed to get layouts for the new office delivered on Friday. The phones are moved on Monday morning. IT will be in and out all week. Upper management will be present on moving Friday; but no one else reports in until the following Monday. We'll have a heads up about what is going on." Claire said.

 **XX – 3PPOV**

Striker report to Grey: AS doppelganger on bus. She got off at the bus stop after AS, and disappeared in a two-block radius of SIP. My agent overheard the conversation about the move. We don't know if the doppelganger did. Issues with AS's first evaluation. It needs addressed when she is interviewed by GEH HR prior to the move.

 **XX - APOV**

I'm sitting at home, wrapped in mom's quilt, sitting in my reading corner. Kate's out with Elliot; Ethan's out with a friend. No one requires an explanation about my early evening. Jack's conversation on Wednesday made me skeptical of office-based friendships. Thank you Kate, for teaching me how to deflect nosy questions. I guard my privacy with coworkers. They don't need to know as much about me as Kate…or Christian for that matter. I need to maintain distance. Amber and Claire think Jack's an asshole; but I don't know Emily's thoughts about him. I don't need to cross any more personal boundaries. Dealing with Christian is hard enough. Since they've all seen _Gorgeous Grey_ , everyone is upping their attention-getting game. I don't need any 'mean girl' attitudes. All their comments about seeing Gorgeous Grey 'up close and personal' just make me laugh. None of them have seen him as 'up close and personal' as I have. My laughter turns to burning, unshed tears.

I have a good work ethic; I always have. I'll just make sure I work harder for Grey Publishing than I've ever worked in my life. Drinking on Fridays just became verboten. I'm not drinking in the presence of Jack Hyde or the upper management. I don't feel like guarding my mouth and details of my life.

I call Harley and tell him about the Grey House acquisition of SIP. I suggest he watch SIP's stock purchases since July 1 to see if there have been purchases which can be traced to Jack. I also explain about the SIP move to Grey Annex. Harley suggests we need a date night soon. I tell him I'm out with Kate on Friday night; but we do need to get together and talk.

 **XX - CPOV**

Ryan report to Grey: Claire went to dinner with me. Claire excited – she heard AS is part of support staff to facilitate move. Claire mistook AS doppelganger on bus for AS. We need a person on various buses to see if we can get a lead on AS doppelganger. Email to you with bullet list of SIP issues: AS 30-day review; procedures manuals; JH issues with previous interns; etc. Recommend JH not be fired from GP until we have a deep background check. If he's been misbehaving – we need a handle on him until we get to the bottom of the issues. If he's cut loose now, he's in the wind and we can't get him back.

Grey email to Ryan with copy to Taylor, Barney and Welch: Ryan - DO NOT approach doppelganger. Taylor - assign someone at bus stops on AS route to determine doppelganger's home base if possible. Barney/Welch – we need deep background checks on to-be-eliminated SIP personnel when we complete the interview process. So far that is four editors, two support staff – IT, HR and Editorial. The director of Finance and the three IT staff are being eliminated also. _Why does a company the size of SIP need three IT staff who don't do real IT work?_ We need background checks on all the previous SIP/GP staff in last 60 months – especially the 10 interns who worked for Jack Hyde.

Barney email to Grey: SIP/GP definitely does not need three midlevel IT people who collect top level wages. I will utilize four Grey House IT staff to install the new computers, printers, copiers and servers at SIP/GP. Attached is my list of recommendations for IT staff at SIP/GP: one director with experience in database languages, web work, and videoconferencing; one help desk tech to install/troubleshoot; and one support staff to keep databases current, set up videoconference events, scan manuscripts, etc. I've included salary ranges for all three positions. Strongest suggestion: Editorial staff Skype with their authors instead of travel or renting videoconferencing sites in their cities.

Grey to Ros, GEH HR and Barney: Barney - find the covert copy of the SIP procedures manual on their server and send it to GEH HR to compare to the 'legitimate' copy. GEH/HR – I want a concise procedures manual as soon as possible for Grey Publishing. I also want to see the notes GEH HR compiled when interviewing Anastasia Steele, Elizabeth Morgan and Jack Hyde.

 _Anastasia; I may not be allowed to make you happy right now; but I will keep you safe. I am sorry. I know I have issues…and I will work on them. I will show you I can be trusted with your love._

I reach for more reports and spreadsheets. Since I can't spend time in Anastasia's arms; work will keep me company.


	14. Chapter 14

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 14 –** "You mean well, but you make this hard on me." Sara Bareilles, _Love Song_

 **Friday, July 8 – CPOV**

For almost an hour; Sela explains the difference between deep pressure therapy versus light touch therapy. She claims a light touch alerts the nervous system; but deep pressure therapy relaxes and calms the nervous system. I let her demonstrate a light touch on my arm versus a deep pressure touch so I know the difference. She explains the use of a pressure box calms some people who have touch issues.

We talk about hugging my mom and sister. She suggests people like me are able to endure bear hugs which they initiate and if they are the ones to end the hug.

She explains there are social cues for touching. If I learn to read social cues, I will be able to tolerate touch. Her explanations remind me of exercises used to keep a submissive from fidgeting. I remember laying on my submissives before or after sex; ordering them not to move. The _Blanket_ pose is said to calm the most active mind. It puts the submissive in the headspace of pausing thinking and action to allow the proper mindset to be developed. I used the _Blanket_ pose with Charlotte and Sabine a lot. It helped Charlotte step away from her medical studies and it helped Sabine step away from the business world.

Sela explains some people with touch issues purchase special weighted blankets which help them sleep. We talk about my sleep issues – night terrors, needing the door and windows closed while I sleep, my body overheating and sweating. Before she married, she used a weighted blanket which helped her to sleep for six hours at a time. Since marrying her husband, they use normal bed linens and he needs the bedroom window open a crack.

"How does that work for you?" I asked, giving Flynn a smirk.

"Negotiation and respect. I want what I want; he wants what he wants. When those wants mesh…it's a great thing. When they don't, we negotiate to make one another happy and to meet some of our desires. I don't need the weighted blanket, the closed bedroom doors and windows and sleeping pills to get through the night. I need him…because I remember the slogan… _Feel safe; sleep with a Marine_."

I laugh and tell her Taylor is a Marine. She chuckles.

"Christian, you can limit interaction with people in your life to prevent painful, scary or empty emotions. It doesn't always work…it can leave you trapped in an unfulfilling life. Traumatic events can lead to dissociative survival skills. Some people become drug addicts. Some people become alcoholics. Some people have sexual addictions. Some people inflict their pain on another human. Some people become self-destructive."

"If you don't mind an intrusive question…which one were you?" I asked.

"I was self-destructive. I was a cutter; I cut in order to feel something. When I had to take part in a massage therapy class, my instructor discovered my scars. He locked me in a psychiatric ward over spring break. His intervention saved my life. He knew people who knew people. I started traumatic touch therapy four times. I would get so far and then withdraw. A few weeks later, when I was emotionally overwhelmed again, I would restart therapy. I would progress a little further, but have a meltdown. I had to retreat and regroup until I could face it again. I made it through the fourth time…and found it was what I needed to study and master."

"Why?" I asked.

"My instructor saved my life. I learned to pay it forward. I've had clients who were ex-military with PTSD. I've had clients who were new mothers with post-partum depression and baby-bonding issues. I've helped teenagers who were days away from taking their own lives. I will endeavor to help you, Christian, if you are willing to let me." Sela explained.

"I don't know how long I can do this," I admit.

"You have coping skills…some of them are 24 years old…such as not letting people touch you. I don't believe you are happy with your coping skills." Sela said. "If you get overwhelmed, I won't hunt you down and torture you. Just step away and come back when you can."

"How much did Flynn tell you?' I asked.

"You have touch aversion and are willing to hire me for traumatic touch therapy." Sela said.

"The word for it is haphephobia," I said.

She considered me for a minute and then said. "Are you sure you have haphephobia? Haphephobia is more than fear of touching or of being touched. It's an exaggerated response – protection of your personal space. It's usually developed after a bad experience. More often than not, it is a fear of sexual assault. Many boys who have been the victims of sexual abuse have a fear of being touched. Some of them say touching burns like fire…causing them to freeze or to lash out. Other symptoms include inability to speak or think clearly, breathlessness, dizziness, nausea, dry mouth, shaking and a detachment from reality." She watched my face carefully.

I nodded slowly...I recognize some of those responses.

"Sometimes talking about your issues keeps you stuck in the situation. It's why I think some of your therapists retraumatized you. Verbal therapy usually means extensive sessions. Medicine treats the symptoms; not the cause. Traumatic touch therapy works on releasing muscle memory and on touch acceptance." She watched my face again. "I think I gave you enough to think about tonight." She nodded at Flynn.

"I always end my TTT sessions with exercises. The first one we stand toe to toe. I rest my hands at your elbows. Your hands cup my elbows. There are times when we move and change hand positions, but it is always the same – ten minutes of Flynn asking questions and our replies." She moved into position and waited for me to cup her elbows.

"Tonight I name a letter; you name a movie which begins with a word beginning with the letter. For example, G could be _Gone with the Wind, Goonies,_ or _The Great Gatsby_. I pick alphabet sticks out of the can." Flynn said. "Ready?" Flynn pulled a stick, "L." We played for ten minutes. Most of Sela's answers were murder mysteries. Mine were movies I saw as a child or as a pre-teen. I'm not much of a movie watcher. It wasn't difficult, having her hands at the crook of my elbows. Perhaps it's because I knew she wouldn't move her hands. Perhaps it was because my hands cupped her elbows so I would have a warning she was about to move her hands.

"Everyone, shoes off," Sela opened the door. "Jason, we're playing in the hall. I won't ask you to play with us, but I will ask you to time us. Additionally, you spin the wheel and tell us what body part we're moving." She handed him the spinner and spread out a Twister sheet and grinned at both Flynn and I. "Fifteen minutes of inadvertent touching. If it gets to be too much, Christian, just say enough and we'll stop. I believe you can handle fifteen minutes easily. Since I'm short; I get a short side. Since the two of you are tall, you get the long sides."

Taylor flicked the spinner. "Right hand red…" and the contest was on.

We were doing fine with just occasional brushes against one another until Flynn tried to move his left foot from red to green. He knocked into Sela who knocked into me. We lay on the floor laughing, looking like rag dolls a child had thrown to the floor during a temper tantrum. Taylor just shook his head; setting the spinner aside and checked us for bruises.

Sela checked with me afterwards to see if I was alright. I admitted I was skeptical, but she had found a way for me to think about something other than would someone break the bubble and touch me. She told me she'll be using the game again before our therapy sessions were over.

Our last exercise for the night was shaking hands goodbye. But Sela didn't shake right hand to right hand. She shook left to left. She said it made you think about your actions and movements because it was not a conditioned response.

 **XX – 3PPOV**

"It doesn't feel right," Striker conferred with his two top men. "Miss Steele's roommate is dating Grey's brother. We assume there was a relationship between Steele and Grey because of the pictures. We don't know who is alerting the media whenever Grey is near Steele's condo. We've investigated Leila Williams Reed; Miss Steele's doppelganger; but we're still operating in the dark because we don't know what motivates her – unless it is a stalker issue. We need information which we won't get until we can find out where she's staying. We don't know why she's hanging around Esclava Salon in Post Alley. We don't know why there's a covey of brunettes hanging around there. We don't know why Grey has a doppelganger, Isaac Reynolds, who works there. We don't' know why Elena Lincoln is interested in Miss Steele. She's spending more time at the Post Alley Salon and goes out of her way to drive past Miss Steele's condo on weekends; like she's watching her."

"We should rethink following Steele to Montesano," one of his men said. "I know her dad spotted me twice over the Fourth of July weekend. I don't think he knows Grey is having his daughter followed."

"I wouldn't bet on that," Striker said. "I think she knows she's being followed. She appears to be close to her father. She may have told him she's being followed. We can't underestimate her. I don't think she carries all the time, but I feel better knowing she has a gun and a carry conceal permit. Did we get her background check?"

"Clean – everyone around her is clean," one of Striker's guys commented.

"Which is a problem?" Striker asked.

"Her boss is too slimy to have a clean record. So, we research him deeper to learn what we can. Research is number one on our list." The employee said.

"No, research is three on our list. We still need to know what is up with Williams and Lincoln. Then we can concentrate on Hyde." Striker said.

"Are you still thinking of having the conversation with her father?" One of them asked.

"Oh yeah…that's a conversation I'm looking forward to…about as much as I enjoyed the bachelor party talk with your fiancée." Striker said.

"Don't take me to a strip club next time, or buy me a lap dance from every dancer." His oldest employee retorted.

 **Saturday, July 9 – APOV**

"Miss Steele," Sawyer swallowed hard when he saw me stow my purse in a locker at the target range. I pocketed the key and picked up my gear box and gun case.

"Sawyer, are you following me?" I asked.

"No, I've been assigned to Mia Grey's protection detail. It's now my job to make sure she isn't photographed in bathrooms or misbehaving." He made a face. "I'm off work today. I have to qualify monthly and Target Rippers is my favorite qualifying range. What are you doing here?"

"I haven't shot since spring break; I wanted to get my arm back. I have my updated carry conceal permit. I brought my gun home from Montesano. Dad says my expertise with my gun is critical to my protection. I just bought a membership here. I'm shooting in Bay 6. Want to watch?" I said as a challenge. He nodded and followed me. I'm wearing jeans, close-toed shoes and a long-sleeve turtleneck t-shirt. We reach Bay 6 and I pull my safety goggles and shooting earmuffs out of my gear box. He does the same.

Sawyer watches as I open my gun case and take out my Glock 17 Gen4. I like the ergonomics of it – the way it fits my hand, the weight, the balance. Loaded, it weighs about two pounds. I never keep it loaded. Ray Steele rule one. I check it, check the sights and then slap a clip into it. I have three loaded clips, 17 bullets each, with me to practice shoot. I hit the fire button so the light goes live at the end of my bay. It signals other patrons there is someone shooting live ammo.

I assume the stance…my feet as wide as my shoulders, my right arm extended, my left hand bracing the bottom of the gun. I begin target practice. Target one is left-hand braced. Target 2/clip 2 is right-handed shooting, no left hand brace. Target 3/clip 3 is low-light shooting. I shoot a highly respectable score for not having shot in several months. I think I impressed Sawyer with my ability to reload quickly and safely. I'm not sure my ability to shoot accurately was as impressive.

"Mr. Grey misses you," Sawyer says.

"It's probably a good thing I didn't hear your comment before I emptied my clips," I said. "I try to maintain calm during practice. Mr. Grey has issues. I have issues. Our issues don't dance well together; especially considering he has issues with my being a gun owner."

I store my three empty clips and I double-check my gun to ensure the chamber is empty before I close and lock the case. I remove my safety gear and stow it away. I wipe my hands down with wet wipes and toss the used ones away. Sawyer offers to take my gun or my gear box but I shake him off. I go to the locker out front, insert my key and remove my purse. While I'm heading to my car; Sawyer asks me to get coffee with him. I explain I can't; I'm meeting a friend. I suggest we'll clean our guns and get coffee the next time I run into him at Target Rippers. Sawyer watches as I lock my gun and gear box in the trunk of my car and drive off.

 **XX**

"Thank you for agreeing to meet with me, Anastasia." Harley shook my hand. "We are friends meeting for coffee, there's no need to be nervous."

"Ana…just Ana. Thank you for agreeing to meet me after target practice. Did you know I bought a membership at Target Rippers?" I asked. "Is that why we're meeting at a coffee shop close to it and not Pike Place Market?"

"Yes, I'm sorry, we had to investigate you," He shrugged. "I've known Ethan for several years. He thinks your boss is involved in insider trading. It's possible, but we need more information."

"So how do I do this?" I asked.

"May I get you tea and perhaps a sweet?" He said rising.

"English Breakfast tea, very hot water, tea bag out. I'd like some petite fruit scones if they have them," I settled back in my chair.

Harley balanced a tray on the table; letting me retrieve water, cup and tea bag. He set his coffee on the table – a large venti double-shot latte from the directions on the side of the cup. He slid a basket of scones on the table. He asked for one of every fruit kind since he didn't know my preference.

"She put the scones in the basket in alpha order: apple-cinnamon, blueberry-lemon, blackberry-pear, cinnamon raisin, citrus zest, cranberry-orange-pecan, ginger-apricot and raspberry-white chocolate. If you taste one you like, we can get more." He grinned. "They won't go to waste; I'll take the extras home to Shawn for coffee and newspaper time tomorrow morning."

"This is fine," I said. "I'm nervous about how this will work." I reach for the blackberry-pear scone. I have a recipe with 300 versions of Cobb salad and the blackberries, diced pear and roasted chicken with berry vinaigrette is one of my favorite versions. Now I know what to fix for dinner. I will go grocery shopping when I get out of here.

Harley helped himself to the three citrus scones and began talking after a large sip of coffee. "First we need to complete the TCR Form. It is required before you provide information to us. You sign off on the declarations of eligibility. You need to remember the TCR number assigned to you…and you shouldn't put it in an email, phone, etc. If you lose it, I can find you by your name, but action happens faster when you remember it. Once the TCR form is submitted to the SEC; our attorneys, accountants and analysts review the data you submit to determine our course of action. You need specific, timely and credible information."

"Which I don't have. Ethan and I just have suspicions." I shrugged. "I am not normally prone to flights of fancy, but I just have a feeling I'm right."

"I reviewed the paperwork you and Ethan assembled; I believe you are right about Jack Hyde. What may seem insignificant information to you may be the key piece of information we need. I warn you not to become discouraged during the process. Sometimes it takes six months or longer for the investigation. Sometimes it takes six months or longer to go to court. We are usually through litigation in less than 15 work days. We have a hint of impropriety on Hyde and nothing on Lincoln. It may be six months before we have all the evidence we need."

"Well, I can direct you where to start with Elena Lincoln," I gave him a folder of printouts. "I researched announcements of mergers and acquisitions made by Grey House from 2006 forward. I don't know if she bought stocks before then. I don't have proof she bought stocks. I know she has access to proprietary GEH mergers and acquisitions information through her friendship with Grace Grey and her business partnership with Christian Grey."

"You don't suspect GEH of securities fraud?" Harley asked; flipping through the paperwork I just gave him.

"GEH is not publicly traded. Christian has information about his mergers or acquisitions embargoed until the papers are legally filed. Then his communications team releases information to the press. SIP is a prime example." I finished my blackberry scone and reached for the raspberry one.

"You need a whistleblower lawyer. I can recommend three." He handed me business cards. "However, to cover our association with one another; I am your new man friend, a stockbroker. The tidbits of information I drop around you will make Hyde either more curious or will exonerate him."

"Consider it done," I said.

Harley spent the rest of our coffee hour telling me about the SEC and how they conduct investigations. After getting a go bag for the remaining seven scones; he left a tip on the table and held the door; walking me to my car.

"Thursday? Pizza? My place? We may have a lot to cover." He asked. "I'll email the details to you on Wednesday. You need to think about what I'm about to say. Ethan told me you are no longer seeing Christian Grey."

"Yes, we...are taking a break from one another. He has issues, I have issues. I can't discuss it." I admitted.

"For reasons of security…you can't discuss this situation with him. You cannot discuss it with your friend, Kate, because she might tell Elliot. He might tell his brother. If you decide to reconcile with Grey after the investigation begins; I may be barred from having further communication with you. I understand you think he's innocent. I would like to believe that also. However; we cannot take the chance of him learning about the investigation. We cannot take a chance of him doing anything which would warn Elena Lincoln."

"So you are saying if I wanted to be with him…it is not recommended." I asked.

Harley nodded. "I'm sorry. I know how hard it is to stay away from someone when you want more than anything to be with them."

 _Momentarily, I lose my objectivity. I want him. I know unless he changes…I will be hurt again… emotionally …physically. However, the thought of never being with him again is more painful than any pain I've ever felt, belt included. However…if it means putting Elena Lincoln behind bars for a long, long time…I can quit dreaming about Christian's mouth. "Yeah, right," my inner goddess snarks. If you won't allow us multiple daily orgasms by a Greek god…we'll make you have orgasms you can't control." She struts her stuff in a sapphire blue teddy with stilettos that match._

 **XX – CPOV**

Striker report to Grey: A. Steele target shooting at Target Rippers. She talked to one of your staff: L. Sawyer who is assigned to M. Grey's CPO detail. Coffee at Starbucks near Target Rippers with friend of Ethan Kavanagh's. We could not hear the conversation. He must use an audio jammer. License plate, pictures attached of Harley Harrison. Researching. Will forward background check at earliest opportunity? A. Steele went grocery shopping, returned home. FYI – Miss Steele's doppelganger was hanging around Escala Salon, Post Alley today. She was watching for someone, not utilizing the services. She disappeared when Elena Lincoln, the salon owner, arrived. Lincoln cruised the block where A. Steele lives at least three times upon arrival and departure. A. Steele hanging out on balcony, reading; unaware of Lincoln's scrutiny.


	15. Chapter 15

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 15 –** "I do not think, sir, you have any right to command me, merely because you are older than I, or because you have seen more of the world than I have; your claim to superiority depends on the use you have made of your time and experience." Charlotte Bronte: _Jane Eyre_

 **July 11- APOV**

Emily, Amber and Claire arrived at the condo just before eight. The drive to Grey Annex was easy with my Google Map directions. We parked in Grey Annex visitor parking. Security took our pictures, contact information and gave us security ID badges. We will use them to open the doors at Grey Publishing. They gave us a map of the building and took us on a quick tour. They tell us about a sports bar nearby called _Swine and Wine_. Security shares a menu which features pork dishes or bacon-garnished food. They have a quick takeout menu, which features BLT sandwiches and pork sliders. We can order by phone and pick up or eat in. Nearby there's a 24-hour drycleaner, a small post office and a coffee shop which is open for breakfast and lunch.

Grey Annex has a cafeteria, with floor to ceiling windows facing the south. It is open from 7:30 to 4:30 M-F. They offer daily soup, salad and sandwich specials. GA also has a state-of-the-art gym, which we all swear to use. It looks pristine. Instead one large shower room, it has six individual shower rooms with locking doors. GA has an underground parking garage, which is available by assigned or purchased space.

Grey Annex is much nicer than the SIP building. The east side of the Grey Publishing floor contains a large conference room, two smaller conference rooms, IT, storage, copy and mail room, kitchen facilities and restrooms plus a visitor area/reception. The west perimeter of the floor contains Management, Fiscal, HR and the editorial staff. The editorial offices create a U-shape around the south cubicle farm. Management, Fiscal and HR create another U-shape around the north cubicle farm. There is an elevator with a mini lobby area at the north and south of the floor. There is a stairway located next to the elevators.

Today the movers brought the IT items, storage items, copiers, conference room items and reception furniture. The furniture is all new, needing assembled and placed. The older, shabby SIP furniture is going to charity when the building is empty. Tomorrow begins the location of furniture in the west offices. Wednesday the north and south cubicle farms and furniture for support staff will be assembled.

The nice thing about working here this week is it is just the four of us, plus a four-man IT team. We're dressed in jeans and sneakers – definitely a 'dress down' week. Claire keeps good music rocking through the place to keep us energized. Emily is distracted by watching Barney from Grey House. The man Claire is seeing is 'too boring' for anyone other than mothers and fathers to adore. She doesn't want to break it off with him until after her birthday; but she's checking out the Grey Annex security and the IT men.

I try to avoid overt interest from Barney and the IT team. Sometimes I look up and see them watching me. I hope it's my ass they're checking out; not reporting my moves to Christian. I just want to snap at them to quit watching me – but then I remember the behavior clause from the contract and I keep my mouth shut and get back to work.

 _The Dominant may discipline the submissive as necessary to … discourage unacceptable conduct. The Dominant may flog, spank, whip, or corporally punish the submissive as he sees fit, for purposes of discipline, for his own personal enjoyment, or for any other reason, which he is not obliged to provide._

It's great to have the map to know where everyone will be located. I learn more about office gossip. I also learn why the IT team is not returning; why four editors and their support staff are not returning; why the Finance Director is not returning. I'm glad Jack is returning because I'm gainfully employed; but I wish he weren't returning. How he missed the cut…I will never understand. However; the level of office gossip worries me. I'm so keeping all information about my personal life quiet. I want to keep the office gossip about me to a minimum.

Lunch was delivered today. It was gourmet box lunches; complete with a note from Mr. Grey. I smiled and shook my head. Fifty's still trying to feed me. Individual servings of chicken Waldorf salad, mini herbed croissant, cucumber spears and cherry tomatoes with green goddess dip, two strawberry crème petit fours and one white-chocolate dipped strawberry for dessert with bottles of cold green tea. My coworkers thought the note was signed by one of Gorgeous Grey's assistants. It wasn't…I recognize Christian's handwriting on those pristine white cards anywhere.

 _Ladies, lunch is on Grey House to thank you for your  
help to get Grey Publishing settled. Today is box lunches.  
We've arranged lunch for you in the cafeteria for the rest of the week.  
It's all comped, just show them your Grey Publishing identification.  
Welcome to Grey Annex. We hope you will be happy here.  
Christian Grey_

Since my name was on the main delivery box; I got to keep the note. I don't reread it…Fifty has arranged to feed me lunch for the rest of the week. Of course the bill will have our names on it…so he will know what I am eating. I drop the note in my memory box at home without a second glance. I will be pleased if Christian Grey stays in Grey House and does not come to visit Grey Publishing. However, Claire explained there is a grand opening set for next Monday. She's been contacted by Mia Grey to arrange for food and libations for the staff, guests and the press who will be attending.

I must dress appropriately for a Grey Enterprises Holdings subsidiary from now on. So far the clothes in my closet, courtesy of Kate and Mom, will be appropriate. I giggle to myself…I'd love to wear my grey halter dress from graduation, but it's not work appropriate. I need to find a salon this weekend. I email Kate…we need a girl's day on Saturday. I tell her about the grand opening next Monday for Grey Publishing. She's so excited! _GEEZ, I hate this part of my life…and I'm not terribly happy Christian thrust this upon me._

Ethan is busy with volunteer work at UW Medical Center in their psychiatric ward. Kate's seeing Elliot for dinner and a movie. It is difficult not to be jealous of Kate's easy relationship with Elliot. I'm alone for dinner, but I'm too tired to eat anything other than tea and toast. I take a hot shower and head for bed. Tonight's companion is a manuscript. I made damn sure it wasn't a romance, or a murder mystery. It's supposed to be a tech thriller…and I hope it's better than a sleeping pill.

 **July 12 – APOV**

We talk about clothes. Emily has lots of taupe, navy, green and black clothes. Claire has lots of bright clothes – lemons, oranges, mango, watermelon, fuchsia, turquoise and purple. Amber's clothing choices are mostly teal, turquoise, blue and black. I'm all over the spectrum and the ladies recommend paring it down to blues and neutrals with one accent color. The problem is…I can't decide on cranberry or plum. They all agree the plum outfit is divine; but I've been photographed in it once…they don't recommend it for the grand opening.

Emily says my navy column dress is great with the apple green accessories, but she recommends getting red accessories for summer, copper accessories for fall and pale blue accessories for winter. We talk about consignment stores, with promises we will have a Saturday or Sunday shopping event once Grey Publishing opens and we see what everyone else is wearing.

SIP/GP won't have casual Fridays anymore. They have one casual Friday each quarter; but it costs $10 to participate. The funds raised from Casual Fridays is donated to the Seattle Boys and Girls Club to facilitate programs for youth.

Instead of spending my lunch hours reading this week, I bring a list of the work clothes I own. Emily, Amber and Claire do the same. We have a good time eating lunch in the GA cafeteria, working on our laptops. Amber refreshes my Style Soduku course while teaching it to Emily and Claire. They help create a list of what I should purchase along with suggestions of outfits I can create from what I have. We all find great ideas on Pinterest and on Amazon. I save my favorites in a file on my desktop to print when I get home tonight.

We talk about a 95/5 wardrobe where 95% is classic items and 5% is trendy. The classics can last for a few seasons and the 5% trendy will be cheaper to replace than an entire wardrobe.

Amber, Claire and Emily share their favorite fashion websites with me. They all share their favorite consignment shopping stores. I share Aqua Spa information with them. I tell them Kate and I are going there on Saturday and they're welcome to join us.

 **July 13 – APOV**

After work I drop my friends at their abodes and head to Harley's place. Harley's partner, Shawn, prepared gourmet pizza for us…basil, chopped tomato and chicken on white garlic sauce and rosemary-herbed crust. He kept our rosé wine spritzer glasses filled while Harley and I completed paperwork.

I explained I wasn't around for the rumors July first when the SIP people went drinking at Fifty's. I told him about the meetings held on July fifth to announce the sale to Grey House. I told him about Jack's smug comment that some of us would know what was going on sooner than others. I didn't know if that meant he'd find out in the morning meeting while I wouldn't find out until afternoon; or if that meant I already knew what was going on; or if it meant he knew what was going on from having asked Mr. Roach.

Harley took comprehensive notes as I outlined what happened at SIP/GP since July fifth. "There were two large groups of SIP stock bought over the July fourth weekend," Harley explained. As the stock purchases took place before the merger was announced… someone had insider information. Harley says…in baseball parlance…we just scored first base.

"There's an issue," I explain about Christian's stalker tendencies. I explain about Kate, the interview and how I met Christian. I explain his security detail investigates everyone. I know Christian conducted a background check on me and I think he did one on Dad, Mom and the Rodriguez men. If Christian thinks I'm seeing Harley, he'll investigate him.

"Not to worry," Harley assured me. "Shawn works as a forensic computer/technology analyst for the Washington Bureau of Investigation. Shawn and my cover stories as day traders are secure. Grey's people can run background checks on us all they want. Ethan thought I was a stockbroker. He came to me for advice on Hyde and I explained I really work for SEC. He signed nondisclosure paperwork, just like you did. We have business cards, we have offices and we have support staff in place who keep our cover intact."

 **July 15 – CPOV**

"Let's talk about touch," Sela said. She began a PowerPoint containing 100 slides of people touching. "People generally touch when saying hello or goodbye; handshakes, kiss on the cheek; hugs; or a pat on the back. In business it could be a handshake, a touch on the arm, or hand, or back or shoulder."

"If you are grieving, consolation touches can be holding hands, a comforting hug, rocking a distressed child or wiping away tears. Reassuring touches are usually a pat on the back or shoulder or a squeeze of the hand. Playful touches with a child could be ticking, hugging and ruffling someone's hair or a pat on the head. It could become body contact while playing a physical sport like football or basketball. It could be touches where you are practicing your kick boxing."

"A task-oriented touch could be when a teacher shows a student how to properly hold a pencil, or holding a child's hand with a spoon or fork when teaching them to eat. It could be teaching a child to do household chores, like making beds or raking the lawn. It can be teaching a child how to take a bath or wash their hair."

She noticed me give a little shake of my head and paused the PowerPoint. "You didn't experience teaching touch?"

"I didn't let my parents dress or undress me as a child. I bathed myself and shampooed my hair. I watched Mom do it with Elliot, but she understood I didn't like to be touched, so she watched me do it myself and then would comment if I needed to scrub my knees or my ears better. By the time I began talking at age six; she stopped supervising my personal hygiene. She had to nag at Elliot to wash his hands before dinner, or wipe his mouth better; but never me."

"Okay, let's resume," Sela went back to the PowerPoint. "There are celebratory touches: a high five, a pat on the back, or a group hug. There is an inadvertent touch –unintentional, involuntary, chance or unpremeditated. It could happen on a crowded bus, train or elevator when people momentarily lose their balance. It could happen when someone is not watching where they are going and bump into someone."

 _I push away the memory of Ana flying into my office and landing in a pile of ugly skirt and sweater and flying chestnut hair. I push away the memory of Ana and the cyclist. I push away the memory of Ana collapsing in my arms at the club, and taking her to my room at the Heathman._

"There's a preservation touch where someone needs to be pulled out of the way of an oncoming car, or a falling object, or keeping them from touching a hot stove. It is when you give someone a hand up when they've fallen down, or reach out to grab someone so they don't slip and fall. Before seatbelts – it was mother extending her right arm across a child in the front seat to keep them from injury during a quick stop."

"Then there is a defense touch – someone takes a swing at family or a friend and you intervene. Your bodyguard escorts a threatening person out of your building. You defend yourself against an attacker."

Sela sighed as the PowerPoint ended. "There are abusive touches. There are inappropriate touches. There are sexual touches. I use appropriate touch to offset the effects of harmful touches. Flynn says you were physically abused as a child."

I nodded, "the bruises faded, but the cigarette burns are permanent."

"Flynn says you became sexually active when you were fifteen. I don't judge; you never owe me an explanation. I will help you to own and express the feelings you have." Sela said. "I'm very good at reading body language: unconscious movement of body parts, flushing, blushing and muscle tension. I understand when I'm invading your personal space. I understand vocal changes reflect the tension in your body; the changes in inflection, intensity, pitch, tone, or pauses. I understand non-verbal gestures like raised eyebrows, narrowing eyes, pursed lips. I understand about body adornment. Some abused women cut their hair, or dye it a shocking color, or get a noticeable tramp stamp. Some wear long skirts and sleeves to cover bruises or to keep men from leering at them; some wear skimpy clothes to garner attention."

"You know I was a Dominant?" I asked quietly. "I can read body language."

"Flynn told me. He told me you were struggling with the lifestyle back in March." Sela said.

"I terminated with my last submissive in March. She broke one of my cardinal rules. I always have 'down time' between submissives; usually a couple months. By the time I was thinking about getting another submissive – I met a woman."

"Met…as in a normal meeting...not a look it over and kick the tires, check out the ride kind of meeting with submissives." Sela asked.

I laughed and laughed. Anastasia's distain of the Submissive Special and Sela's description of meeting a potential … the car/ride analogies are not lost in translation. "There was nothing normal about our meeting." I explained about the roommate, flu, interview, Anastasia falling into my office, our first touch, the need to touch her again before she left, etc. The feeling she could look through me and see my soul. "She means a great deal to me. She's not in the lifestyle. She said she loves me…and she wants to touch me… but it hurts. Well, I'm afraid it will hurt and I would hurt her when I shove her away from me. However, there are times, like when we slept together, we spooned and her touch was comforting, not painful. I was able to sleep all night without night terrors."

"Pause for a minute," Sela asked. "When you slept together, did you initiate the contact? Pulling her into your arms and spooning?"

I thought about it. "Yes, every time. I can hug my sister. I can kiss my mother on her cheek. My brother and I can biff each other on the shoulder. My dad can pat me on the shoulder once or twice. My grandmother can hug the longest of anyone, but she's learned to hold my shoulders when she hugs and to turn her head to my left chest…not the middle of my chest where the most scars are. My grandfather taught me how to high five when he said hello or goodbye so we touched; we had a connection."

"Does your sister initiate the hug?" Sela asked. "Is she spontaneous, or does she approach and hug when you give permission?"

"She's a hugger, anytime, anyplace. The longest one I got from her was when she returned from Paris. I think she saved up several months of hugs." I laughed.

"Touch plays a significant role in human development. Babies bond to their parents, people express emotions through touch…and not all the emotions are pleasurable ones. Touch deficiencies can have lifelong negative ramifications. America is a low-touch culture, but still…humans need touch. Touch increases your immune system's ability to maintain wellness defenses. Massage, which I will use with you, has been shown to decrease anxiety, depression, hyperactivity or stress."

"We'll work up to that, right?" I ask tentatively.

"I use special care when I conduct massage therapy on clients who have experienced assault, molestation, neglect, attachment issues or self-harming episodes. Sometimes there is a long period of trust building for clients who are paranoid, hostile, aggressive, highly sexualized, or who equate touch with acceptance. I ask for permission to touch before I touch."

I snorted. "I understand that."

"You would…but it's a control mechanism for you. It's self-preservation for me. A PTSD patient threw me across the room and broke ribs. I've learned the necessity of asking before touching. Sexual, erotic or violent touch in therapy is unethical. I will not touch you sexually or violently…ever."

I think I unnerved her a little when I tilted my head and looked at her.

"Let's step back and take a break," Sela stood and stretched. "We'll walk to the kitchen and get coffee."

 **XX**

"TTT works to integrate all of your feelings into acceptable living levels for you. I'll ask you to think through the therapy. You have to tell me where you have pain. You have to tell me what causes tension for you. You will continue sessions with Dr. Flynn. I'm not here to usurp him. Please share with me whatever you tell him about our sessions. I help bring emotions to the surface. Flynn will help you find meaning and acceptance of them. Flynn does not know how to do massage therapy. I do not know how to treat or advise others who have been abused. I know what works for me. I know what has worked for my abuse, PTSD and burn patients."

"What I do is an organic process. It is building blocks. We collaborate with one another. I don't say, _how do you feel about that?_ TTT begins with touch, or holding a spot. It may begin with a handshake. TTT focuses on how you feel in your body. It's very important to not go beyond what you can handle on any one day. There are different stages of touch. It's important for you to be mentally present during the sessions. You cannot zone out on me…that's how the retraumatization occurs. I work to allow you to regain physical feeling in the taboo parts of your body without getting overwhelmed."

We discuss what each session entails. Then it's a ten-minute touch exercise with questions and answers. This time when Flynn picks out an alphabet stick, we list food. For M, Sela lists milkshake and I list macaroni and cheese. Our session is over when both our stomachs growl. There's no time to play Twister tonight, Sela says if she doesn't eat in the next twenty minutes, she'll be a low-blood-sugar bitch when she gets home and her husband won't appreciate that. We shake left hands goodbye and call it a night.

 **July 16 – APOV**

I breathe a sigh of relief. It wasn't a bad day today. Kate and I opt for the Polished Professional package at Aqua Spa near our condo. I had a manicure, pedicure, shampoo and haircut, facial, eyebrow shape and body waxing done. Kate got a Brazilian while I got a massage. The massage was fabulous. If I can get a massage each time we have a girly day…it's almost worth the torture. I remember Christian's rules and giggle to myself. I can keep trimming without punishment.

We went shopping at a consignment store near our condo. I found a fabulous belted, washed linen dress in charcoal grey. I can wear the shoes and the handbag from graduation. Kate recommends silver jewelry. She recommended I buy a black cashmere cardigan we see. She said it would be perfect to wear with the dress to work. I can take it off when I get to work and show off the slight tan I got over the July Fourth weekend. I look at my _to-buy_ clothes list on my phone. I buy a lined charcoal grey pencil skirt and a white brushed cotton summer shirt. I'm almost giddy when I find red pumps, purse and sweater for the navy column dress.

Kate found a sectioned black leather tote for me. It will hold my laptop and a manuscript; gym clothes and my lunch. The bottom unzips to make a section to hold sneakers. Kate says it's much more professional than the canvas totes I've been using. She offers to help with my makeup on Monday morning. She promised light foundation, my plum lip gloss and light smoky eyes. She recommends I keep my head down during the open house events and remain on the perimeter of the group. I can affect a quick get-away if I don't want to see Christian.


	16. Chapter 16

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 16 –** "After all these years, I am still involved in the process of self-discovery. It's better to explore life and make mistakes than to play it safe. Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life." - Sophia Loren

 **July 18 – APOV**

I was glad to wear jeans to work last week while SIP/GP moved. For today's grand opening – I have a professional dress, good haircut, natural French manicure and appropriate makeup thanks to Kate. I have a raging case of nerves. I couldn't manage tea this morning; let alone breakfast. I drive to Grey Annex; today is not the day to be late because of transportation issues.

There is a large bouquet of white roses on the reception desk at the north end of Grey Publishing. Claire is a happy camper. My three coworkers are early also. They have maps and are the official greeters this morning; showing everyone to their new digs. They've also dressed for success today. Curvy Emily wears a sage green column dress with navy heels. Her hair is freshly body-permed like Taylor Swift. Her nails are taupe with sage and navy stripes. Claire wears a color block dress of mango, lemon, lime and watermelon. It suits her mocha skin and is summery fresh. She has a new Halle Berry pixie haircut with wispy bangs. Her nails are mango and lemon. Her lime-colored heels, hoop earrings and bracelet finish her ensemble. Willowy, almost-blonde Amber wears a light blue fit and flare dress with sapphire earrings and sapphire heeled sandals. Her hair is freshly root-permed like Nicole Kidman. I feel like a grey dormouse compared to all of them.

I'm delayed accessing my cubicle on the southwest side of the floor because there are three energetic women, dressed in grey pants and white shirts, flittering around, staging everything.

Once I make it to my cubicle; I'm handed a vase containing three pink rosebuds and a new white coffee/tea mug with Grey Publishing imprinted in grey. A woman hands me a permanent marker and requests I sign my name on the bottom of my cup. Everyone is getting one and there will be additional ones stored in the kitchen area for visitors. They will match the coffee service items – carafes, trays, sugars, creamers, etc. I write my name on the bottom of my mug and return the pen to her.

She checks her cell phone absentmindedly and snaps to attention. "Incoming! South Elevator. Make sure the South Foyer is unlocked." She shrieks into a Bluetooth headphone. "Mia Grey!" She snaps at the person inquiring. She's moved off to quickly place roses and mugs on desks determined by a layout in her hand.

With the move to the new location; I could not stay on top of my micro-management schedule last week. I'm sure Jack will have a list of tasks for me to accomplish today. I go to the kitchen to make coffee; but am shooed away by the catering staff for the open house. They assure me there will be cauldrons of hot coffee available the entire day. They have servers who will wander around and fill the new Grey Publishing coffee mugs as needed.

For some reason, Jack exits the south elevator with Mia. He's busy watching her ass; she's busy texting. She heads for reception. I wait until she's out of sight before I approach Jack; telling him I'm going for coffee for him, but I need his new coffee cup off his desk.

While I'm in the kitchen getting coffee for Jack and hot water for me; Mia lets out a shriek. "Ana!" She hugs me enthusiastically. She's dressed in a spectacular silver grey fitted suit with a white silk and lace camisole. She wears black Louboutins and black diamond earrings. Her hair is styled in a mid-length Ashlee Greene bob. However, she's wearing blood red nails and lipstick…which remind me of Mrs. Robinson.

"Mia," I hugged back; "how are you?"

"Busy day!" She grinned.

"Walk with me," I said. "I've got to deliver this coffee before my boss experiences caffeine withdrawal."

Mia followed me, hovering by my cubicle while I deliver the coffee to Jack. His observation of my attire is unwelcome. His observation of Mia waiting at my cubicle is more unwelcome. I get back to my cubicle and Mia examines me.

"You look spectacular." Mia exclaims over my outfit. She exclaims over my haircut and manicure. I explain I didn't go to Esclava when she asks. Kate and I went to Aqua Spa which is close to our condo; but not Esclava. I explain I wanted a spa experience geared for young women…and I plan to keep using Aqua Spa. I urge her to go there with us in a couple weeks. "You don't think it's too much – a grey dress for Grey Publishing?" I asked.

"It's a perfect look! Christian and I are both wearing grey today also. Christian hired me to coordinate this event. We're going to have a lot of press very soon. Christian's helping me start my own events company." Mia bragged.

"You will be great at that!" I exclaim.

"This is the note Christian wrote to go with your flowers," Mia whispered to not be overheard. "I promised to deliver it. He didn't want it to sit on your desk where anyone could read it." She giggled. "I feel like I'm back in middle school; passing notes from one person to another."

I giggled and thanked her; hugging her again and tell her I'll see her at the grand opening. When she departs, I read the note.

 _Anastasia, pink roses for you…  
they remind me of your blush.  
Please talk to me. Christian_

I can't return the roses because every woman has a bud vase on her desk. Mine are deep rose pink. Other roses in the place are white, sterling or light pink. My inner goddess whines…she wants Christian so bad she endeavors to keep me from thinking about anything else. I don't want him when I think about Mrs. Robinson…not the way she made him. I'm reminded of _The Beauty and the Beast_ … she is the sorceress who changed Christian into the monster. The monster won't turn back into the handsome prince until he learns to love. Belle told the Beast she loved him first…just like I did with Christian. She loved and protected him from people who wanted to harm him…like I do. We won't have a happily ever after ending until Christian makes the effort to stop being the monster.

I'm not leaving the card out for anyone to read as none of the other arrangements have cards with them. I slid it into a zippered compartment of my purse. I slide my purse in the empty bottom left drawer of my desk. If someone is looking for it; they will have to look harder than just pulling desk drawers open. _I must be professional…he is Mr. Grey. I am an employee. There will be no fraternizing._

I unpack my 'personal' items, turn on my computer and start my day. With Jack in close proximity, I can't unpack the15 manuscripts I reviewed last week. I just tuck the box under the desk so I can deal with it when Jack's not observing me. I settle down to work, following my schedule as much as possible.

"I'm going for coffee, Ana," Jack appears about five minutes before the Grand Opening. "Why don't you stay here and answer phones or catch up on work you should have done last week if Christian Grey hadn't interfered." He walked away. "Our calendars need synced by the way!" He yells over his shoulder.

I've been given an order to stay away from the Grand Opening. I can follow directions. The minute Jack's out of sight, the fifteen manuscripts are out of the box, placed on my bookcase and the box is disassembled and slid behind the bookcase for the next time I need it. I'm busy reading when…

"Ana!" Mia's loud whisper interrupts my reading. "What are you doing? You should be at the Grand Opening! Come on," she urged, leaning, arms crossed on the grey tweed cubicle farm demi-wall.

"I can't," I whisper back to her, avoiding press who tour Grey Publishing with upper management staff. "My boss told me to stay here to catch up on work from last week."

"Christian will be upset if you don't show," Mia whispered.

"Miss Steele!" Mr. Roach's voice called. "You should be at the Grand Opening!"

I hurriedly stand and smooth my dress. "Sorry, sir," I apologize. "I was lost in the manuscript I was reading. Mia Grey, sister of Christian Grey, this is Maxwell Roach, CEO of Grey Publishing. Mia coordinated today's event and came looking for me. I'm sorry to be such a bother."

"Nonsense," Mr. Roach smiled. "It's refreshing to have someone trying to work. Everyone else acts like it is fun day at Disney World." He poses with Mia and me while a photographer snaps our picture.

The hair on the back of my neck stands at full attention. Christian… _MR. GREY_ …is here.

Mia looks at her cell phone. "Christian just stepped off the north elevator." She said. "Mr. Roach, let's go greet Christian."

 _Time to face the music._ I smile when Mia and Mr. Roach head to the north elevator. I approach from the south side of the floor to join the throng from the back. Jack sees me approach and scowls fiercely at me. I point at Mr. Roach who is approaching the crowd with Christian and Mia. He can talk to his boss about my presence.

 **XX**

"This food is to die for," Emily said. Emily, Amber, Claire and I hide out in my cubicle; eating refreshments. For the first time ever, I'm hungry instead of having nervous knots in my stomach. Of course, I couldn't eat breakfast; so I'm not surprised I'm hungry.

"No dying allowed, just enjoy," a voice floats over us. "Help yourselves to more," Mr. Grey brought a tray of food, enough to feed eight staff, to my cubicle. Fifty's trying to feed me again! "Thank you ladies, for working last week, while everyone else had the week off. Grey Publishing owes you a week's vacation with pay when you want it."

Emily acts as our unofficial spokeswoman. "It's not necessary to thank us; Mr. Grey, we were just doing our jobs." She flutters her exceptionally well-mascaraed eyelashes while taking the tray of food from him as a reason to stand near him.

 _Get away from him!" My inner goddess screams. "Don't make me scratch your eyes out!"_

He hands each of us a card to present to Elizabeth when we want our week off. I feel the current pass between us when his fingers brush against mine. I blush because _my inner goddess regales me with memories of how talented those fingers are at ripping off my panties_. He shakes hands with all of us, thanking us again.

"Have you eaten yet, Mr. Grey," I ask.

He quirks a smile at me and says, "What do you recommend Miss Steele?"

I look over the platter. "I recommend the roast beef, sharp cheddar cheese and tomato jam finger sandwiches on whole grain bread." I hand him a plate and napkin.

"Sawyer or Taylor eat yet?" I look over at them. I hold a plate and napkin up and indicate Sawyer and Taylor should come get some food. They both shake their head at me. I shrug. It's not my job to make sure they eat. I'm sure eating healthy is one of the rules of their employment by Mr. Grey. "If you don't eat sweets," I say, "the strawberries are very good and so are the veggie sticks."

"I eat sweet things," Mr. Grey says, as he loads his plate with sandwiches, veggies and strawberries; "just not lately."

 _My inner goddess is modeling strawberry-flavored edible underwear. "I'm sweet Mr. Grey..."_

" _STFU," I mentally scream at her._

I blush and ignore him; adding a sandwich finger, cucumber and zucchini sticks and three strawberries to my plate when Emily offers me the tray. He smiles because I am eating. Claire and Amber refill their plates also, just to have a reason to stand close to the handsome and good smelling Mr. Grey. Amber recommends the cappuccino brownies. Claire recommends the toffee brownies.

IT approaches and hands out work-assigned tablets to the four of us. Emily is disappointed Barney is not working. She sets the food tray on my credenza to join in IT training. It means she has to step away from Mr. Grey.

… _and for some reason my inner goddess stops screaming at Emily to back the fuck off._

"When you are away from the office you'll be able to access work email, sync calendars, read manuscripts online, etc." Mr. Grey explains. He observes while IT gives the four of us a course in how to access everything.

However; before IT is done with us, Jack is at my cubicle, observing IT and Mr. Grey. He helps himself, eating off the tray instead of getting a plate or napkin. Out of the corner of my eye – I see Mr. Grey reach for the plate and napkin I offered to Taylor and Sawyer. He thrusts them at Jack as Mr. Roach finds us. A server retrieves the tray, offering food to Jack before she moves off. I see Christian's…Mr. Grey's eyes narrow as he observes Jack watching the server's ass. Another server appears with a full tray of food. She hovers by Mr. Grey for a few minutes until he waves her off. When she offers food to Jack; he's busy checking out her breasts. Another server refreshes beverages. Once the servers move off; Mr. Roach has access to Mr. Grey. I'm concentrating on my tablet and IT instructions. _I will not watch Mr. Grey. I will not indicate my awareness of Jack watching Mr. Grey and watching me._

"You met our staff who coordinated the move last week?" Mr. Roach indicates the four of us. Mr. Grey nodded. "I'm glad we had Ana working here last week."

"Really?" Mr. Grey murmurs looking at me. I blush, again.

"She was great with the furniture installers. She knew exactly what tools, screws or connectors they needed. Assembly was completed faster with her here. She brought her own tool box on Tuesday and was able to keep them on task. They were finished with installation on Thursday. Ana checked every office and noted what needed fixed or completed. When the workers returned on Friday, she split the to-do list and workers into fourths. We were completely set up by three p.m. on Friday. Security said this was the fastest and cleanest office move they've ever experienced." He smiled. "Additionally, she created a binder for us which holds the user manuals and directions for assembling and disassembling furniture. She separated it alphabetically into rooms or sections of Grey Publishing to facilitate its use. We have it at the front desk if there are any future issues."

"It was nothing, Mr. Roach," I say. "Just part of the Ana Steele skill base." But I blush again…and Mr. Grey is not immune…his eyes burn brightly while watching me.

"Ana, since you've added syncing calendars to your skill base; give me a lesson," Jack interrupts.

"IT can do that now; the ladies haven't finished their lunch. They spent 20 minutes of their lunch hour on IT training," Mr. Grey says; stopping IT from leaving the cubicle farm. "Please take Hyde to his office and don't leave until he has demonstrated proficiency in accessing and syncing his calendar, accessing email and manuscripts; entering information into the author and manuscript database; and Skyping with his authors." Mr. Grey paused. "Then I expect you to train the other editors as thoroughly also."

"Yes, Mr. Grey," One IT moves towards Jack's office; the other IT moves to the next cubicle to train editorial support staff.

Jack gives me a scorching glare but follows IT back to his office. Mr. Grey moves off with Mr. Roach and one of the staff from Marketing who wants pictures of him in our new conference room.

I apply myself to my lunch and gossiping with the girls…but they talk about how gorgeous Mr. Grey is. They gossip about how fun Mia is… personality to go. Claire says someone incurred Mia's ire this morning. After the ceremony she heard Mr. Grey and Mia and a spate of French roll out of the kitchen. She said she knows it was French because she had a one-week vacation with her family in Quebec once. The ladies wonder what the conversation was about. I don't have to wonder…I'll bet Mia told Christian about Jack ordering me not to attend the ceremony.

 **XX – CPOV**

No talent mother fucker! Eye fucking every woman in the place today. I wanted to deck him for eye fucking Anastasia. Mia told me he ordered Anastasia not to attend the Grand Opening ceremony. He said she needed to complete work she didn't do last week. Everyone was off duty last week except the four who coordinated the office move. WTF? I need more information on him; other than how exemplary his work performance has been at SIP/GP. Anastasia looked lovely in her grey linen dress. I'm glad she didn't wear the grey halter dress from graduation. The sight of her alabaster skin in that dress has to be for my eyes only. Striker reported her shopping trip with Katherine and her girl's day at the spa. I am partly relieved they didn't use Esclava. I don't want Anastasia in proximity to Elena Lincoln. I can't deal with Elena's questions about Anastasia. I can't deal with Anastasia's attitudes about Elena. I wore my favorite grey Brioni suit and our favorite tie. Then I manufactured a way to get close to her. Although I could only touch her when I gave her my business card and when I shook her hand…her blush told me she's still affected by me. It was thoughtful of her to ask if I had eaten. It pleased me to know she was eating lunch and talking with friends instead of working through like Hyde wanted.

 **XX – APOV**

At the end of the day, I load my new tote with my old tea mug and my new tablet with the extra charger. It will make it so much easier to read manuscripts on the bus, in the doctor's office or at home. After I upload three synopses into the manuscript server off my flash drive and put the manuscripts in the mail center for IT to file; security asks me to go to Mr. Roach's office before I leave. _What did I do now?_

"Ana, I have a huge favor to ask," Mr. Roach says. "Several of the tour pictures didn't turn out – photobombs, shadows, bumped photographers, etc. Kavanagh Media sent a photographer back to get pictures. We normally wouldn't retake them; but they are important for using with our upgraded website. Mr. Kavanagh specifically asked for you. He said you've worked with photographers before and will know what they need?"

"Yes, I worked as a photographer's assistant several times in college." I admitted.

"Have I ever seen any of the pictures?" He asked in amazement.

"Go online to WSUV, my alma mater. Go to the special graduation issue of the student newspaper. There's an article by Katherine Kavanagh; she's my roommate. I was the photography assistant for the photo shoot. I think you'll recognize the subject of the photo shoot."

Mr. Roach accesses the Internet and then in a shocked voice, he suggests I wait at reception for the photographer. He says he will approve overtime for me today. I assure him it is not necessary; I'm happy to do it for Grey Publishing and for Kavanagh Media.

An hour later, the photographer is done. I get my purse and tote; letting him escort me to security before he walks me to my car. Security wants to know why I'm not parked in the parking garage when the photographer and I announce our plans to depart. I explain I haven't purchased a parking spot in the garage. They show me the database which has my assigned space.

Apparently, as part of today's Open House events, there was a lottery for support staff. The prize is an assigned parking space in the garage for a year, July 1 to June 30. Elizabeth was notified when it occurred, but has yet to tell me. They give me the gate code to enter the parking area. It's the same code to enter for the elevators from the parking area. They give me the number to my parking space and show it to me on a map. I have a parking spot near the south elevator.

 _I wonder if Christian had anything to do with this…I don't know why I wonder…of course this win is courtesy of Christian. I wonder if Elizabeth suspects which is why she's delayed in telling me. I wonder when she will tell me._ But I don't dwell on my thoughts. I need to go home and take off these heels. It's been a long day. Following Claire's suggestion, I will purchase a toiletries case and fill it with feminine needs, extra stockings, toiletries, sewing kit, etc. I will keep a pair of heels and flats at work also. She recommends using the mini-credenza in my work space to hold personal items. It locks and will provide some privacy.

 **XX**

 _"I eat sweet things…" Christian said, his mouth kissing down my skin. His tongue is ruthless as he torments my slit over and over. I stiffen as his fingers thrust inside me. He makes me whimper with need. "Come for me baby," he says before I detonate around him. His mouth eagerly sucks at me, kissing up my groin to my hipbones, to my breasts. "See how good we are together? If you submit to me, it will be so much better. Trust me, Anastasia, I can take you places you don't even know exist." Our foreheads touch and he stares into my eyes; "Please say yes to being mine." My body convulses…_

…and I am awake. Jeez, I had another Christian Grey induced wet dream.

 **XX – CPOV**

 _"Fuck the paperwork," I growl, holding her hands above her head. I'm fucking her hard in the elevator, burying myself in her again and again. She feels amazing. She smells tantalizing. She tastes sweet. One hand holds hers, but she tilts her lips up to meet mine. She blushes, making me want her more. I grind into her, over and over. She cannot move; she moans as I thrust deeper into her. "You. Are. Mine. Come. For. Me. Anastasia." She moans, clenching me in that hot, sweet, wet, tight way she has…and I follow her lead, exploding. "Fuck yes! This is what I want…"_

…and I wake with a shout. Damn it… another Anastasia Steele induced wet dream.


	17. Chapter 17

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 17 -** "How very lovable her face was to him. Yet there was nothing ethereal about it; all was real vitality, real warmth, real incarnation. And it was in her mouth that this culminated." - Thomas Hardy, _Tess of the D'Urbervilles_

 **July 19 – APOV**

Jack insists we have a working lunch after the editorial meeting today. The Grey Annex cafeteria sends a sandwich cart through the building from 11-2. Claire calls me when the cart comes to our floor. I get Jack an Italian sandwich of pepperoni, salami and Parma ham with provolone on ciabatta roll with sliced tomatoes. I get a mini salmon bagel; a container of baby carrots with ranch dressing; and a bottle of cold green tea. I fill Jack's coffee mug on the way back to his office. The editorial staff meeting this morning leaves both of us with a long list of work to do. We'll be working closely with Marketing and PR between now and February to plan the launch of a new book in Las Vegas in March.

Jack gives me a synopsis of what a book launch entails. We've worked through action items, calendared meetings and covered the list of memos sent by HR, Fiscal, Editorial, Marketing/PR and Mr. Roach during our lunch hour. Additionally, Jack and I create a Skype contact list for all his authors. Jack is vexed because we did not go to the book conference in New York. He orders me to research for a book conference we can attend in the next three months.

I'm instantly on high alert when Jack rises and closes his door. _WTF_?

"Ana; I know Mr. Roach insisted you attend the open house. I thought ordering you to stay away from the ceremony would protect you from unwanted interest from Mr. Grey. Please let me know if I'm misreading the situation." He opened the door and thanked me for working through lunch. He hands me the _Seattle Times_ from yesterday and dismisses me.

I escape to the women's bathroom. _What the hell was that conversation about?_ Jack handed me a copy of the _Seattle Times_ with a picture of Christian circulating during the Grand Opening where I'm handing him a plate and napkin and Emily holds the platter of food for him. _Christian Grey and staff at the Grand Opening of Grey Publishing._

Part of me thinks we look fabulous together. He's wearing a gray Brioni suit, white shirt and _THAT_ tie; I'm wearing my charcoal gray linen dress with silver jewelry. My hair looks healthy and glossy, tumbling around my shoulders. That girl in the picture …the happy and healthy one…she looks good in proximity to Christian Grey.

I'm even more confused when I return to my desk and check my email. There is an email from Dr. Flynn, asking me to come to his office on Wednesday night during Christian's regular session. He reminds me I said I had a busy schedule until July 20.

Email from Anastasia Steele to John Flynn:  
Thank you for the offer to attend counseling with Christian. However, it is unprofessional for you or Christian to contact me at work. I gave you my personal email in my previous note delivered to your office. I will be available tomorrow evening, seven o'clock. I do not require directions to your office.

Elizabeth has yet to tell me about the parking spot. I would ask what her issue is; but I don't have the energy to deal with her bullshit today. I send an email to the support staff. I explain I have an assigned parking place which I plan to use regularly on Friday and intermittently as needed. I asked if there is someone who would like to share the space with me. I get back a response almost immediately from support staff who works for IT.

Jessica works Monday through Thursday. She has Fridays off for computer labs on the U-Dub campus. She would love to use my parking space when I'm not using it. She says if I need the space during the week to contact her before work. She'll park in general parking that day. She agrees to meet me in Security during last break. We will add her car information to my space so she doesn't get ticketed or towed.

I'm shocked when I meet her. We could be sisters. _I wonder if she's an ex of Christian's and then I remind myself…he swore he doesn't have sex with staff when he told me about Mrs. Jones. I'm now staff...I need to quit thinking about wet dreams with Christian Grey._

 **~~~ 3PPOV**

Master is in the news again. Why does he have pictures taken with her? They are both wearing grey again. What's with the coordinating outfits? Is she trying to tell the world she belongs to Mr. Grey? He's wearing the same tie from her graduation picture. Is it a thing between them?

Since Master owns the company where she works; and since it moved, I must research which buses she might take. I can tell she had a salon day this weekend from the pictures in the paper. I didn't see her red Audi A3 parked at the Post Alley Esclava this weekend. I have to counsel her. Salon days may be in her contract; but she can't trust that bitch Elena Lincoln.

My rent by the week motel is not in the best part of Seattle and costs me $600 a month. It has an exterior door to a courtyard. I bought and installed a heavy duty chain lock with key. I didn't pay for maid service. I don't want anyone in my room. The bed and bath linens are thin and overwashed. The hot water is tepid early in the morning or late at night. When I leave, I place dowel rods in the window tracks to keep someone from popping the sliding windows open. I turn the crappy TV on low, lock the chain, lock the door and put out the _do not disturb_ sign. Hopefully, that will prevent intruders. When I'm there, alone at night I tuck a chair under the doorknob – but the chairs are so rickety, they'd break apart with force.

The eight days of clothes I took from Anastasia's closet means I don't have to buy clothes until the weather turns. I'm careful to do my laundry away from the motel. I don't want anyone seeing my nice clothes and breaking into my room to take them. I bought a WSU hoody and a backpack from a thrift store to help me disappear in a city of over half a million. The cross-body bag I took had a matching wrist wallet in it. It's great for holding my ID, Epass for the bus, motel room keys, mailbox key and money. I am happy. It's like Sir knew I would need such a handy thing.

I bought a new burner phone and a refurbished HP mini laptop from a second-hand tech store. Several fast food franchises and malls in the city have free WIFI. I rented a 12x12x6 drawer at a mail express business. Six months cost me $150. I can keep my laptop, jewelry and spare cash in it. It's safer than keeping things in my motel room. No one can see the contents and it's accessible by key for me and by slot for the people who work there. All I ever get is junk mail; so I don't mind staff accessing the mail slot. The lobby where the boxes are located is available 24/7.

 **July 20 - APOV**

I changed clothes twice and then felt I was being stupid. So, I am wearing one of my new tops which was supposed to be for casual Fridays. I fixed my hair twice also and I don't 'fix' my hair. I finally put it in a ponytail. When the decision to Skype instead of going to Dr. Flynn's office hits me…I spent travel time ensuring my room was clean and well organized. I've put off connecting to Flynn as long as I can. Nothing I've done has calmed my nerves. I almost jump out of my skin when the Skype connects.

"I am attending tonight's little conclave by Skype," I announced to Christian and Dr. Flynn.

"Why," Christian asked. Clearly, he expected a face-to-face meeting, not an electronic one.

"I feel more comfortable this way. I agreed to this meeting, but I feel safer at my condo." I explained.

"Let's begin," Dr. Flynn said. "I'd like to break the ice…"

"No," I interrupted. "I apologize for interrupting you, Dr. Flynn. Normally, I'm not a rude person; but I have something to say. I'm not wasting time playing word association games." I took a deep breath. "Christian, you said we had to be honest with one another to make this work. I don't feel you were completely honest with me. You said you exercise control in all things…but you don't. You don't control letting outside issues, events, or people affect how you interact with me."

Dr. Flynn holds up a hand to prevent Christian from interrupting while I vent.

"You use sex to avoid talking or explaining issues. Do you know how much it aggravated me when you wouldn't talk to me…but you demanded to know every little thought which crossed my mind?" I asked.

"Anastasia, I'm sorry; honest to God I am. I have a list of goals. One of them is to reconnect with you. I need to know you're not moving on with someone else." Christian pleaded with me. "If you need someone to talk to, Dr. Flynn is competent and he knows my history."

"I told you…I would never talk about us and I haven't. I need three things. I need you to listen to me. I've asked you over and over to call me Ana; yet you insist on formally addressing me as Anastasia, which tells me you don't listen. Anastasia is the name my parents use when lecturing me." I reiterate.

"Beautiful name for a beautiful girl," he shrugged.

"It's intimidating!" I snap. "I need you to leave me alone, Christian. No security following me, no tracking my phone calls or emails – both personal and professional. I need your mother's good friend Elena Lincoln to leave me alone. I'm aware she's been cruising by my condo. I don't know why – but I would like you to make her stop. That's my three needs: listen to me, leave me alone and make Elena leave me alone. They are, in your parlance, hard limits. We both need this break to work on our issues and consider our priorities. I'm not emotionally ready to work things out with you. Plus; I'm not emotionally ready move on until I understand and accept my feelings. Please forgive me," I ended the Skype and turned off the computer and phone.

I should have known our 'relationship' was the reason for the discussion with Dr. Flynn. Christian's crazy if he thinks I'm discussing _my_ issues with _his_ therapist. Then I laugh at the irony…and I laugh until I break down and cry.

Harley is right; I must stay away from Christian until the SEC determines what it is doing. While I'm staying away from him, maybe I can use that time to get to know myself better. Until then; I need to keep myself busy so I don't daydream about him.

" _Yeah right," my inner goddess snarks. "IFyou won't go wild on his body in real life…I'm welcoming him into our dreams and letting him dominate us as he pleases." She moans and stretches suggestively on the bed. It's just embarrassing._

 **~~~ CPOV**

 _God damn her! She ended the Skype without letting me reason with her!_ I want to break things, but I'm in Flynn's office; so I have to keep my temper under control until I get home to my gym and kick box my aggressions away. Right now, I'd give anything to turn her over my knee… _whoa…whoa_ … _where the hell did that thought come from? I never punished my subs when I was angry. Get control Grey!_

"What was that thought?" Flynn asked. "Seriously, your face went from insecure to enraged to shocked faster than I've ever seen you change moods."

I hung my head. "I was insecure because she didn't give me a chance to reason with her and it made me angry. I thought I wanted to take her over my knee and spank the hell out of her - then I was shocked because I never punished my subs when I was angry."

"Christian, breathe. I'm going to call bullshit on your assertion you have never punished subs when you were angry. Half your issues in the playroom were punishing little brown-haired girls because they reminded you of your birth mother. You're still angry with her not protecting you. I believe until you move past calling her a crack whore; you will not come to terms with who she was and the importance of her in your early life. Additionally, I think there was anger at the Leila situation which made you apply a belt to Anastasia's ass with a lot more force than the situation warranted." Flynn said.

I sat back, shocked at his assertion. I ran his points through my mind. I am angry at the crack…Ella. I'm angry with her pimp. I'm angry with…myself for hurting Ana and making her leave me.

"Elena Lincoln didn't teach you everything you should know about the BDSM lifestyle. If you research; the way you asked Ana to research, you may discover most Doms need a connection with their submissives. It's not all play and showing off your latest toys, furniture or kinky skill set. I know you wanted your submissives healthy; safe and obedient. I know you terminated with them when they wanted 'more'. You have no experience about how relationships work between men and women. Trust me…there's no contract in Elliot and Kate's relationship, or in your parents' marriage, or in my marriage to Rhiann. There is love, honor and negotiation. You will work to understand the emotional connection you have with Ana."

I started to argue about Ana and other men.

"Shut up Grey," Flynn ordered. "Just because the single-minded pursuit of getting into Ana's panties races from your brain straight to your cock; it does not mean the rest of the male population thinks that way. You've quizzed Elliot about the 'men' in Ana's life. Ana is not moving on. Ana gave you three tasks to complete before you can be in her life – listen, no tracking her and keep Elena Lincoln away from her. What will you do to complete these tasks?"

"I'm still working on ideas to remove myself as Elena's business partner," I admit.

"Do you believe no longer being Elena's business partner will eliminate Elena from your life?" Flynn asked.

"If necessary to keep her out of our lives; I will reveal Elena and my relationship to my parents. I will not reveal the BDSM aspect of it. They just need to know I was 15 when it started and 21 when it ended. I need to end her involvement with charities which work with underprivileged youth. I will ask Mom, Mia and Grandma to stop using the Esclava Salons." I explain.

"Well, I have an assignment for you. Research handling romantic breakups. Research how to effect romantic reconciliations. We'll talk about how to do that. If you come to sessions, unprepared, we'll spend your time researching the internet together." Flynn warned. "Relationships take time. Relationships take work. Stay healthy. Stay active. Stay away from social media. Do not haunt Kate Kavanagh's Facebook page for news and pictures of Ana. Do not bug Elliot to bug Kate about what Ana's doing."

He observed my impassive face and continued.

"Your second assignment is to become more involved with Coping Together," he noted my grimace and continued. "Yes, your donations are needed and welcomed; but you need to understand how to help families cope with addiction. You need to see other children in the same situation you were in so you understand the issues it left in your life."

 **July 22 – CPOV**

"Good evening," Sela greeted me.

"I didn't want to come today. When I saw Ana driving away from work; I knew I had to come." I said.

"Why didn't you want to come?" Sela asked.

"I had a rough night last night," I admit. "I didn't know if I could bear to be touched tonight." I will not admit my nightmare was a replay of Ana leaving me. I will not admit I'm as gutted today as I was when she left.

"Today's schedule is work-related touching. We will begin with shaking hands, power handshakes and handshakes accompanied by a shoulder pat or tap. I will sit beside you while you open the website for Grey House. You will talk to me about your company. Occasionally I might guide your hand on the mouse to another web page. My knee might brush against yours. I might get into your personal bubble by leaning in to look at a web page. A really good web page could earn you a pat on the back. Before the end of the session; we'll practice left handshakes. It's an unusual feel for you…and it means you must think before you complete the gesture. It's not an automatic response. We'll do that as many times as necessary for it to feel natural." Sela said. "If you are ready, let's begin."

 **July 23 - CPOV**

I dreamt of Ana again last night. Ana is the siren of my dreams. Her soft hand in mine, her blue eyes assessing me, her soft, breathy sighs as we sit on the verandah of the house in Aspen and watch the sun set. We do not talk; we just hold hands. It was not a wet dream, but it was calming and so much more wonderful than any dream I've had lately. It sure beats night terrors. When I wake; I ask Taylor if he wants to go sailing for the weekend. I don't want to bounce off the walls all weekend. I remember thinking about Cabo and Ana's eyes. Taylor calls Mac; telling him we're incoming and to prep _The Grace_ for two days at sea. Mac recommends a leisurely sail to Vancouver, BC. He asks if he should plan to co-pilot and I say yes. I may want to sit and stare at the ocean which reminds me of Ana's eyes. Taylor and Mac work out logistics of supplies and sleeping arrangements.

Taylor packs clothes for us for two days as I pack the laptop and briefcase. I pack a box of reading materials: the _Wall Street Journal_ , the _New York Times_ , the _Seattle Times_ and the current _Industry Week,_ _Manufacturing Business Technology,_ _Forbes, Fortune_ and _Harvard Business Review_ to keep me busy when I'm not piloting. I also have 35 background checks on some of Anastasia's…Ana's ex-classmates which Striker emailed me. When I get restless, I can walk circles on the deck or I can swim until I'm exhausted.

I email our itinerary to Dad. I ask him to not tell anyone where I am; just to explain I'm out of town.

 **August 1 - APOV**

We had a great birthday party for Claire during lunch. We ate in the cafeteria with balloons, cupcakes and ice cream. I found a fabulous mango-colored silk Infinity scarf for her birthday. She decided to wear it with a turquoise shirt and dark skinny jeans for her birthday dinner date. I wish I felt as comfortable with colors as she does.

I help carry her balloon and floral bouquet to the reception desk. She has her arms full. While she's putting her presents away, I take a picture of the picture of her and the boyfriend which is on her desk. He looks familiar; but I can't place him…which makes me nervous. Can I give the picture to Harley to research the guy? I take two quick pictures of the bouquet to cover. "My mom would love those exotic purple flowers," I said quickly, shoving my smart phone into my pocket. "Do you know what kind they are?"

 **~~~ 3PPOV**

Barney found and forwarded two press releases from Grey Publishing over the weekend. Two new authors signed on with Grey Publishing. Barney forwarded everything he could find about the two authors and the GP staff assigned to them. The second press release announced a book launch in Las Vegas, Nevada in March for one of their authors. That author is assigned to Jack Hyde. The news disturbed him. Miss Steele's potential travel to Las Vegas was a logistical nightmare.

Barney reviewed Jack Hyde's file again. Commissioning Editor at the SIP. Princeton graduate who attended on a scholarship from a Catholic high school in Chicago. His Princeton transcripts were included in his SIP employment file. President's List every semester. Work study reviews exemplary after his first semester on campus. He worked in the college library. SIP poached him from an East Coast publishing company where he worked for five years. He has been with SIP for five years. His performance reviews glowed with praise. Barney started researching the previous publishing company. He hoped to acquire Hyde's files from them.

Hyde was 32, single, pale ice blue eyes, red hair, 5 feet 10 inches tall, 200 pounds, clean driving record. Normal deposits in checking account; the money market savings account balance was over $750,000. Barney tagged it for further scrutiny. One credit card, zero balance. Previous charges for food, books, clothes, gas and liquor store were paid off monthly. Mother, deceased from cirrhosis of the liver, buried in a charity grave at a Catholic parish in Chicago. Unknown father and unknown relatives. Barney shook his head. It was a cover story with holes in it. Barney was determined to find Hyde's backstory.

Barney sent Welch the information he had on Hyde. He would need to conduct a deep cyber search of Hyde's information. The man had ten interns in five years. Miss Steele was number 11. From what Barney could tell…she would be out of a job by Christmas according to Hyde's previous pattern. That situation required an explanation.

He sighed because he had another task for Mr. Grey. Barney had to search the Grey Annex CCTV to find footage of Miss Steele. Grey apologized to him for assigning such a mundane task; but Barney understood immediately. Grey was obsessed with Miss Steele and the heart wants what the heart wants. She was a very pretty girl. He enjoyed working with her the week of the move. She was smart, funny and kind. Part of him wished she worked at Grey House. He would not mind being work buddies with her.

 **~~~ CPOV**

"There's something hinky," Welch said. "I've talked to three of Hyde's previous interns."

"They all say he's a bastard and I need to fire him immediately," I asked hopefully.

"No, they are all complimentary about his knowledge, skills and abilities." Welch said.

"So what's hinky?" I asked.

"Exact same order of explanation – knowledge, skills and abilities. Almost exact same phrases when discussing said knowledge, skills and abilities. It's like they are all reading from the same playbook," Welch said.

"Perhaps they are." I commented. "Do your best to talk to more of them. Are they working at publishing companies in other states?"

"None of them; four are teachers, two are office managers, two work for family companies, one is seeking her master's degree in urban planning, and one is a stay-at-home mom," Welch ran down the list. "However, other than Jack Hyde…they have two things in common. His interns were all slim, petite, long-haired young women. Additionally; none of them are originally from Washington."

Leila visited her stash of cash and withdrew $800. She stopped at a store and purchased a supply of soups and canned goods, instant rices and pastas along with bottled juices, sodas and water. She purchased coffee and coffee filters, individual packets of cream and sugar. Part of her missed not having a real kitchen in her motel room; but a kitchenette was an additional $400 a month. As she planned to be back at Escala before fall…it was not worth the money. Besides she had a small microwave, toaster and a coffee pot. She could make do until she had a chance to contact Master. He would approve of her work to secure her lodgings with the dowel rods and the key-operated chain lock. He would not approve, however, of her lack of personal hygiene. She needed an appointment at a salon, and she needed it soon.

 **August 2 – 3PPOV**

"Good evening," Laura Dennison distributed the syllabus to the twenty people in her class. "This is Beginning Web Design. I will teach you how to create websites for your personal or business use. Tonight we will talk about HTML, the computer language which is the foundation of web pages. You don't need to be proficient at HTML to build a web page; but you need to have an idea of how it works."

"I will teach you about Editors, the tools you can use to create websites. I will teach you about Hosting, which is how to find a home or a server for your website. I will teach you how to Publish, which is how to upload your site to the Internet so that people visit it. Tonight, I will teach you a basic understanding of the infrastructure which makes up the Internet. You need to know what a server is, how websites exist and how people gain access to them. The Internet can be intimidating for anyone who had a life before Windows 95." She laughed.

Ray and the man sitting next to him in class, groaned.

"I heard that," Laura laughed again. "We'll create consulting groups. You will bounce ideas off them. Starting here," she pointed at the first desk next to the door. "Count off by fours. Begin now please, and once the counting is done, retake your seats. Ones please take the first row of seats, twos the second row, threes the third row, and fours will be in the fourth row." Ray found himself in group two, with three men he knew from the VFW. This wasn't so bad.

"The groups you are in are your consulting groups. Please retake the same seats in future weeks. You will depend on one another to tell you if a picture isn't right, if the text is too small, if the colors are too garish. Here are examples," Laura began a PowerPoint presentation.

"Yikes," one of the men exclaimed at the slide example of a website using hot pink print on a dusky purple background. The next slide was equally bad – red print on black background. "How is a colorblind person supposed to read that?" One of the men grumbled. The next slide was white text on a pale blue background. "How are our old eyes supposed to read that?" Another person in class asked.

Ray forced himself to watch the presentation and not stare at Laura's legs. _You are a student tonight; she is the teacher tonight. Tomorrow, when you are Ray and Laura, you can stare at those denim-clad long legs and that fine, fine ass. You can play with that dark flowing hair and kiss those lush pink lips. Until then…pay attention in class and don't embarrass yourself._

 **August 3 – CPOV**

"I've avoided Elena's phone calls and emails since Coping Together. She insists I interview her potentials. I'd bet last month's profits at least one or two of them are pale petite brunettes with BLUE eyes. I can hear her voice now: _You need a trained submissive. This blue-eyed brunette will be everything you want in the playroom ...minimal hard limits...well trained…excellent stamina…knows her role in your life and doesn't expect a relationship_." I know my voice is bitter.

"Just a contractual fuck buddy?" Flynn asked.

I sighed. "I don't want another submissive. I want Ana."

 _I dream of Ana and I wake up harder than I've ever been in my life. It's more painful than it was when I was 16, and balanced books on my lap at night while I studied in order to keep my hard on under control. I want Ana, and once I have her; I will not let her go. I love her hair. I love her eyes. I love the little 'v' frown she has. I love her giggle. I love the way her silky skin turns pink under my hand…fuck; I'm getting hard again. I want her to know me physically more than any other woman…and to do that…I have to learn to be touched._

"How is your list of tasks progressing?" Flynn asked.

"I'm working on Mia's new company. My M&A team is researching Elliot's subsidiaries. I am invested in a construction materials recycling firm; a large storage shed complex; a green lawn service which uses solar-powered lawn mowers and composts lawn wastes in addition to rainwater reclamation. I'm invested in a 'green' junk removal company, a property damage and restoration company, a commercial cleaning company and a closet fabrication company. Additionally, his most recent subsidiary manufactures grey-water reclamation units for his Spokani Eden construction site."

We talk about the new printing company GEH helped merge from two floundering companies. They will reopen as one integrated unit after Labor Day and Grey House PR and Communications is excited about the merger.

We talk about events from this week. I destroyed a phone when Welch told me about three more interns who are less than forthcoming about Jack Hyde's history. I explain about the background checks on previous SIP employees and Welch's investigation into Hyde's previous ten interns.

"Change isn't easy; but you need to find ways of coping with your anger other than destroying phones. You need to find ways of releasing tension and anger. I'm not talking about besting Bastille or exhausting Taylor." Flynn advises. "Focus on what you want, where you want to be."

"You don't want to hear about that," I sniped at him. "You know I want to be in bed with Ana."

"Patience, grasshopper," Flynn said. "Mia's company, Elliot's company, and Grey Publishing don't cover the Elena issue."

"I'm working on three possible scenarios for removing myself from her sphere of influence," I admit. "I'm not ready to talk about them, but they are almost complete. I want to make a decision by the end of the month and then move forward quickly to the resolution."

"Very well," Flynn said. "Now let's talk about Ana."

I groaned and put my head in my hands. "Ask away. Let's discover how much I don't know about women."

"First; you know what caused the breakup. Second; work on acceptance of the breakup. Begging her to reconcile won't work. It's been two months since she departed Escala," Flynn started outlining the stages of breakups and reconciliations. He stated I never experienced this process as a teenager and now it's time to play catch-up on my emotional education.

 **August 5 - APOV**

Claire is miserable. I picked her, Emily and Amber up early to work out in the Grey Annex gym. She's broken up with her boyfriend, Ryan. He gave her a gold-etched cuff bracelet and took her out to dinner for her birthday. She's absolutely crazy about bracelets. However, he told her there were no sparks in their relationship and he thought it was best for them to end it while they were still friendly. We bash men while we exhaust ourselves at the fairly new gym. The bright spot to our day – we're all wearing new/nearly new gym clothes in flattering colors and styles. We get our fair share of hard body attention. LOL. Part of me hopes there is a CCTV in the gym and Mr. Grey is watching me live a normal life with girlfriends.

Tonight we're going to happy hour at _Swine and Wine_ … because Ryan is a swine and Claire needs some wine. We're designated wing women for each other. Amber watches me; I watch Claire; Claire watches Emily; Emily watches Amber. No one leaves with a stranger. No one drinks anything purchased by a stranger. I won't drink so I can drive. Just to make our lives crazier…it's sleepover night at my place. Everyone brought sleeping bags, pillows and pajamas. We'll order in pizza, drink more wine and watch movies. When we are functional on Saturday, we're hitting our favorite consignment stores. Then we're having a late lunch at Hard Rock Café, on their outdoor patio. Claire swears it is a great place for watching men.

Tomorrow night Kate is on a date with Elliot. I'm inviting Harley and Shawn to have dinner with Ethan and me. If I do all my household chores early Sunday morning; I can lounge on the balcony Sunday afternoon and get some sunshine and read, read, read. Elliot offers to grill for dinner Sunday night, and we all accept.

 **~~~ CPOV**

I'm leaving Grey House to meet with Sela. When Taylor drives past _Swine and Wine_ , the restaurant and bar on the corner, I spot Ana's car. I email Striker for an update. He reports it is happy hour with coworkers. One of her coworkers was dumped by her boyfriend on her birthday, and they're having an 'I Hate Men' drink. Striker says he has two female operatives in the bar. They will keep men away from Ana and her group if necessary. He explains Ana is not drinking and is the designated driver. He says Hyde is in Las Vegas this weekend; talking to the author whose book launches in March 2012. He and E. Morgan flew to Vegas this afternoon. They are scheduled to return on the red-eye Monday morning.

 _Ryan has not been compromised. Claire has been dumped. Ana is socializing with coworkers while unknown security in place and Hyde is not there. Plus, I get to play touchy-feely with Sela. When I return to Escala; I'm working until I drop. I will wreck some stupid CEO's life – make someone else as miserable as I am._

I send Max Roach a strongly worded email about the curtailment of editorial travel. If editors can't email, Skype or video conference with their authors – then the authors need to come to Seattle on their own dime. Grey Publishing is not paying for any editor to long-distance drive or fly anywhere in the USA for an author meeting. Barney hacked the editorial calendars and negated seven potential trips, all within the next twelve weeks. Any purchased plane, car or hotel room have been vacated, with request for the funds to be returned to Grey Publishing. The replacement CFO for Grey Publishing was fired with cause and has been temporarily replaced with one of the SIP/GP financial staff. They will be replaced by someone vetted by Grey House who will adhere to the 'no travel' policy. I fire off an urgent order to Grey House HR to recruit and hire a responsible CFO for Grey Publishing. The last one left because he was carrying on an affair a work. This one, vetted by Grey Publishing and Elizabeth Morgan is terminated. I'm still aggravated and still have Sela therapy. I'd better calm down and practice breathing.

"Tonight we're working with physical forms of hello and goodbye," Sela said.

We brushed past air kisses – Sela and I both agreed it was absolutely fake and a way of controlling people in your personal bubble. Flynn helped with some gestures. Sela and Flynn would demonstrate and then Sela would work on the gesture with me. We talked about the hellos and goodbyes I experienced with my family. When it came to the hugs, I explained I usually held Grandma Frannie and Mia at their waist to control the length of the hug. Sela and I work on shaking left to left hands. She says it retrains my mind about how to shake; not how much touch or pressure or length of the shake. We've been practicing for a month now, and it still feels awkward.

Tonight's holding exercise is business by alphabet sticks. Sela says I cannot name Grey House subsidiaries; but I can name companies with whom I do business. Flynn pulls alphabet sticks and if I can't name a business; I have to view touch therapy DVDs which Sela owns. We stand toe to toe, my hands around her waist and her arms on my biceps. Flynn pulls a B stick and we're naming companies. "Boeing Field," I say. "I keep the company aircraft there."

"Bravern Center," Sela names. "Seth and I like Wild Ginger restaurant."

Flynn pulls L…and I'm lost for a minute. "Lake Union Park," I finally say.

"You struggled for that answer," Sela said, watching my face. "What was the name of the business you would not name? I don't judge…so if it's Lady's Lucy's Lucky whatever…I don't care."

Flynn observed me. "Locke and Keyes?" He asked.

I nodded, humbled because Sela can see through my poker face.

"What is Locke and Keyes?" She asked.

"A BDSM social club owned by one of his ex-submissives," Flynn explained.

"Do you socialize there?" Sela asked.

"No; I don't go to clubs," I said. "I'm not a member at any either. My lifestyle was conducted in the privacy of my home.'

"That is something for you and Flynn to discuss. My L answer is Lighthouse Restaurant and Lounge. We like their outdoor patio which has views of the water." Sela said.

We managed to get through ten minutes of listing businesses without my being penalized.

"It's a good thing we broke at ten minutes," Sela said. "Who manufactures your sweater? I want to buy one for my husband. I've never felt a man's cashmere sweater so thin and luxurious."

"Malo, I get them at Barney's in New York when I'm there on business," I admitted. "This one was a present from my mother. She said the color reminded her of my eyes. I always wear it with black jeans or pants."

"She picked well. So, are you up for a game of Twister?" She smiled.

"As long as you don't spend your time feeling up my sweater," I laughed.

 **August 6 – APOV**

We enjoyed consignment shopping except for the last store we visit. I found items at the three other stores we visited. I found a navy twin set, and light blue sweater, purse and heels to go with the navy column dress. I found a short-sleeve red silk shirt which will go with navy and grey items in my closet. Emily, Amber and Claire also found items.

At the last consignment store, I am set upon by a brunette saleswoman who is approximately thirty. "Grey, red and yellow are NOT your colors," she sniped at me; criticizing the clothes in my arms. I realize she must be an ex-submissive of Christian's. Her overt hostility makes me speechless.

"What part of size TWO clothes don't you understand?" Claire loses her cool when the bitchy saleswoman keeps trying to give me size six clothes to try on. Two customers snap pictures of the bitchy saleswoman and urge us to leave while she's arguing with them over the pictures. Claire and my coworkers grab me by the arm and we leave. Every one of us declare we'll never return.

Part of me feels guilty about not shopping with Kate, but she and Elliot are taking winery tours this weekend. Claire tweets our horrible shopping experience. Amber yelps a scathing review of the place. Emily facebooks a snarky review of the saleswoman and names the store. I don't understand social media at all and apologize to my coworkers. I apologize to my friends; blaming my attitude on low blood sugar. They understand. They read responses from their posts and we all have a good laugh. After a wonderfully fun lunch at Hard Rock Café; I take my coworkers home.

I shop for next week's groceries. The big grocery store near Kate and my condo has shrimp pasta salad on sale **.** I find a wonderful recipe for White Wine Sangria with Strawberries and Lemon Slices. I get the items I need for it. The store features lime, cucumber and mango relish while I'm there and I can't resist buying a pint. I found wonderful Portobello mushroom caps to grill along with marinated rib-eye steaks. Additionally, they have a prepared strawberry kiwi shortcake dessert. I grab salad items and a tub of fresh creamy avocado ranch dressing.

Ethan grills while he and Harley have a conversation about Ethan's part of the SEC investigation. Shawn and I make pitchers of the white sangria in the kitchen. He's hilarious! I never laugh so hard in my life. I tell him about the workout clothes and hard bodies in the gym. He laughs with me.

Over dinner, we all talk – and not about business. Ethan explains about his upcoming classes. He's been taking online classes, and is looking forward to finishing before the fall semester begins. Shawn and Harley talk about painting the family room of their house. After a month and seventeen quart-size cans of paint; they've settled on evergreen and sage with cognac leather and oak furniture for their 'man cave'. I talk about girls' night last night, shopping this morning and lunch at the Hard Rock.

Shawn asks about my issues with shopping, and I explain Kate and Mom knew how to shop from birth. Shawn swears Ethan to secrecy; and offers to shop for me when I'm meeting Harley. He said I can claim I went shopping and I can blame my shopping on the upgraded wardrobes appearing at Grey Publishing. He'll give me the receipt each time. This is really a good deal for me; other than I have another person trying to dress me. I can avoid shopping with Kate, plus I can tell Mom what I 'bought' when we're having an uncomfortable silence on the phone. I accept his offer and we establish rules – like no prints, no pastels and nothing which starts mid-bosom or ends mid-thigh. I promise him a tour of my closet before he goes so he knows what I have for clothes. In return, he has to teach me about assembling wardrobes.

Shawn and Ethan excuse themselves to do the dishes and clean the kitchen while Harley and I linger on the balcony, enjoying the sunset, and talking about Hyde and Lincoln. The SEC is investigating Hyde's stockbroker.

Striker to Grey: Day with girls; shopping and lunch. One of my operatives intervened at one of the stores. Picture of the brunette saleswoman attached. She was bitchy to Miss Steele. My operative and her cover intervened so Miss Steele and her coworkers could leave. We have a name for the saleswoman, Kendra Trask. Perhaps she recognized Miss Steele from the WSUV and the Grey Publishing photos and treated her badly because of them.

On the fun side – Miss Steele's friends did a torch and scorch on the consignment store via social media. My IT staff researched their social media and there were over 500 responses from three forms of social media. I'm not sure Miss Trask will have a job at the consignment store once the owners react to the poor reviews. Miss Steele's coworkers counseled her on using social media. She explained she'd rather spend her time reading. Laughter all around.

Miss Steele grocery shopping. Harrison and roommate Stanton at Kavanagh condo. Dinner on balcony, with A. Steele and E. Kavanagh. Guests left before ten o'clock. They drove Stanton's car. Photos and license plate attached. Preliminary check on Stanton - he met Harrison in college, and they are daytraders for the same firm.

Sawyer takes Taylor and me wall climbing. We lunched at the club and golfed with Bastille, Dad and Grandpa Theo. Mia shopped with Mom; using her CPO. Taylor and I stopped at the BBQ place by Elliot's condo and then went back to Escala. After we ate, Taylor worked on background checks in the security office while I worked on preliminary research for M&A.

I get Striker's message and I want to go kick Kendra's ass. I tell Taylor about Kendra. He said he's not surprised. She's been socializing with Susannah Martin lately. He's surprised Leila hasn't been in contact with them. Taylor reports Kendra asked Dominick a lot of questions about the furniture and toys which he and Louis sold to various customers of Locke and Keyes. Dominick said she could ask all she wanted; but he wasn't telling.

Taylor suggests we go down to Escala's pool and swim until we exhaust ourselves. My legs are rubber when we return to the penthouse around one o'clock. I barely dry off from my shower before falling into bed.

 _"It's called a Tally Ho chair," I answered Ana's question. "It's simple to use. I lay down and put my feet on the bottom platform. You put your right foot in a stirrup. You lift your left leg over and mount me. Put your left foot in the other stirrup. You take the reins from over my head and ride me. It's very pleasurable." I try to ease her discomfort at using a new piece of furniture._

 _"What do you do, other than lay there and watch me?" She asked._

 _"I'll play with your beautiful bouncing breasts while you ride me. I can also occupy our time with this little toy." I showed her a lovely toy which has a mini flogger on one end and a mini riding crop on the other. "Your first position is called Cowgirl. After you come the first time, I'll teach you the Side Saddle position. After you come a second time; I will teach you the Reverse Cowgirl position. You will use your hands to balance yourself instead of reins in position two and three."_

 _She is in the Reverse Cowgirl position. I'm using the flogger on her back and the crop on her ass. Her feet are tucked up on the Tally Ho chair with my body, and my free hand massages her feet. My thumbnail grazes her insteps. I pinch her toes, and feel her vaginal walls clench around me. "Ride me harder, baby. Make me come…" Ana grinds down on me and I grab her hips, thrusting up into her as hard as I can. I lose control and I feel myself ejaculate in her hot wet, sweet body._

"Oh fuck, Ana…" I say…and wake up with a moan…alone in my room…trembling from an erotic scene I may never conduct with Ana. Then I tell myself that is crap because I don't need the Tally Ho chair to teach Ana how to ride me.


	18. Chapter 18

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 18 – "** Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

 **August 10 – CPOV**

Flynn and I have a rough session with one another. We discuss my schedule. He wants proof I'm lunching with at least one family member a week and attending at least one family dinner a month. We talk about my Labor Day Weekend plans. I want to invite Ana to go sailing with my family and we argue about it. My parents always have a barbeque on Labor Day. In the past, my mother has invited Elena. Flynn claims Ana in the same vicinity as Elena is like dropping nitro glycerin on top of a lit match. He orders me to discuss my options for turfing Elena from my life.

"I've been thinking about Elena and other people who have access to my life. After researching my options; I have decided to gift the Esclava Salons to Elena. Barney researched the Esclava Salons financials. My legal team will pay off outstanding debts and then remove my name and influence from the Esclava Salons. I plan to tell my parents Elena gave me the startup money for my business. I will explain I repaid it when I gave her the startup money for the chain of salons. I will tell them I've given her my share of the salons to terminate our business relationship. I will ask my mother to cease inviting Elena to family dinners and events."

"Ambitious plan," Flynn said. "But why do I think there is more?"

I outline my plan for giving my stocks in restaurants and clubs to Mia, in addition to establishing her event planning company. I outline my plan to give my stocks in Grey Construction and its subsidies to Elliot, plus the deeds to several buildings. I explain eliminating personal stock from my life closes back doors and access to me. I've discussed this plan with Welch and Taylor and received a green light from my security team.

 **August 12 - APOV**

"I'm the boss," Jack offered his hand to shake with Harley at _Swine and Wine_.

"I'm the new person of interest in Ana's life, Harley Harrison," Harley said. He turned to me. "I placed our order to go and paid for it. If you pick it up, I can get acquainted with your boss. It's under my name with the last four digits of my phone number."

"How long have you known Ana?" Jack asked; watching Ana walk away.

"We just met in July. Her roommate Ethan is a college friend of mine." Harley watched Hyde. Harley didn't like the way he watched Ana.

"So, what do you do for a living?" Jack asked; not taking his eyes off Ana's ass.

"I'm a stockbroker," Harley said. "Are you interested in economics? Ana is simply bored to tears when I talk about it. My family is clueless about economics, finances, stock market, etc."

"I've read a few books about economics," Jack said. "Ana may not have told you but I have an eidetic memory. I remember everything I read."

"Wow!" Harley enthusiastically responded. "That would be so handy to have at my job. I could look at the opening stock prices and be able to respond faster to my clients. As it is, I have a fast database and I have double laptops going at all time, with Google alerts on my smart phone. We've just come off a run on stock for companies manufacturing school supplies, uniforms and books. Stocks are cyclic. If you look at what is on the 'to buy' list for every month, then you know which stock to buy eight to twelve weeks in advance. New car models come out in September, so the time to buy stock in car companies is June or July. Now would be a good time to invest in jewelry, electronics, and gourmet food markets because everyone gears up for the holidays by October first. Airlines, transportation and high end hotel chains are safe bets also."

"So if you and Ana don't talk economics or your job – what do you discuss?" Jack asked, a little too casually.

"Literature, art, wines; she likes white wine. We go to museums and events," Harley said; pretending to look at a flyer. "We stay in for quiet nights, with wine, movies, fun and games…" He intentionally sounded smarmy.

"All done," I approached the table. "Thank you for ordering dinner."

"Thank you for having dinner with me tonight," Harley dropped a kiss to my cheek before shaking Jack's hand goodbye. "I found a flyer for the _Run, Sweat and Beers 5K_ run the Saturday before Halloween to support Safe Streets. I'm thinking we could run or walk together. It would be for a good cause." He handed me the flyer.

"You're welcome here any Friday night with Ana. She doesn't socialize with her coworkers very much. I think you will be good for her." Jack smiled at Harley and slapped him on the back.

Harley and I discussed his introduction to Jack. We talk about the acquisition of SIP by Grey House. He tells me about the two sizeable SIP purchases by Jack's brokerage house. Harley thinks Jack got the information about the buyout from hacking upper management emails at SIP. He says the other purchase was probably from Jack's stockbroker; although he is still researching Elena Lincoln.

I tell Harley about Christian establishing an event planning company for Mia; but I don't know if it's a startup or if he's buying an established firm; relocating it; and having Mia run it. Harley agrees to keep an eye on stocks purchased by Jack's brokerage house in case there are more large stock purchases they can tie to Grey House.

I give him the picture of Claire's boyfriend. I explain he looks familiar, but I can't place him. I want to know who he is for my peace of mind. Harley wants to install a firewall on our computers at the condo. He says the one we have is commercially rated and good; but not great considering Jack Hyde can probably hack it. He will install a top of the line firewall recommended or used for small federal offices. He also wants to install an audio jammer which will keep our SEC conversations from being recorded when he's at the condo. He recommends carrying a personal audio jammer if I don't want lunch conversations overheard, recorded or filmed.

"I found some wardrobe basics," Shawn reported over dinner. "If Kate asks, you went consignment shopping after work. Black slim trousers, a red silk long-sleeved blouse and a grey cashmere blazer. I found a navy light wool pencil skirt and a navy cashmere cardigan. These pieces will give you more work ensembles, and should coordinate with other things in your closet. Additionally, they help fill gaps in your fall capsule."

"Everything is great – thanks for the alibi! How much do I owe you?" I asked. I have $200 stashed for emergencies in my wallet. I was glad to pay the price he named and still have folding money in my wallet.

Shawn taught me to coordinate two weeks of fall/winter apparel with the clothes he bought and separates I had. I agree to email him pictures of my shoes and handbags, and my shoe size. He promises to email me URLs for sites where I can learn about different kinds of purses, shoes, skirts, coats, etc. He says my education has to be expanded beyond the basics. _GROAN_.

 **~~~ CPOV**

"Tonight we begin touch tolerance progression. I will massage you on areas which are not sensitive to touch. It will take a few weeks to before we are ready to massage sensitive areas. It will be like water on rocks. I'll wear away at large untouchable areas until we can pinpoint the exact smaller areas where you cannot bear to be touched. I have a large torso bandage for you to wear. It will cover your front and back scars. When I massage; I will massage up to the line created by the bandage. Once you are desensitized in those areas, I will give you 2x2 adhesive patches to put on your scars. I will desensitize the area around the scars."

"Then what will happen?" I ask.

"I will try burn therapy massage with you. Patients with burn scars are sometimes introduced to massage therapy as a way of reducing the pain and anxiety connected with burn scars. Sometimes it will be guided therapy – you determine the strength of my touch on your scars. Sometimes those sessions can take several weeks. It took me 40 weeks to work through 28 scars. But I worked from the least bothersome scars to the really difficult ones on my chest. It took half a dozen massage sessions for the scar on my neck. I learned the hard way with my neck scar. I went sunbathing and didn't put sunscreen on my neck because I didn't want to freak out and ruin the fun of the day. I got sunburned and had to apply aloe sunburn gel for a week afterward. It was a pain in the ass, and I didn't do it again."

"Been there, done that," I grimaced. My mom bought cases of spray-on sunscreen for me when I was younger."

"You will determine the order of how I massage your scars. I will massage the area until you can bear to have it touched without the massage. It will take as long as it takes – there's no timeline. If you miss a therapy session; we go back to beginning and start again. Not the beginning with the PowerPoints, but the beginning of massage therapy."

I nodded. I understood. It didn't take away my apprehension.

"I don't touch you if your eyes are squeezed closed. I stop touching if you clench your hands, or jaws or if your limbs freeze. I watch your breathing, eye movements and body language. I'm not doing sports massage to ease muscle pain. I'm not doing intimate massage to give you a happy. I don't work in isolation. You are never alone with me. Flynn and Taylor are here during every session." She said. "During TTT your visible wounds are touched and massaged. The area of centralized pain is explored. But it won't happen tonight. It won't happen next week. We will build up to it; like you had to build up to certain scenes with submissives. It's taking you to the edge of your limits each week. This week I will massage hands, arms, feet, and legs. If at any time you become uncomfortable, let me know."

"I will," I promise.

"You need something to restore your equilibrium after a session. Physical pursuits, not sex, are acceptable. Running, kick boxing, playing music … do whatever calms your mind after a session and before bed. Soaking in a hot tub is acceptable. Do your equilibrium exercise regularly, when you are overwhelmed or stressed, and always after a session."

"I choose the piano," I said.

"Allow time to breathe in your life; don't overbook yourself. If you throw yourself into work; you become isolated, you become fatigued and you might make yourself vulnerable to the issue which caused your night terrors. Don't use work to escape from your personal issues. You need to build your interpersonal bridges. Have lunch once a week with family members. Engage in family support. Attend social gatherings. Work on attending events as long as possible. Shake hands. Engage in small talk. Pay it forward. There's always someone worse off than you who could use a helping hand. Each of us has the opportunity to face our lives and difficulties with courage."

Flynn asked for a bathroom break and Sela sent us off with a wave. "We'll meet in there," she indicated the adjoining room. You need to strip down to the shorts and sleeveless t-shirt I asked you to bring. If you want, you can bring Jason into this room to wait for you."

"Lay down on the table; face up." Sela directed. "We'll begin with hand massages. Stretch your fingers and hands to warm them up. Make a tight fist; and then fling your fingers out as far as you can." She demonstrated. "Repeat five times."

She watched my hands carefully. "Now, make a loose fist with each hand and roll your wrists in circles five times in each direction." She demonstrated. "Are you allergic to nuts or to lavender?" She asked.

"Not that I know," I said.

"I use almond oil; scented with lavender. It doesn't feel greasy and the scent reportedly relaxes you. I will begin with massaging the back of your hand, followed by the palm of your hand, followed by massaging your fingers. Then I will massage the second hand. Then I will move to your wrists and forearms; followed by elbows and biceps. I will not go past the area where your sleeveless t-shirt ends. If you are still comfortable; we will progress to your feet, ankles and legs."

"Christian…"

I barely wake up. It's not time for school, why is Mia calling me?

"Christian…"

I am more awake. I'm not at home; Mia is not with me. I'm not a teenager.

"Christian…" Sela speaks to me, she's moved away from me and closer to Flynn. "Are you awake?"

"What?" I'm becoming fully alert. "What happened?" I sit up abruptly.

"You fell asleep while I was working on your right bicep," Sela explained. "Once I realized you were asleep, Flynn watched you to allow me to finish your right arm massage. I didn't want to start on your feet or legs without you being fully conscious."

"I appreciate you pausing, but I think we'll stop for the night. I can't guarantee I will stay awake for the rest of the massage." I stretched. "I feel amazing," I told her.

"I wanted you to nap at least thirty minutes. You obviously needed it." She reached for the blanket. "When I'm done massaging; I cover you with a warm blanket for at least ten minutes. It keeps the muscles warm and relaxed; it prevents cramping. If you are having trouble sleeping; consider an electric blanket on low levels. Sometimes the warmth helps you to sleep." While Sela tidies the massage room; Flynn talks to me to ensure I'm wide awake.

"We need to do the ten-minute holding practice. I will cup your biceps. You may hold my shoulders or my waist." She stood toe-to-toe with me and touched my biceps. I held her waist. Flynn asked silly questions like favorite ice cream, movie, book, color, holiday, vacation spot, band, actor, etc. Those ten minutes flew by fast; and I didn't mind Sela having her hands on my biceps.

"I planned to introduce you to inadvertent touch when bouncing around on a trampoline. However, it's too late to play," Sela said. "We'll start with your feet and legs next week." She offered her left hand for me to shake.

Striker to Grey: AS met up with Harrison at _Swine and Wine_. Harrison conversation with Hyde – introduced himself as new person of interest who is a stockbroker. She followed Harrison to his home. Alone, unable to use directional mike to determine what they were discussing. He has electronic dampening field in his home office. Unable to hack the home computer systems. Unable to track their phones or texts. Which makes sense considering their careers. Stanton (roommate) returned home after consignment store shopping. Miss Steele ate dinner with them; placed a bag of clothes Stanton bought in her car and went home. K. Kavanagh out with E. Grey. E. Kavanagh out with parents. Forwarding basic information package on Harrison and Stanton: where they work, financial information; relationship status.

I want Welch to conduct a deep investigation, but how? I'm not supposed to have Ana followed. My explanation is Harrison seems to know Hyde; suggesting they be investigated because they are in proximity to Ana. It's a thin excuse, and I know it.

Because it's a burner phone and my only link to Striker – I didn't destroy it. Instead, I went to the Escala gym and kickboxed a bag. Taylor looks exhausted; letting me burn off two hours of aggravation. After a hot shower; I barely made it to bed and slept through to six. Since I slept through the night; Taylor did also.

 **Saturday, August 13 – CPOV**

Went for a run by Ana's condo. The parking spaces for the condo are full with Ana, Kate and Ethan's cars and Elliot's truck. Harrison and Stanton cars are nowhere to be seen. Part of me is pleased until Taylor texts he's picking me up. Some asshole tweeted I bought coffee at Pike Place Market Starbucks and headed to the Kavanagh condo to see Elliot. I tell Taylor I'm at the park near Pike Place and to pick me up there. He can track my cell.

I text Elliot about mountain biking today if he's not busy with Kate. If he is; maybe we can go wall climbing with Sawyer at Stone Gardens on Sunday before we go to Mom and Dad's for dinner.

Taylor leaves me alone with Reynolds while he has child visitation with his daughter. I wish it was a better visitation for him. About this time of year, Taylor buys his daughter's back to school uniforms, fall and winter wear, backpack, lunchbox, etc. He already paid for her tuition. I hope they have lunch at someplace fun. I won't see him until after six. I gave him the night off. He may need the time to decompress after dealing with that bitch-ex-wife.

 **Sunday, August 14 - CPOV**

Luke put us through our paces and I was mentally and emotionally exhausted at Mom and Dad's – which lead to a round of intrusive questions from Mom about if I'm taking care of myself. I am miserable since Ana turned down Elliot's invitation to dinner. Elliot explained it was girlfriend day at a salon and spa, shopping and dinner with Kate's family at the condo. He proudly announced he made Ana promise not to make lasagna.

I depart via the back door with Taylor as Elena entered through the front door to have dessert. She sent ten texts and emails about avoiding her and demanded to know when I planned to interview potential submissives. I ignored her texts and emails, but they pissed me off. I emailed Flynn I destroyed a smart phone in the process.

 **Monday, August 15 - CPOV**

"WHO IS SHE KISSING?" I roared at Barney and Welch.

"I don't think it is Miss Steele. I think it is Jessica who is support staff for IT at Grey Publishing." Barney zoomed in on the car. "Yes, that yellow and black Mini Cooper is Jessica's. She calls it Bumblebee. Her license plate is Buzz Me. Miss Steele drives a blue Ford Focus hatchback, no personalized plates. She must share the space with Jessica."

"Why would she share a parking space?" I demanded to know.

"I'll ask Jessica, but I'll bet it's because Miss Steele is a _NICE_ person and because she can share her space if she wants," Barney said. "As for who Jessica is kissing – not my woman, not my man, not my business."

"Fine, get the fuck out then and go do something to earn your keep," I growled at him.

"Like the solar tablet?" Barney asked cheekily and left.

"Are you adding Jessica and the kisser to the list of people to research?" Welch asked.

"Fuck no, I don't care who _Jessica_ is kissing," I growled. I quiz Welch about the current investigations he and staff are conducting. I know Striker is checking into Harrison and Stanton's backgrounds; but Striker's investigations don't have the depth and breadth of Welch's investigations. Striker's investigations always seem to find that tidbit of information no one deems important; and he manages to find microscopic dirt in amazing places.

When Welch leaves, I access the CCTV feed of Grey Annex which Barney sends to me. Dressed in workout clothes; Ana arrives at work an hour early with Claire. I access the CCTV feed from the Grey Annex Gym. Creepers are watching Ana's long legs while she runs on a treadmill. Her ponytail bounces along with her ass and makes me jealous. I want a list of who is in the gym with her so I can fire their asses. Taylor intervenes and tells me I'm obsessing and he will tell Dr. Flynn and Miss Steele.

The elevator CCTV shows Ana and Claire on their way to work at Grey Publishing. She is wearing navy trousers which show off her long legs and her great ass. She has on low heel pumps and a blue short-sleeve twin set. _Fuck me! Is she wearing the blue lingerie Taylor bought?_ I want to race over to Grey Annex, drag her into an executive bathroom and have my wild, wicked way with her. But she wants me to stay away. I bang my head a few times on the desktop. It wasn't as much fun as it sounded; plus, nothing shook loose and fell into place.

I choose one of the possible M&A folders from the pile on my desk and send orders to Ros to begin a hostile takeover. The CEO is in the midst of a divorce from Mrs. CEO because he couldn't keep his zipper zipped. She and the employees of his firm deserve better. His company is an offsite media storage firm; but Barney hacked their server faster than cracking an egg. We have space to integrate their clients into Grey House's offsite media storage firm. It will provide his clients with more secure media storage than they have now. He employs six work-study tech students from U-Dub. Grey House can provide better protection for the clients. The buyout will allow Mrs. CEO adequate funds to reboot her life. With proof of his infidelity; she owns 53% of the stock in the company. Ros has marching orders to contact her regarding the preliminary buyout offer.

 **~~~ 3PPOV**

I hide near Escala. I watch Master leave with Taylor to go to work. I wait and watch Mrs. Jones depart to go shopping. I try her elevator code and it is still active. I sneak into the condo. I reset the CCTV cameras to the balconies again. With a duffel bag folded in my backpack, I take half a dozen casual outfits and a pair of ballerina flats from Anastasia's closet. It still looks like it did the last time I was here. I help myself to more lingerie from her drawers. I access the safe. The submissive pictures, etc. are still gone. The electronics and diamonds are still there. I help myself to two $50 bills from a tray of loose cash in the safe. I access the wine cooler and help myself to two bottles of wine, and one of the corkscrews. I access the linen closet and help myself to a set of high count bed linens and a white thermal blanket which will fit my bed. I find two sets of high count bath linens. I slip through the parking level. I disappear into the shadows of the parking garage and exit toward a coffee shop. I buy something to drink, something to eat. I buy two cards with prepaid postage envelopes.

"WHY?" I write in big block letters on both. I address one to Miss Steele at Grey Publishing. I address the other to Master at Grey House. I open my computer and begin looking for information on Suzi (Susannah). Suzi is still friends with Elena; but I need to know where's she's living. I hope if I talk to her; she would be willing to help me warn Master about Elena. If Suzi won't help me; perhaps Sabine will. She hates Elena and Elena hates her. She was one of the longest submissives, besides me. I can always go to Locke and Keyes to see her.

 **August 17 - CPOV**

Striker meets me in the public bathroom at Flynn's office. I hand off $20K to him. He hands off a flash drive containing scanned background files for Hyde and Morgan. Striker found the Chicago Catholic Church and charity where Hyde worked on weekends when he attended Catholic high school on a scholarship. He graduated in the top ten of his class. They provided references for him to receive a Princeton scholarship. They recommended a Catholic Church and charity in Philadelphia where he worked Friday evening to Monday morning in exchange for weather appropriate clothes, school clothes, basic necessities and minimum wages.

Striker noted Hyde was a favorite of three elderly women in his church. They provided room and board plus a small stipend when he stayed with them over college breaks. He was listed on their taxes as a paid companion and reader. The trio left Hyde small bequests of $5K, paid toward his student loans when they passed. Striker smiled when he reported Hyde was not as popular with their families as he was with the ladies.

Hyde was reprimanded twice for overt flirting with female students at his work study job during his freshman year. His work evaluations were exemplary the rest of his college years. He had an eidetic memory and graduated in the top ten percent of his class at Princeton. The only references to him in East Coast papers is when he made President's List at Princeton. There was a mention of him in the alumni newsletter when he joined the Boston publishing house and when he moved from the Boston publishing house to SIP in Seattle.

Elizabeth Morgan was born in Lexington, VA to two school teachers. Average student, briefly married in her senior year of high school, to a trust fund boy attending Virginia Military Institute. Their divorce papers included confirmation she was not pregnant in exchange for a certified check for a $250,000 divorce settlement. She used the funds to attend management and personnel classes at University of Virginia, Richmond. On a graduation cruise to Alaska; she saw Seattle and decided to relocate. She worked as support staff and personnel staff at a large company in Seattle before she was hired at SIP six years ago. When the SIP HR director retired five years ago, Morgan stepped into his position. She wasn't responsible for hiring Hyde, but they became thick as thieves shortly after her promotion to HR Director.

I thank Striker for the information. He tells me there is an issue finding further information on Harley Harrison and his roommate Shawn Stanton. He suggests they are ex-military dependents which would explain the difficulty in investigating them. I thank Striker and head for Flynn's office. I don't want him to come searching for me.

"I can write you a prescription for sleeping pills. I'll make it the lowest dosage I can. If it doesn't work, we'll go to a higher yield." Flynn offered. "Or you can try over-the-counter sleeping pills."

"I don't want pills," I argue. "I want her!"

"Ask Taylor to come in," Flynn ordered.

I frown but comply; telling Taylor to leave the SUV in the parking lot and come into Flynn's office.

"Taylor, do you have any CCTV footage of Miss Steele sleeping in Mr. Grey's bed at Escala?" Flynn asked.

"Yes, I didn't destroy good footage of Miss Steele," Taylor replied.

I'm stunned. He means he destroyed the CCTV of the piano playing, chase around the dining room table, arm dragging up to the playroom, her leaving the playroom naked and in tears, my indecision and helplessness standing outside her bedroom door, the numb man who dressed and waited for her to come to the great room where she broke my heart and left. I'm glad the real footage is gone; but I swear it is on constant loop and replay in my head.

"I need you to tape it, continuous loop for about six hours," Flynn said. "Do you know what kind of perfume she wears?"

"Yes," I said. "I still have some of it at Escala."

"Of course you do," Flynn said. "Buy a body pillow, spray it with Ana's perfume, and access the loop via your laptop. See if this idea makes you sleep."

"I'll take care of the loop and the pillow," Taylor said; exiting the office.

"So, what else do you want to discuss?" Flynn asked.

I told him about the 'lottery' for support staff at Grey Publishing. It was the only way I could make sure Ana had a decent parking place out of the weather and where CCTV could protect her. I don't like her using public transportation. Flynn states Ana suspected I had something to do with her winning the parking lottery; which is why she shares the space with someone whose schedule is compatible with hers. She obviously plans to take the bus to work Monday-Thursday, and only use the space when she drives on Friday. We talk about why she drives on Friday.

Flynn postulates it's her way of avoiding the drinking crowd after work on Friday.

I go ballistic about the asshole she left the bar with on Friday night.

Flynn tells me to cool my jets. He reminds me Ana asked I not follow her. He tells me the asshole she left with on Friday night might just be a friend of Kate's or Ethan's and not a hookup! I silently vow to keep Jake Striker and his crew following Ana and reporting back to me. I'm not sharing with Flynn because he considers it stalking and reminds me it is his duty to report me to the police.

He makes me review the list of goals to accomplish before I can ask Ana to come back to me. Then he makes me discuss some of the tasks to accomplish for each goal on the list. I want to skip Friday night's therapy to follow Ana but he says if I do; I must start TTT from the beginning. Besides; Ana, Sela and he will consider it stalking! The thought of starting TTT all over depresses me. I'm supposed to be building on the basics Sela is teaching me.


	19. Chapter 19

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 19** _– How do you feel about that?_

 **Friday, August 19 - CPOV**

I shook left hands with Sela when I appeared at her office. It's getting easier to left shake with her. She urged Flynn and me to sit down.

"I want to ask some questions before we begin. If at any time you are uncomfortable answering, let me know." She made eye contact with me and I nodded.

"You were adopted at four and did not speak until you were six?" Sela asked.

"We've been over this," I huffed.

"I'm not prying but a thought crossed my mind. A normal four-year-old has a vocabulary of about 1500 words. Do you remember talking before you were adopted?" Sela asked patiently.

"No," I answered, honestly. "I know I said Mommy; so I think I talked. After Ella died; I always thought words in my head until Mia came along. Mia was my first word after I was adopted."

"Do you remember why you said Mia?" Sela asked.

"She was crying and I didn't think my Mother heard her. I found my Mother and pulled her by the hand toward Mia's nursery. She kept asking me what was wrong. I told her 'Mia' and pointed to her door. Mom opened the door to Mia's nursery and took care of her." I paused. "Then she smiled, patted my head and told me I was wonderful for helping Mia. I think I was attached to Mia when I saw her. I didn't want her to go away. I remember holding her for hours. I remember making her laugh. I remember rocking her to sleep. I adored her. When I had night terrors, I would sneak down to her nursery and sleep on the floor beside her crib, or her bed."

"Did you have eye contact with your father or brother before you started speaking?" Sela asked.

"I don't think so. Elliot tells an awful story of how scary I looked when I was having a meltdown. I remember being afraid of my father, but he never touched me harshly. He would cuddle with Elliot and I would sit next to him – not touching of course. He read to us. He would do voices and would show pictures to me. He worked hard to get Elliot to read. Mom says I could write the alphabet, and write from one to a hundred before I started school. I knew a lot of words before I began talking, before I began to read," I said.

"I'd like to see some pictures of you from the time you were four until you were six," Sela said.

"Why?" I asked.

"I wonder if you had facial expressions, a social smile, or a happy face while you played," she said. "Were you in your own world? Did you play by yourself?"

"I received a blue helicopter for Christmas after my parents adopted me. It was my favorite toy. I played with it for hours. I think it is still in a box on the shelf in the closet of my childhood bedroom. I took very good care of my toys." I explained.

"Were you physical as a child? Playing ball, riding bikes, swimming?" Sela asked.

"I was hell on wheels," I laughed. "Rollerblades, skateboard, go carts, bikes. I wasn't good at team sports because I didn't like to be touched. Sometimes I would go with my parents or grandparents to watch Elliot play soccer or T-ball. They always picked a bleacher row where there were few people and put me on the end of the row, putting their body between me and any other spectators." I sighed. "It was one of the reasons they bought a house with a pool…because I couldn't take swimming lessons with other kids. It was too noisy and crowded at the indoor pool. My dad spent Saturdays one summer teaching Elliot and me to swim."

"Did you have many childhood friends?" Sela asked.

"No and I don't have many adult friends either," I said. "I mostly played with Elliot and Mia or by myself. I was very self-sufficient."

"Can you empathize with others? Are you insensitive to other's feelings?" Sela asked.

"Flynn says I don't have an empathetic bone in my body," I tried a little humor.

"Did you engage in small talk with submissives?" Sela asked.

"No, it was a rule they didn't speak unless given permission – both in and out of the playroom. It was a relief not having to carry on a conversation with them. We never…" I paused, thinking of Sabine. "Sabine and I always conversed with one another. We talked about her classes, her class projects and her company; usually while we were eating. Sabine was different; she was a project and a submissive. I have my own elevator at work so I don't have to endure staff flirting with me, or checking me out, or aggravating me. I have my own private elevator at Escala also."

"Do you have repetitive routines? Up at the same time, etc." Sela asked.

"Unless I had a night terror, I'm up at six. I usually work out, shower, dress, breakfast, go to work, etc. Lunch is usually a working lunch or a business meeting during lunch, work to six or later depending on what's going on at work. Work out if I'm stressed. Shower, eat dinner while working in my home office. In bed between ten and midnight. Sleep for four or five hours. Play music to soothe myself if I had a night terror. Sleep again if possible." I said. "The only time I slept for longer periods of time was when Ana slept with me. I never had night terrors while sleeping with her."

"You learned to play the piano at six," Sela read from my chart. "Do you play the same piece of music over and over again when you self soothe?"

"I'd have to ask Taylor, but I think I do. _Chopin's Prelude in E-Minor_ is a favorite. I play classical music mostly." I said.

"You excelled in school? Larger than average vocabulary?" Sela asked.

"Mom homeschooled me until I was six. She enrolled me in a private school. She met with the administration and warned them I couldn't be touched without it resulting in a meltdown."

"Do you have a good memory from that time?" Sela asked.

"My Grandma Frannie covered for my Mom when there were school events my parents couldn't attend because they were working. My kindergarten teacher asked my Grandma Frannie to refuse to cover for the Valentine's Day class party. My Mom was shocked at Grandma's refusal and rearranged her schedule. My teacher and I arranged a surprise for Mom. I had learned to read. When Mom came to the classroom, I took her by the hand to the reading circle and handed her a book. She thought she was reading to me, thinking I was overwhelmed by the parents, kids and noise in the room. Instead I climbed into her lap, opened the book and read to her. I made her cry, but it was a special surprise for her. I was the only child in kindergarten who read. I read daily to the class for the rest of the semester." I paused.

"That sounds like a sweet memory," Sela said. "So, how about the rest of your educational years?"

"I excelled in my classes from elementary to the end of middle school. I was on the Saturday track and field team in middle school; so I didn't shower until I got home. Freshman and sophomore years were a nightmare. I didn't like stripping and showering after gym. Mom tried getting me into the last gym class of the day, so I could shower at home, but it didn't coordinate with my schedule. My quirk made the guys taunt me; saying I was gay, which resulted in fighting and expulsion."

"Once I began a relationship with my Domme; I excelled at school. I quit drinking. I quit fighting. I took online classes in the summer to make up for flunking out my freshman and sophomore years. I attended online classes over school breaks to earn credits toward graduation. I graduated from high school in the top ten of my class and was accepted by Harvard. I could have gone to school closer to my family, but I wanted to be away from them."

"Why did you want to be away from them?" Sela asked.

"I think it was self-preservation. I had my sexual relationship with my Domme. She was a friend of my mother's. I had to keep my family from learning about us," I paused. "Discovering our affair and the lifestyle. She ordered me to go to U-Dub; but she wanted me to have my own apartment. She risked exposing us which bothered me."

"How did you handle physical education requirements your junior and senior high school year?" Sela asked.

"Once I joined the rowing team, I didn't take physical education, so showering wasn't an issue. My Mom made sure my gym bag always had a container of wet wipes. I could use them in the bathroom stall and not show my scars to the universe. My uniform covered my scars. My coach was warned by my parents not to touch me. I could do a team hand stack at the start or end of an event. I could do the hand brush thing teams do with one another at the beginning and end of an event. I excelled at rowing in high school and when I went to Harvard. I have trophies. My Mom and Dad came to Harvard a couple times to see me row. I didn't crew – or row with teammates. I single skulled – which is a solitary rower. My trophies are in my parents' boathouse." I paused and Sela observed the expression on my face.

"What was that thought?" Sela asked.

"I don't know why I don't row any more. I love sailing, flying, soaring, running, kick boxing; kayaking, and mountain biking; but I don't row anymore. I don't know why." I muse for a minute. "Sawyer has been teaching Elliot, Taylor and me how to rock climb."

"Think about it; we'll talk about it again. Describe your roommate situation at Harvard," Sela said.

"No roommates. Mom and Dad found an off-campus one-bedroom apartment over a stand-alone three-car garage at a doctor's home. Dad paid to have extra insulation piped into the walls, floor and ceiling. He paid to outfit the bedroom with portable sound barriers over the windows in case I had a night terror. If I screamed bloody murder in the middle of the night, I didn't disturb my landlords or the neighborhood."

"Did you interact with classmates? Pizza and beer? Shooting pool?" Sela asked. "Female study buddies? Fraternities?"

"My Domme didn't let me fraternize. She didn't want me chatting up girls. I did group projects as required for classes, but I didn't voluntarily have female study buddies." I said. "I didn't join a fraternity. I couldn't empathize with incoming freshmen who were desperate to pledge. Sigma Alpha Epsilon tried to rush me all three years I was there, but I wasn't interested."

"No dating, no kissing, no sneaking a girl into your bedroom at home while you were in high school? No playing touchy feely with a willing girl in the stacks at the library in college?" Sela asked.

"My Domme prohibited it and I didn't want it. I never knew where a girl would touch me. My Domme was all I wanted. She was all I thought I needed." I said.

"But now you want to be in a physical relationship with a young woman?" Sela commented.

"Yes," I hung my head. "I can't hurt her again. I want her. I need to be able to touch her and she needs to be able to touch me. Hugging, kissing and making love. I need to get past this touch aversion."

"Can you memorize information and facts easily? Especially if you are interested in the topic?" Sela asked.

"Yes," I laughed. "Ask me the performance stats for my R8 Spyder or for a Eurostar EC class helicopter."

"I assume there were rituals and rules with your submissives." Sela said. "I embarrass easily, so it's not necessary to be graphic."

"My submissives came to my penthouse from Friday evening to Sunday evening. Our first tryst in the playroom was usually her performing oral sex to take the edge off my week. She would be restrained and blindfolded using different positions, furniture and toys. Our scenes would increase in intensity; then our scenes would decrease in intensity. It might not make sense to you, but the harshest toys and physically strenuous positions were used late Saturday afternoon until early Sunday morning so her body had recovery time before she left."

"Did you ever 'zone out' when you were in a scene with a submissive?" Sela asked.

"I did a couple times when I was a submissive. My Domme called that subspace. However, I never zoned out when I was a Dom. I was in control. If I zoned out; my submissive could have been injured. It's a matter of watching how they breathe, tense their muscles, use signals to tell me they were reaching their limit if they were gagged. There are lots of little tells which let me know to continue or to stop, or let me know if they were close to an orgasm or not. I had one submissive who was hurt and required medical care. It was a suspension scene and the rope slipped, injuring her. I ended the contract immediately and paid her doctor, hospital and recovery charges. I had to stop and process what happened. Full body suspension lost its appeal for a while."

"The worst I've zoned out was when Ana left. I was still kneeling, feeling numb when Taylor came back from taking her home. Then I concentrated on building her gift, a glider model. Once I started building; it was dawn on Sunday before I realized the passage of time."

"Do you often have violent outbursts? Meltdowns?" Sela asked.

"Is there a reason for these questions?" I snapped.

"This is the last question in this group. Bear with me, please." Sela asked.

"Yes, I frequently yell at my staff and I throw my smart phone and destroy it. My IT guru, Barney and my lead CPO, Taylor, keep a smart phone or two charged, ready to replace one I have destroyed." I admit. "They are both well-trained in transferring information from one phone to another in less than ten minutes."

"Flynn," she tapped her pencil on the paper where she wrote notes. "Did you read all of the background notes from Christian's previous therapists?"

"Yes, but your reference is escaping me. Asperger's Syndrome - a mild case? Although it was first diagnosed in the 1940s; it didn't have diagnostic manuals until the 1990s. By then he would have been seven and was talking and excelling at school. Dr. Trevelyan probably didn't see her first diagnosed case of ASD before then." Flynn said.

"ASD?" I asked.

"Autism spectrum disorder. Your last therapist, Barlow, suggested you be tested for ASD when you were fourteen. It was the last recommendation in his file for you. It supports what I said about your previous therapists not listening and perhaps misdiagnosing you." She handed the report to Flynn.

"I understand where he might have misdiagnosed Grey." Flynn admitted. "Do you remember what happened with Barlow?"

"He told Mom he wanted me admitted to the hospital for at least three to five days of tests. Mom mentioned it to me and I went ballistic, called Barlow an asshole. I ran away to Grandma Frannie and Grandpa Theo's house. They offered to let me spend the rest of the summer with them. They intervened with my parents. They were against my being subjected to testing by medical staff I didn't know."

"That explains a lot," Sela said. "When did you get a new therapist?"

"I didn't," I admitted. "I was in the D/s relationship just after my fifteenth birthday, a month later."

"You quit being a disruptive teen after engaging in sex with her?" Sela asked. I nodded. "I believe your parents didn't insist you see another therapist because your attitudes were changing. They did not know it was because of a Domme. They probably felt you had outgrown therapists." Sela suggested.

"You had four therapists before me," Flynn noted.

"Because of the night terrors," I admitted.

"I think you may have PTSD from your first Domme. I think her touch during some scenes retraumatized you. I don't think you've mentally dealt with the possibility yet. You need to experience healthy touch to reduce your sensitivity to painful physical or emotional touch."

"My _only_ Domme. I was her submissive from the age of 15 to 21. I became a Dominant. Well, I've had about all of the talking I can stand right now," I sigh. "Can we get on with the touching?"

"Let's talk about touch for a minute," Sela said. "I saw a video of you at the WSUV graduation. You shook hands with over 900 graduates and several of the provosts and professors."

"I would have given my business empire for case of Purell," I laughed. "You should give business courses on how to shake hands to graduating college seniors. It was an automatic response because all I could think about was Ana. I knew I would see her, touch her even if it was a brief handshake."

 **~~~ APOV**

"Hope you don't mind a late dinner." Harley and Shawn arroved around eight. "Shawn had a late meeting at work."

I share my new GP tablet with Harley and show him how to access my emails, calendar and manuscript server. He and Shawn work on information access while I plate the dinner they brought with them: Steak au Poivre, roasted fingerling potatoes, Caesar salad, hot rolls and strawberry-key lime tartlets. It made waiting for dinner worth it.

"We can't access anything at Grey Publishing. They have one hell of a firewall," Shawn said with admiration. "Which reminds me; you need to upgrade the firewall you use at here at the condo. We talked about it before; it's time to do it."

"Kate's with Elliot, Ethan's with friends," I said. "If we're doing this, we need to do it tonight because I don't know their schedule for next week."

"Do you know her computer password?" Shawn asked.

"Yes, I used her computer when I didn't have one," I explained. "I have his because he gave it to Elliot so he could work one night."

"The good news is, no one will be able to hack you when I'm done. The bad news is, the GP firewall will make it almost impossible for us to track Hyde's actions on the GP server. I hope GEH has someone who is computer literate tracking access to the servers." Shawn said.

"It is a given, knowing how security conscious Christian is," I laughed.

"We'll put a firewall on your phone. Keep your antivirus up-to-date. I brought an audio blocker. Turn it on when we visit you." Harley showed a small piece of equipment to me. "I'll put the audio blocker in the bottom drawer of your desk. Just check it for full green lights when you turn it on before we come over. If it ever goes red; tell me when we arrive. I'll troubleshoot it. This is a portable audio blocker. Use it when you are out with friends – lunches, shopping, etc. It's fun to ruin paparazzi photos. Like an unconscious photo bomb."

Harley works on firewalls after dinner. Shawn helps me create lists of ensembles to wear for fall. We talk about the clothes I have and the clothes I need. We talk about what people are wearing to work. He nodded with understanding about the casual Fridays we used to have when we were SIP; and how everyone's upped their fashion game since we became GP. Then he starts teaching me about capsule wardrobes and how to work with them.

 _Christian yanked me out of the elevator in the parking level and pushed me against the wall. "I'm going to spank you for the exercise clothes in the gym today. Every creeper in the place was checking out your ass."_

 _"Red," I said._

 _"No," he said, biting my neck. "Blush pink like your other cheeks. Over my knee so you can feel what you do to me. Bare ass. Hands restrained by your panties. Then I'm pushing you up against the wall and burying myself in you so deep that you will be too sore tomorrow and won't be able to cross your legs."_

 _"Why do you bite my neck, sir?" I asked, my voice small, husky, breathless with anticipation._

 _"There is a small bundle of nerves located near your carotid artery. Biting, sucking, licking…it sends endorphins to your brain." He murmured; his breath hot on my ear._

 _"Mummmm," I moan as he tugs me over his knees, his arousal pressing against my belly. My panties are off; my hands are restrained…and when he spanks my sex the first time…I'm soaking wet!_

And wide fucking awake! How am I supposed to get my required hours of sleep, SIR, when you are a Dom in my dreams? Thank god it's the weekend so I can sleep as late as I want. I reach for the GEH tablet and read first chapters of three manuscripts before I fall asleep.

 **~~~ CPOV**

Elliot's security reports he and Kate went out with some of her friends from work. Ana had company arrive shortly after they left. Her tracker got a license plate number and a good look at both men. It's Harrison and his roommate. Fuck me! What the hell is going on? I order Striker's team to follow both men when they leave and to get their asses moving on researching them.

 **Saturday, August 20 - APOV**

I called Mom to make sure I was still welcome on Labor Day weekend without Christian. I explained Christian and I are still taking a break from one another and working on our individual issues. She suggests maybe he'll make an impromptu visit like last time. I advise her not to count on it.

I'm flying red-eye again and I won't be upgraded to first class. I use Amber's Soduku frame to create a list of casual wear to pack. I will take the plum dress, shoes, purse and lip gloss with me in case Mom wants to go to their country club for dinner. I research Amazon and buy a wool and cashmere blend plum jacket. It will be here before the holiday weekend. I purchase space bags so I can pack and use my carry-on suitcase. I purchase a TSA approved toiletries pack. Shawn gave me a URL for a _You Tube_ video about how to pack. I hope it is as good as he said.

If Mom wants to go shopping for my birthday, I have a list of fall things Shawn says I need. Thanks to my work-assigned tablet and WIFI, I can access manuscripts on the GP server and read the first chaptesr of several manuscripts when the urge strikes me in Georgia. I have the synopsis form downloaded on my laptop. I want to get in one last perfect day of swimming with Mom at one of the local beaches.

Kate announces she has a sailing date with Elliot's family followed by a barbeque at Grey Manor on Labor Day. I told her I'll be flying in on Tuesday morning, arriving at six o'clock. She promised either she or Elliot will pick me up at SEA-TAC, by the baggage claim area.

Kate wants to celebrate my birthday on the Saturday, the seventeenth. She wants to go clubbing and I guess I'd better be up for it. However, I remember drinking before graduation and ending up in Christian's bed. I will make sure it doesn't happen again. I'm not getting drunk and falling into anyone's bed. So if I need to be the designated driver and not drink, I will volunteer.

I make a list of recipes to cook for Dad when I go to Montesano my birthday weekend. It's all hamburger based: rolled meatloaf, meatballs, hamburger steaks, sloppy joes, tacos, hamburger stew, Tex-Mex shepherd's pie, Southwest Soup, Italian Meatball Soup, spaghetti sauce, etc. I'm glad I have the hamburger batch cooking plan mapped out. I forward the shopping list to my phone and I'm ready to go. It will be easier to cook there and freeze rather than transport meal-sized containers. I'll shop at the big grocery store on my way out of town.

Dad wants to take me to Geppetto's for my birthday dinner. I love their salads and manicotti. Dad promised me tiramisu in lieu of birthday cake. He's excited I'm coming for a visit; he says he has someone he wants me to meet. I hope it's not a fix-up with one of the younger veterans he knows from the VFW. I'm already dealing with hints from Kate about dating again. I remind her about her 'taking things at my own pace' lecture. She tells me I'm not pacing myself – I haven't left the starter blocks in weeks. I don't tell her I'm turning down weekly dinner, movies, drinking, clubbing and dancing offers from Ethan. I tell her when there is something worth chasing on the playing field; I will be there.

 **August 23 – CPOV**

Ros and I are back in Detroit, covering the Detroit Brownfield Redevelopment Authority's offers and projections. Part of me hates being here because of my past, but Ros doesn't know why I'm dragging my feet with them. She reminds me to get my head into the game –I know my head is in Seattle, thinking about Ana.

This real estate offer needs to happen in real time. We have a great liaison in Detroit; who knows the EPA rules, liability issues and cleanup requirements. We've read the EPA site investigation report. We're converting an airbag manufacturing site into a fiber optics plant. Between the EPA and Ros, we have a Remedial Action Plan. We've interviewed and hired a national company known for its brownfield successes. Six months should get the job done. We're stripping out equipment, selling what can be used and sending the rest to recycle the metals. Once we get a case closure from the EPA in March or April of next year, we can renovate the plant, install the equipment we need and hire staff. The community wants to wine and dine us, but Ros and I thank them and explain we are expected in Seattle.

Three days in Detroit has taxed me. I've had night terrors every night since we've been here. Taylor hovers. Once Ros and I are on the jet and headed back to Seattle; I hid in the master suite and Skype Flynn to tell him it's been hell. Not even the Ana DVD or body pillow helped.

 **August 26 - APOV**

"I am a jeans, t-shirts and hoody girl," I argue with Kate.

"You need 60 clothing items per fall/winter and spring/summer seasons," Kate said. "That includes tops, bottoms, dresses, jackets, sweaters, etc. You should have at least a dozen pairs of shoes, boots, etc. per season, but they don't count in your sixty pieces. Neither does underwear."

"Kate," I moaned. "I have a serious psychological condition – _clothes-shop-a-phobia_. I hate shopping. It's worse on sale days, like Black Friday. You know Mom's taking me shopping next weekend for my birthday. Why can't I keep shopping via the Internet? I find pictures of things I like on Pinterest and then shop on Amazon for similar items. I can shop in my underwear. I don't have bitchy sales associates appraising me when I try on clothes like that snarky snatch when I went consignment shopping with my coworkers."

"Basically you shop in your underwear when you are trying on clothes," Kate snarked. "I'm not letting this go. You went consignment shopping with your coworkers. Then one Friday night when I'm with Elliot; you go consignment shopping again and bring home clothes – granted, they're great clothes – but I like to shop with you. Pick one thing to work on your wardrobe this month." Kate said.

"Can it be finding the perfect holiday tunic and leggings?" I asked.

"NO," Kate said. "I got rid of your threadbare clothes and polyester clothes. You need to up your wardrobe; you're working for a Grey House subsidiary now. I saw the pictures Mia has of the Grand Opening for GP. Every woman and several of the men are dressing better; hoping to catch Christian's eye."

I sighed loudly. "I need to make Kate Kavanagh understand the word no."

"Ana," Kate groaned. "I'm desperate for someone to go shopping with me."

"Call Mia," I suggested. "I don't want to go to the mall."

"Ana, Elliot is spending Saturday with Christian, which means I have to find something to do. Since you're not spending time with him, his family is first on his go-to list." Kate frowned.

"I thought he was working weekends?" I murmured.

"I'll make you a deal; you shop consignment until one o'clock. Then you meet Mia and me at Wild Ginger in the Bravern Center before 1:30 for lunch. We'll have an absolutely yummy lunch while we girl talk. We'll spend an hour or two at the mall. We'll come home and I'll check out what you bought." Kate concedes.

"You're critiquing my purchases?" I asked.

"No, I'm checking out what you bought." Kate shrugged. "I'll help you make a list of ensembles."

"Lord give me strength." I said. "I hate buying clothes… why can't I avoid this altogether? Mom bought a bunch of stuff before I went to work for SIP…GP. You gave me a bunch of stuff. I've bought more stuff. I have over 30 days of work clothes. I think I have enough."

"You need a dressy winter coat and a casual winter coat. The blue one you own has worn elbows. Donate it to a coat drive. Someone can wear it for another winter. You need more sweaters for fall." Kate pointed out. "You need tights instead of stockings for cold days when you wear a skirt. You need new winter boots."

"FINE… tell me what I need to buy." I said. "I need the list to rein Mom in when I go to Georgia. My favorite movie will become _The Devil Wears Prada_!" I can compare her list to Shawn's list and see if I can buy enough stuff to keep both of them happy. Sheesh… I miss the days of t-shirts, flannel shirts, jeans and Converse at Clayton's Hardware.

 **~~~ Taylor's POV**

I tried to intercept Mia – but she is a sister on a mission.

"What the hell?" Mia shrieked.

"Jesus Mia!" Christian yelled back. "What are you doing here?" He quickly wrapped his robe around him, whirling around. His knee caught the tailor kneeling in front of him in the eye and sent him flying back three feet. In the tailor's haste to get away; he scrambled over Sela's feet, scratching her deeply with the tape measure. She shrieked and grabbed her feet; swinging them up on the couch. Her aim was off a lot. Her feet landed with force in Flynn's crotch. Flynn was up off the couch. His face turned the color of his maroon velour robe. He was on his knees groaning and trying to catch his breath.

"I stopped by to tell you Kate and Ana will be at Bravern Center tomorrow. We're meeting for lunch at 1:30. I didn't know I was walking in on an orgy!" Mia yelled.

"IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!" Christian roared at her. Mia was speechless. The tailor was on his knees, moaning, Sela was attempting to pull her robe as tight around her as possible and not drip blood on the couch from her gouged foot. Flynn was on the floor turning a very unbecoming shade of blue. Christian's face was beet red…until he caught sight of my face and then he lost it, dropping onto the couch; howling with laughter. Sela caught a case of the giggles. The tailor and Flynn were still speechless.

"Miss Grey," I tried to explain, "your brother was having a touch therapy session tonight…"

"GROSS!" Mia yelled and plugged her ears… "La-la-la-la" she started sing-songing over and over.

" _Fuck me to tears," I thought._ "Miss Grey!"

She stopping singing and removed her fingers.

"This is Sela Koch; she's been hired as a traumatic touch therapist. John Flynn, your brother's regular therapist. Miles Baerbaugh, your brother's tailor. He agreed to come here tonight to fit your brother for new suits. Sela wanted to see how Christian dealt with touch when it was something as simple as clothes shopping."

"Christ," Mia muttered. She wouldn't voice her thoughts about seeing a distinguished looking older man on his knees in front of Christian with an audience. "Why are they in robes and what was he doing on his knees?"

"I told them I wouldn't be the only partially dressed person in the room. The entire group was participating, or I wouldn't do it. Miles was measuring my inseam," Christian finally wiped the tears from his eyes. "Did you see enough Sela – or is the three of you injured because I dropped my pants enough touch therapy for tonight?"

 _At least it wasn't injury caused in the playroom, I thought to myself. That sight would take gallons of bleach for Mia's brain and intensive therapy._ I fetch the first aid kit to bandage Ms. Koch; and an ice pack for Baerbaugh's black eye. Flynn will have to handle his injuries himself or limp home to Mrs. Flynn.


	20. Chapter 20

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 20** _– "_ And yet to every bad there is a worse." - Thomas Hardy

 **Saturday, August 27 - APOV**

"Two weeks," Harley said. "The Burke Museum, ten o'clock?"

"I'll be in Montesano. I can meet you on Thursday, September eighth," I said.

"Museum's not open at night. We can have dinner at Chaco Canyon, it's an organic café." Harley said. "I'm fond of their lentil burger and mojito cheesecake." He paused. "We have proof Jack Hyde's stockbroker has been following the hints I've been emailing you."

"So Jack has been hacking my work emails?" I asked.

"Looks like it," Harley said. "We received a search warrant to start analyzing Hyde and the stockbroker's emails and stock purchases. We can get into the stockbroker's emails. We're having trouble hacking Hyde's encrypted firewall. I can't get into GP's system for proof, but his emails to his stockbroker are identical to the emails I sent you. There have been two attempts to hack your personal emails, but the firewall I installed prevented the incursions. Just keep the firewall active and keep the audio blocker active so no one overhears our conversations. I'll email you on the eighth and remind you of our date. I'll research some stock tips to drop into your email." He paused. "Do you want to know about the other?"

I thought about it for a minute. "Yes," I sighed. Part of me wanted to be wrong because I didn't want the Bitch Troll to continue to use Christian…but somehow I knew I wasn't.

"Your instincts are spot on. We traced stock purchases made shortly before Grey Enterprises Holdings completed acquisitions, starting in 2006 to July of this year. We had a small problem. The stock purchases were under the name Magdalena Lorenzo. We investigated and discovered Magdalena Lorenzo is Elena Lincoln's maiden name. She changed her name to Elena Loren in Texas just before she married Lawrence Lincoln. It's not just Elena Lincoln who played fast and loose. Her stockbroker waited to see if her tips were correct. After the first six months she was a client; they started buying also. They purchased enough shares to ensure a healthy profit for themselves without revealing their duplicity to Elena or Grey House. How did you know?"

"I've met the bitch. I think she overheard proprietary information when she dined at his family's home, or when she dined with Christian at one of the restaurants where he owns stock. I think she overheard information from committee members on her social charities circuit." I said.

"Well, since we have enough proof; we're analyzing her bank accounts and her stockbroker." Harley said. "We found hints, but not proof, of an offshore bank account."

"You won't need me to testify, will you?" I asked.

"Not for her; as you didn't witness anything. Testifying against Jack Hyde is still a possibility. You don't mind these working dates do you?" Harley asked.

"No; not if it doesn't bother Shawn. Did you find information about the man in the picture?" I asked.

"You will not be a happy camper," Harley predicted.

"We should have a 'work out' date some time. We belong to a great gym and I'll make dinner after," Shawn said. "We can celebrate your birthday."

"I'm in Georgia over Labor Day and in Montesano for my birthday. The Saturday after I am I'm target practicing in the morning and clubbing with Kate that night. I haven't gone clubbing with her in a while. Maybe we can do it the week after," I suggested. "I don't have an excuse not to work out since Grey Annex has a gym."

"Besides the four exercise outfits I found for you; I bought a _to-die-for_ navy wrap dress in winter weight jersey and a _to-kill-for_ crimson red angora sweater and a pair of _let-me-dance-on-your-heart_ black bow Michael Kors pumps with matching purse. I found three fit and flare dresses for you. One medium purple, one cobalt blue and one aqua. They will be perfect for spring and summer." Shawn preened. "I love these shopping dates while you are working. Tuesday, wear the black pencil skirt you own with the red sweater and the Michael Kors pumps and purse. Keep your hair down in big bouncy curls with sedate gold jewelry." Shawn said, handing over index cards with ensembles written on them.

"Thank you for keeping my roommate Kate from hauling me into stores. It is worth every penny you spend," I laughed again. "Seriously, you'd make a fortune being a personal shopper. You've made my life easier. Kate thinks I'm finally learning from those fashion tips she keeps throwing at me." I stow his bags in my car and pay my tab; tucking the receipt in my purse.

"All that shopping made me hungry!" Shawn said. "Thank you for suggesting Wild Ginger. Harley and I promise to be good and not intrude on your girls' lunch."

"Grace," Elena air-kissed her cheeks. "Mia, Katherine, Anastasia. Someone celebrating something?" She viewed me with hostile eyes.

 _Fuckety-fuckety-fuckety-fuck. Bravern Center – home of Esclava Salon 4 where Mrs. Robinson spends most of her time. Christ! Why didn't I research this better? Because you were trying to cover up meeting with Harley this morning instead of shopping with Kate,_ my guilty conscious snarks.

"We've been shopping and decided to have lunch. Join us." Grace said.

Elena looked around for a chair to put between Grace and me.

"Here," I stood and offered my chair. "I suddenly lost my appetite." Kate and Mia protest my leaving.

Elena seated herself and then glared at me when I didn't push in the chair like a good little servant. "I was just reminding Kate the two of you should come to Esclava. You could both use some freshening up; it's never too early to start."

"Freshening up?" A voice behind me spoke. "Is that what they are calling Botox these days? Girlfriend," Shawn hugged me. Harley was behind him, eyes twinkling because Shawn's bitchy persona was fun to watch. "You look lovely, Ana. Harley and I are just leaving. I swear there's an underlying smell of wet dog in here." He sniffed in the direction of Elena. The meaning of his words were not lost on Kate, who struggled to stifle laughter. "Do you want to have lunch at Mariposa or can we walk you to your car?" He linked arms with me and pulled me toward the exit, yammering the entire time. "Oh girlfriend, that sundress is divine! It really accents your youthful figure and your English rose complexion. Not to mention those spectacular legs of yours! No wonder Gorgeous Grey is enamored with you!" He glanced back at Elena and then whispered. "She is so pissed off; but trying to hide it from your friends."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to stop in the middle of the walkway," I turn and apologize to Harley and Shawn who walk behind me while holding hands. "Grey," I whisper.

"Don't stress about it, miss. We forgot where we parked. I'm sure we're parked over here," He turns immediately and pulls Shawn into the next row of parked cars. I stand by the elevator and watch Christian approach. His eyes are on me and not on Harley and Shawn making a quick escape.

"Anastasia…Ana," Christian smiled broadly. "Imagine meeting you here."

"Really?" I said, walking to my car – only to see one of Christian's black SUVs parked beside Lita. _Is he tracking me? Did he find out what I'm driving from Grey Annex Security?_ "I don't want to talk here Christian. I don't want a video of us going viral. Let's just agree not to argue and go our separate ways."

"Text me." He said.

I unblocked him from my phone and sent him the text: "Who told you I was here? Are you following me?"

"Mia and I'm not having you followed," he texted back.

"Elena is at Wild Ginger. I'm sure that mangy cougar would be glad to eat you for lunch. She ruined my appetite." I texted. Then I sent another text. "I know you are following me. Ryan dumped Claire."

"I came here to see you not Elena." Christian texted. "I am sorry you weren't safe when Sawyer escorted you to the powder room at Coping Together."

I sigh and observe Taylor who sat in the SUV watching our silent interaction.

I dropped my phone in my purse, retrieving my car keys. The portable audio jammer is active. No one will film this or overhear us. "Mr. Grey, I know I can't go to the police. You're Christian Grey, people stalk you. They won't believe you're stalking me. Please leave me alone and make Elena Lincoln leave me alone!"

"I'm trying…and I can't. I can't let you walk out of my life. I need you." Christian said, dropping his voice into that _sex-on-legs_ range.

"You said the contract was moot; but the rules were still in effect. You told me if I left; there was no second chance." I got into my car; locked the doors, fastened my seatbelt, started the car and squealed my tires as I left Christian standing there.

 **~~~ CPOV**

"God damn it!" Using my burner phone. I called Striker. "What the hell happened with Elena and Anastasia?" I listened to his report; Anastasia went to Harley Harrison's home. The roommate left shortly after Anastasia arrived. She was alone with Harrison for three hours. She gave him a ride to the Bravern Center where they met the roommate who handed off two shopping bags to Anastasia.

The tracker followed them to Wild Ginger. Anastasia didn't realize she picked up Elena Lincoln as a tail when she walked past the Esclava Salon. Striker repeated the conversation at the Grey ladies' table. Harrison and Stanton collected her inside Wild Ginger and were behind her when she stepped off the elevator. I never paid attention to them. I swore and threw the phone. Taylor just shook his head.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!" I yelled before climbing into the SUV.

Taylor grabbed a plastic bag to retrieve smart phone parts.

"Take me home. I have work to do. I need to call Ros." I reached in my pocket for my smart phone. Then I paused – I threw the burner phone and have my smart phone in my hand.

"First - I want to know who you have following Miss Steele," Taylor sat quietly, hands folded in his lap. The key is in the ignition; but the SUV is turned off. "You just trashed a burner phone and it's not the brand we use at Grey House." He threw the bag with the burner phone parts in my lap.

I hung my head. "Second Strike Investigations; I will give you their information. Ana knows several of my security staff. I can't take a chance on her spotting someone on my security staff following her. Second Strike…" I started to say.

"Has four dozen free-lance agents. You have _four dozen strangers_ following Miss Steele. What the hell is wrong with you?" Taylor gave me _the look_ – an all-encompassing _you are an asshole_ look. I tried not to take it personally. I know he will research Second Strike Investigations and find them lacking somehow.

"I need to have her followed," I defended myself.

"You are taking chances you don't dare take - especially if you want Miss Steele to talk to you again. Did they install a CCTV in her condo?" Taylor asked.

"No!" I exclaimed. "I don't want any of those fuckers watching her dress or undress!"

"Perhaps there is hope for you after all," Taylor started the SUV. "However, Welch and I will have a conversation with you about trusting an unknown entity like Second Strike. I thought you were eliminating people with backdoor access to your life? When we get to Grey House; Welch and I are investigating Second Strike. Hiring them without fully vetting them is against every security policy we've established for you, your family and Grey House. We can hire a rotating security staff to follow Miss Steele if you feel it's important to piss her off. Is there anyone else we need to investigate?"

"Harley Harrison and Shawn Stanton. I want to know what they are doing in Anastasia's life." I snapped.

Taylor shook his head. "You realize deep background investigations are Welch's M.O. I seriously doubt Second Strike found anything we haven't found or couldn't find."

"Wait until you read one of their reports. You'll be surprised at the deep dirt they've found that Welch hasn't." I said darkly.

"What the fuck do you think you are doing?" I snarled at Elena. She's standing in my great room; acting like she owns the fucking place.

"I brought you a play toy; since you are too busy to return my phone calls or emails," Elena said. "You haven't had serious playtime since Susannah in March. You've never gone this long without a submissive." She gestured to the petite brunette who dropped her wrap dress. She stood in a submissive inspection pose – stark naked. "This is Ariana Wellman. I have her references, medical card and list of hard and soft limits. She is a well-trained submissive, two previous Doms, age 23, with experience in Shibari…"

"Put your clothes on!" I shouted at the girl. "Get Out. Get the fuck out!" I seethed. "Taylor! Elliot's coming over in a few minutes to eat pizza, drink beer and watch the game with me. I don't want him to see you or her and ask questions."

Taylor's appearance interrupted Elena's protests.

"Taylor, please escort Mrs. Lincoln and her friend to the security office, close the door. Remove them using the staff elevator. Elliot just texted from the parking garage. I'll tell you when the coast is clear. Elena – you are not welcome here. Do not return without an express invitation from me." I shouted at her.

Taylor grabbed Lincoln and Wellman and pivoted toward the security office with them; closing the door. I heard the lock click firmly in place.

I went to the elevator to collect Elliot. "You're early – go take a look at the room, up the stairs and at the end of the hall. Can you get work crews in here within a week or two? The closets were ripped out of the room and need to be replaced. I want to expand the entrance to the ensuite – maybe frosted French doors? The room was used for storage so there's lots of wall and ceiling holes to be patched. I'd like to keep the hardwood floor if possible. The frosted outside windows need to be replaced with safety glass. I will join you in a minute."

Elliot headed upstairs, towards the old playroom. I go to the security office. Elena's eyes would have widened in astonishment except Botox kept her face immobile. Her eyes flashed with anger. She watched the exchange between Elliot and me on the CCTV screens.

"You're renovating the playroom?" Elena hissed at me. "Are you the previous owner of the glut of toys and play furniture for sale in the community right now?"

"My life is none of your business. I told you; I don't want another submissive. You may look at me Miss Wellman." She lifts her blue eyes to mine. _Yeah, I knew Elena would present me with a blue-eyed brunette. Only this one has ice blue eyes, the color of an artic glacier – not the warm sky blue of Anastasia's eyes._

"Miss Wellman, before you depart; you will sign a nondisclosure agreement. Don't ever return to my home. Don't ever acknowledge me if you see me on the street. Don't ever announce you met me or were in my home. I hope you find who you are seeking, but it is not me and it will not be me. I found who I want. You may want to rethink your association with Mrs. Lincoln – especially since she included you in this foolish endeavor. Taylor, when Miss Wellman signs the NDA; remove these two women from Escala."

"Shut it!" Taylor advises Elena as I exit the security office. I head to the old playroom where Elliot is taking pictures and taking notes.

"Sorry, I'm early. Kate must attend a work thing and it's not a plus-one event. Ethan is partying with friends. Ana was Skyping with her mother about some clothes she bought. So thank you for the beer, pizza and game offer." Elliot said.

"How's that working out for you?" I almost laugh. I can't wait to tell Flynn I used his line.

"I like Kate; I like her a lot. She's fun, feisty, intelligent, independent and definitely the sexiest woman I have ever met. She sees through my bullshit and calls me on it." Elliot said. "So how about you and Ana?"

"I like her; I like her a lot," I parrot Elliot's words back to him. "But I messed up and Ana's not ready to forgive me."

"How did you mess up, bro? Ana won't tell Kate," Elliot said.

"I forgot how strong, independent and intelligent she is. She wanted a boyfriend who went on normal dates. I've been tracked by the tabloids and paparazzi for so long I'm not good at dates. I'm not good at normal." I admit. _How do I tell my brother I beat the woman I love? He'll beat the shit out of me. Then he'll tell Kate who will rip my balls off. Then she will tell Raymond Steele who will shoot me. I'd better get things settled...will, life trust, etc. There is no guarantee Ana will come back to me and a thousand ways for the world to learn I'm a monster._

Elliot's been talking and I've no idea what he said. I catch the end. "…because until Ana; I would have bet Grey Construction that you were gay."

"Hell, everyone thinks I'm gay. Since I've been photographed with Ana; everyone wants to know who she is. I'm bombarded by women who now think I'm available. I'm bombarded by men who are sure Ana's a cover. I'm bombarded by media who want to know if there is a woman in every city: Seattle, New York, Aspen, Detroit? Why is everyone so curious about my sex life? I'm not John Holmes or James Deen."

Elliot smothered a snicker.

"Elliot – I'm not like you. I can't go to a bar, pick up a woman and have a one-night stand. I don't know how you've avoided having half a dozen baby mamas running amok through your life, but I can't take the chance. I'm more discreet than any president guarded by the secret service."

"Man, before you get Ana back into your life; you gotta remove Elena Lincoln from your life. Either eliminate Elena from your life or Kate will go ballistic and start digging around in her background. She was livid about Elena running Ana off at lunchtime today. Kate asked Ana why she left and Ana said she refuses to be in the same room with that Bitch Troll; her words, not Kate's. You don't want the world knowing you are in business with one of the biggest madams in Seattle. Stop being in business with her. Tell Mom she is jealous of Ana and ask Mom to quit inviting her to the house." Elliot counselled me.

"You know she's a madam?" I asked, surprised.

"Everyone knows she's a madam. Hell, half our social circle thinks she's a Dominatrix because of the way she dresses! Kate thinks women her age shouldn't wear black leather pants unless they have an ass like Halle Berry." Elliot snarked. Then he sobered, "Well, maybe Mom doesn't know she's a madam. Seriously, bro, if you like Ana, you have to remove Elena from your life."

"More than like," I sighed. "I might be in love with Ana; but since I've never felt like this; I don't have a clue what it is. I wish Ana would give me another chance." _My self-censure button is broken. I'm blurting out my feelings to my brother!_

"You must have messed up pretty bad. Well, do you want some advice from your big brother?" Elliot asked.

"Hell no! Ana's a lady and I'm not about to employ Elliot Grey man-whore techniques on her." I snapped. "Let's talk about the room and then go watch the game."

"Let's invite Dad to watch the game with us," Elliot suggested. "Mom's working at the hospital."

I reach for my phone and call Dad, who will be here soon. I email Flynn; announcing Dad and Elliot are here for pizza, beer and the game. I'm trying. Flynn must give me credit for it. When I tell Taylor about Dad joining us, he raises an eyebrow.

"I want you to know I've seen more naked women since working for you than I saw at the Mustang Ranch before I shipped off for Marine Corp boot camp at MCRD, San Diego." Taylor said. "You'll be pleased to know Miss Wellman pulled underwear out of her handbag and put it on before she left. She also told Elena Lincoln to go fuck herself. I won't go into the graphic details Miss Wellman used regarding number of partners, number of times, positions, toys, restraints, etc. I'm would not be surprised if she wrote erotic stories for some website."

"How did Elena respond?" I asked in amazement.

"She was pissed Miss Wellman would not obey her orders to stay here until you could interview her." Taylor said. "I told Miss Wellman to be glad you sent her away."

I startled, looking at Taylor.

"I told her the last time I saw you this pissed off, you kickboxed a dummy to death. I gave her $40 and told her to get a cab so she didn't have to ride home with Elena Lincoln." Taylor shrugged. "If looks could kill; Mrs. Lincoln would have strung me up in her dungeon and whipped me within an inch of my life."

 **~~~ APOV**

I thought about visiting Dad; but I changed my mind. I went home after Wild Ginger, dressed for the range and went target practicing. I'm in a better frame of mind since I blew away a few targets which had the initials JH and EL on them. I shot her targets in the head and his targets in the groin…and felt so much better than I do with regular target practice.

When I returned the key to the locker at the front desk, the desk clerk asked if JH was being a dick? He pointed out the CCTV feed of me blowing away the groin area of JH's targets. I just smiled and said, "No, now he's a dickless wonder." The desk clerk groaned.

I stopped at my favorite stall in Pike Place Market and bought enough Asian Chicken Salad and Green Tea with Ginger to feed a dozen people. Tonight I will catch up on my favorite BBC America shows, do my laundry and research fall/winter wardrobe capsules on Pinterest. I will research those sites Shawn recommended. I will Skype Mom tonight also; showing her the newest items for my wardrobe. Tomorrow I will recharge my batteries by laying around in the sun, reading manuscripts, writing synopses, drinking ice tea and eating salad. I will just let the day drift by.

 **~~~ 3PPOV**

Striker email to Grey: AS at Target Rippers after Wild Ginger. Shot three targets with initials JH and EL printed on them. His were shot in the groin; hers were shot in the head. One of my men qualified in the bay next to her. He said he cringed when she emptied three cartridges in sixtargets, decimating them. No discussion with anyone except front desk and shooting range manager. Purchased a box of bullets for her gun. Shopped at PPM. Home for evening. KK and EK out for night; no company.

 **August 30 - APOV**

Kate cleared her throat. "We have a guest…" She opened the door to let me in the condo. Dr. Flynn sat there.

I didn't say anything; I entered, walked to my bedroom, left my things on the chair and kicked off my sneakers. I returned to the living room to address Dr. Flynn.

"I'm going for a walk to Pike Place Market," Kate said. "I'm picking up fish and chips and broccoli slaw for dinner. Ethan and Elliot will join us." She observed Flynn. "Are you sure it's safe for you to be alone with him?"

I nodded and she left.

"I wanted to talk to you. I didn't think you'd meet me at my office," Dr. Flynn said.

"Dr. Flynn; this is my home. My roommate does not know you. She will have questions and I refuse to lie to her to cover for Christian. This is unacceptable." I sighed; griping my emotions by the throat and shoving them away from me for a minute. "Why are you here?"

"I am worried about both of you. If he pushes, Miss Kavanagh, your father or you might go to the police. The media will love the situation; but the two of you won't like it." Dr. Flynn stated.

"If one more person attempts to counsel me about my love life or lack thereof; I'm turning someone into an ugly smell in the attic. Neither of us is ready for any kind of relationship. I don't want to be with anyone except Christian. However, I won't be with anyone until I trust my feelings and have control of my emotions and my life. Dr. Flynn, I don't know you, I'm not intentionally being rude to you. I'm not sharing my life with him or my feelings with you. Both are…in his parlance… _mine_ ; and I don't share."

"Anything else you need to share with me?" Dr. Flynn asked.

"Christian's coping strategies aren't working for me. As far as I can tell…they aren't working for him. He has to deal with whatever is messing with his head. He also needs to quit using his brother and sister to ferret out information about me. Also, he needs to understand I cannot be with him if he's friends with his pedophile. I haven't forgiven him for discussing me with her." I said.

"Thank you for your time, Miss Steele," Dr. Flynn rose to leave.

"Ana, just Ana," I muttered. "Do you have any suggestions about what I'm supposed to tell my roommate about your visit?"

"The truth works best," Dr. Flynn said cryptically.

"Which version of the truth? My version is I met the only man who has ever interested me. I wanted a boyfriend and a relationship. He wanted a contractual sex slave who obeyed his every order and rules. When he introduced me as his girlfriend in Georgia…I thought, yes, we can do this. I can fall in love with the brilliant, beautiful man and it will all work out. I thought I was bringing light to his darkness. That's what I get for playing amateur shrink." I shrugged.

"Since he met you, Christian has made more strides forward in dealing with his past. You've been a profound influence on him." Dr. Flynn said.

"I was not enough of a good influence if he cannot see she is using him and his family. I was not enough of a good influence if he sees nothing wrong in a continued friendship with the woman who molested him." I state.

"He is working on removing her from his life and from his family's life. It is a waiting game." Dr. Flynn said.

"In more ways than one," I said; thinking of the SEC investigation.

Dr. Flynn wished me goodnight and left.

"A man's silence is wonderful to listen to," I snarked a quote by Thomas Hardy as I locked the door to the condo.

 _Don't push me Christian. I might have considered couples' therapy until Harley told me about Elena right before she crashed my lunch with your mom and sister. I can't explain Harley or the SEC investigation. I can't walk away from it either. I'm dedicated to seeing this to its finale… whatever that is._

While I'm changing clothes; I can't help but think about Christian.

 _He grabs my arm in a firm grip and pulls me up the stairs to the playroom. Pleasure and pain, reward and punishment— his words echo through my mind. "I'll show you how bad it can be, and you can make up your own mind." He pauses by the door. "Are you ready for this?" I nod, my mind made up, but I'm vaguely lightheaded, as all the blood drains from my face._

He asked if I was ready for him to show me how bad it could be. I thought I was. However, I was not ready. I wasn't ready to enter into a relationship with him. I won't think about how much I hated that belt, and the bruises, and the not sitting comfortably for a week. He will not touch me that way ever again. He will not punish me over stupid rules so he gets a sexual thrill from beating me. It is, as he said, fifty shades of fucked up. Additionally, I won't accept him being friends with that predator.

 **~~~ CPOV**

Reynolds email to Christian Grey:  
A. Steele at Dr. Greene's office for exam and DP shot. Drove to work, parked inside Grey Annex parking garage. Utilized Grey Annex gym after work with two coworkers. She gave them a ride home, arrived at her condo by seven. KK shopping at PPM. Dr. Flynn visited for a few minutes. KK returned; EK and EG arrived for dinner. A. Steele in for the night.

Flynn began our session. "So, I had a conversation with Ana."

"What did she say?" I perked up. I hadn't expected him to begin our session with that news.

"No, tonight's conversation is quid pro quo. You answer one of my questions or tell me something; I tell you something she said." Flynn said.

My eyes narrowed. "Acceptable if she said something good."

"I think you will find good things in what she said," Flynn said. "Question one – what did Ana say to you about your BDSM lifestyle."

"What?" I stared at him

Flynn repeated himself.

"Flynn, you don't need my shit in your head." I said.

"No, I don't. I already understand the lifestyle. It's something I had to study for my degree. The issue is…I don't think you understand it as well as Ana does. You told her to do the research and she had a 4.0 GPA." Flynn said pointedly.

"She said Elena was a child molester. She said safe, sane, consensual _adult_ relationships didn't have to be kept secret. She said I would consider the situation differently if it was a fifteen-year-old Mia and a forty-year-old man. I am uncomfortable thinking of Elena and my relationship in that context," I replied.

"Indeed. Well," he said; reaching for a list. "Ana said your coping strategies aren't working for you or for her. She said you need to deal with whatever is messing with your head."

"I'm not sure how to react, but I will think about it." I said. "I think she's referring to my preference for fucking instead of talking."

"Quid pro quo - are you having her followed?" Flynn asked.

"I was. Taylor found out and made me fire the company." I prevaricated.

Flynn shook his head, exasperated with me. "Ana said she wants you to abide by your rules. Once she walked away, there wasn't supposed to be a second chance."

"She didn't sign the contract, so therefore, everything is null and void, including the walking away clause." I said.

"I doubt she knows that. Ana said quit asking Elliot and Mia what she is doing. Make Elena leave her alone." Flynn checked the list.

"Elliot told me Ana won't tell Kate what I did wrong to get thrown out of her life." I said. "I of course, did not tell him I was a monster who beat the most perfect woman in the world."

"Stop the negative self-loathing stuff," Flynn directed. "We don't have time to deal with that issue tonight. Ana says she's not dating anyone. She says neither one of you are ready for any kind of relationship. She said she won't be with anyone until she trusts her feelings and is in control of her emotions."

I laugh and tell Flynn how trust and control are big talking points in the lifestyle.

"I already know of the lifestyle. I understand the furniture and toys. I understand the need for an NDA, contract, hard and soft limits. Honestly, I think your rules are controlling and manipulative." Flynn admitted. "I wonder if they were in place so you had a reason to punish your submissive for the slightest infraction."

"I never looked at the rules from someone else's perspective. I thought the rules kept the submissive safe and healthy so we could enjoy our time in the playroom. I can see how Ana felt they were a prelude to a punishment." I said. "You know I still have not figured out why I didn't punish Susannah before I terminated with her."

"Refusing contact and terminating your contract was probably a very strong punishment. Perhaps you need to talk to someone – like Sabine – about her reactions to your contract and rules. Maybe you need someone to be honest with you about BDSM; because we know you were taught by…" Flynn suggested.

"…a lying manipulative bitch," I laughed.

"That wasn't the first thought in my head, but it will do if you truly feel that way," Flynn shrugged.

"I'll talk to Sabine about my contract and rules if you let her show you an evening of scenes in one of her playrooms at Locke and Keyes. Sabine will keep you safe from Doms and subs." I tried to hide a smirk.

"If you return to the lifestyle, I'll consider it." Flynn said. "Let's pause for a minute. You once told me that you liked punishing little brown-haired girls because they reminded you of…"

"The crack whore," I said.

"I know your parents didn't call her that," Flynn said. "I'm fairly certain you didn't grow up thinking of her like that. I want to know when you started calling your biological mother a crack whore."

I paused and thought about it…and then I knew when, and where, and I think I know why. "It was before Thanksgiving the year I was fifteen. My situation with Elena was new. She demanded I start calling Mom and Dad by Grace and Carrick. I remember hurting my Mother's feelings when I called her Grace one evening. Everyone was in shock; but it was Grandpa Theo who told me how unacceptable it was to call my Mother by her Christian name. The next time we were together, Elena asked me if I followed her order. I told her it hurt my Mother and I would never do it again. Elena beat me with a belt, and told me my mother was a crack whore. She would not allow me to have a sexual release for a month."

"What did you call Ella before the situation with Elena?" Flynn asked.

"I never discussed her with anyone," I said. "I tried not to think about her because it was a trigger for a night terror."

"I'm following Sela's recommendation. While we are having sessions; you will refer to people by their names; not nicknames. Ana said she's not sharing her life with you or her feelings with me. She said both are, in your parlance, 'mine and I don't share'. She said if you are friends with Elena Lincoln; Ana will not be friends with you. Then she showed me to the door." Flynn said.

"Well, Elena brought a submissive to Escala Saturday night. I had Taylor make the submissive sign an NDA and then he turfed them using the staff elevator. Elena was livid Elliot was remodeling the playroom."

Flynn paused a minute while writing. "How do you feel about that?"

"Pissed off. I'm counting down the hours until I can terminate contact with her." I admit.

"I've made a card for you,' John said. On the front; there was a quote by Graham R. White. _She's not looking for money, status or gifts. She desires honesty, loyalty and being your priority_. The opposite side listed Ana's three rules: Call me Ana. No stalking or following. No interference in her life by Elena Lincoln. "This is your reminder of the building blocks for a relationship with Ana." Flynn shrugged. "We're using flash cards to teach multiplication tables to Liam. I thought you could use a flash card also."


	21. Chapter 21

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 21 -** "I live my life until I start the cycle of my dreams, then I leave and search for you." Molly Bryant, _Wandering Souls_

 **September 1 - CPOV**

 _I stroke her hair. It's soft, a rich mahogany, shining in the glow of the sconces in the playroom. She smells of Ana and apples. Her hair is loose, a little wild and sexy, and she's wearing a plum-colored silk teddy which reminds me of the dress she wore to our negotiation dinner at the Heathman. I approach her, asking her to dance with me. She tosses her hair over her shoulder like she does before confronting me. Her curious eyes center on something behind me..._

 _The ensuite door to the playroom is open. Mommy sits before the built-in vanity; on a bench; looking at me in the mirror. She brushes her hair with the special wide, flat-backed brush I used for spanking. I remember her teaching me to brush her hair…it was soft and smelled like Mommy and flowers. She braids her hair like a long bumpy snake down her back. "There," she says, "almost ready." However, she stares at the reflections in the mirror; watching Ana stand in the middle of the playroom._

 _Ana lifts her hand, and instantly the darkness rises from my chest and twists around my throat, threatening to choke me if she touches me. But Ana places her fingers on my cheek and gently skims them down to my chin. The darkness melts away and I close my eyes, feeling her gentle fingertips caress me like a lover. With her other hand she ruffles my hair, running her fingers through it._

" _Ah," I moan, and I don't know if it's from fear or longing. I'm breathless, my heart pounding in my chest. When I open my eyes, Ana looks up at me from under her full, long, dark lashes. Before I loose myself; soaring in those eyes; Ana steps forward; pushing her body flush against mine. She fists both hands in my hair and tugs gently, raising her lips to mine. Our lips touch and I close my eyes as she forces her tongue into my mouth, and I panic. She's touching me; she's kissing me; she's dressed in lingerie…not just her panties; her hair is wild and sexy and looks like she's just been fucked._

 _What did you expect, Grey? She's not cut out for the playroom; she's not like the other brunettes which have been here. I end the kiss. I take a deep breath and kiss her forehead, then bury my nose in her hair, inhaling her sweet, autumnal scent; committing it to memory._ _I am haunted by her giggle, the feel of her silky hair, the alabaster of her skin, the pink of her blush, and her pouty rosy bottom lip she likes to bite. I'm haunted by her fingers entwined in my hair and I want those long legs wrapped around my ass._

 _My mother disappears from the mirror._ _Ana disappears from my arms; and there is a breeze I don't understand. My playroom has no windows to open. The summer breeze teases my hair, it caresses me like the nimble fingers of a lover. My lover…my Ana._

I wake suddenly, confused. My bedroom is shrouded in darkness, and I am alone. The CCTV tape of Ana plays on the laptop next to my bed. I watch it for a minute. Strange dream…will I remember it to tell it to Flynn? I could swear someone touched me. But it was just my desperation to have Ana to touch me.

I stare at the ceiling, and realize I remember the smell of Leila's citrus perfume. Leila invades my mind. Fuck. My mind shakes off the dream and engages in thoughts of things to do: find Leila, terminate my partnership with Elena, reconcile with Ana, and conduct some business other than SIP/GP, Grey Calendars and the damned brownfield site in Detroit… and I know I won't get back to sleep. I sit up in bed and reluctantly switch off the laptop. Getting up, I shower; washing the sweat and need from my body. When I dry; I dress in sweats and sneakers. I head into the living room to play my piano and watch the early morning sky until I can go running at six. Leila…Elena…maybe we need to start looking there next.

 **XX – 3PPOV**

I slip out of Escala after Master goes for a run. I don't understand why he has a video feed of her on his laptop. I don't understand why she sleeps in his bed. I did not have time to look for clothes or money, but I had to touch him. I don't understand …her car is in the garage; but she is not in Escala with him. Did she terminate and return her car? Why would she do that? Maybe she doesn't like it and he got her a different car? I have to get back in over the holiday weekend when Mrs. Jones is gone and when Master is gone with Taylor. There are three brunettes hanging around the Post Alley Escala. Are they potentials? I have to find out…I have to find a way to follow them. I have to find a way to warn them about Elena.

 **XX**

The Steele Woodworks website went live. It wasn't flashy, but it was well built. It provided good information, and had great pictures of before and after projects. Raymond Steele included a Q&A page with thoughtful questions and answers. He had an easily accessible contact page with adequate space to ask a question or request a quote. Barney forwarded information about the site to Grey.

Steele was listed on Northwest Network's class roster to take an Introduction to Microsoft Office class during September. Week one was for Outlook; week two for Word; week three for Excel; and week four for PowerPoint. It would become Basic Microsoft Office in October and Intermediate Microsoft Office in November. They offered Genealogy for Beginners in December. Steele wasn't signed up for it. Their January, February and March classes were spreadsheet classes with an introduction to electronic tax filing applications. Steele wasn't signed up for those, either.

Barney finished the financial background check on Harley Harrison. Excellent grades in college; despite double majors in economics and mathematics with a master's degree in business administration, all completed in five years. He finished the financial background for Shawn Stanton. Excellent grades in college, double major in technology and accounting with a master's degree in accounting forensics; all completed in five years. He and Harrison bought a house together last year.

The issue was - Barney was in a committed relationship with a man and a woman. He knew without explanation there was more than roommate status between Harley Harrison and Shawn Stanton. Ana Steele's part in the mix was the question. He accessed her credit card, noting the purchase of an airline ticket. He printed the flight information. She was flying to Savannah, Georgia over Labor Day weekend, departing SEA-TAC at ten p.m. on Friday and landing at SEA-TAC at six a.m. on Tuesday.

He tried to access Miss Steele's personal emails…and ran into a firewall which made him swear with admiration and frustration. Three separate incursions into the Internet service at Ana's condo came back with playground bully force…the harder he pushed…the harder the firewall pushed back. He attempted to hack Kate and Ethan's email and ran into the same firewall. Someone installed one hell of a firewall in their condo…he didn't know whether to be pleased they were being proactive about their internet and email usage, or curse because his access was cut off. Damn…now he need to spend his spare time trying to hack it. It was an adventure and a headache in the making.

Barney tried to hack Ana Steele's smart phone, and ran into the firewall again. Grey would not be a happy man. He would explain the firewalls were keeping other creepers out; which would please Grey.

 **September 2 - CPOV**

"If you are finished inquiring if I'm having a pleasant morning...:" I waited for Elena to end her effusive questions about my life, health, business, etc. "Have you been in contact with Leila?" I asked Elena.

"Not Leila; but the others come to me, of course, to get new contracts with new Doms." Elena explained. "I provide them with references since you are unable to do so."

"You don't discuss me?" I asked.

"I provide references; you are never mentioned," Elena assured me. "Are you rethinking Ariana? She has excellent references from two previous Doms…well-trained in Shibari…clean medical history… minimal hard limits…she won't be available much longer."

 _Who is she kidding; Taylor told me Miss Wellman told Elena to fuck off. Enough of her bullshit._ I cut her off. "I told you; I don't discuss business over the phone. I need you at Grey House within the hour or I'm sending Taylor and a few of his men to escort you here." I ordered before hanging up the phone.

"Barney I needed audio and visual in the conference room next to my office. Tape the meeting taking place in the next hour; drop it to flash drive for me and delete it from the servers. Don't mention the existence of the video to anyone." Once Barney repeats my directives; I'm off to another task.

 **XX**

"We're not meeting for coffee and to socialize," I warned Elena. "We have business to discuss. I am ridding myself of personal business investments. My future interests will center solely on the expansion of Grey House. I'm gifting my shares in Esclava Salons to you. I paid outstanding debts for the chain. I removed my name from all legal paperwork, bank accounts and charge accounts. Sign at the sticky notes..." I slid the paperwork to her. "My legal team informed all banks and lending institutions within 800 miles about the dissolution of our partnership. With the economic down turn; think twice about mortgaging the salons to support your lifestyle."

"All your personal interests?" She asked, feigning disinterest.

"Yes, Esclava to you, restaurants and nightclubs to Mia, and construction companies and empty buildings to Elliot. I have no other personal investments."

"What about SIP/GP - are you gifting it to Ana?" She sniped.

"Grey House purchased Grey Publishing. The business arrangement is not a topic for discussion." I explained. "Sign."

She hastily signed the paperwork in eight places and shoved it at me without reading. I handed the paperwork to the Notary Public who witnessed the signatures and verified Elena's identification. He took the paperwork with him and departed.

"My Legal Department will file these documents and the stock transfer will be finalized before September 30. You have less than 28 days to figure out what Esclava Salons will do without my financial backing. I plan to claim the debts and stock return as losses on my personal federal taxes for next year. Grey House will not prepare the taxes for Esclava Salons next year. Legal advised consulting your tax advisor regarding your tax debt for the year. I won't pay your personnel or business taxes; so figure it out. When you leave today, we are done. You will not contact me for _business_ reasons again."

"I made you; you self-centered little bastard," she snapped. "I gave you start-up funds…"

"Which I repaid ten times over with the start-up funds for the first salon, investing my profits to improve and upgrade the businesses, and paying off the outstanding debts. I paid the payroll and property taxes on Esclava Salons for the past six years. Technically; you owe me about three million dollars, so if I were you; I'd accept full ownership of the salons and keep my mouth shut." I snarl at her. "I'm perfectly capable of selling my shares to your strongest competitor. If you think I don't know who they are…" I slid a piece of paper at her which listed her top five competitors and the amount of money they'd be willing to pay for my shares in her salon chain.

"This is a miserable way to treat the person who made you into the businessman you are today…" she started to say before I interrupted her.

" _ **I**_ made me into the businessman _**I**_ am today. _**I**_ went to college. _**I**_ learned what _**I**_ needed to know, and _**I**_ left college to start my life. Granted, you gave me startup funds; which _**I**_ repaid several times over. _**You**_ had nothing to do with my building Grey House into the multi-billion-dollar enterprise it is today." I state calmly.

"I taught you control. You never would treat me this way if you hadn't met Anastasia Steele. She's got you twisting in the wind. You need a real submissive who has minimal limits. Once you get your hands on a cane… you'll remember you dominate in the playroom and in the boardroom. Once you have yourself under control; I'll forgive your stupidity and your ungrateful attitude." She straightened her shoulders and assumed her Domme persona.

"Really? You want to discuss _my_ lack of control. We never discussed your inappropriate touch when I was 15. We never discussed the submissive's power in a relationship. We never discussed how I could walk away from you and the lifestyle without repercussions. We never discussed how I could have safe words or hard and soft limits. We never discussed how you were duty-bound to provide aftercare after we completed a scene. We never discussed how you beat the fuck out of me when you were angry; proving you never had yourself under control like a good Domme should be. So don't sit there and lecture me about how I'm out of control. Your problem is I'm no longer under YOUR control."

" _She_ put all that shit in your head," Elena started to say.

"We will never discuss Ana. Not now, not in the future. I pay John Flynn to discuss my issues; even the ones I wish I could change...like you! You are not my friend and savior. You used my Mother in order to use me. My days of paying you to find submissives for me is over." I say in a carefully controlled voice.

"Fine," Elena hissed. "When you realize you need an experienced submissive, I don't know if I _CAN_ find you someone on short notice. You'll have to make do with _WHO_ I can provide. Plus, since you've been stupid and torn out your playroom; you'll need to use mine or hire one at a club. I'm sure Sabine would be discreet and let you use a playroom at Locke and Keyes."

I hated the way Elena stated those issues...like she would sub for me at a moment's notice. "I will never use or want you as a submissive. I will never use or want you as a friend. I will never discuss my personal life with you again. I was stupid to think you were faithful to me while I was at Harvard. The truth is, you found Isaac when he was 17 and I was 19. You groomed him to be your next boy toy. You were fucking him while you were beating the fuck out of me for not obeying you. Christ I was a stupid fuck. I should have put you on your ass the first time you touched me."

I take pleasure in watching her polished façade slip. "If I had known someone as wonderful as Ana was in the world and she would want me…I never would have let you touch me. I want Ana more than I ever wanted you when I was a stupid, horny, impressionable 15-year-old. I'm a grown man who knows his life will be empty without Anastasia Steele." I pause, noting the look of shock and surprise on her face. "Don't push me on this; Elena. Because if my Mother or Father ask; I will no longer lie to protect either of us. Our intimate relationship was over long ago. Our personal and professional relationships end today."

"I can't believe you are walking away from me," Elena snapped. "I can't believe you are willing to out us to your parents."

"We're finished. Through. Done. Ended; both personally and professionally. You will not have access to any Grey House properties. You will not have access to me or my residences. You will step away from any charity work which involves underprivileged youth. I don't want to see you at social events."

"Are you threatening me," she said. Her body stiffened and straightened in the chair; her Domme voice eerily calm. That voice made me fall to my knees in the past and beg for forgiveness for whatever transgression I had committed. My biggest transgression in our time together was attending Harvard; against her direct orders to remain in Seattle and attend U-Dub. That voice made me accept any kind of punishment she gave me for my infraction. However; Elena is not my Domme, and I don't obey. I was always honest with her about my life...there's no sense lying to her now.

"I'm serious as a heartbeat, Elena," My Dom voice matches hers. "As usual; you didn't read the paperwork I handed you. You signed for the stock in the six salons. You signed a backdated nondisclosure agreement. You signed an agreement to stay away from me or face legal consequences. I have a 'no-contact' order prepared. It explains our sexual history. Either you leave me alone or I will file it. I will have you served. I will have it enforced. I will have one prepared for Father, Mother, Elliot and Mia. You stay 1000 feet away from us. Don't think I won't do it." I said.

"You wouldn't dare!" She threatened.

"It's not a dare; it's not a bet; it's a fact. I'm severing ties, Elena. Smile; you have 100% of your company, with all your debts paid. You're faring better than any other adversarial entity managed this year!" I stepped toward the door.

"Don't you want to know why I touched you?" Elena tried a different tactic.

"It's just a pretty face." I walked out of the conference room connected to my office. I addressed Taylor. "Escort Mrs. Lincoln to Security. Photograph her and include her name in the prohibited files at all residences and businesses. Escort her to her car, ensure she leaves my property."

" _For you, Ana…for me…for the chance we can be happy together_ ," I thought. _I'm sending flowers to her mother's home in Georgia over the weekend. She won't be able to return them. Perhaps Carla can influence her to call and thank me for them. Perhaps Carla and the flowers are the 'in' I need._

"Andrea, please find my brother and sister and send them to my office," I asked. "Also, I'm desperate for coffee; large, black and please don't send Olivia in with it. Can you ask what Elliot and Mia want to drink and have it delivered? It's a little early for lunch, but please ask if they want to eat in or should we go somewhere? Find out and make reservations or order in for us. Also I need someone from Legal to witness some paperwork."

"Yes, sir," her surprised voice answered me.

Flynn will be shocked I said please. I think the effect of my meeting with Elena will thrill him. I think my next move will surprise Elliot, Mia and Flynn. I should start calling him John, after all Sela calls me Christian, and I call her Sela. John deserves the same level of familiarity after all we have been through.

If there's backlash about giving Elena complete ownership of the salons, I'm prepared. Mia won't have controlling interest in any of the clubs or restaurants I give her; but she can take the profits or roll them back into the business to help them expand. She has to guarantee I can still get a private table when I need one. I will help offset any taxes she has to pay on her federal income tax return. I will also help her incorporate Grey Calendars as an LLC to protect her business interests.

I'm giving Elliot my interests in his construction firm and its subsidiaries in addition to gifting a dozen empty buildings in Seattle to him. I personally purchased them from GEH; including the SIP building. Grey Construction can renovate and rent or sell the buildings. I will also offset any tax burden from my gift to Grey Construction. I send an email to Sam, my PR guru, asking him to see me this afternoon to discuss a press release on September thirtieth.

I fire off an email to Jake Striker. I explain the services of Second Strike Investigations are no longer needed. I apologize I broke the burner phone and have not been in touch. I ask him to forward all information he has to me at my personal email, which I send him, and submit a final bill. My actions will make Taylor happy. Today I will tell Taylor I'm giving him a week off at Thanksgiving and Christmas to spend with his daughter. I will do the same for Mrs. Jones – perhaps they can have a family vacation together.

Additionally, I'd need to meet with HR. This year I want an edict to go out October 1. If the schools are closed due to bad weather; then GEH and its subsidiaries are closed with full pay for all staff. I want parents to be able to stay home with their children and not worry about finding sitters and enduring the weather to get to work. _Actually…I'm praying for snow…a blizzard…where I can cuddle for the entire day in bed with Anastasia…but, until she's talking to me…I think my plan has a snowball's chance in hell._


	22. Chapter 22

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 22 -** "These dreams go on when I close my eyes…every second of the night I live another life…" Heart, _These Dreams_

 **September 2 (continued) - CPOV**

"We're not meeting for coffee and to socialize," I warned Elena. "We have business to discuss. I am ridding myself of personal business investments to close the back channels in my life. My future interests will center solely on the expansion of Grey House. I'm gifting my shares in Esclava Salons to you. I paid outstanding debts for the chain. I removed my name from all legal paperwork, bank accounts and charge accounts. Sign at the sticky notes..." I slid the paperwork to her. "My legal team informed all banks and lending institutions within 800 miles about the dissolution of our partnership. With the economic down turn; think twice mortgaging the salons to support your lifestyle."

 **XX**

Grey email to Flynn: Attached is the video of my removing Elena from my life. You might say…Christian Grey had an epiphany. For the first time in my life – I was almost hysterical with laughter at her Domme persona. I walked past the control boundary which previously made me think Elena saved me. I am ashamed of my actions – which Elena taught me. I'm ashamed I thought I ever wanted or needed this woman. I was a stupid horny teenager who enjoyed learning how to fuck for hours. She used me to satisfy her needs. She tried to separate me from my family by using my shame and my needs to keep me quiet. She used Ella and her mistakes to ensure my subservience. I think I grew up some today…see you at Sela's office tonight.

 **XX**

"I enjoyed watching you hug your sister last week," Sela said. "I'm not convinced she understood the events on Friday night. Remind me why you are doing this? You said you can hug your sister and grandmother, kiss your mother, accept pats on the back from your father, fisticuffs with your brother, high fives from your grandfather…"

"I met a woman. She wants to touch me without being hurt physically or emotionally." I said. "Grabbing her hand after we've had sex, when she's stroking my face… worried about where she will touch next…not a smart or good move."

"I'm not judging you. Humans are physical creatures. We do what we have to do to endure touch. I can't stand to have my husband touch my neck while we are engaged in sexual acts…but I like having the back of my neck kissed when I'm at the stove cooking or when I'm doing dishes. He has a shrapnel scar on the inside of his left thigh. I'm careful not to apply pressure to it when I'm performing certain sexual acts. I don't think I need to get graphic." Sela said.

"No, you don't." I said, and instantly think of Ana's mouth on my cock our first morning together at Escala. "How do you keep him from kissing or touching your neck during intimate times?"

She grinned, wickedly. "I wear a wide, thick velvet collar."

John blushed and I laughed.

"Did you blindfold your submissives so they couldn't see your scars?" Sela asked.

"Yes." I said. "I bound their hands so they couldn't touch me. BDSM allowed me to experience physical release with touching I could control or accept," I admitted.

"Again, I think part of the reason you could accept touch while you were a Dominant during your BDSM scenes is because you initiated it. When you are touched inadvertently; do you feel strong pain – reminiscent of what you felt when the wounds were inflicted?"

"Yes." I said. "If someone inadvertently touches my chest or my back; I freeze from the pain. But not with Ana. She saw my body, several times. We discussed my scars; she knows how I received them."

Flynn's face was smooth as glass; but he took notes like a demon.

"A great deal of research has linked teenage aggressive, violent and antisocial behaviors to early childhood touch deprivation. Those children grow up with a diminished ability to feel, a diminished ability to initiate or receive touch. With touch therapy you can demonstrate a marked decrease in self-loathing, violent behaviors or aggressive sexual behaviors." She paused. "Traumatic touch therapy can alleviate depression. It can reduce pain. It can reduce stress. We'll use touch therapy to overcome your aversion to touch and tactile stimulation. Over time touch therapy can decrease issues with night terrors and sleeping disorders." She paused for a minute, looking at my chart. "Massage puts the system into a more relaxed state where the heart rate and blood pressure decrease, and your physical system runs at a slower pace."

"The massage is part of the traumatic touch therapy?" I ask.

Sela nodded. "Flynn…"

"John," I said. "He's been through enough with me, he deserves my trust and to have me call him John."

He raises his eyebrows and smiles. "So does this mean you are Christian and not Grey?"

"I think that's fair." I said.

"John says he's your latest therapist. Is he the only one you've had who hasn't made you relive your childhood terrors?" Sela asked.

"Yes," I explained. "John's approach is Solution Based Focused Therapy."

John explained it to Sela.

"Your night terrors remained before, during and after your previous therapists?" Sela asked.

"Yes," I said. Then I facetiously added, "The worst they have been lately was the three days I spent in Detroit on business. What do you think about that?"

"As Detroit is where you were originally traumatized; I am not surprised. However, I still believe your previous therapists retraumatized you. I believe your Domme traumatized you." Sela said.

"You don't intend to traumatize me?" I asked.

"My goal is for you to accept your body and your feelings as a safe place. You're a brilliant businessman, Christian. I know part is training and the other part is instinct. I want you to be able to believe in your body; believe it will not freeze and fail you during important moments. It's important for you to gain something at the end of each session. It's my goal to have you advance each session; but if we're just solidifying the advances you've made…that is acceptable to me also. I want you to advance to the point you don't need me anymore." She grinned. "Well, when your life progresses to that point; I wouldn't mind teaching you how to massage your baby."

 _Does my face show how amazed I am? Baby massage? Do I trust Sela…and what the hell would I do with a baby? Wait…Ana…pregnant with my baby. God, I would be fucking lucky._

"If you massage a baby, it can reduce crying and fussiness. They relax and sleep better. Baby massage has more benefits – research it if you are interested. I taught all my postpartum mothers to massage their babies. It helped them bond with their child. You need to discuss your night terrors with John; but I need to know if they are increasing in occurrence and intensity. I need to know if there is a change in your sleeping habits, work habits, daily anxiety levels or if you are having difficulty caring for yourself."

"I've had fewer night terrors lately, except for the Detroit trip," I admit. "John suggested I get a CCTV tape of Ana sleeping, get a body pillow, and spray it with her cologne. I'm not sleeping all night; but I'm sleeping in six hour stretches when I don't have a night terror."

"If that work-around really works for you, then continue to do so," Sela said. "Tonight's topic and exercises are playful touches. Playful touches with a child could be ticking, hugging, ruffling someone's hair, a pat on the head, and body contact while playing a physical sport like football or basketball. Let's go outside boys." She picked up a basketball and ushered us out the door. "Come on Jason, we're playing basketball. That's why I asked you to wear jeans and a sweatshirt." She threw him the ball and bounded down the stairs to the open hoops at the south area of the building. "First we do a team hand stack, shoulder to shoulder. Then I get Christian as a teammate and John gets Jason. First team to score twenty-one without cheating… wins."

"What do the winners get?" I asked.

"Pizza, eaten at a loud, noisy pizza parlor with children running amok." Sela grinned. "We're like teenagers bunking off from school – playing video games, eating pizza, hanging out." She grinned at John.

"I promise to be on my best behavior, I said. "At least I get to keep my clothes on for this group activity."

"I need time to call in more security," Taylor said. "I need to pick the pizza parlor and have it vetted before we get there."

"Get on it, Jason," Sela advised, "because we have outdoor lights for…" she checked her watch, "one hour." She paused. "Jason, when you have the place selected, tell Christian. It might be fun for you if your brother joins you for pizza and video games," Sela explained.

"Great," Taylor intoned. "I'd better have Anders bring $100 in quarters if Elliot is coming out to play."

"I'll call Rhiann to bring the boys," John said.

"I'll call Seth," Sela said. "We may as well go large."

 **Saturday, September 3 - APOV**

I fly coach from Seattle to Savannah; departing SEA-TAC just after ten o'clock Friday night. Kate didn't mind giving me a ride since Elliot was out with Christian. I sleep on the first leg of the trip from Seattle to Dallas Fort Worth. I don't want to think about traveling first class last time. I don't want to think about Christian and champagne. I don't want to think about him coming to Savannah. I don't want to think about gliding. I don't want to think about his situation which made him leave Savannah. I don't want to think about our happy Friday night together followed by our disastrous Saturday morning.

Before I get on the red-eye from Dallas Fort Worth to Savannah/Hilton Head, I research consignment stores in Savannah. If Mom wants to take me shopping…I will make her take me to a few of those. I have a list of designers from Kate's closet. I have a list of items which Kate and Shawn suggested I buy. I read manuscripts on my tablet while I'm waiting to change planes. I intend to sleep on the leg from DFW to S/HH. Mom's picking me up at S/HH at six o'clock Georgia time. The plan is to go to Mom's house, sleep in a little bit, have brunch and then go to a spa. I need some work done, including my manicure; so I won't argue about going.

Christian arranged for a huge bouquet to be delivered to me at Mom's house. They came before we left for brunch. I told her they were from Christian. She told me men didn't send lush bouquets of flowers to women they weren't interested in. She said Christian is obviously ready to settle down; since his company is so successful. She explains if I don't make an effort now; Christian might not be available later. She asked why we broke up after the last time I was in Savannah. I told her I couldn't talk about it. I put the bouquet on the console table in her foyer, under the antique gold-framed mirror. They look spectacular there. I take a picture of them to send to Christian in the thank-you note I will write. Christian gets what he wants… again. He gets contact. I get flowers forced on me with my Mother's knowledge and approval. Is he thinking about coming to Savannah again? What the hell will I do if he does?

His card was cryptic, _"Here's to old ghosts being laid to rest."_ Does he mean my ghosts? Or does he mean his? Does he mean our previous relationship? Am I supposed to ask? Mom thinks there's something special written on the card since I won't share it. I hide it behind my driver's license to keep it from being seen. I can't explain it and I don't want to try.

 **XX – 3PPOV**

Leila waited for Master and Taylor to leave Escala. Why was he gone on long weekends with his family? He tried to avoid family dinners and events on his weekends with her. She let herself into Escala via the staff entrance. She wore Ana's castoff blue shirt and jeans. If anyone looked twice; they would believe she was Ana. Leila slipped to the security office. She set the cameras to scan the garage area, the main elevator and the foyer. Then Leila wiped off her fingerprints.

She went to the safe and noticed the dial was set at zero. She opened the safe. The media box of photographs was still missing. The NDAs and the contact information folder was still there; but it was still missing Ana Steele information. Leila took a few $100 bills from each packet of money in the safe. She didn't dare take a full packet of money. She folded the money and slipped it into the pocket of her jeans. The electronics and diamonds were still there. Leila closed the safe; reset the dial to zero. and wiped her fingerprints off.

Leila went to the submissive bedroom. The same clothes were there from before. What was Master waiting for? Her clothes should have been packed up and delivered to her, along with her car. By now he should have a new submissive. It is a puzzle Leila doesn't understand. She took another cross body bag, stuffing a week of underwear and a pair of pajamas in it. Master liked lacy, feminine panties in his playroom. She took the last of the toiletries from the bathroom. She didn't like it as much as the citrus body products she used…but it smelled like Ana…just like his bed did. She slipped back down to Master's bedroom.

She allowed herself to kneel beside his bed, leaning her cheek on his comforter. Why did Ana sleep with Master? The only time Master slept with her was after a particularly exhaustive scene…and it wasn't sleeping together. They collapsed on the bed to catch their breath until he wrapped her in a grey silk robe and carried her to her room.

Leila went to Master's closet and searched until she found the robe. She carefully folded it and tightly rolled it to fit in the cross body bag. She looked in his drawers and found the t-shirt Ana wore in the CCTV tape. She pulled it over her head. It smelled like Sir… She knew she shouldn't take it; but she wanted it. She hoped he would notice it was missing. She hoped he would wonder where it went.

She didn't dare take the tie he liked to wear around Ana, but she went looking for the cufflinks and tie tack he wore the first time she saw him. They were at the back of his jewelry drawer. She took them, tucking them in her pocket. If he could sleep with Ana's video clip; she could sleep with his jewelry on her nightstand, giving her comfort and belief she would be with him soon.

 **Sunday, September 4 - APOV**

Mom wasn't thrilled to shop consignment…until I showed her the great bargains. I found two pairs of designer jeans which made my ass look better than ever. Hand to heart…I spent more time looking at myself in the mirror than I ever did before. Kate better let me wear these jeans when we go clubbing.

Mom is not thrilled about the jeans; so she searched for pants I can wear to work. She found Caroline Rose tissue linen straight leg pants in navy blue and in granite grey. Both pairs look good on me, but now I need to research tissue linen. I'm getting quite an education in fashion which I never planned to get. I'm still buying the jeans and I told Mom so.

I found a long-sleeve black silk shirt and a long-sleeve white silk shirt. I examined the seams, hems and buttons before selecting both. I found a pair of Chanel nude peep-toe pumps. I found a Kay Unger navy tweed sheath dress. I found another Kay Unger dress, sleeveless and water color print. I don't normally wear prints because they overwhelm me. This dress is flattering; not overwhelming. The tag said cocktail dress, but Mom insisted it is perfect for summer wear at work with a blue or lilac sweater.

I like wearing dresses; it means I don't have to deal with coordinating tops and bottoms. Lined dresses mean not dealing with slips. Dresses will be my go-to clothes if I'm running late for work. However, I remember the navy sheath and apple green accessories…and I wish for the days of t-shirts, flannel shirts and jeans at Clayton's Hardware. My big find of the day was a Barney's black wool blazer.

Mom found a raspberry-colored silk wrap dress which flatters her, in addition to some gabardine slacks and twin sets. I'm amazed at trophy-wife Carla. She loans me one of her black leather shopping totes, designer of course, to hold my purchases. I think she'll be a regular customer at the consignment store because she slips their business card into her wallet.

I don't want to think about how many pairs of Old Navy, Gap or Aeropostale jeans and t-shirts I could have bought for the $600 Mom spent at the consignment store. However, the original cost of the Barney's blazer was more than Mom spent for our entire shopping trip. I offered to split the cost with her; but she insisted on buying my things for my birthday present. I'm glad I brought space bags in the bottom of my suitcase. It's the only way to transport my wardrobe additions home. I think Kate will be excited when I unpack my suitcase.

Mom and I go to a great sidewalk café for a late lunch. I introduced Mom to iced chai tea. She really liked it. We had shrimp and crab Louis salads…and we talked about Christian. I explained we were taking a break. My standard "he has issues; I have issues" talk didn't take. Mom says business men like Christian and Bob don't want to talk about business in their afterhours. I feel like I've been transported to 1950 where I'm supposed to wear a pretty dress, have coiffed hair and a martini at the ready at the end of each day. I just want to plug my ears and sing la-la-la when she talks about how important it is to have pretty nightgowns and good-smelling perfume.

"Mom, I don't want to be Christian's equal in the business world. I don't want to run a business; I don't want to be mentored. What I want is for him to talk to me and not use sex to avoid conversations."

"Anastasia, darling, actions speak louder than words," Mom said. "Let him chase you around the bedroom, and then you can sharpen your conversational skills when he is ready to converse. I mean, you are so…taciturn…how can you fault him for not being loquacious?"

 **XX**

Bob announced plans to take us to a late dinner at the club. I wore the Kay Unger water color print dress. Mom suggested I hem it up more to show off my legs, but I'm fine with it four inches above my knees. My hair is in a messy updo thanks to huge white banana clip I left last time I was here. I have light makeup and a pop of rose lip gloss. Mom suggested I wear her lilac Jessica Simpson heels and carry a matching clutch. It's warm enough I don't need a wrap or a sweater. For the first time in my life…she compliments my efforts to dress up. There are no backhand compliments about Kate educating me about clothes and makeup. I think her joy will be short-lived when I won't dance at the club. I'll just remind her I can only dance decently with Christian as a partner.

 **September 5 - CPOV**

I was feeling morose after the security report and pictures of Ana with Carla and Bob at their country club last night. The dress is lovely, Ana looked lovely. The only pleasing thing about the report was seeing her beautiful face, and knowing she refused to dance with anyone.

My presence at the Labor Day barbeque is a surprise to everyone, except Elliot. He texted Elena crashed the family barbeque. He asked me to please remove her. He said her presence was pissing off Kate. I'm not a fan of Kate, but I don't need reporter Kate asking what the hell is going on with Elena. When I received Elliot's text...I knew it was time to make good on my warning to Elena.

I called John and asked him to be my wingman. I emailed him Friday about gifting my interests in the salons back to Elena and removing myself from the accounts. I showed him the footage of our meeting. I told Elena less than three days ago to stay away from me. John agreed I needed to confront her about her actions. He left his family for a short while to provide support.

"Mom, Dad, Elena…will you join John and me for drinks in Dad's study?" I asked carefully.

"Nonsense," Elena simpered. "We don't need to go behind closed doors for a drink. We're all friends here," she purred, tilting her head toward my mother. It was an unspoken threat… and I intended to call her on it.

"Fine, Elena," I took a deep breath. "Mom and Dad, Elena and I are no longer business partners. We are no longer personal friends. We are no longer…"

"Stop!" Elena yelled. "Fine, I'll leave."

Grandma Frannie toasted me.

"No," I said. I walked around and pulled her chair out; grabbing her arm and dragging her into my parents' home. "I told you I would do this if you didn't leave me alone!" I shoved her away from me when we entered my father's study.

"Christian," Mom scolded me. "Your father and I didn't teach you to manhandle women! Apologize to Elena for your behavior now!"

"No, you're right. You didn't teach me how to manhandle women… SHE DID." I look at John who nods at me. "Elena and I had a sexual relationship from the time I was fifteen until I was twenty-one. I ended it when I came home from Harvard. She gave me the start-up funds for my company, which I repaid when Linc beat and divorced her. I gave her the start-up funds for the salon chain. I gifted my interests in her salons to her on Friday in exchange for her leaving me alone. She was supposed to stay away from us."

"Fifteen…you were fifteen?" Mom paled and then flushed with anger. "I should have recognized those lingering looks you gave him; always asking about him; always asking questions about what he was doing. Lately you've been consumed with asking questions about Anastasia. Was my son the first teenager you seduced?"

"I'm sure I wasn't the first, nor the last. However, I don't want to know her sexual history. What I want is for Elena to go away and leave us alone. No more crashing lunches, family parties, barbeques, birthdays, holidays, etc. I don't want her at any more Coping Together committee meetings or events." I paused and took a deep breath. "I don't want her within 1000 feet of me or my family."

"Does Ana know about your sexual history with Elena?" Mom asked.

"Ana knows. The night of Coping Together; Elena tried to recruit Ana as a working girl since we're taking a break from one another. Ana called her a sexual predator and threatened to tell both of you if Elena didn't leave her alone."

"That's a lie…she's a fucking liar," Elena said. "Can't you see that she would say anything to be in your life?"

"She taped the conversation between you and sent it to me," John said. "If anyone has an agenda about keeping secrets quiet…it would be you, Mrs. Lincoln."

"Taylor…" I yelled. He came running. "Please escort Mrs. Lincoln from my parents' home. Inform their close protection detail Mrs. Lincoln is prohibited from contact with me. She is not allowed at any Grey residence, business, social event…etc. as long as I am in attendance."

"Mrs. Lincoln," Taylor started to say…but my father interrupted.

"Elena…did… you… use… my… wife… to… gain… access… to… my… son?" Dad asked quietly. I recognized his _God is in my house and you better pray he kills you before I do_ tone of voice.

She said, "It wasn't like that," at the same time I said, "yes."

"I'm drawing up 'no-contact' orders for every member of the Grey family; Grey residence, Grey business, etc. I know a judge who will sign them tomorrow. They will be filed in court before the end of the day." Dad took a deep breath. "Don't come near us again. You will cease volunteering for any charity which provides you access to underage youth or access to my wife and children. If you don't, I will go to the Sex Crimes Unit at SPD. I will inform them of your activities as a madam. You will be investigated, tried and imprisoned. Do we understand one another?" Dad threatened her. "Taylor, get this bitch out of my home, now."

Taylor escorted a silent and shocked Elena from the room.

"Take a deep breath, Christian. I imagine your parents have questions." John advised.

"Not right now," Mom said. "I want time to think about this. I didn't know Elena was a madam."

"I'm sorry Mom, it is one of the reasons Ana is angry at her and me. Until I remove Elena from my life, Ana doesn't want anything to do with me. She doesn't like the way Elena uses your friendship to garner information about me. She doesn't like the way Elena acts towards me. She doesn't like the way Elena treats Mia or Kate or her." I took my mother's hands and rested them on my shoulders. I pulled her in for a Grandma Frannie hug; cradling her head against my heart. She was shocked speechless and allows me to hug her. "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you, but I couldn't let her use you to ensure my silence any longer."

"I'm starving, and I imagine Elliot is burning my well-planned barbeque with Theo's help." Dad said, ushering us out of his study. I think he thought I would have a meltdown from Mom touching me. "You are staying for dinner, aren't you?" He asked me. "I promise no interrogation tonight."

I nodded, "As long as we feed Taylor also."

"If you don't need me; Rhiann's waiting for me to burn hot dogs and make s'mores for the boys," John said; patting me on the shoulder on his way out.

 **XX – 3PPOV**

"You're hurting me," Elena tried to yank her arm out of Taylor's grasp.

"I heard you liked pain," Taylor said quietly, applying more pressure to her arm. "Dr. T. is one of the kindest, most decent women in the world; so is Anastasia Steele. You come near any of the Greys, Miss Kavanagh or Miss Steele…the Sex Crimes Unit will believe you fled the country to avoid prosecution; because your body will never be found. My security team and I know 100 different ways to make you suffer; 100 different ways to kill you; and a dozen foolproof ways to dispose of your body. Now, get your ass in your car and get the fuck out of here."

Taylor stood watch as she left. "Barney, I need you to hack the emails, computers and security at Elena Lincoln's house and businesses. I want you to hack the CCTV feeds. I want to see everything that woman does in the next 96 hours. I need the floor plan for her home and every business. I want to know points of egress. I want to know where the security camera units are located. I want to know the make and model of her security system. I want to know the name of her security company. I want to know the name of every employee on her payroll. I want background checks on all of them. I want to know where they are vulnerable." He called the close protection unit for every member of the Grey family and prohibited contact between Elena Lincoln and the Greys.


	23. Chapter 23

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 23 -** "Sometimes I shrink from your knowing what I have felt for you, and sometimes I am distressed that all of it you will never know." Thomas Hardy, _Far from the Madding Crowd_

 **September 6 - APOV**

 _"What fresh shade of hell is this?"_ I head toward the baggage claim area at SEA-TAC. Kate is supposed to meet me at the curb outside. Taylor stands outside the exit with a STEELE placard. I pause and look at him. I close my eyes. _"Why would Kate do this to me?"_

"Miss Steele," Taylor approached. "Please let me drive you to your condo."

"Is Christian with you?" I asked.

"No, and I won't stop to pick him up either. The SUV is not bugged; you may ask anything you need to know." Taylor says.

"Why isn't Kate here to pick me up?" I asked.

"Miss Kavanagh and Mr. Grey were in a car accident last night. After they left his parents' home; a drunk driver hit them. He was driving too fast and didn't realize the light turned red. He rear-ended them, sending them through the intersection and down the street until their momentum was stopped by construction barricades. There were car parts scattered for over ten car lengths."

"Are they alright? Are they badly hurt?" I asked.

"They were released from the hospital early this morning. They will be sore and have some contusions but they walked away from the accident. Mr. Grey has a monster of a black eye from his airbag. Miss Kavanagh has a sprained right wrist from her airbag. Her car is totaled. You were flying so they didn't want to call or email you. Miss Kavanagh and Mr. Grey are resting today and tomorrow at his parents' home. Dr. Trevelyan wanted to watch over them. She asked me to pick you up and take you home." He reached out to take my luggage. "If you decide you want to see Miss Kavanagh and Mr. Grey after work, just drive out to the house. Dr. T. said you were welcome to join them for dinner."

"How is he, Taylor?" I ask.

"Mr. Grey has bruises, a couple minor cuts from flying glass, but he's sturdy. He'll be fine in a few days." Taylor reported.

"Don't be obtuse, Taylor. How is Christian?" I asked.

"Restless, miss," Taylor said cryptically.

"Why?" I asked.

"I signed an NDA miss, same as you." Taylor said.

"Taylor, don't make me regret getting in this vehicle with you," I warned him. "I know there is a spare Glock located under the front passenger seat. I can shoot you."

"I'm not asking how you know. Mr. Grey is restless because he's waiting for his parents to ask questions about his relationship with Elena Lincoln. His inquisition is pending since it was interrupted by the accident." Taylor said.

"They know?" I whisper.

"They know she seduced him when he was fifteen and he ended the intimate relationship when he was twenty-one. They don't know about his involvement in the lifestyle with or after her," Taylor said.

"How the hell did that happen?" I'm shocked.

"Last Friday Mr. Grey gifted his interests in the Esclava Salons chain to Mrs. Lincoln. He paid off the outstanding debts. He legally removed his name from bank and charge accounts and from property statements and legal documents. At their meeting at Grey House, he announced their personal and professional relationship was over. He told her to leave him and his family alone." Taylor said.

"So how did his parents find out?" I asked.

"Mrs. Lincoln decided to crash the family barbeque yesterday. Mr. Elliot texted the boss; telling him Mrs. Lincoln was there; upsetting Miss Katherine and Mrs. Trevelyan. He hauled Mrs. Lincoln into the house and told his parents. Dr. Flynn was there to provide support for him if they started asking questions. Mr. Carrick threatened to turn Mrs. Lincoln in to the Sex Crimes Unit of SPD if she didn't cease charity work which involved children and teenagers. Mr. Carrick is drawing up no-contact orders against Mrs. Lincoln today. She will be barred from entering or loitering near any Grey-owned residence, business, etc. She will be barred from physical, electronic or third-person contact with any member of the Grey family. I heard Miss Mia and Dr. T. are looking for a new salon/spa through Sawyer. Miss Mia is giving him a list of salons to vet today."

"Will he be alright?" I asked. "He thought she was his only friend." _So that explains the cryptic card with the flowers._

"Mr. Grey learned family is more important than false friends," Taylor said. "He's been seeing Dr. Flynn and a touch therapist weekly. He misses you."

"I miss him, but he has issues and so do I. Maybe someday our paths will cross again." I said optimistically.

"I certainly hope so, Miss Steele," Taylor said.

"That's Ana to you Taylor…just Ana. I'm sure Kate and Mia would appreciate being called by their names also. Will you carry my luggage in and wait for a minute?"

"Sure," he said uncertainly.

"I need to write a thank-you note to Christian for flowers he sent me in Georgia." I explained. "Do I want to know how he knew I was there?"

"Probably less of a migraine if you don't ask," Taylor advised. "I'm assuming Elliot told him since they were hanging out when Miss Kate took you to SEA-TAC. I don't have a close protection team following you." He mentally crossed his fingers. She didn't need to know Grey Security hired a security company in Savannah; whose main task was track and report while she was there. They kept eyes on her mother and stepfather from time to time. Since Elena Lincoln had been turfed, he intended to use Lincoln's security team to warn him when she was in proximity to Ana or the Greys. "Can I give you a ride to Grey Annex? I have to report to Grey House. We could stop at Starbucks for breakfast." He had orders to make sure she ate breakfast before she faced her 90-day evaluation this morning. Miss K…Kate…discussed why Ana went to Savannah with Elliot who told the boss last night. The boss made a phone call and Taylor was sure Miss Steele would have company at her review today.

"Only if you let me buy," I said.

"You really are trying to push his buttons," Taylor said.

"Not at all; if I was going to push his buttons; I'd buy a large black coffee and have you deliver it to his desk with the thank-you note. I'm already accepting a ride to work from you; don't push your luck," I laughed. "I need to write a thank-you note, change clothes, then we can hit Starbucks and go to work."

 **XX – 3PPOV**

WTF? I tried to follow Master from Escala while he was running. I assumed he'd run toward Ana's condo, but he and Reynolds ran a different route. I get coffee at Starbucks, and am walking to the bus stop Ana uses when one of Master's black SUVs turns into her parking garage. I walk around the back of the building and slip into the garage. It is one of his fleet, I recognize the plates. I slip out of the garage and head to the bus. I thought they were terminated and I had a chance to get my Master back.

I reach for my phone and tweet Mr. Grey is currently in the location of Pike Place Market. His security will see the tweet and get him out of her condo and back to Escala immediately. I need to research…I need to plan…I will pick up my computer and some money. Breakfast, coffee, WIFI and a Seattle paper; I make a list in my phone in case I don't remember.

 **XX - APOV**

I couldn't hide my surprise when Mr. Roach appeared at my 90-day performance review.

"Ana," he greeted me warmly.

"Sir," I shook his hand.

"I thought I would sit in on your 90-day performance review. If you would prefer I don't; I'll understand and leave." He offered.

"It is fine, sir, I don't mind." I lied. _My heart is beating out of my chest. After the situation where I refused to sign my first evaluation, I haven't looked forward to this evaluation. Part of the reason I went to Savannah was for a break before I had to face this._

Elizabeth cleared her throat in an attempt to control the meeting. _Obviously she doesn't want Mr. Roach there…so I'm immediately suspicious._ "The managers and your co-workers complimented your high level of accuracy and work productivity. It's obvious you take pride in your work and strive to improve your work performance. Additionally, your work is completed in a timely manner," she paused.

 _I waited for the ruler across my knuckles._

"What Elizabeth meant to say before the pause, was we find the quantity and quality of work you produce to be outstanding." Mr. Roach smiled.

"Yes," Elizabeth said emotionlessly. "You have an excellent attendance record. We have not had the need to work overtime; but it is good to know you don't have an issue with working overtime."

"Additionally," Mr. Roach interjected, "we appreciate your flexibility during the transition from SIP to GP. I heard the movers were shocked you had your own tool box and you knew how to use the tools. Grey Annex security said this is the fastest and smoothest relocation they've ever had. Thank you for helping us earn our gold star," his eyes twinkled.

Elizabeth ignored his praise and continued. "You maintain good working relationships with your co-workers. Managers say you are a team player; which was evident during the move. While most of the support staff enjoyed a week's paid vacation, you were here impressing security, movers and management." Her voice barely contained her cool distain.

"You adjust well to changes in the work place. You've adapted well to your new work performance standards. You maintain an excellent service relationship with the authors assigned to Mr. Hyde. Your knowledge of our editorial protocols is acceptable. You ask questions and seek guidance when you are faced with new or unusual tasks not covered in our procedures manual."

"Wait;" Mr. Roach interrupted. "What new or unusual task? Ana has set work performance standards…has she not received training for something?

"She adapted well to the new technology provided by IT after the move. I meant situations which are discussed in the editorial meetings on Tuesdays." Elizabeth said. "Ana is one of two support staff who attend the meetings. She takes minutes, fetches coffee, and makes copies…"

"Fetches coffee?" Mr. Roach said. "We're wasting Ana's abilities on _fetching_ _coffee_?"

"Mr. Hyde's intern always arranges the room for the meeting, makes and serves coffee, makes copies and assembles editorial packets, takes minutes, etc." Elizabeth explained.

"Not every intern we've hired had a 4.0 GPA," Mr. Roach said. "If we need someone to perform routine office tasks, we should hire a clerical trainee. We should be utilizing Ana's knowledge, skills and abilities to their full extent."

"I don't mind doing those things," I said. "It's part of my work performance standards. The editorial meetings are educational." _Yeah…I got a great lesson about Hyde being a jackass._

He opened his tablet, clicked through some things and sent documents to Elizabeth's printer. "I just printed a clerical trainee job description which can be changed to fit our needs. Also I printed the position announcement template for the clerical trainee position. I'd like these polished and ready for distribution by Friday. The clerical trainee will take on the routine clerical tasks of copying, filing, coffee making, taking minutes and assembling editorial packets, etc. to free up the rest of the support staff to provide real support to the editors. Additionally, the new clerical trainee can provide backup for Claire at the reception desk and with phones."

Elizabeth looked at the printed pages and began to argue Grey Publishing did not need a clerical trainee.

"The editorial support staff should be available to help the editors who've taken on a larger workload since we reorganized. I want the work performance standards overhauled for all the editorial staff. Once the clerical trainee comes on board, editorial support staff should sign their new standards. Who is the other staff member who attends the meetings?" Mr. Roach asked.

"Amber," I answered quickly.

"I want Amber, the senior editorial support staff, to train the new clerical trainee regarding protocols for editorial meetings. I know Ana and all the other support staff will lend a helping hand to our new person when needed." Mr. Roach decided.

"We really need to get back to Ana's evaluation." Elizabeth looked at her watch. "Your synopses of manuscripts are accurate, intuitive and well written. You display excellent editorial and analytical skills which will be valuable as you progress at GP. You demonstrate excellent oral and written communication skills. You follow through and find answers to questions when authors or editors call and Mr. Hyde is not available to talk to them. You learn new software programs quickly."

"Our only addition to your work performance standards for the 180-day review is Mr. Hyde would like you to monitor the progress of his manuscripts more closely. You would check the progress through editorial, printing, marketing and public relations daily. You will provide Mr. Hyde with updates when he asks."

"Understood," I said.

"So, your performance evaluation for this time is meets expectations," Elizabeth said quickly.

"Meets expectations?" Mr. Roach frowned. "It sounds like Ana exceeded her work performance standards for this period."

"She may have; but it is SIP, I mean GP, policy to never give Exceeds Expectations or Outstanding Efforts to interns. It gives them goals to work towards." Elizabeth explained quickly.

 _There it was…the sweet before the sour. God; how did I get to be so jaded?_ "Well, I'm not sure what your interns have accomplished in the past; but I won't sign anything less than an Exceeds Expectations," I said. "A lower rating diminishes the efforts I've shown at GP. Do I need to request a review by Grey House HR?" I ask. "I feel I'm being penalized by an antiquated evaluation system."

"We haven't had time to implement all of the expectations of Grey House, but I feel we're ahead of schedule," Elizabeth protested. "We've been revising work performance standards since the changeover. These things take time. Since my team has been allowed to hire new staff since the reorganization, we need new job definitions, work performance standards and a list of needed knowledge, skills and abilities for each position not deemed redundant by Grey House."

"I'm sure Grey House HR has templates, if not exact items we can adapt." Mr. Roach said. "Print out Ana's review with the changed evaluation level; increased level of pay, and bonus check. Note her 180-day review will be held Monday, December 3." He turned to me. "It's a standard 2.5 percent raise for 90 and 180-day reviews for Exceeds Expectations or Outstanding Efforts reviews. If you were here a year, it would be a 5% merit raise. The bonus is a week's pay and a week's paid leave. Be sure to send your request for leave time through to Elizabeth when you need it. Forms can be accessed through the HR portion of the server."

Elizabeth flounced off to her desk. I don't recognize or understand the expression on her face. She accessed my paperwork, and with a few ticky taps on the keyboard, a new document began burping out of the printer.

Mr. Roach asked what I would do with my newfound time when a clerical trainee was hired. I told him I would use the time to monitor the manuscript process as added to my WPS, and I would read more manuscripts and submit synopses. I mention we have a backlog of new, unsolicited manuscripts.

Mr. Roach reviewed my printed evaluation before giving it to me to sign. He then passed it to Elizabeth and signed after her. He signed the form authorizing my leave bonus and signed the bonus check Elizabeth printed out.

"Congratulations by the way," Mr. Roach said. "I understand you won the parking lottery for support staff. Did Elizabeth tell you?"

"I didn't have time to tell her," Elizabeth said. "I planned a little party for the support staff on Friday after we moved. I thought to make the announcement then. For some reason, when she left the building, after hours that night, Security told her about it."

"After hours?" Mr. Roach hesitated, "Oh, yes, you were working with the Kavanagh Media photographer for the pictures we used for the website."

"Yes," I said. "The photographer walked me to Security; we let them know we were leaving the building. Security informed me about my parking spot."

"Consequently," Elizabeth sounded miffed, "I cancelled the little surprise party for the support staff. I heard you sent an email to all the support staff notifying them about your win."

"I sent an email to support staff explaining I intended to use my spot on Fridays and intermittent days. I offered to share the spot with anyone whose schedule coordinated with mine. It just seemed a shame to let the spot sit empty four days a week when someone else could use it."

"That's very kind of you," Mr. Roach said. "Is there a reason you don't drive every day?"

"I prefer to take mass transit. It's less nerve wracking and saves on my car insurance." I won't say I won't drive because I don't want to give Jack Hyde a ride home.

"Let me walk you to your desk," Mr. Roach offered. "I'm headed for IT. I have a tech question which needs answered. I had an idea about protocols while we were in conference with Elizabeth. She will bring copies of your signed evaluation and leave bonus notification."

 **XX**

"Ana," Elizabeth caught me on my way to lunch. "I have your paperwork. Do you have a minute, I wanted to talk to you about your parking space?"

"What about my parking space," I asked, putting my computer to sleep; reaching for my purse.

"Well, since you have your bonus, you could purchase a parking spot in the garage. If you relinquish your spot, we can have another support staff lottery and perhaps someone who has seniority or permanent status with the company will win." Her eyes blinked erratically.

 _I can read her mind. She thinks Christian gave me the parking spot because of our relationship. I'm not discussing Christian with you…ever. Not happening, Elizabeth!_ "Sorry, but since I already share the space; it's not fair to my also new co-worker to make a unilateral decision. Besides; I'm not sure I could afford a parking spot with the CCTV coverage provided by my current spot near the south elevator." I hold out my hand for the documents she has. I'm not leaving them lying around on my desk for anyone to read. Elizabeth moves off to chat with Jack. I head for the employee lounge to read a manuscript and eat my lunch.

I email Harley and Shawn; asking them to come to dinner tonight. I explain about Kate's accident and I won't be available the rest of the week. Harley offers to pick me up from work, and I accept; agreeing to meet him in the general parking lot after 5:30.

 **XX**

"Okay, work time is over with Harley. He can clear the table and load the dishwasher," Shawn announced; pulling out my chair. We just finished a wonderful dinner of Hawaiian Rib Eye steaks with sweet and sour ginger sauce, mashed sweet potatoes and sautéed carrot curls, asparagus tips and red pepper strips. I want to know where they buy meals to go, because I'd kill for their menu list.

"I've rearranged your room and your closet. I moved the dresser and turned it to face the closet; giving you plenty of room to access the drawers. I put your dressing table against the back of the dresser. It is divine by the way. Your dad has excellent taste in furniture. It's very 50s Hollywood glam. I emptied your suitcase. Donate the rucksack! It seriously screams to live in a frat house…not the closet of a pretty girl. Washables are in the hamper. I hung everything from the space bag in the closet. The organizational unit your dad installed was crying out to be used properly. I rearranged your clothes by item and then from light to dark. I put everything spring/summer on the far left side of the closet, including the Chanel nude peep toes and the apple green accessories. Don't mess with them right now." He showed me how the closet was arranged. Even shoes and purses were arranged light to dark.

"Did you have a good time in Georgia?" Shawn asked. "Because I was a bad bitch at the Northwest Hospital Rummage Sale. Harley whined; but we were persons five and six in line when the doors opened. I pulled everything in your colors and sizes, piled Harley's arms full and filled my arms full, in addition to loading four shopping bags full of accessories and shoes. Then we went to an empty table. Harley guarded it while I made a second pass at the clothing, shoes and accessories. I sat down and inspected zippers, buttons, button holes, seams, hems, trim, heels, insoles, etc."

"I found a navy and white color block tunic with leggings, twin sets and a dozen sweaters in various styles, materials and colors of blue. I found blue, white and grey linen shirts, a blue stripe cotton button down and a cranberry linen wrap top. I found a dozen silk blouses in different styles and shades of blue. I found half a dozen silk tank tops. I found six dresses in various materials, styles and shades of blue. I found a black linen column dress, a navy blue suit and a raspberry suit. I put the raspberry suit and the tank tops in the spring items. I picked six dark blue skirts in various materials and styles. I like the pleated one and the swing one the best. I couldn't resist a black pleated skirt and a cranberry pencil skirt and navy light wool pants. I found a navy pinstripe blazer too. I found boyfriend jackets in white, grey, black and navy."

"No patterns; no animal prints?" I asked. Shawn shook his head no.

"I found a pair of navy Michael Kors mid-heel pumps with a matching leather handbag. I found a great pair of black mid-heel Mary Janes. I found half a dozen pairs of Nine West pumps in various colors, both spring and fall. I got you two new-with-tags handbags – one black Coach and one white Kate Spade. I put the white Kate Spade clutch in the spring collection. The black Coach is a leather briefcase handbag with a matching wristlet purse. I found a classic Anorak coat in navy blue for your casual coat. I found wonderful ice blue cashmere scarf, hat and gloves to coordinate with it. I found a navy wool long coat – your dressy coat for winter. You can wear the cashmere set with it; but I'd look on Pinterest to see if you like something there. Or try Amazon. I also found a cap sleeve, ruched sweetheart neckline evening gown in navy for special events."

"I created almost ninety days of clothing combinations for work and another thirty days of casual clothes for weekends – including jewelry, shoes and handbag. I emailed it to you. Print it out, put it in plastic sleeves and keep them in a binder on your dressing table. Anything which doesn't fit properly, put in a garbage bag and donate it." He paused. "Better yet; stuff the things that don't fit in the rucksack. When it's full; donate it all. I moved the tray with your purse items from the top of your dresser, to the dressing table. You need a white wicker trashcan by the dressing table."

Harley joined us; sitting on the floor, leaning against the bed. "One lady offered Shawn $30 to claim his table and unpurchased items when he was done. We spent it on chili dogs, cokes and ice cream at the sale."

"Thank you," I threw myself at Shawn. "Kate will leave me alone when she sees this stash!" Then I gulped… "How much did this cost me?"

Shawn laughed. "The new-with-tags handbags were the priciest items. Harley bought one for your birthday and I bought the other. The grand total is…" he handed me the receipt. "It was a _rummage sale_ – no matter who organized it. We need to start on your spring/summer capsule wardrobe. I recommend pretty dresses and short sleeve sweaters or short-sleeve jackets for work. Tailored shorts with tank tops for casual. I also recommend pretty wedges and heeled sandals." He reached for the Kay Unger watercolor dress and showed it to Harley. "Ana picked this one herself." He announced proudly as Harley whistled.

"Remind me the money went for a good cause…" I said. I write Shawn a check and thank him profusely for coordinating my closet. It's obvious my bonus is going for updating my wardrobe; especially since Shawn wants to start buying the spring capsule. I had planned to bank it to cover emergencies. I don't like the way Elizabeth looked at me today. Perhaps I should be contingency planning.

"Winter coats for little people," Shawn said. "You can claim this on your federal income tax because you had to have a new wardrobe for your new job."

"Really?" I asked.

"Really," he said. "You can't wear your old shirts and jeans to Grey Publishing. Now you know what has to happen?"

"Don't have a clue," I admit.

"This is a home dry cleaning kit. Learn how to use it." Shawn said. "This is cold water detergent for your washable dark clothes. This is cold water detergent for your lingerie and delicate clothes. You need to clean everything in the spring capsule and leave it in the left side of the closet until next March."

"Who knew fashion was this hard!" I groaned, but neither Harley nor Shawn listened to me. Shawn started to explain the fall/winter capsule wardrobe. My main colors are blue with neutral pieces; accented by cranberry and red. Before we went to eat dessert; I proudly showed him Style Soduku. Shawn laughed and said he wondered how my clothes for Savannah were so coordinated without his help.

 **XX - CPOV**

My family and Kate are having dinner at Escala. I can't swear like I want when the Grey Annex security team tells Taylor about a newer model Lexus picking Ana up at Grey Annex. Her team tracked them to the condo where Ana and the men carried in a couple dozen garment and duffle bags into her condo. Harrison and Stanton are still there. _What the fuck is that about?_ I frown at the phone; causing Mom to give me a look. "Sorry," I apologize to everyone, to their never-ending shock. "Just an update on an HR situation. I won't be running away to take care of business."

"Good," Mom said, "Gail made one of her fabulous chocolate cakes for dessert."

"Yum…" Kate said. "Chocolate makes all the bruises worth it."

"That's what you think," Elliot snarked. "My staff asked what I said to you to get the shiner."

"What did you say?" Kate asked.

"I told them I saw the contortions you made while trying to shave your legs and suggested we try some kinky new positions in bed." Elliot laughed.

For once, Kate was speechless…and I could enjoy my chocolate cake in blessed silence…but I can't wait to spring my surprise on the family and Kate. I reach in my pocket for the keys to Ana's Audi A-3. "Please take it until you can replace your car," I tell Kate. "It's registered, the insurance is current, and it's just gathering dust in the parking garage." She recognized the key fob…and is still speechless.

 **September 8 - APOV**

Kate and Elliot are bruised and a little sore. I loved fussing over them. We hung out and ate lasagna, green salad and garlic knots with ice tea. They can't drink because of the light pain pills they both took earlier in the day. Dessert is an ice cream sundae party. I bought gourmet toffee brownies, vanilla bean ice cream, caramel and sea salt sauce, a container of rum-spiked diced apples and golden raisins, candied pecans and whipped cream. Kate says she loves this sundae combination. We're writing this one down. It beats the one we tried at Christmas. Nothing personal, but wintergreen-flavored products taste like you are chewing Ben Gay.

They tell me Elena was turfed from Grey Manor on Labor Day. They sound positively gleeful. Grandmother Frannie was so tickled she got tipsy on Rum Runners. Elliot says Christian hadn't planned to attend; but he showed up quickly after Elliot reported Elena crashed the barbeque. Christian stayed through dinner and helped clean up before he and Taylor left.

Kate says Christian loaned my graduation Audi A3 to her until she can replace her car. I tell her he bought it because it had good safety stats. It should be safe for her and Elliot to drive. She asks if I would be offended if she bought it from Christian so she didn't have to go car shopping. I told her she must have hit her head pretty hard in the accident…the day Kate doesn't want to go shopping is like a Black Thursday Stock Market Crash. I laugh and tell her to work it out with Christian. Kate wants to know how long I'm "pining" for Christian. I shrug and remind her: she's the one who claims men are like buses – there will be one along in minutes. I tell her it's all a matter of timing…the right ride has to come along at the right time. Elliot doesn't like my response, but that's too bad.

 _My twenty-third birthday is on the horizon; my biological clock isn't ticking at sonic boom level yet. Do I want to marry and have a family someday? Probably; I don't know. The thought of being with anyone but Christian still bothers me. Sometimes I feel damned because I still have strong feelings for him. However; after my conversation with Dr. Flynn, the issue is…am I being obstinate because everyone keeps shoving me toward Christian._

 **September 9**

Interdepartmental mail from Christian to Ana; hand delivered by Sawyer:

I would like to take you to dinner at Sky City Restaurant for your birthday. May I send you a bouquet of flowers for your desk at work today?

Interdepartmental mail from Ana to Christian; hand delivered by Sawyer:

I'm sorry; I have birthday plans. I'm leaving for Montesano immediately after work. I would prefer you didn't send flowers, because of the weekend and travel, etc. Dad has a new lady friend and would like to introduce us. Since this is the first time he's dated since divorcing Mom in 2006; I need to be there.

Interdepartmental mail from Christian to Ana; hand delivered by Sawyer:

I'm glad Ray has a new lady in his life…but it makes me wish you would reconsider and be my lady…and be in my life. Say yes to being mine, Ana.

Interdepartmental mail from Ana to Christian; hand delivered by Sawyer:

My birthday wish is for you to have a good life Christian. If you want an answer about us now…the answer is no. If you can be patient and give us both time to address issues …the answer might become yes. Keep Sawyer safe; the women in this place are checking him out. Please don't reply.

 **XX - CPOV**

"You are quiet tonight," Sela observed.

I told John and Sela about the exchange of notes between Ana and me today.

"Well," John said, "how do you feel about that?" He grinned at me.

"Hopeful," I said. "What's on the schedule for tonight?" I asked. I'm a little tired and I hope it doesn't include basketball.

 **XX**

"Final check from Christian Grey," Striker handed the invoice and check to his top two. "I sent all the information we gathered to him, and expunged his contacts and information from our server."

"We never did complete full disclosures on any of the people on the periphery of Miss Steele's life." His top man commented.

"I feel like I've been playing with a 1000-piece puzzle which is missing a handful of pieces," one of his men groused.

"We all lost a logic puzzle because there was nothing logical about this job. We played at people watching, but never had the full backstory." Striker said. "Except for the fact we all signed an NDA, I want to present myself at Grey House and demand an explanation."

"You know the 'not knowing stuff' is worse than a chigger itch," his other man complained.


	24. Chapter 24

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 24 -** "Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement." Golda Meir

 **September 10 - APOV**

I laugh at Dad. He seems so flustered when we are getting ready for dinner at Geppetto's. He wore black jeans and a white sweater I bought him years ago. He smells woody and spicy and leathery … Polo cologne. Kate bought it for him a few years ago when he repaired our college digs. It suits him so much. I wore my new consignment jeans and a cobalt sweater Shawn bought me with dark denim wedges and hobo bag donated by Kate. I sent a selfie to Shawn to prove I clean up nice.

We are seated; looking at the menu when Dad spotted Laura. He stood and smiled when she approached the table. They exchanged kisses on the cheek. He introduced us and sat between us. We laughed over the menu – Dad said there were some things he couldn't eat because my food was better. Laura agreed with him and asked me to send her the recipe for the Italian beef stew and lasagna. I keep those recipes on my phone as people asked for them all the time. I emailed them to Laura.

We talked about my job, Dad's current projects and Laura's jobs. She teaches computer science and information technology at Grays Harbor Community College. She lives in Aberdeen and teaches community CS/IT classes in Aberdeen and Montesano. She is a brunette like my mother, but has amazing hazel eyes with gold and green highlights. She has a pair of Pomskys named Timber and Tundra. I love her pictures of them.

Her goal is to move to an acreage. She wants two more sets of Pomskys. The acreage will provide space where she can have kennels to breed Pomskys. She is an avid sci fi reader and watcher. She loves _Dr. Who_ , which made me laugh because I'm addicted to _BBC America_. She hired Dad to build a queen-sized Murphy bed for guests in her home office. It's housed in a big blue Tardis/Police Call Box. She shows me pictures. I told Dad to put it on his website. I think he could sell a lot of them; especially in Seattle to Comicon attendees who live in small apartments.

When Laura asks me the boldest thing I've ever done in my life, I reply, "Dated a billionaire; didn't like his decor." Dad roars with laughter. Dad's reply was asking Laura to come to the house for lunch the day after he met her in class. Laura's answer to the question was marrying at the age of 17 and moving from the Midwest to Southern California to be a naval officer's wife. She said she discovered she really didn't want to travel the world.

Laura loves José's picture over Dad's mantle. We segue into camping, fishing, hiking and the joys of a hot shower and delivery pizza after a camping trip. Laura has a list of questions she got from an online dating site; she says it will help us get to know one another. Dad and I laugh through most of them. When she asks the coolest thing I've ever done, I say, gliding at dawn. Dad says the coolest thing he's ever done was a camping trip before he joined the Army. His family went to the Arctic Circle, fished and saw the aurora borealis. Laura says the coolest thing she's ever done was racing cars at the Top Gun Raceway in Fallon, Nevada.

Dad excused himself and went to the restroom; leaving Laura and I alone.

"Do you have anything to say to me while Ray's gone?" Laura asked.

"Like…if you hurt my Dad I'll kick your ass?" I laughed. "If you are worried I won't like you because I think Dad and Mom should be together…then either you haven't asked Dad about me, or you haven't asked him about my Mother. So, I will tell you – my Mother is a little self-centered sometimes. Her view of the world is a little skewed sometimes. What she thinks is important is sometimes meaningless to Dad and me."

I sighed. "My Mother is a chameleon…she takes on traits and personality to match her current man. I don't know what she was like with my biological father. With Dad, she was the perfect military wife and hostess. She taught Dad how to dance. She said she wasn't going to be embarrassed at the NCO Club because he could only shuffle his feet and grab her ass like the rest of the military men. She liked rock music and jeans because Dad did. She drank tea with Dad and watched soccer games. She appreciated his woodworking and fix-it abilities; especially when we moved from base to base."

"She was a stay-at-home mom. Our house was the latchkey house before and after school for the neighborhood kids. She volunteered at school, at church, and was on the welcoming committee for new wives on base. She was a Girl Scout Den Leader. Once Dad retired from the army and took over his grandfather and father's business in Montesano; Mom seemed to be lost and less social."

I observed Laura's poker face and continued. "I had to live with my Mother when she divorced Dad; since he isn't my biological father. He is the only father I have known...and I wouldn't trade him for the world. When I was sixteen, I came home to live with him. He's always been there for me when my Mother hasn't been."

"So you don't have an issue with us dating." Laura asked.

"I think it's wonderful my Dad is dating," I said. "IF he becomes computer literate as a side effect of dating you...I'm all for that also. Dad and I have a 'need to know' relationship. I tell him what he needs to know and vice versa. Everything else is chatter and we don't do chatter."

"For the last five years, my Mom has personality to go, and she's with a great guy who appreciates her. She's 45 and is Bob's trophy wife. She doesn't need to work, so she took gourmet cooking classes and wine appreciation classes. She dresses well, has salon days, and works out to keep her figure. She belongs to a tennis club and supports Bob playing golf. They belong to a country club where they go dining and dancing most Saturday nights. She drinks coffee and entertains his business contacts with gourmet food and wine. Their house is a show place. I think because her life is a little empty; she gets overly concerned about me. That's usually when she calls Dad. Otherwise, she's too busy living her trophy wife life."

"Still," Laura started to say…

"If you ask me not to tell Mom about Dad dating – I wouldn't anyway. I don't tell Dad what she's doing, except when it impacts us; like when I came back to live with him when I was sixteen. Mom was a party doll with husband number three and I never trusted him or his drinking buddies. They had rows about her cheating on him; but he was a drunk, abusive bastard. Which why I came home to Dad."

"I believe in monogamy; so does your dad," Laura said. "He's proud of you."

"I'm proud of him," I said. "I'm proud of the choices he's made in his life. I hope he feels the same way about me and my choices. I think he's pretty special and he deserves someone who thinks he's special too." I said.

"Did you really buy your dad a computer, printer and cell phone for Father's Day this year?" Laura laughed.

"I know…bad me…but he needed a cell phone so I can contact him at any time. He checks the house phone for messages before he goes to the workshop, at lunch, at dinner and before bed. I felt he needs to have a cell phone and a website where potential clients can talk to him. I love the website you helped him build." I said. "Dad or I call each other at least once a week, and I try to visit him at least once a month."

"Well, I thank you for sharing him with me. I hope we can be friends," Laura said.

"As long as you don't nag at me to go shopping instead of playing in the workshop; I'm sure we will get along," I laughed. "And…as long as you don't nag at me to date the billionaire whose art work I detest…we'll get along just fine."

"As long as you don't have issues about how I take care of Ray; we'll get along just fine. I don't have time to play Suzie Homemaker; but I'm clean, neat, can cook and I'm not searching for a sugar daddy." Laura said. "Thank you for feeding his freezer, it's kind of you."

"Are you teaching him to cook something other than toast, and broadening his horizons about grilling?" I laughed again.

"We've had three dates where he's helped prepare dinner. Ray tosses a pretty mean salad," Laura laughed. "He's more adventurous about cooking than I expected. Seriously, your dad and I are new to this relationship stuff. I married at seventeen and divorced at twenty-four. I was single and in a few relationships for a decade after that. I haven't had a relationship with anyone in the last three years because I worked on establishing my career at Grays Harbor. I want us to take our time. I don't want to rush into anything."

"I understand completely," I said. "I hope you don't think it was weird and uncomfortable meeting me. I'm just Ana." I said.

"It was a little uncomfortable; I didn't expect you to be so down-to-earth. I've overheard a few of your mother's phone conversations with your dad about your ex-boyfriend." Laura said. "Your mom wants your dad to intervene and get the two of you back together."

"Really? Dad didn't say anything." I shook my head. "I should have expected her to act this way. While I'd like to think Mom is worried about me having a broken heart…I think she was looking forward to socializing with him and his family. He came to Georgia to see me while I was visiting her in May. While I was visiting her this time; he sent flowers. She's not happy we are taking a break from one another." I show Laura a picture of the bouquet.

"OMG - that vase is..." Laura couldn't explain.

"Two feet wide? I swear there were 100 blooms in the bouquet. It was hotel lobby quality! My mother is taking the vase and having a silk flower arrangement created for her console table." I shook my head. "She took pictures of the bouquet from every angle."

"Are you happy you're taking a break?" Laura asked. "Sometimes your answer puts it all into perspective."

"We both need this time to grow up; work on issues and figure out where we're going and if we're going there together." I shrugged. _I'm really tired of trying to be an adult and have people accept my decisions._

 **XX - CPOV**

My parents didn't react to John joining us in my home office. I think they understood I needed his support when I answered their questions today.

"How did it start," Mom asked.

"I was fifteen, doing yard work that summer for the Lincolns. It was the summer Linc built the extension on their house. It was hot, Elena brought out some lemonade for me. I tasted it and told her it would taste better with vodka in it. She slapped me, hard. Then she grabbed my face and kissed me."

"Why?" Dad asked.

"I was fifteen and had raging hormones, Dad. I couldn't bear to be touched. She knew where to touch, how to touch." I said. "I was young, and dumb and … well, you know the rest of the quote."

"Why didn't you say something?" Mom asked.

"About her touching me? You knew I had touch issues; it's not like we ever had to worry about stranger danger. I would have screamed bloody murder. She showed me she was willing to provide what I needed. She used what I wanted to keep me in line. Fighting meant no sex. Bad grades meant no sex. Drinking meant no sex. I had to prove I was changing, gaining control of myself and behaving properly or she denied me sex."

"Why her? Why not some girl your own age?" Mom asked.

"She knew where to touch. She swore she wouldn't touch my chest or back. I challenged her; I didn't believe her. She proved she could make me feel good without touching my chest or back." I said.

"Grace, I need you to go to the library for a minute. I want to ask Christian something, and I'd rather he didn't…" Dad said.

"No," John said. "Christian doesn't want to have secrets from either of you. He'll answer what he can, but there are some things you don't need to know – like the frequency of their trysts. None of them occurred in your house or on your property."

"It wasn't sex every time we were together. She taught me to dance, how to give a woman a massage, how to wash a woman's hair, how to blow dry a woman's hair. She taught me about women's body types and erogenous zones. She taught me about clothing a woman and stripping a woman. While I was at Harvard, she directed me to take wine tasting classes, taste different cuisines, and eat healthy. I learned to dress properly for any occasion. I studied art history and appreciation and music history and appreciation. I worked hard on my French, my piano, my kick boxing, and my rowing. I immersed myself in my studies." I said.

"So if good grades were rewarded with sex; is that why you took the maximum online classes and aced them to recoup your high school credits?" Mom asked.

"Partly," I explained. "Once I started applying myself to classes; once the need to release physical tension through fighting was gone; my mind was clearer. I felt I had purpose. I had goals. Classes were easier. I understood with hard work; I could graduate on time with my classmates."

"Was she the reason you dropped out of Harvard?" Dad asked.

"When I went away to Harvard, it was harder for her to control me; since I only came home at holidays. I always saw her at the beginning or end of a trip home. I would tell you I was coming home a day later than I did; or leaving a day earlier than I did so I could be with her. I went to summer sessions to be away from the mental conflict I experienced. I didn't like lying to you; but I wasn't ready to walk away from a sexual relationship with her; despite the infrequency."

"We thought you were gay," Mom said. "You never looked at a girl. Elliot was bringing home a new blonde every week."

John cleared his throat. "Dr. T; there is no way to predict how a teenager will act sexually. Most adolescents, like Elliot, explore relationships with one another. They experience crushes and fall in and out of like/love. Most of them participate in sexual intercourse before the age of twenty. Men of Carrick's generation and my generation normally got lucky their first year in college either with a willing girl; or a paid sexual encounter. Elliot was seventeen when he had his first sexual encounter. By seventeen, Christian had experienced sexual trysts for two years."

"Oh god," Mom groaned. "I really don't want Elliot or your sex life in my head."

"So you didn't quit Harvard because of a broken heart?" Dad asked.

"I was propositioned by plenty of men and women; but Elena was all I wanted, all I thought I needed. Until I grew up anyway." I said. "Besides, if she thought I was looking at another woman or man; she would have punished me."

"Did you know she was a madam?" Mom asked.

"Yes, I paid her to find women for me. Fifteen petite brunettes, with pale skin, who didn't mind having their hands restrained so they couldn't touch me and didn't mind being blindfolded so they couldn't see my scars. They passed health examinations, were on birth control and signed legal agreements not to tell anyone about us. They came over on Friday nights and left on Sunday nights." I said. "Fifteen sexual contracts. No girlfriend-boyfriend stuff – just sex. If they wanted more from me; such as a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship; I terminated with them. I bought clothes, jewelry, electronics and cars for them. They had their own room here at Escala. If any of you showed up unexpectedly; they were either locked in their ensuite behind a locked bedroom door or locked away in the security office until you left."

"Ana is not…" Dad started to ask.

"A sexual contract? NO. I terminated with woman number fourteen in October. I spent November and December at various family events…and found I enjoyed it. The last woman Elena furnished for me was in January of this year. We were only together two months before she broke one of my rules. I always insisted on health, safety and monogamy. I ended our contract in March. Elena was after me; trying to get me to hire a new sexual partner. I didn't want to. Something happened to me. I grew up? I changed? I don't know. John and I are trying to figure it out. Then Ana came to interview me. I felt connected to her. I couldn't leave her alone. I pursued her. Then there was the picture in the paper, and Mom met Ana."

"Elena didn't like your interest in Ana, and not hiring one of her women, did she?" Dad asked.

"I don't think so. She kept after me to hire a sexual partner, but I wouldn't interview anyone she suggested. Mom told Elena we had the family dinner with Ana and Kate. Then Ana went to Georgia. I knew I should stay away, but I couldn't leave her alone. I went to Georgia to be with her, and I would have stayed longer but there was a situation here."

"Situation?" Dad asked.

"One of my previous sexual contracts came to Escala. She tried to cut her wrists in front of my housekeeper. Mrs. Jones took her to the hospital, but she managed to slip out of the hospital against medical advice. Taylor and my security staff have been looking for her."

"How long were you with some of these women?" Mom asked.

"My shortest contract was a month. My longest, 18 months, was with the young woman who scared Mrs. Jones. We ended over three years ago. She married someone immediately after she left me and moved to Portland. Anyway, she left him and had a boyfriend who died in January in a car accident. John thinks she's depressed because of the death of the boyfriend." I explained. "But we won't know until we find her."

"I this woman part of the reason you and Ana are separated?" Mom asked.

"Perhaps; I told Ana about the women, about Elena. She was upset because I had dinner with Elena while she was in Georgia. She hated Elena touching me and remaining a friend. When Ana left the Saturday morning after Georgia; she told me to get my shit together." I sighed. "It's what I'm doing. Therapy with John, traumatic touch therapy, setting personal goals for myself, eliminating Elena from my life."

"We've discussed this. If family asks; we will tell them you could not stand Elena's constant questions about Ana. I'm sorry about Elena crashing lunch with Ana, but it explains why Ana doesn't like her." Mom said.

"It's worse…" I explain. "The night of Coping Together, Elena asked Ana to work for her…"

"As a prostitute?" Dad was horrified.

"Yes. Ana told Sawyer. Elena offered her a job as a working girl after she used the powder room in your house. Elena said Ana was rude to her. I asked if Ana was rude to her before or after she offered Ana a job as a working girl."

"That miserable bitch!" Mom yelled. "I'll rip her bleached blonde hair out of her head!"

"Stand in line," I advised her. "I think Taylor and Mrs. Jones called first dibs."

"You said if you misbehaved, Elena would punish you," Dad said. "Do we want to know…?"

"No," I said quietly. "I don't think you want that in your head."

"Fifteen years old," Mom murmured. "God, I hate Elena Lincoln. I cannot think of a punishment equal to her actions."

"I can," Dad said dryly. "General population in a prison yard. Inmates don't like pedophiles."

"I think Christian was ready to step away from Elena in March. It took a great deal of strength for your son to stand up to Elena and remove her from your lives." John said. "He's no longer in business with her. If she gets arrested for promoting prostitution; the bad press should not affect Christian or Grey House."

"Speaking of bad press; I'm holding a press conference on September 30th, announcing I gave the stock in Esclava Salons to Elena, the stock in restaurants and clubs to Mia and the stock I have in Grey Construction and its subsidiaries to Elliot. I would like to have my family there as a united front. I'll even take you to lunch after."

"We'll clear our schedules," Mom smiled. "Are you asking Ana?"

"Yes, I'm giving Elliot a handwritten invitation to give to her. I don't know if she'll come because of the press surrounding us."

 **September 12 – 3PPOV**

Barney's Google alerts warned him there were some interesting stock purchases in companies Grey Enterprises Holdings examined for possible mergers and acquisitions. He ran diagnostics on GEH servers and firewalls. There was no breach of information. After hours today, he would wander through the first and second floors of GEH. They housed the lobby, cafeteria, gym, reference library and IT.

Barney liked conducting afterhours IT walkthroughs off all floors except Security and the Executive Offices. He liked the GEH firewalls which prevented staff from downloading games and social media sites to their workstations. Security always had a pot or two of hot coffee ready; no matter the hour of day or night. Finance always kept chocolate on hand for stressed staff. Marketing and PR always had the latest gossip, lots of access to online newspapers, and constant streaming of TV stations. They were the only offices immune to the _no social media_ rule. Research and Development always had the best toys to play with. Currently they were working on a solar-powered tablet, but it had interface problems and issues with power storage of the solar batteries.

Barney's walkabouts had interesting effects…he found out Andrea was dating the division head of subsidiary management. He learned Olivia was obsessed with Mr. Grey. He discovered Taylor was sleeping with Mr. Grey's housekeeper. He didn't want to think about all the background checks he and Welch had run. Welch usually did the background checks on people in contact with Mr. Grey or as requested by Mr. Grey. Barney usually ran background checks on businesses which were part of GEH, or would become part of GEH. He conducted background checks on finances, business records, and credit card usage.

Lately Mr. Grey's obsession with Ana Steele resulted in watching her finances, her father's finances, her mother's finances, her roommate's finances…and just how weird is your brother dating your ex-girlfriend's roommate? He ran weekly checks on her mother and father's emails. The one task he always hated was watching the finances of Esclava Salons. He knew something wasn't right there. Elena Lincoln had a lot more money than she ever earned through the salon chain. When Mr. Grey assigned him to uncover the outstanding debts of the Esclava Salon chain…he had answers for him in less than six hours. He was amazed at the number of debts six businesses accrued considering the salon chain was an established business with a full calendar of appointments. He didn't know where Elena Lincoln was siphoning the money to from the salons. However; he knew Mr. Grey's never took a penny in payment from any of them. He insisted his profits be funneled back into the businesses for upgrades and expansions. Additionally, he knew Grey paid the personnel and business taxes for the salons. Barney was no businessman like Christian Grey; but he was sure Elena Lincoln's salon chain would downsize or collapse before the next fiscal year without Grey's help or guidance.

Now, for some unknown reason, Welch was conducting a background check on Laura Dennison. Barney was running a thorough background check of her finances. Sometimes there were snags with financial background checks because of military dependent status; such as Ana Steele, Raymond Steele, Carla Wilks Lambert Steele, and now Laura Dennison. Taylor's financial background check had been hell because of an ex-wife and child while he was in the military. Running finances for any of the security team members who had military backgrounds was also a headache. Barney appreciated Laura Dennison's technology background and applauded her efforts to teach adults some tech savvy.

Welch conducted a background check on three new therapists, but Barney was assigned to research finances for them and their businesses. He appreciated unremarkable researches. There was a little issue with Sela Koch because of her military husband; but her business and business finances were under her maiden name of Koch; which made things easier.

 **September 14 – 3PPOV**

"I enjoyed meeting Ana," Laura said.

"I'm glad," Ray said. "I want both of you to be comfortable around one another. Especially since you and I upgraded our relationship from friends to friends with benefits."

Laura laughed and held the bed sheet around her as she turned to face him. "What do you know about friends with benefits?" She teased.

"I'm a quick study, Ms. Dennison," Ray kissed her soundly. "How about some lunch? Annie filled the freezer again."

"Italian beef stew?" Laura asked hopefully.

"Not in this batch. This new batch is mostly hamburger based dishes. However, there are ciabatta buns and four kinds of roasted meats for sandwiches and six kinds of soup. She also brought a dozen ready to bake pizzas and calzones."

"Calzones and salad sound good to me. I need to shower and change for class this afternoon and tonight." Laura sighed. "I'll see you after class tomorrow night. I have labs all day Friday and I'm teaching an Internet Genealogy class Friday night from 6-9 and Saturday from 9-4 at the college."

"Do you want to stay over Saturday night? I'll take you out to dinner," Ray offered.

"How about a quiet night with pizza and beer with some film noir?" Laura asked. "I'll be a little brain dead from teaching."

"A quiet night would be enjoyable. How about after breakfast on Sunday we go to the Lake Sylvia Fall Festival and Artists Market?" Ray asked.

"I'd like that, but I need to be home around six on Sunday. I have a department breakfast meeting at eight on Monday morning; then I have two afternoon classes and one-night class. I have two afternoon classes on Tuesday and then I'm in Montesano on Tuesday night for Microsoft Office class."

"Excel is not a good name for the spreadsheet application. It is kicking my ass." Ray kissed her again. "Are you up for dinner Tuesday before class?"

"It's a good thing the teacher likes you and doesn't mind holding your hand and giving you extra mentoring," Laura laughed. "Dinner before class Tuesday sounds good, but does it come with a Wednesday morning breakfast invitation?"

Ray grinned.

 **September 16 - CPOV**

"Ready?" Sela asked. "Foot massage to ankles, ankles to knees, knees to groin. Front side first, back second. John will play the music you selected, and help me keep watch on you. I do medium to heavy pressure on the balls and heels of your feet. Any time you feel uncomfortable, let me know."

"Can do," I said, lying back on the massage table, in swimming briefs and a t-shirt. "Just be careful when massaging my toes."

"Can do, I will probably have you flex them while I'm massaging your feet," Sela said.

 **XX**

"How did you do this week?" Sela asked.

"Not sleepy once; a bit uncomfortable as you approached my groin when I was on my back." I said.

"I noticed, so I stopped before you were too uncomfortable." Sela said. She handed me a package. "This is the one-piece extra-long torso bandage. It will go from under your armpits to the bottom of your rib cage. The front and back are rounded up so you can cover scars. You need to put it on a few nights this next week to get used to the feel of it against your skin. When you come in on Friday, wear it under a t-shirt. I will have you take your t-shirt off so I can massage your face, temples, scalp and neck, front first and then back. I will stop at your collar bone in front and the base of your neck in back and will not go lower. Face and neck are easier if you are lying down. Scalp and temples are easier if you are sitting up, which is why I want you to bring the T-shirt. You can put it back on when you sit up so I don't inadvertently touch. Okay?" She asked.

"I will give the torso bandage a try before I wear it in here." I asked.

"Feel like some basketball?" She grinned wickedly and reached for the ball.

"Please tell me the winner gets something other than pizza and games at Chuck E. Cheese." I ask.

"Yes, we're socializing and eating dinner at a sports bar. You can call your brother or dad or grandfather to join us. I'm your wingman. John is mine. Jason is John's wingman and you are Jason's wingman. No one touches and no one is physically compromised. Understood?"

"Acceptable," I said, and called Elliot. He was shocked to be invited to join me, again. I offered to send Ryan to transport him to the bar and back home in case he wanted to drink. He readily agrees to come; Kate wants a girls' weekend with Ana.

"Jason, you have one hour to find us a sports bar." Sela said.

"We'll go to a place he's gone before – Ballard Loft. It's easy to guard. Cocktails, food, shuffleboard, pool, TV." He starts texting while we head to the basketball court.

 **September 17 – 3PPOV**

"Elena," Lauren Hudson shook her hand. "Liv told me to come here to get work done. I have an interview at Grey Publishing on Monday for a clerical trainee position. I really need to get this job. My student loans are coming due. Liv says I can move in with her, but my emergency living funds are starting to get dangerously low."

"I can help, in both ways. We'll get you prepped for your interview, and I will discuss a financial opportunity for you." Elena beamed at the brunette. The girl obviously spent good money buying herself a decent set of tits. It was time to recoup her investment in herself. "We'll talk about appropriate wear for the interview."

"If I get the job, do you think I will ever get to meet Christian Grey in person?" Lauren asked reverently. "Liv talks about him all the time."

"I can guarantee it. Since you're not interviewing at Grey House which is blonde bimbo central; but at Grey Annex which is brunette bimbo central…we'll darken your hair to a sable color, give you a decent haircut and shape, a facial, body waxing, eyebrow design, and natural French manicure, I'll tell you what to wear to the interview and we'll talk background research on Grey Publishing." Elena did not explain Lauren was three inches and twenty pounds too large for Christian's tastes. However, she was young and a fresh face which would be appreciated by many of her regular clients. Lauren would be able to support herself decently with one or two 'dates' per week in addition to a 40-hour-per-week job.


	25. Chapter 25

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 25 – "** No matter what you're going through, there's a light at the end of the tunnel and it may seem hard to get to it but you can do it. Just keep working towards it and you'll find the positive side of things." - Demi Lovato

 **September 19 – 3PPOV**

"Any coffee left?" Sawyer yawned. These five a.m. monthly staff meetings at Grey House were a killer after the busy weekend they had.

Taylor passed the carafe over. "We've got mushroom, bacon and cheese personal-size quiches, grape-kiwi-strawberry fruit salad, mini croissants, juices and coffee." He indicated the buffet. Sawyer ignored the food and poured a twelve-ounce coffee mug full of strong black coffee.

"Settle down," Welch ordered. "We've got one hour to cover past, present and future. Let's go for it." He nodded at Taylor, who segued into a synopsis of the Elena Lincoln situation; ensuring the 48 people in the room understood Elena Lincoln was forbidden to have access to every member of the Grey family, residences, businesses, etc. She was barred from access to Katherine Kavanagh and Anastasia Steele, their families, their homes and their businesses. Welch reiterated the no-contact order included electronic access – emails, phone calls, texts, faxes, etc. Her security team was not in place to provide protection, but as a Grey barrier, preventing access.

Security teams covered the weekend antics of the Grey family. Carrick and Grace had a Friday night symphony event, a Saturday golf date and lunch, Sunday church and spa time for Grace and Frannie on Sunday afternoon. Mia checked in at one club Friday night, a restaurant Saturday afternoon, another club Saturday night and another restaurant at lunch on Sunday. She now owned stock in those entities via Mr. Grey. She spent late Sunday afternoon at Aqua Spa with Kavanagh and Steele.

Kate Kavanagh and Ana Steele took off on Friday night for a weekend at Iron Springs Resort. Kate is reviewing half a dozen establishments between now and November first for a _Seattle Times_ article. Ocean, cabin, wood stove, lots of DVDs, take and bake pizzas, wine, playing Scrabble on the balcony in the afternoon, walking on the beach. They returned late Sunday afternoon, had a spa date with Mia Grey, and spent the rest of the weekend in their condo. Christian and Elliot spent Friday night at a sports bar; gliding Saturday morning and mountain biking Saturday afternoon. Saturday night was gourmet burgers, beers and Pay-Per-View ball games. Sunday they went sailing.

Taylor covered the upcoming holidays. Mr. Grey submitted a tentative schedule for Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's Day in Aspen. He submitted a tentative plan to spend Veteran's Day weekend in New York with Mia to introduce her to her new partners. Mr. Grey intended to use the GEH jet to transport every possible member of his family to these weekend jaunts. Guard duties would be determined and assigned by seniority.

Welch covered the transfer of stock to Mrs. Lincoln, Mia and Elliot. Staff was no longer required to observe and protect at these businesses. The security staff would be reassigned to Grey House, Grey Annex and protection of any future businesses which Grey House acquired. He covered the upcoming press conference for September 30. His announcement was surprising but the security team was well-trained to not exhibit emotions.

 **XX**

******** _Seattle Nooz_ *******  
Sorry for the late notification on this piece of news…it was difficult getting confirmation let alone the reasons why. Dr. Grace Trevelyan Grey was seen with her mother, Francis Trevelyan at Elaia Spa at the Hyatt on Sunday. The ladies were getting the works… including massages and lunch. The lunches resembled circular art works served with pomegranate and cranberry Bellinis. This was their first foray into a salon not owned by Dr. T's friend Elena Lincoln in the past five years. Dr. T. made six months of regular appointments for the both of them. Voices might carry…but we're not hearing any dirt.

Mia Grey, Katherine Kavanagh and Anastasia Steele (Kavanagh's roommate) were at Aqua Spa on Sunday afternoon. Aqua Spa has been in business for six months and specializes in 'build your bliss' spa packages which can include hair, nails, waxing, wraps and massages served with gourmet meals. Mia stated she loved the emphasis on services for younger women, including a fun atmosphere and knowledgeable aestheticians. The three ladies opted for the Polished Professional package – hair, nails, facials, body waxing and massages.  
******** _Seattle Nooz_ *******

 **September 23 - APOV**

"While Harley is getting interrogated by your boss, I asked to speak to you," Shawn said. We're both at the to-go-station to pick up orders.

"Did I do something?" I asked.

"I don't think it was you. I'm not sure if it's your boss or your ex-boyfriend, but someone's investigating Harley. His cover story is solid; no one will find anything they shouldn't. I just want you to be aware. Both Harley and I underwent background investigations when he applied to the SEC and when I applied with the Washington Bureau of Investigations. I investigated Harley when we began dating and vice versa. Neither of us wanted ex-lovers or unknown baby mamas jumping out of the bushes with guns. We underwent background financial checks when we bought the house. Neither of us have applied to buy a car, or get a credit card, so I think this background check is personal."

"What can I do about it?" I asked.

"Just be careful, girlfriend. Watch your three, six and nine to ensure you aren't being followed. I'd go back to the gun range tomorrow and see who observes you." Shawn said. "You can always call Harley or me if any situation makes you uncomfortable. Hey, what happened with Botox Bitch anyway?"

"I heard her business partner cut ties. It hasn't been announced in the papers yet, but it will be before the end of the month." I shrugged. "He sent me an invitation to attend the press announcement and go to lunch with his family. This weekend I have to pen a polite refusal."

"If you need a shoulder to cry on; let me know. I've cried many an unmanly tear over relationships. Harley is the best thing that ever happened to me. I believe him when he says the same thing about me to me." Shawn said.

"I have decided to just get through the holidays," I tell Shawn. "If I say I'm anxious for the resolution of the SEC investigation with Harley, will you understand and not think I'm an ungrateful bitch?"

"I understand completely. Harley will give you an update when he brings you home. Oh, be sure to bring your checkbook. I found items for your spring capsule…and you will love them."

"How in god's name did you get the shopping gene? And how did it miss me?" I asked.

"Because you got the tools gene. The fix-it gene completely skipped Harley and me. Fair's fair. You already have the hottie female body and personality which makes Grey's heart go pitter-pat. It wouldn't be fair if you knew designers like you know types of woods. It wouldn't be fair if you could walk in high heels as easily as you shoot a gun. It wouldn't be fair if you could fix your hair as easily as you clean a fish."

 **XX - CPOV**

"Tonight I'm using a water-based lotion on your face. Most of my clients prefer it to an oil-based lotion when massaging their face. I start with your jawline, massaging chin to ear and back. Then I go up the sides of your face by your ears. I stop at the temples and come across your cheekbones to your nose and then massage down to the jawline, up to the cheek bones and down again. Then I massage your forehead down to your brow line and then massage around your eye sockets. I go back to the area where your 'third eye' is located and do deep tissue massage for the sinus area. I will go across to your temples, down the sides of your face to your jawline. Then I will massage the front of your neck. I will have you turn over and I will massage the back of your neck. Then you can put your shirt on, sit up and I will massage your temples and scalp. If you have any questions or concerns, please stop me and communicate." Sela said. "Are you ready to begin?

 **XX**

"Stop," I barely hear my voice. "Please stop…"

Sela's hands leave my head and she steps away.

"Breathe," she says.

"Can't…chest tight." I whisper.

She observed me for a minute. "Can you remove your t-shirt and remove the torso bandage?"

"Minute…" I whisper.

"Take your time Christian…we're not in a race." Sela said.

Once my breathing was almost back to normal, I removed my t-shirt, and the torso bandage and put my t-shirt back on. Breathing became a little easier, but it was still several minutes before I could take a deep cleansing breath.

"Better?" She asked.

"Yes, I'm sorry," I said.

"Don't be sorry…but can you tell me what happened?" Sela asked.

"Flashback…I was lying in bed with my mother; not Grace, but Ella. She was stroking my hair and singing to me."

"Do you know what she was singing?" John asked.

"She sang the stanza from _The Long and Winding Road_ by the Beatles," I shrug. _"Many times I've been alone, and many times I've cried. Anyway, you'll never know the many ways I've tried."_ My voice thickens with emotion.

"Was it a painful memory?" John asked.

"I remember being happy because my mother was cuddling and singing to me. However, it was a new memory, and therefore I was at a loss about how I felt…feel," I said.

"You mean it was flashback you've never experienced before…not even in a nightmare or a dream?" John asked.

"I don't remember ever experiencing it before," I said.

"How do you feel…afraid, exhilarated, or confused?" John asked.

"Confused…you know how things are out of focus when you first wake up…and then the image sharpens and everything comes into focus. It was like that. I'm curious," I said. "I wonder if Ella sang to me a lot. I remember she had a beautiful voice. I wonder if I inherited my musical ability from her."

 **September 24**

"Elliot took off early with Christian to go mountain biking again," Kate grimaced. "I'm off to brunch with Mom. She took three of my previous bridesmaid gowns – with pictures of the before – and created a space in her shop for the after projects. She took a hideous lavender and purple gown and made it into a skirt and padded stool for a dressing table. It looks great. She took the sage green gown and made it into throw pillows. They look great. She took the pinky-taupe gown and created great bed or bath curtains out of them. I'm taking pictures of the dresses and the after projects as one of my April stories – what to do with those bridesmaid or prom dresses. Mom uploaded another dozen DIY dress projects to a special section on her website."

"Good luck; what will you do while your mom is busy with a client?" I asked.

Kate points at a tote filled with bridal magazines. I rolled my eyes at her.

"I know you have never looked at a bridal magazine, let alone ripped a picture of a wedding dress out of one. Do you ever think about your wedding?" Kate asked. "I've been collecting a binder of tear pages since I was thirteen when mom designed her first wedding collection." She laughed.

"Who's getting married? I need to learn how to date first." I shrugged; laying my gun case on the kitchen table and grabbing a bottle of green tea from the refrigerator.

"You won't learn to date if you don't date," Kate said. "I'm worried some Billy Bob will see you shooting a gun and want a white shotgun wedding."

"You should be worried about the single police officers who see me and wonder how I'll look handcuffed to their bed." I said.

"Handcuffs can be fun – but you need to wear wrist sweat bands under them to keep them from leaving welts." Kate said.

"TDMI," I gathered my gun case and tote and headed for the door. "How do you feel about pizza and wine tonight?"

"Can't – date night with Elliot. Movie and dinner - _Moneyball_ and Hard Rock." Kate checked her phone.

"A sports movie – what bet did you lose?" I asked.

"I have two words for you…Brad Pitt," Kate informed me. "Ethan wants to see it too. You are more than welcome to come with us."

"Pass, I'm thinking about punishing myself by calling my Mother." I laughed. "Actually, I'm invited to Claire's for movie night. We're watching _Lost in Translation_ and eating oriental food; _Under the Tuscan Sun_ and eating tiramisu ice cream, and _Eat, Pray Love_ and eating gourmet chocolates. I'm skipping the sleepover; I'll be home late. We can do a spa afternoon tomorrow if you want."

"I need a spa afternoon," Kate said. "Ana, I know you didn't talk about Christian before…and I know you won't talk about him now. The thing is…I'm worried you are keeping busy so you don't think about him. I'm worried you will have a meltdown if you don't deal with him…soon."

"There's nothing to deal with," I said. "We met, we had a brief fling, he hurt my feelings, I walked away...I'm moving on. He is the one pushing...the flowers he sent to my Mother's house, and the invitation to lunch with the family. The constant weekend invitations to dinner at his parents' house."

"You haven't moved on…" Kate argued. "I try to set you up on dates; but you're not interested. Ethan's asked you out a few times, you're not interested. Elliot asks how you are, because he cares, and I have nothing to tell him."

"I'm not discussing Christian with you, Elliot or my Mother," I said. "I need to get going; I have things to do."

 **XX**

"Miss Steele," Sawyer sees me as I'm getting my purse out of the locker at Target Rippers. "Are you leaving?"

"Ana, just call me Ana," I explain. "Yes, I'm done shooting. I need to clean my gun, reload my clips, clean my gear box and prepare to go to girls' night out at a friend's house."

"Would you like to go get coffee?" He asked.

"Not really, but I have cold tea and tasty bits at the condo. You can sit on the balcony with me and clean your weapon if you brought your cleaning kit with you. Otherwise; you have to share my kit with me." I offer.

"I have a cleaning kit in the trunk of my vehicle. I'll follow you to your condo," he holds the door open for me and walks me to my car.

He follows me to Kate and my condo. There is a space open Elliot usually takes. He parks and follows me up to the condo. I hand him my gun case and gear box and point to the balcony. I slip into my room and turn on the audio jammer for the condo. I hand off the cleaning kit and supplies to him.

Luke spreads two microfiber towels out on the balcony table. I bring a pitcher of cold chai tea, glasses and a large tray of nibbles to the patio. I have chunks of cheese, salami slices, cored apples and cold green grapes. "Help yourself," I pour tea for him and hand him a plate and napkin.

I fill my tea glass and plate some nibbles, eating a cube of cheese and apple slice before I begin. I scrub my hands with disinfecting wipes before opening my gun case. We talk about Target Rippers, upcoming shooting competitions he plans to enter, and how much I like shooting with my Dad at the wilderness range by Lake Sylvia. He double checks my gun cleaning and approves. I load the clips with bullets; and lock gun and clips away in the case. I stop for nibbles before I begin cleaning the gear box. Luke is finished cleaning his gun and reloading his clips. He helps himself to more nibbles. We talk guns and our favorite shoot-em-up scenes from movies. We both laugh about the faux but fun _Mr. and Mrs. Smith_ but give _RED_ kudos. Futuristic movies – I vote for _Terminator_ and he votes for _Matrix_ but _Robocop_ gets a solid mention from both of us. Old West movies – I vote for _Silverado_ and he votes for _Tombstone_. We discuss _The Untouchables_ before Luke calls it an afternoon and thanks me for refreshments before he leaves. I carry the dishes to the kitchen and he offers to put my gun case, gear box and cleaning supplies away. I'm pleased to have to tell him where to find the cleaning supplies closet and the master bathroom. He grabs his gun and gear from the balcony, and locks the door behind him when he leaves.

 **XX – 3PPOV**

Luke checked the recorder in his pocket and was dismayed to only tape white noise during his and Miss Steele's gun cleaning session. Mr. Grey would not like that at all. However, he could provide a solid layout of the condo now.

 **XX - APOV**

 _His huge bed welcomes us. He's teaching me sexual positions…and tonight is 69. He gently thrusts his cock into my wet and willing mouth while his mouth teases my slit._

 _"So sweet…so responsive…so wet…MINE." The hot breath from his words cascades over my sex, and I'm so wet. I'm so needy. I'm so hot. I want him, deep in me and I suck hard at him when he's embedded in my mouth. I don't care if I can't touch, I reach up and grab his ass, pulling him deep in my mouth. His fingers slide into me…thrusting in and out of me at a steady pace…rhythmic…not too fast to make me come…not too slow to delay our satisfaction. I grind against his mouth and he grinds against mine. I moan and explode in his mouth as he explodes in mine._

…I wake and my heart is pounding and I cannot breathe…Damn it… now it seems I'm having wet dreams of Christian while PMSing or during my cycle. What the hell is that about? I'm glad I'm at home, in my own bed. I would not want to explain this situation at a sleepover.

 **September 25**

 _I wound my fingers in her hair and reclaimed her pouty mouth. I enjoyed kissing her, but I enjoyed making her nipples harden and elongate. I nuzzled her breasts, licked her nipples until they were dusky pink, sucked them into my mouth, and nibbled on them until they were swollen and tender and made her wetter. I slid my fingers into her. I loved making her lose control and grind herself against my fingers._

 _My cock throbbed against her hip, aching with need to thrust somewhere warm and wet and soft as velvet. IF I kept her mouth busy; she couldn't ask all those damned maddening questions she had but there was no time to reposition myself. I wanted to feel her soft swollen lips close over my cock. I wanted to feel the movement of her tongue, flicking, circling, sliding over my cock…but there was no time…I moved between her legs and thrust upward, entering her deeply before I exploded. I loved when she threw her head back, arched her back and clamped around my cock when she came. My cock throbbed and I felt my hot wetness…as my aftershocks of ejaculation subsided._

 _And the vision of Anastasia, warm and soft and sated dimmed…_ My hot body cooled in the night air, soaked with sweat and sticky from another wet dream. It's three o'clock in the morning. I can't call, email or go see Ana in person. As I'm showering, I compose a note in my head, saying all the things I want to say. Then I know to scale back about 50% because I don't want her to think I've gone off the deep end. I go to my desk and compose a note.

 _Dearest Ana;_

 _I'm sorry. I should have said I'm sorry when you were crying. I should have said I'm sorry before you stepped into the elevator. I will never forget the look on your face that morning… disillusionment, anger …and love. There is not a hole in the world big enough to bury the enormity of my actions. I know what I've done, and I can't hate myself enough for hurting you. I wish I could take it back, but I can't. All I can do is try to show you how much I regret punishing you and ask for your forgiveness._

 _Saying I'm sorry isn't enough, but I SWEAR it will never happen again. I've shown you how bad it can be…please let me show you how good we can be together. I want to be the kind of man you deserve. Someone strong, loving, caring…who is open to sharing his life with you. I know you are scared because we became so close so fast…and the depth of what I feel scares me also. I don't want to walk away from you. Please don't give up on us. Please give me a chance to show you I've learned my lesson. Please give me a chance to prove we can be happy together again._

 _I will slow down…I will wait however long it takes. I would love to have that morning back, to hold you in my arms. I would tell you I loved you first. I think I loved you that first night in the Heathman. All I could do was lay there and watch you sleep. Our first kiss in the elevator was magic._

 _I'm driving to your condo, and leaving this on the windshield of the Audi. It's not the safest form of communication, but I need to talk to you. Elliot and Kate refuse to give you messages. Please call me by Friday night. I'd like to take you sailing on The Grace, where we can have lunch and a serious discussion37. If we make time to be together; we can work through this. Can you give me another chance? Will you give me another chance?_

 _I really want a second chance with you. This is new to me also…I'm bound to screw it up…but give me a chance._

 _Christian_

 **XX**

I slip out of Escala and get into my R8, remembering the drive with Ana from Seattle to Portland. I park in front of her condo and walk into the parking garage. Her Audi is there. Her Ford Focus is there. I put the note on the Audi windshield. Her name is prominent on the front of the sealed envelope. I hope Kate gives it to her. I would leave it on the Ford; but she might not check the car before Friday. I don't dare slip it in the front door – I have no guarantee the concierge would see her and give it to her. I walk back to the R8, purpose in my step, and nod at Ryan who obviously raced out of Escala to track my car. I'll drive responsibly back to Escala, go back to bed for a while, and hope sleep does not elude me for the rest of the night.

 **September 26 – 3PPOV**

"It will cost you," Leila said stubbornly. "I need $2,000 if you want to know the contents of his note to her. I've learned the hard way not to trust you. So don't think offering to give me a full spa day will get you this information."

"I'll give you the money for the note; but I want to know what you've been doing since you hit Seattle," Elena opened her safe and took out the money.

"You don't mind if I count it?" Leila said. "Like I said, don't trust you…not since you advised me to tell him I wanted more. We'd still be together if you didn't interfere."

"You've really sold yourself a story haven't you? You did everything possible to get Grey to commit to a relationship with you. You learned to cook and select wine; you learned about music and art. You took to caning like a wayward student. Eighteen months was plenty of time for Grey to make your contract into a relationship if he wanted it." Elena snapped.

"Fine, think what you will. But he's not with her, and I've done more to keep them apart than you will know. Every time he goes near her condo, I tweet he's in the area. His security gets spooked and removes him before he can see or talk to her. All you're doing is recruiting brunettes he won't look at." Leila finished counting the money and handed over the note. The note told her everything she needed to know…the brunettes haunting Elena's Post Alley Esclava were party toys for other clients.

"Christ, she's got him pussy-whipped," Elena said after reading the note. "He knows people like us don't do love. There's another five hundred dollars if you step up your game."

"Like how?"

"This was on the windshield of her Audi, right?" Elena said.

"Yes," Leila said.

"So, vandalize it. She won't be able to drive it; he can't get close to her to replace it…if she'd let him. Besides, in jeans, Converse and a hoody, you'd fit right in. People would think you were her. It would look like she vandalized her own car to get him to pay attention to her. At least the police will believe it after a call from a concerned citizen."

"Interesting," Leila admitted. "I'll let you know when it's done." Leila was proud of herself for not revealing she could get in and out of Christian's condo without detection. She acquired pieces of Ana's clothes. She acquired funds. She had been close enough to touch his hair twice, and stroke his beautiful face. The last time he woke almost immediately and she melted into the dark, hoping to get away before she was caught. Dressing like Ana would let her get near the Audi. If she could determine a way to get into Ana's condo; it might give her a chance to conduct more research. It was obvious Sir wanted more with Ana Steele and Leila needed to know why. If she knew why and how to emulate Ana Steele…she could secure her place in Master's life again.

 **September 27 - APOV**

"Ana, can I take your car?" Kate asked.

"What's wrong with the Audi?" I asked; stuffing shoes and lunch in my tote.

"Someone vandalized it. The tires are slashed; the windshield is smashed and there's words scratched into the paint. Elliot planned to fill the tank for me this morning, but it's undriveable.'

"Do I want to see it?" I asked.

"Not unless you want heartache over how bad it looks. It was a pretty car." Kate said.

"It was," I agreed. "You can take my car, but I've got to head out to catch the bus to work."

"I'll take both of you to work," Ethan said. "I don't feel comfortable with either one of you being alone this morning. Then I'm coming back to wait for the police."

"Better tell Christian first. Since the car isn't in my name anymore and I'm not the insurer, he needs to know. It's his call about what to do with it." I dressed for the day so my boss can leer at my legs. _Lord, please get me out of here before Christian comes to look at the car._

 **XX - CPOV**

"You won't like my information," Taylor said. "I accessed the CCTV tapes from Miss Kavanagh's parking garage. It looks like a brunette, dressed in jeans, sneakers and a WSU hoody, destroyed the car. She used a knife on the tires, a screwdriver to carve the profanities into the paint, and a cricket bat to destroy the windshield."

"A brunette?" I asked.

"I accessed the CCTV tape; and you can't see who it is, except for a fraction of a minute. Her face is reflected in the side mirror. It's definitely Leila Williams. I ordered a sweep of the area and we found the cricket bat and screwdriver discarded in a Salvation Army drop box six blocks from the condo. She believed the car belonged to Miss Steele. The profanities were meant for her. Williams is still in possession of the knife she used on the tires."

"FUCK!" I shouted. "Why can't we find her?"

"I have a security team watching the ex-subs who live in Seattle. She may be staying with one of them. We know she isn't with the husband, his family, extended family or friends in Portland. We know she isn't with the boyfriend's family, extended family or friends in Seattle. She doesn't have an address with utilities. We've had no recent hits on her phone. She's not working, there are no hits on her SSN. She's not paying taxes anywhere. She sold her car when she left the husband. She paid off a lot of bills at that time and hired a divorce lawyer. The lawyer hasn't seen her since the boyfriend died. She hasn't bought a replacement car. We believe she's moving around on public transport; since Second Strike saw her on the same bus as Miss Steele. She's not posting on her Facebook page. She's not posting on friends' pages either."

"She's not in college and she has never had an art exhibit that we know. The divorce proceedings have not been filed. We've been tracking his and her finances. She paid off her charge accounts and closed them when she left the husband. She moved her bank account from Portland to Seattle and took the husband's name off the account. But she's not accessing it through an ATM card we can track. We have feet on the ground, but she's in the wind."

"John suggested we check low rent motels – how's that check coming?" I asked Taylor.

"Nothing in a twenty block circumference of Miss Steele's condo. We're still looking." Taylor replied.

"Well, it's time to tighten Elliot's security and as an extension… Katherine Kavanagh's security." I said.

"Which means tightening Miss Steele's security?" Taylor asked.

"Yes. She can fight me on it if she wants, but I will keep her safe." I said.

"You won't be happy about the next news flash either," Taylor warned him in advance. "Someone called the Secret Witness hotline for SPD. They said Miss Steele vandalized her own car to get you to visit her."

"Don't tell me, SPD contacted Grey House to ask about Miss Steele and my relationship." I asked.

"Yes, I asked to see the CCTV tape for the garage when the car was vandalized – and I showed them the attacker used her left hand when writing the words on the Audi. I explained Miss Steele was right-handed. I said they ought to use a facial recognition program because whoever that is, it was not Miss Steele. I explained the Audi was on loan to your brother and Miss Kavanagh because her car had been totaled over Labor Day weekend. I pointed out the Ford Focus is registered to Miss Steele. I suggested, after a review of the time stamp on the tape, they talk to Katherine and Ethan Kavanagh; Miss Steele's roommates. When the car was being vandalized…Miss Steele should have been asleep."

"SPD ran a preliminary search on petite brunettes who live in a five-mile area around Pike Place Market – there's over fifty brunette women between the ages of eighteen and thirty from five feet tall to five feet three inches tall. You don't want to know how many young brunette women live in Seattle."

 **September 30**

******** _Seattle Times_ Business Section *******

Grey Enterprises Holdings announced Christian Grey has stepped away from personal investments. "I felt the need to concentrate on current mergers and acquisitions which Grey House has undertaken. My time is better spent managing our full schedule in the next quarter. I gifted my personal interests in the Esclava Salons to my former partner, Mrs. Elena Lincoln. I gifted my personal interests in a dozen restaurants and nightclubs to my sister, Mia Grey. Mia graduated from a culinary academy in Paris and is better suited to partner with the owners of the restaurants and night clubs. She's certainly more social than I am." He laughed. "Finally, I gifted my interest in Grey Construction and its subsidiaries to my brother, Elliot Grey. Additionally, I gifted him a dozen empty buildings which I own in Seattle. His company will renovate the buildings and either sell or rent them."

Questioned if he was ill and attempting to clear his schedule for medical reasons; Christian Grey grinned and challenged everyone to a foot race. "I'm in excellent health, I need to concentrate on Grey House. You can consider it a redistribution of my personal interests. Mia will announce the grand opening of her event planning company, Grey Calendars, before the holiday season begins. Elliot just hired a new work crew, many of whom are family men who have been jobless in the construction downturn. He is excited to have plenty of work to keep his work crews busy through the next calendar year."

When asked about the plans for the Esclava Salons chain, Mr. Grey explained, "That's a question for Mrs. Lincoln. As I said, I no longer have day-to-day interactions with my previous private investments." When asked about future plans for Grey House, Mr. Grey smiled again. "Because the mergers and acquisitions information is embargoed to protect stock interests in the companies we are bringing under the Grey House umbrella, I have no comment."

Grey House facilitated the merger between Seattle Business Printing and Seattle Signs. Their grand opening is October 1. The last company acquired by Grey Enterprises Holdings was Seattle Independent Publishers which became Grey Publishing in July and moved into empty office space at Grey Annex. GEH recently sold the SIP building to Christian Grey who gifted it to Grey Construction. Before that, GEH purchased a company which manufactures fiber optics, a company which manufactures solar batteries, and subsidized a grant program to WSUV to study agri science.  
******** _Seattle Times_ Business Section *******

 **XX**

Ana has not responded to my note. Should I try telegraph? Skywriter? Intermediary? Fuck, why is this so hard. That damned media release today was so much easier than ever before, but I felt a need to smile. I don't need the world knowing I'm fifty shades of fucked up. The businesses I've acquired already know what a cold bastard I am. I must keep Ana and how I feel about her in the shadows. Paparazzi doesn't need to scent on her. That would create problems in her life and I don't want to be the cause. Since the Audi was destroyed, I made Sawyer offer her transportation to work when he's driving Mia; but she won't take it. Where the hell are we in the search for Leila? Fuck, I hate my life.

 **XX**

"John, she doesn't want anything to do with me unless I get touch therapy. I'm in touch therapy, but it will take time." I shook my head. "Will she wait until I'm done, or do I get benefit of the doubt?"

"How do you feel about that?" John asked.

"I'm miserable without her. The only time I'm not miserable is when I'm working. Right now I'm working with Mia to polish her business plan for Grey Calendars. I agreed to fund it as a Grey House subsidiary for five years. After that, Mia and I will discuss the next phase of her business plan." I pause. "What is keeping Ana so busy she can't meet with me to discuss therapy?"

"Is she attending school? Working overtime? Working with her dad? Hanging out with friends? Hanging out with coworkers?" John asked. "I'm hesitant to hear your answer because you are still stalking the girl."

"She told me when we first got together she didn't want to do every weekend with me. She returned my gifts, she sent back my flowers. I wrote her a letter telling her what I was changing about myself so we could be together, but she never replied. I told her to feel free to contact me whenever she wanted, I don't want to rush her; but why hasn't she responded?" I asked.

"How did you send it?" John asked.

"I left it on the windshield of the Audi. I was afraid if I left it on her car; she wouldn't see it until Friday." I admit.

"Do you know if she received your message?" John asked.

"No. The car was trashed 24 hours later." I admitted.

"Did you think that Leila might have taken it before she destroyed the car?" John asked.

I stared at him.

"That should be one of your goals. When you find Leila; ask about the note. Ask who helped her evade you. Ask what Leila wants. Ask what she needs." John noted. "Now, let's discuss exactly what you are doing following Ana. She told you she wanted to be left alone."


	26. Chapter 26

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 26** ― "Did it never strike your mind that what every woman says, some women may feel?" Thomas Hardy; _Tess of the D'Urbervilles_

 **October 1, 2011 - 3PPOV**

******* _Seattle Nooz_ *******  
In a rare press conference yesterday, Christian Grey, CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, announced the transfer of personally owned stock to Elena Lincoln (Esclava Salons); Mia Grey (restaurants and clubs) and Elliot Grey (Grey Construction; its subsidiaries and empty buildings). After the press conference, Grey and family (Carrick, Grace, Elliot and Mia) were spotted lunching at the Mile High Club where Grey introduced his previous partners to Mia.  
******** _Seattle Nooz_ *******

******** _Seattle Nooz_ *******  
Today was the Grand Reopening of Seattle Business Printing. A recent merger between SBP and Seattle Signs was facilitated by Grey Enterprises Holdings. SBP moved into the Seattle Signs facility, coalescing business equipment, staff, clients and finances. Christian and Mia Grey were in attendance at the reopening. Mia Grey's new company, Grey Calendars, coordinated the event. Christian Grey was on hand with the new CEO, Andrew Pardell, to cut the ribbon. Seattle Business Printing will still print business needs in addition to printing large posters, signs and presentation pieces for companies.  
******** _Seattle Nooz_ *******

 **XX**

 _"WTF! I'm tired of the God-complex Grey family! I tried to find out what Mia Grey was doing every few days at Grey Annex; and now I know. Ana had lunch with Mia every day she was at Grey Annex; but Ana never shares information."_ Jack thought. _"I'm not going through this anymore…it's time to develop a plan. Since Ana won't help me bring Christian Grey to his knees…I'll do it by myself. That bastard is living the life I should have had…and it's time to end his reign as the brilliant boy billionaire."_ Jack destroyed the _Seattle Nooz_ articles from yesterday, burning holes in them with his cigarette.

The last two tips Jack gleaned from Ana's emails from Harrison took him three days of exhaustive research before he figured out which companies were in play. He barely had time to purchase stock before it rose, and it was a barely significant amount of profit. If Mia and Elliot Grey followed their brother's advice; their companies would not have public stock launches either. Only nationally franchised restaurants and nightclubs had stock available for purchase. Christian Grey would not have invested in a nationally franchised business.

Jack sat before his computer and decided to recheck staff emails at SIP/GP. Perhaps Roach had decided how to invest his funds from the SIP/GP buyout. Elizabeth's whine about dealing with SIP insurance changing over to the GEH insurance holder warned him in advance to invest in the new insurance carrier. He made a tidy profit which came to him out of the blue.

Elizabeth was so easy to manipulate. Jack duplicated her office key the first chance he got. Hacking her computer was easy. She took the new laptop back and forth between her home and the job. He just needed to see her fingers skim across the keyboard one time. It gave him access to her password: Pendragon1. She was a fan of Camelot and Renaissance fairs. Once he had her security passcode, gleaned from kissing her neck while she entered it in the elevator at work…he had what he needed to access HR files. Upon his advice; she sent staff a form on GEH letterhead asking for contact information, including passwords for computers and voice mail, in addition to security passcodes, in case of an accident or emergency.

Once he had Elizabeth's office key, her password and her security passcode… he accessed everyone's passwords and security passcodes. He was smart enough to save people's home IP addresses when he backtracked the emails they sent to and from their home computers to the office. Armed with IP addresses and passwords to emails and the server; gleaning information from everyone's computers and emails was a walk in the park. Gleaning information from Ana, verbally or by her personal emails…impossible; but he was a man with a mission. Her home computer firewall was as frustrating to break as she was.

He cursed himself. Knowing Ana was in proximity to Grey was one of the reasons he wanted her. She wasn't using work email for personal messages. She wasn't forwarding personal email received at work to a personal email account. She wasn't phone or instant message chatting with friends on work time. His modus operandi didn't work with her. She wasn't afraid of him and was able to do the jobs he tasked her with, and grudgingly, she did them well. She wouldn't give him a ride home, so he couldn't get to her that way. She parked in a secure spot at Grey Annex, so he couldn't tamper with her car; then offer her a ride home. With Mia Grey in Grey Annex, there was extra security in the building. He couldn't drag himself out of bed to watch her, Amber, Claire and Emily work out. The four of them in workout clothes would have been worth an hour on a treadmill. Travel had been curtailed at Grey Publishing. Grey Calendars would coordinate the author launch in Vegas – where Mia Grey would have security who would also watch Ana. He needed to devise a foolproof plan, and soon. Ana received an exemplary review at 90 days, so she didn't beg and offer to do anything to keep her job. Elizabeth was furious about Max's interference in Ana's review. Her 180-day review would not be scheduled in the online calendar so it could be held without interference.

Could he fake drunk and show up at her condo late at night, and have her invite him in? His chances were slim and none – she had roommates, and Grey Security to watch the roommate's boyfriend. He just needed to watch and wait. She would be vulnerable, and he would pounce. He need Grey to be vulnerable at the same time for double the satisfaction.

 **XX – 3PPOV**

"You like," Elliot asked Kate. They just test drove a new Mercedes E350 Sport. "I don't like the grey color; I think you'll get lost on the street. Red is a police magnet. Black is not safe at night."

"The white one," Kate said. "Dad's dealing with the insurance company for my previous car. Christian's dealing with the insurance company for the Audi A3. Dad gave me his bank information to pay for the car," she laughed. "I've never bought a new car before; Dad's always done it for me."

"Well, watch and learn baby, you don't want a 2012 model. Buy one of the 2011 ones they have in stock. Good price and they're desperate to clear the lot of previous models." Elliot laughed. "Besides, I need to make Dad points since the accident." He leaned down to whisper in her ear, "We're finding a dark street and properly breaking in your new back seat."

She shook her head no.

He shook his head yes.

The head shaking went on for a while…until he grabbed her and kissed her until she was in complete agreement with him.

 **XX - APOV**

Laura and I had a great day, cleaning out one of Dad's storage sheds. We managed to find half a dozen pieces which need minimal work before they can be sold. We inventoried and added things to his database. Separate parts of the database list tools; materials he has on hand; projects in progress; and projects completed. By attending Laura's class, Dad has successfully developed an Excel spreadsheet for his finances. Before the end of the year; Laura will work with him on using his spreadsheet primarily and his ledger as backup.

I taught Laura how to make Italian Beef Stew; which we loved. She taught me how to make rustic Italian bread which was great with the stew. I warned Dad and Laura to stay far away from my room; I was calling Mom. She is still not happy because I'm not dating, living with, or photographed with Christian. I told her about the fall wardrobe capsule. She was pleased with my increasing fashion sense. I didn't ask if she signed up for Google alerts about Christian, but I seriously believe she'd become a stalker of his if she lived in Seattle. Yet another reason for not inviting Mom for the holidays in Seattle.

 **Monday, October 3 – 3PPOV**

Barney noted the traffic on the GP servers over the weekend. He shook his head. They were obviously still in the honeymoon phase with GEH. Many of the upper management checked their emails over the weekend. It was a flagrant attempt to curry favor. Scant few, like Miss Steele, accessed the manuscript database in their off hours on weekends. She read manuscripts on her way to and from work on Monday-Thursday. Sometimes she read at night; never reading past eleven o'clock. She uploaded three synopses of manuscripts at 4:45 each day. She locked out her computer each time she left her desk at work. She backed up her computer daily; not taking chances with inclement weather and power blips. She never sent personal emails or forwarded emails to her personal address. Barney appreciated her approach to sensible office computing. So many people opened a database or a spreadsheet and walked away from it, getting coffee or going to the powder room.

Barney spent the weekend researching VDSL2 networks and manufacturers. VDSL2 was important to internet providers to increase broadband performance. The upgrades would also lessen interference for existing DSL users who didn't have broadband capabilities…yet. Barney located three companies who were in need of reorganization and financial restructuring. GEH could eliminate substandard manufacturing processes and equipment; giving the companies a chance to thrive. He sent those recommendations forward to Mr. Grey.

 **October 7 - 3PPOV**

Barney felt guilty following Miss Steele to _Swine and Wine_ , but his curiosity got the best of him. If Welch or Taylor asked, Barney learned Harrison was gay. Females aren't the only ones who talk in the bathroom. He called Spenser while in the bathroom, discussing what to do over the weekend. When he mentioned going dancing at a private gay club; he saw a look of acknowledgement in Harrison's eyes. Yep… his 'roommate' was his partner. Now, did Ana Steele know she was being used as a beard; or was there something else going on? Maybe she was using Harrison as a beard so her slimy boss left her alone. He saw the man in action tonight and wished Hyde had been inappropriate with Miss Steele. He would have relished holding the bastard so Harrison could get in a few face punches.

Maybe Miss Steele agreed to be a surrogate mother for the couple; it wasn't a stretch to consider possibilities. Miss Steele resembled Stanton's mother and Harrison's sister. A surrogate pregnancy would pay off her student loans. Stanton and Harrison were both well-established at their positions. They could afford a child and an au pair.

Maybe she was considering a relationship with Harrison like he had with August and Spenser. He was lucky the two loves of his life liked one another and didn't mind being roommates. Neither of them acted jealous of the other. They acted more like brother and sister than Barney ever hoped. He was also lucky they didn't consider his bisexual status an impediment. He could shop with August and fuck Spenser. He could go to sports bars with Spenser and fuck August. She loved to go clubbing with them because she was guaranteed decent dance partners. She loved cooking with Spenser and Spenser loved doing house DIY projects with August. They shared Barney's three-bedroom home. August's only requirement for moving in with him and Spenser was she got the master bedroom and bathroom – and never had to clean their bathroom. For the joy of sharing his life and his bed with her; Barney was willing to soundproof all the bedrooms and pay for a housekeeper.

 **XX**

"So how is your work going?" Jack asked Harley.

"Busy – everyone's gearing up for the holiday season," Harley said, watching Ana pick up their order to go. "Cyber stores, fast food franchises, discount travel sites, high end food markets, furniture retailers, high end lingerie retailers, jewelers. Although gold and silver investments are always an excellent idea, they are even more so because of Christmas, Valentine's Day and June weddings. My clients don't buy stock in national clothing chains because so many of them have deep discounts after Christmas. It's a tough way to make a profit."

"That's interesting to know," Jack said. "Does Ana listen to your stock tips?"

Harley laughed. "She learned to tune out proprietary information from her roommate Kate Kavanagh. I keep saying smart investments will help her pay off her student loans early. I hoping to get her to invest her income tax refund, but it may not happen."

"Are you interested in acquiring a new client?" Jack asked Harley.

"If you mean you…I can't take you on as a client. It would be an awkward situation with Ana; you being her boss and me being the significant other." _Well, shit…neither he nor the SEC considered that scenario._

 **XX - APOV**

"I've been picking up items as I see them," Shawn explained. "A fabulous LBD for holiday parties, funerals, or dressy work dinners. A navy tweed and a navy wool pencil skirt, both fully lined. A cranberry cardigan jacket, with belt for cool fall days. A white brushed cotton long-sleeve, button-down shirt. My last find was a white silk tunic, great with dark skinny jeans for dress down days. These are all great for a fall capsule wardrobe. They will keep your friend Kate happy."

"And my Mother!" I said.

"What are you doing for Halloween?" Shawn asked. "I promised a friend at SPD to help with Safe Streets at WSCC. Hot dogs, cute kids in costumes, the pleasure of Harley and my company …and I already have our costumes. Harley and I are dressing up in vintage 1960s tuxedos… Bond, James Bond, baby. I bought a vinyl backdrop of a revolver and Bond, it's 8 feet by 8 feet. We're taking vintage martini classes and a thermos of faux martinis with us. You could dress up like Audrey Hepburn from _Breakfast at Tiffany's_."

"How can I refuse?" I laughed.

"Come here after work, I'll do your hair for you. The LBD I bought you will be perfect. I'll find the tiara, pearls, gloves and heels you need."

"Thank you for the offer. Kate always wants to dress slutty and visit all the local bars. I hope Elliot has other plans for her this year." I said.

"Like playing ghosts in the sheets?" Shawn laughed. "He'll be her trick; she'll be his treat."

"Not going there…" I said.

 **XX**

"We've been tracking Hyde and his purchases, in addition to his stockbroker. We don't know where Elena Lincoln's getting her information, but her purchases haven't decreased very much. She's still investing in companies prior to their acquisition by GEH. Despite the announcement Grey is no longer her business partner; someone's telling her proprietary information. No contact orders have been filed against her for Carrick, Grace, Elliot, Mia and Christian Grey, along with businesses, residences, and known places they visit. She can't get within 1000 feet of Kate or you; especially when Elliot is visiting." Harley explained when they had a few minutes after dinner.

"Have you been watching the salons to see if anyone from those companies visits them? People tell their hairdresser a lot of things." I said. "She's practiced at the art of small talk and making clients comfortable. Is she still working on charities? If any of those women are in contact with Grace…she could be getting her information via third party contact."

"My boss wants to make arrests before the end of the year." Harley said. "I will be out of touch the last half of November. Shawn and I are off work the 11th through the 13th. I'm attending the Annual Government-Business Forum on November 17. It's being held in DC, but our office is attending by videoconference. Then we're taking vacation from November 19 through December 3. We're traveling to Buenos Aires for spring."

"I thought it was Paris in the spring," I laughed.

"It is Paris in the spring," Harley laughed, "but it's Australia or Buenos Aires in the fall…which is their spring. What are you doing for Thanksgiving?"

"Mom wants me to come to Savannah; but I'm going to Montesano. Laura and I are cooking a feast and feeding friends and the freezer." I laughed. _I'd rather play with Timber and Tundra than fend off bitchy comments from my Mother because I'm not thankful for Christian Grey taking notice of me._

 **October 14 - CPOV**

I freeze. My heart rate catapults into overdrive as the darkness surfaces, stretching and tightening its claws around my throat.

"Whoa…breathe," Sela said. "Look down at your chest… watch the rise and fall of your chest. In…out …in…out… rhythmically …in…out…in…out. You are here. You did not fall apart. You did not shatter. Just breathe…"

Several minutes pass. The darkness in me recedes. "We can begin again," I said.

"Do I have your permission to touch?" Sela asked.

"Yes," I said.

"Because of the stress you just experienced, I want to massage your shoulders, upper arms and neck, above the bandage. We can try your abdomen area and lower back next week. Is that acceptable?" Sela asked.

"Yes." I said.

"I will play quiet, classical music," Sela nodded at John who turned on the sound system. "I won't touch in the area delineated by the torso bandage. Let's begin."

I lay there, my eyes closed, listening to the music, feeling Sela's touch as she massaged my front, my upper chest from shoulder to shoulder, across my collar bone, my neck. Her touch is easier this week. Last week I felt tense. When she finishes with my front, I turn over and let her massage my shoulders, across my upper back, my neck, down and up my upper spine with medium pressure…

 _Ana is here; we are dancing. She wants me to teach her how to dance. We're gliding back and forth the length of the wall of windows in my penthouse, looking out at the sunset glowing warm on our skin. We watch the sky darken and the stunning lights of the city bloom. I'm so lucky to have her dancing with me…holding my hand, holding my bicep, standing on my feet. I hold her against me and she watches the silly grin on my face as I stare down at her…_

"Christian…" it's not Ana's voice awakening me. "It's late. You've been asleep for almost three hours. It's been enlightening." Sela said.

"Did I talk in my sleep?" I asked.

"No, it gave me a chance to observe you while you are completely relaxed. When you fell asleep, I did not touch you. I did not want you to experience a nightmare."

"Thank you…I haven't had a good nap like this in weeks." I said, pulling on my sweatshirt. "I'm sorry to have kept you for hours John," I apologized.

"Not an issue Christian; Sela and I caught up on a lot of paperwork." John replied. "I sent Taylor out for sandwiches and coffee. He was getting antsy about you not waking up. I think he thought we drugged you into sleeping." John laughed. "When the blanket we had on you cooled, we replaced it with a warm one. I think they kept you knocked out."

"How do you feel?" Sela asked.

"Refreshed, energized," I replied. "Taylor will probably be pissed, but I probably won't go back to sleep for hours. I'll be good and not play the piano. I'll just work in the home office. He can go to sleep in his quarters."

"No stress?" She reaffirmed.

"None," I said.

"Time us John," she said, handing over a handful of index cards. "Questions for tonight." She stepped up toe to toe with me, her hands on top of my shoulders. My hands on her waist.

"E-reader or book?" John began asking either-or questions. "Star Wars or Star Trek? TV or read? Theatre or movie? Pool or ocean? Plane or car? RV or tent while camping? Coffee or tea? Email or letters? Watching sports or playing sports? Paint or wallpaper? Night or day? Breakfast or brunch? Cake or pie?"

"Chocolate cake…which reminds me to ask my housekeeper to make one for me." I said.

"You can't buy a bakery on your way hone?" Sela teased.

"Mrs. Jones chocolate cake is the best I've ever tasted…and I've tasted good chocolate cake in hundreds of restaurants in the world." I explained.

Sela laughed, shook my left hand and sent me on my way.

 **XX - APOV**

"Come out and eat pizza, drink some beer and have a good time dancing," Kate said.

"Thanks for the offer," I tell Kate, "but remember what happened the last time I went drinking with you and José? Just in case you forgot…I got drunk and fell into Christian's bed. Remember how that turned out?" I said.

"Yeah, I got Elliot, for which I will be ever grateful to you and will eventually name one of my daughters after you." Kate said. "Are you coming out willingly, or am I authorizing Elliot to throw you over his shoulder…"

"I've got things to do tomorrow, so I'm not drinking tonight. I'm not staying out until the bar closes and I'm the designated driver." I insisted.

"We can't stay out late anyway," Kate said. "Mia wants us to go to the Emerald Club. She and Elliot agreed to go sailing with Christian this weekend. They're going from the club to Escala. It's my dad's birthday so Ethan and I are going there first thing tomorrow morning. We probably won't be home until Monday night. José is spending the night. He's thinking of getting his master's degree at U-Dub. He has a meeting with an advisor on campus. Once he's done at U-Dub; he's off to see his dad in Port Townsend before going back to Portland. So what's your weekend plans?"

"Clean the lint filter on the dryer, clean the refrigerator, clean the freezer, organize the cupboards, clean the closets and clean the balcony…" I made it sound as B-O-R-I-N-G as possible.

"Steele," Kate said in a threatening tone.

"All right…breakfast with José, you and Ethan, book sale at the library; target practice at Target Rippers; wash my car; grocery shopping, shop Pike Place Market; batch cook, laundry, clean my bedroom, add my new clothes to the list of ensembles, make a list of holiday things to do, and watch the Jane Austen weekend on BBC America. Six hours of Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy…what more could a girl want?" I shake my head and go put on club appropriate clothes – my great consignment jeans, my rose shirt, jean jacket, hobo bag, denim wedges... and a ponytail – I'm club ready.

 **Saturday, October 15**

During breakfast with my friends; we talked about our Thanksgiving and Christmas plans. José and his dad will come to Montesano to share the holidays with Dad and me. He can't stay for Thanksgiving weekend as he needs to work on his senior engineering project. Kate's family is going with the Grey family to Aspen for Thanksgiving. She's invited to Aspen with Elliot for Christmas. Ethan is working at the psych clinic over Christmas vacation. Both José and Ethan seem pleased I'm headed to Montesano for the holidays. Get a grip!

I'm off to the book sale at the library. I'm glad I brought a spare tote with me. I found a hardcover copy of _Rebecca_ , _The Tenant of Wildfell Hall_ and _Dragonwyck_. I found a compilation of ten classic British short stories, and bought it because it had _An Imaginative Woman_ by Thomas Hardy. I also bought an anthology of classic British poetry by women authors which included the Bronte sisters, Elizabeth Barrett Browning and Christina Rossetti. And, because I could, I bought a handful of bodice rippers for Kate.

There's an envelope stuck under the windshield wiper of my car. I know I'm not supposed to touch it, but I don't feel like alerting Dad, Taylor or the police. What worries me, is who followed me to the library? I check my perimeter…and there's no obvious creepers. Once I'm secure in the car; I rip open the envelope and take out three pictures…of me…from last night. In the background of the pictures, a face is circled. The sticky note on the first one says "Do you know you are being followed?" _Yes, you stupid ass, I'm obviously being followed if you put this envelope on my windshield at a public library._

I put the pictures back in the envelope and have a good laugh. Sawyer wasn't following me. He is assigned to Mia's entourage. We had a great time last night. I got lots of ideas from watching the food plates flowing past us last night. I think I could recreate some of those gourmet flatbread pizzas. I add some notes to the grocery list. I've got things to do – and I'm burning daylight.

 **XX**

***** _Seattle Nooz_ *****  
Amazing incendiary pictures were taken of Mia Grey at the Emerald Club last night. Some man, who thought Miss Mia was 'hot, hot, hot', sent flaming drinks over to the table she shared with her brother, Elliot, Kate and Ethan Kavanagh and an unknown couple. The group didn't stay after midnight, citing weekend plans.

Miss Mia, who owns stock in the Emerald Club, attended a stockholder's meeting on Thursday, but last night was the first time she partied like a co-owner.  
***** _Seattle Nooz_ *****

 **XX - APOV**

I printed the _Seattle Nooz_ online article and added pictures and note about mandatory fun with Kate and Elliot. I'll drop them in an interdepartmental envelope and leave it at Security in Grey Annex for Taylor on Monday. Hopefully he gets a giggle out of it.

 **October 17 - APOV**

I finally get home from work and slip off my shoes. I'm glad I wore flats and not heels today. Which reminds me to tuck a pair of flats and a pair of heels in a tote and leave them at work. I don't want to need flats when I'm wearing heels and vice versa. Jack was constantly in my work space today. He doesn't mention the _Seattle Nooz_ article; but this is the way he acts when I'm in the news. There's no picture of me in the gallery on _Seattle Nooz_. Since it mentions my roommates; he must think I'm part of the 'unknown couple.' Hopefully he'll think it was Harley with me.

I'm emotionally 'off' today. I don't know what it is; but I struggled to maintain a pleasant attitude at work. I'm worn out from fetching coffee and from enduring Jack's inquisition about the manuscripts I have read. I cannot wait until our new clerical trainee is onboard and able to run her ass off fetching coffee. Surprisingly, Ethan's at home. He's making dinner.

"Hi, Kate," Ethan said when he answered his phone. He frowns and looks at me. "Sure," he said and turns to me. "It's Kate … she wants to talk to you."

"Ana." Kate's voice is brusque and quiet, prickling my scalp ominously.

"What's wrong?" I asked. "You could have called my cell."

"Please check it; for some reason I couldn't reach you. Did you block connections from Escala?" her voice contains a definite frown. "It's Christian. He and Ros never arrived in Portland."

"What? What do you mean?" I asked. I didn't know he was flying to Portland, but he hates to be late for anything. Not showing and not calling to apprise anyone of his delay is unlike Christian.

"His helicopter is missing. Taylor tried the transponder signal, and there's no response." Kate said. "Taylor and the security team pinged Christian and Ros's phones but they aren't making contact. They were due at WSUV at ten o'clock this morning. They never arrived at the helipad in Portland. Taylor was there, waiting for them." Kate says Sawyer will use her email to send Ethan directions on how to unblock the Escala network.

"Charlie Tango?" I whisper as all the breath leaves my body. "No!" I'm cold. Bone-chillingly cold. The cold expands as I process the news Charlie Tango is missing. My bones feel frigidly cold. My hands are like ice. I hand Ethan his phone and go to my bedroom to put on sweats and thick socks. _Where is he?_ _I remember the flight from Portland to Seattle…our first night together. Hot tears pour down my face as I feel what is left of my heart shatter. I can't be there to offer comfort, help or a hug._

"Ana," Ethan called out to me. "You need to see this."

When I go to the living room, the big plasma TV broadcasts the news: "CHRISTIAN GREY MISSING". I watch the news channel, but there's no news. There is a rehash of his life up to this point…including the fact he was the guest speaker at my WSUV graduation. There is a videotape of his speech and shaking hands with students…but neither Kate nor I are in the footage. The picture of us is never shown, and I'm never mentioned. I can only watch the news coverage for so long. The Portland news reporter interviewed WSUV staff who have not heard from Christian either. They express sympathies to his family…like it's confirmed he's dead.

"Do you want me to unblock Christian's network at Escala so Kate can call and email?' Ethan asked. I nod numbly and hand him my phone. He brings me my laptop, and I open it, entering the password and hand it off to him. I tuck my freezing hands inside my sweatshirt sleeves to try to warm them.

 _He's not dead_ , I sternly tell myself. _Would_ _I feel it if he was_?

The Portland news reporter shows Taylor and Welch talking to authorities. The conference room in the Heathman is Grey Central until the situation is resolved. They are tight-lipped, not providing information to the gathering throng of reporters.

 _The fact is, he's missing. He's been missing for eight hours. No sign, no word from him. No one knows where to search – they've been over his flight plan. There's no sign of Christian, Ros or Charlie Tango. I can't bear to wonder where he is. I can't bear to think if he's hungry or hurt. Please God, please let Christian be okay. Please God, please let Christian be okay. Please God, please let Christian be okay. Please God…_

 _Have I been a damned fool? Please don't cut his life short. He's trying to change – I saw it at the Grey Publishing Open House. Please, please. We haven't had enough time; we need more time. Was it wrong of me to want him healthy, to want him free from his past? Was it wrong of me to need to touch him, to show him I was falling in love with him…yes, that hasn't changed._

Kate texts my phone. Sawyer's directions lifted the communications block. "No news, don't lose hope."

I text back: "Sending air hugs and prayers."

Mom calls and I don't answer the phone. I don't need her hysterics right now. Christian's disappearance probably just hit the ten o'clock news in Savannah. I don't dare talk to her. She hasn't forgiven me for taking a break away from Christian. I don't need her to advise me to dress up, make up, woman up and tell the world I'm Christian Grey's love. _I walked away from him. I have no right to proclaim my confused feelings to anyone._

"They'll find him," Ethan says confidently. "I made pizza," he announces.

We sit there, nibbling at the pizza…I'm not hungry but Ethan insists I eat. I take my tablet and read, writing synopses while watching the news.

Kate texts me, "They've called off the search for the night. Get some sleep. I'll be in touch the minute we hear anything."

I tell Ethan good night, and go to my room, lying on my bed. I drift off to sleep…dreaming of Christian. I wake instantly when my phone rings. It's Jack. I don't answer his call. I glance at the clock. It's after eleven, heading toward midnight. Damn time! With each passing hour, I am preparing myself for the worst. I close my eyes and offer up another silent prayer. _Please don't let Jack Hyde come here. I'll have Ethan turf him._ _Oh please, Lord, bring Christian back, please let him be okay. I'll go to church … I'll go to therapy and work out my self-esteem issues…I'll work hard to make the world a better place for someone who is hurting._

When I go to the bathroom, Ethan hears me moving about and follows me back to my room. He hands me a tissue and then clears his throat. "Ana, I know you won't believe this…but you wouldn't react like this if you didn't love the man."

"You're wrong. I care about him…I don't want him to be hurt. I don't want him to be dead…his family…they are wonderful people." I protest.

"Ana, I thought you were getting over him. I thought I finally had a chance with you…but I'm a selfish man. I know you will never love me or any other man the way you love him. Your mouth can deny it…but it's not convincing your heart. It's better for me to step away from you right now…or I will be the one with the broken heart." He kissed me gently on the forehead. "In time I will be one of your best friends…but right now, I can't be your confidante…it hurts too much." Ethan let himself out of my room, leaving me to cry and pray for Christian's safe return. I get my Charlie Tango balloon from my memory box and take it to bed with me.

 _I think Ethan is right; I may still be in love with Christian. It's stupid…we're both emotionally immature...my Juliet to his Romeo. It's time to fix my life._

I email Elizabeth and Mr. Roach; I need a personal day off work tomorrow. I apologize, but I'm cashing in one of the five days of paid leave Mr. Grey gave me for working during the relocation. _As far as I'm concerned; if my day off is an issue – Elizabeth is cordially invited to fire me._

 **XX – 3PPOV**

Why isn't Ana answering her phone? This is fucking perfect – I can show up at her condo – a little buzzed and offer her a shoulder to cry on. Things will naturally progress. If by some miracle Christian Grey survives the helicopter crash; he won't survive her betraying him. Even if nothing happens, if I can get pictures of me, naked, in her bed. It will shatter him and make her vulnerable to me. How fucking perfect.

If he is dead - it will kill Elliot Grey to know she betrayed his brother on the day he died. Kate Kavanagh will throw her out of the condo. The next place she lives will be less secure…and no Grey security! Jack shoved some liquid ecstasy and a ribbon of condoms in his pocket, grabbed his car keys and headed for the door. He wouldn't call again until he got to her condo –so she wouldn't have time to change her mind about company while she was waiting to hear news. Besides, she would be one of the first people the family notified. He would have the news firsthand. It was a fast eight-block drive from his condo to hers.

WHAT THE FUCK IS HER FATHER'S TRUCK DOING HERE? WAIT…Grey must be dead. Okay…not bedding Ana tonight. But, sooner or later, she will have a meltdown over Grey's death, and he will be there to offer comfort and aide. The Grey family will shun her for betraying his memory. She might even be fired from Grey Publishing. The possible scenarios filled his mind.

 **October 18 - APOV**

Ethan is sleeping on the couch? The TV is on low. I go to the bathroom and come out. I am quiet, I don't want to wake him. When I come out of the bathroom, the body on the couch moves!

"Daddy!" I don't make it more than three steps before he has me; holding me, telling me it will be alright. I sob until I can't sob anymore.

"Annie, enough…calm down. Catch your breath." Dad says, handing me a tissue. "It was either I come here in the middle of the night; or your mom was throwing herself on the next plane headed toward Seattle. I needed to deliver some things to an antique store here in Seattle. Instead of waiting for the weekend, I came up last night. You were sleeping, Ethan let me in and gave me a spare key. He was leaving to go to his parents."

"It's my fault," I said, sniffling.

"Christian?" He asked.

"Ethan. I don't love him, and he knows I still have feelings for Christian." I sniffled.

"Annie, I watched you around Ethan, around José, around the good-looking young vets, around my single available clients, around the men at the hardware store, around boys you went to school with…you never wanted any of them. It is not your fault if they had hopes and dreams. If you didn't want Christian, then what he wanted would not matter." He sighed and hugged me; holding me close in his arms. "What do you want to do, little girl?"

"Church, I'm praying for Christian." I sniffled.

"I'll go with you," Dad said.

I put on a yoga outfit Kate put in my closet. I brush and braid my hair. I put on sneakers, grab my keys, wallet and put my phone on vibrate. We walk to Christ Our Hope Catholic Church on West Second Avenue. They are open for morning prayers; their first service won't start until 9:30. I've been to Mass with Kate; I know what to do. I write Christian's initials on the prayer board before I light a candle for him. _"Lord, please keep him safe. Please let him come home to his family who loves him so much."_ I repeat my prayers over and over until the sanctuary begins to fill with people. Dad and I leave and head back to the condo.

Kate texts me. "The search is back on. Taylor contacted a helicopter search and rescue team. They went up at seven this morning to fly grids. They are starting with his flight plan and working outward."

I text back. "I'm at home today. I'm not answering the phone or door unless it's you, Ethan, etc."

Kate texts me. "I'm heading for the condo now. Elliot, Carrick, Grace and Mia are traveling to Portland with Sawyer. They will depart in minutes."

I text back. "Please tell them I lit a candle for Christian's safe return. I'm sending air hugs and prayers."

Dad and I make breakfast; Kate's incoming. Dad tells me about an estate auction for an older man he knew. He bid on a shed of stuff, sight unseen. He hoped some of the man's woodworking tools, etc. were in the shed. The shed was full of usable tools, antique tools, wood, antique furniture, antique doors and windows along with boxes of antique locks. He sorted the locks last week and kept a few dozen furniture locks. He has four totes of antique locks he arranged to sell to an antique store while he is here today. He laughed and told me about the FoodSaver® and bags in the shed. The man used it to separate and store nails, screws, etc.

I thank Dad for coming today; but I want him to go home and go to class. Especially since his windfall from the shed needs itemized in his inventory database. This situation will sort itself and I won't be alone when Kate gets here.

Dad hugs me goodbye. He says Laura sends her love. He said he will call Mom and calm her down once he gets back to Montesano. Dad says I'm welcome in Montesano if anything happens and I need a shoulder to cry on.

 **XX**

Kate and I are quiet. The news channels rehash everything from last night. I've cleaned until there is nothing left to clean. I tucked Charlie Tango under my pillow, out of sight, out of line of fire for Kate's questions. I made seafood Cobb salad, but neither Kate nor I are very hungry. I'm reading manuscripts, completing synopses; trying not to think about the Tess books I gave back to Christian.

Kate lets out a shriek when her phone rings. "Elliot," her brave voice quavers a little. "Really, when? Where? Call me!" She turned to me. "Air rescue spotted the wreckage, but there's no sign of Christian or Ros. The flight crew reported Charlie Tango is intact, but they think there's fire damage."

I send up a prayer for Christian and his family. I'm trying to stay busy and not stress; but it's not working.

 **XX**

I've fallen asleep, exhaustion overwhelmed me. Kate's shriek scares me wide awake. She answers her phone. "Elliot…" she listens and her face is blank. "Oh, thank god," she murmurs. "Call me back when they've arrived and you've seen him." She blew kisses at Elliot before she hung up.

"Christian got a message out. Taylor sent their coordinates to Air Rescue. They've spotted Christian and Ros and have called in a ground rescue team. They will be at a hospital in Portland within two hours."

We both break down into sobs. Kate reaches for a bottle of wine. I reach for ice cream. Hours pass before there's a TV report showing Christian leaving the hospital with one arm wrapped around Grace and one wrapped around Mia. I can finally go to bed for a few hours. I put Charlie Tango away. He was my talisman. I don't want him to be damaged by my tossing and turning.

 **XX - CPOV**

"We were flying low, about two hundred feet above ground level. I wanted to show Ros the gorge when the instrument panel lit up. We had a fire in the tail section. I had no choice but to cut all the electronics, then the main engine caught fire." I shook my head. "I set Charlie Tango down, got Ros out and managed to put the fires out."

"A fire? Both engines?" Carrick is horrified.

"Yes." I interrupt him. "It was sheer luck I was flying so low," I shook my head.

"But I thought…" Carrick swallowed hard.

"I know; we carry extinguishers - by law," I explained. "With the electronics out, we had no radio. Somehow the transponder wasn't transmitting. I couldn't risk turning the engines on because of the fire. We changed into hiking clothes. I found the first aid kit and was able to bandage Ros's hand. GPS was still working on my smart phone, so I was able to navigate south. We started hiking before ten and stopped before seven. I was able to find enough stones to build a fire ring to keep us warm. When we woke in the morning, we hiked about four more hours before we came to a clearing and had cell reception. Ros's battery was dead by then. I got a text out to Taylor. He texted back to stay where we were and to rest, he was sending search and rescue. After that, I kept my phone on until the battery died."

 **XX – 3PPOV**

Reynolds report to Jason Taylor:

Miss Steele missed work today. Ray Steele in Seattle. They went to church; returned to condo. K. Kavanagh home today also. Ladies stayed close to home. R. Steele dropped off truckload of items to two places. Back home in Montesano before tonight's class started.

 **October 19**

******** _Seattle Times_ ********  
Christian Grey and Rosalynne Bailey - Rescued

What was supposed to be a two-day trip for Grey and Bailey became a 36-hour nightmare for their families. Grey and Bailey left Seattle Monday morning, October 17 to fly to Portland, Oregon. They were scheduled to meet with officials at University of Washington, Vancouver to discuss grant funding. Their helicopter, owned by Grey Enterprises Holdings and piloted by Christian Grey, developed catastrophic engine failure. Before the helicopter guidance system failed, Grey set the helicopter down in a forested area near the Columbia River Gorge.

"We had time to grab the fire suppressant tanks and battle the fire in the engine compartment before it consumed the helicopter. We changed out of suits into jeans, hoodies and sneakers. Christian dumped the important papers and laptops we had with us with into a duffel bag. We had no food, minimal water and no cell service. We started hiking south. When it was too dark to continue hiking; we slept in a small ground clearing. We would not have been seen from the air, as the tree canopy was quite thick. When dawn broke, Christian woke me and we resumed hiking."

Grey and Bailey eventually hiked to an opening in the forest. Once they were able to get two bars on Grey's cell phone, they contacted the GEH security force to tell them what happened. GEH security alerted Portland Mountain Rescue. While security crews pinged Grey's cell signal, a PMR air crew began an active search for them by air late Tuesday morning. Once they were spotted, PMR ground crews found them by mid-afternoon.

"They were a bit worse for wear, but so much better than we expected after the helicopter went down and caught fire. Grey was bruised and dehydrated. Bailey had a second degree burn on her left hand which Grey bandaged with supplies from the helicopter emergency kit. He covered her hand with a gym sock to keep the bandage clean. She was also bruised and dehydrated. Once we examined them; hydrated them; and fed them protein bars; we explained the rough terrain we were facing to get them out," Aaron Vance, PMR crew chief said.

"The foliage was too dense for safe extraction by air where they were located. Our choices were a brutal two-hour hike to an extraction site where we could take them out by helicopter; or an hour and a half downhill hike to a UR (utility road) through rough terrain. Grey and Bailey chose not to go by helicopter. We radioed the helicopter crew; we were coming out on foot. The helicopter crew radioed headquarters who contacted GEH."

"We hiked out for just over one and a half hours to the UR where we met ground crews waiting with ATVs. Grey and Bailey were fatigued by then; but were in excellent spirits. We radioed PMR to have an ambulance waiting. It took us another 30 minutes via ATV from the utility road to the paved parking area by the trailhead. Grey and Bailey were taken to Providence Portland Medical Center. After examination and treatment, Grey and Bailey were greeted by family and GEH security. Upon release and a quick sound byte thanking PMR for their rescue, Grey and Bailey were taken to the Portland Airport and flown home to Seattle on the GEH corporate jet." Vance said.

"Bailey and Grey posed for a group shot with our PMR rescue team, PPMC staff and Metro West paramedics and then with their family members and security staff. Grey said the NTSB would be in touch on how to retrieve the GEH helicopter and take it back to Boeing Field in Seattle for analysis and repair."

GEH Communications announced Grey and Bailey were sorry to miss their meeting with the WSUV officials; but wanted to assure the public and university officials their grant funding at WSUV would continue. GEH publicly thanked PMR, PPMC and Metro West for their excellent rescue and care of Grey and Bailey.

 _Photo Caption: Christian Grey and Rosalynne_ _Bailey are hugged by family members after their rescue._

 **XX - APOV**

Kate wasn't home when I left this morning. Christian was not in touch either. I'm dressed and on my way to work. I drove today. I texted Jessica I need my parking spot. There are things to do. Just in case Christian comes looking for me; I'm wearing the plum ensemble. My hair is in big soft waves and curls. My makeup is almost perfect. I barely ate breakfast, staring at the online report and rescue pictures of Christian and Ros Bailey.

I'm amazed to see the group hug photo of Christian and his family. He really is getting touch therapy. My thoughts and fears Christian died in the helicopter crash are a dark memory. Ethan is right, I still have feelings for Christian and it's time for my journey of self-discovery and maturity. Sometimes, I don't like who I am without him, and I forget who I am when I'm with him.

I text Harley. Any hesitation I had about nailing Jack or Elena evaporated. I need to see Harley tonight because I made an appointment with a "life coach" tomorrow. I snicker. Kate will never let me live this down if she finds out. I just need someone discreet to talk to; someone who won't blab the details of my life to the universe or badger me to a breaking point with intrusive questions.

 **XX – 3PPOV**

OMG! Master was almost killed…why wasn't she there when he was released from the hospital? I would have been there. I would have let him know how much he meant to me. Accidents take away everyone you love in minutes and you never get that time back. Why is Master waiting around for someone who doesn't want him? Leila broke down in tears and cried until she fell asleep. When she woke, she didn't remember if she was crying for Master, or crying for her lost love. She just knew Master would take away her hurtful pain and replace it with pleasant pain she wanted…and needed.

 **XX – 3PPOV**

"He's safe," Olivia spoke tearfully into the phone. "He's taking a few days off to be with his parents and grandparents."

"Where are you calling from?" Lauren asked. "There's an echo."

"His private bathroom at Grey House," Olivia said. "I'm supposed to ensure it's stocked with toiletries and towels. I'm to gather any dirty clothes to take to Security."

"Send me a picture," her friend urged. "I'd love to see his bathroom."

"Not just no, but OMG, I'll be fired no!" Olivia said. "You just need to know this bathroom is masculine and smells just like him… yummy. I need to go. I was supposed to be done 15 minutes ago." She sighed. She took a picture of his bathroom for her. Sometimes a girl needs pictures and the name of his cologne for midnight fantasies.

Her desk had been inundated all morning with flowers, gourmet chocolates, fruit baskets, bottles of expensive champagne, phone calls and best wishes from the universe …celebrating the fact Christian Grey was alive. The building was festive…like it was a holiday…which it was…their benefactor, Christian Grey, would be around to run the business for another day. Andrea kept a running list of the items delivered; Security distributed bouquets to Northwest Hospital; chocolates and champagne to the Greater Seattle Chamber of Commerce to send to new businesses. Fruit baskets were delivered to Northwest Harvest in the city. Andrea kept a huge bouquet for the console table by the elevator, and kept a large box of gourmet chocolates for the executive office staff.

Olivia tried not to stress; but her mother said when men like Christian Grey had life-altering experiences…they generally made room in their lives for a wife, family and a life outside of business. Olivia knew she was not the woman he wanted… he still had the hots for Anastasia Steele. Olivia didn't understand…there was nothing special about her. She was certainly not on the same social level as Olivia or her roommate, Kate Kavanagh. What the hell did he see in that shy bookworm? Neither Lauren nor Elena understood it; and they were so good about listening to her mope about him. Elena urged her to be there to support him during his upcoming M&A meetings. She counseled Oliva to take a lesson in self-confidence from Andrea. She was, after all, the assistant personal assistant to Christian Grey. She was obviously capable, or she would not have the position.

She took a picture of his cologne; planning to stop and pick up sample cards of it. Maybe Andrea would let her keep a bottle of champagne for celebrating.


	27. Chapter 27

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 27 –** "Though a good deal is too strange to be believed, nothing is too strange to have happened." –Thomas Hardy, _The Personal Notebooks of Thomas Hardy_

 **October 20 – APOV**

"Okay, I'm officially curious," Mary Bayer says. "I signed your nondisclosure agreement, but I don't talk about my clients to anyone. I'm bound by doctor-patient confidentiality. Your NDA was not necessary."

"Believe me, it was," I'm glad we're sequestered in a private office, away from the large group of women entering and exiting the building. I asked yesterday for an extended lunch hour for a health appointment today. Elizabeth gave me a questioning look. I didn't offer more information; I just explained I would work late to make up the time. "I have self-esteem issues. I had a relationship with a man. I cannot tell you his name," I hand her my phone which has the graduation picture on it. It has the picture of Christian at the art gallery with my sun ray picture. It has a picture of us at the Grey Publishing Open House.

Her eyes widen significantly before she hands the phone back to me. I immediately delete the pictures. "I signed a non-disclosure agreement for him. I am not supposed to talk about him to anyone, but I need someone to talk to. Hence, the NDA."

"Well, let's get to know one another and then we'll develop a plan to meet your goals." Mary said. "I'll tell you three things about me, and then you tell me three things about you. We will exchange information a few times until you are comfortable with me. Ready?" She asked.

I nodded.

"Okay – I love carbs, but I only eat them on Sunday. Pancakes, waffles, muffins, pasta, cake, ice cream, mashed potatoes with cream gravy or biscuits dripping with honey butter. I try not to eat copious amounts, but that's my day to indulge. My life is filled with either the _Ya-Ya Sisterhood_ or _Steel Magnolias_. I'm from Raleigh, South Carolina. My mom and her four sisters are a force of nature. They take after my maternal grandmother and her two sisters. I'm in Seattle, on the West Coast, because I fell in love with a marketing manager whose family is located here. We have a condo in the city, but we spend weekends on the family acreage outside the city. It has several dozen apple and other fruit trees along with nut trees and berry bushes or fields. The acreage has a cleared area where everyone in the extended family has a cabin. We have the option of opening our cabins to tourists. Renting them helps the property with taxes and upkeep." She indicated it was my time to talk.

"I was born at Camp Pendleton, my biological father died in a Marine Corps training exercise the day after I was born. My mother has been married four times. She is currently married and living in Savannah, Georgia. The man I call Dad is Mom's second husband, Ray Steele. He's been part of my life since I can remember. I have no siblings. I don't know if I have an extended family because I know nothing about my biological Father's or my Mother's families. Mom doesn't talk about them."

"Okay, let's do that again," Mary said, sipping her water. "A health scare for my maternal grandmother lead to interest in personal health for my mother, aunts, cousins and me. My mom and aunts bought an old warehouse in Raleigh and renovated it into a gym for women. I donate blood regularly and have been typed for the National Organ Donor Registry. I exercise daily, swim weekly and participate in marathons that support charities."

"I hate exercising, but running and walking clear my head. I have worked since I was sixteen. I worked at a hardware store while I was in college. Lots of people think it's weird I worked there for four years, but my Dad owns Steele Woodworks in Montesano. He taught me about woods, screws, nails, tools, etc. My degree is in English Literature from WSUV. I work for a publishing company. I don't necessarily love my job; but I love the company and most of the things I'm learning."

"Very good…do you feel like another round?" Mary asked. She started talking when I nodded. "I love to read. I read science fiction and fantasy books. I love _Harry Potter, Vampire Academy, Lord of the Rings, Dune, A Song of Fire and Ice_ …which leads me to comment that fire and ice roses are my favorite flower." She pointed to a bud vase on her desk holding three petite fire and ice rosebuds. "I read _Seattle Met, Seattle Life_ and the lifestyle section of Seattle _Times_ and the _New York Times_ before I read books. I love art deco motif clothes, jewelry, buildings, etc. I love _The Great Gatsby_ for the settings and costumes, plus the cars! I don't care for jazz music…it sounds like people arguing to me. I like the big band sounds of Gershwin, Dorsey, Miller, etc." She indicated it was my turn to talk.

"I prefer tea to coffee. I love tea shops; I love bridal and baby tea party showers. I love to cook. My roommates would cripple you for my lasagna. I would like to travel to England and Italy one day, to see where writers lived and wrote. I love classic English literature, Hardy, Elliot, Bronte sisters, Austin, Dickens and Wilde. I'm a jeans and sweatshirts girl. I dress nice for work… which is an issue since Mr. Nameless bought the company. Every woman and lots of men, have upgraded their wardrobes and personal grooming so that they might catch his gaze. We don't have casual Fridays at work anymore. I don't like casual conversations over drinks with coworkers on Fridays. I don't like cocktail parties."

"Rule number one - you have to use real names. Giving people nicknames gives them power in your life - like Lord Voldemort in the Harry Potter movies. Why don't you like socializing over drinks?" Mary asked.

"My Mother's third husband was a functioning alcoholic. He went to work every day and he was a good provider as far as my mother was concerned. He was abusive and took great delight in humiliating me, threatening me and terrorizing me. There was no physical abuse. I managed to live with him and my Mother for nine months during my sophomore year in high school. Then I spent the summer with my Dad in Montesano; and never returned to live with my Mother. Dad has always been there for me. Mom's been more involved with her men. I don't think she was neglectful, but she wasn't always actively involved in my life."

"Give me an example of how she wasn't engaged in your life?" Mary asked.

"She missed my high school graduation and my college graduation. I graduated in the top ten students in high school and Summa Cum Laude in college." I explain. "My Father is a gifted carpenter. I was always fascinated by the beautiful work he turned out. Every military base we were assigned to; Dad did all the repairs and painting of our military housing. He didn't like waiting around for the maintenance crews from the base to get to it. When Grandpa Steele died; Dad mustered out of the Army and we went to Montesano to live. Dad ran the family business. My elementary school years were spent on military bases. My junior high years were in Montesano. I mentioned I wanted to follow in Dad's footsteps to my Mother. She divorced him shortly after that. I spent a year wandering the country with my mother; and nine months in Texas with her third husband. My education took me in a different direction. I love books; but I need a connection to my Dad's workshop a few times a year. I still wonder what my life would have been like if my parents hadn't divorced and if I'd become a carpenter."

"Do you think the reason you are hesitant to talk about what's important to you is because you revealed a thought about wanting to become a carpenter and then your parents divorced?" Mary asked.

"Perhaps," I acknowledge. "I don't remember them ever fighting. Dad's taciturn by nature and Mom's a chameleon. I think she said she wanted a divorce and I don't think he tried to talk her out of it. He's been single for over five years and just recently met a new woman. He likes her a lot; and so do I. They are very good with one another. She's a college professor."

"My emphasis is helping people create a positive change in their lives. We talk about your personal goals such as relationships, time management, work-life balance, stress reduction, life simplification, health, etc. I have a PhD in psychology. I don't like to say I'm counseling people. I want to help clients identify and achieve their greater goals and to help them live a better life. I'm part life coach, part best friend, part intuitionalist, part fashionista. I will coax, nurture or prod you so you rock life."

"I'd like to rock life…but I'm not self-confident." I admitted.

"I begin with health assessments. Sometimes depression is a medical by-product. I'd like you to get a complete physical, comprehensive blood and urine tests, etc. We'll talk about using food, exercise and career to fuel your life choices. I will provide guidance, not control, while you piece everything in your life together to suit you. You will make the decisions for your life. I can tell you…small changes can create massive results." She handed me the forms to get a physical, blood and urine tests done on Saturday.

"I have late hours on Tuesday and morning hours on Saturday which might fit your schedule." She offered.

"Let's go with Tuesdays for now, especially if I want to see Dad over the weekend." I said.

"Six-thirty to eight p.m. work for you? We can do a working dinner. Tuesdays I eat ethnic – Oriental, Indian, Italian, Tex-Mex, Thai, etc."

"Works for me," I laughed. "I can say I'm having dinner with a friend and no one will question me."

"This is the part a lot of people don't like – I have a questionnaire I'd like you to complete. It has 100 questions. Please write down, on the test, when you start and when you finish. If you can only answer five questions, be sure to note the time expended. Take all the time you need, but if you can bring it back next week; it's a good thing. I also have food diary program I'd like you to complete daily and email to me. For the rest of today's session, let's do some word association. I will say a letter of the alphabet and I want you to answer with the first word that pops into your head. Ready?" She watched as I nodded. "A."

"Excel"

"B"

"Blackberries," I said. "My favorite fruit."

"C"

"Control freak, condo, Carla, couture, Charlie Tango…" I stopped and sighed.

"Whoa…that was a mouthful. Who is the control freak?" Mary asked.

I remained mute for a minute. "Christian and the trait he exhibits which I hate the most. I share a condo near Pike Place Market with my roommate, Kate. Carla is my mother. Couture because Kate's a fashionista and her mother is Celeste Kavanagh of Couture by Celeste." I sighed. "Charlie Tango is the name of his helicopter that crashed…resulting in his missing for 36 hours…resulting in my roommate saying I wouldn't react so badly to Christian's accident if I wasn't in love with him...which resulted in my talking to you because I have to figure out what is going on in my head."

"D"

"Dad…" I paused. _I am not going to say the word Dominant, debasement, nondisclosure, decadence or dark. "_ Mom resets her life with every new man. I love her; but we will never have the close relationship I have with my Dad. He's my rock."

"There was a thought there but you didn't voice it," Mary said.

"I'm…," I shrugged.

"Fine; don't stress over vocalizing it. E."

"Ethan, Elliot, exercise, eating," I said. "Ethan is Kate's brother. I think of him like a brother, but he just moved out of the condo because I won't date him. I don't feel that way about him; which is why I paused on D. I don't want to date right now; and either everyone thinks I should reconcile with Christian or move on. I don't want to do either until my head is in the right place. Elliot is his brother and he's dating my roommate Kate. Exercise and eating are part of the control freak issues Christian has." I'm proud I didn't name Escala, Elena or Esclava while I was blurting out information.

"I won't ask again, but what is he like?" Mary said.

"My roommate said he's seriously hot. He's tall, lean, muscular, broad-shouldered, hard body…copper curls and grey eyes that change shades with his mood. He's not only good looking, but he's polite, intense, smart, funny…intimidating, controlling, high-handed," I say. "I'll never meet another man like him. He fascinates me; he irritates me; he infuriates me…" _He sets my fantasies ablaze with one look from those eyes_.

"There was a thought there," Mary said.

"Yes," I paused. "Everything is different. I thought I was moving to Seattle to begin a career and a relationship with the handsomest man I ever met. Now I'm alone because I can't live with his inner demons, which makes me question my inner demons. Christian really doesn't have a point of reference on how to handle relationships and romance. I really have no point of reference either…because we're not in a book plot…and Mom, Dad and Kate haven't been the best living examples either."

"It's amazing how confidence or lack of it affects our lives," Mary said. "Some of the best decisions I made have been at the lowest levels of self-esteem in my life. Some of my worst decisions were made when I was overly-confident and had an inflated ego. I've found when I have feelings of inadequacy…I also have a higher sense of intuition…like when you are blind, your sense of smell or hearing is sharpened." She paused. "I will teach you to recognize, accept and use your emotions, feelings and intuition."

"I'm counting on it," I smiled. "After a certain point in the evening, my brain just wanders off task, never to return. In that low energy state, I can make poor decisions with self-destructive consequences."

"Assignments time," Mary handed over a sheet of paper. "Between now and Halloween – find affirmations which speak to you. Create a screensaver of random affirmations on your home computer. I'd like you to share them with me. November – give thanks – pay it forward – reconnect with family and friends. December – find the light in your life – pay it forward – do a random act of kindness. January – new starts – where do you want to be when January 2013 arrives."

I pause and stare at the paper she gave me.

"I think that's enough for today," Mary said. "Saturday – doctor; next Tuesday – dinner. In the meantime, work on your questionnaire and the food diary. You can email me if you have questions or concerns as you have time if you want. If you have self-doubt moments during the week; please email me." She gave me a card with her pertinent information on it. "Here is your doctor's excuse for today if you need it for work. I put it on the Women's Health Center letterhead. It says I'm sending you for a physical and tests on Saturday. I doubt you will get grief from your company over it; but if you do, send them to me." She paused. "I'm going to leave you with a quote…I don't remember where I read it, but I like it. _Throughout it all, you are still, always you: beautiful and bruised, known and unknowable."_

 **XX – CPOV**

Reynolds report to Jason Taylor:

Miss Steele drove to work early, worked out in the Grey Annex gym. She drove to the Women's Health Center and met with Dr. Mary Bayer. (Suggest background check on Mary Bayer, PhD.) After extended lunch hour she returned to work. She worked late to make up the time from lunch. She drove home. No one following her to or from work. I can't hack her phone or her home emails. Barney needs to take a look.

 **XX – APOV**

I remember Ethan's directive not to self-medicate; but I could really use a drink while I'm completing Mary's questionnaire. I wonder how she will react to my labeling one-fifth of the questions as stupid. I answered them, but either I think the question is stupid, or the possible answers are.

I should have started this months ago...no years ago when Mom's third husband was verbally abusive to me and I feared he or one of his drunk friends would assault me. I think I learned to question the people in my life when Mom married him. I went to school, took care of the house and cooking, including doing the laundry. Mom had a part-time job as a secretary in a large real-estate firm. She slept in until after I went to school, and was gone when I got home. She would go to happy hours after work with him, and I'd be alone until they came home. I learned to lock myself in my room after dark so I missed the drunken slap and tickle or the abusive arguments.

I coasted through these last few months; keeping myself busy so I didn't have to think about Christian. The possibility Christian was going to die in his accident woke me up. I can't stop thinking about what ifs...and it's time to get my act together. I don't know much about relationships...but I don't like the way he dismissed my declaration of love, or ignored my need to be independent and make something of myself. If I had no life goals...I suppose I could sit around and wait until he had time to be with me...but I'm not Mom. I'm not built that way.

I feel Christian and I are emotionally unavailable to one another… but I feel the sparks fly when we are close to one another. I'm tortured by wet dreams of him. Would we be different with one another if we met under different circumstances? Maybe we don't know how to have a relationship with each other because we've hidden our true feelings for so long? It's a conundrum.

 **October 21 – CPOV**

"I'm not coming to therapy tonight," I tell Sela. "Tomorrow I'm going with the team retrieving my helicopter and transporting it back to Boeing Field. I'm stressed about the crash and stressed about the possible results. Thank you… however… because I was able to group hug my family when I saw them."

"I saw it on TV. I'm very proud of you. I'll be here when you are ready to begin again." Sela said. "Please let John know."

"I will," I promise. What I don't say is I had a night terror about Ana leaving Seattle and never coming back to me. I know I have to tell John about it, but I hate myself right now. Taylor thinks Charlie Tango was sabotaged …which means I put Ros's life in danger. Our families were frightened.

Ros took two days off to be with Gwen. They decided to start a family and this stress sidelined their life choice right now. Gwen should have been pregnant by now, but the in-vitro failed last month. They missed this month's appointment because of the crash. Gwen wanted to have the baby over the summer so she could have maternity time before school begins in the fall. Have I been blind to what's going on around me because I focused on how to reconcile with Ana? Is Taylor right? Was Charlie Tango sabotaged?

I've been working with Legal to prep incorporation papers for Mia's new business. GEH bought Executive Events. The owner was ready to retire and wanted to relocate near her family in Arizona. GEH acquired her contact list; her contracts; her records, her vendors, four employees and unlimited consultations for 24 months via Skype, email and phones. She'll fly back to Seattle if necessary. Mia's establishing her new offices for Grey Calendars at Grey Annex.

John admonished me; I cannot use Mia to spy on Ana. I replied I don't plan to use my sister. I know what it feels like to be used for other people's agendas, and I don't like the feeling. I will however, encourage Mia to become friends with Ana – not because Ana needs another fashionista to befriend her – but Ana would be a steady and sensible influence on Mia.

I also don't tell John I ordered Taylor to assign a CPO to Ana at least part time.

 **October 22 – APOV**

After I get my tests and physical at the Women's Health Center, I'm off to Montesano. I have to talk to Dad about working at Steele Woodworks over Veterans Day weekend and Thanksgiving. Dad pays my student loan when I work one weekend a month at the shop. I will tell Dad I need to save my extra funds so I can fly to Savannah for Christmas. He knows how Mom is; working for a student loan payment won't be an issue. He had lots of projects to finish before Christmas last year and appreciated all the help I gave him.

I'm going to need the extra cash to continue seeing Mary and to pay more rent to the Kavanaghs. Since it is my fault Ethan moved out; I feel honor bound to pay more for my share of the rent. Kate says it's not necessary and if it becomes an issue; we'll look for another roommate.

 **XX – CPOV**

Reynolds report to Jason Taylor:

Miss Steele to the Women's Health Center before nine. Blood and urine tests and physical. Her paperwork said it was her yearly physical. Drove to Montesano. Will probably spend weekend with Ray Steele and return to Seattle early Monday morning. No one following her.

 **XX – Kate's POV**

Ana's in Montesano visiting her dad. Elliot went to Portland with Christian. His people coordinated with NTSB to move the helicopter from the forest to a private airfield in Portland to conduct their investigation. Christian and Elliot are flying back when the helicopter is returned to Boeing Field. I told Dad to schedule a reporter and photographer at Boeing Field when Christian's helicopter returns to Seattle next week. I could hang out with Mia, but I think I'll take a page from Ana's playbook and concentrate on things needing to be done.

I need to finish my article on 'Help for Halloween.' For donations, the National Honor Society from Seattle Prep is offering their services to take groups of kids trick or treating. They plan to match the funds raised by donations to buy toys for the _Toys for Tots_ campaign. I learned about it from a flyer sent to Elliot, as a previous alumnus. None of the other interns are working this angle. I proofed the article, verified the contact information and emailed it to my boss today. I hope it is included in tomorrow's lifestyle section.

I also found out about a 'Light the Night' project from Elliot also. Several senior citizen programs contacted Elliot and other construction or landscape companies to donate their time. The project improves outdoor lighting at night for homes of senior citizens. I have great pictures of Elliot and two of his men working on six different homes. The article was finished and submitted days ago.

Our Lifestyle Editor has crap assignments for everyone: Scents; Sales, Scenes, and Selections of the Season. I got Selections – food, wine, menus for holidays and parties; including holiday plans and hours for restaurants which bought advertising in the big holiday edition.

I turned in the Halloween menus and party ideas the first of October. Halloween's had a menu for couples; families and for office parties. Ana was a good sport and created a spider for me from meatloaf, breadsticks, pizza sauce, red radishes and black olive rings. It looked so cute…Elliot, my perpetual child boyfriend, took after it with a carving knife and made Ana howl with laughter. She served it with ghost potato mounds and other fun Halloween food.

The November menus are ready to go. They are all specialized for vegans, gluten-free, carb free, first timers and traditional family feasts. Another article lists gourmet buffets offered in the city. I tempered the buffet list with a list of the soup kitchens which will be open to feed the homeless and indigent. I'm going to ask Mia for help with the December and January menus and ideas.

So far, all my work assignments have been crap and I've enjoyed dashing through the research and writing so I can concentrate on developing interesting ideas. Each of my interesting articles has been picked up by _Seattle Times_. I research for the November, December and January work assignments…and keep my Skype open so I'm prepped if Elliot contacts me. I want to whisper dirty words in Elliot's ear; but he's not here. SIGH.

Ethan came earlier to pick up clothes and things. He's moving in with a friend who lives close to the campus. He said he needs to concentrate on his classes. I'm sad Ana wouldn't date him, because she doesn't want to date anyone right now. Part of me wants to go kick Christian's ass. His blowing hot and cold just messes with her head. Asshole…if he knew he wasn't good enough for her, he should have stayed away from her in the first place. I don't dare discuss my innate feelings of distrust for him with Elliot. He must have hurt her more than she lets on because she will not discuss him…not with Carla, or Ray, José or with me. What the fuck is that about? Is she embarrassed because her first attempt at dating and boyfriends crashed and burned before a month was over? While my relationship with Elliot is longer than any relationship post high school; Ana saw enough of my dating failures which began on a Friday evening and ended on a Sunday evening.

 **October 25 – APOV**

Mary and I had Chinese for dinner; and then talked about my tests and physical. She says I'm a little anemic and recommended a multi-vitamin. She also recommended I get a detox massage this weekend. She thinks I will feel better, mentally, after a day of pampering. I email Kate; telling her I'm desperate for a spa day on Saturday. I'd rather not share our time with anyone, but if she has to invite her mom or Mia or Grace, I will understand – as long as we go to Aqua Spa.

Mary had five questions for me this week. What was great about my life this week; what did I accomplish this week; what am I grateful for; am I using this time to grow or am I beating myself up; and what would or did make the biggest difference in my life this week.

I think about each question and answer honestly. The great thing about my life this week was seeing Dad on the weekend. I feel so comfortable with him and with his girlfriend Laura. She's teaching weekend seminars right now and was grateful to have a quiet night with us on Saturday. She brought her two dogs with her. I got to play with Timber and Tundra…which I felt eased my stress levels. I showed a picture of them to Mary. She agreed they are cute.

As for my accomplishments; I could only point to work events. We're gearing up for a new author launch in Las Vegas in March. I will be working with Grey Calendars, the event planning company owned by Mia Grey. The open house for Grey Calendars is scheduled for Halloween. She will be located in Grey Annex also.

I express concern about Mia reporting my schedule and activities back to Christian. I am grateful for my job, and for my resolve to seek counseling. I laugh and say I'm trying not to beat myself up…but again, it's an issue I keep overthinking. When Mary asks what will make the difference in my life…I am hesitant to tell her about participating in the SEC investigation.

Instead I prevaricate and say I felt going to church to pray for Christian's and Ros's safe return was the biggest difference in my life this last month. She compared it to my realizing I can't do everything by myself. As self-sufficient as I have been, even I need a helping hand – whether it is her or a spiritual deity.

"You said you overthink things – so I want you to think about this: T is for truth, H is for help, I is for inspiration, N is for need, and K is for kindness. When you overthink – are you seeking truth, help, inspiration, need, or kindness? If your thoughts are mean and spiteful, step away from running that loop in your mind. Send air hugs and air prayers, they don't hurt.' Mary reminds me to watch for the Northern Lights the next few nights. She swears a celestial event will brighten my mood.

My next assignment is to track my exercise. She emails the program to use. So, I'm tracking my food, multi-vitamin and exercise this week…and all the Christian rules scream in my head.

 **XX – 3PPOV**

Reynolds report to Jason Taylor:

Miss Steele drove to work early, worked out in the Grey Annex gym. Work calendar has the editorial staff meeting for today. She's still part of the team until their new employee begins on October 31. Picture attached; pencil skirt, twin set and pumps. Lunch in the cafeteria with coworkers. She drove to the Women's Health Center and had dinner with Mary Bayer. (Suggest background check on Mary Bayer, PhD. _Again_.) She stopped at an all-night pharmacy for multi-vitamins, cold and flu meds and cold supplies like tissues, disinfecting spray, etc. She drove home. No one following her to or from work. No one observing her at WHC.


	28. Chapter 28

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 28 – "** Well, let me tell you 'bout the way she looked; the way she acts and the color of her hair; her voice was soft and cool, her eyes were clear and bright; but she's not there…" The Zombies, _She's Not There_ **  
**

 **October 26 – APOV**

I woke to a brilliant sunrise; which shocked me. While I'm making breakfast and packing my lunch; I turn on the news. The headline of the day is Mt. Rainier cast a big shadow on the Seattle sunrise this morning. The pictures are glorious. I want to download one for the background on my laptop. I feel excited by Halloween. Maybe this weekend I can get out to Mary's family orchard and pick some apples, buy some pumpkins, eat some caramel corn and gather a vase of autumn leaves to brighten my desk at work.

The other piece of news this morning is a video of the NTSB flying Charlie Tango to Boeing Field. It's an amazing sight to see the Boeing CH-47 Chinook with its dual rotors carrying Charlie Tango. The story of Christian and Ros's disappearance and rescue are replayed. NTSB announced it will take a few days for an NTSB and an EC Helicopter team to completely examine Charlie Tango. Once they reach a conclusion about the cause of the crash; they will release Charlie Tango back to Grey Enterprises Holdings for repair or replacement.

 **XX – Leila's POV**

I curl up in bed, watching the news. I see the news story about Master's accident and the investigation into the helicopter crash. I must space out…or maybe I fell asleep. When I am alert again, the news story is playing again. Why do I feel confused…I must need to eat? I'll stop for my computer and money and go get coffee.

Time perception…that's what the doctor said at the hospital…the perceived time interval between two events… temporal illusion. I looked it up on the web; I read; but I do not understand. _Time perception affects hallucinations and delusions; the schizophrenic patient experiences deficiencies in time, events and connective thoughts._ I do not understand.

The café plays my favorite song by Adele, _Someone Like You_.

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited  
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.  
I'd hoped you'd see my face  
and that you'd be reminded  
That for me it isn't over. 

I order more coffee and a chocolate cream cheese croissant…I think what I feel is sub drop. I have not felt Master's touch for so long…I am cold and lonely and I need him. I spend the afternoon researching him, looking at his beautiful face.

 **XX**

"Leila," Elena purred at me as I sat in the Starbucks at Pike Place Market. "Fancy seeing you here."

"What do you want?" I asked crossly.

"You look like you could use a shampoo and a trim, a manicure and probably a pedicure, and a facial…and don't get me started on those Boris Karloff eyebrows. Did you eat…or are you just drinking tons of coffee and making yourself more of a nervous wreck than you already are?"

"Fuck off Elena," I said morosely.

"Behave," Elena's Domme voice gave me chills. "You will behave. I know what will make you feel better. Now, let's get some food to go. You need to get your blood sugar levels up. You need some pampering, and we need to talk."

 **XX – 3PPOV**

While Leila was being massaged, Elena accessed information on Leila's phone and computer. Leila used Christian's birthdate and initials as her password. Stupid girl. There was nothing interesting saved on the computer. She had a file of downloaded pictures and news articles about him. She had a rough timeline of his schedule. She had a rough timeline of Ana Steele's schedule. Her computer research history included King County Courthouse, King County Health Department, Babeland and Sex Positive. She had been a frequent visitor at The Velvet Rope in Portland. Elena used a flash drive to copy down Ana's schedule and Christian's schedule.

The phone contained several tweets where Leila reported Christian's whereabouts. Any time he was in close proximity to Ana Steele, her condo, her roommate, etc., Leila announced his location. Elena didn't know how Leila was tracking Ana Steele without Christian's henchmen catching her…but she admired the sneaky bitch. It was a trait she planned to use. It was taking too long to nurture her new contacts.

Christian's confession to his parents was ruining the Esclava Salons. Grace, her ditzy mother, and her spoiled bitch daughter no longer used Esclava Salons. When they stopped using her salons, other people in their social circle stopped using the salons. When she stopped volunteering for charity events; the women volunteers ceased using Esclava Salons. Christian ruined her because he became enamored with Ana Steele. She swore she would never be ruined by another man…and Christian was going to pay for his disloyalty.

 **XX – CPOV**

At my weekly meeting with John, I share the message Ana sent to Taylor. Taylor says it is Leila's handwriting. Ana doesn't care who left it; because she knows Sawyer was following Mia and not her. She was pleased not to be outed in _Seattle Nooz_.

John and I talk about Leila's proximity to Ana and what it means. I express anger at not being able to determine where Leila is hiding. John says if she's not in proximity to other ex-submissives, and if she's not with family and friends, it is time to determine if she has a new Dominant who provides housing. If we can't find a Dominant; we should start looking at low-rent venues in Seattle. It will take man hours to find her; but finding her to get answers is imperative.

I express disappointment and anger because Ana did not come to Portland to see if I was alive. I know she was following the events because Kate told Elliot who told me. Reynolds told Taylor she went to a Catholic church. I have to assume she prayed for Ros and me; since she's not Catholic. John reminds me I'm not supposed to ask Elliot about Ana's movements. I tell him I understand, however I don't share how thrilled I am about Ethan Kavanagh moving out of the condo and in with a friend who lives closer to U-Dub. Kate told Elliot about Ethan's comment that Ana still had feelings for me.

"Ana could have gone straight to the police or the press over the photos and the message left for her…but she's intuitive and knew someone was trying to get a rise out of her. She refused to play their game. She could have gone with Kate to Escala during the Charlie Tango incident; but the press would have wondered who she was and splashed her over the news. She didn't want to play that game either." John argued. "She's doing what she needs to do to protect herself. Her safety is one of your sticking points."

"I know she thinks it is easier for her if we're apart. But I feel hurt, every day. I have these dreams where I can reach out and touch her, and I'm happy; but the dreams fade and she goes away. I keep telling myself if she would see me; she would want more. But until she gives me a chance to prove it; nothing's changed."

"Sometimes the hardest things in life are the things worth doing. It sounds to me like she understands the controversy surrounding you and is trying to deal with it to the best of her abilities," John said encouragingly.

 **October 28**

"I don't mind giving you my fingerprints," I assured Welch and the investigator from the NTSB. "Ros doesn't have a problem either. I know you can't say, because the investigation just started…but do you think it was sabotage?"

"I can't say, yet," the investigator said. "We're taking exclusionary fingerprints from everyone who has ridden in your EC Eurostar in the last three months."

"Understood," I said. "Welch has a list of where Charlie Tango flew in the last three months and her passengers."

 **XX**

"We have to start over." I said to Sela. "I apologize; but I was needed elsewhere."

"I understand. This is why we do this…to make you comfortable in your own skin. We will start over or repeat any step as many times as needed until you can go forward," Sela said. "We don't have timelines in this process. However, you're very tense about something. We need to get that out in the open before I start your hand/arm massage, or we won't accomplish anything this time."

I tell John and Sela about the exclusionary fingerprints and the possibility Charlie Tango was sabotaged. I try not to blame myself for the accident and the wrecked timeline for Ros and Gwen to have a baby. I express my regret Ros and Gwen just went through an IF cycle and Gwen is not pregnant. Ros says one more cycle, and then they will consider adoption. Surrogacy has more issues than they want to consider. I wonder if Gwen changing her career would eliminate some of their stress…and it's something I want to consider to see if I can help.

"There he is…" John said approvingly. "You aren't self-loathing over the situation and you actually feel empathy for Ros and Gwen and the future baby. You may not think you made great strides lately…but trust me…you did."

Sela massages my hands and arms. We do the ten-minute hold with questions. The questions are harder this round because John wants to ask questions about what I felt and thought during the Charlie Tango situation. Sela wants to know about the family hug after I was rescued. I explain hugging Mom almost sent her into cardiac shock, but since I initiated it, the hug was easier for me to bear. Plus, I was wearing two layers of clothes and I knew we were being observed and I didn't want the world to know I was a touch freak.

I think we're going to play Twister or basketball, but Sela pulls out a football. "Scrimmage time; this is why we are wearing jeans and a sweatshirt." she announces. "I get John; Jason and Christian, you're a team. We'll start with flag football and progress to touch football and progress to tackle football. Jason," she flipped him the ball. "Tell us how to play. She pulls out four bandanas which coordinate with the color of our eyes. "Grey for Christian, blue for John, green for Taylor, brown for me." She handed them out. "You need to know how to do this Christian…it's one of the great afternoon family events on Thanksgiving. Learn from Jason so when you challenge your dad and brother to play football…you'll blow their minds and beat the crap out of them."

 **October 29 – APOV**

I talked Kate, Ethan and Mia into a road trip to Mary's family orchard. We have a great harvest festival weekend. We spend a warm, sunny afternoon buying apples, nuts and pumpkins. We take a hayride, and Kate posts pictures on her Facebook page. We wander around the craft fair. I buy a two-gallon Ziploc bag of clean and colorful autumn leaves. I buy a blue denim patchwork jacket with a matching purse. I love it. Kate wrinkles her nose. I tell her it's my weekend jacket. She'll have to live with it. They are having a barn dance tonight – which we all decide to skip in favor of a restaurant which sits at the edge of Seattle. We order a seafood boil to serve eight; with lobster, crab legs, shrimp and mussels with corn and red jacket potatoes. We talk holiday plans.

 **XX - CPOV**

Elliot and I go mountain biking. With fall coming, we swear we'll take advantage of beautiful days to get outside for sun. We exhaust ourselves on bike trails for experienced riders. Taylor waits for us at the end of the trail. We get lunch…which is a real disaster. Elliot's attention is torn between the blondes who strut past our table and holiday plans; including Ana's plans. Taylor deals with the waitress whose breasts are about to garnish our steak sandwiches. He gives her an obscene tip to go away.

Elliot tells me about his plans for Kate tonight – the haunted pub tour in Pioneer Square, plus their ghost walk tour, plus looking forward to playing ghost in the sheets with Kate. TDMI, Elliot.

 **October 30 – CPOV**

 _She giggled when I opened the balcony doors and dragged her outside into the warm night. She giggled…the sound of the siren… calling me… stripping away my defenses until I'm malleable…wanting for her love to form me into a real boy. Her giggle is the most dangerous sound I've ever heard…more dangerous than the sound made when Taylor chambers a round in his gun._

 _I pull her into my arms, seducing her with my tongue… teasing her with my tongue…orally gratifying myself. I mold her against me, my hands cupping her bottom, and then sliding up, flattening against her spine, tilting her pelvis up and against me so I can grind against her, like a horny teenage boy. Her hands reach up and tug my hair, pulling my face to her…reaching for my lips with her pouty mouth…and then she disappears._

I stagger to the bathroom and shower when I awake from my dream. I turn the water to very hot and wash the night sweats from my body. Wrapped in a towel, I go to the closet to find a pair of sweats. Why do I feel chilly? Balcony? Open? Breeze? I'm definitely alert now…my heart pounding because of the unknown. The balcony door is open. I shout for Taylor. The balcony door was definitely closed when I went to bed. "There was someone in here," I informed Taylor. "I'm going to my home office to work. I want a full security inspection of the penthouse, the common areas of the building and my parking area in the garage."

Taylor dashes to the bedroom balcony door – peering out into the darkness. He came back inside and locked it. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," I said. "She touched me, stroking my hair. In my dream it was Anastasia, but then I panicked and an adrenalin rush woke me. I showered; then decided to put on sweats…but I realized the balcony door was open."

"Home office now. Check that nothing has been broken into or is missing." Taylor ordered.

"Leila knows the penthouse like the back of her hand," I said. "She's hiding here somewhere. Find her. When does Mrs. Jones return?"

"Five a.m. this morning," Taylor said. "We have three hours to sweep the place – all closets, cupboards, etc." He hands me fresh coffee from the security office and sends me to examine the home office.

 **XX**

"The safe's been opened – there's $6K missing from the safe. The petty cash log lists a $5K packet of money – and it's gone. Each $10K packet is missing $200. There may be money missing from the change tray but I don't remember what was there. Nothing else is missing from the safe or office."

"I can't tell if there are clothes missing – but I think Miss Steele's closet and dresser have been tossed. Additionally, her toiletries are gone." Taylor reported. "I don't know what you bought; maybe Mrs. Jones can figure out what's missing."

I go to my closet and do a clockwise inspection of the closet and drawers. "I'm missing a grey silk robe. I think I'm missing a pair of cufflinks and tie tack. When Mrs. Jones returns tomorrow, I don't want her here alone." I said.

"I think I know how Leila was getting in – staff elevator. She must have seen Gail's code the night Gail took her to the hospital. I'll check the CCTV tapes again, but I think I know when she was here. There were a few times the CCTV cameras were frozen on the balconies, the foyer, the elevator and the garage."

"Would she know how to do that?" I asked.

"Three times in the 18 months she was with you, she was sequestered in the security office because a member of your family arrived unexpectedly. She watched us move the cameras to observe them arrive and depart." Taylor explained.

"How did she get into the safe?" I asked. "It took me months to memorize the code."

"Well, we'll get a locksmith in here tomorrow, changing the balcony door locks and changing the combination to the safe. Let's put a deadbolt lock on the closet door hiding the safe from view in your home office. Security codes will be vacated; new ones assigned." Taylor sighed.

"We've got ugly news…Leila Williams Reed has a carry conceal permit. Technically it's invalid since she's moved around and no one knows where to find her; but she can get a gun at any time. A street gun might cost her $100-500 depending on the caliber. She would have paid more at a gun show. Oregon requires background checks for gun show sales. Washington does not. She could get a small caliber weapon at a gun show for less than $1K." He sighed. "We've got a couple men who can flash her picture around shooting ranges and gun stores. She has to buy bullets from somewhere. We'll double up efforts on low rent motels also."

 **October 31 – APOV**

I hadn't planned to dress for Halloween at work, but I discussed it with Shawn and Harley. They came to breakfast at the condo. It will be easier to leave from work and go straight to Safe Streets if I am wearing my costume. Kate came breezing through and gave the boys a cursory glance and then shook her head at me. WTF? I don't make comments about the number of days I feed Elliot breakfast or the number of days Kate is not around for breakfast.

Shawn fixed my hair in an upswept bun with a flashy tiara. He did my makeup, helped me on with my gloves and pearls. I posed several times for pictures. Then we all had to run to work. I text Jessica I need the parking spot today. She texts back she understands and can't wait to see my Halloween costume.

"See you at WSCC for Safe Streets by six," Shawn gave me a pair of air kisses and helps me into my car.

I thought I saw my doppelganger on the bus bench as I drove past; but I could have been mistaken.

 **XX**

"Wow," Christian's voice floated over into my cubicle.

"Wait for the whole _Breakfast at Tiffany's_ ensemble," I said; pulling on the gloves since I took them off for word processing labels for author letters. I put on my sunglasses and shook his hand. "Holly Go-lightly. Pleased to meet you Mr. Grey."

He twirled his finger, and I executed a 360 degree turn. He rewarded me with a wolf whistle. "Very nice, Holly. Are you going drinking with Kate and Mia tonight?"

"I'm at WSCC. I'm running a reading corner for the Seattle Public Library." I told him I promised to work Safe Streets; reading spooky stories to little kids. I tell him the volunteers are dressing like movie characters…and we're being thanked for our volunteerism with roasted hot dogs, Halloween cookies, popcorn and sodas.

"If you don't have lunch plans; can you go up to Grey Calendars. Mia's in her new digs today and she's a bit…nervous." Christian asked.

Jack came out of his office and scowled at me. He caught the tail end of the conversation about going up to Grey Calendars during my lunch hour.

"I have lunch from 12:30 to 1:30. Can you send Sawyer to escort me? I don't want to get lost in the building?" I asked; ignoring Jack.

"I'll do that. Don't worry about buying lunch; Mia's grand opening was catered."

Jack invaded Taylor's personal space. "Can I get Mr. Roach for you?" He asked Christian.

"Not necessary. I came to deliver a message from my sister to Miss Steele." Christian never took his eyes of me.

Lauren Hudson strolled past in her showgirl costume. Hot, neon pink and black chevron suit with fishnet stockings and pink stilettos. Her hair is down; lightly brushing against her shoulders. Her headdress is at least two feet tall with waving hot pink feathers. Her breasts are contained under a sheer modesty panel that provides little modesty. At least her nipples and five/eighths of her breasts are covered. "I came to see if you want lunch or coffee, Jack," she simpers while giving Christian the once over.

Jack escorts her to his office on the pretext of getting his coffee cup.

"Our new clerical trainee," I said softly to Mr. Grey. "I'm thrilled I don't have to fetch lunch and coffee for Jack anymore." I wonder if Jack was on the panel when she was hired, because she needs someone to tell her professional work clothes don't begin mid-bosom or end mid-thigh. Poor thing must have been told she would have the chance to meet _THE_ Christian Grey. He scowls watching Jack's reaction to her costume. Mr. Grey calls Mr. Roach; requesting a meeting in HR in fifteen minutes with the new clerical trainee. I hope she has a backbone because otherwise…he's going to turf her nearly naked body in the next twenty minutes.

 **XX**

"OH MY GOD!" Mia shrieked when Sawyer opened the office door at Grey Calendars for me. "You look fabulous! We have to go drinking tonight – everyone will love your costume!"

"Can't go drinking Mia," I explained. "I promised friends I would work Safe Streets with them at WSCC. I couldn't pass up free popcorn and hot dogs in exchange for reading scary books to the kids." I explained, removing my gloves and sunglasses; tucking them into the little black clutch Shawn swore finished the ensemble. Mia gave me a tour of the place. I loved it – contemporary glass, white leather and grey metal furniture, light lavender walls and charcoal grey carpeting.

I posed with Mia for a picture, taken by the Kavanagh Media photographer who I worked with at the Grey Publishing Open House. I explained I was in costume because I was going directly from work to Safe Streets. He said he was taking pictures there and would be glad to see me. Grace appeared and I was enveloped in a warm, loving hug from her. She was pleased Christian stopped in Grey Publishing this morning to invite me to the open house for Grey Calendars.

A server rotated in and out of Mia's office with trays of food. Grace and I sat on the soft white leather loveseat. After stuffing ourselves with excellent food; we ate Tartelette de Framboises au Mascarpone… which Mia pronounced beautifully in French before she explained it was raspberry tartlets. Mia offered Grace and me a bottle of chilled green tea while she drank lime water.

"What are you working on," I asked Mia. She seemed to be distracted.

"I'm coordinating an open house hosted by the Greater Seattle Startup Group on Saturday, December third at 10 a.m." She read from a flyer, "Join us for drinks, food and lively conversation. We will introduce you to our startup team and network. We hope to showcase fun tech developments from companies in our community."

"Sounds good," I said. "What is the issue?"

"Christian's in New York at _Planning Cybercities: Integrating Telecommunications in Urban Planning_. He's one of the guest speakers on the opening day. It means he won't be here for the tech open house."

"Can't Ros or Barney attend in his place at the tech open house?" I asked.

"I'll ask Ros; Barney's going to New York," Mia made notes. "I am hoping to go Christmas shopping in New York, before Christmas."

"What's that?" I pointed to a pile of sweaters in the corner.

"They are for the _Ugly Sweater Run_ over Thanksgiving. I've got everything coordinated for it, but we'll be in Aspen. I've been shopping every possible place and online to give the management team something to wear during the event. I'm still a dozen sweaters short."

She sighed, "I've decided to tell Kate about some of the events we've planned so she can write articles for the _Seattle Times_. We need all the good press we can get…and we need people to donate ugly sweaters. There's several event planning companies in Seattle – I just want to put a _young and fun_ spin on some established events. Some of the events have volunteers who are aging out. They need fresh blood to keep going and I hope working with us finds them the people they need."

"Come with us to Aspen for Thanksgiving," Grace invited me.

"I'd love to; but I'm spending most of my November and December weekends with Dad. He needs help on a few dozen projects which have middle of December timelines." I apologized. As my lunch time was winding down, Sawyer insisted on walking me back to my cubicle.

"Miss Steele," he asked, "are you seeing Harley Harrison?" He pushed the elevator button for my floor.

"Do you mean am I dating him?" I asked.

Sawyer looked uncomfortable.

"Sawyer, it's really no one's business but mine… however, my boss asks questions about my personal life. Harley is my beard to avoid attending Friday drinking nights with coworkers and my boss. With Harley around, Hyde doesn't do that. Harley's partner Shawn is a great guy who helped me with this costume."

Sawyer delivers me to my cubicle and then disappears into the south elevator.

 **XX**

It had been a fun night. I saw cute, scary and creative costumes. My favorites were the triplets dressed as astronauts in their tri-seat stroller which was decorated as a space ship. I was in the haunted house reading corner of Safe Streets. The Kavanagh Media photographer caught me reading aloud at the top and bottom of every hour to a few dozen children and their parents. I read _Room on a Broom_ and _The House that Drac Built._ I read _The Night before Halloween_ and _There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Bat._

I had my picture taken with Shawn and Harley in front of their Bond backdrop. I had a roasted hotdog and Diet Coke; and turned down an invitation to coffee by a very good looking police officer. I almost had my picture taken with the police officer, when a tall, Mummy pointed at the haunted house. I pretend fainted in his arms as he carried me to the haunted house. We mugged for the parents taking picture of their kids with us. However, the Mummy was gone before I finished my next reading session. He wasn't as tall as Christian, or I would have been suspicious.

 **XX**

During my break I wander over to the dance portion of the evening. Why didn't I learn to dance? I never had a reason for Dad to teach me to dance. I never went to a Homecoming Dance, Winter Formal or Prom. The Mummy reappears and pays the $5 entry fee for me. I detect a theme in the music choices for the night: _Monster Mash, Black Water, Black Magic Woman, Thriller, Highway to Hell, Don't Fear the Reaper_ …etc. We dance to _She's Not There_ by the Zombies and _Season of the Witch_ by Donovan. He dances beautifully; but he's not Christian. A couple of guys try to cut in while we dance; one of them is the police officer. The Mummy chases them off with his patented mummy chase moves. Everyone laughs and takes pictures. The Mummy and I pose next to the decorations at the dance area for the media and for event attendees. I thank the Mummy for the dances, but I explain I need to go read. He escorts me to my haunted house and poses with some of the children for pictures.

I watched children decorate cookies and paint Jack-o-Lanterns. I watched the children trick-or-treat at various activity booths. I watched the K-9 unit perform dog circus acts to entertain the children. The National Guard brought in a Humvee and created a climbing wall for the children. There were games, activities, face painting and apple bobbing. Shawn and Harley ran the popcorn booth and handed out bags of popcorn to families. One of Shawn's police friends ran a snow cone machine creating orange or black snow cones.

We began sending families toward the exit at eight and closed the doors at eight thirty. Harley and Shawn sent me on my way; I didn't have to stay and help clean up or tear down. The Haunted Halloween Reading Corner would retire to the Seattle Public Library for use next year.

 **XX**

 _What the fuck?_ I am slammed into the back of my car when I am hit from behind. I sank to my knees and then someone was on top of me, punching me in the head. My forehead bounced off the bumper. I remembered Dad's training. I flattened to my stomach and rolled to my back. I brought my knee up, connecting with my attacker's ribs. Using my arms to protect my face, I brought my elbow up and hit my attacker in the face. My self-defense actions surprised my attacker…a ballerina in a pink tutu with a feathered mask and headdress. I watched her run away, laughing manically, before I blacked out.

"Sweet Jesus, Ana," Sawyer's face swam before my eyes. "Did you fall off your high heels or what?"

"Attacked," my voice fades as everything goes dark again.

 **XX – 3PPOV**

"Ana's at Northwest," Sawyer reported to Taylor. "She was attacked on her way to her car at WSCC. She worked Safe Streets with the Seattle Police Department, the Washington National Guard and the Seattle Public Library. Once the event was over at eight thirty; she was sent to her car. I was in a mummy costume; following a good distance behind her; so she wouldn't suspect me. I saw her get attacked. A ballerina in a pink tutu attacked her from behind; slamming her into her car. The ballerina ran off when I approached."

Taylor swore.

"Get the CCTV tapes from WSCC. Maybe they can see who her attacker was. It was someone about the size of Ana. I'm not saying it was or wasn't Leila Williams…but I feel very strongly that it was." Sawyer paused. "We need to check street cameras around WSCC to see where she went."

"Any news from the hospital?" Taylor asked.

"Miss Steele has a swollen and bruised forehead and a cut at the edge of her hairline. ER glued it shut; it looked worse than it was when she was admitted. The cut on her left knee required stitches. She's bruised and the doctor thinks she has a concussion. She lost consciousness so they won't send her home tonight. She's resting now; they are checking on her every hour."

"Can you stay outside her room and watch over her?" Taylor asked.

"I'm here, and no one will get in or out. Ana contacted her dad once she was transported to the hospital. He is incoming from Montesano. The police came and took her statement and they took her clothes as evidence." Sawyer reported.

"You know I'm going to have to tell Mr. Gray," Taylor said.

"I'd delay until absolutely necessary…Dr. T. was not on duty; so Grey won't find out from her. If Mr. Grey shows up right now…there's going to be a situation. I can watch over the Steeles tonight, but we need to move her car and secure it and the condo. Where's Elliot, Kate and Mia." Sawyer asked.


	29. Chapter 29

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 29 –** "The closer you think you are, the less you'll actually see." Daniel Atlas: _Now You See Me_

 **November 1 - CPOV**

 _We're fucking. Fucking hard; in the elevator at Escala. SHE. IS. MINE. I bury myself in her, again and again. Glorying in her: the feel of her, her smell, her taste. Fisting my hand in her hair, holding her in place. Holding her ass. Her legs wrapped around my ass. She cannot move; she's pinned against the elevator wall. Wrapped around me like silk. Her hands pulling my hair. Kissing me. Our tongues mating in an erotic dance. This is the place I want to be… inside her… SHE. IS. MINE. Her muscles tighten as she comes, clenching around me, her eyes locking onto mine. "Come for me!" I growl at her, grinding as hard as I can into her. She cries out and I follow…oh god yes, my Ana, mine!_

I burst into awareness. Hell! I'm a sticky mess…I had a wet dream about Ana again. It was that damned costume she wore yesterday. So cool…so classic…god, she would be a dream dancing partner in that dress…I want her so much.

Now that I'm awake for a while, I shower and raid the Security Office for hot fresh coffee. I fire off an email to Grey House HR to send updated 'professional dress' rules to all the staff at Grey House, Grey Annex and GEH subsidiaries. While Ms. Hudson swore yesterday's state of undress was because it was her Halloween costume, and it was her first day and she didn't know the rules; I don't want to see another young woman flaunting herself, especially when married men are required to work closely with them. I don't understand the need for young women to dress like sluts on Halloween. HR stopped that tradition our second Halloween at Grey House. I saw more tits, ass and legs our first Halloween in Grey House than a man at a strip club. Tricks and treats… tarts and tramps.

I email Barney to pull the CCTV from Grey Publishing for this week and have GEH HR review Miss Clerical Trainee's clothes. If there isn't an improvement by Friday; I want them to have a conversation with the girl and GP HR. We don't need sexual harassment charges filed by any staff member. HR will ensure the email tactfully says inappropriate clothing is distracting and makes a business look unprofessional.

I had a thought yesterday which I need to toss around with Ros. I asked HR to tell me how many parents we have working for us. Behind Grey Annex is a two-story building. It has enough outdoor space to create a playground. We'll need to install a ten-foot tall chain link fence around the playground and create a covered parking area for parents to drop off children. There's parking on the lower level for staff. There's space on the first floor which can be separated into administration, nursing staff, custodians, a cafeteria/kitchen, a large open play area and a staff lounge. The second floor can be renovated with age or ability appropriate rooms. Elliot can create children-sized bathrooms and adult-sized bathrooms. I write as I muse.

We can open at six a.m. and close at seven p.m. so parents have someone to watch children before and after school. Mia can coordinate a job fair with HR to find and hire childcare staff, cafeteria workers, nurse/nurse aides, etc. We need equipment and supplies. Mia can help coordinate with Gwen. I can ask Mom to join our board of directors. Her pediatric background adds cachet to the endeavor.

Gwen has her master's degree; she could be the director. She could take classes for her doctorate. Whenever she and Ros have their baby; she can have maternity leave. Afterwards, she can take the baby to work with her daily. It means talking to Ros; determining if there is a need for Grey House/Grey Annex employees; and determining if Gwen wants to tackle the situation. HR will have to run fee comparisons for us. I want to offer a flat fee for families. I don't know how people pay the equivalent of a mortgage payment in childcare fees each month.

I have time to review my schedule for the week. Seeing John on Wednesday is essential. I have a night terror once or twice a week; but the Ana dreams and wet dreams are occurring once or twice a week also. I wonder if it's because of the CCTV loop which puts me to sleep. I wish my brain would work out this conundrum.

 **XX - APOV**

"Kate, please don't nag, my head hurts. I've been released and Dad is taking me to Montesano. The doctor said I shouldn't be alone because of the concussion. I'm going to lay around until I feel better. Dad has consignment projects to finish before Thanksgiving and twice as many to complete before Christmas. Laura said she'll be around to help." The door to the room opened and Sawyer stuck his head in. I bite my lip hard to keep from bursting into tears. _Damn that hurts!_ _What fresh shade of hell is this? Is Christian here?_

"My head hurts too," Kate said. "I've got a Halloween hangover from hell. So does Elliot and I'm pretty sure Mia is worse for wear this morning too," Kate had the good grace to hang her head. "We showed up here…a little drunk…"

"A lot drunk," Dad interjected. "I intercepted them on a homing mission to your room and turned them over to Sawyer."

"They managed to evade their close protection detail. I arranged transport to Kate's condo so they could sleep it off. I just wanted to know if you're feeling better," Sawyer said. "The police let us move your car to your condo early this morning." He handed the keys to Dad. "I'm heading to Kate's to pick up Mia and get her to Grey Annex by nine. If she doesn't show at work to open the doors, Mr. Grey will have my ass on a platter. I was off work last night, but I need to work with security staff on how to keep an eye on you jokers." He said ominously to Kate.

"So why were you at Safe Streets last night? Dressed like the Mummy?" I can't help it, Christian's henchmen make me suspicious. Maybe it's the _men in black_ clothing. Maybe it's the stealth ninja moves. Not to mention _Seattle Times,_ Kavanagh Media and hundreds of smart phones have pictures of the Mummy and me.

"You were doing a favor for the Seattle Public Library…I was doing a favor for a friend who belongs to the Washington National Guard." Sawyer said. "Harrison and Stanton were here last night also. They saw your car sitting in the parking lot when they left WSCC last night. One of the security guards told them you were attacked and transported to Northwest. Your dad talked to them and then sent them home."

"Everyone out – Annie needs to dress and I'm taking her home." Dad ordered.

"I'm sorry you have to go to your Dad's house," Kate said. "I have research/background appointments every day this week for upcoming Thanksgiving articles. I also have to go to night events for _Seattle Times_ and for my dad. If you have any good ideas for December news articles, email them to me."

"Urge people to buy from small businesses and local craftsmen on Local Business Saturday after Thanksgiving," Dad recommended to Kate. "Urge them to buy from local craftsmen who have websites on Cyber Monday. Once Annie is dressed, we're out of here. I paid your hospital and doctor bills. I picked up the prescription for your pain pills at the hospital pharmacy. Your doctor faxed your paperwork to your office. He put you on medical leave until next Monday morning. A copy is in the bag with your underwear, handbag and shoes from last night. The police took your dress for evidence. Not this Saturday, but next Saturday; you can have your knee stitches removed. It takes longer for knee lacerations to heal because of standing, walking, bending your knee, etc. I'm guarding the door so you can get dressed without an audience."

Kate hugged me goodbye and departed with Sawyer.

 **XX – 3PPOV**

"I'm not kidding Taylor. I want to know who did this to my daughter…and I want to know if it's because of her association with your boss. I'll refrain from calling him an asshole until I know if this is his fault." He started to leave the grocery store near Annie's condo. "What the hell?" Ray said aloud.

"What?" Taylor asked.

"What's Annie up to? I left her in my truck. Oh…wait. Sorry, it's not Annie. Christ, how many Annie look-alikes live in this area?" He observed the brunette sitting at the bus stop. "I'm on my way back to Montesano with Annie. I will tell her I asked you to have someone keep an eye on her from time to time. First the damned car he gave her is vandalized, then his helicopter may have been sabotaged, now she's assaulted at an event where Sawyer is present! If I find out he's the reason she was assaulted, he's going to answer to me." Ray hung up his phone.

 **XX - APOV**

Dad stopped at a grocery store on the way home to purchase some fresh fruits, bottled green tea with ginger, and wet wipes for me. I can't shower for 48 hours and he didn't want me pushing myself then. The green tea will keep me hydrated and the ginger will promote healing. Fresh fruits will be a quick healthy snack for both of us. Damn …I will miss my appointment with Mary tonight because I was mugged. I email her. Dad bought a _Seattle Times_ newspaper with the groceries. "I'm glad you got a couple good laughs before you got mugged. You need to email the link to the pictures to your mother."

I open the paper to the lifestyle section and there are two pictures of me, reading to the children and the staged picture between Sawyer and me with the haunted house. I search the police blotter for the report of a mugging at WSCC. Yeah; it's there also. "Unless I want the third degree about where Christian is and who is wearing the Mummy costume…I think I'll pass on emailing Mom. Unless you told her I was in the hospital."

"I swear on crossed hammers I didn't tell your mother a thing. However, Kate may have posted a link on Facebook; which means your mother already knows." Dad said. "Let's go home; I want to keep an eye on you." He gently kissed my bruised forehead, settled me in the back seat of his truck with a soft pillow and a warm blanket. Dad's favorite rock station plays saints and angels songs today in honor of All Saints Day; I fall asleep to Jimi Hendrix playing _Angel_ … _Angel came down from heaven yesterday; She stayed with me just long enough to rescue me…_

 **XX – 3PPOV**

"The condo is secure," Reynolds phoned Taylor. "I checked, Miss Steele's car is intact…except I removed a tracker I found on it. I'll bring it to you for examination. I did a perimeter search. Not a doppelganger in a five-block radius. I searched at the grocery store Ray Steele used and I didn't see a single petite brunette in the twenty minutes I drove around the area. What do you want me to work on while Miss Steele is out of town?"

"Check costume shop rentals within 100 miles. You are looking for a petite brunette wearing a pink ballet tutu, pink ballet slippers and a pink feathered mask. I'll check with Barney to see if we can get a picture. If that search doesn't yield anything, break the costume down into parts and see if you can find out where the parts came from." Taylor said. "The police suggested we scour thrift shops to see if the attacker dumped the costume; like the implements used to vandalize the Audi."

 **XX**

Barney got a Google alert on Anastasia Steele. He forwarded copies of the _Seattle Times_ pictures to Grey. He forwarded a copy of the police blotter to Grey; who would not be a happy man. The police already pulled the CCTV tapes from WSCC. Barney might get a copy of the CCTV if he hacked and bypassed security protocols at WSCC; but it was not his first choice of things to do today.

 **XX**

"Sawyer! What the fuck were you doing last night?" Grey snapped.

"Keeping an eye on your girl…and let me tell you …it's not easy. I had to take my mask off in the parking lot at WSCC so she would let me check her and call the police. By the way…I was off duty last night so your sister, brother and his paramour getting drunk and stupid is NOT ON ME." Sawyer paused. "I stayed with Miss Steele until her father got to the hospital. He turfed Elliot, Kate, Mia, Harrison and Stanton."

"What the fuck were Harrison and Stanton doing there?" Grey yelled again.

"They talked her into working Safe Streets. She read to kids. I worked the climbing wall." Sawyer said. "Also, Raymond Steele talked to Taylor about someone keeping an eye on Miss Steele. He's not happy about the Audi getting vandalized and now Miss Steele getting mugged. He believes all of this is happening because of you."

 **XX**

Leila checked her face. Ana's elbow managed to give her a black eye. She couldn't go out looking like this. As much as Master and his men underestimated her; the black eye would make her noticeable. She could use the down time to make plans. Her room needed cleaned. Her clothes needed cleaned. She had to get rid of her costume. She had her computer with her; a mini fridge, a mini microwave, adequate funds and her phone. She could lay low here until the black eye went away. She needed ten days of food, cleaning supplies and today's newspaper.

Leila called Elena; who practically chortled with joy when Leila told her why she needed help. She agreed to send Isaac. If Isaac asked; Leila was to explain a john got rough. Elena said to have a grocery list prepared and have the clothes bagged and ready to go to the cleaners. She offered to get rid of the costume for Leila; but Leila lied and said she stuffed it at the bottom of a burn barrel where the homeless hung out.

Leila wondered how to repay Ana Steele for the black eye. While cleaning her room, she concentrated on plans, making, fine tuning, and discarding them until one idea on how to fuck with Ana Steele seemed foolproof. With a piece of paper, pen and computer – she found information for three publishing companies and the names and contact information for two large online resume sites. With her laptop; she was able to access a picture of the Mummy dancing with Ana. She was also able to access the article submission URL of _Seattle Nooz_.

In the dark, in a WSUV hoody, with careful makeup; no one would look twice at her while she made her way to the café. At midnight, in the women's bathroom at Cacophony Coffee Café, Leila would upload the picture and a juicy tidbit: _"Knowledgeable sources say Christian Grey attended Safe Streets at WSCC incognito last night with Anastasia Steele. Miss Steele works at Grey Publishing, a subsidiary of Grey House. Rumor says Holly Go-Lightly scored the billionaire Mummy's singular attention."_

 **XX- APOV**

 _Why the hell am I in a haunted house? I don't like them… but it's my haunted house set from Halloween…but it is building sized. I danced with the Mummy …who was Christian from the way he stood me on his feet and held my waist as we danced to Witchcraft. We're gliding across the room, and I'm laughing…but the ballerina pirouettes into the room and knocks me out of his arms. He freezes…unable to move because she's touching his chest. I try to call out, but I'm gagged with my black gloves from my costume. She peels off her headdress…and she is me. She tells Christian she prefers the red room of pain instead of being mugged in a garage._

I'm awake in an instant. God, do I really want to think about this? Do I just want to chalk it up to the pain pill I took for my headache? I was out like a rock…it's late afternoon. I smell…pizza! My stomach rumbles.

 **November 2, 3, 4**

Laura showed up between classes to help Ray and Ana. Ana looked like hell, but seemed to become herself again as they moved toward the weekend. When it was sunny out, she convinced Ana to sit on the patio; wrapped in a warm quilt. They had great conversations about Ray, fishing, her puppies and cooking. They talked about _BBC America_ and Ana's plans to go to England and Italy someday. They talked about her abhorrence of shopping and her love of books and reading.

Annie couldn't concentrate for long periods of time until around noon on Friday. She tired easily and Ray made her rest. When she was restless and needed to do something; he found busy work for her which didn't involve tools or the stove. He had her clean and polish locks, oiling the locking mechanisms and sealing them with their keys in individual plastic bags. Annie researched locks; dating them for use in future furniture repair. Once Annie identified the dates for all the locks, she created labels with time period and possible uses. She filed them in chronological order in a wooden channel box so Ray could flip through them to find the one he wanted.

 **XX**

Christian yelled at Welch, Taylor and Sawyer. There were no leads on Leila. There were no leads on the ballerina costume. Elena's observation crew had not seen Leila near Elena; but they admitted they lost track of Elena over a dozen times.

Barney hacked the WSCC and managed to get the footage of Miss Steele being attacked. Despite being knocked down, Miss Steele managed to put her knee in her attacker's ribs and her elbow in her attacker's face. He sent the footage to Taylor. Maybe if Miss Steele cracked her attacker's ribs – there might be hospital reports.

Ana was in Montesano with Ray Steele; and Grey Security had no updates to share with Christian. He interviewed Reynolds to ensure he was supposed to observe and not interact unless Miss Steele was in danger. Barney and Welch investigated Mary Bayer and the Women's Health Clinic. Both had clean background checks. Grey argued with John and Welch over investigating Mary Bayer. John said Dr. Bayer was bound by doctor-patient confidentiality. Whatever Ana said to her was none of Christian's business.

Barney replaced the smart phone Grey destroyed when Sam from Communications asked him about a news byte _Seattle Nooz_ sent them. Someone claimed the Mummy from Safe Streets was him, and he was there with Anastasia Steele. He told Sam to discuss the issue with Luke Sawyer.

 **Saturday, November 5 - APOV**

Kate's gone with Elliot for the day, so I can't email or text her. I feel guilty about interrupting their time together. I call Mom and tell her what happened. She's freaked out about the assault. Then she is upset because I haven't reconciled with Christian. She suggests I would be safer if I was with him. If I wanted to do charitable work; I could do it with Christian with bodyguard protection. She lectures me about how I should have gone to Escala to let Christian care for me instead of running home to Dad's house. _FINE, MOM_ … I explain since we don't see eye-to-eye on the subject of Christian Trevelyan Grey; perhaps he should not be a topic of conversation between us anymore. We strain to say a civil goodbye to each other.

When I can think about my situation; I upload a dozen synopses into the manuscript server for this week. While I was resting this week, I read self-improvement websites. The one thing I learned this week was Write and Light. Write down a fear, worry or complaint on flash paper. Light it, and watch it burn.

I'm buying some flash paper online. When it arrives; I can write down the things Mom does that vex me, followed by lighting it on fire and watching it flame up, up and away. After buying the flash paper; I'm going to go stand on Dad's patio, release half a dozen silent primal screams in my head. Then I'm emailing my therapist. Dad knows I called Mom. He'll know I'm pissed and won't ask questions.

"I know you are already unhappy with your mother…so now it is time for me to be honest. I think Taylor and his men should keep an eye on you when you return to Seattle. I don't know who vandalized the Audi or who attacked you – but I don't want anything like that to happen again."

"I'm not…" I pause. "I think..." I pause again. "I'm not comfortable with Christian Grey security. I don't know if I'm being targeted by one of Christian's stalkers. I think asking his security team to keep an eye on me is a conflict of interest. Before I leave; we will create a list of things for me to do to be safe; but I'm not convinced about Taylor and his band of unmerry me."

"After dinner let's go on _Pinterest_ and see what we can find for DIY projects," Laura suggested to Dad. "We have an inventory list of the storage sheds."

"You finished inventorying the storage sheds?" I asked.

"Yes," Dad rolled his eyes at me. "Laura assigned it for my final class project. So, I inventoried for three days and tweaked the database you created. It's been handy. The guys came over when we had nice weather. We emptied the sheds, cleaned and organized plus I took pictures. I had forgotten about a few completed projects. Now they are in one central location. One shed has completed projects, one shed has projects in progress and one shed has raw materials. I even inventoried the main workshop; including the tools, screws, nails, etc."

"Your Dad found 100 picture frames he rescued from sales over the last few years. I saw a site with 50 ideas on how to repurpose frames," Laura said. "We think the guys can prep them to sell at the December show. Not to mention the children's kitchens, a dozen armoires, dressers and chests of drawers."

"Will you create a lock worksheet in my inventory database and enter the lock information along with a thumbnail picture of the lock?" Dad asked. "Your database is getting me more organized for the sale and the business than I've ever been. I'm not having to stop in the middle of a project to buy screws and nails because I have them all sorted, labeled and organized."

 **XX – 3PPOV**

Sabine shopped at Pike Place Market Sunday morning. She wanted fresh veggies. Aedan loved Guinness marinated salmon. But there was something fishy in his observations and it wasn't the fresh seafood on display. Sabine picked up a creeper while shopping. She might have been oblivious to him; but Aedan was not.

Aedan grabbed Jack Hyde from behind and threw him ten feet away from his wife. "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY WIFE!" Aedan roared at him. "Why are you following Sabine?"

Jack shook his head, clearing away the stars, or birdies, or whatever was clouding his vision. "I'm sorry," he muttered. "I thought she was someone else."

"Well, you obviously don't know that person very well if you mistook my wife for her. I know my wife anywhere – how she walks, how she talks, how she stands." Aedan roared again. "You will get your ass in your car and stay 500 feet away from my wife in the future or I'm going to haul your ass to a quiet, private hell and let a whole bunch of men I know kick your ass and make you forget your name."

Jack held his hands up, shoulder high, "Sorry miss, but I really thought you were someone I knew. She lives near here." He offered to shake Sabine's hand; but Aedan wasn't letting him put his paws on his woman.

"Get the fuck out of here and don't come near my wife again. Make sure you know who you are following from now on." Aedan placed himself between Sabine and the creeper.

When the creeper left; Sabine paid for the vegetables she wanted, and followed Aedan, holding his hand tightly. They bought fish and left Pike Place Market to get in an older model red Audi A3. Aedan opened the door for Sabine after dropping a kiss to her lips and brushing an errant curl over her shoulder. She gave him a tremulous smile and settled herself in the car.

 **XX**

Jake Striker watched as Jack Hyde followed the brunette. Striker followed him because he also thought the petite brunette was Miss Steele. He'd reveal who he was and who hired him if necessary. Keeping the girl safe was priority one. Even though he was no longer assigned to her; he still had questions. He was surprised to see her walking around after her mugging on Tuesday night.

He taped Jack Hyde's actions, in case he needed to tell Grey what was going on. He counted himself lucky the Irish bodybuilder didn't think he was interested in the brunette. He took great pleasure in seeing Jack Hyde fly through the air and land on his ass. Yes, that brunette was almost a doppelganger for Miss Steele – upon closer inspection; he realized her hair was a shade darker and her eyes, instead of sky blue were sapphire. However, what interested him was the red Audi. How many brunettes in Seattle owned a red Audi? He checked his records – yeah, red Audi, previously owned by Anastasia Steele, loaned to Katherine Kavanagh, vandalized September 25 in the garage at Miss Steele's condo. He jotted down the license plate as the couple drove away. He had research to do, but he headed to Starbucks first.

 **November 6**

Email from Elliot to Grace: Mom, can't come to dinner. Kate says thanks for the invitation but she and Laura are 'helping' Ana make lasagna. Ray and Laura will go back to Montesano after dinner. We feel guilty about Ana recuperating in Montesano this week; but it was busy for both Kate and me. Ana swears she's fine and none of us should worry. She wants to know if Ray can take her stitches out next Saturday instead of going to a clinic – it's a holiday weekend.

Email from Grace to Elliot: Understand about the lasagna. Have a good time. Tell Ana I'm having lunch on the tenth in Mia's office to iron out last minute details for trip. I can take her stitches out then if she wants me to.

Email from Elliot to Grace **:** Ana says yes, but lunch is on her. She thanks you. Ray says thank you too.

 **Monday, November 7 - APOV**

"Are you seeking a new job?" Elizabeth Morgan asked.

"No," I asked cautiously, "Why?"

"I received three phone calls from publishing companies last week; asking about your work history, your work ethics, etc." Elizabeth frowns.

"Do you remember any of the companies or names of who called?" I asked. "This is too weird."

"I remember they were from New York, Boston and Chicago. The Boston caller claimed they found your résumé online," Elizabeth said. "I searched but haven't found it."

"I don't know what's going on, but I'm not looking for a new job," I said. "I'll be honest with you; I didn't even check work emails after Monday."

"Good," Elizabeth replied. "I wouldn't appreciate you using SIP… _GP_ as a stepping stone to better yourself." She stared at me for a minute. "I received a directive from Grey House Human Resources last Thursday. Normally an intern would not be eligible for sick leave or annual leave. However, they reminded me you have four remaining days of leave which were granted to you for working the week of the move. We'll use those days to cover your absence last week unless you have an issue with that. You have five days of leave remaining. You are not eligible to use them until after your 180-day review. You need to decide if you will use them at Christmas; because you have to submit the paperwork by Thursday."

"If there are further inquiries about me in regard to seeking a new job; please find out the name of the caller and their company. Be sure to get the exact URL where they saw a résumé with my name on it. I feel like I've been punked and I'm not happy about it." I said. I forgot I could use my leave time from moving to cover me for last week. I appreciate Grey House HR looking out for me; but I need to learn to handle adult things. I wonder if there is information on the HR portion of the GP server. I need to reread the GP employee handbook. I also need to find the faux resume.

 **XX**

Interdepartmental mail from Mia is waiting on my desk. I throw it in my desk drawer. I'm not going to look at it until there's no one around. Of course, with those string closures, one never knows who has looked at the mail or not. I have lots of work to catch up on. Seems no one has touched Jack's mail while I have been out, or entered manuscripts into the database, or printed any author letters to be mailed. What is going on with the training for the new clerical trainee? Jack comes off the elevator in a foul mood. He slaps last Tuesday's _Seattle Times_ on my desk.

"The next time you party too hearty and can't come to work; I'll have you fired," he threatened me. The smell of his Irish coffee for breakfast makes me a bit nauseous.

I stood and observed staff watching the interplay between Hyde and me. "I was mugged, not hung over. A copy of the police report and doctor's excuse were sent to Ms. Morgan. I am not responsible if she did not share that information with you. The next time you jump to inaccurate conclusions and voice them so everyone in the editorial area hears you, I will sue you for defamation of character."

"Defamation of character, my ass," Jack said. "I might have believed your ' _medical excuse'_ except I saw you walking around Pike Place Market Tuesday night."

"You saw my doppelganger then," I retorted. "My father took me to Montesano after I was released from the hospital Tuesday morning. My roommate, her boyfriend and Elliot's bodyguard can testify to my whereabouts. I cancelled a standing appointment on Tuesday evening and it's not at Pike Place Market."

Jack spins on his heel and marches away, slamming his office door behind him.

I observed our gawkers who suddenly had better places to be than watching Jack and me. I resumed sorting his pile of mail. _I'm not the one who drank his breakfast and came to work buzzed! My uncharitable thoughts sting me. Remove negative people from your life; don't absorb their negativity. When is that damned flash paper going to arrive?_

Less than fifteen minutes later; Jack emerged from his office. He announced he's going to see Elizabeth and stalked off. I leave the folder with his opened mail on his desk. I pull out Mia's envelope and go to the bathroom to read.

It's an invitation to go to New York with Kate, Mia and Grace over Veterans Day weekend. They are buying clothes for the holiday season. Christian wants to introduce Mia to her new business partners there. Sheesh! There's also an invitation to go to Aspen with the Grey family over Thanksgiving. I email Mia. I'm spending those two weekends working for Dad in Montesano. I thank her for the kind invitation. I ask her to have lunch with me today. We can get sandwiches from the cart or go to the cafeteria. Mia emails back that she is having lunch with a client. She asks me to lunch on Thursday and I agree.

 **XX**

Jack asks me to pick up lunch for him. I regret I cannot go for him; I need to work through lunch and clear my desk. I suggest he send the new clerical trainee. Those tasks are part of her work performance standards. My response causes him to get a gleam in his eye. I'll bet he makes friends with the new clerical trainee to pump her for information.

I get a bottle of green tea and a veggie wrap from the sandwich cart. I work through lunch to enter a pile of manuscripts in the manuscript database. Last break Jessica from IT and I go to the cafeteria. I explain my father doesn't want me to use public transportation since the mugging. He wants me to drive daily and use my Grey Annex parking space. She understands my need for the parking space and doesn't hold a grudge. I buy her a latte and cookie to ease my conscious.

Jessica stops at my cubicle and takes four bins of manuscripts on a hand truck to IT. The manuscripts are in my bloody way. I know Jack stacked those manuscripts in my cubicle as one of his patented passive aggressive actions. When Jessica returns for the other four bins; she asks, "IT wants to know if you got the email about manuscripts."

I search my email, junk mail, deleted mail… there are no messages from IT about manuscripts. Jessica says it was sent on Tuesday and she tells me the title; but it is not there.

"I'm sorry we missed notifying you," Jessica said. "I'll resend it when I get back to IT. Mr. Roach talked to IT last month. Starting November first we have a new protocol. We scan the manuscript to upload it into the server. It's easier for us to create a new entry in the manuscript database, since we have the server link information."

"I am saved despite the fact I entered those sixty manuscripts in the database?" I laugh.

Jessica nodded. "Manuscripts are supposed to be routed to us first. We sort through them. Updated manuscripts go to the editors working on them. Support staff will update the information in the database as editors and staff work on manuscripts. I'll talk to the mailroom and remind them of the new protocol. With those sixty in the database; I can get started scanning them and add the server link to what you've done. We'll make it work."

"You guys rock," I said. "I need a printout of when the email was originally sent, if it was seen, and when it was resent to me. I also need a printout of the sixty manuscripts I entered in the database erroneously since I didn't have the email to guide me." Jessica promises to send them as documents attached to an email today.

 _How did I miss the email…and are there other emails I missed last week? Is someone accessing my emails…other than Jack looking for Harley's information? I would not put it past him to delete that email and then store all the manuscripts he could get his hands on in my cubicle. He didn't expect me to get them all done today. I don't know what his plan is…but when I finish here; I'm going home, taking a bath and going to bed. I read at every opportunity last week, and I'm twenty manuscripts ahead._

I spend the rest of the afternoon printing and mailing author letters, copying and filing. I keep my head down until the end of the day. Then I upload three manuscript synopses for today.

Instead of leaving the building; I go upstairs to Grey Calendars and ask Mia if I can hang out for about half an hour. I explain I want my boss to leave the building. Then I'm going back down to my desk to clear off work which piled up last week. She sends Sawyer to get sandwiches and drinks for us from _Swine and Wine_. We chat, we eat, we recharge, and we both go back to work. She hugs me and says how bad she feels about my mugging. I hug back and tell her I'm healed, but I thank her for worrying about me.

Mia asks Sawyer to make sure my boss leaves the building. He reports when everyone is gone from Grey Publishing and escorts me back to my desk. He introduces me to Samantha Prescott who works for Grey Annex Security, and asks if she can please stay with me while I work. I agree. I don't want to be alone if Jack comes back. I ask her to have Security notify her if anyone from Grey Publishing comes back to the building tonight.

Close to nine, Mia calls me and says she's leaving the building. I finish and shut down my computer. Prescott escorts me to my car and then she disappears. When I'm leaving Grey Annex, Mia and Sawyer are in the black SUV behind me and another black SUV pulls up behind them. I bite my lip, mentally yell at my head and heart to STFU and watch the light change; signaling we can all go our own way.

 **November 8 – APOV**

In the middle of the night; I awoke with an epiphany. I called Elizabeth first break this morning. I casually said it had come to my attention we had new work performance standards which needed to be signed. She was annoyed when she brought them to me. "Please sign your new work performance standards now I don't have to track you or them down later."

"I require a copy of those…" I took out my phone and snapped a picture of the pages. "This way you don't have to track me down to give me a copy." She practically snatched them out of my hand. What I noticed is the manuscript data entry task, attending editorial meetings and filing and copying are missing from my work performance standards. Tracking Jack's manuscripts is added. Too bad it just says "Track Manuscripts" without delineating the task. Maybe Amber has a list of what to do. Too bad I didn't have the manuscript protocols yesterday when I was freaking out about all the work on my desk and in my cubicle. WHY is Elizabeth fucking with me? I'm not about to ask for an updated asinine micro-management schedule; considering Elizabeth's attitude. I crossed out the stuff I'm not doing, with the date of the new WPS, and add Jack's manuscript tracking to it.

 **XX**

Mary and I order in Tex-Mex. She is sorry I wasn't able to make our appointment last week. I brought her a copy of the police report. Mary examined the pictures from my mugging. We talk about why and I tell her I think it was one of Christian's stalkers. She asks what I will do in the future. I thought about the event. I should have been proactive and had my keys and pepper spray out...ready to use. As it was, I'm pretty sure I gave my attacker sore ribs and a black eye.

We talked about everything I emailed her. We talked about Wanda, the Audi and buying Lita. We talked about Kate's accident, the Audi getting vandalized and my mugging. I tell her about Dad insisting I drive myself to work every day instead of taking public transportation. I can arrange gym time in the mornings. Since I won't be able to read on public transportation; I was glad to read manuscripts during the editorial meeting I'm no longer required to attend.

Mary recommends I have lunch dates with coworkers and friends instead of reading through breaks and lunch. Mary suggests I set aside one day a week with Mia for lunch. She said as long as I'm not using Mia for information, I should not feel guilty about being her friend. She also warns me not to assume Mia is tracking me for Christian.

I explain about my work being left untouched while I was out. I was vexed about the missing email and not receiving updated work performance standards until this morning. It pretty much negated everything I accomplished yesterday. I explained I worked late to clear my desk last night. I talk about how I appreciate my leave time used for the days I had to be out; but I feel I should have asked for the time. I think the directive from GEH HR pissed off Elizabeth. I thought she liked me when she hired me; but from since SIP became GP; she's been unreadable. We talk about how I can get to know the clerical trainee better. I only saw her one out of five days during her first week.

"What did you learn this week?" Mary asked.

I sighed. "The most important thing I learned – reading tablets are great, but nothing beats the feel and smell of a real book."

Mary and I cover my food diary, exercise diary and she adds another task, which is establishing a morning routine and an evening routine. "This week's assignments, in addition to establishing your routines are; Smile more often. Drink enough water. Get some sun. Think positive thoughts. Help others." She saw my face. "Don't feel overwhelmed. I sent all your assignments to your email. Handle it as you can. Don't overwhelm yourself…don't immerse yourself in tasks to avoid dealing with your life and Christian Grey."


	30. Chapter 30

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 30 –** "The holidays stress people out so much. I suggest you keep it simple and try to have as much fun as you can." Giada De Laurentis.

 **November 9 - APOV**

I spend my evening doing household and personal tasks. When I need a break, I set the timer for an hour and surf the Internet for the elusive Anastasia Steele job résumé. I can't find it. I think Elizabeth's claim is total bullshit. I try not to worry about how the five work days I've missed will impact my 180-day evaluation in December. I call Dad and tell him how I'm doing. He advises me to pack and take my suitcase to work with me on Thursday, so I can leave from work and drive straight to Montesano.

 **November 10 - APOV**

I'm in a pissy mood because the elevator sings the Dixie Chicks at me while I'm going to Mia's office. The problem is...I'm stuck between floors for the length of _Lullaby_. Too many people must be leaving early for the weekend.

They didn't have you where I come from  
Never knew the best was yet to come  
Life began when I saw your face  
And I hear your laugh like a serenade

How long do you want to be loved  
Is forever enough, is forever enough  
How long do you want to be loved  
Is forever enough  
Cause I'm never, never giving you up  
Is forever enough  
Cause I'm never, never giving you up.

 **XX**

"Mia," I said. "I want to be friends with you, but this is…"

"Accidental, I swear," she says. "Christian and I were just going over the menus and plans for the weekend. We were supposed to be done ten minutes ago, but I got a call from someone who wants to donate a dozen ugly sweaters. We need them or I would not have taken the call."

"I'm sorry," I said. "I thought it was a set-up." I want to avoid looking at Christian on Skype, but I can't tear my eyes from his face.

"I learned a long time ago not to try to set Christian up. My friends would have paid big bucks if I was willing to play matchmaker for them. Do you want to politely say hello to one another or are you just going to stare and drool?" She said frostily.

"Hello, Ana," Christian smiled.

"Hello Christian. I'm sorry I suspected you of nefarious schemes, Mia," I apologized.

"Apology accepted," Mia said. "I'll order lunch and find out where Mom is." She left Skype open, and exited her office, closing the door.

"Christian, thank you for having Grey House HR arrange for my leave time from the move to cover my absence last week. It was very kind of you, via them, to take care of the situation for me." I said sitting in Mia's chair.

"Well, I really wanted to kiss your boo-boos but you were headed for Montesano before I heard about the situation." Christian said.

I know I blushed at the thought of him kissing my boobs… _boo-boos!_ "Are you the reason the ballerina assaulted me?" I asked softly.

"I think so. Someone told _Seattle Nooz_ I was the Mummy and you were Holly Go-Lightly and we were doing a charitable date with one another. I had to get Sawyer and his friend to clear the air with _Seattle Nooz_. Needless to say, they didn't run the story because my Communications team threatened them. Did she say anything when she attacked you?" he asked.

"No, she jumped me and started pounding the hell out of me. I managed to knee her in the ribs and elbow her in the eye." I said. "God bless Dad for self-defense training."

"Are you sure you cannot come to New York with us?" He asked.

"Dad lost valuable work time taking care of me after the assault. I need to work as many weekends as possible for him between now and the middle of December so he can make deadlines." I said. "Besides, you know I hate shopping," I laughed.

He laughed also. Mia returned to the room. "Christian, if you have any changes in the travel plans, please email me. Ana, are you sure you can't join us for Veterans Day or Thanksgiving?"

"Thank you for the offer, Christian, Mia – but I need to go home to Montesano." I sighed. "Travel safe and bring my roommate home safely too, please and thanks."

"Travel safe," Christian said before he ended the Skype.

"Jeez," Mia groaned and shook her head. "You guys have it bad." She turned off the Skype and opened her office door to Sawyer, who brought the sandwich cart with him. "Mom's incoming. Do you want your stitches removed before or after you eat?"

"Before, I think," I said.

 **XX - CPOV**

"I've made an executive decision," I informed Sela and John via Skype. "I've decided to postpone TTT until after the holidays."

"As long as you realize we'll start at the beginning of the massages again," Sela said, "I have no problem with your decision. Just be aware of family expectations and stay away from mistletoe!"

"I'm here by phone or Skype when you need me. We can continue weekly sessions if you're in town." John said.

"Thank you both for understanding," I said.

"Another first for you," John said. "I wasn't sure _thank you_ had a place in your vocabulary. Can I ask the reason for the decision?"

"The NTSB gave us their final analysis today on the crash of Charlie Tango. They have a fingerprint from the engine compartment which does not belong to anyone who provided exclusionary fingerprints." I sighed. "Charlie Tango was sabotaged. Ros and I are alive because I was flying low and was able to set down and put out the fire." I paused. "I want to spend as much time with my family as possible over the holidays. After the holidays… Welch and his men will be working long hours to see if we can find a match for that partial fingerprint."

 **XX - APOV**

Elizabeth is at my desk before last break; asking if I planned to use my leave time to cover for Christmas. I tell her I plan to stay and work so people with children won't feel guilty about needing time off. She acts miffed about my answer and I do not understand.

At last break, Kate and I chat. I explained Grace took my stitches out at lunch time today and checked the cut at my scalp and checked my forehead too. She was exceptionally kind to me. We had a very nice lunch off the sandwich cart… which made Kate laugh.

Kate says life is short, eat dessert first, and shop until I drop. I tell her Mom will be in New York over the weekend. I suggest she can always include my mother in shopping trips.

She reminds me I'd have a fabulous Christmas in Aspen if I gave Christian another chance. I remind her I don't ski…and I'm clumsy…and I don't want to skewer the poor security person assigned to me with a ski pole.

Then I divert the conversation from me to her by asking about Elliot's plans for the weekend. He's hanging out with his dad and Grandpa Theo. She reveals she and Elliot are serious about one another. She needs to give him alone time to buy an engagement ring. I feel a little guilty I won't be in Aspen if he does propose at Thanksgiving. However, I swear I'll be her maid of honor, no matter what.

 **XX - CPOV**

Taylor drops me at Boeing Field. Mia, Mom and Kate are shocked when I appear on time. Barney found out Bob and Carla Adams have first class tickets to New York, leaving this afternoon and returning Monday morning to Savannah. He hacked their email and printed their itinerary for me. I will manage to bump into Ana's mother. I need intel on what's going on in Ana's life.

I vaguely overhear Kate's conversation with Taylor. Ana said _Happy Birthday Marine_ , and she thanked him for his service. Fuck, I need Ana in my life. She's so thoughtful and kind. Taylor thanks Kate for the message and sends me on my way. He and Mrs. Jones have the weekend with Sophie; and I'm very pleased.

 **XX – 3PPOV**

My bruises are healed. The costume is gone, shredded to pieces and thrown away in dumpsters at fast food places. I'm wearing the blue blouse and jeans Ana donated with a WSU hoody. I'm hiding in a dark corner of the parking level at Escala. Mrs. Jones has not left. Taylor returns with a little girl. I don't know where Master is; but I can't get into Escala tonight. What to do? What to do? There's no red Audi here; there's no red Audi at Anastasia Steele's condo. I need WIFI to see if there are alerts about his location.

 **November 11 - APOV**

Laura showed up just after I did last night. I'm glad she's spending the weekend with us. We went to the pancake feed at the firehouse and watched the Veterans Day Parade. I thank god it's not pouring rain on the marching band and the veterans. I saw several classmates again – who invite me to attend our class reunion which will be held in June. Several of them express an interest in how to remain in contact with me. I suggest they contact me at Dad's address.

After the parade, we go to the VFW. The VFW adopted an overseas platoon. It's packing day for the platoon support Christmas packages. Thirty of us walk around the donation tables, filling boot-size boxes. The local grocery store brought donations of beef jerky, granola bars, tuna and chicken packets, small boxes of crackers and jars of peanut butter. The library brings a box of donated paperbacks, DVDs and CDs. The post mistress brings 30 donated packs of stationery, pens and stamps. The local dentist brought 30 packages of toothbrushes, mouthwash and floss. The local drugstore brought 30 gallon-sized Ziploc bags which held donations of body wash, shampoo, liquid soap, wet wipes, hand purifier, sunscreen and lip balm. The local barber shop donated 30 non-aerosol cans of shaving cream and packs of disposable razors. Two elementary school teachers bring over handmade cards drawn and signed by their classes. Different vets, firemen, medical staff, teachers and police donated decks of cards, AA and AAA batteries, tube socks and multi-tools. Once we have the boxes assembled, the VFW auxiliary takes over, directing us to arrange the boxes so they close completely; tape everything closed, apply pre-printed labels and prep the boxes to go to the Post Office tomorrow for shipping overseas to our platoon. Everyone high-fives each other, the chaplain dismisses us with a prayer and we're released from Christmas Elf duty.

We're back at the house with three of Dad's vet friends; working in the shop. Dad finished a couple projects for the local bed and breakfast and delivered them with one of the men. Laura and I finished installing antique glass pulls on a three-drawer oak dresser. It has a pair of secret drawers hidden inside the top on the right and left side. Dad relined the hidden drawers with tan felt and it is interesting to look at.

We cleaned and polished a walnut dining table and chairs; a drop-leaf cherry wood table and a two-drawer apothecary cabinet; prepping them for delivery. When Dad comes back, he and the men wrap the items in moving blankets with delivery labels. Dad will deliver the finished items to clients this week to free up more room in the workshop.

Dad and the men set up items in one end of the workshop to strip over the weekend: a small oak plant stand, an old piano bench and an ornate antique two feet by four feet frame. Dad says he's going to put a mirror in the frame. He thinks it will sell faster. Plus, we have three doors to strip for the bed and breakfast establishment. Dad thinks the doors are ornate carved oak under the layers of paint.

Dad's consignment work is interesting, and represents one-third of the projects we need to complete for Christmas. The oak documents box has been stripped, sanded, stained and finished. It has been waiting for the new lock and key. He chooses one from his new lock stash and it fits beautifully in the documents box.

I volunteer to teach Laura how to strip finishes off wood. Long sleeve shirts, rubber gloves, goggles, face masks and our hair pulled back and braided. We use a biodegradable, citrus-scented gel stripper. Dad buys it in gallon buckets. It goes on with a paint brush, and takes 2-3 hours to work. It can be washed down a drain if the base product is metal, or wiped off with soft cloths if the base product is wood. Dad buys baby diapers by the gross. There's two baskets of them by the TV so he and Laura can fold them while watching film noir tonight.

 _I make myself think of other things than braided hair and citrus smells._

Dad installed a whiteboard at the shop and there is a list of items with their current status and final result. His plan is to change a dozen small door-less entertainment centers into children's toy kitchens. He gives me primary color rainbow stripe eyelet material and asks me to create curtains. He gave me a list of measurements for all twelve. It won't take more than a few hours to whip them out for him. It's something I can do after dinner. He'll take all the before and after pictures with his cell phone – which makes me happy. He'll download them to his laptop and post them to his website when they are done.

The toy kitchens are slated to go to a pre-holiday show in Portland the first weekend of December. Dad has three vet friends helping him prepare for the sale. He shows me the storage shed which is half full of completed projects waiting to go to sale. He has six entertainment centers with doors. He is renovating them into a baby armoire, kitchen armoire, sewing armoire and crafting armoires. He found directions for all online. I love the kitchen armoire but I seriously have no place to put one.

He examined the other projects and completed a project form for all of them. Laura found a DIY pattern for hall trees which utilize the dozen carved and antique doors from the auction shed. Dad thinks they will sell well if he can get them completed before December. He plans to bring home the pieces which do not sell at the December sale. He will take pictures and put them up for sale on his website.

When we break at the end of the day; Laura checks the list of items we completed today and the list of things to do. It will be a busy weekend, but with Dad's database, we shouldn't have to stop and buy supplies.

 **November 13 - CPOV**

I insist on hosting Mom, Mia and Kate at a luxury brunch. I made reservations for a table for six. I know the Adams are staying at the Four Seasons. I called Barney before we left my New York penthouse. I asked him to tweet my location at The Garden at the Four Seasons. It doesn't take long, there's a buzz about my presence going around the room. The tweet also explains the long queue forming for an available table. In less than fifteen minutes, Carla and Bob Adams appear in the waiting line. I excuse myself and head for them. "Mrs. Adams," I kiss her on the cheek. "It's a surprise to see you…here."

"We're having a weekend in New York," she introduces me to Bob. I invite them to share our table since we have space. I specially requested a table with a view. The two empty seats at the table look at the room, not the view. Without reservations, they would wait a while to be seated. I notice the look of annoyance on Kate's face as they join us; but she behaves out of deference to my mother.

Brunch is…I will struggle for a description when I discuss it with John. Carla belts down a mimosa within minutes of joining the table. She orders her second one while we're ordering breakfast. She's nervous about meeting my sister and mother. After we order…Carla's agenda becomes clear. She wants Ana and I to reconcile. Bob wants to pick my brain and talk business.

Kate finally loses her self-restraint and snaps at Carla. "Ana's dating a stockbroker!"

Mom looks at me, her peach Bellini halfway to her lips. Mia looks at me, gulping her mimosa.

"It's alright Carla," I remove her hand from my arm and give it a squeeze. "I know Ana befriended a gay stockbroker and his partner." Kate's furious look spurred my explanation. "Ask Ethan," I informed her. "It's common knowledge. Harley and Shawn, who have been a couple since college, bought a home together this past year. Harley and Ethan are friends. Harley's advising Ana how to file the paperwork to incorporate her dad's business."

"How do you know that Mr. Stalker?" Kate snapped.

"Kate, signed nondisclosure agreements are standard procedure for people in contact with me, Grey House and its subsidiaries. My legal team would not permit a stockbroker access to Ana without notifying me. They investigated him." I poured more coffee for myself. "They investigated how he met Ana; so if you have a problem with her befriending a gay man and his partner, counsel your brother."

"I think Christian keeping an eye on Ana is sweet," Carla defended me.

"Perhaps if he had kept a better eye on her; she wouldn't have been mugged at Halloween," Kate snapped.

"Perhaps if she had been with Christian instead of Ethan's gay friends; she wouldn't have been mugged," Carla snapped back.

After that; Kate deflects Carla's reconciliation agenda by discussing clothes and the stores she and Mia visited yesterday. She recommends lots of places for Carla to shop. She talks about the great fall/winter capsule wardrobe Ana assembled for work. She compliments Carla's great taste in the clothes Ana brought home in June and for her birthday. Carla launches into a discussion of a water color dress which Ana wore to their country club. Carla loaned her designer shoes and bag which 'made' the ensemble for Ana.

 _I'm slightly annoyed. What the hell does a stockbroker know about incorporating Ray's business? Something else is going on because my Legal team can do it in less than an afternoon, additionally creating a will, a power of attorney and any other possible legal items he might need. I know from Barney that Anastasia has recently completed a living will, trust fund, etc. She wouldn't have to worry about her hospital bills, her student loans or anything else because I would take care of it._

When Carla asks about our Thanksgiving plans; Mia says we're going to Aspen. Kate and her family are coming. She announces Ana was invited, but is going to Ray's for Thanksgiving. She tells Carla about Ray prepping for a big show and sale the first weekend in December and Ana is helping; along with three veterans Ray knows.

 _I'm instantly pissed again. This hands off while Ana's with her father stuff isn't working for me. I want to know who is in contact with her and why. I don't want to have to go through an ex-military men gauntlet to get to Ana. The problem will be explaining that to Taylor._

Carla says she and Bob are going to Scottsdale over Thanksgiving. Bob is participating in a charity golf event. Carla says she invited Ana for Christmas and the New Year. There's supposed to be a formal New Year's Eve dance at their country club. She would love to have a spa day with her daughter and show her off to their friends at the country club.

 _Oh hell no…Ana is NOT going to a New Year's Eve party in Savannah at a country club and be a dance partner for every drunk Tom, Dick and Harry there. I swear to God I will arrange business meetings in Savannah to derail Carla's matchmaking efforts._

My mother deflects Bob's efforts to discuss business with me by talking about the charity event. She asks about golfing in Savannah. She suggests she and Dad should come to Savannah and check out the greens there. Carla overhears my mother and tells her the amenities of their country club and their tennis club.

I'm determined to be the perfect engaged host. Sawyer hovers, shock etched across his face when I don't have a meltdown when Carla pats my arm in an overly familiar way. It's probably a good thing Taylor has the weekend off – midway through the meal he might have choked Carla just to get her to shut up.

Eventually, brunch is over. Despite Carla's urging; we cannot linger over coffee because we're due to fly back to Seattle within the hour. Our luggage has been taken to the jet…Stephan and Jane are waiting. Carla insists on kissing my cheek and thanking me for brunch. Kate struggles not to laugh. Mia rolls her eyes. Once my jet is in the air; I warn Barney to watch the media for pictures of this brunch. I ask him to watch emails between Carla and Ana. I know he's having trouble hacking Ana's personal emails, but Carla's are wide open to us. I want to know if Carla mentions the brunch to Ana; or if she asks her about the gay stockbroker.

 **XX – 3PPOV**

"How in God's name is that woman related to Ana?" Mia asked. "Ana is the kindest, sweetest, nicest girl."

"I could tell you stories," Kate said, "but I'm Ana's friend. Ana takes after Ray; he's a wonderful man who raised a wonderful daughter. She's not going to be happy when she learns Christian invited Carla to have brunch with us."

"Do you think he planned it in advance?" Grace asked.

"Ana warned me she follows my Facebook page all the time. She asks me to not post information about her, because her mother always mentions it in conversations and demands answers." Kate said. "If I know Carla, she has Twitter and Google Alerts set up to know what's going on in Christian's life. Bob loved the opportunity to talk business with Christian."

"Until Mom intervened," Mia laughed. "Is it my imagination…or does Carla want Christian and Ana to reconcile?"

"I'm sure she does…" Kate said slowly. "The problem is…what she wants for Ana's life is rarely compatible with what Ana wants. I doubt Ana goes to Savannah for Christmas, let alone stays there for a full week and attends a formal New Year's Eve Dance at Bob's country club. IF I were to make bets; Ana will be in Montesano for Christmas and New Year's weekends."

"We're going to Aspen," Mia said. "I can put her on the invite list."

"Ana probably won't go, but it would be nice for her to tell her mother she was invited." Kate said. "It will keep Carla warm and fuzzy until after the New Year if Ana decides to go to Montesano instead of Savannah. Ray has a new girlfriend, who is a college professor. I know Ana's refrained from telling her mother about Laura. Ana likes her a lot…perhaps more than she likes her own mother."

"As if that were a difficult choice," Mia snarked.

 **XX - APOV**

"It was a lovely brunch!" Mom waxes poetically.

Frankly, I'm a bit pissed at Kate for her Harley comment. I'm a bit pissed at Christian about his Harley comment. I'm a lot pissed at Mom for the grand inquisition about Harley and the unrequested advice about my love life. I see how Dad and Laura are with each other; and I know that's a good relationship. They work well together; they have fun together; they talk with one another.

The problem is, Christian and my relationship was 'more or less.' I wanted more and he wanted less – he wanted a relationship like what he had with the sub club 15 – no relationship, no conversation, no dates and weekends in the red room of pain when he wanted sex. All I want for Christmas is for the SEC to finish the Hyde/Lincoln investigation and for more conversations with Christian like the Skype. If I find he still wants 'less'; I will be able to move on.

Laura and I spent the weekend in the woodshop; stripping, sanding, staining, hammering…it was great to have a physical outlet for some of my angst. We put soup in the crockpot all three days, and ate sandwiches from a spiral cut ham and a large block of sharp cheddar cheese on the ciabatta buns I baked and brought with me. Laura brought breakfast items for the weekend. Our working vets were well fed and worked the holiday weekend with us. It was great to just kick back at nights. When I needed it, Tundra and Timber gave me puppy love. They are so damned cute. I really want a Pomsky puppy.

"Who was that?" Mom asked at the end of our Skype.

I hadn't been paying attention to what was going on behind me. Laura popped in to tell me dinner was ready. "That was Laura," I said quickly. "Dinner's ready, I need to sign off."

"Who's Laura?" Mom asked.

"Dad's girlfriend," I said. "She's great. She helped Dad take care of me when I was injured. We've been busy in the woodshop this weekend; gearing up for a big sale the first weekend in December. I really have to go Mom. I'm glad you had a great time in New York and met Grace and Mia." I terminated our Skype link. Well…now my Mother can stress over my Father's love life and leave me alone for a while.

"You threw me under the bus, Annie. The wheels in your mother's head are spinning over my inert, dead body." Dad shook his head.

"Drama queen," I scolded him. "Just be thankful she doesn't have your cell number. Besides, you and Laura's love life is none of her business."

 **November 14 – 3PPOV**

******** _Page 6, Sightings_ ********  
Christian Grey, CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, was spotted at The Garden, Four Seasons for Sunday brunch with family and friends.

Katherine Kavanagh, daughter of Kavanagh Media mogul Eamon Kavanagh, was spotted shopping at Barney's, Bloomingdale's and Henri Bendel's with Mia and Grace Grey.  
******** _Page 6, Sightings_ ********

******** _NY Daily News_ ********  
Christian Grey, CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, was spotted at The Garden, Four Seasons with his mother, sister, Katherine Kavanagh (daughter of Eamon Kavanagh, CEO of Kavanagh Media) and an unknown couple. A great deal of laughter and conversation accompanied the brunch. Gossip says the Greys flew in for the three-day weekend to do some Christmas shopping. Rumor says Christian and Mia had a whirlwind weekend visiting four restaurants and two clubs. He gifted his interests in them to his sister and introduced her to her new partners. We're wondering what company Grey House is buying next and tucking in Christian Grey's Christmas stocking.  
******** _NY Daily News_ ********

 **XX**

Barney chuckled about the "unknown couple" comment. He forwarded the information to Grey, Welch and Sawyer.

 **XX**

Eamon laughed over the Christmas stocking comment, and forwarded the article to Kate.

 **XX**

Leila breathed a sigh of relief. Master was in New York with his family. Twice this weekend; she checked Escala. When Mrs. Jones car was gone; she tried to get into the penthouse but the code she had from before didn't work. Master must have terminated with Ana Steele. He changed the code after he broke up with her. Leila would go to the salon on Wednesday and get work done. If she had to, she would go to the front desk at Escala and ask to speak to Mr. Grey.

 **November 15 - APOV**

"Our opening topic for this week is: _When did you start feeling you were different from other people_?"

"Mom was always averse to confrontation; I suspect Dad is the same. I think when they divorced…they didn't discuss it. It just gathered momentum and then at the last possible minute Mom announced she was leaving and he let her go. I realized I felt different about myself and my life when Mom divorced Dad; and hauled me around the country. We spent a month in Chicago; I think she once had friends there. We spent a month in Casper, Wyoming; she might have had relatives there. We spent a week in Nashville; Tennessee where my mother learned she can't carry a tune and becoming a singing sensation would not bring her the fame she sought. Then we went to Texas where she married verbally abusive alcoholic third husband."

"Did he ever touch inappropriately?" Mary asked.

"I had friends who had sex abuse issues with their stepfathers. I learned from them how to not dress or act around him." I explained.

"Give me examples of the things he said to you," Mary directed.

"I was just kidding — don't take things so seriously. You are way too sensitive. Get over it. Your mom needs to teach you how to dress and put on makeup. You're too plain. No man is going to look twice at you when you grow up." I shrug.

"Do you like quiet places?" Mary asked.

"Not always. I can have fun in loud places, but I don't like to go clubbing. I'd rather stay home and read. Books don't judge." I said. "The one time I've been out clubbing this past year…I drunk dialed Christian. He came to find me at the bar where I was. I impressed him by throwing up all over the azaleas." I shrugged. "He was angry because I got drunk and put myself at risk."

We talk about the drunken night with Christian. We talk about how I felt stupid because I was in college…and could not handle my booze like my friends. We talk about how I worked in college and studied for my 4.0 GPA instead of partying on weekends. We talk about the night Christian flew me to Seattle.

"So, you know how many women he's been with and he knows how many men you've been with?" Mary asked.

"Yes," I'm not sure where this conversation is headed.

"How did you feel when he told you about the number of women he's been with?" Mary asked.

"I had asked him if he was gay during the interview. He told me he wasn't," I admitted. "I can't talk about this because I signed a non-disclosure agreement."

"Do you think he was justifying his masculinity by telling you the number?" Mary asked.

"No…I asked. He asked. We were trying to establish boundaries with one another." I said.

"Let me explain…number one, no one's sex life is my business except my own, not even my husband's. How many women he slept with before me is none of my business. How many men I slept with before him is none of his business. The fact neither of us shared a sexually transmitted disease is what matters to us. The fact we are in a monogamous relationship is what matters to us. Number two; just because Mr. Grey has a Greek god's body; a fallen angel's smile; J.D. Salinger's reclusiveness; a Gates/Jobs lovechild's wealth…"

"And enough stalkers to fill a train station and enough baggage to fill a cruise ship…" I quip.

"Just because he's all those things…it does not diminish who you are." She stressed.

"I'm bothered by the number of women…yes, I admit that. But there's something else which bothers me more. I suspect I was assaulted by one of his stalkers; and I don't know how I feel about that. I'm upset with myself for not having my pepper spray and keys out. I have other thoughts; but I can't discuss them." I said.

Mary reached behind her for a pad of paper and a pencil. "I have a sudden hankering to see the evening sky from my office window. I want you to write down everything you're thinking and feeling right now."

I wrote, and wrote and wrote and wrote…ten minutes of anger and hatred of Elena Lincoln. How I felt she damaged Christian. How I hated the thought of her bruising his already scarred body…and scarring his already bruised soul. Once I've vented, I folded the papers in half. "Done," I said.

"Please," she held out her hand.

"You can't read," Aghast, I shielded the papers.

"I'm not going to read," she said. "I gave you flash paper so you get immediate satisfaction. When I use regular paper, I shred it for emotional satisfaction. Sometimes, I use it for kindling a fire in my firepit. Sometimes, I roast hot dogs or make s'mores. It depends on the topic and the reason I'm disturbed or vexed. Sometimes I write out of frustration because I can't come to a decision or decide on a course of action."

She carried the wastebasket to the balcony of her office and set fire to the paper. When the flash was over, she poured a bottle of water into the trashcan and left it sitting on the balcony.

"Good people sometimes make bad decisions. They mess up and they don't apologize fast enough, but that doesn't make them bad people. What makes people bad is deliberately making bad decisions and not caring how much they hurt you. Enough angst for tonight." Mary smiled. "Tell me how your weekend went with your Dad."

"My Mother got a good look at Laura…" I gossiped. "I think it shocked her enough she'll leave Dad and my love life alone for a few weeks."

"Let's talk about your love life…" Mary said. "We talked about the Skype with Christian…now, let's talk about you healing. Do you equate these occasional brushes with him and the occasional stalker incidents to ripping a Band-Aid off a wound which is trying to heal?"

I thought about it, and then I thought some more. I was physically and emotionally hurt by him in June…and I was physically hurt by one of his stalkers at Halloween. The difference is…while I could have gotten myself out of his punishment in June…I actively fought back at Halloween. Plus… I hurt worse, physically after Halloween. Then I answered. "It hurts less to see him and talk to him than it did in June. Am I growing up…or does time heal all wounds?"

"That's for you to figure out, Ana." Mary shrugged. She asks if I'm going to cut back on charitable deeds since I was hurt at Halloween. I explain I feel better about myself when I volunteer or lend a helping hand. We review my morning and night schedule and talk about what to do to keep me going to Thanksgiving when I can recharge my batteries. We discuss my Thanksgiving plans with Dad and Laura. We talked about how I planned to pay it forward in November.

"This week's assignments: Write down your worries on brown paper and either take it to a shredder or set it on fire. Be honest with everyone…most especially yourself. Fine tune your wake-up routine. Fine tune your bedtime routine. Find inspirational quotes that speak to you." Mary smiled. "I sent the assignments to your email so you can access them. The holidays are coming…don't stress. Just breathe."

 **November 16 – 3PPOV**

Leila swore and kicked a trash can across the room. She knew something was up when she didn't catch Master running Monday, Tuesday or this morning. A Google alert spotted him in San Francisco on Monday. He met with the Taipei Economic and Cultural Office. Tuesday evening, he was spotted at an emerging economics summit dinner. Wednesday he was scheduled to be a panel member at the summit and Thursday he was slated to be a closing speaker for the almost 1500 attendees at the summit. She didn't know where he went on Friday nights but sometimes he didn't return home until almost ten o'clock.

She had an appointment today at the beauty academy to get the works done. She needed time next week to get to Master before he left on Wednesday with his family for Thanksgiving. If she had not made contact with him by noon on Wednesday…she had one more plan of action.


	31. Chapter 31

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 31** \- "Her pleasure in the walk must arise from the exercise and the day, from the view of the last smiles of the year upon the tawny leaves..." Jane Austen, _Persuasion_

 **November 17 – CPOV**

"Did you plan it?" John asked, referring to my conversation with Ana via Mia's Skype.

"I swear I didn't. But it was nice to see Ana and have a short conversation with her." I told him about running into her mother in New York and inviting her to brunch.

"Christian, I've always been aware how you are careful about information you give me. That being said; I'm calling bollocks – two people coincidently meeting in a city of eight million? Now, how did you know Ana's mother was in New York?"

I remained mute for a minute. "Kate," I lied. John would be pissed upon hearing I had Carla's email hacked. "Kate, Mom and Mia went to New York with me. They went shopping for the holidays. Mia and I met with business partners. Kate asked Ana to come to New York; Ana said she couldn't; but let it slip that Carla would be there. We went to brunch at the Four Seasons. Someone told social media we were there, Carla and Bob showed up. Ergo – they joined us for brunch."

"What did you learn from that brunch?" John asked.

"I learned I could stand to have Carla touch my arm." I smirked.

"Pray tell…just what _goal_ did you achieve by having brunch with Ana's mother?" John inquired, a little too politely.

"She plans to take Ana to a New Year's Eve dance at their country club when Ana visits over Christmas." I said.

"How do you feel about that?" John asked.

"Ana didn't ask for time off at Christmas, which tells me she isn't going to Savannah. I also learned Ana likes her father's new girlfriend; a lot, perhaps more than she likes her mother."

John shook his head. "Ana asked you to leave her alone; which means no stalking. How do you know Ana didn't ask for time off at Christmas?"

"Ros and I are working on plans to establish a day care center in a building near Grey Annex and Grey House. HR asks staff to submit their holiday leave requests before November 10. We encourage single people to work during the holidays so parents have time off with their children. Ana didn't ask for time off. Ergo – Ana's not going to Savannah; she's going to Montesano for Christmas and probably the New Year."

"Speaking of holiday plans – what are yours?" John asked.

"Aspen with my family and the Kavanagh family over Thanksgiving, Aspen with my family and Kate over Christmas and just family for the New Year's." I said. "Kate needs to work the week between Christmas and New Year's so she and Elliot are flying back to Seattle late the afternoon of the 26th. I'm sending them home on the GEH jet."

"Why the Kavanaghs? You're not supposed to ask Elliot for information about Ana. He's not supposed to ask Kate for Ana information for you." John said.

"It's for Elliot," I said. "Elliot wants to spend time with Kate's family but he needs backup. It's his way of knowing if the families are compatible. Our parents know her parents, socially. Elliot has dated Kate longer than he's ever dated anyone in his life. I think he's nervous about having the talk."

"Ah, the talk," John said wisely. " _Are we perambulating down the road of life together or are you just tossing a weekend bag in the boot_ talk."

"I think I understood that," I laughed.

"Good, now understand this…I believe you're keeping track of Ana. Maybe you are stalking her, maybe not, but you're not in charge of her, where she goes, what she does, who she sees…and that's her hard limit." John reiterated. "Tell me how you are handling that directive."

"I'm not stalking Ana; but I am keeping eyes on her. Taylor believes Leila is the one who attacked Ana on Halloween…" I explained about searching for the pink costume, Leila's whereabouts, etc.

"You need to learn what a healthy relationship looks and feels like. A healthy relationship does not involve your list of rules and dictating what Ana wears, eats, how many hours she sleeps, and it definitely does not include spanking her because she rolled her eyes." Flynn explained. "A healthy relationship doesn't push boundaries all the time. 'More' means an emotional component to sex; connecting with someone you care about. Ana wants more than multiple times, positions, toys and pushing boundaries that you can stuff into a weekend. Think about that."

 **XX – 3PPOV**

Master is not here. Where is he? I can't leave a message at the front desk; he might ignore it. I can't get into Escala anymore. I can't ask Elena for help…she doesn't want to help me…she wants to use me. She wants me to cause more problems for Miss Steele …but how? She drives to work every day since the assault. I can't get into her home or work building. She doesn't go near Escala. Master won't run near her condo. I never know if the black SUV cruising by Miss Steele's condo is Isaac, Elena or Master's men.

 **November 20 - APOV**

While I don't agree with Kate's assessment that salon/spa day is necessary upkeep for every woman – I can't deny I'm pleased with the results when my torture is over. It's more relaxing to salon/spa with Kate than it is with Mom. Aqua Spa feels a little otherworldly. Very high tech, glass, white, chrome and contemporary. The music they play is too tech noir for me; but they play it at low volume so it's not too annoying.

The salon is citrus scented…which reminds me of the red room of pain. Mani, pedi, body waxing …sans my nether regions, a facial and eyebrow shape, and finally a good trim and shape, shampoo and blow dry. I schedule a wonderful detox wrap and massage while Kate's doing the Brazilian thing. I think about how Kate is anxiously waiting for her and Elliot to have 'the talk' about their future. I don't know how or when or if Christian and I will move past polite conversation. I try not to think of the day the SEC completes their investigation. Perhaps Christian will forgive me and talk to me when it is over.

I'm thankful salon/spa day and a long chatty lunch eats into the amount of time that could be spent shopping. Kate hauls me into the JCrew store before we go home. Thanks to online research on my phone, I find a code for 20% off my purchases. Kate laughs when I skip a black and white polka dot fit and flare dress; a vibrant pink and teal A-line skirt; and a cap sleeve wildly patterned purple and pink shirt. In the clearance racks, I find an indigo fit and flare dress which needs shortened. I find a classic long-sleeve brushed cotton blouse in a weird blue color (not teal and not ocean). It will look great with navy slacks or skirt. I find a white linen pencil skirt. It is too long and will need to be shortened. I find a beige linen sheath dress which is in desperate need of a new zipper. I don't like the industrial metal one in it. I find a scoop neck, long-sleeve T-shirt in a gunmetal grey color. It will go well with black jeans for the weekend. Thanks to a 4-H sewing club; which Mom insisted I join in fourth grade; I can make basic repairs and alterations to clothes. I email pictures to Shawn. He'll be pleased I'm shopping. I tell him I need to see Harley when they return from vacation.

I'm thrilled because I have sewing to keep me busy over Thanksgiving weekend when I'm not busy in Dad's shop. I'm determined to read a couple dozen manuscripts over the weekend also.

 **November 22 - APOV**

"It's been a month since you and I began talking to one another," Mary said while we dig into our Thai food. "Tonight we talk what is working for you and what is not working." We discuss my morning and night routines. She checks I'm not using my schedule to keep from interacting with the world. We review my food diary. I tell her I'm taking the DP shot. Mary knows which foods and which exercises I need to offset the effects of it.

We talked about examining my work wardrobe list on a Sunday afternoon. It ensures all my clothes are cleaned, pressed, mended and not missing buttons. It facilitates getting dressed for work. I ask Mary why I have to change purses every day and she says I don't. It's good practice to learn to coordinate accessories; but she says if I wear black shoes every day; I can carry one black purse until I change shoe colors. I explain about emptying purses into a mesh basket on top of my dressing table at the end of the night, and reloading purses in the morning.

She agrees working out in the safety of Grey Annex gym is better than being vulnerable to an accident, attack or braving inclement weather. She recommends having two or three filled gym bags all the time. That will keep me from procrastinating about exercising. I admit my choice will ease Dad's worries about my safety. We rearrange my schedule to accommodate workout time on M-W-F.

We talk about what makes me feel grateful. We talk about who is grateful I'm in their life. When we discuss work; I explain the issues between Jack and me. I focus on the leering and rotating clothing part; the micromanagement schedule, and the lack of cooperation from the clerical trainee. She reminds me work is a means to an end; it is not my life. She says I don't have to put up with a drunk, letch or a hostile work environment. She recommends bypassing Elizabeth completely and going straight to GEH HR if the situation continues. She comments Christian's job is keeping tabs on his company and not just me. I'm not tattling out of school if I'm trying to maintain a professional attitude and work environment.

I explain about buying flash paper. I haven't needed to use it; but it is nice to know I have if when I need it.

We talk about Christmas gifts. Mary recommends consumable gifts with purchasing; wrapping and shipping online. It will be less stressful for me. She also recommends only paying cash for Christmas gifts to avoid credit card bills in January.

Mary asks me to work Santa Saturdays at WSCC on the first and second Saturdays in December. The Women's Health Center is one of the sponsors. For a nominal fee, families bring their children for fun and games from nine to three. Parents can shop, work or take care of personal business. I think it sounds like fun but I need to check with Dad. If he needs help in the workshop; that's priority one for me.

 **November 23 - APOV**

I get my DP shot in Dr. Greene's office. I feel like I'm being followed; but I don't recognize anyone in the waiting room or in the parking lot. Whoever Christian has following me blends in the background and doesn't stand out.

 **XX**

At lunchtime; I go to the bank for cash for the weekend in Montesano, I am unsettled. I feel like I'm being followed; but no one is an obvious creeper. Within twenty minutes, I'm back at GP; Jack went out to lunch with an author, and will not return today. I get a Caprese wrap and a Diet Coke off the sandwich cart. I text Kate about her plans for the night. She packed last night and took her suitcase with her this morning. She's having dinner with Elliot and then leaving for Aspen.

I tell her I packed last night. I have one space bag of clothes to wear for the weekend and one space bag of clothes needing repaired. I'm going home to change clothes and then I'm heading to Montesano. I upload 15 synopses even though I only need to upload 12. I back up my computer and clean my desktop. Four days of vacay…with Dad and Laura and puppies! Four days of working out angst in the workshop. I'm anxious to see what Dad and the men have finished. Four days to shop online for gym bags and Christmas gifts.

 **XX**

The doorbell rang just as I finished changing clothes. Jeans, long-sleeve T-shirt and Converse. I grab the patchwork jacket and toss the important things from today's purse into the matching quilted hobo bag. I'm ready to go to Montesano. Checking my watch; I'm running out of time. Upon opening the door; I was surprised to see my doppelganger from the bus. I freeze when I see a revolver in her hand. Why the fuck didn't I look to see who was at the door? She's observing me…a side tilt of her head…like Christian. _WTF? What is she doing here?_ I'm tempted to slam the door, throw the bolt and run for my gun. Instead, I reached for my smart phone, and dialed Christian.

"Anastasia… darling…" he croaks out. Surprise colors his voice. "Did you change your mind about going to Aspen?"

"Christian, there's someone on my doorstep who wants to see you." I open the door wider for her to enter. "You probably know who it is…she's been following me… and I know you've been following me…so someone… obviously NOT ME…has a clue about what is happening." I state calmly.

"FUCK!" He yelled and hung up on me.

"That went well," I said wryly, hitting the record conversation app and sliding my phone back into my pocket. "Would you like to come in…?"

"Leila…Leila Williams," she said. She is calm, examining me. "Alone…" she said. "All alone…"

"Am I alone? Or are you alone?" I ask; walking into the living room. I've left the door standing wide open. "My roommate, Kate is going out of town with her boyfriend, Elliot Grey. What are you doing here? Can I help you?" I could run for my bedroom, and close and lock the door before she can reach me. Avoiding getting shot on the way to the bedroom is another matter. My bedroom door is bulletproof and there's no way Leila can break through the door. However, there's no sense spooking her.

"Would you like some tea? When I'm alone; I like tea at this hour of the day with a tea sandwich or two. It boosts my blood sugar levels." I ask Leila. Dad's words ring in my head. " _Keep calm, keep them talking, observe … act when you can disarm them or safety flee…"_

I go for the kitchen, which brings Leila into the condo. She leaves the door standing wide open… _Thank God!_ While she's busy observing me…it leaves her vulnerable to approach by Christian or his minions. I put the electric kettle on and bring out placemats, napkins, tea cups, spoons, tea bags and small plates. I busy myself making a plate of tea sandwiches out of sliced cheeses and sourdough bread. I find the Dijon mayo for the sandwiches. We have ruffle lettuce which will look pretty. _HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FRIGGING MIND? RUFFLE LETTUCE… THERE'S A GUN POINTED AT YOU!_

I assemble the sandwiches. I cut off the crusts and cut the sandwiches into fingers. I plate strawberry cream-cheese mini muffins, some gourmet dark chocolate dipped biscuits and the finger sandwiches. I move a stool to the other side of the kitchen island. I set the island and check the water. It is hot. Perhaps ten minutes have elapsed. If Christian was at Escala, he would be here soon. If he was at Grey House, I need to keep Leila occupied for at least fifteen more minutes, given traffic at this hour of the day. Maybe longer because the streets are filled with people gearing up for the holiday.

I gesture at the stool where a place is laid for Leila. If she sits there – her back is to the door. I make tea for myself. "I like English breakfast tea, made with very hot water. I have chamomile, chai and vanilla-ginger tea." I put the three bags near her cup for her to choose. I help myself to two sandwich fingers and a muffin. I make my tea...swishing the bag through the water three or four times before removing the tea bag to a spare saucer. I sip my tea and let out a sigh of appreciation. Perhaps she will come and sit down. She frowns, because she doesn't understand what I am doing.

"You're not afraid of me?" Leila asked.

"Honestly, if you're given the choice between Armageddon or tea – you don't ask what kind of tea." I fractured the quote and I can't remember who said it. I just eat a muffin and drink tea. "If you're going to shoot me...at least the police will tell my Mother I was a conscientious hostess."

"What do you have that I don't?" She asks; her intonation is that of an innocent child.

"What do you mean, Leila?" I ask gently, continuing to nibble on food and sip my tea. I concentrate on setting my tea cup down without a shake or a rattle.

"Master…Mr. Grey…he lets you call him by his given name," she explains.

"I'm not his submissive Leila. I tried it. It's not for me. Christian understands I am unable…inadequate to fulfill his needs in that way," I said.

"In-ad-e-quate," her mouth forms the syllables. She tests the word out, like it was a foreign concept for her. "But Master is happy with you…and you look like me."

"Ah," I nod. I know what she means. Christian has a type. I wonder if a touch of crazy and dangerous accompanies his penchant for petite, pale-skinned, long-haired brunettes. "Have some tea, Leila. Eat something. You're skinnier than I am if that's possible."

"Why does Master like girls like us?" She sighs. "Master likes obedient ones who look like you and me. The others, all the same … all the same … yet he has pictures taken with you…he goes places with you. You sleep in his bed."

"I don't know why I'm different from his previous women. Perhaps I'm different because I'm not part of the lifestyle. Perhaps I'm different because I don't want what he can buy me. Perhaps I'm different because I'm not obedient. I talk back to him. I look at him. I touch him. I won't call him Master. I won't let him hurt me...physically, mentally or emotionally." My words freeze on my tongue.

Right on cue…Christian and Taylor step through the front door Leila left open. Christian's eyes sweep over me and I notice the relief in his look. But his relief is fleeting as his gaze darts to Leila and stills, focusing on her, not wavering in the slightest. He glares at her with an intensity I have not seen before. Some of his fifty shades are reflected in his eyes… wild, angry, scared… Dominant.

Leila freezes at the sight of him; her hand tightens around her gun.

Christian holds up his hand, signaling to Taylor to stay where he is. Taylor's blanched face betrays his fury. I have never seen him like this, but he stands stock-still as Christian and Leila stare at each other. My hand shakes as I put my tea cup down. Taylor frowns at my impromptu tea party; shaking his head like I've lost my mind. Christian and Leila continue to stare at each other. Christian's expression is raw, full of some unnamed emotion. Her face softens… her head dips slightly and she gazes up at him through her long lashes, her expression contrite.

Christian's intense gaze burns brighter, and his bearing changes subtly. He looks taller, colder and more distant. I recognize this stance. I've seen him like this before; in his playroom. Dominant Christian has arrived. Whether he was born to or made for this role, I just don't know. However, Leila responds; her lips parting; her breathing picking up as the first flush of color stains her cheeks. Anticipation…written on her face.

"Kneel," he snaps coldly. Leila responds immediately. She drops to the floor on her knees, sitting on her heels. Her head is erect; her eyes are lowered. She sets the gun on the floor before her, spreads her legs and places her hands on her thighs. _Holy fuck._ Christian walks calmly over to where the gun lies and bends gracefully to pick it up. He regards it with disgust, and hands it off to Taylor.

"Anastasia, go with Taylor," he commands without looking at me. His eyes are on Leila.

Taylor crosses to the front door and stares at me.

"Anastasia," Christian's tone is cold. He moves to stand beside Leila as she kneels at his feet. He hovers over her, protectively. She's so still, it's unnatural. "For the love of God, Anastasia, will you do as you're told for once in your life and go?" Christian's eyes lock with mine as he glowers at me, his voice a cold shard of ice. The anger beneath the quiet, deliberate delivery of his words is palpable.

 _The Master has spoken…only he's not my Master…and I don't follow orders._

Taylor starts to walk toward me.

"RED," I shouted. Taylor stops in his tracks and Christian's expression turns from anger to shock. Leila's back straightens even more if possible. "Fuck you," I said, throwing my napkin down and standing to face Christian. "MY condo; MY rules. Pick up your submissive and get the hell out of MY condo. I'll give you 15 minutes to exit. After that; I will call the police and report I was threatened by a gun-wielding psycho who has been stalking me because I had the misfortune of meeting you." I reach in my pocket and show him my smart phone which has been recording. "Just for your edification…I've been recording since I opened the door to her."

I turned and went to my room, slamming the door closed and locking it. I turn on the radio, loud. I don't want to hear what's going on outside my bedroom door. Fifteen minutes gives me enough time to gather my things. I tuck my laptop and cords in its travel bag. I make sure the tablet and charger are packed. I make sure the phone charger is packed. I text Kate I'm leaving for Montesano. I let her know I'll return on Monday morning.

The uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach becomes determination. I should have left for Dad's house 20 minutes ago. Time is up…Christian had better be gone. I grab my jacket; open my bedroom door and go through to the living room with my suitcase, laptop bag and my purse. I go back and get my locked gun case and my gear box. The living room is empty. I clean up the impromptu tea. I reach for my keys; locking the door behind me. I'm in the elevator and headed down to the parking level. My things are stored on the back seat of my car. I'm ready to hit the road.

I'm headed to the first gate which lets me exit the parking garage. When I get to the second gate which leads to the street, I look left and then right. I observe an SUV, not Christian's fleet, which pulls up to the condo complex and parks. I recognize Dr. Flynn as he climbs out, accompanied by a woman dressed in pale blue scrubs. Taylor holds the front door to the building open. Christian exits, carrying Leila in his arms bridal style. She is wearing his suit jacket and appears to be quietly content in his arms. He carries her to Flynn's SUV. I watch as he gently puts Leila in the SUV and then climbs in after her. Flynn looks up and sees me waiting at the exit gate. He glances at me sympathetically and comes over.

"Christian needs to know if you are okay." Dr. Flynn comments.

"I will be when I get the hell out of here and go home to my Father for four days." My shocked system and body produce a cold voice.

"Just so you know; I'm taking Leila to a psychiatric hospital in Fremont," Dr. Flynn said.

"Just so you know; I don't care," I said.

"I think you do. You could have overpowered her, shot her, called the police and made her life and yours a misery. Calling Christian was an act of compassion." Dr. Flynn said. "You should know she vandalized your car and mugged you. She's been following you since you came to Seattle."

"Not my clown car…not my circus, not my elephant in the room…go take care of whatever it is you're going to do," I said. "Mr. Grey's entourage of crazies begins with Elena Lincoln and I doubt it ends with that one." I nodded in the direction of Christian and Leila. "I'd bet Elena Lincoln financed this shade of crazy. I would like to leave now and go home to my Father." I pause and wait for Taylor to approach my car. Dr. Flynn is watching me to see how I react to him. "Taylor," I said.

"Miss Steele, Mr. Grey would like," Taylor started to say.

"Taylor…Mr. Grey can put what he likes where the sun doesn't shine and I don't mean up MY ass." I take a deep breath, because this next part is going to be uglier. "Is it a stretch to assume she is the issue which made Mr. Grey leave Savannah?" I watched his face.

Taylor nodded.

"Was she one of the women Elena Lincoln vetted for him?" I asked.

Taylor nodded again.

"I thought so. So I've been lied to… commission and omission…for months now. Take this in the spirit in which it is intended… when Grey loses control over this situation; I won't be around to be his whipping post." I entered the code on the touchpad, looked left, looked right, looked left again and pulled out into traffic. I don't give Dr. Flynn's SUV or Christian's SUV another glance. Six blocks down the road; I pulled a four-square move…and notice there was no one behind me. At the interstate, I head south toward Montesano, Dad and sanity, turning the music up loud to drown out the self-doubting voices in my head. My hands are shaking and I know it is adrenalin rush since the doorbell first rang this afternoon. I pull off the side of the road and let the tears fall for a few minutes.

 **XX – Taylor's POV**

"She won't come back to me; ever," Grey sighed. "She saw what it was like to have her life destroyed by knowing me. I need you to break into her condo, remove her gun, and install a CCTV unit. I have to know she's safe."

"She's on her way to Montesano to spend the weekend with her father. Your family is waiting for you at Boeing Field. You have to take off to Aspen within the next hour or you'll miss your departure window. I told them there was a work emergency; and you'd be here as quickly as possible. Staff in Aspen know you're incoming tonight. The house is ready; supplies have been delivered. Your clothes are packed, and on the plane. My clothes are packed and on the plane. Surplus security staff have the weekend off. Welch pulled back all the staff looking for Miss Williams. I told Welch not to follow any directives from you regarding Miss Steele. I'm not breaking into her condo, and neither is anyone else. Her gun was on the backseat of her car. She's obviously taking it home with her. Maybe she and Ray will find time for target practice. I'm not installing a CCTV unit. Either back off or I'm telling Flynn. Then I'm calling Ray Steele to tell him Ana caught the woman who mugged her so there's no reason for Grey security to follow Ana."

"You're fired," Grey snaps at me.

"Good; I needed something to be thankful for this Thanksgiving since my bitch ex-wife won't let me spend time with my daughter. We're at Boeing. Either I'm getting on the plane or I'm going home, taking a hot shower and drinking a cold beer. I can look out your penthouse view and watch it snow in the mountains and twiddle my thumbs. If you have any security issues while you're in Aspen; you can fuck with Sawyer." I pull the SUV into the hanger, park and get out. I've opened the back of the SUV and am unloading four banker boxes of work for Grey.

"You are an asshole," Grey snaps after he slams the door shut on the SUV. He has his briefcase and laptop case in hand.

"I strive to emulate my boss," I grinned. "So, am I getting that cold beer or a cold shoulder?"

"Just put your ass on the plane," Grey ordered. "I'll make sure to kick it around the football field at least once this weekend."

"Says you," I laughed my first genuine laugh all week and kept the derision out of my voice. "I haven't played _flag_ football since kindergarten. I've played Pop Warner from elementary school through junior high. I played defensive end on high school varsity teams. I played pickup games during Marine Corps training and during tours of duty - including Afghanistan. You're not capable of kicking my ass, Boss."

 **November 24 – APOV**

I taught Laura to make pumpkin pecan waffles – several batches of them so she and Dad can freeze the extras – if there are any. I emailed the recipe earlier in the week so they purchased what we needed. Laura brought a K-cup/carafe coffee maker, a spare waffle iron and a spare crockpot to facilitate cooking today. She also brought three sheet cake pans to cook bacon and sausage for breakfast for us, six of Dad's VFW friends and José and José, Sr. Laura made coffee and hot water for tea and kept watch on the bacon and sausage while I kept the waffle irons going.

We baked a dozen pumpkin pies last night, in addition to prepping everything possible for today like peeling 20 pounds of potatoes, salad items, baking rolls for dinner and teaching Dad to clean 10 pounds of fresh green beans.

The 22-pound turkey went into the oven at nine o'clock. It should be ready by 2:30, which means we can carve and serve at 3. We turned on the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and watched in between doing tasks. After breakfast, the VFW guys cleaned Dad's sunroom and set up a banquet table to seat 12 which Dad borrowed from the VFW, and another table to hold the food. While Dad and Laura were putting the turkey in the oven, I set the table with José's help.

Dad's good china, which he inherited from Grandma Steele, is blue floral…which is really tough to match with fall motif items for a centerpiece. I was thankful for Jose bringing a white pumpkin carved as a lacy vase to hold white roses and blue asters for the table. He brought a set of white candles for the candlesticks. After we set the table, he was off to the dining room with the guys for cards and conversation while Laura and I started cooking. She took over the logistics this year and knows when we should start cooking everything. I'm grateful because I keep trying to slam thoughts of Christian behind closed doors in my head; but it's not working.

In our spare, non-cooking time, Laura shows me the completed pieces for the sale. The completed projects storage shed is almost filled with items for the sale. Dad created terrariums from window frames; hall trees from antique doors; a dozen memory boards, a dozen bulletin boards, and a dozen key holders from some of his picture frames. There are a dozen wooden trays made from the larger picture frames. I think everything that's finished will sell well. The toy kitchens are done, and so cute! The redesigned armoires are great also! The items he's completing on consignment are in the main workshop. We'll concentrate on those this weekend.

 **XX - CPOV**

"Get off your duff," I threw Elliot a new football Taylor tucked in with my stuff. "I get Taylor; you can have Dad."

Elliot groaned. "I ate too much bro, I can't move."

"Come on piglet," I showed him no mercy. "It's full-contact tackle football."

"NO," Dad said. "Touch only – I don't need a broken hip. Mia already tried to kill me by foraging for leaves for the centerpieces on the tables."

"I'll play," Ethan said. "Come on Dad, we can be on Elliot's team and Carrick can be on Christian's team."

"Flag football only," Mom said. "I've got my doctor's bag but I don't want to spend my afternoon at the emergency room. Use washcloths for rags –white from our bathroom; blue from Christian's."

"We're good for touch football," Christian announced.

"Mandatory fun," Taylor muttered as he headed out the door to mark the end zones with line marker spray paint.

 **XX – 3PPOV**

"You have to talk to him," Carrick said to Grace. "Touch football?"

"He did very well," Grace said proudly. "Once you and Taylor played linebackers for him – Elliot wasn't sure about touching him. Kate must have warned Ethan and Eamon that Christian doesn't like to be touched, because they concentrated on Taylor and you. Ethan got the worst of it. Taylor accidentally head-butted him in the mouth; causing a spit lip at the end of a couple hours of running around outside. What was the score anyway?"

"I think we were eight to their five," Carrick said. "Let's have a long soak. I haven't played football with the boys in years. Once Elliot learned to snap the ball and Christian learned to kick the ball...you sidelined all of us."

"Christian's tougher than he looks," Grace said. "I think he's trying to stay busy and not think about Ana. Ethan's paired off with Mia; Elliot's paired off with Kate…"

"And Christian is odd man out with Taylor," Carrick said. "I heard Kate ask Christian to invite Ana for Christmas so she doesn't have to go to Savannah to visit her mother." He turned at the door of the bathroom. "Are you going to join me for that long soak? I heard football players get to do the deed after they win the game."

"Go start the water; I'll bring up some wine," Grace smiled.

 **November 25 – Black Friday**

"Today's schedule is shopping for the ladies, snow sports for the men. We all meet back here by six for dinner and a night of cards and board games." Mia announced to the crowd assembled in Aspen. "Tomorrow is snow sports for everyone during the day. Everyone under 50 is invited to a pub crawl tomorrow night. Everyone over 50 is scheduled for a wine tasting, dinner, dance charity event at Hotel Jerome. Sunday morning is church, followed by lunch at the St. Regis, followed by flying home to Seattle."

 **XX**

"The vets and I are working in the shop today," Ray said to the Montesano group. "Laura is helping Annie fill my freezer. When we need a break, Laura and I will take the puppies for a walk – and pick up trash while we're at it."

"I'm scheduled to have an organizational meeting with your junk drawer," Ana said. "Saturday and Sunday I can work in the shop for you."

"Tonight we're pulling the tree down from the attic and setting it up. Tomorrow night we'll decorate it when the branches settle into place. Today the men and I are sanding and repainting the angels for the front yard. We'll put them up Sunday. Saturday the men are helping me winterize the house and put up the lights. We'll be working in the shop Saturday and Sunday also."

"Tonight after dark, I'm teaching Ray to back up his computer. I brought heavy-duty surge protectors for his home electronics. Plus, I'm teaching him to print mailing labels for his Steele Woodworks Christmas postcards. There's eight dozen people on his list – vets, friends, clients. When we're in for the night tonight, Saturday and Sunday, we can prep the cards for mailing on Monday. I can help in the shop Saturday and Sunday also. I have to head back to Aberdeen early Monday morning."

"After breakfast we're heading back to Portland," José said. "I need to spend the next three days finishing my senior project in engineering. My engineering project is a village of houses for the homeless with reclaimed water for a community garden, solar showers, wind turbines for electricity, solar panels for additional energy, etc. Elliot is very interested in it. He has been my sounding board for the project."

"I'm providing moral support and playing chief cook and coffee maker," José, Sr. said. "When are you going home, Annie?"

"I'm leaving early Monday morning and driving back to Seattle." Ana said. "There's two dozen pizza pinwheels and two quarts of survivor soup in the freezer for to get you through the weekend."

"Travel safe," José, Sr. said. "I approve of Lita, by the way. I'll bet she's more dependable than Wanda."

"Don't be dissing my previous baby," Ana scolded. "Otherwise, I won't make you turkey sandwiches for the road."

 **XX**

Jake Striker took a carafe of coffee to his home office. He pulled out the Grey files and began reading and making notes. He had a list of people to research: Grey, Lincoln, Steele, Sabine Falco Keyes, Jack Hyde, Leila Williams, red Audi vehicles, brunettes at the Post Alley Esclava Salon, etc. Striker sighed and restarted his research. The reason Second Strike Investigations was successful was because Jake Striker was like a Marine bulldog with a bone. He gnawed that bone until he could digest the little pieces and get to the meat of the matter.

 **XX**

Liv shared Christian's schedule; if his activities didn't make national news. Elena set Google Alerts. She cursed when he took Mia, Grace and Kate shopping in New York, but celebrated Ana Steele wasn't included. No one knew or would tell her who the unknown couple was. She missed her clothing allowance from Christian at Nieman Marcus. Once Grace cut her from her circle of friends…everyone who had been her friend was no longer speaking to her. She had not been invited to social events of the season. She had not been invited to dinner by friends and acquaintances.

She cursed when Christian took his family and the Kavanaghs to Aspen at Thanksgiving. Normally she'd be invited but would find reasons not to attend. Normally, so would Christian. He didn't have problems in the past sending his family to Aspen on the GEH jet and then staying behind. Citing work as the reason, he would have four days in the playroom with his current submissive. Christian stopped discussing his submissives with her when he terminated with Susannah. The two times he discussed Ana with her were quite unsatisfactory. She thought she taught him better – people like them didn't do love, hearts and flowers.

 **November 26 – APOV**

We begin our Black Friday at the VFW. Each year they have a Christmas craft fair the weekend after Thanksgiving. The monies raised help the _support-a-platoon_ efforts at Easter, July Fourth and Christmas. Every year Dad donates a couple boxes of handcrafted wood items to sell – coasters, Christmas tree ornaments, keepsake boxes, etc. made from scraps in his workshop. He gives them to the Auxiliary to display and sell. What doesn't sell today is on display inside the VFW main office. People can stop and shop for the entire month of December.

I'm not creative enough to make things for the VFW and VFW Auxiliary to sell; but it's one of the few times I love to shop. I buy Dad two pounds of peppermint and almond bark drizzled with dark chocolate. Laura says making bark one of her holiday specialties and offers to teach me how to make it. She has recipes for every holiday.

At this year's craft fair, I find a handmade silk tie and pocket square in the WSUV colors for José for Christmas. I find cashmere yarn knitted scarf, cap, headband and glove sets for Kate in emerald and Mia in amethyst. I buy a set for me in sapphire. I find a sapphire cashmere knitted muffler for Elliot and an emerald one for Ethan. I pass on the black one for Taylor and the smoke grey one for Christian. Laura buys a dozen of Dad's handmade ornaments for college staff and coworkers. We have a great time walking around and saying hello to everyone before we have to get back to work at the house.


	32. Chapter 32

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 32** – ugly smells in the attic and moving bodies

 **December 2 - APOV**

I'm in a mood…and I call Mary to vent. I received my 180-day review exactly fifteen minutes before the end of the day. I knew it was due; but it wasn't scheduled on my calendar. I didn't understand the subtlety of the timing of the review until I had time to think about it. I received my review when Mr. Roach was out of the office for the weekend and could not intercede on my behalf. My work was considered _does not meet expectations_.

I was reprimanded for my absence October 18; when Christian's helicopter crashed. I was flayed about the four days I missed when I was mugged. Using quotes, pages, and paragraph numbers from the GP employee handbook; I'm strongly reminded interns are not allowed to take sick or annual leave until after they have passed their 180-day review. Since I can't say the reason the Seattle Police Department hasn't found my mugger is because she's locked in a psychiatric center in Fremont; Elizabeth Morgan blames the incident on a flaw in my character. Needless to say, I'm in a mood.

Mary confirms I am working for Santa Saturday. I tell her I received my 180-day review; which I did not sign. I ask for her input. I scan and email it to her. I tell her I had not planned to attend the Grey Annex White Christmas Gala. However, I will attend in order to show this review has not shaken me. Dad taught me self-defense and I'm going to come out swinging.

 **XX**

I call Harley and Shawn and invite myself to dinner. I explain I need an escort for an office function I had not planned to attend. We exchanged emails during their vacations. I was a little jealous over their pictures of sunshine. They both prefer Santiago to Rio - the city is cleaner and isn't a crush of people. However, they are up for company and I need some sound advice. They order Chinese takeout and we plot and plan.

"You will probably think I'm nuts," Shawn said. "But it must be my longing for fresh snow. Everything I got for you lately has been white. I bought you a long-sleeve tee; a silk short-sleeve blouse with a Peter Pan collar; a front pleated silk shirt with a sheer double collar, sheer button cuffs and a rounded hem; a short-sleeve cotton turtleneck and a tunic sweater and leggings set."

"Please feel free to coordinate my closet any time," I laughed. "You need to educate me about different kinds of collars. I haven't a clue what a Peter Pan collar is. I need more help…I need a white outfit to wear to the Grey Annex White Christmas Gala tomorrow at the Fairmont Olympia. I hope you will loan Harley to be a buffer between me and my boss. I don't feel like putting up with Jack if he's drinking."

Harley suggests we spend the night at the Fairmont, in a suite. He'll bring my ensemble to the hotel. I have to work at the Santa Saturday for the Women's Health Clinic until two. I'm running a reading corner again; at WSCC. I will not think about getting mugged by Christian's ex-subbie. Shawn suggests I visit Fairmont's salon and spa, getting my hair, nails and makeup done after Santa Saturday and before the Gala.

Harley and I practice dancing with one another to support the subterfuge. Shawn gives me tips on walking, standing and moving in proximity to Harley so we look comfortable with one another. We play _20 Questions_ with one another so our backstory is plausible. I thank them for dinner and leave. I have to think about what Harley told me. He anticipates Jack Hyde and Elena Lincoln will be arrested before the end of the year.

 **December 3**

Mary came to check on me during the Santa Saturday. "That was a shitty evaluation," she agreed. "Now what are you going to do about it?"

"Refuse to sign it and request a review," I said. "HR said things in that evaluation which can never become part of a personnel jacket – not if I ever want to be hired anywhere. I think it was psychological. HR gave me the evaluation at the end of the day yesterday, hoping I would just sign off on it because there was no one there for discussion. As it is a _does not meet expectations_ evaluation, I will be given my termination papers whether I sign the review or not."

"You realize she infers there is a flaw in your character which caused your mugging?" Mary asked.

"Caught that, did you?" I said wryly. "Did you catch the part where I'm uncommunicative because I can't answer their intrusive questions about why I was mugged?"

"Caught it," Mary said. "It took me this long to get back to you because I needed to think about it. I've addressed my concerns in a separate email I sent back this morning. How's the volunteering coming?"

"I like this…I might have to do it more often," I grinned. "Volunteering makes me feel better about my life."

"Just make sure you get your picture taken with the kids," she advised. I want to know your boss's reaction when he sees a picture of you in the papers. You look great by the way."

I am wearing the new white tunic sweater and leggings Shawn bought for my wardrobe, along with a pair of white flats from Kate's closet. My hair is in a ponytail, secured with a hair tie decorated with a snowflake. Somehow, the white turtle-neck sweater makes my blue eyes pop more than usual.

 **XX**

"Miss Steele," Taylor is surprised to see me. "What are you doing here?"

"Ana…just Ana…and I'm volunteering. I'm running the Reading Corner. I'm reading aloud at the top and bottom of every hour. What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I have Sophie today. The flyer for this was in her Pee Chee from school. I thought I'd bring her for some Christmas fun before we decorate my Christmas tree." Taylor shrugged.

"Be sure to stop at the photo booth and take a picture with Santa. They'll make it into a Christmas ornament for you." I checked my watch, "I'm reading in just a few minutes. Why don't you stay?"

Taylor takes a seat on the floor and has Sophie in his lap. She's a very pretty little thing, and she loves her daddy; that's for sure. Somehow, I am in awe of the softer side of Jason Taylor. I understand how Gail Jones loves him. Taylor and Sophie both wear jeans, sweatshirts and sneakers. "Welcome…welcome everyone. My name is Ana, and I'm reading _The Twelve Days of Christmas in Washington._ What do you think might be included in the book?" I ask.

"The Space Needle!" Sophie bounces in her dad's lap.

"I think so too, Miss Sophie. Let's find out." I show the cover of the book to my audience and then begin reading. This time, I have a PowerPoint presentation which has the illustrations scanned to it. I have a clicker and can change the illustrations as I read through the book.

 **XX**

I see glimpses of Taylor and Sophie from time to time during the event; but I do my best to stay busy and not think about my review or worry about tonight. Shawn texted he delivered appropriate clothing for both Harley and me to the suite. He gives me the room number and tells me there is a key card waiting for me at the front desk. He sent pictures of a sleeveless white lace fit and flare dress with an illusion neckline and illusion lace hem along with white Jimmy Choo shoes. He bought appropriate underwear for the dress. He bought a white silk shawl and a white satin handbag to coordinate with the shoes. My only jewelry will be white teardrop pearl earrings and a pearl bracelet which he rented from a jeweler for me. Harley's ensemble is black dress pants, white collar-less shirt and a white brocade vest.

I don't want to think about how much money I owe Shawn for tonight's ensemble. However, spending my money on appropriate clothes for tonight's gala means I don't have spare cash to fly home to Georgia for Christmas. Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. That's my excuse…and I'm using it.

 **XX**

Harley and I read the menu and orient ourselves with the layout of the room before entering. Three bars are located against one wall. Three food stations: soup and salad, entrée, and dessert are located in the back of the room. Tables are different shapes and sizes; like large presents scattered throughout the room. The top of the room contains a dance floor, out of the way of food and booze.

"Let's go poke Jack Hyde," he indicated Jack standing near the bar, observing Maxwell Roach who conversed with Ros Bailey.

"Let's dance," I suggested. "We can blame not accepting dance invites later on drinking too much. We'll be interrupted on the dance floor with people coming up to say hello and wanting introductions. It will cover my awkward dancing."

We are dancing when I hear a shriek. "Incoming," I said wryly to Harley.

"Ana!" Mia hugs me. "You look gorgeous! Mia Grey," she thrust her hand at Harley. She's wearing a fabulous white floor-length one-shoulder Grecian gown. Ethan Kavanagh is her escort, resplendent in a white suit, with white shirt and tie.

"Harley Harrison, I'm a friend of," He started to introduce himself when Jack Hyde came up and clapped him on the shoulder.

"Harley! Nice to see you…Ana isn't hiding you away tonight!" He leered at me and Mia.

"No, we're planning to hide in our suite later," Harley said.

"Suite?" Mia glared.

"Ana went to the spa/salon after Santa Saturday at WSCC today. After the spa she went to our suite to dress for the evening," Harley said. "Besides, if we get a little tipsy, neither of us has to drive."

"Ana!" I heard Kate and Elliot letting out a shout.

"You must join our table," Jack said to Harley. "Roach, Elizabeth, me and some of Ana's coworkers. We have a rectangle table for twelve."

"Wow," Elliot said, giving me a kiss on the cheek and a twirl in his arms. "Ana, you clean up almost as pretty as me." Elliot is wearing a white sweater and white dress pants. He looks great too.

Kate gave me a spectacular hug. "I thought you weren't coming tonight," she whispered in my ear. "You could have come with us." She's wearing white velvet palazzo pants with a white cashmere wrap top and some spectacular diamond earrings.

I kissed her cheek, hurriedly and whispered "STFU!"

"Are you sitting with us?" Kate smiled at Harley.

"Yes, do! Mia said. "I have a round table for six, there is space for the two of you."

"We'd love to!" Harley said.

"I was hoping to talk economics with you," Jack said to Harley.

"Sorry, every time I talk work tonight, I'm being fined $100." He grinned.

"Well, Ana has to pay for that outfit somehow," Jack sniped, walking away to harass other people.

"Jesus, Ana – how can you stand to work for that bastard?" Kate asked.

"It is what it is…and we're here to have a good time. No one talks about work," I say, holding Harley's hand to walk to Mia's table. "I read the white food menu on the way in, Mia…did you coordinate this?" I asked.

"With a little help from me," Elliot grinned. "I'm the reason there's white chili and white pizza on the menu."

"Thank you!" Harley said. "I was worried about using the right fork tonight." He winked at me. "I'm thrilled with the food stations."

The ballroom is decorated in white with several white banners proclaiming the names of various companies housed in Grey Annex. White Christmas trees decorated with white ornaments, white lights, white snowflakes and white lace garland filled the corners of the room. Tables are covered in white linens with white covered chairs. Tablescapes included crystal bowls holding crystal candlesticks with white candles, miniature white wrapped gifts and miniature white ornaments.

"Yes, you like?" Mia preened.

"Spectacular," I assured her. "How are the plans coming for our girls' only Christmas tea?"

"Really well," she laughed. "Kate and I are working on the entertainment. Her December article comes out next Sunday. She's taking pictures of your tea table and tablescape to email to _Seattle Times_ before the festivities begin." Our party theme next week is Peppermint Party. Mia rented a dozen dishes and serving pieces in peppermint stripe. The tablecloth is white and the napkins red. The centerpiece is two hurricane candle holders with white candles, surrounded by peppermint swirl candies. Between the hurricane candle holders will be over a dozen red embossed or flocked ornaments. Our décor coordinates with the wreath of white silk roses, red berries and greens Mom sent Kate for Christmas. Mia found a dozen round peppermint candy motif invitations which we used. Partying Mia style is more intense than just beer, pizza and laughter on a Friday night.

 **XX**

"Showtime," Harley kissed my cheek. "Ladies, I'm getting Ana another White Cosmo, do either of you want one?"

"Me," Mia and Kate both chorused.

Ethan moved next to me. "How is it going?"

"Soon," I said quietly. "Is Jack heading for Harley?"

"Yes; he's drank a lot tonight. I can't believe he's able to walk to the bar." Ethan said, leaning his arm on the table in an apparent attempt to talk to me but watch Jack and Harley.

"We're waiting to see just how loose his tongue is tonight." I said.

"How have you been?" Ethan asked.

"I'm good; how are you and Mia?" I asked quietly.

"We've had two dates since Thanksgiving. She's a lot of fun and I like being with her." Ethan admitted. "I have a difficult time remembering she's the same age as Kate and you. Oh well, I'm barely younger than Christian. How is that going by the way?"

"It's not. I have issues; he has issues. We're both in therapy. Even if we make miraculous strides in our therapy before Christmas; I won't spy on him for the SEC. I know he's innocent in this whole mess." I said.

"Harley has been sidetracked by Jack," Ethan said. "Jack's interrogating Harley." He asks me about therapy and I explain I took his advice after Christian's accident. I started talking weekly to a therapist. I explain I turned down the offer from Christian's therapist to work with me and found someone who I feel comfortable with. I tell him it's going alright. He wishes me well; kisses me on the cheek and returns to Mia's side as Harley escapes Jack's clutches and returns to me.

 **XX**

"Okay Steele…spill!" Kate demanded. We must have walked a mile to find this empty bathroom.

"Are you sure we're alone?" I asked.

"The place is empty! Now, spill." Kate said. "I thought you weren't coming tonight."

"I wasn't until I got a shitty 180-day evaluation 15 minutes before the close of my work day yesterday. Fifteen minutes was barely enough time to read how _does not meet expectations\_ I am. I think Elizabeth deliberately waited to conduct my evaluation until Mr. Roach wasn't around to countermand it like he did for my 30 and 90-day evaluations. Whether I sign it or not; I'm fired Monday morning."

"Fired?" Kate asked. "How the hell can they justify firing you?"

"Elizabeth explained a _does not meet expectations_ rating means I'm fired with cause whether I sign the review on Monday morning or not. There will be no separation pay and no glowing recommendations. She basically threatened to blacklist me if I don't sign the review."

"Fuck them," Kate said. "Go work at Kavanagh Media for Dad. He'd kill to get a talented and educated intern like you! Once you are out of Grey Publishing, you can file a hostile work environment lawsuit against Elizabeth and a sexual harassment lawsuit against Hyde. I'm not educated in HR procedures, but I'm pretty sure it's illegal to force you to sign a shitty review in order to prevent being blacklisted. Grey House needs to break up that unholy trio. You constantly read for them in your spare time, providing synopses of books. The only does _not meet expectations_ you failed is not falling into bed with Jack Hyde."

"I've decided to request an exit interview with someone from Grey House HR; not Elizabeth. I don't know why she hates me. She hasn't talked to me once tonight. However, if looks could kill, I would have died nine lives already tonight. I don't know what's up with our clerical trainee, Lauren Hudson, either. She won't help me, no matter how many times I ask. Someone, other than me, should notice she volunteers to help everyone except me. It's like she was given orders NOT to help me. I don't know what happened with the missing email about the updated protocols for the manuscript database. I had to ask Elizabeth for my updated work performance standards also. By the way; you should see them…Track Manuscripts is one of the tasks. Only it doesn't have a single objective or task assigned to it." I sighed.

"I told you, Hyde and Morgan are pissed off because you were absent for four days. He didn't have a chance to punish you for the Halloween pictures so he fucked with your email. She didn't tell you about the updated work performance standards. You wasted six hours of your time on their bullshit – and then worked through your lunch and stayed three hours of unpaid overtime to fix the situation." Kate said.

"What pisses me off more is, while I'm following that asinine micro-management schedule of theirs; I can hear Lauren flirting with Jack when she brings him coffee. She holds it at breast level when she walks in his office. She acts like a fucking flight attendant…coffee, tea or me, Mr. Hyde." I do an imitation of her breathy voice, giggle and bat my eyelashes at Kate.

"EWWW…don't do that again; that's gross! What's up with you and Harley?" Kate asked.

"I needed a beard for tonight. You saw how Jack Hyde leers at me. As it is, he's leering at you and Mia just because I'm sitting with you. I didn't want him demanding I give him a ride home. The bastard might assault me if he gets more wasted than he already is. He has nothing to lose; maybe he hopes I'll throw myself at him in an attempt to save my job." I finish applying my lip gloss.

"I'm not worried about him leering at any of us. If he gets inappropriate, Elliot will decorate the white decorations with Jack's red blood." Kate said. "I'd be more worried about him demanding to spend the night in your suite since he can't drive home."

"Ewww," I wrinkled my nose. "God, I thought people understood work parties are just an extension of work. Hyde can try to crash for the night in our suite, but Harley and Ethan will put the kibosh on that. Plus, if he does find out what room we are in – Shawn is going to answer the door all night; sending nosy Nellies away."

"Your boss is such a dick." Kate said. "He shows up at work drunk… why would you think he wouldn't get drunk here? Why doesn't Roach do something about him? If Christian knew he'd fire Hyde for drinking his breakfasts after long weekends and his lunches the days he meets with authors. Who is paying for those lunches anyway?"

"If you think Jack's a dick now, you should see him Monday morning. He's always more of a dick to me when there is a mention or picture of me in the paper for any reason. I was told I was uncommunicative when the WSUV picture of Christian and me was in the _Seattle Times_. I was told I was uncommunicative about José's art exhibit. I was told I was uncommunicative about Coping Together. I was told I was uncommunicative when the Safe Streets pictures were printed. I think Jack took intrusive personal questions training from you."

"I'm not that bad!" Kate protested. "But prepare yourself, Mia's already written the press release and the pictures are approved to go to the lifestyle section of _Seattle Times_ before midnight to be included in tomorrow's paper. There are no pictures of you and Harley; so relax. You need to tell Grey House HR about Hyde asking questions about your personal life. You can't tell Morgan; she supports him, not you." Kate advised.

"What am I supposed to say? HR, please rescind my shitty evaluation because the mean girls are hurting my feelings? Please rescind my shitty evaluation because I won't answer personal questions." I shrug. "Please rescind my shitty evaluation because I have a slimy bastard boss who leers at me every opportunity he has? Please rescind my shitty evaluation because I refuse to be alone with my rat bastard boss because he has a hard-on for Christian and thinks I'm foreplay?"

"Why hasn't Christian done something about him?" Kate demanded to know.

"I haven't told him." I said. "You know…I just don't understand it. Christian's like the stalker extraordinaire, and runs background checks on anyone remotely connected to me…Harley being my example. So why didn't he investigate SIP/GP staff before he bought it? Surely something should have shown up in Jack Hyde's personnel files about why he's run through ten female interns in five years. I want to know why no one filed charges against him. I want to know why he's the only editor to use interns."

"I think he deliberately hires interns to take advantage of them. Why don't I research and find out what's going on with him?" Kate offered. "I need an article topic for January. I could use how interns deal with difficult work situations."

"I don't have a problem with that, except you have to swear you won't print anything which puts Grey House or Christian in a bad light. I won't hurt him or Grey House. If you use me as an example, just say an intern at a recently reorganized company, or something vaguer than that." I stressed.

"You don't think showing up with Harley hurts Christian?" Kate asked.

"I'm sure Christian knows I'm not sleeping with Harley. He announced Harley's sexual status at your Veterans Day brunch. Mom's still having fits about Harley. She blames him for the mugging. She thinks I would be safer being a lady of leisure in Christian's life."

"So what are you going to do, Steele?" Kate asked, giving her hair one last flip.

"About what? I can't prove Elizabeth's three-page evaluation is unprofessional unless I demand a review. If I demand a review; I just prolong the agony. Plus, more people will know GP thinks I'm deficient. How am I supposed to get a decent job with such a crappy evaluation? I'll have to not list GP as a job reference; ever."

"Just say you took a break between college and Clayton's Hardware and worked with your Dad." Kate advised. "I can talk to Dad tomorrow about getting you hired on at Kavanagh Media by the end of the week, unless you want to take time to look for another job between now and the first of January."

"I need a job to pay my college loan. Mom wants me to ask Christian to pay it, so I can be a kept woman and not have to work. Dad said if I work one weekend each month in the woodshop; he'll pay my college loan payments. I think it is unfair to him since he's covering my insurance through the shop. As it is, I'm sans insurance still because I'm changing jobs. I won't be eligible for insurance for 90-180 days at a new job. I don't know what to do about my job at GP…but I know what I have to do right now. I can't leave Mia alone too long with Harley. He'll lose his grip on sanity and tell her more about him and me than she needs to know. She's already curious about why we have a suite for the night."

"Come on then; let's get back to the party. That's a great dress for you by the way!" Kate complimented me.

"It ought to be…I spent my travel money for Georgia at Christmas on this ensemble," I said. "Which was probably a stupid thing to do considering I'm going to be unemployed come Monday. I could not show up at GP on Monday morning and go job hunting instead – but that sort of negates my being here tonight. I'm trying to show Hyde and Morgan I'm not going away quietly like the nine interns before me."

"Well…in that case…you look spectacular and congratulations on spending Christmas with Ray instead of Carla! You know…we're going to Aspen for Christmas…you'd be very welcome there." Kate said.

"Can't…even if I wanted to…I may need to work the holidays at a new position. If I stayed at GP; I'm eligible to use leave until after my 180-day evaluation, but I had to ask for leave before Veterans Day. That was one whole page in the evaluation – being gone the day after Charlie Tango was missing and being gone the four days after I was mugged. It makes me angry. I'm getting double dinged for those times. Either I used leave and should not have, and therefore they have cause to fire me…or if my leave is approved, then I met my work performance standards. They can't have it both ways. Besides, I need paid for the week of leave I have on the books at GP so I can support myself before starting a new job. I can't afford to have Morgan vex me on Monday. I might have to make her into an ugly smell in the attic." I laughed.

"God I hate moving bodies…" Kate's laughter faded as they left the bathroom.

 **XX – 3PPOV**

Once Katherine Kavanagh and Anastasia Steele departed the powder room, Ros Bailey unfolded herself from her perch on the back of a toilet. She didn't mean to eavesdrop. She had hidden in the empty powder room to send a sext with a risqué selfie to Gwen who missed tonight's soiree because she wasn't feeling well. So, Jack Hyde was creating a hostile work environment; Elizabeth Morgan was hiding it and as usual, Max Roach was oblivious. Ten interns in five years? And no one questioned it or investigated it? And why was he the only editor using interns and not support staff? This situation was going to bite them in the ass…and not in a _nice, tease me until you please me_ kind of way. Grey House HR combed through GP's personnel files and found nothing. She wondered where the bodies were hidden…and then shivered like someone walked on her grave.

 **December 4 - APOV**

"Thank you for reading my evaluation," I told Harley over breakfast. "What are we going to do if Grey Publishing fires me?"

"First, the SEC would continue the investigation. Second, your review is the prologue to a wrongful termination suit. You have to fight it. Refuse to sign it, demand a review. Respond to the evaluation by writing down your points against each section. Section one which says you didn't meet standards: Point A: Did you not meet standards because you missed five days of work? Point B: This was never discussed with you. Point C: Make them show you the examples of your substandard work. Beat them into submission with your smarts, Steele!"

It's a working breakfast, but before we're done, I have a rebuttal lined out. Harley says to go home, word process it, ensuring correct spelling and grammar. Then he says print five copies and take them to work with me tomorrow morning, in case there is a panel convened to examine my review. I'm to arrive on time. When Elizabeth calls me to her office, I'm to take the folder with the printed copies of my rebuttal. We check my calendar, and there is no appointment scheduled with Elizabeth. I check calendars. There is no appointment online connected to me. Harley says to print Friday's schedule and Monday's schedule to prove that my evaluation is hush-hush. We print Elizabeth's calendar to show her scheduled appointments do not include me.

Shawn is next to counsel me. We talk about Hyde. He swears his badge was in his pocket the whole time we were gone last night. If Hyde had shown up at the door, he would have had him jailed for disturbing the peace. We talk about the various ways I can stay safe after Hyde is arrested. Shawn explains the minute Harley's people arrest Hyde; he is free to do a background search on Hyde and Elizabeth. He's been collecting pieces of information, waiting to investigate them. As a data tech for the Washington Bureau of Investigation, he has to keep a low profile.

 _I can't tell either of them about Leila. I can't tell either of them about Christian's lifestyle. I can't tell Mary who mugged me. She covers my physical health and safety each night before we cover my brain issues. I need to get home to my flash paper and shake some of these cobwebs out of my head._


	33. Chapter 33

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 33 –** "Culture is about performance, and making people feel good about how they contribute to the whole." Tracy Streckenbach, _New York Times_

 **December 5 - APOV**

"I'm just going through the building to thank everyone who attended the Grey Annex White Christmas Gala Saturday night," Ros said to Elizabeth. "I'm sorry: Max and I didn't mean to interrupt your meeting. It wasn't on your calendar for the day." Ros paused; neither Friday's or today's meeting was calendared in an attempt to prevent interference in Anastasia Steele's wrongful termination.

"Ms. Bailey, this is one of our employees, Ana Steele," Mr. Roach introduced me to Ros Bailey. "She was a great help to us during the transition and move."

"Good morning; pleased to meet you," I extend my hand to shake hers, but I'm angry with Elizabeth and my hand trembles.

"Miss Steele, are you alright? You're shaking," Ros sat down at the conference table next to me. "Do you need water? Food? Air?" She asked solicitously.

"It's Ana…just Ana. I'm fine, sorry…just aftereffects of an adrenalin rush," I said. I knot my fingers in my lap to stop my shaking. "I just have an issue with my 180-day evaluation."

Ros examined me and then Elizabeth. "It seems there's a situation, Max."

"Elizabeth?" He inquired.

"Ana is overreacting to her 180-day evaluation. I warned you we don't give interns Exceeds Standards on their evaluations. It leads to situations like this when the intern receives a fair evaluation but it's not what they expected." Elizabeth explained in an imperious tone.

"I would not have a problem with a _fair_ evaluation, Ms. Morgan," I assert. "I have a problem receiving a third _UNFAIR_ and _INAPPROPRIATE_ evaluation. Ms. Morgan was just explaining I am terminated with cause, and my refusal to sign my evaluation will result in being blacklisted. Not only will I be unemployed; I will not receive a letter of recommendation to obtain another job."

Mr. Roach looked at me and then at Elizabeth Morgan with surprise. "Terminated?" He asked; shocked.

"Terminated," I said coldly. "As in Ms. Morgan just called downstairs for Grey Security to escort me to my desk and have me remove my personal things. She underestimated me; she didn't think I would demand a review by Grey House HR."

"Let me see Miss Steele's evaluation," Ros stated calmly. "I don't know Miss Steele, Ana, so I don't have skin in the game. I believe I can determine if it is a fair evaluation." She held out her hand expectantly. "Let's begin this conversation on equal footing - Ana, Ros, Max and Elizabeth." She pointed at each of us in return.

"You're not HR," Elizabeth protested. "Max isn't HR and he's overridden her last two evaluations. Her immediate supervisor says she does not meet expectations and he wants her fired. I have to believe, since he works with her on a daily basis, HE is the most knowledgeable source about her work abilities."

"I may not be HR; but I am the Vice President of Operations for Grey Enterprises Holdings. I have an HR, business and scientific background. I assure you, I'm qualified to evaluate Ana's performance evaluation. Ana, if you don't agree with my assessment when it is over - you are entitled to a review by an HR panel of five. It will include three HR representatives, one staff representative from Grey House and one staff representative from Grey Publishing. The staff representatives are employees who have the same job description as yourself."

"That could be an issue," I said. "It's my understanding I'm the only Grey Publishing intern at this time. I have a prepared rebuttal and copies of my evaluation." I handed Ros both copies; ignoring Elizabeth's censorious look.

"Ana, I need you to sign and date the front page of the original evaluation; otherwise I cannot legally read your evaluation." Ros held out her hand expectantly; and Elizabeth handed it over. Ros indicated where I should sign.

I signed on the appropriate line; disagreeing with and requesting a review of my 180-day evaluation. I dated it; passing the sheet back to Ros.

Ros settled herself comfortably and indicated the other chair. "Max, do take a seat…I need time to read and analyze. This does seem to be lengthy; I'd better take notes while reading so I don't forget anything." She accepted pen and paper from Max. She read a section of the review, the section of my rebuttal and then wrote notes. This continued for almost thirty minutes.

 _I cannot fidget or show nervousness. I must be calm. I will make lists in my head of things to do. My résumé needs updated if I go to work for Mr. Kavanagh. It just doesn't seem fair to have to rely on favors from the Kavanagh family. I have to talk about this with Mary. I cannot use my cell to take notes. Calm…think about the upcoming party at the condo. Go over the menu in your head…think of all the things to buy. Think of all the things to do. I stare out the window at the grey sky and think about Christian's grey eyes. Christian is flying home from New York this morning. I wonder how his weekend went…I wonder if he enjoyed the Cybercities conference._

"You claim this is an unfair evaluation?" Ros addressed me. "I have concerns but I want to hear your reasoning."

I handed Max and Elizabeth a copy of my rebuttal and began to explain my view of the situation. "Grey Publishing cannot claim both sides of the issue – either I took unexcused leave and therefore should have been terminated immediately with cause; or my absences were excused which means I was on leave, which means I did not have to meet work performance standards."

"I had a medical excuse for the four days of work I missed when I was mugged. However, I took my tablet with me when I went to my Father's home in Montesano. I read and reviewed twelve books, which I uploaded to the server Friday before I returned." I slid another piece of paper which Jessica in IT printed out – it verified my claim.

Ros indicated I should continue.

"On the Monday I returned to the office, I was accused of job seeking while I was injured. I was shocked; because I had been recuperating; not job seeking. I was appalled when I went to my cubicle. Four days of mail, phone messages and over sixty manuscripts had been untouched in my absence."

"Wait," Max said. "We had a new protocol for manuscripts starting November 1." He frowned.

"I didn't know about the new protocol until after three o'clock on the Monday I returned. I called IT to have them retrieve the 60 manuscripts I entered in the database. Jessica came for them and informed me of the change in protocol. I worked through lunch and managed to enter the 60 manuscripts in three hours, with interruptions." I explained. I passed Ros IT verification of my entry of the 60 manuscripts.

"Everyone in editorial was notified by email of the protocol change. I verified you received that email." Elizabeth stated.

"Jessica, the IT support staff, said IT tags return receipts on broadcast company emails to see when they are viewed. The return receipt told IT the email was sent on Tuesday, November 1 at 8:00 a.m. The email sent to me was viewed on Tuesday, November 1, from inside GP at 10:00 a.m. It was deleted five minutes after it was opened. At ten o'clock on November 1, I had been released from Northwest Hospital and was on my way to Montesano with my Father."

"Are you claiming someone hacked your email and removed the _one_ email which contained a new procedure?" Elizabeth asked. "I find that highly improbable."

"I asked IT for proof when the email was sent, accessed, read and deleted." I laid a piece of paper on the table. "Unless IT recalled the email and forgot to resend it; I have no clue why one solitary email was deleted. I asked Jessica to resend the email to me so I had it for the procedures manual. I apologize for wasting work time to enter those sixty manuscripts in the database erroneously. I made up for it by reading six manuscripts at home on my own time. I completed the synopses for them and uploaded them into the manuscript server first thing Tuesday morning when I came to work." I laid another piece of paper on the table.

Ros reviewed my three pages from IT.

"I stayed after hours on Monday and completed processing, copying, filing and mailing author letters. This is proof I had a Grey Annex Security guard with me while I worked. It verifies when I left the building. It would not have taken me three hours to deal with processing author letters if someone handled Jack Hyde's mail and filing while I was out for four days." I handed Ros another piece of paper.

"The clerical trainee did not pick up the slack while you were absent with a medical excuse?" Ros asked me.

I shook my head no. "It was Lauren's first week and she was in training; I don't fault her. However; someone should have been on top of the work piling up on my desk. Perhaps if someone was, 60 manuscripts would not have piled up; waiting for me to erroneously enter them in the database. Someone would have collected the 58 manuscripts which aged out, noted their expiration date in the database and sent them to archive."

"I agree; but please continue," Ros said.

"I needed to take a leave day in October. I worked very hard to complete my week's work in four days," I said. "Although it was an unexpected personal leave day, not a medically excused leave, no one complained about my work that week. I didn't know there was a question of my not meeting standards until this evaluation. No one has discussed my workload with me since my 90-day review."

"Will you tell me why you needed a personal leave day?" Ros asked.

"It was October 18," I say, not looking at her; staring down at my twisting fingers.

"Ah," she said. "I understand. You were supporting your roommate Katherine Kavanagh and the Grey family?"

"Yes," I said; although it was not the real truth. _Part of me wondered how she knew I lived with Kate. Part of me wondered how she knew Kate was involved with the Greys. Is she a stalker like Christian or does she have access to his stalker files? Or has he mentioned me to her? I can't ponder these questions, not with this review issue on the table._

"Are there any instances of Miss Steele not completing work other than the four-day medical absence?" Ros asked.

"No," Elizabeth answered.

"Your evaluation states you don't work well with colleagues?" Ros asked.

"I am having issues with our new clerical trainee who is great at volunteering for everyone in the company but me." I said.

"I've discussed this with Lauren and she says you never ask for help. She gets Mr. Hyde's coffee for you, but she's complained you haven't utilized her efforts in any other capacity." Elizabeth stated.

"Lauren gets Mr. Hyde's coffee for Mr. Hyde as part of her work performance standards. I have reminded Lauren to copy and file on Fridays when I'm completing the tracking project on manuscripts; but she…"

"She's been busy with other staff who plan their workload better," Elizabeth interrupted.

"I don't plan my workload. I follow a very specific schedule given to me when I started here. The set schedule lists filing for the week on Friday afternoon at three p.m. I remind Lauren first thing each Monday morning about Mr. Hyde's copying and filing on Friday afternoon. She says sure…but when Friday afternoon rolls around, she's too busy to complete Mr. Hyde's copy and file projects."

"We had two Friday holidays in November," Ros said. "How did you handle copying and filing then?"

"I copied and filed midweek without any complaints or issues with my workload. I'd also like to point out I have read and analyzed 15 manuscripts per week since my work performance standards changed at my 30-day review, even if it was a short week." I laid another paper on the table. "Once I was aware of the protocol change; I requested my new work performance standards on Tuesday after I returned. Track Manuscripts has no standards or tasks delineated with it. I use the Track Manuscripts protocols from the Procedures Manual. Additionally, my schedule was never updated with the changes in work performance standards at my 90-day review."

"I would like to see that schedule," Ros said.

"It should be in her personnel jacket," Mr. Roach said. "We keep copies of everything our employees sign."

Ros held out her hand to Elizabeth who hesitated before handing over my personnel jacket. Ros undid the clasp, pulled the papers from the file, laid them face down on the table and started with the top of the inverse pile. "Nice résumé," Ros complimented me. "Summa Cum Laude, and you worked at a hardware store 20-30 hours a week while classes were in session and full time during breaks. There's a story there," she looked at me expectantly.

"My Dad owns Steele Woodworks in Montesano. I grew up learning different kinds of nails, screws, tools, woods, finishes," I shrugged. "The Claytons were good employers. I enjoyed working for them." _My unspoken comment is I don't enjoy working at Grey Publishing._

"Okay, back to the pile." Ros turned over my hiring papers and found the schedule. "Copy that please, I want to look at it but not disturb your filing system." Ros continued going through the pile once she had the copy of the schedule. She flipped over a document and looked at it. She removed the top sheet and handed the other pages to Elizabeth. "Shred those. In situations like this, you keep the signed cover sheet which says she disagrees with the evaluation and requests a review. You do not keep the original evaluation." Ros turned the next set of pages over and noted the cover sheet, a one-page evaluation, and the individual ratings given to my work performance standards. She read that evaluation. She turned over the next group of pages which was new WPS I signed. She noted there was not an updated schedule accompanying it.

She turned over the next set of pages, the 90-day review. The next set of pages was my updated WPS. Again, she noted the schedule was not updated. The next page is my email requesting leave for October 18, utilizing one of the leave days granted to me by Mr. Grey during the transition/move of SIP/GP. The next page was the excuse from Dr. Bayer for my long lunch appointment. The next page was verification I worked in the building until seven that evening to make up for my long lunch from Grey Annex Security. Next was a fax from the doctor with my medical excuse when I was mugged. The next was the updated WPS since Lauren's arrival and the manuscripts protocols. The next set was the original evaluation from this round. "There," Ros said, observing the thickness of my work folder. "That's more appropriate." She examined my three reviews. "You didn't request a review of the 90-day evaluation?"

"The 30 and 180-day evaluations were rated _does not met expectations_. I felt the evaluations were not accurate. I requested a review. The 90-day evaluation was rated _standard; meets expectations_. Max was present, and he felt the evaluation was less than I deserved. He made changes, Elizabeth printed them, and I signed." I said.

Ros read the first and second evaluations. She consulted the schedule. "Do you micro-manage all your staff like this?" She asked Elizabeth.

"We've had difficulty with previous interns who have never worked before and had no clue about what to do at what time. The schedule makes them more effective. Since Ana's expertise was in a hardware store and not in an office, we felt it prudent to provide her with a schedule." Elizabeth said.

"Hum," Ros said. "Prudent; yet you never upgraded it to match her work performance standards."

I handed her a copy of my copy of the schedule. I crossed out items which had been deleted, added new tasks, and wrote in the margins what to do during freed up blocks of time.

"Let's continue with my list. Before I examined your schedule; we discussed issues with coworkers. I didn't see any written complaints in her file." Ros consulted her notes. "Ana's past evaluation stated editors and coworkers spoke highly of her work ethics and abilities."

"Lauren isn't the only staff member having issues with Ana," Elizabeth said. "She was rude to her immediate supervisor, Jack Hyde, when she returned from her _medically excused_ absence."

"Ana?" Ros inquired.

"When I returned from being mugged, Jack asserted I was absent from work because I was falling down drunk. Blood alcohol and drug tests were taken when I was admitted to the hospital. I was neither drunk nor on drugs. I was mugged. There was a witness who called for an ambulance and SPD." I passed over a copy of the police report and hospital tests. "I warned Jack I'd file a defamation of character lawsuit if he wrongfully accused me of being drunk and irresponsible in front of my coworkers again."

"Does anyone, other than Lauren Hudson or Jack Hyde have problems with Ana? Do you have any of those complaints in writing?" Ros asked.

"No," Elizabeth barely contained her temper as Ros crossed through that part of the evaluation.

"Your review states you dress inappropriately. You seem well groomed today. Elizabeth; can you tell me when Ana was dressed inappropriately?" Ros asked.

Elizabeth handed over a list of all the Tuesdays when I attended editorial meetings. "She wears short skirts to editor meetings," Elizabeth said. "There have been complaints."

"There were none listed in her file. Did anyone ever discuss your wardrobe with you?" Ros asked.

"I'm not the support staff responsible for the appropriate work wardrobe memo." I said; reaching for a folder. I handed printed copies of selfies I took. "Here are pictures of 12 separate outfits which I wore to work. I take selfies and email them to my Mother and roommate for their approval and suggestions. I'll be the first to admit dressing professionally for the office is not a easy task; since I spent four years in jeans and flannel shirts at Clayton's Hardware."

Ros perused the pictures in the file.

"I wear pants on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I wear dresses or skirts on Tuesday and Thursday because I have more pants than I do dresses and skirts. However; none of my work skirts or dresses are shorter than four inches above my knee; as evidenced by the selfies. The list of editorial meetings where I supposedly wore short skirts is…a great work of fiction." _I'm not about to say I have to rotate my wardrobe because Hyde keeps leering at parts of my body._

"I saw what she wore to the open house and I saw what she wore to the company party. From what I have seen and these pictures, it would appear Ana dresses appropriately for the office," Ros noted.

"Halloween, she dressed in a costume." Elizabeth's voice was disparaging. "It made Mr. Grey stop at her desk and talk to her."

Ros looked at me and raised an eyebrow.

"I wore a black retro style fit and flare dress, with pumps." I accessed my _Breakfast at Tiffany's_ picture posted in the _Seattle Times_ and showed it to Ros. I sighed. "Elizabeth believes my inappropriate dress led to my mugging which is why I missed work."

"She put on the rest of the costume and modeled it for Mr. Grey." Elizabeth said. "I suggested if she wasn't dressed like a hooker, she might have been safer."

Ros looked at me. "From what I remember of the film _Breakfast at Tiffany's_ , Holly Go-Lightly's character is not a hooker or a call girl, but a young woman who dates wealthy men. Did you go out with Mr. Grey while wearing that costume?"

"Mr. Grey didn't stop by my desk because of my costume. I was seated; he could not have seen me as he approached. He stopped at my desk to ask me to go to Grey Calendars on my lunch hour. It was the grand opening for Mia's company. He felt I might be a calming influence. My lunch hour is 12:30 to 1:30. I adjusted my lunch hour to cover the 10 minutes I spent talking to Mr. Grey. Luke Sawyer, who works for Grey Security, escorted me to Grey Calendars. He can verify I left my cubicle at 12:35 and returned at 1:25."

"Did anyone else wear costumes to work that day?" Ros asked.

"Lauren Hudson was dressed as a showgirl," I commented.

"She was dressed as a Radio City Rockette," Elizabeth corrected me. "It was her first day at work; she did not know about the strict Halloween costume mandate."

"Security made some people remove their masks so they could identify them as employees. I think it was a matter of perspective - hooker versus movie character; show girl versus Radio City Rockette." Max tried valiantly to defuse the animosity growing between Elizabeth and me.

"Your review says you are uncommunicative," Ros noted.

"I do not believe I am uncommunicative because I will not engage in gossip. I don't discuss my personal or social life. I don't discuss the personal or social life of my friends and family. I don't discuss proprietary information which I overheard in proximity to friends or at social events. I cannot answer intrusive questions about my mugging…which occurred on my personal time...because SPD says it is an ongoing case." I stated emphatically. _Plus, I mentally crossed my fingers. Please don't pry!_

Ros crossed through the part where I wore inappropriate clothes and was incommunicative. "The days you used in October were days granted by Mr. Grey to cover for the move?"

"Yes," I said.

"Mr. Grey granted that leave time 'at will' which does not require reason or advance notice." Ros said, crossing through the entire page regarding my unexcused absences. "Since the absences are excused; Ana cannot be held accountable for meeting work performance standards while she was absent." Ros considered my work performance standards before speaking. "Max, what do you think of Ana's manuscript synopses?"

"The ones I've read have been insightful. She provided excellent reasons for recommending or denying future steps for the manuscript," Max replied.

"Are the manuscripts chosen for you to read, or do you choose them? If you chose them, what is your criteria? Ros asked me.

"I pick unsolicited, unread manuscripts about to age out. If a manuscript sits for 90 days and is unread, it usually will not be read. I operate on the J.K. Rowling theory – you never know what treasure you will find in the UUMs. I've worked very hard to try to eliminate the backlog of UUMs. In the last six months I've read just over 200 manuscripts."

"Max, do you have a protocol for reading manuscripts?" Ros asked.

"No," He admitted. "Ana's method seems to be geared toward giving everyone a possible chance."

Ros continued to cross through parts of my evaluation. "Max, I'd like to see a printout of three samples of Ana's synopses and then I'd like to see one example of three other staff synopsis."

He went to Elizabeth's computer and began printing synopses for Ros. When the printer finished, he handed her six crosshatched documents.

Ros reviewed the synopses. "Ana, tell me your thought process when you review a manuscript."

"I was taught a literary review is not a plot summary or an unsupported opinion of whether I liked or didn't like the manuscript. I try to include information about the key elements of the book: title, setting, plot and characters. Sometimes I read more than one chapter to get a feel for the manuscript. Sometimes I read the climax and resolution. I read for sentence structure and length, and for paragraph length and development. Then I write an opinion about how well the author succeeded in using those elements and if I believe they wrote an effective story."

"Max, read those synopses and then read Ana's." Ros said.

He read them and handed them back. "As I said, her reviews are insightful."

"Insightful because she evaluates the manuscripts, not just gives a blanket approval or disapproval." Ros observed. "Max, how many editors do you have?"

"One chief editor which is me; two acquisition/ commissioning editors and three content/copy editors. We have two proofreading/line editors, and one on-call beta reader for each genre." Mr. Roach explained.

"So basically, eight editors when you used to have thirteen. Those editors are busy and have not had time to concentrate on reading new manuscripts?" Ros clarified. "Do the beta readers read any unsolicited manuscripts?"

"No," He does not know where she's going with this, but I foresee this plot development.

"I'd like to see Lauren Hudson's work performance standards," Ros asks.

"We can't discuss them in front of Ana," Elizabeth practically spits out the words. "It's against our HR rules."

"We're reviewing the standards; not reviewing Lauren's work. I believe they can be tweaked to aid all the editorial support staff." Ros insisted.

Elizabeth printed and passed them to Ros.

"Ana, do you want to pursue publishing as a career?" Ros asked.

"Yes," I admitted. "I love books."

"I apologize, everyone, I need a few minutes. She accessed Elizabeth's computer and started a web search. Within ten minutes, she brought printed pages back to the table.

"Because of the increased workload; editors don't have time to evaluate manuscripts. Their support staff do not analyze as in depth as Ana does. There are almost 1000 unread, unsolicited manuscripts listed in the manuscript database and additional manuscripts arrive daily. In order to properly utilize Ana's talents and abilities, I suggest she be assigned to reading and evaluating manuscripts 90% of the time. Ana's work performance standards could utilize her as a beta reader if your contract reader is unable to work."

"What are we doing about support staff for Jack Hyde?" Max asked.

"Lauren feels she's not being utilized. Assign her as support staff for Jack Hyde. Not intern…support staff. Hyde is the only editor who uses interns. It is time to cease using interns and have all editorial support staff in the same work classification as one another. It will facilitate coverage when someone is absent, like Ana was for those four days. Since Ana is taking the manuscript synopsis component from every editorial support position; it will free up time for all the editorial support staff to do their own copying and filing. Additionally, they can alphabetically rotate prepping for and taking minutes for editorial meetings. We need updated work performance standards created and signed by the editorial support staff."

Ros reviewed her changes to my current evaluation. She recommends 'meets standards' for every task except manuscript synopses which she rates 'exceeds standards'. In the section regarding future actions, Ros recommends I be promoted, with raise, to the position of Editorial Reader. "Elizabeth, reformat Ana's evaluation, leaving out the parts I've deleted. There is no evidence in her file to support those conclusions."

"I'm not comfortable doing that," Elizabeth announced. "This review is based on input from her boss, Jack Hyde. If the information he provided is removed, it negates his input on her evaluation."

"Is Hyde present?" Ros asked. "I'd like to know if he has written proof of anything he's alleged in Ana's evaluation. Without evidence; this is a wrongful termination lawsuit waiting to happen."

"He's out of the office this morning, working with two authors who have recently combined their efforts to write a series of books." Elizabeth explained.

"Did you know that?" Ros asked me.

"I have not had time to review our calendars for the day," I explained. "I was told to report to HR first thing this morning; which I did." I said.

"If Hyde has an issue with Ana's evaluation; he is cordially invited to file a request for review. We'll schedule a meeting with Grey House HR, Grey Publishing HR, Mr. Hyde, Miss Steele, Mr. Roach, myself and the HR legal team Grey House uses for consultations."

Elizabeth rose, taking my evaluation from Ros. She settled in at her desk with a decided frown on her face as she looked at parts Ros removed.

"I need to see a set of work performance standards for your beta readers," Ros said. Once Mr. Roach gave Ros a set, she began working on establishing new standards for me using their standards and information she printed from various websites. She had the copy of my current WPS.

Ros continued. "I believe an arbitrary number of manuscripts to read per day does not work. You need flexibility to handle day to day work issues. Is a minimum of 30 manuscripts per month acceptable?"

"That is acceptable," I said. "Copying and filing as I see the need, not adhering to a schedule?"

"No, you proved you can schedule your work load. Lauren's training should be conducted by the senior editorial support staff, since she will be support staff and not an intern." Ros said; putting the final touches on my new WPS. "Review those, make changes as needed. Thirty manuscripts meets expectations, forty five manuscripts exceeds expectations; sixty manuscripts or more is outstanding efforts."

"Acceptable," I said. "I'll sign off on those."

Elizabeth printed a new evaluation and handed it to me. I read it. It's gone from three pages of bashing me to one page. The recommended plan of action states I am to be promoted to the position of Editorial Reader, with a raise in pay. "This is acceptable and I will sign it." I signed it. Elizabeth signed it. Mr. Roach signed it. Elizabeth made a copy of it for me and put the original in my much thinner personnel jacket.

"Max, do we have an empty office in editorial?" Ros asked.

"Yes, we've been using it to house beta readers if they come into the office." Mr. Roach consulted a seating chart provided by Elizabeth.

"Assign that office to Ana. She should have quiet to read and analyze manuscripts. The beta readers can use one of the smaller conference rooms or one of the visitor workstations if they appear at GP. Who assigns the manuscripts to the beta readers?" Ros asked.

"The editors do." Elizabeth said.

"Do the editors monitor which manuscripts the beta readers have been assigned?" Ros asked, still writing notes.

"Their staff does," Elizabeth said.

"Ana, effective immediately you are no longer an intern for Grey Publishing. You are an Editorial Reader. I've created new work performance standards for the position. Ninety percent of your time will be reading and analyzing entire manuscripts, not one or two chapters. If the manuscript is impossible to finish; note it in the literary review with an example of the reason why."

She shared the WPS she created with me.

"Ten percent of your time will be office work; which will include attending the editorial staff meetings on Tuesdays. You are not there to take minutes and make coffee, but to discuss manuscripts with editors. You will create a list of the manuscripts you reviewed during the previous week and your recommendations. You will present that information at editorial meetings. You will be responsible for adding that information to the editorial agenda on Monday before the meeting."

"Your position will be paid the same as an entry level beta reader with a 5% merit raise at the end of 180 days. You will have a 30, 60, 90 and 180-day evaluations. Today, before two o'clock; please relocate to the empty editorial office. Elizabeth, here are Ana's new work performance standards. Please word process for her signature, your signature and Max's signature. She needs a new personnel action form. Complete and print one for Ana to sign. Please arrange for new business cards for Ana. Please arrange for a nameplate for her door. Please arrange for her insurance to become effective immediately. Please update the seating chart for the office including the move for Ana and Lauren and distribute to staff before the end of the day."

Ros gave the paperwork to Elizabeth to update and print. She called IT and explained I was moving from my cubicle to the beta reader office in the editorial section before two o'clock. She asked I be given access to the manuscript server, the archive manuscript server and HR files for employees. She requested my calendar be separated from support staff and added to editorial staff with preview rights assigned to Mr. Roach and reception. She explained Lauren Hudson was moving from the front desk next to Claire to my previous cubicle after two o'clock.

"Ana, as your first task after you move; I'd like you to update the synopsis form. Your literary review process is better than the generic form which is being used. I'd like it completed and proofed by Max by the end of the day tomorrow. Once it is proofed, I need you to write procedures on how to use it. You have an appointment on Friday morning, nine a.m. at Grey House with Robb Loeder to create a procedures manual for an Editorial Reader position at GP. Robb will help you polish the procedures manual and will give IT the authority to upload the new synopsis form and procedures to the server by the end of the week."

"Is there a reason I'm being excluded from this process?" Elizabeth asked. Her tongue might have become as pointed as her question.

"We'll discuss when we finish with Ana," Ros stated.

Elizabeth printed my new personnel action form and work performance standards. I signed, Elizabeth signed and Mr. Roach signed. Elizabeth made copies and gave them to me.

"Since you are no longer an intern; you will report to Max. He is your direct supervisor." Ros indicated. "If we're done, I'd like to speak with Ana for a minute." Ros said. "When I return, we will have a discussion before we speak to Lauren. Elizabeth; please create new WPS for Lauren, along with a personnel action form. Max, if you could take this short break to write down what knowledge, skills and abilities you require from an Electronic Publishing Editor; it will jump start the process for us."

Ros walked me to my future office and closed the door. "Thank you for your concern and prayers for Grey and myself. I don't know if you heard, but Charlie Tango was sabotaged. We are lucky to be alive. That information is embargoed. You cannot discuss it with Katherine Kavanagh, Kavanagh Media or Elliot Grey."

"Sabotaged?" I asked.

"Sabotaged," she confirmed. "On another topic; I observed the way Hyde interacted with you Saturday night. I don't approve of staff drinking to excess and harassing their staff. I have one more question for you…and I want an honest answer. Has he ever been drunk at work?"

"He's been buzzed a few times – mostly after lunches with authors on Wednesdays." I answered honestly.

"Did he make you uncomfortable during those times?" She asked.

"He's asked me to give him a ride home since he lives near me. But my Father taught me well; I don't get into cars with drunks." I admitted.

"Excellent training. So how did you handle the situation?" She asked.

"I had or invented a reason to refuse. He asked Elizabeth to provide transportation." I said.

"The next time it happens; I want you to contact Grey Annex Security immediately. Grey House does not tolerate drug or alcohol abusers. We don't tolerate people who harass their staff, create a hostile work environment or behave unprofessionally at company events. I interpreted your comments about your wardrobe as an issue with how you dress." She waited patiently for me to talk.

"I can't address that," I said. "It's different here. I don't wear jeans and flannel shirts, so I don't know how to interpret my boss staring at body parts."

"Saturday night, that man leered at you, Katherine Kavanagh and Mia Grey. I was sincerely glad the three of you had men with you to keep him at bay." Ros reached in her pocket and handed me a card. "Ana…if there are any issues or backlash from your review today, or from your new position assignment, I want you to contact me. I believe your talents were seriously underused at Grey Publishing. If you need more of a challenge than being an editorial reader, I would be thrilled to have you in any of our divisions at Grey House – media and public relations would benefit with someone who has your work ethics and abilities. I would hate to lose you to _Seattle Times_ or Kavanagh Media because you had issues with Jack Hyde."

"Thank you, Ms. Bailey," I said, shaking her hand goodbye.

"My name is Ros and this is an order…get your purse and take an hour break in the cafeteria until one o'clock. Eat, drink and recharge your systems before you move into your new office. Do not access manuscripts or work emails during your lunch hour. That will give IT plenty of time to complete your relocation." She handed me a $10 chit for the Grey House or Grey Annex cafeteria. She smiled and shook my hand before we exited the conference room.

 **XX – Ros POV**

So, he's Christian when she talks to Kate Kavanagh and Mr. Grey when she talks to office staff. Now I understand; he called out Anastasia's name in his sleep when we were stranded. He tried not to be disappointed when our families greeted us. He must have hoped she would be there. I can't believe they've been photographed together twice since they got together. She's obviously trying to keep their relationship quiet. I can respect that. Sometimes you don't want the world to know everything personal about you. I knew something was going on with him when he disappeared to Portland for a week. Before I leave here today; I'm pulling CCTV tapes for Halloween. I want to see Grey's reaction to her full ensemble. I'm asking Robb Loeder to keep an eye on the Lauren Hudson/Jack Hyde situation. I also need an in depth background check on Hyde. I want to know his actions with the other interns. I'm going to have a conversation with Max about how inappropriate Hyde was with the Grey women on Saturday night – and I'm going to include Ana in the Grey women group. Hyde is a fool if he thinks he's going to fire that girl. If I have a say in the matter, he will be fired just to keep us from having a sexual harassment lawsuit on our hands.

 **XX**

"Grey Publishing received directives in July to create a new procedure manual for all positions before the end of July. That task has not been completed." Ros held up her hand to stop Elizabeth's protests. "I'm aware you believe the delay is because you were short staffed. However, six months is an excessive timeline. Consequently, Robb Loeder, from Grey House HR, is helping with the Editorial Reader procedures manual. Starting next Monday, he will be here, working out of one of the small conference rooms with his support staff from Grey House. Before the end of next week, the procedure manual for all positions will be evaluated, updated, loaded on the server with physical copies provided to all staff. Loeder will examine Work Performance Standards for all positions to ensure they are current, signed and filed. His next task is to develop a position announcement for an Electronic Publishing Editor. He will be involved in all steps of the hiring process. Grey wanted the position established and filled before the end of December. Time has slipped away; but Loeder will ensure we have someone before February 1. Your position, Ms. Morgan, will report to Grey House HR; not Max, as of today. Loeder will ensure it is reflected in your updated work performance standards – which will dovetail in title and compensation with Grey House HR staff."

"Will my salary and benefits change?" Elizabeth asked, understandably upset.

"I don't know; it will depend on what Grey House HR determines. I want to see a dozen evaluations. I don't care whose evaluation it is. I want to see the 30-day evaluation for Lauren Hudson." Ros commanded. When she was finished reading them, she handed them to Max Roach. "Can you tell me two glaring differences between Ana Steele's original 180-day evaluation and these two evaluations?"

Max read them and gave Ros a shrug. "I'm sorry; I don't see what seems to be so obvious to you."

"One, Ana's evaluation was three pages long when I first looked at it today. Each of these is one-page long. These two evaluations contain positive reinforcement and positive suggestions towards better employee productivity. Ana didn't receive any positive reinforcement or positive suggestions in her original evaluation. I believe Ana's review was written with termination, not continuation, in mind."

"You didn't express thanks or admiration for the outstanding job Ana has done with manuscript synopses. Her efforts in that area have not diminished since her last review. You have no protocol, other than _complete a form_ for manuscript synopsis. Several staff, who evaluate manuscripts, barely write more than one sentence for each section. Additionally, from the dates of their forms, they don't read regularly like she does. Nor is their reading process logical like hers; they just pull the first manuscript off the database, which is arranged by author's last name, not the date it ages out. I want to see Ana's evaluation for January third to ensure she's meeting the new work performance standards established today and to ensure she is receiving positive reinforcement and suggestions."

"Ms. Morgan, before you complete another evaluation, you will attend a refresher course on writing evaluations. You will attend a refresher course on retaining personnel records. Grey Publishing will pay all fees associated with upgrading your skills. I will forward a letter on Grey House letterhead giving you this directive. Loeder will receive a copy to add to your personnel file. If someone needs an evaluation before you take the courses, you will notify Loeder to conduct the evaluation. Written evaluations will not reference clothing, attitudes, communication, failure to meet standards, etc. without a dated and signed complaint document in the employee's work folder. Additionally, each of those forms will be signed and dated by the employee ensuring the situation was discussed with them. Grey House will not be involved in a wrongful termination suit because of your actions, Ms. Morgan."

"I've seen 'Grey baiting' for several years now from both men and women. Ana Steele could work at Grey House right now because her personal grooming aligns with the standards set at Grey House. Lauren Hudson is a walking wardrobe malfunction waiting for an inopportune time to embarrass the company. One open button on a shirt is acceptable…two where I can see her cleavage is too much…and I appreciate good cleavage. Her wardrobe is NOT the image we want projected at a Grey House subsidiary. Before the end of the week, you will implement the acceptable wardrobe protocols you received when SIP became GP. I know Grey reiterated those protocols the week of Halloween. I know GP received a copy of the Halloween Costumes Protocols in July. We do not allow staff to dress like pimps and whores, or tarts/wenches/vixens. Nor do we allow sexually suggestive costumes such as French maids, human centipedes, known pedophiles or show girls. Nor do we allow staff to dress in politically incorrect costumes such as blackface, Native Americans in buckskins and feather headdresses, Osama Bin Laden, Saddam Hussein, Hitler or other notorious dictators."

"In that case, Miss Steele's Holly Go-Lightly costume was, indeed, incorrect." Elizabeth argued.

"Miss Steele was dressed as a movie character, not a whore. She wore a little black cocktail dress, not a bandage dress. She worked Safe Streets with other volunteers who were dressed as movie characters like the Mummy or James Bond." Ros said. "Her costume is not up for discussion again. Every employee will read and sign professional dress guidelines with copies retained in personnel files. From this day forward; everyone dressed inappropriately will receive a verbal warning, followed by a written reprimand. All warnings and reprimands will be accompanied by a photo of the ensemble they wore on the day they received the warning or reprimand. Additionally, the errant staff member will be sent home to change clothes; with that time deducted from their work day. They can use leave to cover the time, or work afterhours to make up for the time they missed. If it happens a third time – termination paperwork will be prepared."

"I believe you can ask Hudson to button up when you have the position change discussion. It's my understanding she's been dressing inappropriately since she began working here a month ago. Today she receives verbal notice of her inappropriate dress. It will be noted in her personnel jacket, with a picture of her flaunting her cleavage. She will read and sign the wardrobe protocols and a copy will be saved in her personnel jacket."

"If you believe Ana was dressed as a hooker at Halloween; you need to drive to Westlake Plaza and educate yourself. Your remarks suggesting her attire was the reason she was mugged are inappropriate. If the police solve her mugging and if she is called to court to testify, it is paid civil leave; like voting, jury duty, etc. She will not be required to present advance notice of her absence. Additionally, if she needs counseling to recover from the mugging; paid leave time will be granted by Grey Publishing as part of her compensation package. I want her notified of her health benefits in writing today."

"Ms. Morgan, this is your verbal warning to manage your opinions and words better. Should I hear of another incident; it will be a written reprimand which will be included in your personnel jacket. I have entered this situation in my action notes, and have indicated Max Roach was present for your verbal reprimand. Ms. Morgan, I believe you can manage promoting Hudson, ensuring her signature on her personnel action form and work performance standards for an entry level editorial support staff position. Micro-management schedules will cease. Hudson can relocate this afternoon, at two o'clock to the cubicle outside Hyde's office." Ros rose, and shook Elizabeth's hand goodbye. "Max, I would like to talk to you in private."

Ros and Max went back to his office. "Let's discuss the company Christmas party on Saturday evening. I have concerns…"

 **XX**

Email from Ros to Gwen: Have I told you how much I like my job today? Ros Bailey, Chief of Operations, Grey House: 3; Snarky Bitch: 0: Asshole Employee: 0; Trashy Tart Employee: 0. I'm on a roll...I wonder who else's life I can change today. LOL

 **XX - APOV**

I had a wonderful lunch thanks to Ros. While eating my grilled three-cheese medley with spinach on sourdough bread and a cup of tomato basil bisque, I email Kate, Dad, Mom and José about my promotion. No more intern; I'm a bona fide employee of Grey Publishing. I told Kate, no more reporting to Hyde. I report directly to Mr. Roach. I don't announce my raise is 15% more than I was making. It will help me pay for Mary's counseling sessions.

IT helped me rearrange my office so the layout is more cohesive and work friendly. When I see Hyde approaching my office; I reach for my smart phone and turn on the conversation app and lay it on the desk.

"Well, well…" Hyde said, sauntering into my new office. "Six months and you have a new job and are besties with the Grey family and Ros Bailey. The rumors about Grey being gay must be true since she bats for the other team."

"Your point?" I asked. "I have work to do, since I don't have support staff to fetch coffee for me."

"You were almost fired for your inability to perform your job. Don't get comfortable here. I've got my eye on you." He smirked.

"Which part are you eying today? My ankles, my ass or my assets?" I sat up straight; flipping my hair over my shoulders; making sure the girls perk up. "By the way," I picked up my smart phone. "I've been recording our conversation…so when you whine to Ms. Morgan that I was rude, I have electronic proof you threatened me. I also have Ros Bailey's email address and I would be glad to let her know how much distain you display at her _batting for the other team_. In the future, I would appreciate you knocking before you enter my office. You are no longer my supervisor; you don't come and go as you please from my office."

He stormed out, I hear him snap at Lauren to fetch coffee. I wonder how soon she will lose her giggly, flirty demeanor when she has to work with his drunken ass. She glares at me each time she walks past my office; but I noticed her blouse is buttoned and her rude lips are zipped. _Thank you Ros!_

I ignore the world, create the new review form, write protocol and email both to Robb Loeder, Mr. Roach and Ros Bailey. I'm not taking chances with emails being fucked with again. I write down the various tasks of my job and which ones need a procedure included in a manual. I start reading a manuscript, taking copious notes.

 **XX**

Kate ditched Elliot tonight so we can celebrate my new job. I played back the conversation with Hyde and Kate can't quit laughing. We ordered in pizza, popped the cork on a bottle of the champagne intended for our Christmas party. I told Kate about Ros appearing as my goddess in shining armor. I blushed a lot when I said I could just kiss her! That comment sent Kate off into another round of giggles.

I told Kate about Ros removing and Elizabeth shredding documents out of my personnel jacket; and the removal of negative comments from my evaluation. Kate laughed and told me she passed her evaluations with "meets standards". She received a rubric cube for her 180-day evaluation at the end of January. She gets to decide if she's working for meets standards, above standards, or exceeds standards by what she does for her job. We both laugh and clink our glasses to toast our total lack of standards tonight.

 **December 6**

Mary listens when I call Mom. I use my new job as a reason for not having time to come to Savannah over Christmas. Mom's not happy but she says she and Bob can plan a golf trip somewhere, perhaps Scottsdale again. She asks if we should plan for them to fly from Scottsdale to Seattle for a day, or if I want to fly from Seattle to Scottsdale on Christmas Day. I assure her I will come to Georgia to visit her for Mother's Day.

I thank her for the exceptional wreath she sent Kate for our front door. She brags she's on the decoration committee for the country club. She laments I will miss the New Year's Eve Ball at the country club. I promise to send a picture of my ensemble for the company Christmas party. I tell her there are group pictures on the _Seattle Times_ website and on Kate's Facebook page. I explain Kate and I are having a girls' only Christmas Tea and are inviting Mia Grey. Kate's going to Aspen with Elliot and the Greys for Christmas. Mom urges me to reconsider my relationship with Christian when she hears I am not joining them. I cut her off when she starts reminiscing about the wonderful brunch she had with Christian and Kate in New York over Veterans Day. We wish each other a happy holiday season and then hang up.

Mary asks about my evaluation. I explain about Ros Bailey, my evaluation and my new job. I'm thrilled to be an editorial reader. I'm thrilled to have my own office with an official name plate. I'm thrilled to have business cards. If it would not be considered inappropriate behavior, I could just hug Ros Bailey for being in the right place at the right time. I tell Mary about Hyde and taping our conversations on my phone. She regrets I feel I need to do that; but says it is obvious Elizabeth does not support me.

"Today's topic is building a support network. Let's begin by writing down the people in your life." Mary writes as I list people: Mom, Dad, Laura, Kate, Elliot, Mia, Claire, Emily, Amber, Shawn, Harley, Ethan, the Kavanaghs, the Rodriguez's men, and Mr. Roach. I don't want to think about how I would have Carrick and Grace, and Frannie and Theo if Christian was in my life.

We discuss their level of support in my life.

"Do you ever get tired of being everyone else's cheerleader? Isn't it time to become your own cheerleader? You need to define your life roles of daughter, friend, lover and employee…and then define what you need to make you happy and healthy," Mary suggested. "That is your assignment for December. We will examine each of your roles and what you need to be successful with each of them."

I take the paper from her and add the list to my phone.

"Our bodies should not define who we are," Mary said.

"I don't understand," I admit.

"You are a petite woman…not a little girl. You decide how people treat you. If you accept an action one time…you open yourself for accepting that action forever." Mary advised. "Don't accept rudeness from your peers ever. You'll be attending editorial meetings where you are more than a secretary and less than an editor. Dress and act professionally. Research _You Tube_ on how to conduct yourself at company meetings."

 **December 9**

"Anastasia Steele to see Robb Loeder from HR. I have a nine o'clock meeting with him." I inform the front desk at Grey House.

"Please wait," security at reception advises.

Shortly I'm upstairs and working with Robb Loeder. He's a pleasant man who reminds me of my college advisor. I give him my task breakdown. We work through the list, comparing it to my WPS. After he reviews my manuscript evaluation form and procedures, he fine tunes them and we format them according to Grey House's procedures manual. He sends the form and procedures to Max Roach with a copy to GP IT. He prints a copy for me, one for Elizabeth and emails the procedures to me and to Ros Bailey. When we are done, he walks me to the elevator. I'm not surprised when the doors open and Ros is in the elevator.

"I'll take her downstairs Loeder," she smiles. I shake Loeder's hand goodbye and thank him for his best wishes for success in my new position.

Warily I step onto the elevator. "Good morning," I said pleasantly.

"I saw the form and the procedures Loeder sent," she said. "I wanted to thank you. The synopsis form is more detailed and the procedures are clear cut and easy to follow. You found a huge hole in the system and were able to fix it for us. Thank you again."

Before I can reply, the elevator door opens, and Olivia stands there. "Mr. Grey is looking for you Ms. Bailey. Can you come up to the Executive Offices?"

She gave me a questioning glance. "Come on Olivia. We'll go up and I'll ask Taylor to escort Miss Steele down to reception." She inserts a key in the elevator, clears its directory and we're headed for the 20th Floor.

When the doors open, an impatient Christian stands there; waiting for Ros.

"Sheesh, cool your jets," she advised him. "Everything is ready and on my desk. We have," she consulted her watch, "thirty minutes until the M&A meeting. I'll go to my office and double check everything, if you will ask Taylor to escort Miss Steele to reception."

"I'll do that," Olivia says, moving to the front of the elevator.

"No," Christian said. "Now that you found Ros, go with her and make sure she has everything we need for the meeting. I'll take Miss Steele to reception."

"I can get Taylor to do that for you," she offered, batting her eyes.

"I sent Taylor to Security to wait for our guests," Christian said. He held the elevator door. "Ros is waiting for you." He dismissed Olivia. She scurried out of the elevator, flashing an ugly grimace at me. _WTF?_

"How have you been?" He asked as the doors closed. He inserted a key in the elevator and programmed it for the first floor.

"Healthy, busy…" I said. I don't bite my lip; I don't breathe in his scent because I need a clear head. _Lord, it's still there…that current between us._ "How have you been?" I asked.

"Healthy, busy…lonely." He admitted. "What are you doing here?"

"Ros can explain it better than I can; but I had a meeting with HR." I said.

"Are you coming to work as an intern for Grey House?" He asked; his voice hopeful.

"Sorry, no. Ros arranged for me to change jobs at Grey Publishing. I've been promoted to Editorial Reader. It sounds lofty, but really I'm just reading and analyzing manuscripts 90% of the time. I was meeting with Robb Loeder from your HR staff to finalize the procedures manual for the position." I assure him. "Miss Wardrobe Malfunction is now Hyde's new clerical staff. Ros arranged for me to report to Mr. Roach."

"Well, congratulations on the job promotion," Christian smiled and held out his hand to shake mine. I barely get my hand in his before the elevator doors opened.

Taylor stood there and eyed our hand clasp. "Miss Steele," he blocked the elevator doors open for me. "Olivia said you needed escorted to your car in parking."

Christian muttered something, and I think it was "Fucking interfering assholes."

I squeezed Christian's hand. "Thank you for the congratulations, sir. I will do my best to show Ros and you I'm worthy of the trust you invested in me." I exited the elevator.

Christian stuck his head out the elevator door. "Laters baby," he said; which made me grin. The elevator door closed, but he had a huge smirk on his face.

"Taylor, thank you for seeing me to my car. Is it my imagination, or is Olivia trying to get me out of the building?" I said as I turned in my visitor's badge to the front desk, silently laughing at their astonishment at how Mr. Grey said goodbye to me.

Taylor gave security at the front desk a stern look which caused them to suddenly have other things to do than examine who the hell Mr. Grey was calling baby.

"Olivia is going to be frosty when she hears Mr. Grey called you _baby_." Taylor commented and walked me to my car in the parking lot. "I'm sure that rumor will have gone through the building with video before I get back to Security to quash it."

"Aw, cut the girl some slack. He's a lot to deal with," I laughed.

"Is it too much to hope you'll be dealing with him soon?" Taylor asked.

"Not yet," I shrugged apologetically.


	34. Chapter 34

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 34 –** "Put your heart, mind and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret to success."

 **December 11**

"Hello Anastasia," Dr. Flynn appeared while I sat outside a game store. Kate is inside buying a hand-held battery-operated baseball game for Elliot's Christmas stocking.

"Hello, Dr. Flynn," I greeted him. "It's Ana, just Ana."

"If you are just Ana, then I'm just John," he said, taking a seat beside me.

"So, which camp claims your allegiance – the _give Christian a second chance camp_ or _dump Christian's rude ass and move on camp_?" I know my voice is resigned. I can't help it. Kate's been after me all morning to start dating again, or at least make an effort to have a New Year's Eve date.

"Are those my only two choices?" John teased. "How about a _support Ana's decision camp?_ I'm not breaking doctor patient confidentiality. I want everyone to have peace on earth and a wonderful holiday season. I believe you and Christian would both have a Merry Christmas if you could just talk to one another."

I sighed. "John, see that three-dimension chess board?" I pointed at a crystal, onyx and quartz chess game in the window of the toy store. "Christian's on one level; I'm on one level, and we can't seem to coordinate our moves to get together on the same level."

"Eloquently explained, Ana," John rose.

"Christian would say, _fair point well made_." My soft voice does not reveal the pain my heart feels. I've seen five different potential Christmas presents for him this morning; and haven't purchased a thing. The SEC has been, to repeat a rude phrase from Kate, a cock blocker. He's constantly been in my thoughts since the elevator ride, and the handshake and the 'laters baby' in that _sex-on-legs_ voice of his.

"Would he now?" John said. "I'm available if you want to attend couple's counseling with Christian. Couple's counseling addresses relationship issues."

"Thanks, but… I heard Christian quit touch therapy." I shrug. "I'm not keeping tabs on him, but Elliot and Kate talk, and I do hear. I don't think Kate hears me when I say I'm not interested in dating anyone."

"Technically; he postponed attending touch therapy sessions until after the holidays. Christian is trying to keep business trips to weekdays so he has weekends to spend with his family." John explained. "However, he was in New York for a conference when you attended the Grey Annex White Christmas Gala."

"Ah, then you understand I attended with a friend so my drunk boss wouldn't hit on me? John, I'm working on my issues and I'm not outing Christian's. I don't want to be made to feel guilty because I feel the way I feel. I'm not ready to date yet – not Kate's fixups, or Christian. I need time, and I wish everyone would understand that. If I don't see you again before Christmas, please have happy holidays." I picked up our shopping bags and headed to Kate. Then I whipped around. "Hey, John, can you tell me the best place in Seattle to buy English crackers for Christmas?

 **XX - 3PPOV**

John didn't normally buy presents for his patients but this seemed too serendipitous to pass up. He walked into the toy store and bought a three-dimension chess board for Christian.

 **December 13 – APOV**

Mary and I try French cuisine tonight. I can't help but think about Christian's ability to speak French. She's pleased I'm on schedule with buying my Christmas gifts. She asks what I will do if Christian sends me a gift. I explain I don't want anything from him. I explain Kate wants Elliot to propose…and I want time to think about my life. Our desires are so different…like our Grey men. Mary and I have a serious discussion about the fundamental differences between Christin and Elliot. While she's curious about Christian's 'buttoned-up' life…she does not pry.

This week's assignments require some explanation. Practice kindness and sympathy…which is not to be confused with charitable donations. Make someone else feel special…again, not to be confused with charitable donations. Control your mind…don't waste time daydreaming; but use your time to make a game plan you can live with. Control your emotions...i explain I'm anxiously awaiting news about a situation. I tell her I can't discuss it yet. She reminds me to maintain control of my emotions and just breathe. She reminds me to practice deep, relaxing breathing exercises.

 **December 16 - CPOV**

I had a night terror last night; so I won't go to bed until the last possible moment tonight. Taylor must have warned Mrs. Jones I was coming home with two boxes of work files. When I explained I was working in the office; she brought me a large slice of chocolate cake and a glass of milk – 'to tide you over until dinner' – of course.

An hour later; she brought me a tray with a carafe of ice water. I eat the excellent Steak Bordelaise with red wine, shallot and mushroom sauce, mashed potatoes, and braised red chard, white asparagus tips and red onion rings. I'm lucky she isn't my mother who would be offended because I wasn't eating at the table after she cooked such a wonderful meal. I'm lucky she remembers how I used to always eat in my home office while working.

One of Barney's stacks contains half a dozen folders for fiber optics materials plants and fiber optics manufacturing plants which could use intervention and reorganization. Barney suggested GEH acquire and consolidate. The issue is; they aren't in Washington; and will require travel to inspect them, negotiate with the current owners, and at least a week of hands-on work while we're reorganizing the company. I send the suggestion off to Ros for review and formulating a game plan. Unless something more interesting appears on the west coast…we can conduct the preliminary checks between now and the end of the year and then start M&A talks after the New Year.

Ros recommends Barney and I attend an emerging technologies summit in Raleigh, North Carolina in February. It's the last week of the month, in the middle of the week. It will leave my weekends free for therapy and family. It is midnight when I work through the final file in the boxes. I have attached notes and detailed directives to the front of each file. Andrea and Ros will have a good time with them tomorrow. The problem with that is it leaves me to Olivia's miserable attempts at serving coffee. Maybe I can send Olivia to filing and depend on Taylor to keep me in coffee.

 **XX**

 _I sit in my chair behind my desk. Ana entered and closed the door. "I need to work," I said, attempting to establish my Dominance with my voice._

 _"I know," she said, 'but I just want to be in the same room with you." She has a satin sheet wrapped around her. She drops it on the floor revealing her naked body. The little minx is topping from the bottom!_

 _"Come here," I held out my hand. She walked across the room and took my hand. I guided her to between my knees. "Kneel, sit back on your heels, hands flat on your thighs. Put your head on my left leg." She followed directions, beautifully. I stroke her hair while reading. Occasionally I rub my thumb across her pouty lower lip. A couple times I put my hands on her head; my thumbs at her ears. I am able to pull her up and plant a kiss or two on her lips from time to time when items are loading on the computer. A couple times I slipped my thumb into her mouth, and had her suck it._

 _I have her go to the office bar and pour me a drink, with ice. When she presents it to me, she straddles me, one leg on one side; one on the other, the drink held in her hand. I take a drink and then plant a cold kiss on one of her breasts. When I am done with my drink and with kissing her, I slip her down between my knees, in her quiet position. When I'm done with work, I pick her up, throw her over my shoulder, swat her on the ass and carry her off to my bed. I am ready to bury myself in her for hours…and she is ready for action…having been passive for the last five hours. Anticipation makes her hot, and wet and so ready for me._

 _"I want you…" I lay her down on the bed. "You are mine…" I tie her hands above her head, blindfold her and explore every inch of her naked alabaster skin. "You are so beautiful…" I kiss her pouty mouth. "Don't move…absorb all the pleasure I'm going to give you…" and I go down on her. After I make her come several times with my fingers and my mouth…I bury myself in her, hard, hot, deep and fast and cry out her name over and over as I come harder than I have come in weeks…_

…and I wake up…missing the warmth and softness of my Anastasia. It's another cold, grey morning in Seattle. Once I clean up…I'm going to run until my legs are rubber and my angst has evaporated into the cloudy sky.

 **December 17 - APOV**

Kate and I decided to host a Christmas party at our condo. She is celebrating Christmas in Aspen with the Greys, and I am going to Montesano. I invited Claire, Emily and Amber. She invited three interns she works with. For fun and giggles, we both invited Mia. Mia helped us plan our party, decorations and menu. I prepped the food, Mia decorated and Kate bought champagne. Mia said she had an icebreaker and a game to play and Kate said she had other entertainment for us.

Everyone brought a decadent or designer present with a $50 spending limit. I asked Kate to select my exchange gift because I don't have a clue. She bought a lovely Waterford bud vase for my $50. Her gift is a Coach card and change wallet with the signature Coach leather tag on it. It is black leather and nice…but seriously…it's a glorified change purse, not the bank. Who knew luxury could be had for so little? Everyone was requested to wrap their present in red and white paper. Kate gives me the presents to wrap. I have candy cane wrap which makes Kate giggle and walk away. I'm not sure I want to ask what that is about.

 **XX**

"Kate has a 9-sided dice. Everyone rolls and gets the gift with that number." Mia called out directions for us to roll the dice alphabetically. Once we're done; she continues. "Introductions are easy…we'll begin with whoever has gift number one. which is me. State your name, your favorite Christmas movie, your favorite Christmas song, your favorite Christmas treat and your favorite Christmas ornament. My name is Mia. My favorite Christmas movie is _Miracle on 34_ _th_ _Street_ – the original one with Natalie Wood. My favorite Christmas song is _White Christmas_. My favorite Christmas treat is gourmet hot chocolate with cinnamon-flavored marshmallows. My favorite Christmas ornament is a crystal piano because my brother always plays piano on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day for our family." Mia wears a red cashmere sweater dress with black knee-high, high-heeled boots. She's wearing jingle bell earrings that tinkle when she shakes her head or moves.

"My name is Claire. My favorite Christmas movie is _The Preacher's Wife_. My favorite Christmas song is _The Christmas Song_ by Nat and Natalie Cole. My favorite Christmas treat is pecan pralines. My favorite ornament is a corn-husk angel which my grandmother had when she was a girl." Claire wears a drop dead red tunic sweater and leggings with a red velvet headband in her Halle Berry pixie hair. Her nails are painted white with holly and berries motif.

"My name is Ana. My favorite Christmas movie is _Scrooge, the Musical_. My favorite Christmas song is _Greensleeves_. My favorite Christmas treat is gourmet white chocolate truffles. My favorite Christmas ornament is wooden angel my Father made for me when I was seven." I'm wearing my white tunic sweater and leggings, and my hair is in a ponytail. My natural French manicure needs to be refreshed… which is scheduled for tomorrow. I'm wearing white pearl stud earrings.

Everyone is dressed festively, the condo is decorated festively, and chatter and laughter fill the rooms. Mia banned all talk about work, and for this I am grateful.

 **XX**

"Now that introductions are over, and everyone has a plate of food and a glass of champagne, let's begin the entertainment. I have 120 questions," Mia said. "They are all Christmas oriented. The first person to answer correctly gets to steal a prize. Ready? The song _White Christmas_ was first performed in what 1942 film?"

" _White Christmas_ ," Kate guessed.

"Nope," Mia said.

" _Holiday Inn_ ," guessed one of Kate's friends. She won and stole Kate's present. I recognize our wrapping paper on the present she traded Kate. It's the vase.

"What does Donner and Blitzen mean?" Mia asked.

"Thunder and Lightning; they are German origin," Claire said, and stole my present, which was a flat, square box wrapped in red with a huge white gossamer bow. The present she hands me is a candy cane shaped box which feels like it holds a bottle of booze. She's addicted to bracelets so she must think there is one in that box.

"What Christmas condiment is made from marshworts?" Mia asked.

"Cranberry sauce," another one of Kate's friends guessed. She was right and stole Mia's gift; which was Kate's Coach wallet. Mia now has an intricately wrapped flat box, about the size of a tie box.

After forty minutes of laughter and an argument about what date is St. Stephan's Day, all the presents were stolen one last time. I answered the question correctly as December 26; which became a discussion of Boxing Day, and mummers, and Good King Wenceslas. I also correctly answered the questions about the origin of English crackers, the numerical name of Three Kings Day (Twelfth Night), the flavor of marzipan (almonds), and that Good King Wenceslas was not a king. Kate knew the chemical composition of snow was H2O; that poinsettias originated in Mexico and they have white berries. She also knew that brandy is made from distilling wine.

Since I answered the last question – I get one last trade before we open our presents. I was holding the bracelet box; and Claire was holding a square box. I traded her which netted me a brilliant smile. We open presents next. Claire got a thin, etched vermeil bangle bracelet which one of Kate's friends bought in an antique store. She's excited – she says this is the 100th bracelet in her collection. Emily opens the tie box to reveal a set of silver-plate bookmarks with a white silk tassels. They are etched with a forest scene. I secretly covet them. I won a Godiva Chocolate Biscuit Tin. Kate won a Tiffany silver-plated key ring. Mia won a bottle of white truffle oil which was in the candy-cane shaped package. Amber won my Waterford crystal bud vase. One of Kate's friends unwrapped the Coach card and change wallet.

We ate Caprese Finger Sandwiches; Minced Red Pepper and Chicken Salad Finger Sandwiches; Ham, Asparagus and Havarti Cheese Mini Quiches; Red Pepper Bits, Bacon and Sharp Cheddar Scones; Vanilla Bean Scones, Cranberry Orange Tea Cakes, Cherry Shortbread Cookies and Christmas Petit Fours. We didn't drink a lot of tea, but the champagne flowed freely.

Kate 'entertained' us with a Christmas porn DVD. I occupied my time circulating food and feeding Sawyer and Anders tea goodies. They occupied chairs in the hall outside our condo. At a huge outbreak of giggles, hoots and catcalls, I peeked, "Santa is kissing Miss Holly under the mistletoe. You just don't want to know where he's placed it." Sawyer snorted, Anders blushed Christmas red.

When a male stripper showed up in a Santa suit, Sawyer went ballistic. I caught a look at his blue eyes and busted Elliot trying to gatecrash the party. Sawyer threatened to make him leave…which made Elliot threaten to leave coal in all our stockings. I told him to sit down and eat. A cranky Santa is no fun for anyone. I brought out another full platter of goodies. More giggles, hoots and catcalls filled the hall. Elliot wanted to know just what we were doing in there. Sawyer gave me a look.

"You don't want to know where Santa's putting his candy cane," I said. "I don't want to know where Santa's putting his candy cane." I blushed.

Elliot grimaced. "Have Katie call me when she's done." He took a napkin full of treats and raced down the stairs.

After everyone left, Kate, Mia and I exchanged gifts. I gave Kate the emerald green winter set I bought at the VFW Christmas Fair. Her Christmas cracker had a holly-motif whistle in it. I gave Mia the amethyst winter set. Her Christmas cracker had a purple aluminum kazoo. Both of them will stand out on the slopes at Aspen! Kate bought me a cobalt blue silk teddy and robe combination. Mia gave me a bone china tea-4-1 set with wildflowers, butterflies and dragonflies on it. It will look great in my new office. She found it at one of the tea shops. Kate called Grace to come imbibe with us, and it was quite fun. I get a case of the giggles, and eventually Kate puts my silly head to bed.

 **XX - CPOV**

Sawyer said Ana drank too much champagne and Kate put her to bed. When Mom, Mia and Kate disappear, I beg Taylor to break in to the condo and let me make sure Ana is alright. How could they put a drunken Ana to bed and not check on her? Taylor swears; he remembers Ana throwing up that first night from drinking too much. He drives me there immediately, and lets himself in with a key and a code. "Improvise, overcome, adapt…when Elliot was drunk one night, I brought him here. I made a mold of the key and he told me the security code. I remembered it …just in case I needed it."

"I'd fire you, but I need that level of discretion now," I remind him. I go into Ana's bedroom, quietly taking off my shoes, and lying down next to her. I wrap my arms around her, breathing in the scent of her hair. She snuggles into my arms like she never left their protective circle. I'm so fucking happy at this moment to hold her, smell her scent, bury my nose in her hair and wrap my arms around her. If she were sentient, I'd spank her for getting drunk and then fuck her into the middle of next year. "Je t'aime, mon ange," I whisper to her. She bought new high thread count sheets. It's a joy to lay my head on the pillow next to her. She's wearing a flirty silk cobalt blue teddy. I'm going to torture myself researching designer silk and satin teddies for my girl to wear to bed.

Three hours later, Taylor lets me know Kate is on her way back to the condo, with Elliot. We have to go, or be discovered. I start to slip out of Ana's bed, when she starts talking in her sleep.

"Go away," she mutters.

"Go away?" I'm surprised. I know she's asleep but she snuggled into my arms when I came to bed. Now she wants me to leave?

"You always go away…you're like Jane Eyre haunting Edward Rochester's dreams. You are here in my dreams so many times…and then in the morning you are gone." She pulls the comforter up to her chin and snuggles into her pillow.

My thumb can't help itself, it soothes that little v-frown she gets. I want to kiss those pouty pink lips…but I cannot wake her or get caught. I'm out of there as quick as possible. Taylor and I are less than two blocks away when Anders reports Kate and Elliot are going up to the condo for the night.

 **XX - APOV**

I think I wake in the night to Christian stroking my hair. Is he speaking in French? I don't want to open my eyes and chase the dream away…but he's leaving anyway.

"Go away," I mutter.

"Go away?" He sounded surprised.

"You always go away…you're like Jane Eyre haunting Edward Rochester's dreams. You are here in my dreams so many times…and then in the morning you are gone," I fall back asleep, and in the morning, I think I remember Christian's scent, but it's evaporated like my dreams of him. I don't want to think about him. But, I search my bed for a stray copper hair – but there is none. It was just a dream. I'm lucky he didn't know I drank until I got the giggles and passed out. At least this time I didn't throw up and embarrass myself by drunk dialing him.

 **December 18 - CPOV**

I wake, not from a nightmare or from a wet dream, but from an erection…a painful, throbbing erection. It is so hard; I would have thought I was with Anastasia in the playroom. I spend a lot of time laying there, waiting for my erection to subside. What was I dreaming about? I'm sure it was about Ana…but the dream is gone…and the pain survives.

 **XX – APOV**

Mia, Kate and I choose detox massages today. I guess I'm not the only one hungover from our Christmas party yesterday. My head throbs painfully while I'm getting a manicure. It's nice to have a face and neck massage during the facial and a scalp massage during the shampoo. I skip the pedicure. It's winter and no one will be nibbling on my toes for a while. I can't read manuscripts on my tablet because my head hurts. Kate brings me a bottle of water and reminds me to hydrate. I remember Christian giving me water the night I got drunk with Kate and José…and although it seems so long ago… lately memories of Christian are never far from my head…or my heart.

 **XX – 3PPOV**

Elena had not heard from Leila since before Thanksgiving. She was healed from her bruised ribs and black eye from Halloween; what was she up to? Elena didn't like what she was hearing from Lauren about Ana Steele and what she was hearing from Liv about Christian. She was pissed to hear Ana was in Grey House and personally escorted to reception by Christian who said, "laters, baby" to the bitch!

She called Leila's phone, but it kept going to voicemail. She had been to Leila's motel twice and dropped notes through the mail slot to her room. There was no one to contact about Leila. Susannah had not heard from her. The motel owner would not open the room for her. He claimed Elena was not on Leila's contact list. He said Leila was not there and he felt honor bound to leave her things as they were. He verified Leila wasn't lying dead on the bathroom floor. Until the police came to say she was missing, or until Leila returned or until her rent was exhausted the first week of January – he wasn't letting anyone in her room.

The salons were floundering. Elena finally closed them on Mondays and shuffled staff between the salons to ensure they stayed open. She was doing the best she could; managing three salons and assigning Franco to manage three salons. She hadn't worked this hard since she opened the chain and worked 12-hour days. Franco, against her orders, slashed the prices at his three salons through the holidays, claiming the walk-in traffic at Post Alley had dwindled to almost nothing. He provided flyers with 30% discounts to local hotels to keep their business from closing the doors. He hired six mid-level students from three of the local beauty academies. Top level students were not interested in the Esclava Salons any longer.

Franco wanted to offer free WIFI at the shops to attract new clients; or encourage established clients to opt for more services in order to take advantage of the free WIFI. He also wanted a bigger social media presence. He wanted to offer event pricing – like bridal, graduation, prom specials. He wanted to attend chamber mixers to get the word out to potential new clients. He fired the maintenance crew which had been with her for years; assigning cleaning duties to each of the staff members on a rotating basis at the three shops he managed. He created holiday gift baskets from retail product which wasn't moving. The baskets which didn't sell, which were few, were donated to charities as gifts in lieu of the full day of beauty she used to offer. Fucking flamboyant fairy! Wouldn't share good gossip when he heard it…pain in her goddamned ass when she already felt screwed by Christian Grey, et. al.

Elena contemplated selling everything and moving to Belize. She had enough money stashed; she should have a good life for the rest of her days. A palatial home by the sea, good looking male servants to fuck when she wanted, social life when she needed it. She could run a discreet dungeon at her home which catered to tourists with a twist. There was no sense killing herself over these damn salons. Damn Anastasia Steele and damn her hold on Christian Grey. Stupid bastard.

 **December 20 – APOV**

Jack has a sly grin on his face when I appear at the editorial meeting. I sit next to Amber and talk quietly to her, ignoring the cool atmosphere of the room. Lauren, sitting on the other side of Amber, is subdued, but at least she's dressed appropriately. I wondered how soon she would lose her giggly, flirty demeanor working for Jack. Amber sent me an instant message this morning. Jack's announced he's going to ask me tough questions about the manuscripts I've been reading. He thinks I'm just screwing around and not really reading. I thank Amber for the heads up. I may not have eidetic reading capabilities like Jack. I had a 4.0 GPA, asshole; I do my homework.

Before we get started, Mr. Roach appears. "Sorry to disrupt the agenda," he said. "I just need to make a quick announcement and then we'll resume. Grey Publishing submitted an online position announcement for an Electronic Publishing Editor. The position announcement requires three years of electronic publishing experience with five years in publishing. The deadline for résumés is December thirty-first. We will convene a panel consisting of three editors, myself and HR to review the résumés. We will pick the top five candidates by January sixth. Phone interviews will be conducted by January thirteenth. We will invite the top three candidates for interviews the week of January 23. We hope to tender an offer to someone before February 1, with them arriving at GP by March 1 to begin their work."

"Where are we going to house the new editor?" Jack asked. "Since Ana took the only available open office; we don't have space for a real editor."

"Grey Construction is reconfiguring offices over Martin Luther King's birthday," Mr. Roach said. "I haven't seen the blueprints yet, but Grey House HR assures me there's plenty of room for everyone." He begins a systematic review of everything on the agenda.

I have a short presentation prepared. I have two manuscripts which I am championing; and Jack is a prick about my presentation. He has a dozen questions for each manuscript. I politely thank him for his insightful questions. He suggests the genre for both of them is glutted with new releases and we should postpone dealing with them right now. Mr. Roach sidesteps his suggestion and requests the manuscripts be sent to the beta readers for their input. I assure him I will handle his request.

When we break for lunch, I make a quick escape up to Mia's office. "Please don't tell anyone I am here," I ask. "I just need a place to hide out so I don't stab my ex-boss with a letter opener today."

Mia laughs, Sawyer brings us lunch. We gossip about Kate's article in the paper with the picture of our tablescape and the menu for the party. There is no hint about Kate's entertainment. I think that article is part of the reason Jack is such a dick to me. Online it's had several thousand views. Kate's link to a PDF of Mia's Christmas trivia is popular also. I'm excited for her.

One of Kate's January articles is about National Soup Month. We're taste testing soup from various restaurants, cafes and food trucks. So far, the cheddar potato leek soup she buys in Pike Place Market is one of our favorites. She asks for my Survivor Soup recipe to put in her column. Elliot votes for chili every time we serve it. Mia offers her tri-color lentil stew recipe. We can taste test it and if Kate likes it; she can use it in her soup articles. It has tri-color bell peppers, tri-color onions and tri-color lentils with spicy turkey sausage. I decide to stop and shop. I can put the soup in the crockpot so Kate and Elliot can taste test it with me.

 **XX**

Mary and I talk about Jack Hyde and his issues with me at the editorial meeting. We spend our time researching _You Tube_ topics on handling business meetings, preparing for business meetings, business attire, business attitudes. She gives me a dozen questions about my job and career and life goals to consider and bring back answers the first week in January. She wants to know how many hours a day or week I'm working…and if I'm using work to avoid people and events.

 **December 23 - APOV**

Text from Harley Harrison to Anastasia Steele: **  
**I hope you've been a good girl… **S** anta **E** xtraordinaire **C** laus is delivering two packages before the end of the year.

I don't need to be a code breaker to understand. The SEC is arresting Hyde and Lincoln before the end of the year. I shake my head and look out the window of my office for a minute before getting back to work. Part of me wishes I could give Christian a warning; but I can't. Part of me wishes … and I sigh. Will he forgive me for helping put Elena in prison?

 **December 24 – CPOV**

 _I'm wearing a Santa suit…and it's very odd. It's not like me. I reach in the bag of presents and pull one out. "Isabella." My first submissive rises from a dark corner and moves toward me._

 _"Thank you sir," She doesn't look at me but takes her lacy boyshorts-clad ass to another corner. She loved lacy lingerie…and it seemed the more it irritated her skin…the happier she was._

 _"Dawn," I call out; holding a package for her._

 _Dawn rises gracefully and I remember she liked pale pink and pale purple panties._

 _"Thank you, sir," she accepts my gift and walks to the corner and kneels._

 _"Kristin," I call out; holding a package for her._

 _Kristin rises gracefully and I remember she liked white satin and lace lingerie and white silk blouses._

 _"Thank you, sir," she accepts my gift and walks to the corner and kneels._

 _"Susannah," I call out; holding a package for her._

 _Susannah rises gracefully and I remember she liked cream, beige, mocha and chocolate lingerie. The colors seemed to warm her cool, pale skin._

 _"Thank you, sir," she accepts my gift and walks to the corner and kneels._

 _"Kendra," I call out; holding a package for her._

 _Kendra rises gracefully and I remember she liked dark-colored lingerie; navy, burgundy, dark purple and black to accent her pale skin._

 _"Thank you, sir," she accepts my gift and walks to the corner and kneels._

 __ _"Leila," I call out; holding a package for her._

 _Leila rises gracefully and I remember she liked animal print underwear. It didn't matter the color as long as it was animal print._

 _"Thank you, sir," she accepts my gift and x walks to the corner and kneels._

 _"Sabine." There is no reply._

 _"Sabine." She still does not come forward. I set the gift on the table…there is already a pile of gifts there…with Ana's name on them._

 _"They don't want what you can buy them," John says. He's wearing a Father Christmas costume. "I don't see your heart on this table; addressed to Ana."_

…and I awake. I remember Ana looked …edible…fuckable…loveable…in the pale blue underwear Taylor bought for her.


	35. Chapter 35

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 35 –** _someone's getting coal in their stocking_

 **December 25 - APOV**

Christmas morning started with breakfast made by Dad and Laura. Dad built a fire in the fireplace and after everyone was stuffed with French toast, bacon, juices and coffee or tea, we opened presents. I love my Dad's tree. It's an artificial one, but it looks like the real thing. I love the white lights and the wooden ornaments. Some are vintage from his grandparents and parents. Some are vintage ornaments he found at various antique stores in Washington and Oregon. Some are ones he handcrafted. All the ornaments have red satin ribbons to hold them on the tree. The tree skirt was made by his Grandmother Steele. It is patchwork of red, white and green squares. It has a bisque angel tree topper Dad's grandfather brought home from Germany while he was stationed there.

The gift exchange was so much easier than I thought. I owe Mary a thank-you note and present. I made an 8x10 picture frame in Dad's shop for Laura. He was pleased I wanted to make something for her. She was appreciative I didn't use his existing stash of picture frames, but handcrafted one out of walnut wood scraps for her. I gave her a gift certificate to a national pet store chain. She gave me a pair of black leather low-heel dress boots I can wear to work.

Dad helped Laura purchase the second set of Pomskys she needs for her future business. Laura is moving in with Dad once they get kennels and running yards built for the dogs at his house; which might be spring. It's less than thirty minutes from Montesano to the Grays Harbor Community College.

I bought Dad two chambray shirts and a gift certificate to Home Depot. I sent Mom two nice bottles of Sancerre. Mom sent me a dressy gold watch I can wear to special events. It's spectacular with a mother-of-pearl dial and a diamond chip accent. It's very pretty and her card included a great quote about spending more time with one another.

Shawn and Harley gave me a new pair of red Converse sneakers and white leather ballerina flats. The flats go great with the white sweater and leggings I'm wearing today. I sent Harley and Shawn two nice bottles of Sancerre. Now I need to search for a red purse and a red boyfriend jacket for casual weekend wear.

Dad gave me a receipt and a laser cut wood Christmas ornament. It is a rose made out of cedar wood with a red satin cord hanger. "I love it and I'm going to hang it in my coat closet at the condo." He paid my January, February and March student loan payments. I love him; and I hug him and tell him so.

"When the smell seems to go away," Dad said, "take a piece of fine sand paper and sand the back of it lightly."

José gave me four 12x18 photographs of Lake Sylvia for my office wall. It looks like he cut a photograph in quarters. Hung two across and two down, the overall effect is like looking out a paned window at Lake Sylvia. I can't wait to hang them in my office. I tell him my plans and suggest he give me some business cards because others may want to buy some of his work. I gave him the silk tie and pocket square to wear for graduation. We hug when we exchange presents and it's not uncomfortable.

José Senior gave me an six-inch long oval white wicker basket filled with almonds harvested from his family's trees in California. I gave him a card with a picture of a baked lasagna, letting him know it was in the freezer; ready to take and bake when he and José go home. I got double hugs from the Rodriguez men. Mary is so right; everyone loves consumable gifts.

"Let me show you the vets gift to us," Laura laughed, pointing at a new piece of furniture in the living room. "Mobile laundry station." She spun it around to show three laundry baskets which fit into slots. Each of them was filled with cloth diapers to fold for the workshop. "The vets made one for the workshop which holds two baskets of folded diapers. The top has a space for a basket of dirty ones to bring in and wash. I've taught Ray to bring the full basket in with him at the end of the day. He puts a load of laundry in the washer before he goes to the workshop, puts it in the dryer at lunch, and folds when he's watching sports."

I love Christmas with my Dad, and now I love it because of Laura. She makes him so happy. The lights on the house are simple and clean. The three wood angels in the front yard have a new coat of paint on them this year: white robes, and gold halos. Dad and his three vet friends finished the Christmas projects in the shop by the fifteenth. They spent last weekend delivering to customers and cleaning storage sheds and the workshop. Laura spoiled the vets with packages of homemade Christmas treats. She tells the Rodriguez men there are two covered containers in the refrigerator for them which hold homemade Christmas treats.

I shared my normal Standing Rib Roast Christmas Dinner menu (roast, mashed Yukon gold potatoes, whole green beans, Caesar salad and cherry pie) with Laura. Dad said as long as we served Roast Beast (roast beef); he didn't care what we served with it. We changed the menu to include roasted fingerling potatoes tossed with garlic and olive oil; a salad of spinach, baby kale, tangerines, avocado and baby red onion rings with a lemon vinaigrette; whole green beans; roasted Portobello mushroom slices and a trifle made with white chocolate pound cake, white chocolate pudding and raspberries. _I won't think about Christian and his food issues…I won't think about the meals we ate together when we were hungry for more than food…I won't think about our pancake breakfast after soaring…_

I loved working in the kitchen with Laura. She's fun and laughs; not dreading being hands on with pots and pans or stressing out whether people will like her cooking. Laura brought two bottles of Pinot Noir to share. Its deep red color looked lovely on our dining room table; matching a low centerpiece of red roses for the table which José Senior brought Laura.

"Yum," Dad said, eating Laura and my Christmas feast. His sentiments are echoed by José and José Senior. We stuffed ourselves silly and then played poker for hours, laughing and talking. José graduates this year and everyone wants to go away for Memorial Day Weekend to celebrate. The guys all have differing ideas of the best places to camp in Washington. I think what Dad loves Laura being an outdoors girl. She loves hunting, fishing and camping as much as he does. She said when Dad goes to Palmer Lake to ice fish to let her know. She wants to scout snowmobiling routes. The guys are excited because she owns a toy hauler and two snowmobiles.

Laura had a list of a half dozen Inuit names. "I can't decide," she said. "Please help me name the new puppies." She passed the list across to me to share with the guys. Dad votes for seeing the dogs before naming them. We all agree that is the best idea.

 **XX**

Before the end of the night, José and I do the dishes and clean the kitchen. The 'adults' are in the living room, chatting. José and I agree; Laura is great and she's good for Dad. José talks about last semester. Because his art exhibit sold out and paid the living expenses for his last year in college; he didn't have to get a part-time job. He was able to take 18 credits and managed Dean's List status. He's looking forward to next semester and graduation.

He and Elliot have been in contact. Elliot offered him a green engineer internship for a year, July 1 to June 30, after he graduates. He's accepted. I'm happy for him. I tell him at least he won't have to worry about Elliot chasing him around a desk, trying to get in his pants. His nose wrinkles in disgust. He asks if there's a chance we will see one another after he gets to Seattle.

I tell him I always have time for my friends. It's not an easy conversation but he understands I'm not dating anyone until I'm over Christian. He points out it's been over six months since Christian and I parted ways. I point out the heart wants what the heart wants…and my heart is a stubborn bitch who won't listen to reason.

To deflect his continued, ill-advised, counseling - I tell him we should Skype Kate, and we do. Elliot gave her new ski clothes in her present under the tree. He gave her a tennis bracelet for Christmas in her stocking. She's disappointed. It wasn't the diamond she wanted. She tells me it was a great Christmas with Elliot's family. Elliot and Mia come on at the end of the conversation and yell "Merry Christmas" to me and to José. Ethan and Elliot thank me for their mufflers. Elliot says Christian is on a personal call with Ros and Gwen, so he's not available to Skype with us. José is relieved… and I guess part of me is relieved also.

I Skyped Mom and we had a sweet, but short conversation with one another. She and Bob entertained five couples for dinner. The Sancerre was a hit. I thanked her for the watch and promised if we didn't spend face to face time together in 2012; I would call, email and Skype as much as I could. Bob came on at the end and they wished me wonderful holidays.

I took two Advil before bed. My cycle is starting and I'm a little achy. I hate having my cycle around holidays. The DP shot makes them lighter and shorter and not too painful. However, I've notice when I'm emotional, it's a rough start.

After a steaming hot shower thanks to the new tank-less hot water heater Dad installed, I put on soft blue flannel pajamas and braided my hair for bed. I fell asleep, happy because Laura made Dad's holiday so wonderful. I'm excited she is moving in with him and they will start a Pomsky breeding business together. Well…as Laura explains, it's technically not breeding because Pomskys are hybrid dogs – two breeds – Husky and Pomeranian. All Laura cares about, and Dad too, are that there will be little Pomsky fur babies in their future.

Tomorrow I promised Dad to deep clean my room. The spare bedroom/guest room will become a sewing/crafting/home office for Laura. I don't object to them using my room for guests; but there are things to clear out to make it less Ana and more generic for guests. Dad's donating the furniture from my room to the VFW rummage sale over the Fourth of July. He's moving the oak furniture from the guest room to mine. He promises to put a locking oak armoire in the room to hold my things and a five drawer oak chest of drawers for guests.

 **XX**

 _He covered my body with his…his weight pinning me down so I can't move…I don't want to move. I want to be here, being loved and cherished. His mouth captures mine, kissing deeply over and over again. He spread my legs... God, how did he get my clothes off so fast? I moaned as he slipped a couple fingers in me, expertly stroking my G spot. He stroked me faster with his fingers, and I can't help it, I need to climax. I grind against his fingers, feasting on his mouth. His strokes are strong, maintaining an even steady pace as my heart races and my blood roars in my ears. He continued his oral assault on my lips. My legs began twitching and I moaned as my thighs squeezed out an orgasm. A second surge rolled through me._

 _"Look at me when you come," Christian ordered me. I gazed up at him, but suddenly he wasn't pinning me down, he was behind me, I was on my knees on the floor, my torso rested on the bed, and he was in me, hard and deep and fast, over and over until I came again… gasping and trying to get my heartbeat under control…_

…and then I realized…it was Christmas and I was at Dad's house, in my old room, in my old bed…all alone. I covered my face with my comforter and sobbed into my pillow. Damn him…why doesn't he want me to love him? I'm angry with myself because I want that alpha male. Despite his flaws; despite his singular interests… other men pale in comparison. I made it through most of the day trying not to think about him…and then he appears in my dreams. Damn my inner goddess who is a sadistic bitch sometimes. Her slutty attitudes cause me a lot of pain sometimes.

 **XX - CPOV**

I heard Ana and the damned photographer yelling Merry Christmas to Kate, Elliot and Mia while I was on the phone with Ros and Gwen; wishing them Merry Christmas. Ana, all soft and warm in her bed, has been in my head all day. I thought the cognac would keep me asleep, without dreams, but I was wrong.

 _She came to my bed, discarding her white satin and lace teddy. She slipped her naked body between my sheets. "I know what you need to make you sleep," Anastasia said. "…all you have to do is ask." A breathy moan left her, causing my cock to swell._

 _"I always sleep better when you are here…" I said. "I feel so safe and loved in your arms." My eyes ate her alive, reveling in the sight of her alabaster skin; just-fucked braided hair; her rosy pouty lips begging to be kissed. I kissed her, nibbling on that lip. My chest tightened… frightened she would leave me and find someone else. "Don't leave me," I begged._

 _"I am yours, only yours," Anastasia said; pulling the sheet away from her naked body. Her nipples were hard and erect; begging for my mouth, my hand. One of my hands caressed a breast; the other hand moved to her wantonly spread thighs. "I've wanted you for so long; I can't wait baby. I pushed her flat on the bed, covering her body with mine. I reveled when she wrapped her arms and legs around me. I buried my face in her neck, trying to control myself…but her soft skin, her scent aroused me even more. I nibbled from her earlobe to her collarbone to a breast._

 _She tilted her hips, pressing her hot wet heat against me. With a groan, I positioned myself against her. As always, she was wet and ready for me. I slowly sunk into her velvet heat, pushing into her. Her arms wrapped under arms and held me, her hands caressing my shoulder blades. Her long luscious legs tightened around me, holding me in place. I felt her silky walls ripple with desire, urging me to move faster, harder, deeper into her. The thought of her silky petite body belonging to me, and me alone, make my cock harden further._

 _"Look at me baby," I growled. Her clear blue eyes gaze up at me, her passion obvious in her eyes, on her face. I tasted her lips again, over and over while plunging into her. We were panting when our lips parted. I picked up the pace, sheathing myself in her over and over; pounding hard. "I told you, I fuck hard…" I moaned against her neck._

 _Anastasia cried out in delight, arching against me, her hips tilting up to grind against me, taking me deeper into her._

 _"Oh, fuck!" I groaned, feeling her muscles rippling around me, her orgasm catching me, holding me tight, clenching around me. I felt lightening begin at the base of my neck and race down my spine. I lost control and thrust a few more times before the lightening rushed out of me. My energy evaporated and I collapsed on top of her; pinning her to the mattress. I could not move; laying heavily on her until my breathing slowed and my heartbeat became regular. "I've never felt this way with anyone else, Anastasia. I love you." When I rolled off her…_

I woke…and I froze in place. "NO!" My mind and heart cried out, and my body shook with terrible, aching loneliness. I understood what Anastasia meant when she said I always go away. I drag myself into a hot shower and weep hot tears.

My new year's resolution will be to start TTT again, and no matter what…I'm going to finish it. I want Anastasia in my heart, my life, my bed. In order to do that, I was ready and willing to make changes in my life. Granted, the acquisition of twelve new companies this year kept me busy…but I'm so fucking lonely I can't stand it.

Mom wants to go cyber dark starting tomorrow. Once Elliot and Kate are on the plane to Seattle, Mom wants to turn off the TV, radio, phones, papers, etc. and just have a week with Mia and me. Skiing, snowmobiling, cooking together, eating together…she wants just the four of us to have quality family time. I need it also to decompress.

 **December 29 - APOV**

Elliot burst into the condo; dumping his boots and jacket near the door. "You have to turn on the news!" Taylor followed him.

"Which channel?" Kate asked, turning off the stereo and turning on the TV.

"KING5 or KOMO, both are running the story!" Elliot grabs a beer from the refrigerator. "You…." he said, pointing at me, "turn off dinner and get out here."

I felt like I was about to receive a lecture from Raymond Steele, ex-Master Sergeant and father. I turned off the soup and took the sandwiches out of the oven. I took a deep breath and composed myself. I know what's happening. Harley said arrests would happen before the end of the year. I've been trying to maintain calm. I take a seat on the couch. I might as well be comfortable while Elliot vents.

The news report on KING5 announces the arrests of Elena Lincoln and John Hyde, both of Seattle, by the Economic Crimes Unit of the Washington Attorney General's Office. The announcer explains they have been arrested on charges of insider trading. They purchased Seattle Independent Publishing stock just before the merger with Grey Enterprises Holdings. Footage of Elena, arrested at Esclava Salon at Bravern Center and led away in cuffs, comprises most of the news report. John Hyde was arrested outside his home. He is off work all week and was obviously coming home from somewhere. The news coverage shows him being driven away in a police vehicle. The news report concluded with _the investigation is ongoing_ announcement.

"Holy shit!" Kate's shocked face met mine. "Did you know about this?" She muted the TV.

"Did you do this to Christian?" Elliot yelled at me; he's obviously pissed. "Do you hate him that god-damn much?"

I stared at him, dumfounded.

Kate interjected, "Look I don't care for Christian…."

"Zip it, Kate!" I gave her a heart stopping glare…I hope I learned how to do it right from Christian. "Elliot Trevelyan Grey…STFU! I don't want your personal security raiding us because they hear raised voices." I went in search of my Bible. I haven't used it since Christian's crash…God forgive me…but I was using it now.

"Swear, on this Holy Bible, that what I say to you in the next few minutes never leaves this condo. Kate you cannot repeat anything to your parents, your grandparents, the newspaper, any media, your hairdresser, Grace, Mia, Grandma Frannie…did I cover all the bases? Elliot, you and Mia are incapable of keeping a secret while Christian is tight-lipped enough for the three of you. Taylor – you swear no one tells Christian or Grace what is going on until they return from Aspen. I don't want either of them cutting their vacation short and coming to Elena's rescue. It has to be a media blackout - ordered by you and Welch, covering all staff at Grey House and staff at Aspen. Swear!" I held out the Bible. I think I must have scared the three of them. They could not swear fast enough.

"I'm only going to say this once, and I don't intend to repeat myself. Elliot…I did not put up with my Mother's third husband yelling at me. I did not put up with Christian yelling at me. Sheesh! Elliot…unless the condo is on fire or my life is in eminent danger…do not yell at me. If you do; I'm going to put my knee in the boys. Then we'll see if you are able to yell at me. Do you understand?'

He nodded, but it was obvious he just wanted me to explain; not threaten him.

"Good. I will tell you everything I can. There are going to be questions I can't answer because either I don't know or you don't need to know." I said.

Taylor gestures at me to keep talking. I sat down instead.

"Did I do this _**to**_ your brother, Elliot? NO. I did it _**for**_ him. No matter how things ended between us; I will not idly stand by and let anyone, let alone asshole Jack Hyde or bitch Elena Lincoln, ruin his reputation or endanger his company." I snap.

"Did I do this _**to**_ her? _**HELL YES**_ , I did this to that mangy cur cougar, Elena Lincoln. I did it because she would not keep her fucking hands off Christian. Yes, I'm the reason she's facing a possible sentence of 10 years in prison for her SEC crimes. I can't calculate the number of years she may receive in prison when the Sex Crimes Unit of the SPD find out that bitch has been a madam for at least a decade." I try to keep the smugness out of my voice.

"And hell yes…I did this _**to**_ Jack Hyde also. Why? Because he's vile …and eye-fucked me every possible chance he had. Because I wouldn't sleep with the bastard; he tried to make my work life a misery." I paused, caught my breath and began again. "I did this to him because he hates Christian…I don't know why."

"Did he ever threaten Christian?" Taylor asked.

"Ever since I began working for Jack Hyde, he's interrogated me about Christian or Grey House. Ethan and I discussed why Jack would do that. Ethan suggested it might be because Hyde used information to purchase stocks in companies before they experienced a change in their company finances. We deliberately fed Hyde four pieces of information which could have been overheard at Coping Together. Once he used the information to buy stocks or to notify his broker to sell stocks; Ethan went to his friend, Harley Harrison. Harley is an investigator for the Securities Exchange Commission."

"Wait," Kate said. "I thought he was a stockbroker?"

"That's his cover; it made Jack anxious to become his friend. Jack hacked my work emails to see if Harley told me information he could use to buy stock. Just after the SIP/GP merger, Jack said he ould support and help me if I needed to rid my life of Christian. I would not let him ruin Christian. He is a good man…"

I was interrupted by a snort from Kate.

"YOU DO NOT KNOW HIM…I will not tolerate you bashing Christian ever again. _Never_ again…I suspect Elliot would appreciate you not harping about his brother." _Someday I'm going to look back on this conversation and realize that's when my inner Domme reared her ugly head. The surprise on all their faces tells me that Domme Ana needs to come out to play every now and then._

"Back to the story," Elliot ordered. "I want to know how Elena figures into this."

"She overheard what was supposed to be a private conversation between Sawyer and me at Coping Together. She called me out on it…which was stupid on her part… considering she tried to recruit me to work for her."

"Work for her?" Elliot gasped.

Taylor nodded. Obviously Sawyer told him about the conversation.

"Yes, as a working girl. I don't want to relive that conversation. It would lose too much in the reruns. Anyhow, I thought if she overheard the conversation and knew how to turn it to her advantage …what was stopping her from using information she overheard about Christian's business at lunches, teas, dinners, committee meetings or when Grace, Frannie or Mia used her Bravern Center Salon?"

I paused to let that question sink in. I can see Kate and Elliot are pondering it. I can't tell what Taylor is thinking. "She took the information she overheard and used it to purchase stocks illegally. That's part of the investigation; did Elena use the money she made illegally from stock purchases for salon expansion, or to buy her house, or to hide it in an offshore account?"

"I vote offshore accounts. Christian was a partner in the salons; she couldn't put the money there because his financial people might find it." Elliot said. "I don't think she funneled a penny into the businesses because he paid off the debts in September before gifting the salons to her."

"God, I never considered that. I'll have to tell Harley. I've been seeing Harley for six months, not as a girlfriend, but as a confidential informant," I said. "Once I realized what Jack and Elena might be doing…I had to protect Christian …and part of that was staying away from him."

"Why?" Elliot asked. "Did you think he was doing something illegal?"

"NO…I knew he was innocent. However, Christian would never have let me be friends with Harley, let alone have dinner with him, go to his house, or have a private meeting with him. Christian would have ordered a close protection detail for me who would report back where I was going, what I was doing, who I was seeing, the gist of our conversations, etc. I couldn't take the chance of him finding out what I was doing. He would have started checking into Elena and Jack; affecting Harley's investigation." I looked at Taylor. "I'm right, aren't I?"

Taylor nodded. "We protect those he loves." He looked meaningfully at me.

"Did Christian have a clue about this situation?" Kate asked. "Is that why he gave Elena, Elliot and Mia stocks?"

"I don't know." I said.

Taylor took up the story. "He discussed the situation with Welch and me. He wanted Elena Lincoln out of his life. He brainstormed various scenarios with us. Giving her the stock he owned in Esclava was his way of eliminating her from his professional life faster than any other option. Yes, it cost money to pay off the debts; but once he gifted her the stocks – it opened the door to eliminating her from his personal life. Giving stocks to Elliot and Mia was his vote of confidence in them; not washing his hands of them like Elena. He told Elliot and Mia he will help offset any tax issues with his gift to them. He told her she was on her own. He recommended she consult her own tax professionals. His press release said he was getting rid of personal stock, which he did."

"By the way – I'm not here to keep an eye on you," Taylor informed me. "I came to warn Elliot not to tell his brother what is going on."

"You never said a word…" Kate admonished me.

"Neither did Ethan. You and Elliot were in Barbados when this started. Harley forbade you knowing because you might tell your dad or the media. Elliot might let it slip to Christian or his parents. The long story and the short fuse is Jack and Elena were arrested, it's public knowledge. Once they are arraigned, they can return home. Once they return home…we could be in freefall until the SEC gets them to court…which could be another six months."

"You never said a word," Kate repeated, shaking her head.

"I couldn't. I've been waiting for the investigation to finish and for Hyde and Lincoln to be arrested. It's been over six months since Christian and I split and since both Hyde and Lincoln started fucking with me," I shrugged. "Revenge is a dish best served cold…the minestrone soup's hot, and the oven toasted Italian ham and Asiago cheese hoagies are ready. I feel like a nice bottle of white wine to celebrate the arrests."

"You little minx!" Katherine said, admiration in her voice.

"Is this why you won't have anything to do with Christian?" Elliot asked.

"It didn't start that way, but staying away from Christian allowed Harley and the SEC time to investigate without anyone learning what was going on. Besides; Christian's got issues and I've got issues…and they don't play well together." I shrugged. "I don't like people telling me how to live my life. He has control issues."

"What does that mean in the long run?" Elliot asked.

I shrugged. "Hyde and Lincoln can make bail and make our lives hell. Then there's trials and the media," I turned away. "Come on, I'm starving."

"You watch the news," Kate said. "It will be our pleasure to be your humble minions tonight Miss Steele."

"If you are truly my minions…get me a copy of Elena Lincoln's arrest…not what was cut and shown on TV…but the whole thing from start to finish." _The sight of Elena in handcuffs and not enjoying herself really made my day!_ I turned up the TV to hear her feeble protests as they arrested her.

"I can do that," Taylor said. "I wouldn't mind seeing that myself."

"Remember to keep everyone at Grey House quiet about this," I warned Taylor who nodded solemnly. "It's really important he isn't around. I don't want her trying to use him to get out of this mess." I asked.

We ate dinner, watching the news. Once Barney delivered a flash drive to Taylor; he sat with us for thirty minutes watching it over and over. We ran out of wine continually toasting her arrest.

"I have to run," Taylor said, looking at his phone. "I've got some personal errands." He thanked me for a wonderful dinner and left.

 **XX – Taylor POV**

"Taylor, I know you took the week off to spend time with your daughter, but I need help." Dr. Flynn revealed where Leila had been staying. Her rent was up the first week of January. Flynn asked me to clear out the motel room. He had no clue if there was anything there which might compromise the boss. He asked me to empty her mail box also. He wants to see the computer files Leila had. He had keys for the motel and the mail box which he was willing to give me.

"I gather this is something Mr. Grey does not need to know about until he returns from Aspen?" I asked.

Flynn concurred.

I explained I could take care of the Leila situation first thing tomorrow morning, but right now I needed to handle another situation…

 **XX**

Oh holy Christ…if I thought his playroom was over the top…I didn't count on her dungeon. There's more kink and leather here than any person should be exposed to in a long lifetime. Art work, if you can call it that, is poster-sized black and white pictures of a very blonde young woman in various poses, restraints, furniture and "toys." My skin crawls the way it did just before an explosion while I was on my last tour of duty.

"STOP RIGHT THERE," a voice booms at me.

I freeze in my tracks and am shocked to see Grey's doppelganger. I observe his lean, tall physique, the not quite copper hair and light green eyes. What the fuck is it with these people? The sheer number of doppelgangers in this situation spins my head.

"Who the fuck are you?" He asked.

"Taylor, I work for Grey," I said quietly. This asshole has a damn gun pointed at me. There's too much room between us. I don't dare try to disarm him.

"Thanks for the scare," he snarled. "I thought you were SPD." He put the gun down on a cluttered table inside the dungeon door. "I heard a noise and hid in the viewing room."

"Why would you think I was SPD?" I asked. "Who are you?"

"Elena was arrested today. I thought they heard she was a madam/Dominatrix and were here to raid the place." He said. "I'm Isaac – the soon to be ex-submissive of Mistress Elena," he admitted.

"Why are you cleaning out the dungeon?" I asked. "Why not just let her be arrested for being a madam?"

He walked over to a media box and flipped the lid open, pulling out a picture, handing it to me. I let out a loudly voiced profanity… several of them. "She's got a type doesn't she?" I asked. _I'm never going to get that image of the boss out of my head. FUCK._

"Let's just say, I didn't fight her about dyeing my hair or the contacts. I didn't argue about the continuous liposuction for six months that skimmed off fat pockets and left me as lean as Grey. I didn't argue with the personal trainer who put me through my paces for two hours a day for a year to make me into a hard body like Grey. I didn't argue about the designer clothes."

"I didn't argue about being monogamous to her. She always sent me off for classes when she wanted to fuck some testosterone teenager. I took dance lessons, masseuse lessons, sailing lessons, gourmet cooking classes, art appreciation and music appreciation. I learned to walk, talk and dress. I learned to order wine and make a mean martini. She sent me to the best beauty academy in Seattle; I have my cosmetology license. She sent me to business school to get my business degree." His voice was as dark and bitter as two-day old coffee.

He snatched the picture out of my hands and threw it back in the media box and taped it closed. He shoved it inside a large duffel. "I need you to take this duffel out of here. The DVDs need shredded, the media box needs incinerated. Her laptop and the hard drive from the security server are inside. I found two flash drives and one stand-alone hard drive. I put them in the duffel also. Have a tech destroy them – acid, fire, or blunt force trauma… whatever it takes! When Grey returns; you can tell him you destroyed her evidence. She has no physical proof he was ever involved with her." Isaac explained.

"I'm not helping you protect that Botox bitch!" I growled at Isaac. _What was with these fucking people? Well, what was with these damn people?_

"I'm not doing this to protect her," Isaac said. "I'm done with her. I should have been done with her when I was 21 like Grey, but I was stupid and thought she loved me. I'm doing this to protect the underage boys she's preyed upon. Ninety percent of them left her when they graduated from high school. They moved away and moved on with their lives. They just think they got lucky with a hot kinky older blonde who taught them how to fuck for hours. Ten percent, which includes Grey and me, had that bitch change our lives forever."

"So who are you _not_ protecting?" Taylor asked.

"Anyone of legal age who is connected to her side business; 200 current long-term clients, 25 current working girls. None of them are connected to Grey in any way. The client/ensemble information is in that padded, sealed, addressed envelope beside the media box." Isaac pointed. "When I get to where I'm going, I'm mailing the padded envelope to the SPD. Besides the pictures and info about her clients and girls…it contains a list of every place she has money stashed – I'm sure the IRS will enjoy that."

"Let's get this done," I said. "I want out of here before she flies back on her broom and summons the flying monkeys."

"She's supposed to be arraigned at eleven o'clock tomorrow morning at the King County Courthouse. She called to tell me to bring money and bail her out. The combination to her safe is Grey's birthday by the way. How obsessed is that? I took her available cash in the safe and the house to pay for my relocation. I consider the half a million she had in the house as my severance package. Someone else will have to front bail for her. Make sure it is not your boss. I called Dominick and Louis from Locke and Keyes. They'll be here in the next half hour with a large U-Haul moving truck. We're stripping the dungeon bare. We have to be done and out of here by four in the morning. The housekeeper arrives at six. Once the dungeon is cleared…I'm walking out of here with a clear conscience. I'm not coming back either. I'm looking forward to letting my hair grow back in brown and never wearing grey contacts again."

"Is there a reason you picked Locke and Keyes?" I asked.

"Elena hates Sabine because of _him_. Sabine hates Elena because of _him_. Elena's dungeon will be demolished by Dominick and Louis who are protecting _him_ , me and teenage boys in Seattle. It's an Olympic medal win as far as I'm concerned." Isaac explained.

"I need all of you to sign NDAs," I insisted. "No one can know I was here or what we did. Dominick and Louis have to sell everything out of state."

"Dominick is taking the contents of the dungeon to a friend who works at the Velvet Rope in Portland. His friend is purchasing everything for a flat fee from Dominick and Louis. They keep the funds for their help in clearing the place. The friend is transporting the items to a new BDSM club in LA called Crimson Ties." Isaac said. "After we empty the dungeon; I need help to load my rental car. I sold the car she gave me. My cousin rented a car for me. He's waiting for me at a hotel in Spokane."

"What do you want me to do first?" I asked.

"Get the duffel out of here. Come back with the NDAs you need signed, and wear work clothes. I'll start moving toy boxes up to the garage to be loaded on the truck. When Dominick and Louis get here; we'll take furniture apart and load the truck."

"Don't take this the wrong way, but just how many people could fit in this place at one time?" I observed the 80-foot long and 30-feet wide room which was previously a finished basement.

"Two dozen participating, a dozen watching," Grey's doppelganger said.

I shuddered from the thought.

 **December 30, 2011**

******** _Seattle Times_ ********

 **SEC Charges Seattle Businesswoman and Businessman with Insider Trading in Advance of Merger Announcements**

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE  
 _Washington D.C., December 29, 2011_

The Securities and Exchange Commission today charged a Seattle business woman with insider trading. Elena (Magdalena Lorenzo) Lincoln was charged with ten counts of insider trading. One of the counts is for purchasing Seattle Independent Publishers stock in advance of the 2011 announcement of a merger of SIP with Grey Enterprises Holdings. SIP would become Grey Publishing.

The SEC said the case against Elena Lincoln was investigated back to 2006. Lincoln overheard proprietary information in the Carrick Grey household while attending dinners, events or charity committee meetings. She used that information to purchase stocks in various Grey Enterprises Holdings mergers and acquisitions from 2006 to September 2011. The SEC has proof that Lincoln realized a profit of almost $6 million dollars through illegal stock purchases in the last six years. Her stockbroker. Michael McGuire, partner in Dalton McGuire Securities, acted on requests from Lincoln to buy certain stocks, and realized a profit of $3 million in the six-year period.

The SEC's investigation has been conducted by the SEC Regional Office in California; supervised by the Office of the Inspector General. Litigators will be assigned from the SEC Regional Office in California with the assistance of the Washington Attorney General's Office. The IRS has expressed interest in the case because Lincoln has not claimed stock losses and gains on her income tax in over a decade.

###

The Securities and Exchange Commission today charged a Seattle businessman with insider trading. John Thomas Hyde was charged with ten counts of insider trading. One of the counts is for Seattle Independent Publishers stock in advance of the 2011 announcement of a merger of SIP with Grey Enterprises Holdings. Additionally, one of the charges stem from the profits realized when Hyde purchased stock in the Seattle Securities Insurance company which SIP employees would use once the merger took place.

According to the SEC's complaint, John Thomas Hyde illegally traded on news which sent SIP stock price up 60 percent when the merger of SIP with GEH was announced. Hyde, an editor at SIP, learned the merger was eminent from hacking the email of Maxwell Roach, President of SIP. Hyde, acting on the information, purchased SIP stock. He told his stockbroker B.T. Kress of Seven Securities of the merger. Kress purchased additional SIP stock for his company. Once the merger was announced, Hyde and Kress sold the shares they purchased; each realizing approximately $200,000 in illegal profits. Hyde's purchase of stock in Seattle Securities Insurance company prior to the inclusion of SIP employees under the Grey House umbrella, netted Hyde and Kress almost $300,000 in illegal profits.

In a parallel action, the Washington Attorney General's Office announced additional criminal charges were filed against Hyde. "Invasion of privacy; cybercrimes; etc.," said WAG, Tobin Campano. He announced the IRS would investigate Hyde also.

The SEC's investigation was conducted by the SEC Regional Office in California; supervised by the Office of the Inspector General. Litigators will be assigned from the SEC Regional Office in California with the assistance of the Washington Attorney General's Office.

******** _Seattle Times_ ********

 **XX - APOV**

Harley came to GP and insisted on taking me to lunch in the Grey Annex cafeteria. "I have something for you to read while I get us lunch." He hands me a copy of the _Seattle Times_ which carried an SEC press release.

I started reading…and smiled. Most of the GP staff is on vacation this week. Emily, Amber, Claire and I are working. The IT crew is working. They ask me if I know what's going on. I tell them I can't discuss it. No one comes in to gossip about Jack. Grey Annex Security requested Claire forward phone calls regarding Jack Hyde to Communications/PR at Grey House. Jack and Elena made bail late this morning according to a Google alert.

"What?" Harley asked.

"John Thomas," I giggled again

"John Thomas Hyde," Harley nodded. "What about him?"

"John Thomas is an urban dictionary nickname for penis," I giggled again. "It's British."

Harley laughed aloud with me that time. We had a wonderful lunch, gossiping like girls. When he walked me back to my desk; he asked me to go home to Montesano this weekend; just to be safe. He's sure neither Hyde nor Lincoln knows Ethan and I've been helping; but he wants me to be aware and be safe.

 **XX – 3PPOV**

Jake Striker read the _Seattle Times_ article about Elena Lincoln and Jack Hyde. He laughed until his sides hurt. He suspected Anastasia Steele had a hand in their arrest. He didn't have answers to his questions…but he interpreted this news article as a sign from God. He opened his locking file cabinet and shredded everything which mentioned Anastasia Steele, Jack Hyde, Christian Grey and the mysterious brunettes surrounding the Esclava Salons. He shredded the information on Sabine Falco Keyes. He felt continued investigation might cause irreparable damage to Miss Steele. He sent up a prayer she would be safe and happy and have a good life. This was a puzzle he did not need to resolve.


	36. Chapter 36

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 36 –** "it's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right," Green Day, _Time of Your Life_

 **January 1, 2012 - APOV**

"Happy New Year!" Kate and Elliot yelled at me over the phone.

"Don't you two have anything better to do in the wee hours of this morning, other than annoy me?" I asked teasingly. "What would you have done if I had been asleep instead of wide awake?"

"If you were wide awake before…you'll really be wide awake now!" Kate said. "We're getting MARRIED!" She screamed in the phone.

"Oh my god!" I said, bolting upright in bed. "Wait, aren't you guys at some charity New Year's Eve dance?" I said.

"We were, but we're in the limo and headed to my parents' house. Carrick and Grace are still in Aspen with Christian and Mia. We'll surprise them when we have dinner with them when they come home on Tuesday night. We don't want to tell them over the phone." Kate said.

"I was told first! I am honored," I laughed.

"Ana, I want you to be my maid of honor. Elliot wants Christian to be his best man. Please don't turn me down because of him." Kate pleaded.

"I wouldn't turn you down for any reason," I protested. "Well…maybe I would if you make me wear a horrid pink bubblegum meringue for the wedding."

"We don't have colors yet, but we have a date, Sunday, June thirtieth. Elliot and I agreed to limit the wedding to 300 people – 100 for me, 100 for him and our parents have to split the other 100 guests. No kids in the wedding or reception. We're going to hire Mia as a wedding planner. She will be a bridesmaid and Ethan will be a groomsman. Beyond that, we really don't have plans."

"She's forgotten already…" Elliot sighed. "The bling I put on her finger short-circuited her brain. Another reason for this call is Kate and I want to move in together; like TOMORROW. She won't move into my condo and I feel weird about moving into hers because you live there. I have a bad habit of wandering around semi-naked during the night. I don't want to ruin you for other men, especially my baby brother. Will you consider coming home tomorrow? We can talk about what to do. I think you'd be happy in my condo. I would pay to have everything steam cleaned, painted, fixed, or upgraded… whatever you need to be able to move. We'll talk tomorrow and work it all out."

"I'll be at Kate's condo before ten. Please don't tell anyone what we are considering until we get it worked out, promise?" I asked. "Meaning your parents, Mia and especially Christian."

"We promise," Elliot and Kate say.

"Email me a picture of the ring, Kate, and try not to announce it on Facebook until after you announce it to Carrick and Grace," I laughed. "Love you!"

 **XX**

"Sorry," I apologize to Dad and Laura at breakfast. "I need to get back to Seattle. Kate and Elliot got engaged last night. I think I'm moving into Elliot's condo. We're talking logistics today." I showed a picture of Kate's three-carat Princess-cut solitaire engagement ring to Laura, and almost choked on her coffee when she mouthed the word, "WOW".

"You're not moving without my help," Dad said. "I want to see Elliot's condo."

"I feel guilty taking you away from your time with Laura." I protested.

"Nonsense," Laura said. "I'll come to Seattle with you. I don't have classes until the middle of the month. I can help pack and move. I can put off picking up the new puppies for a week or two. I can make arrangements to board Timber and Tundra in Seattle while we are there."

"Are you sure?" I asked. "There's a lot to do and I have to report back to work on Tuesday morning. We'd better get a hotel suite…it sounds like we're going to be at sixes and sevens for the next several days."

 **XX – 3PPOV**

"Thank you for coming with us," Ray told Laura. "I've met Elliot twice; but I don't know any of the men on his crew."

"You're not sure Ana is safe with them?" Laura asked.

"I don't know them; so, no - I don't trust them. Elliot's got a reputation as a player. I'd rather keep Annie out of the condo until the men are done and after I've changed the exterior locks. God only knows how many people have a key to the place. I want to take a look at the safety features of the building too." Ray said, closing up his suitcase.

"Well, you drive, I'll take notes. We'll try to create a concise plan for getting her moved and settled in the least amount of time. We're both practiced at moving and settling in over one weekend at the drop of a military hat." Laura closed up her suitcase.

"Part of that worries me," Ray said. "Elliot's condo has probably been a bachelor flop house. I'm not sure what we'll need to do – but let's assume it is the worst TDY."

"Roger," Laura said. "I have a regular place I board Timber and Tundra. I'll call them while we're on the road."

 **XX - APOV**

First things first, Dad, Elliot and I worked out the finances of the move. Elliot's paying for crews to move him out; upgrade the condo, and move me. His crews will empty his condo and storage area at his building into storage at the main Grey Construction office. Elliot's condo gets cleaned, painted, new carpeting, new interior doors, new exterior locks, new fans, new lighting fixtures, new energy efficient appliances and a tank-less hot water heater. Elliot swears his crew will complete the work and have me moved so I can sleep in the condo Monday night if I want.

Next we settle on the rent.

"I own my condo; and I'm not about to sell it in this economy. Fair rent for my condo is $600; especially now during the economic downturn. You save me the cost of seeking new renters and the delay caused by Christian's staff vetting them. There's an additional $300 a month to cover your association fees. I've already paid the 2012 fees. The association fee covers concierge, security, water, trash and maintenance - like exterior snow removal, landscape service, etc. There is a lobby/concierge area on the first floor. There are storage areas on the first floor. There are four condos on the other five floors. My condo, number 20, has four assigned parking places in the basement level."

We discuss the utility bills. He projects my utilities will cost less than his because he's installing energy efficient appliances. Plus, he's sure I don't fall asleep with all the lights and the TV running. He paid to have extra insulation blown in the walls when he bought the place, and it has dual pane safety glass windows. He hasn't done it yet, but he normally puts up a door kit over the sliding glass patio doors to keep the winter drafts out.

Dad and I talked about my budget. We run some numbers together. I can afford to live in Elliot's condo without a roommate. Part of me dreads not living with Kate; we've been roommates for over four years. Part of me is excited to start this new adventure in my life. I don't see myself becoming a crazy cat lady if I live alone. Of course…I might have to buy one of Laura's Pomsky puppies when she starts her business. Elliot's condo is the perfect size for one person, _or a couple_.

I sign Elliot's rental agreement and I write him a check for the first, last and cleaning deposit, in addition to three months' association fees. He explains I will pay my rent online to Grey Construction, and he'll have his office manager set up an account and email an account number and directions when it's established. _I won't think about the last agreement I signed – which began a new life for me. At least there are no red rooms of pain in Elliot's condo._

Elliot gives me a list of his furniture with pictures and urges me to keep whatever I like. He's keeping his contemporary home office furniture and the entertainment center from the living room. The general appearance of the entertainment center is a round black Ferris wheel – with shelves where the seats would be. The middle shelf between the inner circles holds a 36" wide flat screen. The other shelves held Elliot's sound system, CDs, DVDs and a sad looking ivy plant. It takes up an entire brick wall in Elliot's living room. His battered black leatherette sofa begs to be burned. The end tables look like inverted black wine glasses. I don't know where he bought them, but they have to go.

I decide to keep the oak entertainment armoire and matching bookcases from his bedroom. I will put them on the brick wall in the living room where the current Ferris wheel entertainment center resides. I'm keeping the oak dining room table and chairs and the hutch. The matching wine rack has to go! Elliot's wine rack is shaped like a wine glass and wine bottle. God knows where he bought it. Elliot uses the matching hutch for holding his beer stein, action figure and comic book collections. Elliot's master bedroom will swallow my bedroom furniture, but I'll figure it out. The second bedroom will be my home office.

Elliot offers me the couch, overstuffed chair and coffee table in the reception area at Grey Construction. He wants to upgrade since he now owns 100% of Grey Construction and its subsidiaries. He likes what Mia did with her decorating scheme at Grey Calendars…except for the purple walls.

The couch is navy leather; the chair is upholstered in a small cranberry, khaki and navy plaid. I like them a lot. I pass on the mahogany coffee table. Once I decide to take the couch and chair; Elliot provides a layout of the condo, and paint swatch samples and carpet samples based on what he has in stock at Grey Construction. Laura and I choose white woodwork, khaki on three walls and navy on an accent wall. The carpet is just a shade darker than the khaki walls. Elliot gives me matching color swatches to get area rugs and new drapes for the condo. Laura and I rough out the furniture placement. She makes a copy of it for Dad and for me. She also copies off the 'to-do' list which has been refined since talking to Elliot about things to be done at both condos and Grey Construction. She has pictures of Elliot's furniture I'm keeping so I have it in mind when I'm buying other things.

Elliot asked a dozen of his men to work today and tomorrow in exchange for Friday and Monday off on Super Bowl weekend – with pay and invitations for them and a plus one at a hosted Super Bowl Party. He takes a copy of Laura's list of things to do.

The first thing to do on the Kate condo list is to pack and move me. Dad rented a 20-foot U-Haul truck online. He'll pick it up around noon. Rather than loading my things into Elliot's storage area and then moving them into the condo; we'll just fill the truck and unload once. I remarked we're not moving Kate…we're moving me and I don't think I need a truck that big. Laura laughs and says I'll be amazed how full it gets.

Kate booked a three-bedroom suite at the Fairmont Olympia for Dad and Laura, me, and her and Elliot. Kate and I have to go back to work on Tuesday, Dad and Laura plan to stay at least a week and help with the move. Since Elliot insists on painting rooms and rebuilding the master closet in Kate's condo, they will stay in the master bedroom of the suite at the Fairmont until the work on her condo is done.

Kate loves the colors of my bedroom for her home office; which eliminates one step of the moving process. Elliot picked khaki and cranberry for the white walls in Ethan's old room. Since Elliot refuses to live in a purple girly bedroom; Kate picks caramel for three walls of the master suite and ensuite. Elliot chooses chocolate for the accent wall. Elliot and Dad bring up a load of boxes from our storage unit so I can start packing. Elliot recommends Kate donate some clothes to Grace's charity. He leaves with a smirk as Kate hurls her shoes at the door.

Kate's room has to be emptied into my room. Her closet is being reconfigured into two separate closets – one for Elliot and one for Kate. Hence, Kate's overstuffed closet has to be downsized by 50%. I hope I won't be around for that carnage. If her hurling shoes at the front door of the condo is any indication; this move could get bloody before it's over.

Kate grabs boxes and heads to the main bath to pack me. Laura and I take a handful of boxes and go to my room. I sketch out one of Amber's Soduku Style frames. Once I'm done; I repack my suitcase with clothes, accessories, toiletries, etc. for the next 3-4 days for the Fairmont. I don't want to search for something I need when getting ready for work Tuesday morning. I put things in the laundry to pack when they are washed and dried. When the majority of my things in my bedroom are in boxes; it is lunch time, and I call for pizza, salad and soda delivery.

Laura recommends emptying Ethan's room; painting Ethan's room and buying rolling racks to hold Kate's wardrobe in Ethan's room until Elliot's men reconfigure the closet. Elliot's home office stuff can stay at Grey Construction until the master closet is finished.

Celeste gave her a deadline of March 30 to get her possessions emptied out of her parents' house. Kate can't leave anything there right now, either. Kate asked Elliot to buy and build 10 rolling clothing racks after the movers empty Ethan's room and paint. She plans to donate the rolling racks to Grace's charity when she's done with them. She comments if Elliot thinks they will be full when she donates them; he's a silly man.

I call Dad and tell him I ordered pizza. He reports Elliot's storage unit at the condo is empty, and the furniture I'm keeping from his condo and his office have been moved to it. Once the men finish moving Elliot's remaining furniture and household items to Grey Construction; they will remove the carpet and start repairs, painting and upgrades.

A second set of Elliot's men arrive at Kate's condo. They empty Ethan's room, and prep it to paint.

I'm glad I will avoid the swearing, fabric, beauty, accessory, shoe carnage in Kate's bedroom…but my curiosity gets the best of me. I close the door to Kate's room. "Time to come clean, Kate…why are you giving in to Elliot's demands for the closet build and half the space in the ensuite?"

"I lost a bet." Exasperated, she blew the hair out of her eyes; using her space bags to hold a week of work clothes, lingerie and casual clothes in her biggest suitcase, along with a week of toiletry needs in a toiletry case. "I'm not going to tell you what we were betting on, but if I don't agree to give him half the master closet and half of the ensuite… Elliot gets to claim my ass before the wedding."

"So either you're screwed…or you're screwed?" I left the room, biting my lip to keep from exploding into laughter. I'm saved by the arrival of the pizza. Kate sets her suitcases by her home office which is currently located in the living room. She wants wine with her pizza, and I explain…diet soda only. She's not going to start drinking and leave Laura and me with this disaster. She agreed to Elliot's indecent proposal not us.

Elliot and Dad come back with 10 rolling clothes racks and the U-Haul truck. They assemble the rolling racks and stop to eat with us. Kate reminds Elliot to pack a week of clothes and toiletries and deliver them to the Fairmont before all his things are in storage at Grey Construction. Elliot gives Kate a kiss and with a "laters baby," he abandons us.

I start packing the kitchen items. Kate urges me to take everything from the kitchen because she doesn't cook and she has no clue what Elliot has for dishes, pots and pans. She says he wants neutral color dishes, pots and pans, silverware, etc. instead of the shabby chic we own. She will order from Amazon to deliver to the condo this week.

I tell her to keep everything prepared in the freezer so she can make quick dinners for her and Elliot for the next couple weeks and not live on takeout. While I'm packing up the kitchen, Kate and Laura start emptying her closet onto the rolling racks Dad and Elliot built. I hear exasperated groans from Kate and the soothing tones of Laura's attempts to peel her off the ceiling.

Before seven, I'm completely packed. Elliot's men move my furniture and boxes to the U-Haul truck. Kate and I stay in her room; working on emptying her closet while Laura deals with the men. The painting is done in Ethan's room; so they can move my stuff now.

Elliot and Dad bring Tex-Mex takeout with paper plates, plastic cups, napkins, and cutlery. We all pause and catch our breath to have dinner. Everyone catches up on where we are and what we're doing. Thank god for Laura. She has organizational and logistics skills to go. She keeps us on track. Laura, Kate and I agree to meet Dad and Elliot in the lobby at the Fairmont Olympia at eleven. We'll check in; and call it a night. Tomorrow will be a busy day.

 **January 2**

Dad took me to see the new condo this morning before six. Dad replaced the sliding closet doors in both rooms with louvered doors to grant me more access to the closets. A work crew installed new organizational closet units. He installed new interior doors like the ones at Kate's condo. He needs to rekey the exterior doors for me once my furniture and belongings are installed. A crew stripped out the old carpet and painted the condo until ten o'clock last night.

Before the condo is full of workers, we're back at the hotel for breakfast and a large helping of logistics. At Elliot's condo; one crew will install appliances. One crew will install carpeting. One crew will install organizational units in the kitchen and bathroom cupboards. Elliot explained the situation to the neighbors and apologized for the noise, but he swears his crews will be done today.

At Kate's condo, Elliot's new home office is painted and dry. My room is empty. The workers will move what furniture they can from Kate's room to mine; putting the remainder in Elliot's home office. Ethan's furniture, sans a highboy of drawers, went to storage at Grey Construction for inclusion in Grace's rummage sale. Celeste works with Kate to finish emptying her closet and monitors the work crew. The rolling racks have to fit in Elliot's home office, around Kate's excess furniture. Elliot says they are only putting 14 days of clothes in my old closet…he says it's good practice for Kate to have to share space. I don't know…I still remember her hurling shoes at his departing back yesterday.

Dad and Laura developed a list of items I need for the new condo. Instead of working at either condo; Laura and I shop for rugs, drapes, a shower curtain for the main bathroom, cleaning and paper supplies. _Great…now Dad and Laura are making me shop._ When we're done shopping at noon; I called Dad to meet us at the condo and put everything in the back of the U-Haul truck. Once my car is emptied of things; we have lunch at a barbeque place close to the condo. Dad updates us on the progress at the condo. He and Laura give me another list of things to buy this afternoon. Arguing that I'd rather go hang out at a bookstore, Laura and Dad blithely tell me "laters, baby." They are not funny.

I check on the progress at Kate's condo...and wish I didn't. There's a spate of emails. Why did I get copied on everyone's complaints, bitches and moans? I send return emails stating I HATE WHINERS. NO WHINING! I strongly suggest at the end of the day Elliot and Kate order up champagne, soak in a bubble bath and remind each other why they are doing this.

 _. I'm aware Elliot hates Kate's purple walls, bed and bath linens. I'm aware of the white walls at Christian's penthouse. I've never been a foofy girl…but I wonder if Christian will like how I redecorate Elliot's condo. It will be shabby chic. Then I have to wonder if a pinch of sanity is sold somewhere. I don't have a guarantee Christian will want anything to do with me once he learns about the SEC arrests. Elliot swears Christian and his family are avoiding the news, press, emails, etc. in an effort to decompress and enjoy this week in Aspen._

Laura and I shop for furniture, pictures and household goods at two consignment stores and an antique store. My favorite purchases of the day are botanical prints in white shabby chic frames for the bathrooms and office.

"That chair is nice," Laura pointed at a wing-backed chair upholstered in cranberry, beige and white plaid. "It says Laura Ashley fabric. Ray will have to replace the legs with oak ones, to coordinate with your bookcases and entertainment center but the chair is solid. Buy that long arch top white wicker mirror for over your bed."

I buy it and a wicker chaise and a little circular end table for a reading nook in the corner of the master bedroom. I buy a cheval mirror and an armoire too. I want to put the mirror by the closet in the master bedroom. I'm thinking of putting the armoire in the office, maybe use it to hold a TV and stereo with CDs.

Laura directs me to a furniture consignment store. We find an oak coffee table with matching end tables, lamps and two 18x18 navy leather pillows to coordinate with the navy couch. I buy an oak hall tree with a mirror. I can put it inside the door at the condo. It's got a drawer to hold gloves, scarves and umbrellas. It has a shelf on the bottom to hold shoes and boots. Laura measured it and it fits perfectly on the wall with the coat closet. Dad needs to change the drawer handles so they don't snag on clothes.

At the second consignment store, I find a pair of matching white wicker nightstands for the master bedroom. They are twice as wide as the one I have and will balance the wall where the bed is located. Laura recommends putting my single nightstand in the guest bathroom. It can hold a candlescape on top, manuscripts in the drawer and a stack of guest towels on the bookshelf.

I find another white wicker bookcase for the office. I find a white wicker hanging rack to fit over the door to the master bathroom to hold my robes. I arranged for delivery of everything to the condo and gave them Dad's cell number to coordinate. I email Dad; deliveries will be incoming. He and the men can store them in the U-Haul truck for now.

Laura bought a cutter quilt with navy, cranberry and beige blocks. She said the pattern was Ohio star…not that I knew any state-named star from an Ohio star. Laura said she would use it to make throw pillows, placemats and as many potholders as possible out of the quilt as a housewarming gift for me. She thinks she might be able to make a small table runner for a coffee table, along with a couple of candle mats and cup coasters. She explains vanilla scented candles rid the condo of paint smell. I buy a couple handfuls of vanilla candles in various sizes. Candlescapes are us.

I tell Laura we're going to Second Byte next so I can get a flat screen TV for the living room armoire and a streaming video unit. Laura recommends a stand-alone hard drive for backing up my laptop and a set of high end surge protectors for the living room electronics and office electronics. I arrange for their delivery to the condo.

Dad calls Laura to say the deliveries are arriving, and if I will give him two more hours, the men will be done and gone. He says the cleaning crew has been in and gave everything a once over. We can tweak any furniture placement when we get home.

I tell Laura I simply cannot shop for another two hours. She takes pity on me and takes me to the kennel where she is boarding Timber and Tundra. We take them to the play area for a good romp before the kennel closes for the evening. Laura takes a picture of me holding Timber and Tundra. I ask Lara to email the picture to me. They have the bluest eyes – even bluer than mine. I almost have a meltdown when I realize they have grey and white fur. I'm overwhelmed with memories of grey eyes and white walls. I've struggled to not think about Christian today and thought I was doing well. I'm determined to find out the rules for pets at my new condo. I told Laura I want a Pomsky from one of Tundra's first litters. We stop for takeout – gourmet burgers, fries and salads and head back to the condo.

 **XX**

We eat in the dining room, even though it is takeout and served on paper plates. Dad tells me not to buy fancy china to fill the empty hutch. He plans to gift Grandmother Steele's Haviland china, with crystal and silver plate cutlery to me along with dining linens, candlesticks and serving pieces. He can bring them to Seattle the next time he visits.

Laura laughs; my move is baptism by fire for them. She and Dad discussed moving in together. Since they have two of everything, they have to figure out what to donate to the VFW's summer rummage sale which takes place the weekend after July fourth. Laura is bringing her grandmother's china, crystal and silverware when she moves in with him; hence; he is gifting Grandma Steele's to me.

After dinner, we go to the master bedroom and adjust the furniture slightly and then I explain about the mirror over the bed. We get it put in place. Dad assembles the vacuum and then vacuums the master bedroom while I scrub the master bathroom. While Dad and Laura finish putting up the living room patio door drape. I unpack the master bathroom. I hang clothes, load the dresser, the nightstands, and the dressing table, making the bed, etc.

With Laura's help, Dad puts the home office furniture where it belongs. He hangs the shelves for over the desk and unpacks my boxes of books. I tell him not to bother to sort, just load the shelves and I will organize as I have time. I hand off spring clothes to Laura who stores them in the closet in the office.

I can hear my phone vibrate on the charger and go check. More messages from Kate and Elliot.

Elliot says he'll drop off business cards tomorrow morning for the concierge to give to people who drop by to see him. He recommends I introduce myself to the building staff tomorrow.

Kate's email says don't open the door to strangers. She asks if Dad got the exterior locks replaced, and he has.

Elliot's email contains a list of food delivery places near the condo, along with their phone numbers. If I order in his name, they know exactly where to deliver.

Kate is thankful for the Fairmont Olympia, room service, champagne and a bubble bath. However, Kate says she hates moving.

 _Don't we all? They are the ones doing this to us._ I laugh; I tell Dad and Laura the gist of Elliot/Kate anti-moving emails for the day. Dad says they ought to be glad we've had mild weather. I give Dad my debit card to pay renter insurance and car registration, groceries, etc. which will be done tomorrow while I'm at work. Wednesday, he and Elliot are scheduled to change utilities into my name.

 **XX**

"Your sewing machine and sewing box are above the washer. Your toolbox is on the shelf above the dryer. Battery-operated lantern is on the shelf above the dryer. You have a flashlight in your bedside table, junk drawer in the kitchen and in the drawer of the hall tree inside the door. Extra lightbulbs are located in a basket on the shelf in the cleaning closet. I have your gun; gearbox is in the closet of the home office…and we're out of here for the night." Dad and Laura depart; but wait outside the door to ensure I lock it properly.

I need to spend next weekend getting to know the neighborhood and find grocery stores, cleaners, services, etc. I'll call a cab to take me to work tomorrow, leaving Dad and Laura the car to change the registration at DMV. Crap…I have to call Mary and beg off tomorrow night. I should be here; I don't want to tell Dad I have an appointment with a counselor. At least I've lived simply; I don't have the huge purge ahead of me like Kate and Elliot have.

I walk around the apartment, observing everything. I shut off the lights everywhere except my bedroom. I look out the view from the living room sliding door to the patio. It's not as spectacular as Christian's skyline, but it's mine.

 _Mine… the last time that word sounded satisfactory to me was when Christian took Wanda. The Audi was nice, but Wanda was mine. Now the skyline is mine. I think I will be happy here. With any luck…Christian's crazies won't find me here._

I draw the drapes and head for the bedroom. I draw a hot bubble bath. Good music and pajamas… check and set the alarm clock… and lights out.


	37. Chapter 37

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 37** – when things go to hell in a handbasket

 **January 3 - APOV**

"Why do I have to answer the door? I'm the one who needs to dress and go to work!" I started dressing before Dad arrived. I made the mistake of telling Dad the bed broke in the middle of the night. While Dad's looking at the bed; Elliot appeared. Why couldn't Dad and Elliott fix my bed after I'm dressed and headed for work? Why do they have to do it now? I'm covered by my new silk robe Kate gave me for Christmas. I stomped to the door and threw it open…stepping back in shock. _Oh Crap! Why didn't I look through the peephole first?_

"What the fuck…" Christian started to say; noting my shocked face and my hasty moves to tie my robe tighter. He brushed past me and flew into the main room of the condo.

"The bed's fixed now – I tested it – it won't break again. Maybe once there's some significant action going on, it might be…" Elliot announced as he exited the master bedroom. He walked into the main room and into his brother's fist. Taken off guard, Elliot staggered back and sank to one knee – speechless.

"You asshole!" Christiaan screamed at him. "What the fuck are you doing here?" He screamed at me.

"The question is… _ **what are you doing here? I thought your plane wasn't landing until mid-morning!**_ " I demanded.

"We left at five o'clock Colorado time, which was three o'clock here. Three-hour flight – we touched down at Boeing Field around six o'clock. I texted Elliot last night to come look at a company with me this morning. His company is going to retrofit the building if I buy the business. He didn't reply so I came looking for him. NOW. WHAT. THE. FUCK. ARE. YOU. DOING. HERE?"

"She lives here, Christian; and I'd appreciate you not screaming and swearing at my daughter," Dad stepped out of the master bedroom. "Christian…please leave before I throw you off the balcony and watch your ass bounce off the pavement. Annie, the bedroom is empty. You can finish dressing for work."

Christian stood there…shaking with anger. He reached for his smart phone and headed for the door. "Bastille, I need to work off some aggression. Meet me in the gym at Grey House… yeah, well, Elliot's an asshole," His voice faded away as he exited the condo, slamming the door on the way out.

"It's been a long time since I read Christian's body language - but I think he thought you and Elliot messed around," Dad said calmly.

"FUCK," Elliot and I shouted simultaneously.

"Language!" Dad snapped. " _Use your words_ doesn't mean profanity! Laura needs your car keys to run errands for you. When I take you to work; we'll stop for breakfast on the way. I need materials to reassemble the side shelves on the office closet unit. I don't like the way Elliot's men assembled it. I'm getting Plexiglas units to seal the opening on your patio. You'll be able to sit out there on warm days until spring. I'll plan to come back around Easter to take them down and put them in storage." Dad said. "You're burning daylight girl."

"I'm going!" I snapped and went into the master bedroom; slamming the door shut.

"You obviously don't need that door for privacy if you're going to slam it shut! Do you want to lose it until you learn to control yourself?" Dad called out to me.

 **XX – 3PPOV**

Ray knew that he had broken Annie of slamming doors during a teenage tantrum. She lost her bedroom door for six weeks right after she returned to him. She and Carla had an argument at the top of their lungs. Annie hung up on her mother, stomped to her room and slammed the door shut. She lost phone privileges for six weeks also. He told her if she couldn't talk decently to her mother; she didn't get to talk to her friends.

" _Use your words Annie," he thought. "Don't let Christian's jealous teenager persona set you off. I taught you to think when you are upset; think until you regain self-control." I knew she hated being yelled at…Morton had done that to her…and it is not a trait I can or will change as long as she continues to defend herself…and not lose herself in the emotions of the moment._

"I'm emailing Kate and then going to Grey House." Elliot announced. He wasn't getting in the way of Ana having a Christian-induced meltdown. "Call me if you need help with the installation of the Plexiglas units. Call you later, Ana!" He exited. Ray didn't look happy and he didn't want an explanation.

 **XX**

Barney was surprised when a regular scan of staff emails and calendars revealed a vulnerability. Olivia was a regular client of Esclava Salons. Her senator father didn't think twice about paying the exorbitant rates. Esclava Salons emailed Olivia a personal reminder of her appointment next Saturday morning at ten. It was sent to her personal email; which forwarded it to her Grey House email account. In the email, Elena Lincoln reminded Olivia to bring her work and personal calendars so they could plan what services she would need. From what Barney could ascertain, Olivia talked about GEH during her appointments.

Thank god Mr. Grey was returning to Grey House today. Taylor put Grey House on radio silence during the ten days Mr. Grey and family were in Aspen. He had six days of emails and information to send to Grey. He sent Mr. Grey a strongly worded email about ensuring his executive support staff were aware of the possible repercussions if their NDA were broken. He forwarded copies of Oliva's schedule and emails to Mr. Grey. Now he had to back search Olivia's emails to and from Esclava Salons. Why that bimbo set her personal email to forward to Grey House irked him. He ordered his support staff to send a strongly worded email to all GEH and subsidiaries staff that company email is NOT to be used for PERSONAL events, appointments, conversations, etc. He blocked the Esclava network from being able to email anyone connected to Grey House or its subsidiaries.

He forwarded the _Seattle Times_ news articles about the Hyde and Lincoln arrests for insider trading to Grey. Communications would probably cover it with Mr. Grey at their scheduled meeting this morning. He pulled as much information about their arrests, lawyers, bail, etc. as possible and included the video coverage link of their arrests. He ran financial backgrounds before the arrests and after. He conducted a quick search of both brokerage houses and included that information.

 **XX - CPOV**

I put Bastille on his ass twice this morning, and would have done it a dozen more times except Elliot showed up and explained why Ana was at his condo. I congratulated him on his engagement, and agreed to be his best man. I told him I was sorry I hit him and was prepared to make amends. I said I might feel better if he pounded the fuck out of me. Instead, I'm paying for first class flights wherever Elliot decides to take Kate for their honeymoon. I dreaded six months of wedding planning until I realized Ana is the maid of honor. I will get to see her at wedding planning and wedding events. I'm so happy I could kiss Elliot.

Mom requested I not work from Christmas Eve to this morning. It was cyber dark at the house in Aspen. We didn't turn on TVs, radios or computers. We kept phones turned off because my security staff kept theirs turned on for emergencies. We didn't read newspapers. While it was relaxing, it made me anxious because I hoped Ana would email _Merry Christmas_ or _Happy New Year_. Staff had orders to tell me if she contacted me. We skied a lot; ate family dinners; I played the piano; played chess with Dad; and read. I didn't sleep well the entire time we were in Aspen because I couldn't access the Ana sleep loop or use the body pillow. Kate and Elliot left on the Monday after Christmas because she had to work and they had a charity event over the weekend.

At this morning's briefing; Taylor explained about Leila's living arrangement and her computer. He gave it to Barney for analysis. Leila confessed she stole Ana's clothes from the closet at Escala and took money from the safe. Taylor knew Ana would not care about clothes, so he had them cleaned and delivered to Leila at the hospital in Fremont. He put some money in her commissary fund and returned my jewelry, robe, t-shirt and the remainder of the funds to Escala. He gave her good jewelry to Flynn to put in the safe at the hospital until she recovers. He handed me two messages Elena left for Leila. I have to discuss them with John. Elena didn't hold out much hope that Leila would reconcile with me…but she offered to pay Leila to train new submissives for me.

Taylor explained when he learned Elena had been arrested; he decided to conduct a search and steal mission at her home. He knew egress and security at her home. Taylor explained Elena's dungeon was demolished and all contents were shipped out of state for sale. He explained Isaac gathered all materials from the home – pictures, DVDs, databases, etc. He gave them to Taylor. Taylor assured me he incinerated the blackmail materials. Barney destroyed the hard drive from her home server along with her laptop and storage devices. There was no inspection. No one knew what was on either of them; which pleased Isaac and Taylor.

Curiosity was the only reason I took the call from Harley Harrison. I took notes while Harrison talked. He is Ana's SEC handler. While I appreciated Harrison's candor; Ana working with him on a dangerous project pissed me off. She endangered herself taking on Hyde and Lincoln. Granted, they might not know she was behind the investigation; but now I know. I want to spank her and I want to rip his head off for letting her put herself in danger. He's seen her over a dozen times over the last five months; when I can't get her to be in my presence longer than an elevator ride. The only thing preventing me from pounding the crap out of Harrison is he said Ana loves me and did this for me.

I was also over the edge pissed off when Harrison asked me to stay away from Ana until the SEC prosecution was completed…in about six months if we were lucky. I told him to fuck off. If Ana decided to be with me before then; it's none of his damned business. He said if Ana wanted me to stay away; he would obtain a no-contact order with my name on it. He didn't care how it looked to the business world. I told him I would get her a close protection unit to keep Hyde and Lincoln away from her. Harrison announced he didn't call to argue about Ana. There were issues I needed to know. Olivia Blandino and Lauren Hudson provided GEH information to Elena Lincoln. Hyde hacked GP emails. Hyde financed some of his illegal stock purchases with funds from Elizabeth Morgan. I mapped out a plan of action with him…and then thanked him for letting me know about the investigation since I was getting news about it since I arrived at Grey House this morning.

 _She still cares…and that is the best present I will ever receive in my life. Although…I had wet dreams about her on Christmas Eve where she opened new packages of toys in a new playroom and I showed her how some of them were used. The New Year's Eve dream I was giving her a sensual spanking as the clock counted down the New Year. Then we fucked until the wee hours of the morning in my dream…but that's all it was…a dream…which left me cold in my bed like the wind on the peaks in Aspen._

"Barney; I need information within the next 72 hours. I want financial statements and recent expenditures of Ana Steele, Ray Steele, Elliot Grey and Katherine Kavanagh. I want a financial check of Grey Construction. How much did it cost for Elliot's crews to work this holiday weekend? I'm checking the SEC information you sent. Thank you for your thoroughness. I want to see the background check and employee report on Jack Hyde, Elizabeth Morgan and Lauren Hudson. I want to know how long Lauren Hudson has known Olivia Blandino." I hung up on him and segued to the next item on my list.

"Welch, I want a background check done on all Jack Hyde's previous interns. I want to know why they left SIP. Go see them in person, take an NDA, take plenty of cash; and find the buried bodies," I'm interrupted by Olivia announcing an unexpected visitor. I don't have time to deal with Olivia at the moment, and it irks me. To keep her distracted; I send her to Legal to bring me the items they worked on last week while I was out.

 **XX**

"I want to see Christian Grey," Kate seethed at Andrea.

"He has someone in his office, Miss Kavanagh," Andrea said.

"Someone important?" Kate asked. Frankly, she didn't care if Christian was confessing all his sins before the Pope! She was going to send his ass to hell.

Andrea attempted to keep a professional face. "I'm not allowed to discuss Mr. Grey's schedule," she said, tapping her pencil on the written schedule for the day. Kate leaned over and saw Elena Lincoln's name. _Bitch, floozy, harlot, ho, hooker, hussy, skirt, snatch, strumpet, tart, tomato, tramp, trollop, whore..._ Kate fumed. She headed for the door to Christian's office when Taylor appeared.

"Miss Kavanagh," he started to say.

"Taylor, unless you want my new Manolo Blahniks to lift and separate the boys…I suggest you move," Kate threatened him.

"May I open the door for you?" He suppressed a smile.

"Not necessary," Kate reached for the door knob. "But be ready, because I'm throwing that bitch out of his office." She entered and left the door wide open. "You asshole! You jealous bastard! How dare you hit Elliot – giving him a black eye when we're supposed to get our engagement pictures taken this week?" Kate screamed.

"Uh…Kate…I'm in a business meeting right now…" I started to say.

"Business meeting…with that skank? I thought you were done doing business with the Seattle Slutmeister. No wonder Ana won't have anything to do with you. We keep telling her you've changed and you're a decent guy…and then you hang out with this snatch! You gave Elliot a black eye for NO REASON AT ALL. No wonder Ana doesn't trust you." Kate shook her fist at Christian…the one with the three-carat Princess-cut diamond solitaire which announced Elliot Grey had settled down.

"Excuse me?" Elena stood to face off against Kate. "Who are you calling a snatch, you blonde bimbo?" She demanded to know in her best Domme voice.

"I'm not talking to you, Botox Barbie. Taylor," Kate rounded on him. "Get her out of here before I use her as a cheap Mexican piñata."

"Mrs. Lincoln," Taylor held the door for her.

"Hitting Elliot? You are completely out of control! I'm not leaving until we discuss this situation!" She shrieked at me.

"Yes, you are," I said quietly. "I told you in September I was done with your salons, done helping you financially… done, done, done. I don't care if you are having legal, financial, social or professional issues. I'm not responsible for your health, well-being or happiness. Taylor, get her out of here and then have HR fire whoever let her into my building, let her into my elevator, and let her into my office." I directed.

"That would be Perkins at the front desk, Marquez at the elevators and Blandino outside your office door." Taylor said.

"I don't care who did what. You know the routine: HR, signed papers, relinquish security passes, invalidate computer and email security codes, and remove them. Tell HR and IT I want them out of here within the hour. No severance packages; just accrued wages and leave time they have on the books." I said. "Hold Mrs. Lincoln in Security. Notify SPD; Mrs. Lincoln violated her no-contact order and we're holding her for arrest and removal. Have them impound her car and remove it from Grey House parking. Have IT duplicate the security CCTV from this morning and provide SPD a copy when they arrest her. Have a copy of the no-contact order prepared for them also." I watched with some amusement as Taylor took Elena and Oliva by the arms and escorted them to the elevator.

"Now, Kate," I concentrated on placating my soon-to-be sister-in-law. I closed the door to my office. I didn't want the universe to hear what Kate had to say to me.

"Asshole," she hissed at me.

"I know you are angry with me…but I have an issue over at Grey Publishing I need to handle. I told Elliot to come to dinner tonight, with you, and both families. We'll discuss reparations." I try the Christian Grey CEO mode. It fails miserably.

"Fine; my first demand is leave Ana alone while you are at GP. She's already upset over you storming into the condo this morning and assuming she was sleeping with Elliot. We're like sisters with one another and you assumed she was doing a dirty deed to me and you. I will not understand to my dying day why Ana loves you. You certainly aren't worthy of her. You don't think before you act; do you?"

"Do you mind telling me when the great move took place?" I asked.

"Elliot proposed New Year's Eve. Ana and I had the conversation about Elliot moving in with me and fixing up his condo for her. Elliot paid for movers, cleaners, painters, carpenters, carpet layers, materials and paint. Ray and Laura helped with the move. The movers didn't set Ana's bed up properly. In the middle of the night, she was sleeping on the couch. Ray and Laura, Elliot and I are sharing a suite at the Fairmont Olympia this week because there is painting and work to be done on my condo before Elliot and I merge households. Elliot dropped by Ana's condo this morning with business cards to give to the concierge for people who come looking for him. He went up to the condo to check in with Ray about work they were doing today. He helped Ray take the bed apart and reassemble it properly. They had just finished when you arrived and went berserk." Kate snapped.

"Kate, I offered Elliot first class plane tickets anywhere you want to go for your honeymoon." I explained.

"That's a beginning, but it doesn't cover that black eye!" Kate fumed.

"I'll give you $2K mad money for every day of the honeymoon if you will let me leave and handle Grey Publishing right now," I offered.

"$10K," Kate countered.

"$2K and the news scoop about Elena Lincoln's arrest for violating a no-contact order for me and Grey House. That is my final offer," I said, reaching for my suit jacket.

"Fine," Kate huffed, "but you're telling MY MOTHER why Elliot is unavailable for pictures this week."

"I can do that," I rolled my eyes. "Now, please exit; I have to talk to my PA, Andrea. Have Anders take you down to Security. Tell Taylor I said you could have a copy of Mrs. Lincoln's arrest and removal video and a copy of the no-contact order. You need to get down there before SPD does or you'll miss the fun. Text your dad on your way to security so he claims he is the source. He'll get it posted online before anyone else. I don't want the _Seattle Times_ pissed at me over missing this scoop."

Kate grabs her phone out of her purse and races to the elevator. I buzz Andrea.

"Sir?"

"I need you in my office, please." I ask.

My calm and efficient PA appears in my office...I think she is nervous because I said the word, _please_. "Close the door," I direct her. She has her tablet with her. "Olivia is being fired with cause."

"Sir, Olivia is Senator Blandino's daughter." Andrea protested.

"Olivia knew the repercussions of talking outside the walls of the executive suite. Security announced Elena Lincoln was persona non grata in all my buildings, or within 1000 feet of me on September 30. She should not have given Mrs. Lincoln access to me. HR will help you hire someone more qualified to help you. Additionally, I want Ros to have an assistant PA. When you and Andrew are busy on projects, you need a qualified assistant for backup and so does he. With your direction; Security will clear Olivia's personal items from her desk."

"Yes, Mr. Grey." Andrea takes notes calmly and efficiently.

"Thank you. Please notify Ros, Barney and Taylor - we're leaving within the next ten minutes for Grey Annex. We need three sets of security and a set of HR at Grey Publishing in the next 20 minutes. Please call Sawyer and ask him to meet me in reception at Grey Publishing in the next 15 minutes. Will you call Eamon and Celeste Kavanagh, my sister Mia and my parents? Invite them to dinner at Escala at seven. Please call Mrs. Jones and explain I need a gourmet meal for eight at seven o'clock. Ask if she has time to make a chocolate cake for dessert? Ask her to chill two bottles of Sancerre, and put some flowers and candles on the table. Please tell her I have to make amends so the food, table, flowers, etc. have to be opulent. That's all; thank you." When Andrea smiles; I know she's back on board. She's a good PA; I don't want her to quit because I'm being a hard ass. I also don't want her to quit in protest about Olivia being fired.

 **XX**

Ros headed immediately to Ana's office. "Ana, will you join us?" She gestured toward me, Taylor, Barney and Sawyer.

"Did you call security for some reason?" Miss Wardrobe Malfunction stormed out of Hyde's office and rudely spoke to Ana. "I'm trying to prep for the editorial meeting for Mr. Hyde and I don't appreciate being interrupted."

"Are you the reason security is interrupting my day?" Elizabeth Morgan entered from down the hall and snapped at Ana.

"I think I've had all the interrogations and accusations I can stand for one morning! I don't have a clue what is going on!" Ana snapped at both women.

"Miss Steele, will you introduce these two rude women?" I asked. "I know who they are; I just want the rest of my staff brought up to speed." What I really want is to take feisty Ana behind closed doors and bury myself in her until she's somnambulant.

"Mr. Grey, this is Elizabeth Morgan, director of GP HR; this is Lauren Hudson, support staff for Jack Hyde." Ana replied calmly. "Ladies, this is Christian Grey, CEO of Grey Enterprises Holdings, and owner of Grey Publishing. This is Ros Bailey, Chief of Operations at Grey Enterprises Holdings. This is Jason Taylor and Luke Sawyer who work for Grey Security."

She paused and looked at the nine people who just arrived, escorted by Grey Annex Security. "Sorry – these introductions are up to you or Ros."

"My HR and IT people informed me there is a situation at Grey Publishing which needs to be resolved today," I addressed the ladies and everyone within earshot who was more interested in my presence than working. "Jack Hyde was arrested for insider trading on December 28. His work contract states he works 'at will' and I am no longer willing to put up with his criminal activities." I paused to let Ms. Morgan gasp in surprise.

"SPD served him with termination papers and a no-contact order." I checked my watch, "My security staff is retrieving Grey House equipment and work from his condo. He won't be in today or ever again…so the editorial staff meeting is postponed indefinitely. Sawyer, please have Miss Steele identify Hyde's personal items in his office."

"I'm his support staff," Lauren protested. "I'm the one who should clean out his office."

"You _**were**_ his support staff. You are Olivia Blandino's roommate?" I asked coldly.

She nodded.

"Well, she was fired with cause," I consulted my watch, "about ten minutes ago also. You will be fired with cause within the next hour. So will you, Ms. Morgan."

I loved the look of shock on their faces.

"Grey Annex security - please escort Morgan and Hudson to separate conference rooms until their termination paperwork is prepared." I caught a look in Ros's eye. "Ensure they do not speak to one another; speak to staff; touch computers or remove files. They are not left unattended anywhere; not even the powder room. Deny them access to company electronics – no emails, texts or social media. Ensure there is no sabotage. You will be notified when you are to watch Miss Hudson and Ms. Morgan remove their personal items and depart."

I turn to Robb Loeder and two of his staff. "Robb Loeder, HR from GEH; you know Elizabeth Morgan, former head of HR at GP. This is Lauren Hudson, former support staff for Jack Hyde at GP." I conducted terse introductions before turning back to address Morgan and Hudson. "Your final paychecks will reflect accrued work hours to eight o'clock this morning, and any accrued leave time. No separation package will be prepared or offered to you. GEH will not blacklist you from seeking employment in Seattle. We will not give you glowing recommendations either. We have your non-disclosure agreements on file. If GEH becomes aware you discussed this situation with anyone, you will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. You will b served with no-contact orders. You are not allowed within 1000 feet of any Grey House business, or personnel. Hudson, this will not be a problem for you as your roommate, Olivia Blandino, was fired from Grey House this morning. After your exit interview with Robb Loeder; you will leave the Grey Annex building and grounds with your personal items." I ordered Security.

"Loeder; take a set of security with you. Security sequesters GP HR in the large conference room until the Grey House HR team finishes exit interviews with Morgan and Hudson."

I turned to Ana. "Miss Steele, please identify Hyde's personal items. HR will deliver his items to his home today with his final paycheck. Sawyer, no one interrupts or interrogates Miss Steele. If people want explanations; they can talk to Ros or me."

"I'd prefer Prescott," Ana said; reaching for the banker box offered by an Amazon and leading her to Hyde's office.

 _Ana knows a female security guard at Grey Annex?_ I'm surprised, but try to cover by issuing more orders. "Barney, where are we with his equipment?"

"My IT team just pulled Hyde's GEH-issued laptop, tablet and smart phone. They found a stand-alone hard drive which the police let them take in case there are GEH materials on it."

"Barney, pull Hudson's computer, followed by Morgan's. Email and server passwords for all GP staff are changed within the hour. Let staff know Jack Hyde was hacking their GP emails; and possibly personal emails. Check the firewall; I don't want Hyde hacking emails any longer." I ordered; watching Barney direct IT to Hudson's cubicle and Hyde's office.

"Does Miss Morgan have GEH assigned equipment at her home?" I asked Barney.

"She has a GEH-assigned smart phone and a laptop she takes between work and home. They were in the building with her today." Barney checked his information. "We confiscated both; they are in route to Grey House where they will be examined by Security and IT."

"Does Miss Hudson have GEH-assigned equipment at home?" I asked Barney.

"Not that I'm aware, sir," Barney answered. "She brought her GEH tablet to work with her today. We confiscated it also." Barney coordinated GP IT to pull Hudson's and Hyde's computers, reciting curt instructions into his phone to the IT team to take the items from Hyde's home to IT at Grey House. No one was to touch anything; it was to all be locked down at Security where he would retrieve it.

"Loeder, I'll need at least one hour with the HR computers to determine if there is an issue." Barney informed Loeder before he headed to HR with Security and his HR team in tow.

 **XX – 3PPOV**

Ana was the only staff not observing the situation. Also, she was the only one who wasn't secretly primping in hopes of catching Christian Grey's gaze. Once Ana knew the editorial meeting was postponed and she was working; she pulled her hair into a ponytail instead of it cascading and covering her breasts. That action confirmed what Ros knew – Jack Hyde leered at Ana every chance he had; causing Ana to cover her body in order to not draw attention to it. Ros watched her. Editorial meeting, sedate navy tweed dress – definitely not too short, Michael Kors navy mid-range heels, tasteful gold jewelry, minimal makeup, professional attitude. She liked Ana as much as she hated Hyde and Morgan. She also liked the fact Ana was unfazed by Christian's brusque orders. She doubted Christian had discussed the situation with Ana considering her reaction when Ros approached her this morning.

Ros examined the room which had gone quiet during the office drama. "I believe you all have work to do." Her eyes floated over everyone in the Editorial Pool and came to rest on Christian who observed Ana Steele. Ana sorted manuscripts in progress from unread manuscripts which had copies of her synopses attached. Hyde wrote notes and questions on the synopsis… anticipating interrogating Ana at this morning's editorial meeting. She left the manuscripts in progress in his office and moved the other manuscripts to her office. Prescott gave her another banker box and she began removing Hyde's personal items from his office. While everyone else was shocked into inaction; Ana Steele was working. It was something Ros intended to discuss with Christian.

"Christian, let's surprise Max Roach and tell him there's been a change in his staff and his editorial meeting is postponed." They moved off with security following also.

 **XX - APOV**

Ros reappeared at my desk just before noon. "Ana, if you will…" she held out her hand to indicate I was to follow her.

I was in shock. "Are you going to fire me?" I asked Ros quietly when we were out of range of the rest of the staff.

"Of course, not, Ana, your job is secure." Ros continued to HR. "GEH has high expectations for you. Many of the editors, your coworkers and the managing staff all praise your work ethics and your abilities. GEH would be foolish to fire an asset like you…and the last time I looked, GEH is run by a brilliant young billionaire." She arrived at HR and tapped on the door before entering. "Robb Loeder, you remember Ana Steele."

Pleasantries aside, Robb Loeder launched into his spiel. "Miss Steele, GEH is grateful for your work with the SEC to prove Jack Hyde has been committing securities fraud."

Ros interrupted, "We can't talk about the SEC investigation or the SPD investigation, although Ana probably knows more than we do. What we can talk about is offering you a position commensurate with your knowledge, skills and abilities. Grey Publishing is offering you a position as Copy Editor."

"Is this Mr. Grey's idea?" I asked. "Because if it is; I will tender my resignation right now and be gone within the hour. I don't need backlash from Hyde or Morgan over this."

"Christian and I agreed to fire Blandino, Hudson, Hyde and Morgan. We agreed to put Robb Loeder in Morgan's positon and agreed to follow his directives about restructuring GP." Ros said.

"This position offer is my plan." Robb Loeder said. "While Hyde's title is commissioning editor; he really was a copy editor who also recruited new authors. He was able to read manuscripts and know if there were consistency issues." Loeder paused. "These are the Work Performance Standards for a copy editor. Look them over before you make a decision. As a matter of fact, when you leave for lunch; take the rest of the day off. Think about this and let me know first thing tomorrow morning. If there are items to negotiate; we'll set a time to discuss them."

"You are not eliminating my job as Editorial Reader?" I asked.

"No. If you choose to keep it; we would like you to act as an interim Copy Editor until we could fill Jack Hyde's position. We need to conduct your 30-day review this week. You submitted 48 manuscript synopses which means you will receive an exceeds expectations for your review; in case you were worried."

"I was a bit nervous," I admitted. _I was a lot nervous, especially when I saw Ros and Christian. I thought I was about to have a contentious job review with Elizabeth._

 **XX**

I stop at the concierge desk and introduce myself. I complete paperwork for them. The concierge showed me where to put trash and recycling. They have separate bins for aluminum, glass, white paper, newspaper and cardboard. They took me to my building storage unit. They ensured I knew where my parking spaces were and asked about vehicles and license plates which might park there. I tell them mine, Dad's and Kate's plate numbers. They still have Elliot's on file. They ensure I have my own elevator code. I ask them not to cancel Elliot's code as he's on my emergency contact list. I ask them to announce all visitors. They give me a folder with flyers from local stores, restaurants, and places of interest. It also includes the list of trash and recycling days, the CCRs for the building, along with a list of the homeowner's association meetings and a contact page.

I surprise Dad and Laura when I arrive. Dad made tea and Laura made lunch while I told them about my work situation. I can finally explain about my friends Harley and Shawn. I explained my suspicions about Jack Hyde and Elena Lincoln and insider trading. I explain Elena Lincoln was a good friend of Christian's mother and was Christian's business partner until September thirtieth. I explain the SEC arrested them on December twenty-eighth. I explain about today's terminations. I explain I was offered an editor position at Grey Publishing. I explain I have to make a decision.

"What happened with Elliot this morning?" Laura asked.

"Out of control jealous Christian Grey yelled at me and gave Elliot a black eye."

"Why?" Laura was speechless.

"He misunderstood the situation." I said.

"Yeah…misunderstood," Dad comments dryly. "He accused Annie of sleeping with Elliot."

"He didn't accuse us…but he jumped to conclusions and punched Elliot before asking for the facts," I said.

Laura looked at me with questioning eyes. I nodded. "Kate's pissed. Elliot has a monster black eye – almost as bad as the one from their Labor Day accident. I'm glad both of you are in town. I used you as the reason I can't attend the family dinner at Esclava tonight for both the Kavanaghs and the Greys. Elliot and Kate are telling Carrick, Grace and Mia about their engagement."

I threw myself into unpacking and sorting my home office. I shut my mind off the best I could; loading the desk, setting up the printer and computer, rearranging bookshelves, positioning the rocker. I put the books from the sliding trays on the bookshelves in the living room. The sliding trays will go home with Dad to Montesano. They can use them under the bed to hold more linens and pillows.

Laura cleaned and organized the guest bathroom. She's put things away in the linen closet. Dad went shopping for replacement legs for the Laura Ashley chair. Laura recommends professionally steam cleaning the living room furniture. I search the concierge folder; find a company with a discount coupon and give them a call.

Before five; I've come to a decision. I email Robb Loeder and explain I plan to take the Copy Editor job. I ask for the rest of the week off; utilizing the bonus leave I earned with the Exceeds Expectations review at 90 days. I explain I would start the new position tomorrow; but I'm in the process of moving and I can't deal with anything else right now. I include my new address. I believe if I start the new position on Monday; fewer people will believe I'm taking advantage of Hyde and Morgan being fired.

Robb emailed within the hour and asked for a meeting at ten on Friday morning to sign paperwork, etc. He will conduct my 30-day review of the Editorial Reader position. I'm to email requests and negotiations for the copy editor position. More stress I don't need right now.

I email Mary. My emotions are in a quandary. I tell her about Kate and Elliot's engagement and switching condos with one another. Two days of packing, cleaning, moving, _SHOPPING_ …

I tell her I nibbled on breakfast because I was upset over Christian storming the condo this morning…. He also made no attempt to apologize for yelling at me. I explain I turned down a dinner invitation at Christian's condo.

I tell her about the excellent job offer which will utilize more of my abilities. Perhaps he's not trying to control me through the job offer. But that possibility is a paradigm shift from what I knew of him when we were together. He was too controlling. I know the attraction I feel for him is not enough to sustain a relationship. If we're going to do this…we have to start at the beginning and build a real relationship.

 **XX - CPOV**

"We have an issue," I informed Ros and my department heads. I told them about the SEC investigation into Hyde and Lincoln and how it involved GEH. "Hyde and Lincoln are looking to share their securities fraud charges with other people. He's blaming Anastasia Steele, an employee at Grey Publishing. Elena Lincoln is blaming me. SEC is investigating Oliva Blandino, Grey House, and Lauren Hudson, Grey Publishing, for giving proprietary information to Elena Lincoln. The SEC begins a review of Grey House books beginning tomorrow. I need each of you to be available if the investigators want to interview you. Andrea, provide a large, private conference room for their use. Ensure they have a plenty of beverages and a catered breakfast and lunch buffet every day they are here. GEH has nothing to hide. Any files the SEC wants to see are open to them, after Legal gets a signed nondisclosure agreement concerning our pending projects. HR, make sure they have two or three administrative assistants to help – perhaps one from M&A, one from Financial and one from Legal? Barney; I want them to have a dedicated, secure WIFI connection."

"Can do," Barney replied. "The analysis of Hyde and Morgan's computers will be finalized first thing tomorrow morning. Hudson's is done. There was nothing on it other than a few personal emails to Olivia Blandino. I printed and deleted them." He hands over a folder to me. "Grey Publishing IT will retrieve cleared electronics from my team by the end of the week and reinstall them as needed."

I peruse the emails and hand it off to HR. "File those with Hudson's HR file in case she decides to file a lawsuit against us."

"You're not worried?" Legal asked.

"About what?" I asked. "GEH is not a publically traded company. The funds acquired in buyouts were reinvested to strengthen the new acquisition's usefulness as a GEH subsidiary. GEH had nondisclosure agreements in place before we began mergers and acquisitions. If any of my staff committed securities fraud or facilitated securities fraud, like Oliva Blandino and Lauren Hudson, they will be fired with cause."

I dismiss everyone from the room except Andrea and Taylor. "Andrea, Taylor - I need one more task completed before the end of the day. I need a bottle of Bollinger Grande Année Rosé 1999. Here are the names of three takeout/delivery food places near Elliot's previous condo. I need a $100 gift certificate to all three, delivered with the champagne to Ana Steele at Elliot's condo. Taylor, please update Elliot's address to Kate Kavanagh's condo. Please update Ana's information at Elliot's old condo with Security. Andrea; I'll get a card written to go with the champagne delivery."

 **XX**

 _Ana – good luck in the new condo.  
Thank you for uprooting your life to help  
Elliot and Kate start their new life together.  
I am sorry I was an ass this morning…  
I'm just going to quote you…  
"I think I've had my fill of surprises." Christian_

 **XX**

"Christian," Ros entered my office at the end of the day. "We have to talk." She indicated Barney and Taylor standing at the door.

"Oh hell…come on in…the more the merrier. But we have to finish this discussion in the next fifteen minutes because I have a mandatory dinner with family." I said.

Barney spoke. "We have video proof Jack Hyde assaulted seven of his interns."

I sank back in my chair, speechless. Thoughts, fears, anger…I know they flashed across my face.

"Not Ana Steele," Ros said. "I'm concerned for her safety. I believe it is obvious what Jack Hyde had planned for her. I don't know if Hyde or Morgan know her involvement with the SEC; but I don't trust him. I think Jack Hyde is the worst sort of human and I would not put it past him to attempt contact with her. I would like her to have security…a bodyguard…until the SEC investigation and prosecution is completed."

"I think it's an excellent idea also," Taylor said. "However she does not want any of Mr. Grey's security following her. We have to devise an alternate solution. Barney has the videos and he will contact SPD after Welch contacts the interns."

 **XX - APOV**

The front desk called the condo to tell me there was a delivery. Dad went into protective mode and retrieved my 'delivery' from the front desk. "Champagne," He announced when he returned.

"Christian?" I asked.

"I didn't read the card Annie," he handed me the card and put the champagne in the refrigerator.

I read the card and sigh. "Well, he apologized for being an ass this morning. So," I fanned out the gift certificates. "Christian bought dinner for us for the rest of the week. Do you feel like Italian, gourmet sub sandwiches or barbeque for dinner tonight and lunch tomorrow?"

"Barbeque!" Dad and Laura shouted!

I reached for the concierge folder which held one of their flyers, offering ten percent off and free delivery for orders over $100.

 **XX - CPOV**

"Boss," Taylor interrupted my thoughts on the way home. "I have a situation I need to handle tonight. Ryan will be at the condo with you. I'll be back as soon as possible."

"Personal…or professional?" I asked Taylor.

"Personal, sir. Very personal," he said seriously.

"Take all the time you need. If you don't make it home tonight; let Ryan and Reynolds know." I said. "My family and Miss Kavanagh's family are coming to dinner. Should I ask Mrs. Jones to hold dinner for you?"

"No," he said. "I don't know how long I'll be…but please save me a piece of Gail's chocolate cake."

 **XX – Taylor's POV**

My contact at SPD meets me for an imported beer and a gourmet cheeseburger with all the fixings. He refuses to talk until we order. He has a Hawaiian burger plate with grilled pineapple and mango on his burger with Sweet Potato Fries. He orders a Newcastle Brown Ale. I order a Caprese Burger Plate. My ciabatta bun is toasted with garlic butter. There is heirloom tomatoes, mozzarella cheese and fresh basil on my burger. It is served with Italian greens tossed with a red wine vinaigrette. I order a Stella Artois Lager with it.

After we order and have a sip of our first beer, he shares his information. Mrs. Lincoln is still at SPD, awaiting arraignment for violating her no-contact order. The Washington Attorney General's Office, working with the U.S. Attorney General's Office, the SEC, the IRS and the SPD now have a three-prong legal attack against Mrs. Lincoln. First, the SEC will continue their investigation. Secondly, the IRS will seize her home, businesses, bank accounts, assets and her unclaimed offshore bank account which currently holds almost $10 million dollars. Thirdly, the SPD will charge her with 200 counts of promoting prostitution. The IRS doesn't like it, but they have to share the funds realized by seizure and sales with USAG, WAG, SEC and the SPD according to directives set down by the U.S. Attorney General's Office. Every agency gets a large slice of the Elena Lincoln financial pie.

A mysterious package containing a contact list of Lincoln's working girls, contact list of their clients, a spreadsheet of the funds the girls earned, pictures of the girls in action with clients, etc. arrived at SPD on January 3. First-degree promoting is a Class B felony; a fine of up to $20,000 and/or ten years in prison per charge. My contact laughs when he tells me the maximum sentence for promoting prostitution is 2000 years in prison and $4 million in fines. The DA doesn't want to move forward with the charges until they can arrest the girls and the clients…and right now, their holding cells are full after the holidays. Additionally; they have to prepare 225 arrest warrants, plea deals, and ensure they have enough evidence to make the charges stick. My contact promises to let me know when the arrests happen.

Currently the Washington Attorney General's Office will determine what to do with Mrs. Lincoln. The DA has to charge and arraign her for the no-contact order violation by January sixth. He predicts the IRS will charge her and seize assets before she is released on bail for the no-contact order.

I tell him what Barney found on a stand-alone drive at Jack Hyde's home. He says once Grey House speaks with the interns, I can contact him. The SEC charge against Hyde would keep him in a minimum security federal prison – a.k.a. Club Fed. With charges of cyber crmes, invasion of privacy, sexual assault and blackmail – the State of Washington will keep him out of Club Fed and put him in the state system…where inmates detest sexual predators. He recommends security and silence for all involved.

I smiled and gladly paid the tab for our beers and food.

 **XX - CPOV**

 _We're in the elevator at Grey Annex; I could feel the connection; Ana felt it also. She threw herself at me and kissed me._

" _That was...unexpected," I stammered._

 _"What's wrong with being in the moment," she asked._

" _Nothing," I said. "I wish you had given me some warning so I could shut off the CCTV in the elevator."_

" _That was your warning..." She knelt and yanked my pants and boxers down, spreading my legs to get closer to my body. She went wild on my southern gentleman, licking; sucking; kissing; moaning while swallowing hard on me. She looked up at me through her lashes as she took me deep into her mouth over and over._

" _Oh fuck, baby," I moaned, flattening my hands against the elevator wall instead of fisting them in her hair. "I'm going to come if you don't stop that." I moaned and tried not to wiggle my hips, trying not to thrust into her hot, wet, velvet mouth. I watched her pouty, pink lips press against my cock. I felt her breasts brush against my thighs. I felt her silky hair caressing my groin. "I mean it Ana, if you don't want me to come in your mouth, you have to stop..." and I felt my warm release fill her mouth..._

…and then a cold emptiness washed over me when I realized Ana was not in my bed...but haunting my mind. After working out in the home gym, showering and dressing; I'm working in my home office when dawn crawls over the horizon. I have three documents open on my desktop. As thoughts flow through my head…I'm jotting them down. Elliot's wedding, Ana's security, items to discuss with John and getting Friday night appointments with Sela. Mrs. Jones refreshes my coffee and checks to see what I want for breakfast. She says breakfast will be ready in 20 minutes. Reynolds is ready to leave when I am.


	38. Chapter 38

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 38** – Her karma train derailed…there were massive injuries…and no survivors.

 **January 4 - CPOV**

Taylor was back this morning, looking like hell. He called for a cab to bring him home because he was celebrating something with someone. He promised to brief me later. Reynolds took me to work. Once I have confirmation Ana moved half of her savings account to checking; I am appalled. Elliot and Kate have never lived on a budget. I am sure Ana and Ray didn't tell them this move would take over half of Ana's available cash. Damn it! If she just would forgive me and move to Escala - she wouldn't need to buy furniture from consignment or antique stores. I'm glad Elliott is only charging her $600 a month like she was paying at Kate's condo, but still, she has home association fees she didn't have before. A check for $2700 for first, last, deposit and first quarter home association fees took a lot of her available cash.

 **XX**

"I'm a fuck up John...and that's not self-loathing talking. That's honesty. I held myself to immutable ideas of what success would be for me. All those charitable donations were just guilt because I was such as ass. I hated Ana saw me for what I was...but I loved it also because it meant I could be free to be me around her. The exercise control in all things...it was just obsessive compulsive need to have perfection...the night terrors were realization that I was human, and fallible."

John doesn't say anything; he just lets me talk.

"If Ana and I are in therapy and getting the help we need, and figure out what we want...then maybe we can build a relationship that lasts for the rest our days." I said hopefully.

"Why do you think Ana was able to touch you?" John asked.

"Because I trusted her not to hurt me." I said. "But the longer we don't discuss our situation, our relationship, the self-doubts come back and I wonder if she ever wanted me at all. Am I…obsessed…with her because I can't have her? Is what I feel for her real, or am I being a five-year-old who wants all of the Halloween candy in his sack? Too much of a good thing?"

"Obsessed…perhaps. I think you've made monumental strides since before and after you met her. You have to decide if you're going forward with touch therapy for her…or are you doing it for yourself?" He paused. "Unless it's for you, it's not going to take. I will admit I had doubts about you tearing out the playroom. I worried one night of drinking and self-loathing and you'd be back at Locke and Keyes either watching scenes or seeking a new submissive. I am heartened you've been strong enough to admit the BDSM lifestyle was mostly a coping mechanism for you."

"There's more," I admitted to him. I tell him about Taylor and Isaac demolishing Elena's playroom with the help of Dominick and Louis from Locke and Keyes. I tell him about her blackmail materials which Taylor destroyed. I tell him about her future arrest as a madam.

"What does that mean for you," John asked.

"I believe it is time for us to discuss how I come to terms with the possibility that she molested me. Taylor was furious she kept pictures from her time with me as a possible insurance policy." I said. "I realized while I miss Ana so much I can't stand it; – I will always be grateful to her for being the impetus to clear out the playroom, contracts and insurance pictures. I've seriously thought about this since I found out Leila accessed the safe. Would she have used the information to blackmail me into a relationship with her?"

John sighed. "Are you sure Ana will never reveal what she knows about you, Elena, the lifestyle, Leila, etc.?"

"I know she won't…and it's not because she signed an NDA. For six months she's worked with the SEC to bring down Hyde and Lincoln…and she never hinted at it to anyone. She's so strong." I admire her quiet courage and her inner strength. She may not see how strong she is, but I know.

"She certainly is. I think she may be afraid of the depth of her feelings for you…but I sincerely doubt she's afraid of you." John laughed.

I outlined what is going on at Grey House, Grey Publishing, the terminations of staff and Ros's assertion Ana needs a close protection detail until the SEC issue is resolved.

"You can't insist Ana accept a bodyguard," John said.

"I'm not…I'm staying out of it. Ros is tackling that issue." I said.

 **January 5**

"Loeder," I shook his hand.

"Mr. Grey," he shook my hand. "Good morning. How can Grey Publishing HR help you today?"

"Settle in for a disturbing read." I hand him the background interviews Welch conducted with Hyde's interns. I also gave him a list of the dates of the sexual assault videos Jack Hyde stored on his drive.

"Ditto," he handed me the exit interviews for Blandino, Hudson and Morgan. Loeder said once Hyde claimed Ana's career manipulations caused his termination, Loeder terminated the interview.

Morgan's exit interview was the rantings of a delusional mind. She let Jack Hyde use and abuse her. She turned a blind eye to his sexual harassment and sexual assaults of his interns because he told her the interns were lying, and swore his fidelity to her. She blamed Ana for morale problems at GP. She blamed Ana's inability to complete a simple task like making and serving coffee as the reason they had to hire a clerical trainee. She blamed Ana's attitude for the reason why Hudson would not cooperate with her. I suspect Elena counseled Hudson, via her friend Blandino, to mess with Ana.

Morgan was livid Ros interfered in Ana's 180-day review. She facilitated Ana's Editorial Reader job which gave her a reason to stay at GP. Jack was furious because Ana was not fired. Ros put Lauren Hudson in Ana's position but not as an intern, but as support staff, which irked Morgan and Hyde. An intern worked 'at will' and Hyde could fire her any time. Support staff had specific line items to follow before termination could occur.

With Ros championing Ana; Hyde left her alone. Once Hudson worked as Hyde's support staff, he used her to get information from Blandino…and used Morgan's money to buy stocks. I owe Ros a long weekend in New York with a hefty credit line for helping GEH/GP get rid of the four of them. Ana accuses me of living in an ivory tower…she really doesn't know Roach that well. That man turned a deaf, mute, blind eye to Hyde and Morgan's shenanigans …at least until Ana came along.

Blandino claimed she did not know Elena Lincoln was persona non-grata at GEH or in my life. She threatened to have her father's lawyer sue me for wrongful termination. HR explained she broke her work contract by using GEH email for personal reasons. She broke her non-disclosure agreement by talking about GEH business with Elena Lincoln. She had been arrested by the SEC for insider trading. GEH agreed to not share that information to her father's political opponents if she continued to cooperate with the SEC.

Hudson's exit interview claimed Ana knew what a sleaze Hyde was; and by not turning him in to HR; she facilitated his preying on staff. Hudson claimed Hyde learned about her friendship with Blandino and used it as leverage to force her to give him information about new Grey House projects. She threatened to expose Ana and my relationship if she did not receive a decent severance package. After questioning by HR; Hudson admitted she never saw any impropriety between Ana and anyone, let alone me. She just believed what Morgan and Hyde suggested about a relationship between Ana and me…using Ana's parking spot as proof I used Grey Publishing as a career move for my girlfriend. HR explained there would be no severance package due to the SEC investigation.

It took Loeder most of an hour to read all of Welch's reports. Only seven interns would talk to Welch, and it cost $50K with an updated non-disclosure agreement for each of them. Three quit at their 90-day review when Hyde propositioned them in exchange for a better evaluation. Four stayed until the end of their internship but said they'd never do it again. They felt he made their lives a miserable hell once they gave into his sexual demands. They said Jack Hyde used the videos to blackmail them into participating weekly in his sex games. As interns, they had no support system, not Hyde, not Morgan, not Roach. Each of them received a 'does not meet expectations' 180-day review. But instead of agreeing to an extended sexual relationship with Jack Hyde to change the evaluations to something more equitable…they just quit and moved to where they did not have to claim their internship on job applications.

"Did anyone have a clue this was occurring?" Loeder asked, dumfounded.

"I think Ana Steele suspected she wasn't safe around Jack Hyde," I said.

"Morgan's exit interview was quite heated. She blames Miss Steele for Jack Hyde's termination, Lauren Hudson's termination and her termination. She said you needed a position for your girlfriend and used SIP and then Grey Calendars to cover for you and Miss Steele's liaisons. She claims Miss Steele's weekly lunches with your sister are just a cover." Loeder swallowed hard. "She asserted you've been seeing Miss Steele since she graduated from WSUV and moved to Seattle at the end of May last year."

"Loeder, I don't discuss my personal life, and I know Ana doesn't discuss hers. I am not the reason she got the job at SIP. What I say to you now stays behind closed doors. Barney found evidence Hyde was hacking staff emails and then he found the sex videos. We've turned the information we have about Hudson, Morgan and Blandino helping Jack Hyde commit insider trading over to the SEC. We intend to hand the information we found about Jack Hyde assaulting his interns over to the SPD Sex Crimes Unit."

"Oh," Loeder said.

"Did Ana accept the position as Copy Editor?" I ask.

"Yes, but she has conditions," Loeder laid out Ana's demands.

"I tried to get her to work for GEH. She's a very good negotiator and would have been an asset in our M&A team. I want to offer her a signing bonus for staying at GP. I think if given the opportunity, she will be an excellent editor and will work hard for GP." I slid a piece of paper to him. "Top line is her signing bonus. We have offered signing bonuses before. Hyde and Morgan's behaviors endangered us with possible lawsuits, as you read in Welch's reports." I said. "Bottom line is the yearly salary for a starting copy editor. You may negotiate that salary to a 2.5 percent increase."

"So I'm to present this amount as a signing bonus?" Loeder asked.

"If she questions the signing bonus; show her the costs for the last three national searches we conducted. Explain her acceptance means GP doesn't have to conduct a national search, provide transportation or per diem for candidates, or pay relocation fees. Additionally, we're not negotiating salary and benefits with an editor who is being culled from their current publishing house."

I slid another piece of paper to him. "Perks of Ana's job include paid parking, free use of the Grey Annex gym, and tuition, fees and books paid for twelve hours of classes per semester until she obtains her master's degree. Grey House will pay tuition to professional development workshops and seminars. Ana will receive a new smart phone and laptop from GP. She has flexible work hours - as long as she puts in 40 hours per week; we don't care if she does four nines and a four, or four tens, or five eights. As long as she gets the job done; we don't care how she puts in the hours. Remind Ana GEH personnel are allowed paid leave time for community service, up to eight hours a quarter. I know she hasn't utilized it yet, and I believe that might be because of Jack Hyde and Elizabeth Morgan. That includes blood drives, working for food banks, her reading corners at public events, etc. Her leave time increases to 10 hours per month for sick leave and 15 hours per month for annual leave; accessible for her use after 90 days now that she's part of middle management. Her insurance was viable after her 180-day review in December. She is also eligible to sign up for a 401K program."

Loeder took notes while I continued.

"GP accepts and understands Ana wants to stay in her current office. The empty support staff cubicle close to her office is for her support staff. Start a search for support staff for Ana, but don't announce it until Monday. I'd like the search to take one week – offered to GEH employees first, public second. I want a minimum of ten candidates. Absolutely no one who has ties to Blandino, Hudson, Morgan or Hyde will be considered for the position. No one who uses Esclava Salons will be considered. Security will run background checks before we narrow the list to the top ten candidates. There are established work performance standards and minimum qualifications for the position. You, Ana and Amber Aragon from GP are on the interview panel. I want Ana to have support staff before the end of January. They are to be trained by Amber and work with Ana. Thank you for your work to update the GP procedure manual."

"Miss Steele requested we set her hours from nine to six so she has time to use the gym in the morning," Loeder noted. "I didn't think it was an issue. She would prefer not to be responsible for the author launch at the end of March in Las Vegas. She believes GP Marketing and Grey Calendars will handle it more effectively. She is willing to attend in order to receive training, but she does not feel she's trained to handle it."

"Acceptable," I said. _Personally I'm pleased she's using Grey Annex gym instead of paying for a gym membership or running in bad weather. If I can find out where she volunteers for community service, I might be able to arrange a serendipitous encounter. I'm also pleased she's not going to Las Vegas without my security making arrangements. Especially since Mia's going…I don't want Ana corrupted any more than she's already been corrupted by Elliot and Kate. I ought to ask if Elliot wants ownership of Kate's condo as a wedding present?_

 **January 6 – 3PPOV**

"Elena," Linc sighed when his secretary put through Elena's call. He heard she had been arrested. She probably wanted bail money and he wasn't playing that game with her. "Which minor deity did I piss off to earn a call from the Bitch from Hell?"

"Not funny, Linc," Elena snapped. "I'm not in the mood for your bullshit right now."

"Careful, Magdalena," his cold voice took on Dom dimensions. "I don't have to talk to you at all; I can hang up quite easily and ruin your one phone call for the day. I have a right to know who I pissed off to endure this call."

"I need help," Elena said. "I don't have anyone else to ask."

"What kind of help; because financial help is out of the question." Linc announced.

"It's this damned SEC investigation; now they've talked to the IRS. The IRS seized my assets – the house and its contents, the businesses and their assets, plus my personal bank accounts. I'm going to be charged with tax evasion. I have money, I just need a place to stay where the SEC or the IRS can't harass me until I go to court. Can I live in your pool house until I can get this mess sorted?"

"Will I get charged with aiding and abetting?" Linc asked calmly.

"No, once you sign the agreement the SPD faxes to you; I'll be fitted with an ankle monitor and released on bail. I have 24 hours to leave my house, with 30 days of clothes, a dozen pairs of shoes and purses and one car. They are taking all my jewelry except one watch and a pair of gold stud earrings." She deliberately omitted telling him she was being released on bail for breaking Christian's no-contact order. That would piss Linc off and he wouldn't help her.

Elena didn't know whether to be pissed at Isaac or thank him. He stole her nest egg from the safe, but he cleared out the dungeon and all the evidence of her side business including the hard drive from her server and her laptop. Thank god that information was gone from the house so she wasn't arrested for promoting prostitution. She signed paperwork with a bail bondsman this morning. She used the prepaid Visa card number she had memorized. The card was safely tucked away in her locker at her tennis club with two more prepaid cards, and an emergency stash of cash in a backpack. She also had a backup flash drive with all her business and financial information. She was amazed $1M cash fit inside a backpack the size of a grocery shopping bag, and weighed about 20 pounds. She needed to empty her tennis locker before the IRS decided to raid it too.

"Normally, I'd tell you to go fuck yourself, Elena, but I feel magnanimous today. Once the SPD faxes me the agreement; I'll sign and fax back. You need to come to my office for the key to the pool house and the code to the gate. You will be restricted to the pool house. You don't enter my home, garages, tool shed, wine cellar, staff quarters, etc. You do not entertain any of your men or run your stable from my property. You will not whip, spank or fuck any underage boys on my property. You will not have access to my WIFI – so plan to go down the road to Starbucks or McDonalds and use theirs. I will not wine you, dine you, or associate with you. You are responsible for your own cooking, housekeeping, laundry, etc. Should I have guests who entertain me by swimming naked in my enclosed pool – you will stay in the pool house with the drapes drawn or leave the property." Linc warned her. "All those rules will be printed and you will sign your agreement or you will not receive the key to my pool house."

"Thank you," Elena accepted the terms he offered. "I have one more favor to ask…"

"If you are asking me to go talk to Christian Grey or any of the Grey family; the answer is no." Linc said. "I know you were arrested for violating a no-contact order for Christian Grey. I enjoyed seeing the video of your arrest on the Kavanagh Media website. It was more entertaining than the one where you were arrested by the SEC. You're not very popular…are you?"

"I need a burner phone, a burner laptop and an electronic scanner to check for bugs and trackers. I can't stop to buy any of them," Elena said.

"I'll call an IT guy I know and have them delivered to the house. The housekeeper will pay for them. You will repay her when you arrive. I'll tell my housekeeper you will be incoming today." Linc said. "I need to get back to work." He hung up and listened for the fax machine to beep at him.

Linc called his lawyer. "Lincoln here. I need you to review an agreement the SPD faxed me. They want to put the ex-Mrs. Lincoln under house arrest using my pool house. She will pay for the costs incurred for the monitoring device and monitoring service. No; I haven't gotten soft in my old age. I just want to be around for the show when they arrest her and haul her off. Tell them they don't need to storm the gates – I'll gladly let them at any time of the day or night. Give them my cell number; I'll open the gates for them, give them guided tour and provide hot coffee and fresh donuts." He paused. "As quick as it hits my desk, I'll send it to you. Once I have your approval; I'll sign and send it back. I estimate she'll be at my place within the next 24 hours."

That part of his plan set in motion – he would arrange for overnight company. Tomorrow morning, he was going to stand in front of his floor to ceiling bedroom window which looked out over the pool and pool house. He would smile because Elena was in dire straits, again – while he was getting a blowjob from a naked, pert and pretty young blonde who would be blindfolded, hands restrained in thigh cuffs while he used a flogger on her back and ass.

Elena had forgotten she was Linc's submissive. All her pleasure and her body belonged to him. He knew beating the hell out of her and breaking her arm when he threw her down the stairs hurt her less than invoking the prenuptial agreement which left her destitute with the clothes on her back and the cash in her purse. Of course, she never told the police he punished her for breaking their marriage vows…and their BDSM contract. He ran as fast as possible to get his health check done… he wasn't about to catch a disease which wouldn't die by use of antibacterial soap or antibiotics.

Elena knew how to suck a man's spine out through his cock while purloining his pocket. He suspected Grey was not her first playmate; but he never caught her fucking around until he caught her with Grey. Linc wasn't an ugly man; he was still in excellent physical shape, and he had money…but if he had Grey's looks, physique and money… he would never have wasted time fucking an old slapper like Elena. He would have worked his way through every sorority on Harvard's campus, and nailed a goodly number of the local high school cheerleaders. Grey seemed to have come to his senses since he terminated their business partnership, and he had no-contact orders against her which he had no qualms about utilizing.

 **XX – 3PPOV**

Taylor's friend at SPF told him about the IRS seizure of Elena's assets. She was released with an ankle monitor to Lawrence Lincoln's property. He told Taylor the SPD was not ready to arrest Elena for her madam crimes. He recommended Mr. Grey stay away from Elena Lincoln at all costs.

 **Friday, January 6 - APOV**

I'm as settled as can be in the condo. It's going to take a month to get used to my new routine here. Utilities are in my name; the cable guy activated my account and hooked up electronics. The upholstery people cleaned the chairs. Dad and Elliot finished sealing off the balcony with Plexiglas last night. I used the gourmet subs voucher to feed the five of us. While Dad and Elliot worked on the balcony, Kate and Laura 'helped' me organize the closet in the master bedroom. Actually, Kate and Laura brainstormed wedding ideas and I sorted and organized the closet. It's almost twice the size of the one I had at Kate's condo. Dad took pity on my petite ass and bought a stepstool just for the closet.

Dad and Laura left for Montesano this morning after they let Kate know they've checked out of the Fairmont Olympia. Dad requests I call Mom about the SEC/Christian/Harley situation before the news goes national. I just can't deal right now. I tell Dad I'm taking the new job. I explain my weekends are going to be busy for a while with Kate and Elliot's wedding. Dad says I'm always welcome whether it's for a few hours or overnight. Laura wants to teach him how to Skype, and we can always call or email. They will come to Seattle over Presidents Day and Easter.

I dress appropriately and go to Grey Publishing to meet with Robb Loeder. I sent him my negotiations early yesterday morning. We cover my 30-day Editorial Reader review first. I sign, he signs and we talk about my future position. Since I achieved an exceeds standards; I'm eligible for a 2.5 percent raise. It changes the base pay for the Copy Editor position.

I'm shocked when he hands me a signing bonus and I'm shocked at the amount. I try not to take it; but he assures me it is standard operating procedures for a Grey Enterprises Holdings company. I ask him, nothing personal, to prove that. He accesses a database and shows it to me. Okay, so I'm a little paranoid. GEH does provide signing bonuses; especially if they don't have to conduct national searches to fill positions.

He explains the rationale for the signing bonus. In addition to the signing bonus, I'm offered work issue laptop and a new smart phone. Both are set to access the company servers and email. The phone is preprogrammed for Grey Publishing, Grey Security and Grey Calendars in addition to half a dozen coworkers, Robb Loeder and Mr. Roach. I will have Shawn and Harley take a look at them to ensure they don't have a tracking program. Additionally, I want the upgraded firewall installed at my new condo. Robb agrees to let me keep my parking spot in the Grey Annex parking level. I tell him it has better CCTV coverage than the space Jack Hyde had. I know Christian will approve. Robb explains the rest of the perks for my job.

Then he offers an amount for my new position. I agree, and we sign the papers. He will get me new business cards and a door sign. Additionally, he is working on my support staff position. Because of time constraints, with searching for the new electronic publishing editor and their support staff; he hopes we can interview at least ten applicants next week. He would like us to reach a decision by Friday, and have my support staff onboard two weeks after that. He hands me 20 file folders and asks me to list my top ten candidates for him. I peruse them; separating them into go/no go piles. The first three I cull are young women who sound like Lauren Hudson in their application paragraph. I can't help it. Once I have ten; I align them in order. I have the rest of the weekend to get settled at the condo.

I call Mom and tell her about my new job. It started as one of the best conversations we've had in a while. I tell her about Kate and Elliot's engagement. She's excited I am living in Elliot's old condo and because I will be Kate's maid of honor. I do a walk-through of the condo with the laptop; showing her how it is decorated. She thinks it is too shabby chic, and says I should have asked Kate or her for decorating advice. I tell Mom it is comfortable and suits me. The conversation disintegrates into my Mother and I frustrated with each other.

Shawn and Harley come over to help me christen the place and celebrate my new job. They brought oriental takeout; I served the champagne. We talked about Kate and Elliot's engagement, my future tasks as Maid of Honor, and decorating my new office at work. We talk about Christian. I told Harley I'm open to dating if Christian asks. Otherwise, I'm not interested in dating anyone else. He said the only thing he needs to discuss with me regarding the SEC investigations is the date of the trials. Then he settles down to work on the new work laptop, smart phone and establishing a firewall for the Internet at the new condo. He recommends using the work laptop at work and using my personal laptop for home. He recommends flash drives to move work back and forth from office to home instead of emailing items. He recommends a red case for the work phone, and keeping it on an annoying ringtone.

Shawn and I go to the closets and talk about clothes. He explains until I can take professional development classes, I need to watch professional development segments on _You Tube_ and search for online professional development webinars. He also recommends watching some _You Tube_ segments on dressing professionally. He accesses _You Tube_ , and types in professional attire – we watch a video on building your wardrobe with basic pieces. He shows me hairstyle and makeup segments, recommending I watch while sitting in front of a mirror. I can pause the video and practice the steps as needed.

 **XX - CPOV**

"Welcome back," Sela greeted me with a left hand shake. "Are you ready to begin again?"

"Yes," I said, stripping off my sweatshirt. I have the torso bandage on. I know Sela is only going to massage my hands and arms, but I don't want there to be any barriers. "Just remind me how you do it."

"When I massage I can reopen old wounds, reveal trauma, or hear unspoken truths. I can tell by skin tone, muscle tension, voice intonation, body language, gestures and quality of contact how you are doing in a session. It takes conscious commitment to change your reactions to touch. You cannot rewrite your beginning…but you can create your ending."

"You're not disappointed because I have to restart this process?" I asked.

"Christian, trust the process." Sela said. "You've started…and you had to stop because of personal reasons. You restarted and had to stop because of the holidays. I have faith you will complete the process. You can start as many times as you need to. We can repeat sections of your body until you are comfortable with them. Just do not give up on yourself."

 _I'm determined to do this. I want to loathe Elena; but I can't._ _She used my mother to get to me. She lied to me. She isolated me from my family and from having real friends. Although I ended our D/s relationship - she kept me dependent on her to vet subs for me by preying on my fear of exposure. She used her contacts with my family to illegally buy stocks in my M &A companies. Knowing she pumped Oliva for information, encouraged Lauren Hudson to cause problems for Ana…yes, I want to heal. I want to show Ana she can trust her heart, her body, her life with me…and it will give me so much pleasure to flaunt a normal relationship with Ana in Elena Lincoln's face._

I tell Sela about playing football against Elliot, Ethan and Eamon. Taylor, Dad and I kicked butt. Dad was shocked I suggested it. We were playing and I wasn't screaming bloody murder if someone inadvertently touched me. Of course, I had on a thick t-shirt and sweatshirt, and Mom made us play flag football but Taylor and Dad played good defense.

When we do the 10-minute hold, Sela has questions about the SEC investigation. I answer her as best as I can. I didn't tell Sela about Elliot's black eye. I told John about it on Wednesday night. John counseled me about purging my emotions through fisticuffs instead of asking questions and getting to the bottom of the situation. John thought Ray Steele threatening to toss me off the balcony was rather funny... _Asshole_.


	39. Chapter 39

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 39 –** "It's insecurity that is always chasing you and standing in the way of your dreams." Vin Diesel

 **January 7- APOV**

My Christian dream was vivid, but weird. We're at an amusement park. We have stolen kisses at the top of the Ferris wheel, and holding hands while walking around. He wins a vibrant blue-eyed teddy bear; which he swears reminds him of me. He leaves me standing by the gate to the Tunnel of Love while he goes off to get tickets. He doesn't return, which wakes me up. What the hell is that about?

Dream interpretation of an amusement park? _You need to relax._ Cryptic much? Receiving a teddy bear as a gift? _Companionship, trust and security._ I snort…literally … _Ana, you're doing too much research and thinking. Go for a run and clear your damn head._ I don't know where to run around here. Key, phone, pepper spray… I'm going for a walk to clear my head and find out what is in the neighborhood.

 **XX**

"I just can't deal any longer," Kate moaned at lunch. "I need to hire a professional organizer and turn her loose on the condo, and then the storage unit at Grey Construction. Unless she steals half of my shoes; she's worth every penny we pay her. Mia, do you know someone?"

"I'll find someone for you," she promised. "I'll start looking on Monday and try to have someone vetted before the weekend."

"We need a cook/housekeeper too," Kate said. "I don't cook, Elliot doesn't clean. The temporary staff is only available until the end of the month. I ordered bed and bath linens from Amazon, along with kitchen items. Security says there's a plethora of boxes at the condo. Who wants to come home with me and open boxes?"

"Don't look at me," I said. "I'm just barely organized myself. I'm not going shopping or sorting purchases with anyone for any reason. I'm not that desperate for company." I said. "I need to spend time prepping for my new…"

"You must be desperate for news about Baby Bird if you are hanging out with his mother and sister. Trust me; don't depend on the Grey family to save your ass or make you happy. They fuck up everyone's life," Jack Hyde set his empty scotch glass down. It was obvious he drank his lunch again today; slurring his words.

"Baby bird…" Grace's voice dropped to a disturbingly low octave…lower than a mother bear growl…and higher than a Klingon war cry. "Baby bird…" her voice shrieked this time…higher than the whine of an overheated engine… sharper and more annoying than a smoke alarm.

Sawyer stepped up to her. "Dr. T.; is this man bothering you?"

"YES," her voice hissed like she was speaking Parseltongue. "Remove him…and notify security if you need help."

Sawyer dragged Hyde away from the table by the arm and the back of the neck. Hyde shouted profanities at Sawyer and struggled to get away, but he was too drunk to effect an escape.

Grace glared at me. "How long have you known that man?"

"He's my ex-boss." I admitted. "Hyde was fired from Grey Publishing on Tuesday; along with his friend, Elizabeth Morgan, the HR Director, and his support staff, Lauren Hudson."

"Lauren Hudson, the good friend of Olivia Blandino, the senator's daughter?" Grace asked. "Olivia Blandino who was fired on Tuesday by Christian."

"How did you know?" I asked, surprised.

"Olivia was introduced to me by Elena Lincoln," Grace's eyes narrowed. "Elena recommended Liv and Lauren work on the Coping Together gala. Well, now I know who to cut from the committees. I'll just ask who uses her salons and who is socializing with her. They'll be turfed before the committee convenes."

"We'll help," Kate asserted, staring at both Mia and me until we nodded.

Sawyer returned to the table. "He just left."

"You have his license plate number?" Grace asked.

"Yes," Sawyer said.

"Call the police and report a drunk driver." Grace ordered.

"He lives near Pike Place Market. I don't know where," I said.

"I do," Sawyer said, reaching for his phone. He called the police and reported a drunk driver just left Elliott Bay Brewery and Pub. He described Hyde's car and the direction he was headed. When Sawyer ended the call, he asked Grace what Hyde said to them. Once she repeated the conversation, Sawyer stared at her. "Baby Bird? You're sure he said Baby Bird?"

"Yes, it's a nickname Christian's foster mother in Detroit had for him. It was from a favorite book she read to him at bedtime." Grace explained.

"Mr. Grey received a threatening note before his helicopter crashed. The note called him Baby Bird. We never asked him about it because we get hundreds of weird letters and emails for him every month." Sawyer said. "Before the crash, we shredded and incinerated threats after scanning them to our server. Since the crash, Security been fingerprinting all letters and messages; trying to find a match to the partial fingerprint we found in the engine compartment." Sawyer caught a look on my face. "What?"

I pointed at the glass. "Hyde's glass…it has his fingerprints on it."

"Damn!" Sawyer swore, loudly. Again, everyone in the pub stared at us. I thought I saw several cell phones taping us. I thanked God for the personal audio jammer which Harley gave me. I'm using a lot of rechargeable batteries with it - but I feel more comfortable when it's switched on.

Grace calmly reached into her purse and pulled out a pair of latex gloves. She slid them on quickly and carefully positioned her fingers inside the glass, lifting it off the table, wrapping her left thumb and forefinger around the base of the glass. She poured the ice cubes on her plate; dropping the glass inside the plastic Ziploc bag which held the gloves. She sealed it and handed it off to Sawyer. "Where is Christian?"

"His home office," Sawyer replied. "He had an appointment with Bastille this morning; but he's at Escala."

"Explain his father and I are coming over. Do not tell him anything which transpired in the last 30 minutes, understand?" Grace asked.

"Understood Dr. T." Sawyer responded.

"Give the glass to Taylor. Tell him to check for fingerprints and DNA if possible," Grace said. "Kate and Ana, it was lovely having lunch with you, but there's a situation…" She busied herself; texting Carrick.

"Miss Steele, I need you to go with Miss Kavanagh to her condo. Until Jack Hyde is behind bars…" Sawyer started to order me.

"Not just no, but hell no," I said.

"Either you go with Miss K, or I'm going to Taser you; throw you over my shoulder and take you to Escala." Sawyer threatened me. "Then I'll call your father and tell him what I did and why I did it."

"Sheer force does not always win the battle. Think before you threaten me next time. I'm not being bitchy; I'm explaining why I'm not following your orders. I'm not going anywhere near Pike Place Market in case Hyde is still driving around. Kate and Mia can come hang out at my condo. You may stand guard outside the condo. Take my offer or not." I pushed my uneaten food away, and threw a $20 bill on the table. Great…now I get to tell Mary why I didn't eat a healthy lunch and ate ice cream instead.

"I already paid for your lunch," Sawyer tried to hand the $20 back to me.

"It's a tip for our waitress who's standing behind you; trying not to listen to our conversation. We've gathered enough attention for the day; let's get out of here and let the girl do her job." I found my car keys. "Come on Kate. Come on Mia. I've got cheesecake ice cream in the freezer and _Project Runway_ on cable."

"Do you want me to send Elliot to Escala when he gets home from paintball?" Kate asked Grace.

"No, this is going to be a difficult conversation between Christian, Carrick, Flynn and I along with Christian's security." Grace said. "I've asked Carrick to bring something from our home and meet me at Escala."

"When the coast is clear; I need to go to Grey Annex and do some work." Mia explained to Sawyer.

 **XX - CPOV**

Mom explained Jack Hyde came over to the table at the pub today. He was drunk and called me _Baby Bird_. She explained I was placed in a foster home in Detroit for a three-month period after my mother died, and before the adoption was finalized. They were already approved to adopt by the State of Michigan because of Elliot. However, the wait was required by law to see if I had any living relatives who wanted to claim me. "Baby Bird is a name from a kid's book, Christian. The Colliers had it. It was called … _Are You My Mother?_ " Mom explained.

"I thought I didn't remember anything from that time…but I remember I loved that book. Mrs. Collier used to read it to me. I remember the food. Mrs. Collier was an excellent cook and caring foster mother." I said.

"We have two pictures from that time," Dad handed over photos.

The first photo is of a shabby white house with a cheerful yellow front door and a large gabled window in the roof. It has a porch and a small front yard. It's an ordinary, unremarkable house. The second photo is of a family - a blue-collar family - a man and his wife and four children.

The adults are both dressed in blue T-shirts and jeans. They appear to be in their forties. The woman has a blonde ponytail, and the man has a severe buzz-cut. However, they both smile warmly at the camera. The man has hands draped over the shoulders of two boys - identical twins, about twelve - both with sandy blonde hair, grinning broadly at the camera. It's not hard to recognize the other small, reddish-blonde boy, who's scowling at the camera. It's Jack Hyde. Standing; almost hiding behind Mrs. Collier, is a copper-haired gray-eyed little boy. The picture captured him; wide-eyed and scared, dressed in mismatched clothes and clutching a child's dirty blanket. Fuck. I know I was four when Ella died. But I look much younger in this picture. I handed it off to Welch.

"I never wanted you to see that picture," Mom said.

"Is Hyde in this picture?" Welch asked.

"Yes, he's the redhead." Dad replied.

"John Thomas Hyde's mother was an alcoholic who had her parental rights revoked. The Colliers were the third foster home for him in 1988. He was eight when you were four." Welch said. "Would he sabotage your helicopter because the Greys adopted you instead of him?" Welch asked me.

"Who knows?" I know my tone is bitter. "Did he know I was seeing Ana before her job interview with SIP? Did he plan to hurt her in order to punish me?"

"We believe so. Barney found the WSUV picture on Hyde's drive in a file marked Ana. He had pictures of her from Coping Together with Ethan Kavanagh, from the GP Open House, and from Safe Streets. He had the _Seattle Times_ news article Kate wrote about their Christmas tea. He had a copy of Ana's request for leave the day after your helicopter crashed along with a newspaper report of the accident. Barney has been tracking his phone history and knows he called her very late the night you went missing."

I stared at him in astonishment.

"I suspect Ray Steele's presence at her condo the following day kept Hyde away from her. His notes indicate he gave Morgan orders to a bad 30-day review for Ana, which was discovered by GEH HR the week of the SIP staff interviews. It was overturned by them and Maxwell Roach. Roach attended her 90-day review. Ros inadvertently attended the 180-day review which resulted in Ana getting a job which pulled her out of Hyde's clutches and had Ros championing her. Given her resemblance to other interns he had…and given his history with other interns…we think he planned to assault her and ensure you knew about it as a way of hurting both her and you." Welch said.

"Now that we know he originated in Detroit and graduated from high school in Chicago; we can get more background on him. We know he came to Seattle over five years ago. He was working for a publishing house on the East Coast before he was poached by Maxwell Roach to work for SIP. I believe he probably took the job with SIP in Seattle after he learned the Grey family lived here. I believe he searched for information on your family – where you were vulnerable, etc. However, you were a multi-millionaire by then and had security teams in place for you and your family. We won't know until Barney finishes his analysis of Hyde's home computer."

"These are your adoption papers," Dad handed a folder to me.

I examine the paperwork in detail. Christian McGregor Crawford, born June 18, 1984 at the Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit to Ella Anne Crawford. No father listed. First pregnancy for mother, age 20. Occupation, student. Ella's death certificate is dated July 10, 1988. She was 24, born May 1, 1965 in Indianapolis, Indiana. All information regarding Ella's background was provided by the Michigan Department of Health and Human Services. On September 15, 1988; Christian McGregor Crawford legally became Christian Trevelyan Grey, adopted by Carrick James Grey and Grace Gabrielle Trevelyan Grey.

 _McGregor?_ _"Not now Maggot," Ella said. I wonder if McGregor was my biological father's last name. It might explain why I'm a redhead while Ella was a brunette._

Dad handed over a copy of the police jacket for Ella. Arrested once for solicitation when I was 18 months old; Ella Anne Crawford was sentenced to 120 hours of community service at the local Catholic thrift store and food bank. Her arrest report shows a petite brunette with long hair. It was obviously taken before she became a drug addict. Her eyes are bright and she appears healthy.

As part of her sentence, Ella was required to present a health report to the court before 30 days lapsed. Ella was tested for STDs and I was given my immunizations at a free clinic in Detroit. Ella's caseworker at the Welfare office included a snapshot of me at the age of two, and noted I was 'small' and 'shy'. I'm wearing clean jeans without holes in them and a clean navy blue hooded sweatshirt. I'm clutching the green car. Other than the caseworker's notes; there was minimal medical history for me after I was two.

"You remember so much of your life with your birth mother. Those memories are the basis of your night terrors," Dad explained. "I wish you didn't remember some of the things you do remember. The pictures taken when you were found with Ella were expunged from the information we kept."

"I remember good things…Ella baking a chocolate cake and singing...Ella making waffles and bacon for breakfast… Mom smelling like cookies and letting me listen to her heart with the stethoscope …Mom teaching me to decorate the Christmas tree… apple picking with Grandpa Theo… Dad reading books to Elliot and me and doing all the voices… Dad teaching me to swim… and Mia." I said. "This may be where I started," I indicated the folders and pictures, "but this will not end me." First thing Monday, I'm arranging another food drop for Darfur. The second thing I'm doing is hiring anyone Barney wants to help him analyze Hyde and Morgan computers. Hell; I will hire an entire army of computer geeks if he wants them. Welch can hire an army of investigators. I want some answers. I'm accessing Amazon and purchasing a dozen sets of cars which have a green one; I will donate them to charity also.

"We have to talk," I said. 'GEH has Jack Hyde, Elena Lincoln and SEC issues." I tell them about the SEC arrests on December 29, everything Ana told Elliot, information Barney found on our servers at Grey House and Grey Publishing, firing Senator Blandino's daughter and her friend. Elena being arrested for breaking her no-contact order with me, and the possible investigation of me, my family, my companies, etc.

 **January 9 – CPOV**

Welch and Taylor guarded doors to my conference room so no one could enter or leave. "Here is our proof Jack Hyde gleaned proprietary information by hacking emails at SIP/GP for the last two years – much longer than Miss Steele's employment period." Barney presented a carefully prepared report to the SEC investigators. His emphasis was on the information about the insurance changeover. Hyde realized a sizeable profit from hacking Elizabeth's emails from GEH HR. "We have proof Hyde was hacking not only Miss Steele's email; but the email of almost everyone in the building. We have proof he tried to hack the GEH server." Barney explained. "Everyone's email passwords should have been saved by IT only, but Elizabeth Morgan got everyone in GP to give her their passwords and security codes in case of emergency. She put the request on GEH letterhead, which made it appear as if it came from GEH HR. Jack Hyde accessed the information she gathered."

"Can we charge Morgan as an accessory for invasion of privacy?" Ros asked.

"Probably not," Barney said. "There's no expectations of privacy when you use company servers and emails. A knowledgeable lawyer would get the invasion of privacy charge reduced. However, there's the matter of her getting the information from everyone and leaving it where Jack Hyde could access it. I think aiding and abetting would be viable."

"Despite Hyde's allegations; we know the extent of Ana Steele's involvement," the lead SEC agent informed Christian, Ros and Barney about the history of Ana and Ethan's involvement with Harrison. "The gist of Harrison's conversation with Hyde at the company Christmas party was Hyde wanted more lucrative information. He pushed Harrison to invite him up to the suite he shared with Miss Steele that night. Harrison's partner was in the suite, as a stop-gap measure to keep Hyde out of the suite and away from Miss Steele."

I listened to the conversation; but my head was elsewhere. Elsewhere… as in throwing Harley Harrison down an elevator shaft for touching Ana. After bouncing him off the bumper of one of my SUVs. After inviting him to work out at Grey House gym and then kickboxing the shit out of him. Barney informed me Harley was gay…but I always wondered what Ana was doing with him until the SEC arrests. I saw the pictures of them dancing together at the White Christmas Gala. I saw pictures of him buying her drinks. I saw the pictures of them holding hands when they arrived and left the party. My security was in full force that night; but they didn't know about the partner in the suite. Well, WTF…I gave Taylor a look…and Taylor gave it right back to me. Obviously the partner in the suite was news to him too.

"We have proof Elena Lincoln committed securities fraud from July, 2006 through December, 2011. Elena Lincoln, after visiting your family or working a charity event, purchased stock in companies she heard might be acquired by GEH. After Mr. Grey terminated his business relationship with Elena Lincoln in September 2011; Olivia Blandino provided information about who you were meeting with when she visited Esclava Salons," the lead SEC agent said. "We didn't catch Elena Lincoln sooner because she was purchasing stocks under her maiden name."

"The interesting thing is," Harley Harrison ignored the looks which passed between Welch and Taylor. "We investigated GEH, its subsidiaries and employees, the Grey family, the Bailey family, the Kavanagh family and the Steele family. None of you invested in companies acquired by GEH. After GEH acquisition, the stocks which came with the company were transferred into GEH holdings."

Ros laughed. "That's good to know, considering how hard all we work on our mergers and acquisitions. It would be sad to know someone close to us was getting rich without putting in the work."

I chuckled and shook my head at her. "So, now what are we supposed to do with the information you've given us?"

"Nothing. There will be no further investigation into GEH. SEC froze Hyde's and Lincoln's brokerage accounts. Funds in those accounts will pay for expenses incurred during the investigation." Harrison said. "Hyde and Lincoln's brokerage firms are still under investigation. The GEH brokerage firm may be called to testify during Hyde and Lincoln's trials. We're still investigating Blandino and Hudson. They will probably be charged with insider trading; but given the opportunity for a lesser sentence if they testify against Lincoln and Hyde. Morgan was not involved in the stock purchases, other than bankrolling Hyde's purchases. We've frozen her accounts until we can determine if she just loaned Hyde money; or did she make a profit from his investments also."

"For obvious reasons," Harrison said, "we believe Miss Steele needs a bodyguard until we resolve this situation. We are not telling anyone she was one of our informants, but given Hyde's and Lincoln's previous history – we don't want her threatened, assaulted, etc."

"I'll take care of that," Ros announced.

 **January 10 - APOV**

I froze when I stepped into the restaurant with Harley and Shawn. Christian stood upon our arrival. Ros was seated. Taylor and an unknown man hovered nearby.

"Harley, if you ever try to set me up again, it's the end of our friendship," I said.

"We're having lunch with Grey and Bailey because there are issues to discuss." Harley said. "I thought you said you would be willing to date him."

"I didn't know there was an agenda for today's lunch." I feel uncomfortable. I'd better order light so he won't nag at me about eating.

We head for the table and it is obvious Christian and Ros will sit on one side, and Harley, Shawn and me on the other…is the line drawn? Is this a combative lunch? Taylor's eyes narrow when he sees Shawn and Harley flanking me. Shawn holds my chair.

We're all subdued while ordering. Harley, Shawn and I noticeably shut off our cell phones and put them away. Christian and Ros follow suit. Harley takes a device from his pocket and turns it on. "Audio jammer," he says. "That way no one in the restaurant can use a directional mike and discover what we are discussing."

"Is it true you worked with Harrison to bring down Lincoln and Hyde?" Christian asked.

"Yes, I worked with Harley. I cannot discuss it until the cases are resolved." I said.

"How did you know?" Ros asked.

"Intuition?" I shrugged. "Hyde was too nosy about Christian's business. Lincoln overheard something I said to Sawyer, and repeated it back to me. It told me she used conversations she heard to serve her own interests."

"While I don't approve of you working with the SEC to bring down Hyde and Lincoln…I appreciate your faith I was not involved." Christian said.

"I knew you weren't involved…and I knew I had to be if they were going to be caught." I said.

"Dad informed me Hyde pled guilty to drunk driving this morning. It's his first offense. He was sentenced to ninety days in the King County Jail. With good time served; he could be out around Easter. His landlord notified the court Elizabeth Morgan is emptying his condo into her garage until he is released. She paid the impound fees for his car and took it home."

He cleared his throat. "Lincoln pled guilty to misdemeanor violation of her no-contact order with me. She's been given 180-days of house arrest wearing an ankle monitor. The IRS seized Elena's assets – personal property, house, businesses, bank accounts, etc. They froze her offshore account and are in the process of closing the account and returning the funds to the U.S."

"Since she's not working and has time on her hands; do I need to worry about her harassing me?" I asked.

Harley spoke up, "The SEC wanted to secure no-contact orders for you against Lincoln and Hyde…however, Hyde, Morgan, Blandino and Hudson were served no-contact orders January 3 for Grey House, Grey Publishing, GEH employees, Grey family, etc. Citing Elliot and Kate's engagement as the reason – the judge signed off on no-contact orders for you, Kate, your condos, your jobs, Ray, his home, his business, Ethan, Kate's parents' house and their businesses."

"Lincoln already received no-contact orders for the Grey family, businesses, etc. in September." Christian said. Taylor handed me two sets of paperwork. "Carry your paperwork at all times; and the other set is for your Dad. The judge recommended scanning and uploading them into your phone. In case you don't have the paperwork on you, you have an electronic copy."

"Mrs. Lincoln is under monitored release; living in Lawrence Lincoln's pool house until she goes to trial with the SEC and the IRS." Taylor explained. "Mr. Lincoln isn't letting anyone on his property to visit her…she has to go out to meet them. She's been allowed a diameter of 15 miles around Lincoln's home to run personal errands, see her doctor, visit her lawyer, go get a hamburger, etc. The court granted her $50K to live on until she goes to trial. Assets have been seized. She is barred from going to her home or the salons. The chain has been put into receivership."

"The issue is…the SEC wants you to have a bodyguard, Ana. They can't assign one to you. Christian says for privacy reasons; you don't want his men to follow you. I have bodyguards for Gwen and myself; which are not part of Grey House Security. They coordinate with Grey House Security, but they are not part of Grey House. As Christian's number two, I can't take a chance of someone using me to get to him. I can't take a chance of someone using Gwen to get to me. I have discussed this with my security staff. They are willing to provide security for you."

"Will they report my schedule to anyone? Who I talk to, where I go, etc.?" I asked Ros; ignoring the frown on Christian's face.

"If you and Christian decide to have a public date with one another; your security will coordinate with his security. Otherwise, if you decide to work out in your underwear and eat chocolate chip cookies for dinner…that's your business and no one will know better." Ros said.

"I feel…guilty…having you provide security for me," I told Ros.

"If anything happened because you endangered yourself by protecting Grey House, neither Christian nor I would be able to live with ourselves. Your safety is a top priority for us. You have at least four possible enemies right now – Blandino, Hudson, Hyde and Morgan. Additionally, it will become news Katherine Kavanagh and Elliot Grey are engaged. You are living in Elliot Grey's condo. You need a security team." Ros said.

"I accept and thank you…as long as everyone understands I go where I want to go, see who I want to see, and I don't ask permission or forgiveness." I said to the collective sigh of relief by Christian, Ros, Shawn, Harley and Taylor. _Jeez, am I that difficult?_

The man with Taylor stepped forward and shook my hand and offered me a card. "My name is Heaton. I'm Ros's CPO. My partner, Edwards, is Gwen's CPO. This afternoon, I will bring your CPO over to Grey Publishing and introduce him to you."

"Her, I want a female CPO. I don't want a man to follow me to girly appointments or the gym. I'd prefer she was ex-military to make my Father happy." I said.

"Done, I just hired Samantha Prescott. She was employed by Grey Annex Security. When Ros said I might be providing security for you, I hired new staff. Prescott is one of them."

"Are we finished?" I asked. "I need to return to work."

"We're done," Ros said. "Robb Loeder and Maxwell Roach know you were in conference with the SEC and Grey House. They understand you will return when you can."

Christian stood and moved around to my chair. He pulled it out and helped me to my feet. Harley and Shawn held their breath, in case they had to intervene. Taylor tensed… uneasy about the situation.

Christian took my hands, my left one clasped in his, was behind my back in a flash; holding me against his hard body. The right hand was clasped in his, and held solidly against my thigh. "Thank you, Ana," Christian kissed my cheek, chuckling at my intense blush. He leaned in to whisper directly in my ear. His hot breath sent a shiver down my spine. "The next time you endanger your life…I will spank your ass…and it won't be pleasurable for you or me." He smirked, pulled my hands to his lips, kissed them and left; followed by Taylor.

My knees gave out and I sank down into my chair. _Christ…is our…what the hell was that …going viral?_ I swear to god the room went quiet when he pulled me from my chair. The background buzz returned to the room.

"Harley, I love you…but if that man ever kissed me…I'd throw you over in a heartbeat." Shawn said.

"Shawn, I love you…but that man has _come fuck me eyes_ …I'd have lunch with him any day he was willing to be dessert." Harley said.

"TDMI," Ros snapped at both of them; noting Heaton stepped out of hearing range of the table. Poor man. Poor Ros!

"Grey must have screwed up really bad if you don't want anything to do with him. Give him a chance Ana; bad boys can be fun too." Shawn laughed.

"What do you know about being a bad boy?" Harley teased his lover.

"I didn't say I was a bad boy, I said bad boys can be fun too," Shawn winked at Harley.

"Gah…get a room!" I said.

"Last time we did …you were in the next room!" Shawn reminded me.

Ros shook her head at me, smothering a laugh.

 **XX**

"Hello again, Miss Steele," Prescott appeared in the doorway to my office.

"Ana, I prefer Ana," I said. "This is my schedule. You don't come inside my office, any bathroom or my condo unless there is eminent danger. I drive to my Father's home. You may follow; but you do not drive me or enter his home or business while I am there unless there is an emergency. You may accompany me on a plane to see my Mother; but you do not drive us, or enter her home. You may transport me to and from work and appointments as long as you park in my space at the condo and work. You don't enter exam rooms while I have doctor appointments. Additionally, you don't veto where I go. You don't interfere when I choose to go to target practice. You don't interrogate my guests, nor do you frisk them. You do not share my schedule with anyone. When I have support staff at GP; you will work with that person. You may examine work mail, email and phone messages. You may examine my personal mail. My personal emails and personal phone calls are not under your purview."

"Acceptable as long as I get two hours of your time to teach you security protocols," Prescott said.

"Acceptable," I said. "I won't make your job a miserable living hell if you don't make my life a walking prison."

 **XX**

"Merry Belated Christmas." Mary handed me a package after we ate really good Chinese Five Spice Shrimp and vegetables.

"A journal?" I asked after unwrapping it.

"A retro-styled self-actualization goal-planning tool," Mary laughed. "Yes, a journal. When you are overthinking issues, purge your brain by writing them down. When you see them written down – one item to a page – then you can begin a logical process of dealing with each one. I think you've been overwhelmed since Grey's accident and have resolved very little. You need to answer questions about your issues – can you control it? Are you responsible for it? Can you change it? Can you change the way you deal with it?" She handed me the list of questions for each issue.

I tell Mary about SEC arrests, the firings at GP, my career changes in the last 45 days, my bonus, and my updated budget. We talk about how my insurance covers my sessions with her except for the co-pay. I explain about my new close protection officer who will act as driver and bodyguard. I explain about my new living arrangements. I explain about my Father's future living arrangements. Laura is teaching him to cook, so my days of feeding his freezer have come to an end. In a way I'm saddened; because I love to cook. It helps me think and clear my brain. Mary suggests I make a list of friends and family. I can make them a take a bake lasagna for their birthdays. She also recommends dinner guests at least once a week. It will keep me active in the kitchen.

"Working with you, I identified some areas for us to address. We've concentrated on your eating, exercising and establishing a lifestyle which makes you feel comfortable. Now you have moved…which means thirty days of adjusting to a new schedule, new surroundings and a new job. Journal these issues…and then we'll work on your relationships, your self-awareness, your self-confidence, and your self-improvement."

"Well, I brought you a present too," I handed off an envelope with a Happy New Year card in it.

"On site auto detailing," she smiled. "Thank you! I will save it for Easter when it clears up outside and I can take a road trip with my husband. You remembered it was on my wish list, thank you." She paused. "I'm concerned; you started to deal with the mugging…and then it was the holidays and dealing with that stress. Now you've changed your lifestyle, have a new job…and now you have a close protection detail. We need to discuss…"

"I'm spending too much time second-guessing myself and living inside my own head. I had a bad experience with the mugging; however, I was blessed to not have permanent physical effects from it. I need to relax, organize my life, and work on feeling like myself again. Part of the issue with the new job is professionalism – looking my best, projecting a positive attitude, learning everything I can." I sighed again

Mary suggested I invest in a will, a power of attorney and a health-care directive. The cost is about $1000 and will give me piece of mind until I undergo another status change in my life. "I recommend you join a yoga class for conditioning your body and for mental relaxation. There is an Introduction to Yoga retreat this weekend at the Bellevue Hyatt." Mary gave me a brochure. She explained it should be a gift to myself. The registration fee covers accommodations, vegan gourmet meals; private tutoring sessions; meditative massages; in addition to the sale of clothes, DVDs and equipment I need if I continue yoga lessons.

"Yoga is a good idea, but there's more. I have 20-ish weeks until my best friend's wedding. I need to learn to walk in high heels without wobbling like a colt on new legs. I need to learn how to do my own makeup so I know what the aestheticians are doing to my face the day of the wedding. I need to learn proper eating etiquette because I will be seated at the head table, next to the bride, which means hundreds of pictures. I don't want to embarrass her or me. I need to learn to dance in high heels so I can dance at Kate's wedding reception. I need to learn to speak confidently so I don't muddle through the maid of honor speech." I sighed.

"FYI – anxiety will make you weak-legged. Cassandra Collins works here at the center. She owns a side business where she coaches beauty pageant candidates, new executives, etc. She can help with everything you mentioned." Mary explained.

"Can you arrange a meeting?" I asked cautiously. "I need to know the details."

"You feel …" Mary asked.

"Uneasy, uncoordinated…" I said. "I need to attend dance classes, etc."

Mary reached for her phone. "Cassie… Mary Bayer calling. I have a young woman, of whom I am very fond, who is in need of your specialized services." Mary paused. "She will be the maid of honor at a society wedding in June." She paused again. "Ana meets with me at 6:30 on Tuesdays. We normally have dinner with one another while we talk." She paused again. "We'll see you at seven in my office next Tuesday. Thanks Cassie." She wrote an appointment card for me. "You can research the web for a list of Cassie's courses. Make sure your schedule is updated when you see her. Oh…and don't bother to watch _Miss Congeniality_ or _Princess Diaries_. Cassie doesn't work like that. Bring a pair of heels and a book with you next Tuesday. Regular sized book, not paperback, and not over an inch or two thick. The heels need to be two-four inches high."

"We've talked about your natural rhythms and your proposed schedule. Lunch hours are to recharge you – lunch with coworkers or friends – but don't discuss work. Exercise or meditate. Network with colleagues. Step away from electronics and shut off work for 60 minutes."

I laugh and tell her about the lunch with Christian. I don't tell her about his threat, but I do tell her I got a kiss on my cheek and hands.

"I know," she laughed and showed me the _Seattle Nooz_ article and viral video. _Jeez…I'm going to be outed to the world faster than I wanted._ Which reminds me, I want to talk with Kate about Ana posts on her Facebook page. I write it down on page one of the journal.

"I have another quote for you. _If love was meant to come quick and easy, then it wouldn't be the hardest thing out there to find. Everything takes time and love is the number one thing that takes time_." Mary smiled.

"That sounds better than the fortune cookie I got tonight. _Accept defeat. It will make you stronger_." I laughed.

Mary grimaced. "Ana, if you decide to reconcile with Christian there are issues to discuss. I strongly recommend you date for at least ninety days before you fall back into bed with him. We've talked about this; and while you don't regret losing your virginity to him; you claim your relationship was based on sex. You need to get to know one another. Seriously…no sex on the first date…no sex on the third date. You need to learn how to date."

When I sigh; Mary smiles.

"You said he has issues. You said you have issues. Are you attracted to the idea of 'fixing' him? That if you stay around, your love will conquer all; he will get better and will love you for fixing him?"

"Perhaps," I answered thoughtfully. _He had a darkness…I wanted to bring him into the light_.

"Do you think you have mistaken love with the appreciation of a sexual awakening?" Mary asked.

"I don't know; I never thought about it that way." I said. "What are your dating rules?" I asked, afraid to know, but ready to write them down in the journal so I don't forget.

"He has to ask in person or over the phone. No date requests via emails or texts. He pays for the date; it is held in public for a minimum of 90-120 minutes. No physical touching except holding hands, hugs and a chaste kiss at the end of the evening. I don't recommend movies, because you're busy watching the movie and not talking. That's the schedule for at least the first three dates. You have a 'date night' at least once a week. You can have lunch or coffee three times a week. No more. You have to learn about one another which is only done by spending quality time with one another."

 _Will Christian be interested…especially if he has to abide by a stranger's rules for dating?_


	40. Chapter 40

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 40 –** "I need you tonight; cause I'm not sleeping" – INXS, _Need You Tonight_

 **Friday, January 13 - 3PPOV**

Elena finished downloading what she needed from Sabine's website. Granted, she no longer had the blackmail materials she needed to keep Christian in line…but he was not about to walk away unscathed. She was pissed about the _Seattle Nooz_ picture of Christian and Anastasia at lunch where he kissed her! She could build what she needed at the pool house; she refused to call it home. Tomorrow after she printed what she needed…Grey House, Grey Annex and especially Anastasia Steele would be introduced to Sabine Falco and Falcon Financials. Christian would assume Sabine was being indiscreet and would threaten her. If it resulted in a shouting, wrestling, punching match between Christian and Sabine's bodybuilder husband, Aedan, so much the better. God, when was the last time she was in an office supply store? She added this insult to her reasons for getting even with Christian and aggravating Anastasia Steele in the process.

 **XX**

"She's not stupid Elliot, Ana's going to know we're up to something," Kate argued.

"Just keep trying to fix her up on dates. We've got a list of 50 losers which means in a few weeks she'll reconcile with Christian just to get us to leave her alone." Elliot explained.

"And what happens when they are fighting with one another at our wedding?" Kate asked.

"Care to make a wager on it?" Elliot grinned lasciviously.

"If they aren't reconciled by March 1; meaning a majority of their nights are spent either together at her condo or at his penthouse – I get a Memorial Day weekend in Napa for my birthday – horseback rides, winery tours, spa treatments, gourmet dinners and dancing." Kate said.

"If they are reconciled and spending most nights with one another by March 1, I get Memorial Day weekend on a boat in the Pacific with Kate sans clothes for the entire weekend." Elliot countered. "A lingerie vacay!"

 **XX - CPOV**

"Leg and feet massage, followed by Twister. John tells me your brother's impending marriage concerns you. You worry about people in your personal bubble?" Sela said.

"I don't like attending big events; I skip out of them as quickly as I can. If I have to stay for dancing, I only dance with Mom or Grandma. That won't be the case at this wedding. I can't have my security staff guarding the dance floor to ensure I'm not mobbed."

"That's a bit self-aggrandizing isn't it? Mobbed?" Sela asked impudently.

"Mobbed," John affirms. "Don't ask. It's part of the reason he has a security team."

"How many people are invited?" Sela asked.

"Kate and Elliot decided on 300 guests. I think her mom would like 500." I scowl.

"Your role for the wedding?" Sela asked.

"Best man," I said. "I'm glad my brother asked me – please don't misunderstand. I just have to practice receiving lines, toasts and dancing with people other than my mother and grandmother. I've got to deal with being touched inadvertently."

"Baptism by fire," Sela grimaced. "Okay, I need time to research additional touching exercises. Up on the table with you. Lie flat on your back. Flex your toes for me, followed by rotating your feet at the ankles five times clockwise and counter-clockwise. Flex your feet toward you five times, and away from you five times."

After the massage, it was Twister in the hall, followed by ten minutes of questions. Only Sela did not answer questions. John asked one, followed by Sela. "I don't want to retraumatize you," Sela said. "But there are questions to be answered. They may not be easy."

I looked at her warily. "As in…."

John cleared his throat. "We need to discuss Elena Lincoln. We need to discuss BDSM. We need to discuss Anastasia."

I closed my eyes; took a deep breath and nodded. "Let's lance that septic boil."

"Open your eyes," John ordered. "Question one…"

 **XX**

"D/s is not just a contract; on a basic level it is a relationship. For you - it wasn't friends with benefits; but a john and a call girl at a designated date, time, place and fee." Sela held up her hand. "Don't argue with me. We've discussed this. You said you have experienced familiarity with all the players in the sex worker industry. Your prostitute biological mother and her abusive pimp; your Domme and you as submissive; becoming a Dominant; Elena pimping for you as you became the john…and you becoming the abusive pimp when you beat and punished your submissives because of unresolved anger with your mother and her abusive pimp.:

"You've come a long way from where you were a year ago when you ended things with Savannah," John explained. "You understand your mother's pimp abused you because you existed. You understand part of your neglect was from her drugs and part from her sex worker lifestyle. You understand how part of you became the pimp…punishing your submissives in abstensia for your mother. You understand your need to exert safety, protection and monogamy rules over your submissives was because you could not protect yourself or your mother from her abusive pimp." John watched my face as I acknowledged each of his points.

"Believe me when I tell you…a relationship with Ana has communication and trust issues. You have to be dateable, Christian. If she wanted to just be friends with benefits; she wouldn't have waited until she was 21 to lose her virginity. You have to be good for Ana…which is different from good to her." Sela warned.

"How is good for her different from good to her?" I asked.

 _"Good for her means emotional commitment – making her smile when you enter a room. Good to her means maintaining your emotional distance while ensuring she has the basics: food, shelter, clothing, doctor and dental appointments as necessary, etc." John said._

"Sex with you has to be emotional in addition to being physical. Discover if you are compatible. Be friends first. Establish common interests. You have to be a couple first." Sela advised.

"…then if your kink is compatible…you just won the lottery. You can't be Dominant first with Ana. You have to be friend first, boyfriend next, lover when she is comfortable with you, Dominant if and when she is ready." John counseled.

"And I trust if I fuck up; you'll be the first to tell me." I said dryly.

"If Ana doesn't out your bullshit first…" John laughed.

 **January 16 - APOV**

It was a great Skype with Kate. Kate tells me about their weekend trip to Aspen. We talked about my new job and how it's going. We talked about the SEC investigation. I asked her to cut down on the pictures and comments of me on her Facebook. I explain Mom's current social media obsession. I explained I didn't want Blandino, Hudson, Morgan or Hyde following my activities through her. She claims my pictures caused ten men she knows to ask her to fix me up with them. I tell her to let them down gently. Between my new job and new condo; I'm too busy to date.

We talked about her current articles for _Seattle Times_. She's concentrating on her February articles; which includes an article on the basics of matchmaking, rules for dating and interviews with financial advisors. She wants to write about great dates – and asks about the best date I had with Christian. I tell her it was the night he flew me to Seattle, meeting Grace and the drive back to Portland. However, I refuse to let her use any information I gave her for the paper. She wants to write additional articles about Valentine celebrations with friends (Singles Awareness Day as José calls it); jazz music and gearing up for Lent 2012.

I laugh and ask what Kate is giving up for Lent – other than half her closet space and 50% of her clothes. She laughs and then says it's worse than that – because she has to move everything she owns out of her parents' home and storage before March thirtieth. Mia's organizer is earning her fees teaching Kate and Elliot to decide what is essential to keep…and what they can donate to Grace's charity before the end of March. She's considering doing an article on long-term organization. She says everyone starts off gung-ho in January…and then by February, they've had enough of cleaning, sorting and organizing. She's thinking of blogging her decluttering efforts. I tell her to go for it…like one of those things on a to-do list before you get married.

I distract Kate by asking how the condo is going. The closet is rebuilt; painting is completed, furniture rearranged in all rooms. She couldn't reload the closet until they hired a housecleaner. She doesn't think much of the way Elliot's men clean up their messes. She's now going through the racks and reloading her bedroom and home office closets. Elliot already claimed one quarter of the space in the coat closet in the living room. He measured and delineated halves with a permanent marker. One half for guest coats and one-quarter for Kate coats and one-quarter for Elliot coats on the other side. Her portion of the closet holds a couple casual jackets and a dressy coat for the current season plus three garment space bags holding off season outerwear. She has a small shoe rack to hold rain and snow boots. She had to get small space bags to hold seasonal headwear and handwear so they would fit in the one cubby she has on the closet shelf along with spare umbrellas.

Since she's sharing the master ensuite with Elliot, she's had to eliminate a couple dozen excess beauty appliances, which she donated to Grace's charity. She kept her blow dryer, styling iron and flat iron which fit in the countertop salon appliance station which takes up a lot of available space between the double sinks in the master bathroom. She pared down to hot curlers, an electronic toothbrush; one water pick, an iron, a sewing machine and a clothes steamer.

Her side of the vanity holds a basket of makeup and nail polish, a basket of feminine hygiene products, a basket of bath, face and body products and a basket of hair products. At least the baskets are stackable and leave some space under her side of the vanity.

She fumes about having to share a bathroom with a man. I remind her that's what happens when you live with a man and plan to marry him. I tell her it's rude to make him shower and dress in the guest bathroom. Why else would she have such a large, two-person, multi-point shower? Why else would she have a two-person Jacuzzi tub?

Kate asks if I will go on a double date with her and Elliot on Friday – movie and clubbing. Elliot has a new project manager completing the Spokani Eden project by the end of the fiscal year. I turn her down. I lie and explain I want to go to Montesano. Dad cleared out the projects in the shed for the pre-Christmas sale. We want to attend estate sales and auctions in the next few months, in addition to finding fixable projects at thrift stores.

Kate asks if I went to Montesano for the long weekend. I tell her about my yoga retreat at the Hyatt Regency in Bellevue. I tell her about the great vegan cuisine over the weekend. I had a luxurious room Friday, Saturday and Sunday night. I spoiled myself with room service, spa services and individualized yoga instruction. Kate was shocked when I said I purchased two yoga outfits, a portable yoga practice mat sized for petite women, and a beginning yoga DVD. She's more shocked when I said I plan to attend beginning yoga classes at the Women's Health Center.

.

Kate laughs and says, "That reminds me…I have a huge favor to ask. Will you attend Zumba classes with Mia and me on Saturdays? We can Zumba in the morning, have lunch, and go to a salon or shop in the afternoons? I want the best possible body for the wedding and honeymoon."

"Is shopping really necessary?" I asked.

"We have to shop for dresses, invitations, flowers, etc." Kate said.

"I thought you asked Mia to be your wedding coordinator?" My calendar is filling up with Mary appointments and yoga classes. I don't know how much time Cassandra's classes will take. I almost wish for weekends tied up in Christian's red room of pain so I don't have to shop. But I love Kate…and I can vent to Mary.

"Mia is doing all the legwork, but I have to make the final decisions. My mom and Grace agreed on the budget. We're getting married at St. James Cathedral with the reception at the Northern Lights Dome Room at the Arctic Club. That's this Saturday's shopping. I have to sign paperwork and pay deposits. Mia is gathering layouts of the venues so we can plan."

I tell her I'm not sorry to miss this weekend's shopping trip. At least our conversation ends in laughter. I know I need to call Mom…but a gently worded email will have to do. I don't want to discuss Christian again.

 **January 17**

Before Cassie came; I vented to Mary about emails from my Mother. Daily I'm subjected to her thoughts and musings about Kate and Elliot's wedding…and my new job…and my new condo. She advises me not to settle on wedding clothes until she has time to come to Seattle and shop with me.

Mom has seen the _Seattle Nooz_ article about the lunch and the viral video where he kissed my cheek. I get a lecture about my hair and dressing better. Any self-doubts I had were reinforced after reading her emails. I show Mary my journal with each issue and the date it became an issue in my life. I vented in my journal, but before Mary can offer any sage advice; Cassandra Collins arrives. Mary sent me to the corner table with Cassandra to talk while she cleaned up our dinner.

"Before we begin," I reached for the nondisclosure agreement. "Please read and sign before we discuss my situation."

Cassie read it. "Is this absolutely necessary?"

Mary laughed. "Trust me, Cassie, you will want to sign." I nodded at Mary and she went to the hall to ask Prescott to join us.

"Fine," Cassandra said, her voice huffy, "but I've worked with several dozen beauty pageant candidates," she gave me an appraising look before she signed. "None of them had any problems with my ability to be discreet."

"Ana Steele 1.0 would have walked out of here after the dismissive look you just gave me. However, Ana Steele 2.0 knows she needs your help. In order to acquire your help, I need a nondisclosure agreement." I said.

Mary signed as a witness, made copies for Cassie and herself, and gave me the original.

"So, Ana Steele 2.0, why do you need my help?" Cassie inquired.

"June thirtieth I'm the Maid of Honor at the wedding of Katherine Kavanagh, daughter of Eamon Kavanagh, CEO of Kavanagh Media to Elliot Trevelyan Grey, son of Carrick and Grace Grey, brother to Christian Grey, CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings."

"Nothing personal, Ana, but do you have proof of this claim?" Cassie asked. "I just don't…"

"You don't envision me as an acquaintance of Katherine Kavanagh? It gets more complicated." Her shocked expression gives my ego a boost. I reached for my phone and called Kate, putting the call on speaker at full volume for Cassie and Mary to hear. "Kate, I'm going to pass on the Zumba class." I ignored Kate's whining. "Mia wants to go with you, and I think it's a great idea. However, I really need to take a dancing class for your wedding."

"Zumba's dancing," Kate argued.

"Zumba is not the style of dancing at your wedding," I laughed. "Kate…how many people are you and Elliot inviting to this wedding?"

"Three hundred…although I think Mom and Grace would like it to be larger." She groaned.

"Kate, your cousins already hate me because you are only having Mia and me as your attendants. You know how uncoordinated I am. I don't need over 100 women making snide comments about my inability to dance. Plus, I know your mother wants to video the wedding and reception. I don't want to be the entertainment… falling on the floor and embarrassing myself. So…dancing lessons it is."

"Fine," she conceded. "But, lunch every Saturday followed by wedding shopping or salon/spa afternoon?"

"Absolutely," I promise. "Unless I can talk you into lunch on Sundays followed by salon or shopping followed by planning dinners on Sunday night. You need date nights with Elliot. Mia needs date nights with Ethan. I need time in Montesano with Dad."

"Where are you?" She asked. "You sound like you are in a fishbowl."

"I'm having the most marvelous bubble bath in my new behemoth of a bathtub." I lied. "This tub isn't as big as the one in Christian's master bedroom…but it's close! I lit the candlescape and put towels in the warmer. I also have a bottle of cold bubbly to go with the hot bubble bath."

"Wow! Steele you are amazing." Kate laughed. "Saturday we have to talk about the save the date cards. Mia's coordinating mailing them. I'd really like Ray and Laura to come to the wedding; but can we pass on inviting your mother and Bob?"

"Absolutely!" I laughed. "Grace and Celeste will be all the mom-zillas we can handle. I don't want my Mother thinking she has to supervise my getting dressed, primped and powdered."

"As if,' Kate snorted.

"Listen I called for a reason, and it wasn't to complain about my Mother. Do you and Elliot want to come over for lasagna on Friday night, January twenty-seventh? I think I'm finally ready to do some entertaining at the condo." I offered.

"Well…" Kate hesitated. "Friday night is our only available date night that week. Saturday night I have a work thing. I really need you to come to dinner this Sunday night at Grey Manor. Grace invited both families since only Christian, Elliot, Mia and I could go to Aspen last weekend. We're talking wedding plans at dinner. Christian will be there… maybe you'll get another kiss goodbye."

"I'll come back from Montesano by four so I can go. What time?" I asked.

"Seven; do you want Elliot and me to pick you up?" She laughed.

"Please…are we dressing for dinner?" I asked.

"Mom's going to be there," Kate laughed. "Elliot's wearing a jacket and jeans."

"I'll wear a dress, and I will use the correct fork," I laugh also.

"Great, I will confirm with Grace. Love you Steele!"

"Love you, too!" We both ended the call.

I sigh and look at Cassie. "Well…"

"Christian Grey kissed you?" She asked, incredulous.

I nodded. "I am a person of interest in Christian's life. Do you need photo proof? Better yet, Cassandra Collins, this is Samantha Prescott, my close protection officer. She will drive me to classes, etc." They shook hands; but it's obvious they are not going to be friends. Prescott left and went back to holding up a wall in the hall.

"I've seen the photo proof, Cassie. The video of him kissing her cheek went viral." Mary said. "Can you help Ana to be her best for this wedding?"

Cassie opened a folder and spread out papers. "Please don't misunderstand…I didn't want to expend time on a social climber or a stalker. Do you play a musical instrument?"

"No, sorry. I don't speak a foreign language. I've never travelled outside the United States, and I'm not related to anyone famous." I tell her.

She pondered the sheets of paper before her, finally narrowing the papers down to six…four on the top row and two on the bottom row. "If you agree to do this, it will be intense classes. You will attend one hour of lecture and practice on Monday and Thursday; two hours of dance lessons on Saturday morning; and dining and etiquette class for at least two hours on Sunday."

"Deportment is a pass/fail course of life. Poise and deportment determine if you are accepted in certain social circles. You will practice these lessons until they are a natural action or reaction." Cassie explained. "Your first four-week course, Personal Posture, meets on Monday and Thursday in February from seven to eight o'clock at my business. Your current posture will be evaluated. You learn to stand; enter a room; sit and walk properly. You will learn body language, facial gestures, hand movements and carrying yourself with poise and grace." Cassie explained. "Watch a lot of Audrey Hepburn movies. You'll see how she moves gracefully, standing, walking and sitting. Emulate her.

"Proper sitting is attainable by training and practice. Do not fall into a chair, you are not a rag doll. Do not throw yourself into a chair, you are not a petulant child. Do not sit cautiously as someone might suspect you have tender nether regions and you don't want to give people reason to gossip. You will learn to enter and exit a car, including other forms of transportation such as private jets, limos, etc. On odd days of the month you will practice walking while wearing heels and balancing a book on your head for one hour. On even days of the month; you will practice sitting properly and rising properly for one hour." Cassie continued.

"The second four-week course, Personal Style, meets on Monday and Thursdays in March. You will learn the art of selecting appropriate work attire, casual wear, elegant travel, black tie, white tie, and red carpet attire. Wardrobe analysis includes lessons about clothing styles appropriate for your body shape, what styles/colors to avoid, creating your individual style and selecting your best accessories. You will learn how to create a well-groomed outfit. You will learn grooming, make up, scent selection and jewelry choices. You will learn the best hairstyles for your facial shape and will learn to create hairstyles appropriate for events. Constantly wearing ponytails signals the world you don't take enough time with your attire."

"The third four-week course, Eloquent Elocution, is scheduled for April. Your voice will be analyzed. You will learn clarity, diction, intonation, projection, conversation and preventing profanities. You will learn the art of introductions and conversation etiquette, and how to make, maintain and interpret eye contact. You will learn to master your inner critic; overcome fear of failure or embarrassment and overcome nervous tics like fidgeting." Her eyes narrowed as she observed me.

Once I stopped fidgeting, she continued. "Overcoming nerves or shyness will make you appear more self-confident; more self-assured." Cassandra explained. "You will learn to create presentations, pitches and discussions for business; sell creative ideas, write and present reports, and effective business communication. You will learn the appropriate use of cell phones and social media for business."

"The final set of Monday and Thursday courses in May will be Social Spotlight. It will be geared to the society wedding where you are to be the Maid of Honor. You will learn about receiving line etiquette (greeting people, shaking hands, proper introductions) and the art of small talk. You will learn appropriate grooming for wedding events like bridal showers, bachelorette party, rehearsal dinner and pre-wedding brunches. You will learn to purchase appropriate gifts. You will learn to write and deliver an appropriate Maid of Honor speech. You will learn the art of being a perfect house guest and purchase appropriate hostess gifts. You will learn to recover from a bad conversation or situation, and reflect on what you've learned from social encounters. Additionally, there will be a crash course in how to deal with drunks, inappropriate comments, crude sexual propositions, and anyone who decides to touch inappropriately."

"Saturdays you will take two hours of dance lessons for social events. Class once a week for four months will make you adept on the dance floor. If you can find time for practice on Wednesday evenings; it is helpful. You will learn how to hold your hands and arms and how to move your feet. As the Maid of Honor, there will be several spotlight dances which require you to present your best foot forward. You will learn the proper shoes and clothes to wear for dancing. Dancing lessons increase your awareness of how you move your body. Dancing develops a strong core, which improves your posture. It also teaches you to move gracefully even when you are not dancing." She segued into the next topic. "You will begin with basic dances like the foxtrot, waltz, two-step and quickstep before moving on to more complex ones like the cha-cha, merengue, rhumba or mambo which incorporate a Latin rhythm."

"Sundays I hold a dining course. The first four-week course is casual dining, the second is business dining, the third is society dining and the fourth is entertaining. Each course examines etiquette, food, libations, and appropriate conversation. You taste different cuisines, learn to handle chopsticks or appropriate cutlery, and how to handle appropriate glassware. You will learn flower arranging, table settings and meal planning. You will learn special occasion preparation from small intimate dinners to large scale social events. You will learn how to create a proper seating chart. You will learn how to not burp or pass gas in front of an audience." Cassie said. "You will learn to create and serve a signature cocktail, create a perfect martini and how to select, taste and pour wine. You will learn appropriate ways to prevent guests from over-imbibing. You will learn to cook and present a signature meal. You will learn how to write a proper invitation and a proper RSVP."

"After your individual assessment tonight; I will teach you how to walk in high heels. You brought appropriate shoes and book with you?" Cassie asked.

I nodded; Mary warned me in advance I might need them.

"Let's begin." Cassie said. She handed me a folder with the syllabi and goals for each course. She completed a registration form for me which outlined which classes I would take and when, including class fees which were due Friday morning before I began class.

I glanced at them. Included with the syllabi and goals is a list of movies and You Tube videos which portray what Cassie plans to teach. I love Kate and I'm glad she's in love with Elliot…but I'm not looking forward to this social torture. _Where the hell is that red room of pain when I need it?_

 **January 19**

I'm interrupted in my reading by pounding on the door. "Elliot?" I'm surprised to see him. "What are you doing driving in this ice? Take the day off…I am." I sent Prescott home at the first opportunity. We agreed to check in with one another when the ice melts and travel is safe.

"I promised Christian I would check up on you," he said.

"I have flashlights, candles, battery-operated radio, battery-operated lantern, water and food. Dad left emergency supplies in my storage area downstairs: a propane heater, lantern and cook stove with a dozen portable propane tanks; spare blankets, 10 days of food and three 5-gallon bottles of water." I explained. "I'm fine for a week. I have books to keep me entertained. I can clean the condo if I get bored. I have a deck of cards to pass the time playing solitaire. I have sweats and warm socks. I have a fully charged phone…which you could have called."

"Well…I'm supposed to invite you to Grey Manor where there are fireplaces and generators." Elliot explained.

"No thanks," I said. "I'm good. I'm not leaving here, where I'm snug, safe and warm to travel on icy roads to your parents' home. I have Dad orders to stay put until the roads are clear. Thanks for the offer; but I'm fine."

Elliot sighed. "Well, I think Kate and I are staying at the condo. My favorite thing to do in situations like this is conserve body warmth." He winked.

"Out…" I ordered, and then grinned and shook my head. Elliot is so…playful. "Thank you for worrying about me, but I'm fine and don't need rescuing." I hug him goodbye. _I don't want to think about spending the weekend in bed with Christian._


	41. Chapter 41

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 41** – "Better than I was, more than I am. All of this happened by taking your hand."

 **January 22 - APOV**

"Elliot, part of my agreement to move was you handle Kate. I won't endure dozens of blind dates because Kate thinks I need a plus one for the wedding who is not Christian. I'm not lonely at the condo; she doesn't have to call, text or Skype every day. We don't need quality girl time every weekend. Just kiss her quiet, okay."

"Understood," Elliot laughed. "Besides, I think Christian would give me another black eye if I allowed Kate to set you up on blind dates."

"It's finally gone," I commiserate.

"Good thing too; tomorrow night we have an appointment for the _Save-the-Date_ pictures. I just want them to be fun, not stuffy." Elliot said, opening the car door for me. "Which meant I've had to research wedding sites which I swore I would not do."

"Mom, we're on our way. We can talk about it with Grace." Kate sighed and hung up the phone. "Elliot, I need you to say no…"

"No…unless I'm saying no to kinky sex," Elliot laughed. "Now, what did I say no to?"

"Gold, green and beige as wedding colors to coordinate with the church and Dome Room." Kate shook her head.

Elliot grimaced and I laughed.

"My mom is reading every bride magazine and ripping out pictures. I'll bet she has a file full of things to go over tonight." Kate indicated her binder full of things.

I rolled my eyes and bit my lip to keep from laughing. Elliot shook his head and started the car.

 **XX - CPOV**

"Ready to go to your parents?" Taylor stood outside the door to my home office.

"Ready," I grabbed a leather jacket off the couch and followed him to the elevator.

"You'll need these," he handed me the keys to the R8. Checking out my inquisitive look, he explained.

"You drive the R8; I'll follow behind. At the end of the evening, you ask Miss Steele if you can drive her home. You are alone, in the R8, and can talk without any interference."

"OHHHH," I said. "Thanks, Taylor."

"It will be our modus operandi for a while. If Miss Steele says no tonight; there's over sixteen weeks before the wedding and plenty more of these family dinners. Elliot said even Sundays will be at the Greys; odd Sundays will be at the Kavanagh residence. So you drive every time dinner is at your parents." He handed me a CD of Harry Connick, Jr. "Mood music," he explained. "Gail says some of those songs are popular dance tunes at weddings. Tell Miss Ana you are looking for the right song for the money dance which you have to coordinate as the best man."

 **XX - APOV**

Dessert, individual chocolate liqueur soufflés, is served with a large helping of Momzilla. I roll my eyes, but Christian catches me, and he has to hide a smirk. He, Elliot and I are being irreverent. Dinner (French onion soup, lamb chops, mushroom risotto and snow peas) was served with liberal glasses of wine which Christian, Elliot and I avoided. I think we're the only ones not buzzed at the table.

"I agree to a Vera Wang dress…but Elliot and I both want a strapless gown. Because the wedding is taking place in St. James, I'll wear a lace shrug or jacket for the wedding and then go strapless for the reception. Elliot and I want a jewel color wedding; sapphire for Ana, amethyst for Mia. Black tuxes for all the men; white tie and vest for Elliot; sapphire for Christian, amethyst for Ethan. Black tie and vest for fathers, grandfathers, uncles etc. I thought coordinating colors for the mothers and grandmothers - blues for the groom's family; purples for the bride's family." Kate says; handing Mia a copy of the pages she's accessing.

"If those are the colors you want…" Celeste began to say.

"Blame Christian," Elliot smirks. "If it wasn't for my blue and purple shiner…we would never have thought of the combination."

Christian looks shocked. Grace is speechless. I hide a smile.

 _I just want this to get over so I can go home. I have to tell Cassie everything, including the food, the table settings, the dinner conversation…and I still have to practice sitting and rising for an hour. I sigh and bite my lip, and Christian's eyes are riveted on my face. I stop fidgeting and stop biting my lip. I place my hands in my lap and adopt a poker face._

 **XX – 3PPOV**

"Katherine," Grace called out. "A word, please…"

Kate left Elliot talking to her parents. "What did you need Grace?"

"I don't want you to think I'm going to be a nosy, interfering mother-in-law," Grace said quietly, "but I want you to stop trying to set Ana up on blind dates."

"Elliot," Kate called out.

He joined her, slipping his arm around her waist. "What?"

"Grace asked me to quit trying to set Ana up on blind dates." Kate barely hid her laughter.

"Mom," Elliott started to say…a declaration from Christian brought a smile to his face. "Mom…you were saying you don't approve of our interference?"

"Oh," Grace hid a smile. "Devious much?"

 **XX**

"Can I take you home?" Christian asked.

"I think that would be a good idea. We need to talk." I said.

"I agree. Elliot, I'm taking Ana home." He called out; holding my coat. I see the look of surprise on Grace's face.

Once we're safely in the R8; Christian puts on quiet music and keeps his eyes on the road.

"I have questions." I said.

"I'll answer as honestly as I can," he said.

"Your parents know you…were involved with Elena?" I asked.

"They know. I told them we were involved from when I was 15 until I turned 21. We've never discussed it; but it was right after my fifteenth birthday to right after my twenty-first birthday. I quit Harvard and came home before my twenty-first birthday. Elena thought I'd get a place of my own and we'd carry on…only I was waiting until I was legal. I should have done it when I left to attend classes at Harvard when I was eighteen …but she was a safe place. I don't know how to explain it anyway other than that."

"Do your parents know about the BDSM?" I asked in a small voice.

"They know Elena ruled me with an iron fist. They know she was a madam. They know she provided fifteen contractual sexual partners for me. They know you have never been and never will be part of Elena's ensemble. They know Elena hated you because she was jealous. While I was with you…she didn't have chains and claims on my life." Christian explained Elena would be arrested for being a madam but he didn't know where or when.

"Are there other things I should know?" I asked.

We talked about the destruction of the playroom, and his history with Jack Hyde. He also explained there were sexual assaults in Hyde's history, so it is very important for me to be aware and never alone in public. If there is an issue; he wants me to rely on Prescott or Taylor.

"Ana, I'm sorry about everything…before. I'm sorry for being cold and distant." He said. "I was upset about leaving Savannah because Leila cut her wrists in front of Mrs. Jones. She took Leila to the hospital where Leila slipped away before she could be committed for a 72-hour watch. I should have told you there was an issue with an ex-sub before she showed up at your condo with a gun."

"Thank you for telling me," I said. "Is she why you were on edge that last Saturday morning?"

"I think so. I was angry her husband wanted paid for the information he had; which didn't tell us anything. We didn't learn she was estranged from him and he had no credible information about her until he was paid. Then all he could tell us was she left him for a boyfriend and was seeing a lawyer about a divorce." Christian admitted. "I'm sorry about punishing you. I'm sorry about hurting you. I want to be with you…if you are willing. I swear to God; I will never hurt you again."

"I'm sorry for everything too," I said. "Christian, I'm not ready to have a physical…sexual…relationship with you."

"John and I discussed this. Part of punishment is to make you see how much you want to be with me; and the flip side to that is to see how willing you are to behave in order to be with me. I don't like eye rolling, I don't like rude people…especially not in my private life since I have to deal with that in my work life." Christian said.

"Just so you know…you're never going to punish me again. I'm not a bad puppy, a captured convict or a wayward student from the 1800s. I don't like your controlling ways, Christian." I said.

"I know. I've discussed my need for control with John…several times." Christian admitted. "I know it's an issue stemming from my childhood when I had no control in my life. I know some of it is from not being able to control myself and depending upon Elena to provide control. The weekly lunches with her to discuss my submissives fooled me into thinking I had control. The truth is…she was manipulating me and my submissives. I know some of my issues are because I'm a flawed man…fifty shades baby."

"I should have understood the look on your face in the playroom the first night. You seemed nervous showing it to me. When I asked if you would use those implements to punish me…you said yes…but the look on your face was…euphoric…the thought of punishing me pleased you. I didn't realize it at the time, but I realized it that first weekend when I needed ibuprophen to take the hurt away." I said.

"I'm sorry about this mess I've made of us. I was right about one thing however; we have to trust each other for this to work. It's not acceptable to be vulnerable in the business world. But…when I'm with you…I'm vulnerable. I need to know I can trust you with my emotional safety…and I have to make sure you can trust me." He said. "Are you interested in dating me? I don't know much about dating…but I'm willing to try." He asked.

"I don't know much about dating either; but I'm willing to try," I said. "We have to take it slow. Baby steps…and public dates. I'm not coming to your condo every night for dinner. I'm not staying overnight for a while. I'm not falling back into bed with you until I feel comfortable about how I feel about you."

"No contracts, no rules, no Christian controlling behaviors?" He asked.

"No replacing my car. No over-the-top extravagant gifts. No interfering with my job. No interfering with my life – I have friends and I will see them. You have to learn to take me the way I am." I said. _Suddenly I experience an epiphany. I'm giving control of my life over to Cassie…which is not what I want. I need to learn some things; but I'm not Lady Diana or Kate Middleton. I refuse to lose the essential Ana. Granted…I might not be everyone's cup of tea…but there are plenty of people who like me the way I am. With a little polish and not so much posh…I'll be fine._

"You have to bear with me. I'm in touch therapy and I'm not comfortable with touch; but I am working on it. I know how much it means to you." He said. "My only sticking points are…"

"Monogamy, health and safety," I laughed.

"Yes, those are important to me." Christian sighed. "Which is why I worry about your safety with Lincoln and Hyde."

"As long as you understand what I feel is safe may not be what you consider safe." I said. "I'm not giving up my gun or target practice."

"As long as you have a close protection officer, I can learn to temper my definition of safe." He promised. "I have two more requests. I'd like to date you at least once a week, on a regular night. These wedding planning dinners don't count."

"Acceptable, if we can work out a schedule," I said. "What is the other request?"

"I want to pick you up at your door, and deliver you to your door at the end of the night." He said. "I want a goodnight kiss and we hold hands on our date."

"Like a normal couple, with public displays of affection?" I asked.

"Yes, just like a _normal_ couple," he said wryly.

"Acceptable," I said. We started trying to settle on 'date night.' If I don't sign up for yoga class; then I can have Wednesdays free. If he is in town; he has therapy that night, but said he will see if he can move John's appointment to Tuesdays or just before his touch therapy appointment on Fridays. We can try for Saturday night dates, if we're both free. He will email me. I gave him my personal email address since I moved. I explain he has to ask for every date in person or over the phone. I won't go on dates he tries to arrange during emails or texts. He can confirm our dates using those methods, but not initiate them. Also, no emails on work servers or calls or texts on work phones.

At my condo, Christian escorts me to my door. I could feel the current between us in the elevator. I tried not to succumb to the urge to throw myself at him. He held my hand, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles.

I opened the door to the condo and turned to him. He stepped close. "You can touch my biceps or shoulders, or my waist," he said; waiting for me to settle my hands him he cupped my face in his hands kissed me goodnight. For not kissing him in six months… it was soft, and sweet, and perfect. I might have swooned but I won't admit it to anyone but my journal.

 **January 24 - APOV**

"I think you've been too much in your head tonight," Mary said. "I think you've had overwhelming people in your life. Your mother, your roommate Kate, Christian. Please be honest with me about Cassie and the classes you will be taking. Have you considered the impact these classes will have on your life? Are you using these classes to help yourself – or are you using them to avoid Christian?"

I looked down at my hands…tears pricking my eyes.

"There's a thought…and it's not a happy one," Mary said. "I won't push, but can I can help?"

"I don't want a close protection officer, but since Christian and I have agreed to date; I think my days of anonymity are over." I tried to smile. "Additionally; Kate and Elliot's engagement will be announced. Since I'll be shopping and doing girl things with Kate and Mia; I'm going to be outed. There's already interest in who I am since the viral video."

"Do you feel…inadequate?" Mary asked.

"Inadequate…" I said, bombarded by memories of Leila Williams and our inadequate conversation. "Well…yes and no. I wish I could compact the monthly classes into weekend seminars. Then I could be done with all of it by the end of March instead of dragging it out for months. I know I asked for this, but I don't know if I need the depth and breadth of what Cassie teaches." I said.

"Would you be willing to give up your weekends, say seven to ten on Friday, eight to noon on Saturday and eight to noon on Sundays? February would cover the four months of Cassie personal classes. March would cover the four months of food classes. You could take dance classes every Friday night and Saturday morning in April and May. You should have a class in choosing clothes so you aren't stuck with some garish tulle thing as a bridesmaid's gown. You should take the makeup and hair class so you're not wearing clown makeup for the wedding pictures or an avant-garde hairstyle which makes you nervous or embarrassed. You want to enjoy your friend's wedding." Mary suggested.

"I anticipated this conversation...or rather...I was determined to have this conversation with you. Let's look over those compact class courses and we'll ensure you are getting what you need. Ana, I think you are a lovely young woman. I think you will be successful in your career and your life. I believe you can learn from what Cassie teaches… but I agree four months of intense classes might give you feelings of inadequacy instead of alleviating your self-doubts. I believe every college should teach their students basic business etiquette, lunches, meetings, etc. Do you have a business mentor you could ask about the classes?" She retrieved the class lists and we began weeding out what I thought was excessive or what Mary thought was excessive. Then we called Cassie.

"Mary said you conduct compact courses where you fit your intense classes into a weekend. I can't go through four months of classes, feeling I'm inadequate. I'll hate Kate and Elliot and the wedding before it ever gets here." I said.

Cassie started to explain the fallibility of my thinking.

I explain – it's February for the personal classes, March for the food classes and April and May for dance classes. I can't do more or I'll burn out. I tell Cassie I want to improve and polish…not rebuild and remake myself…more Eliza Doolittle and less Bionic Woman. If Cassie's not willing to work with me; then I will seek someone who will. I can ask Shawn to help and advice if I have to.

Cassie and I began weeding through what I want to learn and what I need to learn. I agree to seven to ten on Friday night; eight to noon on Saturday and Sunday. The first weekend in February will be the Personal Posture class.

The second weekend will be Personal Style with the emphasis on styles to suit my body, work, casual and event wardrobe, hairstyles and makeup. I don't give a damn about elegant travel wardrobes, and beach wardrobes, and black tie, white tie, red carpet attire.

Cassie sighs.

I tell her when I write a wonderful children's book which becomes a movie and I'm Oscar nominated – I'll sign up for those classes as quick as I can.

She agrees. Somehow Ana 1.0 thinks Cassie wants to be able to claim me as a success story for future clients… _"See that girl – she could barely walk and talk when she came to me - but look at her now – floating around the floor on Christian Grey's arm. That was me…Bippity Boppity Boo!"_

The third February weekend will be the Eloquent Elocution class. I need to speak properly at business meetings. If I'm going to be a Copy Editor and present at author launches, I need to know business etiquette, conversation, etc. The fourth February weekend will be the Social Spotlight. I told Cassie I want to concentrate on the wedding events – like bridal showers, bachelorette party, rehearsal dinner and any other pre-wedding brunches and lunches. I need to learn to write and deliver the Maid of Honor speech without saying 'uhh' a dozen times. She recommends I learn how to deal with drunks, inappropriate comments, crude sexual propositions and inappropriate touching not only for personal but also for business reasons. I agree…thinking of how I really want to put my knee in Jack Hyde's boys.

I agree to continue practice walking in heels and practice sitting for the entire month of February on my own time. At the end of February, Cassie wants to review me, with a possibility of my continuing to practice sitting and walking in March.

March will be dining. The first weekend is casual dining, the second is business dining, the third is society dining and the fourth is entertaining. We've cut down on a great deal of the superfluous again.

April will concentrate on three-hour dance classes on Friday night and Saturday morning or on Saturday and Sunday mornings. April's dance class includes the waltz, foxtrot, two-step and quick step. I can repeat those classes in May or move on to Latin rhythm dance classes. I agree to April's dance classes with continued practice in May if needed. I tell Cassie I'm not participating in a ballroom dance competition. If the other women at Kate's wedding want a dance-off; they will do it without me. I don't need to learn the merengue, cha-cha or other Latin rhythm dances. I don't plan to dance salsa or Lambada ever.

Cassie agrees to email the new syllabi to Mary and me before the end of the week. She will include the address and directions to her business address. Classes begin promptly at seven on Friday and eight on Saturday and Sunday. There is no excuse for being late. Late once means one hour of research for every minute we are late. Late twice is release from the class with no reimbursement of funds.

Somehow the thoughts of summer classes at WSUV float through my head. My advisor recommended taking core classes in the summer. He said a six-week course in animal biology where we had to dissect dead specimens was better than twelve weeks. I didn't believe him until I took my first set of summer courses. After that, I took summer core classes out of self-defense. Kate, once she learned core classes were scheduled for eight o'clock, joined me in many summer core classes.

Mary and I catch our breath after dealing with Cassie. "I'm very proud of you tonight," Mary said. "You've identified your needs and addressed them. I think you will be much happier with the condensed courses." She smiled. "Okay; on to another touchy subject…Valentine's Day is coming. What can you do in the next three weeks to bring joy, passion and purpose to your life? That's the killer assignment. Something that's a need, something to read, something you share, something that shows you care."

"Christian and I agreed to start dating," I inform Mary.

 **January 25 – CPOV**

"How did you ride out the storm?" John asked.

"I packed up lots of work, computer, clothes, etc. and went to my parents with Mrs. Jones and Taylor. They have generators and fireplaces. Mia and my parents were there. I tried to get Elliot to bring Kate and Ana there for safety reasons.

John motioned for me to continue.

"Elliot said Ana was fine – food, water, heat and plans for things to do to keep her busy. He said she promised her Dad to stay home. He and Kate went to their condo instead of going to my parents also. So what did you do?" I asked.

"Visited with Leila," he said. "She was upset and her doctor called me. She's been making great strides; but it's been a year since her boyfriend died in a car accident on the I-5. She was having a rough day. Her doctor and I met with her and helped her talk through her emotions. When it was over, four hours later, she was mentally and physically exhausted and so were we. But it was a breakthrough. Instead of going radio dark…she talked."

"I'll pay for your four hours counseling her," I offered.

"I'll pass, but there is something I would like you to do." John explained. "Her 90-day evaluation is just after Presidents Day in February. If she progresses like she's currently progressing, I anticipate she will be ready to relocate to her parents' home in Connecticut by her 180-day evaluation just before Memorial Day. She needs someone to bankroll her divorce from Reed. She's willing to let him keep everything if she gets her freedom from him and a no-contact order. Additionally, she will need funds to relocate, finish getting her degree and pay for additional therapy as needed."

 _"It's always money," I thought to myself. "It always comes down to money." I sighed._ "I will fund her needs. In exchange, I want an updated NDA from her, her ex-husband, his family, her family and any future therapist."

"We need to get the divorce proceedings underway," John said. "Her doctor says there is a 90-day waiting period once the divorce petition is filed. They've been separated for over a year."

"Make it happen," I told John. "Just keep her away from me. I don't care to see her. Let me know if we have to pay medical staff to transport her to Connecticut." I sighed. "I need help, John. Ana agreed to date me, but she only has Wednesday nights available. Can we move my session with you to Tuesday nights when Ana is meeting with her therapist?"

 **January 27 – CPOV**

What the fuck is Sabine up to? Taylor brought me a very nice flyer delivered to employees at Grey House and Grey Annex. It offered 25% off Sabine's usual fees for tax preparation. Taylor thinks he got all of them out of the mail room before they were delivered to staff; but a few might have gotten through. He promises to have a chat with Sabine and find out what is going on.

 **XX**

Sela suggests John and I talk while she massages. I tell John I need to learn how to date. Our coffee date ended with Ana walking away in tears. I can't mention the Heathman dinner date which was a contract negotiation meeting. Soaring and breakfast were perfect…until I had to leave.

"The ABCDE's of dating, are easy," John begins writing notes on an index card. "A is for action – bowling, horseback riding, football game…"

"Soaring, sailing, flying," I interrupted.

"B is for brains – a trivia night at a pub with burgers and beer." John explained.

"I heard B was for breakfast," Sela said. "That way you know what each other is like in the morning – do you need coffee before you are a nice person? Is she a breakfast person? Do either of you have breakfast issues like no pork products or no carbs? Plus, breakfast dates give you the opportunity to do something afterwards, like shopping at Pike Place Market or going to the museum or aquarium which segues nicely into lunch. Lunch leads to an afternoon movie matinee which can lead to a sunset walk around Union Lake, while holding hands, and followed by a picnic or dinner."

"We did that, soaring and breakfast. It was wonderful. Ana eats pancakes and is a good cook, and yes I like coffee and she likes tea. She doesn't like waking up…I think she'd sleep in until noon if she was allowed."

"You have to start over; it's been too long since that date," John said. "C is for charity – working for a food bank, a marathon run, a fundraising event." John said. "Do you have a different C?" He asked Sela.

"C could be for culture – a museum or art gallery," Sela continued her massage.

"D is for dancing – go to an event which has dancing – it can be part of the charity event. Or dinner and dancing; or clubbing – dancing the night away. Or take dance lessons together – swing dancing or salsa. E is for education – aquarium, planetarium, a falls and winery tour, a tour of Boeing, or lunch and the observation deck at the Space Needle." John looked to Sela for confirmation and she nodded. "Well, that's all I've got. Do you want to add to it?"

"Education can include a cooking class – learn to make sushi together; have her teach you how to make her specialty. F is for food and a flick – the old dinner and a movie date. G is for girl's choice – what would she like to do with you? H is for hosting – host a dinner together. She can concentrate on the food; you can concentrate on the wine. A pairings dinner shows how well you work together and communicate." Sela said. "If you get stuck for ideas, start over. A through H gives you eight dates."

John and Sela both tell me not to expect sex on the third date with Ana. Some couples fall into bed and fall in love on their first night. Sela explained she had sixteen Skype sessions with her husband between date one, coffee and date two, a carnival. John explains he didn't kiss Rhiann on the lips until their fifth date. Every relationship has its own time cycle. He says I'm not in a foot race, but in an endurance run with Ana.

 **Saturday, January 28 – TPOV**

"Taylor," Sabine drew a deep breath and closed the door and mini blinds to her office. "What are you doing here?" Her voice was a half hiss.

"What are you up to, Sabine?" I hand her the flyer.

She frowns when she reads it. "WTF?" She reads it again. "Where did you get this?"

"In the mail at Grey House and Grey Annex." I said calmly.

"Taylor…" she shook her head violently. "This isn't ours…Falcon Financials doesn't do cold advertising like this. Someone created this from our website. It's not our standard colors, formatting or paper." She laid it on the desk and reached for a binder off a shelf over her computer. She laid it on the desk and began flipping through brochures, post cards, etc. "We don't have a flyer like that. We have informational brochures and we have follow up postcards to remind people of their appointments." She took a deep breath.

"Just an FYI, there's been a few hundred we've pulled from circulation," I advise her.

"Does Mr. Grey think I did this?" She asked calmly. "Because I would never…"

"I know, and I told him so. Since you know, you can be proactive and fix the issue." I said.

Sabine uttered an expletive in Italian…followed by silence and then a spate of Italian expletives. "Thank you for bringing this to my attention Taylor. I'll handle it. Please assure Mr. Grey; Falcon Financials has nothing to do with this. We've both been punked…and if I was to guess who is behind it…my first guess would be Elena Lincoln or her minions."

"Why do you think it was Elena?" I asked.

Sabine made a face. "Who else has time on their hands to print and mail several hundred of these? She's not working because the SEC and IRS have put the salons in receivership. I don't know what she thinks she will gain by outing Mr. Grey and my previous business relationship. Should I assume there was more to their termination of business partnership than what was quoted in the September papers?"

"Yes…he cut personal and professional ties with her. If you've read the papers, Dr. T. is no longer friends with Elena Lincoln either." I said.

"I didn't know. Now I'm positive the perpetrator of this prank was Elena. Who else do Mr. Grey and I have in common? We attend different parishes. We go to different restaurants. We live in different areas of the city." She sighed. "Melora and I will take care of this. There will be a full size ad in Sunday's _Seattle Times_. Please let him know I'll handle this."

"Thank you, Sabine. Mr. Grey wants to pay for whatever you need to fix this…" I stopped when I saw the look on her face.

"No, no, no," Sabine said. "I will pay for it out of Falcon Financials operating expenses and claim it on next year's taxes as a business loss. I don't want his money. He helped me enough when he mentored me. My company is solid. We're expanding every year."

"I'll let him know. Please let me know if you have contact with any of his subs. Here's a list of Grey House and Grey Annex employees, in case one of the flyers slipped through the cracks. Just make sure you don't accept Anastasia Steele as a client. It would be in both your best interests." Sabine nodded with understanding. I shook her hand and left. Her business was busy on a January Saturday. Tax season was right around the corner for her; just days away as a matter of fact.

Sawyer texted today's bridal shopping was hell wrapped in white satin, tulle and lace. They looked at wedding invitations, napkins and place cards. They brought back samples which will be the focus of tomorrow night's dinner.

 **Sunday, January 29 - APOV**

"That was fun!" Kate and Mia giggled when we exited the movie theatre. We went to see _One for the Money_. "We haven't been to a movie in forever."

"I'm glad we could fit this in before I start yoga and dance lessons. Just be prepared to not see me until after 10 on Fridays and after 1:30 on Saturdays and Sundays." I said.

"What is your first lesson?" Mia asked. "I remember dance classes, don't you Kate?"

"Hell yes, and the only reason I went and didn't bitch about it is because that's the only time I got to wear high heels." Kate said.

"I got to wear high heels, but I hit my height early, growing from five foot five to five foot ten in one year. In high heels, all the boys wanted to dance with me because their face was in my tits." Mia laughed.

"EWWWW," Kate and I both laughed.

"So are you dancing in heels?" Mia asked.

"Yes I have to dance in heels and a long skirt." I said. "Orders from the dance teacher. She wants to make sure I dance gracefully at your wedding."

Kate and Mia laugh at me. I feel like a shit for lying to them; but part of me feels it is self-preservation.

 **XX - CPOV**

Taylor and I talk about Sabine's full-page color ad in today's business section of _Seattle Times_. It had an enlarged picture of the faux flyer. She apologizes but Falcon Financials will not honor the faux flyer. In 48-point print, the ad explains Falcon Financials has never created a flyer they mail to anyone's home. They use an agency for their advertising needs; which is mostly online banner ads and webpages. She is seated in a chair; attired in a navy pencil skirt and aquamarine silk shirt. Her professionally attired and coiffed staff stand in a circle behind her. I recognize her Office Manager and two of her employees. The other four are new to me. I ask Taylor if we should investigate her new employees. He says our time is better spent ensuring Elena Lincoln is put behind bars where she can't mess with the universe. Martin Luther King's birthday has come and gone, and the SPD Sex Crimes Unit has not moved on Elena yet. It's frustrating waiting for that shit storm to hit the fan. Taylor assures me he will talk with Prescott to ensure Miss Steele and Mrs. Keyes do not meet if possible.

 **XX**

I held Ana's coat for her as we were leaving the Kavanaghs after dinner. "I rearranged my Wednesday nights. I'd like a date with you on Wednesday night; at seven p.m. I will pick you up at your condo."

"What should I wear?" She asked.

"Casual, warm, jeans or slacks, sweater, jacket, boots," I recommended. "I'll walk you to your car." We say goodnight to my parents and the Kavanaghs who hug Ana a little too long, but she offers me her hand as we exit the door. I walk her to Prescott's SUV, kiss her cheek and open the door for her. Prescott brought her tonight because she had never driven to the Kavanagh house. Ana felt it was important for Prescott to learn.

 _God I'm glad it's dark out. When I slide into my SUV, I have to sit with my legs spread because I'm as hard as a rock. I think about cold, snow, skiing, whipping winds, biting temperatures…and I'm able to walk to the elevator at Escala without pain or embarrassment…what the fuck…am I fifteen again? Then a song verse hits me…I'm dying for some action…Bruce Springsteen…Dancing in the Dark. God I wish Ana and I were dancing in the dark._


	42. Chapter 42

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 42 –** "Sing with me and find the key," _Jumping Jack Flash_

 **February 1 - APOV**

Christian picks me up at seven. I'm dressed casually in black jeans, blazer, boots and purse with a dove grey turtleneck sweater and ponytail. I have a packet of index cards in my purse which have a dozen questions. He kisses my cheek hello and asks if I'm ready to go. He brought the R8. I remember the first car ride. I remember the coffee date…which wasn't a date. I remember the dinner… which wasn't a date. It was a business meeting where he was offering electronics, vehicle, clothes, jewelry, money in exchange for my body, for following his rules, and for keeping my mouth shut and keeping my hands off him. I remember the soaring and breakfast which was our first real date, except he had to leave shortly after. I hope tonight goes better.

We arrive at Escala, and I'm freaked. Honestly…I'm freaked. Dinner at his penthouse is not public.

"Trust me?" He asked.

"I'm trying…" I said.

"I think you'll like this," Christian said. We're in the elevator, but we don't stop at the Penthouse. We go to the roof. "Off to adventure," he said, escorting me to a helicopter. "Charlie Tango is still at Boeing Field. We don't want to start repairs on it yet. In the meantime, I'm renting a replacement helicopter. Tonight I thought I would take you on a night tour of Seattle; if that's alright with you. I thought we'd get some gourmet burgers on the way home."

"As long as you don't expect us to spend the night together, or have me make breakfast in the morning," I said.

"A man can dream, Anastasia." He kissed me gently on the lips and helped me into the cockpit of the helicopter.

 **XX**

We're at a gourmet burger restaurant; which is surprising packed on a Wednesday night. We're in a secluded booth against a wall, which I appreciate. We're holding hands across the table when the waitress comes over to take our order. I hesitate.

"What's the problem?" Christian asked quietly.

"Sorry, I wasn't planning on ordering…" I said.

"You thought I was going to order for us?" He asked quietly.

"Yes," I feel embarrassed.

"John told me that's controlling. He said you know how hungry you are and what you'd like to eat," Christian said.

"Thank you, but…" I paused, trying to marshal my thoughts. "Sometimes it's annoying and sometimes it's…" I pause, not finding the right adjective.

"Sexy as hell?" His voice dropped into that _sex-on-legs_ tone.

I nodded. "I'd like to start with a large sparkling water with a lime twist."

Christian gave his order for a mug of beer and my water, telling the waitress we'd order when she returned. He explained this is one of Taylor's favorite places to eat.

We talk about the food offerings and he decides on a third pound Angus burger with steak sauce, grilled onions and grilled mushrooms. I decide on the black bean burger topped with Monterey jack cheese with a grilled Ortega Chile and chipotle sauce. We'll share a large order of cracked black pepper steak fries.

 _My subconscious said, 'this is not the same Christian you fell in love with last June. Be careful! Take your time…_

I reached in my purse and took out a portable audio jammer Harley gave me. "Jammer. No one can hear what we say to one another. Cell phones are useless within 50 feet of us. No one can clone our phones. No one can scan our credit cards."

"Nice," he said. "Taylor has a few of these too."

"Let's do a quick round of introductions," I said. "I'll say three things about me which have changed since we went our separate ways last June."

"Okay," he tilts his head and considers.

"I went to a yoga retreat over the holiday weekend. I start dance lessons in April. I've been talking with a therapist." I said.

"Leila stole an apology letter I wrote you before she trashed the Audi. John believes she will be well enough to go home to Connecticut in May. She was in pain…emotional pain. She wanted me to take the bad pain away and replace it with good pain. John told her I ripped out the playroom and am not interested in contracting any submissives." He said. "He said once she realized she couldn't expect me to help her sublimate her pain…she started dealing with her situation."

"Really?" I said.

"Elliot converted it to a large empty room with an attached ensuite. He thinks I plan to use it for a guest room." Christian ran his thumb over my knuckles.

"That's a pity because we had a few good times in there before…" I paused.

"Ana … if I could go back and do it over again…I would never have let Elena touch me. I would never have punished you. I would have told you I love you first. I would have been the kind of man you deserve." Christian said.

"You're not the same guy I met in May last year, are you?" I asked.

"I hope not. I've spent a lot of money on therapy. I started Traumatic Touch Therapy three times. I am determined to make it through the program. I've been seeing John weekly." He shrugged.

"I know being in public will be difficult; because of who you are. However, if I'm willing to not be jealous and bitchy over women trying to get your attention; then you have to be willing to show the world what I mean to you." I said.

"I've never done dates before, Ana. I don't want to be lousy at dating and have you walk away from me." He sighed.

"Soaring…it was more. It was a date. You introduced me as your girlfriend. You have no idea what it meant to me." I said.

I'm not paying attention when the waitress returns…and I'm suddenly soaked in beer and lime water. The waitress tripped and our drinks flew all over me, the beer mug bounced off my right eye brow and the water glass bounced off my breasts. Beer splashes on my face and hair; dripping down onto my jacket. Water and ice cover my breasts and land in my lap.

Christian goes ballistic; screaming at our server.

I yell at him to shut up! Sheesh…I'm embarrassed enough at the situation without him compounding my misery by shouting and carrying on like a five-year-old. "SOMEONE just point me to the powder room!" Everyone in the place is watching us.

The server leads me to the powder room. I'm trying to dry off. I'm soaked, cold and miserable. My sweater and jeans are wet. My bra and panties are wet…and I don't mean a good kind of wet either. I wash my hands and face, and try to dry my hair. I reach into my purse and get a handful of cold liquid. FMTT. I empty the contents of my purse into the sink. I dry off the contents and drop them back into the damp purse…thankful my work and personal cell phone were in outside zippered pockets and did not get drenched. My no-contact paperwork was in an outside pocket and is intact also. Ice cubes from my water slid down into my boots along with some of the water. I'm uncomfortable and miserable. The stench of beer is overwhelming. I just want to leave quietly, without walking back through the dining room filled with overly-curious observers.

The hostess comes in. She's apologetic – offering to have the waitress pay for my cleaning bill. I can hear Christian shouting at the poor girl. I ask the hostess to bring her to the bathroom. She's weeping, apologetic and appalled at spilling on me.

I hand her a tissue. "It's alright," I said, surprisingly calm. "The place is packed; accidents happen. I'm uncoordinated also. I apologize; he's a little much to take in, isn't he?"

"I need this job," she sobbed. "I'm trying to go to college during the day and I work here nights and weekends. I'm sorry, but I can't afford to replace your designer clothes. I'm sorry, but the woman in that chair moved to get her purse and jostled me and your drinks went flying."

"I don't want you to replace anything. Accidents happen. I'm not angry. Just take a deep breath and tell me how to get out of here without walking back through the dining room. I'll do my best to have his tech people keep the incident and him yelling at you from going viral. I won't post any rude or derogatory reviews either," I promised her. The hostess is relieved, the poor waitress is relieved, and I'm thrilled when they show me a back way out of the restaurant. "Please wait fifteen minutes," I tell them. "If Mr. Grey asks…I'm in the bathroom trying to dry my clothes and hair using the hand dryer. If he demands reparations…tell him you discussed the situation with me, the injured party, and we arrived at a solution which suits all of us."

 **XX – 3PPOV**

"Let's exit when we can," Lauren Hudson's date asked quietly. "I don't want anyone thinking you deliberately bumped into that waitress."

"I think it's a good idea when we've finished our dinner," Lauren said. She wanted to get home. Her date was disappointing and she was ready to go home and pop open a bottle of wine with Liv. Granted, the hamburgers in this place were fabulous, but no one would appreciate her little 'bump and dump' as much as Liv would. She had to post on social media page…no, Greywatch twitter! 'Christian Grey goes on a date…with an unknown brunette … who needs lessons in how to drink; not wear, her beer.' She wondered if the information was worth a bonus from Elena.

 **XX - APOV**

I tell the night concierge not to allow anyone up to my condo until eight o'clock tomorrow when my body guard arrives. I draw the drapes and dowse the lights in the condo except for the master bedroom and bath. The front door deadbolt and security chains are locked. I put my phones on the chargers; strip and take a hot shower. The purse is ruined; the boots are ruined. My blazer and sweater have to go to the cleaners. I put everything else in the washer. I'm sorry Christian, but I couldn't sit there – cold, wet, and smelly; pretending I'm having a good time.

I cry in the shower…for our ruined date, for the poor waitress who worried about her livelihood, about the cab driver who charged me double to fumigate the beer smell before he could pick up another client and for my ruined boots Laura gave me for Christmas. I dry my hair, braid it, put on comfortable pajamas and take a bottle of cold green tea to bed. The bedroom door is locked. It's lights out, alarm set, and I'm huddled under my covers, weeping because I'm such a chicken. I don't want the world to laugh at video of a drenched Anastasia Steele who is out on a date with gorgeous Christian Grey. He's right…it is a pretty face…but yelling at the server and hostess was beyond what I could handle tonight.

 **XX - CPOV**

I demanded the server be fired; but the hostess explained Miss Steele settled the situation to her satisfaction. When I ask where Miss Steele is; the hostess tells me she's drying her clothes in the bathroom. Taylor grabbed me by the arm and hustled me out of the restaurant. He locks me in his SUV. He tells me to call Miss Steele to tell her I'm outside waiting for her and he's inside waiting for her. She's not answering her phone; which makes me think it was soaked during the incident. Taylor calls to tell me he's paid for everyone's evening in exchange for them dumping videos and pictures off their cell phones. I email Barney to keep videos of Ana and me from going viral.

Fifteen minutes later when I ask Taylor to ask the hostess to check on Ana…he tells me Miss Steele has gone home. I'm pissed. Why did she run away? I try to call her again; no answer. I EXITED THE SUV AND HURLED MY SMART PHONE AT A BRICK WALL OF THE PARKING GARAGE. God I love Taylor for teaching me how to throw a football.

When he returns to the SUV, with parts of the smart phone in a baggie; Taylor gives me another smart phone. I call, text, email – SHE DOESN'T ANSWER! I ordered Taylor to take me to her condo – against his recommendation. The concierge informs me she's in for the night and gave orders not allow anyone up to her condo. She does not wish to be disturbed. He informs me since Elliot no longer lives in the building and he's not required to put up with my attitude or swearing. I have 60 seconds to exit the building or he's calling the police and telling them I'm belligerent, combative and disturbing the peace.

"BELLIGERENT AND COMBATIVE – FUCKER, I WILL OWN THIS BUILDING TOMORROW AND YOU WILL BE FIRED." I shouted at him.

"Our security cameras run 24/7. Threaten me again, and I will call the police." The concierge warns me. "As far as I am concerned...you present a potential danger to Miss Steele. I will not allow you to badger or physically endanger her."

I storm back the SUV; trying to call Ana again…and there is no answer. The smart phone makes the best smash sound I've heard in months. I get in the SUV and slam the door shut. Taylor wordlessly reaches into the console between the seats and removes another smart phone, handing it over to me. He exits the SUV with another baggie to retrieve parts. I try to call, text, and email – no answer. I'm pissed and swearing at the top of my lungs. Taylor advises I calm down – because he strongly feels this is the exact reason Miss Steele left the restaurant and is not talking to me.

We're at Escala, and I try to call again; she doesn't answer. I SMASHED MY THIRD SMART PHONE FOR THE NIGHT. Upstairs; Taylor says he'll give me another phone after I go work off some aggression. I fire the fucker and he laughs. He sends Reynolds down to the parking garage to pick up phone parts and retrieve the R8 from the restaurant.

I'm pissed as hell and beat the fuck out of the kickboxing dummy, I pound on it until I'm exhausted and it's destroyed. After I take a shower; I call John…and I swear, scream and shout about Anastasia leaving without notice, without anyone to protect her, putting her life in danger…etc. Once I've vented…John reminds me …I will not spank or punish Ana when I see her. She's made it quite clear she will go where she wants, when she wants… and since she went home without telling me…she obviously didn't want to be around me while I'm having a meltdown. He reminds me of Sela's appointment on Friday and I can call any time.

"You will have to explain why you are calling on 'Grey House 15' phone," he intoned. "What happened to 12, 13 and 14?"

"Ana," I snapped.

"OH NO," John said. "You're not blaming your meltdown on her. Analyze it; own it; deal with it. She obviously had triggers and you need to learn them."

I fire him and he laughs also. I'm careful not to throw the phone. I work in the office until almost two. I'm too tired to fight off sleep. I know I'm going to have a night terror…because I was so out of control tonight.

 **February 2 - APOV**

I wrote Christian a thank you note for the date, explaining I left because I was wet, smelly, cold and miserable. I could not face walking through that dining room to finish our date. I tell him I'm sorry but I would appreciate if he could keep videos of our date off the Internet. I thank him for the tour; I loved the view of the city by night, especially the Space Needle and Union Lake. Sunday night we can talk about if we will continue to do this or not. I give the note to Prescott and ask her to deliver it to Grey House for Christian while I start my work day.

 **XX - CPOV**

I get a note from Anastasia, thanking me for the tour and explaining why she left. I don't want to wait until Sunday to see her, but John said I have to give her space. I send a dozen white roses to her condo with a note saying that I'm sorry our date ended so badly. I tell her I'm looking forward to seeing her on Sunday. Then I go down to the Grey House gym and run on the treadmill until Ros comes looking for me. We've half a dozen projects in various stages of planning and progress. I promise to hit the showers and come up to her office. She promises hot coffee and lunch.

 **February 3 - CPOV**

Sela explained abdominal and lower back massages are given for various reasons. Some massages ease lower back pain. Some ease menstrual cramps. Some are for post-partum recovery. Some ease the pains of pregnancy. Some ease the pain of terminal illnesses. Sela's massage is about touch, to allow me to experience touch without stress. I'm wearing the torso bandage. Sela explains she will massage from the area under my ribs to my hipbones in front and from the bottom of my back ribs to the top of my lower lumbar region. She suggests we discuss the wedding while she massages. She rolls a white board with notes on it over so she can refer to it when she massages.

"I've researched wedding websites and I called two wedding planners. As best man, you've got responsibilities. You serve as the groom's personal aide before, during and after the wedding. I'm not concerned about handing him the ring. What concerns me is all the touching stuff…and I don't mean the wedding toasts, father-daughter dance…I mean the touchy feely stuff. I know you don't want to go to some tux place at a mall and have unknown females pawing all over you. It's probably best if you have all the men come to your place and have Miles and his staff take measurements for the tuxes. Plus, you need to talk to your brother and the bride about what they plan for tuxes for everyone. You do not want to be stuck in light blue 1970s polyester leisure suits." Sela said.

"Issue one – are you expected to be an usher in addition to your best man duties? It would be special for you to seat your grandmother and mother. I'm not worried about them touching you. It's possible the other 100 women might get handsy with you when you show them to their seat. Does the bride have male cousins who would take on the task of usher? One of the wedding planners I talked to said to expect at least six ushers for 300 people." John noted.

"Wait a minute, Taylor!" When he runs in; alarmed; I apologize, but I need him to take notes. I wave at the white board while talking to him. "Please take notes for me. We're working on wedding items at these Sunday night family dinners." Taylor photographs both sides of the white board. I quickly cover what Sela and John just said while he takes notes.

"Next issue – receiving line – you're going to be shaking hands with 300 people. Do you know the lineup for the receiving line? If not, you need to know who is to your left and who is to your right so you can have backup against women who throw themselves at you. I assume Jason isn't standing behind you with a gun during that part of the reception." Sela keep massaging after giving Taylor a smirk. "Another issue is the dancing at the wedding. Do you know the women in the wedding party?" Sela asked.

"My sister Mia is the bridesmaid, Ana is the maid of honor," I said.

"Really?" John's eyes lit up.

"Issues with Ana?" Sela asked.

"She's the woman he wants in his life," John answered. "They had a date Wednesday night. It didn't end well." He explained.

"Have you ever danced with Ana before?" Sela asked.

"Yes, and we dance well together. I'm not worried about dancing with her. I'm worried about dancing with the females in Kate's family."

"Okay, we'll get to that." Sela looked at the list on her clipboard. "You'll be in charge of organizing the bachelor party. I assume you won't be having a stripper fawn all over the men at the bachelor party."

"You assume correctly," I laughed. "I don't know what we're going to do yet, and I'm not sure how many men. I really want to have a bachelor party with just the wedding party. Elliot can have the drunk debacle with his employees sans me."

"Rehearsal should not be a problem, you'll go from the waiting area at the church to the foyer to seat your grandmother and mother. Then you'll meet up with Elliot and walk into the sanctuary. Depending on the service, you may be doing a reading; handing over the ring, etc. When it is over; you'll be walking up the aisle with Miss Ana on your arm. You need the picture schedule and where you will be standing. You should not stand with anyone who hasn't touched you before. You'll be in charge of the transportation of the groom to the church, the married couple to the reception and the married couple to wherever they are spending their honeymoon night. Your brother might want you to take them to the airport and pick them up when the honeymoon is over." John said.

"Rehearsal dinner shouldn't be a problem – again, it is the wedding party and family. You will probably have to shake hands with the bride's family; but I doubt if you will be expected to dance. As best man; you are responsible for corralling the groomsman and the ushers. You'll sign the marriage license after the ceremony as a witness. You may be announced with the maid of honor when the reception begins. You'll be seated at the head table – and you need to find out the seating arrangements." Taylor read from Sela's board while she worked on me.

I sighed and Sela smiled.

"The tough part is coming up," John said. "The dancing."

"You will probably dance with Ana, Mia, Kate, your mother and grandmother – possibly with your aunts and girl cousins also. You need to find out if you're expected to dance with the aunts, grandmothers and cousins on her side of the family. Personally – I think they ought to be a duty assigned to the ushers. They have no duties at the reception – other than not getting drunk and standing up for the garter toss." Taylor read and took notes for me.

"Generally, you will give the first toast at the reception," John said. "Not an issue. You decorate the getaway car, not an issue either unless you have a bunch of his drunk buddies trying to 'help' you. The other big task is coordinating the special, joint wedding gift from the wedding party to the bride and groom. I don't think that will be an issue since there are four of you."

Taylor smirked and averted his gaze; making sure he took notes.

"Then there are the parties," John explained. "These planning dinners at your mother's house are just the beginning. You'll be attending other planning events at her parents' home. There will probably be couples' showers you have to attend. You need to talk to Elliot and make sure there aren't any wild get-away weekends planned somewhere, or dance parties, etc."

"What's going on the day of the wedding?" Sela asked.

"The day before the wedding Dad and Grandpa want to take Elliot out sailing, along with men from the wedding party and her family. I think the men are staying overnight at my parents' house. Mom's talking about a breakfast buffet. We dress there, and then are transported to the church." I explained. "The ladies are staying overnight at the bride's parents' house."

Taylor cleared his throat, "If there's a money dance, you start it by dancing with the bride while the maid of honor dances with the groom. Both of you are the master of ceremonies for the dance, keeping people in line and keeping the music going. When the reception is over – it's getting him changed into his going away clothes – and doing the walk between the guests and getting them into the car you decorated and on their way. The Monday after the wedding – it's up to you to see that the tuxes are returned to the store."

I sighed. "Can I bribe Elliot to elope?"

Taylor laughed. "You're already in trouble with the bride over that black eye. You'd better not offer Elliot money to elope."

"Black eye?" Sela asked.

 _Damn. I have no secrets._

 **XX – APOV**

"Good evening," Cassie greeted the six of us. "Thank you for being on time. We have a great deal to cover tonight. Let's begin. Tonight your current posture will be evaluated. I will teach you the top ten posture mistakes and how to correct them. Tonight you will learn to stand, walk and sit properly. Tomorrow I will teach you core exercises to improve your posture. Wear gym clothes. Ladies, bring heels for walking practice. Sunday I will teach you about body stress; stretches and movements. I will teach you exercises to relieve stress in your upper body. I will teach you proper breathing. You will be tested on walking, standing, siting, entering and exiting a room, etc. Let's get started."

When I'm done with Cassie's class; I have Prescott take me home. We had a working dinner in my office, where she changed my Cassie appointments in my phone and her phone. I think she's as relieved as I am about the condensed classes. I'm thrilled to be behind closed doors without an audience. A hot shower, warm pajamas and a good book lull me to sleep very fast. Tomorrow is another day with Cassie.

 **February 4 - APOV**

Up at six, breakfast and dressed in exercise clothes, tote with a skirt and heels for walking at Cassie's today. After a class where we practice core exercises for one hour; walking properly for one hour, sitting and rising properly for an hour in addition to how to open and close doors properly, how to enter and exit rooms, how to enter and exit vehicles, how to talk and NOT use my hands during conversations; Prescott reminds me about lunch and Kate and Mia. She said Taylor recommended we develop a code word for when I'm exhausted and want to go home.

Mia and Kate want to have pizza and girl talk at Kate's condo. It's a chance for us to discuss what happened on date night. There were some videos of it, but Christian and Barney squelched them quickly. I explained how embarrassed I was about the situation and Christian's yelling didn't help things. I thank both of them for their camaraderie, but I have to work through my issue with the stench of beer and my issues with Christian's yelling.

Kate gives me mail which came to the condo for me. I hand it off to Prescott in the hall. She and I can go over it later if there's anything I need to know. After we talk and eat pizza; Kate explains she and Elliot are going to a mandatory marriage class this afternoon with a dozen other couples. It's scheduled for the first Saturday of every month. Mia says Zumba kicked her butt this morning and she's not moving until she has to go to the club tonight. They are debuting a new menu and she promised to be there. I tell them I'm shopping for boots and purse via Amazon to replace my ruined ones. It was a quiet relaxing lunch and I loved it.

Prescott takes me grocery shopping and will only leave when I swear I am in the condo for the rest of the day. She reminds me she will return tomorrow morning to take me to class. My afternoon is spent cleaning the condo, doing laundry and marinating and freezing chicken breasts. I can grill them on the electric grill and toss a salad for dinners. I prep five containers of easy wraps and veggies with dip for lunches. I prepare five fruit, nut and yogurt parfaits for breakfasts.

I get out my journal and I journal Christian and my date. I journal the Cassie class. I journal the lunch with Kate and Mia. I pull out Mary's list of questions to answer for each issue and leave big red stars on items to consider or discuss with Mary.

Cassie gave us a list of You Tube videos to watch regarding posture, improving social skills, dating tips, communication skills, reading/understanding body language, speaking with confidence, dressing for success, building capsule wardrobes, etc. The problem is...we have to view at least ten videos per week from her list. As proof we viewed the video; we have to write down one tip we learned. While practicing my sitting and standing; I watch walking, standing, sitting videos...and I'm not happy. IMHO, the last six videos were repeats. I write one card with the six repeat video URLs. Cassie needs to know I wasted my time when viewing some of her selections. I make it through twenty videos for this week's class and sigh with relief when 'homework' is done.

 **XX**

" _Submit," he whispered before he nipped my neck._

" _Obey," he whispered and his hands found my breasts and cupped them._

" _Surrender," he whispered as one hand slid down into my panties._

" _Yield," he said, turning me to his chest and sitting me on his lap. "Hands behind your back; box position." His left hand reached for my right hand, his right hand reached for my left. "Close your eyes." He pulled me close, my hands clasped in his. His mouth eagerly sought my nipples and he licked, sucked and nipped them, making me so wet._

" _I want you now. Don't move your arms." He lifted me and impaled my sex with his hard cock. "Rock back and forth on me, baby." His hands found mine again, his mouth suckled my breasts eagerly. I rode him harder and harder, taking him as deep as possible. I'm so close to coming…I moan, and bite my lip so I don't speak. "Oh fuck," he said; biting down on my left nipple…._

 _I shout my release…_ and realize I just had a very intense release from a Christian Grey wet dream. I'm glad for the extra insulation in the condo which keeps me from disturbing the neighbors when I shout. I'm also thankful my bedroom is the corner of the building where there is no one left, right or above me.

 **XX – CPOV**

Kickboxing practice with Bastille, followed by running with Taylor. Ana's condo is dark. I smile; thinking of her soft and warm in her bed…her skin as silky soft as her new bed linens. Elliot has a mandatory pre-wedding course at St. James this afternoon, so there is no brother bonding rituals until tonight or tomorrow. Mom is working. Dad is having a quiet day. He's been out of town for three days, at a law conference in Aspen. Three of my Grey House legal team have been at the same conference, one covering HR issues; one covering technology law issues; and one covering ethics for in-house legal counsel. I flew them to and from Aspen in the Grey House jet. Theo and Frannie are visiting Uncle Ben and Aunt Rachel…I feel at loose ends. I shower while Taylor makes us breakfast and coffee. He goes off to do his thing…I head to the office to do mine. I can tell from the look of misery on his face that he'd rather be spending the weekend with Gail…because God knows I want to spend the weekend with Anastasia…wrapped around her, buried in her, sleeping with her, eating her pancakes…kissing those pouty lips, smelling her sweet hair…but, it's just Grey House to keep me company.

I've brainstormed items to research. I'm barely done making new folders of research ideas when Taylor brings me a sub sandwich – shredded teriyaki chicken on a hoagie roll with shredded lettuce and sliced tomato; mandarin orange segments and pineapple tidbits salad; and a large carafe of iced coffee.

"Lunch," he announces. "I've cleaned the panic room; backed up the servers and cleaned weapons. I need to go to the firing range this afternoon and qualify. I'll prep and clean the fleet too. Reynolds will be here until I return."

"I'll be here working on two tech proposals. Maybe Reynolds and I will go for a run before dinner." I explain.

"Should I bring barbeque back with me? There's good football on Pay-Per-View. I thought I'd send a general announcement to Elliot, Sawyer, Reynolds, Ryan and Graham, the new day-shift supervisor from Grey Annex. I can invite Barney, Fred and Welch, Sam from PR and Skyler from Social Media."

"Man-cave night?" I asked; Taylor nodded. "Invite John, Dad and his CPO, and Ros's PA, Andrew. Better get barbeque to feed a hearty three dozen." I apply myself to my sub sandwich…trying not to think of weekends when sub meant something other than a sandwich.

XX

 _I look up from working in my home office…and I am alone. I'm working in my office at Grey House…and I am alone. I'm working in my office on the jet… and ring for Natalia to bring me a drink…but I am alone. I check the cockpit…and the jet is cruising at 30,000 feet… flying on autopilot. I'm walking in the woods where Elliot and I mountain bike…and I am alone. I'm running along a long stretch of beach…and I am alone. I'm searching Mom and Dad's house…and I am alone. I'm in our old apartment from when I was four…Mommy is so quiet. I'm overwhelmed by an ominous dark feeling…rising from my chest…strangling my throat._

I wake up with a start…what the fuck was that about? Did I wake before it became a full blown night terror? I can't remember ever waking myself from a night terror without struggling to breathe, my heart racing, my skin soaked with sweat. I reach for my phone and send a text to John. I know it we'll discuss it, so I try to include all the details I can remember.


	43. Chapter 43

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 43 –** "A strong woman who recklessly throws away her strength, she is worse than a weak woman who has never had any strength to throw away." - Thomas Hardy, _Tess of the D'Urbervilles_

 **February 5 - APOV**

I wear nice slacks, sweater and flats to Cassie's class. I brought my heels in case she wants to test me while wearing them. Standing, walking, sitting, shoulders straight, hands at my sides, flats, heels…I'm a little tired when it's over, and I'm not the only one.

Cassie gives us an overview of next week's class - a worksheet about our appearance. _How important is it that you look your best…at home…at work…at an event? What do you like or dislike about yourself? Are you capable of accepting a compliment? Are you considering cosmetic surgery? How much did you spend on clothes last month…last year? Do you have a signature color? Signature scent? Do you have one piece of jewelry you wear all the time? Describe your favorite outfit._ Mary wants to see questions Cassie asks us… _SIGH_.

Cassie releases us with a reminder to look up the videos she recommends on _You Tube_ and sends us on our way. I turn in my index cards for this week, and give Prescott a tired grin when I get to the SUV.

Kate calls me and asks me to please come to the Superbowl Party at Grey Construction. Elliot is hosting a tailgate party for the men who moved him and me. I refuse; the last thing I want is to have a bunch of drunken men hitting on me. I assure her I will be at Grey Manor for dinner. Prescott will take me. I'm desperate for a nap before dinner.

When I wake, there is time to review some videos. How to shop for shoes – tips for great fit – how to coordinate shoes with purses – how to recognize designer shoes. The two best videos – appropriate size heels: 2-4 inches for the office, flats for weekends and casual wear, stilettos for special events; and different styles of shoes. I'm sick of shoe videos when it's time to dress for dinner. I've prepped six index cards for this weekend's class and downloaded a graph of shoe styles for my binder.

I reach for navy wool pants, a navy cashmere sweater, and navy flats. My hair is an inverted ponytail with small gold hoop earrings. I take a selfie to send to Cassie. I only have to send eleven more before Friday night's class!

 **XX – CPOV**

"We have to figure out the receiving line," I insisted. "Look, I don't like being touched. I can shake hands and I can be polite – but if any of your girlfriends, coworkers or girl cousins decide to get handsy at the wedding – I will ask Sawyer or Taylor to intervene – which will mean removing someone or removing me."

"Oh damn," Kate said. "I forgot to add security to the number of guests."

"Done," Mia said. "I included six in the 30 people for staff. I figured food and seating – way in the back – sorry. We're going to have to move security closer."

"Taylor," I called out. He showed up in the dining room.

"Mr. Grey?" He asked.

"Please join us," Mom said, gesturing to a spare chair in the dining room.

"Taylor – what do you need to do for Elliot's wedding?" I asked.

"My team needs to conduct an advance inspection the morning of the wedding at the church and the reception hall. We'll need to vet your vendors. I need a list of the guests to conduct background checks, and my team needs the authority to check guests and IDs against a guest list to ensure there are no gatecrashers. We don't want one of Mr. Grey's business competitors being a plus one and causing a problem at your wedding." he told Kate. "We need the schedule for the wedding, the lineup at the head table, the plans for the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, the lineup for the receiving line, seating charts, etc."

"We won't be doing a formal receiving line because of pictures at the church. Elliot and Kate want time built in between events and dances to go around to the tables to individually thank everyone for attending. Pictures at the church are my attempt to keep my mother out of the champagne until there's someone around to keep an eye on her." Celeste explained.

Grace and Carrick emitted groans, in harmony.

"Which segues into something I wanted to ask," I said. "I'm personally glad there is no formal receiving line…but could six of Kate's male cousins act as ushers for the wedding? I would pay for their tuxedo rentals just to protect myself. They can come to Escala and be measured when the rest of the men are measured for tuxes. Elliot can get them matching cufflinks and tie tacks as their usher gifts with…I don't know…not flasks if you don't want them drinking at the reception."

"Silver monogrammed keyrings," Eamon suggested. Mia took notes.

"That solves the seating situation," Celeste said. "As guests arrive at the reception; the ushers escort them to the seating chart and then direct them to their table."

"What do we do about gifts?" Mia asked.

"Well, I'm urging our side of the family to deliver gifts to our house, but you know people will show up with gifts at the wedding. I suggest Elliot and Kate open the grandparents' gifts at the wedding, put the rest in a delivery truck and send it to our house."

"Do we have to open gifts?" Kate asked. "There's a lot to do at the reception; especially since Elliot and I want to go table to table. Can't we just thank everyone and then ship them out? We can put pictures up on Facebook after the honeymoon."

"I vote for that," Elliot said. "We'll open when we get home from the honeymoon. Mom said I have to write the thank you notes for my side of the family, friends and guest list."

"Works for me," Kate said. "As long as Mia and Ana are around to write down prezzies when we open them."

"Can do," Mia said; I nodded. "Now, who is going to take care of the gifts at the wedding?"

"My girl cousins," Kate said. "I've already got issues with them."

"Kate," Celeste admonished.

"I agree to walk slow and torture Elliot; but I'm not having twelve bridesmaids," Kate said. "Ana and Mia…that's it. We have to devise something to keep my girl cousins occupied."

"Let's do matching dress colors for the gift girls like boysenberry or mulberry. We can get pictures of them with the ushers. The ushers can wear black tuxes, vests, ties. We won't have them dance with the wedding party but we'll have a dance especially for them where they can dance with their plus ones." Grace suggested.

"Dresses, tuxes, gifts, more flowers and boutonnieres," Mia kept writing a list. "Special dance for ushers and gift girls with their plus ones."

"Speaking of dances," I said, "I'd like to be relieved of dance duty with aunts, grandmothers, cousins, coworkers, college friends, etc. Just have me dance with the wedding party and mothers. I don't mind dancing with Grandma Frannie or Aunt Rachel…but I don't want to be forced into being a dance partner for wallflowers. Assign duty dances to the ushers and the gift girls."

"Good idea," Elliot said. "I don't want you having a meltdown and escaping from the wedding."

"Head table…" Grace reached for blocks with names written on them. She spoke as she arranged them. "Eamon, Celeste, Ethan, Ana, Kate, Elliot, Christian, Mia, me, Carrick." She lined them up. "Does anyone have an issue with that?"

"Rectangular head table for ten," Mia wrote down the lineup when no one voiced an opinion. "The banquet tables are round and hold eight. "As we get R.S.V.P.s – we need to start working on seating charts."

"Not a discussion for tonight," Eamon said. "Kate, is it too late to offer you a million dollars to elope?"

"Daddy," She gave him a look.

"I'd match his million," Carrick offered.

"I'd match their two million," I offered. "Or I'll pay for a destination wedding with less than 50 people."

"I've been dreaming about my wedding since I was a little girl. It's your fault for loaning me out to everyone as a flower girl or a junior bridesmaid." Kate scolded her father.

Eamon chuckled. "I blame your mother for that. You were too pretty…you are too pretty. Everyone wanted you in their wedding."

"Well, I want what Katie wants…within reason…and part of that is seeing my princess in a beautiful white dress walking down the aisle," Elliot said.

Ana gulped some of her wine…and my actions echoed hers. _In the parlance of Ana's favorite TV channel…I'm going to lose the plot if we spend Sunday dinners for the next five months discussing this wedding._

 **XX**

Ana and I have a chance to talk while I drive her home. It's like winning the lottery to hold her soft petite hand. I apologized for yelling, she apologized for running. She explained the smell of beer reminded her of her mother's third husband who was an abusive drunk. It is a trigger and she apologizes. She's still embarrassed about the situation, but thanks me for taking the videos and pictures off the web. She also thanks me for the lovely white roses. She asks how I know white roses are her favorite flower and I tell her I didn't know; but I'm glad to know now. I explain I sent her white roses because they were classic; like her.

I apologize I will miss our date night on Wednesday. Ros and I have to be in New York for business. I promise to Skype her after our business dinner which will be almost bedtime for her. It's an electronic date. Ros and I won't return to Seattle until late Thursday night.

Ana says we can plan our next date at the Kavanaghs for dinner on Sunday. She puts her hands on my chest; her gloves and my coat and clothes providing a barrier. I get a sweet kiss and a quick nibble on that pouty lower lip.

"One of these days, I'm going to bite that lip…hard," I warned her before leaving.

 **XX - APOV**

God I'm glad the wedding details are getting settled. The _Save-the-Date_ notices are actually refrigerator magnets. They are prepped and ready to be mailed. The pictures are staged: gangster where he's in a fedora and she has a beaded, feathered headband; jeans and sweaters, in a field where he has one arm around Kate and kissing her hair at sunset; and sci-fi cosplay costumes against a backdrop of alien worlds and stars. The magnets announce: 'Join us for the fun!' and include the date, times and places.

They should arrive in everyone's mailbox on February 14 or shortly thereafter. Their engagement announcement is scheduled for February 14 in the _Seattle Times_. The wedding dress, the wines, the menu, the flowers, the readings for church, and the wedding invitation have been narrowed down to half a dozen choices…the only settled things in this wedding is the ring on Kate's finger and the wedding date and time, venue, attendants and colors.

My last thought before falling asleep is Cassie weekend one is done. Thank god for my assistant, Hannah. She keeps my work life on an even keel. I wonder if I should reach out to Ros …asking her about the business classes…but she's out of town with Christian this week. I need to invite Harley and Shawn for dinner on Wednesday night. They'll be gone before Christian Skypes. I'm not hiding them from him; and I will have something to do so I don't obsess before Christian Skypes.

 **XX - CPOV**

 _I'm playing my piano, when she wanders out in my white shirt and white lace panties._

 _"Don't stop playing," she said, brushing her breasts against my back._

 _"Keep me entertained then," I tell her; lifting her on top of the piano. I slowly unbutton my shirt and push it aside, revealing her beautiful breasts. "Lean back," I tell her, putting her in position. I bend her knees and plant her feet; spreading her legs. I sit down at the piano and play a very long piano concerto while she closes her eyes. She sits there quietly; listening to the music. I rise and plant a kiss on her perfect pouty lips. I sit down and begin playing again. When I finish the song, I close the keyboard. I strip her panties off and restrain her hands. I lift her to a sitting position; resting her feet on the closed keyboard. I lift her from the piano and set her on her feet. One arm snakes around her waist, one arm around her shoulders; pulling her close so her hands are flat on my chest. Her body trembles, waiting for my order…_

My vocal sigh awakens me and the dream dissipates; leaving me frustrated and horny. Damn…I lay there and breathe until my erection goes away. I dress in gym clothes and hit the home gym for two hours. When I come back down, Mrs. Jones is in the kitchen.

"What would you like for breakfast?" She asked.

"Waffles and bacon?" I asked.

"I have the ingredients to make waffles with an apple cinnamon compote and there is apple wood smoked thick bacon and coffee." She offered.

"Please, I'd be ready in thirty minutes," I said.

 **February 7**

"You've learned to hide your feelings because of emotional pain and because of the possibility of physical pain. Sensitive people often feel alienated, embarrassed or ashamed. You wonder why you can't be as gregarious as your friend Kate…" Mary asked.

I nodded.

"Name two things about you that are better than Kate – and I don't mean cleaning, cooking, bill paying, or being responsible."

"I'm more observant about people's feelings. Kate, when she's in her reporter mode, bulldozes over feelings to get to facts. I think before I act. I don't mean that Kate is thoughtless, but she acts on instinct a lot more than I do." I said.

"I think you need to learn you are compassionate, empathetic and thoughtful. You can focus on tasks and are not easily derailed. You are a calming influence on people." Mary said. "Let's talk about your classes and your feelings."

"i never knew I was so deficient," I said.

"Who said you are deficient?" Mary asked.

"I can't even walk properly in Converse," I muttered.

"Do you get from Point A to Point B when you walk?" Mary asked.

"Yes...but I fall down sometimes. I can't be wicked uncoordinated for the wedding," I grimace.

Mary laughed and we talk about my hour long standing and sitting practice each night. Mary suggests practice hour might be a good time for some free association examinations of my day. I can use the conversation app on my phone and transfer thoughts and ideas to my journal.

 **February 8**

Shawn and Harley come over for dinner. I invited Hannah, Amber, Claire and Emily. I warn Prescott in advance I invited friends for dinner. I tell her the guest list and warn her she's not allowed to frisk anyone. I insisted Prescott join us so she gets to know all my friends. I want them to be comfortable around her also. We made a baked potato and salad bar. Shawn made white peach lemonade. We had a great time, laughing and talking. I'm sure Cassie would have approved of my casual entertaining. When I invited them; I warned Shawn and Harley we can't discuss Christian. Shawn entertains us with quotes from chic flicks. I tell him I'd pay good money to watch him at open mike night at a comedy club.

We're through with dinner, dishes are done, everyone's gone, and I've sent three selfies today to Cassie: workout, working and casual. I'm reading when Christian Skypes.

"I have a huge favor to ask," Christian says. "You know that pose you do when you read sometimes, laying on your stomach, propped on your elbows, knees bent, feet in the air, ankles crossed?"

"I know it," I admit.

"Is there a chance I could see it? I'm not going to ask for lingerie, but that pose would make my day."

I change into my blue teddy and robe, braid my hair, pull my chair close to the bed to hold my laptop, and lay down. He gives me directions on moving the laptop a bit further away so he can see all of me. He sighs a very satisfied sigh. Our Skype is sweet. We talk about the helicopter tour. We talk about helicopter tours he's taken all over the world. We talk about New York and he takes his laptop and shows me the skyline from the balcony of his penthouse there. It's not as wonderful as the skyline of Seattle from Escala, but I thank him for sharing with me. He says he'd love to share it in person one of these days. I like the décor of his penthouse in New York better than the décor of Escala but I don't say that to him. The penthouse in New York is warmer… natural colors, dark woods and a natural stone fireplace.

He talks about the work he and Ros are doing in New York. They will be delayed and won't be won't be home until Friday afternoon and he's got therapy appointments Friday night. He says the good thing is he can deal with emails and things on the plane. He asks how Ros's bodyguard is working out and I tell him I like Prescott and appreciate her discretion. We blow kisses at one another and sign off the Skype before one o'clock his time. It was a successful electronic date.

 **February 10 - APOV**

Christian called when the GEH jet set down. He wants to grab a quick coffee and sandwich when I get off work, but I can't because I have class. I apologize, but I have enough time to run into the powder room, change clothes and get to class on time. He asks what I'm doing for dinner. I lie and tell him I'm eating at break time from class. I don't need him to nag at me about eating.

Cassie greeted us. This is personal style weekend. We were assigned to take pictures of everything in our wardrobe, print the pictures on 4x6 postcards and bring the cards to class. So for an hour every night last week; I worked on the assignment. Cassie begins by having us sort the cards into clothing items. We assign letter of the alphabet to each section – A for outerwear, B for shoes, etc. Then we number each card from one to whatever with the letter assigned to it. So pretty much my list is dresses, skirts, pants, blouses, sweaters, jackets, shoes and purses. I pretty much have this done, since Shawn did it for me, but I have almost a dozen new things I haven't added to the ensemble list like the Winter Gala outfit. Cassie is pleased I have this under control. She gives us 4x6 plastic binder sleeves to hold the printed cards from our closet. Since we started the assignment; we put it away to finish and bring with us on Sunday.

Everyone wore casual wear and she critiques us. Everything I'm wearing is fine – jeans, white silk tunic, minimal makeup and jewelry. She hates my Converse and recommends ballerina flats or 1-inch pumps. I say I will take it under advisement… _but I probably won't._ She tapes how we walk in casual clothes and shows it to us against the walking tests of last week. We are admonished to stand tall, shoulders back and down, blah…blah…blah. She critiques how we sit in casual clothes also. Our last few minutes of class are spent walking around an office setting and sitting behind a desk and in the guest chairs. We learn to rise gracefully from different office seating. I'm glad when it is over. By the time she's done…it's ten; I'm whipped and ready to go home and take a hot shower. Eight o'clock will come quickly.

 **XX - CPOV**

Sela massages my back from torso bandage to the top of my ass. The massage along the spine is wonderful until…

"Whoa…pause," Sela said. She pulled her hands away from me and stepped back.

"Oww…" I said. "That's painful."

"No kidding," Sela said. "It's a physical manifestation of whatever was going through your mind. You went from relaxed to a knot of muscles and nerves. What were you talking about with John?"

"Dancing," I admit.

John watched my face. "Are you still worried about dancing at Elliot's wedding? I thought the six ushers solved the seating and dancing issues."

I sighed. "Mia asked Elliot to send his employees to dance lessons so they won't bruise her feet at the wedding."

"What's the rest of the story?" Sela asked. "There's more to it to have a physical reaction like the one you had."

"Mia suggested Elliot ask Ana about where she's taking dancing lessons!" I shoved myself into a seated position and vented about Ana, dancing lessons and the horn-dogs who work for Elliot. I vented about how Elliot used to be the man-whore of Seattle until he met Kate. If Ana wants to learn how to dance why the fuck didn't she ask me? We dance great together and I'd be willing to teach her to dance. Everybody knows dancing is just clothed seduction. I vented about why the fuck Ana taking is dancing lessons unless she plans to dance with a lot of men at Kate's wedding. How the fuck do I put a security guard at the dance lessons so I know she's not getting hit on by assholes?

"Whoa…" Sela said. "Since you've vented, lay face down on the table."

"I don't feel like getting massaged anymore tonight," I snapped.

"I'm not sending you out of here with that knot in your back! Now lay down and let me check you." She snapped back. Her fingers gently probed my back after I laid back down. "Christian; do you vent, mentally, when you kick box with Bastille?"

I paused and thought. "Sometimes," I admitted. "Bastille usually gets knocked on his ass when I'm pissed off about something."

"I could tell," her fingers skimmed over the knot. "Less painful now isn't it? That's because you verbally released the angst in your head instead of containing it inside your body. May I massage this knot away while you talk to John? From the look on his face, he's got questions."

I sighed again. "Yes, but if John asks his typical hard questions, it might be difficult for you to get rid of the knot."

"We'll deal when the issue presents itself," Sela said, working my spine from where the bandage ends to my tailbone.

John asked…I answered. The first question was why I thought dancing was clothed seduction. E explained Elena dance lessons were less tense because she knew where to touch. If I performed properly for a few hours; I was rewarded sexually.

His questions came faster, my answers not so fast. Sela continued to massage my back. Eventually… Finally; John has no questions, I have no answers.

Sela is ready for the next step in the process. "I'd like to talk with you about next week's session." She stood behind me. "You need to remove your torso bandage."

I took it off, sitting on the table.

"You have seven scars on your back. For the purpose of massage therapy, I like to number scars. It's easier to communicate when you say stay away from _one_ instead of saying stay away from _the first scar in the top quadrant of my back_."

"I understand, but do you have to touch?" My voice is small and contained, and I think I have my emotions under control.

"I don't have to touch the scar, but am I allowed to touch your skin at a twelve o'clock position next to the scar until we label them?"

"That is acceptable," I said.

"One," she touched. "Repeat after me to verify the number."

"One," I said.

"Two," she moved to the next one.

I froze…in my head I hear Ana counting out the belt strokes and I'm ashamed…and I break down. Sela steps away from me…John hands me a handkerchief. Sela brings a warm blanket and wraps it around me.

"I'm stepping out to the powder room," she tells John and me.

 **XX – 3PPOV**

"Jason," Sela said softly as she exited the office. "Watch him tonight. We've had two strong reactions out of him tonight…on both ends of the spectrum…one angry and one tearful. I'm worried he may experience a night terror."

"How is he doing?" Jason asked.

"We've gotten farther with touch therapy tonight than we've ever gotten…but like I said…two strong reactions. John is talking to him now. I'm going to the powder room. I'll be right back."

"It was a rough work week for him: breakfast, lunch and dinner meetings and working until midnight. Even with his body pillow and Ana tape, he had two night terrors; which he has not had for a while.

 **XX - CPOV**

John continues to let me cry until there are no more tears. Then we talk about my meltdown. I explain why counting is a control mechanism in BDSM. Part of it is making the submissive follow orders; part of it is the anticipation control factor. You announce you are administering x number of strokes; you make the submissive count the strokes to prolong the punishment, giving them time to process what they did wrong and why they are being punished. Listening to them count gives a Dom the opportunity to listen to the submissive and note if there is issues…body language and spoken clues to know if the submissive is fighting punishment or nearing limits. I explain I should have clued in to the fact Ana was yelling out the numbers in the beginning and quietly sobbing them at the end. If I hadn't been euphoric about beating her and anticipating a wildly satisfying sexual congress with her once the punishment ended…I would have understood, we were both too emotional to even begin a punishment scene. I want Ana so bad it feels like I can't breathe and my heart is shredded.

John got another warm blanket and replaced the one I had. "So, there are issues to discuss," he said. "We've got plenty of warm blankets and privacy. First, let's talk about Elena and dancing lessons. I know you said before she ordered you to take dance lessons at college…so how did you handle it with dancing with women…knowing you would be punished when you returned home?"

"I didn't sign up for Arthur Murray classes," I laughed bitterly. "I signed up for Continuing Adult Education Dance Class, where it was just couples and two instructors. The instructors understood…hands on bicep; hand in hand and no other touching. I refused to partner the other women in the class, and the instructors were happy with my rules."

 **XX**

 _"I don't have female study buddies," I tell Ana. "I don't have classmates study here with me." It's self-preservation; I don't want Elena to find out Ana is here. She wears that short plaid pleated skirt and a stretchy scoop neck T-shirt and she wears low heels. She kicks off her shoes and climbs up my bed; her pert little ass swaying as she moves. She turns over in the middle of the bed, propped up on her elbows, her legs stretched out, crossed at the ankles. Fuck me…she's gorgeous. I just want to ravish her…but there is studying to do. I kneel on the bed and blanket her body. I kiss her slowly and deeply before I haul her off the bed…tossing her backpack to her. "Library now, or we're going to have an extended study session in human kinesiology."_

 _We walk hand in hand to the Boston Library to research and study. It's a glorious fall day, and Ana's petite hand fits like it was made for my hand. We stop studying at the top of every hour and kiss madly in the stacks where no one can see us. It's getting late and Ana holds my hand. "Let's buy an impromptu picnic. We can go to the Charles River and watch the sun set." I whisper in her ear. "Next Saturday, when we're practicing on the river, I want you there to watch me... jumping up and down on the riverbank cheering me on."_

 _"Always," she said; her fingertips sliding from my hair down my jawline; her pouty little mouth rising to meet mine. I groan; losing myself in her soft, sweet warmth._

I wake at sunrise – but it is Seattle, not Boston. I wonder if Ana will ever go to Boston with me…it would take a week to explain my life there. Maybe I can show her the quad at Harvard, crewing teams on the Charles River, my favorite coffee shop, and sunset on Bare Hill Pond Beach. Maybe we'll stay in a five-star hotel room, eat gourmet dinners and fuck ourselves blind.


	44. Chapter 44

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 44 –** "Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." - Thomas Hardy, _Tess of the D'Urbervilles_

 **February 11 -** **TPOV**

We didn't get home until after eleven, and he went straight to bed. It's almost six o'clock; his hair is wet and he's dressed in sweats and running shoes. I turn on my _Soundhound_ app to find out what he's playing. He's playing Beethoven _Piano Sonata 09, Opus 14_ …over and over. I text Flynn and Koch and tell them I believe he had a night terror. I text Bastille and confirm Grey's seven o'clock kick boxing appointment, followed by breakfast with Grey at Escala. Gail left breakfast sandwiches and fruit salad for us for today and tomorrow. Grey has a golf lesson at an indoor driving range with Bastille after breakfast. I change into sweats and running shoes because I'm going running with him…and not in the direction of Miss Steele's condo. We're going to run Lake Union. I text Sawyer and suggest he invite the Grey boys to go wall climbing with him this afternoon. I'll suggest pizza and beer and watching ESPN tonight to take Grey's mind off things. Tomorrow will sort itself.

 **XX – APOV**

We all arrive in professional clothes at Saturday's class. Cassie likes the navy column dress with pale blue accessories. She approves of the mid-heel navy pumps and purse. She approves of the left-side braid in my hair and the silver jewelry and minimal makeup. I explain this afternoon is lunch and spa day with Kate and Mia,; so I get a pass on my manicure until tomorrow.

She throws one of the men's ties away. She said they should not wear polyester ties. She recommends where to find silk ties. She recommends having suits of one color, plain white shirts, and plain and textured but not patterned ties. I think back at all the grey suits Christian has, and his perfectly starched and ironed white shirts and his drawer of 36 different textured ties in shades of pale grey to midnight black. I remember his workout clothes are all grey also; coordinating no matter what he's doing in the gym. His underwear is grey or black, ditto with the socks. _Why are clothes so fucking easy for men?_

She asked each of us to bring a party/event ensemble with us, and she critiques them also. She loves the Winter Gala ensemble I bought with me, including the shoes, purse and wrap. She asked what I wore for jewelry. When I tell her pearl drop earrings and pearl bracelet; she claims it's too much white and recommends color; suggesting sapphire, ruby or emerald earrings with matching tennis bracelet.

We get printouts of the selfies we sent this week. I've bombed…only three out of twelve were "right" and the remainder have comments regarding accessories or hair. Tonight's assignment is find or print twelve hairstyles I like. I have to put the printout or tear sheets into plastic sleeves to take to class. The problem is…if there are more than five steps…I'm not interested in learning how to do it. I'm even less interested in printing the 'Cassie approved' hairstyle on one size of a 4x6 card with the directions on the other side for inclusion in my wardrobe binder.

 **XX**

At Aqua Spa, I tell Serena about my hair assignment…and stress the hairstyle can only have five or six directions. She helps me go through the various hairstyle books in the salon. I pick a dozen which seem easy enough to do. I photograph them with their directions on my phone. While I'm having a detox massage, I laid there and cleared my mind…hoping clothing issues will soon pass.

 **XX**

Shawn and Harley take pity on my mentally exhausted ass. They bring over dinner, which is citrus roasted chicken breasts, lemon couscous, asparagus and a tossed salad with citrus vinaigrette. We open a cold bottle of white wine and they make me laugh for hours; erasing my whines about clothes, hair and makeup out of my head. I explain about the binder assignment and Shawn gives it a once-over, critiquing outfits and generating three more I hadn't thought of. Once he feels the lists are complete, he leaves me to update my word document and print it for the binder. He helps create a cover picture for the binder which has one casual, work, cocktail and event picture on the front, with accessories and jewelry. He says it will gain me points with Cassie. I hope so.

 **Sunday, February 12 - APOV**

Everyone leaves their binders on Cassie's desk. We get them back next Friday night with reviews. We're all in jeans and t-shirts today to work on hair, makeup and grooming. The gentlemen are distressed to have aestheticians wax their eyebrows, ears and teach them to trim nose hairs. They don't do well with facials or manicures either. Each lady is assigned an aesthetician,

Mine wraps my hair in a towel and we have one hour of makeup lessons where I apply casual, professional and dressy makeup. She understands I prefer light makeup and assures me I have the skin tone and skin quality to wear minimal makeup. She teaches me to make a smoky eye. It's not as stressful as I thought it would be for the first hour of class.

Cassie critiques hairstyles. Several of the men receive haircuts. However, for the next two hours; I'm subjected to practicing creating hairstyles. I tell my aesthetician I'm a big fan of ponytails, so she concentrates on teaching me five easy hairstyles. Cassie says I need to work on my messy updo; because it's too messy to be considered a hairstyle. We talk about hair accessories I can buy online, like the bun maker or the French twist maker or the angel braid maker. She said to use them until I can master hairstyles; but she recommends at least an hour of practicing hairstyles and applying makeup on weekends when I have 'free' time.

The last hour of class is spent working on jewelry and scents. I luck out, my skin tone will accept gold, white gold, silver, copper and rose gold. Black titanium jewelry makes my skin look pasty. Cassie has a dozen tester bottles of perfume – all designer scents I've seen on Mom's or Kate's dressing table. I wasn't impressed with them before; I'm not impressed with them now. Cassie says if we don't want to test scents at department stores every weekend for a few months; to buy designer sample lots online. Then we can test one daily for a week or two. Cassie claims using the same suite of toiletries makes our lives easier; albeit boring. Right now…I'll stay with boring…less decisions to make daily. However, I will order two or three sets of perfume samples when I order the hairdo helpers; and put the order invoice in my binder with makeup and hair tips. What I smell and don't like; I'll set aside to share with Hannah, Amber, Claire and Emily. What they don't take – I'll dump in a Ziploc bag and give to Grace for her charity event. The issue is I'm required to evaluate each of the samples. Not so much of an issue when I can research them online and discover their 'notes' and other consumer reviews.

Prescott takes me to the mall. I need to shop for Mia's present. I have three ideas, it's just a matter of finding one of them as expediently as possible. One hour later – wrapped present in hand – Prescott takes me to an office supply store, grocery shopping and picking up dry cleaning.

Finally, I'm home where I prep for next week, and pick the clothes to wear tonight. We're having dinner at the Kavanaghs, so I choose navy leggings and tunic sweater with low-heeled navy ankle boots. A high pony braid and petite silver hoops – I ought to pass inspection. _Plus, my neck will be exposed…_ STFU inner goddess! I have to take a dozen more selfies this week and email them to Cassie for critiquing.

 **XX** **– TPOV**

Gail got workers in to replace the kickboxing dummy, and she sent suits out to the cleaners while we were in New York. She cooked like a fiend and stocked the freezers and pantry full. While I appreciate the household staff in New York…none compare to my Gail. I used to look forward to Sunday evenings…at six p.m. Grey's current fuck toy left, and by seven p.m. Gail was back at Escala. Now there is no fuck toy and we have wedding planning dinners on Sunday evening. The CPOs and I take turns shooting one another with rubber band guns in the kitchen at Grey Manor while eating delicious dinners. At the Kavanagh house, we split the duties among the CPOs. Sawyer and I have hour one, while Prescott and Anders grab dinner. Hour two is a reverse. We'll all ready to wring Katherine Kavanagh's neck when the evening edges into hour three.

 **XX**

Christ, what is she up to? He's pissy because it's a full house for dinner at Chateau de Kavanagh tonight; so the chances of a private conversation with her are slim and none. Friday night she couldn't have a quick dinner with him because she said she had class. Prescott confirmed she attended class, but as Prescott stays outside; she does not provide details. Saturday morning was another class, followed by lunch with Kate and Mia followed by spa day. Prescott said she had dinner guests…and I'm guessing it wasn't coworkers; but Prescott won't say who. She does say Ana was alone by ten p.m. so she could rest for class.

Today Ana went to class again. Prescott drove to the appointment and provided security. Then there were errands to run. Prescott claimed Ana spent the afternoon prepping for next week. I don't have answers for Grey about the situation. Ana's not telling Kate who is not telling Elliot who is not telling Grey. Clusterfuck squared.

Prescott refuses to get pictures of everyone in the class, so we can conduct facial recognition to find out who they are. She explains Ana's schedule is supposed to be off limits to inquiries by Grey House Security. She says if we don't back off; she'll tell Ana about our inquiries. Grey's pissed because she's holding to Wednesday night as date night and isn't dropping everything to run to Escala when he gets the urge to see her.

She's very quiet and reserved tonight; he's quiet and reserved tonight. It is Christian, Elliot, Kate and Ana on one side of the table facing off against Ethan, Mia and the Greys on the other side with the Kavanaghs holding court at the ends of the table. Dinner was another gourmet meal prepared by the Kavanaghs' cook and served by the maid. She freezes and almost spills the soup course on Mia because she's too busy staring at Christian. Ana focuses on her hands in her lap and bites her lip to keep from laughing, which causes Grey to stare at her like she's the entrée. Did I say clusterfuck squared? It's a clusterfuck cube. Kate comes to the rescue and helps gob-smacked maid serve.

The dinner guests were served Wild Rice Soup garnished with scallion curls for starters. The entrée course was Roasted Pork Loin, Roasted Sweet Potatoes and Sautéed Spinach with Cherry Tomatoes in Lemon Butter Sauce. A dry Riesling was poured. Dessert was a Champagne Sorbet garnished with a chocolate-covered rose petal. That's too damn many taste sensations for Ana. She toys with her food which aggravates the boss. She doesn't bother to look in his direction because if she catches his eye - he'll glare at her, silently ordering her to eat.

The wedding conversation centers on the reception. Mia insists the reception venue will hold 250 people at table rounds of eight people with bar, banquet, stage and dancing. This does not make mothers happy. Mia announces she already has issues with the catering. They have an appointment the first Saturday afternoon in March with catering. They have to pick the menu by then to have the cards printed to include in the invitation. She will email Grace, Kate and Celeste printouts of their options.

Mia guides the conversation away from the sticky guest and food situations to discussing the _Save-the-Date_ cards/magnets and the upcoming engagement announcement on Valentine's Day. Everyone is looking forward to the holiday weekend. Grey invites everyone to Aspen for one last perfect weekend of skiing over Presidents Day weekend. Ana apologizes and turns down the invitation; Ray and Laura are coming to town.

At the end of the evening, Carrick holds Ana's coat for her, because Grey has been sidelined with business by Eamon Kavanagh. Carrick entrusted Ana to me. I walked her to Prescott's SUV and ensured she was safely ensconced. I ask Prescott to take her directly home. She appears tired. Their date night is Mia's birthday, and while Ana is pleased to come to the house; Grey is obvious he wants quality alone time with her.

 **XX - CPOV**

 _"May I touch?" Anastasia ran her hand down my chest; feeling muscles ripple and feeling my breath catch. Her fingernails grazed my nipples and I hissed. "I want to touch your happy trail…" She feathered kisses across my jawline, down to my collarbones, down my chest while avoiding the scars, and across my hipbones._

" _Don't tease me…" I stared down at her as her petite little hand encircled my erect cock._

 _She stroked up and down, slowly, torturing me. Her sweet little tongue snaked out and licked me on that spot…that sweet hot spot on the underside of my cock…just below the swollen and tender helmet. Her mouth made me swell to the point I had to edge myself or this would be over too soon._

 _I reached down for her, grabbing her up to me, pushing her against the wall. My mouth crashed onto her eager mouth, capturing her breathy sigh. Her sweet honey lips parted and let my tongue dance with hers._

 _I abandoned her mouth in search of her breast, taking the hard peak into my mouth. I swirled my tongue over the pebbled flesh as her hands found my short copper curls and held my mouth captive. My teeth nipped at her; lashing the peak with my tongue. She writhed against me when I switched breasts. I held her by the ass against the wall. Her heartbeat raced and her breathing quickened._

 _"Please," she begged me. "Let me touch you…"_

 _I angled her body against the wall so I could gain entry into her sweet spot. She wiggled at the brush of my cock against her sensitive tissues. I bent my knees and pushed up into her…feeling her warm soft wetness envelope me; grasping me tightly. "God, you are so tight and so wet…" I pulled back and thrust upwards again; holding her there. My mouth found hers again; as she cried out when I seated myself fully in her. I pinioned into her; keeping her body pinned against the wall. God; we were a perfect fit…why didn't she realize how perfect we were together? I thrust into her one more time…. feeling my legs tremble as I lost control and buried myself deep in Anastasia before I felt my release._

And…I woke…alone in mybed…and so miserable without her. I'm tempted to throw on clothes, drive to her condo and crawl into her bed. Instead, I showered, played the piano and caressed the soft satin bow on her Valentine's Day present.

 **February 14 - APOV**

Mia invited me to lunch…fabulous chicken Caesar wraps and green tea. We read the engagement announcement again. "Mr. and Mrs. Eamon Kavanagh announce the engagement of their daughter, Katherine Nicole Kavanagh to Elliot Trevelyan Grey, son of Mr. and Mrs. Carrick Grey…"

"I've read it over a dozen times," Mia confessed. "What are you doing tonight?"

"You mean how am I celebrating Singles Awareness Day?" I laughed. "I am having dinner with a friend – a woman. Then I'm going home, lighting candles and pampering myself with a hot bubble bath and bed."

"Come clubbing with me…" Mia said.

"Nope, but I will be at Grey Manor for your birthday tomorrow night. Believe it or not, I went shopping for your birthday." I teased her. "Actual, real, going to the mall, braving the crowds shopping."

"So if you won't go clubbing tonight, will you go clubbing Friday night? One of my night clubs is having Flashback Friday. It's karaoke night." Mia asked.

"I can't come until after 10, but I'll bring friends," I offered.

"As long as they are willing to sing and dance," Mia said. "I don't have a problem. Thanks for trying to donate blood this morning."

"Thanks for coordinating it. But; please don't tell Christian I couldn't donate because I don't weigh enough. I can't deal with being nagged at to eat. I like your new office décor," I looked at the photo collage pillows on her outer office couch and the photo collages framed on the wall above the couch. Each one is created from pictures from an event she planned. It's a creative way to show off the events Grey Calendars had planned to date. There's a picture of Christian holding the food platter at the Grey Publishing open house. I'm standing next to him. We're gazing fondly at each other. Damn…another picture of the enigmatic Christian Grey and friend.

"There will be a new pillow tomorrow," Mia grinned. "I have a great picture of Christian, Elliot and Kate all donating blood. I also got a picture of Taylor and Sawyer donating blood too." She laughed.

"Don't tell me…Sawyer or Taylor got light headed afterwards," I asked.

"Oh hell no…Elliot fainted. He smacked his head on the table on the way to the floor. Kate's pissed, because he's got a bruised face again; but she's glad the engagement announcement pictures are done." Mia laughed and related the story.

 _"Hasn't he ever seen the sight of blood before?" The phlebotomist asked Christian in a snotty tone of voice._

 _"I'm sorry, but we don't practice blood-letting at our house," Kate snapped at her. "He fainted because you were too busy staring at my future-brother-in-law to make sure Elliot drank his juice before he tried to leave." She turned to Christian, "If you're hanging out; waiting for Ana to show; she was here before she went to the gym. She's probably in the shower now, getting ready for work. If Taylor, Sawyer and you are done, will you please help me get Elliot on his feet so we can get out of here? All you pretty boys are causing a crowd to gather."_

 **XX - APOV**

Mary asks what I want in a man – and all I can think about is Christian is the only man I've ever wanted. I'm not on a mission to heal him anymore. I'm on a mission to grow up and feel comfortable at wedding events for Kate. He's going to have to deal with his own issues.

"There's a list of traits women want in a man…tall and good-looking with a good build and chemistry, intelligent, well-educated and confident, good income or good income potential, older, protective and a gentleman. Those traits were wanted by almost 75 percent of the single women polled in America. So…how does Christian fit that list?" Mary asked.

"I don't think he's confident all the time…" I said. "I think he projects a great game, but I've seen his face, and there's a scared four-year-old boy who owns a part of his soul."

"There's a scared four-year-old in all of us," Mary noted wryly. "The traits men like in women are confidence, humor, attractiveness, good manners with appropriate language, feminine, honest, independent, understanding, approachable, affectionate, creative, encouraging, adaptable, and presentable. And, believe it or not…a woman who smells good. SO how do you measure up?"

I don't think I'm confidant or creative. But I think I have good manners and am honest. Kate and Christian said I'm pretty. Christian used to say I smell good. _I slam the door shut on the memory of him burying his nose in my panties!_ I shrug at Mary."Perhaps I don't know how to analyze myself."

"That self-doubt you have is because your psyche knows where you are vulnerable, and that's where it attacks when you experience self-doubts and anxieties." Mary watched my face. "What was that thought?"

"I think you're right about my psyche attacking me where I'm vulnerable." I smiled wanly.

"You need to rely on your instincts. Having a mother who was either emotionally absent or emotionally overbearing caused issues for you. I have seen your achievements in college and at your work. You have remarkable inner strength and courage. This is the time for you to grow as a person. It is the time to work on your future. Solidify your self-esteem. You can't base your present and future choices on old insecurities and past history. You are loved and are capable of love. Through Cassie's help, you will polish skills which will make you self-confident."

"And then?" I asked.

"Then you are never going to celebrate another Singles Awareness Day." Mary commented. "Hypothetically; who do you want to date?" Mary asked.

"Someone tall, dark and handsome, who loves literature as much as I do., Someone who wants to run an antique store with a bookstore and a tea shop all in one building." I shrugged. "I might as well wish for the impossible all at once."

"Grey is tall and handsome...the dark you'll have to decide upon yourself." Mary said. "There was a thought." She observed my frown.

"He's incredibly handsome, intelligent and articulate when he wants to be. Seriously, any woman pre-menstrual to post-menopausal would look at him at least twice…and get tongue-tied in the process." I pause. I tell her about his pretty face comment and the waitress at the restaurant and the maid who almost dumped soup on Mia at dinner on Sunday because she was busy staring at him. I have to figure out how I feel about everyone watching him…and watching me with him…and wishing they were me. I don't like feeling I'm lacking…and replaceable.

Last Sunday I was starving after class and shopping; so I raided the refrigerator. Then I prepped take and bake lasagnas for family and friends for Valentine's Day. Consequently, at dinner time, I wasn't hungry. I didn't eat like I should have; which vexed him…but I can't fix me and him right now. Mary and I talked about my lack of appetite at dinner Sunday night. I swear I ate too much lunch after Cassie's class – not because I was upset by the maid eye-fucking Christian. That conversation segued into my not being able to donate blood until I weigh 110 pounds. Mary said as I continue to work out and build muscle; I will gain muscle weight. She said not to stress over it. She said if it happens; it happens. If not, there are other ways to volunteer.

"I did your assignment from three weeks ago. Something that's a need – I tried to donate blood and couldn't; so I donated to their online fundraiser. Something to read – I'm researching raising Pomsky puppies. Something you share – I'm going out with friends on Friday for karaoke night. Something that shows you care – I invited my Dad and Laura to Seattle for the weekend, with my college friend José. I'm spending the three-day weekend cleaning, cooking and entertaining family."

"Good, and I have another assignment for you. You've been busy organizing your work life, wardrobe, your new condo, your budget…and now prepping for Kate's wedding. You have to take some down time for Ana. I don't mean down time where you're researching Cassie ordered topics on the internet. You need perspective on your life. I can tell from the way you talk, or don't talk…you're in love with Christian Grey. I know you said you have issues and he has issues. Is it time to tackle that part of your life?"

"His physical presence is really an expression of his mental competence, too. He's a fully-functioning person. I think of all the situations we find ourselves in…by our own making, by inclusion in friends' plans, and by inclusion in plans of assholes who try to damage us for some reason. I think of how I've been intimidated by him, awed by him, infuriated by him…and all the times I couldn't control my smart mouth. Sometimes I wonder if there's enough therapy or magic in the world to get us on the same page and working with one another.'

"Tell me something he does that awes you…and I'm not talking sex." Mary said.

"I think the food shipments to Darfur are part of his feed the world campaign. He feels it's his obligation to help feed the world because he was hungry as a child. Grey House donates truckloads of food to the Northwest Food Bank. He gets involved because he can. He says he has no heart…but I think he has a wonderful caring side to him…when he doesn't go overboard and stalkerish and becomes a control freak.'

Mary laughed. "This week…love yourself. Burn the candles. Drink the wine. Use the best sheets and towels. Wear your fancy lingerie and your best dress. Situations are like the weather…they will change."


	45. Chapter 45

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 45 – "** I know I could have saved a love that night if I'd known what to say. Instead of makin' love; we both made our separate ways." Poison, _Every Rose Has Its Thorn_

 **February 15**

"Shawn, I need help fixing my hair for a birthday dinner party. I'd like to be able to go from work to the dinner party." I said.

"What are you wearing?" He asked.

"The watercolor print dress, purple accessories, pearl studs, dressy gold watch," I said. "I know it really is a spring dress, but I need some color in my life right now."

"I'll meet you at your work by six. I'll fix your hair. How about a messy updo… something a man can look at and fantasize about pulling the pins out and letting it down." Shawn said.

"You are evil," I laughed.

 **XX**

"Happy birthday!" I greeted Mia with a hug.

"You look spectacular," Mia hugged me back.

"You like?" I did a twirl for her. "I finally picked up some of those tips you and Kate mercilessly throw at me."

"Cocktail? Tonight we're having Lavender Martinis in honor of Mia's birthday." Christian appeared behind Mia. "Great dress," he kissed me on my cheek.

"I think I need to taste test one of those, a mini martini please," I said; sending him off to the bar with the wrapped present I brought for Mia.

"You have to save him tonight," Mia whispered. "I have girlfriends who are circling."

"You don't want to make him miserable first," I whispered back.

"No! I'm expecting a really good present," Mia smiled.

Before I could reply, I was greeted and hugged by Kate, Elliot, Grace and Carrick and served a smart-looking mini martini, garnished with a lavender blossom, by Christian. He doesn't wander off to refresh anyone's drinks. I bask in the wretched looks given me by Mia's friends.

 **XX**

Christian escorted me to the dining room and held my chair for me. I'm proud to seat myself properly; thanks to Cassie lessons. I bask with a sense of glee because Christian only held my chair. Mia's friends who waited for him to escort and seat them…are sadly disappointed when he slips into his seat between Elliot and me. I can't wait to tell Cassie about Mia's friends flinging themselves into their chairs in a fit of pique.

Mia and Kate are seated to the right and left of Carrick. I'm seated to Grace's left and one of Mia's friends is seated to her right. Mia and three girlfriends are on one side of the table; Kate, Elliot, Christian and I are seated on the other. Mia asks we don't discuss work at dinner and everyone agrees. Kate and Elliot ask we don't discuss the wedding. Carrick asks all of us to turn off our cell phones. Christian looks a little nervous; he has not perfected the art of small talk. I gave him an encouraging smile.

I memorize the table settings, white table linens with sterling roses in a small oval silver bowl with single silver candlesticks holding candles which match the roses. Silver chargers under white table settings with silver rims. Highly polished silver cutlery and crystal glassware shine in the candlelight.

I memorize this menu for future questioning by Cassie. Ratatouille for starters, rack of lamb, asparagus ravioli in Alfredo sauce, strawberry spinach salad, and mini baguettes served with herb butter. Christian brought two bottles of Sancerre to drink. When we finally have the entertainment class; I have eight meals and table settings to submit on index cards for class.

Gretchen is serving again…and I almost have Ratatouille in my lap. She's so busy staring at Christian. "Here," I say gently. "Let me help you," I retrieve Christian's soup bowl and hand it to him. He smirks. He knows I don't want to wear my dinner. I take my portion and hold the tray steady for Gretchen to serve Grace and two of Mia's friends. Kate retrieved the next tray and helped Gretchen serve the rest of the table.

Grace begins, signaling dinner is served.

"OH MY GOD!" One of Mia's friends examines me. "Now I recognize you! You were the brunette in the _Horrible Dates_ video…the server tripped and spilled beer all over you! I would have been so embarrassed to be on a date and have that happen."

"There's a Horrible Dates video starring me?" I asked Christian.

"It must be footage inside another video. We didn't consider that possibility," Christian apologized. "I'll warn Barney to look for it again."

"It's all right," I assure him. "No harm, no foul."

"No harm?" One of Mia's friends, Lily, sputters. "You were wearing a wool blazer, cashmere sweater, leather purse and boots. I'm sure they were ruined. I hope you made the server replace your clothes, or at least pay to have them cleaned. I would have insisted she be fired in addition to replacing or cleaning my clothes."

"Would you?" I carefully set my spoon down. "I'm a klutz myself. I was thankful the beer mug didn't give me a black eye. The server was upset; the hostess was upset…"

"…Ana was upset because I yelled at the hostess and server," Christian admitted to the surprise of Grace and Carrick. "Yes, I acted like an ass and embarrassed Ana. She left without telling me goodbye. Our date night didn't go well."

"You walked out on a date with Christian?" Lily stared at me like I lost my mind.

"Well…yes. I was soaking wet from cold beer and water, I had ice cubes in my boots and my purse was swimming in water. I just wanted to go home and take a hot shower." I shrugged. "Alone."

Christian smirked.

"Still," Lily stated, "I would have insisted the server be fired for wrecking my date with Christian and left the restaurant a scathing review."

"It was an accident. She didn't do it on purpose. The place was packed. The server was bumped by a client at another table. The hostess was mortified. I was embarrassed. The waitress couldn't afford to replace or clean anything. She supports herself while she takes classes at U-Dub. If the restaurant paid for everything; it would have come out of the waitress's pay; which wouldn't have been fair."

"I would have insisted someone compensate me," Lily said stubbornly.

"The restaurant serves excellent food. They don't deserve a scathing review over an accident. My smart phone was unharmed. The contents of my purse and the purse and boots were replaceable. The sweater and jacket were sent to the cleaners. Everything else, including me, was washable. Standing there yelling at people would not have gotten me out of wet clothes any faster and would not have made any of us feel better." I ate some more of the excellent ratatouille. "It's why I asked Christian and his tech people to take the video off the Internet. No one needed to see beer dripping off me. I was just pleased to be able to sneak out the back of the restaurant without having to cross that crowded dining room while everyone stared at me. Besides, I think acting like a lady and not causing a scene is more important than clothes."

"I would have gone back and finished my date," Lily said. "It was Christian after all!"

"Perhaps that is why I didn't finish the date. Everyone in the restaurant knew who Christian was; he barely escaped without a paparazzi parade. If I had returned to the table, everyone would have pictures of us leaving. It was too ugly to contemplate. Additionally, I'm pretty sure Christian is going to forgive me for ditching him…I'm going to forgive him for yelling…and we'll arrange another date." I said, catching a smirk from Christian.

"We're both new at this dating stuff. There's bound to be a few rough starts." He says.

"Let's let Ana eat her soup," Mia intervened. "I want to open presents some time tonight." Mia encouraged everyone to come to a nightclub on Friday night. It's Flashback Friday. They are forgoing a band that night for a karaoke machine and vintage 70s, 80s and 90s songs and signature cocktails from those eras.

I asked Mia what a signature drink was from the 70s, 80s and 90s. She digressed into her research…blah, blah, blah…but the final answer was Pina Colada from the 70s to go with the _Pina Colada_ song; Sex on the Beach from the 80s movie _Cocktail_ ; and Mudslides and other milkshake drink combinations from the 90s.

One of Mia's friends ask Christian if he plans to attend karaoke night. He apologizes but he has a standing Friday night appointment he cannot miss. One of them snarkily asks if I'm attending. I explain I'll be there after ten. I'm bringing friends and an in-depth knowledge of the lyrics from Bob Seger, The Stones, The Who, The Beatles, The Cars, Led Zeppelin, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Aerosmith and ZZ Top.

Christian starts singing, "She's got legs," with input from Elliot; and Carrick picks up the song, "She knows how to use them." Needless to say – Mia's excited and her friends are toast. _I'm very careful not to fidget, cross my legs or press my thighs together under the table. Christian doesn't need to know what I do with my legs._

"How did you learn the lyrics of all of those songs?" Lily asks me. It's an ambush question…she wants me to reveal I'm a bar floozy.

"From hanging out with old men," I smiled sweetly and sipped my water.

"Less of the old men comments," Carrick laughs. "You're stomping on the music of my life."

Everyone laughs.

"You and Grace should go," I said. "My Dad and Laura will be in town. Dad knows all the lyrics from Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band. Laura's a walking encyclopedia about songs from movies."

"I think we'll pass and have an early night," Carrick laughed. "Our flight leaves at six on Saturday for Aspen."

"Aspen again," one of Mia's friends cooed. "I haven't been to Aspen in 18 months." Her suggestion died in thin air.

I keep my mouth shut and eat my dinner.

Christian glares at his plate…waiting for Mia to fall for the bait; but she doesn't. She's too busy talking food from the 70s, 80s and 90s. Pasta Primavera from the 70s, Potato Skins from the 80s and Pizza Bagels from the 90s. Kate swears it was a big thing to go to lunch with friends in the 90s and have salads that featured walnuts, feta cheese and cranberry raisins with Raspberry Vinaigrette. Grace says the first time she ate a chicken Caesar salad was in the 90s. Carrick says every business lunch he had in the 90s either had blackened fish or chicken entrees or veggie burgers. The topic of Aspen is long forgotten and Christian visibly relaxes.

We eat cake while Mia opens presents. Mia's birthday cake is lemon triple layer cake with raspberry filling and a vanilla buttercream frosting. It's very yummy. I'm pleased with my choice of gift for her. It is a sterling silver chain bracelet with a heart charm. The charm is engraved with Mia's name. The _I_ is dotted with a black diamond chip.

"OMG!" She shrieks. "It's gorgeous!" She races over and gives me a hug, which I affectionately return.

"You have to show it to Kate; I seriously mall shopped for her present." I tell Kate. "I thought it would go with your black diamond earrings."

Christian gives her a $100,000 shopping spree at Nieman Marcus. "However, you have to donate 100 items out of your closet to Mom's rummage sale the Saturday before Easter." He told her.

"We'll help you thin out your closet," Lily offered.

"I don't think so," Christian said. "I've seen this approach before. You ladies take stuff home to your closets for a week or two. Then you have an 'overnight' with Mia, and bring suitcases stuffed with her clothes which you leave here. It happened every time Mom demanded she do a clear out. I left word with Caroline Acton - you have to show a note signed by Mom verifying you donated 100 articles of clothes."

"I'm pretty sure Mia can forge my signature," Grace laughed. "I'll bring you the signed note and you can ask Taylor to deliver it to Caroline. Kate, Elliot tells me you have two full closets at your condo and a full closet at your parents' house. I hope we can depend on you to donate generously." She skipped asking me and I smiled at the condescending smirks thrown at me by Mia's friends.

"You aren't asking about my double-filled closets?" I asked. "I know for a fact that I have a pair of nude Chanel peep toes that don't coordinate with a thing in my closet. I bought them to go with this dress, but then I found this great pair of Nine West purple suede pumps and I couldn't resist them." I have to show them to Grace, and then Kate, and then Mia. "I thought I might wear the Chanel peep toes in the spring, but I've been assembling my spring wardrobe and still don't have the right thing to wear with them."

"I know you hate shopping," Grace said. "I hoped I could ask for your help to run one of the play areas for children while their moms shop. I'm already planning to press Kate and Mia into service at the dressing rooms."

"I'd love to," I said. "But I promised the Women's Health Center I would work their Spring Fling that day. They are working with the Junior Jaycees to put on a bunny breakfast from eight to ten. I read from nine to four. There's other activities, like face painting, egg decorating, cookie decorating and egg hunts for the children."

"That will segue nicely," Grace said. "Both events are being held at the WSCC."

"No dance lessons that day?" Christian asked me.

"I have an erratic schedule in April and May – I'm lucky there was a space left in the open dance class. I can come and go as I need to get my lessons. They offer lessons on Friday night, and twice on Saturday and Sunday." I laughed. "I was hoping to use Dad for practice when he comes to town Easter week."

"We can practice tonight; after dinner," Christian offered. "We danced the Foxtrot to _Witchcraft_ the night you met my parents."

"I'd appreciate the help," I murmured at him; to his delight; to Grace's delight; and to the fury of Mia's very-much-ignored friends.

"Elliot and I plan to take lessons," Kate said. "We picked our first dance song and need to polish our moves with one another."

I sense something going on because Elliot gives Carrick a subtle shake of his head.

"So, Ana…" one of Mia's friends, I think her name is Mercedes, asks, "How was your Valentine's Day?"

"The best," I said. "I received the best present in the world."

Christian looks wary.

"Laura taught Dad how to Skype. I had a ten-minute conversation with him late yesterday afternoon." I say to everyone's surprise. "He wanted my blessing to ask Laura to marry him."

"Really?" Kate is shocked.

"Seriously. He planned to ask last night; but I haven't heard a thing. I'll probably hear about it when they come for the weekend." I tell Kate. "I swear you will be the first person I tell."

 **XX**

I didn't struggle to keep up with Christian; but I wasn't the most graceful. "I told you my dancing was deplorable."

"It's not deplorable; it needs work; but it's not deplorable." Christian said as the song ended.

"My turn," Lily announced, as she honed in on Christian.

"Sorry, no," Christian said; holding me in front of him. "Ana and I have to dance together at the wedding and with my busy work schedule; we need to practice when we have time. Besides; I've seen you ladies all line up for the First Dance Auction for Coping Together. I know you can dance."

"Thank you for the practice," I said sincerely to him. "I don't want to have two-left feet and embarrass myself at Kate and Elliot's wedding."

"You could take off your shoes and stand on my feet," Christian offered; ignoring Lily.

"Tempting, but no, I need to practice with heels." I said.

"Heads up," Carrick called out. "Dancers to your marks," he nods at Elliot and Christian while reaching for Grace's hand. We're dancing to _Fly Me to the Moon_ by Frank Sinatra.

"Ignore them," Christian murmured to me. "You're doing fine."

"Just so you know; the wedding and bitchy judgmental women are the reason I'm taking lessons." I explain. "They are also the reason I hate shopping."

"Don't be intimidated by Mia's friends. Don't hang back; controlling your reactions. It's not just tonight, but I never dance with any of them; ever." Christian said. "Women like them are the reason I asked Kate to have ushers at the wedding."

"So dance more, have fun…" I start to say.

"Ignore the critics," Christian finished. "Look, you realized you have to dance in front of 300 people. You're doing what you need to do to feel comfortable around a cluster of strangers."

"That's very calm and Zen of you." I observed.

"Every skill takes practice and time, Ana. I didn't learn to fly Charlie Tango in one month or learn to soar in one month. Give yourself time. You have three and a half more months to practice?" Christian and I were gliding across the floor. It's amazing.

"About that. Twenty weeks-ish. I'm taking lessons on public speaking also. I don't want to be embarrassed when I give my Maid of Honor speech at Kate's wedding." I said.

"Just remember, conversation. Your steps have been perfect when you aren't obsessing about them." He praised me. "You are attending Elliot and Kate's wedding; not _Dancing with the Stars_."

"Celeste is going to have a video crew there. Not one, but three video photographers." I said.

"One lesson I learned…it's counterproductive to be shy and stay off the dance floor. You dance less and don't improve as quickly." Christian said. "I'm impressed with your efforts tonight."

"Thank you, but I know I have shortcomings. I'm working on it," I admitted.

"Me too; Ana." He said. "Did you get my Valentine's gift?"

"Hearts and flowers…yes. But the hearts have to go back, Christian. I don't want diamond earrings from you," I said.

"I know that," he smirked. "They are gold and cubic zirconia. Really good cubic zirconia, but CZ nonetheless."

"Swear that they are CZ," I said.

"Taylor suggested I bring the receipt with me. I'll show it to you if you want." Christian offered.

"Thank you then; they are very pretty, I will enjoy wearing them," I said. "I really liked the truffles and the rose. I made you a lasagna. I brought it tonight for you. It's in a cooler in the car."

All I want is your heart, Anastasia." He said.

I lowered my eyes. It hurt to look at his beautiful face.

"Ana, this isn't the time or place for this talk. There are too many prying eyes and listening ears. I want to talk to you about us. I feel if we don't make time to talk…we'll let one another slip away…and we'll regret it." Christian said.

"Yes, we need to talk." I said. "But not here, not tonight, not with everyone watching us." I blush at the beaming smiles on Grace and Carrick's face.

 **XX**

"Wednesday night date nights aren't working for me," Christian said, driving me home in his R8.

"So, you'd rather not date me?" I asked. I know my voice is small. I'm withdrawing into myself to keep from being hurt.

"God, no…" Christian exploded. "That's not what I meant. I meant…I mean…I can't do this date once a week stuff. I need you to compromise on your schedule a bit. Maybe a workout date with breakfast on Monday if I'm in town, maybe coffee and a sandwich before I go to therapy on Friday night. Maybe pizza and a movie on a Saturday night if you aren't exhausted from classes and Kate. Let me provide transportation for the Sunday night dinners. I know I've got a lot of out of town business trips coming up, and I'll Skype whenever it is possible…but this once a week _real_ date stuff isn't working."

"Oh," I said. "I thought you decided you didn't want to date anymore."

He pulled over to the side of the road and undid my seat belt. He pulled me onto his lap, crushed me against his chest and attacked my mouth. He finally quit kissing me senseless when the lights of a vehicle flashed behind us and his phone began ringing. With a sigh of regret; he moved me off his lap and back into my seat. "I am trying to behave myself…so please quit biting that lip." He said darkly. His cell phone rang again. "We're fine – we had an emergency kissing situation, but it's handled now." He shook his head and hung up. "Taylor wanted to make sure you weren't being mauled without permission."

"A little late for that," I laughed; fastening my seatbelt. "So are we going to figure this out, or are we going to keep dancing around the topic?"

"I want you in my life and in my bed," Christian said.

"I'm not ready for your bed…I am ready to talk and to work this out." I sighed.

"What do you want to know?" Christian asked, guiding the car back onto the road.

"Jack Hyde…do you know where Elizabeth Morgan is? Do you know what she's up to? Do you know where Lauren Hudson is? Do you know what she's up to? Do you know where Lauren's friend Olivia is and what she's up to?" I asked. "I only ask because I felt like I was being watched when I shopped for Mia's gift. Prescott followed me; but I felt like someone else was watching."

"Morgan is working as an HR person for a temporary staffing chain. Hudson and Blandino are working for her. She gives them good assignments. They are all working 40-60 hours a week. Taylor has people watching them. Hyde is in jail at SPD. I'm waiting for the SPD to decide when they are charging him with the attempted murder of Ros and me; fifty counts of invasion of privacy, a dozen different cybercrimes and 28 counts of sexual assault against his interns."

I gasped. "Are you serious?"

"As a heartbeat, baby," Christian said. "Now, ask me about Mrs. Lincoln?"

"How is Mrs. Lincoln lately?" I asked.

"No Mrs. Robinson comments?" Christian asked.

"My therapist said calling the assholes in my life by any other name gives them power they don't deserve." I said.

"Ah…I understand. John and I had that conversation also. I haven't called Ella a crack whore in months." Christian sighed. "The SPD does not know when they are going to arrest Mrs. Lincoln again."

"How are you sleeping?" I asked.

"Better than I was; not as good as I did when I was with you," Christian answered. "I might have a night terror once a week now, thanks to the therapy. How are you sleeping?"

"Alone," I answered. _I will not tell him that I have wet dreams of him._

"Is your security working out?" He asked.

"If they aren't asking you to approve my schedule, then yes they are." I said.

"Is there a reason you don't want me to know your schedule – other than you don't trust me to not interfere?" Christian asked.

"I don't know Ros's security people, but I have to put my trust in their ability to keep people from bothering me. I have things to do. If they get in the way; they will be gone." I said. "I'm not trying to be bitchy, but I need my freedom, Christian."

"My research said one count of insider trading is usually a six-month jail sentence and a $75K fine for first timers. I'm praying for more than one count. Please tell me that you're not waiting until Hyde and Lincoln are in prison before you are with me." Christian said.

"No…I've waited for the congestion around you to clear…but it's not going to happen. You are always going to have paparazzi and crazies circling. I'm working on accepting that." I said.

"It's just a pretty face baby…" he pulled my hand to his lips and kissed it.

"It's more than that," I said. "It will always be more than that. So, Aspen this weekend. You've been spending a lot of time in Aspen."

"Both John and Sela, my touch therapist, require I spend as much time with family as possible. I know Elliot told you about the flag football game at Thanksgiving. The touch therapy has not been easy…but I need to do this or I will not be able to function at Elliot's wedding." Christian explained. "We're here," he pulled into the parking at my condo. "So, when do I get to see you again?"

"Can you have dinner before your appointment on Friday?" I asked. "I can go to work early and be off work at five."

"There's a little diner halfway between my appointment and yours. We can order in advance; and meet there by 5:30 for a quick dinner." Christian suggested.

"How do you know about the place?" I asked suspiciously. "Are you having me followed?"

"I know about the place because they have great Rueben sandwiches. Taylor recommended them. We've had sandwiches there a couple times. I like their hot beef sandwiches too. No, I'm not having you followed. Ros keeps track of your protection unit. Taylor checked out her security company and approved them. Are you sure you can't come to Aspen?" Christian asked.

"Thank you for asking but Dad is coming to town and I need to do my taxes." I said. "Email me the address for the diner. I'll meet you there."

Christian walked me to my condo and came in; closing the door. "I feel funny kissing you goodnight in the hall." He held my hands behind my back and pulled me against his hard body. He kissed me, nibbling on my bottom lip; giving me a goodnight kiss that melted my panties, before kissing my forehead goodnight. "I won't leave until I hear the door lock. Laters, baby," he smirked, and pulled the door closed behind him.

 **February 17 - CPOV**

I'm wearing a hoody and sunglasses when I meet Ana at the little mom & pop diner. She looks fabulous in grey slacks that accent her ass, a white silk shirt with a black boyfriend jacket. She's wearing low-heeled pumps, and her hair is in a low chignon. I put an audio jammer on the table and she smiles. I take off my sunglasses but keep the hoody up and keep my back to the room.

She ordered the Reuben Cobb Salad…which I thought was odd until I saw it. It was a bed of greens with strips of minced sauerkraut; grilled diced onion, cubes of pastrami, Swiss cheese cubes, boiled egg wedges, and rye bread croutons served with Thousand Island dressing. I ordered the Reuben Melt which was double-portion pastrami with sauerkraut between a well-grilled Swiss cheese sandwich, served with hearty onion rings.

Prescott and Taylor are strategically placed between us and the few people who wander in. Most of them called in orders to pick up on their way home. We both shut off our phones and pinky swear not to talk about work or the wedding. I set one of John's dice on the table – it has 27 sides, each with a letter of the alphabet on it. I explain John suggested we use it for conversation starters. I shake and roll the dice – landing on R. I explain our topic of conversation with be R things– not R-rated things. I start.

"Elliot and I bought rubber-band guns at one of the craft booths at a school fair. We had a great time with them, until Elliot misfired his gun and the rubber-band got my Dad in the ear – he was furious. He pulled the car over, took the guns away, and we never saw them again. He had this big red welt on his ear for days. It was my lesson on how parents could be angry with you without physically abusing you."

"My R story is Christmas when I was eight. Dad wanted a router, and I wanted to get him one. Mom made me give him a Popsicle stick picture frame which I made in one of the afterschool clubs she ran… he probably still has it somewhere. Grandpa Steele took me to see Santa a few days before Christmas. When Santa asked what I wanted, I told him he didn't have to bring me anything if he brought a router for my Daddy. I had stopped believing in Santa by then; but my Mother wanted one more picture of me with Santa. I realize it was ruse to have the afternoon to wrap presents or something. Grandpa Steele heard the conversation; bought the router and wrapped it in Santa paper. It was tagged to my Dad from Santa. There was a present from Santa for me too…wrapped in the same paper. It was the first ten books of the Nancy Drew series. I think I still have them at Dad's house."

"That's a sweet story," I murmured; my left hand reaching for her left hand. We both needed our right hands to eat. I smile when she dips her fork in her dressing and then spears a piece of cheese, pastrami and some greens. I sip my coffee and eat an onion ring before wrangling my sandwich.

"They were good people, Dad loved them a lot." She said. "Another R story is about Dad and his raised bed vegetable garden the first summer we moved to Montesano. Dad captured and returned the neighbor's escaped rabbits. They raised them for meat; not pets. He spent the night rabbit-proofing the garden. He donated a large bowl of nibbled green tops and veggies to the rabbits; and then replanted the garden with items he could harvest before the growing season was over." She shrugged. "I only just remembered it when you referred to my salad as rabbit food." She creates another of those stacked bites – a dip of salad dressing, a bit of egg, a bit of onion, a bit of sauerkraut and greens.

"You eat, and I will tell you an R story." I tell her the story of reading to my mother on Valentine's Day when I was in kindergarten. When I finish, she smiles and we don't talk, we concentrate on our food. She eats all the toppings and half of the greens. She swears she's stuffed but steals my last onion ring and grins at me. Taylor pays for us and I put my sunglasses back on and hold my girl's hand when I walk her to Prescott's SUV. I gave her a kiss on the right cheek for story one; one on the left cheek for story two, and a chaste but lingering kiss on her perfect pouty lips before she went her way and I went mine.

 **XX**

"Mom, thank you for coming," I said. "I need your help." I removed my shirt and sat on the massage table. "I've been enrolled in a traumatic touch therapy treatment. Tonight my therapist, Sela, is massaging my back. I need you to put these two-inch adhesive bandage squares over the scars. That way she won't touch them while she massages."

"Christian," Mom gasped.

"I promised Elliot I would stand up for him at the wedding. I need to do this so I can shake hands with guests and dance with a partner without touch issues. Ana is learning to dance properly so she doesn't embarrass herself at the wedding. I'm doing this." I hand Mom the bandages. "You may stay and watch the massage and talk to me." I took her hand. "I want this Mom. You saved me when I was four; help me save myself now."

 **XX - APOV**

Damn, Prescott warned me to get moving so we would be at Cassie's business on time. Christian and I had a great dinner. We were too busy trying to talk, and hold hands, and eat. I'm here, with a whopping five minutes to shed my coat, catch my breath and take a seat. I know I will hear about my 'inelegant' arrival. This week we are working on Eloquent Elocution with voice analyzation. Tonight is clarity, diction, intonation, projection, conversation and preventing profanities. Tomorrow is conversing with strangers, eye contact; the art of introductions and conversation etiquette. Sunday we concentrate on business communications. Monday, if we desire, Cassie will work with us on business etiquette from how to arrange offices, how to clear our desktops to showcase our professionalism, our business cards, presentations and appropriate etiquette at workshops and conferences.

The moment class is over, I have my clothes binder in my hands and race for Prescott's SUV. She drives carefully as I strip out of my work clothes and pull on the 90s vintage dress Shawn bought for me for tonight. The dress is red, V-neck with rhinestones that would tart up any woman. He picked red bow tie heels to go with it. I wanted to pass on the red-press on nails and the red lipstick (they reminded me too much of Mrs. Lincoln) but Shawn insisted. The minute we're at the club, Shawn works his magic on my hair – and I am teased and sprayed into big hair in record time.

"I feel ridiculous in this dress," I told Shawn.

"Ana, ridiculous is not the word I would use to describe how you look." Shawn said and Harley agreed with him. He gives me rhinestone earrings – huge drop things he swears he bought for a drag queen costume party. _NO SHIT_. He checks the press on nails and lipstick and pronounces me ready to go. "There are firemen present...and I'd bet that fire red dress will gather you as much attention as you want."

 **XX - CPOV**

"I have the CCTV from the club in real time, if you want to see it," Taylor said. "Miss Steele just arrived with Stanton and Harrison. Luke tells me the rest of her friends arrived around nine with Kate and Elliot."

Stanton claims the first dance. Ana, wearing a retro red dress with big fucking rhinestones accenting the V between her breasts and collarbone. It's as short as that damned skirt from Georgia and she's wearing 'come fuck me' red heels. Her hair is retro-styled big hair – teased and sprayed and huge! Those huge rhinestone earrings must weigh a pound! It's obvious Mia and Kate dressed her for the night. She's looking a lot hot and too slutty! I'm glad she's not up on stage singing; and I remember our first Saturday morning … my baby can't sing. "That dress needs burnt," I said to Taylor. "She's doing really well on the dance floor. She's not so uncoordinated."

"Indeed, sir," Taylor said. "I also noticed she was able to converse more easily at dinner Wednesday night. She was holding her own against Miss Mia's catty friends."

"Yes, she was," I said admiringly. I stared at the screen. "Who is singing? She looks familiar."

"Ray Steele's new lady, Laura Dennison. I think Steele has a type also. She's a younger version of Miss Steele's mother. Hazel eyes instead of blue." Taylor answered. Laura sings _Gold Dust Woman_ by Fleetwood Mac. The CCTV of the crowd shows Ana dancing with Ray. Great…a three-day weekend when I might have been able to take Ana to Aspen…and she has family in town. Crap. I'd bail on Aspen; except it is an assignment by Sela and Mom knows it.

Laura Dennison is replaced by José Rodriguez who sings _Here I Go Again_ by Whitesnake. He announces it's the closest song he can find to _I Walk Alone_ by Green Day from 2004. Ana is dancing with…fuck me …Harley Harrison. I am majorly pissed now. The fucking photographer is visiting Seattle… and Ana… this weekend. "We'd better be headed to the club," I warn Taylor who nods.

"ETA in less than ten boss," Taylor announces.

"What the hell is that?" I rewind the CCTV tape. I recognize the receptionist from GP, Clare. She's got a Queen Latifah voice. She's singing lead on _It's Raining Men_ and her backup singers are Ana, Kate, Mia, three other women I recognize as Ana coworkers, plus Harrison and his boyfriend. The ladies all wear SHORT vintage dresses with heels and big hair. They look like a fucking cast shot from some 80s sleazy soap opera.

Stanton and Harrison look like they are dressed as extras from _Miami Vice_. Stanton wears white pants, a black shirt and a black and white striped jacket – sleeves pushed up mid-forearm, with Ray-Bans. Harrison wears black pants, a black and white patterned shirt and a white jacket with the sleeves pushed up also. He also wears Ray-Bans.

"We're there," Taylor announced. "I parked at the private entrance and told Luke you're coming in."

I get to the dance floor and Mia's singing _I Need a Hero_ to a group of firefighters from the insignias on their shirts. Fuck, Ana and Kate are her backup singers. All I can see is Ana's long legs getting admiring looks from those fuckers…and that fucking photographer. When the song is over. I nod at Luke who storms the stage, picks Mia up, throwing her over his shoulder. Mia is buzzed and struggles in Luke's lockdown.

"Knock it off!" He swats her on the ass, handing me the microphone on his way past. "She bit me! I want hazard pay!"

Ana and Kate crack up laughing…and exit out the back of the stage to avoid interacting with their groupies in front. Taylor and I plan to leave; Luke will take Mia to Escala to recover from her hangover. I can't wait to throw her hungover ass on the plane to Aspen. She will explain her stupidity to our parents and I will be the hero for rescuing my drunk sister from a potentially bad situation. Maybe if Mom and Dad nag at her… she'll grow up. My plan to put her in Grey Annex to keep an eye on Ana isn't panning out…not if Ana's here in a short disco dress; showing off her legs to the universe.

Everyone starts chanting "sing, sing, sing," at me. What the hell – I go up on stage. I page through the songs and land on _Is This Love_ by Whitesnake. I hit the music play button when I see Ana and Kate wandering back to their table. Three of Mia's friends are at the table and I don't want to look over there and have them think that I'm singing to them.

Is this love that I'm feeling,  
Is this the love, that I've been searching for...  
Is this love or am I dreaming,  
Is this the love, that I've been searching for...

I have my eyes on the lyrics the entire time; and exercise control to not watch Ana while I sing. Elliot is slack-jawed. Kate is equally stunned. Ray Steele and his new lady positioned themselves on the dance floor to watch me while they dance.

A woman calls out; requesting I sing Whitesnake's _Slow and Easy._ I look in her direction and it's one of Mia's friends from her birthday party. _Shut this down, Grey!_

"Thanks for the applause, but no more songs from me. Kate, Elliot – wheels up at six!" I hand the mike off to the MC who tries to keep the crowd enthusiastic about singing, dancing and drinking. I don't look back as I exit out the back of the stage – following Taylor who clears a path to the SUV.

 _I'll play nice with the family like Sela ordered…but I will pack a lot of work. Since I don't have Bastille this weekend to work off aggressions …it's time to eviscerate someone's company…or maybe two or three of them. I want to grab Ana, toss her over my shoulder and smack her ass like Luke did with Mia. I'd like to lock her in the bedroom of the plane…whoa, Grey…you don't touch until you have permission. Fuck…I want her now! That dress is short enough that all I have to do is destroy her panties and I can wrap those long legs and red heels around me…_

I groan and hit my head against the back of the seat. Nope…that pain is not relieving the pain I feel as my cock threatens to burst from my pants. I should have talked to her…fuck it…I'm going to text her.

Christian text to Ana: That dress needs to be burnt.

Ana to Christian: One scowl from you and it would have burst into flames… it is fire-engine red.

Christian to Ana: Don't make me come back and do a fireman lift to remove your hot little body from the club. That dress might not cover your ass when I throw you over my shoulder.

Ana to Christian: RED. Stow your twitchy palm…I don't want to be embarrassed in front of my Dad. We're out of here at midnight so Elliot and Kate will be on time in the morning. I have class first thing, so I won't be dancing the night away.

Christian to Ana: GROAN! Please don't talk about dancing the night away…unless it's with me…and unless some of it is in the dark, under the sheets.

Ana to Christian: You're killing me with your thinly veiled innuendos…

Christian to Ana: You want some mouth-to-mouth resuscitation baby?

Ana to Christian: Bring the defibrillator…you're making my heart pound.

Christian to Ana: Damn…we're at Escala. I have to go deal with Mia and get some sleep before we take off tomorrow.

Ana to Christian: Be kind…you're her favorite big brother. Safe travels…and you know where I am…you can always Skype me this weekend. Sweet dreams…

 _Sweet dreams? I'll be dreaming about her … and that dress…and those long legs…and those 'fuck me' red heels. I want that red dress…crotch-less red panties…no bra…red satin mask…red leather handcuffs…oh god, I'm going to combust thinking about those legs wrapped around my ass._

 **XX – 3PPOV**

"You bit me!" Luke hissed at Mia when he dumped her in the SUV.

"I couldn't help it," She said. "Your ass looks so fine; I couldn't resist."

"That wasn't my ass you bit," Luke said.

"I'll make it up to you…I'll give you love bites on your neck." Mia offered.

"Mia…you are with Ethan. I work for your brother. Please take this in the spirit that it's intended…I'm not going to touch you," Luke said. "Not now, not ever. You're going to Aspen this weekend. Ethan volunteered to work at the hospital. Maybe you need to step back and work on your issues with one another." He started the SUV and headed toward Escala. He didn't know why he was lecturing her to work on her issues. Ana and Grey were working on theirs…and not making much headway in the dating game with one another. "That was your only pass, Mia. You misbehave inappropriately toward me again…I'll tell your brother and resign."


	46. Chapter 46

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 46 –** "When you don't talk, there's a lot of stuff that ends up not getting said." ― Catherine Gilbert Murdock, _Dairy Queen_

 **Saturday, February 18 - APOV**

I leave Dad, Laura and José to their own devises. I explain I have a class I can't miss. I dress in dark skinny jeans; a navy turtleneck sweater, a navy boyfriend jacket and boots. Laura angel braids my hair for me and finishes it off with a silver barrette. She promises to teach me how to do it. I throw my loaded wristlet and a pair of heels into a tote…just in case. Dad hands me a travel cup of tea and a yogurt for the road. He doesn't ask and José is too curious for words. Prescott has the weekend off because I have family in town. I'm glad because I don't want to have to field José's questions about her.

We work through four different kinds of introductions: casual, business, interview and social, like receiving lines. We learn the proper length of time for a handshake. We learn the rules of business introductions. They are supposed to make us comfortable speaking with one another at company meetings, workshops and dining events. I'm grateful for the end of the class. Cassie reminds us about the assignments in our wardrobe binders. If we haven't looked at them yet; we'd better before the weekend is over.

Cassie gives us a list of _You Tube_ videos she swears will help us if we take time to watch them. It's really an assignment; not a suggestion; since the video list is accompanied by a synopsis form.

Dad and Laura visited an estate sale and thrift stores today. I gave him the key to my storage area and encouraged him to use it if he finds more than he can take home in one trip. When I call Dad, he and Laura aren't done yet. They will eat lunch before they return. He says José is at Grey Construction, getting a tour of the facilities and three of their construction sites. He promises everyone will be back by four.

I go grocery shopping. I plan to batch cook this weekend to feed my freezer. There are things to be done. I can't practice yoga, walking or sitting, makeup or hairstyles while I have company without incurring questions I don't feel like answering. I need to be Ana 1.0 … cooking and concentrating on family during my free time over the weekend.

I set out six loaves of frozen bread dough to thaw. One of my fun recipes is pizza pinwheels. It's very hands on. When the dough is thawed, I roll it into a flat rectangle, add marinara sauce and then set my guests free to sprinkle the dough with pepperoni bits, veggie bits, hamburger crumbles, Italian sausage crumbles, etc. Then we sprinkle a little mozzarella cheese on it; roll, slice and let the dough raise a little more before baking. What we don't eat this weekend; I'll split into three groups for José, Dad and me. I also start a batch of Survivor Soup to go with the pinwheels. I printed the recipe and directions for Survivor Soup, Pizza Pinwheels and Pepperoni Bubble Bread for Laura.

Dad brought me the boxes of china, cutlery, glassware and table linens from his Grandma Steele. I unpack and clean everything, putting it away in the hutch. I can inventory it later to add to the rental insurance. He brought the last of my books and clothes from Montesano along with a footlocker of memorabilia. I dump the clothes in the washer; and the books and footlocker in the office. I start household chores – cooking, laundry and home dry-cleaning.

I caught up on my emails; everyone had great pictures from karaoke night. I forward several to Kate, Harley and Christian. Several of my emails have a picture of Christian singing and include online links. The tabloids reported he kept people watching him while security removed his drunk sister from the premises. I've thought about it this weekend …and while I loved his voice and the fact he sang… it took all of my self-control not to rush the stage and jump his bones. I don't want to fall into bed with him…yet. We can't substitute sex…vanilla, kinky or otherwise…for conversation and getting to know one another.

 **XX**

Kate emails they're having a great time skiing. She suggests if I'm going to continue taking lessons…skiing should be the next on my list to master. She said it's a lot more fun than yoga. ' _Yeah, right!' Says the girl who tripped walking into Christian's office._ Kate's wearing her Christmas gift and thanks me for it again. I email her pictures from last night and urge her to share them with everyone.

Everyone gathers in the kitchen and we finish making and baking pizza pinwheels. We eat dinner, talking and chatting about everything. Dad and Laura show me pictures of furniture which they bought. They bought several pieces of furniture which need love and refurbishing from the estate sale. They found a few dozen pieces at thrift stores that need restoration. Dad found a dozen large picture frames in need of reinforcement and refurbishing. I ask Dad to make a large tea tray for me from one of them.

I explain I have homework to do for the class, and hide myself away in my office. I'm searching Cassie's _You Tube_ lists and creating three dozen index cards. I'm waiting for Christian to Skype; but there is no request.

 **XX - CPOV**

"Work time is over," Mom announced. "The staff left to complete tasks or they are off. The family is on the slopes. Close the laptop, turn the phone to vibrate. Taylor is walking the perimeter to keep everyone out of the house. Your father and I want to have a long overdue conversation with you. We wanted discuss the Elena situation…but then Elliott and Kate had the accident. Then Charlie Tango crashed, then Ana was mugged…and suddenly we were into the holiday season where you've been more involved with the family than ever. Then Elliot and Kate got engaged. Then when we wanted to talk about the situation; Jack Hyde was arrested. So…here we are…Presidents Day weekend…having a conversation we should have had months ago."

 _Holy Fuck! Dad's got a list – questions? So does Mom. Should I ask if I should call or Skype John?_

Forty minutes later, Dad is furious; Mom is tearful and I'm defensive. "So, until the SEC is done with Hyde and Lincoln, we're all in freefall?" Dad yells.

"Not freefall but not home free either," I said. "Elena's going to be arrested for being a madam. The Special Crimes Unit has proof of 200 counts of promoting prostitution."

Dad whistled, sinking back into his chair; his fury at the SEC dragging out the investigation has wilted. "Grace – one count is a class B felony – equivalent of 10 years in prison and a $20K fine. If she's found guilty of 200 counts – that's 2000 years and $4 million." He looked at me. "How sure are you about the 200 counts?"

I explain about Taylor's friend who works for the SPD. We don't have a date when Elena will be arrested. I can't believe the SPD is still working on 225 warrants, plea deals and sorting evidence into case files.

Dad asks if I am 100% positive Elena doesn't have blackmail materials from our time together. I explain about Isaac and Taylor removing the blackmail materials from the house. Taylor destroyed them. Isaac mailed the madam materials to SPD.

Mom goes ballistic; she wants to know where she went wrong…that I would be involved with Elena Lincoln. She wants guarantees our family will not be harmed when Elena's arrested. She wants guarantees this will not affect Elliot and Kate's wedding. She wants guarantees….and I can't give them to her. I can only assure her we have close protection details and no-contact orders.

Dad asks about Jack Hyde issues – with Ana's safety being first and foremost.

"Hyde's right index fingerprint is an eight-point match to the partial fingerprint left in the engine compartment of Charlie Tango. Taylor and Welch checked the security tapes for a full month before Charlie Tango was sabotaged. We have an unexplained figure getting into the hanger, twice, but cannot identify him. Welch would feel better if we have something more to tie him to the sabotage." I explain.

"Then what will happen?" Mom asked.

"We're trying to get more information but the NTSB is anxious to charge him with attempted murder of Ros and me before he goes to trial for the SEC." I pause. Then I explain we're waiting for Hyde to be charged with at least twenty-eight counts of sexual assault against seven interns; and invasion of privacy and cybercrimes.

Two hours later; we're emotionally exhausted and talked out. Dad and Mom plan to spend the evening in their suite. They don't want to be disturbed. I told them to call down to the kitchen when they want food and drink delivered to their room. I'm sure I will be the topic of discussion…and I'll feel like a heel. I phone Taylor and ask him to let everyone back in the house, but I need food and coffee brought to my office. I will work until I'm exhausted and then head to bed.

Mia joins me. She wants to bounce some dieas off me and talk through some event issues. Kate is busy with wedding things and cannot work on Coping Together. Ana's busy with classes and the wedding; so she's not available right now to work on Coping Together either. 2012 Coping Together will be hold on Saturday, July 7. She suggests it be permanently moved to the second Saturday of July. She has downloads of the weather for the last 10 years. She has suggestions on new blood to invite to the event. She has wonderful ideas about the menu and wine tasting. She suggests ways to diversify and update the donation process…including a website. She shares the layout and ideas for it with me.

 **XX  
**

 _"This is fun for you?" Christian furrowed his brow, walking through the antiques preshow with me. Dad and Laura are over thirty feet from us, looking at furniture which could use some TLC. He reaches out and pulls me back to him. "The things I could do to you on that brass bed," he whispers in my ear. "Rope, scarlet red, monofilament…I will tie you spread eagle on that bed; ass up so I can spank you." We move off because there are people walking into the area, looking at items for sale._

 _We're looking at a group of chairs when he pushes me into one. He places my hands up on the finials of the chair top. He lifts my legs onto the wide arms and kneels before me. "I would tie you to this chair, naked. Blindfolded, gagged. I would kiss and lick and finger fuck you until you came all over that silk upholstery." I close my eyes and moan…I'm so wet for him._

 _He pulls me to my feet and steers me to a tall-backed three-legged chair. "Your legs spread wide and tied to the front two legs. Your hands restrained behind the back of the chair. I would blindfold and gag you before I flogged you…and when you are so wet…I will be on my knees…making you wetter." He pulls me up and we move to another section._

 _We're looking at a oak library table. He slides one hand around my waist and the other cups a breast. "Three-point restraint…you gagged, blindfolded and bent over the table…me spanking you until your ass is a pretty pink color…me fucking you from behind." He pinches my nipple and my panties are soaked. I release a low, desperate moan. "You have to be quiet or people will wonder what is going on."_

" _Chaise lounge…so many positions…so little time. Collector's cabinet…24 drawers…each one holding a toy, restraints, an impact implement." His voice registers in the 'sex-on-legs' range. My panties are soaked. The next section he pulls me into is antique pitcher and basin sets, antique brass bathing tubs, a huge claw bathtub. "Oh the things I could do to you during an erotic bath…'_

 _The antique toy section makes his eyes gleam with excitement. "You, naked, astride that carousel horse…" He smirked and pointed at an old game table. "Strip checkers…followed by you leaning over the gaming table for a leisurely spanking. You standing and bent down holding the sides of the table, legs spread…waiting for me to fuck you…hard. Toys for you in that antique toy chest, falling to your knees, opening the chest, taking out one toy at a time, presenting it to me, begging me to show you how it is properly used to make you moan…writhe…scream in ecstasy."_

 _"Antique cheval mirror…so you can strip for me…so you can watch me touch your body…so you can watch me fuck you." He pulled my braid, tipping my head to the side…feasting on my neck…and I shout out my first release…_ which wakes me.

Dad's awake like a gunshot and is knocking on my bedroom door. "Sorry," I mutter. "I was thrashing around in bed and landed on the floor; which woke me. I'll drink some water and go back to bed. Tomorrow morning will come too early."

 **Sunday, February 19 - CPOV**

I am awakened by a nightmare. Elena and Jack Hyde were torturing Ana and me by killing Ray and Laura, my grandparents, parents, Elliot and Kate, Mia and Ethan…Ana can't cry out, her blue eyes brim with tears and she won't look at me. She's so angry… and I'm chained to a chair and can't stop them. I wake in tears; shower and dress.

After Taylor and I run, and after I practice kick boxing on the dummy in the home gym…Mom announces breakfast will be served within half an hour. Breakfast is subdued. The drive to the ski slopes is subdued…but we all seem to attack the slopes to excise our demons.

 **XX – APOV**

Sunday we concentrate on business communications. Cassie says business phone skills have degraded since the debut of cell phones. We practice how to properly take phone messages We practice how to respond to work emails – and everyone is warned to NEVER hit the 'reply to all' button. We work on the proper format for inter-office memos, business letters and envelopes, and business reports. Proper introductions for a business speeches and presentations are covered. Then we are given ten minutes to build a two-minute speech introducing ourselves with title and key mission areas of our company.

Cassie gives us pointers to help navigate mandatory business meetings. We are supposed to be able to deduce who is stressed, angry or just plain bored. We learn PowerPoint presentation etiquette – fonts, colors, sizes of fonts, adequate/inadequate/verbose text, reading the slides to the audience, etc. I should be able to critique my presentations to know what is needed to polish them.

We leave with an assignment to draw the layout of our current offices, with measurements, and bring it back tomorrow with a notation of wall colors, blinds, rugs and décor.

I stopped at Second Byte and bought a second TV for the armoire in the home office. Dad and José are gone, taking a load of items to Montesano. When I bought Lita; Dad suggested keeping a king-sized sheet in Lita and using it to cover things when I shop. I leave the second TV in the back of Lita. It is covered with a sheet and can wait for them to return from Montesano to bring it up and install it for me.

Laura and I talk while cooking. She said she doesn't need a piece of paper to tell her what she feels for Dad is genuine. She's not averse to marriage, but she doesn't need it to be with Dad. They've agreed to be engaged to be engaged. I tell her I appreciate her honesty. I wouldn't want her to play games with his heart. She says his heart is the best gift she's ever received in her life and she cherishes it and him. We talk about Christian and my dating and she says as long as we keep the lines of communication open, we'll be fine. She echoes Kate…about taking it at my own pace.

Laura promises to research bridal shower ideas while she's here this weekend. I want to suggest something fun and different to Kate's girl cousins and Elliot's Aunt Rachel who each want to host a shower. Both showers are supposed to be both sex showers. As the Maid of Honor, I have to fit them into Kate's pre-wedding calendar. Laura reminds me it will be easier to select a wedding present for Kate and Elliot when they are registered somewhere. She explains the bridal party usually go in on one large gift for the bride and groom which is coordinated by the best man. Great…shopping with Christian who won't let anyone pay for anything, and shopping with Mia who shops until she drops. When did extreme shopping become a recognized pastime?

I entered every appointment, Kate salon/spa day, Kate shopping day, and Cassie classes on my calendar. I tentatively schedule wedding events. Every time I think of Christian; I surf the internet and find a picture of him from last night. I have a file of internet pix I've saved of him. I laugh …stalkerish much? I don't know where my head is…but I know what I need to get done this weekend…and daydreaming of Christian won't make that happen.

When Dad and José return, they hooked the TV up to cable in the home office. In a dream world, I can work while watching _BBC America_. Then they spent an hour measuring my patio. That's where we have the portable kennels for Laura's four Pomskys right now. Dad promises to start looking for patio furniture for me. I ask him not to get wicker because of the weather. He offers to look for wrought iron furniture for me.

Dad and José watch the sports channel. Laura inventories my china and silver. She researches and buys two more vegetable bowls to match my new china and four silver serving spoons to match my new cutlery. I ask her to download images of twelve sapphire bridesmaid dresses I might like to wear for Kate's wedding. She emails the pictures to me so I can print or email them for Mia and Kate's input.

I review Cassie's notes on my wardrobe binder, and word process the entire list of fall/winter ensembles; placing them in plastic sheets. She wants me to do the same thing with my spring wardrobe. I don't have to finish it this weekend, but I have to show I've started it. I pull the dresses from my spring capsule, take pictures, print them, and drop them in a plastic bag inside the wardrobe binder. I drop it in a tote to take back to class tomorrow. When I have a few minutes, I respond to emails and watch some of Cassie's _You Tube_ videos while I had time. Each tip I learn from a video gets an index card with name of video and URL

I get a sweet email from Christian; he misses me. I send him back a wish for sweet dreams with a goodnight kiss.

Before eleven; Dad and Laura take the puppies for one last walk and then we're down for the count. Tomorrow's a busy day.

 **XX - CPOV**

We have a quiet dinner. Everyone's exhausted from spending the day on the slopes. Mom, Dad, Elliot and Kate go to the family room to watch some movie. Mia grabs her briefcase and comes to my home office. She sets up her laptop and quietly ticky taps away on work while I'm researching my next acquisitions. Every time I think about Ana…I stop watch the saved CCTV feed from karaoke night.

Mia and I discuss the author launch in Las Vegas in March. We're flying everyone on the GEH jet. I ask Mia to get us rooms at the Bellagio where we will have the author launch. She'll work out logistics with Grey Publishing Marketing and the Events Planner at the Bellagio. We both work until almost midnight.

When I go to bed, Taylor makes sure I have my Ana body pillow and Ana sleeping DVD. I send her a late night email because I miss her and am thinking about her.

 **Monday, February 20 - APOV**

Monday morning came early. I cooked breakfast while José helped Dad and Laura pack the truck to go home. José decided to cruise by U-Dub and Kate's condo to orient himself before he moves here in July. He's staying at Kate and Elliot's condo while they are on their honeymoon. He starts work at Grey Construction July first.

I get goodbye hugs from Dad and Laura. They promise to Skype and email weekly and they'll be back at Easter for a week. I get quick Pomsky loves before they are bundled into the truck.

Monday, Cassie works with us on business etiquette from how our offices are arranged – sort of a quick business Feng Shui, how to clear our desktops to showcase our professionalism, proper use of business cards, the impact of Social Media on our professional life, business presentations, and appropriate etiquette at workshops and conferences. She recommends we always keep our top left or right drawer empty. At the end of the day; she says to open the drawer and put all our paperwork in it. It will help keep our desktop clean.

I'm off to the nearest mall. I need to do my taxes. I brought my tablet with me to read manuscripts while I am waiting. I don't notice anyone watching me…until I stand and stretch. There are two brunettes giving me the eye. I don't wonder if they know Christian. I reach for my purse and tell the receptionist I'm stepping out to the powder room. Because my family was here, Prescott is off duty. I'll probably get lectured for coming to the mall by myself, but I will deal with that when it's time.

I use my smart phone to take a few pictures of the young ladies before they have time to react and leave. I don't have to be nice. They are obviously ex-subs – otherwise they would not have a clue who I am. I don't compare and contrast myself as they are obviously dressed to attract attention. I'm just wearing jeans, t-shirt, hoody and Converse…just trying to get my taxes done.

I tell myself I have no reason to feel insecure. I'm the first woman to fly in Charlie Tango, sleep in Christian's bed, and meet his parents. I'm the first woman who meant MORE to him. I'm curious however, if we have an NDA to keep us from talking about him, what else do those two have in common? My first answer is Elena Lincoln. I won't be thrown by this. It's his past; his issues. If they give me problems…then it's my issue. However, right now…I'm emailing the pictures to Taylor. I don't know what else to do with them. Someone ought to be aware that I am aware of my surroundings.

 **XX**

I called Mom. She was chatty and effervescent; which kept me entertained for almost an hour. She and Bob had a wonderful golf weekend in Houston. We talked about how much sun she got and the wonderful nightlife they experienced. I eat a late lunch/early dinner and look at my new china once again. I walk around my empty patio in heels with a book on my head; trying to envision it ready for use in the spring. I practice sitting and rising for for two hours while I'm watching assigned _You Tube_ videos. I luxuriate in a bubble bath and read in bed.

 **XX - CPOV**

"Issues," Taylor sent me an email from Ana. It has two attachments…which are pictures of Susannah and Ariana Wellman. She explains she's getting her taxes done, and these two have been staring at her for at least 15 minutes. She said they are discussing her and act like a couple of spoiled bitches. She'd confront them and verbally take them down – but they are not worth the effort. She said Prescott was off because her family is in town.

I sighed and handed him back the phone. "Please gather Welch tomorrow night and go visit Susannah and MissWellman. Make sure they know the NDAs they signed are still in effect. Make sure they aren't following suggestions from Mrs. Lincoln to make Ana's life miserable. I don't like Ariana Wellman, who was a potential sub, in cahoots with Susannah Martin, an ex-sub. The only thing those two have in common is Mrs. Lincoln." I pause and collect my thoughts. "I need you to discuss this situation with Prescott – because if I do – I'm going to yell and swear and trash a smart phone. I can't afford to piss off Ana. Prescott and Ros. If you stay professional with Prescott; it keeps us basically informed about what's going on in Ana's life."

 **February 21 – APOV**

"What did you do for the weekend?" Mary asked.

"Dad, Laura and a friend came to Seattle and spent the weekend with me. I had Cassie classes; I spent the weekend cooking and feeding the freezer. I read, I spent time with my family, I played with Laura's puppies. I had my taxes done. I talked to my mom for an hour and it was a nice conversation for once. She didn't mention Christian and I didn't either."

"Did you have any invitations?" She asked.

I told her about Mia's birthday and dancing with Christian. I told her about dinner with Christian on Friday night before class and karaoke night. I tell her Dad and I made plans to go to Portland the weekend José graduates. I explained we were planning a camping trip over Memorial Day weekend. She told me to think long and hard about what I'm doing. I have to give my life breathing space so I can be with Christian and not feel guilty about 'things I'm supposed to do'. I can't explain I think I saw two of his ex-subs. That is so not a conversation I want to have.

She reminded me there is strength in numbers. I'm not in this alone. We talk about what I'm learning from Cassie's classes. She reminds me I'm taking the classes for self-improvement; not to garner Cassie's approval of me or my lifestyle. She also warns me I didn't take enough time for myself over the weekend and she will prescribe a spa weekend somewhere if I don't decompress. I tell her I will do that in Las Vegas at the end of March. She laughs and hopes I don't have a meltdown before then.

"I learned something new this week," Mary handed me a cutout resembling a gingerbread man made from letter sized paper. "You can just write down the things that aggravate you about a person. You can decorate it with hand drawn pictures or cutouts from magazines, newspapers, etc. Then you physically destroy it! Burn it, stomp it into pieces, rip it apart, etc. Make it exceptionally physical so you are out of breath, and your body releases the angst also."

 **XX - CPOV**

John announced he had two pieces of information for me. One: Leila's doctor and lawyer helped her file for her divorce this morning. She was healthy enough to endure the discussion with the judge to get the documentation filed and to get the waiting period started. Her waiting period will be over before Memorial Day. John said her doctor is working toward having Leila stabilized and released to her parents by Memorial Day weekend.

John shared the _Seattle Nooz_ online article from Saturday and picture with me.

****** _Seattle Nooz_ ******  
That song was _Is this Love_ by Whitesnake. We played it this morning in honor of a certain Copper Grey who sang it at a karaoke night at Emerald Club Friday night. Mia Grey, one of the new owners of Emerald Club, organized Flashback Friday, where staff and attendees sang karaoke songs from the 70s, 80s and 90s; wore vintage clothes and drank vintage drinks while nibbling on a vintage menu. But Copper Grey was not the only Grey in attendance –Elliot and Mia Grey had three tables of friends partying with them; along with Katherine Kavanagh, Elliot's fiancée. We don't know who Copper was singing to…he is not telling…but everyone's got their own wildest dreams.  
****** _Seattle Nooz_ ******

 **XX**

I told John about karaoke night. I told him I was jealous of Sawyer throwing Mia over his shoulder and swatting her on the ass when she struggled with him. I wanted to throw Anastasia over my shoulder and swat her on the ass for wearing the almost indecent dress and showing off her legs to the universe. I showed him a picture of the dress…and he whistled and shook his head…congratulating me on maintaining my self control.

I told him about the three-hour question and answer session with Mom and Dad. They are concerned about future events with Lincoln and Hyde. I hope my Mother calms down; because she was questioning my Dad about contract killers. If my Mother does something illegal because of me…I think my father will kill me and dump my body at sea.

I spent Sunday exhausting myself on the slopes. When I was soaking in the hot tub to ease my muscles, I brainstormed ideas for future mergers and acquisitions. I tell John I acquired a company which makes solar-powered water pumps, solar powered pumping stations and solar powered storage facilities for wind-turbine towers.

I plan to create fellowships for six of the students at WSUV. I will send them to areas where GEH has companies in South America. They can set up equipment to power farms to feed the local population. I'm very excited about the project. We can work out kinks in all the systems and then be prepared to integrate them for the public. The next plan is to have GEH acquire some wind turbine factories and farms for testing. I think we can develop a better design which increases production of electricity. They will be invaluable for farming and industry in third-world countries.

"Have you thought about your desire to throw Ana over your shoulder and spank her?" John said.

"A man can dream, John." I said. "I remember throwing her over my shoulder and swatting her on the ass the night I introduced her to my parents."

"Last time I checked, she wasn't into that," John said. "Also; we had a discussion about you punishing her after happy events in her life. Do you want her happy or obedient? Think about it."

 _I remember the ben-wa balls and the sensual spanking from that night and it almost makes me hard._ "Which is why I didn't indulge that fantasy." I said. "John, I tore out the playroom. I haven't wanted anything like that until Friday night. It made me...unsettled. I had a series of dreams Friday night. They weren't night terrors; but they were vivid, and they woke me."

"What were they about?" John asked.

"One dream was Hyde and Lincoln killing Ana and my families and we were helpless to stop them. I interpreted the dream to mean I'm concerned about Hyde and Lincoln messing with our families…possibly destroying us. The other dreams were replays of the morning Anastasia left me. Different scenarios… same result…she shouts _no_ as I walk toward her; trying to make her stay. I freeze; she leaves." I shrug.

"How do you feel about that?" John says.

"I need to know why she's so hesitant about being with me. She danced with me at my parents' house. The only thing I know is she's attending classes of some sort. Ana has a CPO who won't reveal anything to my security staff, but without her guarding Ana…" I broke down and told him about Ariana and Susannah, and the pictures and Ana's intuition. I'm prepared to answer any questions she has about them.

"Talk to her. Tell her your concerns about paparazzi and not having her CPO with her. Be honest and ask how she knew Ariana and Susannah were submissives. Ask her what she thinks the two of you should do about it?" John said. "There's strength in numbers. Remember she enlisted the help of the SEC to bring down Hyde and Lincoln. She's a team player."

"I can't do this once a week dating bullshit anymore." I said.

"What are you going to do?" John asked.

"I told her. We had dinner together on Friday before she went to class and I went to therapy. We just have to find time to be with one another." I said. "I wish she had never taken the job as Copy Editor. If she was an Editorial Reader still, she could travel anywhere with me do her job when…?"

"When she's waiting around for you?" John asked. "I am not pointing out the fallacy of that fantasy. I'll leave it to you to figure it out."

When I leave John's office, I called Ana, and apologized for the late hour, but I would like to have a date tomorrow night with her. She asks if we can have a quiet night – maybe dinner and a movie. I ask her if we can do it at Escala or her condo because then we have privacy to talk if we want. She votes for Escala. She'll come there right after work.

 **February 22 - TPOV**

Well…the best laid plans of mice and men…Prescott is anxious to get Miss Steele home 'before something happens'. I point to the CCTV. They are both fast asleep in front of the TV. I know the boss has been running on fumes, and I think Ana has too. I offer Prescott one of the guest rooms. I'm not waking those two for love or money or Ros bodyguards.

The boss asked for a comfort dinner and Gail made a wonderful chicken pot pie and tossed salad with chilled white wine. It's one of my favorite meals Gail makes. The boss and Ana had a great dinner together, laughing, talking, sharing…and then they started watching a movie…and fell asleep. I quietly moved the long ottoman next to the couch and rearranged them in a more comfortable position. He stretched and pulled her in to spoon with him…and she curled into his arms. It was sweet…and I hope it's the hurdle they need to jump in order to move on. I know Mr. Carrick and Dr. T. are worried about Lincoln and Hyde; but my team will do their best to protect the Greys and the Steeles.

 **February 23 - APOV**

"Good morning," Christian said softly in my ear.

"Morning?" I yawned.

"We fell asleep last night," he explained. "It's almost seven. I haven't slept this long in forever."

"I need to…go home and get ready for work." I said.

"Stay here…there's clothes, toiletries, shower and a Gail breakfast…" He held me close; not letting go. "Please?"

"Did I fall asleep on you…or did you fall asleep on me?" I asked.

"I don't know," he admitted. "If it's important we could ask Taylor."

"It's not important, but I bet I fell asleep on you. It was a busy weekend, a long day on Tuesday and an intense work day yesterday." I said.

"I'll bet I fell asleep on you…because if you had fallen asleep first; I would have stayed awake…watching you sleep until I fell asleep, like the first night at the Heathman. I watched you sleep…and it was so relaxing; I fell asleep also. Last night was better…" he said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because you aren't hungover, suspicious and questioning me. You're still laying in my arms. I'd kiss you but I have morning mouth…" he teased.

"Ugh…don't remind me." I said. "Tell me where I can go shower and clean up."

His body tensed. "If I tell you bedroom, top of the stairs…will you become angry and leave me? It still has toiletries and clothes in it for you." He said.

"After all this time?" I asked. "Did you keep them in hopes I would come back…or in denial that I left?"

"How did you know Ariana and Susannah were submissives? Susannah, the taller one, is an ex. Ariana is one of Elena's potentials last year." He stated.

"They spent fifteen minutes staring at me and discussing me. Usually salespeople discuss me; especially if I'm with Kate and Mia. So, Mrs. Lincoln didn't waste time finding a petite brunette to try to tempt you back to the community?"

"I'm not interested in any petite brunette except you. Please don't be jealous of a non sequitur in my life." Christian asked.

"Why did you keep the clothes?" I asked.

"I was in limbo. I didn't dare send the clothes and things to you, because you didn't want them. I could have donated them but I kept them to remind me how much I fucked up with you. I want to take you shopping. I want to watch you buy something that makes you feel pretty and special." He admitted.

"You know I hate shopping?" I asked.

"I know, but I'm tired of Shawn Stanton having all the fun of dressing you." He said.

"How do you know Shawn dresses me?" I asked, moving away. _Is he stalking me_?

"The day we had lunch with Harley, Shawn and Ros, she complimented your dress. Shawn knew the designer and season it debuted. Either he did up your zipper that day…or he bought the dress." Christian said, sitting up. "Are you upset because I know?"

"No, surprisingly, I'm not. What did you do with clothes from previous subs?" I asked. "I just want to know I'm not wearing an ex-sub's clothes."

"Mrs. Jones packed them up and shipped them to the sub; along with toiletries and anything personal left in the penthouse. Everything in that closet and the bathroom was chosen for you."

"Thank you," I kissed his cheek. 'I'll make a deal with you; you pick something out of the closet and I'll wear it today."

He hugged me. "Thank you," he whispered in my ear. "Thank you, my beautiful girl."

 **XX**

I'm wearing the loveliest emerald green pencil skirt, with a pale water lily green silk blouse. The underwear and thigh high stockings are nude, and make me sexy. The heels and handbag are nude also. I'm wearing lovely emerald studs and an emerald tennis bracelet. I leave my hair down and curled and send a selfie off to Cassie. I look like I belong on Christian's arm. He whistled when I joined him for breakfast; which made me blush…furiously.

I loved having breakfast with Christian because he didn't nag at me to eat. I loved Gail making me breakfast and I thanked her and hugged her; hard. I loved Christian kissing me senseless in the elevator until I could feel his arousal pressing against me. I told him I felt guilty; making him horny. He assured me the thought of me, soft and warm in his arms this morning was the best aphrodisiac in the world. He said he could and would wait for me to be ready to resume a physical relationship. He swears he will take this at my pace, but he begs me not to take too long…for the sake of his sanity…and his freedom. He doesn't want Ray throwing him in jail for kidnapping me. He helped me into Taylor's SUV, and held my hand on the way to work.

Christian asked me to meet him at the diner tomorrow night before our appointments. I agreed, if he ordered in advance for us. He's eager to do so.


	47. Chapter 47

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 47 – "** The sudden disappointment of a hope leaves a scar which the ultimate fulfillment of that hope never entirely removes." - Thomas Hardy

 **February 24 – 3PPOV**

 _********Seattle Nooz********  
_ Who is the brunette seen with Kate Kavanagh and Mia Grey lately? Friends of Miss Grey confirm it is Anastasia Steele, Copy Editor, Grey Publishing. She is the brunette from the picture with Christian Grey from WSUV's graduation last May. "They played it really cool the night of Flashback Friday where he sang at the Emerald Club. She was dressed for partying with Mia and Kate. Let's face it…if he's the equivalent of Prince Charming …she's the equivalent of Kate Middleton. Makes you wonder why he's keeping her under wraps. They've known each other since last May. Maybe Elliot's engagement is making Christian consider playing the field."

Tipsters told us Grey spent the weekend in Aspen with family while a shabbily clad Steele had her taxes done. What DOES he see in her?

Our tipster also informed us Miss Steele's position was once occupied by her boss, Jack Hyde, who was fired by Grey House for insider trading. Miss Steele has no experience as a Copy Editor, versus Hyde who has been in the business for a decade. When did Christian Grey break his cardinal rule of not sleeping with the help?

Photo captions:  
Anastasia Steele, getting her taxes done. Christian Grey deserves someone who looks like a model, not a bag lady.

Christian Grey, singing at Flashback Friday.

Girls Day out: Mia Grey, Katherine Kavanagh, Anastasia Steele

 _********Seattle Nooz********_

Elena stretched lazily and smiled. _Seattle Nooz_ made it easy for her to fuck with Christian. He knew better than to use a diner where he didn't have a private room or booth. The owners were thrilled to admit he had been a client there…with an unknown brunette. A casual picture of him and her on their website confirmed it was Anastasia Steele. Christian also knew better than to go to a tiny diner two weeks in a row. That's how stalkers find you. She laughed.

Elena signed up for every possible media alert for Christian Grey. Following Leila's schedule for Christian; she could send paparazzi to Escala at six in the morning to follow Christian while he ran. But, taking a page from Leila's notebook, she constantly feed informational tidbits of Grey sightings to _Seattle Nooz_ and Twitter. Leila was in the wind; Elena couldn't find her anywhere. At Christmas, the motel manager said Leila hadn't been around in a month. He thought Leila had gone to Portland to spend the holidays with family and would be back after Christmas. Then Elena was arrested by the SEC and the SPD…and when she went back to the motel; Leila was checked out by a 'husband' and was unavailable.

Ariana and Susannah told her Anastasia Steele had her taxes done at the mall and not at Falcon Financials. The _Seattle Times_ newspaper ad for Falcon Financials aggravated her…until she realized Sabine had to pay almost $10K for a full-page color ad. Still, she missed an opportunity to rub Sabine in Anastasia's face.

Susannah didn't spot any bodyguards; but she took pictures of Anastasia before Anastasia realized she was being observed and took pictures of them. Taylor reiterated their nondisclosure agreement was still in effect and warned them to stay away from Ana Steele. Obviously Christian was an idiot and showed Anastasia pictures of his previous subs. She wondered how he explained Ariana Wellman's presence.

Thanks to the six-month calendar Olivia provided her in December; she knew which charity events Christian might attend. She kept watch in the papers for news of Mia and Elliot's companies. It was national news when the Grey-Kavanagh engagement was announced. Too bad she didn't know the details. She tried to recruit Liv and Lauren to work for her but they were under orders from Senator Blandino to stay away from anyone connected to Christian Grey. She wanted to use them to get information about the salons; but she didn't have any way to force them to help her.

She needed companionship…but all the private clubs were out of her radius. She trolled online BDSM sites for a male submissive. She had yet to find a promising prospect …meaning one who had a dungeon in his home. She needed to beat and fuck someone into submission…and soon. However, it was difficult to track her online ad responses since she had to go off Linc's property to get WIFI. A lot of free WIFI places had blocks on what could and couldn't be accessed. So far; unblocked WIFI was limited to a bar and a laundromat. She didn't dare go to them very often because she was obviously overdressed, overpaid, over-everything for those establishments.

 **XX - APOV**

We couldn't get dinner because of the paparazzi. Christian called and warned me off. Prescott and I stopped for fast food before she took me to class. Christian did the same. He asked if we could meet for breakfast; but I told him I had class, followed by lunch with the girls and wedding stuff. I told him I needed Saturday night to collapse in a hot bubble bath.

Cassie says we're all doing well in classes. Social Spotlight class begins this weekend. Cassie's lesson tonight will focus on how to be a gracious guest in casual, business and social situations. I wonder if being a gracious guest includes falling asleep in your host's arms…but I don't dare ask that question. Copies of _Seattle Nooz_ and social pages from _Seattle Times_ , _New York Times_ , and _LA Times_ have been appearing in the classroom. I hope Cassie isn't trying to out me; but I know I won't be hidden from the world as long as I would like to be.

 **February 25 - APOV**

Today's class concentrated on appropriate manners for social settings. We discussed weddings, charity events and how to deal with the art of small talk. An introduction exercise had us introduce ourselves and list three things we like and something we dislike. We were critiqued by Cassie, and took notes on not revealing too much about ourselves in a casual setting.

The next exercise is introducing ourselves and naming our favorite genre of literature, movies and music; following with naming some cultural event we dislike. This kind of introduction is supposed to be helpful if we go to theatre or museum events. After fifteen minutes of questions from Cassie and answers; we move on to the next exercise.

This exercise is introducing ourselves, using our job title and listing three things we do for our job. I know more about the law, financial planning, day trading, retail associates, and data management than I want to know. My colleagues probably know more about publishing than they want to know. We practice strong firm handshakes. We learn tips about making good first impressions. We learn the importance of eye contact. She explains the way to avoid clammy hands during handshakes is to keep our hand wrapped around a cold bottle of water prior to the introduction.

Cassie announces we have done well, hands us an assignment sheet and sends us on our way. I have to race home, strip off my business attire and put on casual clothes. I throw my discards on the floor of the closet, switch handbags and race to Bravern Center.

I'm mentally exhausted and lost my temper at lunch with Kate and Mia. "Can we just decide on something?" I asked. "I'm tired of things getting narrowed down to six choices and then postponing making 'final' decisions until the universe votes on the six choices. Isn't there anything we can decide today? Other than what to order off the Mariposa menu?"

"You need to eat," Mia said. "You get bitchy when you are hungry." She's absentmindedly flipping through her wedding planning binder; showing things to Kate.

"I'm PMSing and yes…I get bitchy when I'm hungry and tired from stretching and yoga positions." I sighed. Okay…I know I'm lying and it means I have to do something to balance my Karma. Why can't I just tell them I'm taking self-improvement classes? "Can't we decide anything? Flowers? Candle height? Wines? Dinner menu? Dates for bridal showers? Dates for the bachelor and bachelorette parties? Number of strippers…no, don't tell me…you have the information for six different agencies and can't decide whether you want the hot firemen, hot policemen or hot construction workers?" I saw someone…and stopped my rant.

"Yikes," Kate said. "You are not a happy camper are you?"

"And suddenly…I'm the least happy camper in the world." I sighed and pointed over Kate's shoulder.

Kate and Mia turned around to see Elena Lincoln staring at us.

"Oh fuck this!" Mia threw her napkin on the table, stowed her binder and threw money on the table. Kate and I understood we weren't waiting for lunch to be served. "I thought that bitch wasn't supposed to be within 1000 feet of us."

Kate texts Anders: we are leaving. Mia guides us to the closest exit. I text Prescott: I'm heading to the SUV.

"I'll order pizza to be delivered to my condo," I told Kate and Mia. "We won't be bothered there."

"I'm stopping to get wine," Kate said.

"No need, I have wine. Good wine. Let's just get to the condo and get out of open space. I don't want that bitch getting any ideas and following us." I said. I'm sure _Seattle Nooz_ will be interested in our hasty departure.

 **XX - CPOV**

"Come on guys, let's get moving," the dance instructor nags at us. "We want to get through the steps at least twice today. Have any of you been practicing?"

We all hung our heads. "Line up," she sighed. "Let's get started." She turned on the music and began coaching us through the routine. We're all in our places…Elliot, me, Ethan, Dad, Grampa Theo and Eamon. Taylor and Sawyer make up the last of the wingmen. I think I'm going to be really tired of ZZ Top before this damn wedding is over. I'd better start saving my money…I'll probably have to bribe Mia with $10 million to elope. Fuck…can I bribe Ana with $10 million to elope tomorrow? I sigh…sadly, no, if she's not ready to have sex with me; she's not ready to marry me.

 **XX**

"Who wants dinner?" Dad asked. "I'm so hungry I could eat a mountain of steaks…"

"Chicken wings," Ethan groaned. "I could eat my weight in chicken wings."

"Jumbo butterflied shrimp," Sawyer added. "I could eat an island of butterflied shrimp."

"Ethan and I can't eat any of that in front of Kate or Celeste," Eamon said. "They're already nagging at us about making sure our tuxes fit."

"Lots of salad, lots of protein, lots of water," Elliot said. "I don't like rabbit food any more than the rest of you, but it makes up for eating my weight in steaks, hamburgers, hot dogs, ribs…"

Everyone groaned and tried not to salivate.

"There's a barbeque place near my condo," I offer. "We can order in advance, and have Taylor or Sawyer pick it up for us. They don't have shrimp, Sawyer."

"It's all right, I know a shrimp place on the way," Sawyer said. "I'll order and pick up."

"What is our cover?" Taylor asked.

"Golf lessons at an indoor driving range," Elliot said. "Bastille said he'd cover for us. I just need to email him the times."

"I need a damned massage," Grandpa Theo said.

"That's not on the take-out menu," Dad announced. "Sawyer – get healthy sides and enough to feed a dozen of us."

 **XX - APOV**

We're laughing, going over everything. We've eaten the pizza and we've drained two bottles of wine. Kate must have realized I was as serious as the future sermons of Edward Ferrars, because we make a lot of decisions and schedule a lot of things.

We settle on flowers. The size, shape and colors of the bouquets were determined. The boutonnieres for the men; the corsages for the mothers, grandmothers and aunts; and wrist corsages for the gift girls were chosen. Candelabra and floral decorations for the altar and reserved seats at church were chosen. The reception centerpieces of blue and purple orchids with white roses and 12-inch white tapers were chosen. Mia trashes pages of suggestions and prints pictures of the chosen flowers. She will work with the florist Celeste selects.

We create a serious timeline. Kate's first wedding dress appointment is March 17 at a bridal salon. Mia will coordinate a lunch before the appointment. Our bridesmaid dresses have to be selected by April first. The color of the dresses for the gift girls is chosen. Mia will make an appointment at David's Bridal for the gift girls to choose a dress in their size and style, but they will all have the same color dress and shoes. Kate will provide them with matching jewelry so everyone looks coordinated in the picture. Additionally, they will all have aestheticians the day of the wedding to ensure they have French manicures, sedate makeup and appropriate hairstyles. She doesn't want someone to have black fingernails. I think it is micromanagement, but I keep my mouth shut. _I swear, hand to the heavens, I'm eloping._

Invitations have to be mailed by May first to have time for return of R.S.V.P. cards. They have to be monitored closely to let the caterers know how many to serve. We digress into a discussion of food. Kate says Elliot wants a carving station, seafood station and pasta station along with a buffet line with three kinds of salad and three different vegetable offerings. Servers will keep water and coffee carafes filled at the tables and keep bread baskets full. Mia said it's quite easy to do. She will meet with the caterer and get the contract started.

We sketch out possible offerings for each station. It seems to be the way to go, feeding everyone efficiently and not dealing with menu insert cards and reply envelopes in the invitations. Once Elliot picks the wines, Mia will order them.

Kate explains cake tasting doesn't have to be scheduled. She and Elliot don't want a huge cake…they want a cheesecake tier. She shows Mia a Pinterest picture. The bottom tier will be a plain, New York style cheesecake. The other six tiers will be strawberry glazed; triple chocolate; lemon cheesecake with blueberry glaze; white chocolate with raspberry glaze; caramel pecan turtle, and cappuccino with dark chocolate drizzles. The 'cake' cutting will occur with the bottom tier of plain cheesecake. Kate laughs and tells Mia to find the best cheesecake baker in Seattle …because despite Zumba classes…she wants a piece of white chocolate cheesecake and cappuccino cheesecake at the wedding. Mia asks about a cake topper…and Kate suggests creating a tablescape with candles, flowers and a topper created from their initials, along with a copy of their engagement picture. She shows Mia a Pinterest picture of the cake topper and the tablescape idea.

Wedding favors are decided next. Elliot wants tall, cylindrical shot glasses for the men which have sapphire or amethyst rims. Kate wants cylindrical bud vases for the women which match the shot glasses. The wedding favors will be assembled in amethyst bags for the ladies, and sapphire bags for the men with white tissue paper for both. Mia will order 100 of everything. Once all the RSVPs are returned, Mia will order any extra items as needed. Mia's crew will assemble and store the favors until the big day. The gift girls can hand out the favors to guests as they enter and are seated.

The first Saturday in June is the shower hosted by Elliot's Aunt Rachel. It is for family members and the wedding party. The second Saturday in June is the second shower, hosted by Kate's girl cousins. However, there seems to be an ever growing list of possible invitees. Mia has to research the venue, menu, drinks, etc. and coordinate with the cousins. I email my suggestions for shower themes to Mia. She loves them and will talk to Aunt Rachel and the cousins. She will coordinate the decorations, food, libations and invitations.

The last fittings for dresses is either the third Saturday in June, or the third Sunday in June in case someone else wants to throw Kate another shower. The fourth weekend in June is the bachelor and bachelorette party. The rehearsal dinner is June twenty-eighth, spa day for the ladies and golf day for the men is June twenty-ninth, and the wedding is on the thirtieth. Women will stay overnight at the Kavanagh home on the twenty-ninth and dress there on the thirtieth. The men will stay overnight at Grey Manor and dress there for the wedding. Mia will work with her parents on the venue for the rehearsal dinner.

Mia gives Kate the contact information for two possible string quartets and four possible DJs. Again…they have options and need to make decisions. Celeste wants the string quartet for the church music. Kate and Elliot want a DJ for the reception.

Elliot's call causes a spat of Kate giggles as she talks to him. "Mia and I need a safe ride," she says. "I'm pouring the remainder of our third bottle of wine." Anders is off because Prescott is outside my condo door. Sawyer will pick up Mia and Kate; dropping Kate off before he takes Mia home to Bellevue. Then sometime tomorrow, Kate will retrieve her car from my garage. "Tell Christian to cool his jets, we had pizza and salad. Besides; Ana's only had…"

I held up two fingers.

"…two glasses of wine, and she's here for the night and not driving. She's not drunk," Kate listened. "We don't have dinner plans tomorrow. Mia, Ana and I got a lot of decisions made today." She listened again. "Tell Sawyer to come up when he gets here and we'll leave at that time. Yes, I'm ready for an early evening. It was a busy day. I agree…we shut off phones and shut out the world tomorrow."

"Are you ever going to talk Christian?" Mia asked; trying to tune out Kate and Elliot. "You guys haven't had a real date since the beer incident. Since we're not having dinner tomorrow, you guys could go on a date."

"We're both private people, Mia. I don't want to discuss this or our issues with you." I want to be kind; but I won't endure intrusive questions.

"Take a step away from your emotions," Kate advised; having hung up from flirting with Elliot.

"Where did you hear that, Miss _'I wear neon pink demented killer bunny flannel pajamas after a breakup'?_ " I asked.

"Ethan," Kate shrugged. "Ana, you're drowning in an ocean of emotions. You're doing a damned good job of staying busy so you don't have to think about him, or the situation…but someday you're going to be overwhelmed by busy and you're going to crash and burn…like one of those little wind-up cars that go and go and crash into the wall… falling into pieces."

"Gee, thanks, Kate, I love knowing I'm plastic and fall apart easily." Sarcasm is a second language for me.

"That's not what I meant…and be nice or I'll rat you out to Christian that you had…" she eyes my wine glass.

I take a gulp of wine and hold up four fingers. "Four half glasses…which is technically two glasses."

"Really," she stared at her glass, trying to calculate how many calories of pizza and wine she just consumed…and mentally calculating the best and most fun ways to burn it off.

"Two hours of Zumba today and two hours of Zumba tomorrow," I told her. "Plus six hours of exhaustingly physical sex over the rest of the weekend… that will put you in the black." I teased her. "Shall I warn Elliot?"

Kate groaned. "There go mimosas and pancakes for breakfast tomorrow."

"Can't you just start dating again and see how things progress? Like…get to know him again." Mia wouldn't let go of the topic of Christian and Ana. "You have to date to get to know one another. He's trying to change. You are changing. You have to date to know if you like the new improved versions of one another." Mia argued.

"Face it Mia! Everyone, including your family, thought he was gay because he was never seen with a woman. I think they had a coffee date and a dinner date before sleeping together," Kate said.

Mia looked at me.

"Told you, I'm not discussing this," I said, clearing the table. "I don't give a shit about the lifestyle a billionaire could give me. That's for people like his entourage of crazies and the paparazzi and _my MOTHER_ to contemplate. I have to figure out what I want a Christian 2.0 and Ana 2.0 relationship to include." I explain.

"He desperately wants you back. He's going through therapy…" Mia said.

"So am I," I announced to the shock and surprise of Kate and Mia. "When Ethan moved out, he told me I would not react so strongly to Charlie Tango being missing if I didn't still care about Christian. I realized he was right and I needed to talk to a professional. I'm not busy to not think about him. I'm busy because there are things I need to accomplish to feel good about myself and to establish who I am and what I want." I sighed. "Look, I had difficulty expressing how I felt and thought about things. It made him angry and defensive. He did things he thought was best for me without discussing it with me…which pissed me off and I shut down. We both need to learn to talk and listen to one another."

"Whoa…Take a deep breath, Steele. Listen to your heart. Know what you want from a relationship with Christian. I know you…I have accused you of overthinking things…but that's how you process stuff." Kate said. "BUT…you'd better get this worked out before the wedding…because as god is my witness…if the two of you have a huge knockdown, drag out fight at my wedding…I'll kick both your asses."

Sawyer phones Mia to tell her he's here and ready to provide safe transport. Mia and Kate hug me goodbye. I know they didn't leave until they heard me lock up. Two ibuprophen, some ginger ale, phone turned off…I put on sweats and took a nap.

 **XX**

 _I stepped out of the shower and began dressing for bed. Where did the pale blue silk teddy come from? I put it on and had to admit I looked good. Pale, but good. I need some sun. My breasts are a little sensitive, because my cycle is getting ready to start. I brushed and braided my hair while it was wet. It will be all kinds of wavy tomorrow and Cassie will give me high marks for my hairstyle. Where did those low-heeled light blue satin mules come from? Walking around in them will be so much more comfortable than heels. I put on my robe. I'm going to get a bottle of green tea from the refrigerator, take two more ibuprophen and call it a night._

 _Christian's in my living room. He's wearing a grey Brioni suit and white linen shirt. As he stood to greet me; he gave me one of those head to toe looks, which made me wish I had tied my robe closed. I fumble for my bathrobe belt but it's gone. I feel exposed… I wonder why he's here. He's so handsome, those molten metal eyes, his lean but muscular build, his tousled copper curls…god I'd kill to go out on a real date with him and have the world know he's mine._

 _He poured me a glass of Sancerre…where did that bottle come from? …I reached for the glass…our fingertips touch. "I like the view from here," he said; extinguishing the lights, opening the living room drapes so we can look out at the city. When did it become dark outside?_

 _Christian put his arms around my waist and pulled my body against his. I could feel his hard body under his clothing. I am captured in his strong arms, held comfortingly against his solid chest. He smelled wonderful, linen, masculine body wash and warm male flesh_. _I also felt his hard cock pressing against my ass._

 _"Christian I..." I tried to speak...but he kissed me, tugging my braid and tipping my head to the side. I moaned as his lips moved to the hollow below my ear to the base of my neck._

" _How does that feel…" his voice growled at me._

" _Nice sir…" I say._

 _He cups my face in his hands and pulls my mouth to his. I felt his tongue enter my mouth._

 _As I returned his kiss I thought, he kisses like a Greek God. I just want to make out with him for a while before he goes home. What's the harm? Wait…a…minute. How did he get in?_

 _He spins me in his arms. Where did my wine glass go? Lord, I shouldn't drink anymore, I can't keep track of anything._

 _"God, you have such a hot little ass. You know, the moment I met you; I wanted to fuck you. I watched your pretty little ass as you walked away that day. I wanted to restrain your hands, and put you on your knees to suck my cock…as punishment for that 'are you gay, Mr. Grey' question, but this is so much more fun… sliding my big cock deep into you. I'm going to fuck you until we both come…several times tonight. I want you sore tomorrow. I want you to know I'm the only man whose ever been in you and will be the only man who ever touches you like this. I'm going to fuck you so hard…is this nice?"_

 _He applied a few slaps to my ass, before he slammed deep into me, fucking hard and fast. I feel him pulling my hair and it hurts...I pull away from him…_

…which yanks my hair out from under my pillow…and wakes me. What is wrong with me? I didn't like the belt…but yet I let him spank me in my dreams? However; when I felt I was being hurt in my vivid wet dream about Christian…I woke up. Perhaps there is hope for me. I lay in my lonely bed… hoping I show more restraint in real life than I do in my dreams.

Now that I'm awake; I can concentrate on tasks. Laundry; cooking; bill paying; and Cassie's _You Tube_ synopses. Cassie may not like my notes from viewing her _You Tube_ video assignments; but I have been honest. Video One: Develop a life mantra. Video two; Be damned good at something. Video three: Work on your core. Video four: Crawl out of your rut…by any means necessary…take a class…try a new cuisine…dance more often…read a genre you don't normally read…travel a different way to work. Video five: Choose your friends wisely and don't burn any bridges this week.

I put on my heels and grab my keys. I walk up and down the stairs, following Cassie's instructions. I clear Cassie videos out of my head with each stair step. Prescott has a really tough time restraining her smart mouth while I'm practicing on the stairs in heels. When I'm done, I haul her into the condo and send her for dinner from the local Tex-Mex restaurant. I update her with my schedule…and she's a little surprised there is no dinner plans for tomorrow night.

 **February 26**

Sunday we learn to write and deliver speeches – how to introduce the man or woman of the hour, wedding toasts and speeches, etc. I have a rough draft of my Maid of Honor speech. Cassie approves of what I have so far, and suggests I keep the speech to under five minutes. She explains Christian will give his speech first, and then I will give mine. She also explains it's very tacky to mention previous loves and sexual conquests. It might have been funny for _Four Weddings and a Funeral_ ; but it's generally considered tacky, tacky, tacky.

Because Kate and Mia settled so many things yesterday; we don't have to have to do dinner today. It's sort of a blessing, because Christian and Ros need to be gone on business until Wednesday. Ros is excited because they can leave for New York early this afternoon rather than close to midnight. Christian called and asked me to come to Escala on Wednesday night. He offers to ask others to come to dinner if I don't want to fall asleep on him again. I tell him I'll come to dinner if our entertainment is practice dancing with one another after dinner.

Grocery shopping and prep for the week. Condo cleaning, laundry…and Christian, Christian, Christian in my head. Yoga practice doesn't clear my head. Sitting and rising practice while watching _You Tube_ videos and completing synopses for Cassie's classes. I practice walking in heels for an hour while listening to the DVD of _Persuasions_. Enough is enough…I'll spend the rest of my spare time reading manuscripts.

I was reading; laying on my chaise in my bedroom, thankful that it was the end of the weekend; and no one was around to bother me. I needed to get up and bathe and dress for bed. "The remains of the day," I murmured to myself. I'm so glad to have the entire afternoon to just rest and pamper myself.

 _But he was there, sliding my robe off my naked body. He kissed me, murmuring how perfect my breasts were, his hands spanning my waist, sliding down my ass to my legs. His hands slipped over me, creating an erotic dance over my sex. His fingers slid up and down my slit, and then two plunged deep inside me. He slowly began sliding them in and out. His mouth found my nipple, his gaze caught my eyes, blue mesmerized by grey._

 _His cock, pressed against my hip, roared into readiness. I could feel it throbbing against me. His breath seemed labored as his fingers caused my hips to roll, and I ground against his fingers. I rocked against him, my body urging him to thrust his fingers harder and deeper into me. My body stiffened, contractions rolling through my body. "More," I demanded…_

…and awoke from the sound of my own voice echoing through my bedroom.

Jesus! I threw my tablet on the table and dressed for a walk. maybe the fresh air will clear my head? Prescott is a good sport about this unscheduled weekend I'm throwing at her. Good god – what the hell is going on in my head? I know what's going on in my head. Christian and I need to talk about the interference in our attempts to be public with one another. But he's busy with business. We need to figure out what we're going to do. Part of figuring that out is he has to learn to communicate without shouting…I just can't handle it.


	48. Chapter 48

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 48 -** "Courage doesn't happen when you have all the answers. It happens when you are ready to face the questions you have been avoiding your whole life." ― Shannon L. Alder

 **Monday, February 27**

Shawn and Harley come for dinner and bring a large lobster and shrimp Cobb Salad with them. Prescott makes a face at me when they arrive. I tell her to be nice and I'll invite her to dinner. She just chuckles and sends me back inside.

While Shawn preps everything, Harley and I have a quick SEC conversation. They have concluded the investigation into Elena Lincoln and Jack Hyde. Elena has profited from twenty of the last fifty mergers and acquisitions of Grey House. Their SEC trials will be either the last week of June or the first week of July. I tell him I can't deal if it is the week of the wedding. We discuss possible outcomes if they are found guilty.

Shawn calls us to dinner. He's made a pitcher of white wine spritzers to go with our salad. The dressing is a creamy avocado and goes well with the salad. There are mini herb and cheddar biscuits to go with the salad. We have a great time talking about spring in Seattle and things to do. We're all jonesing for some sunshine.

Harley cleans up while I vent to Shawn about feeling deficient via Cassie's classes. He shows me the six dresses he's found for my spring/summer capsule along with two spring weight jackets. I took pictures before he put the items in my closet. He approves of the emerald pencil skirt and water lily green silk shirt which he spots when hanging up my dresses. I'm embarrassed and lie. I claim I borrowed them from Kate's closet after an all-nighter so I didn't have to do the walk of shame. He says I need to raid her closet more often, and not return what I borrow.

I tell him I need twelve foolproof looks to selfie and send to Cassie. I ask him to help me find at least six hairstyles which are easy for me to learn and have less than five steps. I explain the perfume issues and show him the lists of _You Tube_ videos Cassie has imposed on us.

Shawn says he sees a difference in how I carry myself. He says I'm more confident. I tell him walking and sitting lessons won't make me a better at fishing or setting up a camp site. He says I have the tomboy stuff down…it's time to practice being feminine. He says my Mother is partially right about good smelling perfume…but he recommends listening to Amber and my other coworkers because they all learned to care for themselves on a budget. I appreciate his counseling. We have a great time looking up spring and summer outfits on Pinterest, and I print out ones that I really like.

When Shawn and Harley leave, I am thrilled to take a hot shower, climb into girly pajamas and go to bed. I'm a little bummed Christian didn't Skype or email; but that doesn't stop me from getting a good night's sleep.

 **XX**

 _"I get a 10-minute head start," Christian said. "When I get to the center, I'm going to take off one piece of clothes every minute…so if you solve the maze pretty fast…you'll get to see me take off my underwear. Once I'm naked, …you get one swat on your ass for every extra minute it takes you to find me." He disappeared into the maze._

I'm awake and mildly curious. I don't know a thing about mazes…but I know to research. "Always follow one wall to the right or left. If you see it's a dead end ahead of you, cross to the other side and continue. It may take longer, but it takes less time than panic and running amok." Okay – I'm set if I ever have to walk a maze.

Now…what does it mean? 'A confusion of ideas; a confusion of feelings; conflicting urges; conflicting opinions; indecision; feeling lost; life's twists and turns.' NO SHIT. I'm going to take an OTC sleeping tab, drink some cold green tea and read until I fall asleep.

 **February 28**

I vent to Mary about the wedding issues. She's rocking with laughter about the Saturday pizza and wine planning session. I tell her it is time to come clean about the SEC. We talk about my friendship with Shawn and Harley. I tell her about the issues with Jack Hyde. I cannot tell her all the issues about Elena Lincoln, but I do explain she was Grace's friend and she doesn't think I'm good enough for Christian. She says the universe can disapprove all they want…but if Christian and I decide we want to be together…then it is our choice. She suggests that is part of the reason for the maze dream.

We talk about the weather and how everyone is having the midwinter slumps. We talk about what I would need to throw in a suitcase and take off to somewhere warm for four days. She still recommends I get some down time…even if it's just attending another yoga retreat in sunny California. She understands I'm trying to make it to the author launch in Las Vegas and build in a weekend of down time when it is over; but she worries that I will keep putting off the down time I desperately need.

 **February 29 - APOV**

Around noon Christian emails he and Ros are delayed and won't set down in Seattle until around two tomorrow morning. He explains he can't meet on Thursday night because they have a late meeting with Legal and M&A. He asks me to meet him for a quick dinner at six on Friday.

I explain I can't meet on Friday night – but I'm willing to make breakfast for us on Saturday morning – six a.m. at my condo.

 **March 2 - CPOV**

Mom talks to John about Mia organizing a Thursday night dance class for Kate's cousins, guys who work with Elliot, Kate's coworkers, etc. There's so many of them Mia rented the gym at a private elementary school to give everyone enough space. They have two teachers to instruct. They use Mia and Allison, a cousin of Kate's, along with Ethan and Sawyer to demonstrate the steps. I suspect I was bait for the school principal to approve the rental agreement.

Mia asked Elliot to send some of his men to dance lessons because she doesn't want her feet to be black and blue after the wedding. She claims none of the guys who ask her to dance CAN dance. She said the Neanderthals he works with need to learn a single, non-gay man who can dance is quite popular with single women. They'll meet lots of interested females… and won't be taking drunk sluts home, unless that is what they want.

"Mom, I appreciate your help putting the bandages on my scars and talking to me while Sela massages …but as God is my witness… if I hear one more word about the wedding or wedding plans…I'm going to move to New York or Aspen until the wedding is over."

"Don't threaten me," Mom laughed. "I know where you park the corporate jet." Then she looks chagrined; thinking about the issues with Charlie Tango's sabotage.

"I will be working a lot of late nights in March and April. Mergers and Acquisitions has three times the normal workload with the new companies GEH is acquiring. I'm trying to keep Saturday afternoons open to entertain Elliot while Kate's shopping and doing girly things with Mia and Ana."

"New area?" Mom asked.

"You know my need to feed the world. GEH will start implementing a plan for solar and wind power in third world countries to help farmers. We're looking at retrofitting ten buildings owned by GEH over the next decade to include green industry standards, solar heating and wind turbine created electricity to lower carbon footprints." I let out a hiss.

"Breathe," Sela ordered. "Breathe, I'm not near six."

"You numbered your scars?" Mom looks horrified.

"Pause for a minute, Sela, please," I asked. I reached for Mom's hand. "I'm sorry, I know it horrifies you, but it's easier to communicate if we numbered them. Otherwise, we'd be talking quadrants and sections and sounding like we were mapping a spatial grid. For a while we were calling them One of Seven; which sounded like Star Trek Borg designations. Sela, I didn't hiss because you were near six. I hissed because I think I'm ticklish there."

"Here, by your armpit?" Sela brushed her fingers over it. "Holy of holies; yes, that's a ticklish response." She said to my squirming. "Kudos for recognizing it and not reacting physically."

"Christian's not ticklish," Mom said.

"Christian's definitely ticklish. Christian never let you touch him to find out if he was ticklish. He just wasn't aware either until now. I will make sure not to torture you in that area." Sela continued her massage.

Mom and I continued to talk; John joined in from time to time. Mom asked if I thought Mia was ready to step up and take on more responsibility for Coping Together. I replied Mia was up to it or I would not have financed Grey Calendars. It will be a subsidiary of Grey House until Mia is 25; then she will decide if she wants to stay under the Grey House umbrella or be a stand-alone entity like Grey Construction. Besides, if Mia can pull off a 300 person wedding for Kate and Elliot and not draw blood from either of them; she can help with Coping Together.

"Mia finally finished weeding out her closet. She hired a professional organizer and sorted for four hours a night this week." Mom laughed. "I have ten…count them…ten 30-gallon trash bags of clothes and accessories for the rummage sale." She showed me a picture of Mia loading them in Mom's car. Mom explained to Sela and John about the two rummage sales the Northwest partners of doctors hosted each year. One was held the Saturday before Easter and one was held the Saturday before Labor Day. The money always went to a good cause or project for the hospital.

The sale outgrew using the Northwest parking lot years ago and now used the Washington State Convention Center. A storage facility donated six units to them each year and that's where they stored things until the weekend before the sale. Then volunteers transport everything collected to WSCC two days before the event starts. They would be in the north end of the fourth floor. This year Mia and her crew drew up layout plans for Mom's charity. Mia and Kate would work in the clothing section along with four other women. The Women's Health Center was in the south end of the fourth floor this year with their Spring Fling event for families.

"Women's Health Center – where Ana's going to read to the kids?" I asked, a little sleepily. I felt so relaxed today thanks to Sela's massage.

"Yes," Mom said. "I had forgotten she would be there. But you never forget, do you my darling boy."

"Not when it comes to Anastasia." I said. "Tell Mia I will call Caroline Acton on Monday morning and activate her gift certificate."

"Why don't you wait until she gets Kate and Celeste sorted? That's the project for the weekend. Instead of shopping or spa tomorrow afternoon, Kate, Mia and Ana are clearing Kate's bedroom at her parents' house. Celeste bought ten rolling clothes racks. They are emptying Kate's closet onto them, deep cleaning the closet, dresser and room. Then Celeste is letting Kate take 100 items home to the condo. The rest has to go to the rummage sale. Whatever they don't sort on Saturday, they are sorting on Sunday. Then the professional organizer is helping Celeste clear out their house; prepping it for the wedding."

"How's Elliot taking the invasion of his space by Kate's clothes?" I asked.

"He had the master bedroom closet redesigned into equal-sized closets for both of them. What doesn't fit in her master bedroom closet has to fit in the closet in her home office. Plus, he won't let her go shopping without giving him a bag which holds 10 items of clothes or 5 accessories sorted out of what she has. He doesn't care if she only brings home three items. He takes the bag to your Dad during your Saturday golf outings and your Dad brings it home to me for the sale."

"Should I plan a clear out of my closets?" I asked Mom…only to hear John clear his throat.

"You have skeletons in your closet you shouldn't discuss with me?" Mom asked.

John cleared his throat again and Sela's hands paused. "Christian…do you feel that knot…" she pressed gently on a knot near my tailbone. "That is a trigger. You were completely relaxed until that question and now you have a knot. I can massage the knot away, but you need to recognize the question was a trigger and remain relaxed during your conversation." She proceeded to work the knot out. The room was eerily quiet for the last ten minutes of my massage.

"Done," She said. "I'm going to cover you with a warm blanket so we can talk aftercare." She got a blanket from the warmer to cover me. "Put your forehead on the table," she directed and worked the muscles at the top of my shoulders and the spine leading up to my scalp. "Good," she pulled the blanket up to my chin. "Christian…a quote from George Bernard Shaw… "If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet; you'd best teach it to dance."

"Mom knows my skeleton. She knows Elena and I were involved," I said.

"Is _involved_ enough of a dance?" John asked.

"Mom, do you need to know the extent of Elena and my involvement?" I asked, cheekily.

"I would rather not know about your sex life Christian." Mom said… pointedly.

"Especially since you know I'm not gay," I chuckled.

"You are a constant source of surprises. That morning, when I heard you had a guest…I was kicking myself for not calling first. I thought, _this is why he makes us call before coming over_. I heard you say 'wear something of mine.' I felt you were finally going to tell me you were gay." Mom admitted.

"Why would you think Christian was gay?" Sela asked.

"He never expressed any interest in girls," Mom said.

"Did he express any interest in boys?" Sela laughed.

"NO," Mom and I both said at the same time.

"Ana is the first woman I ever introduced to Mom," I explain.

"So, Elena for six years and then…" Sela started to ask.

"…paid sexual companions; until I met Ana," I said.

"John and Sela know you had paid companions?" Mom asked quietly.

"They know I paid the women with clothing, jewelry, cars and electronics to keep their silence. They also know I can't buy Ana's affections with things. She measures her importance in my life by how much time I spend with her." I said. "Have my skeletons danced enough for tonight?"

Sela checked the blanket. "Almost cool. Two things…we discovered you are ticklish and you experienced another physical effect of a trigger. How was the massage?"

"Good," I stretched and reached for my sweatshirt. "I think we're going to have to do that for a week or two more…I'm not ready to have you massage my scars."

"May we, with the sweatshirt in place?" Sela asked, showing me her hand and Mom's hand.

"Sure," I said, "let's give it a try." I stood up. This would normally be the ten-minute touch and hold session with Sela.

Sela guided my Mother's hands. "First a hug," She coached Mom how to stand and then let her wrap her arms around me, holding me, hugging me.

"Shhhh," I quieted her tears. "I've got you. You are safe. You are loved. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for forgiving my issues and stupidity."

"Oh Christian!" Mom's eyes sparkled through the tears.

"What's on the plan for the rest of the night?" I asked, holding Mom as tight and as long as she needed.

"How about a game of Twister?" Sela's eyes sparkled. "Might as well show your Mom how far touch therapy has taken you. "She can run the spinner and Reynolds can join us."

 **XX - APOV**

Casual Dining Class began tonight. Cassie approves of my work to dinner attire. Grey wool slacks, grey sweater, black flats and hobo purse. I wear a black boyfriend jacket and my hair is a left herringbone braid. I try to remain calm but the last time I was at Wild Ginger; I ended up eating tea and toast at home. My raspberry ginger ale is the best – I have to search for a recipe for it. Cassie ordered fifteen different dishes for us to taste test. I liked the seven-flavor beef and the black scallops but I don't care to find recipes. I might search for a recipe for their mushrooms and pea pods. In preparation for tonight's little soiree; I researched their menu. Then I researched Thai, Vietnamese, Japanese and Asian Fusion foods. I cannot believe we're practicing with chopsticks!

When I'm leaving, I see her. Elena Lincoln occupies a table with a man who gives me a look which chills me to the bone. She firmly sets her wine glass on the table, throwing her napkin beside it. She starts to approach me; but she sees someone behind me and freezes in place. I swear she slinks back into her seat. I turn slowly to continue my walk to the door and see Taylor and Mrs. Jones sitting at a table, lingering over coffee. I catch Taylor's eye and nod in the direction of Elena Lincoln. Taylor nods at me, reaches in his pocket and takes a picture of her on his cell phone. I smile and squeeze Gail's hand and make my way to the front door. Prescott waits for me. I'm in her SUV and out of there before either party can detain me.

 **XX – TPOV**

"Security caught Elena Lincoln at the Mariposa restaurant in Bravern Center last Saturday as Kate, Mia and Ana were having lunch. When Ana spotted her; they left and went to her condo. Elena froze and did not attempt to make contact." I reported to Grey. "Tonight Ana was having dinner with her group. I couldn't get close enough to hear what they were saying. I wonder if it's a cooking class because they were taste testing different dishes and learning how to eat with chopsticks. When Ana was leaving, she spotted Elena. Elena stood up and was about to engage Ana; but she spotted Gail and me and resumed her seat without approaching Ana."

"Probably a good thing," Grey said. "I think Ana would have given her a big helping of whoop ass. I'm going to go run the treadmill until I'm exhausted."

"How was therapy with your mom?" I asked.

"We played Twister…Reynolds isn't half as good as you are." Grey snarked. "What are the chances of arresting Elena for breaking her no-contact order?"

"Doubtful," I said. "I'll get on her previous security to keep a closer eye on her and tell us where she's going."

 **March 3 – APOV**

I'm on the patio, doing yoga, trying to clear my mind. Christian's coming over for breakfast. I look out and he's running with Taylor. I start to wave and I see him shake his head. There are three hard chargers following him and Taylor. I step back away from the patio into my condo. So much for yoga. So much for a breakfast date. I shower and change into casual clothes, ready to hit Celeste's house to help Kate until eleven – until I get an email from Kate that she's doing some decluttering at her condo. She'll see me at two at her mom's house. I tell Prescott the change in my schedule and I change into sweats and instead of doing anything…I lay down on the couch in the living room, turn on the cable and let my mind drift away. Suddenly I'm curious about things, and once I check online…there is a Twitter about Christian running in the vicinity of my condo. No wonder he had extra company this morning.

 **XX**

We are at the Hard Rock Café. In anticipation of their first anniversary; there are special exhibits. I researched music questions; but I don't know if I will need them. I also researched music quotes and found one by Thomas Hardy. "There's a friendly tie of some sort between music and eating," _Under the Greenwood Tree_.

I'm sure, since we made the news, I'll be asked about karaoke nights. Mia emailed me a list of Flashback Friday dates with their topics. Surprisingly, I pass inspection for appropriate casual clothes. My angel braid is a little messy, but I get a kudo for attempting it.

 **XX**

"I don't think much of your organizer!" I snapped at Kate. "I'm not her minion!"

"She's pretty demanding isn't she?" Kate snickered.

"OH PLEZZZ," I groaned. "Just give her a whip…I think she make a great Dominatrix."

"She's used to working with recalcitrant customers," Mia's voice carried through the clothing racks and out to the stairs. "She's heard every possible excuse there is for holding on to possessions."

"Are you sure you don't want anything from my closet?" Kate asked, eying the way-too-full clothing racks.

"Well, I wouldn't mind you gifting me that black and grey tweed pencil skirt. I wouldn't mind you donating that black short-sleeved silk pullover sweater. I'm shorter than you are so they will be the right length for me." I said. "But I don't want you having donation remorse. You aren't hiding a few dozen outfits in my closet to claim at a later date. Elliot will shoot me."

"You should take the black cashmere sweater dress. Elliot says it's too short and won't let me wear it." Kate said. "Let's keep those three separate and use them to check other pieces of clothes. Elliot is determined to remove really short dresses from my wardrobe."

I eyed it critically. "Yeah, I'll take it too."

"Break's over," Celeste and Madam Le Whip announced, coming up the stairs with boxes of trash bags and a big box for hangers. Mia explains the three pieces of clothes set aside. Celeste and Madam Le Whip tackle the two racks of bridesmaid and prom dresses Kate has accumulated. Celeste has projects planned for them and argues with Le Whip about keeping them. Eventually, the two racks are hauled down to Celeste's sewing room. Le Whip makes Celeste agree to donate them to charity of her 'projects' are not completed by the middle of August.

"We're calling it a day at five. Elliot and I missed the church marriage class this afternoon so we have to attend tonight," Kate announced. "Elliot and I are hiring a private dance instructor for Saturday mornings in May for the parents and wedding party. I need to coordinate dancing with Dad; Elliot needs to coordinate dancing with Grace. We have to work on our first dance. Parents have to learn to dance with the other parents and grandparents."

"Tell me how that is good news?" I asked.

"You get to dance with Christian," her eyes glinted with mirth. "We've chosen the string quartet for the church and the DJ for the reception."

I ignored her 'good news'. "Do you want me to follow you to the storage unit if you drive the U-Haul," I asked.

"Nope, Elliot and the guys are taking care of loading and unloading today. Grace gave them a key to the storage unit. Are you sure you don't want to help tomorrow?" Kate asked.

"I can work from eight to ten and from four to nine." I laughed and took more of Kate's donations to my car. Anything to avoid Madame Le Whip for a little longer. She and I get into a heated debate over an ugly spruce green tweed pair of pants with matching vest. The turtleneck assigned to go with it is a burnished gold…and ugly. I tell Le Whip I can take them to my car; but they will put in a Salvation Army bin on my way home. I suggest Kate was out of her bloody mind when she bought them. Needless to say; a few other pieces of clothes stay; including a black leather ' _let's go clubbing'_ dress.

I wish Kate would quit asking about my weekend lessons. I hate lying to her. When I discussed it with Mary, she said I needed to write down my reasons for not telling Kate and Mia the truth. She's not for or against it if I think I'm doing it for self-preservation.

 **XX – TPOV**

The boss skipped breakfast at Ana's condo today because we had a trio of nosy paparazzi jogging with us. We're going to have to change up his schedule. Someone's telling the universe he runs at six.

Today Ana went to brunch at the Hard Rock Café with the group of people from last night. I still don't have answers for Grey about that situation. Prescott drove and provided security. Ana's not telling Kate what she's doing. Kate is not telling Elliot who is not telling Grey. Clusterfuck cubed.

 **March 4 – APOV**

We are to meet at one o'clock at _Taste_ for our last class in casual dining. Cassie made reservations. I am at the _Seattle Art Museum_ by eleven, wearing navy wool pants and a sapphire twin set. I have argyle trouser socks and cute navy penny loafers with a coordinating navy shoulder bag. I know my hair is an issue and I spend time separating my hair into two groups: crown and nape and fasten each with a navy hair tie and finish it off with a navy barrette. Small gold hoops and my gold dress watch complete my ensemble for the day. I wear my Anorak jacket. My makeup is light and I have a pop of raspberry lip gloss. I think I'm walking more gracefully after over six weeks of practicing with high heels and a book. I listened to Cassie's _You Tube_ video of table manners…all 100 tips…while practicing my walking and sitting during my free time at night last week.

I especially like the European section of the museum. Did my favorite authors buy art works? Or like Beatrix Potter, did they illustrate their own works and or dabble with painting and drawing? I'll bet _Madam la Comtesse de Cambacérés_ had deportment lessons. I'll bet she was never left alone with the artist because it was against society rules in those days; not that her husband was a jealous git who didn't allow her to talk to other men. I'll bet she was the ultimate hostess, knew which spoon to use and which glass was the appropriate one to use. I'll bet her table settings were exactly an inch from the edge of the table. I'll bet her cook knew how to prepare signature meals and I'll bet she was hell at choosing wine.

I've made notes on index cards about my favorite pictures in the gallery and why. I like _Narcissus_ by Victoria Dubourg Fantin-Latour. It reminds me of the botanical prints in my home, plus the fact that it's painted by a woman. But my favorite is _Wheat Field_ by Paul Camille Guigou. Painted in 1860, it reminds me of a quote from Tess. " _She might be happy in some nook which had no memories_."

The problem is…the white walls and the paintings remind me of Christian's penthouse at Escala. I feel melancholy. Christian could have taught me about paintings and wine. He could have taught me about French and music. Instead I learned about broken hearts and sleepless nights. Still, I have trouble blaming him for that because Mrs. Rob…Elena Lincoln was a bitch of a teacher. Then I realize, I'm REALLY bitchy during my cycle this month. I blame it on the nightly wet dreams of Christian which follow unsatisfactory Skypes. He's tired, I'm tired and we can barely smile at one another. Nothing between us is getting resolved.

Cassie is killing me. We are seated in the order we arrived. We start on time, introducing the person to our right to the person on our left. When conversation starts, she assigns the persons seated in the odd numbered chairs to begin conversing with the person on their left. I have a mental list of questions, but they are boring as hell. I'm thrilled when five minutes is over, but then it's my turn to answer questions from the person on my right.

Then it is Cassie's turn at inquisition. Yes, I visited the museum this morning; the European section. I like the Paul Camille Guigou oil on canvas picture, circa 1860 called _Wheat Field_. Why? Because it reminds me of scenes from literature, like _Tess of the D'Urbervilles_ by Hardy and _Howards End_ by E.M. Forester. Cassie corrects my pronunciation of Guigou, but is pleased with my artistic comparison between the painting and literature.

After lunch we are critiqued for clothing and grooming – I lost points for the gold dress watch. It's too fabulous to wear to a casual lunch; but I gain points for visiting the museum before lunch. Additionally; she gives me back the dozen selfies I've sent in the last week, and I get ten passes out of twelve. So, I'm relying on Shawn's outfit list to see if I can get my last six approved outfits for Cassie.

Cassie hands out our business dining syllabi with assignments for next week. She says we will be joined by six new people. Friday night we are assigned a two-minute presentation on who we are, where we work and what we do. Saturday we are to prepare a three-minute introductory PowerPoint for class. Sunday we are to bring a list of six possible venues, guests and discussion points for business lunches for review. Cassie's handouts include the list of rules for business dining. We are expected to dress in business attire at all events. We will be critiqued on our attire, grooming, manners and conversation. Cassie explains this is not a list of new places to eat lunch with coworkers; but directives on how to dine with bosses and corporate directors. We are encouraged to practice at every available opportunity.

When I get home; I'm going to email Mia and beg her to send me a list of six venues and menus suitable for business meetings.

 **XX**

I change into jeans and a sweatshirt with Converse before I help with the great closet clear out at Kate's. I want to stay busy and not think about lessons, or the twenty pieces of clothes from Kate's closets which now reside in mine. I don't want to think about adding them to the master wardrobe lists. Mostly it's dresses and skirts which Elliot deemed are too short for Kate to wear. Since I'm five two and Kate's five six – too short for her is just right for me. Mia is quick to point out, to Celeste's ire – that too short for her five ten is just right for Kate's five six. I think Prescott and I are photographed arriving at Kate's condo…but I don't want to think about it either.

Today's the day I have to explain what I've been doing to Kate and Mia. I don't think I can lie about it any longer.

 **XX**

"I'm not happy you felt you had to lie to us about what you were doing, but I am happy you will feel more confident about being my Maid of Honor." Kate said. "I'm sorry too. Mom's siblings are upset about their precious daughters not being part of the wedding party. I know Mom is under stress and she's stressing me out. Just know…even if you were nine months pregnant and unmarried, lesbian and a hooker…I would still want you to be my Maid of Honor."

"If you're using the classes to avoid Christian, I'm not happy," Mia said.

"I told you…he has issues. I have issues. We're both seeing therapists. You saw what your friends were like at your birthday dinner. Imagine 100 times the mean girl gauntlet for Kate's wedding. I need to be able to stand up to Christian, bitchy saleswomen and the media if a relationship is going to happen between us. I need to be able to stand up to Kate's girl cousins and their parents." I said to excessive laughter from Kate.

 **XX**

"What are these boxes in your office closet," Mia asked.

"Cheats," Kate laughed. "I have to give Elliot ten pieces of clothes when I go shopping. So I purged to a dozen of every underwear and lingerie item in my dresser." She grinned wickedly; pointing at three overstuffed boxes. "Elliot is learning not to open the bags and count the items I give him. I took great pleasure in elucidating the difference between demi-cup bras and shelf bras and between V-kinis and bikinis. I think his head was ready to spin off its axis when I explained what a tango was." She laughed. "I'm taking great pleasure in following his rules."

 _I'm speechless – and my mouth goes dry thinking of following Christian's rules…with pleasure._

 **XX**

On the way home, I stop at a tea house in Pike Place Market and lay in a supply of tea sandwiches, honey pecan scones, fruit mini muffins, chocolate dipped biscuits and fruit tarts that freeze well. I can use them to make tea trays in the afternoons at work or for quiet weekends at home. I tell Prescott I'm in for the night.

XX

 _I'm visiting an art gallery...trying not to think about the white walls and artwork at Escala. I have a glass of champagne and I'm in a cocktail dress...is this a Cassie class. I'm tired...isn't this over yet...I walk toward what I think is the exit...but I'm in a room where it's obvious there is restoration work occurring on different paintings._

 _"Your skin is my canvas…" Christian appears behind me; wearing nothing but those playroom jeans which hang indecently off his hips, showing the muscular V which leads to his happy trail. "You are my muse," Christian braids my hair, tipping my head to the side, nipping my neck and kissing that hollow spot that makes my knees week._

 _He kisses me senseless…I'm naked and tied to a very large easel, my hands restrained over my head, my legs spread and tied the front legs of the easel._

 _He takes a sable brush and teases me with it from head to toe. I feel cool liquid as he writes words on my skin. "Mine," he says when he finishes painting. He puts the brush aside and picks of the suede flogger. He flogs me…slow, sensual strokes…bringing my blood up…making my skin flush. He concentrates on my breasts, my sex, my torso, my thighs, my feet. "You are so wet for me..." he drops to his knees and licks me from my knees to my sex...long languorous licks...he ignores my sex and caresses my ass while he's licking, sucking and biting my hipbones. i need him...but I don't think this easel can support him pressing against me..._

 _He blindfolds me, and when I'm wondering what he's going to do? I hear the click of a camera. He's taking pictures of my naked body. "Stop!" "NO!" "RED!"_

I wake up, in tears. Escala is his home…but when I'm there; it feels like a cold sterile art museum. I take a scalding hot shower and put on warm sweats and thick socks. I make a pot of chai tea and a plate some of those treats I brought home. Since I'm awake, I go to _You Tube_ and watch a few dozen of Cassie's recommended videos and take excellent notes. Maybe if I exhaust my brain; it won't be caught up in BDSM sex dreams of Christian.

 **XX - CPOV**

Since Ana has been in proximity to Kate and Mia; she's being followed by paparazzi who are eager to announce her activities. She's the new 'it' girl for _Seattle Nooz_. Ana went to the Seattle Art Museum and had lunch with strangers. _Seattle Nooz_ online posted a photo of Ana sitting in front of a painting. The other photo was her at a dinner table; talking animatedly with strangers. It's not a work event. It didn't look like a fix up because the seating is erratic, not boy-girl-boy-girl. _What the fuck is Ana up to now? At least Harrison and boyfriend are not in attendance. She's going to have to come clean with Kate and Mia if they see this and ask. She's obviously not at yoga class._


	49. Chapter 49

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 49 -** "...our impulses are too strong for our judgement sometimes" - Thomas Hardy, _Tess of the D'Urbervilles_

 **March 7 - CPOV**

"What do you mean I need help with my baggage?" I tried not to smirk during my Skype with John. It's a busy business week. I'm trying to clear the decks to be back in Seattle early Friday afternoon.

"Baggage - you know; the stuff you carry around that weighs you down. Why do you think there are porters at airports and fancy hotels? Someone's got to carry the baggage for you once in a while...that's me...I help carry your mental baggage. Your task is to quit practicing anticipatory listening and really listen." John explained.

"Anticipatory listening?" He's pissing me off.

"You don't really hear what is said because your brain is busy formulating what you're going to say to the response you expect them to give you." John defines his jargon.

"Define baggage." I asked.

"Predators who want to use your family and Ana to get to you. Women who want to remove anyone close to you from your sphere because they think it will get them next to you. Business people who extend friendship and invitations as a way of facilitating business deals with you." John said.

"I'm angry because Elena has been in close proximity to Ana. I don't trust the bitch." I said.

"Why don't you trust Elena Lincoln?" John asked.

"Because I know from experience how easy it is for her to pounce." I said. "I'm just waiting for her to get frustrated by her living conditions and pounce in Ana's direction… because I will have her arrested. I'm tired of the SPD languishing in their efforts to arrest her for promoting prostitution."

 **March 8 – 3PPOV**

"John, we're a great deal farther with Christian's TTT this time than we ever have been. I need to know if he's still experiencing night terrors or inability to sleep." Sela asked John during their weekly Skype.

"Christian understands he was abused as a child. He does not know why his mother's pimp abused him – other than to keep control of her. His adoption file said Ella was first arrested for prostitution when he was two. So his experience with the abusive pimp occurred from the age of two to four."

"Then he fell in with his Domme – learning more control over his body and having a sexual lifestyle which allowed him sexual release without touch. Understanding those issues opened him to healing his body and his mind. It's difficult for him." Sela sighed.

"He sees Elliot carefree and able to be physical with the woman he loves. He wants that with Ana …and I am confident after the pain is purged…he will have the beautiful life with her that he envisions. The night terrors are fading. He still has them, but not the intensity or frequency he had them before. The inability to sleep is still there but I believe once he reconciles with Ana it will go away."

"Is he doing TTT for himself…or for this girl, Anastasia?" Sela asked.

"I think it started out to be for her; but Elliot's engaged to be married and Christian has to spend at least four-six hours in a venue with 300 people. He can't have his bodyguards in the wedding pictures; so he has to learn to be touched." John replied.

"I am heartened to see he's progressed so far. If he quits now…it will be a little easier when he comes back. But I have faith he will make it to the end of the therapy. The emotional trauma, combined with the physical trauma had to be released through massage therapy. We're working on muscle memory. His body learned to pull away from touch because of physical and emotional pain. His physical body retains the memories of what his mind and body experienced. If I were a vindictive woman, I'd find his mother's pimp and beat him until he's a whimpering mess in a corner. I'd find his Domme and beat the fuck out of her. I'd find every psychiatrist who retraumatized that man and beat the fuck out of them." Sela sighed. "I know I'm making headway with him, but this has been one of the hardest cases I have taken on."

"But you think you can get past the muscle memory where his body automatically reacts without his brain thinking about it?" John asked.

"I know we can. What you and he have told me about his sleep patterns with Anastasia, I have faith that was the impetus. I know he has self-loathing; and while I can't battle it; I know you can. Some clients, after years of verbal therapy, feel the need for physical therapy to reclaim their body." She sighed. "I can say this to you, because you understand where I'm coming from. I thought they were going to have the talk about their relationship, but he's been busier than ever with his business. Does he want to work this out with her or not? Is he avoiding the talk out of fear of rejection?" Sela asked.

"He wants more. The once a week date schedule fizzled before it took off." John said. "She's got classes and therapist appointments and is working on the wedding every bloody weekend."

"I say, he needs to go her work on a Friday afternoon, throw her over his shoulder, take her to a hotel, have the conversation and if they are going to do the deed – they need to get it over with. They are just torturing each other right now. He doesn't want to say anything to lose her and I think she's remaining quiet to not poke the bear."

"She's got Friday night classes," John said.

"Then they need to play hooky in the middle of the week. He needs to work something out with her because I have to deal with the triggers when she's doing something which aggravates him." Sela sighed again.

 **March 9 - APOV**

Our business dinner is scheduled for a beginning business symposium at the Chamber of Commerce. I wear a navy pencil skirt, light blue silk shirt, navy heels, navy handbag and my wool dress coat, with silver jewelry. It's what I wore to work today. My hair was in an inverted ponytail at work. Hannah moves my hair tie down a bit and then ties my hair in a knot, covering the hair tie. She pins it in place. It's easy, it's sleek and I think Cassie will approve

We have two forks for dinner and I know we'll be served a salad course followed by an entrée. One classmate was censured for not silencing her cell phone and one was censured twice for taking his out to look at it. We are seated at a twelve-person rectangular table. This is the reason for the two-minute introduction we were to practice. Business conversation goes well until someone asks me how the SEC investigation is affecting Grey Publishing. Everyone pauses their meal to hear my reply.

"I apologize, but staff signed nondisclosure agreements; which means we can't discuss anything about Grey Publishing or Grey House in connection with the SEC investigation which we might overhear." I said. _I'm sure there was a better reply, but I'll have to consider it. I haven't practiced answering that question._

Cassie announced our first business dinner went well. Her orders this week are to work smarter; not harder. She collects everyone's six venue and menu suggestions for work lunches and business dinners. When I shake her hand goodbye; she informs me she'll email me a better reply for future SEC conversations. I quietly state I may be a witness for the SEC. Per their orders, I'm not allowed to discuss the case. The look of surprise on her face was priceless.

 **XX - 3PPOV**

Ray picked up the wrought iron items he took to the sandblaster. He bought a baker's rack, a console table, a round table, four chairs, chaise lounge and a chandelier. He planned to paint them navy blue since they had their old paints blasted off. They would be perfect for Annie's patio. He purchased Plexiglas for the table tops.

He explained to Laura about Annie working in the garden with him early in the morning or after dusk. She loved growing things. Laura found square cranberry-colored pots. She potted a trio of baby herb plants in each pot: rosemary, basil, thyme, mint, sage, oregano, English lavender and garlic. She planted larger pots with spinach, lettuces and scallions. Each winter Ana could bring the herbs inside and put them in the south window of her office. The goal was to get everything painted and transported to Seattle over Easter.

Every minute of sunshine, Ray was out in the yard, clearing space and building the dog kennels and runs for Laura. He wanted more time with her. He understood she needed to work and applauded her work ethics; but he hoped once the kennels were a reality and she was making steady money from them she could stop teaching extra night and weekend classes. He especially hated when she had to stay overnight at her place in Aberdeen. He prayed for lots of good sunny days this spring.

 **March 10 - APOV**

Our business breakfast is at the Chamber of Commerce. I pass Cassie's inspection, which makes me feel good. However, while I'm at the breakfast buffet; serving myself, I run into Ros Bailey. She invites me to join her table and I don't think twice about ditching Cassie or my classmates. Ros introduces me to the occupants of the table, which are all upper management of Seattle companies, but none of them are under the Grey House umbrella. I'm vaguely interesting to them. The topic for discussion is the Small Business Forum which is set for Easter Week. We peruse a preliminary handout of the conference agenda. It's interesting to watch her deal with men who are upper management like her.

 **XX**

"I'm glad you agreed to go to lunch with me." Ros said. "I deliberately picked the Capital Grille because the movers and shakers of the city are here. So, it was interesting, seeing you at the Chamber of Commerce breakfast this morning. I'm starving," she said. "I hate breakfast items. You probably noticed I picked at the fruit salad. My favorite breakfast is a grilled ham and cheese sandwich and a strawberry smoothie. Let's order and then we can chat."

Steak sandwiches with tossed salads and iced chai tea ordered…Ros picked up the conversation. "I'm not sure if your instructor approved of my lunch offer."

I laughed. "Cassie tries not to ask intrusive questions, especially since I made her sign one of Christian's famous non-disclosure agreements. The NDA does not prevent her from being curious, however."

Ros laughed a deep throaty Bette Davis laugh. "So, why are you taking a business dining course?"

I explained about Kate and Elliot's wedding and how I felt I needed to take dining, dancing and receiving line lessons. I explain there is always a casual, business/professional and social element to Cassie's classes. I explain about the business communications class…and answered Ros's questions about the bullet points of the lessons.

Ros is impressed about the topics we covered in class. She explains how difficult it is for women in business…but not as hard as it was when our grandmothers were stuck in secretarial pools with no chance to advance.

I explain I feel more comfortable about my position as Copy Editor; but I don't have a business background, like some of my peers. They are more mature and have more experience than I do. "Ros, I'm the youngest and least experienced editor at Grey Publishing. It's not that no one remembers my name or avoids eye contact; but they rarely ask my opinion. I don't always know the answer, but sometimes my logistics beat theirs. How do I say... _Try it my way_ ; without sounding like a …"

"Know it all?" Ros laughed. "Research the meetings beforehand. The agenda is available on Monday for Tuesday's meeting. Copy it – print it so there is space to write notes during the meeting or write down ideas before the meeting. Be sure to say hello to everyone in the meeting room; make eye contact with them. Since you have a book launch in March; you should attend the editorial and financial/marketing meetings on Thursday."

"Sometimes we have working lunches after editorial meetings and I'd like to feel more comfortable at them," I said.

Ros recommends I never order seafood items for lunch; because someone might be allergic and touching a sandwich followed by shaking hands could affect them – the same with a Waldorf salad and nut allergy. She also recommends never ordering something with a strong odor or flavor like Caesar dressing and ranch dressing. I would never have thought about that.

Ros says she will be glad to send me a bibliography of books I should read. Our lunch is delivered and Ros pauses me for a minute. "Business dining rule number one… never season your food before you taste it. If you do; you take the chance of your mentor believing you react before you have information. Taste your food first, then season. I know it sounds silly, but it's really important."

We started eating and Ros told me how she met Christian. They were at a business conference. Some man kept hitting on her and when she threatened to put her knee in his junk…he called her a lesbian. She told him his sleazy manipulative efforts to get her into bed would not work. She explained some men, the ones who are not confident in their abilities to seduce you, will resort to getting you drunk or manipulating you into having sex with them to prove you aren't frigid or a lesbian.

She said Christian was getting hit on also. They gravitated toward one another and became one another's beard for the night. When they met for breakfast the next morning, Christian laid out a business plan to Ros, citing which companies represented at the conference would be ripe for takeovers or mergers. He claimed he could do it in less than a year if she came to work for him. She said she didn't hesitate…she knew his plan was brilliant. She gave her notice to her boss and reported two weeks later at Grey House's doorstep and hasn't regretted it once. Of course, she explained travel was hell on a relationship, but her partner, Gwen, traveled with her whenever possible. Right now they were traveling about 50% of the time; but she anticipated it would slow before the end of the fiscal year.

The conversation is now back to me…Ros wants to know what I want to do with my life. I tell her I love being a copy editor and I want to learn about electronic publishing also. I agree with Christian; it is the future. Ros feels the two business courses I attended count as professional development. When I provide Robb Loeder with the agenda, registration, books and fees receipts; I can be reimbursed.

She compliments me on my 30-day review. I thank her; but I explain there are issues. She urges me to explain. "I think…no, I know…Jack Hyde asked Elizabeth Morgan to send letters to all the authors he worked with in the past five years."

Ros raised her eyebrows and I continued.

"Robb showed me two of the letters. Hyde has nothing to do in jail right now, other than work on his SEC case and try to mess with Christian and me. He has an eidetic memory. He probably wrote down the addresses for every author he's ever worked with. The authors strongly urged Grey Publishing to reinstate Jack Hyde as an editor if GP wants to keep them as authors. They would rather change publishing houses than deal with Christian Grey's flavor of the week."

"Well, it's time to fix that situation," she said. "Robb and I will have a discussion with Maxwell Roach. Letters will be sent to Jack Hyde's authors. We will let them know he was arrested by the SEC for insider trading. If they want to do business with a criminal; they are cordially invited to go somewhere else. We don't want to represent that kind of person."

"I just feel…I don't know…like I'm a tattletale… Christian, _please save me from the mean girls_." I shrugged.

"I will not allow Jack Hyde to bully you, Grey Publishing or their authors. I want to get my hands on one of the original letters. I want to know how close Hyde was to slander or libel." Ros said. "I'm also talking to Legal. He signed an NDA. Morgan signed an NDA. They both have no-contact orders. How far does this situation go over the line?"

I sighed. My stomach is churning…slightly.

"Ana," Ros said, "I want you to know how highly I regard you. I know how overwhelming Christian can be in business…and I sincerely believe he's that intense in his personal life also. I knew he met someone in May of last year. He stayed in Portland for a week and was distracted during videoconferences. Then the picture of the two of you was in the paper. I am in awe you are so strong…and so good for him. I'm not disloyal when I tell you someone needs to say _No_ to that man once in a while."

I laughed. "I think I say no to him more than he wants to hear. But, I don't always feel strong. Sometimes I feel… intimidated…by Christian's business smarts…and by his lifestyle. Seriously…if there were such a thing as injections of confidence or self-assurance…I'd line up to take daily shots."

"You're doing fine Ana…you are helping yourself at work and in your personal life with Christian. I had to take classes also. Christian grew up knowing how to behave and how to network at charity events and business conferences. I watched him…I saw what came easily to him and I researched, read and studied. When Gwen and I came into some money… ala Christian…we hired a personal assistant who taught us how to dress, walk, talk, table settings, etc." She laughed. "Summers when she wasn't teaching, Gwen studied cooking and wines; art and music; etc. and was wonderful about teaching me."

"I'd kill to be able to walk in stilettos like you do." I said. _I remember Christian telling me about the self-improvement classes he took while at Harvard…wine, dancing, dressing and cuisines._

"Ever try the book on top of your head routine?" She asked.

I laughed and nodded, "Every other day."

"Don't let them tell you it takes 21 days to make something a habit…I've found 60 days usually does it for me. I must be very strong willed." Ros laughed also. "How is Prescott working out?"

"I appreciate she doesn't tell Christian where I'm going and what I'm doing," I said. "I appreciate I can do work things while she's driving. I appreciate being able to throw a curve ball once in a while and have her adapt to the situation."

Ros sobered. "I'm glad you allowed me to assign a protection detail. Ana; part of where I am in the business world is because Christian had faith in me. Part of it was my intent to achieve. I would like to mentor you. Part of my personal goals is to mentor one GEH employee a year."

"What would that entail?" I asked.

"Business breakfasts or lunches once a month. An occasional business dinner or conference which I feel would be beneficial for polishing your knowledge, skills or abilities. You are intuitive. I don't want to lose you as an employee or have you lose that skill." She explained.

"I would like that," I said to my surprise. "I want to be comfortable in my professional life. Can you tell me how to deal with a business cocktail party? I'm due at one tomorrow night and don't have a clue what to wear or say or drink."

"A black fit and flare or sheath dress, with a French twist or maybe a double chignon, mid heels because you don't know how long you are standing. Clutch purse; not shoulder bag, but a clutch with a hidden strap is the best as far as I'm concerned. If you have a cocktail in your hand; and need to shake hands, the clutch is awkward. Open it, pull out the thin strap, sling it over your left shoulder – cocktail in left hand, shake hands with the right. The clutch needs to hold cell – on vibrate, not ringing; some business cards, some breath mints, comb, lipstick, ID and enough money to hire a cab to get you the hell out of there if necessary." Ros laughed.

"You need to have a good intro line – mine is: Ros Bailey, I save the sanity of 50,000 people on a daily basis. People want to know how I do that…and I explain I'm the Vice President of Operations for Grey Enterprises Holdings. Now…what is a good tagline for you?"

"Ana Steele…confused and dazed?" I laughed. Ros shook her head. "Ana Steele…I help make dreams come true?" I offered.

"And how do you make dreams come true?" Ros asked, laughing. "Remember to explain your job title and where you work…"

"I am a Copy Editor, Grey Publishing…" I faltered.

"And I help aspiring authors become published authors." Ros finished the sentence for me.

"That sounds a bit…" I shrugged.

"Self-aggrandizing?" Ros laughed. "It sounds better than saying you spend your days with a red-ink pen in hand correcting people's grammar."

"OMG – it does sound better!" I laughed.

"So, give it a try," Ros directed.

"Ana Steele, I help make dreams come true." I shook Ros's hand.

"Excellent grip, good length of time shaking hands, no sweaty palms, no excessive bangle bracelets to drown out the sound of your voice. Okay, Miss Steele – how do you make dreams come true?"

"As a Copy Editor for Grey Publishing; I help aspiring authors become published authors." I said sincerely without breaking into laughter.

"Very good, Miss Steele! You seem like an interesting creature…tell me…are you a drinker like most misogynistic male writers? Can I convince you to come to my room and share a bottle of Cristal with me?"

My jaw dropped and I stared at her.

Ros threw her head back and laughed a deep throaty Bette Davis laugh. "My god…how long has it been since someone hit on you?"

"Halloween…police officer," I blushed again.

"Ohhh, kinky. Did he want to pat you down or use his handcuffs and night stick on you?"

"He wanted a coffee date," I blushed again.

"Please tell me Christian didn't intervene - we gave quite0 generously to the SPD Police Charity Fund at Christmas." Ros laughed again.

"Sawyer, one of his security men, was dressed as a mummy and kept chasing off the creepers." I laughed.

"Okay, back to the cocktail party – meet as many people as possible, network, jot notes down on the back of business cards – not when you get them, but immediately after you leave and before you forget who is who. I put my cell on record conversation because at the end of the day – I can't remember my room number; let alone 100 people I have met. Be sure to thank your host as you depart. Go online and look up mock cocktails. Learn how to make one so you give directions to a bartender …although if they are worth their margarita salt; they know how. Be sure to carry small bills with you for tipping the coat room attendant, bartender, powder room attendant, etc. I usually run through $50 in $5 bills for a two-hour cocktail party because I tip the servers who bring me drinks and food. Whether it is a food station or passed trays – the food rule is don't stack the food on your plate. Food items can touch, but don't stack the food in layers on your plate. Avoid skewers and chicken wings because they are very inelegant to eat and you have to dispose of skewers and bones. Dip can spread and it can drip on your clothes. Avoid it if possible. Pass on any seafood nibbles because you don't know who is allergic. If you have food allergies, stick to crudités and bring an epipen with you."

"Is there anything you won't eat at a cocktail party?" I asked.

"Crab cakes and not just for allergy reasons. Crab cakes are like a fish meatloaf to me. I don't care for the taste or texture." Ros shrugged. "Gwen adores the ones at Sky City." She smiled. "I'd really like you to meet her one day. She's petite like you, but blonde, very intelligent and has a heart as big as the universe."

"If I ever go to a convention with Christian; you can bring her and we can hang out at bookstores together." I offered.

'I can't suggest what the topics of conversation will be. Just attend one cocktail party and then you'll do better when you go to the next one."

Lunch with Ros beat lunch and salon day with Kate. Kate appreciated the time to concentrate on her closets at the condo. I promised her brunch and salon tomorrow. When she asks if I'm coming to dinner; I explain I have a cocktail party I have to attend with business acquaintances.

 **March 11**

Tonight's cocktail party is mandatory attendance for all her students. We will be critiqued on everything by complete strangers. I'm not looking forward to it…not by a longshot. I took Ros's suggestion and I'm wearing a black fit and flare dress with black heels. My hair is in a French Twist thanks to hairdo accessories. I wear black pearl earrings with a black pearl bracelet. I'm carrying a black clutch which has a ribbon thin strap which hides itself inside the clutch.

 **XX - CPOV**

I'm in a foul mood. Ana won't be a dinner tonight because she has a business cocktail party. It's a fabricated story – she works for Grey Publishing and Ros and I woiuld have been invited. It doesn't take long for Taylor to send me a quick media update.

 _"What the hell is she doing now?"_ I wondered when I get a _Seattle Nooz_ alert - Anastasia is at the Fairmont Hotel. She is at coat check and the sign says "Cassandra Collins Cocktail Party – entry by invitation only".

I research Cassandra Collins and I find a Facebook page offering lessons in manners, etiquette, grooming, posture, style and deportment for beauty contestants, new young professionals, or the socially challenged. She works as a counselor at the Women's Health Center, Seattle.

This explains a great deal…Ana dancing, walking gracefully, not fidgeting, not biting her lower lip, dressing beautifully lately and her total lack of self-consciousness regarding her role in Kate and Elliot's upcoming wedding. _I wonder if she still squirms in bed. Fuck…now I'm going to have to counsel the southern gentleman. It doesn't help to remember wanting to use a crop to refine Anastasia's motor skills._

 **XX - APOV**

"Tonight's signature drinks are Mojitos and Sangria," Cassie announced. "Business cocktail parties are easy to navigate. Say hello to your hosts and get a drink. Think of the room as a compass. Wherever you start is North; you talk to that group of people for five minutes. You walk to the Southeast ordinal. You speak for at least five minutes to that group of people. You walk to the Southwest ordinal and you speak to that group of people for at least five minutes. You've now completed the first triangle. You walk Northwest; five minutes with that group. You walk Northeast; five minutes with that group. You walk South; five minutes with that group. You've now completed one full circuit and spent a minimum of 30 minutes."

"You refresh your drink, get nibbles and begin again. North, Southeast, Southwest, Northwest, Northeast, South. That is a full hour or more and you can seek out your hosts and flee for the evening. I have people stationed at all the ordinals. You will be judged on your attire, grooming and conversation."

"Tonight's cocktail party menu is Tex-Mex themed: Guacamole with Tomatoes, Cilantro and Jalapenos with Blue Corn Tortilla Chips; Red Lentil and Red Pepper Pâté with Spicy Monterey Jack Cheese Crackers; Crudités with Spicy Ranch Dipping Sauce; Shrimp and Lime Mini Tostadas; Steak Mini Taquitos; Chorizo and Potato Tortilla Bites; Mesquite Grilled Chicken Skewers; Amaretto-Raspberry Fruit Tarts; and Dark Chocolate Clusters with Cherries and Pistachios. Please feel free to help yourselves."

There are over two dozen students and two dozen unknown entities attending this cocktail party. We were started at different ordinals and had to figure out where to go. I lucked out with the bar as my North ordinal. I ordered a virgin mojito and the bartender winked at me. "Good choice," he whispered. It was a pleasure to tip him. I turned on the conversation recording app and slipped my cell phone in the lacy-net pocket on the outside of the purse.

Southeast is my first stop; I meet up with five clients and three decoys. I introduce myself according to Cassie's directives: "Ana Steele, Copy Editor, Grey Publishing." They introduce themselves and I met Drake, Dalton and Deborah. _Nice…try to make me nuts why don't you?_ Deborah is an event planner for the Fairmont Olympia. Dalton is the meeting planner for the Seattle Chamber of Commerce. Drake is an events coordinator for WSCC. The topic at this ordinal is volunteering for good causes. The other clients press their business cards upon me. I have a lovely engraved business card holder – a congratulations gift for my new job from my Mother – filled with my business cards which I freely share. When my five minutes are up and I can make a graceful escape. I continue the circuit. Northwest is discussing the upcoming indy film festival. Northeast is discussing museums. Southeast is discussing restaurants and cuisines. Southwest is discussing Seattle Met magazine.

It gets a little easier with each group. At my South, we all load plates with munchies and talk about which offerings we like best. I'm fond of the Red Lentil and Red Pepper Pate. I love the blue corn chips and the spicy jack crackers. I also like the Steak Mini Taquitos. We continue to make the circuits and once 30 minutes is over, Cassie calls us together and hands out questionnaires which we must complete and turn in tomorrow. I'm glad to have the conversation app so I can complete the questionnaire and write on the back of business cards. However…it was all too boring for words although I will praise the food and the virgin Mojitos. My classmates give me the eye as I drain my fresh drink. I explain it is virgin and delicious. I assure them it is the only way to drink at a company cocktail party.

Several of them head to the bar. I thank Cassie for a lovely evening, but explain I have another engagement and cannot stay for another round or two. She asks if it's for the wedding and I say yes and make a quick escape. Part of me feels guilty…and part of me cannot wait to let my hair down; take off these damned heels, get out of this dress and have a long soaking bath followed by dinner and a movie. I ask Prescott to take a quick trip through a Tex-Mex drive-thru purchase enough food for dinner for both of us. I also buy four combo plates which I can freeze and reheat later.

 **XX - TPOV**

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot! The boss is antsy because Ana's not available to talk tonight because she has a business cocktail party. Of course…since she works at Grey Publishing…the boss knows it has nothing to do with Grey House. He's concerned she might have drank too much and not eaten since Prescott stopped at a drive-thru. I agree to email Prescott with questions…but I don't want a Louboutin-clad foot up my ass…delivered by the Red Queen Ros.

Prescott said Ana ordered virgin mojitos to drink and she departed before the party ended. Prescott says Ana purchased a large takeout bag of fast food and a six-pack of bottled lime water. Prescott states Ana bought food for a few meals to save time. She said they had dinner together, confirmed schedules with one another and she departed when Miss Steele was in for the night.

Christ, Ros and I are out of Seattle at eight tomorrow morning to head to Detroit. There are brownfield site issues. Maybe Taylor should bring an extra team to research Hyde while we are there. I won't see Ana until Friday, maybe. I just feel like fucking up someone else's life right now.

 **Early Hours of the Morning, March 12 – CPOV**

 _"I enjoy watching you change yoga positions," I said as Ana morphed from Mountain pose to Warrior I and back into Mountain pose to Warrior II. "I love those yoga outfits," I approached and stroked her when she was practicing her yoga. When she is in the Corpse position, meditating, I laid on top of her. "This is the Blanket pose. Don't move until I tell you."_

 _"Get the hell out of here, I'm practicing my yoga and my meditation, not playing with you." She said crossly._

 _I peeled myself off her, reluctantly and went down to play the piano._

 _Within the hour, Ana floats down the stairs in a black satin bra and panties from Agent Provocateur. She has a black sheer floor length robe on and black thigh high lace stopped stockings and black stilettos._

 _She sits on a step, one leg extended, one leg up, knee bent, shoe at a 45-degree angle to her body. She leans back, her elbows bent, propping her up on the stairs._

 _"What do you think you're doing," I asked quietly._

 _"Sitting," she said. "Watching you play the piano."_

 _"Go away," I said crossly. "You won't let me mess with you when you are doing yoga, don't mess with me when I'm playing piano."_

 _"I'm not messing with you," She said, her eyes devouring me. "I'm practicing sitting quietly. Don't you approve?"_

 _Her alabaster skin glows in the dim light on the stairs…and the piano isn't taking my attention from her blatantly displayed body. I refrain from grabbing her and fucking her brains out…but thirty minutes of piano playing is the best I can do._

 _"Come here," I ordered her. "Now that you've woke him up…take care of him…" I push her to her knees and shove my cock in her hot, wet, pouty mouth…_

I wake when I explode…and it's not in her mouth, but in my pants in my cold bed. I wait until my breathing evens and my heart quits racing, then I take a hot shower and decide to go exercise in the home gym. I need to exhaust myself…because Ana's interrupting my sleep and I have too many things to do today to not be rested.


	50. Chapter 50

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 50 – "** The course of true love never did run smooth." - Shakespeare, _Midsummer Night's Dream_

 **March 16 – APOV**

It was a long week. I've had two brief emails from Christian and seventeen from an author who has a bad habit of deleting her emails before printing. I finally told her to print my emails, and then go through them line by line and fix what I sent her. It's disheartening to get through a dozen pages and then come across something she didn't fix. One of my authors is in limbo. Her written part of the book is done; but her partner is in the midst of an manic-depressive breakdown. She wanted her partner to do the illustrations but she's ready to introduce the partner to the road and get a new illustrator. It creates issues for GP because she really likes two of the illustrations which are done. I talk her into passing on the illustrations which are completed in favor of giving two college students a shot at the dustjacket and illustrations. The E-publishing editor works with me to get her past this fork in the road.

Wednesday Hannah and I ran away midafternoon. We went for tea at Perennial Tea Room for Hannah's birthday and then had a great time walking around Pike Place Market until Prescott spotted Elena Lincoln in the area and hustled us to the SUV to get us out of there. I suggest to Prescott that Lincoln is either keeping an eye on my old condo or on her Post Alley Esclava.

Thursday Kate and Elliot invited me to the condo for pizza and wine. I walked away with four more dresses. I turned down anything that looks like a Jolly Rancher color, anything patterned and anything really not appropriate for work. I get a really red fit and flare dress, a carnation pink A-line dress, an ocean blue shirtdress and a royal purple princess dress. Kate and I talk about my classes, her Zumba classes, and she gives me a great tour of the condo. They finally have a housekeeper who comes in twice a week. She cooks two dinners a week for them, in addition to shopping, laundry, cleaning, and domestic errands.

Tonight begins the Social Dining course. I explained I cannot attend tomorrow's class because it is wedding dress shopping day for Kate. As my penance for missing the class; I have to undergo a 'home visit' from Cassie on Monday night. Tonight is dinner at a charity event. Cassie approves of my plum ensemble, my loose wavy and curly hair and minimal makeup.

Prescott has a nuclear meltdown when she sees my schedule. She insists the weekend is a logistics nightmare. She can follow inside and loiter near the wall by my table, but I have to go. I just want to get through tonight's event and have a quiet bath before the wedding dress Olympics begin tomorrow.

Cassie bought a table for the Sustainable Seattle Foundation charity fundraiser. We're seated at a round banquet table at the back of the room. We eat the interesting 'green' themed dinner. The theme dovetails nicely with the St. Patrick's Day weekend. The speakers have been a surprise to us; because there was one program at our table. Cassie is livid over it and I'm sure she will have words with the event coordinators.

I'm surprised when I run into Kate in the powder room. She explains Elliot is a supporter of the Sustainable Seattle Foundation. She explains Mia helped coordinate the event and asks me to stop by their table on my way back to mine. I explain I'm here with colleagues but would be pleased to say hello to Elliot and Mia.

We're talking on our way back to Kate's table and I don't notice…but the table is filled with the Kavanagh and Grey family. I get hugs from Elliot, Mia, Carrick and Grace. I get hugs from Eamon, Celeste and Ethan. Mia explains the dessert course is coming up. It's cheesecake – chocolate graham cracker crust, mint-flavored cheesecake with dark chocolate drizzles. It sounds yummy. I am urged to join them for dessert and I quickly text Cassie I'm at the Greys' table. _I wish Christian were here. I would dance with him if he asked. I have loved and hated helping Kate and Elliot with wedding details…but I wish Christian and I had as easy a relationship as they do._

 **XX – 3PPOV**

Elliot to Christian: Bro; I know you are at therapy – but get here as soon as you can! Ana is here with some group. The cruise director ordered their table to dance with anyone who asks and talk to everyone possible. She's already turned down three dance invitations – and not from men from our table. Her cruise director is not pleased because she won't dance. Come save the girl!

 **XX - APOV**

"It's alright, Elliot," I reassure him as he races to my protection. "I know how to deal with rude men." I yell no; stomp on my dance partner's foot and then plant the heel of my right hand to his nose. My 'dance partner' let go of my ass. He let out a muffled sob of pain, sinking to the floor, cradling his face. Prescott peels away from the wall when the man hits the floor. "Prescott, do you have EMT training? I believe I just broke his nose."

"Dr. T. is coming to the rescue," Prescott pulled me out of the fray and pointed me toward my table.

"Cassie, I'm done for the evening. Thank you for the lesson in how to handle men who can't keep their hands to themselves. If there's a problem with him or with the event organizers…I was defending myself. I don't like being used as entertainment for strangers." I turned to Prescott. "Let's go…and if you tell anyone about tonight…"

She held up her hands in defeat. "I know Taylor thinks I have big brass balls sometimes; but I prefer my ovaries where they are, thank you very much. I don't want Mr. Grey hanging them off the rear view mirror of one of his SUVs as a reminder to the rest of the security staff to keep you safe."

My glee at getting out of the charity dinner evaporated the moment I stepped off the elevator. _Zap! Zing!_ Christian makes his way through a lobby of people who attempt to discuss business, obtain an introduction, etc. He's wearing casual black jeans and a great grey cashmere sweater. His copper curls are visible several inches above the crowd in the lobby. He heads towards me. I'm immobile; like a deer in headlights.

"Ana," his smile is really tight when he sees me.

 _Is he unhappy to see me?_ I wondered. "Christian," I allow him to kiss my cheek. "We're being watched by the universe," I murmured.

"Good," he said. "Let's see how they like this." He pulled me close, pinning one hand behind my back and holding my face with the other. He planted a serious kiss on my lips. "Let that go viral! Do you feel like getting the hell out of here?" He watched my face.

I nodded; I don't care where we go; I'd really like a few more of those kisses, in private, without the universe watching us like a B-rate porn flick.

 **XX**

"What I want to know is," Christian said, " _ **what the hell are you doing?"**_ He took a gulp of his white wine in an effort to calm down.

"No yelling…or I'm leaving," I chided him. "I'm taking classes so I can walk, talk and dance at Kate and Elliot's wedding without falling down and embarrassing myself."

"How's that going for you?" He smirked.

"Well, if you want to know the truth – it's stressing the hell out of me." I said. "I love Kate and I love Elliot, but I wish they had eloped."

"No you don't," he said. "Because if they had, you couldn't do this." He pulled me out of my chair, held my hands to his chest and kissed me. "What do you think about that?"

I threw my arms around his neck, grabbed his hair and pulled his mouth to mine.

 **XX - CPOV**

I carry her to her bed and we're lost in kissing and touching one another. We're naked and I've given her three orgasms with my fingers and my mouth…but I can't perform.

 _What the fuck is that? The southern gentleman has been rock hard for her memory for a fucking millennium…why is he shy now!_

Ana rolls away from me, laughing…and it's not a fun laugh…it's an " _I give up"_ laugh.

I'm furious. "WTF!" I snap. "He's been harder than a god damn rock during my wet dreams for the last nine months…and now we're naked and he's fucking shy! What the hell is that about?"

"Wet dreams?" Ana's face got serious…and then she's blushing.

"Wet dreams," I confirmed, rubbing my thumb over her bottom lip. "You, every time, every possible position, every possible scenario, every desire…"

She blushes more.

"What?" I asked suspiciously.

"I think it's the dreams," she whispered, sliding back into my arms. "It's performance anxiety. If you are half as good as _my_ wet dreams have been for the last nine months…we're going to…"

"Fuck each other to death?" I asked.

"Oh yeah…and then some…" she whispered; pulling my mouth down to hers. She kissed me deeply, our tongues dance erotically with one another. "Let me counsel him," she said. "Maybe if I talk to him; he'll remember who I am." She pushed me onto my back. "Can I kiss and touch from your chest to your groin?"

"Avoid the scars if you can…but yes, please," my voice was begging and I didn't mean to sound so needy but _OH MY GOD…the southern gentleman felt her breasts brush past him on her way down my body. I'm not going to last very long…_

 **XX**

"Ana, let's go take a shower," I said.

"Hmm umm," she said; slightly shaking her head and falling asleep immediately.

I chucked and pulled her soft, naked, warm body into my arms. It is four o'clock in the morning. I text Taylor and tell him we're in for the night and to reschedule Bastille for Tuesday. He texts back he will wake us at ten. Ana has wedding things to do with Kate today and I have dance practice. Damn, as much as I love watching her sleep; I'd better get some sleep, too. I pull Ana in to spoon and am asleep soon after.

 **March 17 - APOV**

Despite the fact I would love to spend the rest of the day in Christian's arms and his bed; I have to get to my condo. Christian won't let me do the walk of shame in my plum dress. I grab the first set of underwear, jeans and sweater I can find in his submissive closet. We're going to discuss that closet but not right now – I'm so late. Before I'm completely dressed, he brought me juice and ibuprophen.

I have to change for lunch and wedding dress shopping with Kate and Mia. Anders is bringing Kate and Mia to my condo. We're going to SkyCity Restaurant for a bridal luncheon with Grace, Grandma Frannie, Celeste and Kate's grandmothers, Meg and Alice. After lunch, we have an appointment at a bridal salon to shop for Kate's wedding dress. Needless to say, I'm required to dress up… _Fuckety-fuckety-fuck._

Before I can start getting dressed, Kate and Mia are at my door. Kate borrows my white dress, shoes and purse from the Christmas party, but she brought me a sapphire designer fit and flare dress to wear. She brought the sapphire stud earrings and bracelet I wore for Coping Together, along with purse and shoes. Mia dumps what I need in the purse. I'm glad I have my own good dress coat to wear…and am wearing my best pale blue underwear. I hope we're not shopping for bridesmaid dresses, but I'm prepared if we are.

Mia wears an amethyst fit and flare dress which matches the one I am wearing. She fusses with my hair and makeup…and I wisely shut my mouth and let her play Barbie. This morning was all energetic sex…and I'm a little sore and tired. All of us have half ponytails – our hair from ear to ear and forehead to crown is gathered in a ponytail just below our crown, with the rest of our hair in long curls and waves around our shoulders.

Kate looks fabulous in my white dress, with pumps and satin handbag. She's definitely got the undergarments (a white satin basque, panties and thigh high stockings) for trying on a dozen wedding gowns. She brought a white wool winter coat with her. Zumba is making her toned and sleek for her wedding.

Anders has a sedan, not an SUV and drives us to the Space Needle. Lunch is alcohol free, per Celeste's orders. Champagne is reserved for the bridal salon. Kate, her mom and her grandmothers occupy one side of the table, with Mia, Grace, Grandma Frannie and me on the other side.

I'm immediately set upon by Grandma Frannie who tells me all of Christian's virtues and a few of his naughty little boy stories…to much eye-rolling by Kate. We have a leisurely non-alcoholic lunch for an hour and a half. I enjoy the crab cakes and the crab and shrimp salad because while my mouth is full…I don't have to make polite social conversation…but I memorize everything to tell Cassie if she asks. I'm also sending an email to Ros. She's seriously underestimated these crab cakes. We've been photographed twice…our lunch is probably _Seattle Nooz_ worthy.

I have to admit…I'm confused. Last night and this morning was incredible. I know I have a dreamy look on my face every time I think about Christian today. I know there are pictures of Christian kissing me last night, but no one has asked about the rest of the evening and I'm not telling. I can't believe they aren't curious. Grace must have threatened them.

Mia pays for everything. Elliot gave her a Black AMEX card and told her to put everything for the wedding on it. It's in Elliot's name with extravagant bonus points for Elliot and Kate to use on their honeymoon. Of course, everyone thinks Elliot is a genius – but I suspect Christian's control issues helped with this situation.

Eight of us arrive at the salon for bridal dress shopping…. in a white stretch limo. SERIOUSLY? I feel I'm drowning in conversation, tulle, chiffon, organza, taffeta, satin, silk, pearls, crystals, lace while snooty saleswomen fawn over Kate. She is so in her princess element today. Her first dress is a meringue and that's the only word I said about it. She laughed…the skirt was so full she couldn't hold it up by herself to walk in it. The second one would have been appropriate if she had been a Kar-trash-ian. She's poured into it and it shows a whole lotta Kate. Her grandma Alice shrieks and crosses herself. I think that is a NO.

Although I want to laugh and make funny faces at Kate; I just sit quietly and slowly sip my champagne … which is quite good. At least one of the grandmothers has her glass refilled with each dress Kate models for us. Before it's over, I have a headache from the stress. I'm blaming it on stress; not on a lack of sleep, an overindulgence of sex in the bed of a copper-haired demi-god and a large flute of champagne. I'm sure the grandmothers will have hangovers.

Kate tried on eight gowns and finally settled on a Vera Wang strapless silk gown which made her look like a goddess. When Grandma Meg questions if it is appropriate to wear at the cathedral; the sales staff pull a dozen lace coat, shrug or jacket options. Kate picked a hooded lace cloak to wear over the strapless gown in the church. She says it's very Game of Thrones and she's crazy about it. She plans to ditch the hooded lace cloak for the reception afterward. She will be a beautiful bride. Mia and I posed with her so the bridal shop could 'check the dress against the colors of the wedding.' I think they thought hauling us up there would make us want to try on some of their bridesmaid gowns…but I could be jaded.

One crazy stretch limo ride later…where the three tipsy grandmothers offer sex advice …which is more embarrassing to Celeste and Grace than Kate, Mia or me …and I'm behind locked doors at my condo. After two ibuprophen, some ginger ale and a nap, I go over the pictures of Kate's gown. I sincerely doubt a $200 David's Bridal bridesmaid dress is earmarked for my future. Then I get the text I've been waiting for…Christian is done for the day and wants me to come to Escala. He promises dinner first and some practice dancing.

 **XX**

Sometime in the wee, early hours of the morning, I stumble into Christian's bathroom. It's as huge as I remember it and smells just like him. I'm tender in my nether regions. For vanilla sex…it's been pretty hot and steamy. My favorite position for the night was me on top…touching his chest, kissing him and nuzzling those soft curls in the middle of his chest. We can't seem to touch or kiss or get enough of one another.

I'd break into a Hallelujah chorus…except I can't sing and he's peacefully asleep. I wander back to bed, wearing just his t-shirt and slid in next to him. He pulls me into his arms and buries his nose in my hair. I like this…I really like this cuddling, protective part of our relationship…but I don't stop to analyze it…I'm on a mission to get some sleep.

 **March 18**

"God that was fun!" Kate said. "How did you get out of class to go to lunch and _Hunger Games_ with us?"

"The instructor is having night class from 7-9," I said, checking my watch. "Now I know why braids are a huge hit."

Mia laughed. "Did you check out some of those hideous costumes in the movie?"

"It just gave me another reason not to dye my hair or get facial tattoos," I laughed.

"Well, I for one was glad to have a day where we didn't work on wedding things. My mom's been stressed." Kate said.

"What's she stressed about," Mia asked.

"She can't find a dress for the wedding. She wants something to coordinate with the amethyst Ethan's wearing so they don't clash while they are dancing. I have to take Grace and Mom and the grandmothers shopping for dresses next Saturday. The gift girls have their dresses and shoes, so I can breathe easier about that."

"That's my cue to be busy," I laughed. "I don't want to watch the fashion games. I don't know much about fashion, but I think periwinkle would work for both moms. Lavender and mauve for your grandmothers and sky or powder blue for Frannie – and those colors would coordinate with the bridal party."

Mia and Kate stopped and stared at me.

"What?" I frowned.

"What did you do to Ana Steele?" Kate appeared speechless. "I've never…never…not in almost five years…never heard you talk about how colors coordinate unless you were discussing paint samples with a Clayton's customer.

"It's not just that," Mia said. "You're wearing chocolate jeans with a great cream shirt with a coordinating chocolate boyfriend jacket. Where the hell did you find those cute chocolate leather ankle boots with a matching purse? Plus, the coordinating copper jewelry and your makeup are flawless."

"It must be the women I work with and the women I hang out with…you can only have lunch with them so many times before something becomes ingrained," I said. "You don't like Ana 2.0?"

"I'm dying for Ana 3.0 who likes to shop," Kate said.

"Not happening…ever," I said. "I keep Shawn supplied with lasagna and he shops for me." I'm not about to tell them I rolled out of Christian's bed two hours before meeting them, basked in a hot, luxurious shower with equally hot shower sex. Christian blow dried my hair. He picked the outfit out of the closet of clothes he has for me while I did my minimal make-up. I made sure to dress slowly in my satin cream-colored underwear to torture him. We still have to discuss that closet of clothes.

We had a rough patch this morning when coordinating our schedules. He understood about spending time with Kate and Mia because he could work while I was with them. However, dinner tonight at Canlis irked him. I told him I had to go, it is part of the classes I'm taking. He explained paparazzi pay the staff for good tips on who is present. He said after our Friday night kiss went viral…people will recognize me. He claims I'll be bothered by my class or the paparazzi about where he is. I agreed to Christian getting reservations to Canlis and taking me to class. He said he would explain we're having dinner with one another; and Cassie is allowed to observe and critique all she wants. I suspect…and I don't say it… Cassie's going to be over the moon about my publicly socializing with Christian.

 **XX - CPOV**

While Ana was gone with Kate and Mia; I worked. I researched a pending purchase of a company which produces variable-speed generators and fixed-speed generators for the nacelles of a wind turbine. GEH will keep those two divisions, but will sell off the other sections which are money pits for the company. I research a Brazilian company which is building a prototype of a generator which will power two homes at one time. They are testing a small generator for vehicular power as well as larger generator for residential power. If those generators can be manufactured in bulk; just think of the use they could be for FEMA or the Red Cross in catastrophic situations. If GEH could manufacture them; we could obtain a tremendous tax break by donating a dozen units to the northwest regional offices of FEMA and Red Cross.

Before I knew it; Ana was back from her girl time and I take great delight in peeling her out of her clothes and carrying her to my bed. We have three hours to spend in my bed before we have to go to her appointment. Three hours of Ana's soft alabaster skin, her silky hair and her pouty pink lips and her perfect breasts and those long luscious legs and her arms wrapped around me…it's not enough. It will never be enough…I want… _more_. I just need the perfect time and place to tell her I want more.

We have time for a short nap. Ana races upstairs to the closet and finds an emerald green dinner dress. She stresses about fixing her hair. She creates a messy updo. I can't wait to make it into a swirl of curls around her shoulders. She stresses about how to introduce me. I suggest _stud muffin_ or _hunka burning luv_ is inappropriate. Boyfriend is high school. We settle on 'significant other'. It pleases both of us.

Damn... I don't object to going out to dinner and I certainly don't object to a candlelit dinner where I can hold Ana's hand in public…but I really just wanted to have dinner and lots of sex with Ana tonight. So before the sex part happens; we're going to be seen in public together and I will be a gentleman. These classes are important to her…and as long as she doesn't turn into Kate or Mia or any of Mia's friends…I'm all for her being comfortable in her skin…especially when that skin is so responsive in my bed. I'd better think about something else, or this will be embarrassing.

We're seated next to the fireplace at Canlis. Ana's class is speechless about her dinner date. She was right; her instructor was pleased to let her have dinner with me. I order for us: prawns and Canlis signature salad for first and second course. Third course is filet mignon with twice-baked potatoes. I order crème Brulée for dessert. The sommelier suggests an excellent bottle of wine. I taste and approve the wine; but then recommend Ana taste it. She declares it is liquid ambrosia, which makes the sommelier gallantly compliment her. She blushes, but only has eyes for me…as it should be. We have a lovely dinner and talk about the author launch in Las Vegas at the end of the month. Ana asks if it is possible for us to factor in some down time while we are there. She says her therapist is ready to write a prescription for down time. I assure her I will ask Mia to build an itinerary for just us.

At the end of the evening, I escort Ana back to her class where she bids everyone goodnight and I shake hands with Cassandra Collins again. I escort Ana to the R8 and suggest we go back to Escala. The dessert at dinner was wonderful but Ana is all the dessert I will ever need. She makes me swear we will be asleep by midnight, or she won't go back to Escala with me. I kiss her knuckles and promise I will try to wear her out before midnight.

At Escala; I ask her to dress in lingerie from the closet upstairs. She doesn't make a face; but she's quiet. _Yes, I know, we have to discuss that room. Does she think I keep the closet stocked for one night stands so they don't have to do the walk of shame?_ I sit at the piano, in black satin sleep pants and waffle-weave grey satin robe, playing _Claire de Lune_ and _Suite Bergamasque._ I am speechless when Ana arrives at the bottom of the stairs wearing a gown and peignoir of the thinnest pink satin. I turn on dancing music and we dance around the room. The lights are doused and we watch the skyline and dance. Eventually I pick her up bridal style and carry her to my bed; kicking the door closed.

Ana asks if she can please touch me; she wants to take my clothes off. I love when her soft little hands caress my shoulders as she slips my robe off. She gracefully kneels… _when the hell did she learn to do that?_ She unties my pajama pants and slides them off me, cupping my ass as she does…it makes me harder than I've been in a while.

She rises gracefully; taking my clothes and laying them on a chair. She strips off her robe; leaving the thin satin gown clinging to her curves. When she comes back to me, she reaches for my hands and holds them to her face, kissing my palms and turning her pouty mouth up to me. I kiss her senseless, slip the gown from her body and push her down onto the bed. I had planned to make slow, sweet love to my beautiful girl…but she grabs me and her body urges me to choose deep, hot and fast sex; not once, or twice, but we're finally sated after three times of desperate, needy, urgent lovemaking. We've blown past the midnight hour…and we don't regret it at all.

Uhm; sleeping with Ana is the best. I go over my to-do list in my head: sleep, shower, shower sex, dress, breakfast and a goodbye kiss, but then I'm out of town again until late Friday afternoon. I wish her job were a little more flexible so she could travel with me. We're going to have to work on that. I have to remember to ask her to Skype with me each night...

 **March 19 – 3PPOV**

 _********Seattle Nooz********  
_ After Friday night's kiss at the Sustainable Seattle charity event when viral…after Christian Grey took Anastasia Steele to Escala…after Anastasia Steele went to lunch with the Grey and Kavanagh matriarchs… 

Christian Grey was spotted with Anastasia Steele at Canlis last evening. The couple held hands intermittently while eating dinner. While the couple was seated near the romantic fireplace… there was no bended knees or flashy diamonds involved during dinner. Miss Steele is a Copy Editor for Grey Publishing and the ex-roommate of Katherine Kavanagh, fiancée of Elliot Grey. Swoon...  
 _********Seattle Nooz********  
_

Elena was pissed when she read the _Seattle Nooz_ article about Christian. She needed a way to fuck with Anastasia which would aggravate Christian also…but what and how? Sitting at a Starbucks, she accessed their WIFI and researched ways to fuck with Anastasia…until she had three very good scenarios. First, she found Anastasia's work email address. Second, she went to every committee and event for the Greater Seattle Chamber of Commerce and requested information; using Anastasia's work email for the reply. Third, she called Caroline Acton's phone number and identified herself as Andrea, Mr. Grey's personal assistant. She explained Mr. Grey's girlfriend, Anastasia Steele, needed appropriate clothes for six red carpet events with Mr. Grey in the next two months. She asked to have two dozen possible outfits with lingerie and accessories delivered to Miss Steele at Grey Annex today. Her final phone call was to Cartier's. Again, she identified herself as Andrea, Mr. Grey's personal assistant. She explained Mr. Grey wanted to buy Miss Steele an appropriate jewelry wardrobe and noted the six red-carpet events in the next two months. She explained the jewelry needed to be delivered to Miss Steele at Grey Annex with the bill delivered to Mr. Grey at Grey House.

 **XX - APOV**

Work was hell. Everyone either saw that damned article online or in the paper. The Sustainable Seattle kiss went viral. Dinner at Canlis was photographed and included in the society pages. I tell Hannah and Prescott to keep everyone out of my office unless they have an appointment. I'm not discussing Christian. Kate emailed "whoo hoo!" Elliot commented: "Everyone wants to know when you're getting engaged." Mia sent a 3. Christian sent an email: "We've been outed." My Mother sent an email complimenting my dress and shoes; but suggested my hair should have been a bit more polished for such a posh place as Canlis. She is also thrilled beyond words … Sheesh. Dad emailed to relate he told Mom my love life was something I didn't discuss with him…so she should ask me any questions she has.

Just before lunch; all hell broke loose. "They aren't on your schedule," Hannah panicked.

"Who isn't on my schedule?" I asked, wondering where Prescott is.

"The personal shoppers," Hannah said. "You didn't tell me; they aren't on the schedule."

"Shawn and Harley?" I asked.

"Is that their names?" She asked.

"Well, it's more of a joke, than their titles," I said.

"Shall I bring them up? Are you trying on clothes and jewelry in your office, or do you want a conference room?"

My phone beeped. "Just a minute," I asked Hannah while answering Prescott's call. "What's up?" I asked.

"I though you hated shopping," Prescott said.

'I do hate shopping; which is why Shawn goes shopping for me." I explained.

"It's not Shawn," Prescott said. "It's two women from Nieman Marcus, a Caroline Acton and Rachelle Rogers. It's a Mathias Herriot from Cartier's. They all have phone orders from Mr. Grey. The ladies have a rolling rack of evening gowns and a rolling footlocker of lingerie and accessories. The man has a rolling footlocker of jewelry."

"Prescott; you'd better call Taylor and find out what is going on – because if I call Mr. Grey – I will plant a verbal knee in his junk."

Thirty minutes later Prescott appears at my office. "Mr. Grey didn't do this. Nieman Marcus and Cartier were pranked by fake orders this morning. Someone claiming to be Andrea, Mr. Grey's P.A. ordered evening gowns and jewels to be delivered to you this morning. He called Andrea; she smoothed it over with them. However, they passed a paparazzi gauntlet to bring items into the building. Of course they told the press how thrilled they were because Mr. Grey had chosen their companies to help dress Miss Steele. Mr. Grey said he'll have Barney try to keep it out of the press."

 _FMTT_ , I shook my head. "Hannah, lunch please for all of us. Let's try to develop a casebook so we know what to do about things like this." I hand her my debit card. "If it gets any weirder here today; I'm taking my work and going home."

 **XX**

Tonight is my home inspection. I sigh, _SERIOUSLY_? At least the closet organizers are in place and I'm using them properly. Please don't let Cassie bring the _Seattle Nooz_ article and request an autograph.

"I approve of your fall/winter wardrobe capsule. You might want another pair of boots, not to wear to work, but to wear in snow and bad weather. Did you develop a spring/summer capsule?" Cassie asked.

"I have pictures and started a list of ensembles. I've been buying spring items. I need to create a list of casual summer items I need." I said, handing over my spring/summer binder with pictures. "It's stored in the closet in the office." I took her to see my spring/summer wardrobe.

"Sixty pieces should be adequate for a six-month work wardrobe if you just count clothes, not shoes, not accessories. Plan another twenty pieces for a summer casual wardrobe. Stick to blue hues, powerful pinks and clear reds. I think pastels would wash you out. You can probably carry off beige with your skin tone. I approve of your choice of natural fabrics, but rayon is very popular for spring and summer." Cassie talks, I take notes.

"I don't like the way rayon feels on my skin, or how it needs ironing, or it seems to shrink very time I wash it." I explained.

She handed me the yellow tulip dress and the green tulip dress. "I'm not sure about colors. Please model these." She continued to go through the closet while I changed into the dresses. She approved of the emerald green color, but not the shape of the dresses. She said the Channel peep toes could exchange with the nude heels when I wear the emerald pencil skirt and shirt, but she recommends donating them instead.

She weeded a white short-sleeve silk shirt from the closet. "The fabric near the buttons is shiny; which means it's been worn a lot. Donate the tulip dresses and this shirt to charity. You have a good start with your photo cards; shuffle them around to get the fullest list of combinations possible." Cassie recommended. Tonight's lesson is light, basic, natural makeup. She observes my dressing table on the wall between the closet and the bathroom. "You need to move your dressing table closer to the window," She recommended.

"Thank you for your suggestion, but it's not going to happen. I don't sit in my underwear at the dressing table or get dressed in front of an open window." I said.

Cassie marked a list of personal appliances I should have – including a magnifying, _I'm gonna be a star,_ mirror with natural lighting. She says I need sable makeup brushes and good concealer. She throws my $1.98 concealer in the trash. She approves of the white wicker 12x12 tray holding my selection of designer perfume samples, bottle of my regular scent and scant makeup supplies. She notes the expiration dates on everything and I'm saved since I bought almost all of it new for taking her class.

 _I remember Kate putting makeup on me the night we went drinking …come to think of it…Christian must have washed my face…because I don't remember leaving makeup on his pillow. All the things that cunning Dominant learned…and I struggle to learn to walk in high heels. FMTT._

"Your lip glosses are adequate. You might look for tinted lip balms to keep your lips moisturized during the winter and summer. If you continue to be in the media with Mr. Grey; your personal grooming has to be impeccable. When you consider hiring a personal assistant, I can help you. I have questionnaires and contacts."

"After your makeup lesson, I will teach you three quick hairstyles, with braids which are very in right now." Cassie teaches me about makeup and when I exhibit the ability to create a decent smoky eye; we go on to hair. She swears I can wear light and fresh makeup for the next decade. That makes me very happy.

Cassie's impressed with the three-drawer white wicker container holding my hair accessories, brush and comb. Before Cassie leaves; I have mastered the braid headband. I have mastered the bun wrapped with a braid and the braided bun. Part of me is rebellious…I like ponytails. I just won't wear them around Cassie. Once I'm not a client; I won't care if my picture is taken with a ponytail or not. I seriously think about cutting off my hair. There has to be something positive about a wash and wear hair style.

I'm stressed; Cassie wants me to find fourteen hairstyles on the internet and download them with directions. She wants me to practice one hairstyle a week until I can master each one in under ten minutes. What she does not know is I won't pick a style with more than five steps. She wants me to research bridal hairstyles and have an idea of what I would like to wear. I explain that has to wait until we buy bridesmaid dresses.

We talk about the wedding; I ask Cassie to preview the bridesmaid gown pictures. I need recommendations about what to buy. She weeds four of my dozen pictures and then numbers the rest in order of what she feels is appropriate to my body size. She goes to my spring closet and names off half a dozen outfits which would be acceptable to wear to wedding planning meetings or dinners with the families. I am a dutiful student…I take notes.

"My menu for Friday night, March 23. I'm making my signature dish: lasagna." I handed the menu to Cassie. I handed her an invitation for critiquing also. "Let's discuss Friday night…"

"You hated this round of classes, didn't you?" Cassie asked.

"I've appreciated the various social scenarios I might encounter. However, when it came to defending myself; I relied on techniques taught me by my Father. Plus, while I needed Friday night to teach me about small talk with a crowd of people, I will not dance with strangers again. Especially since I've been outed as being with Christian."

"I appreciated you having dinner with Mr. Grey last night. It was the best example I could give this group about the importance of social dining." Cassie said. "I noticed neither of you reacted to the pictures being taken of you."

"We will be spending a lot of time in the public eye; especially between now and the wedding," I said. "Let's discuss the April and May dance classes." I paused. "Mary arranged for me to see her every other week from now on. I have too many things to do as the wedding approaches. I have to lighten my schedule to make time for Christian." As it is, I have about a thirty-minute window before he Skypes me.

 **XX - CPOV**

Once our Skype is connected, we get the elephant out of the room first. "We were punked?" Ana repeated after my explanation. "We were punked by Elena Lincoln?"

"It has to be Elena. Andrea knows my account information at Nieman Marcus and Cartier but she wouldn't do this. Elena would do it because she's pissed that we're in the news. I fixed it with both stores and we have a code now. Unless they get a call from a man…me…who has the code…they don't send anyone anywhere with anything. I had to remind them of their NDAs. They aren't supposed to discuss my business with the world." I explain.

"So this won't happen in the future?" She asked.

"I hope not," I said, "But just to be on the safe side, security is beefing up their protocols about deliveries to either you or me."

"Sounds like a plan," Ana said.

We have a great conversation after that - no business, no wedding, no therapy and no family. I suggest we play a game of "I wish you were here because…" I will roll the alphabet dice and whatever letter I get; I say something. She will take either the before or after letter for her response. I roll and get an A.

"I wish you were here because I'd spend the night adoring you," I started.

"I wish you were here because I'd spend the night brushing up against you," she said.

I roll and get an O. "I wish you were here because I'd spend the night ogling you," I said.

"I wish you were here because I'd spend the night necking with you," she said.

I roll and get an E. "I wish you were here because I'd spend the night eye-fucking you," I said.

"I thought you were doing that already," she laughed. She's wearing a flirty little satin sleep shirt and matching panties…and she's laying on her bed in my favorite reading pose.

 _God, it's going to be a long week until I'm back in her arms._


	51. Chapter 51

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 51 –** "Never interrupt your enemy when he's making a mistake." Napoleon Bonaparte

 **March 23 – CPOV**

I'm having dinner at Ana's condo after my therapy session. She entertained her class tonight with her excellent lasagna. One of her classmates is out of town; so she was thrilled to have the exact number of plates and chairs for everyone. She said she'll wait to eat dessert with me. The tour of her condo is short and sweet. The view off the balcony is nice…not as exceptional as Escala, but nice. I always liked it. She's made the condo very comfy and very Ana…it really was an Elliot man-cave before. I'm glad to see the wineglass tables are gone and ditto with the wine rack. I open the wine and pour. Ana has an antipasti plate ready for me. She nibbles what I offer her. A few bites, a glass of wine and I carry her off to bed.

 **XX**

"Are you starving," Ana asked. "Dinner was ready," she looked at the clock. "Six hours ago."

"I love cold lasagna," I said.

"Come on," she said. "I've got salad, bread, veggies, lasagna, dessert, wine…"

"So what is this round of courses?" I asked.

"Entertaining. Tonight was dinner at my condo. Tomorrow is lunch at a classmate's place; dinner at another. Sunday is brunch at another classmate's place. We're learning to create a proper invitation with R.S.V.P. and a seating chart; selecting, tasting and pouring wine; menu planning plus cooking and presenting a signature meal." She laughed. "We had a glassware quiz…what I thought was a juice glass was a highball glass. So I learned what a highball is…"

"Shot, mixer, served over ice in a tall glass," I said and she nodded.

"I had no idea what a coupe glass is. I guessed a dessert glass to hold ice cream, but it's like a margarita or daiquiri glass. Then we had a silverware quiz…it was very _Downton Abbey_." She laughed again.

"You feel you need this because?" I asked gently. I don't want her to get defensive.

"I need to plan a birthday party for Kate and I need to help Mia with planning the bridal showers. It's not like grilling fish and making potato salad for half a dozen of Dad's vet buddies over the Fourth of July." She explained. "The good thing is…one more weekend of classes. Then I start dance lessons."

We eat dinner at four in the morning and her lasagna is fucking delicious. I'm feeding her, she's feeding me, we're kissing…and I know what I want for dessert. I grab her out of the chair and carry her back to the bedroom. Her yoga exercises have made her toned and her stamina…oh my god. We've been able to engage in some physically taxing sexual positions. I've never really cared for guy-on-the-bottom positions because I never wanted my submissives to touch me. But, I want Ana to touch me…she's fucking incredible. I never thought I would say it…but my skin sings and I don't need a flogger to achieve that. I need Ana.

Before we drift off to sleep, we make plans for the weekend. I'll work while she has classes…and then we'll spend quality time with one another at Escala. We're scheduled to be at Grey Manor for dinner Sunday night. After that we'll go back to Escala. Monday morning workout in my gym at Escala, shower, eat breakfast together and travel to work together…I am a happy man. I just have to make sure my girl is happy too.

 **March 27 - CPOV**

Mia via Grey Calendars coordinated this book launch in Las Vegas with Grey Publishing's PR and Marketing departments –PR, invitations, venues, food, drinks, books for the author to sign, photographer and swag bags for attendees. I'm attending, not just as the owner of Grey Publishing, but as Ana's significant other who wants some down time with his girl.

Mia arranged a suite for Ana and me and one for her with one of her staff. Her suite will be headquarters for the launch. Maxwell Roach, much to my relief, was housed on a different floor with the rest of his staff. Mia arranged recreation events for just Ana and me. After the Bellagio launch, we are scheduled for a helicopter tour of the Grand Canyon, followed by a night helicopter tour of Las Vegas, followed by dinner and dancing. We will hide out in our suite Wednesday morning with room service, attend an author luncheon at Texas Station, lounge by the pool that afternoon and have dinner followed by a comedy club tour. Thursday we'll hide out in our suite with room service in the morning, followed by another author luncheon at Sporting Chance sporting goods store, followed by local TV and radio interviews with the author and then we're on the plane back to Seattle.

I asked Mia to give me a list of appropriate wear for three days for Ana. I faxed it to Caroline Acton, asking it to be packed and delivered to Escala on Monday before the event.

 **XX – APOV**

"That one's for Miss Steele," Taylor took something out of the back of Christian's SUV.

"What's for Miss Steele?" I come around the front of Christian's SUV. I have my briefcase and hobo bag. Prescott is behind me with my suitcase and toiletries case. I didn't spend the night with Christian because he had a late dinner meeting followed by an early morning videoconference at Grey House. Consequently, I didn't ride with Christian this morning. I stopped in at Grey Publishing and handled an author meltdown which means I'm just now on time to board the flight and take off.

Since I was alone last night; I invited Harley and Shawn over for dinner…and begged Shawn to help me pack for the trip. I went over the itinerary with him; telling him my suggestions. I completed a Style Soduku. He approved of everything, but recommended a light jacket in case Las Vegas evenings were cooler than expected. With the help of space bags, Mia's itinerary and a Cassie-recommended clothing steamer – I have work clothes, casual clothes, underwear, sleepwear, accessories, jewelry, toiletries, etc. After Shawn and Harley left, I added feminine protection products and another dozen pairs of panties. My ass will be covered if that man decides to shred or melt my panties.

"Suitcase for you," Taylor pointed at a large suitcase. "Mia's," he pointed at two suitcases and toiletries case. "Boss's," he pointed at a suitcase, gym bag and garment bag. "We've put the other GP and GC staff suitcases onboard."

"There must be a mistake," I said. "Prescott and I have my things."

"That was delivered to Escala yesterday for you from your personal shopper at Nieman Marcus." Taylor explained.

Christian appeared from the plane. "Good, you're on time, we can go."

"Step away Taylor," I said. "Step away Prescott."

They set luggage down and put some distance between Christian and me.

"Am I being punked again?" I asked Christian, pointing to the large, animal print, designer suitcase.

"I bought some clothes for you for our trip," he shrugged; looking at me like I've lost my mind.

"Not now, on the tarmac in front of your employees and not on the plane in front of your employees, but certainly when we are alone in our suite in Las Vegas …Ana, your girlfriend. wants to have a discussion with Christian, her boyfriend. In the meantime, Ana Steele, your employee, will remain noncombative." I walk to the plane as gracefully as possible, considering how angry I am with him.

"Welcome aboard, Miss Steele," the captain addresses me. "I'm Stephan, your captain; Jane, our first officer; and Natalia, our flight attendant. We shake hands. "Please turn off all electronics if you haven't done so," Natalia hovers to take my purse and briefcase and stow them for me. Mr. Roach shakes my hand and I speak briefly to Marketing and PR reps before Mia captures me to sit next to her. Natalia offers beverages and Mia and I take water.

 _I have a valid reason to be upset with Christian over the clothes and the personal shopper. I do not consider accusatory thoughts about Christian's brunette flight attendant. I will not ask jealous girlfriend questions. Whoa…that was an epiphany to email to Mary._

Everyone comments about how beautiful the jet is…and I realize …this is my first trip on the GEH jet. Once we are airborne and free to move about; Mia gives me a quick tour while Christian goes to the security office with Taylor. She tells a great story of how Christian had to soundproof the office and bedroom cabin, not because he yells at people on his smart phone ( _yeah right_ ) but because Elliot snores like a bear with a bad tooth.

 **XX**

Amazingly, when we arrive at the Bellagio, the tacky animal print suitcase is not in sight and is not put on the bell captain's cart to be taken to our suite. I wonder if Taylor left it on the plane. I retrieve my work phone and hand off my purse and briefcase to Prescott.

Mia, her helper and I don't bother to go to our suites. We're in the convention center checking everything for the launch. Mia hands me a Grey Publishing T-shirt – grey, of course, with black lettering. I peel off my blazer and pull the T-shirt on over my long-sleeve white shirt. She hands me a convention lanyard with my name, title, company, etc. I'm to make sure not to lose my lanyard as I need it for the next three days. The author arrives and Mia covers the itinerary with him. He will be on a small dais in the corner, with grey pipe and drape units creating a backdrop. Boxes of his books to sign are under the draped table. Mia has a six-foot banner printed with the name of his book, _Saved by a Belt Buckle_. It is printed with the dust jacket for the book and the Grey Publishing logo.

Mia arranged a PowerPoint presentation for the book. The author, addicted to gimmicky belt buckles since he was a teen, had his identity stolen from him via a break-in at his home. Consequently, he lost his home, car and bank accounts due to the theft. The thief even claimed his income tax refund the year after his ID was stolen. He's paid $10,000 to have his credit restored; but he says he's on year three of the project and anticipates it will take a full decade to right the wrongs. One of his belt buckles concealed a USB drive where he kept copies of his important papers, like birth certificate, parents' death certificates, marriage and divorce papers, bank account information, scanned copies of income tax forms and refunds, etc. Additionally; he paid for a fingerprint/palm scan and scanned it and his passport to the drive. It was a lark to him to see how much information he could fit on the drive…but it would save him, inspire him to write a book and become financially independent after his loss. Now he advocates putting all information in a safety deposit box and keeping the key locked away in a panic room of your home. Additionally, he keeps a copy of the police report from the burglary and the police report of his stolen identity on the USB drive.

One corner held the bar manned by _Have a Belt_ servers. The servers, attired in grey pants and white shirts, wore a shot belt drink dispenser. One corner held _Belt Burgers_. Their signature burger is a BELT Burger - bacon, egg, lettuce and tomato on a third-pound Angus burger. _Las Vegas Belt Buckle_ occupied the other corner. They are coordinating a belt buckle contest where the largest and heaviest belt buckle entry wins a gift certificate to Sporting Chance sporting goods store, which is another of the sponsors for the next three days. The attendee swag bags include different novelty belt buckles and " _Have a Belt_ " shot glasses.

Christian opened the event by introducing everyone – I waved to the crowd when he introduced me as a copy editor for Grey Publishing. I don't know when the event started to wind down; I was busy putting books up on the table for the author to sign and restarting the PowerPoint presentation. The launch was supposed to take two hours, but because of Christian's presence, it stretched because of the never ending lines of business people who wanted to meet him, invite him to dinner, breakfast, lunch or coffee. He finally left the convention center after three hours. The author, Grey Calendars and Grey Publishing finally left the convention center four hours later, leaving Bellagio staff to tear down and transport items up to Mia's suite for tomorrow's event at Texas Station.

Prescott gave me a key card to the suite and suggested I tuck it in the back of my lanyard so I don't lose it. I quietly entered our suite. Christian was on the phone to Ros. I pointed at the bathroom and disappeared. OMG…a huge Jacuzzi tub welcomed me. I started a hot bubble bath. I pinned my hair up and sank down into the very hot water and the decadent bubbles. My bones are melting in the tub. I didn't realize how tired I was. I've been on go since six this morning and it's now after four o'clock.

"May I come in?" Christian asked gently, leaning against the doorway.

"It will cost you something cold to drink and a couple of ibuprophen." I said.

He came back with a glass of cold white wine and the tablets for me. I gratefully take them and thank him.

"Can I join you?" He asked.

"It will cost you…" I said.

He looked at me warily.

"I'm going to ask a question and if you answer it to my satisfaction, you get to take off a piece of clothes. When you are naked, you get to join me." I said.

"Acceptable," he said.

"After this last week of every want-to-be personal assistant, personal shopper, jewelry designer and clothing designer leaving messages, emails or mail for me at Grey Publishing…after this week of every asshole tabloid in the universe calling me a gold-digger or a grunge…why would you have your personal shopper send clothes for me to Escala? Didn't you think I would feel like I'm being punked…again?"

"I wasn't sure you knew the itinerary; I wanted to make sure you had everything you needed," Christian explained.

"Mia sent me the itinerary. I packed accordingly," I said. "Okay, shoes first."

He stripped, obligingly.

"Were there really only three days of clothes in that suitcase? I mean, it was huge – big enough for a family of four immigrating to the United States." I almost laughed.

"Don't exaggerate," Christian sighed. "Three days of work clothes, three days of casual clothes, three days of _play_ clothes," he winked lasciviously. "Plus three days of lingerie and sleepwear, accessories and shoes." He smirked. "There was three days of kinkery fuckery toys in there also, but they didn't take up that much space."

I shook my head. "Really? That tacky animal print suitcase, which is bigger than anyone else's suitcase… contained _three_ days of clothes for me? My suitcase has five days of clothes, accessories, toiletries and a clothes steamer plus two weeks of panties in case you decided to destroy every pair of panties I put on." I asked.

"A man can hope, Anastasia." He said, taking a drink of his wine. "Socks?" He pointed at his feet.

"Yes, I think so. Have I told you how sexy I think your feet are?" I asked.

"Is that a real question?" He chuckled.

"No, it was just ninny Ana wondering why every part of your body is so gorgeous." I sighed.

"It's just a pretty face baby which is obviously attached to a ninny Christian." He sighed. "Why did the clothes upset you so much?"

"Well…several reasons. I hate animal prints. I hated them before I knew Mrs. Lincoln adored them. The suitcase was HUGE. You bought me clothes after I was punked. Plus…" my voice drifted off.

"Plus?" He asked.

"You embarrassed me. I'm trying to be professional and do a job half the universe thinks you gave to me because we're sleeping together…and the other half is holding their breath to see how fast you'll fire me when I fall flat on my face."

"They don't think that!" Christian argued.

"Yes they do…ask Robb Loeder to show you letters about working with _Grey's flavor of the month_. I just don't want to be known as Christian Grey's gold-digging girlfriend. I intend to earn my achievements…not have them handed to me or have people think I got them through my association with you."

"You'd rather be known as my beard?" He chuckled. "Everyone is so sure I'm gay and you're just camouflage. They bash me and tell me I'm a prick for using a sweet innocent girl like you to cover my secret. Taylor and Welch try to keep the worst ones away from me; but I do read security reports."

"Look; I know I'm not Kate or Mia…and I know I have a world of people who look at me and wonder what I'm doing with you. I'm trying to learn to walk, dance and dress appropriately so I won't be embarrassed at Kate's pre-wedding and wedding events. I was looking forward to showing you some of what I've learned, to make you proud of me. But, without discussing it with me, you buy a huge suitcase of clothes…even bigger than ones Mia was bringing. All I could think was I embarrass you…and then I became angry because you embarrassed me with that damn suitcase. I told you…I'm not one of your previous women. I don't want clothes, jewels, electronics and cars. We still haven't talked about your closet of submissive clothes."

"I think you are overthinking the situation." He said.

"I overthink; that's how I process things…do I embarrass you?" I asked.

"NO, I think you are lovely, possibly the most honest, beautiful creature in the world." Christian protested. "Why do you have such a low opinion of yourself?"

"Why do you have such a low opinion of yourself?" I asked. "Sometimes I think you wouldn't want me if you weren't…"

"Flawed?" He asked mirthlessly. "I know the real Christian Trevelyan Grey. I know I have flaws. I also know you are a goddess and I don't deserve you. I want you…I want you more than anything I've ever wanted in my life."

"I know I have flaws too and I'm working on that. I know I'm not adept about fashion, or hairstyles, or how to apply makeup for different events, or how to put shirt A with pants B and jacket C with purse D and shoes E and look like the supermodel you deserve to have on your arm."

"GOD," He thunders. "Do you know how pretty, smart, funny, irreverent and sexy you are?"

"I might be smart, but I'm really dumb when it comes to you." I rested my chin on my knees, my hands wrapped around them.

"Not dumb baby. You are the first person to see the real me…the day I met you…I felt you could see to my soul…see how damaged I was…see how unworthy my thoughts were." He stripped off the rest of his clothes and got into the tub behind me, pulling me to him. "I wanted you; that smile; that pouty pink mouth. The first time I saw you, yes, you were badly dressed, but I intended to call Caroline Acton the first chance I had. I knew you deserved to be dressed in silk and satin. I still feel the same way. I told you…I can't stay away from you so will you please stop running?"

He turned me around to look at him. "I took classes in how to dress, order wines, order food, art and music history and appreciation, how to dress a woman, how to undress a woman, how to massage a woman and how to dance. You might think I'm polished, but it took time. Mia had my mother and grandmother to guide her, in addition to the time she lived in Paris. Kate had Celeste and all the models who worked for her. Carla dresses beautifully now, but she wore jeans and t-shirts when you were growing up…didn't she?"

I nodded.

"Also, I don't think Ray Steele knows anything about designers, fashion and runways. I think it's spectacular you know so much about woodworking, woods, paints, ropes…" he wiggled his eyebrows. "I know you don't want to hear this…but if you are willing to work with Caroline Acton, she will help you figure out your wardrobe. She can find someone to help you with your hair and your makeup for important things – which Las Vegas is not." Christian said.

"Did she dress the fifteen?" I asked in a small voice.

"She suggested, I approved or disapproved. The clothes were delivered. Mrs. Jones hung them or put them in drawers. When we terminated; Mrs. Jones emptied the room and shipped it to the submissive." Christian's eyes softened a little. "Do you want a personal shopper other than Caroline Acton?"

"I don't want a personal shopper at all; but since I don't like to shop…someone should have the fun of coordinating wardrobes for me." My voice faded off. "Look, my Mother tries to dress me, Kate tries to dress me; Mia tries to dress me. Plus, I have Shawn. If I must have a personal shopper; can't I keep him? He teaches me about fabrics and styles and all kinds of things – plus he's incredible at doing my hair and makeup." I plead.

"I'd rather you didn't. It's not entirely because I'm jealous of him dressing you. Part of it is…" Christian swallowed hard. "He makes me uncomfortable.'

"You don't like being ogled?" I laughed.

"It makes me uncomfortable. Plus, if it were someone other than Stanton or Harrison who was eye-fucking me; you'd be jealous." Christian said. "I know you don't like Franco, because of the association with Elena. However, he's not associated with Elena anymore. He's running the Esclava Salons until the IRS sells them. I think Franco will buy the Post Alley Salon. If you aren't comfortable with him cutting my hair, I can find someone else. However, he's familiar with both Grey House and Escala so he can come to me when needed. I trust him not to touch."

"Did he work on the fifteen?" I asked quietly.

"Probably," Christian admitted.

"I have no problem with you using him. I'd rather not use him. I like Serena at Aqua Spa. Can you vet her so I can use her in the future?" I asked.

"I will get Welch right on that. You're sure she won't mess up your hair by ogling me?" Christian asked.

"I don't think she will; but we can ask. If she can't keep her eyes to herself, I can find someone else." I promise. "Nice deflecting; but we need to talk about the closet."

"Will you allow me to keep one week of clothes – work, casual, sleepwear – in my closet for you?" He asked.

"If the clothes I've already worn are included; I can live with keeping a week's worth of clothes – I'll let you choose what you would like me to wear. It will help me choose clothes you like in the future." I offered. "I got lots of compliments from Kate and Mia about the chocolate casual outfit. I never thought brown would look good on me, but it did. Plus, Cassie complimented the green dress. However, they all warned me I can only be photographed three times in an outfit. Will you donate the clothes I don't keep to your mom's charity? It would make me feel better." I said.

"Consider it done," Christian promised. "I can't return them; they are last season's clothes."

"I don't know much about clothes…but does classic have a season?" I asked, pointedly. "Let's change the subject before I go off on a tangent about why braids are so popular right now."

"You know what the best thing about this bathtub is?" Christian asked.

"No," I said quietly

"No paparazzi. No one but you and me and two sets of bare skin." He pulled me close and kissed me. "I had Mia cancel our extra itinerary. I don't feel like dealing with the media. Let's soak, drink some wine and remember what we like about each other…and then order up steak dinners from room service, drink some more wine and make some ' _what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas'_ memories. I love you, Ana…"

 **XX**

In a well-used neighborhood bar in Felony Flats, a regular customer watched the news. The highlight of the evening news was the book launch held at the Bellagio which ran an extra three hours because everyone wanted the opportunity to meet Christian Grey. A few minutes of his opening remarks were shown on tape – causing the customer to sit up and take notice of the author and the petite brunette working with him. He moved to the outdoor beer garden and reached for his phone. He called the Bellagio and waited through several transfers before he finally talked to an informed source who told him about the second book signing at Texas Station and a third book signing at Sporting Chance, a sporting goods store.

 **March 28 – CPOV**

I observe her inert body. She is naked from our tryst. The sheet barely skims the top of her ass, and one leg sticks out in the cool night air. Her curves call to me. I want to take her again; bury myself in her. But she talks in her sleep; which makes me pause.

"Stop it," she said. "I'm not beautiful; elegant; or charming…I'm just Ana."

Just Ana? I wish she knew how much light she brings to my life. I want to protect her…and I want to ravage her. Ropes…I imagine prolonging our anticipation by carefully restraining her spread eagle. But I have no ropes with me and she needs her sleep…so I might as well sleep also. I'm thankful she let me retrieve lingerie and toys from the 'tacky' suitcase. I fall asleep thinking about designer teddies…maybe Agent Provocateur in plum, navy and virginal white.

 **March 29 – APOV**

"We're done for the day," I told Prescott after the author shook my hand goodbye. He promised to be available if there were issues. We managed to sell three times the number of books we thought we would need. After the crowd on Day One; Mia ordered a double shipment sent overnight to the Bellagio.

'Back to Bellagio?" Prescott asked. "Or are we helping break down?"

'All done," I sighed. "I'll be in for the rest of the night. Let's go." I waved goodbye at Mia who coordinated the break down.

Prescott escorted me from the outdoor marquee tent to the SUV parked in the employee parking lot behind the building. "Sawyer checked both SUVs. We're good to go." She led the way to the SUV. I followed my standard ten paces behind. She opened the back door for me. Just before I reached the SUV, a figure in dark clothes darted around the front of the SUV and applied a Taser to Prescott's neck. "RUUUU…" she spoke as her body bucked and sagged to the ground. The figure reached over and removed her gun, tucking it in his pocket and slamming the door shut.

I recognized him and turned to run, thanking God I was wearing Converse. He was faster than I anticipated. Grabbing me by the waist, he lifted me off the ground. "Struggle…please…it's a turn on." His breath stank. He smelled like old cigarettes and stale beer. My body screamed at me to fight. My mind flipped through the Master Sergeant Raymond Steele handbook. I let my body go limp like I passed out. That meant he struggled to keep me upright and airborne. I bent my head low and snapped it back; head-butting Stephen Morton…listening to the satisfying crunch of bone and cartilage. I broke that son-of-a-bitch's nose!

He howled and shoved me away from him. He dropped the Taser and cradled his nose. I braced my hands for a fall and righted myself, taking off running. I couldn't shout because I needed the air I gasped into my lungs. He tackled me from behind, scraping my left shoulder and ear on the asphalts. He flipped me on my back and sat on my chest; cutting off my air supply.

"Welcome to Las Vegas, you stupid bitch. I've often wondered if our paths would cross again. While kidnap and rape sounds like a lot of fun… it works out better if you are my little pay day. How much are you worth to Christian Grey?" Stephen pulled a piece of duct tape from his windbreaker and applied it to my mouth. He applied another piece of duct tape to my wrists, binding them together. Stephen yanked me to my feet. "If you fight me; I'll beat you bloody. I estimate I have eight minutes to get you out of this parking lot before your bodyguard is functional. Move your ass…" he hissed.

I stumbled back a step or two; recognizing a look of triumph on his face. I jumped in the air; taking a flying leap at his crotch; connecting with the boys. I endeavored to thrust them up and into his throat. He screamed and sank to his knees, holding his crotch and gasping and sobbing. I fell onto my back; whiplashing my neck. I didn't pause, I turned to my knees, stood and ran, yanking the duct tape off my mouth as I ran, screaming " _FIRE_ ". A shot whizzed past the top of my right shoulder, and I screamed louder. " _FIRE_ ".

"STOP. POLICE…DROP THE GUN!" A jeans-clad, corduroy-jacketed young woman aimed her gun in my direction.

A second shot singed my right thigh; taking me down mid-stride. I collapsed and my head bounced off the asphalt.

She shouted again at Stephen Morton before she shot her gun three times. I felt air moving past me as his body fell to the ground. I groaned as she flew past me, kicking Prescott's gun out of his hand. She flipped me over and checked my pulse. "Are you alright?" She turned her head at the shout of another officer. "Ambulance and backup!" She shouted back at him as a sound roared in my ears as I passed out.

 **XX**

"Ray," Matt Olsen, the Montesano sheriff, appeared in the doorway of his workshop. "Las Vegas Metro called. Ana's been involved in an incident. Someone tried to kidnap her. She received a flesh wound at the top of her right thigh. She has various scrapes and a concussion. She's at Sunrise Hospital in Las Vegas. Her room is being guarded by LV Metro. We received a follow-up call from Christian Grey's security team. There's a helicopter setting down at the high school football field for you in the next twenty minutes. Once the helicopter lifts off, it will be at least twenty minutes before it sits down at Boeing Field. There's a private jet waiting for you. Flight time Seattle to Las Vegas is two hours and thirty minutes. When the plane sets down at McCarran Field; there will be a helo to take you to Sunrise Hospital. You should see Annie within the next four hours. Best pack light and fast."

"I have a go bag packed already," _Grab go bag, cell and wallet; lock everything up; call Laura; find out if Annie's kidnapping is national news; call Carla after seeing Annie._ Ray had a game plan.

 **XX**

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Ana snapped at Christian. "I don't take orders…not from you…not from security. I will not fire Prescott; who was attacked also. I do have a sense of self-preservation! I defended myself. I'm not a fragile flower who requires your protection! I'm an educated woman who has her own opinions and who has been taught self-defense. Just so you know…IF I could have gotten Prescott's gun…I would have shot that son-of-a-bitch myself."

"IF you weren't so goddamned stubborn; you would have had adequate security!" Christian yelled.

"Go ahead…play Monday-morning quarter back! You weren't there! You have no clue what happened!" Prescott argued. "I warned her to run the moment that bastard hit me with the Taser. I blame you for this…Mr. Mega-Billions! He was attempting to kidnap her in order to get his hands on your money."

"I'm capable of defending myself, Prescott," I cast a steely eye at Christian. "I need to take a pain pill for my head and my flesh wound. You are cordially invited to leave my room. I'm not putting up with you yelling at me!"

Christian crossed his arms stubbornly over his chest and glared at me.

I reached for the call button.

"Can I help you?" A disembodied voice asked.

"My head hurts. Can I have a pain pill yet…and send hospital security to talk to my body guard."

Christian stomped from the room. I heard him yelling at Taylor and Sawyer about guarding my hospital room.

 **XX**

"Quit staring at him and get your ass in here!" Prescott snapped at the nurse who loitered at the door; eye-fucking Christian instead of checking Ana's vital signs. "Can she have a pain pill yet?"

The nurse scowled at Prescott before talking. "Light dose…we have to check her every hour for the next 24 hours. She can't have anything which will render her completely unconscious. The pain pills will take the edge off the pain; but will not eliminate it."

"Excuse me…I'm the patient and the person you should be addressing." I snapped at her.

Prescott muttered, "The biggest pain in her life is in the hallway."

"Out," I said, trying not to laugh at Prescott. "I need time for the pain pills to take effect. I need you to guard the door and keep him out."

 **XX**

Ray heard raised voices as he rounded the corner to Annie's room. Grey and a woman with an LV Metro shield attached to her belt were standing four feet apart. Prescott blocked Annie's door with the police officer as frontline defense. Grey was flanked by Sawyer and Taylor.

"Anyone mind telling me what is going on?" Ray asked.

'He yelled at her. Ana has a headache from the concussion. She threw him out of her room." Prescott announced.

"Do you want to tell me why you yelled at my Annie?" Ray asked.

"I'm tired of this shit of not being able to protect her!" Grey snapped. "If my people had been protecting her, that asshole wouldn't have had a chance to get to her." In his stress; Christian ran his fingers through his copper curls.

"BITE ME," Prescott said. "I told you! Taylor and Sawyer aren't impervious to Taser attacks. If you don't believe me…allow Officer Bonner to Taser their asses! I don't work for you. I work for Heaton Security who works for Ros Bailey. I was following protocol. I was attacked and incapacitated. Ana fought back. She broke her attempted kidnapper's nose and ruptured one of his testicles. She ran toward help. Officer Bonner heard her yell for help and heard the first gunshot. She identified herself and ordered him to drop the gun. He shot Ana and that's when Officer Bonner shot him dead. She stayed with Ana; called for a bus and transported us to the hospital. She has not left Ana vulnerable to another kidnapping attempt."

"I want to take her home now! Where she can be guarded at my home and cared for by my mother!" Christian yelled.

"Miss Steele will be released when the doctor allows it; not when you demand." Officer Bonner argued. "Now, are you going to willingly clear out of the hospital; or do I have to call LV Metro to have you removed? I will charge you with obstructing a police investigation!"

"How am I obstructing a police investigation?" Christian yelled at Bonner.

"I can't question her about the attempted kidnapping if you're out here creating a scene. Stephen Morton would not have attempted to kidnap her if you weren't the great, glorious Christian Grey! Thanks to you and the situation; the hospital security staff is being run ragged keeping media out of the hospital." Bonner snapped.

"Stephen Morton? Stephen Morton tried to kidnap my Annie?" Ray's face paled.

"Do you know him?" Bonner turned to Ray.

"My ex-wife's third husband. I rescued Annie from him. The bastard was terrorizing her when she was a teenager." Ray snarled. "You're sure it was him?" He nodded when Bonner showed him a picture. "I want to see my daughter.'

'She's all yours," Bonner said. "I have to report to LV Metro for an IA investigation. My partner and I were off duty and headed to Sporting Chance to pick up some new equipment he purchased. He accompanied the body to the morgue; I accompanied your daughter here."

"It sounds like a righteous shooting to me, but I'm just a concerned father." Ray said.

"I'll tell IA you said so," she smiled faintly before reaching for her phone as she walked away.

"Taylor, I'm going to see my Annie. Prescott, you have door duty. Grey, thank you for bringing me here to see my Annie; but until you can control your temper…you are persona non grata. I told you…cigarettes, beer and people yelling at Annie are her triggers. Those triggers were caused by the man who tried to kidnap her. She's already kicked one man in the balls today…do you want to be number two?" Ray turned his back on them and entered Annie's room.

 **XX**

"I'm not arguing with you, Grey," Ray said. "Ana asked that you and your crew go home. She is here until Saturday morning when I plan to escort her back to Seattle. We're going to her condo where she will rest. Please deliver her clothes to the hospital. She'll return to the office on Monday. She requested you leave her alone and let her heal."

 **March 30 – Newspaper Headlines**

 **Christian Grey's attempted elopement thwarted  
by attempted kidnapping of his girlfriend!**

 _Seattle Nooz_

 **Book launch with a bullet!  
** _Entertainment Weekly_

 **Was she in on the plot? Anastasia Steele's ex-stepfather shot and killed during attempted kidnapping!  
** _Las Vegas Sun_

 **Hearts are breaking on the West Coast!  
Grey and Steele spend week in Las Vegas!  
** _Las Vegas Sun_

 **XX - TPOV**

"Not just no, but hell no," Sela said firmly. "Until you work off your aggressions and tension, I'm not touching you. I don't care if you have to start over. I'm not touching you while you are in this mindset."

"God damn it!" Christian shouted. "Why is life fucking with me right now?"

"Come on," I grabbed Grey. "Let's run a few hundred laps around the building. When you've calmed down, I'll bring you back to Ms. Koch." I looked at her and she nodded.

"I have plenty of time tonight. I'll be here as long as I'm needed." She said.

"Ditto," John said. "I've talked to you twice since Ana's accident. I'll be here tonight until your session with Sela is over."

 **XX – 3PPOV**

"How bad was it?" Sela asked John.

"She won't talk to him. He stayed in Las Vegas until this morning – when he went back to her hospital room and demanded she return to Seattle with him. She told him to shove his demands, his attitude, and Taylor and Sawyer up his ass. She said she wasn't Rapunzel and she would not be locked away in his ivory tower. She yelled at him to remove his ass from her room or she was calling hospital security."

"Doesn't sound pretty," Sela said.

"It gets worse. Her dad barred him from the room also. He backed her decision to keep Prescott. Prescott offered Officer Bonner a new job as Ana's backup CPO. Christian called LV Metro and complained about Bonner's attitude. LV Metro gave Bonner grief about how she handled Grey. So Bonner gave LV Metro notice. She will fly back tomorrow with Prescott, Ana and Mr. Steele. Bonner will bunk in with Prescott until she finds a place of her own and has her Washington carry conceal permit. She has EMT training, so she's removing Ana's stitches on Thursday before she goes shopping for bridesmaid dresses. Ana angered Grey by sending all his flowers to nurses' stations in the hospital. Additionally, Mr. Steele is pro-Bonner because she's a doppelganger for Ana and they can play bait and switch sometimes." He looked at his watch. "I'm thinking another hour of running his ass off will calm him down enough for us to deal with him." John shook his head. "He's destroyed four phones in less than 24 hours."

"Sounds like her past and his money collided this time," Sela remarked. She handed John a pill packet. "Two melatonin tablets. Odorless, tasteless, not habit forming. Have Taylor put them in a glass of juice or bottle of water for him when he leaves here tonight." Sela said. "He's not sleeping and it's skewing his judgement."

 **XX - CPOV**

"All done," Sela covered me with a warm blanket. "Truth or dare time…how was it when I massaged around the scars?"

"I think you need to work the perimeter of number seven some more," I said. "I think it still feels tight."

She uses warm oil and works the periphery of the scar for several minutes. "Next week, I can start with warming the skin and loosening it with oil first. Then it might be ready for the peripheral massage with the rest of them. So, two weeks from tonight is the individual massage of your back scars followed by a full back massage? Do you feel ready?'

"Yes," I said. "We'll give it a try. If it doesn't work; can we do the perimeter massage?"

"Yes, but you're doing very well." Sela praised me. "Don't stress. You're exhausted, so please let me know if you have a night terror tonight." She gave John a questioning look and watched for a brief nod of his head.

 _I'm not doing for shit. How do I reconcile with Ana while I'm submersing my angst with work? I want people pissed off at me for good reasons… eviscerating their company, taking away their golden parachutes, teaching them how to treat their staff, showing them how to properly run a company. I don't need inquisitive paparazzi and media interfering in Ana and my life. This whole Stephen Morton situation damaged my security team's confidence. They are back to square one, investigating everyone from Ana's past, which includes her father's clients and VFW friends and her high school classmates. Additionally, they are investigating everyone they can find from Carla's past,_

 _John asked me if the situation with Ana would be eased by renaming and redecorating the submissive bedroom…since I got rid of the playroom. He suggests Ana may feel better if I donate the 'tacky animal print' suitcase and clothes. I will ask Mrs. Jones to go through the condo and anything which belongs to Ana, I want it cleaned and placed in my closet so she has clothes when she needs them. I also want Mrs. Jones to keep anything Ana's worn from the closet in case she wants to wear it again. After I pick a week of clothes and move them to my closet; I will ask Mrs. Jones to have the room emptied and everything donated to Mom's rummage sale. If I want to share my bed; I should share my closet and drawers in the bathroom. Perhaps that gesture will help diffuse Ana's anger toward me right now._

 _Work is decided; home is decided…now how in the hell do I get Ana to come back to me? I know she's upset. I know I was wrong to yell at her when she was hurt…but how do I tell her I was frantic with worry that she was hurt…that she might have been kidnapped…that I might not have gotten to her in time?_

 **March 31 – 3PPOV**

"More coffee?" Linc asked Elena, solicitously.

"What do you want Linc? I wasn't expecting an invitation to brunch, by the pool." Elena said uneasily. The spicy bloody mary had been made with quality vodka. Her usual breakfast of half a grapefruit with a lightly toasted and buttered whole wheat mini bagel was giving her heartburn.

Linc threw a handful of papers on the table. "Pretty girl," He commented. Pictures of Ana Steele at Las Vegas McCarran Airport graced several tabloids.

"Don't be such a motherfucker, Linc!" Elena snapped.

"Excuse me…I never fucked my mother. But it's obvious Grey has mommy issues since he's willing to fuck Mommy's best friend."

"Fuck you Linc!" Elena snapped.

"No, no, no…" he shook his finger at her. "Watch your mouth…you're living on my property. I'm just saying, if I preferred brunettes…I'd fuck Ana Steele. Beats having garage sex with an old slapper like you…or have you been re-virginated while getting plastic surgery and Botox? It must be hard to get young boys to fuck…I mean, if they want to fuck plastic…a blow-up doll is cheaper, they don't need permission to come, and they don't have to take a strap-on up the ass."

"I hope you catch a disease that doesn't wash off and that you die a painful death." Elena snapped again, throwing her napkin on the table. "Maybe you can get some of your sluts to dress up like Naughty Nurse Nancy and give you a sponge bath along with a case of VD."

"Behave like the gracious lady Grace Carrick is…or I will be forced to hire someone to whip your skank ass." Linc said. "I had forgotten how satisfying it is to verbally fuck with you." He grinned and applied himself to the eggs benedict, the New York strip steak and the extra-large spicy bloody mary. "If you want o leave my table…you have to ask permission. I may or may not grant it; but you WILL ask, politely, like a good little submissive should."


	52. Chapter 52

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 52 –** "Though I keep searching for an answer; I never seem to find what I'm looking for," Whitesnake, _Here I Go Again_

 **April 1 – APOV**

"So, are you covered if we go home?" Dad asked.

'Affirmative, sir!" I laughed. "I already told Mom I don't need Christian to fly her here to take care of me. You and Laura don't need to stay and hold my hand. We were supposed to go bridesmaid dress shopping yesterday. It's been postponed to Thursday night. Bonner will protect me." I laughed.

"Without a weapon?" Dad asked.

"She has a Taser, I have a gun and a conceal carry permit. Tomorrow she'll apply for one," I opened the front door. "Bonner, Dad wants to say goodbye."

"Thank you for saving my Annie," Dad shook her hand. "This is Laura Dennison, my fiancée."

"Ms. Dennison," Bonner shook her hand. "I've been read in by Heaton and Prescott. Miss Steele…"

"Ana…" I reminded her.

"Ana is home this week. I'm removing her stitches Thursday at noon." Bonner replied. "I know don't have Prescott's military training, but I practice mixed martial arts and specialize in Krav Maga. I will defend Ana."

"Thank you for watching over my Annie," Dad said, shaking her hand goodbye. "I'll call you when we get to Montesano," Dad and Laura kissed me goodbye.

"Do you mind coming in?" I asked Bonner. "I'm reading for a bit and then we'll have dinner. I'm taking a shower and then calling it a night."

"Works for me," Bonner said. "I'll research a refresher course in self-defense for you. Especially since we are surrounded by paparazzi out there."

"Monday is lunch with Ros Bailey at Capital Grille. Tuesday I have an appointment with my therapist, Mary Bayer at the Women's Health Center. I'll Skype with my Mom from her office. I'd like to introduce you to her. Wednesday my friends Shawn and Harley are coming to dinner. Thursday stitches, dinner with friends and bridesmaid gown shopping. I need you to take pictures of the dress we settle on; my Mom wants me to email it before bed Thursday night. Friday dance lesson. Saturday is Spring Fling from eight to four. Sunday begins Easter Week. Dad and Laura will be here for dinner Saturday night. I want to take them on a cruise which has Easter buffet. If you can research and get tickets for four of us; I'd appreciate it." I tell her, watching her update my calendar in her phone, my phone and syncing it with Prescott's phone.

"I'm making a run down to the concierge desk," Bonner said. "They said there are flowers, messages, etc. to be picked up."

"I don't want the flowers, arrange to have them delivered to Northwest Hospital, to common areas and nurses' stations. Take a picture of the bouquet and number the cards. I'll do a universal thank you when it's all over. I don't care about the messages, etc.' I shrugged.

"In other words, use my best discretion," Bonner grinned. "I suggest you do an online thank you via Kavanagh Media. Kate and her dad won't ask you a bunch of embarrassing questions."

"I'll let you think that until you meet Kate and learn otherwise," I laughed.

 **April 2 – APOV**

"First of all…are you alright?" R os asked. We're eating steak ceasar salads at Capital Grille.

"Flesh wound, right thigh. It will make me look tough on the beach," I admitted. "The concussion is gone; I guess I didn't hit my head as hard this time as I did at Halloween. I had a bad case of whiplash however. Bonner has been massaging my neck to relieve the symptoms. Dad went home Sunday. Thank you for Prescott. She saved me in more ways than one.'

"I read her report and your dad's comments. I'm in awe of you." Ros said. "Christian's pissed. Friday when he returned to GEH; he demanded I fire Prescott."

"Until Christian can talk decently to me then our communication ceases – no phones, no emails, no written notes, no Skyping and no face to face bullshit. Maybe that will teach him I won't put up with being yelled at," I said. "Please thank Heaton for hiring Bonner. I appreciate her also."

"Please reconsider letting bodyguards drive you on weekends when your family is in town?" Ros asked.

"I don't have a choice. Dad wants someone following me or with me 24/7." As I explain how much I hate paparazzi; Heaton strong arms some intrusive shutter bug away from our table. Prescott steps up to provide coverage and Ros and I roll our eyes at each other and finish our lunch.

"It looks like the launch was successful," Ros told me. "I've seen the preliminary reports. It was better than expected."

"I saw the media coverage. I'm very glad for the author and for Mia. Kudos to both of them." I said, sincerely. "However, it was exhausting - constant dealing with out-of-control crowds. The Las Vegas Chamber of Commerce heard Christian was giving the opening address at the launch. I think he received thousands of messages from their members. Mia and her staff fielded complaints from people about how crowded the venues were."

"Heats, eats and seats," Ros said.

"What?" I didn't understand.

"If the only thing attendees complain about is heats (meaning temperature of meeting rooms or the temperature of the city), eats (food choices, times food is served, lousy food service, too many people at buffet, etc.) or seats (too hard, not enough, too many people standing, people packed in too tight); then you have a successful conference." Ros laughed.

"Well, I know I'm bringing Converse and black jeans for the next launch, along with nice clothes. We were swamped…" I sighed and shook my head.

"You and Christian never left the suite when you got back to it?" Ros said knowingly. "I especially liked the picture of Day Two at the casino where Christian is rubbing your shoulders and your head is on the table in your arms."

"Taylor took him back to the Bellagio to work after his welcome speech. When Mia and I were done; Christian and Taylor came back to get us. We were both exhausted after six hours of crowds." I said. "Mia and I filled a book box a day with messages and phone calls. Taylor had the pleasure of going through all of them." I shook my head.

"I've been at 1500 attendee conferences which went from eight a.m. to midnight for two or three days. Sometimes I build in a day after just to recuperate; especially those New York jaunts. I love having Gwen at them to help me decompress, but it's so boring for her. She doesn't like shopping either. She'd rather curl up with a good book; or go to a museum, art gallery, botanical garden or bookstore." She sighed. "I don't want to pry, but Prescott told Heaton there was a situation with a 'tacky animal print' suitcase."

If I could interpret sign language…I'd think her air quotes were laughing. "I don't want to talk about suitcases or clothes," I apologized to Ros. "I do want to talk about how much it cost to fly Dad to Las Vegas and fly four of us from Las Vegas to Seattle."

"It was covered under Grey House's K&R insurance," Ros said. "We pay handsomely for the insurance. I'm glad to have it. But we have to talk about you having round-the-clock protection."

"Just as long as I don't lose Prescott and Bonner." I said. "If I need more guards…I want women with Prescott and Bonner's abilities. I just hope Christian doesn't fire you because you won't fire Prescott."

"Christian doesn't dare fire me. I'm the only one who will put up with his shit since you're not talking to him again." Ros laughed. "Good thing I'm his people person." She gave me the URL for the Seattle Networking Guide and suggests I join the Young Professionals Group. She says networking is essential to young women starting out in their field like Kate, Mia and me. She understands if the wedding is first and foremost until July 1. She strongly recommends getting away over the Fourth of July, after the wedding, to some place which re-energizes me. We make plans to go to lunch on April ninth after my review. She asks again about the tacky animal print suitcase.

"I'm comfortable with the clothes I have." I said.

"Did he pack anything special?" Ros tried to hide a smile.

"He has excellent taste in peignoirs. One of them was lavender and looked like a costume from a film noir movie." The bodice was intricate lace with matching lace collar and cuffs on the robe. It was made of fitted thin satin that skimmed my few curves. I enjoyed hanging out in our room wearing it. "I'm not comfortable with Christian acting all Alfred Hitchcock…telling me what to wear, who can be my friends, how I can defend myself and who can be my bodyguards. Plus, I'm not putting up with him yelling at me."

"When he crosses a line; call him on it," Ros said.

"Do you think I've been a bitch about the situation?" I asked. "I won't talk to him until he apologizes, in person, for yelling at me for defending myself."

"We all have our triggers. Christian especially. I think you are struggling to establish yourself in the shadow of a very bright, very driven, very well-known man. This is the first relationship for both of you right? Hell, I had a learning curve. I wanted Gwen more than I wanted anyone in my life…and she didn't want me because of the Grey House notoriety. I had to prove I could keep my work life and my love life separate. Oh my god…after two broken dates with her because of Grey House emergencies…I thought I was toast. Instead; I found how truly strong she is and not dependent upon me to entertain her. Heaton works with us on personal boundaries. Gwen doesn't want security walking in while she's semi-dressed. She doesn't let them tell her what to do; unless there is a situation at Grey House. Then she follows their lead; but she maintains her voice in the decisions regarding her safety."

"I recognize that trait." I pressed my lips together to keep from laughing.

"I had a conversation with Robb Loeder about the author letters. He researched both authors who wrote. Neither have had a book accepted for publishing in the past three years. Grey House Legal told them Grey Publishing did not want authors who support criminal acts committed by editors. They were urged to select another publishing house when they are ready to publish again. I think we've heard the last we'll hear from them. Legal says to let us know if it continues." Ros sighed.

"Robb told me you submitted your two classes to him for reimbursement. Financial sent the paperwork over to me this morning. I authorized and sent it back. You should be reimbursed for your two classes before the end of April. Robb entered the classes with syllabi in your personnel jacket. We'll address them at your 90-day review as part of your professional development."

 **April 3 – APOV**

I Skype with Mom while eating dinner with Mary. Having Mary listen and give advice was so much better than dealing with my Mother on my own. It was not an easy conversation. My Mother is livid about the tabloids. I tell her to quit reading them. My Mother is upset about my being shot. I refused to drop trousers in Mary's office to show my Mother the bandages on my thigh. The Skype disintegrates when my Mother starts blaming herself for bringing him into our lives, for my assault, and for his death. At the end of the Skype, Mary suggested Mom talk to a professional; like I was doing. She even offered to research and promised to email a list of the best therapists in Savannah.

"We have a task ahead of us," Mary said. "You were very controlled but descriptive in your journal about the kidnapping attempt. We need to work through the issues. I noticed you feel the motives behind your kidnapping were monetary and revenge. You feel your ex-stepfather blamed you for your mother divorcing him; which was his motive for revenge. There may be long term effects – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. There may be short term effects like bad dreams, trigger-caused headaches, fatigue, etc. You need to address effects as they arise."

"I know what you are saying…but I'm having trouble not being relieved about Stephen's death." I admit.

"Do you think you would have shot him if you could have gotten your hands on a gun?" Mary asked.

"I assured Dad I would have; but I really don't know." I admit. "I was told I broke his nose and ruptured one of his testicles. Part of me is vindictive. I wish he had writhed around in pain a bit longer before he was killed."

"While your answer is honest…I'm not sure it is truthful. I know you were scared, but you fought back. I know you were in pain, but fought back. I know you've played the event over and over in your head and wondered if there was something you could have done differently."

"No more second guessing…it was what it was." I said. "I'm not Kate Middleton…I will not have an entourage of bodyguards."

"Let's begin with a discussion of your life with Stephen Morton. Then we'll have a conversation about his life between the time your mother divorced him and his kidnapping attempt. I paid a private detective to research him. She talked to LV Metro. We need to discuss Bonner and her intervention. Then we need to discuss the media attention. Additionally, last but not least…we should discuss the effects of the kidnapping attempt on your relationship with Christian Grey."

 **XX**

"Who am I to question Fate?" I asked Mary. "The book launch had a huge draw because of Christian. The store put up an outdoor marquee in a side parking lot because there were too many people for the store to accommodate them. The front parking lot was full. We parked in the employees parking area behind the store."

"Bonner's partner chose that day to pick up an order. Because the front parking lot was full, they parked on a side street behind the store. They were both carrying their service revolvers. Stephen Morton attempted to stay sober that day, but he was suffering from tremors…which is why I got a flesh wound instead of a serious, life threatening injury. It was a crime of opportunity. I don't believe he would have kidnapped me if I had not been in Las Vegas. Means, motive and opportunity."

 **XX**

"My memory is impaired after Bonner flipped me over and took off my restraints. I remember she asked me if I was alright…but that was it until I regained consciousness in the ER. So, memories of the EMTs, ambulance and early ER are not there. They might resurface. The doctor didn't seem concerned."

"You don't think you will have emotional issues? Fear, anxiety, panic, anger?" Mary asked.

'No," I said. "I'm sorry our down time was ruined by someone from my past…but it's not like I'm the only one who has a past!" I snap…and regret comment because Mary's eyebrows are heaven bound. "I told you…I was a virgin; he had fifteen women before me. I was ambushed by one of them while I was doing my taxes. I think one of them was the bitchy saleswomen at a consignment store my friend likes."

"We need to talk about why you didn't journal it." Mary said. "But let's continue with Las Vegas."

"I am sorry Prescott was incapacitated for fifteen minutes. I'm sorry my Dad dropped everything to be with me. I'm sorry it was my past which caused the situation. I am still angry with Christian for yelling at me. How can Christian yell at me about endangering myself by fighting back?"

"You can't think why he feels that way?" Mary asked. "Are you the first woman who has exercised her second amendment rights around him?"

"I think so." I said.

"Plus, you are not using his security people?" Mary asked.

"Nope," I shrugged. "But he knows I fight back…the Halloween mugger got a black eye and bruised ribs."

"Do you think she was someone from his past?" Mary asked.

I nodded.

"Do you think you will experience social withdrawal because of this situation?" Mary asked.

"I don't think so. I had no problems going to lunch with a friend yesterday. I had no problem coming to see you tonight. Tomorrow night some friends are coming over for dinner. I just wish I could use the situation as a reason to opt out of bridesmaid gown shopping on Thursday." I laughed.

"If you start to feel hostile, or socially withdrawn, or have issues of hopelessness, or feel constantly edgy, we'll revisit this." Mary said.

"I will also journal if I stop eating or experience fatigue or extended illness, or have problems coping with basic hygiene and wellness." I said. "My Dad works with returning veterans. I'm aware of the symptoms of PTSD." I pause _. I will not think about that Saturday in the red room of pain._ "I'm sorry to miss Cassie's class last weekend. It sounded interesting. I have her syllabi about charities. I answered her questions in advance. They are in the journal."

Notes from Cassie's _You Tube_ videos for charity weekend. Video one: Examine your annual income. How important is it that you make a lot of money? Video two; The pros and cons of prenuptial agreements. Under what circumstances would you want one? Video three: Establishing a budget in order to meet some of your life goals. Video four: how to have inexpensive fun if you are living on a strict budget. Video five: how to donate to charity when you are living on a strict budget. Video six: how to eat healthy on a strict budget. Video seven: how to stay healthy and exercise when you can't afford a gym membership.

Last weekend's classes were charity oriented…but the recent events in my life made the topic uncomfortable. I don't like people thinking I'm an easy payday for them. I don't like women thinking Christian will be theirs if they eliminate me. Yes, I felt physical pain that weekend in the RROP…but not being with Christian, despite his issues, is more painful.

 **April 4**

"Bonner is fun," Shawn observed after I introduced her to the boys. "Oriental food…and chopsticks. Spring and fashion. Do you want me to go to the Northwest Rummage Sale and shop for you?"

"Absolutely," I said. "I need a spring and summer wardrobe and if you find spectacular fall and winter things I can't live without, please buy those too. When I'm on break from Spring Fling, I can come over and try things on if you like. Some of my friends and coworkers will be there too. If you can give them help also; it would be great."

We talked about Las Vegas and the launch. We talked about the pending SEC trials for Lincoln and Hyde. We talked about my attempted kidnapping. We stuffed ourselves with Tsing Tao beer and chicken chow mein and we laughed over the fortune cookies. I gave them two take and bake lasagnas from my freezer for payment for shopping for me at Spring Fling, and for Shawn giving fashion advice to girlfriends. When they left; I took a hot shower and wished Bonner a good night.

 **April 5**

Dinner was subdued…my leg is a little stiff. Bonner took out the stitches and then massaged scar cream into it. She recommended staying out of the sun this summer. It would reduce the scar which would fade more over time. She recommended liberal use of the scar cream. I'm depressed over not hanging out in the sun. She explains I can go out in the sun, but the scar has to be covered up.

I told Kate and Mia I didn't want to discuss Christian and me in an open forum where there are too many nosy people milling around us. Not to mention the constant pictures being taken of us. I need to shop for another audio disrupter I can put on the table when I'm out with family or friends. My last one was destroyed or disappeared in the beer/water debacle. I hand off a bag to Mia containing the clothes Cassie weeded from my spring wardrobe.

"I don't know what happened between the two of you, but fix it before June twentieth or I'm kicking your ass and his balls," Kate threatened.

"Tell him not to fucking yell at her after she's been hurt from defending herself!" Bonner steps in and snaps at Kate. Both Kate and Mia go radio silent on the topic of Christian for the rest of the night.

Bridesmaid dress shopping sucks. First, we have to wait for the sales ladies to select all the dresses available in sapphire and amethyst. Then we have to weed ones that aren't quite sapphire or aren't quite amethyst. Before they take them to the dressing rooms, I ask if we can thin the number from twelve down to less than six. Mia agrees and Kate says she gets a vote also.

"No," Mia vetoes dress one. "I have a long torso and those ones with a 'natural' waist never fit properly." The saleswoman assigned to her began to argue. Mine knew better than to argue with me. Honestly, they acted like used car salesmen. At least Mia's saleswoman was thrilled with her height. Mine just looked at my diminutive state and sighed. I gave Kate a withering look.

"No," I veto dress two. "I'm not wearing a strapless and backless gown. Especially since I have to walk with Christian. Unless you want me to wear his tuxedo jacket down the aisle and in every picture, rethink this option. I don't need to email him a picture of it; do I?" Kate rolls her eyes at the thought.

Dress three is vetoed by Kate. "I've been a bridesmaid and I know an ugly bridesmaid gown. Not just no, but hell to the no, I'm not making either of you wear that gown." It has a mandarin collar and is mermaid style. Kate vetoes four, five and six in rapid succession. Loathsome, vile, repulsive, revolting and disgusting were just a few of the words she spouts. I'd be amazed at her use of synonyms but there's more torture to endure. She thinks the satin looks cheap in all of them and mutters something about boudoir bridesmaids.

"No," I said. "No crotch-high side slits. I wouldn't dare wear that in a church! The nuns would throw us in a baptismal somewhere and drown us for being slutty." Dress seven bites the dust.

"No," Mia said, vetoing dress number eight. "That illusion neckline looks… weird. I hate that asymmetrical hem. That side point is just waiting to catch my heel and throw me to the ground." I agree and number eight is toast.

One of the saleswomen takes the remaining four gowns to one dressing room for me and the other takes matching gowns to a dressing room for Mia. The only redeeming factor of today's events is we're in a private dressing area and Kate ordered Sawyer, Anders and Bonner to stand outside. The media won't make it past them.

"No," Mia said when we model dress nine which is a ruched hip gown. "My ass looks huge."

"No," I said to dress number ten. "I look like a twelve-year old trying on my Mother's clothes."

Mia is happy I vetoed it. "The built in bra doesn't fit right," She wiggles and squirms. Ten decorates the dressing room floor as quick as possible.

"No," I said. "Tea length gowns make me look like my legs are twelve inches long." Eleven is toast.

"Wow!" Kate said when Mia and I both exited the dressing room in a sleeveless, V-neck, ruched bodice, satin and tulle gown.

"I vote yes," I said. "It's the first gown I've tried on today that makes me feel feminine without exposing all my anatomy."

"I vote yes," Mia said. "It the first gown I've tried on today that doesn't make me look like a giant stick figure."

Kate takes pictures of us from all angles and we're all in agreement. We can eat and drink at the wedding without popping seams. It's perfect for dancing. This is the dress. Kate says she'll get us the jewelry for it as our bridesmaid gifts. She knows exactly what she wants us to wear.

We're back in the dressing room for measurements and pay the deposits on the gowns. Half down was $200. We'll pay the remainder when the dresses arrive in eight weeks. Kate says her mom wants to do the final fittings for us so we're assured the dresses fit properly. Kate says since I'm four inches shorter than her and Mia's four inches taller, that we all need to wear 3-inch heels to be the same amount of space apart in the pictures. I think it is more micromanagement; but it is Kate's wedding and I guess she needs something to bridezilla about. Saturday is spa day. Maybe we'll shop for shoes next week.

It's almost ten before I get home. I warn Bonner I'm sleeping in tomorrow morning. Bonner suggests we go to Target Rippers so I can target practice. I agree if we can go to a bookstore, a tea shop and Pike Place Market. I need to lay in supplies before Dad and Laura come to spend the week with me.

 **April 6 – 3PPOV**

"Thank you for getting my things and putting them in storage," Jack said quietly. "Thank you for picking me up from jail." He had just spent the last hour fucking Elizabeth as hard, fast and rough as possible. She seemed to think he was excited to see her. He was glad to be the fuck out of jail.

"What are you going to do," Elizabeth asked; grateful for a rest before they began another vigorous round of sex.

"What can I do? I was set up for the SEC bullshit by Anastasia Steele and fired by her fucking boyfriend. He hired an IT person to "analyze" my work laptop, which meant he had access to plant any material on it he wanted to. Then his fucking mother has me thrown out of a pub before I can call you for transport. She has me followed home and arrested for DUI."

"Why didn't you fight the DUI arrest," Elizabeth asked.

"Seattle's a damn college town. Frat boys get rowdy weekend after weekend. I drive drunk once in a blue fucking moon and I'm arrested and jailed. I am denied bail for the DUI because I was out on bail for the SEC charge. The damn police officer asked if I had been drinking and I was a stupid shit and said 'Yes, I had two drinks with lunch an hour ago.' He makes me perform a drunk driving test which would have killed an Olympic gymnast. I end up in cuffs, in the back of a police car twice in less than two fucking weeks…and the officer doesn't understand why I'm pissed off and swearing."

Elizabeth got up; made them drinks and came back to bed.

"I sit in the fucking drunk tank for 24 hours. My building manager used my two arrests as a reason to break my lease. When I went to my arraignment, I knew I had no place to go. My funds were frozen by the SEC. All I had for funds was my severance check from Grey Publishing. I couldn't afford to pay a DUI lawyer; or have funds to hire an SEC lawyer. The DUI was 90 days; the SEC charge could be as much as a decade or two. I was depressed and pled guilty. I can't afford to go to a doctor for evaluation to fight this because I lost my insurance when I lost my job. Someday I might laugh about this. Jail was no picnic. I never thought being buzzed would get me thrown in jail."

"This situation is not a deal breaker for me. I found a job; not a great job, but it has potential. I can hire you and send you out on the best possible positions." Elizabeth offered.

"I've been contemplating relocation during my recent incarceration," Jack said. "We need to get new identities and back stories. We need to sell off everything so we have funds. We need to find someplace to go."

"Between my savings in Virginia and my severance check I banked; I have enough funds to buy us new identities, with new back stories. We can relocate and have enough funds for twelve months. You can read up on any job, any career and make a go of it. I could teach at a business college or work HR in a small town somewhere. I could own a staffing agency somewhere after everything I've learned from my current job. Should we start over? Where could we start over?"

"We should change hair colors and wear color contacts when we change identities. I thought strawberry blonde for me and maybe sable brown for you. We have to ditch cars, phones, computers, etc. I can get laptops and burner phones. We can use the WIFI at the UDub library for researching locations, jobs, etc. We have to go dark cyber on the identification search."

"Jack is a nickname for Jonathan. You could be a Jonathan. I could be Elle or Liza for Elizabeth. I hate Betsy, Beth, Lizzie and Bess…" Elizabeth said.

"We can't choose Chicago because of the proximity to Detroit where Grey is doing business. We can't choose Denver because of the proximity to Aspen where he has a home. We can't choose New York because Grey travels there for business and gave his sister his interest in clubs and restaurants."

"This is the time for us to cross things off our bucket list. I've always wanted to visit Alaska and Mexico." She sighed. "It may seem scary, but we're in this together. We'll be happier and healthier if we get the hell out of Washington."

"I've always wanted to see Australia," Jack said, thoughts and ideas flooding his head. "Write down every place you have family, friends, worked or went to school. I'll do the same thing. Get that author list; we can't be in proximity to them either. We'll start compiling a possible list of places to land."

"We need to research the community and cultural life where we go. The location has to be big enough so we can get lost." Elizabeth said.

"I wouldn't mind living near the ocean; east coast, southern – maybe North or South Carolina." Jack said.

"North Carolina is too close to my family. Raleigh is just a few hours from Richmond." Elizabeth shook her head.

"I hate the desert and Las Vegas has a high rate for fugitive recovery thanks to facial recognition programs in the casinos and strip cameras. It's too bad, because I'm hell on counting cards." Jack shrugged.

"We could finance an expedition to Lake Tahoe or Reno to increase our nest egg," Elizabeth said…hoping for a honeymoon trip. "We can also hit the riverboats in Iowa."

"I don't have family looking for me. Are you prepared to never speak to your parents again? We don't need your parents or sister looking for you. You should contact them before we go underground and let them know we're fine." Jack said.

"We have no real responsibilities and debts. We can pack a bag and leave the morning we have new identities," Elizabeth noted. "We should write down all our assets, including selling cars, furniture, jewelry, my house, bank accounts, etc. My Virginia bank a national one; it will be easier to access my funds."

"Did anything ever happen with the letter you sent to the authors, urging them to demand Anastasia Steele be fired?" Jack asked.

"Not a thing. Two of them sent replies. They were going with the electronic publishing editor at GP. He seems to be popular with them." Elizabeth said in a soothing voice. "Her stepfather tried to kidnap her for ransom. He was shot and killed by a Las Vegas police officer."

"Ransom? Really," Jack closed his eyes and appeared to rest so Elizabeth could not see the gleam of contemplation in his eyes.

"Yeah, national tabloids are claiming she was working with her ex-stepfather to shake Grey down. The press surrounding her hasn't been pretty."

 **XX - APOV**

Prescott informs me Mr. Grey requests I come to Escala after dance class. He wants to have a conversation. I inform Prescott I'm going home after class, taking a hot soaking bath and going to bed. I don't want company. I don't want to be disturbed. Bonner is bunking down in my living room to ensure I'm not bothered tonight. I tell her Christian and I need to have the meltdown conversation. I don't want a public or electronic apology. However, I don't trust myself to be alone with him right now. I'm so angry about the tabloids calling me a scheming whore that I'd like to blow up the universe and it would probably be best if he weren't caught in the backlash.

Thank god for shopping on Amazon. Cassie recommended 3-inch heels and a long skirt so I get used to moving and dancing in them for the wedding. She said I need to practice walking in heels when wearing a long dress. Great…more walking practice. She recommends sitting and standing lessons in a long skirt.

Dance class is distressing. Everyone is interested in checking me out since the kidnapping attempt. I introduce Prescott to the instructor. She's not thrilled about Prescott inside the classroom and not dancing. Prescott informs the instructor she is my close protection detail and therefore, does not dance. She is calm and stands between me and the doorway. Dance class concentrates on the waltz.

The only thing I enjoy about class is the older man, Tom S., who appreciates dancing with me. He offers to partner with me. I agree to Friday night or Saturday morning lessons with Wednesday night practice…it's not like Christian and I are spending every available moment in bed with one another. Tom explains he's learning to dance because his daughter is getting married in May. He wants his dancing prowess to be a surprise for his wife and daughter. I tell him I'm learning how to dance for my best friend's wedding.I promise to keep his secret. He promises not to ask me questions about my personal life.

 **XX**

 _There was no one in the ballroom except Christian and me. I enjoyed how good and strong his arms felt; holding me. His breath stroked my ear and tickled my neck…making me warmer…he was combusting my panties without saying a word. I never felt more like a woman than I did right now…in his arms. We were dancing alone and then the ballroom began to fill with other women…women who wanted to dance with Christian and while Sawyer kept them away from us…Elena Lincoln danced in…wearing a red, salsa dress..._

I woke up…pissed off. What is that bitch doing in my dreams?

 **April 7 - CPOV**

"You're sure you're up for this?" Sela asked. "I can find an easier touch exercise for you."

"I want to try this," I said. "I need to know if I can stand to be around people and be touched. I have less than 90 days before the wedding."

"Here you go then, Harvey," Sela handed me a white rabbit costume. "Bring it back late this afternoon. My husband needs it for the Easter Bunny appearance at Seattle Children's Hospital tomorrow. Thank you for taking his place today."

I was working at the Spring Fling at WSCC; letting kids hug me, taking pictures with me. The rabbit head would cover my face. Sela recommended skiving down to socks, boxer shorts and T-shirt. If I needed a bodyguard; I had Taylor and Sawyer hovering by.

 **XX**

Anastasia is a goddess. I can't help it, I find myself wandering around the event; stopping to pose with parents and children. She's wearing the lovely watercolor print dress, lilac sweater and lilac pumps. Her hair is French-braided with a poufy purple hair tie holding it in place. She wears pearl stud earrings. I enjoy walking around, watching her interact with the children. She's reading _The Night Before Easter_ to the crowd. Taylor brought Sophie. Prescott has eyes on Anastasia; but maintains a ten-foot distance from her…probably at Anastasia's insistence.

Fate arranges for her to disappear at break times while I'm inundated with families and children to take pictures. She always comes back at the top and bottom of the hour to read to the children.

I'm busy walking around outside, waving hello to the children and parents. I stop to take a picture with Taylor and Sophie. Anastasia uses Taylor's cell phone to get several pictures. Taylor buys sandwiches and drinks and they sit at an outdoor table; enjoying the sun. Sophie and Ana have a good time talking to one another about spring and Earth Day. Her lunch hour is over and she hugs Sophie goodbye, kisses Taylor on the cheek and starts to leave. I don't want her to know I'm wearing the rabbit suit; but she's heading for the door with a crowd of people. I can't get away.

"You've been very quiet, Sawyer," She grins and gracefully enters the building. "No dancing with me today?"

I shake my head no and point to the big paw feet.

"Those are two big left feet, Sawyer. You ought to take dance classes with me…we can be awkward together." She laughed and walked away.

God, I could watch that woman's ass forever. I hold the door for lots of families and people with arms loaded with things they bought at Northwest's Rummage Sale. I've lost sight of Anastasia so I head for the Fourth Floor.

Before it approaches the top of the hour; Ana comes from the Northwest Rummage sale with Harrison and his boyfriend. She tells them Prescott will escort them to her car. The boyfriend has been shopping for Anastasia at the rummage sale. Both he and Harrison each carry six large shopping bags filled with clothes. I hear his talk about clothes which he found for her. He tells her about a raspberry square-necked, cap sleeve sheath dress and a turquoise silk spaghetti-strap slip dress he found. He says either of them will be great for wearing to wedding showers. _Why the fuck does he get to select clothes for her and I can't?_

She tells them about the mentor who examined her spring wardrobe capsule and urged her to continue working on it. They all roll their eyes and laugh. She tells them about new items in her wardrobe from clearing out Kate's closets. Shawn tells her he'll do all the work on her wardrobe binders if she will make lasagna for them. She tells them she'll send them the dates she's available to meet. Shawn starts to talk about that hot boy Christian Grey. Ana tells him to STFU and inclines her head in my direction. "The mummy," she murmurs. There is no more talk about Christian Grey.

I follow them onto the elevator and overhear her tell them she learned how to write and deliver the Maid of Honor speech at Kate and Elliot's wedding. She's in the process of assembling pictures for it. Fuck…I need to work on my best man speech. I know Dad will help me but I need to make a serious start before I throw myself on his mercies.

She tells them she started dance lessons. She had one last night. In April she is supposed to learn the waltz and foxtrot. She has Wednesday and Friday night classes on the weeks she is busy on Saturday. In May she learns the quickstep and the two-step. She says she has to take Wednesday night classes in May, because Saturday mornings in May are for the bridal party and parents to learn to dance with one another. _WTF…there go our date nights…we're going to have to fix that_. _Prescott told Taylor about Ana's May conversation comment. I don't want to wait that long; but I'd better plan on immersing myself in work if she won't talk to me._

The guys offer to have oriental food with her once a month to keep her practicing using chopsticks. She reminds them about her schedule. She's taking her dad and Laura on a sightseeing cruise for Easter tomorrow. Harrison and Stanton offer to go also. She says she'll text them the information. We all get off on the first floor. I wander around families congregated on the first floor; trying to keep an eye on her. She looks over her shoulder at me and nods to Prescott. She gets back in the elevator with me and goes to the Northwest sale. She sits at a table with friends while Prescott takes the men to her car.

 **XX**

"Bake sale," Prescott announced. "The Seattle Prep PTA is having a bake sale in the lobby. I brought samples. I thought you could grab a few dozen of their mini cupcakes for your afternoon tea trays."

"Did you taste test any of them?" I asked.

"I'm fond of the sweet potato pie cupcake; the strawberry champagne cupcake and the blueberry lemon cupcake." She pointed at three of them. "I brought at least one of the best sellers," she pointed at cupcakes. "This is the peanut butter cupcake with chocolate frosting, carrot cake with cream cheese frosting; s'more cupcake, root beer float cupcake; red velvet cupcake and a bubble gum cupcake."

"If you get eight dozen assorted cupcakes, I can feed them to family and friends during the week. I want red velvet; strawberry champagne, peanut butter, and the carrot cake ones for sure." I handed her some money. "Will you bring me a lime water when you come back?"

 **XX**

"We have a visitor," Ana announced to the children. She pointed at me. "Come join us, Easter Bunny," she said, bringing another chair over for me to sit close to her. "We're reading all about you." She fidgets and the settles; giving a book talk about _The Great Easter Egg Hunt_.

When she's done, she moves away and urges parents to get pictures of the children with me against the spring backdrop of her reading nook. She wanders off and I can't follow because I'm taking pictures with families. We're nearing the end of the day and she wanders back with Kate and Mia. They are taking a short break. She gathers her books in a tote bag which promotes the library and waves goodbye to me.

When all the families are done with me, I wander over to the Northwest sale. Ana is talking to coworkers who are clothes shopping. She monitors a table where they've piled things which they plan to buy. She keeps waving off shoppers who think the stuff she's guarding is for sale. Eventually her friends wander back with more clothes in hand. They sort their individual piles and then go to checkout. They are talking about things to do but Ana's dad is in town and she has plans. Suddenly she freezes and turns to look at Kate and Mia. She spots Sawyer in a corner and slowly turns to observe me. Prescott follows her gaze and shakes her head when Ana asks her a question.

Once her friends check out; Ana leaves with them. She examines me. "I should have called you Little GREY Bunny instead of Easter Bunny."

I hold my paws up in an IDK gesture.

"Little Grey Bunny, classic 1960s UK children's story. Little Grey Bunny can't help herself…she's well-meaning but she meddles." Ana regards me solemnly. "Why are you following me, Christian? Working up the courage to apologize for your stalking and control freak tendencies? I wish you would learn to trust me. I'm just here with friends and doing a good deed. I haven't played hide and seek once with Prescott." She turned to go down the stairs with her friends.

I took my costume head off. "Ana, I'm not here to follow and track you. I'm not here to meddle in your life either. I'm here as a touch therapy exercise. You can verify with John if you don't trust me." I put the head back on.

"I'm sorry I wrongly accused you, this time." She said quietly and continued down the stairs with Prescott and friends.

I wander over to Mom and capture her in a big bunny hug. She's quite surprised, but I tell her who I am and she laughs. She reminds me - we're all due at church tomorrow with the Kavanaghs. Elliot and Kate want to stay in good graces with the church until the wedding. After church she's serving a big ham dinner at the house with the Kavanaghs and all grandparents from both sides of the family. She said Mia asked Ana and her family, but they have plans.

Great… I don't know when I will see Ana. Ray and Laura are in town. We don't have dance practice for Elliot's surprise this afternoon because Elliot and Kate have marriage class. I'm going home; beating the fuck out of the kick boxing dummy; and comforting myself with macaroni and cheese.

 **XX - APOV**

"I've come to the realization my Mother is a great trophy wife…but she and I have issues over her mothering techniques. Since I'm not Christian's arm candy in the daily papers or media; my Mother is upset again. She blames herself for the situation with Stephen and insists she fly to Seattle to discuss it with Christian. If I were nine…you might wonder if Dad wanted to marry you to provide me with a mother. I don't want Mom or me to be the reason you won't marry Dad," I told Laura.

"I love him, Ana. I want to be with him. I believe we are good for each other." Laura said. "Just to ease your concerns…I like you. I have friends who have hideous relationships with their spouses' children. I'm thrilled you and I are friends." She hugs me. "I'm also glad my intermittent presence at Ray's house means your mother emails him instead of calling at all hours of the day."

"I glad also," I said; returning her hug.

"By the way, we forgot to mention it, but Ray and I found another box in the attic. It just said _Tea_ on it. We brought it up earlier. It's on your dining room table. We've been spending a minimum of two hours each Saturday and Sunday clearing out his stuff and my stuff so we can consolidate households. Basically, we have two of everything. We've donated a lot to the VFW for their July rummage sale. We brought up the last of your clothes and books; they are in boxes in the home office. There is also a footlocker of memorabilia also. There's one more box; but I don't want to tell you what is in it. Your Dad wants it to be a surprise."

"Wow," I said. "Just…wow." The _Tea_ box held a teapot, a coffee pot, a sugar and creamer, 12 cups and saucers, 12 cake/salad plates, 12 berry dishes, a two-tier hostess tray and a 13" oval platter. They are all in the Johann Haviland Blue Garland pattern. "Damn, I want to throw a tea party all of a sudden."

"Okay, box number two," Laura indicated the box at the end of the table. I opened it and began to unwrap a large bulky object. "The punchbowl! OMG!" I gingerly set a ruby glass punchbowl on the table. It is circa 1940. There is a stand for it; along with 12 cups, glass S hooks for holding the cups on the side of the punchbowl and a ladle. "I haven't seen this in years."

"Ray said he thought your mom took it with her when she left. He was surprised to find it and the other two pieces." One is the ruby glass oval plate Mom used for holiday cookies. The other piece is a ruby glass candy dish Mom used for holiday candies. When she was with Dad, she made dozens of cookies and handmade candies every Christmas for giving to teachers, Sunday school teachers, mail carriers, paper carriers, school bus driver, etc. She saved $10 a week from her commissary funds to pay for baking and candy-making supplies at Christmas. "When we would put up the tree, she would serve homemade eggnog, cookies and candies and use these pieces. It's a sweet memory," I sighed sitting down. "Well I have the perfect place to put it in the china hutch."

"I'm supposed to give you the 'don't save it for special occasions' lecture. I'm supposed to tell you to make your own special occasions and use the china and punchbowl. Make sweet memories with them to pass down to your children." Laura said. "Ray didn't think he could say it to you without breaking down."

"Yeah, he's great with the tea…not the talk." I smiled.

"He talks; trust me." Laura laughed. "I finished making things out of the cutter quilt. I made two toss pillows, eight placemats; a table runner and a hexagon-shaped mat for either the coffee table or the dining table, half a dozen pot holders, two candle mats and an apron with a quilted bib. I had such a good time making these. I'm searching for two more cutter quilts to make items for the VFW Black Friday sale. They won't coordinate with your shabby chic dinnerware and they are too casual for the Haviland. You may need to get plain dinnerware in order to use them. Sorry…I know how much you hate shopping."

"Amazon is my savior," I laughed. "Why don't I pack up the shabby chic dishes? Dad can take them to the VFW rummage sale over July Fourth. I can use the good china or paper plates until the new stuff comes from Amazon."

"I'll help you pack and mark them," Laura offered. "How are dance classes going?"

"Two steps forward, one step back," I replied dryly. "After we pack up the kitchen things, will you help me hang up and put away the stuff from the rummage sale?"

 **XX - TPOV**

"Burgers and beers," Taylor's SPD friend texted. I text back I'll meet him at the usual place at seven; I have my daughter until six tonight. I hope he has excellent Elena Lincoln news for me. I hope SPD will have excellent Jack Hyde news also.


	53. Chapter 53

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 53 –** "To have lost is less disturbing than to wonder if we may possibly have won." – Thomas Hardy, _The Return of the Native_

 **Sunday, April 8- APOV**

Cassie invited me to tea, along with a couple dozen female clients. I didn't plan to go, because I had already been out with Dad, Laura, Harley and Shawn for an Easter cruise. Bonner said I needed to finalize things with Cassie and her classes. So…here I am; in a dress with coiffed hair …attending a tea at Cassie's house while Bonner walks the perimeter.

Cassie explained twelve rules for serving tea – either individually at tables or as a buffet. We learn how china is placed, how to use silverware, how to use napkins, how to arrange food on tiered servers and the proper layout of a buffet table. She explains how to prepare teapots and condiments.

"Look at your cup while it sits on the table. The handle should be at three o'clock. The correct way to hold your tea cup is make your thumb and index finger meet in the opening of the handle. Your middle finger rests under the handle, supporting the cup. You never hook your finger through the handle. You never crook your little finger." She models the behavior she wants us to emulate.

"It's not a rule, but I prefer to teach my students to stir their tea from twelve o'clock to six o'clock. Back and forth motions only and never touching the sides or bottom of the cup. Don't stir in a circular pattern from twelve o'clock to twelve o'clock. Tea is poured first, then condiments – milk, sugar, lemon – are added. Never serve cupcakes, you are not elementary school students. Scones are broken not cut. Once you spread butter or jam, don't smash them back together like a sandwich. Let's have tea," she drew us to the table.

"Our tea selections today are some of my favorites. We're having Spicy Shrimp Salad Sandwich Fingers; Herbed Cream Cheese and Cucumber Sandwich Triangles; Honey and Pecan Scones; Orange Marmalade Mini Muffins; Asiago, Rosemary and Cherry Tomato Mini Quiches; Ricotta and Spinach Puffs; Green Tea Cheesecake Bites; and Lady Grey Shortbread Cookies." Cassie announced. "We have Oolong Tea and Chai Tea. I've found I enjoy sharing tea time with friends when I'm serving foods and tea which I enjoy…accompanied by flowers, candles, soft music and pretty dishes. Keep little containers of tea items in your freezer to make an attractive tea tray for you and your guests with minimal fuss."

I'm going to talk to Mia – I think it would be fun to have a tea for Kate's birthday.

 **April 9 – 3PPOV**

The SPD decided it was time to collect a few rotten eggs. Because it was Spring Break and the schools were closed in Seattle; SPD acquired the use of the gymnasium at Seattle Public High. They coordinated with the DA's Office, with the Public Defender's Office and the King County District Court (six judges, public defenders, bailiffs and court reporters). Everyone received a coordinated fax, phone call or email that Operation Hook, Line and Sinker was on and would commence at midnight at Seattle Public High with chairs, desks, photography equipment, palm/fingerprint scanners and cubicles for public defenders or attorneys to talk to clients. Additional equipment would include everything needed to arraign quietly and quickly.

The arrests would begin at four a.m. with the 25 young ladies who were part of Elena Lincoln's stable. They were transported to Seattle Public High, processed and arraigned. If they agreed to the plea bargain; agreed to testify against Elena Lincoln and agreed to cease their sex worker activities, they would be found guilty of one misdemeanor. They would be assigned 200 hours of community service, fined $1K, tested for HIV and STDs. and ordered to attend sixteen hours of court-mandated classes coordinated to help them leave the sex worker lifestyle. If they didn't accept the plea bargain from the DA's Office – they would be transported to the King County Jail and held for arraignment on multiple charges of prostitution. Some of them had worked for Elena for three years, with at least one or two steady customers a week; equaling 300 counts or more of prostitution.

After all the young ladies had been processed; the SPD began rounding up the 200 johns listed on Elena Lincoln's files. Doctors, dentists, lawyers, businessmen, two retired college professors and one venerated judge were among the 200. SPD took them out of homes and businesses in handcuffs. If they accepted the plea deal with the DA's Office, they would be charged with a misdemeanor for one count of solicitation, receive a $5K fine; receive 200 hours of community service and attend sixteen hours of court-mandated john school. They would be tested for STDs and HIV. Arraigned, photographed, fingerprinted and accepting the plea bargain…many of them were back to their lives in one hour.

The johns who tried to argue entrapment or false arrest were advised if they not accept the plea bargain; they would be transported to King County Jail and be charged with multiple counts of soliciting prostitution. They will be arraigned tomorrow. Once the DA's Office showed them the list of their history with Elena's stable; it quieted even the most vocal of the johns. Several of them had a lengthy history with Madam Elena. The DA expressed his confidence the johns would plead to one count of solicitation; especially if they were shown the blackmail materials Elena Lincoln had on them.

At eight a.m.; having been warned by Taylor; Eamon and Kate Kavanagh were in an unmarked SUV outside the residence of Lawrence Lincoln. As Elena left the property to meet with her lawyer, supposedly to discuss a plea bargain with the SEC and IRS, she was arrested for 200 counts of promoting prostitution. Eamon and Kate captured the arrest on video and at 8:15 a.m….it went viral on the Kavanagh Media website. They followed the SPD who drove Elena past Seattle Public High…where she saw a line of her clients exiting police vehicles and entering the doors of the gymnasium.

Eamon and Katherine were not the only ones filming the day's events… Lawrence Lincoln allowed SPD onto his property to bag and tag evidence out of the pool house, while his lawyer videotaped the event. Especially pleasing was when he gave the SPD the combination to the floor safe…and they removed nearly a million dollars. The IRS would be pissed and wonder how Elena Lincoln accrued those funds in a few short months.

At nine a.m. Taylor drove Christian, Carrick and Grace past Seattle Public High. They were just in time to witness three men from their social circle exiting police vehicles, waiting to be processed. As they drove away; the SPD put up roadblocks to keep people away from the school. Taylor warned them about the police blotter which would name 200 johns, 25 working girls and Elena Lincoln. He also warned them _Seattle Times_ would investigate this and it would be headlines for days. However… Kavanagh Media got the scoop on everyone – Elena in handcuffs and the names of all the girls and johns and lots of pictures…all posted on Kavanagh Media's website.

 **XX - APOV**

Kate called me at break time. "You have to go out to Dad's website. Elena Lincoln was arrested for promoting prostitution. Dad talked to the SPD. She's behind bars until her three cases go to trial – SEC, IRS and SPD. Dad swears she's going to get 50 years to life – there's that many charges against her." She paused. "On the downside; Jack Hyde was released from jail on Friday."

"Well, I'm starting to learn not to expect good things without bad," I said. I've already ignored sixteen calls from Christian since Saturday night. "I had my review this morning – it was above standard." I said. I don't have a book launch until October, and it's here in Seattle. Hannah kept my desk cleared during the launch and my time off last week. Things were a bit dicey this morning. Heaton introduced Bonner and my third CPO, Cynthia Rhoades to Grey Annex Security. Until Bonner's carry conceal permit comes through, she's nights and weekends in the condo with me.

 **XX**

"What the hell was that?" I _awoke. I dreamed I was naked except for thigh high stockings. I lay in that pose he liked, with my feet in the air. I'm lying on an oversized book – about the size of a bed, titled, "The Ties that Bind". I'm talking on a princess phone like I saw in a movie. "Christian," I purred into the phone… "Do you want to come over and read me a bedtime story?"_

 **Tuesday, April 10 - CPOV**

I emailed Ana and apologized for my meltdown in Las Vegas. I'm sorry I had to leave town this morning. I'm sorry I'm out of town for business for a few days. I miss her and tell her I miss her. I ask her to Skype with me. She emailed she preferred us to have a face-to-face, not electronic conversation.

After ripping my hair out of my head, smacking my forehead on the desk and smashing my smart phone…I count to 100 in French and Skype John.

 _Yes, Dr. John_ _Flynn_ _, I was an ass and yelled at her. Yes, I was angry because she wouldn't fire Prescott. Yes, I was freaked out because the thought of her being hurt and my not being able to fix it made me panic._

 **April 10 - APOV**

I'm tired. I wonder if I can skip hanging out with Dad and Laura in favor of a hot bubble bath and an early night. It was a busy day with three authors who needed their hands held. One had a meltdown and argued with me over the use of bring versus take and her overuse of the word very. I explained very red was better described as crimson, vermillion or blood red. I explained very angry was better expressed as aggravated, vexed or pissed off. Her plot is excellent, but she needs to use the Thesaurus feature of her word processing program…or buy a Thesaurus and use it for something other than a paperweight.

"Ready to go," I smiled tiredly at Prescott and bid Hannah a good night. As Prescott and I approach the SUV; I stop in surprise. The minute I saw my ex-boss's handwriting on an envelope under the windshield wiper of the SUV, I backed off. I'm standing against the wall. I have a 180-degree view of the place.

"What's up, Ana?" Prescott is concerned.

I point to the manila envelope. "It has Jack Hyde's handwriting on it."

"You're sure?" Prescott asked.

"Yes, I'd know his handwriting anywhere." I said. "Hannah's been opening my mail and she hasn't mentioned anything untoward."

"Let's get you back upstairs," Prescott said.

"No," I said. "I don't want it to disappear while you escort me back up. I'm standing right here until you call someone to come with gloves and a Ziploc bag and get that envelope off the windshield. I don't want to know what it says. I just want to go home."

"I have to do a complete inspection to insure the vehicle was not tampered with." Prescott reached for her phone. "Sawyer, come escort Miss Steele up to the Security Office or Grey Calendars where she's safe until her father gets here." She told him about the envelope and paused. "I don't know what it is and don't want to touch it while she's here in case there's something life threatening in it." She paused. "No it doesn't look lumpy, but that doesn't mean it doesn't have poison on it or on the contents." She paused. "Yes, I'll wait for you to inspect it with me. She hung up. "Just hang on a second." She told me before calling someone. "Graham, pull the CCTV tapes of the parking garage. Look for anyone leaving a package on the black SUV in Anastasia Steele's parking space."

"You check with Mia in five minutes to make sure I made it intact to Grey Calendars." I ask.

"Seven minutes," Prescott negotiated. "I need time to call Taylor. I agreed to wait for Sawyer to open the envelope."

This time I did roll my eyes. "Just so you know, I plan to leave here and go home. Have Bonner check the condo. Dad and Laura have been out all day. I'm not going to Escala, I'm not going to Kate's and I'm not going to Grey Manor." _Great…in addition to Grey paparazzi – I have Jack Hyde fucking with me._

 **XX**

"Annie – I need you to listen to reason," Dad said. "Hyde burnt the edges of the _Seattle Times_ article about Spring Fling. It was in the envelope with a note which said _Turn, Burn, Learn_. You were in the background of two of the pictures, reading to kids. The condo is safe; our vehicles at the condo are safe' Laura and I are safe."

"Dad…I'm not stupid. I know Grey Annex security checks my mail, my phone calls and my emails. I know there are CCTV cameras at work. I know Grey Annex security team knows who I am. My parking place has CCTV coverage." I sighed.

"Secure…yes. Inaccessible, no. I have to know you are safe. I trust Prescott, Bonner and Rhoades." Dad said. "Allow Christian's men to follow you around to keep you safe."

"Prescott and Rhoades provide transportation and security from the time I leave the condo until I return. Bonner provides security when I'm at the condo. Ros's men check Grey Annex and my condo building intermittently because we don't want anyone to know their schedule." I said. "I don't want Christian keeping tabs on me. I already have eyes on me when I'm out with Mia and with Kate."

"Taylor said Christian wants to have someone following you 24/7 to keep you safe…but he hasn't." Dad argued. "Grey Annex is gun free – you can't carry there. Let Christian provide additional security until the first of July, after Kate and Elliot's wedding."

"Finally, I can give Kate a good reason to not have to go shopping," I said.

"Will you be serious?" Dad said. "The engagement is announced; Kate and Elliot are news and will continue to be news for some time. You are in proximity to her and your connection to Christian is news. Especially since the kidnapping attempt."

"Fine," I said. "They can follow; but they don't interfere unless there's a crisis. They coordinate with Ros's team who have the ultimate say in situations. Make sure Taylor understands Grey Security does not stop me from doing what I want to do. I'm not asking permission from anyone to live my life," I said.

"Heaton will arrange your close protection detail. Taylor will arrange the escort detail." Dad said. "Prescott says the SUV is safe. She's taking you to the condo. I'll be back after I run an errand – I'm buying a grill for your patio and buying things to barbeque for dinner. Laura will be waiting at the condo for you."

"Please get hot dogs…I haven't had a roasted or grilled hot dog since Halloween." I asked; handing him a debit card. "I need a watering can for the patio plants."

 **April 11**

"Prescott," I sighed, looking at the flyer which just appeared on my desk. "Whose bright idea was this?"

"Miss Grey," Prescott said. "She's working with the new multiplex theatre. They want her to coordinate the use of their theatres for training seminars in the mornings when they are not showing films. She's working with Washington Department of Employment and the Chamber of Commerce to use the theatres in the morning for online training seminars. As part of her help to announce the multiplex; she is coordinating a movie day for employees of Grey House and its subsidiaries. Do you know which showing you will attend?"

"I have to check with Dad and Laura to see if they want to attend. Then I'll ask Mia which showing of _The Avengers_ I'm expected to attend. Do we know how Jack Hyde got into the parking level at Grey Annex?"

"No and he has disappeared. Welch and Barney tracked his movements until he disappeared from Seattle. He sold his possessions to a consignment store; sold his car to a used car lot; drained his girlfriend's bank accounts; stole her good jewelry and took off." Prescott explained.

"Which means he's not here in Seattle, which means I don't have to look over my shoulder." I shrugged.

"Which means he could double back to Seattle without anyone knowing he's here until he strikes." Prescott argued. "We don't know what is going on with the girlfriend and we don't want her threatening you because of him."

"I've decided to work out at the condo in the morning. Work from eight-thirty to five-thirty daily. I'll stay in at Grey Annex unless my coworkers want to go out for lunch." I said. "I'll try to give you lunch schedules in advance. I'm dancing on Friday nights and Saturday mornings. It just works out better. I'll try to tell you the Saturday and Sunday schedule as soon as I know it."

"Understood," Prescott said. "You don't want to work out at Grey Annex gym anymore?"

"Not until after July one. I have a busy schedule until then." I said. "Bonner is doing yoga with me each morning in my condo. After the wedding I'll be taking self-defense class on three consecutive weekends.'

 **April 13**

"Tonight I'm massaging scars four and five on your front. We've desensitized one through three. You need more work on four and five. T-shirt off, lay down on the table. What are you doing for the weekend?" Sela asked.

"We're practicing for the surprise dance for Elliot's wedding. Some golf, some work. Mia arranged a movie and lunch date for the Greys, Kavanaghs and Steeles."

"Steeles?" John asked.

"Ray and Laura are in town, visiting Ana." I explain.

"What are you going to see?" Sela asked.

" _Avengers_ ," I said.

"Do you get to sit by Ana and share your popcorn with her?" John asked.

"No, Mia has a seating chart. Mia, Ana, Kate, Elliot, Ethan, Eamon and Celeste in one row of seats. Laura, Ray, Dad, Mom, Me, Grandpa Theo and Grandma Frannie in the next row. Taylor, Sawyer and Prescott in the theatre with us, Mia arranged for us to have a private screening in one of the smaller theatres."

Sela worked on my two scars for thirty minutes. "Are you ready for a full chest massage?" I nodded and she began. "Our ten-minute hold and talk will be a question and answer session about Spring Fling. I saw great pictures in the _Seattle Times_."

"So did some of the unsavory universe," I tell them about Jack Hyde's cryptic but threatening note to Anastasia. "Any chance I had at apologizing to her and reconciling was destroyed when she heard me yell at Sawyer."

"How did that happen?" John asked.

"Mia told me about the situation. Ana was in Mia's office and heard me yell at Sawyer about getting some answers. Prescott was collecting Ana to take her home in a different vehicle and she overheard the call which was on speaker phone."

 **April 14 - APOV**

"Who is he?" Dad examined my dance partner.

"His name is Tom S. We don't use last names here for anonymity." I said. "He's learning how to dance for his daughter's wedding. I'm about the same size as his daughter, so we practice together a lot."

"Hum," Dad said noncommittally.

"He's a gentleman, Dad," I said. "I feel very safe with him. I don't think anyone here would misbehave, but Tom walks Prescott and me to and from the car. We're not in a bad neighborhood, but it is busier weekdays. Weekends are a little sparse for people."

"Free dance," the instructor called out.

"Will you dance with me, Dad? We're expected to dance an all fathers-daughters dance at Kate's wedding."

"I would be honored," Dad took my hand and guided me to the dance floor. We danced a waltz to _Faithfully_ by Journey. Tom asked Laura, who decides to dance.

"Ah…using Laura to conduct covert surveillance?" I teased Dad.

Dad shrugged. "Pay attention to your steps and not the universe." Dad chided me, using one of Mom's favorite nags when she was teaching Dad to dance.

 **XX – 3PPOV**

Ray watched as Tom S. took a good look around the room before talking on his phone. Annie and Laura were in the dressing room. He watched Tom S. leave the building and walk out to a black SUV parked to the side of the parking lot. He was not surprised to see the window roll down to reveal Luke Sawyer at the wheel.

"Sawyer?" Ray approached the black SUV.

"Yes," they both turned to greet him.

"Now I know why you seemed familiar," Ray said. "Ray Steele, Annie's dad." He shook hands with Tom Sawyer.

"Tom Sawyer…and yes… that's my real name. It was my grandfather's name. His mother was fond of Mark Twain."

"So are you providing surveillance for Annie," Ray asked.

"Yes and no," Tom asked. "I make sure nothing happens to her here. I'm polishing my dance moves for my daughter's wedding in May. You'd better go," he said to Luke. "Your mom's looking forward to seeing you at dinner tomorrow, after church."

"I'll be there Dad, goodbye sir," Luke shook Ray's hand before departing.

"I'd appreciate you not telling Ana who I am," Tom said to Ray as they walked back to the building.

"Is there another threat to my daughter's safety?" Ray asked.

"Her ex-boss got out of jail the sixth of April after being picked up for a DUI. He liquidated his assets, relieved his girlfriend of hers and is in the wind. No one can find him. Luke is concerned. He says Ana's weekends jaunts with Kate and Mia are stressing the security team; especially in light of the kidnapping attempt which became national news. They are worried about repeat attempts." Tom said. "I don't want you to be concerned, but you should be aware." He nodded in the direction of Laura and Ana who were exiting the dance studio.

"So we're spending April finishing up the kennels and dog runs. Tundra will have her first litter by May first and we're keeping the puppies a minimum of eight weeks. We already have four people who paid a deposit for a puppy. The vet says she has four puppies in her first litter. Let's hope they are all healthy." Laura was telling Ana. "I've picked four female names and four male names just to be covered when they come. They are all Inuit names beginning with A."

"Tom, this is my significant other, Laura De…" Ray started to say.

"No last names," Tom laughed.

"Laura D." She shook his hand.

"Tom S." He shook her hand. "Ana, thank you for the dances today. Laura, thank you for the practice."

"Did you finally settle on a song for your father-daughter dance?" Ana asked.

" _Father and Daughter_ by Paul Simon," Tom said. "The parents dance is _Unforgettable_ by Natalie and Nat King Cole. I'm keeping a spare handkerchief in my pocket so I won't be a blubbering baby."

"You'll be fine," Ana said. "Since my Dad's here; you don't have to walk me to my car. I know you're just dying to go taste cakes."

"It wouldn't be so bad," Tom groused, "if they gave us real slices of cake or even cupcakes…but you barely get a taste from one of those mini cupcake things they offer."

"Elliot says you need six cupcakes – two to taste the cake flavor, two to taste the icing flavor and two to taste the combination. I think that's his excuse to eat six regular sized cupcakes at one time," Ana laughed. "My friends are having a cheesecake tier for their wedding cake. Their mothers are just now adjusting to the thought of it."

"My future son-in-law and I want ribs as part of the wedding menu, but his mother and her mother say no," Tom laughed. "Too messy, they claim."

"There's always the rehearsal dinner or the bachelor party. If the two of you get desperate, take him out to lunch at a rib place and have a father and future son talk. Set up a once-a-month meal for ribs and man time." Ana laughed and waved goodbye to Tom.

"Speaking of ribs," Ray said.

"How do you feel about the barbeque place by my condo?" Ana asked. "We can either call ahead and pickup or eat in."

"I vote eat in so your dad doesn't feed Tundra leftovers. The barbeque sauce upsets her tummy." She good-naturedly scolds Dad.

He laughs. "Tundra's my little furry girl…she isn't ratting me out for giving her treats."

Laura rolled her eyes. "She barks the whole time we're in Montesano unless she's in the same room with him. He made her a special bed in the workshop. It has steps for her to run up and down. He feeds her cheese cubes which make her fart all night."

"Calcium is good for building bones," Dad shrugged.

I smothered a smile.

 **April 15 – APOV**

Dad tells Elliot about the changes to the balcony. The Plexiglas barrier on the balcony is down and in storage. One of the pieces Dad brought is a vintage wrought iron chandelier. It's painted in navy enamel, like the rest of the furniture. He removed the generic light fixture from one end of the balcony and installed the chandelier over the eating area. The bulbs look like candle flames. Laura found cranberry colored pots in various sizes and planted them with fresh herbs – chives, basil, oregano, thyme, rosemary, cilantro and sage, with bigger pots holding spinach, kale, spring greens and scallions. I love them and share the pictures with Kate and Mia. They think the patio is ultra-chic. Laura helps me measure the furniture so I can research Amazon for cushions for my new outdoor furniture. We talk about having lunch on my balcony on a Saturday when it is clear and sunny; like the last two weekends.

We have lunch at Grey Calendars after we watched _The Avengers_. Mia arranged for fresh fruit, pasta salad and Italian roast beef sandwiches on ciabatta rolls, with coffee, juices and water. Christian and I are cordial to one another…I sense it saddens Grace but I can't think about it. Kate and Elliot banned all talk of the wedding. Theo and Frannie banned all talk of work.

Everyone wanders around and views the pictures and pillows, commenting on the events which Grey Calendars has coordinated. I take everyone for a tour of Grey Publishing. I show them my office. Christian looks at the windowpane of pictures on the wall and I'm sure he saw José's name, but he doesn't say anything except comment that it's a great grouping of pictures.

 **XX**

Dad and Laura left for Montesano after the movie and lunch. I give Tundra, Timber, Ila and Inuit love and hugs before Laura puts them in the portable kennels for transport. Tundra is a little round pregnant Pomsky and I have to give her lots of love. I promise Dad I will behave and cope with security until Jack Hyde is found. I also reiterate I intend to go where I want to go; when I want to go and I won't ask for permission. He just shakes his head at me.

I call Mom after Dad and Laura leave. I tell her about the movie with the Grey, Kavanagh and Steele families. She automatically assumes Christian and I are together and is so excited I think she tuned out everything else. We talk about bridal showers for Kate. She asks what Christian and I have planned for the bachelor-bachelorette parties. I explain it's a destination party, so we're keeping it small – just the wedding party. For the rest of the phone call she gives me advice on destination bachelor and bachelorette parties. _God; when does she have time to research this stuff?_

 **April 16 - APOV**

My patio is my new favorite place to read and daydream. I love the skyline at dawn and dusk. I'm looking out at the skyline, standing on my balcony, reveling in the almost clear spring morning. As I work on yoga stretches and warm up. I saw movement in the dark and stepped back into the shadows. It was Christian and Taylor, in running clothes, running past my condo. _WTF?_ I stayed in the shadows and watched as they passed. _Watching them run is quite…enjoyable. So were hot showers after he worked out…I yell at my ninny self to finish up my yoga. There are things to do today._

 **April 20 - CPOV**

"You did very well tonight," Sela covered me with a warm blanket. "I managed to massage all your chest area, including the scars. Next week I'll begin with individual massage of your back scars."

"Works for me," I said, snuggling into the warm blanket.

"I would like to show Miss Steele how to do a deep tissue massage for your back once you reconcile. I know you said she can touch your front now, but I would like an opportunity to work with her." Sela let the subject drop after seeing my face. "After the ten-minute hold and questions, we're going down to the swimming pool to play water polo. Jason bring his suit?" Sela asked.

"Yeah, but he wasn't happy about it." I said.

"At least he and John can go topless. It's optional for you, but I can't go topless." Sela said.

"I brought a suit that has a built in muscle shirt," I snuggled under the warmth. "I get Taylor on my side."

"That's fair, John's almost as tall as you are. He can reach the long shots easier than I can."

 **April 21 - APOV**

Mia arranged for a private dining room for us at the Mile High Club with Celeste and Grace. I was glad for the warning so I could dress up. I choose my blue floral spring dress with carnation sweater and white heeled sandals and purse. I wear the pale pink pearl earrings and necklace Shawn found at the rummage sale. They were new with tags and had never been worn.

"Mom," Kate sighed. "I'm shopping for honeymoon lingerie this afternoon. Tomorrow, we're shoe shopping. I'm trying to find comfortable shoes I can wear for the wedding. OH…you should see the garter I ordered. It's not the toss garter, because Elliot's going to want to keep it for hanging of the rearview mirror of his truck. I got a pretty one, white and lace and blue ribbons for the toss." She pulled up a picture of a mini tool belt garter she specially ordered.

"Ana, Mia and I are double checking the guest list and invitations next week. Mia created a database to track the RSVPs as we get them." She paused. "We've been very specific - no children at the wedding. No children at the reception. Registry info is on my Facebook page." She spotted her mother's face. "Sorry mom, I'm not having a flower girl or a ring bearer."

"I have the wedding photo list and I printed out half a dozen of the special pictures I want." Celeste ignored Kate's mini-meltdown and reached for a small folder of pictures. "I want a picture nook; especially during cocktail hour. Picture nook, guest book, wedding favors and finding assigned seats will keep guests busy so there will be less over imbibing."

"Just keep the bartenders on their toes. No hard booze at the reception. Beers, champagne punch, wine and non-alcoholic drinks." Mia said. "It's in the contracts. They won't serve what you don't schedule. They are closing down the bars an hour before the reception ends. Once the cheesecake is served, it's strictly non-alcoholic drinks and whatever wine is on the tables."

"That heart-shaped family group picture is great," Kate gushed; handing it off to Mia who showed it to Grace, who passed it to me.

"We have two photographers, one with the girls and one with the guys. Both at church, one for close-ups; one for distance shots. Photos at church after the wedding for thirty minutes include that heart picture. Your friend José is at the reception with the photography nook. Before the reception starts, the long-distance photographer will set up the panorama picture of all the guests. Video tape of wedding and reception. Two sets of candid photographers." Mia added Celeste's pictures to the photography folder.

"Elliot wants real trees for the corners at the reception. We can set them up for the reception and then Grey Construction will take them out and plant them at Spokani Eden. Elliot has a list of nurseries where to get the live trees." Kate explained. "We'll put the photography nook in one corner and then the trees in the others."

"What are we doing about the special wedding songs?" I asked.

"NO _Girls Just Wanna Have Fun_ for the bouquet toss and no _The Stripper_ for the garter toss." Mia said.

"Done," Kate said. "I arranged for a bouquet to toss. I'm having mine preserved in a Lucite box for my home office."

"Here's twelve possible hairstyles," Mia passed the printouts to Kate, bypassing Celeste. "Every one of them should work with your hooded cloak at the wedding."

"Kate, I thought we talked about a French twist or a classic double chignon." Celeste protested.

"Elliot wants me to wear my hair down. I'm letting him pick six possible styles he likes best. I'll have my hair fixed in each of the styles, test them with the cloak, take pictures and Elliot can choose. I'm not marrying myself Mom, Elliot has to have some choices in our wedding and reception. Which means his wanting trees, helping to choose the food and wine and helping with the seating chart are important to him."

"Once we start getting the RSVPs; we'll firm up the seating arrangements." Mia said.

"Mom; table one is reserved for six grandparents and my godparents. Table two is Elliot's aunt and uncle, two sets of my aunts and uncles and Elliot's godparents from Detroit. Tables three through six, people who are important to Elliot and me. I don't want someone in the first row of tables staring at Ana and making her uncomfortable and Elliot doesn't want anyone at the first row of tables eye-fucking Christian."

"Katherine!" Celeste was shocked.

"MOM! Six girl cousins with plus ones; along with six boy cousins and six plus ones equals 24; which is three tables of family. Half of them are aggravated I'm not using their precious as a flower girl or ring bearer and half the girl cousins are aggravated to not be part of the wedding party because they don't get a chance to throw themselves at Christian." Kate said stubbornly. "Sorry, but all of my extraneous relatives are relegated to the second row of tables at the reception. I've decided if they vex me – I'll put them at the perimeter of the room."

Mia read out the schedule to us to diffuse Kate's growing ire. "Wedding at 2:30. Thirty minutes for the ceremony. Thirty minutes for church photos. The cocktail hour food is a food station of Chinese 5 Spice Chicken Wings; Thai Shrimp Cocktail; Sweet Potato, Leek and Cheese Crisps; Spring Rolls; and Peach and Citrus Fruit Skewers.'

"We're taste testing all of those offerings at lunch today in addition to lobster salad," Kate explained.

 _I remember what Ros said about wings and skewers and smother a smile. Can I point that out gently during lunch?_

"Introduction of the bride and groom at four p.m. followed immediately by the bride and groom dance. Followed immediately by the father-daughter dance, mother-son dance and bridal party dance. Followed immediately by serving food by 4:30. Five o'clock begins the scheduled dances such as all father-daughter; all mother-son; all family, grandparents and godparents; the gift girl and usher dance; money dance, etc. Cheesecake cutting by six p.m. followed by open dance for all guests. Bride and groom last dance, throwing bouquet and garter and the happy couple exit at seven. Reception ends at eight."

 _"If I ever marry - I' going to elope," I seriously thought to myself. "Better to ask forgiveness than deal with six months of this hell."_

After lunch with the moms; I went shopping with Kate and Mia at Pacific Place Mall. Kate wanted to shop Victoria's Secret to find lingerie for the honeymoon. Mia looked at swimsuits. I looked with her. I have two tankini suits and two cover ups in coordinating blues, but they are years old. I break down and buy two new suits. I buy a bandeau top and classic brief in raspberry. I bought a demi halter top with a classic bikini bottom in navy. Mia found a Hawaiian print gauze big shirt I can use for a cover-up. It is small print with navy, purple, raspberry and lemon yellow. I like that it covers me and doesn't show what I don't want seen. It will also provide coverage for my scar this year. There's a great raspberry hat, tote and beach shoes to coordinate. Mia suggests finding raspberry colored sunglasses to coordinate.

I want to hide out in the dressing room until we leave. Sawyer and Anders shut the store down so we're not overrun with paparazzi. Prescott guards the dressing room entrance to keep excess salespeople out. Kate leaves with three bags of lingerie. I tell her TDMI when she explains about the bag of lingerie she gave Elliot so she could shop today. Tomorrow, when we are looking for shoes, she's putting three pairs of his favorite stilettos in a bag to harass him. Is she into spanking…because Blonde God Grey might not put up with her pushing his buttons.

 **XX – CPOV**

"SHE'S DOING WHAT?" I shouted at Sawyer.

"I'm not telling you what Miss Steele is doing. That's against her edict. I'm explaining Miss Mia accompanied Miss Kavanagh and Miss Steele to Victoria's Secret at Pacific Place Mall. Miss Kate shopped for honeymoon lingerie. Miss Mia gave fashion advice to a friend who bought swimsuits…and just so you know …Anders and I stood guard outside the store to keep creepers from entering. Prescott stood guard between the private dressing rooms and the main sales floor."

"Fine," I said with gritted teeth. "Just keep them from being followed by creepers." I get off the phone and do a Hail Mary pass with my cell phone across the living room and watch it hit the wall and shatter into hundreds of tiny shards. I'll bet Taylor's regretting teaching me how to throw a football. Damn…I should have taken my phone to the garage, fired up the R8 and run it over a few hundred times.

I'm going to buy a company and dismantle the damn thing. Please let there be an idiot out there who doesn't know how to run his company. I'll buy it, fire his stupid ass, penalize or fire his idiotic board of directors, restructure his company and take care of his employees. That will help…but so will breaking into Ana's condo and stealing her damn swimsuits. I wonder if she bought them to wear while she visits her mother. Christ…did she buy a bikini? Taylor has given Barney marching orders to clear any requests regarding Miss Steele through him. I know Taylor's trying to keep me from obsessing and pissing Ana off. Fuck, I don't know how to hack her credit cards or bank account and I don't know how to hack the CCTV at the mall. I miss having Striker follow Ana so I know what's going on.

 **XX - APOV**

 _It's sunny. warm and a proper day for the beach. I wear one of the new swimsuits I bought. Kate and Elliot went off to play in the water with one another. Ethan and Mia are off, walking the beach. I lay down on my large beach towel under a large beach umbrella, and apply sunscreen to prevent burning. I'm drinking lime water and reading. I enjoy the fresh breeze and fall asleep…when I awake the sun is setting, and the tide is going out. My friends are nowhere in sight. There's a heart shape around me…created from sea shells. Only it's not just a linear heart…it's the word 'mine' spelled out over and over and over creating the heart. When was Christian here?_

"Ana," Bonner woke me. "Are you alright? You were moaning in your sleep. Were you having flashback dreams of the shooting?"

"Are you sure I wasn't groaning in my sleep?" I asked. "I was having a nightmare about Kate inviting my Mother to her wedding. I was trying to get down the aisle and my mother was busy brushing my hair and trying to fix my makeup while she nagged at me to walk sedately and stand tall."

"Mothers!" Bonner said. "I just made a pitcher of chai tea. I was about to make a tea tray and watch the three-hour _Death Comes to Pemberley_ special on BBC America. Join me?"

"Oh god!" I groan. "More Mrs. Bennett. I wish I knew how to brew a calming draught. I'd ship it to my mother to drink before we Skype."

"There's nothing to know – it's just opiates or laudanum in an alcoholic cocktail," Bonner laughed. "You can work on sitting and standing or walking during the commercials. Or, you can do a stair walk in a long skirt and heels if you feel like doing yourself a harm."

"I think I'll pass on the stairs," I laughed and reached for my robe.

 **April 22 - CPOV**

Dinner conversation included discussing Ana's dance lessons. She said her waltzing is deplorable and she may have to take a second set of classes in just the basics before the wedding. I try to concentrate on my Chicken Picata, lemon garlic angel hair pasta, balsamic green beans and asparagus tips. It's a good thing we're at the Kavanaghs this week, because I need all the wine Eamon pours me. _Sawyer and I discussed his dad taking dance lessons with Ana. It makes me feel better about that issue._

"My instructor is a fan of clean and simple. The guy she dances with tends to have a lot of extra hand and body moves. My classmates and I feel really…inept compared to him." Ana admitted.

I'm glad Barney and I are leaving on business tomorrow morning and not returning until late Thursday. I wish Ana would talk to me, or would accept Skype requests. It's obvious she's riding with Prescott and won't accept a ride with me. Kate and Elliot are giving us both looks. Whatever they are thinking, Kate's smirking at Elliot and he's scowling back at her…and then scowling at me. _What the fuck did I do now?_

 **April 25 – APOV**

Tom says I look exhausted when we have dance class. Prescott hovers by the wall. "I am a bit tired," I admitted, passing it off as dealing with cranky authors. He doesn't need to know I'm PMSing. I agree to practice with him on Friday night. He wants to work on his father-daughter dance.

Bonner made great seafood linguine with salad for a celebratory dinner. Her carry conceal permit came today. She's excited about her new condo; which is in the same complex as Prescott. Rhoades is with me this weekend; so Bonner offered to arrange a shooting time for all of us at Target Rippers. I tell Bonner if she can get Prescott to join us too; I'd like to take all of them to lunch on Sunday.

 **April 27 - CPOV**

Sela massages my back – scars first and then a whole back massage while John and I talk about Jack Hyde's disappearance and Elena Lincoln's arrest. I explain Charlie Tango I is stored in a hangar at Boeing Field until after Jack Hyde goes to trial…which won't be soon since the fucker disappeared. I explain I bought Charlie Tango II because I want my own helicopter. We've increased security at Boeing Field to prevent sabotage to the GEH jet or Charlie Tango II.

 **April 28 - APOV**

"WHO INVITED MY MOTHER?" I yelled. We've forgone shopping/spa day for sitting at Grey Calendars, finalizing wedding invitations. We ate a light lunch to prevent nodding off while checking lists; but the task is tiresome. We split the list in thirds. We're playing round robin with the list, which was split in thirds. I now have the first third of the list, and am checking addressed invitations against Mia's main list.

"OMG – It's not supposed to be your mother!" Kate snapped – "It's supposed to be Ray and Laura – oh for fuck's sake – don't tell me the invite went to your mother and Bob!"

Mia intervened – "This is why we are double checking before mailing on May first. We're mailing en masse so everyone has an equal opportunity to receive their invites at the same time," She took the invitation addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Robin Adams from my hand. Then she took the list from me and used a black permanent marker to mark Mom off the list. She opened the outer envelope, stuffed the contents into a new envelope and wrote Ray Steele and Laura Denison on the envelope with Dad's address. She added them to the RSVP list.

"I need a drink," Kate moaned.

"NOT EVEN," I warned her.

Mia thrust a cold diet soda at her and recommended a fifteen-minute break.

 _My inner goddess recommends valium…large milligram size._

 **April 29 - APOV**

"Love is never having to say you're sorry," Kate intoned while I washed my hands in the powder room.

"That's bullshit. He owes me an apology…which begins with I'm sorry and continues with such catch phrases as 'I'm an ass' or…

"I'm a controlling bastard?" Kate said.

I rolled my eyes at her. "Be nice! It isn't easy for him to be told by his security team about my target practicing with Bonner, Prescott and Rhoades, followed by us having a girl lunch. I'm sure I'm too friendly with my security team for his comfort level…plus; they're all female."

"Chauvinistic and controlling," Kate said.

"Knock it off Kate," I gave her a look.

"I'm still pissed at him and I have every right to be," Kate said. "I know how much you disliked number three…yet he tried to kidnap you because he thought he thought he could get a payoff from Mr. Moneybags.

"I wish you wouldn't call Christian that," I said. "It's rude and it demeans all he does for underpriviledged people. Besides, my therapist says using not-so-nice nicknames gives people power over you."

"So I should quit calling Elliot my blonde sex god?" Kate smirked.

I shook my head and rolled my eyes. "Christian and I need to discuss your bachelor and bachelorette parties. Try not to aggravate him."

"Just be nice to him during dinner so my mother doesn't hyperventilate," Kate advised.

 **XX**

"I warned Grace I'm in charge of seating arrangements tonight and dinner topics," Carrick warned. "Everyone turn off your phones. No discussion of work, no discussion of Ana's accident. No discussion of the wedding. I'm sitting at the north end of the table, Mia, Ana, Kate and Celeste on the east side. Grace is on the south end of the table and Ethan, Christian, Elliot and Eamon on the west side." Carrick held Grace's chair and the men fell in behind him. Christian holds my chair; but does not say a word.

Starters were Asian Yellowfish Tuna Spring Rolls with sesame and ginger dipping sauce. The topic for starters was _what are we reading_? Mia mentioned a New York Times best seller which was currently being read by Grace and Celeste. I said I was reading children's books about the Fourth of July. I haven't been asked to conduct a reading corner by the Women's Health Center, but I want to be ready if I am. Today's book was _Red, White and Boom_. It was just released in the stores and I think kids will love it. Kate is reading a bodice ripper…

 _Panty shredder_ …I pinch myself under the table to get my brain off Christian and into the conversation at the table.

Dinner was Crispy Five Spice Duck, Thai noodles, and cole slaw made from bok choy, carrots and mint with a citrus dressing. The entree conversation topic was the last movie we saw. Carrick begins the answers this time by saying _Avengers_ …which is echoed by all of us. We dissected the film.

Dessert was Baked Asian Pears with Ginger and Starfruit Sauce. The dessert topic of conversation was the Coping Together event being held the second Saturday in July. Grace says the tickets for the event go on sale May first. Kate and Elliot will miss it again this year because of the honeymoon. I promise Grace to help in any way possible, once the wedding is over. Mia asks me to come to planning meetings; but I refuse of my schedule and am pleased to see the look of relief on Christian's face.


	54. Chapter 54

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 54 -** "It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up." - Joan Rivers

 **May 1 - CPOV**

 _Her lips, her skin, her sex…tasted like the nectar of gods. Her giggle was the voice of an angel. Her hair smelled like heaven. My goddess is putting me through hell. I kissed lightly at first and then with more passion as my tongue teased her lips apart; intertwining with her own. My hands fisting in her hair; pulling her up, balancing her on her toes, kissing deeply…reveling in the sensations that flowed between us. I silenced her moans with a kiss, my lips dominating her, bruising her mouth, making her lips swollen and tender…just how I liked them when she wrapped her lips around my hard cock. I slowed the kisses before stopping. Anticipation…I want her anticipation. I want her wet and needy._

 _Her hands wrapped around my neck; pulling me close before she released me. I tipped her head back and made her look up at me with those big innocent eyes. "I need you, I need this."_

 _Her hands dropped, sliding down my chest as she dropped to her knees. One hand slid around my hips as the other slid around my front. She grasped my erect cock and slid it into her mouth, moaning as she took all of me. I'm hard, so hard inside her hot, soft, wet, pouty mouth. She sucks me hard, the muscles of her throat squeezing me, gripping tight. I slid into her little pouty mouth over and over again. She moaned and looked up at me under her lashes, letting me know she wanted me to come. She needed to make me come…I growl and pause in her mouth…making myself edge. I reach down and grab her by the hair; using my grip to control myself, trying to prolong the sensation of feeling her mouth on me._

" _Hands behind your head," I ordered her. My hands reached down and held hers in place, thrusting hard, taking my pleasure from her hot little mouth. Her breasts pressed against my legs. I am gone. She sucked me harder, her body trembling as the waves of pleasure captured her body and brought us both release. Her need was exposed by her thighs pressing against my ankles. Her body shuddered violently with each wave of pleasure she felt._

 _Her chestnut hair, her flushed cheeks, her pouty mouth made me scream my pleasure. I shout. I bury myself in her mouth. God, she's perfect, I explode, explode, explode in her mouth._

In the aftermath of my release…I lay still… realizing I'm clasping sheets, not her hands. Her body is not there...the memory of her yanked me from a deep sleep into the cold grey dawn of another lonely day. I know GEH won't run itself…but I need Anastasia in my life.

 **XX – APOV**

 _"Shower with me?" He kissed my forehead and pulled me to my feet. He kissed me as he walked me backwards into the bathroom. Slowly he stripped my body, until I'm only wearing scanty white lacy panties. He knelt before me, his hands slowly sliding my underwear off. He kissed up my body until he captured my mouth again. When he was done kissing me; he braided my hair. "This is how I want your hair…"_

 _He pulled me into the shower and turned the water on, warm and soothing. He stood behind me, one arm wrapped around my waist; one hand pulling on my braid. He tipped my head to the side and kissed and nibbled on my neck. I moaned and pushed back against him. His hands explored my body…one hand on my breasts, stroking, tugging and pinching my nipples over and over. His other hand slides between my legs, parting them. He makes my body tremble, anticipating his touch. His hand cupped me; his fingers spreading me, chuckling at the wetness that soaked me. One finger thrust deeply into me, causing me to gasp. Another finger invaded me, causing me to moan. He rubbed against me, exciting his hardness while his fingers rotated between thrusting into me and teasing my clit until it was swollen and needy. He kept it up until I begged him to fuck me. Suddenly his hands left my breasts, my sex…and he pulled me back, hard, filling me completely. My body matched his rhythm until I was grinding against him, allowing him to thrust as deeply into me as possible. His body held me in place, my hands braced against the shower wall. He thrust deeply …filling me completely. He held a hip for leverage, one hand pulling my hair as he fucked me hard. I moaned and pushed against him, meeting thrust for thrust._

" _Come for me," he ordered…._

 _"No! I want more…" I begged._

 _His hand thrust between my legs, finding my clit and pinching it hard. "Come for me," he ordered._

 _I moaned and lost control, shaking hard, riding out my orgasm. He entered me quickly, struggling to maintain a rhythm against my rocking. I bore down and clenched him over and over until he exploded in me…making me breathless and soaking wet…_

…and wide fucking awake because he is not here! It would be nice if I could just escape from thinking about him, but that nocturnal sex maniac invaded my dreams and bedded me in my sleep. I groaned and rolled over…what time is it…It's a good thing I'm awake…we must have had a power surge during the night. The alarm didn't sound and I overslept. Rhoades is talking to Prescott in the kitchen. I race to dress; knowing I can check my emails while Prescott drives to work and we can get breakfast at Grey Annex.

 **XX**

Hannah brought us yogurt, granola and berry breakfast parfaits from the cafeteria. We discussed my schedule with Prescott and then they stepped out of my office and left me to my thoughts. I laid down and put my feet up on the arm of the loveseat in my office. My feet are a little swollen. I think I'll ditch the heels for comfortable flats.

Laura texted I am a fur auntie. She sent pictures of Tundra's first litter. Two males and two females, all healthy. The kennels are built, the dog runs are built. She said she has moved in but is still learning where to find things. Dad sent his love.

José emailed to ensure we were still coming for graduation. I forward the email to Hannah and ask her to make reservations for a suite with three bedrooms at the Heathman.

Mom emailed she can't wait for me to come to Savannah at the end of the month. Her backyard and garden are in bloom and the landscaping at the country club is not to be missed. Bonner is going with me on that trip because Prescott has a family event and Rhoades plans to attend a weekend seminar to sharpen her already considerable skills. Bonner has her carry conceal permit, but she won't carry on the plane. Mom's putting her in a guest room. Bonner and I need to have a talk with Mom to explain what happened in Las Vegas and to make her feel better about Bonner protecting me and killing Stephen. I don't care if Christian or his staff like her. Any woman who puts her life on the line to save me deserves my loyalty. That's the reason I won't fire Prescott either.

 **XX**

"Have you thought about living with him?" Mary asked.

"What if we move in together and fight all the time?" I asked.

"What would you fight about?" She asked.

"Clothes…security…my gun…him buying me stuff…" I shrugged.

"You'll be living at his place…right?' Mary asked.

"Probably," I said.

"How do you make space for you in a space where he's lived in for years?"

I sighed. "I hate his art work."

"No you don't," she laughed. "You hate the white walls and the cold feel of his condo. So you negotiate with him – the space that is your space at his penthouse has to have color and you pick the art work. You said you liked that field picture from the Seattle Art Museum…so search and find a picture that you like for your space."

"How do I deal with his nagging at me to eat?" I asked.

"You need to draw up a list of no-go's. No one in the bathroom with you; no security in the bedroom; no security cameras while you're dressing; no nagging about food; no whatevers…" Mary sighed. "You need to learn how to negotiate."

I sighed.

"Ana, you have a list of the things you want to do…your 'bucket' list if you will. You need to compare it to Christian's 'bucket' list. Yes, sex is fun…but you are not John Lennon and Yoko Ono; you cannot spend a month in bed…even if it's for a good cause."

I sighed again.

"You must have a voice in your life, Ana. You should not have to shout from mountain tops to have people listen to what you want in your life. Additionally, you and Christian are, essentially, singing a duet with one another. You need to stop listening to the voices in the choir…i.e. the press, the paparazzi, your mother, etc. and stay in tune and keep time with one another."

"You make it sound so simple, just a leap of faith," I muttered.

"You and Christian write a new chapter of your life together every time you come together, separate and then come back and try again. You just need to keep building together…and to keep doing that…you have to keep talking. I understand your need to not be yelled at…but over thirty days of not communicating with one another is not healthy. Think about it. You need to create new memories. I don't mean ones of running away from paparazzi, but watching a sunset together on a private beach where no one interferes with you." Mary paused. "Now is the time for you to vocalize all those thoughts which you have running amok in your head."

I pause and then start. "I want to be treated with respect and honesty n all actions and communications. There are times he won't tell me things because he doesn't think I need that crap in my head or I don't need to know what's going on. Truth is…I want to be loved and respected for who I am, not who I might become, not who I should be."

"And that is where we have a conversation about the classes you took and your rationale for them," Mary said. It was an interesting fifteen minutes with Mary asking questions and my justification for my needs. When we've exhausted the topic and I can validate my reasons for the classes, we continue.

"I expect to have my voice heard. I expect to be heard and respected even if you disagree with what I say. I will offer you the same degree of respect and listen to what you say." I said.

"Which leads us to the fact you think Christian, Kate, Mia and your mother don't listen to you." Mary and I discuss this again. "You will ensure your wants and expectations are met when you become your own best friend and advocate. Ana, people who cannot interact with you respectfully and honestly don't belong in your life."

I sighed again. "Kate…my friend José…they don't like Christian…they seem to think he's going to hurt me…which already happened…but if I can get past it…why can't they?"

"Sometimes it is amazing how your friends see things you can't; but they aren't the ones in the relationship. They don't know everything. A relationship is trying to coordinate your life with his."

"I'm amazed at our three days in Las Vegas, we worked; we talked. It wasn't easy – we learned favorite things about one another, shared memories, discussed politics and laughed with one another."

"Do you feel you've given the relationship too many chances?" Mary asked.

"No, but a year ago; I would have been devastated. Now, I feel it hurts less to step away for a while and think objectively about what I want to do and who I want to be." I said.

"Ana, at some point in time…everyone makes mistakes in relationships. We say or do the wrong thing; we take things for granted; and sometimes we're too overwhelmed with real life to fight for a relationship like we should." Mary said. "You have to be the one who decides whether the good outweighs the bad. When you are putting up with perpetual crap for ten minutes of happiness…it's not worth it. Additionally, you're never going to get away from the myth of demi-god Grey. The media will be around from now until eternity – and 50 years after that, any children you might have will deal with the media."

I sighed again. "Can we end this depressing heart to heart talk with something fun? Like playing chopsticks swords."

"Writing our own fortune cookies?" Mary's eyes lit up; handing me pen and paper.

 _Confucius say "Girl with two left feet is a lopsided dancer."_

 _Confucius say, "Be quiet at movies, not in your life."_

 _Confucius say, "Bucket for making list; not for bailing out water over your head."_

 **May 4 – CPOV**

I am too frustrated to sleep...pushing my body to its physical limits should have exhausted me and made me sleep, but the hot shower didn't make the throbbing in my rock hard cock subside. I toss and turn for most of the night. I wake early. It's a grey and wet day. I'm going for a run. I don't give a damn what Taylor says. I'm running past Ana's condo. If I'm lucky, she'll be doing yoga stretches on the balcony. As I approach Ana's condo, I wonder what's on her schedule for the day …but Ana is not on the balcony. Oh well. I head for Escala to get ready for work. I need to finish up the speech for the WSUV presentation next Saturday. I will get to dance with her tomorrow and I will make sure that we talk.

 **May 5 - CPOV**

We meet for family dancing class. Ana looks lovely. Mia has a CD of the songs and the order of the dances. Kate and Elliot open the dancing. The next dance is the bridal party dance. I want to stare into Ana's blue eyes, but if I do…I'm going to forget the steps and we'll look awkward together. Her eyes are down, staring at my chest; concentrating on her steps. We're all exhausted three hours later when practice is over. We danced every possible permutation of dance partners. I even danced a stiff dance with Kate while Ana laughed and had a good time dancing with Elliott.

"Ana," I called out to her as she was leaving. "Let me walk you to your car?"

She nodded. She even offered me her hand to hold it while I walked her to the car.

"I want to apologize to you, but I don't want to do it out in the open with the universe watching us. Is it possible we can Skype and discuss this in the next hour?"

"Agreed," she said. "I'll be home and ready in the next 30 minutes." She allowed me to help her into Prescott's SUV. I kissed her knuckles, checked her seatbelt and she smiled at me as I closed the door.

 **XX - APOV**

Bonner knows I'm Skyping with Christian. She brings a lunch tray to my office. I close the door to the office and surf the net until Christian connects.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you in Las Vegas. I believe we developed feelings for one another very quickly. My life with you was the best I had known. I felt alive for the first time in my life…and then I felt empty and sad and scared when you left me. When we reconciled St. Paddy's weekend…I didn't see us encountering problems again. But Las Vegas happened and I was scared and freaked out about losing you. I know I should not have yelled at you…but you have to work with me, Ana. I want to love and protect you and you can't keep fighting with me about it. John says focus on your goal; not the tasks you need to achieve to get there. Once you have the goal in mind, break it down into doable tasks and work toward them. All I can say is I freaked out at the thought of losing you. I'm sorry you heard me yell at Sawyer. I'm sorry I'm over-protective and a little psychotic when it comes to your safety."

"I apologize if I've been difficult, but badgering me about my security when I'm hurt and when I'm worried about Prescott getting injured was very poor impulse control on your part. While I like having you in my life; there are times when you are impossible and I can't deal with it."

"I like having you in my life…despite the upheaval," Christian laughed.

"I'm sorry to be the cause of upheaval in your life. I know it was controlled and orderly before I came into it." I said. "I'm sorry you think I'm fighting you about my safety; but I can't be isolated. I can't live like that."

"My life was boring before you fell into my office. I want more with you, Ana. I've never done this before…you have to help me do it right. I'll do my best to control my temper and not yell, but you have to quit running and shutting down. We can't keep hurting one another like this." Christian said.

"I have to tell you about Stephen Morton and my brief life with him," I said. "I assure you…I never worked with anyone to shake you down for money." I talked for twenty minutes, explaining about Mom, Dad, their divorce, her party ways, the sheer number of men in and out of her life and then the surprise marriage to Stephen. He was an airplane mechanic based at Randolph Air Force Base in San Antonio. He was transferred to Nellis AFB, Clark County, Nevada just shortly after their wedding.

Christian asked pertinent questions about my life with Mom after the divorce and when and why Dad came to Las Vegas to rescue me. I never felt comfortable around Stephen because I never trusted him. I told Christian about the size and amenities of Nellis AFB. I told him about Mojave High School…and how I liked going back to Montesano where there were less kids in my graduating class than there were in our apartment complex at Nellis.

Christian understood I felt isolated and threatened by Stephen; which was part of why Dad came to Las Vegas to 'rescue' me. He heard Stephen screaming obscenities at me and threatening to beat my ass for talking to Dad on the phone. Stephen said it didn't look good for his military career if he couldn't 'control' his family. What I didn't know was Dad was calling from Las Vegas, not Montesano. Mom convinced Stephen to go to happy hour at the nearest bar with some of his coworkers. He wasn't gone fifteen minutes before Dad was at the door. He informed my Mother she could stay with that drunk, abusive bastard; but he wasn't leaving me there. He showed her tapes of phone conversations where Stephen screamed and swore in the background while I was talking to Dad. He showed her the phone numbers for Nellis Military Police and Clark County Social Services. He told Mom he would no longer allow me to be neglected and abused.

Mom told me if I wanted to leave with Dad; she wasn't stopping me…but she requested I be gone before she and Stephen returned from the bar. Dad made her sign a paper saying she was giving custody of me to him. He said it would protect us until he was able to get legal custody awarded to him. Dad helped me pack and leave. Less than 24 hours later, we were in Montesano. When we returned to Montesano, Dad contacted his lawyer and had Mom served with custody papers. She signed off on them and her lawyer overnighted them back to Dad's lawyer along with a copy of my medical files, immunization records and school records. I was a week late to start my junior year in Montesano; but I was in a safe and loving environment. Stephen would get drunk before Thanksgiving that year, abuse my Mother and leave. He was picked up for a DUI. While he was in the Clark County Jail, she packed up and left, driving to a women's shelter. They helped her apply for her divorce. His CO talked to the DA and had Stephen committed to a 28-day detox followed by 60 days of release while wearing an ankle monitor. He would be able to work and was not dishonorably discharged because of the 28-day detox.

Christian told me about his junior and senior year at Seattle Prep. He had stopped drinking and fighting and spent the summer between his sophomore and junior year attending summer school and taking online courses. He learned how easy academics were for him. He aced his regular classes and his online classes. He was able to regain two years of credits in addition to his regular credits while attending high school full time. He explained about learning to row and how he devoted his spare time to improving his form and his competitive times. He promised the next time we were in his parents' boathouse, he would show me his rowing trophies and pictures.

We had Skyped about two hours and were almost talked out.

"I donated all the furniture in the guest room at the top of the stairs. John said it was time to give it a makeover since I tore out the playroom. I donated the clothes in that room to Mom's charity. I donated the clothes in the suitcase and the suitcase also." He paused.

"I know," I refrained from rolling my eyes. "My coworker Claire bought it at the rummage sale. She plans to find matching pieces." I laughed.

"Do you really hate to wear prints?" He asked.

"I don't have anything animal print. I only have a few things that have a pattern to them. In case you haven't noticed, I'm diminutive …and patterns sort of overwhelm and I disappear."

"Except the watercolor print dress. It's very nice." He said.

"Thank you, I like it too but Kate says I have to give it away after I've had my picture taken in it two more times." I shrug. "I told her that's a waste of good clothes. I guess I'm going to donate a lot of things to your mother's rummage sale or to the Career Closet in the future."

"If you aren't busy tomorrow, I would like to take you to lunch. We need to coordinate the bridal party gift and the bachelor-bachelorette party." Christian asked.

"Can we go to one of Mia's restaurants and get a private dining room? When you know where you have reservations, please call or email me," I said.

"I was hoping for Escala," He said.

"We need to deal with the press. We can't stay locked away from the world," I said.

"I understand," he said. "Just promise you won't freak and run on me."

 **May 6 - APOV**

"Thank you for meeting me for lunch," Christian kissed my cheek. "You look lovely, that color suits you."

"I really like this color," I'm wearing the raspberry sheath dress. I've put my hair in an inverted ponytail. Cassie would disapprove, but I don't care. I allow him to pull out my chair and I practice Cassie's sitting lessons.

"I ordered for us. I hope that is acceptable." Christian said.

"I appreciate that very much," I said.

"Sancerre?" He offers.

"Yes, please," I accept his offer. "Since I have a driver, I can enjoy a glass."

"Good," Christian smiled while he poured a glass for me. "Do you have rules how you would like to handle Elliot and Kate's wedding?" Christian asked.

"We both want the best for them and their families. Strained relations between us will not reflect that," I say quietly and then sip my Sancerre. It is delicious.

"I will abide by whatever rules you want," Christian said.

"That's not fair to either of us," I said. "Your brother is marrying a woman who is like a sister to me. I know you aren't a fan of Kate's; but I know Elliot and you have become close."

Christian tried to hide a smirk.

"What is that look about?" I asked.

"Well, I think they are both annoying assholes at times; and I think they both have good traits. Perhaps they do deserve one another." Christian said. "I mean that in the kindest possible terms."

"I believe you," I said.

"Lobster and crab Cobb salad with citrus champagne vinaigrette," our server placed strikingly arranged plates and a well-stocked bread basket before us.

I unfold my napkin and place it in my lap. I reach for my glass and take a sip. Christian looks at me curiously.

"Should I have ordered something else," he asked.

"It's lovely; but I was waiting for you to start," I said. Cassie would approve of my manners.

He inhaled sharply; reaching for the bread basket; offering it to me. I select a cheese biscuit and a butter pat with lemon zest.

"Anastasia," Christian began to say.

"Ana…just Ana," My voice holds a plea, not a demand.

Christian held out his hand.

I believed he wanted to hold my hand so I placed my hand in his. The electrical current between us is as strong as ever. I'm always in awe of how small my hand is compared to his.

"I would be honored to have you in my life…" Christian started to say.

"You and I have to be comfortable being friends." I squeezed his hand. "Kate says if we get into a shouting match, or a knock-down drag-out fight at the wedding; she's kicking both our asses."

"If just being friends means I get to see your pretty face, I can live with that." Christian offered. "However, I agree we have to be comfortable with one another to make things easier for wedding events and the families." He let go of my hand and we began to eat.

"So, what is our first goal?" Christian asked.

"We have several – we need to coordinate the bachelor and bachelorette parties. I would prefer we coordinate them together for the sake of my skin and yours. Elliot or Mia plans could take us into realms of bad behavior which could get us on tabloid covers or arrested."

"Agreed," Christian said.

"Mia gave me a dozen possible scenarios…and I don't like any of them. I realize sedate and classy will not do for two over-the-top people such as Elliot and Kate." I sipped my wine.

"How about we enlist the help of Theo and Frannie?" Christian asked. "If it goes really wrong…we can blame them."

"Have you always been this manipulative?" I asked, surprised.

"Not manipulative…desperate. Theo will know how to have a good time and it won't involve strippers." Christian said.

"I'm not sure about Frannie. I think Kate might give her too many mimosas and she'll be a wild child. She will want to see Chippendale dancers or something." I shrug.

"Mom and Dad…" he stopped when he saw my face.

"Mia and Elliot will veto that suggestion." I said.

"Gail and Taylor?" He suggested.

"Kate doesn't know them. She might think Gail would report back to you." I said.

"Okay…so we have to figure out something that's fun and relieves pre-marital stress and jitters…but doesn't get anyone arrested," Christian said. "Clubbing in New York?"

"I don't want to cramp anyone's style, but I'm not a clubbing all night long person." I said. "You saw what happened the first time I went clubbing. I owe the city of Portland half a dozen azalea bushes. I don't think six hours of flying to New York to start partying is a good idea. Someone's going to start drinking on the plane."

"Vegas…outdoor adventure, dinner, a fun floor show, followed by a late night comedy club, then clubbing to the wee hours with drinking and dancing for everyone on Saturday. Spas for the ladies on Sunday, golf for the men, gourmet lunch somewhere, on the plane and home?" Christian offered. "We'll stay somewhere luxurious like Bellagio."

"I think that's a great idea – I need some more good Las Vegas memories. I'll ask Mia to find out who's playing in Vegas that weekend and we can pick from there." I said. "You need to tell Ethan the dates so he can arrange his schedule."

"Meaning I get to see you again," he said.

"Don't drag your feet coordinating this, or Mia and Elliot will take over and our voices of reason will be ignored." I smiled and ate my lunch.

"Can I ask if we could have a Wednesday night date?" Christian asked.

"I have dance practice on Wednesday nights. I have dance class on Friday nights in May when we have Saturday bridal group dance practice." I said.

He groaned. "How about a sandwich at Grey House before you go to class Wednesday night?"

"I could do that," I said. "I'll be there just after five-thirty – I have to be at class by seven."

 **Wednesday, May 9 - APOV**

"John expects me to come back with answers to at least six questions," Christian said. "I wasn't sure how hungry you were, so I got a lot of food and what we don't eat, Security will. I promise not to nag." Christian seats us at the table in the corner of his office so we can look out at the world.

"Thank you for feeding us," I said.

"I'm sorry about the press. I'm angry because they are intrusive assholes and won't leave us alone. What are you learning in your May dance classes?" Christian asked.

"Quickstep and Two-Step. I don't want to ask or answer normal questions," I shrugged. "How about off the wall questions?"

Christian gave me a funny look.

"I'll go first. I lost my phone number, can I have yours?" I dipped a zucchini stick in ranch dressing.

"Good one, I like that." He said. "I didn't have time to think up odd questions, so bear with me. What movie character are you?"

"Belle, Jane Eyre or Elizabeth Bennett." I said. "I'm a book reading character. You wake up and you're a woman. What's the first thought you have?"

"Oh my god, am I pregnant?" Christian laughs. "Last book you read for fun?"

 _The Emperor's Children_ by Claire Messed. It was recommended reading by Cassie…to try to get me in the wedding mindset. It had one line I haven't forgotten. ' _His smile was like a second sun in the glorious late summer afternoon_.' It reminds me of you." I ate a bite of my wonderful mango, pineapple and mandarin orange fruit salad. "If I said the word Caesar, what would you say?"

"Salad. What would you say?" Christian asked.

"Beware the Ides of March," I shrugged. "Spy or famous scientist?"

"Neither," he wrinkled his nose and shook his head. "Base jumping or sky diving?"

"Neither," I laughed. "First road trip in your first car."

He chewed carefully and swallowed. "Senior year, high school, Snoqualmie Falls. Elliot and I went hiking. My dad has always been an outdoors kind of guy. Lately he just golfs, sails and fishes with Grandpa Theo sometimes. I'd like to take him soaring someday. I think he'd like it." He took a drink and pondered. "Ever have a pen pal?"

"Yes, it was fourth grade, we were learning about the United States. My pen pal was a girl from Maine. I haven't thought about her in years. Did you ever have a pen pal?"

He cleared his throat. "Not in the traditional sense of the word," he said. "I'll explain if you want but…"

"Mrs. Lincoln?" I asked gently.

He nodded.

"I'll bet my letters to and from my pen pal were a lot more fun," I ate the last of my sandwich.

Christian observed me. "Do you want to talk about her?"

"I hate her for touching you. I don't think I can ever forgive her. I'm not jealous of her, or the 15. I don't…I understand you needed and contracted with the 15. I just don't want to be a target because they want more with you." I explain. "I understand why they wanted more…you're funny, you're sexy as hell and you're gorgeous …when you aren't being an ass. I also don't want to be a target because some woman thinks I'm the reason you aren't with her."

"I can live with that; as long as you know you are the only woman who ever made me want more." He said. "Fun, games and questions over…you have to get to dance lessons. I'm going to stay and work for a while." He stood and pulled out my chair. "Taylor, tell Prescott we're going down to the street."

In the elevator, we grinned shyly at one another. Well, m grin was shy, I think his was sardonic. Yeah, we're both thinking about sex in the elevator. Thank god that there is only time for kissing and inappropriate groping before the elevator doors open.

"Friday, Portland…Saturday, WSUV graduation…Sunday?" Christian asked.

"I'd like to spend time with you on Sunday," I said. "But it is Mother's Day," I shook my head. "Maybe we can go sailing the weekend after."

"We have Saturday dance lessons – we could have lunch after. I have Elliot things to do Saturday afternoon and you'll be busy with Kate and Mia. How about sailing on Sunday? We can get breakfast by the marina and then sail for the day?"

"Sounds like a plan," I said. "I'll bring Bonner and a swimsuit."


	55. Chapter 55

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 55 -** "The perfect woman, you see [is] a working-woman; not an idler; not a fine lady; but one who [uses] her hands and her head and her heart for the good of others." – Thomas Hardy

 **May 11 - APOV**

The beautiful day has become a beautiful aqua and mango sunset.We're flying to Portland, in the new Charlie Tango, to go to the WSUV graduation tomorrow. Christian is awarding six fellowships to WSUV agriculture students. Elliot, Kate and I are going to watch José graduate. Dad and Laura will met us at the Heathman. I should have foreseen this; I think to myself. I should have asked for Christian's itinerary. I should have asked Prescott for the itinerary. It's been a busy week, and I really haven't thought about anything except dealing with my authors and the pile of work on my desk. The four of us worked today. A three-hour drive would have stretched us to our limits. While I looked forward to quiet conversation and a chance to decompress; it makes perfect sense for us to fly. I should have considered it.

Things are strained between Christian and me at the Heathman. Christian's staff reserved and paid for an entire floor of three-bedroom suites—two on the north side and two on the south side of the same floor. When Hannah tried to make arrangements for a 3-bedroom suite; it was not available. Consequently, I paid for one suite with two bedrooms; one for Dad and Laura and one for Prescott and me with separate queen-sized beds.

"Assume much?" I asked Christian in a quiet conversation.

"Taylor told Andrea to arrange it. He claims it is easier for protection staff if we're centrally located." He shrugged. "Taylor's suggestion; not mine."

"I already reserved and paid for my suite for Dad, Laura and I." I said.

"You need a separate room for Prescott," He said. "Please don't argue; take one of the three-room suites."

"Fine, but I'm paying for it." I said. "Thank you for the offer of the larger suite. I can ask José and José Senior up to my suite to hang out with Dad and Laura." I know José Senior is bunking in with José at his place. José's been packing to move back home, Port Townsend. before the end of the month. Maybe after dinner they will want to visit with us.

Christian sighed and we went back to the desk to coordinate registration.

 **XX**

Dad and Laura sit next to José Senior so they can talk; José sits next to Elliot and Kate. When José comes to Seattle for Elliot and Kate's wedding, he will stay at their condo during the honeymoon. He will look for a place to live at that time. His internship starts July 1 at Grey Construction. It leaves Christian and me sitting next to one another. What should have been a fun dinner with friends has been ruined by Christian's attitude. He's been an absolute snarky ass since I hugged and kissed José hello.

"Stop being a jealous ass! Grow up! Acting like this won't keep José out of my suite…but it will bar you from entering." I hiss in a low voice at Christian. I throw my napkin on the table, pick up my purse and head to the powder room. "Prescott, if you value your life, you will not follow me!" I snapped at her. "I'm going back to the Heathman; please get the car."

"I'll wait here. 'I'm sure you sitting next to Christian Grey and telling him to grow up has gone viral. I couldn't count the number of phones taking pictures. I'll make sure you are safe and not bothered." Prescott turned her back to me and watched the room. I went through the door to the hallway for the bathrooms…and the employees exit.

I know Portland. I know how to get lost in Portland and how not to be found. I know exactly where I'm going, and I know exactly what I'm going to do. I've got less than ten minutes head start. I dump the battery out of my phone. I run six blocks diagonally from Buffalo Gap; I walk six blocks south. I cut through a parking structure and come out the other side. I slide through two fast food joints and take a hike through a Ford car lot. My purse is across my body so I won't get mugged for it. My pepper spray canister is in my hand and primed to spray if I need it. Eyes first; crotch second. _"IF you can injure ribs and give a mugger a black eye, and if you can break Stephen's nose and rupture a testicle…you can defend yourself for the minimal time you'll be gone,"_ my inner goddess glows with power.

Christian will get on my nerves pretty quick if he attempts to run my life. I feel stronger about who I am and what I can accomplish. I hope it's not too much of a shock for Christian…or my Dad.

"One dozen voodoo and one cock and balls…can I pay extra to have you pipe someone's initials on them with frosting?" I asked the tattooed sales clerk at Voodoo Donuts.

"Sure," he said. _He probably had people judging him for his tattoos and generally scary appearance…my inner goddess appeared and reminded me how much I hate when salesladies give me dismissive looks_. I give him the initials and asked for hot tea to go with the donuts.

"You gonna eat all those?" He looked at me dubiously. I know he's wondering if I'm going to puke them up in the bathroom after shoving them down my throat.

"I'm going to decapitate the voodoo donuts first," I said. "I want you to write CTG on them. I need the initials to be seen clearly after I decapitate them. Then I want you to write CTG on the cock and balls."

"Is CTG being a dick tonight?" He grinned, labeled my donuts the way I asked, and sold them with a hot tea. I take them, a napkin and a plastic knife to the only available seat at this hour of the night. Five heads later…my tea is gone and I'm in a much better mood and have a clearer mind. Maybe not clearer…maybe it's chocolate-glazed and raspberry-filled …but I'm ready to go back to the hotel. I put my battery in my cell phone and call for a cab. Once I've done that…the battery is removed again. The cabbie takes me back to the hotel.

Prescott is sitting in the lobby, facing the front door. She sees the pink box in my hand and just shakes her head.

"Donut?" I ask sweetly.

"I love Voodoo Donuts," she said.

"You might not want one," I handed her the box.

She cautiously opened it and laughed. "Now, that's a screen saver."

"Great idea!" I said, reassembling my phone. I take a quick picture of one of the CTG decapitated donuts. Then for laughs; I take a picture of the cock and balls donut.

"Breakfast is at eight, in Mr. Grey's suite," she said.

"I'll bring donuts," I said.

 **XX**

"I'm not going to talk about it, Laura," I tell her. "Christian was being a jealous ass. He was making snarky comments about José, which pissed me off. It's José's graduation. Christian has to be here to do his company thing; but I won't allow him to ruin José's day."

"Taylor took him out of there right after you left," Laura said. She eyed the pink box in my hand. "None of us would have guessed you went there. I think Christian's had his people scouring Portland."

"I'm sure he was. I'm sure he called Ros to yell about Prescott. I need to apologize to Prescott and tell Ros I'm safe. I heard we're all meeting up for breakfast in Christian's suite," I said. "I thought I'd bring donuts." I calmly set them down.

"Did you poison them?" She asked.

"Look for yourself." I said. "Although…I'd prefer you didn't announce it to anyone."

"Now, that's a statement," she laughed, checking out the cock and balls donut.

"It's a lesson in humiliation. If he's going to embarrass me; I will return the favor." I shrug and reach for my phone. It's time to make amends to Ros and to Prescott. I send Ros an email telling her what Christian did, how I reacted and I send it with a blind copy to Mary. I send Prescott an email apologizing for ditching her; which made Christian freak out. I tell her I owe her an Amazon shopping spree. I copy her email to Heaton and to Taylor. I email José and Kate that I am safely returned to the hotel and will see them both tomorrow. Guilt assuaged; mischief managed; lights out.

 **XX – 3PPOV**

"You have one job son," Ray addressed Christian. Taylor was in Christian's suite with them. "Your job is to love and take care of Annie. It's a simple task as far as I'm concerned. She's not high-maintenance like her mother. She's a keeper as far as I'm concerned. I don't like the way my daughter acts around you…and I blame you for that. You have to quit pushing her buttons. You have to quit acting like a jealous teenager and start acting like the smart, intelligent businessman you are touted to be."

"She has to quit running away and stay and talk to me about issues," Christian argued.

"You have to quit yelling. You yell…you smash phones…she spooks …she runs…it gets ugly. She can't be afraid to tell you what's on her mind for fear you're going to yell at her. You have to learn to communicate in tones and body language which are not threatening. Both of you need to learn to communicate with one another." Ray counseled Christian. "I got Annie back from her mother because Stephen Morton was a loud, obnoxious, verbally abusive drunk. I won't allow Annie to go back to that kind of life." Ray gave Taylor a look. "Understand?"

"I understand, but since I'm not the man she's kissing – it doesn't do any good to lecture me. If she was my daughter, I'd have kicked his ass a long time ago." Taylor said.

"Thank you for that…should I fire you now?" Christian asked Taylor.

Taylor laughed and held the suite door for Ray. "We're scheduled for breakfast at eight o'clock tomorrow, here in Mr. Grey's suite." He checked his phone. "Prescott reports she has returned, unharmed, but adamant she doesn't want to see you." He informed Grey.

Ray left and Christian started pounding his head on the back of the sofa. No…it didn't feel good or get his mind off Anastasia who safely returned to the hotel and was locked behind her suite door. He wanted to go over there, throw her over his shoulder and spank her ass…and he felt it would be worth Taylor or Steele shooting him.

 **May 12 - APOV**

"Coffee," Kate croaked. I passed her the carafe.

"Tough night?" I asked, genuinely concerned.

"Elliot and I went drinking and dancing at the club where we met a year ago." Kate said. "While I woke up with the hangover from hell, he and Christian were up and went for a run and workout in the gym. What did you do last night?"

"I remembered we were meeting here for breakfast. I stopped at Voodoo Donuts." I said.

"I love Voodoo Donuts," she headed over to the sideboard and opened the box. She burst into laughter, spewing coffee out her nose. "Damn, that hurts!" She grabbed a napkin to wipe off her face and then another to clean the sideboard. "Uhm…how many of these mothers were there?"

"Six whole voodoo donuts; six decapitated. One cock and balls." I peeked in the box. It held one decapitated donut…leaking raspberry filling out his headless neck, one intact voodoo donut and one untouched cock and balls donut.

"Security must have had a good time with the donuts," I shrugged.

"That takes 'bite me' to a whole different level I don't want to think about." Kate poured more coffee. I made more tea. We talked about the good old days in Portland. I intend to go see Mr. and Mrs. Clayton this morning. While we're chatting, the door opened and we are inundated with Dad and Laura, Elliot and Christian, and Taylor and Sawyer.

Taylor and Sawyer can't even look at me. I suspect they are guilty for some of the missing donuts.

"I ordered breakfast; it should be here in fifteen to twenty minutes," Christian announced. "Elliot and I need to shower." He looked at Taylor and Sawyer.

"Smelliot, get off me!" Kate pushed him away.

"Come wash my back, Katie," he cajoled.

"You're curdling the cream in my coffee," she protested. "Go shower!"

"You guys might as well go shower and change also," I said to Sawyer and Taylor. "I'm not going to have at your boss with a carving knife. Prescott can watch his bathroom door or watch me sit here and talk to Dad, Laura and Kate."

They couldn't leave quick enough. Prescott sighed; shook her head at me and reached for the morning paper.

Fifteen minutes later, the breakfast buffet is delivered to the room. Christian and Elliot reappear for breakfast. Taylor and Sawyer reappear. Prescott hovers.

"Ladies first," Christian indicates we should start. Laura, Kate and I fill our plates and go to the table. Laura is on one side of me, Kate is on the other. Across the table are three places – for Dad, Christian and Elliot. We've bypassed the donut box.

"Hey, who went to Voodoo Donuts?" Elliot asked, "I like their…" his words hung ominously in the air. "Perhaps later…"

Christian helps himself to food and bypasses the donuts. He doesn't even peek in the box.

Dad fills his plate, and then he peeks in the box. "Anastasia Rose Steele," he says.

"What Daddy?" I sip my tea.

Dad tries to hand the box off to Taylor who won't take it. He tries to hand it to Sawyer who won't take it. He turns to Prescott.

"Sorry Mr. Steele," she shakes her head. "Ana and I have a non-interference pact."

By then Christian realizes something's up. He walks over to Dad and takes the box. He opens it. I'm waiting for the explosion. "Good point, fair made," he says. Gingerly he rearranges the donuts and snaps a picture. I think he's emailed it to someone. He comes back to the table and resumes eating his breakfast. Soon his phone rings. He checks the number and grins. He hands the phone across the table to me. "It's for you."

I gave him a look before I take the phone. It's John Flynn. I don't need to say hello…because Flynn couldn't talk if he wanted to. He's laughing too hard. I shrug and give the phone back to Christian; who severs the call and returns the phone to his pocket.

Everyone finishes breakfast, and talks about plans. Christian has a reserved parking spot near the ceremonies. The SUV will hold nine of us. Everyone's riding with Christian so we can get in and out easily. Once the logistics have been settled, Christian asks to talk to me, privately. I follow him to his room. He fires up his laptop and Skypes John Flynn.

"John, are you ready?" He asked.

"I'm here; I've got coffee…who brought the donuts?" John asked.

"You know I did, John," I said. "Your meeting, Mr. Grey. I have places to go and things to do."

"I'm sorry I was an ass last night," Christian started to say.

"Oh no, Mr. Grey," I said sweetly…almost as sweet as the raspberry filling. "Last night you were a dick." I wait for John to quit laughing.

"I'm taking this time out of your fees," Christian informed him.

"Still a dick this morning, I see," I said.

He scowled at me. John burst into a new round of laughter. Christian muted him.

"I understand you have to be here because of the fellowships. It was kind of you to bring Elliot, Kate and me. However, today is not about you. Today is about José; it's his graduation from college. Last night should have been about him… friends celebrating with him. I know we're never going to see eye-to-eye about José. I can live with that. Because my Mother doesn't like to celebrate Mother's Day – she would prefer not to be reminded she was knocked up at 18, and a mother and widow at 19 - I postponed going to Savannah. Consequently, I'm here to cheer for my friend; who reached a goal in his life without his mother." I paused and caught my breath. "If I can forgo kissing my Mother's ass this weekend in order to be here for my friend…what makes you think I'm going to kiss your ass and hurt my friend's feelings?"

"Good point, fair made," Christian said. "I apologized, I was a dick last night. I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

"Did you apologize to José? To everyone at the restaurant? Because if I'm the only one hearing the apology, it is meaningless." I said. "Are you the reason José and his dad didn't join us this morning?"

"No, José and José Senior are having breakfast with his art agent. His agent arranged for José to have an exhibit during the Seattle Art Fair the last weekend of July/first week of August." Christian said. "José and I talked, privately, last night. He informed me he wanted to be more than a friend to you a year ago; but he accepts and understands you don't feel that way toward him. He explained your friendship helped your fathers rekindle their friendship with one another. He claims the only reason he and his father survived his mother's death is because you and your father were there for them." Christian shrugged.

"José Senior is like an uncle to me; which means I think of José as a cousin or a brother. He is moving to Seattle and interning for Grey Construction during the next fiscal year. If you are part of Elliot's life or my life; you will run into José from time to time. I expect you to treat José with courtesy or at least with the respect a talented, kind, decent person deserves." I paused. "I have one more comment to make to you…we were supposed to be attempting to be friends with one another for the sake of Elliot and Kate. I have no intention of being friends with you if you are going to act like a jealous teenager. I don't have friends who are cold or cruel. All of my friends have redeeming qualities which offset any deficiencies they may have."

"I'm sorry I was jealous. I just want to be able to hug and kiss you in public…" Christian said.

"Without fracturing the space time continuum?" I laughed.

Christian nodded and unmuted John's connection. "John," Christian said. "Do you want to comment?"

"Not, I think Anastasia's actions and comments have been valid and succinct." John said. "Do you have anything else to add, Anastasia?"

"It's Ana…just Ana. Are you going to behave yourself?" I asked Christian.

"Yes," he said. "I will swear on a Bible if you want."

I snorted, derisively. "How about you swear on the articles of incorporation for Grey Enterprises Holdings? I think you might keep your promise then, since it involves your company. That seems to be the only long-term relationship in your life that you value."

"Now you are being cruel," Christian said.

"No…I'm being honest with you. I know you are a good man. Thousands of people know that. However, donating to charities, arranging food drops, and employing people does not give you an automatic pass to be a dick when the mood hits you."

"I don't want anyone getting your kisses and hugs when I'm not getting them. I'm sorry I'm a jealous ass. I told you…you are the first woman who made me want more. I do want more and I want it with you." He paused. "I've apologized to José and to you," Christian said. "I also apologized to your father, José's father, and paid for dinner for everyone at Buffalo Gap last night in case our little spat disturbed them."

"I'm glad John is listening…because I'm going to say this to you once. I will go where I want to go. I will do what I want to do. I will hug who I want to hug. I will kiss who I want to kiss on the cheek. I will be friends with whom I please. I'm not asking for permission to live my life. I do not owe my Mother, my Father, my friends, you or your security team any explanations for how I live my life. I'm tired of looking over my shoulder wondering when someone is going to fuck with me again or when you're going to have a nuclear meltdown."

"Understood," Christian said; holding out his hand. "Shake?"

I stood and kissed him on the cheek. "Get your shit together, Christian. I told you before…you are the only man I've ever wanted. We have to trust one another, and have faith in one another…or this will not work between us. John, it was fun…but I have things to do before José's graduation." I said.

"Do you want company," Christian asked.

"Do you need any cable ties, tape or rope? I'm going to Clayton's Hardware to say hello to _friends_." I smiled.

"A man can hope, Ana. John, see you when I get back," Christian closed his laptop and pulled me in for a very passionate kiss.

 **XX**

José's graduation from Washington State University Vancouver on May 12 began at 1 p.m. The women and a few dozen men swoon when Christian begins his presentation, awarding post-graduate fellowships to six agriculture students. He entrances everyone with his explanation of the fellowships and their duties.

"Did you forgive him, again?" Kate asked.

I nodded.

"You're too good for him," Kate said.

I didn't reply; I just shook my head no. I don't trust my voice to say how much I feel for him. We both need to grow up and stop acting like petulant teenagers. Is that what first loves are like? I don't know who to ask. Maybe I can ask Mary, or Ethan. Jeez! I need to pay attention…I'm supposed to be here for Josè, not mooning over Christian.

When José is on the stage, receiving his diploma out of the 957 students, our row is on their feet – cheering and clapping loud. Christian stepped down from his seat on the dais and shook José's hand. They posed for a picture and then José moved off the stage. Once the graduation ceremony is over, we head to Sassy's Smokehouse. José has reservations there for almost 100 people – family, friends and acquaintances of the Rodriguez family. We have a good time eating barbequed meats, salads, cornbread, apple pie and sweet tea. He received shirts, ties and monetary gifts from family. José Senior gave him a new watch, chosen by Kate. Elliot and Kate gave him a laptop and a smart phone to go with the internship. Christian gave José a great black leather briefcase which has special compartments for the laptop and smart phone. Dad, Laura and I gave him a designer black leather wallet with a new 2012 $100 bill.

Elliot and Kate depart to dance and drink at one of Kate's favorite clubs. Dad and Laura stay to talk to José Senior for a while. I accept Christian's offer for a ride back to the Heathman. He asked me to his suite for a night cap. I pass on the nightcap; but not the company. I sit on his lap, my cheek cradled against his chest. His chin resting on my head. One of his arms wraps around my waist and his other hand holds mine in my lap. We talked until midnight about everything that pops into our heads; Clayton's Hardware, the food we liked at Sassy's Smokehouse, WSUV graduation a year ago, the grey halter dress he likes so much, the graduation picture, waking up in his bed at the Heathman after our night of drinking.

He walks me to my room, and chastely kisses me goodnight. We plan to meet for a private breakfast in his room; not his suite before we check out tomorrow and fly back to Seattle. Dad and Laura drove down and are driving back. Dad turned down the offer to fly down and back; he said he rode in enough helicopters in his army days. He won't get back into another unless it's an Annie emergency.

 **May 13, Mother's Day - APOV**

"Thank you for having breakfast with me this morning," Christian kissed my cheek. "You look lovely, that color suits you."

"Thank you for inviting me, sans chaperones." I allow him to pull out my chair. I'm wearing a rose-colored silk shirt with black jeans and Converse. My hair is in a ponytail also. Typical clothes for Ana 1.0 at the Heathman.

"I ordered for us. I hope that is acceptable." Christian said. "Waffles, eggs and bacon for both of us, tea for you, coffee for me. There's apple or orange juice if you want it.

"I appreciate that very much," I said. "At least you didn't have to order the menu this year."

"Now that we've been able to handle José's graduation and party; are you ready to discuss the bachelor and bachelorette parties?" Christian asked.

"We need to lock down some reservations," I sip my tea. "I asked for Friday, May twenty-fifth off. Mia is helping me coordinate a tea for Kate for her birthday. Then Mia is giving Elliot, Kate, Bonner and me a ride to SEA-TAC. Elliot is taking Kate to Napa for her birthday. I have to be in Georgia over Memorial Day weekend. I need to know we've got things started before I go."

"I started getting reservations locked down. Me … not Mia, not Andrea… me," Christian said.

"I believe you," I said, cutting three bites of waffles. This is definitely casual dining. Cassie would be proud of me. "Now let me know what you've scheduled."

"Before we do that…can we schedule some dates…you and me?" He asked.

"Just as long as you understand, we are taking this at our own pace. We don't need outside interference from anyone…we're doing a great job of messing this up by ourselves." I pull out my phone and look at it.

"When we touch down in Seattle; I have a lunch appointment with my Mom and Grandma Frannie for Mother's Day. Then I need to catch up on work. Will you come to Escala for a workout date and breakfast; say six o'clock?"

I nodded and he continued. "I have late meetings on Monday and Tuesday. How about sandwiches at Grey House on Wednesday and Friday before you go to dance class? Before six? Should I order again?"

"Monday night I have things to do at the condo. Tuesday I have an appointment. Wednesday is good; and please order dinner," I mark it in my calendar. "Can you come to dinner on the 17th? I'm making lasagna for Luke and Amber's birthdays; I invited both of them for dinner on Thursday. I have dance class on Friday night."

"I have therapy on Friday night. Can we meet for dinner at Grey House before you go to class and before I go to therapy?" Christian said.

"I can do that," I mark the date in my phone.

"I think we won't get a whole weekend of sailing until after the wedding. We have dancing Saturday morning. Do you have a Kate and Mia date?" Christian asked.

"Yes, and they exhaust me. I will collapse Saturday night." I said.

"Can we go soaring or sailing on Sunday?" He asked. "It seems like soaring was the only date we didn't mess up."

"Sounds like a plan to me," I leaned over and kissed him. We had to quit kissing and finish breakfast. Logistics for Las Vegas need to be covered.

 **XX**

When we land; Christian and Elliot are off to take Grace and Frannie to Sky City for a late lunch. Kate went to her parents' home. She got her mom a Waterford stem vase like the one I gave away at Christmas and a matching small Waterford bouquet vase. I told her about the Kate Spade cosmetic case I bought for Mom. I shipped it to Georgia last week. She asked what I got Laura. I explain I arranged for José to give her prints of the dozen pictures he took of Timber and Tundra at Christmas. She can use them for sales brochures. I also made arrangements for José to photograph Ila and Inuit plus Tundra's new liter over Memorial Day Weekend. I'm paying Mia to help Laura lay out a sales brochure. Kate asked if Mom had Laura issues. I explained I don't talk about Mom to Laura and vice versa. Prescott and I head for my condo. She hands me off to Bonner and goes home. I lay down and take a nap and dream of sweet grey eyes and soft, hot kisses.

 **XX**

Bonner and I shoot at Target Rippers. I am awed by her scores and she praises mine. One of Christian's men sits in his SUV in the parking lot. We stop for take and bake pizzas and salad. Bonner introduces me to Tex-Mex pizza and it's good. After dinner I do laundry, prep for next week, walk around in my heels and long skirt, and practice my sitting while watching Cassie recommended _You Tube_ wedding videos. Bonner cleans our guns; checks my ammo supply, cleans my gear and puts things away.

Christian sends me a sweet email; reminding me to set my alarm early for our workout date in the morning.

 **May 14 - APOV**

 _Christian is sitting on his bed, his back propped against the headboard. His legs are outstretched. I'm wearing black satin panties which match his pajama pants. "Lay down, perpendicular to me; head in my lap," he holds out his hand. "I'll answer any question you ask of me; but you have to make it worth my while." He held up a length of black lace. "Close your eyes." He tied the lace around my eyes; like a blindfold. He helped me lay down, my head in his lap, my hair tumbled around my shoulders._

 _He stoked my face and waited for my first question…it was free association…whatever popped into my head; that was the question I asked. Books he read as a child, holidays, camping trips, favorites, etc. The face strokes became thumb strokes across my lower lip. The lower lip stroke became a firm thumb on my chin as he kissed me. The chin hold became fingers brushing back and forth across my breasts, which became cupping and stoking…which became nipple fondles, tugs and rolling between his fingers. His hands dance over my ribs and my stomach…and eventually they dance over my sex._

" _So wet…so responsive…" he planted a soft kiss on my lips. "One more question…"_

" _Are you going to make love to me now…" I asked…_ and woke up. I should just let my inner goddess have free reign of my brain during the day…because these nocturnal nookie fests are frustrating. It's early – I get up and dress in a yoga outfit, grab my exercise mat and DVD, clothes and briefcase for the day. Prescott and I head for Escala.

 **XX**

I do the 5-minute warm up; followed by the 15-minute wake-up routine, followed by a 5-minute Corpse position to center my thoughts and meditate. I drink a mini bottle of water and then I do a 30-minute yoga routine for balance, strength and muscle toning. I'm lying on my mat for my last 5-minute Corpse position; and instead of closing my eyes and meditating, as I should, I've been watching Christian kick box a dummy. I know he knows I'm watching him because he has a smirk on his face. Sweat is pouring off him, and he's…yummy. "What are you smirking at?" I ask.

"Your ass. Did you know you have the best ass in the universe?" He asked.

"Do not…and complimenting my ass isn't going to get you sweaty after-exercise sex." I laid in the Corpse pose.

"What's that pose called," He asked.

"Corpse. I'm just supposed to lay here and cool down," I said.

"I'm serious…best ass in the universe." He pronounced. jumping on me and pinning me to the yoga mat. "I've been watching those yoga poses…and someday I'd like to see you do them in just your underwear."

I giggled and felt his cock twitch. "Now you know how I feel when I see you walking away with your hands in your pockets."

He rolls off me and offers me a hand up. "Shower with me," He asks.

The soaking wet V of his shirt reminds me of the muscular V of his groin where his happy trail is… "Uhm, yes," I said.

"I'm giving you fair warning…someday I'm going to claim that ass. Not today, or this week, or this month…but before the year is over Anastasia…that ass will be mine." He spoke in my ear and sent shivers to my nether regions.

 **XX**

"You've been quiet this morning," Christian said as we showered.

"I wasn't quiet several minutes ago," I blushed.

"I noticed," he smirked. "So John says we have to talk either before sex or after…he wants assurance I'm not using sex as a reason to not talk."

"Okay," I said warily as I washed my hair. "Ask away."

"What one thing would you change about me?" He asked soaping his body, his back toward me.

I think he did that so I could not see his face when I answered him. "I would change your self-perception. I would make you more accepting of how wonderful you are, and cut off the self-loathing." I said. "What would you change about me?"

"Your address," he said.

"Be serious," I said.

"What makes you think I'm not serious?" He said quietly.

"ME…what would you change about ME." I asked.

"Well, since your address, your empty ring finger and your last name are not things you consider YOU…how about I would change your self-perception. I would make you more self-aware; less self-depreciating; less unsure of how beautiful, and smart and funny and sexy you are." He said quietly. "But I've figured it out…"

"Figured what out?" I asked.

"I see the best of you and you see the best of me…" He said.

I straightened up and looked at him… "While we each see the worst of ourselves?"

"You are so smart," he said, kissing me senseless.

 **May 15 - APOV**

 _"Would you like to go for coffee?" Christian asked. He took me to Wild Grounds, a coffee shop inside a kinky boutique._

 _I didn't know where to look. Our waitress wore a black leather collar and cuffs with her Wild Grounds apron over black t-shirt and jeans._

 _Christian ordered a number two with a large double-shot latte and an English Breakfast tea, bag out. We are served a tray with fresh whole strawberries and a small bowl of whipped cream. The tray also holds a miniature chocolate fondue pot with pound cake cubes, marshmallows, pretzel sticks, dried mango slices, and mini peanut butter cookies._

 _Oh bloody hell …we're in time for the floor show. Dominants come by the table and exhibit collars and cuffs on their submissives who technically are covered – but everything they wear is made of sheer material, or leather. There's only so many leather pasties and thongs my blushing eyes can bear. Young ladies, attired in tight cigarette pants, bandeau tops and stilettos, wander by our table with trays of edible underwear, mini floggers, small sex toys, and different kinds of lubricants._

 _"Feel free to ask me what things are as the ladies come by with the trays." Christian shrugged. "I can tell you what it is, and how I'd like to use it on you." He feeds me a strawberry with whipped cream…._

I wake, stretching and am aware that I'm soaking wet…and horny. I need a cold shower…now! Christian and I had coffee together a year ago; which didn't end well. It's a year later… I will send him a Starbucks gift basket and ask if we can have coffee and sandwiches before we go to our separate therapy sessions?


	56. Chapter 56

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 56 –** "Planning a dinner party in a way that you're actually capable of getting it done without panicking is important. It's bad hospitality for the host to be freaked out." Ted Allen

 **May 17 – APOV**

I built my lasagna last night, prepped the salad and vegetables. Amber followed me home from work. She's changing into comfortable clothes in the guest bath as I changed into jeans and a cobalt blue shirt with black flats.

"Amber," I handed her a NDA. "You need to read and sign this before my other guests arrive." I pop the lasagna in the oven.

She read it. "What is this – it looks like the document we had to sign for work."

"Well, since our boss's boss is coming to dinner…" I said.

"FMTT," she said. "I wondered when you were going to let that secret get some air."

"HUSH," I said. I don't want to think about fucking with tears.

 **XX**

"Our first course is an antipasti salad – greens, diced sweet bell peppers, small red onion rings, whole black olives, salami bits, mozzarella cheese shreds, cherry tomatoes, garlic croutons with Italian salad dressing." I took a healthy portion and passed left to Amber. "We have Asiago cheese bread sticks with seasoned butters, flavored dipping oil and cloves of roasted garlic."

"I love roasted garlic, but I hate trying to clean the cloves," Amber said, helping herself to the roasted garlic.

"It's easy; I'll send you directions. All you need is a jar with lid and a bulb of garlic." I said.

"Let's do some in-depth introductions," Luke said. "List three things you like to do, and then list something you dislike. Our hostess gets to play first."

"Hello, I'm Ana. I like fishing. I like reading. I like cooking. I dislike standing in queues when it is cold or wet outside." I'll be grateful if Luke doesn't out me and the lasagna birthday dinner to the rest of the security staff.

"Hello, my name is Amber. I like costume events – steam punk, Renaissance fairs, cosplay, masked balls and 50s dances. I like hiking. I like traveling. I hate when new shoes give you blisters."

"Hello, my name is Christian. I like kick boxing, playing piano and soaring. I dislike faux friends."

"Hello, my name is Luke. I love all mountain things: biking, hiking/orienteering and geocaching, rock climbing and rappelling. I hate extended travel."

"We have a jar of topics on the table. It's how we're keeping the conversation going. I apologize…I need to practice small talk for Kate and Elliot's wedding. I'll choose the first topic. Amber will answer first, Christian next, Luke next, and me last. The drawing and answering rotates around the table."

"What is the boldest thing you've ever done?" My face paled when I read the question aloud. Fuck. I just copied the questions from a dating website and printed them, cutting them apart. I really didn't read them.

Amber laughed. "Went to college in Seattle when my family lives in the Midwest."

Christian swallowed nervously, "Went to a therapist; turned my life upside down."

Luke smiled. "Skinny dipping in Afghanistan."

I swallowed nervously. I can't say dated a billionaire, hated his decor, like I did the last time I answered this question. "Participated in an SEC sting."

Amber's fork stopped midway to her mouth. "Jack Hyde?" She said unbelievingly.

"Among others. I can't discuss it until after they've been to trial." I looked at Christian through my lashes, and then broke a piece of breadstick off, spreading it very lightly with roasted garlic. That ought to dampen the urge for excessive kissing while we have company.

"Next topic," Luke shook the jar at Amber.

"Name a place with a crazy name." Amber read.

"Oh god;" Christian stopped to think. "Fucking, Austria. It's a real place. I went skiing near there once."

"Bumpass, Virginia," Luke said. "I visited there once when I was stationed at Quantico.

"Hell's Bells. It's a road in Carson City, Nevada." I said.

"Well, I can see where all of you are going…Fucking, Bumpass, and Hell. My answer is Humptulips, Washington." Amber smiled.

I pressed my lips together to keep from laughing. Christian's eyes went from dove to smoky grey color. He speared some salad into his mouth.

"Next topic," Luke shook the jar at him.

"When did you get your first tetanus shot?" Christian read after he swallowed.

"Eight, stepped on a nail in a board while I was running amok outside without shoes." Luke said.

"Eight, cut my finger on a saw in Dad's garage." I said.

"Eight, stepped on a broken piece of glass at the river where my family was swimming and picnicking." Amber said.

"Eight," Christian said. "Skinned my knee when I dumped my bike at a bike rodeo at school."

"Everyone finish your salad and breadsticks. I will pick and read the topic and then Ana and I will clear the plates." Luke said. Luke read the next topic. "The board game you like the most and why, plus the board game you dislike the most and why?"

Luke and I cleared plates and the bowl of salad. We bring the next course to the table. "Our second course is Minestrone soup." I give cups of Minestrone soup to everyone and passed the breadsticks basket again.

I sipped my wine and thought for a minute. "Like the most, Clue, I like solving mysteries. Dislike the most, Jenga. I'm not coordinated and I always knocked it over."

Amber sighed. "Like the most would be Scrabble. I have a good vocabulary. I dislike Pictionary because I can't draw to save myself."

Christian laughed. "Like the most: Monopoly. My Grandpa Theo loves to play the game. One I hate the most: Mystery Date – Mia always wanted to play when she was young and Elliot was too macho."

We laughed.

"I like chess because it's easy for me because of my spatial abilities. I hate Mahjong, because it reminds me of hot Sunday afternoons when my grandma babysat me." Luke tasted the soup. "This is good soup."

"Thank you, I enjoyed creating the menu," I said. "Cooking calms me."

Christian poured more wine for everyone. "Your choice of topics," he reminded me. Luke shook the jar and offered it to me.

"Favorite mythical creature," I read. "I'm glad I have time to think about this."

"The Dragons of Pern," Amber said. "My mom's favorite author, Anne McCaffrey, wrote the series of books about dragons and dragon riders. My mom used to read the books aloud to me. I always wanted to be a green rider. I didn't want to ride a gold dragon because those girls had to take care of everyone. But if you were a girl and rode a green dragon; you got to fight and all the bronze dragon riders courted you."

"The Lion King from the Chronicles of Narnia. He was a very wise creature," Christian said.

"The armored polar bears from the _Golden Compass_ and the _His Dark Materials_ trilogy," Luke said. "I like polar bears and I love the Christmas Coke commercials. Polar bears are one of my favorite exhibits at the zoo. I just always thought it was cool their fur is transparent, but reflects the color white."

"Well, I think I like a lot of mythological creatures from the _Harry Potter_ books: the house elves, the dragon, the hippogriff, the merpeople," I said.

Luke laughed. "I like this, it's much easier than staring silently across a table at one another. Let's finish this course. Amber choses, Christian replies, Amber and Ana clear?"

"Works for us," I said, "I need help to serve the next course."

Amber picked a topic. She laughed. "It's going to be a fast round, let's wait until I get back."

Amber and I carried the soup cups and under plates to the kitchen and brought out the next course. "This course is served family style. Take what you would like and pass to your left please. We have lasagna, braised Italian green beans and roasted cauliflower steaks." The vegetables were passed, and I wondered about my choice of roasted cauliflower steaks. I should have chosen roasted or grilled Portobello mushrooms.

"I hope you don't mind that I took a small portion of the veggies," Luke said. "I've never had roasted cauliflower before. It's very tasty. Thank you."

"I chop the leftover cauliflower and Italian green beans and make an Italian meatball soup with matchstick carrots, mushrooms, onions and Italian stewed tomatoes. Nothing will go to waste," I assured him; noting the look of relief on Christian's face.

"Okay, since everyone has food, the question is, like or hate reality TV shows." Amber laughed.

"Hate," Christian concentrated on his lasagna. "Hate," Luke concentrated on his lasagna. "Hate," I concentrated on my lasagna. "Like…and only because the faux drama is so stupid, it's like watching stand-up comedy," Amber said. We all toasted her honesty.

"Next question," Luke said; holding out the jar to Christian.

"Can we just eat this great lasagna and go back to questions later," Christian asked.

"I'll drink to that," I said raising my glass.

"Wait," Luke fished his phone out of his pocket.

"No," I said. "I don't care if Grey House, Grey Annex, Grey Manor or Escala are burning to the ground. No cellphones at my dinner table.'

"I can't help it," Luke said. "I have to torture someone." He took a picture of the pan of lasagna.

"Me too," Christian fished out his phone and passed it to Luke who took another picture. Christian looked at it and looked at me. "I need José's email."

"Not on your life," I glared at him.

"Ethan's then," Christian said.

"Nope, no way," My eyes narrowed to slits.

Luke interrupted. "You email Elliot, I'll email Kate."

"You are both evil creatures and will be tortured in the afterlife." Amber said. "I don't know who Elliot and Kate are, but I can't think of a good reason to torture them."

Christian and Luke looked at each other, laughed and high-fived one another. I was shocked. _Who is this Christian Grey and where did my uptight Dominant go?_

"Kate is my ex-roommate; Elliot is her fiancé and…" I could not finish the answer.

"My older brother," Christian said. "Done?" He asked Luke.

"Done," Luke said.

"Cell phones off," I said, "or no seconds."

All you could hear at my table was moans of appreciation for the food. Twenty minutes later, our dinner was interrupted by pounding on the door.

"Open up, Ana!" Elliot yelled through the door.

"Where's your robe?" Amber asked.

"Back of the master bathroom door," I said. "Why?"

"Trust me," she said; blowing out the candles and flipping off the dining room light. She raced for the bedroom. Less than two minutes later, Amber came racing out of the bedroom, turned the TV on, fluffed her hair, tightened the belt on the robe, and went to the front door.

"I gotta see this," Luke said.

"Us too!" Christian pulled me from my chair. We hid in the darkness of the dining room. Luke's arm snaked around the door and taped everything going on.

"Just hold on!" Amber yelled. She slid the two chain locks into place. "What!"

"Who are you?" Elliot and Kate asked.

"Amber, friend of Ana's. My apartment is being fumigated and Ana offered me her air mattress for a few days," she said. "Who are you?"

"Amber, it's me, Kate, Christmas Tea?" Kate tried to jog Amber's memory.

"Oh, yeah…hi," Amber said.

"Is Ana here?" She asked hopefully.

"No, she made lasagna and went to dinner at some place called Escalator," Amber said.

"Escala!" Elliot and Kate shouted together and took off, barely saying goodbye to Amber.

Amber raced to the bedroom and seconds later, emerged fully clothed. "How much time did I buy us?" She asked, flipping on the dining room lights.

"Well, maybe twenty minutes," Luke estimated. "You'd better text Taylor and tell him to let them up into the penthouse. When they ask if Ana's there; have him tell them you took her to…" He looked at me expectantly.

"Montesano, they won't go there, it's too late at night." I laughed.

"You are all evil," Amber said.

"All's fair in love and war and battles over Ana's lasagna." Christian said.

 **XX**

Christian offers to help do the dishes. I send Amber and Luke on their way; telling them I'll see them tomorrow. They thank me for the birthday dinner and the tiramisu.

When we're done doing dishes and cleaning the kitchen, Christian sets me on the countertop and steps between my legs. "One last round of questions…I'll tell you about my latest wet dream starring you, if you tell me your latest wet dream starring me."

I blush and he chuckles. "It must have been good, you're blushing."

"Explaining is one thing…reenacting is another …it will take hours and props." I said.

"Props?" He swallowed hard.

"Props…and a picture." I took him by the hand to the home office and called up a folder. After the blindfold wet dream…I searched for pictures to explain what I dreamed. I think I saw that picture when I first researched his singular tastes and his contract. It's been lurking in a dark corner of my brain and made its way into my dream world. I showed him the picture.

"Really?" He said, surprised.

"Don't be so shocked," I said. "You always cause those kinds of dreams…starting with my first one about a brown leather plaited riding crop."

"Sunday afternoon…I can get props and we can reenact your wet dream." He promised.

"What about your latest wet dream?" I asked.

"I don't want you to think I presumed; but I have a suitcase and garment bag in the SUV. It has your favorite tie in it."

"Nice…" I said.

 **May 20 - CPOV**

"Thank you for chasing the dawn with me," I said, driving us to the airport.

"Why do you like soaring so much?" Ana asked.

"It's not crowded, no engine noise, no engine failure and if you hit the wind currents right; the glider soars high for a long time, sometimes hours at a time. Although it seems like it's just the same thing over and over; each flight is uniquely challenging. Once you find that first thermal, you chase the dawn, finding one thermal after another. You know the call sign for my helicopter is Charlie Tango? The call sign for the glider we're using today is Eagle Echo. Gliding is the closest you come to flying like an eagle. We're going to soar east of the Cascades because soaring conditions are better there. We'll stay up until we have to go to the bathroom or until we're starving and need food."

 **XX**

Holy fuck, she's gorgeous. Black satin bikini panties really emphasize her alabaster skin. She brushed her hair out of the ponytail and it is curling around her shoulders and emphasizing those perfect breasts of hers. I have on black satin pajama pants. "Are you sure you want this?" I asked gently, showing her the length of black rose-motif lace. Ana nodded and closed her eyes. I appreciate those yoga and dance classes. Her body is toned and she's not shy about her nakedness. It's a joy to behold. I tie the lace as a blindfold over her closed eyes. Her eyelashes are beautifully fanned against her cheek. I use a flat knot so it's more comfortable for her. I'll make sure the knot is in the valley between my legs to help keep the pressure of it off her head.

I walk her to the bed, and align her so the back of her legs meet the edge of the bed. "Sit," She does, quite gracefully as a matter of fact. I crawl onto the right side of the bed, and prop the pillows behind my back. "Scoot back on the bed; I'll help you get into position."

When she's prone on the bed, her hands resting on her stomach; she asks, "Are you ready?"

"Is that question one?" I teased, stroking my knuckles down her face. Yeah… _this_ _is nice_.

 **XX**

I've been touching my girl for an hour, stroking caressing. I enjoy the flush of her skin when I fondle her breasts and rub my knuckles back and forth over her erect nipples.

"Next question…" She hesitated. "Do you like this?"

"Staring at my gorgeous, semi-naked girlfriend? Or looking at that blindfold and thinking about your mask from Coping Together? Thinking about how much I wanted to dance with you, take you upstairs to my bedroom, slip that sapphire blue gown off your curves and fuck you until we passed out together. Yes; I like this a lot." My hand cups her sex. She's soaked. I have to remember my girl likes slow seduction.

"I know when I was laying on your bed reading one time, you liked the way I was laying, reading…" she said.

"You mean the Pose…where you were on your stomach with your feet in the air, ankles crossed?" I said, slipping my hand into her panties.

Her breath hitched for a minute. "Yes, that pose. I wondered if this reminded you of anything."

"Well, if you were on your stomach, and if I were in the middle of the bed, it would remind me of the Clock."

"The clock?" She asked, dreamily, enjoying my fondling her. "What is that?"

"It is an oral sex position. You would start at three o'clock and perform oral sex until I almost come. Then you would move to six o'clock, between my spread legs, and perform oral sex until I almost come. Then you would move to the nine o'clock position and perform oral sex until I almost come. Then you would move to twelve o'clock and while you were performing oral sex on me…I would do the same to you…with the express intent of making us both come simultaneously." I slipped my fingers into her, enjoying feeling her clench around me.

She doesn't say anything for a long minute. "Will you teach me how?" She asked.

"Do you want to learn the clock position?" I asked, gently circling her clit, teasing her.

"Yes…Christian." She said.

I pulled her up into my arms and kissed her senseless before teaching her a new sex position.

 **May 22**

Mary has a lot of family-oriented questions for me tonight – things to consider before spending the weekend with my Mother. The question about setting limits with my family makes me pause and think. When I've finally overthought the question; I answer as honestly as possible. Dad does not interfere and Mom oversteps sometimes…I want to think she does it because she cares; not because she's insecure about our relationship. The next tough question is asking me how important it is to me that I be friends with a life partner's family and vice versa. After I overthink it for a bit, I answer honestly – I want a good relationship with my life partner first, and then a good relationship with our families second. I admit I don't think my Mother wants to be a grandmother any time soon. However, I think she'd do bodily damage to someone if it meant she could be the mother-in-law to Christian Grey.

We talk about what I will say to Mom when or if she brings up the subject of Stephen Morton and my attempted kidnapping. I explain I'm taking Bonner to Savannah with me. Both of us will deal with Mom and that situation.

 **May 25**

I took the day off, I need to pack for Georgia and I'm throwing a tea party for Kate's 23rd birthday. It's a " _Nobody Likes You When You are 23_ " Birthday Tea. Mia got the giggles when I approached her about it. She sent invites to the women in Elliot's family, the women in Kate's family and half a dozen of Kate's coworkers.

Mia is splitting the cost of the tea with me, which means we go all out for it. We hired a cleaning service and a caterer. Mia brought pitchers and glassware, silverware and silver serving pieces which coordinate with my china, and four six-person tables and chairs. Mia bought tablecloths and napkins for all the tables. She will use them for future events. She ordered centerpieces for the tables, and one each for the bathrooms.

We move the couch, chair, coffee table, etc. into my office and bedroom to fit in all the tables in the living room. When the caterers arrive – I show them the tea set and the rest of the china. I show them the items Mia brought. I let them have their way in my kitchen and dining room. They brought four silver-plated curates which will hold regular plates. One will hold sandwiches, one for savories, one for scones and one for sweets.

Mia made stick-on tea cup motif name tags for everyone. Kate will hand them out when she opens the door to greet everyone. Mia gives guests fifteen minutes to become acquainted and chat before she begins the festivities. Everyone takes seats – Kate, Celeste, Frannie, Grace, Rachel and I are at one six-top.

Mia brings a tote from my bedroom and hands out 23 white lunch bags. They are stapled closed and numbered from one to twenty-three – decorated with lavender lace, flowers and numbers written in purple glitter pen. "Everyone have paper and pen?" She waited for everyone to nod. "I'm passing around these 23 bags. Each bag contains something. They are stapled shut. You can shake or feel the bag and hope you guess correctly. Whoever has the most correct guesses wins a special prize. Everyone but me plays. She started handing out bags. "Pass bags to your right. You can ask at any time for a new bag. I've allotted 23 minutes for the game."

My table mates skip feeling bags and just write down items. "That's cheating," I protest.

"The grand prize is a pound box of Godiva gourmet liqueur truffles," Frannie said. "I'm writing down 50 things and hoping I get the most correct guesses.

"Guesses like what?" I whispered.

"Fingernail polish, manicure set, ring holder, magnifying mirror compact, perfume atomizer," Grace said.

"Picture frame, deck of cards, ink pen," Frannie wrote as she talked.

"Wine stopper, wine aerator, wine thermometer, corkscrew, shot glass, jigger, mini whisk, wine charms, wine coaster," Rachel says.

"Tire gauge, tool, mini liquor bottle, flask, sports water bottle, magnetic key case, key chain, measuring tape, ice scraper and Swiss army knife." Celeste talks as she writes.

The six of us keep listing and writing. When it's time…Frannie wins. She had the same number of items as my table mates and I, but she had two specific items which we didn't have. We managed to guess eighteen of the twenty-three items; but Frannie listed lavender sachet and silver book mark – which are exactly two of the items in the bags. She was right about the truffles being the prize.

Kate got bag #23 which holds a purple travel portfolio to hold her passport and other documents for the honeymoon. I got the bag with the sea glass drink tile, which I traded to Grace for the silver-plate bookmark with white silk tassel she got. She wanted the sea glass drink tile for her desk at work. She said it coordinated with her deep sea screensaver. I always need bookmarks. Celeste got a travel manicure set and Rachel got an art deco motif perfume atomizer.

The next game is words which have 'tea' in them. Kate recommends we go out to the balcony and close the door so no one hears us guessing words. The rules are 10 minutes and no one can research on their cell phones. Kate will write her, Frannie and Grace's words. I will write mine, Rachel's and Celeste's. That way we don't miss a word.

"Teach, tear, tearing…" Frannie guesses. Kate writes as fast as possible.

"Don't forgets multiples – teaches, tears, etc." Grace suggests.

"Steal, steals, stealable, stealer, stealers, resteals," I list.

"Stead, instead, farmstead, farmsteads, homestead, homesteads," Rachel suggests.

"Steak, steaks, steakhouse, steakhouses," Kate offers.

"Chateau, chateaus, Chateaubriand, Chateaubriands," Grace replies.

"Plateau, plateaued, plateauing, plateaus," Rachel says. "What?" She says when Frannie frowns. "I'm on a diet – I'm trying to get into a size six for Elliot and Kate's wedding."

"Dateable," Kate writes.

"Homesteaded, homesteader, homesteaders, homesteading," Frannie builds on Rachel's words.

"Gateau, gateaus, gluteal, lacteal, lacteals," Grace suggests. "Periostea, periosteal."

"If you're going to name medical terms, you have to spell them!" Kate snapped.

Grace laughs and begins spelling for Kate.

"Portmanteau, portmanteaus," I said. "You can thank the English Literature major later."

"Protean, proteans, proteas," Grace says, sighing and then spelling for Kate. The rest of us keep suggesting and writing.

"Steamy, steamier, steamiest," Frannie says as Mia opens the balcony door.

"Stop," She orders. "Count your words."

Kate counts. "Oh crap!" She says. "We didn't write down any tea words, like tea, teacups, teabag, etc. We got 92 out of a possible 300+."

"Suddenly I don't feel very smart. What is that, 15 words per each one of us?" Rachel says.

We lost to Kate's coworkers. I don't ever want to play Scrabble with them. Six of them came up with almost 150 words. Although, despite missing the 13 tea-related words; we earned a respectable second place. Thanks to Dr. Trevelyan…we had a dozen medical terms no one else had. I had to explain what a portmanteau was.

 **XX**

We eat while Kate opens presents. Mia has Kate open her presents by the number on each person's bag. My bag is number six. I bought Kate an emerald green silk kimono with matching nightie…online so I didn't buy it while shopping with her. I'm busy stuffing Shrimp and Crab Salad Finger Sandwiches with Ruffle Lettuce; Blackberry Scones; and Raspberry and Dark Chocolate Teacakes in my mouth and washing it down with Iced Chai Tea. I'm famished and then realize…it's almost six and I didn't eat today. I groan to myself when I realize I need to put that in my journal.

Grace bought Kate a new leather briefcase purse for work. It holds a laptop, a tablet or netbook, phone, etc. Grace loves the Salmon and Avocado Mini Bagels and Gingerbread Scones. Rachel, Celeste and Frannie gave Visa gift cards. Kate can buy wines in Napa if she wants. The caterers float through, offering hostess trays and platters filled with sandwiches, savories and sweets for everyone to refill their plates. They float through and fill tea cups and glasses.

I'm glad I got pictures of the table with the settings and food to show to my Mother. I email the pictures to Laura and to Cassie. Kate thanks everyone for coming and for her presents before she applies herself to the food; but her favorite is the Lemon Mini Cheesecakes with Blueberry Glaze which sparks the conversation of the cheesecake tier instead of a wedding cake.

Grace, Frannie and Rachel offer to clean up. They promise to take the leftovers out of the condo, so things don't linger in the refrigerator while I am gone. I give them a spare key and tell them Elliot's codes are still effective. Kate and I kiss and run, Bonner has our suitcases. Mia stops for Elliot and for their luggage before she can take us to the airport. Bonner and I are three hours ahead of schedule, but check in anyway.

Christian has been at our plane reservations. He begs for forgiveness…I promise not to run away…but I threaten him with punishment and he laughs. I thank him for his thoughtfulness. I'm glad for the first class tickets because I need to sleep on the plane. Bonner and I go to the first class lounge and enjoy the quiet. She stations me in a corner where she can keep an eye on me. First class attendants offer refreshments and excellent WIFI access. I pass on the rest of the amenities. I want to turn in a dozen synopses on Tuesday morning to make up for being gone today. I'm hoping to find more manuscripts I can edit for Grey Publishing. Kate and I text with Mia and Grace and Frannie. They assure me the condo is clean, the dishes are clean, everything is put away, and the trash is taken out. Celeste took Kate's presents home with her. They wish me a wonderful and safe trip.

 **Memorial Day Weekend - APOV**

Because I slept on the red-eye; I'm coherent when the plane lands. Bonner plays chauffer during our errands around Savannah. I shop with Mom Saturday morning. I told her I need some cute summer outfits. We shop consignment, and I refuse to let her pay for my things. She has a good eye, or at least Shawn and Kate think she does. I buy a peach halter sundress with cognac-colored wedges and satchel bag. I buy a cobalt blue sundress with various embroidered butterflies on it, with cobalt blue wedges and an embroidered butterfly hobo bag. I buy a cute navy-striped crop top that goes with high waist navy poplin shorts. Bonner finds me an almost matching outfit in red. I found a white silk shell with a white gauzy over shirt which looks great with white cuffed linen shorts. I buy a white silk camisole with a turquoise, aqua and white tiered maxi-length skirt. My last purchase is a white denim button front skirt. It will go with the white silk camisole or the white silk shell. Mom finds white wedges and a woven white summer tote to coordinate with them.

Bonner drives us to a gourmet girls' lunch. She has an audio jammer to ensure our privacy. Then we go Mom's favorite salon/spa. I put chicken fajitas in the crockpot before we left the house, so Mom doesn't have to cook dinner. Bonner checks the perimeter of the house before we call it a night. I suspect; but she doesn't say; there are additional security lurking outside.

Sunday morning, I make Caprese omelets and mimosas for breakfast. Mom and Bob both love the omelets with fresh basil, tomato and mozzarella cheese. Bonner gives it a questioning eye, but eats all of it. Mom's newest acquisition is a K-cup machine. She makes vanilla latte for her and Bonner, a dark French roast for Bob and an English Breakfast Tea for me. It's stronger than I usually drink…but it tastes good. We read the paper in sections; passing it around. Bonner and I work on the crossword puzzle in tandem.

Bob takes us to a late lunch at the country club on Sunday. I'm in my white shorts and cami with the gauzy shirt and wedges. Bonner wears white jeans and a pale blue shirt with pale blue Converse. I tell her I like her shoes. She says she bought them from the Converse store at the mall. She has a pair in every color. I swear the next time Kate hauls me to the mall; I'm going looking for the Converse store. Bonner swears she wouldn't mind shopping there with me.

Bob booked a tennis court for them. They play singles until joined by another couple. I slather on sunscreen, put on my sunglasses, and pull out my tablet to read. Bonner positions herself where she can watch Mom and Bob and me. Bob barbeques for dinner so Mom doesn't have to cook again.

I bought Mom a lovely blue Italian silk wrap as a hostess gift. It accents her eyes and will be lovely for evenings at the country club. I respond appropriately to the beautifully landscaped house and the beautiful flower beds at the country club. The magnolias are blooming and the smell wafts on the breeze.

Mom approves of my clothes, my hairstyles, etc. this weekend…for once in my life. She's also inordinately pleased with most of the selfies I have sent since I started classes. She approves of the tea pictures I show her, especially the one of the table of Trevelyan-Grey-Kavanagh women and me. We have a conversation about the classes I took. I show her pictures of my bridesmaid gown, shoes and accessories. I tell her I can't show her pictures of Kate's gown. I tell her it's silk and Vera Wang.

She's been watching Kate's Facebook page and has seen pictures of Christian and I together; laughing, talking. She insists I have a Facebook page so she knows what is going on in my life. I explain, again, social media is not a good idea considering who Christian is. The media is already in pursuit of information about him…I'm not about to serve him up to stalkers. Bonner helps explain why social media pages are bad ideas. That conversation jumpstarts the Stephen Morton discussion. Once I explain everything to her; she feels less guilty about the situation and less needy for my forgiveness.

I email Kate between flights, just to have something to do. I sent her a pictures of the clothes I bought. She especially likes the peach halter dress with the cognac accessories.

Bonner and I are on a plane at eight o'clock Monday morning, home in Seattle by late afternoon and met by Christian at the airport. I'm wearing the butterfly sundress, cobalt blue wedges and carry the embroidered butterfly hobo bag. He takes me straight to Escala…I don't have overly sexy nighties or designer fragrances in my suitcase…but I make good use of what I have to show Christian how appreciative I was of the upgraded airline tickets for Bonner and me.

"My heart missed your heart this weekend," Christian said. "Even though we emailed and texted, it wasn't the same."

I could feel the heat and hardness of his desire for me. When I feel his arms wrapped around me, I feel protected, and safe, and I know this is where I want to be.

He pulls me close, and buries his nose in my hair. "I usually never hate traveling; but last week was rough. Texting, email, Skypes…it wasn't personal or intimate enough. I wanted more…" He said. "I thought about making you a sex webcam, or having strip Skypes with one another…but then I worried it would be hacked and go viral." He sighed. "I love spending time with you…not just in bed…but holding hands and talking."

"I've been thinking," I said. "I had another wet dream about you while I was in Savannah."

"What was it about?'' He asked.

"You; naked…your closet…"

"What were you wearing?" He asked.

"Black, thigh-high stockings, stilettos…and three of your ties." I said.

"Three?" He asked.

"Blindfold and one tie restraining my right hand to my right thigh, and one tie restraining my left hand to my left thigh."

"And what was I doing?" He asked.

"You were pleased to discover I was naked…" I said.

"Naked? Sans panties?'' He frowned; not understanding.

"Naked…sans curls…" I said.

"But you….oh…." He said. "Can I help you with fulfilling that wet dream?" He asked.


	57. Chapter 57

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 57 -** What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do - especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling - you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. - William Least Heat Moon, _Blue Highways_

 **June 1 in the Marshall Islands (May 31 in Seattle) – 3PPOV**

"Luke," Amy called him while on her honeymoon.

"Why are you calling me on your honeymoon?" Luke asked.

"Doug and I leave Sunday, Marshall Islands time, for Australia for five days and fly home to Seattle via Japan and Hawaii. " Amy said. "We have five days of flight time and are spending a week in Japan and a week in Hawaii."

"Are you telling me your itinerary because you plan to drop Doug's inert body out of an airplane, or are you in trouble?" Luke laughed.

"Doug and I stopped at a bank to get funds and met one of the clerks. I swear to god he looks like the guy you and Dad were watching to keep him away from the young woman Dad took dance lessons with." Amy said.

"Her name is Ana and his name is Jack Hyde," Luke said. "I've got a picture of him; I'll email it to you right now. What name is he going by?"

"Jonathan Ormond. He works at the International Bank of the Marshall Islands in Majuro. He told us to call him Jack which is how I twigged it was him. He's strawberry blonde and lost 40 pounds, but I swear to god it's him."

"Marshall Islands doesn't have an extradition treaty with the U.S." Luke said.

"Your boss needs to send someone unknown to the Marshall Islands for a vacay and have them scope him out." Amy suggested.

"You realize there's a reward for information leading to his arrest?" Luke said. "It's big enough you and Doug could either buy a small house or put a sizeable down payment on a larger house."

"Be still my heart!" Amy laughed.

 **June 1, Seattle - CPOV**

"What are your goals for June," John asked.

"One more month of wedding planning, pre-wedding crap. I made a list. I will survive family dinners discussing the wedding arrangements. I will survive the silly both gender wedding showers. I will survive Elliot's bachelor party. I will survive the rehearsal dinner. I will survive the wedding. I will survive the reception. I think I should send Sela a thank you note with an offer of a paid vacation anywhere with her husband." I shrug and attack my breakfast.

"Well, you have thought about it," John commented, sipping his coffee. "So what do you need with me at this hour of the morning?"

"I just learned of a serious situation with my company. One of the students who was awarded a fellowship flew to Brazil over Memorial Day weekend. We don't know how it happened…but someone knew he worked for us. He was kidnapped within one hour of stepping off the plane."

"Are you blaming yourself for this situation," John asked.

"You know I do," I said. "His kidnappers didn't waste time contacting his family, they sent their demands straight to Grey House. Our kidnap and ransom team flew to Rio this morning. They have a safe house in well-guarded compound outside Rio. It is accessible by helicopter. I'm not about to feed the kidnappers more hostages."

"What are you going to do?" He asked.

"Boat, helipad, ocean…keep in contact with my K&R team. I'm determined to get our student back healthy and whole. I'll pay for his medical bills. I thought I was doing a good thing for six areas and for six students. I had Ros contact the other five students and tell them travel is postponed for company reasons. They think we're waiting for the fiscal year to turn over. We don't want them in harm's way. I may decide to sell my overseas holdings to minimize the danger to my people. Everyone's protection detail is tightened. I can't tell anyone what is going on; we're trying to keep the kidnapping out of the news so we don't spark copycats. I'll do what work I can from the boat, and take the GEH jet from Rio to Seattle as needed."

Then I told him the past and present status of getting Jack Hyde back in the United States. He told me about Leila's relocation to Connecticut. She is home with her family. She has regular therapy sessions. She is still grieving for her boyfriend, but is better every time John has talked to her.

One problem in my life seems to be settled…now if we can deal with the hostage situation, finalize Elena's plea bargains, get Jack Hyde returned to the U.S. and get Elliot married…I might be able to catch my breath. I'm glad I graduated from touch therapy with Sela…because the thought of starting all over again would depress me. As it is; I want to be in Ana's arms, comforting her and taking comfort from her…but once again…the baggage of my life interferes with us.

 **XX - APOV**

"I have to attend a bridal shower at a golf course," I moaned to Shawn after we ate oriental take out. "I haven't a clue what to wear."

He shook his head at me and dived into my closet. "Blue floral - light blue, carnation pink, beige, and summer green - fit and flare short sleeve dress with a sweetheart bodice. You can take your carnation pink cardigan if it gets cool later. Wear it with your pink pearl necklace and earrings; white wedges and purse." He hands me articles of clothing.

"That's what I planned to wear for the second shower." I handed him a list I roughed out for the rest of the events. "The first shower, we're golfing, not sitting and looking pretty at the clubhouse. Please proof my list of ensembles for dress fittings, wedding planning dinners, etc."

Shawn reaches for my white cuffed shorts, white silk camisole, white gauze shirt and white wedges. "Sunglasses, sunscreen, water bottle and the white bag to finish the ensemble. Wear your hair French braided for golf day."

I sighed and reached for the items. "You have to do my hair; I haven't mastered creating a French braid. It's still too messy for words."

"Where's your combination list for your spring/summer wardrobe?" He asked.

"I have one started in the binder on my dressing table. I have pictures of everything, as Cassie ordered. I take time on Sunday night to create a week's wardrobe." I explained. "I'm very busy at work right now."

Shawn took my binder and pile of pictures off the dressing table. He sat on the floor in front of the closet began creating combinations. I left him to play with my closet. Harley watched TV. I told him what Shawn was doing, and he laughed.

"Two years ago, he completely changed our wardrobes. I have all black suits and he has all navy suits. We both have white shirts of different materials and weights. My ties are black, red and grey solids with different textures. My socks are black argyles for fun. My shoes are black leather, so is my wallet and briefcase. Black umbrellas, raincoats, topcoats, etc. My jewelry is gold. Shawn's ties are navy, blue and grey. Navy shoes, wallet, etc. White gold or silver jewelry. It took him three hours to change out our winter weight suits and long sleeve shirts with summer weight suits and short sleeve shirts or light weight long-sleeved shirts. The first Saturday of spring the fall/winter wardrobes went to the cleaner. A week later, everything fall/winter is in the closet in the spare bedroom. Plus, he created a list of what we have to buy for next fall."

"I considered myself anal retentive by storing the spring/summer things I had in the guest bedroom. As I acquired things for the spring/summer capsule wardrobe, I just put them away in the office closet. During Easter week, Laura, Bonner and I moved the office closet to my bedroom and vice versa. It took me days to photograph and print pictures of everything in the closets. It took me a week of constant work at night to clean the contents of both closets. I've made myself put in an hour of sitting properly on Sunday and creating wardrobe lists for the week."

"How's your roommate doing with Gorgeous Blonde Grey?" Harley asked.

"Engaged, still getting married in June. It's why I needed Shawn to help me finalize outfits for bridal showers, dress fittings, family dinners, etc."

"How is Gorgeous Copper Grey?" Harley asked.

"We're…behaving ourselves. We're working together to get Kate and Elliot married," I admitted. "I thought we'd be harassed by the paparazzi during Jack Hyde's trial…but since he disappeared …I'm not sure what's going to happen now."

"I'm sure Grey will want to provide you with a lawyer." Harley advised.

"Good thing I still have your whistleblower lawyer on retainer," I laughed.

 **Sunday, June 3 Marshall Islands (Saturday, June 2, Seattle) – 3PPOV**

"It's Hyde," Tom reported to Luke. "We barely made it to the bank before it closed yesterday. Your mom was pleasantly chatty with him. She thanked him for speaking English. She asked him to recommend restaurants where the servers spoke English and he listed six of them for us, with directions. We assured him we'll return to the bank Monday morning before we leave for Hawaii to transfer funds for the remainder of our trip." Tom paused. "I scanned the directions in the business center and emailed them to you. Maybe you can try to match the handwriting."

"You are sure it is him?" Luke asked.

"I fingerprinted the note and sent you scans of the prints. It is him, he lost 40 pounds and the ponytail. He's strawberry blonde, short curly hair on top, shaved high and tight. He wears gold posts instead of his gold hoops. He has a ruby pinky ring and expensive watch which sound like what Hyde wore before. He wears designer black pants, designer white shirts and silk ties. He wears designer shoes and walks the six blocks from his condo to the bank. I didn't see him with anyone. I sent the private jet to Hawaii, just as ordered."

"Thanks Dad. Mr. Grey will reimburse for any expenditures," Luke said. "I'll watch for that email and let him know your progress."

 **XX**

"I'm glad you called, I was starting to worry," Luke said to Tom.

"I've got an address for him. He lives alone; but he might have weekend female company. He has dinner nightly at one of the restaurants he told us about." Tom reported.

"The jet picked up two bodyguards in Hawaii. They are inbound as we speak. I'll send their pictures. He's Banfield, she's Marshall. They will 'meet up' with you at the hotel. His cover is he's with a big financial firm in LA, and she's the flavor of the year. We have extra eyes on the ground following him. Once they know where he's having dinner; they will contact you. Marshall and Banfield will meet you and mom at the restaurant. I emailed pictures of them so you can identify them easily."

"You invite him to dinner, get him drunk or slip him a mickey. Once he's unable to speak a coherent word; take him to his condo. Pack him up, put him in a car, get him to the airfield and on the plane. It will fly back to Hawaii. It's a five-and-a-half-hour flight to Hawaii. Banfield has medic training. He will keep him drugged. Once you touch down in Hawaii, there's an SUV to take you to a hotel. Banfield is a body double for him; so he will check in under Hyde's assumed name.

"Once you are all checked in; call me and call Amy to tell us where he is. Banfield will give him something to ensure he's knocked out. You will be in the room adjoining his; keeping an eye on him. I will fax his arrest jacket to the U.S. Marshalls. Amy will tell the U.S. Marshalls where to find him. Once they take him out of the hotel, you and Mom are on the plane to Seattle. Banfield and Marshall will disappear back into their lives in Hawaii."

"God, I haven't had this much fun in forever," Tom said. "Your mom wants a little black dress like Jamie Lee Curtis wore in _True Lies_."

"I don't care what she wears as long as she's friendly with Banfield and Marshall and help get that asshole on a plane. Make sure you confiscate his cell phone. We don't want him contacting anyone; but we want to know who he's contacted." Luke said.

 **June 2, Seattle - APOV**

"Oh no," I smiled sweetly at the men: Elliot, Christian, Carrick, Ben, Theo, Ethan, Eamon, Kate's Grandpa Mitch and her Grandfather Edward, Sawyer, Taylor and Bastille. "The name of the shower is Opposites Attract. The ladies are going golfing, smoking cigars and swilling cognac. You men are going to the spa."

"WHAT?" Elliot exploded.

"Yep," I said. "You guys are getting facials, manicures, eyebrows tweezed or waxed, haircuts, shampoos, blow dry, hairlines, ear hairs, neck hairs and nose hairs trimmed, and hot stone massages. I'm sending Rachel with you; since this twist was her idea. She will be your impartial judge and mentor. If she says you need two eyebrows instead of one…you get waxed or tweezed to achieve two eyebrows. If one of you wimps out…Elliot doesn't get to open his shower presents."

"Presents?" Elliot eyed me suspiciously

"Very bare, not there, honeymoon underwear," I batted my eyes at him.

"Are you ladies taking our golfing date?" Carrick asked.

"Yes and we're riding there in the stretch hummer. Also, we're stealing Bastille to teach us how to smoke, drink and play golf. You gentlemen will be buffed, polished and freshened up at the spa. You'll arrive there via the stretch limo." I barely contain my laughter as Rachel high-fives me on the way out the door.

Elliot scowled at me as he and the troops followed. "If you women get drunk and pick up men…I'm going to kill Bastille."

"If Rachel lets you get drunk…it's only going to make your waxing hurt more," I said sweetly, batting my eyes.

"Vixen!" Christian hissed in my ear on his way out the door.

 **XX**

"We're what?" Kate yelled at me.

"Golfing, cigars, cognac, stretch hummer," I said. I tell them Elliot and the boys have the spa day and just left in the stretch limo.

Frannie bursts into giggles. "I'd pay good money to see Theo get a bikini wax!"

"MOTHER!" Grace yelled. "TDMI!"

"The name of the shower is Opposites Attract. What did you think that meant?" I asked.

"I don't know – black and white, steel and glass, leather and lace…" Kate snapped. "So what's the penalty if we wimp out?"

"If any of us wimp out; you don't get to open your shower presents." I explain.

Mia started laughing. "Oh Kate…you're going to want to open the presents. There's designer swimwear for the honeymoon."

"I want sunscreen! And a hat! And if I break a nail, I'm going to hurt the two of you," she threatened.

"Smile, Katie," Bastille put his arm around her. "You're actually going to a covered driving range, not playing 9 or 18 holes. That way I can keep my eye on all of you." He winked lasciviously. "Elliot threatened to kick my ass if anything happens to you ladies."

"I'm worried about Elliot's hairy ass. If he gets it and his junk waxed, I'm not getting sex tonight." She sniped at me.

"TDMI, Kate!" I laughed. "You're making Grace blush!"

"God protect me from my mother and Kate," Grace muttered.

 **XX**

"Out of respect for your parents and grandparents, there won't be any opening of your shower presents – which are his and her sleepwear, underwear, swimwear, etc. We don't want any blushing or fainting…not here anyway," Mia announced. "All the presents have been put in Kate's car, and you get to open and model them in the privacy of your condo. Now, everyone, the barbeque is ready, let's eat!"

I'm seated at the end of the table where Carrick reigns; sitting next to Bastille. He teases me about how he broke his back bending over to show me how to use short clubs, despite my wedge shoes.

"How did they do, Bastille?" Carrick asks after he shows off his manicure to me.

"Grace was the best golfer, Kate was the best drinker, and Frannie could blow a smoke ring before she was done with her cigar." Bastille laughed.

"Way to go Grandma!" Elliot yelled down the table.

"Grace saved the day," Bastille said. "Two guys crashed golf carts because they were busy checking out Ana's legs, Mia's ass, and Kate's br…."

"Shut up Bastille…" Elliot growled.

"…breathtaking smile," Bastille said. "I was going to say breathtaking smile. Alice, Meg and Ana could accomplish a pretty mean drive when we were done. Mia did very well also."

"So, how did the men do, Rachel?" Grace laughed.

"I thought Elliot was going to cry when he got his eyebrows waxed…and she had to go after two stray hairs with the tweezers. Mitch, Edward and Dad were smart…they got massages first and were totally relaxed when the aestheticians started working. Poor Ethan was the guinea pig. Carrick, Eamon and Ben made him get things done first. If Ethan made it through without whimpering… they followed. I thought we were going to have a war on our hands. Everyone wanted to work on Elliot or Christian. They had to spread the joy around the salon. Taylor and Sawyer almost shot the receptionist when she announced they were getting spiffy too. They tried to play bodyguards all day, but I made Christian call in the reserves."

"I have pictures," Bastille announced, opening the photo folder on his smart phone. He passed the phone to me and I share the pictures with Carrick. He passed the phone on to Kate.

"That one's going to go over like a politically incorrect statement at a press conference," Kate whispered. It's a picture of Bastille with his arms around my waist, I'm leaning back into him, laughing about a horrid shot.

"Me too," Rachel said, accessing pictures on her smart phone. She sent her phone in a direction opposite of Bastille's. "Be sure to check out the one of half-naked Sawyer getting a hot stone massage. I swear his face is a picture of bliss. I think he got the phone number of the masseuse."

I can tell when Christian hits that picture…which happens just seconds before I get the picture of Christian getting a haircut. Miss Blonde and Perky Tits tied her apron tightly around her to accent her figure. She must have unbuttoned to her navel, because there's a lot of cleavage showing over the top of her apron. There are several pictures of women flirting with him. Kate's pissed about the Elliot flirt pictures. I'm quiet, and I know my misery shows in my eyes. Christian sends a commiserating look in my direction followed by scowling at Bastille. I lower my head to hide my smile.

 **Very early Monday morning, June 4, Hawaii – 3PPOV**

"Mr. Ormond?" The U.S. Marshalls gained access to Jack's room; thanks to a helpful concierge.

Jack groaned. What day was it, where was he, fuck…what did he drink? "Yes," he groaned again. "What?" He opened his bleary eyes and it was not his condo in the Marshall Islands. It was... "Where the fuck am I and who the fuck are you?"

The U.S. Marshalls introduced themselves. "Welcome back to American soil; John Thomas Hyde."

"The name's Jonathan Ormond, and where the hell am I?" Jack insisted.

"Hawaii," they said. "You partied pretty hard in the Marshall Islands last night and decided to join the jet set partiers who flew to Hawaii to party."

"I don't know what you are talking about," Jack protested. "My name is Jonathan Ormond; I work for the International Bank of the Marshall Islands. I don't know who you think I am; but there's been a mistake."

"Your fingerprints match John Thomas Hyde's fingerprints. You are wanted for insider trading by the SEC. You are wanted for failure to appear for your SEC trial. You are wanted for probation violation. You've been identified as a person of interest in the attempted murder of Christian Grey and Rosalynne Bailey. You've been identified as the person stalking and threatening Anastasia Steele. You've been identified as a person of interest in cybercrimes committed at Seattle Independent Publishing and Grey Publishing. You are wanted in connection with 28 counts of sexual assault. You are wanted for grand larceny for stealing almost a quarter of a million dollars from your ex-girlfriend. You are wanted for larceny for stealing her jewelry. We will transfer you to Seattle where you will be incarcerated until you either plea bargain your crimes or are found guilty and sentenced."

Jack flopped back on the bed and groaned. Fucking tourists…how the hell did they recognize him?

 **June 4 – APOV**

Christian kisses me goodbye early in the morning. "I have to go to work," he murmured. "Mrs. Jones will wake you at six so you can work out. She'll make you breakfast and Prescott will take you to work. I'll see you when I see you." He kissed me senseless and left his bedroom. I pulled the covers over my head… _We're in such a better place than we were a year ago…_ and went back to sleep.

"Delicious breakfast Gail," I wiped my mouth and thanked her. "Did Christian say what was on schedule for tonight?"

Gail paused for a moment. I couldn't read the look on her face.

"I packed ten days of clothes for Mr. Grey and for Jason early this morning," she explained. "I don't know where they went, or why, and I don't know when they are coming back. Jason said they are radio silent…in other words…no contact unless they initiate it. Jason said he'd see me when he sees me."

"I see," I said quietly. "Did Mr. Grey leave you any directives concerning me?"

"He explained if you have questions to contact Ros Bailey. He hoped you would stay here until he returns." Gail said. "I have 24/7 security; no matter if I am here or if I go out."

"Thank you, Gail." I set my napkin down and reached for my briefcase and purse. "I'm going to work now."

Prescott appeared and escorted me to one of Christian's SUVs. Not hers. What the fuck is going on? "Prescott, I want to go to Grey House first. I want to see Ros Bailey. Please make it happen."

I am frustrated as hell, wandering around the reception area of the executive suites. Everyone on the floor avoids direct eye contact; but they observe me. Ros wants to speak to me, but she has half a dozen calls and one meeting to handle. I try to leave but security requests I stay. Eventually, I'm shown to Ros's office.

"Ana," she shakes my hand and leads me to a conference table in the corner of the room. Prescott and Heaton depart; but I'm sure they are hovering outside the door.

"What is going on Ros?" I asked.

"I can't tell you…and not because I don't want to…but because Grey House has an issue which has to be kept quiet."

"You found Jack Hyde?" I asked.

"We did, but that's not the issue which concerns us. There's a threat to all our safety. I can't tell you more than that. Christian feels you would be safer staying at Escala until he returns."

"When will that be?" I asked.

"I honestly don't know, Ana." Ros replied. "All the senior staff have close protection details; along with their families. Gwen was not pleased to take a bodyguard into school with her today. He was dressed in gym clothes; she can pass him off as a student teacher who is observing her for a class."

"Ros…" I shake my head. "For an astute businessman, Christian is oblivious sometimes about real life."

Ros's glare would have singed my eyebrows if I allowed it.

"Tightened security plus Christian's absence plus my being housed at Escala or Grey Manor means there's an issue to worry about. Tightened security plus Christian's absence plus the return of Hyde to the U.S. means Christian's being security conscious. His family won't ask questions he…or you…are unable to answer."

"How do you do that?" Ros asked.

"Ex-military father and a 4.0 GPA. Plus, I like to play Clue and solve puzzles," I shrugged. "If this is going to be a drawn-out affair, I want to be in my home. I'll let you assign all the bodyguards you want. I'll let Prescott, Bonner and Rhoades come into offices, bathrooms and the condo with me. I'm not trying to be difficult, but I have things I need to do so I don't obsess about Christian or his safety."

We came to an agreement about my protection detail. She assured me she will tell me what's going on as quick as she can. In the meantime; she asks me to use Grey House vetted delivery services for groceries, clothes cleaning, etc. and stay off the streets as much as possible. I remind her this is the busy month for Elliot and Kate's wedding. I'll do the best I can. I will always have Prescott, Rhoades or Bonner with me. Grey House security can follow us and they can watch the outside of buildings where I am.

 **XX**

"We've got a problem, boss," Sawyer said to Taylor. "Dad found some interesting paperwork at Hyde's apartment. He's bringing it home; instead of leaving it in Majuro."

"What kind of a problem, Sawyer?" Taylor asked.

"Copy of the WSUV fellowship announcement, with names of the recipients and pictures of them with cursory background checks. Downloaded detailed information from the GEH website about the new green technology for six places in the world."

"The kidnapping?" Taylor asked.

"It looks like Hyde sold his information to someone for $50K. That's the amount of money written on a corner of his notes. We don't know who he sold it to; but someone has information about where GEH and its employees are vulnerable outside the U.S. SPD might want to investigate and charge him with conspiracy to commit kidnapping."

 **June 6 - APOV**

I've been summoned to a meeting at Grey House with Ros. Prescott is conscientious about ensuring I'm safely escorted out of Grey Annex to Grey House.

"The DA's office announced Elena Lincoln accepted a plea deal with the SEC for twenty counts of insider trading, accepted a plea agreement of eight years in federal custody and $1 million in fines and legal fees. The IRS and Washington Attorney General's Office have two more plea deals in process with her for tax evasion and for promoting prostitution. We don't have the details yet, but SPD will be moving her from the King County Jail to intake at Gig Harbor."

"John Hyde was arrested in Hawaii on June forth. He's awaiting extradition to Seattle; which should be by Friday. We should know the extent of the charges against him by Monday. He's not getting bail; he's considered a flight risk."

"Some time in the next year, the SEC will release the GEH stock Elena Lincoln and John Hyde purchased. Grey House will be notified to purchase them from the SEC. That same thing will happen when GEH stock is available from their brokerage firms."

"Ana, the SEC released you as a confidential informant. While you are not at liberty to discuss the investigation and pending trial for Hyde or the resolution of Lincoln's investigation; we are confident you are free without fear of reprisal by Elena Lincoln or John Hyde."

"However…the unidentified situation still means we're all under close protection details," Ros said. "I heard there is a chance Christian will be in town Saturday for his brother's bridal shower. I'm not sure it will happen or not. He asked me to say he's conducting business deals and will return when he can."

"Thank you for keeping me notified, Ros," I shake hands with her; assure her I'm alright and keeping busy. I need to contact Dad and Mary. I remember my fortune cookie from the last time I had dinner with Shawn and Harley. _Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions._

Fuck that, I need a drink, a hot bubble bath and a good cry…and not necessarily in that order. I can't journal this…so flash paper it is.


	58. Chapter 58

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 58 -** "I shall do one thing in this life - one thing certain - that is, love you, and long for you, and keep wanting you till I die." Thomas Hardy, _Far from the Madding Crowd_.

 **June 9 - APOV**

I wear the clothes Shawn picked out. The blue dress and carnation sweater are perfection. He's fixed my hair in a perfect angel braid. However, I arrive a few minutes late because I'm working out logistics with Prescott and Bonner. Prescott will be the advance scout; Bonner will accompany me inside. They will both linger around the bridal shower. Two of Christian's men are coordinating the outside security.

This shower, hosted by Kate's girl cousins and their families, is held at the Cast Iron Studios in downtown Bellevue. Prescott keeps the valets and Elliot's employees at least ten feet from me. I don't see Christian and wonder if he will be here?

I compliment Mia on her choice of venue. I was worried about the place when I saw the huge metal doors; but it is obvious Elliot's men feel comfortable here. I'm thankful for the stairs lesson when I see the staircase wind down to the main level. High ceilings, reclaimed woods and a zinc-topped 15-foot bar are offset by the vintage metal works. Mia said the cousins invited 125 people: relatives, Elliot's crew and Kate's coworkers. Jeez! That's a wedding reception number not a wedding shower number! However, if I meet them now; I might remember some of them at the wedding.

When everyone has arrived except Christian, Mia distributes index cards. She instructs us to write our names and four different numbers. She claims the answers are for questions like: how many hours until Kate and Elliot argue again; or how many pieces of luggage Kate wants to pack for honeymoon; or how many toasts will be conducted at the wedding. I don't trust Mia. In case it's a matter of having to do shots, I keep my numbers low: one, two, three and four. I should like surprises …but I don't. Several surprises in my life have been unpleasant…Mom and Dad's divorce, Stephen Morton, José's almost kiss, the red room of pain, Elena, Jack, Leila, Elliot's black eye, Stephen's attempted kidnapping and death… and now Christian's unexplained disappearance. I have to journal this event and discuss it with Mary and send Cassie the particulars with a selfie. I go to the bar and order a sparkling water with lime twist.

"How many days," a blonde asked. I check her out as much as she checks me out. She's obviously a cousin since she bears a resemblance to Kate.

"Until the wedding? Until the release of the next J.K. Rowling novel? Until the end of days?" I asked.

"How many days you've been sober," she looked at my non-alcoholic drink. "There's good champagne punch for those of us not afraid to drink."

"I'm not much of a drinker," I explained.

"You're Ana, aren't you? Kate's Maid of Honor?" She asked, curiosity barely hidden in her voice.

"Yes," I don't offer to shake. I don't ask her name. I don't care. I don't want to play friendly.

"Any time you get tired, sick or bored with wedding details, be sure to let Kate's girl cousins know. There's a dozen of us who would kill to walk down the aisle with Christian Grey. As a matter of fact, several of us are willing to bribe you to back out."

"What makes you think I'm doing this to be near Christian?" I asked.

"Oh pleaszzzzz," she intoned. "Everyone knows the Maid of Honor can get courtesy fucks from the Best Man if she's inclined…or if he's inclined. I'm just saying that if you'd rather fuck a bridesmaid… step out of the wedding and give one of us a chance at Gorgeous Grey."

"What if he would rather fuck a groomsman?" I asked. "Never mind that question; it was rude. You obviously have not seen the tabloids which have outed us as a couple."

She frowned. "I heard rumors that he was gay…but I saw the picture of you kissing him. I also heard rumors that you have lunches at the Capital Grille with his female VP."

"Ana," Elliot showed up at that moment and swept me into a bone-crushing hug. "I see you've meet Allison, Kate's cousin."

"Allison…interesting to meet you." I offer my hand to shake hers. She's a limp-wristed bitch. Of course, I'm employing the patented crushing handshake taught to me by ex-Army Raymond Steele. I'm heartened to see her wince. Cassie would be so disappointed in my too hard and too long handshake.

"What have you two been discussing?" Elliot asked, a wary look in his eyes.

"Well, I have to work on my public persona…Allison was asking if I was an alcoholic or a lesbian. Kate's girl cousins want me to drop out of the wedding so one of them has a shot at your brother." I left the bar and headed for Kate, to say hello and hug.

Mia gathers everyone's attention and announces the winners for the icebreaker question. "I asked everyone to write down four numbers. Some of you wrote really large numbers, some of you kept your numbers between one and ten. We're not guessing how many times they're going to…ahem… _do it_ on their honeymoon or how many pieces of luggage Kate's taking on the honeymoon. The questions are, for a two-hour cocktail party, how much ice, glasses, drinks and cocktail napkins are needed per guest. Ana, the Maid of Honor, won two of the questions – ice – one pound – and how many drinks – three. Drake, friend of the groom, wins the question about glasses with the answer of three. Morgan, friend of the groom, wins with the number of cocktail napkins – three. The most extravagant answers were offered by Nathan, Allison, Jessica and Kyle who guessed 100, 270, 345 and 86 for the questions. We think you need to meet one another because that would be a wild cocktail party!" The room broke into laughter.

"Just to break the ice a little more, all single men line up back by the bar, according to height. All the single ladies line up according to height across from them. Some of Kate's aunts requested a quick speed dating event…they are worried their daughters and sons will not have dates for the wedding. You will shake hands with the person across from you, exchanging your name and three likes, one dislike. When the timer goes; the guy moves to the back of the line and all the men move up one space. Then you will shake hands with person across from you. When the time is up, the first guy moves to the back of the line, the men move up and we begin again."

I shook my head NO at Kate. She nodded and pointed for me to get my ass in line. I apply to Bonner to back me up. She says she can watch me easier if I'm in line and not circulating the room.

 _Jeez. I need to learn to be fashionably late so I don't have to participate in things like this._ _I'm glad Christian is missing for this nonsense. I'm seriously going to find Kate's aunts and make their lives miserable. I would make all of them miserable if I claimed a relationship with Christian…but since he's not here..._

"My name is Drake – yes, that's my name I swear my mother got it from a TV soap opera." He had dark curly hair, green dancing eyes and a great smile. He was about five foot ten and had a bodybuilding physique.

"Hello, my name is Anastasia – I swear my mother got it from watching tennis finals featuring Martina Navratilova."

"I'm a coffee drinker, pizza addict and I can cook comfort food like hamburgers, macaroni and cheese, meatloaf, cheese omelets." Drake smiled. "I hate spam emails."

"I prefer tea to coffee, but I will drink both, pizza addict, and my signature dish is lasagna, although I have fans of my Italian Beef Stew and my chicken parmigiana." I said. "I hate spam emails also." I laughed.

"Are you staying around for the buffet afterward?" He asked.

"I am," I admit.

"I'm dying of curiosity about why you guessed so low on the icebreaker questions." Drake asked.

"I knew the questions were bogus…none of us would wait around for weeks to learn the correct answers." I laughed.

He smiled and shook my hand goodbye when our time was up. Drake moves down to the back of the line and I have a new person to meet.

"My name is Lewis, single, never had a long-term relationship because I've been too busy studying and working for my law license. I'm a junior associate at Grey and Dawson Legal Group." His handshake is firm, which matches the firm, physically fit body. His voice is melodious. He's nice looking also, and well-dressed.

"My name is Ana. I'm a copy editor at Grey Publishing."

"I like hiking, camping and fishing and I want to learn ballroom dancing." Lewis offered. "I hate the garter toss at weddings."

"I like camping and fishing – I'm working on the hiking part. I hate the bouquet toss. I took dancing lessons because of Kate and Elliot's wedding. How do you know Kate and Elliot?" I asked.

"I went to Seattle Prep with Elliot. We got into a lot of trouble in our high school years. How do you know the happy couple?" He has a sweet smile.

"Kate and I attended WSUV together. We were roommates until Kate and Elliot became engaged. I'm her Maid of Honor." I explained.

The next man was nice looking, presentably dressed, but… "My name is Nathan," he shook my hand.

"My name is Ana, and please don't take this the wrong way, but I don't feel comfortable talking to you."

"Why is that?" He tried to sound wounded.

"My eyes are up here," I gestured to my face; "not located on my breasts," I explained.

"I hate drama queens," he snapped.

"I hate creepers," I deliberately reached in my clutch purse and sanitized my hands with Purell in front of him. He took advantage of the remaining time to leer at me. "I should warn you the last creeper who leered at me was shot dead…three shots…center mass. If you don't believe me; allow me to get my bodyguard." I beckoned Bonner.

"Situation?" She asked; standing next to me.

"A creeper who is bothering me," I nodded at Nathan.

"Prescott doesn't like you being in this lineup." She said. "You're done as far as I'm concerned."

I let Bonner escort me back to Kate and Elliot. I think everyone is pleased when the damn speed dating event is over. While Prescott and Anders talk, I ask Kate to engineer an introduction between Nathan and Allison.

"You are a bad girl…" Kate whispered gleefully to me. "They SO deserve each other. He's a creeper and she's a bitch. Elliot said she was rude to you."

"Later, I don't want you to kill her now. I'm not wearing burial appropriate shoes." I laughed. Bonner rolled her eyes.

Mia passed out presents to the winners of the ice breaker. I received a bottle of white wine and a bottle of red. I put them under my assigned seating for the buffet.

"Welcome to a _Stock-The-Bar_ shower for Kate and Elliot. Thank you for your gifts for them like wine and booze, barware, glassware, etc. We have champagne punch or beer with some appetizers. We are eating later, so don't stuff yourselves now. We're going to play… _Name that Drink_. I'll list the ingredients of a drink and the first person to know what the drink is, call it out. If you are right, you get a prize. Once all the prizes are given out – you can steal a prize."

"First drink – Crème de Cacao, triple sec, half and half." Mia read from a card.

"Velvet hammer," one of Elliot's employees got it right. Mia grabbed present number one and passed it to him.

"Second drink: Orange juice…" Mia read from a card.

"Screwdriver," Carrick called out.

"…vodka," Mia said. "Dad won that one. Come collect present number two. Third drink: Galliano…"

"Harvey Wallbanger," Frannie shouted.

"Grandma won that one," Mia said. Carrick doubled back and collected present number three for her.

"Fourth drink: Drambuie…" Mia read.

"Rusty Nail," Theo shouted.

"I'm sensing a theme," Elliot whispered.

Mia laughed. "You're all a bunch of alcoholics! Grandpa Theo wins that one." Carrick doubled back again and collected present number four for Theo. "Next one: white rum, cognac, triple sec, lemon…"

"Between the Sheets!" Called out one of Kate's cousins.

"Correct!" Mia sent present number five on its way through the crowd to her. "Next one: vodka, champagne and pineapple juice…"

"Flirtini!" Kate guessed.

"Very _Sex in the City_ of you Kate. Correct." Carrick went to collect Kate's present. "Next one: Vodka, Peach Schnapps, orange juice…"

"Sex on the Beach!" One of Elliot's employees shouted.

"Correct," Mia said. "You all have dirty minds, too." Grace came to collect the last present and deliver it. "Next one…"

Grace peeked over Mia's shoulder. "NO!" She took the card. She took the next one. She took the next one; and the next one; and the next one; and the next one.

Carrick took the cards from Grace. "MIA GRACE GREY!" He frowned at her and put the cards in his pants pocket. Grace finally delivered the presents to the people who won.

Elliot looked at Kate with a frown on his face. She whispered in his ear, "Blow job, orgasm, slippery nipple, quick fuck, screaming orgasm, and possibly hanky panky."

"You have a dirty mouth, Miss Kate…I don't want to know how you know the names of those drinks." Elliot said. He winked at me and I blushed.

"Since Mom and Dad took away SIX fun ones, and since Kate seems to know the names of them…"

"MIA!" Carrick yelled.

"What? I was just going to say, next drink: Galliano and crème de cacao." Mia said.

"Golden Cadillac," one of Kate's cousins guessed. Grace delivered that present while Carrick stood over Mia's shoulder to veto any possible risqué titled drinks.

"Correct," Mia said. "Last one for a prize, and then the stealing begins. Next: vodka, Kahlua…"

"White Russian," another cousin guessed. Grace delivered it.

"Correct," Mia said. "Guinness and champagne."

"Black Velvet," I called out.

"Correct." Mia said.

"How did you know that?" Elliot asked.

"It was first created after the death of Prince Albert. It was supposed to resemble the black or purple armbands worn by mourners. Although they didn't have Guinness when it was created, they did have stout and champagne."

"Well, for that, you get to steal a prezzie," Mia said.

"I'm stealing from Kate," I announced and took her package. Servers circulated with trays of appetizers and with pitchers of beer and champagne punch.

Twenty more drink combinations later…Mia called the end of the game.

Everyone opened their prizes which were themed shot glasses shaped like boots, cacti, lab beakers, skulls, etc. Christian showed up, wearing jeans and a white shirt. He slipped our present into the pile and sat next to me in the chair Elliot pulled up. "Later, I'll tell you why I was late," he murmured.

"I'm glad you made it. Will you get me a sparkling water with lime twist?" I asked. He looked around at the plethora of Elliot's male employees and didn't argue about getting me something stronger. "And," I reached out and took his hand, pulling him down to whisper in his ear. "…a word of warning…several of Kate's female cousins are waiting to pounce on you. You better take your dad or grandpa to the bar with you." He kissed my cheek and collected both Carrick and Theo to accompany him.

Mia handed Elliot the set of recipe cards and a _Bartending for Dummies_ book. "You have to get the risqué ones from Mom and Dad."

"I'm not asking Dad for a recipe for a Screaming Orgasm," Elliot said. "The book or what we look up on the web will be fine."

Mia created "Booze Bingo" cards – but instead of numbers, she listed potential gifts the couple might receive during the shower. She explained everyone needed to pay attention. She covered the ways a person could win, horizontal, vertical, diagonal or four corners. Everyone except the bride and groom was eligible to play. From the stack of gifts on and below the gift table; "Booze Bingo" would yield a few winners. Once the prizes were distributed; then winners were able to steal a prize. Stealing prizes would occur until all the shower gifts were opened. Guests with a prize in their possession at the end of the opening of shower gifts won that prize.

Mia and I write down gifts as Elliot and Kate opened them. Frannie and Kate's grandmothers, Alice and Meg, carry presents to them. Some presents they can't carry; so Christian and Carrick haul them over to Elliot and Kate. Grace and Celeste circulate the room, showing some of the gifts to the attendees.

Elliot and Kate received every possible tool, glass, bottle of booze, etc., needed to stock a bar. They received a pair of mini key chain personal breathalyzers along with matching, monogrammed his and her silver plate flasks. They received a round patio beverage tub with a bourbon and beer BBQ sauce gift set. They opened a rolling beer container; a traveling bar set; and a traveling wine set with tools. Someone with no taste gave them a hideous monogram metal wine cork holder to hang on the wall in their bar. Mia said something in French, and I gave Christian a look. "She said it's hideous," Christian whispered in my ear.

I nodded but then caught Allison's glare and almost laughed. I would not be surprised if she was the purchaser of that tacky gift.

Kate's coworkers purchased fifteen different ice cube trays and a tote to hold them: squares, triangles, spheres, Dr. Who, Legos, guitars, octopus, penguins, dinosaurs, ABCs and 123s, penis, boobs, pickup trucks and tools. Elliot's employees gifted DIY beer brewing equipment.

Christian and I gave them a case of white wine. Grace and Carrick gave them a silver ice bucket, with tongs and scoop. Mia and Ethan gave them a wine bottle thermometer, a set of silver wine coasters and wine charms. Eamon and Celeste gave them a set of monogrammed bar towels. Kate's aunts and uncles gifted a Waterford and silver martini set with serving tray and a dozen Waterford martini glasses. Theo and Frannie gave them a dozen Waterford champagne flutes. One set of Kate's grandparents, Edward and Meg Kavanagh, gave them a dozen Waterford highball glasses. The other set of Kate's grandparents, Mitch and Alice Cantrell, gave them a dozen Waterford Tom Collins glasses. _I giggled …what…no coupe glasses?_

That giggle netted me a raised eyebrow from Christian. I shook my head no at him. I think my errant thought would lose its laugh factor in translation. At the end of Booze Bingo, the winners open their prizes to find themed church keys: a flip flop, shark, starfish, anchor, mermaid, lobster, seal and sea turtle. "Whew," Christian murmured, "I'm glad I didn't win any of those."

"Don't be rude," I chide him; "but please have a look at the bottles of wine I won earlier. You have me worried now."

Mia created the party menu with the men in mind: Caprese Salad; Antipasti Salad; Balsamic-Marinated, Grilled London Broil; Grilled Jumbo Shrimp and Scallops; Golden Pan-Fried Three Cheese Raviolis; Tricolor Cheese Tortellini Skewers; Grilled Portobello Mushroom Slices; Grilled Corn on the Cob; and Lemon-Lime Cream Tartlets. It's served two-sided buffet style, and the wedding party, parents, grandparents and relatives are first. I'm sandwiched between Mia and Christian in the serving line. He's sandwiched between me and Grace. He's pleased when I fill my plate. I took some of everything except the raviolis and corn on the cob. I'm precariously balancing my dinner plate, a salad plate, and a tartlet on my way back to the table. Bonner takes pity on me, and keeps me from losing my tartlet.

Theo, Frannie, Carrick, Grace, Mia, me, Kate, Elliot, Christian, Ethan, Celeste and Eamon with Kate's two sets of grandparents fill the head table. I noted several of the single men who had been in pursuit of me have backed off several paces while the females attempting to circle Christian have increased. "This is bullshit," Christian mutters; moving Mia's place card next to Elliot and Ethan. He puts his place card at the seat between Grace and me. "I don't want to talk business with Eamon."

We're seated, talking when Mia approaches the table. She leans down and gives Christian a kiss on the check. "Thank you," she whispered to him.

"My pleasure, sis," He smiles back at her. We're busy eating and I didn't realize I was hungry. Christian approves of my appetite. I'm employing my best-learned manners. I've taken lots of pictures to send to Cassie. She will be impressed. Christian's not impressed with Mia's wine selections. "Use them for cooking or making vinaigrettes for salads," he grimaces. I giggle, which causes Grace to smile.

"So what did I miss," he asked.

"I met a rude cousin of Kate's, a rude employee of Elliot's, won the ice breaker which netted me two bottles of wine you've panned, and guessed an unusual drink recipe." I sipped my water. "What were you doing?"

"Having a conversation with my doppelganger," he said. "I'll tell you later, when there aren't several dozen people watching us." He looks at me. "I like that dress." I just smiled and ate my dinner. But the best part is when I brush Christian's wondering fingers off my leg.

He grinned and whispered a very naughty suggestion in my ear. I shook my head and whispered… "Conversation first."

"Happy is the bride the sun shines on," Frannie quips, before consuming her drink. We've been discussing how we've had rain six out of the last nine days in June.

I tell Kate it's an old saying based on the belief that women get pregnant faster in the spring, summer and fall. Kate sets an alert on her phone to check her birth control stash when she gets home. I tell her just to start taking the shot, it's so much better than worrying about taking/missing pills.

 **XX**

Carrick, Grace and I are sequestered in Christian's SUV. Taylor prowls the perimeter. Prescott and Bonner wait by the SUV I arrived in.

"She what?" Grace asked for clarification.

"Elena accepted the SEC and IRS plea bargains last week. The judge accepted her allocution. The SEC and IRS agreed to have her serve time concurrently with her Washington plea bargain for promoting prostitution. She accepted that plea deal late Friday afternoon. Her sentence is 25 years to life. She has to serve a minimum of twenty years before she is eligible for parole. After six weeks of intake at WCCW, Gig Harbor; she's in general population, able to work, able to earn good time. The first time she misbehaves, she's in solitary for 30 days. The second time she's moved to medium security. The third time she's moved to max security. She's penniless; all her seized funds go to pay restitution and fines or have been seized by the SEC and IRS." Christian reported. "Lauren Hudson and Olivia Blandino have been offered misdemeanors with community service in exchange for testifying against Elena. They are prohibited from future communication with Elena."

"Is that why you were late to Elliot and Kate's shower?" Grace asked.

"Yes and no." He paused. "I was late because I was meeting with my doppelganger, Isaac Reynolds. He was Elena's long-time lover before her arrest in December. He's tall, lean, light brown curls and light eyes. The minute she was arrested, he managed to make any evidence of her sexual activities with underage boys disappear – no electronic or hard copies of pictures, paperwork, videos, etc. He claims she has no proof there was anything between us, other than the partnership which I dissolved in September. He said if there was a future issue; he will testify she spent a great deal of money remaking him in my image because she was obsessed. She dyed his hair copper and bought him grey contacts. She bought him clothes like what I wear. He has before and after pictures for proof."

"Did you know about her proclivities?" Carrick asked me.

"Christian told me she seduced him. I knew she was a madam because she tried to recruit me as a prostitute at the Coping Together event last year. She doesn't like me. I don't like her. I helped the SEC investigate her for securities fraud. I had an issue with her pretending to be Christian's friend and your friend while she was using you." I explained.

Carrick and Grace consider what I've said. "So where does this leave us?" Grace asked.

"She has no contact orders for the Grey, Trevelyan, Kavanagh, Steele and Adams families; any Grey-owned business or subsidiary. She has no-contact orders for her ex-ensemble and ex-client list. The no-contact orders are on file with the Department of Corrections. If she attempts to contact you, let the police know. We will have updated copies of the no-contact orders before the wedding."

"What about Hyde?" Carrick asked.

"He was charged and arraigned for two counts of attempted first-degree murder in the sabotage of Charlie Tango. He was charged and arraigned for twenty-eight counts of sexual assault, a dozen counts of blackmail, fifty counts of hacking and invasion of privacy, grand larceny for stealing $250,000 in funds and jewels from his girlfriend, and stalking and threatening Ana. He was charged with flight to avoid prosecution and identity theft. The SEC and IRS expects he will accept a plea deal where he serves all charges concurrently. The DA is offering two counts of life with the possibility of parole for the attempted murder. My legal team expects he will serve a minimum of thirty years for all charges before he's eligible for parole. The attempted murder charges put him in max security."

"I heard Elizabeth Morgan sold her home and possessions; moving to her parents in Virginia. She has been given probation in exchange for testimony against him. He's been issued no-contact orders. She's been issued no-contact orders. Once he pleads to all the deals and counts; Elizabeth's money will be returned. He sold the jewels." He smiled. "I would tell you we are safe…but there's another issue, which is why I've been gone."

He explains about the grad student who was kidnapped in Brazil. Currently he and security staff are housed on a boat with a helipad in international waters off the coast of Brazil. When they have to meet in Rio, they fly from the ship to a helipad in Rio where the kidnap and ransom team take them to a secluded compound. Christian explains Grey House removed all employees from unsafe living situations around the world and brought them home to the U.S. His other grad students will be assigned to projects in the United States. He has no intention of endangering their lives. He also explains there will be no announcement of the kidnapping or the safe restoration of his employee to his family in order to prevent copycat kidnappings.

"We're supposed to exchange kidnap funds for our employee on late Thursday afternoon. I'll be back in town on Sunday with any luck. Until then; I need all of you to follow the directives of your close protection detail." Christian said. "I'm sorry this has been a year of hell. I hope things calm down until we can get Elliot married; but I may send a set of six bodyguards with them on their honeymoon to ensure safety."

"Nothing personal son, but watching the way women followed you with their eyes tonight, I think you need to keep your security in place for a long, long time." Grace said.

"Have them keep the daggers out of Ana's back while you are at it," Carrick advised.

"I don't think that is possible, but thank you for the suggestion," I said. Christian smiled a wan smile, but reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze.

 **XX**

"I need to work, can you read for a while or something at Escala?" Christian asked.

"No, Mr. Grey," I said, walking to his SUV. "I told you, there's going to be a conversation.'

"Just so you know," he said, opening the door to the SUV. "We're going to talk about why you didn't stay at Escala while I was gone."

"Just so you know, you're going to explain why you didn't tell me my life was in danger which warranted me staying at Escala." I said tartly, crossing my legs and revealing a lace-topped stocking. "I'm just reminding you what's at stake if you lie or prevaricate." I pulled my dress down.

 **XX**

"Ground rules: no yelling, no throwing phones, no demanding I 'obey' your commands," I said.

"Ground rules: no running, no shutting down, no being obstinate and not hearing me," Christian said. "Now, why didn't you stay at Escala like I wanted you to?"

"Why didn't you tell me you wanted me to stay at Escala, instead of leaving Gail to break the news to me, and leaving Ros to explain everything?"

"Answer my question first," Christian admonished.

"You gone on business and Jack Hyde in the wind explained the need for extra security. It did not explain why you needed me at Escala. If I had stayed at Escala – your family would have wondered if there was more going on that they didn't know about. They would have asked questions I could not answer." I shrugged. "Now, answer my question? Why didn't you tell me instead of relying on Gail and Ros? You knew you were leaving early Monday morning – because you had Gail pack 10 days of clothes for you. If you had time for sex on Monday morning…you had time to tell me what is going on. Instead…you sex me; kiss me goodbye; and let others relay your messages."

"I'm sorry you view it that way…that I used sex to avoid conversation. I'd like to point out that I didn't think of it as 'sex'. I thought I made love with the woman I love before I had to leave her. I didn't know when I would see you again and I didn't want to blow past a day when I said I'd be home ad upset and worry you more."

"I admit I'm not the easiest person to wake up. I admit that I loved the lengthy luxurious sex with you that morning…but you should have asked me to stay at Escala until you returned…rather than making it sound like orders being relayed by others. Since we're in the midst of being honest with one another…I don't like the cold sterile feel of Escala. I don't think I would feel comfortable here alone for an extended length of time. Sleeping alone in your bed would have made me stress more than you know. Being in my own home with my things around me…it felt like that was where I belonged; where I felt safe. Why didn't you call or Skype or email while you were gone?"

"I didn't dare contact you and tell you what was going on because I had no guarantee the connections were secure. Which by the way, is one of the things I'm addressing for future."

"Business mind off…relationship mind on. Do you think the kidnappers got the idea from Stephen trying to kidnap me?"

"Perhaps. We found information in Jack Hyde's paperwork about the fellowship students. He may or may not have sold their information to potential kidnappers. Grey House is working on recalling all of our employees who are located overseas. We don't want this happening again."

"I agree to increased security, so you don't worry about me when you should be worrying about other people." I sat in his lap and put my arms around him. "But, when you go back to Brazil; I'm going back to my condo."

"I can accept that…if you will stay here with me until I have to leave again," Christian kissed me senseless. It was definitely a point well made.

 **June 11 – APOV**

Christian kisses me goodbye again. He and Jason are flying out of Seattle for Rio. He won't be in contact this week while he's trying to get his employee freed. Ros is taking all meetings Christian had scheduled. Carrick and Grace did not tell anyone our reason for being out of communications since the shower. We're just holding our breath until it is resolved and everyone is safely returned home. Christian does not care about the money, but the kidnap and ransom team are still in play. They've put two patrol boats around the ship at sea to ensure there is no attempt to kidnap the boat or its passengers. They have 24/7 teams around the airfield when the helicopter is taking off and landing. They have 24/7 teams surrounding the GEH jet to ensure it is not sabotaged either.

Prescott takes me from Escala to work. I don't bother with yoga today. I know I need it to clear my mind. Hannah and I will work very hard this week to get as much cleared off my desk as possible. Prescott knows I'm working late, ans she will arrange for dinner for us.

 **June 15 - APOV**

Ros called me at six a.m. "The GEH jet touches down at Boeing Field in 45 minutes. All of our people are onboard; our grad student's parents will meet him at the field. I'm going, Christian's parents are going. We're trying to keep it quiet so people just think it was a standard business trip. Christian is going to his parents' house. He'll remain there until Monday morning when it's time to report to work. I expect he will call or email you when he catches his breath. Be kind to him, Ana. I know you're crazy about him and worried when Charlie Tango crashed."

 **XX**

'Baby," Christian croaked into the phone. "Please come to my parents' home. The pool house will be ours. You need swimsuits, sundresses, lingerie, and casual clothes for the weekend and work clothes for Monday."

"I'll be there by one, with my suitcase in hand," I promise him. "You know I have my final dress fitting tomorrow morning and we're working on the seating chart tomorrow afternoon? Otherwise, I can hide out at your parents." I call Bonner and tell her what I need from my condo. I call Prescott and Hannah into my office and tell them I'm leaving at noon for the weekend. Both of them are off at that time. I'll see them at nine on Monday morning.

 **June 16 – APOV**

Mia has been bitch about the three-inch heels we're wearing for the wedding. Celeste refused to conduct her final fitting until she changed into the right shoes. They both act like this is my fault. "I don't know what your issue is; but Kate chose the three-inch heels the first part of March. That's what I've been wearing to practice dancing and walking. That's what I've been wearing to dress fittings. That's what I'm wearing to the wedding. I'm glad my final dress fitting is done - because I don't feel like having lunch with either of you right now! Tell Kate I'll see her at 1:30 at Grey Calendars to finish the seating arrangements." I grab my things and leave.

When I reach the parking area, Christian calls.

"Can we talk?" He asked.

"You picked a lousy time for a conversation. Your sister just pissed me off to the point that I'm blowing off lunch with the ladies. We had final dress fittings this morning. This afternoon we're supposed to finalize the seating chart for the reception. At this point – I'm ready to assign seats in alphabetical order."

"You don't want to go, do you?' He asked.

"If I say that I'm sick of wedding preparations, will you think I'm a hateful creature?" I asked.

"No, I'm sick of these conclaves also. I'm spending the afternoon with Elliot. We're picking up Kate's wedding gift and the gifts for the wedding party and ushers." He sighed.

 _"As God is my witness, I'm eloping,"_ I thought.

"Do you want to elope?" Christian asked, startled.

"OH MY GOD, did I say that aloud?" I asked.

"Yes you did," he laughed. "The question is, do you mean it?"

"I do mean it…when I'm ready to get married, it's going to be elope or else live together in sin because I'm SO NOT going through this crap again…never, ever. I'll shoot myself if it takes more than 48 hours to arrange an elopement. I'm not having my Mother freaking over details like Celeste."

"I think you'll find it takes longer than that because you have to get a marriage license," He laughed again.

"How about lunch at my condo? We can have dinner and a quiet night there?" I asked.

Maybe tomorrow we can go sailing…I need downtime before I tackle business this next week if we're going to have next weekend free for the bachelor and bachelorette parties. We need to go over the logistics for the weekend." Christian said.

"I'll meet you for lunch in twenty minutes," I sighed.

"Be gentle with Mia if you can. She and Ethan are having a rough patch at the moment. He's working sixty hour weeks to be able to take time off for the bachelor weekend and for Kate's wedding. Sawyer said he fell asleep while they were talking on the phone last night. She trashed her smart phone when she realized he was asleep. Unfortunately for her…I don't keep spares of her phone in stock. Consequently; she has to buy a new phone today. Since she lives on her phone…being out of communication with friends is causing her a lot of angst."

 **June 17 - APOV**

Christian woke me just minutes before six.

"I can't stay," he said. "I'm on my way to Northwest. Mom says Grandpa Theo may have had a cardio-vascular incident."

'I'm sorry," I whisper.

He grabs me and hugs me. He buries his nose in my hair; the smell seems to calm him. "I have to go…it's not that I don't want to be here with you, and it's not that I don't want you there with me, but I don't know what's going on. Grandma and Mom need me right now."

"I'll say a prayer for your grandpa," I kiss him goodbye which is interrupted when his phone rings. I groaned in frustration.

"I do understand," he said as his phone rang again. "I have to take this, it's Mom." He kissed me goodbye and headed to the elevator. "Mom, I'm on my way there…I'll be there in fifteen minutes." The elevator doors closed.

It's almost two o'clock before Christian called. Grandpa Theo had a bad case of indigestion, no cardiac involvement. He is going home to Escala for some rest and to decompress. I give him air hugs and tell him I'll come to Escala if he wants. I have work I can do while he does work he needs to do. We can rest, eat, hydrate, exercise, etc. as needed. He is thrilled with my offer.

 **June 18 – APOV**

"I know you don't celebrate, Christian, but happy birthday…I have 29 kisses for you for your birthday…on various places of your body." I wrapped my arms and legs around him and kissed all over his face and neck.

He groaned with frustration. Christian apologized that he's available for breakfast this morning; but after that he's busy with Grey House. I remind him I'm busy also, trying to clear my desk. We're on our way to Vegas Friday for the bachelor and bachelorette parties. It seemed to cheer him up.

Tomorrow night I will vent to Mary about wedding crap getting on my nerves. Wednesday Shawn and Harley are coming to the condo. Shawn is helping me pack for the weekend. Friday begins the final countdown to the wedding.

 **June 20 - APOV**

Mia asked me to attend a surprise lunch for Christian's birthday at Grey House. She knows he's working 24/7 and doesn't have time for a family dinner. Elliot and Kate asked me to go in with them for a present for Christian. Mia arranged a lovely gourmet lunch buffet. We are seated in a private conference room with corner windows which gave us an excellent view. Ros and Gwen, Andrea and Barney, Taylor and Gail, Kate and Elliot, Mia and Ethan, Carrick and Grace and I help Christian celebrate his twenty-ninth birthday. Welch, Sawyer and Prescott join us before it is over.

When it was time for Christian to open presents, I'm pleased at my choice of a white embossed box with a grey ribbon. The card features a ship, with some quote about calm seas and fair weather for his life voyage. It's been a tumultuous year…he could use some calm. Christian exclaimed over Elliot, Kate and my present to him: a solar-powered remote control helicopter. Elliot had it painted exactly like Charlie Tango. Christian thanks us.

Conversation for the rest of lunch centers on the wedding. We're ten days out and eager for summer and sunshine. Elliot said the weather is why they chose an indoor wedding and reception. He's praying we have sunshine and not rain when we line up for the outdoor photos.

Grace reminds him summer never officially begins in Seattle until the Fourth of July.

Christian reminds the wedding party- we are wheels up at noon at Boeing Field on Friday and on our way to the bachelor and bachelorette party. Carrick and Grace try to get me to tell them what is going on; but I smile and shake my head. Christian and I worked this out; we won't be making headlines for bad behavior.

 **XX**

Christian pulls me into his office at the end of lunch. "Thank you for my birthday present," he said. "But I need something else for my birthday."

"Like what, Mr. Grey," I batted my eyelashes at him.

"I need to work; I have piles of things to clear from my desk before the end of the fiscal year. I need you in my life. I want you in my life. I need you in my bed… it's not just sex… I don't sleep well without you. I'm just embarrassed by the never-ending bullshit that seems to surround my life and I don't know how to ask you to forgive me."

I stepped closer and my hand caressed his face. "I love you. I want to be with you if you are honest and talk to me. Don't assume I'm some fragile flower who will have vapors when the going gets tough. I can read and work while you work. I can sleep while you sleep. We'll eat healthy, exercise together, hydrate…and get all the laughs we can while we can. We're twelve days out from the wedding and I've got to clear my desk also. Let me grab fifteen days of clothes and toiletries and I'll come to Escala tonight."

He kissed me senseless…his kisses were not gentle, but possessive and demanding and thankful. Then he stole my panties!

 _Oh boy… I know I have a spare week of undies at Escala…but I'd better pack 30 days of panties…between combustion, shredding and theft…I have to make sure my ass is covered this week!_


	59. Chapter 59

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 59** – "Time changes everything except something within us which is always surprised by change." -Thomas Hardy

 **June 22 - APOV**

Check in at the Bellagio is followed by dinner at the Hard Rock Café. Mia, Kate and I can't wait to get t-shirts. The music is loud, it rocks, and the food is fabulous. No one drinks. We're here to have fun not dull our senses. It's great…no one seems to recognize Christian. But I swear to god; hand on my heart…the waitress stopped breathing when she saw him. Every female in the place detoured by our booth on their way to or from the powder room. Taylor and Sawyer finally stood near the booth and began barring people from getting close to the table. We leave the Hard Rock and go to a comedy club. It's so much fun. I swear my ribs hurt from laughing. Elliot and Kate want to go dancing, but tonight's not the night. We are scheduled for private gaming instruction from midnight to two, followed by sleep, breakfast and adventure.

 **June 23 - APOV**

"Ladies, there was a reason we had you bring short skirts and stilettos," The female instructor informed us. "Welcome to Stiletto Spy Games. While channeling your inner Bond girl; you will be paired with one of our professional drivers. You will observe defensive driving tactics, be introduced to high-speed stunt driving, and have a chance to drive one of our exotic cars. Additionally, we conduct a modeling session with you and a real Ferrari race car. You will pick the pose you like the best for an 8x10 glamour shot to frame and hang in your home. We'll begin with the glamour shots while the men are driving. Then they will leave and you will have the track."

The male instructor called for their attention. "Gentlemen, we're giving you a five-star driving experience with some of the best and fastest exotic cars in the world. Drive one will be at top speeds with an experienced driver at the wheel and you as a passenger. Drive two will be high-speed stunt driving with an experienced driver at the wheel and you as a passenger. Drive three; you will learn defensive driving techniques with an experienced driver at the wheel and you as a passenger. Drive four will be you racing by yourself, and pitting your best times against your friends and family. We have a big trophy for the winner, and an 8x10 picture for your ego wall. We hope both groups enjoy this once in a lifetime exotic car racing experience."

 **XX**

When the pictures were done…the owner wants me to sign a photo release letting him use the picture for advertising bachelorette parties. I stare at her, but I don't know her…that wild child in the photo. Big hair frames her pale face. With her hands clasped behind her, her breasts arch forward. Her push-up bra shows cleavage through the open zipper of the driving jacket. She sits in classic damsel position on the hood of the Ferrari, black bow tie stilettos, short black pleated skirt that shows more of her legs than she knew she had. The blue and black driving jacket accents her large blue eyes. The makeup is flawless; the look in her eyes is positively carnal. Good thing Christian wasn't there during the photo shoot…this picture would give him a heart attack…well, before it gave him a hard-on, and he gave me a spanking.

"Sorry," I said. "No, nyet, huh uh, nein, nix, nada, ne, non, aon…"

"Steele, it would be perfect!" Kate squealed.

"You're last name is Steel…like the metal?" The photographer asked. "God that would be a perfect name for that shot."

"Unless you are all dying to have her father shoot you…" Taylor cleared his throat, "I suggest you take no for an answer." He raised his eyebrows at me when he saw the picture. "We're going to play golf followed by Top Gun Flights. After your driving experience, you are at the spa at Bellagio. We have dinner reservations at 8, show tickets at 10. You ladies have midnight tickets to Chippendales and the men have a helicopter tour of the Strip. Everyone meets at 2 a.m. at the Rio dance roof for a nightcap and dancing. Do not attempt to ditch your security." Taylor nodded and left.

 **XX**

"When did you learn to walk and dance in stilettos?" Christian asked when we are on the dance floor at the Rio.

"About the same time I learned not to fidget, apply my own makeup, shop for lingerie that fits and keep a secret…I'm a woman of many talents, Mr. Grey," I snarked.

"I noticed…but you haven't lost your smart mouth." Christian said.

"Yes…and I've noticed you haven't lost your desire to fuck it…" I said, leaving his arms at the end of the song and walking to the bathroom.

 **XX**

"Kate, stop it," I giggle on our way back to our table from the powder room. I'm intercepted by a guy who wants to dance. I tell him no politely, but he insists on offering to buy me a drink. After I give him another polite brush off, I turn to go back to the table and almost slam into Christian's chest.

He pulls me into a dance, one hand holding my left hand in the middle of my back and holding my right hand down at his thigh. He glares at the guy. "You are mine!" He snapped.

"I haven't misbehaved Mr. Grey," I looked up at him through my eyelashes. "Do you have any ideas how to change that?"

"Fuck yes!" He growled and kissed me thoroughly, over and over until my senses were scattered to the winds. "I want those stilettos wrapped around my ass," he growled at me.

"I want that too," I said. "…But you have to turn off your phone, laptop, whatever…I'm not competing with work and everything else that intrudes on our lives."

"Come on then, you demanding little creature. Elliot, Ethan, Taylor, Sawyer, Bonner…we are leaving!" He yelled over his shoulder to a table of stunned people who watch as he half drags, half carries me toward the elevator.

 **June 24 - APOV**

We've managed to stay apart from one another on the plane until Elliot, Kate, Mia and Ethan all nod off. He points toward the master bedroom with ensuite. "I'll show you mine if you show me yours…" he said.

"Uhm…what are we talking about?" I'm at a loss. He'd better not be expecting sex at 30,000 feet; especially with his brother and sister in the next room… cabin… whatever. Not to mention I'm a bit sore from twice last night, wake-up sex followed by very hot, very steamy shower sex.

"Pictures from the racetrack. Kate told Elliot the owner wants to buy your picture and use it for bachelorette party flyers and brochures." Christian said.

"Uhm…mine is packed in my luggage," I bit my lip.

"Stop it…" he ordered me.

"Stop what?" I frowned.

"You're biting your lip," he said.

"No way… I paid good money to unlearn that habit," I said.

"WAY," he argued. "Why are you so nervous about me seeing the picture?"

"You first…" I said…shocked when he handed me the portfolio holder.

"Elliot wants me to leave my trophy in Mom and Dad's boathouse. I'm going to torture him by keeping it in my home office."

I opened the portfolio and gasped. Holy Fuck, he's gorgeous. His copper curls are their usual just-been-fucked tousled look – their gold highlights accented by the gold trophy. His dove grey eyes glint knowingly. He has an almost smirk on his lips. The cognac and chocolate driving jacket makes his hair look …he's just…yummy. Mouthwateringly yummy. I let out a sigh…a desperate, breathy, fuck-me-to-tears, sigh.

"You like?" He cocked his head and smirked at me.

"Uhm…yes, very nice," I close and hand it back before I take it to the bathroom and …. _BRAINS…where are your BRAINS_? "Let me get mine," I ask Bonner for the portfolio out of my luggage. Her eyes widen briefly but she's off. Taylor must have ratted me out. In less than a minute she's back with it. She makes sure to close the door to the master bedroom behind her; in case Christian starts yelling. She doesn't want him to wake the rest of the passengers.

I take a deep breath, plaster on a smile and hand him the portfolio.

He takes it and opens it…and his head jerks back… startled… staring at the picture. He's speechless. He stares at the picture for a very long minute. "Thank you," he said.

"For what?" I laughed.

"For saying no when the racetrack manager wanted to use your picture for PR." He said. "I want this picture… may I have it?"

"You can't put it anywhere someone might see it. It would have to go on your dresser in your closet or on your nightstand." I said.

"Not a problem…I don't want any man seeing this picture anyway. Sweet Jesus, Ana…" he had to adjust himself. "Did you deliberately pick that pose?"

"Damsel…yes…practiced it for a whopping two minutes before the picture was taken," I laughed. "My picture is going to cost you…"

"What…" he asked suspiciously.

"Your picture…autographed to me," I said, recklessly.

He reached for his picture and a pen and signed it, _To Anastasia with all my love, Christian_. Your turn," he handed me the pen.

I signed it _To Christian XOXOXO Anastasia_. "BTW; I don't know that wild child." I handed him back the picture.

He sighed and closed the portfolio. "She's a magnificent creature. I'm glad she's been hidden and will remain hidden. I would to have to kill anyone who eye fucks that picture."

I set his portfolio aside. I climbed into his lap, taking him by surprise. "She's all yours, Mr. Grey," I whispered in his ear. I was rewarded with a growl.

"Is she…is she all mine…" He kissed me hard over and over until I couldn't breathe and my lips were swollen and tender. "Stay with me, don't leave me, say yes to being mine."

I kissed him back – and had no time for anything else, because the pilot announced we were there and needed to buckle up. We raced out of the cabin and took the first two available seats; buckling up.

"We haven't discussed how to make this work," I said.

"You move into Escala permanently and we'll take it day by day," he suggested. "We have final fittings for the tuxes tomorrow night. We're not going to be done until late."

"I need to clear my desk tomorrow anyway. I'll be working late. It's been a rough month trying to get Kate and Elliot wed. I need to practice my speech. You did write your speech? You didn't hand it off to someone to write it for you?" I asked suspiciously.

"I wrote most of it, but now there's something I want to add to it." Christian said. "Are you done with yours?"

"Done, critiqued by my life coach, practiced. PowerPoint ready." I said.

"PowerPoint?" He frowned.

"Pictures of Kate…which Elliot has to see…you know for complete disclosure." I laughed.

"Tuesday, we'll practice them together. Quiet dinner at Escala Tuesday and Wednesday?" He asked.

"Sounds like a plan. Rehearsal at St. James and rehearsal dinner at your parents on Thursday. I'm at Kate's parents' house on Friday night. Spa day on Saturday and I'm at the Kavanaghs' Saturday night. The wedding is Sunday. Mondy morning, we'll figure out the rest of it." The plane is getting ready to land.

"Tuesday, dinner, dancing, practicing speeches," Christian made a note in his smart phone. "Monday, I'd like to take the solar-powered helicopter out to an open area and fly it for a while."

"Sounds like fun," I said. "How's the wedding gift coming?"

"They will be delivered to Mia's office on Monday. She will wrap it and send them to Kate's parents' house. A dozen Waterford red wine glasses, a dozen Waterford white wine glasses, and just for giggles for you, a dozen Waterford coupe glasses." He said. "You need to stop tomorrow in Mia's office to sign the card."

"Come over tonight, we'll have some lasagna, and we'll start packing me." I said.

Christian kissed me on the cheek. "See you at seven. I'll bring the wine."

I make Bonner stop at DeLaurenti so I can get bread, olive oil, prepared butters, a prepared antipasti plate, Farro salad for two, tiramisu for two, and some candles and fresh flowers. I pick up a lemon and a liter of bottled water. We head to the condo. I refrigerate everything and pull four portions of lasagna from the freezer to thaw.

Oh bloody hell. Good dishes or everyday dishes? He saw the good dishes before. Casual – we're going casual. I decided. Laura's quilted placemats. Across the table from each other or side by side? Across the table. Candles and flowers in the middle of the table to not get in the way of seeing and talking to one another. I set the dining room table, flowers in the vase.

I race to the shower, the girly things were done at the spa at Bellagio so I don't have to fret. Crap…what to wear? Grey halter dress, shoes, silver bracelet and hoop earrings – to dressy. The butterfly sundress…wedges… ponytail… minimal makeup…pop of lip gloss and the really cool mini cloisonné butterfly earrings I found when shopping with Kate. Just right casual – in case Christian wears just jeans and a white shirt. I check the time and I have time for a 30 minute nap. I lay down but my mind races with lists of tasks.

Lasagna in the oven to warm. Plate the salads, refrigerate. Pitcher the water with lemon slices, refrigerate. Plate the dessert, refrigerate. Light candles, take antipasti plate to living room, with wine glasses and plates and napkins. Corkscrew, ice bucket on coffee table. Wait, soft music first – there was a reason you bought a three rack CD player. Play what? The CD of the London Symphony Orchestra. Draw the drapes? Or look out at the skyline? I choose skyline.

Apartment clean, smells nice, cell phone turned off when Christian gets here, dinner, pack some stuff to move to Escala… We both have to work tomorrow. Breathe.

After antipasti and wine, basket the bread and put olive oil and butters on the table, serve salads. OH DAMN! I forgot veggies. Salad will have to do. Warm and serve the lasagna. Scrape dishes, and put in dishwasher. Serve dessert…will Christian want coffee? I don't think I have any. Christ, should I have Prescott run to the nearest Starbucks and get a thermos of Italian roast?

The alarm goes off…and I'm up, like a shot, and racing around. I run to the door, throw it open, and hand Prescott a thermos and twenty bucks. "I'll stay locked in, but I need coffee from Starbucks. I'm desperate, Italian roast, black, don't argue with me. And DON'T tell Christian you left me alone for fifteen minutes!" I slam and lock the door and race to the bedroom. Straighten the bed. Modest underwear… dress…hair… shoes…makeup… my mind races with things to do.

OHHH…leave an opened book on the chaise in the bedroom. It will look like I was unconcerned with his visit and reading. So then if I'm racing around to get dinner on the table, it's because I read too long. I race and pull a book of the shelves. It's Hardy, _Mayor of Casterbridge_. I flip it to mid-book, scan a couple pages to refresh my memory and lay it on the chaise, with a bookmark hanging out of it. I hit the music, turn it low, and put it on repeat. Flowers, candles set; light them later. Run…run…run.

6:45! He's early – well, not so early.

 **June 25 - CPOV**

"No Ros, I'm just feeling a little under the weather from the weekend. There's nothing serious on my schedule today. I'm just going to hang out, rest, recuperate and start again tomorrow. Yeah, I'll check with the rest of the wedding party. We had a really good weekend." I listened. "Yeah, email me with anything you think I need to know. Let Andrea know."

"Taylor, I need breakfast for two, lunch for two, and clean casual clothes delivered to Ana's condo. I need my laptop. I need my briefcase." I called him while watching her sleep. I wore her out last night, and this morning. I intend to wear her out some more, but not until I feed her and bathe her.

 **XX**

"Mom, I'm not sick. Ana's not sick. We're just hanging out together, today. We've cancelled the day for lack of interest. Oh yeah…that's what that's about." I laughed. "Love you mom. I'll be at Escala at six for tuxedo fittings. No, Ana won't be there…maybe not until after everyone leaves so she doesn't embarrass easily. The wedding party, the dads and grandfathers, the ushers, and my security staff are getting final fittings. I'm having the tuxedos delivered to Grey Manor by Friday afternoon. I'll remind the men we're having brunch there and getting dressed on Sunday." I listened. "I'll get us to work on time tomorrow. We're having dinner Tuesday and Wednesday at Escala because we have work to clear before the weekend. I'll make sure we're at rehearsal at St. James at five. Dinner at your house at six-thirty. I know, dress casual and stay the entire evening, no matter how much work I need to do. We'll have Taylor and Prescott with us. Sawyer will be with Mia. Anders will be with Elliot and Kate. Ana and I are back at Escala Thursday night. I'll drop her at Kate's condo Friday night when I pick up Elliot. Sailing in the morning, golf in the afternoon, Saturday night dinner at your house. Elliot, Ethan and I are sleeping at your house Saturday night. Yeah, Eamon threatened Elliot if he doesn't stay away."

 **XX - APOV**

"Hannah, it's Ana. I've got to take the day off. I must have eaten something weird in Las Vegas over the weekend. My stomach is wrecked today." I listen for her expressions of sympathy and feel guilty for lying. "I've worked to clear my schedule this week because of the wedding. I'll do my best to be in tomorrow, but I have to be out early on Thursday because of the wedding rehearsal and Friday afternoon for wedding prep." I listen. "Thanks, I'm just going to drink tea, eat toast and rest."

 **XX**

"Well," I asked, "what do you think?"

"I told you, I'm Mr. Supportive. I'm not going to make suggestions or fix anything." Christian said. "You just tell me what you need me to do."

"But what do you think about my plan?" I asked. "I'll offer my white wicker furniture to Taylor for Sophie and what he doesn't want can go to your mom's charity. It's too late to send my furniture to Montesano for the VFW rummage sale for after the Fourth of July. My good china and stuff goes to Escala with my books and personal things, including finance paperwork. I will set up my home office in your library. José can move in here – I'll leave the living room and dining room furnishings, kitchen stuff, etc. That way he doesn't have to look for a place, and this place is central to Grey Construction and partially furnished for him."

"Work it out with Elliot and José," Christian shrugged. "All I know is you insist on packing your personal stuff, lingerie and important papers. The rest of your things can be packed by someone Taylor vets. We've ordered the vintage oak office décor for you. Elliot is sending a crew to paint the library for you. If you trust Gail; she can arrange your home office. If we can work this out the night of the wedding rehearsal – then Elliot and Kate can get married, go on their honeymoon. You move in with me before July Fourth; José moves in here. Everyone is settled and happy."

I sigh and cuddle into his arms _…happily ever after? I hope so. I know we're going to have some rough patches in the future, but as long as we keep talking to one another, I have faith._

 **June 28 - APOV**

He deepened the kiss, crushing me against his chest with his muscular arms; his tongue invaded my mouth.

 _Mmmm, the rehearsal dinner was delicious, but he was the best thing I tasted all day._

One hand reached up to grasp my hair; tilting my head back. His other hand slid down my spine, flattening my body against his. The heat of his body created a flash of heat in my pelvis. When he broke the kiss, he held me, kissing my nose and forehead gently. "What are you going to do about that, Anastasia?"

"What am I going to do? I'm going to go take off these high heels, take a hot shower, and sleep."

"You think we're going to sleep…" His grin was loopy, infectious. 'I think we need an undress rehearsal…"

 **June 30 - APOV**

"Now – the bride and groom dance. Elliot please escort your bride to the floor." The DJ intoned. Elliot stood and held out his hand to Kate, escorting her to the edge of the dance floor. The D.J. started to play _Gimme All Your Lovin_ by ZZ Top. Elliot abandoned Kate, to her surprise. During the music intro, Elliot was joined by Eamon and Ethan, then Carrick, Theo and Christian, then Taylor and Sawyer. They checked out haircuts, fingernails, close shaves, cufflinks, ties…shared breath mints…

Then the lyrics began, and the men danced in unison with one another, showing off struts, fancy footwork, spins, dips, hip rolls, etc. At the end of the song, they gathered in a line up and did a set of fancy footwork, and bowed when the music ended. This dance was obviously choreographed for this special day. Every person in the place taped it on their cell phones. It was going viral, and Christian didn't care.

The D.J. segued into _Come Away with Me_ by Norah Jones for the bride and groom. It was followed by a parents' dance _My Baby Cares for Me_ by Nina Simone. The bridal party danced to _I Don't Want to Miss a Thing_ by Aerosmith. The father daughter dance was _My Girl_ by the Temptations; followed by the mother son dance which was _Mama_ by Boyz II Men. It was immediately followed by the parents, grandparents and godparents dance, to _Wonderful World_ by Louis Armstrong.

The family dance has twelve of Kate's girl cousins lining up on the dance floor; trying to cut in on Grace's dance with Christian. She gently let all the cutters down by telling them Christian would only dance with the bridal party, the mothers and the grandmothers so all the other single men attending the wedding had the opportunity to dance. None of them, not even bitch Allison, attempted to argue with her.

 **XX - CPOV**

I nod at Taylor. It's almost time for my best man speech. He takes Ana the duffle bag. She grins at me. We're all set.

"Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, family and friends. I am Christian Grey; the groom's younger brother. I'm thrilled and honored to be my brother's best man. I turned off my smart phone and threatened to fire my second in command if I'm interrupted. Seriously … Elliot and Kate's merger is more important than anything else that could possibly be scheduled for today…and definitely more interesting than the end of the fiscal year. Thank you Mia, Mom and Dad; Celeste, Eamon and Ethan; and Anastasia for all your hard work to make this a special day for Elliot and Kate. Kate, in case Elliot forgets to use his words today; you look beautiful. Ditto, Ana, Mia, Mom, Celeste, Grandma Frannie, Kate's Grandma Cantrell and Grandma Kavanagh … happiness looks beautiful on all of you."

"Being Elliot's younger brother has been exhausting! I had to take kick boxing lessons just to even the odds! But, I have finally bested him at something… and I have the trophy to show for it. Please admire the lovely Maid of Honor, Anastasia Steele, as she shows off my driving trophy. Of course, since Elliott gave me most of my driving lessons, part of it belongs to him…along with an equal share of the blame for running over Grandma Frannie's flower beds and destroying Grandpa Theo's garage door. I'm not going to delve any further into our shared history because there are things Elliot's going to take to his grave…Right, Elliot?"

"Mom and Dad need never know Grandpa Theo taught us how to smoke cigars. Or that Grandpa Theo thought Grandma Frannie was a lush the summer you were 16 and I was 14. I think we owe her about six cases of wine coolers. We're too old to be grounded, right Elliot? Seriously, I will never reveal anything sordid about your past, and especially not what happened three years, twelve months and 365 days ago."

"The reality is…I have known the true Elliot for a year. The brother I grew up with was funny, adventurous and sometimes a right royal pain in the ass. The brother I have today; the grownup version; is still funny, still adventurous and still a pain in the ass…but he's brilliant, dedicated and talented. He is kind, loving, loyal and hardworking. Elliot shares his time, his energy and his love of life freely with his family and friends. I know he will share his sterling qualities with you, Kate. Just be sure to carry health insurance for those bruised knees, twisted ankles, stressed tendons and pulled muscles from trying to keep up with him on ski slopes. He attacks them the way he attacks life. Keep Mom on speed dial; kick off your stilettos and be prepared for the adventure of your life. Seriously, my family and I are forever grateful to you, Kate, for making Elliot the happiest we've ever seen him. We're looking forward to sharing Elliot and his adventures with you for decades to come."

"Everyone, please raise your glass…to Elliot and Kate… our sincerest wishes for a long and happy love-filled marriage."

 **XX – APOV**

I'm prepared when it is time to give my Maid of Honor speech. "Thank you, Kate and Elliot for inviting me to be a part of your special day. Thank you, Eamon and Celeste as well as Carrick and Grace for these two wonderful people who are like a sister and brother to me. For those of you who don't know me, my name is Ana, and I'm the Maid of Honor."

"Kate and I may not have been childhood friends; we never played dress up, or suffered through piano recitals together. We didn't go to middle school together and never suffered through braces together. We never bought prom dresses together or celebrated all those special high school moments. Our memories and friendship began the first day of our freshman year in college. We met while standing in line, trying to register. Someone ahead of us had a meltdown over eight a.m. classes. Kate muttered 'drama queen' and I could not stop laughing. Our friendship was forged at that moment. I've known Kate for almost five years, and I was her roommate for most of that time."

"We know more about each other than most stalkers do. We've laughed together, cried together, planned together, studied together, and laughed until we've cried together. We are the only two who think our inside jokes are funny. We've been there for each other through some tough times. We've shared some of the best times of our lives, so far. I am honored to call this overwhelming, amazing, smart, strong, energetic, wonderful woman my best friend and my sister from another mother."

"Elliot, I have seven words to say about the previous men in Kate's life. Kate's worried…she thinks I'm going to name names…Nope." Christian turns on the PowerPoint presentation. The first seven screens flash in time to my words. "These are my seven words: neon, pink, demented, killer, bunny, flannel pajamas. Kate…my lips are sealed…but the evidence speaks for itself. I believe in full disclosure." The PowerPoint segues with over a dozen pictures of Kate in the hideous pink pajamas. The crowd roared with laughter at the pictures of not so pretty Kate in those awful pajamas. The last slide has four pictures of Ethan and me burning those pajamas.

"Elliot, my brother from another mother, if I didn't have a dozen reasons for appreciating you…seeing the end of those pajamas is reason enough. You're tall, you're good looking, you're physically fit, you have decent manners, you have an infectious laugh, you are smart, you are kind, and you have the sexiest brother! OPPS I mean nicest mother! Kate is more since she met you…happy, laughing, dancing, _speechless_ … You are Kate's happily ever after. Today is a celebration of your love…and the start of your lives together. Everyone, please raise your glass and join me to toast Mr. and Mrs. Elliot Grey. Congratulations."

I turn off the microphone and go to hug Kate and Elliot. Kate and I blot one another's tears of joy and Elliot brings us more champagne. Then…hand to God…Elliot kisses Kate; Christian kisses me and Ethan kisses Mia. _I can't wait to see that picture._

 **XX – 3PPOV**

"Well, well, well," Laura sighed.

"What," Ray was busy watching her.

"It won't do you any good to watch me, Mr. Steele. You should be watching your daughter," Laura said.

Ray quit watching how Laura's lashes brushed against her cheek. He looked over to see Annie in the arms of Christian Grey …again. "That boy's in love," he said softly.

"Well, just in case you missed it; Ana is in love also," Laura said softly. "You'll have a conversation about life and love pretty soon if I'm not mistaken."

"Want to bet on it," Ray asked.

"I'd bet tonight, but I think they're going to be too busy. I'll bet you we're invited to breakfast, at his place, with his parents."

"Not tomorrow. Maybe he'll come to Montesano with her on July Fourth." Ray said.

"You think there will be fireworks in more ways than one?" Laura asked.

"I'm betting on it," he whispered his prize in her ear if he won.

"In that case…" she whispered back at him.

"Game on…" he shook her hand. "Let's go dance."


	60. Chapter 60

**Wounds to Bind Chapter 60 -** "When you can look into the mirror and see yourself as the beautiful woman I do, then I'll know I've given you the one gift no one can ever take away." Michelle Hughes, _Cherished_

 **July 1, 2012 – APOV**

We had a wonderful night at the hotel, along with breakfast in bed. Christian and I took Elliot and Kate to the airport and happily waved goodbye to them. Then I burst into tears; which I could not stop.

"No, you're not okay," Christian argued with me. "You are going to do what I tell you to do. We're going to have a hot bath and nibble on some dark chocolate. Then I'm going to give you a full body massage. With any luck you are going to take a nap. We'll eat a good dinner and drink some wine. What you're feeling is the release of six months of wedding stress, and the Jack Hyde and Elena Lincoln stress you've had bottled up for a year. It's like a sub drop. I know you don't want to hear that…but I'll take care of you and get you through this." He held me in his arms and let me sob until I was spent.

 **July 2, 2012 - APOV**

"Ethan," I kissed him on the cheek. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Windfalls from tilting at windmills," he whispered.

"We wanted to take you to lunch today at Sky City. Both of you were awarded money from the SEC for the Hyde case and Miss Steele for the Lincoln case. The award money was made payable to our law firm. We took our 25% and wrote checks to you for your shares." Lander poured champagne and Rochelle passed us envelopes. "You need to keep one-quarter of that for taxes, otherwise, enjoy." The waiter came to take our orders.

I looked at the two checks in my envelope: $75K for Lincoln; $40K for Hyde. " _What am I going to do with $115,000?" I thought. "Bank $30K for taxes. Pay off my student loans at $20K; should I invest, or buy a house? OHHHH, I can invest in Steele Woodworks and in Precious Pomsky!"_ I almost laughed aloud. "What are you doing with your money?" I asked Ethan.

"Saving for buying into a partnership somewhere," he grinned. "I have one more year of classes before I have my master's degree. I need to think about settling down. There's this woman…" He saw my face and laughed. "I'm still with Mia. She's very busy with her event planning business, but we are committed to exploring a long-term relationship with one another."

"What shall we have?" I looked at the menu.

"Unexpected guests, I wager," Ethan nudged me. "Christian just walked in with Mia and two women."

Christian saw us and froze. Ros said something to the blonde and they both waved at me.

"Mr. Grey," our attorney was on his feet and headed toward Christian. A conversation ensued…and eventually a waiter came to add another table to ours, and signaled for Christian, et al, to join us.

"Hello," he kissed my cheek before whispering in my ear, "I swear this is a coincidence." He pulled out the blonde's chair and then Ros's before sitting beside me.

"Everyone, this is my second in command, Ros Bailey and her partner Gwen Drake. Ros and Gwen, this is my girlfriend, Anastasia Steele, my sister Mia Grey and my sister-in-law Kate's brother, Ethan Kavanagh."

Ethan took the introductions from there. "Christian, Mia, Ros and Gwen, these are Ana and my lawyers, Lander Davenport and Rochelle Gardener."

"We were taking them for a celebratory lunch after the conclusion of the Hyde and Lincoln SEC case," Lander said.

"I was taking Ros and Gwen to lunch for Ros's birthday," Christian said. "I always bring her here for her lunch celebration. Mia helped me coordinate Ros's birthday."

"Well then," Ethan said, "That makes this a two bottles of champagne lunch." He signaled for the waiter to come over. "Another bottle of the Dom, please," he ordered. "When you bring it back, we'll be ready to order."

 **XX**

Ros picked up her glass, "One final toast…to Gwen Drake who agreed to marry me this morning." Gwen is suddenly sporting a two-carat Ascher cut solitaire engagement ring. It is lovely. Gwen circles the table at Ros's insistence to show it to all of us. She pauses longest with Mia, asking her to be their wedding planner.

"Gwen wants a destination wedding, with a month-long honeymoon," Ros said, giving Christian fair warning she's about to skip out of the country and out of cell range. "When we get back from our honeymoon, she's going to start work on that day care center behind Grey Annex. I have to marry the girl, she's knocked up."

"Congratulations," I hug both Ros and Gwen.

I have no tolerance for alcohol and I've had three less-than-half glasses of champagne. I excuse myself and go to the powder room. I'm wearing the white dress from Christmas with white heels. I drop the dress and take a quick selfie, emailing Christian a picture of my white lace strapless bra and lace panties. "It's just Ana…drunk dialing you…again." I text to Christian with my selfie.

Immediately I get a text back. "PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON AND GET YOUR ASS BACK TO THE TABLE."

Immediately I reply, "Am I in trouble, SIR?"

Immediately I get a reply back… "Oh you have no idea Miss Steele…you are at five spanks…one for the underwear selfie and one for your smart mouth…and three for each glass of champagne…and you will get one for every minute that you delay in the bathroom. You've got five minutes…better move it!"

"Control freak," I text back and scramble to put on my clothes.

A/N

I know the SEC does not pay award money within a few weeks of convictions. I needed literary license to advance the story to the end. Well…the end as far as I'm going to take it.

 **Epilogue:**

 **July 2012**

Ana moves in with Christian after Kate and Elliot's wedding. He asks Ray for Ana's hand in marriage the day of Kate and Elliot's wedding. Which means Ray won the bet...which was that Laura had to set a date for their wedding.

Ros and Gwen get married in Hawaii, July 15, 2012 during a late night videoconference with Christian and Ana. Gwen's pregnant with twins… Rhys and Remington. Their last name will be Bailey-Drake. The Grey Child Care Center will open before the school year 2012 and it will be used by Grey House, Grey Annex and Grey subsidiary employees. Grace will be on the board of directors. Rhys and Remington will be born January, 2013.

José moves into Ana's condo with one of Elliot's workers. He meets the love of his life during the art exhibit in August.

 **September 10, 2012**

Christian proposes quite romantically after taking Ana soaring for her 24th birthday, September 10. Christian soars over a field where wildflowers are laid out asking "Will you be my forever more?"

Christian and Anastasia will elope on September 30, 2012. They marry onboard a yacht at sea with 100 guests who are mostly family and close friends. Everyone is flown to and from the yacht via Charlie Tango or other helicopters. Everyone is told to wear white or blue clothes for a yacht party.

Oh yeah… Carla was a misery guts since she didn't get invited to Kate's wedding. As a matter of fact, she doesn't know Ana and Christian are engaged; let alone getting married until the helicopter sets down on the helipad of the yacht and Elliot escorts Carla and Bob to chairs of honor; where Mia pins on corsage and boutonniere. Carla thinks they are there for an engagement party…but then so does everyone else who are also wearing white and blue seafaring clothes. Ray threatens Carla with keelhauling if she objects to the wedding. He walks Ana down the aisle and sits next to Laura who is seated in the same row as Carla and Bob.

Ana wears a simple white lace sundress; Christian wears white linen pants and a linen shirt. Their flowers are white roses. Kate and Elliot, and Mia and Ethan are their attendants. They all wear casual clothes in ocean blue.

After a lovely ceremony at sea; two hours of feasting, libations and dancing ensues. At the end of the father-daughter dance, Ana reveals she has the pleasure of announcing the engagement of Laura Dennison and Raymond Steele. At the end of the reception; Carla and Bob are flown back to Boeing Field where Taylor puts them on the GEH corporate jet and sends them home to Savannah as the sun sets.

 **October, 2012**

Our favorite couple spend a month sailing from port to port in Europe and the Mediterranean. Ana will get half a dozen stamps in her passport including the UK. Her wedding present to Christian is the sun-ray picture which he immediately hangs in his home office at Escala. And…Christian explains very carefully to Ana that "all my worldly goods I thee endow" means he gets to buy lingerie, clothes, cars, electronics, houses and "kinky fuckery toys" and she doesn't protest.

José takes great pleasure in taking candid pictures at Ana's wedding, and is one of two guys who fall overboard trying to catch the garter!

 **November 2012**

Jack Hyde, in prison for pleading guilty for the SEC charges, is found guilty of two counts of attempted murder in the sabotage of Charlie Tango, identity theft, flight to avoid prosecution, 50 counts of cybercrimes and 28 counts of sexual assault and harassment of previous SIP interns. The judge sentences him to the maximum punishment; 35 years to life. He must serve 35 years before he is eligible for parole.

He spends January, 2013 in solitary confinement because inmates give him a beat down for being a rapist just minutes after they depart the bus at the prison. He is moved to maximum security for the duration of his stay at Clallam Bay.

 **December 2012**

Christian buys Ana a house on the sound for Christmas. Renovations are done by Grey Construction and are finished by June 1, when Ana and Christian can move in.

Elena gets into a fight with three women in her work unit. She is angry when she reads about Christian and Ana marrying and buying a house on the Sound. She spends January 2013 in solitary and is moved to medium security in February. Before June, 2013; she is incarcerated in max security at Gig Harbor. She has to serve 25 years of 'good time' before she can apply for parole.

 **February, 2013**

Shawn and Harley get married in Rio in the "biggest gay fuchsia and lemon" wedding during Carnival. 2013. Ana and Christian are in attendance – in a yacht at sea with a helipad to get them to and from the wedding ceremony without kidnap and ransom threats.

 **June, 2013**

Ray and Laura have a lovely destination wedding in Alaska. Ana plays fur mommy for the Pomsky business while Ray and Laura are on their honeymoon. Ana gets a Pomsky puppy which she names Tannaraq – which means _granddaughter of the tundra_. 'Raq' is photographed quite often with Ana; their blue eyes quietly observing the world. The popularity of Ana and Raq is good press for Precious Pomsky. Laura buys two more sets of Pomsky puppies and is on her way to building a good business.

 **September 2013**

Taylor and Gail get married before school starts in 2013 and move into staff housing at the Sound. Ana gives her white wicker furniture (which has been in storage) to Taylor for Sophie. When Sophie turns 14 – she chooses to live with Jason and Gail. She will finish high school and college, living with her dad and new mom. She adores Teddy and is a steady babysitter for the Greys.

Christian flies Ana to Paris for their one-year anniversary.

 **June 2014**

Christian carries a one-month-old Teddy down the aisle as he is the 'ring bearer' for his Auntie Mia. Kate carries a one-month-old Ava down the aisle as she is the 'flower girl' for her Uncle Ethan's wedding. Eamon, Carrick and Christian offer the couple $5 million to elope – which Ethan and Mia negotiate into a house, a practice for Ethan and a destination wedding for 30 people at a chateau in Nice, France. The wedding colors were lavender, silver and navy. Everyone wears navy except for Teddy who wears a silver tuxedo and Ava who wears a lavender dress. Mia's attendants are Frannie, Alice and Meg. Ethan's attendants are Edward, Mitch and Theo. Mia wore a Christian Dior wedding gown and the wedding flowers are sterling roses. The couple married in the lush garden on the grounds of the chateau and the reception was held on the courtyard of the chateau. Mia and Ethan spent twenty days at the chateau, visiting Paris and the French Riviera.

 **Before 2020**

Frannie and Theo will get six great-grandbabies before the sun sets on 2020. Christian and Ana have Teddy and Phoebe. Elliot and Kate have Ava and Adam. Mia and Ethan have Tobias and Sarah.

Ray and Laura teach Teddy and Phoebe how to fish when they visit their grandparents. They see Teddy and Phoebe at least once every other month since their birth.

Bob retires. He and Carla move to Phoenix, Arizona. They buy a condo on a golf course. They are busy entertaining and living lives and are mostly absent grandparents.

Carrick and Grace both retire in 2020. Carrick continues as the lawyer of record for Coping Together and for Grey House as needed. Grace continues her charity work. She is on the board for Grey Childcare. She works free immunization clinics for needy children in Seattle. The entire family continues to support the Northwest rummage sale.

They are thrilled to grandparent the six-pack of grandchildren. Carrick teaches them to swim; Grace patches up boo-boos; and they take the grandchildren sailing as often as they can.


End file.
